People Try To Be Cool About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Invited My Sibling's Mother-In-Law To Meet My Future In-Laws?
“My future in-laws traveled to my parents’ town to meet them.
It was my parents’ first time meeting my future in-laws.
It will probably be the only time they get to spend time together before we get married next year.
It was very important to me that they spend what little time they had together getting to know each other deeply.
As context, my fiancée’s in-laws spend most of their time in Asia. My fiancée and I are on the West Coast of the USA. My parents are on the East Coast, along with my sibling and their in-law’s family – whom my parents see regularly.
The night before they were going to meet, my dad mentioned to me that my sibling’s mother-in-law (SMIL) would be there at the meeting the following day.
SMIL is very talkative – to the point where my mom has complained to me about it.
After learning this, I texted my mom and dad:
Hey guys! Honestly, I’m kind of bummed that it won’t be just you and [fiancée’s] parents tmrw ie that [SMIL] will be there. Because I feel like that will meaningfully impact your ability to connect. I think the time is precious and that your relationship with them is 1/1000000th the importance of their relationship with [SMIL].
After this, my dad called me, and I clarified my concerns:
If they all hung out together, SMIL would very likely take up all the space in the conversation, leaving little room for my parents and my future in-laws to get to know each other.
I asked my dad to ensure that they spend the duration of their time by themselves to avoid this outcome.
I sent a text message to my mom & dad again clarifying this request:
Thanks guys! Sounds like a great plan to 1. meet them at mom’s house, then 2.
just you and [fiancée’s parents] go for a little walk maybe on the river, or around town, and then, 3. go to lunch somewhere where you can have more undivided quality time & meaningful connection.
I got text message replies the morning of the meeting like:
Dad: OK. We got this, all will be good, don’t worry, and we are excited.
and
Mom: Please don’t worry. We will make sure we give them our undivided attention. I will make it clear to all how this is about us meeting your future in-laws for the first time.
And then a few hours later, they sent us a photo of everyone having a meal together — including SMIL.
I felt upset on multiple levels:
1. Thoughtlessness around the importance of this visit and how to make it as meaningful as possible.
2. not understanding/respecting my concerns around having SMIL there for the bulk of their meeting after I voiced them, and going through with having SMIL there despite my explicit request that they not do that.
So I told them that. And it made them feel sad to hear it. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, or how a reasonable person would’ve reacted in my position.
WDYT, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. You have explained the, very clear and reasonable motives for asking that your future in-laws and your parents have time and space to get to know each other and start blending as a family.
You got an agreement in return and the agreement was breached. You have every right to be upset and ask for clarification. I just hope that this will not ruin the mood of this beautiful encounter. Congratulations on your engagement!” AntiSnoringDevice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You don’t get to be the puppet master from the other side of the country. Your behavior is very controlling-you can’t make your parents and future in-laws have a deep and meaningful relationship, and you don’t get to dictate how important their relationship is about your sibling’s MIL.
The audacity here is wild.” midden-mod1018
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, you had your opinion and reasons behind it. You shared that opinion, and that’s fine. But your parents are neither your minor children nor your employees. They can consider your opinion on a subject and choose not to follow it.
Yelling at them because they didn’t want to execute things in the way you wanted them to isn’t appropriate. If they harmed their relationship with your future parents-in-law, that sucks, but you can’t control how they manage their relationship with other people.
They get to make their relationships. You can be disappointed that their priorities don’t align with yours, but you need to stop micromanaging them and punishing them when they don’t do things the way you would.” KaliTheBlaze
20. AITJ For Evicting My Sister And Her Family After They Disrespected My House And Didn't Pay Rent?
“I’m 31(f). I’m an RN. I work 4 days and then I’m off. I bought my home in 2018 and currently am single.
Due to constantly waking late and not feel like going to work, my sister (29) lost her job. My brother-in-law (29) couldn’t afford to pay the rent and bills and for what their child needs 1(f).
They were evicted from their house. Due to the way the world is going with the cost of living, everyone else didn’t have room for an extra 3 people except for me. Before they even moved in I had rules set in place in writing as follows:
1. 500 dollars for rent and bills. Due on the 1st of every month. It’s an extra 3 people.
2. Starting Sunday night through Wednesday, please try and be quiet. I work those days.
3. Make a mess, clean it up. Help clean the yard and around the house.
4. They smoke, I don’t care, not in the house.
Everything was going good for the first few months. Honestly, since breaking up with my partner, it was kind of nice having someone to talk too. Then slowly it started going downhill. My niece spills juice on the floor and it wasn’t mopped up. Or dishes being left in the sink.
Or food being left out. Or dirty clothes, deliveries being left in the living room. Things getting broken and they denying it. Their room and bathroom being dirty. My sister claimed she was too tired because she did find another job. They tried leaving my niece with me after getting off of a 12 hr shift. And when I did agree to watch her, oh just for an hour, turned into 8 hours.
Then all of a sudden they couldn’t afford the rent. Would eat all of my food and not replace anything. Things really hit the fan when my electric bill was 800 dollars. And my sister’s response was “what? Are we supposed to sweat to death?”. I was aware they were running the air conditioning all day.
They refuse to pay more than the agreed 500 dollars. I told them I wouldn’t charge them rent for the next month but that I wanted them out.
My sister got mad and they did move out but she went around telling everyone who would listen that I heartlessly threw them out.
I got a lot of backlash from family and friends. But nope, I’m petty. And the good thing about being a nurse is I don’t have time to talk on the phone. So I posted on social media all of the text messages and photos of what they did to my house.
The texts clearly showed them agreeing they owed me rent money. They left my house a mess. There was mold in the bathroom they were using. And that I was charging them only 500 and not the 1500 they were claiming. My sister and brother-in-law got told off by our parents and now she’s upset that I exposed them like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Glad to hear that you had a shiny spine and followed through with the eviction. I’d never have them back… and with your postings… others will think twice about letting them in because they’ll likely do the same to whoever they move in with.
If there are still family members telling you that you are in the wrong.. you can remind them that they are welcome to take them in and give them the help they think you should be providing.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“I can never understand these people that have no problem trashing you to anyone who will listen and making up blatant lies so everyone sides in their favour, but then have the gall to be upset with you when you set the record straight.
Like are you meant to apologise for defending yourself from their BS defamatory victim party? They could’ve just moved out quietly, would’ve been the obvious choice considering the state they left your home in and with owing money, should’ve been fine to find another place now with 2 incomes again but just couldn’t help leaving one last stain on their way out.” Dizzy-Psychology-701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did a very kind thing for your sister and her family, they took it for granted and disrespected your home, then lied and tried to make you into the villain of the piece. You had every right to give the rest of the facts to your family and allow them to make up their minds based on the full facts rather than the half truths and pure fiction your sister was peddling.
Not only were you clearing your name, you were also saving others from walking into the same situation and then being blindsided by your sister’s shenanigans.” Medium-Fan440
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Family's Favoritism Towards My Pregnant Sister?
“Prior to my 19-year-old sister moving out, she was completely disorganized, didn’t do her chores, and was generally not a good roommate.
I had no clue what was happening after she left the house.
19-year-old sister is now pregnant, and has moved back in with us.
She is worse than before, because now the partner is doing all of those things for her and enabling her.
For the past few months, I(18F) have had to pay for my own food.
Food is extremely expensive. My family told me, “Well why don’t you buy groceries instead?”
Tried that, the food I bought got eaten and nobody paid me back for it. I’m working part time (that’s the most hours my job will give) at a restaurant and have been for a year.
My sister just started back at that restaurant and is complaining about her hours already.
Now,
My sister is leaving places messy, not washing dishes, not throwing food away, spending her money on gifts for her partner and herself and candy from gas stations, and refuses to “waste her gas” by driving her car, meaning she asks the rest of us for rides everywhere.
I watched my mother and stepdad give her money for food. She made all the excuses, ”I’ve spent so much money on food!” But that’s not true. She talks to me all the time about the new thing she got, all the candy she got, ”look at these matching $50 water bottles I bought for me and my partner!”
And they gave her money for groceries.
I’ve been asking for money for months, but I always get met with, ”times are hard right now” And I always get the excuse, ”We just expect so much more out of you.”
So I called it out.
I told my family they were being unfair because I just got out of high school and am watching them baby and enable my sister while I hardly ever ask for help and am actually doing work around the house. I told them it’s ridiculous that the person who has always manipulated and bent the rules is getting rewarded for it, while the person who has always followed the rules is getting told she can’t get any help once in a while.
I was told to leave because I was being “insensitive to my sister’s pregnancy” and told them, ”she’s two months in, she can wash her own plate.”
My mother told me to leave and both her and my sister messaged me calling me a jerk and saying I’m a spoiled brat.
Mom said she never wants me in her house again while my stepdad drove me around talking to be about how much more they expect from me. I told him it’s not very motivating to be cast aside just cause I can behave like an adult.”
Another User Comments:
“Wait. Wait. Waaaaait. You’re living in your family home, with your family, and you guys don’t all contribute to groceries and share them among you? You have to buy your own food/groceries, and always cook for yourself, or they steal it and never cook for you/pay you back?
Wow. That’s wild to me. maybe it’s a cultural difference or something, but wow. Do you guys all eat meals alone despite living in the same house?? Do you also pay them rent or something?? How is this any different from living on your own??
Except worse, apparently, because you can’t even buy groceries without them being stolen?? Anyway, NTJ. And you’re not spoiled, lol, you’re working and taking care of yourself (almost on your own, it sounds like, despite living with family!)” Overall-Salad8740
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Talk them into all going for a drive to get some fresh air, have some friends (guys too) available to get all of your stuff out of that house and go no contact with them.
Your mom is more of a jerk than your sister. Your stepdad is a jerk as well. I’d live in my vehicle before I’d go back and live with those jerks.” Free2Be2
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Inappropriate Friend To Our Wedding?
“I 26F and my partner 30M are getting married. I do not want to invite his friend “Kate” to the wedding.
Ever since I met her she has made me very uncomfortable, I have given her multiple chances (probably more than I should have) and now I do not even wish to talk to her or see her, she ruins my mood every time I see her.
The very first time we met, we were at a restaurant. She waited until he went to the bathroom, and said to me “In case you were wondering, we have never slept together.” Which I thought was an odd comment to make. She continues to make suggestive comments towards my partner, to which he doesn’t notice.
When they were in high school, he was her grad date. When we first started seeing each other, he said his ex-partner did not like Kate either. I take this as a sign she has always been this inappropriate. During a time, she also wanted us to skip our PCR testing because my partner and I needed to get home on a flight and just have her get hers done.
When we have met her for drinks, she has been 30-60 minutes late on many occasions, which I find incredibly disrespectful. On her birthday, my partner accidentally left his phone at her apartment, she refused to let us go back and get it and return to the restaurant.
She then didn’t return his phone for days, which I also found disrespectful. He seems to be blinded by all her actions, I have became fed up.
We ended up moving across the country so I have had an amazing time never having to see her for 2 years.
Before we left, I have refused to see her because I can’t stand her. My partner says I am the reason he isn’t as close with his friend. Now he wants to invite her to the wedding, I know it will absolutely ruin my day.
So am I the jerk for saying I won’t be attending the wedding if she will be there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is definitely trying to attract your fiancé and tried cast doubt in your mind on that first meeting. Your fiancé doesn’t mind her antics because he probably finds it flattering and amusing.
This doesn’t mean he would ever consider her. As for the wedding day, as long as she’s not in the wedding party, you will barely see her. Between planned dances, speeches, dinner service, dessert and making the rounds to all the tables, you will have a few minutes with each guest. Seat her at a bad table and assign a bold friend to intercept her if she tries to approach you and your groom.
But I don’t blame you if you don’t want to invite her.” ilp456
17. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Friend And Ex-Partner For An Affair Despite Threatening Our Friend Group?
“To provide some backstory, I, 19, female and my friend Sara, 18, female met over the summer of 2023. We grew extremely close and hung out almost everyday. In mid July, I met my then friend Tommy, 19, male. We were involved on and off until the end of August and called it quits as the relationship was extremely toxic.
I would tell Sara all of the problems Tommy and I were having in our relationship and she would support me saying I should leave him and he didn’t deserve me. After leaving the relationship, Tommy and I stayed friends and in the middle of October we ended up meeting up with a group of friends including Sara and reconsidering the end of our involvement.
At the beginning of this new phase, everything was going smoothly. Sara was with her new friend, a good friend of the group, named Ryan, 19, male and Tommy and my relationship seemed to move in a positive direction after getting back together. In mid November, Sara and Ryan broke up and this is when Tommy and I started to get distant.
I noticed that after Sara and Ryan’s relationship ended, Tommy spent more time talking to her and grew more distant from me, I just figured he was being a good friend as they insisted they had no physical attraction to each other and their friendship was completely platonic.
So, one night Tommy was with his friends and I called to see what time he was gonna get home. I was shocked when his friends asked if I knew about the texts Sara had been sending Tommy. I was shocked and confronted Tommy immediately and asked if he had been unfaithful to me with Sara.
He denied this several times saying that the messages were only one sided. I texted Sara and she told me a completely different story. At this point I didn’t know who to believe and so I chose to trust Tommy. Later that week I went on vacation with my family and while I was on my trip I got a message sent to me of a screen shot texts to Sara from my friend about the unfaithfulness and him trying to disguise it.
I was disgusted and broke up with Tommy immediately and told Sara that I shouldn’t have assumed it was one sided. This is where I maybe the jerk. My friends are saying I should forgive her as it was entirely her fault and my friend should’ve stayed loyal in the first place.
But Sara and Tommy are now involved and I don’t know if I can find it within me to forgive them let alone stay friends with them. My friends are saying I am the jerk as it was a mistake and I shouldn’t be that upset and if I don’t forgive her and make up I am going to destroy the friend group.
So AITJ. and if I am how do I fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s unfaithful, you’re better off without him. She isn’t a friend, you’re better off without her. Yes Tommy should’ve stayed loyal, but a true friend would have read his unfaithful behind for filth and then immediately told you about his attempts to be unfaithful with her.
She didn’t do that, she isn’t loyal. Be glad you wasted so little time on that friendship and you know exactly who they both are. Your other friends need a wake up call about Sara, she is new to your group and doesn’t deserve their loyalty.
She has shown what kind of person she is and she would do the same to any of them if given the opportunity. NTJ” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you should probably get new friends. There is definitely not a single reason to forgive Sara and it’s super gross that your friends are putting it on you.
Your friend and your friend both owed you loyalty and both broke your trust and you are in no way obligated to forgive them in order to appease other people and keep the peace. Also, in future, don’t just assume one person is lying and the other is telling the truth without any actual evidence.” hannahkelli
16. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Neighbor After Our Argument Over A Car Alarm?
“This morning around 8:15 went out to my car to find the battery dead. I called my ex-husband (who was expecting to meet our son and me at our son’s race in an hour) and advised him. He offered to come to boost me as none of my neighbors were outside yet (aka obviously awake).
He came, and when we got the car boosted the alarm went off and nothing we were doing was shutting it off.
While he was looking up how to deactivate it (I don’t have a key fob), my neighbor from 3 doors down came outside and appeared to shout something to me.
~As a side note I have a good relationship with most of my neighbors but I’ve only seen this one in passing as they moved in fairly recently.~
I called out that I hadn’t heard her and she shouted louder “You woke up the baby!” And had an angry look on her face.
I called back that I hadn’t set the alarm off on purpose and was trying to sort it out. She kept yelling at me that she didn’t care, to shut it off, that people were sleeping, etc. (All completely illogical things to say)
I repeated that I hadn’t set it off for entertainment and to go back to bed.
(During this we had found a hack to turn it off, which briefly worked until my son opened a door and it went off again).
All the time she is yelling at me and I tell her to shut up, go away, etc. because she’s being both unhelpful and illogical.
Now here is where I become a bit of a jerk – I ran to get the spare key to try the hack from the outside of the car (locking and unlocking the doors) and she came towards me more to yell, and I called her a stupid woman.
Well, that hit a nerve because it sent her on a whole new path of yelling and she approached me to the point of setting foot on my property.
We exchanged more heated words essentially admonishing her to try using her brain/critical thinking skills the next time she sees someone struggling with something, and told her to go away, grow up, and leave.
When we came home a few hours later she was sitting on her stoop, and while I was speaking to my next-door neighbor about the alarm, etc (didn’t mention the extra drama) I heard her clearly going on to someone about me and specifically what I had called her.
Now normally I’m a pretty accommodating person. If she had offered help or even waited to say to me hey that woke up the baby when we got it shut off, I would have apologized and probably offered her a coffee or something. Instead, her aggression turned me instantly defensive and then reactive.
I don’t excuse my behavior, my losing my temper is on me. But AITJ for not going over when I got home to smooth things over?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You were trying to shut the alarm off and were stressed, she was annoyed at it waking the baby, or even her, you shouldn’t have cursed at her or called her names, she shouldn’t have yelled at you.
You’re all jerks here but ultimately it’s nobody’s fault. Pro tip, in the future, just disconnect the battery if the alarm is going off. You’d got the hood open anyway for jumpstarting it, so if the alarm goes off, just disconnect the battery until you find the fob.” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“ESH- Desperate Sleep Deprived Mother vs. Panicking Angry Person, gee, how did this go wrong? Right, so she’s come out exhausted with that last nerve twanging and loud noise in both ears to see if anyone’s doing anything about the alarm. If you had looked over and given her an exaggerated ‘eek’ face and called out ‘OMG I’m so sorry I!
It just won’t stop! I feel awful! And I’m gonna be late for my son’s race!’ (even though it’s not your fault, just to be nice), she’d have been able to see herself in your place and got that you were doing your best just like her.
I have no idea why you came on angry when you must know exactly what it’s like having a kid yourself.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“The first comment was “of the jerk” in nature for sure, but the rest? She comes at you when you are clearly in a difficult, somewhat urgent situation, and she is already angry upon approach.
I will say I find car alarms beyond annoying and a bit archaic in 2024. But, how the heck were you supposed to know they had a baby? I don’t think an apology would fix this. The attitude and story would be “…then she tried to apologize, can you imagine the nerve?” I would let it go for now.
The whole situation was unnerving, but not critical IMO” CapricornCrude.
15. AITJ For Skipping Dinner With My Partner's Female Coworkers After He Booked A Shared Room With Them Without My Consent?
“My partner and I have been together for 4 years. He moved to the UK for work (I’m 2 flight hours away) and he has a work kick-off in the States lined up. For the kick, the company is paying for the rooms so he has his own.
After the kickoff, he and two of his female coworkers (they both have partners and I am about to meet them and their SO for the first time tonight) wanted to go from LV to LA because they’ve never been. For the extra night in Vegas that they have to pay themselves, the female coworker asked my partner if he would be okay sharing a double room (2 beds) for that night so she could save money.
Her partner seemed to be okay with that. The day after they go on the road trip and stay in LA for two days in an Airbnb, they all have separate rooms there.
I just got to know of everything once it was already booked, he didn’t ask me if I was okay with it.
According to him, all this happened when we were in an argument so he didn’t want to bring it up. He also said he knew I would cause a scene, so he wanted me to get to know them first which is supposed to be happening tonight.
I feel deeply hurt by being left out of that decision. He knew this would hurt me but he says it’s only because I am overly jealous. This makes me in return feel very immature. I did occasionally get a bit defensive as of late because I feel very left out despite having supported him in his choice to move away for work (he didn’t have to, applied as he wanted to work for a big company and get the living abroad experience).
I also didn’t get “overly” jealous or make a scene when he went on a boy’s trip for his birthday to Portugal and had to go on a work trip with a female co-worker for a week (they spent all day with each other), went backpacking in Central America and didn’t get back to me for a whole week sometimes within that 1 1/2 months.
Now it makes it seem as if I am a hindrance to his self-development when I feel like I am just asking him to consider myself because that is my understanding of a relationship. When I told him (in the middle of the argument) that “I’ll just be doing whatever I want from now on too” he just said, “That would be great for you”.
AITJ for skipping this dinner and not even getting to know these people? I already feel like I’ve been so left out and I’m not in the mood to meet anyone at all. At the same time, it could probably come across as if I’m a rude, irrational person and that I let anger get the best of me.
Dinner would be in 8hrs and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“The only reason to skip the dinner would be if you are ready to end the relationship. If you intend on staying in it, go meet the coworkers so you can feel more comfortable about the travel arrangements.
I would say if you are unwilling to meet the coworkers, and also want to stay in the relationship, you are just looking for a fight and YWBTA. He’s not wrong, even though it came out in an argument- you really should be doing whatever you want to he is!
Maybe you’d feel better if you make your time about yourself and less about trying to force the relationship to be what you want it to be.” Ok-Weather1267
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go to the dinner and talk about travel arrangements. There’s a good possibility that the partners of the female coworkers don’t know that your partner will be in the room too.
Don’t bring it up in a negative light, maybe just something along the lines of “It’s so nice to meet you both. When *partner’s name* told me the three of you were sharing a room, I was a little nervous, but knowing that *their partners* are OK with the arrangements too makes me feel a lot better”.
I’ve just never met someone in a monogamous relationship who would be OK with this sort of thing. Think about what you want out of a long-term relationship. Someone who won’t discuss arrangements with you and is OK with making you uncomfortable is likely someone you will not be happy with in the long run.
Best of luck!” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Buying A VIP Concert Ticket Without Telling My Conservative Parents?
“I (20f) bought a VIP ticket in May for a concert at the end of July that was close to $500.
I had worked very hard that month to be able to pay for it but I didn’t consult my parents before making this decision. My parents, dad is 40 and mom is 42, are conservative and Christians. This is on the back of me being upset for not being allowed to go to a concert with some friends the day that we hit a deer and them not liking that I wouldn’t shut up about being upset and letting them know I was not happy with dealing with consequences for something that did not harm us.
As well as a just settled argument between my parents.
Story – I was planning on telling them in July on my birthday so that they would likely let me go, but unfortunately they checked my bank statements and saw the payment before I could tell them myself.
These disagreements have caused a lot of tension and we are getting more on edge the closer the concert gets. My sister (f22) and brother (m14) have said that they understand that I will not cancel the ticket but that I went about the wrong way and should have told my parents before I bought it, especially knowing how they are.
My parents since the finding of the ticket have been on my back about cancelling it and say that I am humiliating, disrespecting, and undermining their authority as parents for saying that I will not cancel the ticket. They have lectured me multiple times on this and seem to not like that I also give them my opinions on the matter when I should just obey what they say as they are my parents and should just be obedient as the bible says to honor your father and mother.
These last couple of weeks have been hard as now that my parents are sort of excluding me, my siblings have had to step in in filling in what I would usually do around the house and with helping my parents with their various chores or business they need to take care of.
My siblings are quieter than they have been and my parents are more upset than usual with us which has us walking on eggshells.
From my parents viewpoint they have said that as my parents they deserve to know any decisions I make and that me not consulting them was not right.
They are upset that I didn’t communicate with them and that I am not obeying their world when as Christians we should not be associating with these ‘worldly’ activities. They have let me know that I am hurting their feelings by not understanding that me going is putting me in danger and causing me to sin, that they are only looking out for me and don’t want me to go down a path that could damage my well-being.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you really need to separate yourself from your parents if you want to have any sort of life. Legally speaking, they can’t stop you from leaving. How did they pull you out of work? You’re an adult. Get your own bank account under your own name, at a different bank than the one your parents bank at.
Start looking for your own place. You may need roommates, depending on where you live and what kind of job you have. Your parents aren’t being Christian. They’re being controlling.” Mindless-Client3366
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself for letting yourself, a legal adult, be nitpicked and controlled to this extent that other people-even your parents-have access to, and think they have a say, about your bank account information.
It doesn’t matter if they are turbo Christians or anything or whatever. I am sorry you have been brought up this way and you are still so enmeshed. At a certain point, you will have to decide you must have autonomy and privacy in your life, if only to go to a wretched concert of your choice.
If not now… then *when*?” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“You’re twenty. They don’t have authority over you. Why do they have access to your bank statements? I was also raised by a crazy person, and I wish I had been less…invested in being honest with her.
Like, I felt justified in living my life authentically and expecting her to deal with it . But looking back, she was incapable and so all that happened was my life was harder than it needed to be. Just lie to them more until you’re able to move out.
NTJ ” Mitoisreal
13. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Neighbor's Dangerous Firework Display?
“My family and I live in a neighborhood filled with kids, dogs, and veterans. We have all three of those in our house, including a newborn.
It’s July 6th, and while I expect there to be fireworks going off all weekend, a family in a house very close to ours began setting off aerials (the kind you go to parks to see) in their front yard.
It was so disruptive that we had a hard time focusing on our movie.
Next to them lives my friend. She and her kids were sitting in their yard watching the fireworks. I walked over to her and asked if she thought I would be “that neighbor” to complain about the noise and how close they were setting them off to the houses.
She shrugged and said “he did ask me if it was OK and I said yes” and “It is the 4th of July weekend”. She asked about my baby and dogs and then said “Honestly naturelover588, you can go over and ask them to stop.”
I was standing with her by her front door as they fired off another three aerials, and then the shrapnel started raining down. I distinctly remember a burning piece falling into his yard, a burnt piece landing right between my friend’s cars in her driveway (now closer to us), and then suddenly a large piece hit my shoulder, bounced into my face, and knocked my glasses right off.
It scared the heck out of me.
I started towards the neighbors, shouting “You guys have to stop! You’re hitting people! A piece of shrapnel just hit me!” And then I remember pointing at my house and saying “I have a newborn, and dogs, and there are war vets on this street!” (One lives a few doors down and has PTSD requiring a service dog.)
The neighbor looked at me and said “Sorry. I only have one more.” And then lit another round of three aerials while I was closer to the fireworks than before. I ran back across the street to my house as they were blowing up because I was afraid I’d get hit again.
He did not fire anymore after that. I was shaking with adrenaline for quite a while. My friend texted me to ask if I was OK. I told her I was shaken up, and also glad it was me instead of her kids.
The fireworks guy never made an effort to apologize or find out if I was OK.
I have a few photos of the mark on my shoulder that the shrapnel left. It’s a small spot, but is red and swollen.
I have never been a complainer, which is why I went to my friend first. I don’t want to be labeled a “Karen”, but this man’s illegal fireworks not only disrupted the neighborhood, but they were dangerous to the property of his immediate neighbors and also caused injury to a bystander.
So WIBTJ to report it to the police?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think in that situation I would be concerned as well. It’s not about being “Karen”, it’s about keeping your neighborhood safe, especially when something like this causes harm. You’ve been hit by shrapnel and it’s no joke.
It could have been much worse, given the proximity to your newborn, dogs, and neighbors with PTSD. Reporting to the police is the smartest thing to do. It’s not just about trivial order, it’s about the safety of the residents. The fact that this neighbor is not paying attention to the consequences of his actions, no matter what, definitely needs attention.
Be sure to document everything you can, including marks on your body. After all, we are talking about being held accountable for irresponsible behavior that endangers others.” Freedom_red15
12. AITJ For Not Bringing Indian Food To A Potluck?
“I, 27F, recently moved to the US from India for my master’s.
I have been working part-time and my experience so far has been a mixed bag.
During my first week at my job, I faced many micro-aggressions, particularly towards my cultural background. I am aware that India doesn’t have the best reputation but some remarks on Indian food and culture from their end were completely unwarranted.
The entire conversation was followed by two other colleagues commenting on how they changed their minds about trying Indian food after watching videos on TikTok.
I told the manager after a day of being hesitant and he told them privately not to make such comments again. It has been some time since that incident and they, although aren’t the friendliest towards me, haven’t made comments or remarks that made me uncomfortable again.
That was until my manager’s wife threw a potluck at home and invited all of us recently. Since everyone was bringing some dish, I made chowmein and brought it to the potluck.
Now, I have an Instagram page dedicated to my cooking, it isn’t popular by any means but I had shared the ID with 2 girls I work with.
Most of the food I have posted about is Indian, and I believe the girls have shared my Instagram page with the others, or at least talked about it. Once we were invited, they made a passing comment that they wanted to eat Indian food that I had cooked for them before.
(Context – After the first week at my job, whenever I bring some food with me in a tiffin box, I eat it alone. However, one of the girls, A, saw me and asked if she could try it. It was Dhokla, a Gujarati food, and she loved it so I brought it for her the next day).
On the day of the party, I had brought chow mein that I made knowing that Chinese food is very popular and well-liked by all of them. Nothing happened in the potluck until almost at the end when B commented how she expected that I would bring Indian food.
That sentiment resonated with some others so I said that I wasn’t sure everyone would enjoy it here since I know for certain that some don’t like Indian food and are not open to trying it. Was it petty? Yes, but I didn’t want anyone to feel entitled to me cooking Indian food for them after my first week at the job.
I told A and B later that I would invite them to my house and cook them some of my favorite Indian recipes and they seemed very happy. But the next day at work, things seemed awkward and my manager said that my comment at the potluck had made his wife feel bad.
Another person, C, stopped me later and said that I needed to get over what happened, or otherwise, it would ruin the atmosphere for everyone again. I feel slightly angry at the situation and embarrassed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are new to this country and are likely more familiar with microaggressions so they don’t understand when you speak up for yourself.
And it was rude to expect Indian food and comment on it. And she should have asked people what they were bringing in case last-minute people needed to know what was still needed. Like too many main dishes? Side dish or something else.” lmmontes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your comment was fine. Their comments about expecting you would bring Indian food were not. Sounds like a bunch of racists creating a negative work environment. You requested that the comments stop. Not only have they continued but now your manager has joined in.
This is the sort of 101 stuff HR loves beating people over the head with, so I’m guessing smaller company?” WhyCommentQueasy
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, weird territory. On one hand, you are in no way obligated to bring Indian food. I am a white male of Irish descent and often bring, by request, tamales or carnitas to a potluck.
So if you decide on a bomb chow mein, then so be it. You are the ultimate decider of what you wish to prepare. However, it’s also a bit of a compliment to you that people are wanting to enjoy food from your culture. I’m dying for some good Indian food right now.
Had some great meals in England but back in Arizona it’s just okay. I’d be personally excited thinking you might bring Indian food as well. But not to the point where I would ever express disappointment or complain about your decision.” reversetheloop
11. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Parents About His Addiction?
“29F who’s been in a relationship for almost 2 years (one day short when he left).
Ex partner has had a 10-year addiction to using and selling substances and it’s always been part of our relationship but has only become an issue between us in the last 9 months or so. Last week things hit the ceiling when he lied (again) to my face about not using it and then I found him using it in my living room at 630am when I got up for work.
I told him to pack a bag and stay somewhere else for the weekend. A few days later he called and made me open my safe where the rest of his stash was and that was the last straw for me; I texted his parents in an emotional state essentially saying goodbye, he chose the substances over me, us, and bettering himself again and that I changed the locks and told him to leave for a while.
They already know about his problem with substances and have known the whole time he’s been using them. They are incredibly supportive and loving and have welcomed me into their lives and their family for the several years I have known them. I’ve talked to them about his problems with substances and how our relationship has been affected by it many times and I always found support and understanding with them.
Today my (now) ex came back to my house and screamed at me that I don’t understand that he’s an addict, that I’ve betrayed him by talking to his parents, I’ve disrespected him, that I’m a snitch, that he’ll never forgive me, and that it’s over forever.
He said we could have worked on us but after what I did there’s no chance because I made it about me.
I’ll admit I’m no perfect person or partner, I try my best to be an advocate for myself and my safety and mental/emotional well-being while being understanding about his issues.
I felt the need to protect myself from him and his actions because he’s hurt me so many times with his addiction and behavior. I very much so understand that the reason he does what he does has nothing to do with me and that I am not the reason he should seek change or healing.
I probably was too hasty in talking with his parents, but I didn’t know what else to do and I felt like I needed some support from people who wouldn’t judge him but rather would want to help him.
It was never my intention to be disrespectful or sneaky or anything of the sort but I could see how he might feel that way.
His reaction seems extreme to me, but I’m just not sure how I should feel. I wasn’t trying to “make it about me”. I was trying to find some support or understanding or validation of my experience and maybe I just went about it all in the wrong way.
I’m just really confused. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ummmmm….you are being called disrespectful and sneaky and a snitch and betrayer by someone who is in the active throes of a bad addiction. Do not take that seriously. Do not take seriously that he was open to “working on us” until you did that.
Do not take seriously that it’s over forever, although it probably should be. The healthiest thing for you to do is get involved in Nar-Anon, or therapy with someone knowledgeable about addiction. You also need to begin distancing from his parents, unless you have common interests like a sport or hobby you share that has nothing to do with him, otherwise you both end up feeding each other’s co-dependency.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were on the receiving end of an addict’s rage because you got between him and his addiction. They will say and do the cruelest things when someone gets in their way, and you just “put” their parents in their way.
Well, it’s good that you gave them the heads-up to try and look out for him now that he’s not your problem. And he shouldn’t be your problem! You’ve done more than enough! If he ever gets clean he might feel some gratitude for your effort.” annotatedkate
10. AITJ For Charging My Wife's Cousin Rent?
“So in January, I let my wife’s cousin move into the home. She told a story of emotional and verbal mistreatment from her mother and talked of deep dark thoughts while living with her. She is 25, never held a real job. I said yes because I’m a good person and believe family should help the family.
When we agreed to it we told said cousin she’d have to get a full-time job, learn to drive, and contribute to the household by way of doing simple things like cleaning up a little and come summer a small amount of rent. She agreed.
Shortly after we found out she never finished high school and it was causing issues looking for work. Ok no problem, worked with her and she finished her GED in April. She then acquired a job that pays $9/hr for 10-20 hours a month.
We told her to work that until she finds something else so she has some work experience.
During this time she’s preparing to get her license. That happens in a week. We talked with her last month about the search for full-time work. My wife sent her job postings and she doesn’t apply. She’s above retail, food service, gas stations, etc. Dad is paying her bills and mom is trying to buy her love back during this time.
We talked with her at the start of June again about finding a full-time job. She kinda shrugged it off. At the same time, we told her that come August we would be charging $400 a month for rent. She gets full access to the house, we pay for everything, including her food and personal products.
She uses far more toilet paper and hot water than the average person we know. She kind of shrugged it off again.
This weekend we were told we were the jerks because we’re going to be charging her rent. Honestly, if she were to show some effort we probably would push the due date by a month or two to let her save some money but there is zero want to work it seems.
Her mother who has said we’re strangers she lives with and nothing more said we should just be happy she’s working at all. Her dad is burned out from many years of substance use and drinking (he drank and hit substances heavily in the 70s/80s) and doesn’t want anything to do with it except for the unknown amount of money he gives her monthly that is supposed to go towards her maxed out credit cards.
We were gone for a few days and 4x a day there was a door dash delivery at the house despite having left her with a full fridge, freezer, and pantry.
AITJ for standing firm with the demand for rent and telling her she can sign a lease agreement or she can find other housing arrangements?
I feel like we’re being taken advantage of at this point. Despite providing her with everything she doesn’t clean, unload the dishwasher, or even clean her massive piles of hair from the shower drain. She just expects us to do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for charging rent, but are you sure you want to raise your wife’s cousin?
She is an adult who behaves like a child. Instead of being grateful she’s wasting resources, adding to your responsibilities, and shirking your requirements. My cousin lived with us while finishing his education and it’s left me so bitter that I am no longer in contact with that side of the family.
I suggest you cut your losses. It’s too hard to raise an adult who doesn’t want to grow up. A question: you say dad is worn out from substance use and drinking—whose substance use and drinking? If it’s the cousin then you need to send her on her way.” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But once you start charging rent, it’s going to be tough to evict her. Are you sure you don’t want to just evict her now and be done with it? You know this isn’t going to end well.
If she was getting all that stuff for free, just imagine what she’s going to expect/borrow/steal if she wants to get her money’s worth. It will be like the people who steal clocks and lamps from hotels “because they paid for it.” You’re better off just ending it.
But you probably already know this. Good luck—I feel for you. Grifters gonna grift.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Most parents wouldn’t accept this behavior from their adult child so don’t feel like a jerk for being fed up. She’s been living with you since January, so she’s been in your care for 6 months, and she doesn’t pay for her food or help with household chores?
It’s high time she had a reality check and got her act together, your generosity has gone on long enough.” PandaCotton
9. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Dad And Stepmom Over Last-Minute Holiday Invites?
“As my (24F) title suggests this started last Thanksgiving (2023).
My Dad (52M) reached out roughly a week before the holiday & invited me & my husband (25M) to his & my stepmom’s (Bellatrix 55F) apartment at 12 the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I told him that my Husband’s family had invited us over on the same day at 5 pm.
For context, his family is about 2 hours away, & they had asked us *at least* 2 weeks prior. We also needed to take our new puppy with us, we were spending the night with his parents, so that meant we’d need to leave around 2 pm.
My Dad’s response was he *hoped* they planned it around everyone else’s, maybe we come to theirs earlier.
Then I realized & texted him that my Husband had to work, & would get off at 12. Meaning we’d get there around 1, maybe have 30 minutes, then have to leave & go back for our dog.
Dad just sends “K”, so I think that’s the end of it.
No, Bellatrix texts me it hurts her heart we aren’t coming, they’ve sacrificed for 16 years to balance holidays even though it was tough, and for some reason they didn’t get to celebrate the last holidays with us either, she doesn’t understand it, she needs to know about Xmas asap-
Now this might be where I’m the “jerk”- but I hit my breaking point with them & let out “16 years” of rage.
***Multiple*** times I have gone to both of them that if they wait until the last minute we’re probably going to be busy!
Also, I’ve asked SO many times that they ASK about the date, instead they just pick one and get mad when everyone’s busy. Growing up, my mom’s side had their event on the day of the holiday, or **always** on a Sunday (they’re very proper people).
My dad’s events were just ragers on Saturdays with Bellatrix’s family.
I’ve also tried to talk to my dad about how uncomfortable Bellatrix makes me. She’s been a heavy drinker since I was 7 and got clean again 10 months ago. She’s the type of person who ignores people’s personal space, loud, and judges EVERYONE who doesn’t act/think the way she does.
Countless times she’s made fun of my appearance, weight, the way I walked, ate, ETC.
Instead of standing up for me- my dad would just ignore her, or join in & the family would laugh at me. He thinks it’s funny/cute that she’s so honest & just tells you whatever she’s thinking.
They also think that I needed to “stop wearing your heart on your sleeve”. Despite all of this, I did just get thicker skin on the outside & tried to ignore the comments to be a part of the family.
I texted her that they had no flexibility, yet we always try to make it work, MOST of the time end up being the only person there because I don’t want to let them down, yet they’re always ungrateful for it, then I can’t fix it this time I’m treated like a jerk.
She didn’t reply.
Instead, it’s been back between me & Dad for several months, I’ve been in low contact, we’re at no resolution, and they can’t begin to understand why I’m “acting this way”.
Around Dad’s birthday (July 8th) even more blew up.
I don’t know what to do or how to feel at this point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So your stepmother was verbally and emotionally abusive to you and your father enabled and enjoyed your trauma, why are you even in contact with them? You are just allowing them to bring their toxicity into your life, hurting you and your husband.
You would be the jerk to yourself and your future by keeping them around.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If this bothers YOU, let them know your availability and couple of weeks before the holiday. Hey Dad, Thanksgiving’s on the horizon. I haven’t heard anything from you, but we’re free Friday.
We’ve got plans for Thursday, Saturday & Sunday. Let me know! Otherwise, treat theirs like any other invitation: We’re so sorry to miss it! Enjoy your day! No one wins when you entertain these endless, circular, family dramas.” pineboxwaiting
8. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Naming Her Son Out Of Spite?
“I (29f) have two siblings. The oldest sibling is Kade (37m) and the middle sibling is Ronnie (34f). Kade is married to Ashley (36f). Ronnie is married to Chase (35m).
Ashley and I are close. She and Kade started seeing each other when I was still really young and she was always like another sister to me. Ashley has a pretty heavy background. Her mom left when she was only a baby and she was raised by her dad for 15 years.
Then her dad passed away very suddenly and tragically and she was sent to live with an aunt who didn’t care about her. She and my brother knew each other and were seeing each other at the time and we became her surrogate family. From then on she used to talk about how nice it would be to name a baby after her dad someday.
Her dad’s name was Shay. We all knew her dad’s name and how meaningful it was to her.
Ashley and Kade have run into some fertility issues. After many years of being told it was unexplained infertility, last year they learned it was something that could be treated. Ashley underwent a surgery and was given some medication.
At that time Ronnie became pregnant and had her first son (she has two girls also). When my nephew was 3 weeks old Ronnie and Chase announced that their son’s name was Shay.
Ashley said nothing. She smiled and congratulated Ronnie. She broke down and cried with me and Kade.
She hadn’t known Ronnie was planning this and was incredibly hurt that Ronnie chose to use that name out of all the names out there.
Kade confronted Ronnie and he called her out for only announcing the name when our nephew was 3 weeks old and everything was finalized. He told Ronnie that she knew it would hurt Ashley, she knew it would be something that would upset her, and she did it anyway.
Ronnie argued back and the two of them have not spoken since.
Ronnie complained to me about Kade and Ashley. She said Ashley needed to get over herself. Ronnie also spoke in a way that sounded very much like she wanted Ashley to get over the name and chose it out of some weird spite.
I honestly feel like there was some jealousy there that Ashley was so close to getting pregnant and Ronnie used Shay to get back at her. Ronnie focused a lot on the attention Ashley got, both for her infertility and also for her dad. She seemed so bitter which was sad because Ronnie and Ashley used to be so close.
She told me that choosing the name had nothing to do with Ashley and she and Chase just thought Shay was cute. I told her she was insensitive and I told her I believe she knew she was doing it out of spite. Ronnie freaked out at me for taking Ashley’s side and she told me she should be allowed to choose any name she wanted to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“IDK, I read these posts time and time again about people naming their children in some way that is meant to hurt another person and I just can’t figure out why they can’t stop themselves from being weasels. NTJ but now you know who your sister is.
Tell Ashley to stay away from your sister. And make sure that she keeps any other names that she might have had in mind secret.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Ashley should act as if everything is normal and nothing happened, name her child Shay. The other mom can look like an idiot when you guys explain why there are two “Shay is in remembrance of my father!
The other Shay is a copycat name because the mom was jealous of infertility” The trash will take itself out. Don’t show emotion to this person she wants to hurt Ashley so don’t give her that satisfaction. NTJ, you are a wonderful friend and sil..
Go nc if you need to.” amaryllisjunebug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ronnie is a big jerk though. She can indeed choose any name she wants, but you have reason to believe that her decision for that name was based on spite, so just tell her that you’re siding with Ashley and that’s that.
Also, keep in mind that Ashley can still choose Shay as a name for their child. Many cousins have the same name. Just because one person chooses a name doesn’t mean it’s off-limits for anyone else. My uncle’s son is named my name too. It was NEVER an issue.
If I were Ashley, I’d still use Shay and if it upset Ronnie, then that would just be icing on the cake.” TNJDude
7. AITJ For Being Upset After Daughter's Friend Cancels On Planned Cruise Last Minute?
“AITJ or are the other parents? Our daughter’s friend invited herself to cruise with us at the end of July. We happily allowed her and with her mother’s approval, booked the cruise in March with them paying a $200 deposit and the remaining $600 due at the end of April.
As the payment due date approached I reached out to the mother via text letting her know the payment was coming due. The mother said, “okay, thank you”. The date came (5 days later) we had not received the payment but paid for the reservation in full so the friend would not lose her spot.
The mother texted within the next few days apologizing for her delay in paying and wanting to drive the money over to us that day.
It was a Sunday, they live a distance away so we declined and asked to have her daughter give our daughter the money at their next dance class (they danced together several times a week).
We saw the mother at dance competitions and recitals and she gave a few excuses as to why she couldn’t pay. First, she was making her daughter save the money from a new job to pay us, then it was they were going to pay us but ultimately, they never paid.
We texted back and forth with the mother thanking us for all we do for her daughter and she would pay by the weekend or whatever. The last time we communicated was 6/18/24, she said we would get our payment that coming weekend and thanked us again for all we do for her daughter.
This brings us to this week where I tried again to get payment and firm up plans with the trip being 2 weeks away. I texted and the mom never responded. My daughter texted her friend, who she had been planning this trip together for months only to be ghosted also.
Finally, I received the following message this morning:
Good morning, I’m so sorry for not answering my phone broke a couple of days ago and I just got a new phone. Unfortunately, my daughter is unable to get off from work for more than one week and we planned a family vacation and want the daughter to be there.
I’m so very sorry and my daughter is devastated and feels awful.
AITJ, or is this completely insane? Their daughter is 18 and going off to college at the end of the summer so her “work” is not a career just a summer job. Plus their daughter informed our daughter previously that other employees are taking 2 weeks for their vacations.
They did Venmo us the money owed after I demanded it in my response text but my daughter’s vacation is essentially ruined. Our daughters had not had a falling out, everything has been fine with no inkling they would back other than the odd behavior around the payment.
AITJ for sending a harsh text back telling the mother she should be ashamed of her behavior or are they the jerk for backing out last minute and stringing us along?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your daughter’s friend and her mom are disrespectful. First, she invited herself to your vacation (who does that?), you planned all your vacations accordingly to include her, your daughter was excited to spend the trip with her, they made you hassle for the money and now they’re canceling at the last minute because they… planned something else.
I understand that you’re angry, you’ve wasted time and energy contacting the mother and chasing the money she owes you for nothing.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You booked this cruise in MARCH. If they had other plans they should have been upfront about it.
I am glad that they paid you but there is something more going on in this family. Something weird. idk if they are punishing their daughter for something and hiding it or what but still. Weird. You made plans, booked a ticket, and honestly their daughter is 18.
She should go if she dang well pleases!” AlMirajRabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my parents used to pull things like this on a smaller scale and never understood why it was a problem since they paid for it and no one else lost money. The trip with her friend is gone.
That’s what was lost. I’m glad you called the mom out on it. I feel like people have gotten worse about decent behavior because the rest of us are too polite to say – hey what you did is nonsense.” SnooPets8873
6. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Partner Changes The TV Channel Without Asking?
“My partner and I have fought over this same trivial situation in the past. It’s dumb but also he refuses to apologize and it keeps escalating.
What happens is that I will be watching the TV and something will come up where I have to pause my show and walk away to do a task. (This time – I brought the dog out on the porch to cool her down with the hose).
The living room is on the same level and close to the porch. While I am away my partner will sit down and just take the TV and change the channel.
I asked him the last few times to please just ask me if I am done watching whatever I am watching before just changing the channel.
I am a few meters away. He knew I was watching something while he was serving himself dinner. And then when I paused it and went outside – he sat down and immediately changed it.
I came in and said “Hey – I was watching something.
I would have appreciated if you just asked me if I was done or if you could change the channel”
He immediately got defensive, said it wasn’t intentional and why couldn’t I just ask HIM to change it back. He said – so every time I come in here I have to ask you?
You had left!?! And he said I came in here and was saying this just to start a fight. And now he is going to always leave the TV on so I always have to ask him.
I got upset then more so because this showed me he still didn’t respect my view from the last time we got in a fight over the same thing and I asked him this.
He didn’t feel sorry for crossing a boundary. He continued to feel righteous and then put it on me that I was “just trying to start a fight”. (Yes – because I just love fighting)
I said I was upset because he obviously didn’t respect or value my side of this argument enough to be considerate and to just ask me before taking over the television.
This is now happened multiple times and we have been having this same fight where he says he will try to ask me but still never does.
It is a dumb argument. But what gets under my skin is the fact he just continues to take without asking.
And feels privileged to it without having to ask. To me – it’s just common courtesy. I feel more upset he seems to disregard or not value this is something important to me. Then not feeling sorry and righteous for crossing the boundary I keep drawing is a concern long term.
I feel like I’m being a jerk for this being a big deal. But it has built up to it. It makes me think of how inflexible he will be for other bigger issues that show up in our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Actions reflect internal states. His constant obliviousness of what you are doing in the house is hurtful because it suggests he is not thinking about you meaningfully and taking measures of your presence the way one usually does with a partner sharing a home. The TV situation highlights this.
He needs an awareness of how his unawareness affects you.” Ossifywallstreet
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He could have asked. You could have asked to change it back. Not sure why he can’t be bothered to ask, that seems super petty. Not sure why you are not content if he just changes it back when you get back, that also seems petty.” RX3874
Another User Comments:
“no jerks here. This is now a thing. He is probably irate he has to track you down every time he wants to watch TV. If you are watching TV, pause, grab a drink and he changes the TV, that is him being the jerk.
If you pause the TV, bring the dog outside, and start playing with the hose, you are no longer watching TV. You at playing with the dog outside.. That is 100% a stupid argument and makes me think you have strong attachment issues with your TV programs. My guess is now, every time you watch TV, you feel like that TV is yours until he asks permission.
And that is not the best place to be in a relationship. So now, he will start going out of his way to change the TV, since there is no real line in the sand as to when you are done with the TV.” FireFarts6000
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Invited My Sister On Our Mother-Daughter Trip?
“So my entire family, around 26 people, are going on a vacation to celebrate my nephew’s birthday over the weekend. My (18F) and my mom were going two days early to a town close to us to have our little days before we joined the entire family.
When my mom brought this idea up to me I was so excited! I wanted to go with her and spend those days just us even if it’s just two days. I had everything planned and had been planning everything with my mom. We would wake up early and go take a walk in the village we were staying in to get to know things around and have breakfast at a cafe after we would have lunch and go stay at the hotel pool for the afternoon, we would go out for dinner and after we would go back to the hotel and watch TV together.
I was so excited and yesterday was still talking to my mom about it and we were going over our plans.
Today she called. My mom did the usual small talk, “How was I?” and “How did I sleep?” and said, “please don’t get mad”.
When she said that my face dropped, I knew I was going to get mad. I don’t get mad at that much stuff and I’m a pretty chill person so when I get mad I get really mad. After I asked what it was she said she had invited someone to our vacation and I was like “Okay… who?” and she said my sister (25F) I was so mad.
It was supposed to be just a mother and daughter thing just one on one. And my mom knew how excited I was to be just the two of us. I’m seriously so mad right now and my mom knows I am mad and that I would be mad, but she was scared my sister would back out at the last minute from the big family vacation so she asked her to come.
But my other sisters (28F and 27F) would never let her do that, and now she crashed our vacation time.
My sister (27F) was next to me when my mom called me and after I was done talking on the phone she asked me what had happened. I told her everything and she started to say I would have other days to go with my mom and now she had a better job and was saving more we could take other weekends to go me and my mom.
But the thing his not about other weekends is about these. I was excited about this one cause I had never done anything like this with my mom and it would be a first for both of us, she kept trying to console me saying she would take me on the weekend just the two of us, I thanked obviously, but I used to have this small trip with my mom before we joined the rest of the family.”
Another User Comments:
“Since your mom originally proposed just the two of you and then unilaterally changed the terms, NTJ. Don’t feel like you have to go if it’s not what was planned – just go at the normal time with everyone else. Mom is an adult and can deal with the consequences of her actions.
It would be nice if the three of you went, but you’re certainly not obligated.” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here We often see posts in this forum about parents who don’t treat their children equally. Look how many posts complain about the “golden child.” I can appreciate your disappointment, but it seems your mom is just trying to keep a sense of equality given the large group going on this trip.
But maybe she’ll be amenable to a private day with you a bit later.” ArtShapiro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are in a position to, don’t go. If you are not in a position to skip this vacation, take a couple of books and music to listen to.
Let your mom and sister go do whatever while you enjoy your time alone away from them. If you need to go, you don’t have to stay with them.” HMS_Slartibartfast
4. AITJ For Preferring Professional Therapy Over A Friend's Advice?
“My friend & I were texting & I had mentioned that I might stop going to therapy because it’s expensive and I have other things I need to pay for right now.
But then I said “maybe I’ll just go less, like once a month or something because it’s nice to have someone to talk to.” She said something along the lines of “well you can always talk to friends instead, I’ve told you that before.” I tried talking to my friends about my problems for YEARS and it never got me anywhere.
A friend is not equivalent to a therapist by any means. At least not in my opinion. So I said “yeah but friends tend to complain with you and can be biased where as a therapist gives you real solutions, strategies, coping mechanisms, etc”. I thought we were just having a normal, honest conversation & that is my honest opinion.
I like going to therapy. It’s not a miracle worker but it has helped me. My therapist has given me lots of strategies to use for my anxiety & negative situations in my life.
So I guess what I said offended her. She then goes “As I said, maybe you’ve gotten what you needed and paid enough to be told the same things that well… that I’ve told ya…… but I’m sorry I haven’t been better aid.” And more guilt tripping sentences dripping with sarcasm.
Like girl, you haven’t taught me any strategies for my anxiety, you haven’t taught me about negative thinking patterns, coping mechanisms, etc. My therapist did. That doesn’t make you a bad friend. That makes you a normal friend and a normal person.
I wasn’t insulting you. I was simply saying I like my therapist. She then says stuff like “I’ve tried to help you but I guess it’s not good enough, I’m done trying” and “you’re complaining about not being able to afford therapy meanwhile I can’t afford to eat” like okay?
I have a job and you don’t. I pay for things with the money I earn. I’m sorry you’re in a bad financial state right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to go to therapy? I genuinely don’t understand.
She then referred to my therapist as a “professional” in quotations.
My therapist obviously went to school for 6 years in order to become one. She has a masters degree and has taken all kinds of classes so that she’s able to do this job. That is a professional. No need to be sarcastic about it.
It seems to me that she’s jealous of my therapist?
Because I’d rather talk to her about issues than anyone else. Like I said, talking to friends has never helped me. It’s put a bandaid on things, but I have issues I DO need to talk to a professional about. I want to get better and talking to friends is never gonna do that for me.
This friend was also angry with me when I declined to move in with her & said I’d rather live on my own.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her your therapist doesn’t guilt you for trying to fix your problems in a healthy way.
Tell her your therapist doesn’t take offense when you tell your problems to other people. Tell them your therapist doesn’t take it personally when you say you need better help. Tell her your therapist doesn’t try to one up my problems and instead makes me feel ok for the things going wrong in my life I can’t control, not trying to make me feel, bad because other people have it worse.
Jesus her whole side of the conversation was exactly the opposite of a healthy discussion and she thinks she’s better than a therapist? Some people man….” Critical_Item_8747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think I know what’s happening here. Your friend views therapy as something privileged people do.
It sounds like you are doing better financially than your friend at this moment in time and the therapy is the personification of this. She is trying to cut you down to size…. Sometimes we outgrow our friends. But do not allow anyone to come between you and what you know is working for you.
Her thoughts on this topic is all about her and not about your best interests. You just need to create a boundary here where you don’t talk to her about your therapy. And if she brings it up you just skillfully turn the conversation to something else.
Also, for what it’s worth, I think you should maintain your therapy even if it means going down to once a month. I say this because your post is exceptional in that it sounds like you take what you learn in therapy and are able to apply it in your life as opposed to just talking about your problems. This tells me that you are really getting a lot out of therapy.
Your instinct was to lower the frequency of appointments so you should go with that instinct.” Hanah4Pannah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friend demonstrated exactly why a neutral therapist can be better than a friend or family member who is going to be biased and emotional. Also acting as someone’s amateur therapist is more draining than your friend knows.
If you find therapy valuable it is not your friend’s place to say you shouldn’t do it.” Bluemonogi
3. AITJ For Helping My Friend's Son With Socializing Skills?
“Ever since my best friend (37F) had her son(13M) I(35F) have been an aunt to him. I take care of him after school until she gets off work and I truly love this kid to bits.
He’s so creative and smart and passionate about his interest in animation.
Also, this kid has always struggled with social cues in a way that often comes across as creepy to other people. Things like not making eye contact, lurking, staring, not making eye contact, laughing at odd times, always speaking with a monotone, no facial expressions, sometimes having a very fake smile, and giving gifts to people that they never asked for but always kinda like.
I know none of this comes from a place of malice, he’s a sweet kid genuinely he’s just struggling with socializing. But this kid respects clearly stated boundaries better than any other teenage boy in the world.
As an adult on the spectrum, I suspect that this kid is autistic.
The other day when I picked him up from school he got in the car with tears in his eyes and asked “Why doesn’t anyone like me?”
That broke my heart to hear. This wasn’t the first time he’d asked, so I told him he had some mannerisms that other kids often found creepy, but that he wasn’t doing anything morally wrong.
Some of us just need to learn how to socialize instead of it coming naturally.
He lit up at this. “How can you tell when someone doesn’t like something?” “Well usually if they look upset or sad,” I explained. “How do you know when someone’s sad?” he asked. At this point, I realized he didn’t understand facial expressions.
So when we got home I found some socializing workbooks for autistic kids online and we went through them. I hid the autistic part because I suspected his parents wouldn’t want me armchair diagnosing their kid. But he loved it. He was more excited than I’d seen him in a long time.
When his mom picked him up that night I briefed her on what had happened that day and she agreed to seek a professional opinion.
For the next week after school, we did little socializing lessons and he loved it. He even seemed to be having better interactions with his classmates.
This evening when my friend picked him up she confronted me because apparently over the weekend he’d told her about the talk we had in the car and thought I called her son a creep.
I figured something got lost in translation and tried to explain to her that I said some of his mannerisms made people feel a little creeped out even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Which I feel is an important distinction.
She said I was trying to change him, hurting his feelings, and giving him a complex. As hurt and upset as I am, I did laugh when I heard him say excitedly “Mom I can tell you’re angry!” as she stormed off with him.
I truly don’t feel like I’m the jerk in this situation, but she disagrees. What do you all think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you listened to the kid and tried to help him. And it sounds like the kid’s mom is a little bit jealous that someone other than her figured out he even needed help- and *did* help.
Mom picked up on the word “creep” to try to have a high ground to be angry about. So lame of her. How about a “thank you, my kid seems so much happier, now?” Hmmm? She may distance him from you. It will be his loss.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The parents are in denial. Your friend needs a reality check and to open her eyes. Did she even listen to see if her child was happy to learn these things from you or did he seem more distraught?
I have worked with children on the spectrum from elementary to junior high and your description suggests what you are describing but the parents should get a professional opinion.” SocaliMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Throughout my life, I’ve often had difficulty understanding other people’s reactions and feelings and have unintentionally offended, perhaps even creeped out, people close to me.
Is only through years of increased awareness and luck that I even have a few people I can call friends. I would have been thrilled in my youth for someone to have recognized the problem and provided practical strategies so that my inner goodwill towards people would not have stayed hidden inside. It makes me sad that your friend’s mother doesn’t understand this.” FastidiousFaster
2. AITJ For Accidentally Bowling In The Wrong Lane And Using A Reserved Table?
“I (28 F) cannot bowl to save my life. I’ve only been a few times, and I’m uniformly terrible. Weirdly enough, I get strikes 10% of the time and gutterballs the other 90%, with no in between. People have offered to teach me, but I’ve decided I’m comfortable with being Really That Bad.
Yes, this is relevant.
Last night, my partner Aneesh (28) and I decided to go bowling because the local place was having an all-you-can-bowl night. We were assigned to a lane next to a group of five women and one man (late 40s?). They were on the left; we were on the right.
The lanes have two big tables each, one of which was farther back and up a small set of stairs. Aneesh and I had both gotten a beer, and when we went to set our drinks down on the table next to the lanes, the man in the neighboring group quickly informed us that it was *their* table.
We said “No worries, sorry” and walked up the stairs to the other one.
After a few (bowling) rounds, I was sipping my beer while waiting for the ball-spitty-outy-thingy and then put the drink down without thinking. The man once again told me that it was their table, and they’d reserved it.
I said, “Oh whoops,” and grabbed my drink. I returned to Aneesh and quietly said, “I mean, the table is theirs for however long they reserved it, so whatever, but they’re being weirdly intense about it. What do you think is up?” Aneesh and I speculated it was a birthday party, but there were no gifts/cake/balloons.
It’s just a table, so we didn’t make an issue of it.
Later, I went to throw, but my fingers stuck in the holes. My ball went to the left and ended up in the neighboring lane–gutterball. I immediately apologized profusely to the group. A bunch of people nearby saw my wild throw and started laughing.
I waved at them and took a little bow to show there were no hard feelings, but I was definitely embarrassed. Aneesh promised me that it happens sometimes, even to good bowlers.
Well, the group didn’t accept my apology. The man said, “Go ahead and use our table, since you’re determined to ruin our good time.” I replied, “I’m really sorry I bowled in your lane.
I promise I didn’t do it intentionally. You can take one of my turns if you want.”
Long story short, the group reported us to the employees. I have no idea for what–we didn’t find out until we were paying our bar tab and the bartenders we’d heavily tipped told us the gossip.
The employees made the group switch to a different lane while Aneesh and I were left with their table. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little smug about it after they were such bad sports, but in their defense, Aneesh wanted to leave ten minutes later.
It seems wrong for us to “make” six people move when the two of us were almost finished.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, they didn’t want random people putting stuff on their table, and I wouldn’t want to bowl next to someone whose ball ends up in my lane either.
They also weren’t being weird about the table, they reserved it so it’s theirs to use You made a couple of mistakes by placing things on the table, but throwing a ball into the next lane over is…insane. You may want to work on your technique at least enough so that doesn’t happen again” Start_a_riot271
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – and your partner is wrong, it doesn’t “happen”. Throwing a ball so wildly that it lands in someone else’s lane is dangerous and I wouldn’t want you bowling next to me anymore either. The alley probably moved their party and comped their game and just planned to leave the other lane empty until you left for safety reasons alone.
The fact that you repeatedly kept trying to use their table after being told that it was reserved is weird too. Even if it’s not reserved, common bowling etiquette is each group “takes” a table. First come first pick. So even if they hadn’t reserved it, you would still be a jerk.
Most frequent bowlers understand that this might not be common knowledge, but you shouldn’t have to remind an adult over and over. This has nothing to do with being a good bowler. No one cares that you bowl a 50 or a 300 but they do care if you infringe on their game/good time.” AggravatingBowl1426
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (sorry!) No, it doesn’t happen that your fingers get stuck in the ball and you throw it into a neighboring lane. depending on the scoring system, you might’ve screwed someone over, if they can’t delete the score. You also seem dangerous.
And I’m guessing you were kind of annoyed about how bad you were. Like being over the top silly obnoxious about it. Setting a beer down on their table shouldn’t have been a big deal. But it does sound like there were 2 tables and they were at that one first and had reserved it.
So, you really should’ve used the other one. I’m guessing they found you so annoying they didn’t want to share. now, normally this would be a no jerks here thing…you’re allowed to be silly and a bad bowler. But you sound dangerous and unwilling to learn some basic etiquette/safety/pointers.” TravelingBride2024
1. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Leave His Toxic Partner Who Tricked Him Into Fatherhood?
“My (41F) little brother (38M) has a penchant for loving “crazy” women. He’s far from perfect, a total “bachelor”, a bit immature, but has a heart of gold.
It’s a pattern: he loves broken women and tries to fix them, and drama follows.
Enter the latest partner. My brother started seeing a woman a year ago, a divorced mother of two, around the time he moved in with my parents to recover from knee surgery.
He said he wasn’t into her, just for a while he’s in the area. My parents have only seen her in the driveway a handful of times. Something is off, he normally loves loudly and includes them in family functions or dinners. Parents say they are off and on every other week and it’s an explosive toxic relationship.
I’m visiting and he comes home from work and says he wants to show us something. It’s a sonogram. I haven’t even met this woman and I know my brother is by no means mentally or physically prepared/wants to start a family.
Two min later in walks the partner. We get to know her, she’s sweet. She shares some things with me: how hard it is to connect with my brother, to get him to commit, how he wasn’t happy at first hearing she was pregnant and it was an accident – birth control pills didn’t work.
She stays for dinner. She talks negatively about her ex and how she has sole custody, how her eldest son is severely disabled and she earns her living on state income caring for him, that he’s her angel.
She leaves with me knowing that she’s a great mom and that my brother is going to go from an independent bachelor to a father of 3.
Days later things go south. Partner has set up a photo shoot to announce their pregnancy on Instagram with her other 2 kids and my brother. She told him to get a haircut, shave, and wear all white. She’s 13 weeks pregnant, they don’t live together, and he’s never been involved in caring for or interacting with her kids.
He’s convinced it’s for the ex, he also is 100% anti-Instagram anti-share every aspect of your life, and despises the idea of “doing a cheesy family photo”.
He starts sharing the reality of their relationship, text messages where she is berating him, insults, threats of destroying his life, narcissistic control, and gaslighting.
She is emotionally and verbally abusive. He is not throwing back the insults but submitting and taking it. Breakups and silent treatment for weeks, then dragging/crawling back. Horror stories of unhinged behavior over the last year, in front of my dad (storming out of the driveway when a brother is helping my father in the garage longer than expected, not allowing my brother to go camping with my dad, or visit me and my family – I live in EU with my husband and kids).
Then the real clinger: my brother admits she’s been begging him for a baby for months. He was adamant NO! He doesn’t want marriage or to start a family. He says she’d “beg” him for a baby every day, then joke about “What if I get off birth control haha”.
She forcefully entrapped him into becoming a father unbeknownst to him and against his will?! He says he’d rather die than live in a house with her and her other kids in “XYZ town”. She scammed him!
My mind is exploding with every revelation.
Also with the sheer idiocy of my poor fool of a brother.
Hours before said photo shoot the only advice I gave him: don’t do the photo today, tell her to wait till she’s 8 months.
He doesn’t do the photo and escapes town for a few days resulting in their 100th breakup.
My parents are convinced 50/50 he’ll go back to her. So AITJ for wanting to tell my brother to stay away (outside of the child?)”
Another User Comments:
“How far do your excuses for your brother go? She entrapped him? How typically do males blame it all on the woman?
She even warned him many times, yet he still chose to sleep with her! He started a relationship with a mother of two without having any serious intentions. Was he clear about that to her right from the beginning? My guess: is he conveniently forgot that!
Of course, her behavior is not ok and she is a jerk but so is your brother! And you, now finding excuses and telling your brother to run away and not stand by what he did makes you the jerk. YTJ” Old_Air_3560
Another User Comments:
“OP, your brother scammed himself. She didn’t scam him. She stated clearly and explicitly on multiple occasions that she wanted a baby and warned him not to trust her birth control. Other than purchasing an ad on a national news program, what more could be done to notify him that if he keeps sleeping with her, a baby is surely coming??
She has 2 other kids already. This is going to be a messy 18+ years, so tell him to get ready. YTJ for absolving your brother of any responsibility.” Busy000
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Guess what? Your brother chose not to use birth control.
He’s a big grown man now OP- he knows what “unstable” looks like and he knows how to prevent pregnancy on his terms. And he didn’t. And now he’s in this. So you can advocate for him co-parenting with her sure. But your whole attitude is gross.
He’s not some 20-year-old kid. He’s nearly 40, and he invited this in willingly, despite knowing his patterns and the risk involved. Be supportive, but hold him accountable to his choices and don’t enable.” Ladyughsalot1
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