People Try To Convince Us That They're Innocent In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mom $15000?
“So my mom randomly came to me and said she’s been saving funds for us and that my share was 5k and that we need to put them in an account. Knowing my mom and how she only thinks of finances I was very surprised she was giving it to me. I am 24 and she has not once paid for anything for me after 16.
Doesn’t even ask how schools going Or how I’m paying for uni.
She said that the money is for me to use when I settle down and buy a house. Okay… so she makes me go to a bank with her and open an account. I still think this is weird so I ask her ‘is this so that I can save it for you?
So that it’s under my name?’ And she immediately goes ‘NO! how dare you even say that!? It’s yours!’
So every couple of weeks she’s bugging me about adding small amounts like $300-500 in. When she knows well that I only made about $1600 monthly back then and my rent was $1050 so where would I get that amount that frequently.
So fast forward 2 years and it’s come to about 15k because she added a 3k and my brother and I added more.
So she tells me today that she found a house she wants and that she wants me and everyone else to give her the money because ‘you aren’t going to buy a house soon so give it to me’.
I’m MAD. How can she ask me this? She said she won’t borrow from banks because they will cost her interest but we should be happy to give it back to her because we didn’t use it. The audacity is insane.
Now she is mad and crying because her kids are not ‘treating her like they should and at least I’m not forcing you to buy a big house for me’.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to give her the 15k?”
Another User Comments:
“Move all the funds to another account. Start doing small investments with it through your new bank where are doesn’t have access to any of its info. Build your credit and have the funds grow. This way, If you found her still deserving; you could take care of her in a decent nursing home when the time comes.
Until then, do NOT fall for her motherly guilt trips. Though if it was my mom, and I were single, I would have given her every dime I have plus a kidney. But my relationship with my mom is different. I put her through a lot multiple times and she has been an absolute saint.
Do ultimately it depends on your relationship. The way you have worded it here, NTJ.” Throwaway_lie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s literally planned to have you and your brother put funds in so SHE could buy a house. The fund was never intended for you. If it’s in your name, she shouldn’t be able to take it out, at least I don’t think so.
Try and take the money out and move it where she has no access whatsoever. She made a promise and now wants it for herself. Your contributed to it and have a right to refuse the money. She’s literally tricked you and it’s disgusting.” rhubarb2896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She said it’s yours and you are not obligated to give anyone a cent.
Pull the funds out, put them somewhere different where she doesn’t have any access, and tell her to shut up. If she’s still mad remind her that you didn’t get any amount since you were 16 and as she is quite a bit older than that she can take care of herself. You simply took the 5k as compensation for the time she should have still taken care of you because you were a minor, so if anything she owes you even more.
16. AITJ For Not Being Able To Change The Way I Talk?
“My partner of 7 years has recently complained about my sentence structure. English is my second language. The trigger sentence in question for the current fight was me saying this about our Airbnb: ‘Our ad is not correct. I hadn’t noticed, but the suite has a…’ here I get interrupted, he rolls his eyes and is annoyed at me, saying to me that he doesn’t understand what I’m saying and I don’t make any sense.
I asked if I can finish my sentence, but he kept interrupting me. I finally get to talk and said ‘If you let me finish, you would know that I was going to say that the suite has a CO2 monitor alarm and I had never noticed, therefore it is not in the ad’.
Edit: I started talking without context after just entering the room, hence his confusion.
After this, the conversation went downhill, into how my sentence structure is all wrong, my bad grammar, how I don’t make any sense, etc. He said he didn’t let me finish before because I often leave sentences unfinished. Then I said that he is the only one who says this in my life, that despite having English as my second language, I am a supervisor and a trainer at work, without issues.
He just said nobody has to live with me or would tell me to my face how impossible I am to understand.
At this point, I got very upset and started crying. But I stood my ground and told him that I feel like he is trying to find a way to dislike me just because, and since he cannot find any major issues with the way I am he wants to make a massive deal out of something that could be discussed calmly.
He said I don’t listen if he says things calmly. And that I do the same to him (for context, I complained that he is not showing excitement about the baby coming soon and that he does not want to participate in decisions or spend an equal proportion on the baby. He said I cannot tell him how to feel, and I am also just trying to find defects)
He also argues that I cannot expect him to memorize and deal with the cognitive load of all the background info I provide before getting to the key issue. I think this is where might be right. Maybe I am a jerk for saying I cannot change my speech patterns as an ESL (English as a Second Language) and expecting him to understand my gibberish.
Maybe I sound a lot more confusing than what I think and people just don’t tell me.
At work sometimes people need further clarification but I usually think it’s just my accent and normal confusion when trying to learn complex processes. I’m doubting everything now. I also feel like a jerk because I asked him why is he with an ESL SO if he hates being confused so much.
Also told him he is disrespectful to me and will model this disrespect to our future daughter. He answered saying I will model my confusing communication pattern to her. I just said in a frustrated and annoyed tone: ‘SHE WILL GO TO SCHOOL! HOW DO YOU THINK THE CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS MANAGE?!’. Maybe I’m wrong, and I’ll set her up for failure with my poor speech patterns.
Maybe he is so tired of telling me the same thing that now is getting frustrated.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a pretty awful argument, and there are a lot of things your partner is doing that I find totally out of line. He doesn’t sound particularly thoughtful or mindful of you, but you on the other hand seem very concerned about him.
There’s an imbalance there, and that’s not a great thing to have in a relationship.
You don’t need to feel bad about how you speak or have any concerns about your second language skills somehow being a detriment to your child.
On to your actual question in your headline though; the thing that stood out in what you wrote about how you communicate is this: ‘He also argues that I cannot expect him to memorize and deal with the cognitive load of all the background info I provide before getting to the key issue.
I think this is where might be right’.
That is the only valid point your partner really seems to be making, and I do believe that is something you could be mindful of. I don’t think this has anything to do with English being your second language however, I think it’s just a matter of a difference in how you communicate.
Don’t let the fact that English isn’t your first language cloud your perception of how you communicate or come off.
I’d say you are NTJ, but I don’t believe you can’t change the way you communicate.
Congratulations on your baby coming soon.” Material-Jackfruit-8
Another User Comments:
“There are lots of good points here from readers, and OP, you are NTJ, but I did want to point out that your partner may be confusing the issue.
Your sentence structure is fine, but he could be equating this with bad language skills because he feels he is continually being brought into the middle of a conversation with no frame of reference. Let me explain.
I had a lovely co-worker who unfortunately did this all the time. It usually began when I would send out an email to a large team explaining something.
No matter when she would read the email, be it five minutes or three days later, she would walk up to me as though I had just told her the contents verbally seconds before. In her mind, she was continuing a conversation she and I were having, but to me and others, she was randomly blurting out sentences that made no sense.
For instance, she might say, ‘I can’t believe he said he couldn’t help’ or ‘I’m happy to do that for you.’ DO WHAT? I had to tell her multiple times that I wasn’t aware of what she was talking about and therefore couldn’t understand her. She was completely unaware she did this until multiple people pointed it out.
She’d come up to me with some random phrase and every time I would have to say, ‘I have no idea what you’re referring to,’ until she understood. I was always appreciative of her attention but would get SO frustrated by her approach, or what I saw as a lack of approach.
Again, you’re definitely NTJ, but could this be something happening here?
I got a sense of this based on your first paragraph. He was not mentally on the same page as you when you walked into the room and began speaking about your ad, mid-thought. He was likely not thinking about the ad, so the entire time you were speaking he was probably trying to scramble to a) figure out what you were talking about and b) keep up with what you were saying.
If so, your partner needs to better clarify the issue he has with your speech, and you, gently, might want to work on getting his attention and bringing him into the beginning of the conversation.
Good luck.” ganache98012
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ by a mile.
First, let me start off by saying I’m a native English speaker – your story was extremely well-written and very easy to comprehend.
Your partner is the jerk tremendously – as I’m sure you already know, syntax errors/different ways of phrasing things are super common in ESL speakers simply because sentence structure in English is different from many other languages.
Your partner is even more of a jerk because he has taken something that you, an accomplished, multilingual woman managing a team and communicating in her 2nd+ language with no issue, and he’s nagging you into feeling that folks can’t understand you.
The real problem is that he doesn’t care what you have to say – regardless of how you phrase it.
Look – sometimes things need to be repeated/clarified if you’re not speaking your native language – it’s really not that big of a deal – you know this. Your partner is being a jerk, and when I saw your edit about how he doesn’t care about the child you share and isn’t helping with getting any of the necessities… honestly it sounds like he’s trying to get you to pick a fight with him and end it.
Or at least pick a fight with him.
I would seriously think about if you want your child to be around someone who is treating their mother so poorly, and whether or not this is just some sort of depression/anxiety phase, or if this is his true colors.
Best of luck OP, and please don’t doubt your communication skills – that’s definitely not the actual problem here.” InnocuousTerror
15. AITJ For Not Offering My Divorced Friend To Stay Longer?
“Back at the end of September, a friend messaged to let me know she and her husband were having marriage difficulties and asked if she could stay for a few days. I of course said yes. After the weekend, she asked if they could stay the week, and after three weeks, when it had become pretty obvious that this relationship was beyond repair, I said (unprompted) ‘hey, why don’t you stay here til Christmas, that way you have some time to process all of this and work out what you’re doing’.
A bit of background: I’m single, in my late thirties, and live on my own by choice. I have a spare room, and I used to rent it to flatmates, but I stopped because I really just wanted my own place.
I offered the spare room to my friend because she needed it – her only other option would be to rent a place at great cost, or flat share with people she didn’t know at a really rough time.
I let her use my car and paid for the insurance on it so that she could drive to work and not have to share with her ex. I didn’t charge rent or bills or anything else. I said until Christmas because that was a timeframe I felt I could commit to without resenting it.
I was happy to be able to help, and I didn’t want anything in return, but my boundary was three months.
She and her ex agreed on a way forward, and that she could move back into the flat they own on 30th December. I figured we were all set.
Just after Christmas, I heard from mutual friends that she had told them that I had made it ‘very obvious’ that 30th December was the deadline to be out, and that I should have offered to let her stay longer because she was anxious and sad about moving back to the flat her husband and she used to live in together and I had the space.
We obviously talked about the breakup whilst she was here. I would ask ‘has he given you a timeline?’ and ‘is he working on getting another place?’ But always from the POV of supporting her in getting what she needed from her ex (i.e. access to her own home) and in the context of how she was feeling.
I never once mentioned a ‘deadline’ for moving out after that first suggestion of Christmas I guess there is a chance that I was displaying behaviors unconsciously because truth be told I was really ready to have the space back after 3 months, but I really did try to live by ‘mi casa su casa’ whilst she was staying.
I didn’t offer to extend the stay because I didn’t feel that I needed to – she now has a place she can go to, and I instead offered to help her redecorate it so it feels more like her own. And yeah – I do want the place back to myself, and now that the immediate need has passed I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
But I am feeling really hurt that she took this line with our friends and that she clearly thinks I am ungenerous for not continuing to share my home with her whilst she is still healing. I guess I can see that from her point of view it’s a spare room that no one else is moving into.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you had given her a hard deadline, I don’t think anyone can fault you for wanting your own personal space. You already went above and beyond, in my opinion, by helping her as much as you did.
The question you have moving forward, again, in my opinion, is how much you want to continue helping her.
You heard this stuff from ‘a mutual friend’. Hearsay isn’t the best way to get this info. You might want to ask your friend if she said these things. It may be a miscommunication. But if your help and generosity wasn’t appreciated before I would reconsider helping anymore.” mcq316
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk obviously.
But you may now need to consider your friendship I would suggest being straightforward with her. ‘I’m sorry if anything I did or said made you feel unwelcome, that was never intended. I felt 3 months was a good time frame and of course, if anything happened that you didn’t have a place to go I would have been happy to talk about you staying longer.’ Friend was in a rough place emotionally, she was probably just oversensitive and taking things wrong.
Hopefully, she will apologize in turn, if not OP needs to decide if this is a friendship worth pursuing. Living with other people can be stressful even in the best of relationships. Hopefully with some time apart and a talk about what happened you’re able to reconcile.” No_Magazine2270
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a free place to stay, a free vehicle, and constant support for three months.
She’s mad that you won’t give her more?! And worse, she didn’t approach you and ask for more time or to discuss how she was feeling about leaving, she just badmouthed you to mutual friends. I that she’s hurting, but that does not give her an excuse to lash out at the person helping her, way to bite the hand that’s feeding, supporting, and paying for your comfort!” Lyrasilverose
14. AITJ For Not Going To Events When My Friends' Kids Are There?
“I’m in my early 30s so quite a few of my friends are settling down and starting families. This isn’t something I ever plan on doing, but I want to be super clear that this isn’t because I hate kids.
I’m just very aware that I’m not equipped in any way to provide a child with a stable upbringing and it wouldn’t be fair. I actually get along fine with kids and they tend to like me.
Because I’ve chosen not to have kids myself, I’ve always assumed I can choose whether I spend time around them or not.
This is important to me because (for a lot of reasons) I’m not always in a good frame of mind and putting on a kid-friendly facade takes a lot of energy. I also have sensory issues relating to ADHD and lots of kids yelling and talking at once is intense, even when they’re just having fun.
I don’t want to end up getting impatient about something that isn’t their fault, so if I’m feeling on edge I’d rather steer clear.
If I could go to kid-friendly hang-outs and just chill with the other adults while the kids do their thing that would be ok, but that never happens. The kids want to play with me because apparently I’m more fun than their parents (or it could just be novelty value) and if I try to gently explain that I’m in the middle of a conversation, my friends end up guilt-tripping me for not being super enthusiastic about it.
Since there was apparently no acceptable way of saying no to the kids, I wound up getting tactical and started either avoiding gatherings that kids were going to be attending or arriving after their bedtime. Unfortunately, a couple of my friends picked up on this pretty quickly and called me out on it. I explained my reasons (which they were already fully aware of) and it went down SO badly.
They accused me of hating kids, hating their kids specifically, being selfish, and putting myself above the happiness of a child, you get the picture. They mentioned that they don’t get to just avoid their kids when they’re tired or not in the mood – I reminded them that I never chose to have kids or take on that responsibility and they said if I cared about their kids I would want to.
Like I said, I didn’t think I was in the wrong but a few more of my parent-friends have brought it up and some are really laying on the guilt (‘kid’ loves hanging out with his fun uncle ‘me’, but I guess you just hate every second!) I also don’t want to be the ‘childfree’ jerk who can’t tolerate being kids having fun.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘They accused me of hating kids, hating their kids specifically, being selfish, and putting myself above the happiness of a child.’
This is bizarre to me. Of course, your happiness is more important than that of a child. You don’t have children and are not the parent or guardian of a child, so you are not obligated to other people’s children in any way.
You are not a free babysitter or playmate for someone else’s child, no matter how cute their parents say they are.
Your friend’s reaction is basically ‘how rude of you for not doing everything you can to make my child happy!’, which is super weird. It’s also super weird how they just jumped to you hating children and trying to emotionally blackmail you with their own children, and even weirder how they seemed to put words into your mouth and thoughts into your head.
‘They mentioned that they don’t get to just avoid their kids when they’re tired or not in the mood.’
This is also extremely bizarre. You chose not to have children, they did. So yes, you do get to choose when to not deal with children and they have lost that privilege for the next 18 years.
that is a choice they made, so that is something they need to live with. That’s called being a parent. Just because they choose to procreate doesn’t mean you need to be saddled with their responsibility.
Your friends are bizarre, their reasoning is strange, and their logic is wrong.” False-Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I get where your friends are coming from.
You’re probably someone important then and so they’ve probably pictured you being almost a part of their family. They want you to be close with those that they are close to.
While it’s understandable, it’s not fair of them. I think their anger may be because they think you dislike their kids specifically and are destroying their dream.
I would re-emphasize that you don’t dislike their kids (maybe you can say you like them and would spend time with them from time to time if that’s the case). Also, emphasize that your issue is with children in general. You don’t hold anything against their kids or think their kids are bad, you just aren’t built for kids in general. You can only handle kids in small doses (if that’s the case).
I hope something I said was helpful!” thesemasksaretight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% I greatly admire how you have conducted yourself. Unlike your friends, who are parents, and their friends. You have done everything possible, in the most thoughtful and considerate way, to make sure you can continue to enjoy your friend’s company, but without them trying to saddle you with their kids, just because they like you.
You have not used your ADHD and other issues as a reason to be rude to their kids, you have played with their kids, but know yourself well enough, that even normal kids, can be too noisy and harsh for you, so you thoughtfully arrived at a time when they are already in bed. You have done everything to make this a non-issue as possible.
It is your friends who are the a***s. They are like so many other spoilt parents, who think kids should be the apple of every adult’s eye in the world. That it doesn’t matter if the adult is not happy or having a good time, as long as you don’t tell the kids no.
Well, OP, don’t let your friends gaslight you into thinking you did anything wrong. You did not. They are ignoring your boundaries and your feelings. Only you can assess whether these friendships are worth it to you, but if they are, put your foot down and tell them they need to respect your boundaries.
If they won’t, make some new friends who will treat you right.
They are out there, believe me.” KarenMaca
I can relate to everything you've said, being child free by choice myself. And I've experienced this attitude from parents who think everyone should be willing to "give them a break" by entertaining their kids at any given moment. Ummm, that'll be a hard pass from me, thanks.
I'd bet much that what you're experiencing is poorly disguised jealousy for your child free state. Not saying that all parents of young children feel this way, but I've known plenty who aren't completely happy with the choice they made to become parents, and have expressed as much in unguarded moments. Not your circus, not your monkeys, not your problem.
Oh, and I think you've handled the situation VERY diplomatically, so sincere congratulations on that. You're much nicer about it than I would be.
My suggestion is that the next time some disgruntled parent accuses you of child hating, ask them why. Remind them that you are child free by choice, just as they have children by choice, yet they harangue you about yours? How rude.
If, after the disgruntled ones are still salty, ditch them. I have always found it easier to be friendly with other child free folks. Sad, but true.
13. AITJ For Causing Drama At My Cousin's Wedding?
“I (30F) have been happy single almost my whole life, but I come from a really conservative culture and all my relatives assume I’m very unhappy due to the lack of a man in my life. So a few days ago, my elder cousin was getting married and of course, all the elders wanted to play matchmaker, so I was introduced to the groom’s younger brother (Let’s call him A).
We did hit it off instantly but there wasn’t any romantic inclination from both sides.
As the wedding was coming to an end, A’s mother came to talk to me and said she was very happy about our decision and can’t wait to be my MIL. I was very confused because I never agreed to marriage or anything of the sort.
I kept saying about how A and I were just friends and none of us intended to marry. A’s mother refused to listen to me, took me and A on stage, and announced to everyone that we were getting married soon.
I looked at A and understood that he didn’t have any part in this.
She then passed the mic to me and asked me when I would like to get married. Naturally, I took the mic and said ‘never’ and walked off the stage. In fact, I could hear the audible gasps from the audience as I was walking off the stage. I left the venue as soon as I could and as I was reaching home my phone kept blowing up with calls and texts from my family.
I ignored them all until the next morning when I called my mother and she kept shouting at me about how I should’ve just said ‘soon’ and respected A’s mother. I didn’t understand how I disrespected her but I spoke to my cousin after this and she said it was all my fault and her in-laws are treating her badly for everything that happened the previous day.
Now my cousin wants to cut me off and all my family members won’t talk to me until I apologize. I haven’t spoken to A yet, because I don’t know if I should apologize or not.
So AITJ for causing all this drama at my cousin’s wedding?
Update: So I called A and we planned to meet and sort things out.
He seemed pretty cool about everything. Turns out he’s been going out with a woman of a different ethnicity and was going to propose to her and that’s why his mother was so insistent on getting him married to someone of the same culture. He told me I didn’t need to apologize to anyone. He also said my cousin and her husband are moving out of their in-laws’ place and getting a house of their own and A is planning to go no contact with his parents.
My parents are still mad at me but I’m pretty sure they’ll come around. As for my family, I cut all of them off except a few relatives who reached out to me in support. So I guess all’s well and I’m going to meet A again and his partner in a few days. For your information, A showed me a picture of her and they’re a gorgeous couple.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, look I’m going, to be honest with you. in my belief what that woman did by lying about a marriage on stage in front of everyone to TRICK you into agreeing to be her son’s fiancee is a really messed up and unfair thing to do. I bet if you had said yes they would hold you to it too, and then of course you would look bad if you went back on it later.
You were right to walk away and the fact that the in-laws are treating your cousin poorly is because they are horrible people, it’s not your fault and you can’t fix it. You should distance yourself from these insane people as soon as possible!!” yunenennn
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’. Saying never is not just an insult to her.
It’s mostly an insult to him. How would you have felt if she had handed the mic to him and he said that? It implies you’re not good enough. The correct thing would be to say ‘I’m afraid A’s mother has gotten the wrong idea. We met recently and are just friends.’ Also, you don’t know if he really doesn’t like you although now he might not.
He might just have been embarrassed and not wanted to be a part of the situation but liked you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I realize matchmaking and arranged marriages are still a frequent enough occurrence in South Asian culture, but even given that, I have to assume that the space of one wedding celebration (even if it lasts several days) is not normally considered enough time to get to know someone well enough to decide whether to marry them or not.
Not to mention, it looks like the relatives who introduced you to A just said something like ‘hey OP, this is A – he’s single and you’re single! That must mean you’re meant for each other!’ And NOT ‘hey OP, you and A should get married, this wedding celebration should be long enough for you to make that decision!’
I will admit that I don’t know what all the societal expectations are like in South Asia about family obligations, but from my perspective in Canada, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. You answered honestly when you were asked when you were getting married to A, which allowed the embarrassment to land where it belonged, on A’s mother.
A’s mother is the one who created the awkward situation by trying to pressure you to agree to a surprise engagement with her son in front of a large crowd, it’s her fault she was embarrassed when you said no, not your fault.
A sounds cool, if you liked him you should reach out to him, but I bet he’s probably not mad at you – if anything, he’s probably also as frustrated with his mom as you are.
As for the rest of your family, don’t let them pressure you into apologizing if you’re not sorry. They have spent several years telling you ‘oh don’t worry, OP, you’ll find a nice man to take care of you someday,’ or something like that, which means they don’t really understand who you are.
This is your chance to either just not apologize, and move forward in your life without all the meddling family members, or it’s your chance to tell them that you’re not going to apologize because you don’t want to get married and you want them to stop trying to matchmake you.
I spent years putting up with my family members saying things to me like ‘oh poor Mitzi, you’re not married yet,’ and ‘don’t worry Mitzi, you’ll find the right man someday’ and honestly it’s about 75% of why I don’t visit any of my family members anymore.” MitziFour
12. WIBTJ If I Want To Have Some Privacy?
“So yesterday, my aunt asked my dad to install TeamViewer for her, so she can monitor her 10-year-old daughter, because she was fed up with her not doing her schoolwork. Sometime later, after finding out about this, my mom thought of a genius idea.
She wanted dad to hook it up to her computer so she can control and monitor what I do on my own computer, bought with MY funds at any time. Of course, I refused, since I am against stuff like this since I deserve some privacy, but my mom went ‘either you install this, or you’ll be doing schoolwork on a laptop’ (this laptop being the one I use for schoolwork at school, and it’s due an upgrade because it’s just a mess to use), so when I was at school I came back to see that my computer was unplugged and hidden somewhere as some sort of punishment.
Now I have to do everything I normally would on a laptop that boots for 10 minutes. am I in the wrong for protecting my privacy by disagreeing with my mom on this? my dad is always compliant as he doesn’t want to argue with her anymore, as arguing with her is and has been pointless
(I’m 14, and I don’t think this is to protect me from online predators. If it was they should have started it 4 years ago when I first bought the computer).”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you’re a teenager and so feel like your privacy is being invaded however you’re still a relatively young kid and it is not a bad idea for your parents to want to check your internet use age and monitor it.
I’m honestly shocked they haven’t done something like this before, to be honest, it’s fairly standard parenting until kids are older teenagers!” Vana1818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an IT engineer and a former troublesome teenager, perhaps I can assist.
Let’s just get this out of the way – if your parents are using Teamviewer as a monitoring solution, they aren’t too tech-savvy.
They shouldn’t be too difficult to outwit.
I would probably start by installing something like V-Box. It creates a kind of computer inside your computer, completely isolated from the rest of the system. Install Windows 10 or whatever on it, you should be able to find resources and instructions online.
Start up V-Box, set the wallpaper to whatever your normal computer uses, maximize it and let your parents install Teamviewer on the V-Machine.
Open up a webpage on the VM and start running youtube playlists of educational documentaries or whatever. Just let them run.
Leave the VM running with the videos going, and whenever your Mom Teamviewer into your machine, she’ll see the V-Machine with educational videos playing. She’ll have no visibility to your actual machine.” HailToTheGM
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You say the computer they want to install it on is YOUR computer with the funds YOU made? Unless you saved for years I don’t see how you could get a computer on your own since you’re not old enough to get a job in most states.
The computer they suggest you use is the computer the school provides for you.
Sure it takes longer but since the school provides it for you and they know it’s due for an upgrade your grades most likely won’t fall from it if you explain your issue if you have problems doing your homework on it.
I don’t disagree with your parents. The laptop for school most likely has inappropriate content and websites programmed to be blocked already.
While I agree you need privacy at this age you still need to be monitored for internet access. Your brain is still developing and exposure to terrible things would do serious damage to your brain as you’re still a child.
I don’t get all of the people not seeing an issue with a 14-year-old having unrestricted internet access.
Talk to your parents about getting websites or other things they’re worried about blocked off of your internet completely instead of doing it from your computer.
I’m not saying you don’t deserve privacy because you do, now Is a difficult time for you but you need to understand your parents are doing this to protect your mental and developmental health.
As long as they’re not actively watching you every single time and just checking to make sure you’re OK and not getting into any trouble, in my opinion, there’s not a problem.” Emorik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, However you are a child living under your parents’ roof. These are the type of things parents do to protect their children.
My suggestion is to prove to them that it is unnecessary by being obedient. As someone previously commented, things like this go away when you become older or graduate high school. If it doesn’t, move away and become your own adult, live by your own house rules. You will be in charge of everything including all the bills.
It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
However, being rebellious if they put their foot down won’t help, because as I said before, you are a child and this is parenting. So yeah, you are NTJ. But go ahead, voice yourself. Nothing is wrong with you RESPECTFULLY letting them know that you value your privacy and find yourself as a responsible teenager (you bought your own computer).
You sound like an amazing child but this is the age when we think we know it all and we are independent. Sadly there are many predators out there that take advantage of young teens with this mentality. I’m 26, and I’ve always been a clever honor roll student my whole life. I’ve made MANY mistakes at your age.
I’ve even been a victim of these online predators. So just go with the flow, you’ll be fine.” ExcellentSock5179
11. AITJ For Telling My Ex I Want To Keep The Dog?
“I (29m) was with Chloe (27f) for almost 3 years before we ended it last March. Chloe has an 8-year-old daughter. When we were together I got a dog, Ginger. I paid her adoption fee, and most of her expenses, but I guess Chloe felt like Ginger was her dog, because when we broke up she insisted on keeping her, and threatened to take me to small claims court to get her, so I just let her have her.
I had talked to Chloe a few times for work purposes since then but she sent me a text last Thursday. She said that Ginger needed expensive surgery done and asked if I would pay for it.
I’m not sure if this changes anything, but when we split up I knew and the vet knew that she would need this surgery at some point, but we didn’t know when.
I assumed Chloe knew as she had been to vet appointments but she claims she didn’t know. She said since I knew about it beforehand and didn’t warn her I should pay for it. It’s more expensive than you would expect or have on hand for emergency vet visits.
Anyway, I told her I wouldn’t pay for her to have Ginger’s surgery done, but if she let me have her I would get the surgery done.
She freaked out at me. She said I was ‘blackmailing’ her and using someone in a vulnerable position to get something I wanted. She said I was awful for even suggesting taking the dog away from her best friend (Chloe’s daughter).
I told her the only way I was paying for the surgery was if I could have Ginger back.
She said I was being ridiculous and that she knew I could afford to pay for the surgery so I was just being petty by not, and that if I wasn’t paying for it then she couldn’t get the surgery done at all.
I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but I’ve had a few people tell me I should try to ‘blackmail’ someone into giving me a dog.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ginger was as yours as she was hers. And it seemed that she didn’t care all that much about Ginger if she never paid attention at the vet and didn’t even remember a very expensive surgery being in the possible future. She can’t have her cake and eat it too: have the dog and not pay for big (and predictable) expenses.
If I were you, I would go try to find a legal way to defend that she isn’t willing or is unable to pay for your joint dog and that you request to get custody of Ginger back. It might work, or it might not.
And if people keep complaining, tell them you aren’t blackmailing them into giving you a dog.
You are telling your ex that you refuse to keep paying for your dog’s care while she’s holding her hostage. If she wants to be sole owner, paying is what sole owners do.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The dog was yours, as you paid for everything you had the right to take Ginger with you when you left. When Chloe insisted on keeping her there it became her problem.
If she wants to be a dog mum, she has to pay the bills. If she doesn’t have the funds, she should give the dog back to you. By the way, whose name is on the adoption contract? You may be able to use that to get Ginger back. Most rescues I work with have a strict rule that you aren’t allowed to give the pet to anyone like that.
Please read the contract, and use that to get Ginger back.” AbriiDoniger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She stole that dog from you after everything you did. And now she expects you to throw more money down the drain? Your deal is completely reasonable. She never should’ve taken the dog in the first place. The sad thing is people like her are selfish and don’t care… She’d rather not do the surgery and let the dog suffer than be a good person.
You should just tell her that if she actually cares about this dog at all and was a good person then you would think she would want the dog to be happy and healthy. And if she starts harassing you after that just block her everywhere. It’s a sad situation but whatever happens to the dog is her fault.
There’s nothing you can do unless she legally lets you have the dog back.
If you are the one that legally adopted her then you would’ve won if she tried taking you to small claims. Whoever’s name the dog is under is who it belongs to. She manipulated you already!” rainbow_mak3r
10. WIBTJ If I Punish My 21-Year-Old Child For Lying About Their Grades?
“My child who’s 21 years old right now is about to go on their final year of uni. I was super happy about it as they had mentioned having struggles doing online school last year and was glad to see that they managed to shake the issue off.
Well, a few days later we found out that they had applied to summer courses, and when asked why (they aren’t usually the ones to take summer courses), they started to become super shady and agitated.
Turns out that last year when they were studying at home they managed to fail half a unit for both sem 1 and sem 2, and are now trying to do summer courses to try and hide that they failed. My partner was livid and couldn’t believe that our child has been lying to us for this long and wanted to punish them.
Here’s where we might be jerks, before starting sem 2 our child asked for an intermission, stating that they can’t seem to catch up with the uni content and that studying at home was too distracting for them. Nonetheless, we told them that they could make it if they try hard enough which they agreed, but then the issue of their struggling was never brought up again.
We disagreed with the intermission as that meant they had to extend their student visa which we really did not want to do as we want them to graduate on time.
WIBTJ if we decided to pursue punishment for our child?
Edit: My partner is paying for the tuition, they have not stated what exactly the punishment is, but if I remember right it can’t be too severe anyway or else the country would force them to return home due to conditions stated on the student visa… My partner and I have been reading the comments still and are still in discussion.”
Another User Comments:
“Your punishment or treat of is probably the reason they became ‘shady’ and ‘agitated’. They are either embarrassed for failing or fear your punishment.
They’ve tried to talk to you and you responded with that ‘they could make it if they tried hard enough’. While they might ‘agree’ with you it’s more likely they did so to get you off their back as you were stuck in your ways and not wanting to meet them halfway.
I can give you a little tip. If someone struggles, they know that they struggle and probably are the one who tries the hardest. The shame of struggling makes people not want to reach out. One cannot just ‘try harder’, it’s probably the worst advice one can give because it’s not advice. It’s a generic response when someone doesn’t know themselves what to do.
You don’t know how to fix it, so you just say ‘try harder’. If you want to help, you need to learn how, and talk with them about how you can help them and to help themself.
YTJ, punishment will not work, it’s not a case of ‘trying harder’. Punishing or threatening to do so will make them blame themselves, not wanting to reach out for help from you or anyone else.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you tried to ‘punish’ your child. They’re an adult, and punishments don’t necessarily work out that way.
If you’re paying their tuition, then it’s not unreasonable to induce consequences. Doing summer classes to catch up seems like a logical consequence, honestly, your kid is trying to correct the failed classes.
Furthermore, you already denied the intermission, which seems like ‘punishment’ enough. Sucks that they finally opened up to you about their problems, and asked for help, and you just brushed it aside because you want them to graduate on time.
Honestly, I’d be a bit ashamed if my adult child didn’t feel comfortable informing me that he had failed classes, and wanted to take summer classes to work on some catch-up.
That’s an unsolicited commentary on my part, though.
Again, YWBTJ if you pursued a ‘punishment’ at this stage in their life. They’re taking Summer classes, and you’ve refused them an intermission. That’s consequence enough.” Does_Not_Live
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not about being angry your child lied to you, but for expecting him to always function perfectly.
If you wanted that, you shouldn’t have gotten a child, you should have gotten a robot. Humans aren’t perfect, they occasionally fail at things. Those that have never struggled, and never failed at anything, are the biggest jerks I’ve ever met because they have no compassion and no understanding of other people’s weaknesses/ failings. You come across like that.
Your child has been struggling, and was too scared to tell you, because they know you expect perfection, and probably feel that you won’t love them anymore if they are imperfect. I think that’s the larger issue you need to fix, and not tear him down for failing at his classes.” Corfiz74
9. AITJ For Finding The Delivery Guy Creepy?
“I (35/f) am a single mother and live alone with my preteen son.
I kinda hate shopping in real life, so I order pretty much everything except perishables online.
My job regularly requires me to sign from packages received through the mail. A delivery driver for a major delivery service noticed my nameplate a while back and asked if I was the ‘thhhhhrowawayyyyy’ that lived at (my current address).
Somewhat taken aback and wanting to be polite, I said yes I was. He commented about how he dropped off a lot of packages for me there and if there was anything I was in a hurry to receive he could go ahead and pull it for me and deliver it to me at my workplace.
I smiled and politely declined, when I want something shipped to my home, I don’t really want to lug it from my office to my car.
Upon receiving work-related deliveries at work from this man, he’s commented on my home address multiple times (I dropped something off for you this weekend but didn’t see your car; I have to head out to your neck of the woods after I unload this; etc).
It’s begun to make me uncomfortable. I’m a single woman and it’s quite obvious because every piece of mail is addressed directly to me, and now I have a strange man regularly making comments implying that he knows where I live. This man has not done anything inappropriate or given me a reason to believe that I’m in danger, but I’m still creeped out, and it’s gotten to the point where I try to be unavailable when I see his company delivery truck driving up.
A coworker has had to sign for a few packages since I try to make myself scarce when I think he may be around and kinda asked what was going on. I explained the situation the best I could, and she said I was really overreacting and rolled her eyes at me a little. I like and trust this coworker’s judgment, but something about commenting on where I live still makes me think that I’m in the right to be creeped out by this guy.
So, am I the jerk for being creeped out?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think he was probably trying to be friendly and helpful but is overstepping. He sounds harmless, but I’d just use this as a learning moment.
If you feel unsafe as a single mom, which is understandable, there are some easy things you can do to make your home safer.
Ring/other brand doorbells are relatively cheap, installing one or a few can give a view of what’s happening at your home. That way you can tell if he or anyone else is up to no good. It would also be helpful in the case of porch pirates. Motion sensor flood lights help deter would-be criminals from your home.
Also, dogs are great too.” tealambert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’ve never invited conversation beyond ‘Where do I sign?’ It would have been yellow light territory if he had just once offered to hand you your personal packages that would have been dropped off at your house later in that route. You said no thanks; that ought to have been the end of it.
Instead, he has repeatedly discussed your home address since then and commented on whether or not your car was there during his weekend delivery. That’s taking way too much interest in a single woman’s comings and goings.
A couple of people have tried to give this person the benefit of the doubt. In a better world that would be lovely, but in the real world, a single woman has to look out for warning signs before a potential problem escalates.
Most men are fine but a few are criminals. OP’s first priority is to keep herself and her child safe. Erring on the side of caution is often a wise decision because nipping boundaries-testing behavior in the bud is usually the way to prevent serious overstep.
Commenting as a woman who’s faced analogous problems, OP’s advantage is this man works for a service provider, not a company client.
It helps to tell him once that this line of conversation is inappropriate, and start keeping a diary of any inappropriate interactions from that point forward. If he doesn’t drop the topic then or if he appears to be lurking near the home, then alert his employer.
In the meantime let coworkers know about the problem and maybe get an escort to your car.
Install a security camera if you don’t have one already.
(Side note to the decent men who feel like they have to walk on eggshells because of crap like this, your gripe is not with the women who just want to stay safe. Get angry at the predators who lurk among us).” doublestitch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I am a woman and a delivery driver so I can see both sides of this situation.
People who are saying he’s creepy don’t realize how often we become friends with our customers. And I can see how he thinks it’s just idle chit-chat.
I can also see why it makes you uncomfortable.
But you’d be amazed at how much we know about our customers. And most people are super happy to tell me how their trip to Thailand went when I ask them the next time I see them, 6 months later. They probably don’t even remember excitedly blurting out when I delivered that it was plane tickets to go back to Thailand to see their parents.
Or they are super friendly and ask me if I’d like to come in and see their saltwater fish tank because I’ve been bringing fish and coral once a month for 2 years. (Yes I’m coming in to look)
I know your husband has cancer because I deliver his meds every other week. And if you don’t answer the door and I see your car in the drive I’m ringing the bell non-stop until you do because I know you’re waiting for it.
About offering to drop your packages off to you at work… Lots of people would take him up on that offer and be really grateful that he was willing to do it. That way they don’t need to worry about it being stolen off the porch. I have customers that don’t want to sit home and wait for their signature required medicine and I text them in the morning that I have a package for them, often they want to meet me somewhere so they don’t have to wait.
He knows where you live whether he mentions it or not. And the fact that he knows you make him notice your house a bit more than your neighbor’s house. I do not want to downplay the fact that you should listen to your instincts. But I don’t see anything abnormal about his behavior.
That said… I’ve always thought this would be a great job for a burglar.
I know when you’re on vacation and I’m already friends with your dog. LOL.” dorinda-b
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are certainly right to be cautious about this guy. He’s being inappropriately familiar – good grief, he’s telling you he’s coming toward your neighborhood… the delusional guy was hoping you’d invite him over and probably thinks he’s Mr. Cool.
He’s surveiling your motor vehicle and gauging whether you’re home. Getting really close to stalkerish even if it is while he’s doing his job. Start documenting and go to Human Resources. Get a Ring doorbell in case he decides to drive by and drop in for a cup of coffee. Trust your gut.” NanaLeonie
8. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Room For My 30-Year-Old Brother?
“So I (17f) and my brother (27m), let’s call him Max, moved in a week ago because he lost his job and needs a place to stay before gettin on his feet.
We live in a 2 bedroom house with a basement and max was offered the basement but he refused to Live there and demanded I give up my room because he needs privacy and the basement is not comfortable enough (parents bought him a bedframe and mattress).
I refused to give up my room because my finals are coming up and I need to study. then he got angry and complained to our parents that I’m being disrespectful.
My mom asked me to move into the basement but my dad is on my side and told my brother to either live in the basement or move out.
Now Max and my mom are angry with me and dad and all the relatives said I should have just given him my room to avoid drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is almost 30. That sucks that he’s in the situation he’s in but he doesn’t get to kick someone out of their own bedroom just because his adult life got derailed; he’s not entitled to that space.
Here’s food for thought: he can be grateful there’s room for him at all in his parents’ basement, and in order to avoid drama, he can shut up and stop making drama.” ginsengtea3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your room that you have been living in. Max is the one who moved in so he needs to take the space that is available.
All these relatives saying you should move ask them when Max can move into their home and their bedroom since they’re so quick to volunteer other people’s space that must mean they have a room available for him.” WinEquivalent4069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t waste your time on what the relatives think. They are free to offer a bedroom to your brother and you can make that suggestion to them.
You live there, your brother is an adult and can move out any time and get his own place with his own bedroom.” wind-river7
7. AITJ For Demanding An Apology From My Partner?
“My (17M) partner (17f) has been depressed because her dad, who she’s super close with, is back from the army & she recently found out that her mom had been having affair while the dad was overseas. The dad still doesn’t know & the mom swore my partner to secrecy, so it’s been killing her.
I decided to cheer her up by grabbing a few of our friends & taking my partner out to the carnival on Saturday.
It started off good with the rides, but then we got to the diagonal rope that you have to climb across but it keeps spinning you around & trying to drop you.
She was the only one that made it across & she wouldn’t teach me how she did it. So I was kind of mad about that but whatever.
Then we went to the bumper cars & she wouldn’t stop freaking bumping me. Everybody was driving around us, having fun, & I’m stuck in a corner w/ her because I couldn’t make it like 2 turns before she would bump me again.
I was yelling at her to stop so I can drive around but she just kept laughing & doing it.
Afterward, she must have seen I was really upset because she said we should go to the booth where they have the mini-guns that you shoot water from. Like I said, her dad’s in the army so she’s been shooting since she was a kid.
I had no chance of beating her but I thought she was going to let me win to make up for annoying me the whole night. Yeah. Right. And then she rubs it in my face by getting the big Minnie Mouse doll & holding it out to me. I’m like, ‘WHAT? I don’t want this.’ She’s like, ‘No, I’m giving it to you so you can give it back to me.’ What?!
I couldn’t take it anymore. I told her she has to go home. She starts playing dumb saying, ‘What? Why?’ I told her I was upset right now & didn’t want her in my car or anywhere near me so could she not make a scene & ask one of our friends to drive her home Or I can call an Uber?
She said, ‘No! I don’t want to go home. Tell me what’s wrong.’ I said, ‘Fine, you stay and I’ll go.’ Our friends came over & I asked if they could take her home later because I wasn’t feeling well & I was about to dip and they said sure. She follows me to the parking lot yelling, ‘What is wrong with you?
Why are you upset? What did I do?’ & every time she says that it’s honestly making me more upset because I know she knows what she did.
Finally, I get one of her friends to grab her so I can get in the car & drive away. I don’t talk to her Sunday, but she texts me: ‘Are you still mad?
It’s Sunday and Jesus says to forgive. So I forgive you. Forgive me too?’ She’s still making light of the situation, so I don’t reply.
On Monday, she finally intercepts me & says that she was done playing games & that either I tell her why I was so mad at her or she was telling my mom about me.
LOL. So I tell her & she says, ‘Really? Wow. You were mad about that?’
Long story short: I told her she has to apologize. She and her friends didn’t take it well.
Edit: Are you guys skipping over the fact that I asked her to stop bumping me on the bumper cars and she kept doing it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I made it to the third paragraph and my goodness that is enough!! You are the BIGGEST baby I have ever read on here! What is wrong with it? Poor baby couldn’t stop being bumped, poor baby couldn’t learn to cross the rope, poor baby didn’t get to win with the water gun against his girl!
LOL, you’re so embarrassing! ‘Thought she would let me win’ oh my gosh you’re worse than a toddler. You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t stand not having things your own way! You were there to cheer her up, she seemed to be happy until YOU! Ruined her mood.
You owe her an apology and I hope she gives you the biggest dumping.” muffintop1989
Another User Comments:
“I’m only a few years older than you man and I’m gonna be direct: all those slights against you, were not slights. They may have felt like it, but she was genuinely just having a good time after hearing horrible news.
You took things that were very little and made them very big, and well… tough. Your partner is good at carnival games and was giving you some loving ribbing and you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t communicate properly and you threw a tantrum about it, embarrassing yourself. That is on you, that is your issue.
The rope thing? Maybe she didn’t know you wanted her to teach you. Or maybe she’d thought you were a good sport and would move on to something you can do. Those things are designed to make you lose, dude. It’s a trick.
The bumper car thing? Everyone does that! It’s fun to tease someone and play with them!
The gun game thing? She was happy she won and wanted you to share that happiness and do something cheesily romantic with her.
You did not communicate effectively and now when people disagree with that you’re taking it as a personal attack when it’s not. Maybe you should take some time to work on your self-esteem and try to see other perspectives when things are going on.
And work on your communication too, because at no point in this did you clearly and concisely explain your feelings.
It’s okay to have feelings and to be hurt, but that doesn’t make you right or owed an apology. I hope you don’t lose your girl, and that you’re able to work through this properly.” wigglyfettuccini
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
So your partner is going through an extremely hard time at home so you took her out for a fun time. She’s having a fun time, but because she’s beating you in everything, you’re getting very angry at her and her abilities? When you get unreasonably upset she asks why you’re upset and how to fix it but you ignore her.
After she finally threatens to bring your mum into it you finally explain to her. However, in the end, OP, it isn’t your partner’s role to ‘let you win’. Ultimately, grow up – you’re very young, but you’re hurting your partner with your immaturity, and you will continue to hurt her and future partners until you learn to grow up.
She doesn’t need to apologize to you because she didn’t do anything wrong.” BetterSavings6
6. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law And Sister-In-Law To Stop Their "Game"?
“I am currently pregnant with a baby girl and super excited.
My husband comes from a very attractive family. I’d say genetic lottery and MIL seems to have very healthy self-esteem and passed it down to both SILs. They have always played this ‘game’ which drives me crazy. They will just go up to the other one and in a really sweet tone with a deadpan expression insult their appearance.
Some examples include:
‘Keep eating that ice cream and we’ll all know why when daddy sleeps with his secretary.
‘Aww, is the cellulite?’
‘Mommy, oh my god I just have to tell you… the Botox isn’t working’.
‘That dress is hideous I should have not given birth to you’.
‘There is a reason your sister has a partner and you don’t’.
They all claim this is just a game. I’d say all three are way above average looking and know it, so maybe it really is. When MIL isn’t playing this game, and the SILs aren’t playing dumb TikTok pranks, they are a very loving family. They are both really cuddly with their mom. They tell her everything, so maybe it really doesn’t phase them but I hate it.
I have struggled with body image and I don’t want this around my daughter. I’ve talked to my husband but he doesn’t see the issue. He says I’m being controlling, so I finally just took the plunge and told them this ‘game’ is absolutely not allowed in front of my baby or any future kids.
If I hear it we leave. If we have to keep leaving, we don’t come back.
MIL said ‘oh my god you are literally a crazy person’ and that was it, but my husband thinks I was rude.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I totally understand your objective to keep this kind of behavior from your kids, but you’re putting the cart ahead of the horse a little.
The baby isn’t even born yet. I’d assume, while your inlaws sound obnoxious and toxic, they understand that you modulate how you speak when you’re around children. If these women were to act like that in the presence of your child, that’s the time to bring it up. Until then, it probably feels to them like you’re blowing things out of proportion and criticizing how they interact with one another.” The_Hyperbolist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Don’t normalize insulting people’s appearance in front of my child’ seems like a pretty low bar to set. If you were trying to enforce this policy all the time, and not just in front of your child, that would be controlling. What you are doing is protecting your child the best way you know how from these toxic attitudes.” Finn-Illusion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has body image issues too, I understand how triggering it can be to hear stuff like that. If you don’t want your children to hear that, they shouldn’t have to. It’s highly insensitive of them to do this in front of you.” UnusualRedFlower979
5. AITJ For Not Informing My Son's Mom That I'm Taking Him To Get Glasses?
“His mom and I got an email from his school that he needed glasses (they gave vision tests). We’re divorced but have 50/50 custody. Since he was going to be with me the week he was going to get another exam and glasses, she asked to go along to the eye doctor.
I never responded to her until after I took him to get glasses.
I texted her a picture of our cute son with his new glasses. She was livid that I didn’t bring her along. I explained our son is old enough to not need both parents for something as minor as getting glasses. This was not surgery.
If she did the same to me, I’d understand. I figure she ought to begin detaching from him now seeing that he’s getting older and isn’t going to want to talk about certain things with his mom but he will with me.
Edit: My son is 9
Edit: I couldn’t care less if she took him to get glasses without me on her time.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ although I may be the only one. Yes, you should’ve responded to the text which was uncalled for, but you aren’t the jerk for not taking her with you. If you have 50/50 custody then if he is with you and that’s when the appointment is then you take him.
And I actually understand what you mean that he may feel more comfortable speaking to you about some things coming up as my son is the same as me and I’m still married to his mum. The ‘apron strings’ bit (that’s what I call it) is probably hard for her to do and YTJ for saying that but not for taking your son for glasses.” Master_Ad8155
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Deliberately ignoring his mom, especially about ANY medical issue, no matter how minor is a total jerk move You knew she wanted to be there, and you knew it was important to her, but it’s just small enough of an issue for you to attempt to minimize her response. And why would you do this?
After all, it takes such a small effort to text her the time and location of the appointment. Oh, because you ADMIT that you are trying to create distance between them and manipulate things so your son is closer to you (good luck with that, btw, probably won’t turn out how you intend). You weaponized your son’s medical needs to gain a tiny amount of power over your ex.
That is super messed up, and you are entirely the jerk.” BaroquenDesert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – y’all are both the parents and your kid’s mom is blowing this out of proportion. Your kid needed glasses and you went and got them for them. That isn’t that severe of a medical thing that requires extra time and effort to inform both parents and set an appointment when you just got it done and over with so your kid can see and move on.
You are just as important of a parent as mom and I think everyone here is emphasizing that typically mom has more ‘rights.’ If my kid needed something, I’m going to go get it. I’m not running everything past his father. I would also expect the same from him to just go handle it.
He’s the parent too and can deal with getting it handled. Especially when it isn’t even that serious. I also want my kid to be able to see.” strngr2hrslf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are teaching your son that his mother’s opinions, rules, and requests don’t matter and can be ignored. This teaches him that his mom isn’t worthy of respect, and other people’s thoughts and feelings don’t matter if you decide they don’t matter.
Why was it so important to not let your ex come with you to buy glasses? Couldn’t you have stopped her if she started to be overbearing? Or, better yet, since your son is 10, couldn’t you teach him to say ‘hey mom, I appreciate your help but I want to pick these glasses out myself’?
You were too lazy to parent your kid through that situation so you just avoided it, you were too petty to respond to your ex-wife (I cannot IMAGINE why you’re divorced) so you just didn’t, and you are teaching your son terrible lessons about communication, relationships, and parenthood in general.
Forget the glasses for a second.
You tell your ex you want to attend some sports game your son is playing in. She just decides she doesn’t want you there, because she thinks there’s no reason for you to be there. After all, what, are you going to go to every practice for the rest of his life and embarrass him?
So she doesn’t tell you when the game is and ignores you when you ask. She then sends you an adorable picture of your son in his uniform.
That would annoy you, right? Because you specifically told her that you wanted to be there, and then she prevented you from being there by blatantly disregarding your thoughts and opinions on the matter.
Is this the kind of co-parenting relationship you want to build? One where your pettiness is more important than modeling healthy communication and relationship skills for your son? Put your son first, dude. Let your ex-wife be his mom, and if you think she is going to overstep boundaries you need to TALK TO HER about it, rather than ignoring her because you apparently hate her more than you care about making sure your son has a good relationship with both his parents.” guernica322
4. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of My Baby Daddy's Funeral?
“My (F36) children’s (M12 & F9) father (M43) passed away after a long struggle with cancer 3 weeks ago. His passing was expected and the kids knew their dad was very sick but still, I couldn’t get them ready to handle this kind of event. Their mental and physical health are my one top priority, and I want them to grieve their dad properly.
My current husband (M37) saw no need for the kids to attend the funeral after I said they were going with me, he said they’re still young but I said they had every right to be there for the final goodbye. He suggested he go with us then and I wasn’t sure but I contacted my former inlaws and they said it was fine.
My husband drove us to the funeral and kept making comments to the kids telling them how to behave which was uncalled for. We got there and I brought the kids to stand near their grandparents, while My husband kept introducing himself to strangers and then went to stand next to the kids.
I was standing from a distance but could hear the kids crying, I then started hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly.
Not gonna lie I felt bothered wishing he’d stop.
While the kids were crying he loudly said ‘Stop crying, really there’s no need for this… it’s not like he can hear you’ and the kids just started sobbing at this point. I was stunned, I looked and saw my inlaws staring at me. I felt horrible I walked up to him and whispered I needed a minute with him, I made sure we were away and lost my temper asking what he was doing, he said he was just trying to comfort the kids and help them get a hold of their emotions, I told him what he said was horrible and everyone heard it.
He tried to argue that he was just trying to help but I said he had no right to tell the kids how to grieve their father and demanded that he leaves the funeral but he threw a fit and said I was overreacting. I insisted then he left later.
After the funeral the kids started avoiding me, they wanted to stay with their aunt and I went home by myself and found my husband there waiting with an angry look on his face.
He picked an argument saying I shouldn’t have kicked him out of the funeral after he came to support me and the kids but I told him what he said made the kids refuse to even come home with me, he said the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger after he’s been generous with his time and effort and this is how we repay him?
By making him out to be the bad guy? I refused to keep going but he kept pushing for an apology for this blatant disrespect I showed him.
For more details: my husband never had a good relationship with my children’s father, I was confused when he said he wanted to come to the funeral but then I thought he did it for the kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your children refused to come home with you because this man was disrespectful and rude as they cried at their father’s funeral.
Your home needs to be a safe space for your children to grieve, and this disgusting man has shown that he is not safe to be around them.
It’s up to you, but I think you should make him leave your home so your children can return. Then, he goes to therapy to try and stop being such a horrendous human being, or you file for divorce.
Protect your children. They just lost their father. Don’t make them lose their mother because you choose to stay with someone so horrific.
Edit – she’s not the jerk because she did the right thing by sending her husband away from the funeral, which was her question. My point was how she should build on this going forward. If she let the kids come back while he is still there, or made them stay away so he can remain, she would become the jerk.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
In kicking him out of the funeral you were protecting your kids from being bullied and traumatized publicly, and at their father’s funeral no less.
You were also protecting your in-laws from having to listen to him being a callous and awful person, and possibly preventing them from having to intervene and have an argument with your husband and further traumatizing your kids.
Your husband sounds like he has something wrong with him because he seems to have no filter or idea of how to behave like a caring human being. He shouldn’t have been at the funeral, it’s just weird wanting to be there. But as he was allowed to attend he should have been silent, there to provide hugs, comfort, and support.
You are the jerk too though for not nipping his behavior in the bud during the car journey and not sending him home once he had dropped you at the funeral if he refused to shut up. By letting it go and saying nothing for so long, you allowed him to believe you were going to accept this behavior, prolonging your kid’s suffering and allowing it to escalate and become a public spectacle.
I can honestly understand why your kids are mad at you, you should have put a stop to it the second he started bullying them in the car. It sounds like you only intervened when you became embarrassed by your in-laws looking at you in justified disbelief.” kerri_may
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m so sorry for their loss and what they’re going through, it’s very hard to lose a parent at such a young age – it is also hard on you as their last living biological parent as you have to deal with the fallout and the grief of this loss.
You are absolutely not the jerk; calling your husband out for his rude behavior and almost blatant disrespect for your children’s grief would be considered anything but rude. It almost sounds as though he’s trying to instill the classic ‘don’t show your feelings’ or ‘be a man’ mentality in the children so that they don’t outwardly show their grief as much.
He may just not realize why this is a bad thing, and may genuinely not understand why you got so upset with him as he may have really just been trying to help – and just to clarify, this doesn’t make what he said okay, it may just explain why he said it. This is something that you’d have to work through as a couple, and it, unfortunately, came out at the worst possible time, but you never know how a parent or carer figure is going to react to something their child has done until they’re at the point where they need to deal with it.
At least, now you know what his automatic reaction to the children expressing grief is, and you can work on it together as a couple.
I would also like to say that I really appreciate that you took the kids to the funeral and didn’t try to hide it from them due to their age.
I lost my father to cancer in 2017 when I was 17 and my sister 14, and I am so unbelievably grateful that my mother didn’t try to hide any of the grief, or pain, any of his treatment, or his death or funeral from me and my sister. It meant that we got to actually cope with the diagnosis as it happened, and it didn’t all just get suddenly sprung on us one day.
It also meant that we got to spend the precious time that we knew was running out with him before he died, and we didn’t take any of the time we had left with him for granted due to ignorance.
You’ve absolutely done the right thing, and it sounds like you’ve done an amazing job with the kids.
I really hope that things get easier for you moving forward, and I’m sure the kids will come around if they’re able to express what they’re feeling and how your husband’s words hurt them by saying it to him.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (except your kids and their father).
I’m trying to be polite in my response, but I’m super angry with your responses on this thread.
You’re more concerned with defending an awful person than putting your children first. You can blab on and on about putting them first and that they’re your priority, but that’s a bald-faced lie.
Actions speak, words do not.
I can guarantee that your kids have dealt with this man’s (and I say that loosely) mistreatment before. You’re just too selfish to realize that. Your kids chose their aunt over you during one of the worst experiences of their life. Let. that. sink. in. Your kids didn’t want to go home with you for comfort.
You’re not trusted, and I cannot blame your kids for that. You chose to go home and have a fight with this dude. Instead, you should have put your kids first and gone to be with them. What are you thinking?! Definitely not about your kids give your responses.
You stated above that you would know if your kids previously experienced mistreatment from your husband, but I’m not so sure.
You’re blind to the needs of your children. I’ll bet that he’s done and said things to them on other occasions. Your children have no trust in you, so of course, they’re not going to say something to you. Why would they when you do nothing to protect them? Instead, you put them in counseling because they’re the issue, right?
I had a horrid childhood and parents who allowed me to be taken advantage of and were mitsreated by them directly. Parents like you suck. Seriously. You’ll be lucky if your kids want anything to do with you as they age.
Pull your head out of your rear and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. All you’re doing is talking about yourself, and your feelings, and protecting an awful person.
Leave the man and do something for your kids for once.” Derp_Nuggetz
3. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law's Stepdaughter Out Of My Wedding?
“I’ve always gotten along great with MIL’s stepdaughter ‘Maddie’ so when I got engaged I asked her to be at the wedding party. MIL and I don’t get along so great but she isn’t an awful JNMIL (Just-No Mother-In-Law) by any means. Maddie and MIL have had a bad relationship in the past (MIL broke up her parent’s marriage) but Maddie recently had a heart-to-heart with her dad about how he was pressured into marrying her mom, stayed out of guilt, and feels no one cared about his happiness.
Maddie felt bad (and he gave a bit of an ultimatum about how his kids talk to MIL) and she gets along with MIL better these days.
Now, this is kind of silly and embarrassing but here we go. My fiancé played a pretty gross prank recently (we joke a lot but I didn’t like this) and he asked me to bend down and pick something up in the shower and then he peed on my head.
He thought it was the height of comedy. I was pretty offended. I talked to Maddie to get her opinion before I set a boundary. Maddie agreed it was out of line. We talked, set a boundary, and it’s all good.
The other day we stopped by to deliver Maddie’s dress for the wedding (she is staying with her dad while she and her fiancé’s house is being built) We were hanging out in the kitchen and MIL was making cookies.
FIL was poking at her and tickling her, and MIL said oh my god you are so annoying. He laughed and said at least I’ve never peed on your head. She said that’s true you are forgiven. They both laughed and I was mortified.
I asked Maddie why she told them. She said she just thought it was a funny story, and she’s been trying to get along better with MIL these days.
I was annoyed and said I didn’t want to talk about it and left. She texted me that she was really sorry. MIL is a little smug and thinks she’s better than me and I did not need her to know this.
I told Maddie I can’t have her at the wedding party because she betrayed me.
she said I was overreacting and she’s been a good friend. Finally, she accepted it and said then I’m out of her wedding party as well, which I expected. Everyone else thinks I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“Hear me out on this, but YTJ. I’m not going to judge your fiancé. Seems like he made a mistake and you have forgiven him.
I will never understand what could compel another man to do something like that, but good for you to find forgiveness in your heart.
Now you need to find it in your heart to forgive again. I would argue that your fiancé did something far worse than Maddie, but you are taking a much harder-line stance with her.
Why? It seems like you are mainly angry that your MIL has the upper hand on you about something and is taking it out on Maddie.
Did you ask her to not tell anyone? I grant you that she should have known to not say anything regardless and it was stupid of her to think differently.
But she is going through a hard time right now as you said and her mistake is still nowhere close to your husband. You have shown a willingness to forgive; try and give her a second chance!” acltear00
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The fiancé for doing it and showing such blatant disrespect for you.
The MIL and FIL for laughing and bringing it up in front of your face. The stepdaughter for sharing something told in confidence, and doing so as a ‘funny story’ so she did it with the intent of laughing at you. And you because it seems that you are taking it out more on Maddie for talking about it than on your actual fiancé for doing it.
He was the true cause of your embarrassment, even if Maddie went and made it public.
This seems the kind of story that not only you take to the grave, you put people into the grave over it (specifically, your fiancé, if not into the grave then into the streets)” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
To be honest, I find things like that hilarious, and just frankly not THAT big of a deal since it was in the shower. And I can respect that you may feel differently, but stepsis may not think so. If a friend confided in me that this happened, I wouldn’t think ‘this is a horribly embarrassing secret that must be taken to the grave’ unless she blatantly said so.
And you know who else might find it funny? My dad. So I would probably tell him too. Which is likely what she did, just casually, not thinking anything of it.
If you think this was a malicious betrayal, and you absolutely told her how awfully devastated you were that he peed on your head, then by all means remove her from your bridal party and she deserves your tongue-lashing.
However, I don’t think this is the case. I think there was a miscommunication as to how private you wanted this kept. You didn’t dump him, so clearly you’re not that traumatized. I think you’re more affected by how your MIL sees you than how stepsis actually treated you, which you took out on stepsis.
I agree with her. You did overreact. Betrayal comes with malice, and I just don’t think she was being malicious.” malmo777
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Maddie shouldn’t have told your future in-laws but it is a funny/strange story so I can understand why she told it. It’s hard to say you’re overreacting but it does seem this incident affected you more than you think.
It’s possible she has misinterpreted your forgiveness with your fiance as being ok with that behavior. Why are you not angry with your fiance, the person who actually urinated on you? He violated a big boundary.” WinEquivalent4069
2. AITJ For Banning My Thieving Mom From My House?
“My mom has a tendency to be very reactive. she is also extremely superstitious and sentimental. I am not.
I am currently planning a wedding and we are both broke students, so it is pretty low budget.
My MIL asked if I wanted her wedding dress. She got married in 2019 and it lasted nine months. I’d refer to the wedding as some type of internal crisis where she believed she had to be married by 40 and was trying to make another man jealous. She cried the morning of the wedding and kissed her boss on the lips in front of the groom.
She is now very bitterly divorced but happily living with her boss.
MIL offered me the dress, and hey it’s a beautiful dress. We are the same size and it is from a bridal boutique I could never afford. I’m happy and not at all worried about her failed marriage. My mom told me she thought it was a horrible idea and the dress would bring bad energy.
I said I’m not into that stuff and I’m going to wear it. She called me spoiled and materialistic and cited that MIL doesn’t even like me (MIL doesn’t really like anyone but her boss, but I’d say she likes me well enough) and that MIL disapproves of the wedding (she thinks we are too young, but she isn’t that invested) I told my mom that I get where she is coming from, but I am wearing it.
Well, my mom came over recently and she stole the dress. I called her and confronted her, and she said that she is disappointed that I am shallow and want to wear a dress from an adulteress with a failed marriage. I told her she had 2 hours to return it or I was calling the cops.
She did return it intact, but I said she is banned from my house forever.
My mom did apologize and she cried. she feels like since the dress is ok I am being too harsh. She cited that if I have kids it wouldn’t be fair to keep her banned, and said I should understand that this is hard for her and that when your kids grow up there are always ‘growing pains’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your Mom obviously has boundary issues and she just crossed the line big time. If your Mom feels like the dress is OK, then why in God’s name did she take it to begin with causing all this unnecessary drama? It’s because the dress was okay to YOU, and not to HER.
She didn’t want to see her daughter wearing the dress of an ‘adulteress’ like your MIL, so she decided that she was going to make sure that didn’t happen even if meant breaking the law, and completely wrecking her relationship with her daughter in the process.
You were absolutely right to ban her from your house OP because your Mom has already started a very dangerous precedent of reckless, disrespectful behavior in your own home.
Who’s to say that this kind of behavior is going to end here, especially when the whole thing came about because your Mom thought she was right even after you told her to drop the subject? Maybe there’s a future where she’s earned back your trust enough that you allow her into your and your family’s home SUPERVISED, but that’s a decision that should be left up to you and only you OP!” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your mom obviously should NOT have stolen that dress. However banning her forever is a drastic and, dare I say ‘very reactive’ way to respond to what she did. You may be more like her than you think.
Taking away her key/access to your home when you’re not there should be enough, along with a very firm boundary establishment: ‘You’re on thin ice, if you act like a disrespectful guest or ignore my boundaries, you will no longer be welcome in my house at all.
Especially if I have kids, I will be their mother, and if I want advice from you I will ask. I don’t want to hear your unsolicited opinions… and if you do something I specifically asked you not to with them because you think you know better, you’ll lose access to the kids too.’
The only way you’re not a jerk here is if she has a history of stealing things/being generally disrespectful/damaging your home. But since you didn’t mention anything like that, I’m not going to assume that history exists.
Also, your MIL loves you.” HelpfulName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Some parents have a really tough time flipping the switch between ‘parent of a kid’ and ‘parent of an adult.’ They remain in ‘parent of a kid’ mode for far too long and damage their relationship with their adult children.
They treat their adult children like they’re still kids, including attempting to ‘punish’ them (as your mom did here).
You said you’re a broke student, which makes me believe you’re in your late teens or early twenties, which is when that particular ‘kid to adult’ transition should happen in a parents’ mind.
The simple fact is your mom still sees you as the same 18-year-old high school senior you were the last time you lived at home. In her mind, you’re still a kid, and she tried to punish you accordingly. You very harshly set her straight and did exactly the right thing in that regard.
You can expect the following arguments:
If you say ‘I’m not a child,’ expect to hear back ‘you’re still my child.’ Also, expect the classic ‘you’ll understand when you have kids’ line.
What you need now is to sit down with your mom and communicate to firmly establish that you are an adult, and it is no longer her place to ‘punish’ you in any way, shape, or form.
Remind her that she is still your mother, you may still come to her for advice (which you are not obligated to take) or compassion, but that her role is no longer to raise you. You’ve been raised.
The final argument that always goes a long way actually came from my mom, as we struggled with my MIL pulling the same crap your mom did.
The argument is this:
Your mom raised you. Who you are and the decisions you make reflect the job she did raising you. If you’re an adult and incapable of making your own decisions, then your mom did a terrible job raising you and therefore you shouldn’t listen to her. If you’re an adult and capable of making your own decisions, then your mom did a solid job raising you, and therefore she should trust you to make your own decisions.” redpurplegreen22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but you more than her. Your mom did something stupid. She made a mistake. She apologized. Doesn’t sound like it is a pattern. And your banning her forever from your place seems immature and extreme. Obviously, you’ll one day let her come over. Unless 40 years from now, you expect to continue telling everyone that your mom can’t come over because of that one-time decades ago she took your wedding dress and brought it back.
Your banning her forever because you can’t forgive her and accept her seemingly genuine apology is hyperbolic, melodramatic, and petty.” VolleyballSmurfette
1. AITJ For Asking My Step-Sister's Significant Other To Not Fart?
“My family (11 adults) is staying with my dad and stepmom for Christmas for several days. My step-sister brought her partner who is a nice dude, except for the fact when he farts, he makes no show or effort of hiding it or moving to another room.
Last night while we were all playing games, at least 5 times he farted loudly at the table.
I think it’s bad manners and on top of that, I’ve recently gotten diagnosed with OCD and it sets off a thought spiral.
I hemmed and hawed and decided to talk to him and my step-sister this morning and ask that he either leave the room or make some effort of hiding it when he has to fart.
I explained that it was a trigger for my OCD and how it makes me feel like there are microscopic bugs crawling all over my skin and inside me for nearly an hour after.
He and my step-sister laughed as I was trying to explain and said that it was their vacation too and that if he wants to relax and fart, he can and that they were not responsible for my triggers.
I agreed with them, they are not responsible for my triggers, but out of kindness and empathy, can they please do that favor for me? My partner got involved soon after and then my stepmom, and now it’s a whole family discussion.
Their side: I’m the jerk for asking everyone around me to modify their behavior to accommodate me and my mental health.
My side: His farting, even as ridiculous as it is, causes me pretty noticeable distress, and asking him to move to another room so I don’t have an anxiety attack is a reasonable request of someone. Also, it’s gross.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not part of the family and should be on his best behavior being a guest. You can see how much he (and your sister) value you.
Arguing won’t help. I’d bluntly remind him he is a guest in the family and acting disgusting and that as a guest he should be ashamed of his behavior. Don’t sink to his level. Don’t yell. Lecture like a teacher. It won’t work but nothing will and it may shame him a bit.
At least you now know something about your sister and her partner you didn’t know. Don’t forget it because the facts won’t change.” polarbearhero
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, farting is natural and funny. I can’t believe all the people saying it’s gross. And honestly, if he isn’t causing a huge stank with each musical toot then I mean what’s the problem?
Also with all the food and sugary nonsense that’s being eaten during the holidays, it’s really no surprise that someone committed the horrific sin of farting around the family. You need to find a way to deal with your thought spirals. People have butts, therefore farting is going to happen.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He’s being rude and stinky and gross at a family gathering. It also sounds like the family is split on who may or may not be offended by this behavior so who knows how bad it really is.
You think it’s reasonable to ask someone to move to another room but how about YOU move to another room since you know you will be triggered?
See? it works both ways.” BoBoChew
