People Are Out Of Control In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up My Brother On Our Road Trip?
“My dad, brother, and I planned a road trip to Big Bend in a rented SUV for Dad’s 70th birthday. Dad and I live about a 3.5-hour drive from my brother. It’s a 9-10 hour drive to Big Bend from my town and a 7.5-8 hour drive from my brother’s.
Driving from my town to Big Ben and going through my brother’s town would be 10.5-12 hours.
I think it’s best for my brother to drive to us the day before and we all leave from where Dad and I live. My brother thinks that since he lives closer to Big Bend and coming to get him on the way only takes 1.5-2 hours, we should pick him up on the way.
He claims he would have to take an additional day off work the day before the trip and a day off work the day we get back if he drives to us first. He also says that combined, he’d spend 10 or so more extra hours in the car vs the 3-4 more hours we would have to drive to pick him up.
He thinks it’s unreasonable to ask him to take an additional 2 days off work and do all the extra driving.
I don’t want to pick him up and I’ve been upfront and honest with him about it. It makes a long drive even longer, and if we hit traffic we might not make it to Big Bend before dark.
Plus I haven’t ever driven that route, whereas I’ve made the trip from my town several times. I also have a 2nd vacation planned with my family the day after we get back. My brother suggested that Dad and I come to his house the night before and leave from his town as it’d be a shorter drive, but then I’d have to take an extra day off work.
I told him if he didn’t want to drive to us, he could just meet us there. I’ve even offered to let him rent the SUV so he doesn’t have to use his car; all I care about is that we have an SUV to get around the park.
I’ve even found flights from his city to mine that he could take, but he says the time it takes to make the flight is pretty much the same as him driving here.
I think I’m being perfectly reasonable. I’ve given him plenty of options; if he doesn’t want to take the extra days off work, he can drive there on his own and meet us there.
He thinks I’m being unreasonable and he’s upset that I refuse to pick him up on the way, saying he’ll just not go on the trip. I’ve told him that’s his choice, but I’m not making the drive to pick him up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’re kinda a jerk here. Your solution is for him to come a day early and take a day off work. You think that’s perfectly reasonable, but he doesn’t want to take the time off. Then he suggests the same back to you, and now it’s not quite a reasonable request because you would then have to take the time off work.
Honestly, it makes most sense for you to drive to his place as it’s the closest location. You just sound stubborn and think everything that inconveniences him is fine, but anything that inconveniences you is not an option. YTJ” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except your poor father.
I would be disappointed if my children had these sorts of petty squabbles as adults, especially around something as significant as my 70th birthday. Your arguments for refusing to pick up your brother on the way are weak. It sounds like on average the drive will be 11.5 vs 9.5 hours.
That’s not a major difference – leave at 7 am and you’ll likely arrive by 7 pm, still quite early. You said your concern with this is you may arrive after dark (why would that be an issue?), and that you’re not familiar with the roads (if you haven’t invested in GPS, this is a good time to do so).
You also say that you can’t drive the 3.5 hours the night before because you’d have to take a day off work – but unless you work the night shift, you could leave after work and arrive at a reasonable hour (say drive 5:30-9 pm).
Similarly, your brother could drive to you the evening before if he left at 5:30 pm, without missing work assuming he doesn’t work the night shift (though I think this is a worse idea because he would be backtracking quite a bit). Perhaps there are other options like someone in his family driving him from his house to a restaurant closer to your original route so you don’t have to go as far.
Regardless, I am imagining what it would feel like to be a father approaching his 70th birthday whose children won’t cooperate enough to manage a simple trip.” Ok_Remote_1036
22. AITJ For Keeping My Ex-Husband's Family Heirlooms That Were Gifted To Me?
“My ex-husband and I split up in 2015 and finalized our divorce in 2017. During our 12-year marriage, my ex gave me two diamonds that he inherited from his grandmother, who I’ll call Vera.
The one from her engagement ring had reset in a new custom engagement ring that we chose together. I don’t know what jewelry the other diamond came from, but he had it reset in a new necklace as a surprise gift for me. Our divorce decree awarded me all jewelry in my possession at the time of the divorce, including these repurposed family stones.
He did not at any point ask for them back.
I have since remarried and moved out of the state, and for various reasons, I am no longer in contact with my ex or his family.
18 months ago, I received an unsigned postcard in the mail with only the message “Send Vera’s diamonds to [person whose name I didn’t recognize, at an address in a state where I have never lived].” Mysterious, yes?
It took me two days to remember that Vera was my ex’s grandmother’s name — she’d passed away long before I met him. Still, with no signature on the postcard and no explanation, I wasn’t going to mail off thousands of dollars in jewelry to a random stranger.
I stuck the postcard to my refrigerator and except for the occasional “Huh, that’s so weird” when it caught my eye, I forgot all about it.
Today I received a cryptic greeting card in the mail, but this one was signed by my ex-sister-in-law, who I’ll call Jane.
The only message inside was “Please send me my Granny’s diamonds. Thank you. – Jane” I’m now 99% certain that she was also the sender of the weird postcard.
Jane was a friend before I moved, but we haven’t spoken since I left the state. Not because of any bad blood between us (I think), but because I was trying to make a clean break with my old life.
By the time I felt ready to get back in touch, she’d disappeared from social media and wasn’t answering emails to the address I still had for her.
Although I don’t wear the ring anymore and rarely wear the necklace, I have often considered having both stones reset into pieces that I can wear more regularly.
Jane hasn’t explained why she wants the diamonds back (Sentimental value? To give her sons? Financial troubles? Who knows?). All I know is that both pieces are my legal property now and worth a not-insignificant amount of money, so I’m reluctant to just send them to her.
WIBTJ if I ignored Jane’s latest request and kept the ex-family jewels?”
Another User Comments:
“Get them appraised, give her a number like this…. I do not have anything that belongs to Vera. I do have the ones my ex gave me that were made wholly mine in the divorce.
If you would like to purchase them I will accept $xxx having had them appraised and adding, of course, for my sentimental property. This is a one-time offer and not subject to negotiation, any response that does not contain payment in the above amount will be construed as a permanent rejection of the offer and will conclude all contact between us.
FAFO.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were gifts. They are yours to do with as you please. Shoot, you don’t even know if Vera liked your ex-SIL. Maybe she gave the diamonds to your ex for you because she thought his sister was a conniving gold digger.
Maybe she’s not, but she can only get the diamonds if you decide she can, not because she’s just asking. Also, I have a good friend who, after her first marriage ended in divorce, had her ring reset. She had a jeweler make the gold band into a screw and mounted the diamond atop it and added a hook on it and wore it as a necklace.
Her ex had been unfaithful and this gave her a little private revenge.” leswill315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also WHAT? If I were in your position, I’d consider selling/giving the diamonds to my ex’s sister since I believe that the sentimental value of that sort of item is greater than the monetary value… but only if she *asked* and made arrangements to get them in person.
I wouldn’t mail something that valuable to a random stranger based on a weird and vaguely ominous postcard! She probably has (or can get) your phone number/email address, and she clearly has your home address so at the very least she could send a real letter like a grown-up.
Cryptic letters? What is this, an Agatha Christie novel?” shinkouhyou
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Daughter's Tuition If She Switches Her Major From IT To Cognitive Science?
“So my daughter (19f) is currently in her first year studying IT.
She recently gave me a letter, telling me about her wanting to switch to cognitive science instead of staying in IT. She gave me her reasons, what she plans to do in the future with her cognitive science degree, and some of the consequences if she didn’t switch.
Now, I think that she’s making a big mistake by doing this. 1. Cognitive science is less recognized than IT, so it’s less likely that she’d be hired. She needs to keep her options open. 2. She never showed a genuine interest in it. If she had, then I would all be for it.
3. She’s doing computer science-related courses anyways so it wouldn’t be much of a difference.
So I told her how I felt about this decision. She said I can help her out with some of the career prospects, and that university is about self-discovery; people switch majors all the time and that there are even those who switch four times to figure out what they like.
I disagree with this notion; you go to university to get a job, not for fun. I asked her if she could just stay in the IT program and then do a master’s or even a PhD in cognitive science later. But she doesn’t want to.
She said that she will go into cognitive science and that I need to be supportive of her unconditionally, especially since she’s financially dependent on me.
I told her that while I didn’t initially plan for her to go to graduate school, I would be more than glad to pay for her masters in cognitive science if she stayed in IT, but if she chooses to switch now, then I will not pay.
She got upset with me, telling me that she’s dependent on me, that it’s my job as the parent to be supportive, and that she shouldn’t have to feel like she’s in a warzone to tell me what she wants. I told her that it was for her good, and she replied saying that I was forcing her to do IT even though she’s not happy with it and how is me not paying for her tuition fees any good for her.
I told her that I’m methodological in my thinking, that IT is a good career for her, and that I’m just putting pressure on her, not forcing her. She started crying and screaming at me, saying things like I’m a horrible father, that he won’t have a daughter, and that I should be proud of her for choosing her own path.
I was shocked. I think that I’m doing the right thing and that she’s making a mistake, but maybe I’m wrong. What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have her interests at heart. You’ve made a judgment call about “IT being a good career for her”.
She took the time to present her thoughts on what her plans are and how remaining in the program affects her. At her age, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I changed programs (from Programming to Computer Network Admin) only more than 20 years later and I ended up not working at all in IT.
You have no idea what her future is. She’s the one who will live with her choices. AI is a relatively new field as well. Cognitive Science will have a role to play in the future of psychology. She needs to be in charge of her future.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for holding her college funds hostage and threatening to withdraw support unless she studies specifically what you want her to. There is validity to the concerns you raised – for instance, perhaps for her to be successful in cognitive science she’ll need a master’s degree – but this whole thing reads like you sit on a throne and make all the decisions for other people because you hold the purse strings.
Since you do hold the purse strings, it is your prerogative to withhold funds or only provide funds under certain circumstances, however, you came to AITJ and acting that way does indeed make you the jerk. For clarity, I’m not saying you should throw money down the drain indefinitely or feel beholden to support any academic pursuits, so don’t even try to respond as if that’s what I’m saying.
Your daughter put together a considered justification in writing (which I find odd – but perhaps not so odd since you probably steamroll her when having a casual conversation) which shows she has put thought and research into the matter, into her career prospects, etc., and is approaching it responsibly.
‘My way or the highway’ mentalities are hallmarks of jerks.” owls_and_cardinals
20. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Sister To Hang Out With My Friends?
“I (16f) have an older sister (Ari, 19f) and a group of 6 (including me) friends. My friends and I go and hang out once in a while.
However we don’t get to a lot because two of us have jobs, one goes to church on Sundays and Tuesdays, and two have strict parents.
Two years ago, she met a girl (Lana, 17f) and slowly fell in love with her. It was toxic.
Ari often came to me to complain about being in a relationship with someone younger how they never understood anything and that it was her last time ever being with someone younger than her. But Ari loved Lana and stayed with her despite her (now ex) partner having plenty of mental and personal issues, but one time, it got so bad that Ari went to her friends about it.
I’m assuming they have heard the same complaints I have and forced Ari to either break up with her partner or choose them. Ari chose Lana (whom she’s known for two years) over her friends (whom she has known since they were in elementary). That day, they cut Ari off and she’s been dependent on her ex-partner for companionship since.
About two months ago, my friends and I finally agreed on a date to hang out at one of our places once we all got approval. When I told my parents about it, they suggested I bring Ari along since she stays home all day and does nothing (their words, not mine).
Ari used to go out almost all the time with her friends, which my parents were okay with as long as they knew where she was going and who was there. I guess they noticed she hasn’t been as active since last year.
I told my parents no, because why would someone bring their sibling to a hangout with friends who aren’t close to one another?
I think it’s awkward and weird. My parents kept trying to convince me, and I got fed up. I snapped and told them that it wasn’t my fault that she lost all her friends and I shouldn’t be responsible for getting her new friends. My parents yelled at me for being rude, but still let me go anyway since they did agree that I was not responsible for introducing her to new friends.
I’ve been thinking about it for a few days, and I feel really guilty for what I said. I’ve been in her position before, except I had everything work out and didn’t have to choose a side. I know the mental toll it has taken on Ari, so I should have been more considerate about what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ultimately, you are in the right—your parents shouldn’t have asked you to take on your sister’s social issues. It’s okay to regret the exact words you used…you were in the heat of an argument…but that doesn’t make you a jerk.” ___coolcoolcool
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could’ve been nicer about it, but your sentiment was correct. Your parents shouldn’t be forcing you into awkward social situations that likely neither you nor your sister would enjoy.” mcq76
19. AITJ For Moving My Neighbor's Laundry After His Cycle Was Done?
“I had the most bizarre experience, and it has me questioning everything I know. The other day, I had been waiting to do laundry since the early morning, and finally, around 11:30 AM, I saw that whoever’s laundry was in had finished. For context, our little building community has about 25 people who share one washer and one dryer.
After waiting 30 minutes, I walked over at noon to find the clothes still sitting in the washer and dryer. Utilizing the basket on top of the machine, I carefully placed the wet clothes into the basket and put in my own load for 50 minutes. I later saw my neighbor walk out and enter the laundry room (my bedroom faces the courtyard).
I checked the timer and saw that I had 22 minutes left of my 50-minute cycle.
I went down once my timer went off, and I am very punctual because I personally don’t like it when others move my laundry too, though I understand that sometimes it’s necessary.
But, when I went to the room, I found that my laundry had been taken out of MID-CYCLE, and found a note saying “don’t touch others’ laundry.” I left a brief note back imploring the neighbor to be considerate of his neighbors and signed my name and apartment number.
Later, I saw the neighbor walk out so I stepped out to chat with him about the conflict. But, he was completely hostile. He said that it had only been a 15-minute delay (a clear lie, given that an additional ~20min of my laundry had run before he stepped out to check on his), that he had only done three loads of laundry (about my saying I had patiently waited for him to do his multiple loads), and that regardless I should have waited *one to two hours* before moving his wet clothes to the basket.
He equated my moving his COMPLETED laundry into his basket to his revenge-stopping my cycle. My clothes sat in my bathtub, soaked, sudsy, and mildewy until 6:38 PM, when I saw him take the last of his stuff out of the dryer! That’s all day by the way.
AITJ? I thought that I was clearly in the right and that he was being outrageously childish, but he still strutted around like he was not. I think that 30 minutes is more than generous as a grace period. For additional context, I am a 24-year-old and he is (I think?) in his late 30s/early 40s (he has a daughter, or so he claims when he yelled at me).
Also, would I be a jerk if I printed out the responses to this thread and put it under his door?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not like you left their stuff on the floor and you are all SHARING laundry machines with a community. Him expecting you to wait at least an hour is dumb.
He’s the jerk. Plus, him telling someone else not to touch laundry and then taking you out mid-cycle is beyond childish and wrong. If he doesn’t want anyone touching it, he can set a timer as well.” Little_Manager2727
Another User Comments:
“Going forward, maybe your landlord can post a policy in which those leaving laundry in the machines must have their number on the door so that they can be texted accordingly when their laundry is done and others need the machine.
Tenants are then given 10 minutes to come to move their laundry before others are allowed to do it for them. Just a thought.” Austin_Native_2
18. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Mom For Elder Mistreatment?
“For context, my grandma (on my mom’s side) has been living with my mom for the last 6-7 years. She had been in another country for over a decade taking care of my grandpa before he passed away.
The first few years of her being here things were great. However, in the last 2-3 years my grandma’s health has declined. I’m pretty sure it’s dementia but when we brought her back to the States (for health reasons) my mom took too long to renew her visa so she has been here on an expired visa.
I’ve tried advocating for my grandma in getting the proper medical care to give her a proper diagnosis but since I am not a direct relative (son/daughter) I’m limited on what I can do. The last year or so has been difficult as my grandma’s health continues to decline.
She doesn’t sleep at night, she is now in diapers and forgets things. My mom has no patience for her and sends videos in a family group chat of “accidents” my
Grandma has (like peeing herself). Things have been so bad that I think the emotional mistreatment she is receiving is adding to her condition.
At the last doctor’s appointment I took her to, the doctor asked if she was living in a stressful environment. Not sure if he suspected dementia and concluded stress worsens the condition. My uncle traveled here to dedicate his LIFE to taking care of her.
He was also living with my mom (his sister) but got so fed up with my mom’s toxic and abusive behavior he now lives in an RV (with no power) on his brother’s property because he refuses to be around my mom. He has now taken my grandma to the RV (and it is in horrible, unlivable condition).
AITJ for being fed up with my mom’s elder miistreament towards her mother and wanting to report her? I know there are laws against this but I don’t even know where to start. Who do I talk to? Am I being extreme? I’ve been paying and doing what I can, but I don’t own any property and am financially limited on what I can do…My grandma is in the last years of her life I suspect and I just want to make these last years as painless as possible but nobody else seems to care.
I know reporting my
mom will come with consequences but this treatment is truly horrific. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you report elder mistreatment. If you’re in the US most counties have an Adult Protective Services department. Google for your area. I used to work for Social Services like 20 years ago and a lot of my coworkers had adult children who worked for APS as caregivers for elders who needed monitoring but not serious medical care. In some places, family members who are doing full-time care can be hired by the county to care for their disabled elderly family member.
It requires some hoops to jump through, and your uncle can’t do it in his RV, but it’s a place to start working with the Social Workers who can help get her what she needs.” bethsophia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ We should all report mistreatment when we see it.
That’s the bottom line. The first line is the visa; go online and see if you can find out how to go about correcting this ASAP. Otherwise, your grandma could be deported back to the other country. Are there immigration advocates where you live? Because of that expired visa, it’s going to be difficult, if not impossible, to get her any aid.
The INS could maybe, possibly, might, extend some compassionate slack to her since she is elderly and suffering from some kind of dementia. I do not know how likely this is, or if it’s possible at all. You need information, and lots of it, quickly, to be of help to your grandma now.
If anyone here knows anything, hopefully, they will pass it on to you. You are trying to help, how could you be the jerk? You are not! Good luck and I hope things change for the better for your grandma soon.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“If I understand this correctly, Grandma no longer lives with your mother. The concern now might be getting your uncle to help care for Grandma. You might call an immigration attorney as a first step, to see what can be done about Grandma’s visa status, and to check how the state you live in and their social service agencies handle situations like this.
State policy will vary widely between states.” stephnetkin
17. AITJ For Not Updating My Partner After My Hospital Visit?
“This week I fell and hit the back of my head on cement.
HARD. I was embarrassed enough over it and chose to wait it out instead of going to the hospital. I hate using those resources if I don’t need them. The next day I was feeling much worse and decided to head into the hospital to have it checked out.
I waited all afternoon for a doctor and finally got an X-ray done in the early evening. From there the doctor said that my scans were clear but the presenting symptoms were most likely a concussion and whiplash. My neck is swollen.
Through this process, I told my partner that I was going to the hospital and I updated them a few times while I was there once letting him know that I was getting an x-ray.
I had a meeting for work that evening that I was playing by ear and since I was all clear from the hospital and the meeting was only going to take 15-20 minutes I decided to go. My partner already knew about this meeting and it was on our shared calendar.
I figured I would update him when I got home since it wasn’t serious. I left the hospital at 5:45 PM to get to my meeting at 6:15 PM.
I got home at 6:45 PM and my partner started asking me if my phone was broken, if I ever responded to calls etc. His tone wasn’t kind and it wasn’t concerned. I honestly didn’t even see that he had called and went to check my phone to see if there were any notifications.
There was one and it would have been around the time that I was getting in my car to drive the 10 minutes home from my meeting. He told me that I was inconsiderate for not giving any more updates since the x-ray. That I should have been home way earlier.
That I shouldn’t have gone to a meeting. I got upset and held my tongue, but my tone let him know that I was mad. I told him that I don’t need to give a play-by-play every second and sometimes he needs to have more concern for others over himself.
I told him that I let him know previously what my plans were.
He stormed off and I’m now living with the silent treatment. He hasn’t said a word to me since 7 PM last night. He went and got himself takeout while I had to find something at home to feed our kids and put them to bed…with a concussion.
Should I be going home tonight to apologize? AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- He was WORRIED about you. Your symptoms got worse after sitting on it for a day and the last thing he heard from you was that you had to get an x-ray.
You couldn’t send him a text and say “All clear, just a concussion but I’ll be fine, no need to worry”?? In his mind, he’s probably thinking they found your brain bleeding and rushed you in for emergency surgery, all while he’s in the dark not knowing if he’ll ever see you again.
He was worried sick, and instead of sending a quick update telling him you’re ok, you decided he wasn’t important enough to inform before you went to your work meeting. It’s really not that hard.” MeLovePotatoLongTime
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m not a super worrier, but if my husband was in the hospital with possible head/neck injuries and then wasn’t responding to any texts/calls for ages, I’d be concerned. And if I found out he just went straight from the hospital to work without bothering to let me know he was okay and what was going on, I’d be annoyed. That being said, his reaction was over the top.” anonymom135
16. AITJ For Implementing A Curfew For My Friend Who Stays Over Due To My Dog?
“I have a friend, we will call her Sarah. She and I met through work in NYC and became very close as the city was pretty bare-bones at the time. She is 10 years younger than me (36F). She then has since moved to another city but always stays with me when she visits.
Because she is so young, she will sometimes stay out way later than me or make other plans with other friends and then get back around 2 am. I never really minded, I would leave her a key or just buzz her up.
It’s also important to know that for the past 5 years, I’ve been VERY single and I haven’t had to think of anyone else when making decisions.
Last May I got into a serious relationship with a great guy and we moved in together in October. He (and now we) has a large Cane Corso who is a gentle giant at 140 pounds but is also very protective. Sarah tried to visit in November but told me she could only stay for a night and she wouldn’t get to my place until 11 pm.
I told her this wouldn’t work because the dog would not be cool meeting someone coming in the house that late. The next day, she came by and met him for 20 minutes and stayed for coffee. All went well.
She just called to say she’s coming in March for St. Patty’s day and didn’t ask to stay with me but since we talked about it before she assumed. I clarified “Would you be staying with us” to which she answered “Please”.
I told my bf and he was cool about it but asked if she would be coming in late most nights like she used to. I said she probably would. He encouraged me to have a conversation with her laying down some boundaries as we can’t have the dog freaking out in the middle of the night when we both work the next day.
So, will I be the jerk if I tell her it’s fine to stay with us but if she’s planning on coming home later than 12 am she needs to find somewhere else to stay that night? For context, her cousin lives in the city too but her apartment is much smaller.
I just feel bad because I’ve never had any restrictions while she stayed with me but now that I have a bf and a dog I do? I feel like an old person putting down a curfew lol. She is planning to stay Wednesday – Sunday.
Any advice would be so helpful. Thanks in advance!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The situation isn’t the same as it used to be, you live with someone and have a pet to consider. Just let her know that if she wants somewhere she can come and go as she pleases, there are these magical places called hotels.” ActualBoredHousewife
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t call it a curfew when you talk to her. I think you should just tell her that you’d love to see her but since your partner and dog live there now it wouldn’t work for your new schedule for her to come in later than 11 pm.
If she’d open to that she’s welcome to stay but you understand if she’d rather stay somewhere else so she can stay out later. No jerks here” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“I would tell her that you’d love to see her, but that you would like to know what her plans are because your schedule is that you (+dog and bf) go to bed at x time now, and it doesn’t work for your schedule of someone comes in late.
Because by the time the dog has calmed down, the whole house will be awake (and maybe the neighbors as well?) Seeing that Sarah came in during the day last time to meet the dog, she already knows about the problem with the dog, and as willing to change her plans for that so I see no reason why she would not be cool about it.
I think this is more about you feeling guilty for not hosting her, but lives change and it is better to be upfront and clear about this than trying to please everyone.” Slayerofdrums
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Comparison Of Our Grief Was Inappropriate?
“My (36F) friend Nina (29F) lost her grandad 9 months ago. We’re very close family friends with Nina’s family so I was there throughout this whole time. Her grandad passed peacefully in old age after living a very full & healthy life.
I also lost my parent a few years ago who passed away young & in very tragic circumstances. I’ve been grieving & in a lot of pain since & have been very lonely as I don’t have much family otherwise. I’ve also had all my grandparents pass away in old age over the years who I was very close to, it was sad & I miss them, but it’s nothing like losing your parent & certainly nothing like losing your young parent in traumatic circumstances.
Nina has made some comments since her granddad passed away likening her pain to mine which was hurtful as she’s not had her world turned upside down like I did in shocking & traumatic ways & after making these comments to me returned home to both her parents & all her brothers & sisters who she’s very close to & who play a massive part in her very full & happy family life, whilst I sit alone at home with my thoughts.
But I tried to not think about it much as she has no idea what my pain is like & she’s lucky not to.
Recently we attended the funeral of the granddad of a neighbour we all know. When it came to meeting the family & giving condolences Nina abruptly said to them “Now you know how we feel” with an air of smugness & a little smile as she walked out.
I was really taken aback this is what she chose to say to them, they looked a bit bewildered but were polite & quietly said “Yeah..”
After we returned to her house she proudly told her parents & siblings what she said like she said something really profound & needed. Her family agreed with her & I felt like I was in the twilight zone, especially as someone who lost a parent not long ago & is actively still struggling with it every day & would never ever think to make such comments to someone else at their time of grief.
The sting of Nina’s previous comments to me personally added to this feeling & then they tried to engage with me on the subject so I just ended up blurting out “Well I think it was inappropriate & unnecessary to say that to someone, least of all at the actual funeral”.
Nina got upset & things got awkward with the family so I left. She doesn’t seem happy with me at all now but I’m not sure what else I could have said when I didn’t agree with it at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a horrible thing to say.
I have been reading a lot about grief recently after losing a parent unexpectedly myself a few months ago. I read that trying to relate sympathetically to someone can be the “wrong” thing to say because every relationship is so unique. Every loss is unique as you said.
Even within the same family, the relationship each person has with the person is different. I’m sharing this because that’s why Nina trying to relate her loss to yours feels wildly misaligned. Worse, Nina’s words to the neighbors were not sympathetic. They were not empathetic.
They were practically mocking. She seems to be devoid of those feelings and frankly, I wouldn’t want to be around her as I was working through my grief. I’ve learned there isn’t much someone can say that’s comforting after you lose a parent unexpectedly except I’m very sorry you’re going through this and I’m sorry for your loss.” Major_Barnacle_2212
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend About The Symbol On Her Incense Burner?
“This event happened a few years ago when my friend – Sofia – and I were both 16. We are now both 20 and it got brought up in an argument.
Basically, Sofia, Andrea, and I went to the mall after school. We entered a spiritual homewares store to look at the crystals which were the ‘it’ thing at the time. Though we were all friends at the time, Sofia and Andrea were closer, and Sofia was very eager to please and personify Andrea, often idolizing her as she was (and still is) a cool girl.
Sofia wanted to purchase an incense burner, so she asked Andrea, “Which one should I get?” Andrea sifted through them and picked out one with a pentagram on it. Now, all three of us were raised as Christians. However, Andrea had dabbled in other practices and had a collection of things such as witchcraft books and tarot cards.
Sofia had shown interest in some of these things of Andrea’s and even gotten her tarot read by her once. I did not interfere as I feel as if it is not my place to interject and tell Sofia or Andrea that these practices don’t align with Christian beliefs — it’s their life and they should be able to do what they want.
Anyways, Sofia purchased the pentagram. She didn’t ask me what I thought, and I was busy looking at the other items in other parts of the store. I only glanced at the holder and didn’t think much of it.
Fast forward a few weeks, Sofia and I are having a conversation about her incense, and I bring up that some Satanists use the pentagram symbol.
She completely freaks out and throws the incense holder in the bin, screaming at me that I should have told her. Now I understand the use of the pentagram further, and I realize this incorrect characterization of a “devil” symbol. Regardless, she still associates it with satan after that conversation.
Anyways, today the incident was brought up again, and it got quite heated. She yelled that I should have told her that it had a satanic correlation before she purchased it and that she felt that I was “black-hearted” and “praying for her downfall.” I tried to explain that it wasn’t that deep to me and I didn’t want to interject with her and Andrea’s decision as they didn’t ask me.
I also said that because she was close with Andrea, I thought she was tolerant of indulging in those sorts of things (recently she has gone to see psychics, etc.).
So, AITJ for not saying anything in the first place before she purchased it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First things first: she got a tarot reading and now sees psychics but has a problem with a pentagram? Grow up. Furthermore, symbols hold the power you assign them in your life. You said it yourself, she associated it with satan. It is just a shape, it holds no meaning if you don’t believe in it.” Possible-Cloud8836
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not your responsibility to make sure she stays in terms with her religious beliefs. She blindly bought whatever Andrea told her and that’s on her. She should have noticed and asked or googled the symbol before buying it. Plus she didn’t ask you before buying it, so she can’t blame you for not stopping her” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sofia is her own person and her decisions on what she buys (regarding religion or not) are nobody’s responsibility but her own. It really isn’t that deep. That aside, she never asked for your opinion on it. If she was so worried about “satanic” symbols she could have done her own quick Google search.
You are entirely blame-free here” odd_y_suess
13. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Toxic Mother-In-Law See My Daughter?
“Am I (20F) the jerk for refusing to let my (41F) mother-in-law see my (5-month F) daughter? I know how it sounds and before you say I am the jerk read my story first. My Fiance (22M) mother has not liked me ever since we moved out of her house.
She babied my fiance whom I will call Luke. Luke and I moved out less than a year of us being together. His mother was mad about this because Luke used to pay a lot of her bills and buy groceries and everything else. Luke and I went into low contact with his mother after moving out.
After finding out I was pregnant we began visiting his mother and father (they’re not together anymore) more often than just holidays. Luke’s mother wanted to be in the room when I gave birth, but I refused because we were not close like that.
This upset her and she did not appreciate it.
I had my daughter in September. During Thanksgiving Luke’s younger sister got sick, so I refused to bring my daughter there, we went to my grandmother’s instead. My grandmother took a picture of all of us and posted it on social media but did not tag us.
My Fiance’s stepdad then stalked my grandmother and found out we went over there and both Luke’s mother and stepfather flipped out on us. After this, I cut all contact. I blocked them and had my family block them. Since this things have gone downhill.
She gets upset if we have my family over or if I bring my daughter over to their house. I have never once told her that she cannot come to see my daughter out of spite. I have only told her that she cannot come over if we are busy or sick.
The latest incident is when Luke’s father asked to come over to see our daughter, I said yes and offered to cook dinner. Luke’s father posted about this on social media and Luke’s mother and stepdad flipped out. Luke’s mother and stepfather began calling us both names.
I told them that if they wanted to come over then they should ask not just randomly show up (which they have done before when neither of us was home). This did not please them and the name-calling continued. I told them that if they could not respect me or Luke then they would not have access to our daughter as she would not be exposed to toxic behavior.
Luke’s mother’s behavior is something you could easily compare to that of a teenage girl in high school who loves to start drama and be the center of attention. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t actually sound like you’re denying her access, just access on your terms (which having a planned pre-communicated time and not being sick are pretty basic things to expect).
Sounds like you are trying to protect your peace and maintain a level of respect and she’s not respecting the boundaries you have set.” Wiscosushi
Another User Comments:
“No you are NTJ, but this MIL issue that is going on is way above this subreddits pay grade.
At this point going no contact is basically your only option for MIL and her flying monkey husband. It is time for Luke to flex his shiny spine and tell his family to stop posting pictures and or stories about his family, including his dad or any siblings.
These posts tend to set off this behavior from MIL and the idea here is to ensure she received zero information about your nuclear family.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not stopping Luke’s mom from seeing the baby. You are only expressing an opinion.
Luke could easily just tell you to shag off and take the baby to see his mom. Instead, he recognizes your opinion is a valid one, sees his mom for the toxic person she is, and doesn’t want his baby near that. BTW, obviously Luke is NTJ either.
I’m just saying that it’s not you stopping her, and so you shouldn’t have that weight on your shoulders. While I compliment Luke for standing behind his wife, it’s still his job here to talk to his mom. It should not be you, as she would only villainize you.
Luke needs to tell her matter-of-factly how things will be before she gets to see her grandbaby.” BrewertonFats
12. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Cat-Sitting For My Traveling Friends Due To Stress?
“My friends have taken almost a year off to travel, starting last April. They have two cats, both adult spayed females – Tux and Keira. For the first eight months, they stayed with an acquaintance of my friends. However, the cat sitter began having issues and had to return them.
I’m not sure what all the problems were, but it involved inappropriate urination, which they had checked by a vet, and their diagnosis was stress (thankfully, I haven’t had that occur). My friends returned briefly and began looking for a new solution/sitter.
I told my friends it wasn’t ideal, but I could take them in for the final 2.5 months.
I’m a little over halfway through, and things have deteriorated. The first two weeks were fine, but then they started having fights, no physical contact, thankfully, but hissing, chasing, growling, and some air swatting. The intensity is increasing (the deep, low growling is “new” in the last few days).
The number of conflicts is rising in frequency to almost nightly, and incidents throughout the day are also occurring. I rarely sleep through the night and am on edge during the day. Tux is usually the aggressor but there doesn’t seem to be a trigger.
It’s taking a toll on my mental and physical health. And I’m close to telling my friends I can’t do this anymore. Would I be the jerk if I did? They are currently in Asia and don’t have a backup.
I let them know I was struggling about ten days ago, and while sympathetic they want the issue to resolve itself.
Other notes:
Payment – my friends offered to pay me, and I told them not to worry about it.
Punishment/correction – a verbal reprimand and now a spritz with water. No improvement other than stopping the single conflict
Enrichment – I’ve bought toys, a cat tree, and set up more sleeping spots.
My friends only brought one toy for them. I do multiple sessions of laser pointer with Tux a day.
Food & Water – they don’t guard these. Free-fed with slow feeders, and I bought them a water fountain. Wet food once a day.
Litter box – cleaned twice a day minimum
Feliway – have a diffuser going
Locking them out of the bedroom – they fight in the hall or meow at the door
Space – my apartment is about 3/4 the size of my friend’s house. They are indoor-only cats, and have always been
No history of this behavior – apparently, they’ve had little tiffs before.
I was not told of any problems when I agreed to do this.
Any suggestions or is it reasonable to tell them they need to find a new solution that doesn’t involve me?”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be a jerk. The cats are clearly stressed, I would be too if Mom and Dad dropped me off at a stranger’s house and I couldn’t comprehend that they would be back for me after X amount of time.
Rehoming animals is incredibly stressful, and to have to happen twice in such a short span isn’t going to assist in the manner. They should have cut the trip short the first time it became an issue. One suggestion is to mind the laser toy play.
A lot has come out recently that laser toys can cause anxiety if the play isn’t done right, no clue what the right way is, but the logic is that they can’t actually “catch” the prey and that leads to the anxiety. I doubt it is the underlying issue, but it could be worth a shot” badclyde
Another User Comments:
“This is stress induced. These cats have had two new homes and two new caregivers in just a few months. If the cats are not physically fighting each other, it hasn’t progressed too badly. Try to provide them with “up” spaces, like shelves and kitty trees to get away from each other.
If there are specific areas where arguments occur, try to change the space around a bit so one cat doesn’t get cornered. Do they eat together? Ask the owners if they would hire a cat trainer to come over. They may have some good tips, or be able to do things to lessen aggression.
If you are not sleeping at night, close your bedroom door. It’s not normally ideal to shut cats away from each other, but if the possibility of fighting is causing you to not sleep, put them in different rooms. For some more tips, go to the forum on The Cat Site.” Traveler691
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk – did the family move out of their house for the trip? Maybe the cats would be more comfortable there with a pet sitter if not? It’s super easy for them to find someone else on Rover. Easy to find somewhere to board them too.
Doing all that for no pay is way above and beyond. Pet sitting near me for my two cats is about $30/day, so you could ask for $1k per month remaining if that would make it worth it to continue. If not, they can certainly find a different solution.” 79Donut
11. AITJ For Joking About Our Weight Gain With My Roommate?
“So I’m (M23) a grad student living in an apartment with two other guys (both M23 too).
The three of us have been living together since our sophomore year of college. Roommate A (I’ll call him Mike) and I are a lot closer with each other now than we are with Roommate B (I’ll call him Danny). I’m 5’9 and usually around 160, although in the past few months, I’ve put on a bit of weight and recently weighed 182 lbs.
Mike has also gained about the same amount of weight. Mike and I hang out a bunch and drink beer, so that’s probably the main culprit in our weight gain. We used to hit the gym together but we kind of stopped going as life got busier.
Our other roommate, Danny, has always been less fit than us, and he gained a lot of weight throughout college.
Last night, after Mike and I got back from work/class, we hung around in the kitchen eating some snacks and drinking beer. I don’t remember how it got brought up, but we started teasing each other and making jokes about our beer guts.
I feel completely fine joking about my weight gain since I’m still comfortable with my body, I’ve just grown a little belly now.
I joke and say something like “The whole apartment will have dad bods by May.” Mike says that “all of us are already there.” Danny walks in at this moment, hears our jokes, and gets upset.
He flips out at us saying that we were making fun of how fat he is, which we weren’t, we were just making fun of ourselves. He then goes on to say that we shouldn’t be so casual about our weight gain, that our beer bellies are “seriously concerning” and that we’re both letting ourselves go and getting fat.
Now Mike and I get upset because we were feeling fine about our weights, and Danny was basically saying that we shouldn’t feel comfortable with our bodies. I say that it’s none of Danny’s business to judge my body, I’m fine with my gut and think it’s funny to joke around.
Danny also says that we’re not being sensitive to him, since he doesn’t want to hear our jokes about weight gain.
I will admit that the joke about all of us getting dad bods may have crossed a line. The argument though didn’t end up really being about that, Danny seemed more mad at us for joking about our bellies and not taking it more seriously.
I also think that part of this has to do with Danny being jealous that Mike and I have gotten closer to each other in the last year.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – You weren’t just joking about your body, but everyone’s in the apartment including Danny who you knew was home.
Additionally, it’s great that you are comfortable with your body and I hope that continues, but it’s also important to keep your weight in check as you get older, as what’s easy to maintain at 23 is not the same at 33. Danny did overreact though and he had no right to combat his hurt feelings by intentionally hurting you and Mike and causing you to feel negatively about your appearance.” Angelblade92
Another User Comments:
“Well, No jerks here. Nobody’s wrong. But, Danny is right that you should be concerned with your beer gut. The medical science on booze consumption is irrefutable at this point- it’s terrible for your health. The slow damage it does to nearly every organ, including your brain, is astounding.
Drinking beers is socially acceptable, sure. But you’re at an age where it would be wise to examine your relationship with it and understand that many people start out as regular drinkers and turn into problematic drinkers over time (if you already have a beer gut at 23 I’m going to guess the amount you drink is likely problematic).
Quitting drinking is one of the best things you can do to improve your health and mind, and I encourage you to consider it. r/stopdrinking” iamokokokokokokok
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Weight is a sensitive subject, so Danny may have felt personally attacked if he was insecure about it.
But I wouldn’t be so casual about drinking and weight gain. Drinking regularly is not healthy. It gets romanticized as a normal part of college life and it shouldn’t be. You’re young so you won’t notice the effects yet. But you’ll wish you’d developed healthy habits when you get into your 30s and 40s and it catches up with you.” ShillinTheVillain
10. AITJ For Considering Cutting Off Financial Support To My Able-Bodied Parents?
“I (35m) have been financially supporting my mom (56) and stepdad (55) in various ways for almost 15 years. They were fully self-reliant when I moved out at 19 to start my own life and career. It all started a couple of years later when Mom asked me to bail my stepdad out of jail after being arrested for driving with a suspended license.
The car was impounded, and he was the majority breadwinner, so I did it hoping he’d learned his lesson, and it would be a one-time fluke thing.
Fast forwarding through him losing 2 cars from impounding after getting arrested for the same thing, me buying them a car under the assurance only my mom would be driving it, they lied and he drove it anyway, getting talked into bailing them both out multiple times, the arrests becoming substance-related, paying for their phones, electricity, groceries, gas, insurance at various points along the way, trying to help them find workforce re-entry programs to help them get jobs since they racked up their criminal records, constantly lying to us about what’s going on with them…etc., etc…
All this while my now husband (38) and I were at the time surviving on food stamps while I supported him through college, and then once he finished his degree he supported me through college. We’re both ambitious and hardworking, and at this point have gotten to a place in our careers where combined we might make just under 200k this year.
(Which, since neither of them is from well-off families, is just such a surreal sentence for me to type out).
With all that backstory out of the way, where I conflicted is here…: A big part of my ambition to become as successful as possible was so I could one day tell my parents they didn’t have to worry about the fact that neither of them had any retirement savings, because I’d built enough wealth to give them a comfortable life in their final years.
In the end, I did in fact end up supporting my mom, just in my early 20’s instead of the mid-late 40s like I’d expected, which has also affected our ability to save for our own retirement.
I find myself resenting them for being perfectly able-bodied but refusing to work.
I find myself feeling guilty for thinking, “This is what I wanted to do, but I didn’t want it like this.” And I’m considering cutting them off because of all the mental/emotional/financial damage it’s doing. Am I just enabling them, and would the best option be to let them fend for themselves?
Or am I the jerk and a bad son for even considering it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you quit enabling them, they will learn to stand on their own two feet again. You need to tell them you have a month of paid bills, that’s all you get from me.
It’s time you take care of yourself. You are the child, they are your parents. They should be there for you to go to for support, be happy for your accomplishments, and not sponge off you every chance they get. That’s not a good healthy relationship.
You will probably need to block them at first so they can’t guilt you into helping, and any other family member they push at you. You deserve to relax, and be happy.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yes, you continuing to fund them is enabling them to not work. Not only is that unfair to you, but if you’re in the U.S., it will cause a huge detriment to their Social Security benefits for their elder years.
Their benefits will be reduced because they won’t have contributed much to Social Security. You need to stop giving them money or support. Tell them to get jobs or live on the streets. You need your income to start setting up your future needs/wants (house, kids, retirement, etc….).” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is going to hurt, OP. You’re not helping them AT ALL. You are enabling them to keep up with the bad behavior and the lies. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: YOU’RE NOT HELPING THEM, YOU ARE ENABLING THEM.
They know that if anything goes wrong, you’ll be there to bail them out. So why should they change when they have a safety net? You need to rip the band-aid off and let them know that their behavior is appalling and you are not going to help them with money anymore.
You have a life of your own and they are jeopardizing your and your husband’s future. I wish you all the best, OP. This needs to be done.” slap-a-frap
9. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Parents' Overly Cheesy Meals Due To My Lactose Intolerance?
“I came here to mostly rant, but I’m also genuinely curious. Also sorry for the possibly bad English, my mother language is German.
I’m highly lactose intolerant. It’s sort of right to use certain pills before consuming anything with milk. If I don’t use them I’ll be curling up in bed not too long after with bad belly cramps.
My parents know about this. A few years ago they used the recommended amount of milk and cheese for each recipe, sometimes even allowing me to have a section with less cheese.
I was happy about that and genuinely enjoyed eating with them. But over the last few months, they started completely ignoring me. I’m not a picky eater. I’ll eat anything, regardless of what it is, and I won’t turn up my nose if I see something I don’t like.
I never complained about anything they gave me to eat.
Nowadays however they started using way too much cheese. Sometimes triple the amount on the recipe, or even more. They stopped caring and started complaining when I asked them to perhaps use less cheese next time.
It’s gotten to the point where a lasagna purely tastes like cheese and nothing else. Yesterday was another one of those days and I asked my parents to use a bit less cheese or to at least leave a bit for me with way less of it.
My dad immediately glared daggers and told me to either eat the cheese or starve. In his words, lactose intolerance doesn’t exist and I merely want to have attention.
This isn’t the case. I also have ADHS, but I never talk about it. If something happens, I’ll stay quiet since I’m not a fan of attention.
Well, today I straight up refused to eat anything. When my Mom asked why, I told her that I didn’t want to since my stomach would hurt again and I didn’t want to spend my night on the toilet again (also I recently got my wisdom teeth pulled so I can only consume very little milk products).
She got angry with me and told me to grow up, as she and my father loved it that way. I told her I didn’t, and she called my dad over. Now they’re both really angry at me for “wanting attention” and won’t talk to me.
I’m currently eating some toast just to get something into my stomach since I have an early shift tomorrow and don’t want to get up with an empty stomach. I don’t know if I’m the jerk or not, but quite frankly I’m not really in the mood to continue eating their food if they keep putting kilos of cheese on/in it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your parents are being insensitive to your lactose intolerance and it’s not fair for them to expect you to eat food that will make you sick. Maybe try cooking for yourself or bringing your own meal so you can still eat with them without having stomach pains afterward.” gmaakonno9
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here not because you don’t want to eat the food – that’s perfectly reasonable. However, if you’re working then you’re old enough to cook right? When your kids are young if they can’t eat certain things or are picky (and don’t want to make multiple meals) parents will sacrifice their tastes/likes for the kid.
However, I don’t think – now that you seem grown enough to prepare your own meals – that they need to prepare every meal without cheese or use less because you can’t have it. It seems like they’re now making meals to their taste and maybe you asking them to use less cheese is an irritant.
It seems like your asking that they cater to you provoked the reaction. So again you’re not the jerk for not eating their food but start cooking for yourself and when they are making dishes with cheese, don’t comment that they need to consider you.
Hopefully, with this approach, the issue will eventually resolve itself.” RLS2023
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner To The Super Bowl With Me?
“I’m European, my partner is American. I think this might be where the disconnect is but he doesn’t think so, so here goes. I have been with my partner “Chip” for 8 months. As I said, Chip is American, but he’s never mentioned being a huge US football fanatic.
He watches games but not religiously, and not emphatically.
My bio dad is very wealthy, and also a big gambler, known as a Vegas high roller/whale, so one of the hotels offered him tickets to the Super Bowl. He doesn’t like US football so he called me and asked if I wanted to make a long weekend out of it, come to Vegas, and I could go to the Super Bowl with his ex-stepson, “Liam”.
I like Vegas a lot and me and Liam get on really well, so I said yes. Granted, neither Liam nor I really watch US football but I’ve been to loads of sporting events where I don’t watch the sport, and it seemed like it would be a cool party atmosphere.
Chip flipped out when I said I was going. He said I was a jerk for not asking my dad if I could have both tickets and take him instead. He said this would mean so much more to him as a fan than it would to me or Liam and he couldn’t believe I was being so insensitive.
I said it’s not like he’s a football fanatic, but he argued that the Super Bowl is a big deal even if you aren’t a die-hard fan.
My reasons for not inviting him were the following:
First, I wasn’t offered both tickets.
Second, the invitation wasn’t just about the game, it was a long weekend where we did other activities and generally hung out. I didn’t want to take over a trip I’d been invited to tag along on.
Third, Chip has never met my bio dad or Liam, and I didn’t think a long weekend in Vegas was the appropriate time.
Obviously, the game has been and gone but Chip is still upset about it. He says he is deeply hurt by the fact that I wouldn’t even try to make it so that he could go. I think my reasons were valid and he is being selfish by making such a big issue of not being invited on what was essentially a trip with my dad, just because he wanted to see a game that he only decided to care about once I was going.
I feel like maybe I am missing that the Super Bowl is just universally important in American culture, whether you’re a fan or not, but Chip insists it’s a bigger issue. So AITJ for not inviting him?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it was pretty clear that your father offered you the ticket to take Liam… not anyone else.
To me it sounds like he asked Liam first and then invited you as well, so there was never room to ask if you could have both tickets. 8 months or not, this outburst is basically a red-flag parade indicative of people who are primarily interested in how you can financially and otherwise benefit them and not someone who would even consider “Oh maybe it’s a family thing” and not take it so personally.
I would be wary of making any grand financial gestures with a person like that NTJ” Mesapholis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were only offered one ticket as the other one was already claimed. Asking for the other one would have honestly, been a jerk thing to do.
Chip is being way too aggressive about this. I can see him wishing he got to go, but him getting upset because you somehow didn’t wrangle him a ticket makes him a jerk” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“You have a relationship problem Sometimes people’s sanity disappears when faced with their fanaticism, and sometimes Super Bowl is people’s fanaticism.
It is a too expensive event for most people to participate yet some do even if they shouldn’t afford to. If he can’t get past his selfishness you have a problem” RandomGuy_81
7. AITJ For Wanting To Take Our Dog With Me When I Move To Mexico?
“My ex (M30) and I (F30) parted ways two years ago. We were together for seven years. Well, not really parted ways, more we stopped spending time together, sometimes not even calling for months at a time, and it just naturally phased out.
He started seeing a new woman, I focused on my career. While we didn’t live together, his decision not mine, we adopted a mutt puppy, Scout, from a friend’s accidental litter. I also had my childhood cat and they are now pretty much bonded. My ex’s apartment didn’t allow pets, so they lived full-time with me.
As we parted ways, he also stopped taking care of Scout. She was devastated and constantly waited for him at the door around the time he would come over to have dinner. I felt terrible and would call her, telling her that my ex was not coming.
He promised to help but never did. When the yearly registration came up, I told him I was going to register Scout with only my name unless he sent his half. He agreed for me to register under my name alone.
Eventually, I moved on too.
I’m now seeing an old friend of mine(M33). Scout adores him and he is right now her main caretaker while I work. My job recently offered me a position in Mexico. The pay would be amazing and the cost of living would be much lower.
Plus, the area is where I have relatives. My partner was ecstatic and we began looking for a house to rent (or buy if the price was in our budget). We want something near the beach for Scout. She loves the water. This also gives us a chance to get something with a yard and maybe down the line get another dog.
Out of courtesy, I messaged my ex to let him know when I was leaving. My ex congratulated me on the job and then asked when he could pick up Scout. I asked him what he meant and he answered that if I was moving, he needed to take Scout to his current partner.
I told him no, Scout was coming with me and my partner. He got angry and told me I was stealing his dog. He even threatened to sue me. I reminded him we didn’t pay for Scout and the vet bills were divided until two years ago when I started paying alone.
As far as the records go, I’m Scout’s sole owner.
His friends have been constantly harassing me for stealing Scout. My friends are divided. I have no intention of changing my mind, but I feel a bit bad. Is it wrong for me to take Scout?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He gave up Scout when he stopped visiting, didn’t ask about her, didn’t contribute to her healthcare visits, and didn’t even want his name to be included in her registration. That poor dog waited at the door for him for a long time, only for him to never show — you don’t do that to your pet.
And now he expects he can just waltz over and take her — no way! The audacity. You take Scout and your awesome partner and have an awesome life in Mexico together.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can’t be a thief of property you already own.
Your ex gave up any interest in Scout over the time since you parted ways two years ago. So move and give Scout the proper home he deserves. But be on the lookout though until you do a dognapping. You know as well as I that ex will try to take him from you.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No way he can just pick up this dog, take it from the person who loved and cared for it from a pup and just dump it on some complete stranger with no warning. Just don’t engage with him or his friends would be my recommendation, make use of that block function like you’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet.” regular_gnoll_NEIN
6. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Great Grandmother's Funeral Despite My Mother's Objections?
“I (19, F) just found out the tragic news that my great-grandmother passed away. While we weren’t close, she was a very important figure in my life.
She was the “glue” that held the family together – not just immediate family, but extended family. For years, one of the only reasons our family would meet up (usually around Christmas) was because she asked us to. We all knew she was old, we didn’t know how many Christmas’ she had left, so as morbid as it is, we would all make the effort to come together.
She acted as an important figure in other ways too, bestowing decades of advice upon me and always encouraging me to live my best life. I loved her, even though I didn’t see her all the time (I lived in a different part of the country).
When my family heard the news of her passing, we were devastated. Especially my mother. She had been raised by my great-grandmother (her grandma) as her dad wasn’t in the picture and her mum was busy working as a single parent. We have all agreed that the person most affected by this loss is my mother.
Now comes the issue. We need to go to the funeral. For last-minute flights, for the whole family (Mum, dad, me, and 2 younger sisters), it will cost us between $3,000-$5,000 (dependent on the airline). We do not have this money. My dad was adamant that we’ll make it work, because we always do, and family is important.
My mum said no, it’ll put too much financial strain on the family for us all to go, and said that she will go on her own to the funeral to represent the family. I then said, I am going to buy my own ticket to the funeral and will sustain myself while I’m up there.
Although I’m a university student and have limited finances, I have some money saved up and this is important to me. I want to have a chance to say goodbye. My mum then got mad at me, saying it’s not fair that I got to go while my sisters (16 & 12) stayed home.
Why should I get a chance to say goodbye, but not them? I explained that it was very important for me to say my goodbyes. While I understand the concern of unfairness, I am using my own money and I am invited to the funeral. Why shouldn’t I go?
My mum then blew up at me saying that it was selfish and I shouldn’t be going at all. I can say my goodbyes from home.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So I’m hesitant to label your mother an (intentional) jerk since she’s clearly grieving.
But still, no one can monopolize how others respond or grieve after you say yourself that you’re purchasing your ticket. You should be able to honor your emotional needs as well. I’m going to put NTJ, because while I don’t think your mom is probably trying to be unfair, ultimately I disagree with her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry for your loss. Truly. I think that at your age, you must decide some things for yourself. NTJ. Your mom can’t spend your money as she wishes to. You aren’t responsible for providing for all. And its not selfish to manage yourself as needed. (Understand that if you go, your mom is going to chew on this for a very long time.
She’ll still be in the wrong. But, I doubt she’ll ever see it that way. So, only do what you can live with long term.)” AndSoItGoes24
5. AITJ For Creating A Separate Party Outside After Being Excluded From My Cousin's Wedding Reception?
“I’m 24 F my cousin 30 M. We’re not close at all. But his mom is my dad’s favorite sister. My dad insisted that my brothers 1 (26) and the other (28) be at the wedding party and I said not! But somehow I ended up being at the wedding party.
The church ceremony was good. The reception?? This is Nigeria by the way. We got to the venue and the wedding party table had only 9 chairs but we were 12. The MOH tells us rather rudely that my brothers and I were to go sit outside as there wasn’t enough space for guests in the hall.
I was angry. I told my parents what happened my dad said he’d go talk to his sister. My mom however was also angry. So the four of us decided to go sit outside.
Then an aunty arrived and saw us, asked what happened and I gladly told her so she pulled up a chair.
Then an uncle. Then another and another and I just kept telling anyone that asked let’s just say in about an hour there was no more space for anyone outside and people had to reluctantly go inside. Then we called drummers to come play for us we ordered food because my cousin had ordered the caterers not to serve food outside.
And then we had ourselves a good party. It was so much fun. Fast forward two weeks. The “elders” called a meeting because my cousin had gone to complain that I ruined his wedding and that the only guests inside were the bride’s family and not even all of them at that.
He and his wife had been hearing about how the outside party was good. He’s demanding I pay for the venue and like I said to my dad earlier absolutely not! I don’t even work. But right now some of my cousins are on his side saying I messed up (those are the ones who were unable to stay outside and had to stay inside) they argued that because I had moved the party outside I made the wedding boring.
I didn’t move the party. I was asked why I was outside and I answered. They said I shouldn’t have said there was no space. Hello, that’s what I did. And everyone decided to stay outside I didn’t personally say don’t go in there.
The elders after I told them why I was outside were on my side (thank God) and told my cousin off calling him childish and immature for sending his family out to sit friends. Apparently, he told them I had been bored and decided to go out.
I see why we’re not close.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The “party” outside happened because your parents chose to move outside when their kids were kicked out of the venue and you were proactive about making outside fun. Beats me where all those relatives that stayed outside were supposed to sit inside if there were not enough seats.
I’m not familiar with your culture and don’t understand why your father thought he had the right to demand his children be at his nephew‘s wedding party. There may have been some family power struggle going on but you were not the one responsible.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“So your cousin kicked you and your brothers out. Wanted you three to sit outside without food (because that was to be served only inside) and sit out on the reception. And when you had a good time although he wanted to outcast you and your brothers, he’s crying now about how you ruined his wedding.
Right. NTJ. But your father is, and a massive one. How can he be ok with how his children were treated by his sister’s son?” redsoxx1996
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Intoxicated Partner Back In Our House?
“So on the 1st of Feb, my sister (17F) and her partner (18M) came home seemingly normal at the time. I (20F) hadn’t slept the whole day and ended up nodding off around 1 pm. My sister and her partner must have been drinking quite a lot and on some other things too because at around 5 pm, I was woken up by someone laying on me, at first I thought maybe it was just the weight of my cat but it was too heavy and I hear the heavy breathing of a guy and my heart immediately sank.
It was my sister’s partner. He then stood up, stumbled around my room, fell over, and then got back up and started to look out the window.
At this point, I had thought if I pretended to be asleep then maybe he would leave. He didn’t.
Instead, he lifted up my covers and got into bed with me. I was terrified but I thought if I acted normal and left the room I’d be fine. So I asked if he was ok, and he groggily replied with a yes. And so I said I was heading to the bathroom.
I climbed over him and as I opened my bedroom door and saw my mom, told her roughly “Where’s [sister] her partner just climbed into my bed” and then basically ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I stayed there having a panic attack as my mom kicked him out, all the while my sister was trying to keep him in the house and calling my mom selfish for not letting him stay.
Apparently, the partner at one point was crying and apologizing and saying he was sorry and that he thought it was my sister’s room. It wasn’t until hours later I went back to my room to find out that most of my belongings in one corner of my room were urinated on too.
Had to throw them out and clean my whole room while it also reeked of booze. I’ve expressed I don’t want the partner to ever come back to the house, at least while my mom isn’t home but my sister keeps calling me selfish. And I feel like I can’t even be angry at him because he had no idea what he was doing or what room he was in.
I feel like the jerk but I worry if it was my under 10-year-old brother and sister in bed, and he’d done it to them, that the response to not letting him back would be different.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“How trashy are your sister and partner let alone mother for allowing this crap to happen?
You have small children there what is wrong with people???” Difficult-Singer9702
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think he should be allowed back into your home. You were at risk when he thought he was in your sister’s room. What if he had thought the warm body next to him was your sister?
It seems to me an assault waiting to happen. You could get a lock for your door, but the littles’ door/doors can’t be locked in case of an emergency, so they are completely vulnerable. Being inebriated and/or high isn’t an excuse, and he chose to get himself in that condition.
Last, even if the boundary is set that he’s not allowed there without your mother, I suspect your sister will try to sneak him in when she’s not there. I think your mom should probably (or you should) consider investing in some hidden indoor security cameras.
Maybe you can find an alarm for your bedroom door so you will awaken if anyone enters. If not an alarm, bells on your doorknob or a lidded can with coins inside that you can place in front of your closed door on the inside might wake you if anyone tries to come in.” felice60
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Wife With Her Chores?
“My wife and I have been married for about 6 years. We have no kids (though we’re trying) and no pets (due to wanting kids). We’ve had issues like any couple does but nothing out of the ordinary. Now to the relevant stuff.
My wife and I, since moving in together long ago, have had a pretty ad-hoc system of chore splitting.
It was never any chart or list or anything just “Hey I’ll do X if you do Y”. I feel we do a fairly good job at splitting things fairly, sometimes I’ll take up more of a load if she’s got a lot going on and vice versa.
Lately, though I’ve noticed that I have to spend a lot of my free time helping her with her chores.
For example, I will spend my Saturday morning scrubbing the shower, vacuuming, and then cleaning out the fridge. Then, my wife would come by and ask me to help her take the clothes out of the wash and put them in the dryer, when laundry was her chore.
Later, I’ll be asked to put away the dishes after she washes them, which was her chore. Like I said, who does what is fairly dynamic so this isn’t a perfect example.
Yesterday, I got annoyed about it. I had spent my morning vacuuming, mopping, and then mowing the backyard.
It was already mid-afternoon when she came into the den and asked me if I could clean the sink while she scrubbed the toilet, I said “I don’t like having to do my chores and 25% of your chores too” and she was upset. She said that I’m being inconsiderate and that it takes her a couple of hours to do everything which eats into her weekend.
I said that doing my chores also takes the same amount of time and I never need anyone to do them with me.
The rest of the day was pretty quiet between us, but we seemed fine today. Mostly I just want to know if I was out of line for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you get up early and get your chores done while she chooses to sleep in. The problem as I see it is that she sees you doing nothing while she’s doing chores and possibly feels it’s unfair. Except that you haven’t been doing anything you just got up earlier than her and did your share of the chores while she slept but now she wants help with hers.
She’s being unfair about it. A solution would be to sit down and write out the stuff each of you does as chores and let her see that it’s equal(if it is equal you may get a surprise you may not) and then help her realize it’s not fair to you to do more just because she chooses to sleep in and doesn’t see how much you are doing while she’s thinking she’s doing everything.” gravegirl48
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you only mention physical chores. Who does all the mental chores like meal planning, shopping lists, staying in contact with family members, caring for elderly/sick relatives, planning vacations, planning Christmas/birthday gifts etc? If she does most of that then you need to do most of the physical chores because the mental ones are never ending and more draining than physical chores (according to both research and personal experience of many many women that more often than not handle the mental load).” Fair-Performance-978
2. AITJ For Asking My Son And His Friends To Limit Their Swearing In Our Home?
“I (M54) grew up in a household where swearing was very frowned upon. My parents considered swearing to be very deplorable as they believed those kinds of words had no place in normal conversation. I have raised my kids with a similar thought process regarding swear words (though not nearly as strict).
Like my parents, I also consider these words to be detrimental as they serve no purpose other than offending someone and reducing the user’s vocabulary.
Naturally, my three kids don’t swear. I got home on Tuesday a little earlier than usual. My older son (M16) was in the dining area hanging out with quite a few different friends (I think there were about five or six in total).
I let myself in and I could hear them chatting and laughing. I heard many swear words (admittedly my son was also swearing as well) but I didn’t bother them since I guess this is normal for kids their age.
About 15 minutes later, I had to go into the dining area to get my laptop charger.
As I was about to walk in, one of the boys let off a long string of colorful words. All the kids greeted me as I entered, and I returned their greeting and said something along the lines of how they all had expressive language but they should take a more moderated approach to swearing.
Most of them laughed; my son and a few others looked a little embarrassed.
I had thought that was where things ended, but apparently not. This afternoon, my wife told me that the mom of one of the girls who was over had sent her a long series of messages.
Essentially, the lady told us that she was very disturbed to hear from her daughter that we don’t allow swearing in our house. She even went on to say that our approach to parenting was stifling and unhealthy and that we needed to encourage our children to express themselves authentically even if that includes swearing.
One quote I take directly from the text that I found particularly impolite was “Valuing antiquated notions of ‘propriety’ over nurturing environments is a sign of regressive parenting counterproductive for children.”
She finished by saying that unless we changed our parenting strategy, our son wouldn’t be welcomed into her home while her daughter would not be coming over to our house.
Again her quote read: “If you don’t adopt a more forward-thinking stance, my daughter won’t be visiting your home, and your son will not be welcomed in ours.”
My wife and I are both furious, but I sometimes think that maybe we are too strict with our no-swearing rule.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, This strikes me as absurd. That Momma is more rigid and militant than you could be while expounding her “live & let live..or else” philosophy. She is judgmental in her insistence on not judging, closed-minded about her “open-mindedness” Oh yes, I am amused. NTJ, at all.
I’m sorry you are offended; some of us find this hilarious! Edit to add: Providing expectations & guidelines for acceptable social behavior is the duty of parents. Parents who fail to provide this guidance are not doing their children any favors, as the world can be harsh in its corrections.” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house, and you can choose the rules going along with it. Also, it’s super weird to ban someone from their house for not swearing. When I was growing up, I had rules regarding swearing, I could swear, but I had to keep it to a minimum around my parents, and could never use them TO my parents (like I couldn’t call my parents a jerk or tell them to go away).” MelanieWalmartinez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds to me like your comment/suggestion was quite funny, it’s completely reasonable for you to know your kids swear with their friends but don’t want them to swear around you. To me, it sounds like she’s either misunderstood her daughter’s story as you telling them off or that she’s just massively overreacted to your comment.
She sounds like the one who would be an overbearing parent.” adders89
1. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister Who's Clinging Onto Me Due To Loneliness?
“So me and my sister have quite the age gap. To put it simply, she has been struggling lately, with the sudden change of environment and the lack of friends. Because of this, she has been clinging to me.
Which annoys me. My sister is now baby-talking me, hugging me even when I tell her to stop, and giving me gifts to silence me. Maybe the last part is a bit dramatic, but it sure feels that way!
My sister has only baby-talked me in the past to make fun of me or joke around with me.
But now, she does it non-stop. It hurts my ears and whenever she does it I want to sock her square in the face and knock some of her old sense into her. It might sound harsh, but that was how we were back then.
With the hugging thing, I think she’s being a total hypocrite because before she left for college she would grab me whenever I tried to hug her! Now, when I grab her when she tries to do the same thing, she cries!
It’s a bit embarrassing for me because despite our six-year age gap, (and her constantly reminding me of it) she seems like the more immature one!
A while back actually, we had a conversation. She cried and told me how she didn’t like how we talked and how I always got into arguments with her. I had no idea this was how she felt, so I stopped. Now she’s getting sad that I don’t play fight with her anymore, even though that’s what she wanted!
I’m now a chill person, who just likes my personal space! I don’t understand why that’s so hard for her to understand when SHE’S the one who told me to change! I honestly think she’s going a little bit crazy, which is why I’ve been ignoring her.
I think my ignoring her just made it worse, because now whenever she comes over she’s practically doing anything to get my attention. Like I’m sorry, but don’t you have college work to do?? Is it that hard to just give me space and treat me normally?
I get that humans get sad and desperate when they’re lonely, but she acts perfectly fine around my parents! I don’t understand why I have to be the only victim of her smelly hugs and relentless crying. But maybe I’m at fault. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have the right to set boundaries around your personal space and should not fall upon the shoulders of a teenager (guessing from context?) to handle the emotional well-being of someone who seems like they are struggling to adjust to changes.
You have a few options on how to approach this in my opinion – but I’d suggest being honest with your parents about your concerns about her. They are likely more equipped to get her whatever support she needs. Otherwise, I’d personally sit her down and tell her that you love her, you are there to listen and support her but she needs to respect your boundaries as well.
You deserve to have those respected. You can absolutely – if willing – be there to listen to her. However, college can be a big adjustment and what she needs is the tools to handle the stress and changes. Her college likely has resources available that she could utilize as well.” chelseatx84
Another User Comments:
“Have you had a conversation with her about how you need your personal space, not because you hate her or she’s annoying you off, but just because you have and need your own life? If not then maybe you should talk instead of immediately jumping to ignoring her and assuming she won’t listen.” User
