People Seek Connection In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Further Fund My Uncle's Medical Expenses?
“I 22M just graduated from university last year and am working full time.
Throughout my university years (4) I worked my tail off doing jobs in hospitality and call centers. I even did a full-time load of study and full-time work for a couple of semesters (thanks to both uni and work being full-time WFH).
An unfortunate tragedy had occurred in my family where my uncle fell from a couple of stories which led him to the hospital where he currently is.
I am more than happy to help out my family in need and I did. It started with a couple of thousand then eventually kept going up.
Right now I have contributed 45k of my own hard-earned money towards him. Then again I am happy to put money for my family but what angers and upsets me is this individual that I am paying for, my uncle, has barely held a full-time job in his life and is 60 years old and has no savings.
Any money that is even touched by his hand goes towards booze and that has been happening since he was young.
I’ve been guilt-tripped too much and it was my dream to get my house and start investing early in my future, hence why I worked hard.
I am losing savings gradually but thankfully due to my younger self working so many hours I am fine I have been in a negative cashflow position since January this year and never in my life have I been negative as I am frugal.
My dad kept saying “What will you do with a house, will you leave your whole family behind” and I kept saying, how much is enough, I have contributed already 45k, how further will this go?
My father is not a high earner, yet even average. I am ashamed that a university from a graduate program will out-earn him but I digress.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure your money is in a bank where your family does not know how much you have and has NO way to access and steal your money.
Their names are not on the account, no withdrawal rights. Then tell your family that you have given all you can, and they need to contact social services or sue the building owner. Not depending on you since you can no longer donate. When they berate you as selfish (they will, because they selfishly do not want to pay for him), just keep saying I Can’t.
And either none of their business how much you saved up or if necessary lie and say they already got almost all of it. And walk away, do not stay and listen. You already know what you need to do, why listen? Unless you are willing to be penniless, because to “take care of Uncle” or other family needs your folks will take everything you have if you let them.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have already given your uncle $45K. That’s unbelievably generous. You have done your share. Your dad is 100% out of line for telling you that you should keep supporting your uncle and that you don’t need a house. Calmly tell your family that you have worked very hard to get where you are, and from now on, you will not be funding uncle.
Do not back down, do not argue, simply say “This is my decision.” Repeat as needed.” ElmLane62
23. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Financially Irresponsible Parents $5000?
“I (27F) have always had a complicated relationship with my parents. Growing up, my parents (both in their 50s) were not the best with money. They constantly made poor financial decisions, such as overspending on luxuries we couldn’t afford and putting off bills until our power or water got shut off.
This led to a lot of stress in my childhood, and I often had to go without the things I needed until I got a job and started to pay for them myself.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am today. I put myself through college with scholarships and part-time jobs, and now I have a stable job working as the junior librarian at the college I attended which comes with a decent salary and decreased rent on campus.
I’ve always been careful with my money, I have a savings account, invest in no and low-risk endeavors, and check my banking info at least once a day.
A few months ago, my parents called me in a panic, saying they were in serious debt and needed help to pay their mortgage.
They asked if I could lend them $5000 to help them get back on their feet. I sympathize with their situation, but I know their history with money and am worried they won’t pay me back.
I have loaned them lump sums before and never received a cent back from them.
But nothing as big as $5000. Although I could lend it to them out of my savings it wouldn’t impact my month-to-month expenses.
I offered to help them create a budget and find resources like side hustles and methods to help them save money (i.e. price checking or couponing at the grocery store and thrifting clothes), but they dismissed these suggestions, saying they just needed the cash.
When I refused to give them the money, my parents were furious. They accused me of being selfish and ungrateful, claiming that family should always help each other out. They even got some relatives involved, who are now pressuring me to give in.
I feel awful about their situation, but I don’t want to jeopardize my financial stability, especially when I’m not confident they’ll use the money wisely, even though I could technically afford to give them the money.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I never lend money to people who already owe me, which makes it very simple to say no – you want money? Give me back what you owe me and we can talk. Also, why are there always relatives pressuring and trying to guilt trip you into such things, I would just tell them – to stop messaging me and help them if you are so much better, your messages are worthless and all you achieve is losing my respect.
And the fact that your parents went furious and started to guilt-trip you with a family card just proves that you do not have to help them – they don’t appreciate and never will appreciate your help and feel entitled to your money with no regard to your needs nor feeling any guilt for not paying you back before.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For starters, it’s YOUR money, not theirs. They aren’t entitled to it. Secondly, you’ve given them money in the past, money they have promised to pay back but failed to do so. Lastly, you aren’t through if them to the wolves.
You’ve offered them help and advice, things that they’ve thrown back at you and denied wanting. 5k isn’t a small amount. It isn’t going to make you rich, but it’s far from a small amount too. For them to just demand this is rather entitled in my opinion.
You’ve made counter-offers to help them, they’ve turned those offers down, so let them deal with it themselves. If your family wants to harp on you about it, tell them they can pool their own money to help your parents. The pooling part is essential so they can’t simply cry poverty and still expect you to pay.
You can tell them they can still contribute, even if it’s only a little bit.” DragonMaster7433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them that you have been financially on your own since high school, and growing up they only provided food and a place to stay, which is their legal responsibility.
Tell them that you had to put yourself through college because they did not help you. Therefore, they have not shown that “family helps family” except to take from you. You did not go to college to provide them with an extra income, but you put yourself through college to be able to support yourself.
Tell them you are not a bank, and that adults need to take care of their own financial needs. You don’t have the money to spare right now.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents already owe this money. So, there’s no benefit to them whether they owe it to the mortgage or you… Unless they don’t intend to pay you back. Never lend them money again. If you decide to help them financially at some distant point in the future when they are elderly and infirm, pay your money directly to the bill/expense. Your parents can’t be trusted to use your money correctly. Tell your family, “Sorry but Mom and Dad already owe me $X and haven’t made any effort to repay me. If you want, you’re welcome to give them some of your money. I’d be happy to pass along a message to Mom and Dad to let them know you’re interested in helping them out.” Teresa’s
22. AITJ For Not Sharing My Personal Life With My Gossiping Mother?
“My mom was gossiping about me with my sister, at a party I couldn’t attend. She thought I was back with my ex and was asking my sister for information. My sister told her ‘If you want to know anything about her life, ask OP’, but somehow also confirmed it was true.
2 days after the party and after my birthday, Mom sent me a long message talking about how I don’t have to keep him secret or hide him from conversations. She spilled some family gossip about my grandparents that they wouldn’t want out, and compared my relationship to hers and her heavy drinker partner.
I explained in a response that I am an intensely private person, and as we only text once a month for her to update me on which family member has which illness, or which items are coming on sale in a specific store, there is no perfect place to add the info about my relationship status in.
Pair that with the fact she never asks how I am or anything about me, and it means it’s not something I would volunteer. (I have been waiting for her to ask how I am for the past 6 months so I can tell her I’m pregnant)
Growing up, everything came at a price with her – we were never loved by her, she never told us she loved us, school shoes, etc were part of our birthdays or we would have to do chores to pay for them. She would body shame me constantly, she was a woman of size and I wasn’t that big back then – just an average puppy fat 9-14 year-old.
She has no idea about my adult life as she never asks – she knows more about distant cousins who overshare their lives, or customers of hers than she does about her youngest daughter.
Following my response, she deactivated her social media account where she would message me.
I sent her a WhatsApp saying “I’m not sure why you deactivated your account. I guess I will speak to you in October when your granddaughter will be born. Only sister knows about the pregnancy and I’d like to keep it that way.” She replied “No probs congratulations” and that was it.
I’ve been desperate for this woman to love me my whole life, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am not qualified to say how (counseling perhaps?), but can say the obvious. You need to accept that your mom is always this way and will never change.
When you absorb the realization that someone will never live up to what is desired or should be expected, it is less disappointing than it otherwise is. Mom needs to be written off as anyone who can provide any sort of fulfillment. NTJ.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations, protecting your daughter from this woman is going to be your job. When nothing is ever good enough, nothing is what they get. I have a similar emotionally neglectful mother, and we are in very close contact. She knows nothing about my life, she never asks and I don’t volunteer.
We have a superficial 3-4x-a-year email relationship. It was when I had my daughter that I realized how awful my mother was and that I didn’t need to be around her anymore. She never loved me and I never understood that. The lack is in her, not me.
I would have loved her, but she never wanted it from me and nothing I did was good enough. So she gets nothing. NTJ. Take care of you, your daughter. Your mother is not worthy of you.” CalicoHippo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Break the chain.
Your egg donor is never going to be the mother you deserve or need. You have a precious little girl on the way. Don’t make her your egg donor’s latest victim. If you let that woman in your child’s life, your little girl will wonder why doesn’t grandma love me, why am I not good enough?
Do not do that to your child! Just go to NC so that the child has the best life possible. Get some therapy to help you move on. Be strong and be the mom you wish you had. Congratulations on your baby girl.” PassComprehensive425
21. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend To Stop Complaining About Her Partner?
“I (F23) have been friends with my BFF Kayla since we were 11. She is awesome and has supported me through some really tough times, and I have been there for her through a lot of stuff too. We have never fallen out, and we always supported each other.
Until now.
Kayla has been with her partner James for just over two years now. I liked him at first, he was good for her. He made her happy, so I was happy.
But for the last year or so, every time I have seen or chatted with Kayla, all she has done is complain about him.
Some of the stuff she has told me about him is super gross, and I have lost all respect for him, and in turn, I have started losing respect for her. She has also changed a lot since being with him; she used to want to travel the world, explore, and experience new things.
Now she never leaves her house and wants to be a stay-at-home mother by the time she’s 25. It makes me sad to see, she has lost her sparkle.
It all came to a head when we went for dinner for my Birthday. She spent the whole night complaining about James, as always, telling me way too much personal stuff about him, as always, and just generally moaning.
It was after we had finished our meal when I finally snapped and said I don’t want to hear any more about her lousy partner because everything I advise her to do she just ignores and I have nothing left to say to her.
I told her she should dump him if she hates him so much, and if she isn’t going to dump him then to quit complaining about him all the time because I didn’t want to hear it anymore. I had been drinking and was just feeling super bummed because she made my whole birthday dinner about her and her stupid partner.
This was 5 days ago and she hasn’t spoken to me since. I messaged her the next morning apologizing and asked her if we could meet up to talk about it, but she hasn’t responded.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you took the nuclear option and exploded on her rather than having a civil conversation about how the constant complaining was impacting you and your friendship.
Of course, she’s hurt and upset. Not to say she’s free and clear of taking over your birthday, but she may honestly have no idea how much she complains or how draining it can be for others. The fact that you have lost respect for her means maybe it’s time for the friendship to end.
If you don’t like her and you don’t like being around her, what’s the point of the relationship? Don’t expect her to forgive you for handling the situation like you did instead of like a real friend would though. Booze ultimately didn’t make you do this.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talking about yourself/your life nonstop is rude and inconsiderate, and complaining nonstop while refusing to make any changes or take any advice is also rude. Combining them can make a conversation miserable. To do it at your BIRTHDAY DINNER is even worse.
I understand why you would get sick of it after hearing the same things over and over without Kayla listening to your advice. Also, if you’re close enough that she can tell you personal and gross things, you’re close enough to tell her your true feelings.
I understand that maybe she needed some time to cool down if it was that much of a confrontation, but she needs to be considerate about how she’s been making you feel. Friendship is a two-way street!” kahootmusic23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand it’s hard to be friends with someone who talks about someone who is hurting her all the time and then does nothing to fix the situation.
The delivery I guess was a little bit harsh but that would be my only reason for saying you were in the wrong. However, I also get your frustration. Give her time maybe she was just shocked and hurt by the way you reacted and she’ll come around and see why it could be frustrating for someone else” DemenTEDBundy85
20. AITJ For Telling My Parents Their Expensive Birthday Gift Was A Waste Of Money?
“I (16 F) recently turned 16. When I was 13, I got my first phone, which cost $100. I had this phone for about a year and a half before I broke it a few days before I started high school. Since it was so close to the first day of school, my mom gave me three options: Wait a few weeks for it to get fixed, wait for an upgrade that I wanted, or get a new phone immediately no matter what model.
I chose the latter one and the only thing that was available at the store we went to cost $300. My mom was hesitant at first, but since I was starting high school, she told me she would buy it, but I might get upgraded later on in high school.
Fast forward to my birthday and I haven’t had the phone for more than a year. My parents handed me a gift, which they said was the most expensive one they had bought me. When I opened it, it was a brand new phone, even more expensive than the one I had at the moment.
My reaction was a mix of happiness and “Why?” Something significant to add here is that we’ve been having a bit of financial trouble recently, and when my birthday started coming up, I told my parents that I wished to keep the $300 phone since it was still technically brand new and that getting a new phone seemed like a waste of money.
My parents noticed my reaction but didn’t say anything, and we kept going with the party.
After it was over, they asked me if something was wrong with the gift. I told them that nothing was wrong with the gift and that I appreciated it, but it just seemed like a waste of money especially due to the situation we were in at the moment.
My dad got mad and said I was being ungrateful, and my mom agreed. I replied by saying that I didn’t mean to come off as rude or ungrateful, but surely if we were having financial trouble, wouldn’t buying me a new phone when the one I had still worked be a waste of money?
As of right now, we aren’t talking to each other. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Never tell someone that a gift they gave you was a “waste of money”. Especially when you know it was expensive for them to get you in the first place. There were MUCH better ways of phrasing this sentiment while still sounding grateful for the gift. I declined to make a judgment overall, as I think you were well-intentioned but probably too young to understand the linguistic and social nuances of how to deal with this situation.
And your parents aren’t off-base by feeling that you seemed ungrateful, given how you phrased your response.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“I’m sure your parents are aware of their financial issues and I think they just want you to feel normal. Yes, you already have a new phone and they just got you a new one.
You can keep the one your parents newly bought and trade in the older one for cash, or other cellular accessories. I get where you’re coming from. You don’t want money to be “wasted” on you because there are bigger problems and you don’t want to feel responsible for any more financial strain, but you’ve got to understand that your parents are adults who know what they’re doing and the situation they’re in.
They’re aware of it all, I’m telling you. Just accept everything as it comes and don’t question gifts. It gets unhealthy as time goes on. But all in all, NTJ. No one’s a jerk. It’s just…a misunderstanding.” Bennie_Hollie
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ.
Your parents were probably very excited to get you this new phone, especially if they’re in financial trouble and they wanted to put you first. I realize you’re trying to be mature and responsible, and that’s admirable, but they did this for you, they put you first. Now, in my household the adults and older kids would upgrade and the old phones go to the younger ones – you didn’t mention any siblings so I’m assuming you don’t have any, which I recommend using the new, presumably better phone and you can either keep the old one as a spare for you or your parents -losing a phone is not fun when going through financial trouble-, or just sell it.
If it’s still good you should still get some money for it. Did you ask them about their finances? Maybe they saved up for it, or the company had a promotion, and could even be paying in smaller installments. I understand being worried and not wanting money spent on you, but if you want to be mature, be grateful and express your concerns instead of being dismissive of something they’ve already bought for you.” TheMinecraftWizardd
19. AITJ For Being Upset With My Brother For Losing My Sentimental Gold Chain?
“I have a gold chain that was gifted to me by my mom, it was a decent thickness (not too thick, not too thin) Italy Stamped 14K and it was from Greece when she was younger.
I don’t have many jewelry pieces, because I normally don’t have anything nice, but this was one piece that I had that I absolutely loved and just the look of it overall, I would wear it on special event occasions, and I took care of it.
My brother for some reason decided to buy a cross on Etsy; which was gold plated, and then decided to take my gold chain and start wearing it. In the shower, gym, work, everywhere.
I would tell him many times I didn’t feel comfortable with him wearing it, and that I would like it back.
Which he would get dismissive about, or irritated.
I then took it back one day and finally decided to wear it, while he whined and begged to wear it, so I let him use it, with him promising he’d put it back.
Now it’s been more than 2 weeks, and he casually asks me if I “have it” … I tell him, I do not, and react in an upset manner, saying I hope he hadn’t lost it, and I start overthinking and getting anxious.
He throws a temper tantrum with me, for reacting upset and then gives me a “sorry” apology text the day after, saying I “annoyed him” for merely being upset that he lost my chain, and that I’m being “materialistic.”
I told him to find it; he looked for it but couldn’t find it.
So now I think it either got stolen, or he dropped it somewhere.
I’m still upset about it and he gets dismissive saying he would “buy a new one” and that “I don’t need one anytime soon” but I feel frustrated because I can’t seem to find a similar design online, nor the same size.
Which is upsetting.
Secondly, this isn’t the first time he lost something, he has lost his AirPod Pros that were gifted to him, shoes that were gifted to him, etc.
I feel upset about it, but he couldn’t care less.
AITJ for panicking and getting upset with him for losing my gold chain?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never let him borrow something again. And make him pay for it…if he can’t afford it, make him pay in monthly installments. Maybe that will help him to not borrow things and/or be more careful with it next time.
Don’t get into the drama with him, he’s just trying to guilt trip you into not making him replace it.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You warned him, gave him opportunities and he didn’t respect you. He lost it. He needs to replace it. Even though a replacement doesn’t cover how sentimental the original was.
Lock your door. Don’t let him take any more of your things. He clearly can’t be trusted.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You probably rather naively let him continue to wear it. Now it’s lost either he finds it, or goes the extra mile to replace it with another one.
Or better to get two so he can have one too? He lost it so is responsible for getting you another one – exactly like the one he lost or an alternative that you are happy with. Tell him he has a week to find it or you want a replacement in your hand asap” NonamesleftUK
18. AITJ For Deciding To Move For College And Taking My Mom With Me Without Consulting My Siblings?
“I (26F) live with my mom in Los Angeles, and I don’t foresee this living arrangement changing anytime soon. Due to skyrocketing rents and her fixed income post-retirement, she had to move in with me. We have a great relationship, and I’ve accepted this as our reality.
Responsibility for our household has always fallen on me, despite having an older brother. Our immigrant mom never made more than minimum wage; we grew up low-income and in terrible neighborhoods.
Since age 16, I held part-time jobs to help with rent and bills. Meanwhile, my brother pursued creative work so his income was never reliable and his lifestyle was funded by us.
He never held down a job, he lived at home, he constantly “borrowed” money, he never paid rent, he never paid bills, he borrowed my mom’s car and got it towed or got tickets he never paid, he traveled the world on our dime and never once tried to help the family in any way even when he booked big jobs that paid thousands.
My sister, though young, never contributed financially either.
Last year, my brother finally started booking jobs consistently and making decent money. I thought for sure he would step up and help my mom financially. Instead, I watched my brother live his best life and travel the world with his significant other.
My sister moved in with her significant other into a luxury apartment. They essentially abandoned our mom to live better lives with their significant others. Both of them lived lives that I never got the chance to live because I was financially supporting everyone.
Without telling anyone, I applied to out-of-state colleges and secured scholarships and grants as a non-trad freshman.
I told my family that I’ve already accepted my place at a college in the NE and will be moving there in August. I made arrangements to live off-campus knowing that my mom would have to come with me.
Now, my brother and sister are furious, accusing me of selfishness for not consulting them.
They claim I can’t decide to relocate our mom across the country without their input and that I should’ve discussed my college plans with them first. They argue I’m jeopardizing their relationship with our mom.
I empathize with their feelings of surprise, but I also feel I have the right to pursue my own goals.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, assuming you’re also fine with your mom staying behind in the unlikely event your brother and sister step up to support her there. You are 100% entitled to go live your life and pursue the dreams you’ve been denied because you were taking care of everyone else.
It’s amazing that you took this initiative, got accepted, and made arrangements to continue caring for your mom. You have gone above and beyond. If it’s so important to your brother and sister to be physically close to your mom, this is their chance to step up.
They can find her a place to stay, support her, and do their part. If they’re not willing to do that – then they don’t get a say on it anymore, frankly. They can’t demand you continue to limit your options to allow them to be close to your mom without doing anything for her.” medley
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. It’s not your fault that you wanted to go to school. I can see where the feeling of shock is coming from, but you are in no way responsible for being the only one who’s taken care of anyone.
They can always decide to go visit if it means so much. Your mom can reach out to them, and visit them. They can stay in contact. It’ll all be fine. You do not need to consult them for what you’re doing for your life.
Also, kudos to getting scholarships and grants!” rifle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for asking the wrong people. What matters is what your mom wants. Not your siblings. Not strangers on the Internet. Not you. Lay out her options and let her decide what she wants. Be very clear on what, if any, financial support you’ll give if she decides to stay.” ApprehensiveBook4214
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids Around My Meddling Mother-In-Law?
“Am I being a jerk? I won’t leave my 2-year-old and 3-month-old alone with my MIL or FIL.
I don’t even enjoy being at their house and visiting and would prefer to limit contact to the very bare minimum.
She has always disliked me and encouraged my husband to not be with me however things escalated when I gave birth.
Below are some scenarios I have witnessed when she has been around my children:
I gave my 2-year-old a giant bag of marbles to play with until we intervened because… choking hazard!
-Left my 2-year-old alone with an opened bottle of hand sanitiser
-Let 2 year old pick things out of the garden and eat them (one plant she ate was poisonous)
-Doesn’t support 3-month-olds head when holding her
-Put calamine lotion on nappy rash after I googled it and told her no
These are just the most recent examples I can think of. She has also sent my husband links to articles that undermine my parenting choices.
She sent an article on how bad “Cocooning” is (because after her first initial visit with our first, I asked for ALL visitors to stay away for 2 weeks, which she refused to do anyways and showed up unannounced when I was 6 days postpartum).
She also sent an article about “perinatal mental health effects on baby” to my husband while I was pregnant because I had an argument with her about putting calamine lotion on my toddler after I had said no.
When our first was born and was only a week old she asked my husband if he could take the baby up alone to see her and she got angry when we said no and complained that she also needed to bond with the baby.
She has talked negatively about me to my husband’s friends’ wives and told them to “take her side”.
This has caused so many issues in my relationship with my husband because I would ideally like to go no contact but my husband takes his mother’s side a lot and he thinks I overreact or I need to just forgive her.
I resent him for it.
Opinions… am I the jerk or is it ok for me to be distancing myself from my MIL.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Bare minimum, y’all need marriage counseling. The fact that he goes against you to make his mommy happy is a HUGE red flag.
His job as your husband and father to your kids is to put y’all first. It doesn’t matter who, y’all MUST come first if he wants any semblance of a happy marriage and family life. Second, what you say as those children’s mother, goes. Your MIL is NOT their mother.
They are not her second-chance babies. Every time she breaks one of your rules, she goes into a time-out. And make each period of not seeing the kids longer until she learns. This woman has been interfering in your relationship since the beginning. It’s time to shine up your spine and take a stand.
Some of your examples are downright deadly. For those instances alone, I’d be in no contact with her. And again, I stress marriage counseling. And if that doesn’t work, you need to think of leaving. Letting a toddler play with a bag of marbles and randomly eat plants is so insanely negligent, I’m astounded. You need to be in mama bear mode and protect your kids.
Start a journal and document every instance of things like this. Take pictures/videos discreetly if possible. And save it all. You may need the evidence one day for a restraining order against her to keep her away from your kids.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and how long have you been married? Your husband sounds like a jerk and you need to have a serious chat with him as this behavior isn’t sustainable long term. I hate to say this but either she was a rubbish parent to her children or she is thinking if she got rid of your kids she get your husband to leave you.
Also, if you get counseling with your husband or not, you need to tell him you need to prioritize your children’s safety 1st and your MIL is not acting safely around your kids.” Gold-Cartographer-66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your husband sure is! He should be supporting you and ensuring your children are kept away from his mother because she is trying to cause a wedge in your marriage and harm your children.
I don’t visit my MIL much because I simply don’t like her very much, she’s pushing for me to bottle-feed my baby so she can offer to look after her… Her dog has already scraped my baby twice because she has no control of the dog.
Her house is dangerous as far as I am concerned and her feelings about being left out/ not seeing her baby enough mean absolutely nothing to me compared to the safety of my baby. You need to have a talk with your husband about his attitude, his mother is bothersome at best, dangerous at worst.” International-Fee255
16. AITJ For Refusing To Bail Out My Financially Irresponsible Partner Again?
“My partner (28F) and I (31M) have been together for eight years. We’re both very much in love with each other and each other’s best friend.
I’ve always tried to push her towards her dreams and I want her to be independent financially so that if anything happens to me she’ll be able to hold her own, as I know I will if anything happens to her.
My partner is disabled (PTSD, anxiety, autism, and ADHD, but still very independent socially) and therefore receives a stipend from the State (not the US).
It’s an okay stipend. She can live but not lavishly, she just has to be careful with how her money is spent. Since I earn more money, we don’t split things 50/50. We use a weighted system, I think it’s something like 60-40%. This way, what I pay for rent (which is like 33% of my income), she pays the same in percentage relative to her income.
But even then… my partner is extremely bad with money. She’s been receiving letters upon letters of unpaid invoices which she hasn’t opened (I think there are twenty). She smokes an ungodly amount which I’ve calculated comes out at hundreds of euros per month.
She owes me about 4k in groceries, vet bills, unpaid bills, (even with the weighted expense system), and the numerous times I’ve bailed her out, once we even had because we had a court bailiff ring at our door about unpaid invoices.
I caved in and paid.
I’m frankly getting stressed out because I’ve tried helping her manage her money, tracking her expenses, and setting up moments to pay our bills together, I even proposed to her to get an app, and she always ends up skipping everything.
We’re even going to couples’ therapy now over this because I’ve been losing sleep, and worrying about her. She says she’ll change, but I’ve yet to see it.
She asked me to bail her out once again, although the last time I bailed her out, she said she’d change.
She didn’t.
I refused. She’s sad and scared.
What am I supposed to do? Do I let her crash herself so that she might learn, or do I continue to bail her out, which I’m afraid won’t help her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is a rough situation.
With all of your partner’s conditions, which I imagine include serious avoidant behavior and executive function issues, possibly even a spending addiction thrown in there, I don’t think she’ll learn from actually crashing and burning and going into debt – but I can understand your frustration and hope that this finally “teaches” her to manage her money.
But in reality, it won’t teach her any more than cutting off an addict and throwing them out on the streets will cure their addiction. Instead of just bailing her out and getting an empty promise from her that she’ll change, she needs to be actively enrolled in some kind of program or therapy that will teach her how to manage her finances.
If she won’t learn from you, then connect her to some external program that will teach her, and force her to go. Normally I wouldn’t suggest this since it breeds financial dependence, but you might even want to consider managing both of your finances for some time while she recovers, so she can’t get herself into debt.
She needs a lot of support if you want to stick with her for the long haul.” sixoo6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know man you might have to let her crash. My last partner wouldn’t take care of himself he literally didn’t seem to care if we even had food so it was all on me all the time.
I got sick of it and I kicked him out, that was five years ago and I think he’s still homeless. I don’t want him to be homeless but I’m glad I didn’t keep him because I wouldn’t have been able to financially survive this whole time he was drowning me.
You aren’t there yet but once you run out of money then what? Are you just gonna go down with her?” 4Bforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in a similar situation, my partner was very bad with money whereas I am a saver.
Whenever there was an unexpected expense with his car or something else he’d guilt trip me into paying because I had savings and he had no money left as he’d overspent on nonessentials. He’d promised to pay me back but never did, there was always an excuse.
He’s an ex now thankfully. I would advise not telling your partner how much money you have in savings in the future. Your partner needs to stop using you.” BrokenCatTeddy
15. AITJ For Interacting With Kids At The Bus Stop Despite My Brain Injury?
“Just to start I do need to explain that I have a head injury which gave me a brain injury, it makes me childish, immature, and impulsive it also makes me emotional. And yes the parent knew this as I am open about it mostly so people don’t just think I’m an idiot (I’m not I have a master’s degree)
So I was at the bus stop listening to music and I saw the girl laughing at me so I smiled and said hello, she smiled and said hi back. I carried on with my head bobbing. I took my headphones out and she remarked that it was very hot, to which I replied that it was and that the bus was also late to which the parent stated where the bus was as they were looking at the map, I asked the girl if she wanted to listen to some kid-friendly music and the parent turned round and shouted ‘can you stop bothering them’ (there was another kid also sat on the floor)
I said sorry put my headphones in and turned around unfortunately, I started crying I didn’t want the kids to see and think it was their fault that I was crying so I walked to a different bus stop. I don’t think I did anything bad, usually, parents like when I’m being silly with their kids as long as I don’t swear or tell them anything bad.
Plus I don’t talk to kids without adults present unless it’s an emergency and then I try to find a more grown-up adult.
The irony of everything is that at the next bus stop, I had a different child all excitedly talking to me about football and languages and her mum thanked me because her daughter is painfully shy
Did I do something wrong I feel like I’m being told off for having a disability and the only good bit about this disability is kids don’t judge me for being silly and once explained to the adults it’s usually okay. I feel I’m being punished for a disability that destroyed all my hopes and dreams at 18 years old and completely changed who I was.
Or maybe she got out of bed on the wrong side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but even if you were the nicest person ever I would have to know you very well for you to be approaching my kids like that. To protect children parents often think the worst first. I think some learning from this would be to approach the parent first and ask if it is okay at the moment.
Unfortunately, you are going to be rejected and misunderstood at times and that’s bad because I imagine you are such a lovely person. The world is dark though and other people are not nice and parents are and should be very protective.” Astoran15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure, but you’re saying that the parent knew and I’m a bit confused by that. Was it someone you knew prior or did you speak to the parent before talking to the kids? If before you just mentioned out of nowhere “Hey I have a disability” then went on to the kids, I can understand where the parent is coming from.
You still didn’t do anything wrong, but it may have just been a parent who maybe isn’t educated in that topic and just thought she was protecting her kids.” Strong_tomato89
Another User Comments:
“I would say you’re not the jerk here, as your intentions seemed innocent enough.
However, adults speaking to random children just isn’t generally seen in a positive light in the modern world, whether their parents are there or not. Trying to make friends with a child at the bus stop is just going to be seen as weird and creepy by most people, even though many of them will likely be polite about it to your face unless you do something that crosses the line for them.
But even if they are polite about it to your face, they will probably be telling their friends about the weird guy who was trying to talk to their daughter at the bus stop later. You might find some strangers out in the wild who give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you are harmless, but I believe that those kinds of people will be the minority.
Again, I’m going with you’re not the jerk here, but I still wouldn’t recommend continuing this behavior if it is at all preventable.” Fly0strich
14. AITJ For Quitting My Nanny Job Without Notice Due To Excessive Housework And Neglect?
“I started a nanny job and quit shortly after. During my initial interview where I went to meet the family, the dad showed up an hour late so I had to play with the kids, which is fine but it was unpaid time that I was essentially working.
Also just frustrating that I had to sit around for an hour waiting for the dad to get home from work.
I started working on a Wednesday and it didn’t take long for me to find out I did not enjoy nannying for the family.
In the interview, I was told I would occasionally have to do minimal housework. That minimal housework meant doing the laundry of both the kids and parents along with all the dishes including dinner from the previous night (after my hours) and breakfast from the morning (before my hours).
It also included cleaning up the mom’s lunch and all of the baking that she would do. The mom was a stay-at-home mom and all her kids M, 3, and F, 1.5 wanted their mom because she was always in the house.
By Monday (day 4) I had decided that I needed to quit and I intended to put my two weeks in to allow them time to find a new nanny.
I was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday and did not work. When I went in on Thursday there were 9 dirty diapers on the floor throughout the house for me to pick up from the previous two days, the sink was overflowing with dishes and the kid’s dirty silverware was on the floor.
The island was also covered in dirty dishes. The family had not cleaned up at all in the two days I was sick and had left everything for me.
The mom proceeded to criticize the way I cleaned their dishes and folded their laundry, which I understand wanting it done a certain way but the mom just sat around on her phone all day while I did both house chores and watched her kids.
She’s a grown woman who should be capable of cleaning her dishes.
The final straw was the diapers everywhere. So, AITJ for not giving two weeks and quitting on the spot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that family sounds disgusting. Those poor kids. ‘Occasional’ housework should be changed to just ‘housework’.
Unless you signed a contract to say you have to give notice I’d quit and while I’m at it I’d call CPS or Social Services (depending on where you are from) for their neglectful behavior. 9 nappies between 2 days for a 1-year-old doesn’t sound like she’s changing her often that’s like 4.5 nappies a day and that poor baby is probably sitting in pee all day before being changed. And the lazy parents can’t even be bothered to throw them in the bin, ew.
The fact that they also left you two days of washing up is grim, that food etc was probably so moldy and hard to clean after that.” CryptographerHot8184
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have no idea what a nanny’s job is and should have just hired a maid if the primary responsibilities were to pick up after their gross selves.
I mean… who TF leaves a pile of dirty diapers on the floor? Especially with kids old enough to toddle around and stick their hands in it. Eww. And seriously can’t even rinse a dish?!” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not the job you were hired for.
And that they can’t do anything – living in the dirt because you weren’t there. It is absolut understandable to quit on the spot. The only point, you were paid to watch the kids and do the housework, so criticizing the mom for not doing those two things during your hours but looking at her phone shouldn’t be okay.
They spend their money on a nanny to do exactly that (or whatever they want to do). But I agree, it can be irritating to do a nanny job with the mom around complaining all the time. So yes, if that isn’t what you expected, it is absolut okay to quit.” Trevena_Ice
13. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Sister's Cat She Keeps Abandoning At Our Parents' House?
“I 24(F) am tired of my sister 27(F) dropping her cat off at my parent’s house and leaving, expecting everyone to take care of her cat. I live with my parents whilst going to school for nursing. She technically lives here as well, only she’s never here and usually stays at her partner’s house who also has a cat.
We already have an adult dog who is NOT a cat-lover who has been in the family since I was 16 years old. My dog is an indoor pet and so is her cat. The problem is, is that they cannot be in the same room together for obvious reasons.
So, the cat unfortunately is stuck in my sister’s room most of the time. I feel bad but I’m also not going to leave my dog outside just so HER cat can roam around freely. Plus, he was here first. She got the cat before she moved back into my parent’s house.
My sister will be gone for a while and show up randomly with her cat, drop him off, and say she will be back that night. Surprise, surprise! She doesn’t come back and she also doesn’t leave any food for him sometimes. Sometimes she’ll even take my dog’s food and feed it to her cat.
Like the time she thought it was okay to take the LAST of my dog’s food and give it to her cat. I was LIVID.
If the cat’s litter box isn’t cleaned regularly, he will start peeing all over her room. If he is in her room too long, he will also pee all over her room.
Of course, she gets upset and wonders why no one in the house is watching the cat. I’m sorry but I refuse to clean the cat’s litter and I refuse to clean the areas of her room where the cat decided to pee. Today, the cat doesn’t have any food.
I feel so bad for him. I’m not completely evil, I do want to feed her cat but I don’t have money to get cat food and it’s already almost 1:00 pm. She either needs to move in with her partner and take the cat with her OR be here to take care of the cat.
I love my sister but she does NOT deserve to have a pet!”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is cruel to her cat. And if you do not have money, are your parents supposed to feed it? You could call animal control and make an animal cruelty complaint against her, for leaving it hungry and no one agreeing to clean up after it.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ. What do your parents have to say about this? It is their house after all? It seems like they should set proper boundaries with her before it becomes a sisterly issue. Why are you in charge of the cat in their home when she is not there?
You all need to sit down and talk before it escalates.” MidnightInside7845
12. AITJ For Selling Our Shared Townhouse And Straining My Relationship With My Parents?
“It’s been almost two years since I (30M) last spoke to my parents. Here’s the backstory:
About three years ago, my parents and I decided to buy a small townhouse together. The agreement was that I would pay the mortgage, and they would cover other expenses like rates, body corporate fees, electricity, and food.
My dad gifted me $30,000 (AUD) for the deposit, which got us started. My mom, who worked part-time, handled most of the inspections and ultimately chose the townhouse, despite it being a bit old. My dad, who worked two jobs, wasn’t involved in the decision-making.
My partner (34F) and I, who had been together for just over a year and hadn’t been introduced to my parents yet, decided to renovate the house to make a good impression. We did extensive work: new floors, painting, new fixtures, etc. My partner even shopped with my mom to pick out everything.
Despite our efforts, my mom constantly criticized the renovations, saying they didn’t meet her expectations, even though she chose all the designs.
After living there for a year, I decided to get engaged and move in with my partner. Managing two mortgages seemed daunting given my income of around $60,000 (AUD) at the time.
I asked my parents if they could take over the mortgage to help. They refused, insisting I stick to our original agreement, despite knowing my partner’s income and assuming we could handle both mortgages. This caused significant stress and strained relations between my parents and my partner.
After failed attempts to renegotiate, I experienced mental health issues. My sister (31F) sided with my parents, adding to the tension. Eventually, unable to resolve the financial strain and emotional toll, I decided to sell the property. It wasn’t for profit; we didn’t even check the property’s value.
When I informed my mom about selling, she deferred to my dad for financial matters, but later requested reimbursement for the air-conditioning and fans she had installed. My dad demanded $30,000 plus $30,000 in compensation, recording our conversation without my knowledge. After legal negotiations and taking out a loan, I repaid my dad $40,000 and sold the property, ending up with a $60,000 surplus.
Now, my relationship with my parents is strained. I wonder if I handled the situation poorly.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m trying to wrap my head around this arrangement: so, if I understand: you and your parents entered an agreement in which you all bought a townhouse together to live in together: you pay the mortgage and they take care of the rest (and they paid the down payment)….was the plan for the three if you to live in this house together, and eventually you’d have property that you otherwise wouldn’t have been able to get? You meet your partner who has her digs.
I assume she living with you all in the townhouse would be bad because of space, correct? Taking care of your and her mortgages was too much, and so you asked them to take over. If this is correct, then I’d say No jerks here – but I would also say that all three of you went about this badly ” SuperLavishness7520
11. AITJ For Being Upset My Ex Took Money I Gave Our Son For His Car Project?
“Okay, so I (40F) am separated from my husband (47M). I also happen to make a significantly higher income and have continued to help support him financially during the separation (for example, I deposit $4000 a month into his checking account and cover the costs for any shared expenses we still have as the divorce is not final).
I have tried to be as amicable as possible for the sake of our kids (17 and 13).
Our 17-year-old son has wanted a “project car” and has been saving up money and had about $1200 saved. He found a car he wanted for a good price last week.
He was at his dad’s house and called me and I ended up Paypal-ing the guy selling the car $2200 for the car + towing. It turns out the seller has a lot of experience with another type of car that my ex has had sitting and rotting in the driveway for almost a decade and he worked it out with the guy that he would tow it back this car to his shop to fix it up and get it running.
Anyway, I went over to see the car and learned that my son had given the $1200 in cash he had saved to his dad (my ex) who then gave it to the guy to deal with his car. Keep in mind I am the one who paid for the project car for my son with an expectation that I’d be paid back ($1200 and then the rest of it over time from his job).
It wasn’t discussed with me that my ex would be handing the cash over to the seller to deal with his other car, so I was a bit annoyed that he did that.
In asking him about it, I was more or less informed that the money shouldn’t matter to me because I have a high salary and I was being unreasonable and petty.
I told him that I feel taken advantage of and that just because I have a good job it doesn’t mean that he is entitled to take $1200 from me without even discussing it. He did a similar thing around Christmas where I paid for something and my son gave him the cash (around $500) and I let it slide.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But for heaven’s sake tell your son to stop handing his dad money! Let this one go, it’s convoluted enough that he could legitimately claim that the money didn’t come from you, but from his son.
Your ex is an expert at this kind of thing, so make sure your son knows his dad is not to be given any money you have given him for any reason. If his dad needs to be paid for something, you will handle it directly with him, and your son should stay out of it.” TabbieAbbie
10. AITJ For Expecting My Brother To Contribute To Household Expenses?
“So I (22F) am currently living at home before moving out in September to live with my significant other. I just finished university and we are saving for a wedding.
My brother (19M) is also living at home for the summer before returning to college in Sept. We both work full-time and make a similar amount of money.
However, I have a lot more money than him in savings because 1) my school tuition was much cheaper at around $6k per year and 2) I have received quite a few scholarships and awards throughout my schooling.
My brother however is going to a school that costs around $18k per year and also had an unfortunate experience last year buying a car that caused many problems that set him back quite a bit. I believe these are the reasons my parents have for why I currently help out paying ‘rent’ every month and he does not.
To be transparent I only pay $200 per month and my parents say it is to ‘help out with groceries’ (so not rent). However, this amount was raised by $100 when my brother moved back home in May, most likely because my brother eats a lot and thus the grocery bill went up.
I was surprised to learn today that he does not pay anything per month. He says our parents asked him to but he contested and they relented. From my perspective, it is hard for me not to see this as me paying my parents more for my brother’s groceries.
I told him he really should be paying and helping out and he agreed it was unfair for my contribution to be raised seemingly because of him but didn’t agree to pay. He said he’d talk to my parents but I think they might be upset that I undermined their authority and told him he should help pay.
I am aware it is a small amount of money especially compared to what many families ask for rent. I’d just love some input into whether this is reasonable to ask of him. Is it fair for my parents to not demand anything because my brother has less money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not fair that they asked you for more money when your brother moved in, but it’s their house; they don’t have to be fair. Have a talk with them and tell them how you feel, but if it doesn’t go your way, either suck it up or move out.
You are a whole grown-up person and your parents don’t owe you anything. ETA it also kind of sucks that your brother hasn’t stepped up to keep you from paying extra for him, but that’s his karma to earn, not your responsibility to fix. He is also a whole grown-up person, and if he wants to be a lousy one who mooches off family while his sister (partially) foots the bill, then that’s on him and your parents.” bestbettsie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Your position is not the same as your brother’s – you’re now an independent adult, while your brother is still a student. A lot of parents have a cut-off point where they stop subsidizing their children: for some it’s high school graduation/age 18, for others it’s college graduation.
Your parents may consider it time to taper off the amount of financial support they’re giving you. I think it’s unfair to expect a 19-year-old student to pay the same amount from their holiday job as a graduate entering full-time employment. Is it reasonable for you to feel a bit aggrieved?
Yes, at first sight, the situation might seem unfair. Is it reasonable for your brother to expect to pay less? Yes, Is it reasonable for your parents to want more money from you now that you’ve graduated? Yes. (In their case, I would describe it as rent rather than grocery money).
So, No jerks here” Azaramicrophylla
9. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Limit His Visits?
“I moved into this place a few months ago and on my first night there my roommate told me she had a significant other and he would stay over the next day. I was a bit confused because I wasn’t told beforehand that she was seeing anybody but didn’t mind.
I thought he would maybe stay over on weekends but he stays over so much at a point almost 7 days in a row.
I had a talk with her explaining that I wasn’t comfortable with him staying over so much and that he also did not clean up after himself when he used the kitchen (he now doesn’t cook anymore she cooks for him).
I said I´m comfortable with him being over 3 times a week maximum. She said okay and we left it at that, it was good for a week but then it was back to the old.
I tried having another talk with her but this time she was more annoyed. Asking why I was uncomfortable and that her significant other tried to hang out with me before but I declined. I said that I don’t want somebody in the apartment that much, that he is practically living here and to please let me know when he is over since I´m not getting told.
She replied saying no he does not live here he doesn’t use the common area. She got more annoyed saying she would keep in mind that he was a trigger point for me, I left it at that and went back to my room.
Now again he is over more than the 3 days a week and I tried having another talk with her today but she is annoyed saying there’s no reason for me to be uncomfortable and it’s her bed so he can sleep over as much as he wants, why I´m trying to dictate that; as well as I´m being more rude to her significant other then he is to me.
We don’t talk to each other besides a Hello. I just want to know if I´m in the wrong, I don’t think I am. I had multiple talks with her but she says since they are in her room it doesn’t matter.
Am I in the wrong here?
And what can I do to fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you can get out of the lease then try to do so. If you can’t then let her know you’ll be letting your landlord know about the extra tenant she has brought in so you all can get a new lease so her significant other is as liable as you are for any deposits damages and repairs as well as rent being split 3 ways, contractually, and you’ll be expecting to split all utilities 3 ways as well starting on the first.” jennic1985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re entitled to your space especially if you’re paying 50% of everything. If it was me, I would be most concerned about the consumption of shared household stuff and utility costs. Have you seen an increase? If my roommate’s partner was there 24/7 I would expect her to pay more if there’s an obvious increase in bills.
But, if they’re secluding themselves from the room and being respectful of your space, give some leeway… it’s one thing if he’s cooking and not cleaning up after himself and using up shared household items, and/or treating the space as his.” s0nd3rb00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BUT you may just want to find a new place. Your roommate sucks because they should’ve been honest with you about having a romantic partner who stays over often so you could’ve had an upfront conversation about it before moving in.
It honestly sounds like they were hiding it. However, as much as you deserve transparency and a mutually respectful environment, whoever is on the lease ultimately makes the rules. Your roommate is subtly telling you that this is what you’ll tolerate if you expect to live there :/ Because you moved into their environment and not vice versa I don’t see a solution for you other than removing yourself from the situation unless you know of some loopholes regarding the rental agreement.
Sorry, OP.” PuzzleheadedRate5785
8. AITJ For Wanting To Inform My Niece's Dad About Her Disrespectful Behavior?
“I’m a mid-20s female and I own my house. My sister (mid-30s, we’ll call her Mel) fell on hard times and I’ve let her and her 3 kids (16M, 14F, and 6F) move in with me.
I love them all very dearly and for the most part, we get along great. We coordinate all of our child care together and she pays me to stay with me. Her children’s dad lives across the country but is very present in their lives.
However, lately, we’ve been running into issues getting progressively worse with my niece (14F) who we’ll call Alex. What started as your typical teenage attitude has progressed beyond what is appropriate, especially for her age. It used to be just lying, breaking things and not saying anything, stealing and hiding things, blaming her younger sister for things, and putting us down repeatedly but within the last day, we’ve discovered that she’s been sneaking her friend into my house when I’m not there.
I work night shifts and Mel sleeps in the attic, so Alex has him climb the side of our house and in through her window. I feel so disrespected and hurt by her actions lately but this is the icing on the cake. I wasn’t a good teenager by any means but this?
I feel as though my hospitality has been taken advantage of by her and now I have lost any trust. It hurts because we used to be more close than anyone. I don’t exactly know why but just the fact that there has been someone in my house when I’m not there, teenager or not, also has me feeling uneasy about not being there now.
The problem, besides the obvious one, is that Mel doesn’t feel it’s necessary to discuss Alex’s behaviors and the things she’s been doing with her father. I think she fears it’s going to make her look like a bad mom but I believe not only does he have a right to know about this very serious situation but she could stand to benefit from his backup with this.
I know it is not my place and more likely than not I won’t say anything, but honestly WIBTJ I at the very least let him know that something serious has been going on and he should maybe ask Mel about it?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your sister is fearful but she must share this info with her ex-husband unless she has sole custody, and even then, he could be helpful. The 14-year-old needs strong rules and reinforcement put in place, by mom, aunt, and dad, and needs medical checkups, too.
You should ask him to talk to your sister, rather than tell him everything yourself. Under no circumstances should anyone be in the house without OP’s permission, and the mom needs to support this with consequences to her daughter. Of course, it’s a major trust violation, and she needs correction.
She’s out of line in many ways, and disrespectful all around. Get it under control now, or it will get worse. Hang in there, OP. Your instincts are correct.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but may I suggest a slightly different approach with your sister?
Rather than argue with her, show the real consequences of her inaction. Hopefully, she will realize how serious this is and talk to the father for help. Set some strong boundaries with her – for example: 1) if niece gets pregnant, you kick the entire family out, 2) niece moves to a different bedroom because if the friend gets hurt on the property – you will get sued 3) if anything stolen because of niece, they are kicked out.
You can decide what boundaries should be in place – these are just examples.” Oh_Wiseone
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ What will improve by telling all this to her father? What you need to deal with is Alex. Young girls who start relationships young are usually lacking in fatherly affection which leads to low self-esteem and a need to find that “missing” love (and love of themselves as well) elsewhere.
Of course, she is only 14 so will not understand the POV of an adult until she becomes one. Her mother needs to help her, father can do little to help over the phone. She needs to be told and to feel loved. Once Alex has come to understand why she is breaking the rules and how risky it is, she will better be able to deal with her father’s reaction.
Also, be sure to let the boy’s parents know about it.” hadMcDofordinner
7. AITJ For Wanting A Break From The AC Despite My Husband's Allergies?
“My husband (40M) has allergies, bad to where his nose gets clogged and he gets migraines. Being an outdoorsy guy, he is pretty much allergic to everything outside. He is supposed to be on a daily regimen of the netty pot, nasal spray, and migraine medicine.
All of which he does not do unless the migraine is already in full swing. He also turns into an unpleasant jerk when he gets hot. He doesn’t have great skills in managing his temper, he gets short and frustrated quickly when he gets too warm.
Yes, I know it sounds very immature but it’s very true. So needless to say, he loves AC. I am not a fan unless it’s 85 + degrees out.
He has to have it on when it’s 55 outside! He keeps the house at 60-64 degrees. I am FREEZING.
I don’t want to put on a sweatshirt and pants inside, and then strip down to my shorts and tank top to go out and work on our farm. I know, selfish. I love fresh air and a breeze. I have tried compromising with a fan but he says it circulates dust and dog hair which defeats the purpose.
I’ve tried cleaning better, but animal dander and dust are hard to stay on top of when we both work 65+ hours a week. I bundle up when I go to bed because it’s so cold, and then he complains that I am too warm with too many layers to cuddle.
I don’t know how to win. I have asked him to not keep the house so cold in the summertime. I have crappy circulation in my hands to where the tips of my fingers start to sting if they get too cold. He jokes that my feet and hands are freezing.
Last time I got mad and said, “Well if you gave me a break from the stupid AC, my hands wouldn’t be so cold all the time.” As a result, this turned into me not caring about his allergies or his well-being. I have asked him to go back to the doctor and see if they can come up with something more manageable as treatment because he says he has no time for the regiment of meds already prescribed.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is the jerk here. You need a compromise. It isn’t realistic to keep the a/c off until it hits 85. I would say it isn’t realistic to keep it at 60-64. The problem is that he is using the a/c to filter the air which means it needs to be on to filter the air.
So if it is humid out and there is pollen but it is cooler, you need to run it to filter the air, resulting in it being cold. I recommend you check into some type of home air filtration system. This way you can filter the indoor air without cooling it when it doesn’t need cooling.
Otherwise, it is reasonable for the air temp to be kept at 68. That would be a fair compromise.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. My wife has allergies, bad. We also live in CO and experience smoke from wildfires. We put a MERV 13 filter in the house HVAC system.
We put the fan on “on” (not auto-on). We set the temp at a reasonable level – winter or summer. So, summer – 72F typically. Winter, 68-70f typically. The fan is always running. The air is always getting clean. The heat/AC only kicks in when the temp gets out of range.
You have to change the filter more often, but that is the point (get that stuff out of the air). You might have to replace your blower more often because it is running 24×7. But it works – we run some standalone air filters in the bedroom/kitchen 24×7 as well.
It works, it just works. He doesn’t need cold for his allergies – he needs the fan running, circulating air through the filter, and just running the fan will do that.” Puzzled_Plate_3464
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. The battle over the thermostat is a fairly common one in relationships.
As a fellow warm weather lover, it’s sad that we usually lose since everyone says “You can always put on more layers”. I love lounging around in my pjs with the house at a nice 78 degrees. It’s fairly ridiculous that your husband refuses to follow his prescribed routine and instead makes you live in the cold.
How long would it take, 10 minutes?! Seems like a bit of weaponized incompetence. That being said, be careful with netty pots. If you don’t do them correctly they can cause some gnarly infections. I’d try finding a compromise. Get a smart thermometer that can change temperature depending on the time of day or which day of the week it is.
Then split up the time of who gets what. Be it alternating days of the week or time of day.” User
6. AITJ For Suing My Fraternal Organization After They Sided With My Former Business Partner?
“In 2021 I joined a fraternal organization…later that year another member and I went into business together eventually called me a year later and said he was out.
Gave me control of everything. A month later he comes back and says you owe me my investment back and a buyout. I told him the business was worth nothing there’s nothing to buy you out we owe money so if we go this route you may be responsible for the debts of the business but I’ll just let you walk like you said.
He then turned the whole fraternal org against me… even tried to get me kicked out, saying I “defrauded” him… even though he quit.
He also tried to sue me, I defended myself without a lawyer and he ultimately settled. The fraternal org dropped the kicking out stuff but their minds were poisoned.
A year went by while his suit was pending, once dropped then I started coming back re-engaging with the fraternal org. They are all rude to me, angry, and treat me like I’m the one who did something wrong. They then started violating my membership rights etc. over something they had no business in, so I sued them, eventually their lawyer said “They want no contact and to be left alone” Some months went by and then they sent me something in the mail, then.
Try and get me kicked out again for ignoring them as their legal representation asked me to do.
Mind you when I filed, I started getting death threats and letters in the mail saying “We’re watching you” social media accounts harassing me continuously, and dozens of phone calls at all hours of the night from spoofed numbers.
I’d say at this point it’s slander/libel and it’s malicious especially since they had the email asking me to leave them be, I did what they asked and they’re gaslighting me over that too.
Am I the jerk for standing up for myself and my rights?
It’s hard to tell when it’s you against a group of people because you feel lonely and isolated but all you’re doing is right by yourself.
I think I might be the jerk because it’s them (6 people) (the org is much bigger than 6) against me, they all seem to hate me, but I truly am unsure of what I’ve done to deserve this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why would you fight and/or sue to remain part of a fraternal organization that does not want you as a member? If the group’s lawyer has contacted you requesting ‘no contact’ I think there may be more to the story…or perhaps your ‘partner’ was a long-time member and you were new?” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done nothing wrong, but save the messages, follow the lawyer’s instructions, and stop engaging with these people. Threats, relentless calls, letters? They sound like they’re at least five different kinds of nuts. ” Classlass1045
5. AITJ For Cutting Off My Abusive Father's Internet And Cable?
“I’ve had a very poor relationship with my father for most of my life, my mother left when I was four and my father has always treated me like it was my fault.
I have two older brothers and I am the youngest by 9 years I’m pretty sure I was a mistake.
I have always done everything for my father, he hasn’t worked in my lifetime and I’ve supported him as soon as I left school.
I haven’t had much of a life, very few friends, no partners because he always dictated what I had to do, always had jobs for me to do, always had things for me to pay for, and if there were no tasks he would just bully me about being worthless.
During difficult times (he’s elderly and has COPD) I did everything and risked my job on almost a daily basis for him, while my brothers did nothing. My dad has always been quite a nasty heavy drinker, he never hesitated to tell me what a disappointment I am when he’s had too much to drink and how if he had been with a different woman he could’ve had better children.
It has always upset me and he knows this.
He’s controlled my whole life and has made me homeless a couple of times so I wind up destitute and have to come back to him, I’m now 37 and have no confidence and zero social skills, and last year he made me homeless again, through the help of a friend I found a room to rent and have survived barely, I have quite a bit of debt that I’ve been working on so one thing I’ve done is get rid of needless direct debits so I canceled the media box (cable) and internet at his house, he’s had it for almost a year after I left, I gave him 30 days notice that it was being canceled, he has never contributed to any bills ever.
Yet after all this, I still feel quite guilty about cutting his internet, I had barely heard from him for the best part of a year and received a call from him where he asked me not to and said I brought everything on myself.
So am I the jerk for stopping his cable and internet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Detach and work on yourself. You’re digging yourself out of debt he helped put you in. You should not be paying his idiot box bills while doing so. If you can afford to, start exercising.
It’s a great boost to your mental health, and you don’t need to be social to do it. Even if you’re taking classes, it’s you can use to escape life’s monotony for an hour or so a day. Start small and go from there. Also, consider blocking him.
He is not a positive influence on your life, and you don’t need the negativity or guilt. He feels no guilt for controlling your life and adding misery. You should feel none for cutting it out.” baobab77
4. AITJ For Attending My Friend's Wedding Despite My Brother's Breakup With Her Sister?
“I (22f) got invited to my friend (23f) from high school Julie’s wedding in a few weeks. My brother (19m) was in a relationship with one of my good friends Mary (20f) who is the sister of my friend getting married. I first became friends with Mary and when hanging out with her I also became friends with her sister Julie.
My brother and Mary are going through a rough patch and he probably isn’t going to the wedding but is upset I am. He claims I’m not even friends with her because I haven’t talked to her in years. I think this is a dumb reason as I am the type of person who doesn’t need to talk to someone in a long time but when I see them we just click back into place like there has been no time between us.
I barely communicate with all my friends and they are the same but I would still want these people to be my bridesmaids if I get married. I was closer friends with Mary than Julie but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about my friendship with Julie.
I’ve known her fiancé as well and was there for pretty much their entire relationship as well as the rough patches. My brother is saying it’s going to be weird for me to go and him to not be there and everyone is going to ask where he is.
The way I see it is I’m going to celebrate the wedding of two people I care about.
I can understand why he would be upset but what he refuses to realize is I was friends with both Julie and Mary long before he started being with Mary.
It is not my fault he decided to be with someone I am friends with. If it was someone he was with and I became friends with them afterward I would understand. But I’ve known Julie and Mary for years before he was with Mary and I don’t think he has the right to tell me not to go celebrate a big milestone with my friends just because his relationship with my friend didn’t work out.
I’m going to go to the wedding but all my other family thinks it’s weird to some extent but haven’t told me not to go and said I will enjoy it. I just need to know if I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, I don’t think you’d be the jerk, NTJ. The only exception I can think of is if Mary has been treating your brother abusively, and I only bring this up because he seems to be having a strong reaction.
If that’s the case you should not go. But if it’s just normal type of problems then go ahead.” WealthOk9637
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he is more worried about people asking you about his relationship or Mary asking you about him.
Those things can happen but it’s as simple as “I’m just here to celebrate Julie and her husband today.” And going no further. It’s not Julie’s fault for whatever issues they are having. And it’s not yours either.” More-Diet3566
3. AITJ For Not Backing Up My Partner When He Insulted My Identical Twin?
“My (19M) partner (20M) and my TWIN brother (19M) got into an argument yesterday and I can unfortunately say that my partner was very much in the wrong.
That’s not the point though. The point is after my brother proved him wrong my partner got mad because both of my brothers started laughing at him and he told my brother to shut his ugly rear up. I didn’t think much of it until my brother pointed out we had the same face and started laughing harder.
Then I just looked at my partner and he started denying it saying that we don’t look alike, etc and kept insisting my brother was uglier. We are IDENTICAL. I told my partner that I know he probably said it just to insult him but that it’s no reason to lie and deny that we look alike because we do.
My partner kinda got quiet after that and just apologized to all three of us and left not long after. After he left he called me and told me that I hurt his feelings and should’ve stopped pointing out that my brother and I look alike.
He told me that I could’ve just agreed with him because it’s his opinion and we made him feel stupid about it.
I told my partner that I was sorry for hurting his feelings but that I just think he needs to learn that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes and that nobody would judge him if he learns to admit that rather than start an argument over things that don’t need to be.
This upset him more and he told me that he felt betrayed because I was supposed to have his back in front of my brothers and when I didn’t I just made them laugh more and I caused him to feel humiliated because he couldn’t even have my support.
He told me that I should’ve corrected him in private rather than in front of my brothers.
This is kinda the first time he’s ever been upset with me and it’s making me feel some type of way. I try to defend him when he’s in the right but yesterday I really couldn’t do anything other than ask my brothers to stop laughing but he wasn’t helping me either by insisting he was right.”
Another User Comments:
“As a gay man with a twin brother, I can say with 100% confidence: NTJ. I mean, sure, your brothers were wrong to laugh after your twin corrected your partner. But your partner, instead of gracefully accepting that he was wrong and laughing too, chose to get angry and insult stupidly, resulting in being made to feel stupid.
It’s your partner’s fault, not yours. Now, if I’m honest, it’s pretty immature of your partner to think that you’re obligated to back him up even when he’s making a mistake. I think it’s time to set some boundaries.” SaxoSad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, insulting your identical twin is insulting you, even if he was saying things out of anger or “joking”.
Brothers are forever, partners don’t have to be. Ridiculous that he’d think you’d agree with him!? ” specialkk77
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Boss His Wife Flirts With Other Men At Our Store?
“My boss Mr B. (M60s) owns several shoe stores so he only comes around once a week or so and I don’t know him super well. The store I work at has three employees and by random coincidence, we’re all in our late 20s-early 30s so we get along pretty well.
I assume that’s why our boss’s wife, Mrs B. (F, I wanna say late30s-early40s?), likes to hang around at this store more. She usually comes here a few days a week without her husband and I wouldn’t say we’re friends with her but we’re friendly.
She’s kind of a character – almost a caricature of a rich person that’s completely disconnected from reality but she’s nice enough. Here’s where it gets tricky: Mrs B. loves to flirt. She didn’t exactly marry for love if you get my drift and while Mr B.
knows that she comes to the store he doesn’t know that she meets guys there and sometimes even leaves with them and only comes back a few hours later. None of us have told her husband, we just mind our own business.
The issue is that me and my partner ran into one of my co-workers (I guess I’ll call her Gayle) while grocery shopping the other day and Gayle ended up jokingly mentioning Mrs B.
and her ‘guys.’ I don’t even remember what she said exactly but once Gayle and her husband left my partner asked me what she meant by that so I told him about the secret rendezvous and he said I needed to tell Mr B.
because he deserves to know. I thought he was joking at first but he was dead serious.
I told him there was no way I was gonna get involved in my boss’s marriage, but my partner thought I was already involved since my colleagues ‘cover for her’ (we don’t, we just keep our traps shut).
He’s decided that it speaks badly to my character or that it means I think being unfaithful is okay or something. I don’t know, he won’t drop this and I just think he’s failing to understand that this is my place of work and I’m just trying to get through the work day, not create unnecessary drama for myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh no. It’s none of your (or your partner’s) business! Odds are, Mr. B already knows this about his wife. If you came forward, sorry to say, you would lose your job – whether he knows it or not. If he knows, you’ll lose it because he’s embarrassed you know, if he doesn’t know, the messenger is always the bad guy in this scenario and again, you will be let go.
You go to work, you do your job, you go home. People you work with aren’t your friends, you don’t involve yourself in drama, backstabbing, or any other nonsense. Do your job and leave – period. NTJ Good luck!” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Work issues are work issues and home issues are home issues.
The only time I could see it being any other way would be if you were personal friends outside of work, which does not seem to be the case. You also never know if they have any kind of arrangements that allow for this kind of thing in their relationship.
If you ever said anything, it would likely end badly for you as far as employment, and really, it makes no difference in your life at all.” settler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re under no obligation to tell your boss anything and if you do, then what?
What if you’re wrong? You could be jeopardizing your job. Yes, it seems like Mrs. B might be unfaithful, but she also might not be, and they could have an open relationship, you don’t know because it’s not your business and you’re under no obligation to out Mrs. B.
I don’t know why your partner is pressuring you to get involved when you don’t even know if she’s actually being unfaithful and even if she was it still isn’t your place or your business to say anything. He needs to back off and mind his own business or he is going to look like a jerk.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Giving My Mum The Extra Ticket To My Daughter's Play Instead Of My Mother-In-Law?
“I (45f) had a row with my husband (48m) who thinks I’m being a jerk.
My parents-in-law live 2 hours away in the same town as my SIL. She doesn’t work and is very organized, her husband was made redundant a year ago so is also at home but money isn’t an issue.
My husband and I work full time (he stays away three nights a week) and I struggle to plan for more than a few weeks (honestly just always chasing my tail). My mother lives near us and our kids are the only grandchildren in the same country.
My mum helps us a lot so probably does something once or twice a week e.g. will look after one child so I can take the other to the doctor. My parents-in-law offered to help but have never been able to because my sister-in-law has booked them up beforehand.
This has happened even when I try to ask well in advance (e.g I asked 4 months in advance if they could help as my kids weren’t invited to a wedding and 6 months in advance as I’m trying to take my mum to visit my brother overseas for her 70th) both times they have said no because they are taking my SILs kids to sports competitions (apparently they’ve agreed to do every Saturday).
I am sad because I feel like my kids are missing out but it’s their choice and they are wonderful grandparents who my kids love.
Anyway, my daughter is in a school play – she’s not a very big part but it’s a fairly big deal for her and she has been working hard.
Due to space, each family is limited to 4 tickets. My husband, son and I are going and I offered the 4th ticket to my mum. My husband thinks I should have given his mother first dibs because ‘she gets to see our kids less’. I think my mum helps so much it would be a bit of a kick in the teeth not to involve her in this.
Also since my dad died I am conscious she’s a bit lonely so things like this are a bit of a treat. My daughter says she doesn’t mind who we invite.
AITJ for asking my mum instead of my mother-in-law.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother helps with the kids, your mother is near and supports you when your husband works away. His parents could see the kids more but they made commitments to the grandkids that live nearer them to commit every Saturday to their sports.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is the grandparent who has been an active part of your daughter’s life. She deserves the ticket. It’s also doubtful your MIL would show up even if she had a ticket.” Bethsmom05
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For simply deciding without discussing it.
“My mum helps us a lot” .. your mom is already intruding a lot into your partner’s life, that’s a massive burden. Don’t aggravate that.” Excellent-Count4009
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