People Complain About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Family To Not Smoke In My House?
“My partner moved out back home to his mom & gram a month after this incident. I am not only a jerk but a psychotic woman. 30m in a committed LTR live in w/ myself 53f (He did not work & was being supported by me & others in a communal polyamory setting).
His mom & “Gram” as he called her came out for a visit. I am highly allergic to smoke & was scheduled for sinus surgery just 5 weeks later. I struggled to go to their home & would have to stay outside as well as take allergy pills causing me to be lethargic due to their chain smoking.
It was negotiated his family would not smoke in the house but in 1 of our 3 decks.
He insisted I give up my room, instead of his for them because of the private en suite. Day 1, I have to go into my room to get clothing from my closet & the room reeks of smoke.
I ask him to please remind them not to smoke in the house. He says “They aren’t”.
The house starts stinking. I start finding smoke remains on the couch, and under things, & notice his gram lighting up in the house before stepping out. One night, I’m doing the dishes & she steps inside.
There’s laughing from him and his mom who are on the deck. She comes in, lights up smoke & proceeds to dance around the kitchen & great room. I said “Outside” & she said “What? What’s wrong”. I said, “Out. Out. Out. Take the smoke outside” and suddenly she was screaming at me.
He bursts in yelling “Don’t you scream at my gram” & his mom enters and starts telling everyone to calm down as well as lecturing me about how I “overreact to everything”
They do not speak to me for three days.
Invite other relatives over & recount the story making me into some horrible person who “yells at old people” and then leaves.
My housekeeper comes the day after & finds smoke remains everywhere: behind my bed, in the bedroom, in the couch cushions & chair cushions, in my bathroom in a coffee canister, & under the oriental rug. He borrowed my car for 2 days to drive them around & there was smoke remaining in it.
Upon bringing this to his attention, he called me a woman who yelled “at an old lady over lighting a smoke one time on a windy night” and told my housekeeper not to come back. He moved out 3 weeks later…..
But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They are entitled jerks for all the smoking and your partner is enabling their bad behavior. What you want to do if they continue to cross your perfectly reasonable boundary on smoking is to keep a Super Soaker nearby and let them have it if they light up even once in your house.
They’ll learn then.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since he moved out, I’d say your problem is solved –as long as you make it permanent. Reread your post. Nothing in there says he respected you or cared for you or your health. His family were terrible guests, first for smoking when you asked them not to, then lying, then littering your home with their smoke remains like naughty children.
And him telling you to give up YOUR room? Well, that would have canceled the visit right then. They could have found some flea-bag hotel that would let them smoke instead. Good riddance to bad rubbish.” FuzzyMom2005
21. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A House Without My Indecisive Family Member?
“About five years ago, I lived in a completely different city. I was living with a close family member, and I was saving money to move out in addition to helping around the house (such as buying groceries, paying bills, etc).
The city (and surrounding area) is very expensive. I was slowly giving up and considered moving to a different city. Then, a close family member mentioned a city that would be wonderful. I took trips with them a few times over to this city to take a look.
The family member expressed that they also would like to move there. It has so much potential, and it is affordable to me (plus I want to own animals that I previously could not where I lived such as a horse or chicken).
I was moseying around on Indeed and applied for a job.
Unexpectedly, I got the job. I moved in a matter of a week. The family member proposed an idea. They had said that we could pool both of our funds and buy something much bigger and better than to buy individually. I entertained the idea, and for a total of almost three years, I often (think every other weekend) went on house tours with a real estate agent.
At least two times, we found an amazing home that hit all the criteria. However, the close family member seems uncertain or indecisive about moving (and by the time they decide, another offer from another buyer is already set in). I even suggested the idea of buying two vacant lots beside each other and building on it (so they can build their home at a later date when she is ready).
However, they declined or seemed uninterested.
I recently went to one of these homes that we liked. The family member even called another relative about how much she likes it. Yet, it seems like they are uncertain again (despite their expressing about moving and how they cannot afford to live where they are now).
I am starting to get a little upset. It feels like I am putting my life on pause for someone else who doesn’t know what they want.
Would I be the jerk if I moved on with my life by buying my own home (considering my fear of the homes becoming more expensive where I am now)?”
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t respect yourself then nobody will, you can do whatever you want but it sounds like you are not sure/ready to move and just look for excuses as if you really would want to buy a house you would buy it and your family member could join you or not – that is not your problem and shouldn’t be the deciding factor in your life choices.
You will be a jerk if you keep waiting for other people to approve what you want to do, just be yourself and do what’s best for you.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are showing you their true color if they are unreliable in serious things like this don’t get involved in any of their plans, it’s only a matter of time before one blows up in your face and ends up costing you either a lot of your money or extreme hate for them because it took you getting hurt from them to realize they are not good at organizing and committed as you are when doing things.” Supernova-Max
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you can afford to buy it by yourself go ahead. I would tell the family member you just can’t pass it up and if they decide to move they’re welcome to rent a room from you until they’re sure of what they want to do.
Don’t offer a rent-free situation because you’ll end up supporting them while they wishy wash back and forth.” Ok_Homework8692
20. AITJ For Threatening To Uninvite My Future MIL From Our Wedding?
“So I’ve read some other posts on here about crazy mother-in-law situations, So buckle up because I think my future mother-in-law is kinda crazy.
Okay, so I (26F) met my fiancé (28M) back in high school. Ever since he introduced me to his parents his dad loved me but his mom wasn’t a fan of me, I tried to get along with her but she wanted nothing to do with me.
One day we were over at my fiancés parents’ house for dinner to celebrate our engagement, his mom wasn’t too happy about it (as I expected) and as I was putting food on my plate she told me not to get too much since I needed to work on losing some weight before the wedding, I do work out a bunch like going on jogs and going to the gym, I am not by any means skinny but her just saying that made me feel insecure.
Recently just went wedding dress shopping and I didn’t really wanna take her with me but she insisted. So I decided to be nice and let her tag along. I tried on a bunch of dresses and she hated every single one. I finally tried on a dress I fell in love with but she told me it was the ugliest one yet, I decided to go with that dress since I loved it, and she told me no guy would ever wanna marry me if I was wearing that dress, I told her since it’s not her wedding I could pick out whatever dress I wanted and after that, she got really mad at me and stormed out the building.
Right after I got home from wedding dress shopping she had decided to call my fiancé, she was screaming on the phone telling him to end the engagement with me, I was so angry at her that I had to walk to the other room before I told her off.
A couple of hours later I decided I had enough and I was going to tell her how it was, I sent her a message saying “If you’re going to continue being rude to me I don’t want you at my wedding, you’re more than welcome to come if you can be nice and respectful” yes I know it’s her son’s wedding too but I don’t wanna be disrespected at my wedding, my fiancé thinks I’m overreacting but I don’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have a future mother-in-law problem, you have a fiancé problem. Yes, your future mother-in-law is acting ridiculously; however, the real issue is that your fiancé should have shut down this behavior long ago. His mother is being outrageous and treating you horribly, and he’s not just letting it slide, he’s saying you are overreacting by not wanting someone who has been denigrating you for years and who can’t hold her tongue for 5 minutes at your wedding.
I would seriously reconsider this wedding until you two get some counseling. Future mother-in-law may end up getting what she wants and you two won’t get married, but at least you won’t live your life with constant mistreatment while your spineless husband sits on the sidelines. NTJ.” NotACraicKiller
Another User Comments:
“I mean, she’s unreasonable and treating you abysmally so I’ll go NTJ for sticking up for yourself but DUDE, you need to bring your fiancé into the mix and let him handle all of this. Firstly it’s unacceptable if he’s sitting passively watching his mother blatantly insult you.
You also need to be a united front with her and HIM telling her to knock it off will be way more constructive than you forging it alone. You are nearly a jerk yourself for handling it the way you did rather than working with him on this.
EDIT: I realized I missed your last statement about your fiancé thinking you’re overreacting. WHAT? This is SO much more of an issue than how your mother-in-law is acting. Yes, she’s being disrespectful but that problem is only as big as it is because your fiancé handles it.
What you need to address, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED, is what you need from your fiancé for help and protection, rather than leaving you on your own and even defending his mother’s behavior. If you can’t get on the same page you should cancel your engagement.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’ve allowed yourself to be treated like this for years. Your fiancé has allowed you to be treated like this for years. He will never stop his mother from publicly disrespecting you, degrading you, and insulting you. If you have a child with him it will go one of two ways, mother-in-law will continue this treatment of you and will also treat your child this way.
Your partner will continue to co-sign the mistreatment to you & any child as he has done so far. Or she will continue to treat you this way in front of your child. She will bad mouth you directly to this child. She will encourage your child to disrespect you the way she does.
She will enjoy using your child to hurt you. And again your partner will do nothing. And you will be a jerk if you accept one more minute of this because he has made it clear he will not protect you from his own family and she will never change.” KindlyCelebration223
19. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Question My Dad's Wife's Title As "Grandma"?
“I (30m) have three children with my wife. Lainey (6f), Rosie (4f) and Theo (1m). The kids have a few different grandparents. My wife’s parents are divorced and her mom and dad and gramma and grandpop, her stepdad and stepmom are grandpa’s name and grandma’s name.
We call my mom grandma but she passed away a couple of decades ago and the kids never met her. But we still talk about her and they know about her. My dad is grandpa and his wife insisted she was going to be grandma and not grandma’s name.
My dad fought hard for his wife to not have her name added like the other step-grandparents. He told me the kids won’t know my mom so why would I push his wife out? She wanted to be given a mom title by me as well but I only ever called her by her first name.
Lainey was asking questions about my wife’s family about why Grandma and Grandpa are married to different people and why their grandma’s name and grandpa’s name. It was explained to her that her mom’s parents are divorced and she has stepparents so they’re titled a little differently. She said her friends talked about that.
My step-ils said they wanted to be respectful of her biological grandparents.
Last weekend my dad and his wife stopped by and my daughter asked my dad’s wife why she’s just grandma and not grandma’s name like some of her other grandparents. My dad’s wife told her it’s what she wanted to be called and she felt that’s what someone should call their grandma from their dad.
Lainey asked her why she didn’t wanna respect my mom like her other grandparents wanted to respect her mom’s parents by using her name too. I let her ask the questions. I said nothing. Neither did my wife. This upset my dad’s wife so badly, which upset my dad.
They told me I should have stopped my daughter from asking the questions and that I shouldn’t have been okay with her claiming she wasn’t a real grandparent or a real parent to me. I told them I had always been clear that I did not consider her my parent and I was clear I wanted her to be something other than just grandma but they insisted and I relented for my kids’ sake.
They told me I shouldn’t be letting my daughter question dad’s wife’s place in the family like she was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they can’t come up with the words to effectively explain the reason to a child that A)asked the question on her own and genuinely wants to know, and B)is not going to judge them on their response, then maybe it’s time to realize that their “reasons” are self-entitled nonsense.
Dad is doubly the jerk for being upset that you didn’t shut the child up when she put him on the spot.” Throw-CA-Wpg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But as someone who’s always called my grandparent grandma name grandpa name, I don’t understand the problem. I guess we would use grandma/pa when talking to them directly and grandpa/ma’s name in general, or grandma/pa’s last name depending on the situation.
The names were mostly used for differentiating. But my biological grandparents had no problem with being called grandma/pa their name. When we later on had step-grandparents in the mix they were also grandma/grandpa names. Never really understood the whole grandparents’ name thingy with everyone getting their special homonym to describe them ^^;” Annabloem
Another User Comments:
“Potentially YTJ here…. These don’t sound like questions a 6-year-old randomly comes up with and presses their grandparents over. Kids call their grandparents whatever they call them and move. 6-year-olds don’t have philosophical questions and thoughts about whether Step Grandma is respecting her mom’s family, etc, etc, etc. This sounds like something you are upset about and pushed your kid to ask a very specific question to out your stepmother and dad on the spot.
Don’t buy it at all that the kid came up with this line of thought on their own.” Slade_Riprock
18. AITJ For Leaving A Family Reunion Early Due To An Unexpected Dog Triggering My Allergies?
“My husband’s (28m) family has some annual reunions, and this year it was hosted at his aunt’s large, rural property.
Everyone was excited because it’s a big event where we all catch up, play games, and enjoy each other’s company. One of the cousins recently got a dog, which she adores and brings everywhere. However, no one mentioned that there would be a dog coming to the reunion.
Here’s the thing: I have a severe dog allergy. When I arrived at the reunion and saw the dog running around, I started feeling anxious. I approached her and gently reminded her about my allergy, hoping she would understand and maybe keep the dog in a separate area.
Instead, she got defensive because she didn’t remember I had an allergy. But then, she told me she would keep the dog away.
This obviously, didn’t happen. The dog was running around. I tried to participate in the activities, but within an hour, I was already sneezing and my eyes were itching terribly.
I couldn’t take it anymore and told my husband I had to leave. He was sympathetic but suggested I should try to stick it out. When I insisted on leaving, some of his family members overheard and gave me a hard time for “overreacting” and “ruining the fun.”
I drove back home feeling frustrated and left out. I left my husband there and a family member would drive him home. Later, I received a series of texts from his aunt accusing me of being dramatic and saying that my departure made everyone uncomfortable. Some other family members echoed her sentiments, saying I should have just taken allergy medicine and stayed.
My husband was also frustrated because he felt caught in the middle. He wasn’t supportive of my decision to leave early and made it clear that he was disappointed. He thought I should have tried harder to manage my allergies and stay for the sake of family unity.
His lack of understanding added to my stress and made me feel even more isolated.
However, a few of his family members understood my situation and said I did the right thing by prioritizing my health.
Now, I’m conflicted because I hate the idea of causing family tension and having this awkward situation with my husband, but I also feel like my concerns were valid.
So, AITJ for leaving the family reunion early because of my cousin’s unannounced pet?”
Another User Comments:
“Why were you meant to stick around at a party when you were sick, miserable, and suffering? I’m so sick of people thinking anti-histamines are some type of magic bullet that instantly cures any allergy.
I have to take mine days in advance and even then they minimize the symptoms and stop me from getting sick but they don’t magically stop me from being allergic to something. Your husband’s lack of care and consideration for you was appalling. Ultimately he’d rather you be unhappy than his family be unhappy.
What’s the point of family unity without love and caring? Were you your husband’s designated driver? Is that why he was annoyed at you leaving? NTJ” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s just a dog. Take a Claritin. It’s my famous crab dip. You have an Epi-pen, right?
I made this cheesecake, especially for you. You can just run to the bathroom. You have to have some of my pumpkin pie. You can take a little extra insulin. Oh, just have one glass of wine. I won’t tell your sponsor. You have to come on the hike with us!
You don’t need that cane, do you? Because heaven forbid our allergies, addictions, or medical conditions inconvenience anyone or hurt their feelings.” 2_old_for_this_spit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They expected you to stay and have itching eyes, runny nose, sneezing, and all the other fun that allergies bring.
That’s just inconsiderate! (But that said, can you take any OTC allergy meds?) Leaving but having your husband stay was the most considerate response – you didn’t make him leave, you just took yourself out of an unhealthy situation.” Ok_Conversation9750
17. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Fiancée To The Train Station After Working Night Shifts?
“My (24F) fiancée (25M) has ADHD and has a difficult time keeping a schedule which often results in him sleeping past his alarm.
Today he was supposed to catch the bus at 7:30 am but missed it.
I work shiftwork and had just finished my third 12-hour night shift in a row. My commute home is about 45 mins, so I got home just before 8:00 am and woke up my fiancée upon entry.
He was upset with himself right away as he usually is when he sleeps in.
We’ve had this issue in the past and I’ve previously told him that if he needed a ride to the train station, I would prefer to pick him up at the front door (we live in an apartment) because once I’m parked in the garage and make it upstairs I’m tired and prefer not to leave again at this point (which I’ve still done in the past for him).
I would say I probably drive him at least once every 2 weeks when he’s late.
He asked me if I’d drive him to the train station today, which would save him a 30-minute walk for his already long 1.5-hour commute, but I declined. I was hesitant at first but decided that I deserved to put myself first. He seemed upset and did make a comment saying “I better see you in bed in 2 minutes then”, but eventually went on his way.
Approx 30 minutes later, he texted me saying that he knew it wasn’t good timing but that he really could’ve used the drive today.
Later today he called and I expressed to him how I was upset by this. He said he was also upset because I wasn’t there for him when he needed me that he would’ve done it for me if the roles were reversed, and that he was scared there was a limit to how much he could lean on me.
Also, he hopes I’m happy that I got what I wanted and for me to enjoy my extra 30 mins of sleep.
To be fair, I’m not working today, so I’m able to sleep in later and it would’ve only taken me about 30 minutes in total. I feel a bit guilty as realistically it wouldn’t have been that much of a burden to drive him and it means it would have helped him out a lot.
I know he’s been having a rough time lately and worked 7 days this week, and is already angry with himself as is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Sure, driving him in would have helped him a lot, but this is a recurring pattern, and if you don’t like being the one responsible for helping every time, it would be a good idea to think of a better situation to fix this.
More alarms in the house? Ones that you have to physically get out of bed to snooze/turn off? Find a situation that works for your partner. It is okay to feel guilty about it by the way. And it is okay to feel angry. Hope my advice helps!” amantahugnkiss69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When he says you weren’t there for him when he needed you, what he’s saying is, “You weren’t there for me when I needed you to save me from the preventable consequences of my actions!” I guess that more than once, he has intentionally slept in with the Plan B of you driving him to the station.
Good for you for clearly communicating that this is no longer an option. You deserve your sleep, too.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs an alarm like Alarmy which presents problems (like math) to solve before the alarm shuts off. No risk of falling back asleep/sleeping through it.
He also could have called a Lyft. I have ADHD and so does my spouse. I sympathize with him completely, but being rude to you when you decline after this happening multiple times a month for however long is no good.” NoSalamander7749
16. AITJ For Taking Over My Own Medical Care After My Mom Kept Forgetting?
“I want to start this by saying that I love my mom; she’s my best friend and she means the world to me.
However, I (16F) have a lot of built-up resentment towards her regarding my medical care.
Both she and I are frequent migraine sufferers and take a lot of different meds that are imperative to maintain a schedule– for example, I was recommended birth control by my pediatrician and neurologist as a second-line medication to regulate my hormones and see if that would get my cluster headaches to stop.
It did, but it’s incredibly important for me to take it every day or else they’ll return with a vengeance. My mom knows this, too.
I remind my mom frequently about when my appointments are (only one car between the two of us since dad needs his for work and mom works from home), and to call the pharmacy to check in for my prescription refills, but she frequently forgets and one time put off picking up my birth control for so long that it got put back into the system so I couldn’t pick it up again for several days, meaning I was out, which left me in enough pain to keep me out of school for several days until my medication schedule was righted. From that point on, and I hate to say it, I didn’t trust my mother to keep my medical information straight, so I asked her and my doctors a lot of questions and began to do everything related to my medical care myself.
I told her it was because I wanted to save her the trouble since I didn’t want to make her feel bad, but recently she’s been annoyed that I haven’t told her to call or schedule anything because I’ve been doing it; only to drive me places for appointments or to pick something up.
She interrogated me one night at dinner, asking me why I was ‘trying to be an adult’ and to just ‘tell her the truth,’ so I did: I told her that she hadn’t been responsible for providing me with what I needed, so I’ve been taking charge so I’m not in pain or late to my appointments anymore.
She got extremely upset and went to her bedroom, and my dad has been telling me since that I was being unfair to her. I’m sure I could’ve worded it better, and I feel so guilty for upsetting her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 16 is old enough to be in charge of your medical appointments.
My mother made me schedule and get to my appointments at that age, and pick up my b/c prescriptions and take them, so it’s kind of weird that your mom is upset you’re doing basic stuff like this by yourself. As to telling her the reason is that she failed you, well she did fail you.
It’s the truth. She disregarded your needs in a manner that left you in pain and missing school; that is not responsible parenting. It may hurt for her to hear it, but that’s the consequence. You can’t rely on her. If she acts better going forward, maybe she’ll regain your trust. But OP, if you are old enough to do for yourself, do for yourself.
Cook, clean, work, manage a bank account, and pay bills. That way your parents won’t be able to control you with money, and adulting won’t be such a shock when you turn 18.” bestbettsie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone diagnosed with chronic migraine, might I suggest looking into daith piercings?
I had both ears done about 6 years back and it has been a life changer. I used to get at least a mild one every day and a bad one at least twice a month, and at least once a year would get one so bad that I would need to hug the toilet.
After the piercings, I had roughly ~75% reduction in both frequency and severity of my migraines. 1 or 2 a week, and mostly mild, I typically only get bad ones if I ignore my body’s basic needs (sleep, food, water, etc). I haven’t had one make me physically ill since I had the piercings done.” Konungrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- she asked a direct question and you gave her an honest answer. Your mom is probably more upset with herself than you. She knows she messed up and it caused you pain and the mom’s guilt is real. Given that you began by saying you and your mom have a good relationship, this is going to be very hard for her to face because she loves you more than anything and she’s failed you.
You did nothing wrong here, so try to give yourself a break even though I know that’s easier said than done. It isn’t your fault she feels bad right now.” DecemberViolet1984
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé To Go On An Expensive Vacation Without Me?
“Me and my soon-to-be husband agreed that we wouldn’t go on honeymoon right after the wedding.
There are numerous reasons, most importantly I’m still studying, will be changing jobs, so I won’t be able to get a longer vacation, and we have to save some funds because the wedding is not cheap (we are not poor per se, but need to make a financial cushion before another bigger expense such as a holiday).
Another interesting point is that since the beginning of our relationship, my fiancé has been saying that he hates vacations in sunny countries and by the sea because it’s boring and he doesn’t like high temperatures.
However, he is now planning to go on a vacation with his two colleagues to a very expensive, exotic (African) place.
I explained to him why I think it’s unfair – he will be enjoying himself, whereas I will have to plan another low-cost road trip around our small country (which we have already done three times as students so there’s not much left for us to be seen).
Instead of having a calm and more elaborate conversation on this topic, he and his fellow “vacationers” invited me to a bar. There, I had to listen to rounds and rounds of reasons, why I should let him go with them (so apparently I forbade him from going).
I didn’t feel comfortable sharing our financial situation, so I said that the biggest problem was the timing. They proceeded to plan all the other days we could go on vacation together.
A few concluding notes: I finally agreed with him going, if I get the same amount of funds he spent there for my holiday with friends or my family – this idea was quickly rejected. He would go there with two single female colleagues – now, I am not extremely jealous, but he gets upset even when I get in a car with a male colleague of mine (who lives in a village next to ours so it’s quite convenient).
They are also planning a huge road trip around the U.S. in the future. This scares me even more because we want to have kids quite soon (hopefully).
Despite all this, I feel terrible now. He is right in saying that this is once in a lifetime opportunity and the country they are going to look beautiful.
He is extremely upset and I feel guilty from that evening on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why are you even considering this person as a “soon to be husband”? NTJ, but Y W B T J if you carry on with this. Seriously, he’s shrugging off a honeymoon to spend the money having a fancy holiday with his mates so you’ll have to settle for a boring road trip.
It’s fine for him to go on a full holiday with two female colleagues but not ok for you to get a lift to work with a male colleague. It’s not ok for you to spend money on your holiday. The idea was “rejected”. This whole thing is just toxic and awful.
Do you want to spend your life with this person? You even said you want kids with him soon… really?? You think it’s a good idea to have kids with a guy who (1) won’t let you come on his trip, (2) is putting his trip above your honeymoon and (3) isn’t letting you go on your equivalent trip.
Oh, and I forgot (4) is not happy if you get a lift with a male colleague, but it fine with going on a holiday with a bunch of girls….” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being in this relationship and wanting to make babies with this guy. Red flags waving in the breeze here.
So you sat in a bar with two single women and listened while they convinced you it was okay for them to take your fiancee on a trip out of the country and you agreed? And you’re not allowed equivalent time with family members? And he also wants to do road trips with these “colleagues” in the future after you’ve had babies.
What kind of degree are you getting and from what institution? I ask because you’re not coming across as very bright here. As the saying goes: wake up and smell the coffee.” Random-OldGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you and your fiance are going to be sharing finances once you are married and if you two are supposed to be equally sharing the costs of the wedding.
He intends to spend a huge sum of money on a vacation for himself instead of saving for the wedding, and he refuses to allow you to spend the same amount on yourself. Where does he get off deciding that you can’t spend that same amount?” dive machine
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged Father To My Graduation?
“For my college graduation (I’m an undergrad) I initially invited my mom, sister, and close friends. There is a limited amount of tickets and each attendee must have a ticket to enter.
I was close with my dad as a kid but we started arguing more as I grew into a teenager. I was in high school when we had completely stopped talking to each other. Now we ignore each other. My dad is emotionally uninvolved with my life, and the only thing he does now is occasionally hand funds to my sister to give it to me (he won’t directly give it to me himself).
Due to our relationship, I didn’t plan on inviting my father.
Later I got a call from my mom telling me how my dad, who lives with us but I haven’t spoken to in about 5 years, wants to attend my graduation. So she plans to take him and my sister to see me.
I told her that I already invited my friends and did not have a ticket reserved for him, nor did I want him to go. My mom was appalled that I had prioritized my friends over our family and told me all the things my dad would do to raise me when I was a child.
She told me to forgive him, and that his wanting to come to my graduation is his effort in trying to reconcile the relationship. She said my graduation was the chance to bring our family back together. However, I told her that I still feel uncomfortable with my dad all of a sudden trying to come back when he had all the previous years to try.
My mom does not understand and has been crying. She tells me that the reason my father and I don’t get along is because we do not know how to forgive. She told me she had forgiven him after their divorce but stayed together so the kids could see both parents in one household.
So I should learn to forgive him for the sake of mending our family. She tells me that I’m the one causing the issue since my father is trying to see me graduate.
I told my mom that I wasn’t going to extend an invite to my father, and asked her if she would still come to my graduation.
My mother said “I don’t know” and hung up on me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Whose idea was it really to get divorced and stay in the same house? Judging by your mother’s reaction, it was not her, and she’s trying to minimize the hurt it caused her because she willingly put herself through that ordeal. She’s deflecting her own emotions and placing the blame she feels within herself on you.
My mother can be like this too, but with time she’s learned how to truly direct any ugly feelings she has towards the people who deserve it.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be that you have to weigh how much this is worth vs. your relationship with your mother if it is upsetting her so much.
If you are fine with that and any ramifications (not attending, cutting financial support if you get any, cold shoulder, etc.) it is *your right* to invite who you want. You earned the degree. Congrats grad! Sorry, it isn’t a happier time for you.” MirandaInHerTempest
13. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Take A Day Off To Accompany Me To A Medical Procedure?
“I 28 F have been with my partner 27 M almost 2 years now. Today I received a letter informing me that a surgical appointment for injections into both of my hips in July. I have been waiting for this appointment for a year and a half because all other treatments have failed and this is a specialist treatment on the NHS with a long waitlist. As soon as I saw it I went to my partner to let him know that I finally had a date set and that he should book it off to come with me.
He flatly refused to tell me that he has no holiday days left and that he can’t ask for compassionate leave as he had already used his single-day allowance after being with me in A&E. I questioned how it is that he has no holiday to book off and he told me he used it all when he first started by telling them he had pre-booked holiday so he could stay at home and play games.
He also said that they only gave him that time off because they had to legally due to him “booking it in” before he started working there and that otherwise he wouldn’t have any holiday at all.
I asked him why he couldn’t just ask or take a holiday in lieu but he became angry at me because I crossed my arms and told me that I was judging him and that he can’t even drive anyway (I won’t be able to drive myself as it states in the letter) and that I need to ask a friend because he won’t be taking the day off.
I got frustrated and tried to re-enter our house but he blocked my way with his body and told me that I had no right to be upset and that he had been having a bad time recently too. I told him I wanted to go in the house but he said no because ‘I was running away instead of listening to him’.
In the end, I went through the door in the open garage but he was still angry at me. I know he can’t drive me or anything but I just don’t want to be on my own as I go through it all.
Am I the jerk for pushing him to try and get a day off to come to the hospital with me?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but he’s worse. I don’t see how it’s his fault that he doesn’t have any leave left, and for a simple injection, I highly doubt his work will allow him some time off. And regardless “you should book it off to come with me” is a bit presumptuous.
That being said, I hate people who stand in your way on purpose when you’re trying to get away. It’s a worrying behavior.” Puzzle__head
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s trying to prevent you from going into the house is wild. If that’s a regular thing, I think you have bigger issues than just his apparent complete and utter lack of compassion.
He should have not been rude to you over this at all. The least he could have done was to ask about his job. I’ve run out of PTO and had companies still spot me a day or had me work a flexible schedule for a few days to accommodate appointments and whatnot.
The worst thing his job could have said to him was no.” YearOneTeach
Another User Comments:
” Everyone sucks here. He’s a jerk for blocking you, you need to accept his “no” and find someone you can rely on to go with you. As an aside, I’ve had bilateral hip injections several times, & laparoscopic labral debridement and they’re not as awful as you might think.
The procedures were nowhere near as painful as my hips are anyway! You’ll get through them fine.” Bleepblorp44
12. AITJ For Refusing To See Off My BPD Sister Who's Flying To Meet A Stranger She Met Online?
“My sister has BPD and is flying today to America to see a random family that she has met talking online on her PlayStation. She has made me, and especially my parents’ life a living nightmare, and we have done everything in our power to try and help her out.
From therapy to taking her to doctor appointments, helping her with basically every step of her life.
I know BPD is a debilitating illness, but at some point, I have to wonder how much is her illness, and how much is her just being a jerk.
This all started when her rent was being raised. She came to my parents, complaining about how she couldn’t afford her current rental and how she was going to be homeless.
She recently had an incident at work, was traumatized by the events (traffic controller), and refused to go back to work. Fortunately, she has now, but that’s another story.
Mum and Dad went to Centrelink to try and get her on DSP, only to be told that she had taken them off as nominees.
They go to housing, but because she’s a legal adult, they won’t tell them anything.
She swears and has been physical with my parents. Mum has trouble sleeping at night because of her. We go to a haven, a mental support center, and she rubbishes them. Mum is usually bursting into tears when she leaves, and I do my best to comfort her.
One day she comes in and says she’s going on a holiday to America. So, she can’t afford rent but can go on a holiday that will cost thousands… And then she lets slip that she is going to visit a random she’s met online. Red flags galore.
Mum, Dad, and I try to explain why it’s a bad idea, but she’s so locked into this person, that we can’t stop her. Mum and Dad decide to have nothing to do with the trip. I agree.
A few days pass. My sister gets irate again and leaves our house.
Mum in tears then says she will take her to the airport because Nan always said to “leave the door open”. Of course, I’m still against it. But what’s done is done, and they are picking her up later tonight.
Mum and Dad asked me to go and see her off, but I wanted nothing to do with this trip or her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But someone needs to make sure she has travel insurance. There’s no reciprocal health care with Medicare (I assume you’re in Australia, based on Centrelink), and it sounds like she’s likely to have some kind of episode that will land her voluntarily or involuntarily in some kind of medical facility that will cost $$$.
I am not exaggerating when I tell you American health care can cost 10s or 100s of thousands of dollars. Let her go, show that you don’t support her nonsense, and make sure your parents know about the hidden cost.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular Opinion I’m sure.
Your sister needs help and I get the frustration on your end. I’m by no means excusing any of her actions or behaviors. She’s not well and is making a very dangerous decision. Being alone in a foreign country with an untreated mental illness, ANYTHING could happen to her.
Ask yourself if, God forbid, she ends up dying, are you gonna be able to live with the last conversation you had with her? That’s probably the reason your mom is upset, she understands your sister becoming the victim of a crime is a high probability. I’m not saying you have to forgive her, be pen pals with her, or anything like that.” ShelterSuspicious386
11. AITJ For Not Informing My Distant Sister About My Civil Partnership?
“I tried being close to my sister. I sent a few texts every once in a while (maybe 1-2 times a month) to ask how she was doing.
She is in my opinion, inconsiderate. She’ll say she’s in town for a few days, asking that we see each other and then I’m the one asking 2-3 times during that week when and where and she barely answers and ends up leaving without telling me. She’ll tell me to come to my hometown with my dad (I was supposed to eat at my mom’s and my sister agreed to drive me to another family event – otherwise I’d have brought my car or made other arrangements), and got to pick me 40 minutes late without warning me or saying anything).
And when you say something she’ll make excuses like she was working, she doesn’t have time, she’s tired, etc, making it seem like it’s normal to not answer someone for days. At one point, I decided to bring it up: did she want to be close to me, or not?
In which case that’s okay, I would just stop making all these efforts. She said I needed to be called (on the phone) every week, even though I literally never call her, and I sure don’t text her every week. She eventually told me she’d be making an effort (the effort being she texts me once a month).
Some of the stories I told before happened after she told me that.
Anyway, she now annoys me deeply and I stopped caring (mostly, I still feel some anger over her lack of consideration). With my partner, we decided to get a civil partnership (for the house), and I casually told my mom and dad, but not my sister because I didn’t think of her honestly.
Anyway, my mom told her and my sister texted me asking what was up I didn’t think of much so I said “Nothing”. She told me my mom told her and how happy she was for me and oh so disappointed I didn’t tell her. I said it wasn’t that big of a deal, and that we weren’t really in contact so I didn’t think.
She answered (a day or a couple of days later…) that she expected that I would tell her something like this.
Now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t all that nice of me… and at the same time, I’m sick of being at her beck and call. So I’m asking you: am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to keep a relationship going, but she’s been flaky and disrespectful of your time. The fact that she expects you to inform her about significant life events when she doesn’t show the same consideration goes both ways. It might not have been the kindest move to not tell her, but considering your strained relationship, it’s understandable.
Don’t let her guilt trip you into thinking you’re in the wrong here.” poops20timesaday
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It just sounds like you guys have a distant relationship. If you want it to get better, you probably both have things you need to work on.
I don’t think her voicing her disappointment that you didn’t think of telling her is inherently saying you did something wrong or are a jerk. It says something about the lack of closeness, and that makes her sad. It’s possible to be sorry that you hurt her feelings while, at the same time, understanding the series of events that led you to make that choice.” curious_jess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s disappointed that you didn’t tell her, she should’ve thought about being more involved in your life earlier. When one person doesn’t keep a relationship going, it will inevitably die out. You had no reason to tell her about this big life event because you’ve been getting signs from her that she wasn’t interested in your life in the first place.” Far_Quantity_6133
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Want Another Painting For My Birthday?
“This happened 10 days ago and it’s still not resolved so I wanted to get some outside opinion. I have a friend who is a painter and is amazing at it. She was doing it as a hobby but switched to full-time two years ago.
When she first started I bought a small painting to support her, but overall her paintings aren’t my style (but I don’t mind).
Two years ago she painted me a small portrait of myself for my birthday, which I happily hung in my apartment, next to the painting I bought.
That same year for Christmas I got another painting from her, but I didn’t have space to hang so I stored it in my closet space. Last year she made a painting that she thought I would like (and I did!) so she gifted that to me as well.
And then again, this year for Easter I got another small painting from her.
Since my birthday is coming up, my friends have been asking me what I want, but I really couldn’t think of anything so I said we’ll go for dinner. During the talk about the gift, said painter’s friend said “Of course, I’ll paint you something” to which I said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want another painting”.
I could see that I hurt her at that moment so I said “I don’t have space in my apartment to hang it”. One of my friends suggested helping me move some stuff around for the paintings, but (and here is the moment I may have been a jerk) I said “Even if I do make some space, I just don’t want another painting for my birthday”.
I live in a very small rental apartment and I can’t squeeze all the paintings on the two walls I have. The rest of the walls are occupied with shelves. After that conversation, some of our friends told me that I should’ve just accepted the painting since she loved how we supported her.
I told them, again, that I don’t need another painting and that I don’t have enough storage place in my apt. for them to which one friend replied that I don’t appreciate her work enough.
I can see their reasoning to support her and she likes to paint for us, but I’m not the type of person to collect (or hang) paintings, it’s just not my thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By gifting your paintings every single bd she diminishes the meaning of her work as after 50 years you will have 50 paintings. The only exception would be if she would come to you 1-2 weeks before your bd and paint you every year, so you could see yourself change in a painted time-lapse but for real – after 50 years your house will be full of paintings everywhere, and imagine having a group of painters as friends, you could get 1000 paintings in next few decades.
Painting is great for big milestones, like once every 10 years or smth but to me, it sounds like your friend just doesn’t want to buy you gifts and painting is her easy way out.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told your friend nicely you didn’t want it, and your friends pushed the issue.
It sounds like you support your friend and even bought a painting which is more than most people supporting their friends do. If your friend was a good friend she would have understood your plight and said alright bet and had a lovely dinner. You did the most friendly thing you can do which is to be honest. You’re a good friend OP keep being honest.” Gitoff_Mylon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you being honest, is not your fault she and your friend can’t handle rejection. I rather you be honest and keep giving you something you can appreciate or enjoy. My family doesn’t give the best gifts, it got to the point where it was better they gave me funds because I hated what they gave me.
After all, I didn’t use it or they didn’t know what I liked even when I told them and showed what I liked. They gave like perfume or body lotion etc. I try to use them but I immediately have allergic reactions everywhere in my body. I wasn’t into fashion and I hate it, I dress in a tomboy/ punk goth style.
Purse I hate them so much. Jewelry I couldn’t even wear them because again my super sensitive skin. I am allergic to 8k below-karat gold. It has to be 14k and up.” OpportunityReady9599
9. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Best Friend's Wedding On My Daughter's Birthday?
“So my(F38) middle daughter (let’s call her K) is turning 9 in September. She is really into Sanrio so we are planning to throw her a birthday bash this year complete with a Hello Kitty-shaped cake, cupcakes, a bounce house, decor, and all the works.
She is excited. It is going to be a family-friendly party as well so the grandparents are going to drive in (they both live ~3 hours away so we do see them plenty of times per year).
All we had to do was choose the day of the party.
It just so happens that her actual birthday falls on the weekend that my best friend (since high school) is getting married. I am in the wedding party and this has been planned for months. I am very excited to go celebrate my friend and her soon-to-be husband.
(Also it is a child-free affair so my kids won’t be able to go). I suggested that we host K’s birthday party on the weekend after the wedding, but my husband expects me to drop out of the wedding party and host K’s birthday on the actual anniversary of her birth.
For context, I am a SAHM (but I run a Shopify store that brings in enough to cover our non-mortgage bills so I do financially contribute to the household). This means I don’t have a ton of time to see my partners outside of big events, especially those who aren’t also mothers since I don’t see them at playdates or school functions.
I don’t see any reason why we can’t just move her party to the weekend after. On her actual birthday, I plan to make chocolate chip waffles with whipped cream do family presents like always, and then attend my friend’s wedding. My husband has me feeling guilty though, like I am a terrible mother for wanting to celebrate K on another day.
My parents said that her actual birthday would be a better day for them, but they could still make the weekend after so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I know that I celebrate my birthday on a different day all the time so I don’t understand why my husband is so worked up.
So, am I the jerk who needs to tell her friend she can’t make it anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“So what I’m taking away from this is that you work two full-time jobs (SAHM and Shopify), you rarely get to do special things with your friends, and have been asked to attend a (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime event.
Furthermore, you are still doing something special for your daughter on a non-milestone birthday and acknowledging her importance, and you are still throwing her a themed party to celebrate just on a different day. It’s easy to reschedule a Bday party, but it’s not easy to reschedule a wedding (especially when it’s not yours) It is on the wedding and birthday on the same day?
The post implies that it’s just on the same weekend. If it’s on the same day I understand the conflict, if it’s just the same weekend and not the same day then this is completely moot. People might disagree with me but you are NTJ. It sucks when these things clash but I think that you are doing your job as a mother and still honoring your friend’s wedding.
You are still celebrating your daughter and not neglecting her. You can’t control when someone else books their wedding.” soulandtonic
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Plan something special for your daughter and spin it as TWO birthday parties. Could be a special daddy-daughter night, camping with s’mores, sleepover at the grandparents with a birthday crown and sash.
All of that PLUS a Hello Kitty birthday the following weekend. Maybe she can make a craft or something for the party on her birthday to help remind her she has something exciting to look forward to. Little kids are easy to impress and pretty agreeable when they know what’s going on in advance.
I hesitate to call your husband a jerk because I think his heart is in the right place, just a little misguided.” Ok_Discount_7889
Another User Comments:
“Why is everyone speaking as if they just sprouted into this world in their thirties? Kids don’t mind celebrating their birthdays on a different day when it falls on a weekday because those are circumstances they can’t control, but they usually get happy when it happens to fall on a weekend.
A 9-year-old is old enough to put on a happy face about it and still be bummed that she can’t have her day on her actual day because her parent wants to go to a wedding. Like, not judging, that’s a bit of a hard choice (because of the whole friend reunion after a long time thing), but let’s not pretend that kids just don’t care about these things.
They do, even if they pretend they don’t.” IndependentForce6509
8. AITJ For Stopping Taking Photos Of My Older Kids Because My Ex-Wife Complained?
“I have four children. Two with my ex. They are 15 and 12. I also have two with my wife. They are 6 and 3.
I have 50/50 custody of my older kids. When I was married to their mom, I took lots of pictures of them. I worked away from home so when I got to see them I recorded everything so I could look at them when I was not there.
I also asked my wife to take lots of pictures for me and send them to me.
She wouldn’t. She was always busy. Or the kids were busy. Or her parents had the kids. Just lots of excuses.
And eventually, she started complaining about how much time I spent with the kids and taking their pictures and videos.
The kids picked up on it and started complaining too. So I cut back. Then I just stopped.
We got divorced, not because of the pictures but for a plethora of reasons, and I got 50/50 custody.
It works out great. I work for two weeks and I get two weeks off.
So when I’m home I always have my kids.
I met my wife through a work friend. She is his daughter and would pick him up at the airport when we flew in. She is used to a man she loves earning his living away from home.
She loves how much I enjoy recording our family.
When I’m away she sends me pictures and videos of the kids every day.
My ex called me the other day to tell me my older kids are jealous of all the pictures I have of their siblings and of how little interest I have in taking pictures of them.
I have all of our emails going back to when we were married. I just sent them all back to her.
I asked her for pictures and she refused, telling me that the kids were sick of me taking their pictures and to stop. It went on.
I talked to my older kids and asked how they felt.
They said that I was leaving them out of memories. I said I would love to take more pictures of them and I would start immediately.
My ex said that I’m a jerk for not overriding her because now there is a five-year gap where there are hardly any pictures of her kids.
I think it’s her fault 99.999%.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is amazing you still have all the emails but they served their purpose. Your kids you had with your ex probably never minded getting their picture taken – they were probably echoing their mother. If both parents get into it and make it fun, the kids will follow.
Your wife trying to blame you is hysterical. Glad you found someone who enjoys the experience as much as you do. Glad your kids are back on board. You can get them involved with sending you selfies once they have phones.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How could you possibly have “overridden“ her??
You couldn’t “override” her, whatever that was supposed to mean. But you could conceivably have just ignored her. Ignored her complaints. Ignored your kids’ whining and complaining. Carried on taking your pictures even when they made faces at you or looked bored. So you can’t say that she MADE you stop, because she didn’t force you to stop.
It’s not her fault 99.999%. But the fact that you did kinda stop in the face of all that complaining certainly does not make you a jerk.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your ex-wife sounds like a total jerk. My dad works away too and he always has plenty of pictures for his work desktop and cabin so it’s super normal. I’d reassure your kids that you do want photos of them, and try and get them involved by maybe doing a photoshoot, or a fun day out with lots of photo opportunities for them.
If you don’t mind me asking, is it the oil and gas sector you’re in?” dekudekutiddies
7. AITJ For Refusing To Speak To My Dad After Discovering His Affair?
“I (19M) just found that my Dad (60 M) has been unfaithful to my Mom (56F) for some time with his affair partner Gina (27 NB).
As my Dad has work all over the country, I didn’t suspect much of it when he was constantly on the road when I started college. As it turns out, he was traveling the country with Gina. Gina, who my Dad introduced to me, was actually kind of cool, as his friend.
While I was a bit weirded out by the dynamics at first, my Dad is in general friendly with pretty much everyone, so I thought nothing of it. I trusted that nothing was going on, and if there was, he wouldn’t lie to me about it and would tell me and my Mom that he wanted out of his marriage.
But he didn’t.
My Dad visited me in college a few times with Gina. He made me hang out with his affair partner while lying to me about it, and I blindly trusted him. Now, as I found that not only has my Dad been unfaithful to my Mom, but with someone closer to my age than either of my parents, I don’t want to talk to him.
I have gotten texts from him and Gina saying that I am a jerk for not wanting to talk to him because he deserves to be happy, but I don’t care about that. Of course, I want my Dad to be happy. And if getting a divorce from my Mom is what that means, I won’t like it, but I’ll accept it.
But I don’t like the fact that he was unfaithful to my Mom. I hate the fact that he called me several times throughout the year, even a few days ago, helping me with my finals, and getting Gina to talk to me as if nothing was happening.
I hate that he and Gina visited me and pretended as if nothing ever happened. I hated the fact that my Mom felt forced to tell me instead of him while crying when it should have been him, as he was the one to blame. I’ll talk to him one day, but not any day soon.
But after all of the texts I’ve been getting though, about how my Dad misses me, how he was miserable, how I am punishing him for finally being happy, I feel a little conflicted. Am I missing something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your whole relationship with Gina is based on a lie, so your dad set the whole thing up to fail with his own choices.
Of course, he deserves to be happy, but you don’t deserve to be lied to or coerced into a relationship with his AP. His betrayal of your mom is a betrayal of your whole family, and his and Gina’s choices and actions have consequences— including souring you to her and destroying the trust you had in your dad.
I’d block the AP— they’re equally at fault for making you complicit in their unfaithfulness by trying to “sneak” in under your nose. Their inability to understand that your feelings are valid and your choices are informed by their bad behavior is insulting. They thought you’d be on board because they believed they had manipulated you “enough” for you to be supportive of them when the truth came out and they misjudged. You have every right to be furious.” JustJudgin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A very similar situation happened to me and my dad. Since we were so close when I was growing up, I wanted to try and “make nice” but every time we would talk or get together I just noticed how self-centered he was and how he never really addressed the situation and the hurt he caused. It’s been 10 years and I’m NC.
You have to do what’s best for you and your mental health and peace. Always. I hope that there will be an amicable resolution for you, but I also wanted you to know you’re in good company if there isn’t.” ginger djin
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk for not talking to them? but what if he isn’t a jerk for making his affair partner and the person’s son hang out? Dude that’s gross I think he was trying to have you hang out with her so that when you eventually found out you wouldn’t be mad because she was “kinda cool” or whatever.
Ew. Also, tell your dad that you deserve happiness and that’s why you ain’t talking to him. It’s honestly disgusting what is wrong with your dad and Gina I feel so bad for you I am so sorry that you and your mom. Imagine finding out your son has been hanging out with your partner’s affair partner” Turbulent_Problem500
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Bragging About Me?
“I (M26) have had a side job as a model for about 3 years now. I usually do some photoshoots for smaller fashion labels, I’m not in magazines or on billboards, my photoshoots just get posted on their social media accounts or their websites, so it’s not a big deal. I met my partner Cassie (F25) through a mutual friend, we’ve been together for almost a year now and we’re planning to move in together.
Cassie likes the fact that I have a side job as a model, it’s always one of the first things she mentions when we meet someone new. She also does it whenever we’re hanging out with our friends. She often gushes about how handsome and tall I am and jokes that she feels sorry for other women who are with less attractive men.
At first, I was flattered, but after a while it got awkward. The guys in our friend group have started resenting me because they’re not exactly conventionally attractive and when I was single, I would often get all the attention from women at the club while they got overlooked.
Yesterday Cassie and I were hanging out with our friends again, Cassie also brought her new friend along. Her friend got a bit tipsy and made an inappropriate joke about her husband. Cassie laughed and started bragging about our private life and made some very crude jokes. My friends rolled their eyes and at this point, I had enough too.
I pulled Cassie aside and told her that her constant bragging about me was getting insufferable and that she needed to find something else to talk about. This started an argument and she claimed I was being rude for calling her insufferable and that other men would be happy if their partner was proud of them.
We went back to our friends shortly after, but the mood was ruined. Cassie didn’t want me to drive her home and drove off with her friend instead. She ignored my texts as well. I’m conflicted because Cassie didn’t do anything wrong and I never mentioned that her compliments bothered me until yesterday.
So she thought I was being happy about it. But her constant compliments were also condescending towards our friends and sharing intimate details about me was inappropriate and crossed a boundary.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Perfect illustration of the wildly unequal standards applied to men and women of what constitutes acceptable behavior.
If a woman was on here complaining that her partner was constantly boasting about her being a model, openly talking about how an obvious physical attribute she had made her somehow far superior, and then topped it off by saying she had a tight and private life was good… …women would go nuts.
He’d be a shallow disrespectful jerk disrespecting and demeaning her as an object.” bluesky987654
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not communicating with your partner when they were doing something that made you uncomfortable ( that you could see they believed was positive and something that made you happy as you stated it was flattering at first and you likely told her that in the beginning.
5. AITJ For Not Trusting My Husband Who Only Wants Me To Have Attractive Friends?
“I’ve never cared much about the physical appearances of people in my life. I would much rather have a friend who has a beautiful soul and sense of humor but may be ‘conventionally unattractive’ than someone who is pretty with a bad personality.
Just to set the scene, that also applies to my romantic relationships. On a purely pragmatic approach, I am more ‘conventionally attractive’ than my husband but he was a pretty decent man so that wasn’t something that mattered to me.
Over the years I have known him, I have had close friends of all shapes and sizes and attractiveness levels.
Again, I don’t care about that stuff. He sure does though, and it has started to get a lot worse. One of my closest friends for a while was a larger bodied girl, and every single time I hung out with her he had something negative to say about her looks and size.
I have one friend who is really pretty, and when I would hang out with her he wouldn’t stop talking about how I should bring her around more often and make inappropriate jokes even though he knows I am not attracted to women and would never do that.
Over the past couple years he has just started coming out and saying I should have more ‘hot’ friends because someone like me ‘deserves them’. What?? He met one of my new coworkers recently and will. not. stop. talking about her. He wants me to become friends with her and bring her around.
Except I don’t want to be friends with this girl, her personality kind of sucks and she is not the brightest bulb. And yet, her name keeps coming up even after I told him about that.
All of this behavior of his has started to make me not trust him, at all.
Especially not around attractive women. Like does he want me to have attractive friends just so he can stare at them when they are around? Or so he can try something more? I’ve never been a very jealous person but he has (especially anytime the smallest mention of an ex comes up) and I don’t understand why he thinks this behavior isn’t a huge red flag.
It has started to make me less attracted to him as his personality is turning out to be a lot different than when we got together.
So, AITJ for not trusting him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen to your gut on this one – this is a red-flag city.
You have three choices here. You can 1) continue to listen to your husband talk about other women he finds attractive and pushes you to an inappropriate that will irrevocably break your relationship, 2) tell him to shut up with this nonsense and go to couples counseling to find out why on earth he thinks this is ok behavior when in a committed monogamous relationship, or 3) file for divorce and run far away from someone who doesn’t respect you enough not to give to the basic human decency not to discuss how much he fantasizes about attractive people around him.
I’d pick 3, but you do what you feel is right. (It’s also not 1, so please don’t pick that one.) I’ve been married 12 years to a man who would NEVER do this kind of thing. Raise the bar.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“I get what you’re asking, but for me, it goes beyond this OP.
For this nonsense to happen that means you would have to only look for attractive people to become your friend and just because a person is attractive doesn’t mean you will like them or they will like you or that either of you will have the same likes, interests, etc. This is wrong on so many levels, from what you said, to what I just mentioned. Your husband doesn’t care about you having friends, he just wants them to be attractive like the coworker you talked about.
he doesn’t care that you don’t like her. He wants you to be her friend just so she can be around him. All of this is a huge red flag OP. This is really bad OP.” No_Roof_1910
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time he mentions one of your attractive friends, suggest out loud that maybe you’ll put her in contact with one of your exes just to annoy him off and then repeat as needed. When he asks why you mentioned an ex, say that it’s for the same reason he mentioned your friend.
Or point out that said attractive friend said that he’s a creep to a mutual friend of yours, so there’s no point in him thinking of her anymore.” jbuckets44
4. AITJ For Influencing My Friend's Psychological Evaluation To Carry A Firearm?
“So I have this friend, Carl. He can at times be easily influenced and can also be triggered by certain things and go into major depression and/or anger spells.
We just happen to work in the same company
As of recently, Carl and I are on a break with our friendship. He has mixed with the wrong group of people who have turned him into a jerk (Not being a team player, trying to always be the man in charge when it’s not his place, snapping at people who try and guide him in the right direction, bragging about how he’s made more money than the rest of us, etc.) I’ve known him for 12+ years and will never not be his friend but I will not tolerate his current behavior.
I’ll say it as it is, Carl hasn’t had an easy life (even though this forum is somewhat anonymous I would rather not discuss his personal life in detail) he lost his mom at a very young age and got put in a foster home before that.
Part of our requirements for employment is to get a psychological evaluation to carry a firearm.
Carl had just gotten his documentation in order so he was just about ready for his psychological evaluation.
I had happened to see the psychologist who just so happened to have taken Carl’s case and was due to evaluate him sometime soon. We had a conversation (she had taken my case as well so I was mostly talking to her about when I can schedule mine) and Carl’s name had come up coincidentally.
I mentioned that I have known him for 12 years, he’s currently not a fan of me (I’m not a fan of him either), he’s easily influenced by the people around him and he has a general tendency to go into spells of depression so I advise against him getting a firearm.
I said no word of a lie but my justification wasn’t to spite him. I did it because I’m concerned about what he’ll do if he one day feels more depressed than normal and does something (which he has attempted in the past)
I instantly regretted it but I keep convincing myself that I did it for a good reason.
Getting a firearm also increases the amount a person makes per month quite significantly so I also feel like I’ve now jeopardized his future.”
Another User Comments:
“Whoever you are THANK YOU. It sounds like you’re in law enforcement. NTJ. We have too many people in the emotional/psychological state you are describing with access to a firearm.
You are correct, something could happen, you not speaking up could have cost someone, even his, life one day. You didn’t do this maliciously.or with the intent to harm him. Rather, you said the right thing to the right person to protect your friend from himself. Your friend needs therapy, not a firearm.” Prancinggit420
Another User Comments:
“You should leave it up to a professional to screen your friend. There are a series of questions asked to help the professional make a decision on whether the person is capable & trustworthy enough to carry a firearm. And speaking to her about your friend also have her a bunch of info on yourself.
Why should she trust your opinion? Best to mind your own business & let her do her job. YTJ” Correct-Jump8273
3. AITJ For Insulting My Sister Who Belittles Our Younger Brother's Cancer Diagnosis?
“My 6-year-old brother Sam was diagnosed with cancer and he’s been having a pretty tough time. I’m genuinely devastated and am so scared.
Sam is the youngest and a half-sibling, and I have two older siblings that I’m 100% related to. My older brother (22) is pretty upset as well but my sister (Laura-25) is very whatever about the whole thing.
You see, we have very different views on our mother’s remarriage. She believes that our parents split up for no reason and that mom must’ve been the problem since dad hasn’t remarried. She also believes mom shouldn’t have had another kid so late in life (my mom was in her mid-40s).
Thankfully, she hadn’t said this in front of anyone but me and my older brother but she thinks that Sam getting cancer was a given and a consequence of mom’s stupidity. So she doesn’t see his illness as something sad but as something natural.
I think she’s too prideful to show that she’s sad since she was never very kind to Sam and is now making up weird stuff to avoid feeling guilty or something like that.
My older brother, Laura, and I were having dinner with our dad and he asked us how Sam was doing. Laura got annoyed and said “Oh my god, why do you care? He’s mom’s problem, not yours, she wouldn’t care if you had cancer and neither would Sam.” My dad was quite taken aback and said that he’s a kid and he’s our brother, so of course, he cares.
Laura then started ranting about how silly we all are as this is a natural consequence and that we should be glad mom’s being punished.
I immediately called her a crazy person and told her to take her insane ramblings somewhere else in response. She got teary-eyed and said that she was just so tired of everyone worrying about Mom and Sam while the rest of us could go through worse and they wouldn’t care.
She then stormed out of Dad’s house after calling me a brown-noser and an idiot.
Dad’s concerned by her outburst and told me I shouldn’t have insulted her and we should consider her feelings but I’m so tired of hearing her talk about Mom and Sam like that.
She may not feel anything but I genuinely feel like my whole world is crashing down. Perhaps I got too worked up and she’s having some kind of a break, but AITJ for not showing her any grace and insulting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not only does your sister sound like a jerk she sounds like comically evil.
“I don’t care about that 6-year-old with cancer.” why would you say that out loud? huh? What the heck? either she is a cartoon villain come to life or (and to be fair, this is the more likely option) she has some stuff going on with her that she is coping with VERY poorly and is taking that energy out in the worst way.
I’m not even sure why you felt the need to get an answer on who is the jerk here. any human being with empathy would recognize her as a jerk. Also, I should add, as someone who is the “Sam” of my family (not the cancer part fortunately, but my dad had me late in life after remarrying) I am very grateful that despite whatever misgivings my half-siblings may have had about our dad’s remarriage, they always treated me with nothing but love and respect.
sounds like you’re a good sibling to your brother, and I’m sure that he appreciates that” MildMeatball
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your sister is heartless and is trying to draw comparisons with a literal child who has cancer.
She’s 25. She needs to pull her pants up and get her act together. If she can’t muster up enough empathy to at least keep her mouth shut, then she needs to go talk to a physiatrist or therapist or something. Parents split up all the time when it’s not working out and for her to place blame on your mom just because she found another is bad especially given that your dad appears to hold no ill will.
For goodness sake, she’s not a child anymore and even if she was, this response would still be evil. I’m praying for Sam’s well-being and that neither he nor your mom are feeling the vibes your sister is giving off.” detached_girl
Another User Comments:
“She’s 25 talking this way about a 6-year-old child with cancer.
Who cares about her feelings? None of us certainly do, and if she can’t get over them, then she needs therapy and self-reflection. her anger is misdirected and quite frankly from the way this post reads: useless and she needs to get over it. that behavior is disgusting and she is a whole adult.
“What about sis’s feelings? Poor her!” What about the 6-year-old who is now grappling with the concept of death and morality and what life means before he even got to live it? Your NTJ your sis isn’t just a crazy person she’s a self-centered person, an insensitive person, a foolish person, and a disgusting poorly behaved person.
I’m sorry for speaking so poorly of someone but she’s at the age where her brain is fully developed, mine isn’t and I still have more sympathy and kindness as a stranger on the internet than she does.” l0call3sbiancryptid
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Ungrateful BIL Who Broke Our Agreed Boundaries?
“It’s been a year since my BIL has moved in with his 3-year-old. He moved from Cali to the Midwest escaping his abusive marriage.
We’ve helped out a lot, babysitting so he could find a job, giving him a place to stay, feeding him and his child, giving him money for a car, etc. My wife and I have spent a portion of our savings to put him in a position to better his life.
We expected this, so it wasn’t a big deal.
When he first moved in we set boundaries, which IMHO they were pretty lax. Don’t bring people over unannounced, don’t go to our side of the house because it’s dangerous for the child(and I have privacy issues), and if you’re not paying rent then you have to do the communal chores(ie.
dishes, keeping the living room clean, and helping with yard work; we didn’t make him do our laundry or anything specific to us) he was cool with it.
It was nice for a few months, coming home to dinner and a clean house was super cool, he got a part-time job, but eventually, the chores stopped getting done and his partner started coming over unannounced, eating food, doing his laundry, hanging out even when he wasn’t home and staying for weeks at a time.
He would get on his phone and completely ignore his child, and do nothing. After a few months of this(and him losing his job) we decided to have a talk about it with him, which led to us being verbally accosted, he called my wife narcissistic and mocked her for standing her ground on the deal we all agreed to.
I was angry, but I put on my big boy pants and tried to have an adult conversation, which turned into(I kid you not) a PowerPoint presentation from him to us, about how we were miserable to be around and how we were bad roommates, how he was all alone in this with no support.
I laughed, hard at this presentation and accusations. I couldn’t help it and told him he’s got to go.
I want to say, that I love the kid, and I don’t want anything to happen to the kid, the kid is awesome, smart, and pretty funny for being 3.
I wish it would’ve worked out but I can’t help someone who won’t/can’t help themself.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if my loading brother-in-law dared to give me a PowerPoint presentation about anything other than profusely thanking us for helping him out, I’d be doing a lot more than laughing at him and telling him to get out.” starbaby87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did the right thing and had no choice. It sounds like you already did too much for him and he is irresponsible and ungrateful. Unfortunate about the kid, but good riddance to your BiL. “He moved from Cali to the Midwest escaping his abusive marriage” Are you sure he wasn’t at least a part of the problem?” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your brother agreed to your pretty steep rules when he moved in with you *only* because that was the only option he had to keep a roof over his child’s head after leaving an abusive relationship with nothing but the clothes on their backs.
You used his misfortune to ask him to find work while also becoming your live-in slave and then kicked him out for having a problem with this extremely one-sided situation. He is not blameless here, but you are the jerk. Depression is common after such a tragic event as leaving an abusive relationship and becoming a single father, losing your job while dealing with depression is common in such a situation.
You offered him a place to stay, and gave him a car, but gave absolutely no thought to other issues he was facing.” Stunning-Interest15
1. AITJ For Bonding With The Dog My Family Claimed Was Mine, Then Gave To My Sister?
“Alright, so there is a little context as to why I’m so involved with this dog.
I, 18F, lost my beloved dog Bella last October after 10 years together. A few weeks ago, my mom asked me if I’d be okay bringing another dog into the house. At this time, she framed this as a ‘Family’ dog. When we were discussing getting him, it was framed that he’d be everyone’s and that I’d have to help pay, so I ended up helping pay for all of his stuff, food, toys, leash, treats, etc. I said I did not want to get another dog if it wasn’t a family dog.
Only after we got home with the dog did they inform me that this was to be my sister’s dog only. In my mom’s words, ‘Just let her call it her dog.’ I was upset at being lied to, which I tried to bring up, which only ended up getting shut down.
And believe me, she rubbed this in my face hard, which hurt as I lost even a full year ago now.
Turns out they gave the dog to us sick. My sister ends up having to clean up tons of dog puke, and every time she asks me to, I just go, “Your dog.” She yells at him every time he pukes, the poor boy.
Whenever he does something she doesn’t want to deal with is when he’s convenient, ‘Our dog.’
Anyway, though, here’s where I ‘steal’ the dog. I end up spending tons of time with him and bonding with the poor boy. At this point, the dog has pretty much taken to me, and point-blank ignores her.
I might be a jerk because it was kind of intentional. My sister has never been one for animals, really, and I knew she ignored him to play Fortnite most of the day. I was still upset at her rubbing my dead dog in my face, so as much as I just like the new dog in general it was kind of to spite her too that I ended up being his favorite person.
It wasn’t hard to bond with him when she only got up once to walk him. She also literally can not even give this dog his pills because he doesn’t trust her at all. Probably because she never spends time with him. I work long shifts and somehow spend more time than she, someone with nothing but free time for the summer does.
This dog would not have water if I didn’t make her get off her lazy behind and get it for him.
She’s mad now that the dog won’t listen when I go to work and wants me to ignore him for a few weeks so that she can bond with him.
I point blank told her “Go bother yourself” because she ignores him half the time anyway and I’m not interested in playing mind games with the poor dog. She also doesn’t like my nickname for him which is Bub or Bubs and told me to “STOP calling MY dog Bubs.” I admit I also said that she could go bother herself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look into what’s required to establish legal ownership of the dog. Where I live it’s who pays for their registration and vet bills. If that’s similar to where you live make sure you register him under your name. Get him established with a vet under your name (wellness visit). Get him chipped/update his microchip with your information.
(Where I live your vet does this). You’re doing what’s best for the dog, which is having a loving owner who takes care of him. Your sister is selfish, irresponsible, and cruel. She’s not fit to own any pet.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“Ntj for fulfilling that dog’s need. Someone had to.
That dog is bonding to whoever is making themselves available, that’s not theft that’s survival for the dog, in that dog’s eyes. Now your underlying vindictiveness bothers me cause this pup is young right now I’m guessing? What about when one of you moves out? This pup belongs in a better home, period.
Tug of war is performed with a rope, not a dog.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ this will be a harsh wakeup for you when you move out – because you won’t be able to take HER dog with you – and if SHE moves out first, you won’t get to see HER dog anymore either.
So prepare yourself for the coming separation from HER dog. That will hurt you quite badly. Consider it karma for being a jerk.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
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it's also very VERY important never to lie to children about biological family. You can - and should_ soften awful truths (an abusive relative should be described as someone who did bad things and hurt people so they are not allowed to visit us any more) but death and divorce and new relationships are part of life and no big deal.