People Want Our Opinions On Their Compelling "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Eating A Few Extra Slices Of Pizza?
“This might rattle some chains but I (19F) am fat and not interested in weight loss.
I’ve stopped really giving a crap about what other people think of me/how I look. I don’t exist to look pretty, I exist to be happy. And, while it might not be healthy, food makes me happy. I’m healthy, like I don’t have high cholesterol, diabetes, or even pre-diabetes (it runs in the family.) I don’t exercise outside of a basic walk down the road every other day, and I eat what I want when I want and don’t care about how much it is.
When I’ve explained this way of thinking to family or friends, they don’t really understand but they let me do my thing.
Anyway, the problem started last night, when my mom ordered pizza for me and my three younger siblings. They’re all pretty skinny, and they all ate two slices of pizza and a bag of breadsticks.
I ate two pieces but felt hungry a few hours later, and I asked them all if they wanted any more.
My brother kind of looked at me funny and asked if I was already hungry again. I said yes and he laughed and called me a fattie.
Like I said, I really don’t care what people think of me anymore, so it didn’t phase me, but my two other siblings agreed with him and said I was “extremely unhealthy” and I needed to stop eating so much. I grew up with an ED (binge eating) so honestly I got a little frustrated but I went and got another two slices anyway.
When we were all going to bed, my brother went to get another slice of pizza, and I guess he counted and did the math that I ate 2 extra pieces, cuz he comes into my room freaking out. Saying I eat too much crap and that he’s embarrassed to be seen with me in public cuz I’m so fat (not that it’s a bad thing, but I’m like 250 lbs.
At 5’5″.)
My mom came in and calmed him down, but did agree with him that I eat too much and I should’ve left some for my family. Which, I did, there was like another whole box of pizza they could eat. My brother+siblings keep saying I eat “all the food in the house” and they’re constantly starving which is literally just a flat-out lie, and my mom doesn’t agree with the name calling but she says I should watch what I eat and lose weight.
Like I said, I’m not interested in changing how I live to look pretty or to please anyone but myself. I’m just wondering if I should’ve just waited to eat or eaten something else besides pizza. Grab one slice instead of two? I don’t know, I didn’t feel like I was wrong but when everyone close to you tells you that you are, it starts to get to you.
I’d just like some unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you are not paying for all the extra food. Pay for it then do as you please. You are 19 and an adult now and even if you are in full-time study if you are eating a lot more because you want to and enjoy it then subsidize the extra.
Also, you’re 19; just because you are not pre-diabetic now doesn’t mean at the exponential rate you’re on at the moment you won’t get to that in a few years as well as high cholesterol and b***d pressure. Also, it’s fine if you can eventually find your limit and not gain further weight, but if you carry on – you may get to a stage where you cannot work.
Who will fund all this? It’s fine if that is all ok with you and you will pay for it, it’s your choice, your body. But right now it is your mother’s finances and in other instances it may be your siblings’ portions.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your younger siblings are immature. I hope they stop calling you names or accusing you of silly stuff. It won’t help you feel better and will probably push you to eat more.
Your mom is worried about your health, but she is not pushing it, right?
She is neither the jerk. She didn’t tell you that you are wrong about eating two extra slices of pizza that night. She thinks you are risking your health on a daily basis (and she is actually right, your health indicators are generally OK because you are young, but the damage to your organism is going on and accumulating).
But she accepts you as you are, so don’t worry about that. Don’t worry about your siblings being mean to you.
Worry about what makes you unhappy so as to need to eat in excess to compensate. A shrink helped me to give up smoking, by teaching me how to tolerate the frustration that made me feel I needed a smoke, and also to tolerate the frustration of the cravings for a smoke during the first months.
Something so simple (and hard to achieve) made my life much easier. Your case has nothing to do with mine, but I hope you consider the idea of looking for professional help to take care of your eating disorder, not because of any stupid beauty standard but because you are not really happy if you need to punish your body that way to feel happy.” sicofonte
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You probably shouldn’t have eaten the extra pizza without permission, but it’s not really your choice to be hungry. If you were skinny, you probably would still be hungry after two slices of pizza too.
Your brothers shouldn’t be jerks about your weight even if you don’t mind.
You’re their sister and they should still have respect for you, you haven’t done anything bad to them as far as I can tell.
Also who the heck is full after two slices of pizza?
I’m 159cm 58kg and I eat a whole pizza in one sitting.
If I only ate two slices I’d be so hungry I’d be chewing the pizza box.” kokotalik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for eating when you’re hungry when there was enough food for everyone else, too.
With that said, your lifestyle is objectively not healthy. Also, you’re 19, which is extremely young.
All those conditions you’re happy you don’t have, you’re very likely to get pretty soon if you keep going the way that you are. It’s literally impossible to be in your height & weight range, constantly eat whatever you want, and stay healthy long-term. I’m sorry but that’s just not how human physiology works.
If you’re fine with that, go wild. Your life, your body. I’m just saying make sure you do this with your eyes wide open, so you’re not caught off-guard a bit down the road.” dilqncho
15. AITJ For Informing My Classmate Why Our Professor Didn't Like Her?
“I am in university for an art major (not sharing the exact one for anonymity purposes), currently in my junior year.
Last semester, I took what was easily my favorite class of these past few years. I learned a ton, and that was entirely due to the professor (I’ll call him The Professor for clarity) and how he taught. He was very strict, but fair, and had high expectations for us.
My art improved greatly during his class, and as he’s a talented artist working in the field I feel like I can also rely on him as a connection in the future. Some students didn’t like him because he could be blunt during critiques, but at this point, we shouldn’t be getting offended by this as we’ll be needing to go through critiques for the rest of our careers.
Like I said, he was always fair and his critiques were always followed by instruction and advice.
In our class, there was a girl named “Maggie.” I have taken multiple classes with Maggie, and to be honest I have no idea how she’s still at our university.
In all of the classes I have taken with her, I have only seen ONE single finished piece of art out of maybe ~30 assignments. She always has some kind of excuse during critiques about why she doesn’t have her art, and I genuinely have no idea how she passed last year.
I wouldn’t really care what she does with her time, it’s her finances that she’s wasting, but she has a victim complex and claims that every professor hates her and that’s why she’s failed so many classes.
The semester just started this week, and I was talking yesterday to a student who is taking The Professor’s class.
He said he was nervous because of the workload, and I was telling him that it’s actually a really good class, and even though it’s a high workload it’s definitely worth it. Maggie was sitting basically next to us, and as I was talking about how great The Professor teaches, she decided to butt in with her opinions about him.
She basically said that I only liked him because I was one of his “favorites”, and that he was really rude to her. She called him an “egotistical jerk,” and I ended up telling her something along the lines of:
“I’m not his favorite, I just actually turned in my art and worked hard.
The only reason why he didn’t like you was because you never turned in a single project.”
She was obviously upset by this, but I don’t think it was wrong of me to tell her the truth when she was basically slandering him.
However, she has a few mutual friends with me and they said that she’s really upset that I “embarrassed her” and I should apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Short answer: NTJ, she started the hostility here by calling you a “favorite” which undermines all the hard work you put in for your good grade.
You had every right to clap back.
Long answer: I’m seeing this from the perspective of someone who barely graduated from art school. Always tried my hardest, but sometimes that wasn’t obvious to profs or other students because I was struggling with a learning disability, depression, panic attacks, and migraines.
And sometimes art profs can be egotistical jerks. One of them asked me how I managed to get into the university. Another refused to give me feedback on an assignment (even though it was completed on time) because he said there was “no point” and that my lack of emotion showed I didn’t belong in the class.
Anyway, my point is that you don’t know what your classmate is going through, so just be careful about making assumptions. She may not be producing work in class, but that does not necessarily mean she doesn’t care or isn’t trying.” Ok_Zebra8850
Another User Comments:
“I have both English and Art degrees, and I always knew that students who could not take criticism or edits to their work were never going to make it in a real job. You are absolutely correct that you have to take feedback and rejection and learn to make changes as your clients or editors request or you won’t be employed long.
Maggie seems to have a different and even more major problem though, and obviously, she is failing and probably on academic probation. Teachers who are not teaching her that the working world has hard deadlines aren’t doing her any favors either. If Maggie throws a tantrum and thinks people are jerks for giving her critiques and failing her for missed deadlines then I guarantee she’s not going far in life until she gets a thorough walloping with the Clue Stick.
At present, Maggie is heading straight for failure and you’re not. Stick with the winners and move forward.” lionne6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a lot of immature students think everything is personal.
“I don’t hate you, I have no real personal opinion of you at all.
But I keep having to respond to your behavior.”
When it is 11-year-olds, it is understandable, and teaching them about this is part of the pastoral side. ‘No, Ms. Khan doesn’t hate you, she gave you detention because you didn’t do your homework. She isn’t constantly picking on you, you never do your homework, and are talking and fighting in class.”
The worst is the parents that listen to their kids, take everything as gospel, and storm in demanding expulsions and firings.” tomtomclubthumb
14. AITJ For Going Off On My Partner In Front Of Our Friends Over A Prank?
“This past week my (28f) partner (29m) “Henry” and I drove an hour north to visit some beautiful springs where our friend “Jenny” (in town from working in France the past year) rented a house for us to call home base for the week.
All of our closest friends (8 people including us) were there. It’s day two, it’s been great so far, and we all hop on our kayaks to paddle down these springs. When we initially arrived, Henry and I opted for 1 tandem kayak rather than spend the extra cash to get 2 singles (I took the front seat).
This is a go-to trip for us, so we’re familiar with the activity flow. Typically we paddle for 20 minutes and then pull over for a dip in the water & repeat. Anyway, we had been out on the water for at least an hour and a half at this point.
We’re pulled over on the bank in some shade and everyone is swimming, talking, and having a generally jolly time. I had folded my seat down and stretched out on the kayak so I could lay with my arms crossed behind my head. Henry is sitting behind me talking to our friends while I’m laid back with my eyes shut.
I hear him say “Look, baby!” and open my eyes to him holding a big spider directly over my face, which promptly drops onto my (closed) mouth.
I had the reaction that I think most people would. I immediately sat straight up and started shaking my head vigorously and panicking.
Here’s the part that I feel bad about….as soon as the spider was off of me (this all started & ended in about 10 seconds) I turned around and started screaming at Henry something along the lines of “YOU IDIOT, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” I was so horrified, taken off guard, and furious at that moment that I kind of forgot where I was.
Cut to all our friends (as well as innocent by-swimmers) staring at us and Henry meekly saying something about how he didn’t expect it to fall off his hand. A few of the girls said something like “Warranted reaction”, “I’d do the same thing,” blah blah and we paddled on.
Things were tense between Henry and me as we paddled. We weren’t talking and the energy was very off. I genuinely felt bad about my reaction. So as our friends got ahead a bit, I turned around and said “I’m really sorry for calling you a mean name and talking to you like that.” He said, “I’m sorry that a spider jumped on you.”
Now, I really wanted to let it go. But his response & delivery (mopey, not genuine) honestly ticked me off. He often won’t be accountable for behaviors and instead focuses on my reactions/how he feels about how I feel and will deflect as much as possible.
So I said, “I think you’re deflecting responsibility onto the spider and I wish you would apologize for holding the spider over my face in the first place.” At which point he got upset and started talking about how all of our friends thought he was a jerk for doing that to me and that he didn’t want to talk about it.
He went off with his best friend, got a margarita, came back in a great mood, and apologized so everything is fine now I guess. I just can’t help but wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My partner is utterly terrified of snakes. I would NEVER purposefully bring a snake near him to scare him!
One time, I took him to a haunted house where there was a jump scare involving a ridiculously cartoonish snake popping out. I had no idea it was there, and his reaction was pure terror! It’s been years and I still feel awful about that!
You’re not the jerk, but your man definitely is. He sulked, gave you the cold shoulder, and then walked off. When he came back, he just automatically expected everything to be cool. No deeper discussion, or a more sincere apology… just “I got myself a margarita, and now everything’s cool!” That’s a ridiculous cop-out.
His aversion to actually owning his mistakes isn’t a good quality in a partner.” DoodlingDaughter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this man does not care about you. I’m guessing he doesn’t know enough about spiders to know if it was poisonous or not, so if it was and had bitten you that could have ended in an expensive and painful hospital visit and even permanent disfigurement if it was something like a brown recluse!
You are on a river, and in your attempts to get the spider off you could have easily tipped overboard and landed on a rock, which again, an expensive and painful hospital visit if you had hit your head. This was so stupid and dangerous on his part, for your sake please don’t just let it go!” SharksAreScary5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is one of those guys who once he learns what his partner’s kryptonite is, will keep presenting it to her over and over again because he enjoys the fear and the torment and the torture. Eventually, you will realize this and leave him.
To prove it to yourself invent another fear that you pretend you’ve always had but never told him. I bet you anything he will be tormenting you with it within weeks. Days if you don’t make it too difficult for him to get hold of.
Feathers for instance, or hoover fluff.” Reddit user
13. WITBJ If I Refused To Pay For Part Of The Damages Of An Airbnb I Stayed At?
“I (F28) just got back from a bachelorette party for one of my BFFs that I planned. I booked the Airbnb under my account.
There were 5 of us and we had a great time until the end.
I am very close with the bride (B) but had only just met one of the girls (Z) at the bachelorette that weekend. On the last morning, I noticed that there was a burn on the back part of the couch that I hadn’t previously noticed. Only B and Z were in the room when I noticed and I asked both of them if they had noticed the burn.
Both of them told me no, so I figured that I just had not noticed it before.
We all went home, but that night I received a message from the Airbnb host noting that the couch was burned and that we owed $800 for a replacement.
I quickly messaged the group asking again about the burn. Z replies back that it was her who burned the couch but she was embarrassed and didn’t want to tell me. It turns out everyone except me knew that Z burned it, but lied to me when I asked earlier.
I then said that I was going to pay for the couch and I expected Z to pay me back. I was upset that it was my name tied to the rental and I wanted to make sure the owner was compensated for the damage to her property.
Z lost it and started demanding that we all need to split the cost of the damage. Her claim was that since I paid for the damage straight away, I didn’t give her a say and that she wanted me to dispute and “fight it”.
I literally have no clue how she expected to fight it… it was a giant burn and the owner listed proof of how much it would cost to replace.
I refused to split the cost and told Z I was expecting the amount to be paid back to me.
I don’t think it’s fair that I have to pay $160 for damage that I didn’t cause, knew nothing about, and was lied to when I inquired about it. She ended up only transferring enough for just her “split” of it. Now B is willing to cover my portion of the split so that it doesn’t cause arguments.
Obviously, I don’t want B to have to pay extra for this but if Z continues to refuse to pay and I refuse to pay for a portion of this, B will end up paying more so that I don’t have to. I really really don’t want to pay but I also don’t think it’s fair that B pays extra.
WIBTJ if I don’t pay “my portion”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, good for you OP. I know many people that would not do what you are doing after damaging property at a rental. You are awesome. Z is not.
I would reach out and talk to B about the issue and how it should not be on her to foot the entire cost, but hear me out.
If B is offering to help pay, I would accept ONLY because she lied to you and I think it is fair that you are paid back for the sofa. It sucks, I know. In your discussion with her make sure that you are clear about the fact that you are hurt by Z’s actions and everyone lying to you about the damage and that Z’s actions have now tarnished what was a wonderful trip to celebrate the upcoming wedding.
This next part is HUGELY IMPORTANT… do not blame B. B is in the middle and is trying to do what is right and eliminate the issue. Thank her, and let her know that you love her and will continue to support her throughout the wedding and be there for her in the wonderful long road of friends ahead.
B’s friendship is very important to you and it would be crappy if this small issue would derail anything. In the long scheme of things, that is a small amount of money to lose friendships over… don’t let it do more harm. Good luck with this OP.” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no portion.
Z left you in a lurch, and there was no disputing it. Someone in the group damaged it. Any dispute would have just ended up with Airbnb requiring you to pay it, instead of just a request from the owner.
Since there was proof of damage and proof of replacement cost, there would be no haggling. If you failed to pay it, you could be taken to court, and even end up with garnished wages. Plus, you could be banned from Airbnb. If you want to at this point, you can sue Z to force them to pay the full amount.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Z for the damage and not being willing to make it right.
The rest for lying about it (including Z).
And unfortunately…you, OP, for having a party in an Airbnb (unless they specifically allowed it…I’m a heavy Airbnb user and have never seen one that does).
You brought in a person you didn’t know/trust. Big mistake.” subsailor1968
12. AITJ For No Longer Helping My Brother Financially?
“I (23F) refuse to give a dime to my brother (25M). I am a full-time student with some part-time jobs and my brother is a university dropout and jobless. I pay bills and contribute to the grocery fund at home. We live with our parents and other siblings.
I have a hobby, writing FanFic and it’s a thing nowadays to write fanfic threads on Twitter, so I write them anytime I can. In between work, or when I walk home, or – Well, you get the gist. Just post your idea randomly on Twitter without writing it as a full story.
Sometimes it acts like a draft, I post the idea before I write them properly.
So, my brother always borrows funds from me. But a few days ago, I am so tired and I don’t want to give him anything anymore like I screamed at him to get a job!
Today I write my FanFic thread on Twitter and tweet them. I put away my phone and continue my work. On my short break, I check my Twitter and I found out ALL, yes, ALL, EVERYTHING on my Twitter is gone. I am shocked, I keep refreshing but nothing appears.
I check and I check, and I open my other Twitter account and see a message like ‘author deleted this tweet,’ and WHAT? I didn’t!
I thought who has access to my account? They’re locked with TAF! Then I remember my laptop at home, and I ask my little sister to check my laptop, and she said that our big brother used my laptop just now for ‘work’ or something, she saw him walking out of my room a few minutes ago.
I got home after work, then I confronted him and we got into a HUGE argument with him banging and kicking stuff around. He is mad because I did not lend a penny to him, and I say he has not paid even ONE CENT, and he says he will after he gets a job and I need to be patient.
It is draining to see the money I work half-dead for drain within seconds, that’s why I don’t want to let him borrow anymore. And he never repays it. And he got mad that he deletes my Twitter thread.
Some part of me feels like I am so petty for overacting over some Twitter fanfic thread, but it’s my safe place.
I don’t know how to describe it, writing FanFic is a rest for me. Something I enjoy, I love to do. When the world is so hectic, I write. When I’m happy or sad, or anything, I write. Now everything is gone.
I said I refuse to lend even one cent to him from now on.
Even when he is desperate or begging, I refuse! And he says I’ve soft spot for people in need, and for him and something about b***d thicker than water. I love my family and I love my brother, but at this moment I really hate him, I lost my FanFic thread and I don’t know.
I’m so sad right now. AITJ for not wanting to lend to him anymore and I’m serious, I refuse to give him even one cent, and AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground and don’t give your deadbeat of a brother a single penny more.
He is not entitled to any of your finances.
Also, don’t be under the impression that any of these finances he got from you is borrowed or lent since either of those terms implies a willingness and intention to repay what was loaned. He was given funds.
How did it occur in the first place that you would regularly pay him? Something tells me that there is a little bit more to the story here: perhaps he or someone on his behalf was manipulating you into doing this? Don’t let him pull the “family comes first” card either.
Family comes not at all if they treat you like crap, is the way it ought to be.” TheBrassDancer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sorry your brother did this to you. That was very vindictive of him over a “him” issue.
I hope your account gets restored. I’d keep reaching out to Twitter until there is a resolution – don’t accept the first no but be nice about it (like an aw-shuck, I was really hoping you guys had a backup.
Are you sure there’s no way to restore some of the data?). Sometimes companies say no when really it’s a yes but it’s a pain so they push back as most people drop it.
As far as securing yourself going forward as odds are he’ll do this again.
Please change your passwords to something not easy for him to guess (random words, numbers, and characters) and if possible add 2-factor authentication to make it more secure. If you have the option for biometric logins switch to those (but still change your passwords). It’s also more secure to have different passwords for different sites so when someone figures out your password they can’t get into other accounts – it’s a pain but you can get a password keeper (not Google or any other browser’s version) with one secure master password that you need to remember.” jasmin1279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to be very, very careful. Make sure everything you have is password protected. Make sure bank cards and bank books are locked up, those finances are locked up. If you can lock your room, do so. If you can’t lock your room then certainly try to get a lock for your wardrobe or drawer.
He attacked you for maximum hurt. It wasn’t a spur of the moment, it was carefully considered. It was a dish served cold, which makes him far more dangerous than someone who acts in the heat of the moment. Do not give in to demands for payment.
Once you give in his demands for more and more will never stop and his ‘punishments’ for not delivering will grow worse. You need to have his thirst for your finances stopped now before it does get worse.” Reddit user
11. AITJ For Blasting My Mom On Social Media After She Ditched Me On My Birthday?
“Context: I just turned 21 years old last month and I have spent the last few birthdays by myself due to being in college.
About a month before my birthday, my mom and I were sitting in the living room when she asks me “What do you wanna do for your birthday this year?” I told her that it didn’t matter as long as I got to spend it with her, seeing as I was away at college for the last two years.
(I took a year off to help with family and to take care of my mental health) A week later, she tells me that she found a VR place that was open for my birthday and made reservations for us to go which I was ecstatic about.
She knew how much I loved VR and her making the reservation was a good thing.
A few days before my birthday, she calls me from her job and tells me she canceled our reservation to go out with her partner. When I asked her why, she said it was the only day they could get a table at the restaurant.
I told her she had made a promise to spend my birthday with me and now she’s breaking it. She then said to get over it and spend the day with my girl. (My partner works for a cruise line and is out of the country until July) I ended up spending my birthday alone and made a post on social media calling my mom out for abandoning me on a milestone birthday.
My family is now divided. Half are siding with me, and the others are saying I’m selfish and I went too far making the post. I haven’t taken it down yet. So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Well well well, someone doesn’t like being called out?
Maybe she should’ve thought about it first.
What a selfish person, if nothing had been planned in the beginning I could have “understood” but she literally planned something and canceled it for a date? Is her love life more important than her kid’s birthday ??
She better not come crying when you don’t invite her to your great life events…” PuzzleheadedLime6510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only did your mom cancel last minute but she was the one who offered in the first place. Does she do this to you a lot?
That said, while I don’t think posting on social media makes you a jerk it is unclear what you wanted to happen when you did that. Folks tend to look down on others who share personal info like that, and it’s unlikely it’ll make your mom change her behavior or apologize so even tho I don’t think you’re a jerk for expressing your hurt and frustration you maybe have harmed yourself with this.” QueenYeen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And parents wonder why their kids go no contact later on in life.
Don’t listen to that half of your family that is calling YOU selfish (what is wrong with them??) for making that post. You have every right to make a post. You did not go “too far”.
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Keep the post up, and I would start making strong boundaries against people like this. They need a punching bag to put all of their insecurities on (which is you. Which is so horrible. You don’t deserve that).
Don’t be their punching bag. They love to watch drama unfold.
I’m not a big believer in “don’t air out dirty laundry”. There wouldn’t be needing to “air out dirty laundry” if there truly was nothing wrong. I went through narc abuse and my dad would always tell me to “never air out dirty laundry.” Screw that.
He knew what was going on in the household and he would rather have me be silent (I was the scapegoat and I was the only one standing up to the narc abuse) than get any kind of help. I now have horrible anxiety and depression.
I got therapy after moving out. Healing is a work in progress. Keeping everything in for so long has done a number on my mental health.” Thatcherrycupcake
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Friend To Stay Over With Us?
“My partner and I (25m and f) recently moved in together in a house we’re renting from my mom because honestly who can afford a house otherwise (shout-out to Mom).
It’s also my old childhood home but that’s not particularly relevant. We tend to call it a matchbox because it’s a small house and we sleep in a divided area of the living room.
My partner has 2 online friends, L and A, our age. I know L personally, met him in real life, we send each other memes and stuff.
I’ve never met A and rarely talk to him, but he seemed okay.
My partner wanted to go to a techno party. He wanted to take L, who’d be staying the night with us afterward. I was fine with this because I know L and I know how he is after parties.
I said yes.
After that, my partner also decided to tell A that he should totally come. He didn’t ask me before he told A. Again I don’t know the guy at all, and I’m not fond of having a stranger on substances spend the night with me while my partner is incapacitated. And again, we’d technically all be sleeping in the same room because the living room and bedroom are just sectioned off by a big closet.
I’m a tiny girl with no muscle mass whatsoever.
I told my partner that I wasn’t comfortable with it, which he relayed to A.
And that’s where A lost his absolute mind.
He sent my partner messages such as “isn’t it also your house? You should compromise.” When my man suggested we’d have a little get-together before the party so I could get to know A, A told him “oh, have your little barbecue, not like you’ll invite me anyways.” He just wouldn’t stop.
My partner doesn’t understand why I, a short weak girl, would not want a strange man sleeping in my room. L, fortunately, did understand, and he tried to talk A down, who just kept ranting on about how I’m the worst controlling witch and that my partner should leave me.
The party came and went. L and my partner had fun, I had a good time in the morning drinking tea with L while my man was asleep, and nothing strange happened.
But A is STILL constantly barraging my man and L with messages about how I’m the reason their friend group is now broken, how I’m keeping him away from his friends, and that I’m bad for my man.
I’m pretty sure having boundaries isn’t a jerk move, and A has clearly proven my freaking point here, but something in my mind still tells me I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honey, look at this man’s behavior. He’s obviously verbally abusive when he doesn’t get his way and seems to be a misogynistic creep bag.
Any normal man who is SAFE for women to be around wouldn’t act like this. Any normal man would be like “Oh a girl doesn’t want a male stranger she’s never met sleeping in her bedroom? Cool. Reasonable. How can I make her feel comfortable?”
This dude’s reaction was not that at all. It was blame, shame, control, and attempting to destroy your relationship to get his way.
Your inner instincts SCREAMED at you for a reason about this man. And look at his entitled behavior. Look at his verbal abuse the moment something doesn’t go his way.
Your gut was RIGHT. This man is NOT SAFE for a woman to be around. He has an emotionally unstable streak and a mean streak and he can’t take no for an answer. Men who can’t take no for an answer aren’t the best men for women to be vulnerable around.
Sorry not sorry.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t care if I was with my partner for years and he knew this friend for years. And if I never met him or not well enough, he’s not going to be staying in the house with me.
I’m like you I don’t want some strange man who I do not know staying with us. Especially the way you described the way you look. I do not blame you at all. If your partner or his friend have a problem with that then it’s their problem.
If your partner and you get in a fight about it, you tell him it’s either you or his friend. If he tells you don’t make me choose or chooses his friend. Then you know where he stands. And your safety is more important than a relationship.” SnooChipmunks3950
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your partner that based on A’s reactions, you are uncomfortable with A and have no interest in him being in your life ever, now, or in the future. Heck, he called you a witch! A real partner would have chewed his butt out and demanded he not speak of you with disrespect or at the least ended the friendship (personally, I would’ve ended the friendship with A.) If he won’t, it may be time to reassess your relationship as he should be defending you and not allowing a friend to say such horrible things.” gloryhokinetic
9. AITJ For Siding With My Son Over My Husband?
“My (40f) husband (42m), our son L (11M), our daughter A (2f), and I were at a lunch party with two other families (Antony and Bert families) we are friends with from many years ago, since uni.
We were at Antony’s flat and the kids (two from each family) were playing hide and seek and running and screaming through the house (no garden, no yard, just inside). Antony and his wife were ok with that but my husband asked our son L to stop running several times.
At our house, there’s this rule and we also encourage our kids to speak calmly and not scream without a reason (hurting, danger, etc.). Of course, we laugh like everyone and sometimes we are loud but we try to keep it down.
Side note: Bert’s daughters (12 and 10) are very, very VERY loud, noisy, and active.
They can’t even play a board game without screaming and kicking the floor with excitement because they win or lose, even the quiet ones like chess. So you can imagine what happens when they are playing every other physical activity. My husband doesn’t like the girls (to say it kindly) and it stresses him when we are together at any place that is not their house, where they can play and scream all they want.
But they (and their parents) are incapable to see that this behavior is not right at every other house.
Back to it. So time was passing and our daughter A started feeling tired. Needed a nap but with all that noise and people it wasn’t going to work.
She was whining and crossed paths with L who was running and hit her, causing her to fall. Nothing serious happened, but my husband told L very rudely, almost screaming at him, to stop running because he hit his sister. L told the others “we can’t run anymore” and the game stopped. Antony’s daughter asked his dad “why can’t we run anymore?” And he said, “who told you that?” “L, his dad told him to stop.” The mood changed instantly and, as the baby and I were tired, we decided to leave.
When we got into the car I told him that I was embarrassed he talked to our kid like that and that he cannot set rules at another person’s house. That telling our son not to run when everyone is doing it is siding him apart and isolating him.
And they were just playing and that accidents happen. At our home, it’s ok to tell everyone’s kids “no running in the house,” but we are not in our house and we have to respect everyone’s rules.
I told my son that running without looking wasn’t ok and he knows better when toddlers are around.
Two days have passed and my husband is still giving us the cold treatment. Yesterday spent almost the entire day in the basement and today left for work without even a kiss.
So, AITJ? Because I am doubting myself. Thanks.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
The husband didn’t tell all the kids to stop running, just his.
Because he knocked his toddler sister over. That’s fair, responsible even.
L feels this means all the kids need to stop running. Not unfair, but neither L nor OP’s husband has the authority to make that call. That’s on the homeowner, who didn’t see the issue and the unsafe conditions of running preteens vs toddlers.
So they didn’t back OP’s husband up, signaling that they didn’t care about the toddler’s safety. Jerk moves, in my book. It’s not hard to ask the older kids to moderate their behavior so that they create a safe environment for everyone present. It is, in fact, called parenting, as moderating behavior based on circumstances is an expected adult skill.
So it’s expected that adults teach children this skill.
OP doesn’t advocate for the toddler either until they are in the car. But then berates husband for setting boundaries for his own child, which he can do in someone else’s home because L doesn’t become someone else’s responsibility when he’s not in husband’s home.
In these ways, OP is the jerk. (Also, what message does it send to the child that their behavior was wrong, but also that the father correcting the behavior was wrong? This isn’t logical.)
And then the husband resorts to the cold/silent treatment, which is petty and jerkish.” Crytographer-Alone
Another User Comments:
“I would say kind of YTJ, a soft YTJ. I firmly believe that you should be on the same page as your SO and that you present a united front to your kids. To me, you should have discussed this after your kids were in bed asleep.
Or perhaps when the 2-year-old was down for a nap and then have your son go to another room. What I’m getting at is that it should have been a private discussion. Instead, you had it out in front of the kids and really undermined him.
He had a certain expectation and was being consistent with the rules he enforced.
It also turns out that he was kind of right. The accident wouldn’t have happened if they had listened to your husband and stopped running in the house. Which is kind of why you tell kids not to run in the house to begin with.
To prevent them from hurting themselves or others.
What if that had been worse? Your 2 year old could have been seriously hurt. Why? Because people weren’t paying attention.
There are lots of other activities they can do for entertainment rather than running through a house.” Officer340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband seems very hard on your son. Is he always this controlling and angry with him? The silent treatment and being cold is an emotionally manipulative tactic. You didn’t yell at your husband at the party in front of people, you spoke with him in the car in a most reasonable fashion about what he did.
His reaction is immature. I hope you’re able to talk more about it especially as your child is nearing the teenage years and that’s usually when parental relationships become strained.” Reddit user
8. AITJ For Not Warning My Old Friend About My Crazy Ex After She Got Together With Him?
“I (23F) was with this guy named John (26M) for almost 2 years.
We broke up a year ago because he was one of the worst people I have ever met in my life. I will not go into detail but let’s just say that he once told me, and I quote “Onision isn’t THAT bad.”
I also had this friend named Emily (23F) that I knew since high school. We were very close friends but got separated when we went to college but still kept in touch and met occasionally.
Emily knew about John’s existence ever since we got together.
John is from another country and doesn’t speak my and Emily’s native language so he and I spoke in English all the time. After a year of being with John, Emily reached out to me and asked if we could all meet up and do stuff together so she could practice her English.
I said yes and told John about it which he also agreed to do.
From that point on me, John and Emily would meet 4 times a month and just hang out. This went on for at least 3 months and it was fun until one day Emily decided that she hated both me and John.
She picked a fight with us about something that I don’t remember and never spoke to us again. I was really sad that I lost my best friend but John didn’t really seem to care. I eventually got over it and moved on.
2 months after that, John and I broke up and he phoned and messaged me nonstop. He kept telling me that “something very bad happened to him and he needed my help.” I told him that I didn’t care and ignored him. Eventually, I got curious as to what happened so I checked his social media account and I saw Emily posting cute little comments under his posts.
The comments started a week after we broke up. I was really taken aback and it hit me that it was a possibility that he might’ve been two-timing me behind my back. I was furious for the next couple of months, but I got over it eventually.
This was all a year ago. Now, a few days ago I got a message from Emily saying that she and I needed to talk. I messaged back stating that I was not interested and she messaged back “Did you know John and I got together after you broke up?” I replied with “Yeah I guessed, I saw your comments under his posts.”
A few seconds after I sent that message I got a call from her. I answered and she blew up at me saying “If you knew we were together, why didn’t you warn me about him?!” I asked her what she was talking about and she said “You were with him longer than I have so you must’ve known how horrible he was!
Why didn’t you warn me?! I would’ve warned you!”
I replied by saying that she was the one who cut contact with me and I wasn’t obligated to help her. She called me rude names and said that I was the reason she wasted all her time and that she would’ve 100% warned me.
I bid her goodbye and hung up the phone. She surprisingly didn’t call me back. I told my parents about everything and they are on my side but I can’t help but feel guilty. John is a terrible person and I would’ve wanted to be warned if I was in her place but it was none of my business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you describe this person as a best friend, so despite having not had much contact for a few months I think the right thing to have done was simply state the facts about this guy to her when you suspected they were together.
You had nothing to lose.
Her handling of the situation was crappy though. She also sucks.” BookkeeperMassive468
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so let me get this straight. Emily hated John so much that she cut off contact with both of you. Then sometime later, she got with John, who she hated prior.
Then you deduced that she was with him but she didn’t actually tell you because she cut off contact. Then she found out that you knew. Then she freaked out at you for not telling her that this person she hated was terrible?
If you’re guilty over this you should go to therapy.
NTJ.” ghotier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she cut contact with you, said she hated you, and never wanted to speak to you again. You had no obligations to her at that point. She never told you she was with him. You just assumed she might be, again no obligation on your side to say anything.
What were you supposed to say? It would have been viewed as jealousy or sabotage and she would have painted you as the bad guy. Just block her.” Reddit user
7. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor Not To Park By My Mailbox?
It’s a pretty reasonable request.
“I bought a house in a suburb and it’s on a cul-de-sac. Average middle-class/slightly upper-middle-class homes. There are 4 houses that abut the cul-de-sac.
While moving in, I noticed a car kept parking on the street in front of the grassy area between the two parts of my horseshoe/semi-circle drive.
The mailbox is also located there. On the other side of my property is a section that’s straight (just outside of the cul-de-sac) and has plenty of room for a couple of cars, but this area does not – and plus the mailbox. My naive baby brain, lol, assumed these people were parking there because my “new” house has been vacant for a month, which I totally understand.
However, while moving in, the driver parked right there, by the mailbox, in this area and so I thought: hey, a good time to let them know people now live here. Introduced myself, mentioned the parking “since you probably don’t want to park here now” and the guy went OFF.
Lives all the way across the cul-de-sac, said the two houses between us have too many cars, there’s a fire hydrant in front of one of the other peoples’ houses so no one can park there, said “no way would he” park in the straight section in front of my house that I suggested because it’s “too far.” However, he has a two-car garage, space for two vehicles in his drive, AND two spaces in front of his home in the cul-de-sac.
I was completely stunned (his driveway spaces were empty and he had his garage door open with only one car inside when he parked in front of my mailbox) and yet he didn’t park there to unload his groceries, instead opting to walk 50-100 feet from my house.
I certainly felt like a jerk for saying something at that moment; I had totally misinterpreted that this family thought they have every right to park there all the time and this wasn’t because the house is vacant. I hated also starting a bad first impression.
I realize it’s a public road, but also he can’t be within 15 feet of my mailbox, or my mail might not be delivered. I also don’t think the number of cars other people have is important when they and he both have 2-car garages, driveways that can accommodate, and at least 1 space each in front of their homes…and he has 2.
I’ll bring over a treat when I get settled and pretend it didn’t happen but will be irritated if he thinks it’s fine to continue parking there and potentially preventing our mail delivery. I don’t even see how it’s convenient for him.
AITJ because I brought this up so soon? If it keeps happening, what should I do? I’ll wait awhile but still.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This neighbor and his guests or delivery people are the jerks.
You would be within your rights to let the local post office know that any cars blocking access to your mailbox are not yours.
You would also be within your rights to ask the local police to enforce any ordinances about blocking access to the mailbox.
If you were feeling really petty, you could get some of those “No Parking” stickers some shopping malls, supermarkets, and apartment complexes use.
Put the stickers on the offending cars very late at night or very early in the morning. Those stickers are extremely difficult to remove.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but only because of the mailbox. Maybe place a stake or a flag in the ground to remind yourself and others of the clearance required around the mailbox to ensure that you continue to receive your post.
By your own estimation, you both have ample parking on your own property and no legal, moral, or social claim to the public street spots. Y W B T J if you press the issue simply because you do not like him parking there.” emilyinfini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
An easy solution might be to speak with your local postmaster/post office employees and city government to see about having the curb in front of the mailbox painted for delivery only (in California, they are painted white, but it may be different in other states).
That way, no one is allowed to legally park there and can be towed if they do so.” Agitated_Try_8662
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Mom Rent When I Moved Back In After Flunking College?
“I (M19) moved back in with my mom (F45) for the summer after I failed the spring semester of college. When I moved back in, it wasn’t established that I would owe rent.
I got a full-time job right away and my goal was to work enough to pay off the remaining debt I owed to the college (I didn’t take out loans) and then have enough to pay for winter classes in order to retake the ones I did poorly in.
When I initially moved back in for the summer, I didn’t make it aware that I failed and couldn’t go back in the fall. I simply told my mom I was going to take a gap year in order to dodge the embarrassment.
It wasn’t until an ADHD screening that she learned I had done poorly this past semester.
Even after she learned about my failing out of college, she didn’t ask me to help out financially. It wasn’t until she stopped receiving child support that she asked me so.
My parents divorced before I could remember. My mom got custody and moved home while my dad followed so he could be a part of our lives. Since then, he’s paid well over $250k in child support and now lives about 3 miles down from my mom’s place.
This allows me and my siblings the privilege to have two separate places to sleep at night which I’m incredibly grateful for.
When my mom asked me to help financially. That part was a half-truth. My mom isn’t good with finances, to say the least. She spends paychecks living week to week.
When she found out she’d no longer be getting child support, it meant she was now living beyond her means. So I was asked to help financially. But it wasn’t presented as me helping her with bills now that she’s in a tight spot, but rather me earning my keep and her teaching me financial responsibility.
Now because I was working full time, a couple of hundred bucks at that time was no sweat. But I guess the way she asked didn’t really sit right with me because it felt dishonest. If she wanted me to financially help, I feel like she would have asked me 2 months prior when she found out I wasn’t going back to school in the fall rather than when she was in financial trouble.
When I brought this up to her she mentioned that it would be expected I contribute regardless of my financial situation. I actually did end up agreeing to throw a couple hundred toward the bills.
That was back in late July. After I agreed to that, I moved most of my stuff to my dad’s.
But, last night she found out her rent was getting raised by $200. She told me that she needed me to start paying $300 a month starting this month to help with my additions to bills.
The financial stress she’s in isn’t due to the added expenses of me living there.
If it is then I offered to just stay with my dad full time. I do feel guilty because, on one hand, I’m leaving my mom in a financial puzzle just to save a couple hundred a month. But I also feel justified given that it wasn’t established beforehand, she isn’t honest about why she’s asking, and I have a separate household I can go to.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your mom might be bad with finances, but it’s perfectly reasonable for someone to expect an adult to pay something (significantly under market rate because $300/month gets you NOTHING anywhere) for your living situation.
You living there is costing your mom, even if you don’t want to see it.
Even if you pay for all your own food and toiletries and supplies and things, that’s $10/day for electricity, water, heat, internet, and all the other things I’m guessing you aren’t paying for.
Her expenses have gone up, your father isn’t paying support anymore, and her adult son moved in months ago and is expecting to free-ride until at least the winter term?
And you think this is because she’s not good at managing her finances? She might not be, but that’s also a huge financial change. It’s not always a case of “be better with your finances” when your expenses suddenly increase.
If you don’t want to help out your mom in this situation, then leave her high and dry even though she took you in after you flunked out.
But don’t come here expecting people to think you are being virtuous and she’s the problem.” EatMyBalcony
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Not for moving out but for acting offended and put upon for being expected to pay rent in the first place.
It doesn’t matter if she got child support or whether she’s bad with finances; that’s irrelevant.
You are an adult and contributing to the home you live in is not unreasonable. Sounds like you agreed to pay $200 (assuming you meant ‘a couple hundred’ literally) a month and then the rent went up by $200 so Mom split the difference and added $100 to your rent and $100 to hers.
Either way, $300 a month works out to less than $100 a week for rent & utilities so you are absolutely getting a massive deal.
You honestly come across as really spoiled and entitled, like it’s not the finances; it’s the principle and you’d be happy to pay if she got down on her knees and told you she needs your rent, but because she’s treating you like an adult who is simply expected to pay his share (and let’s be honest it’s not even a full share) you’ve got the craps.” Tai-Frasier
Another User Comments:
“How old are your siblings? Are they considered adults now, too, or are they still underage? That does make a difference.
As it stands, however, ESH (except, possibly, for Dad). You lied to your mother and made it like you were taking a gap year instead of being upfront and honest with her.
And still, she didn’t ask for help financially. But when it was found out that child support was coming to a stop, you were asked to help out. It doesn’t matter if she didn’t ask it at the beginning: she’s asking now and you are getting bent out of shape about it.
Mom is the jerk because she’s living beyond her means. The pay from child support shouldn’t be the end-all and be-all. Where were the finances going, because it doesn’t sound like it was going towards any sort of college funds (he didn’t take out loans and was going to pay back what he owed)?
Mom needs to downgrade and realize that she can’t rely on extra support forever. What was she going to do once OP graduated? Rely on him to help take care of her? (That could be projection, though.)” BrandedAFreak
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your mom should have communicated right away what she expected when you moved back home.
If you were ‘expected to contribute’ regardless of financial situation, she should have had a plan.
However, you aren’t totally in the clear either. You should’ve come clean about your schooling situation – does your dad know? – and this financial puzzle you’re talking about won’t be solved by you leaving.
Which will leave your mom and siblings worse off. The rent hike is not your fault, obviously, but you could at least contribute some finances seeing as you agreed to help with the bills two months ago.” WormwoodInfusion
5. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel Our Vacation After Our Dog Passed Away?
“I (28M) have been planning and saving for a foreign trip with my partner (27F) for years. Ever since we started living together, we had always dreamed of a nice long trip to multiple countries. I have taken only 2 days off during the past year to save up my leaves for this trip and the bill is a whopping $30k.
A little over a month ago our dog “Tommy” (Doberman, if that’s relevant) of 6 years passed away (he was 2 when we adopted him). But it wasn’t very surprising because Tommy wasn’t keeping well for a month before his passing. His body odor had changed and his activity level just plummeted. We took him to the vet multiple times, but sadly Tommy didn’t make it.
It was quite hard for me as he was my very first dog, and I got him with my partner when we moved in after college. Obviously, this was not easy on my partner either, and she was probably more affected by his passing than I was.
But we tried to move on, or at least that’s what I thought.
We went on with our routine. We spent more time with each other given the circumstances. Both of us started our shopping and all the necessary preparation. Now, we are due to leave for the trip in 4 days, and my girl tells me that she’s still not over Tommy’s death and she’s not up for the trip.
I reasoned with her that going on this trip is the perfect break and a way for us to divert our attention, but she was adamant saying it just doesn’t feel right. Upon asking her why she hadn’t warned me earlier about this, my girl responded that it was taking her longer to get over Tommy.
Plus she wanted our trip to be ‘perfect’ and wanted to go when she was in a better mood and excited about it.
I tried explaining that because we are just 4 days away from our trip, even with travel insurance, we’ll only be able to get a full refund on flight tickets, and SOME of the bookings.
This would only cover less than a third of expenses, meaning a solid loss of over $20k. She was still frustratingly stubborn on this. So I told her that I’m not up for wasting that much finances, so if she was not up for it, I’ll either take a friend of mine along or go alone.
This bothered her quite a bit, resulting in a full-out argument. I even got calls from her mother and our common friends. They all were the same: Complaining about me being unsupportive and just abandoning her while I go have fun on what’s supposed to be “OUR” trip.
None of them understand that canceling won’t work, and it’ll be a couple of years before we can go on another trip like this.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s $20k for goodness sake.
But you’re not going to reach someone with logic when they’re making their decisions with emotion (and she’s understandably heartbroken at your joint loss).
It’s a long trip, right?
So maybe you change the plans slightly.
Get to the first country and take a few days off to grieve. Even the first week or two. See how you go. Keep the itinerary light, with plenty of time allowed for unexpected crying/needing to return to the hotel.
Take a picture of the dog with you, or a small stuffed Dobermann toy, so that he can “come with you.”
You’re going to be grieving anyway. You might as well be grieving in a nice place.
After a while, once the pain isn’t quite so sharp for her, then she might be able to fully join in with the holiday.
If she’s still not up for it? Or if you both go, but she’s still a wet blanket several weeks in?
Then you’ll have to make a decision.
The fun activities on the trip, or the relationship.
Because I’m not sure the relationship will withstand your heading off to have fun while she’s feeling emotionally vulnerable (though it might – you never know).
But I would make the same choice in a heartbeat.
There are tons of fish in the sea but not many chances for most people to travel like that.” PotatoMonster20
Another User Comments:
“When my first dog died, I was completely devastated (she was killed by another dog that attacked her which made it pretty traumatic).
I love my dogs and they bring me so much joy, but I wouldn’t hesitate to go on the trip. Staying home makes the loss more noticeable and overwhelming. I would just let her know that she doesn’t have to constantly fake being happy on the trip.
If there’s a day she is grieving strongly, then don’t force it. Stay in, order room service, or go to a spa rather than sightsee. Grieve when you need to and enjoy yourselves when you can. NTJ.” ImmediateJeweler5066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for your girl, I do, but wasting tens of thousands of dollars is just mind-boggling to me.
Last year I lost a lot of family members in a short amount of time. I planned a birthday trip to visit my in-laws a couple of months in advance and my dad ended up passing away a week and a half before my trip.
I asked my mom if she wanted me to cancel it so I could be with her and she told me no, life goes on.
I would encourage your partner to seek out therapy because she needs to find a way to process things. I hope she changes her mind and goes with you!” dragonkeeperemme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe she’s grieving the loss of your pet as if it were her child. If you had just lost a child, there would be so much more sympathy for her expectation of you. But it was a pet – very important, but not the same as a child for the vast majority of people.
And the loss associated with not going now is way too much to casually dismiss.
Maybe your girl really doesn’t think about the value of hard-earned money. Would she not bat an eye at covering the full amount of any lost funds and be able to pay for the same trip later within a year?
You can have sympathy for her struggle in getting past her grief. And as hard as it is to not have her on the trip you two planned together, you came up with a plan that allows her to stay home and grieve as she wants to.
You have grieved together and have supported each other, but now you are ready to take this dream trip. You believe it may even help in recovering from your loss. But she doesn’t care what you want or need; she doesn’t respect the way you want to grieve yourself.
She wants to require you to grieve her way, with her.
Sadly, the wide gulf between where you two are at means that (1) you probably won’t be able to enjoy the trip as envisioned. If she came, she might be resentful at this point. If she doesn’t, you won’t be sharing the trip the way you dreamed of.
It also means (2) that your relationship with your girl will not be the same going forward. Either she will resent you for going or you will resent her for keeping you here. You may need to be prepared for this relationship to be a casualty of your dog’s illness.
I’m sorry for the loss you’ve had, the one related to going or not going on this trip, and the possible one you may face with your partner.” swillshop
4. AITJ For Ditching My Sister-In-Law's Wedding To Avoid My Brother-In-Law?
“I (23F) have been married to my husband (J) (35M) for nearly 2 years now. J’s family has always been important to him; they are all extremely close – with the exception of his sister (32F) and brother (39M), who are not.
My SIL announced her engagement about a year ago, and the wedding is scheduled in 2 weeks.
We have a close bond with each other, despite the age difference she is an important part of my life. Of course, when J and I received the invitations, we accepted straight away and made all the necessary arrangements; travel, time off work, etc.
Just before J and I’s wedding, his brother made extremely inappropriate advancements toward me.
I told J about it, but he basically just brushed it off claiming his brother wouldn’t do such a thing. My SIL found out a couple of months later, however, and her reaction was the complete opposite; she was incredibly supportive.
Ever since then, I have always been wary of my BIL, as he is very ignorant and sexist, etc. A few months ago, my BIL yet again made some unwanted advancements towards me, with it being more severe this time.
It honestly shattered me, I don’t have any family myself, so it’s really important to me to have good bonds with J’s family. Once again I brought up my concerns with J, as he (BIL) had very clearly crossed the line. Once again, J shrugged it off and we moved on.
When my SIL found out, she assured me that I wouldn’t have to worry about him at her wedding, as he wasn’t able to make it. This made me feel a lot better, as I wouldn’t have to face him.
Yesterday, my SIL called me incredibly apologetic and let me know that my BIL was now able to come to the wedding.
Obviously, this was really upsetting and followed by many tears. My SIL reassured me, however, that if I didn’t feel comfortable coming, she would completely understand and said we could go out some other time to celebrate. I reluctantly took her up on this offer, as I know seeing my BIL would be detrimental to my mental health and I didn’t want to spoil the day for anyone.
My MIL found out this morning that I was not coming (I hadn’t told J yet), and called J in an absolute fury. She was furious at me and said that it was disgraceful that I was not attending the wedding, over something her son would ‘never’ do.
J was also mad at me (not as much though), but being such a close family, they were both upset that I was going to embarrass my husband by not being by his side.
J said he would try to accommodate my feelings at the wedding, and promised he wouldn’t leave my side.
At first, I was going to agree to this, but I ended up deciding against it and said I would not be going. J somewhat understands, despite being a little upset and angry, but it’s his Mother who is absolutely furious at me. I tried to talk to her about it this afternoon, but all that seemed to come out of her mouth were degrading things about me, so I gave up and hung up.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why are you still with this man when he doesn’t care if his brother or anyone makes unwanted advances? Instead, he blames you and victim shames you saying you’re blowing it up. There are so many red flags.
This guy doesn’t love you, he’s not trying to protect you but saying anything to get you to go knowing he will be there. Yes, he will leave you alone as he’s shown he doesn’t believe you.
Honestly leave him as it’s clear he will continue expecting you to let brother do what he wants and be near him.
That if he ever actually manages to assault you they will blame you. You are clearly not loved, you are not respected, and definitely not protected. he clearly thinks as you don’t have a family you will naively put up with this crap.
Honestly stand firm and insist you get couples therapy or it’s over.
None of this is acceptable and that coming from me who didn’t realize I was being mistreated in every way by my husband says a lot but it’s clear here. I am so sorry this is happening to you, regardless keep in touch with SIL even if you divorce and cut contact with the rest.
If you stay and the brother does one more thing, go to the police and report it and take out a restraining/no contact order where brother can’t come near you. Do this regardless of what your husband thinks as he’s as big a jerk as his brother.
Gaslighting does not cover what they are all doing here.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never have to feel unsafe or feel forced to put yourself in a situation where you will feel unsafe. Your BIL has harassed you at least twice. You don’t have to be around him.
The fact that your husband dismissed you both times you brought this up to him is a problem. He should be questioning his brother and sticking up for you. You have a husband problem.
Since your MIL is now saying these horrible things about you, your husband should be defending you.
Again, this stems from a husband problem.
Good on your SIL for believing you and letting you know she is okay with you skipping her wedding. At least one person from that family treats you like actual family.
Good luck. I think you’re going to need it.” Educational_Guard488
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband has continually dismissed and disrespected you regarding this. That is unacceptable. MIL doesn’t believe that her boy could harass/abuse anyone inappropriately so her denial is understandable (not forgivable, but understandable), but your HUSBAND’s reaction is neither!
I’m not sure how you can stay in this marriage if your husband doesn’t have your back on this.
The only other thing I can think of if you decide to put up with it is to find out what’s legal to carry in your area and something you can learn how to use – I’m thinking pepper spray, taser, whatever – and very actively defend yourself the next time you are forced to put up with BIL’s presence.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you do need to realize your marriage is doomed. You have two choices, either continue letting your BIL harass you and just be a doormat about it, which will destroy you, or you can continue prioritizing your own safety, dignity, and happiness, which will make your husband and his family hate you.
No one in your husband’s family, including your SIL, is going to take your side in this. She showed you that when she would rather have her brother at her wedding rather than his victim. So you need to seriously consider how much your bodily autonomy is worth to you.
You’re only 23, you have plenty of chances to find a partner that will be on your side rather than his family, someone who won’t excuse a jerk because he’s family, who will defend you against his awful mother. You can find friends who will be on team YOU instead of this awful family.” KeyFly3
3. AITJ For Siding With My Late Father After My Mother Said He Was A Deadbeat?
“My (51m) dad died 4 months ago. I’m (19m) the only person in my family that doesn’t hate him. He had cancer, and in his last weeks, he wanted to travel the world, and basically get things marked off his bucket list. My mother (41f) was angry at him because she wanted him to spend what little time he had left with his family, surrounded by loved ones, but he essentially told her that he would spend his last few days with us, but he didn’t want to spend them hopeless in a bed.
He offered to take us with him, but my mom refused. He did the usual stuff, binged Marvel movies, skydived, visited theme parks, and when he got back, he had clearly made peace with his life and was happy with what he achieved. He spent 3 days with us, and I was holding his hand when he passed. His last words were, “I love you, and my family was the best thing god could’ve blessed me with.” My mom didn’t come to his funeral, and she has twisted my siblings to think he was some sort of villain.
They’re young, so I don’t blame them, they’re just saying what mom’s telling them to say. Last night, I was at mom’s house, and she was going on and on. She asked me why I wasn’t emotional, and I told her I missed him, but he had clearly made peace with his life, he was ready to leave, and I looked back on my last three days with him fondly.
He is gone, and there’s nothing I can do about it. She made some backhand remark about how he was a deadbeat to leave us to go screw off and have fun when he should’ve been taking things seriously, I essentially told her that he wasn’t a deadbeat.
He had given up so much, he had come to birthday parties, ball games, my graduation, school holiday parties, and had worked his butt off to get us into the upper middle class from the ground up, he worked long hours but still came home to play with us and show us affection, even though he was clearly exhausted, and that he had only a little while left, and he was entitled to spend that time however he wanted to after all he’d done for us.
My mom was taken aback and said that he was a loser. I told her that he was a good man and that she spent all of her time with us but still showed minimal love and affection to me and my siblings.
I said she needs to stop putting things in a bad light, he did right by himself and us, she needs to let it go, and that dwelling will only cause more pain and suffering on her and my sibling’s part.
She got upset and told me to leave, I did. She hasn’t contacted me in a few days, and my siblings have texted me and told me I’m a jerk for making my mom cry. I wanna know if I took things too far between us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Grief is hard to process and everyone goes through it at different stages as well as the length in each stage. I think you handled the situation well considering everything, stick to your guns on how you feel, but also don’t force it upon others (not that you are as you’re only responding to others in defense.)
Going forward, I would set boundaries though on this topic. I say this so your family bonds are not strained, my mother passed away years ago and to this day my grandmother tends to talk negatively about her (mostly choices she made) and I’ve had to come to the realization that she will never not feel that, and while it bothers me I love my grandmother dearly and want to have a good relationship with her so when she gets in a rant or rave about (yes it still happens – though I think it’s because she doesn’t know how to process losing her only daughter and at such a young age – maybe even angry still at her because she feels like my mom could’ve lived longer if she did things differently.) I’ve had to tell her, ‘I love you and you are right in what you feel but I feel differently – let’s talk about something else.’ My grandmother doesn’t necessarily like it when I do this, but she has respected me saying it because it has stopped a lot of fights between us – one of those we aren’t ever going to agree on this so why cause turmoil?
Your mom is right to her feelings, even if you feel they are 100% wrong in your mind but at the same time, there is a lot that you may not know about. At the same time, your mom needs to respect your opinion because that’s your father and you also saw a different side to it all.
Give her some space and when she contacts you again or you contact her – I recommend talking to her and being nice but firm on where you stand. You don’t have to go into detail about why you understand what your father did but more so letting her know that you understand how she feels and/or your siblings feel but you’ll have to agree to disagree on this.” AssumptionDry7903
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m so happy that you supported your Dad and can see what a difference his experiences meant in the end. He set you a good example of focussing on the breadth and depth of your life, not just the length of it, and he turned a very hard time into a positive experience for himself so that he could leave feeling satisfied and complete.
And you got to spend precious time with him at the end, what a special gift that is, you’ll always cherish those memories.
I’m so sorry your mum can’t see it from the same perspective, but it’s understandable too. Her point of view is selfish and self-centered, but it’s understandable, she wanted him nearby and to keep him as safe as she could.
He chose to live the end of his life the way he needed to but all she can see is that he didn’t choose her, or your family. That’s so sad. I hope one day she can see how taking on a terminal diagnosis on his own terms made such a difference to your dad.
I’m mostly angry, though, that she’s clouding your younger sibling’s memories and feelings with her own bitterness, that’s inexcusable, and she’s putting you in a very difficult position too. A good death is all that any of us can wish for in the end, how dare she taint your father’s name because he chose to live right up to the end.” Sprogpaws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound incredibly mature emotionally. I think what your dad did had to be done for him to die in peace with himself. Your mom can’t see it like that – at least not now. She only sees a dying father who goes away instead of spending time with his family.
She is grieving and that is ok but it is not okay to throw this all against you.
I would tell your mother that you love her but don’t like getting talked down like that and maybe help her get therapy.
Tell your siblings you love them, just like your dad did too, and that they can talk to you whenever they want.” Veonazebe
You throw out the phrase, "He asked us to go along..." was that possible though? In my house it couldn't have been done financially or logistically. 5 people just up and leaving for weeks. Hotel rooms, gas cost, food cost, theme park tickets... we don't have that kind of money, nor do we have near that much credit available on cards.
Mom had to stay at home with kids, knowing her husband could die at any moment and she wouldn't be there. Worst of all, he chose to spend what time he had left without her. She feels not only grief, but rejection and wonders if he loved her.
Her anger at him is grief, but it's also fear that her marriage wasn't what she thought it was.
She was left dealing with wills, funeral arrangements, medical costs possibly, and figuring out how she can keep up with everything on her own. I completely see why she's hurt and angry as well as bereaved.
NJH. I'm sorry for the loss your family has experienced.
2. AITJ For No Longer Babysitting For A Friend?
“My friend was unable to have kids so she signed up to foster to have the experience of being a parent. She was placed with an 8-year-old child (let’s call her Sam) who is a Native American child removed from her parents for having a substance habit.
I babysat for her on 2 occasions when her normal babysitter wasn’t available. The first time she grabbed and pulled on my dog’s ears.
I have a golden retriever and she is very tolerant of children, but she was whining because Sam was pulling hard, and I told her to stop and she laughed and got all snarky with me and then cried to my friend that I yelled at her for petting my dog.
My friend assured me she knew Sam was lying and she goes about this all the time to her social worker about her and her regular babysitter too.
The second time I was still pretty ticked off from the first time and didn’t want her near my dog again and took her to my community’s private lake.
I told her she had to wear her life jacket in the lake as this is what my friend told me when I told her I wanted to take her to the lake rather than my house. She immediately took off the life jacket, yelled “screw you” and jumped into the lake, and when I yelled at her to get back she kept swimming away and I had to go after her and pull her from the water.
She started screaming that I was mistreating her and one of the on-lookers called the cops. I had to sit through an hour of the cops questioning me and her and she was cheery the whole time saying I was trying to drown her.
Finally, my friend came and explained the situation to the cops and they left. I was so mad I told her there was no way I was babysitting for her again.
She agreed, saying she understands and that was supposed to be that.
Fast forward a few days ago my friend’s grandma is sick in the hospital and she wants to jump on a plane to Italy but can’t bring Sam because she is scheduled for supervised visits with her parents.
She begged me to do it as the regular babysitter also quit (can’t say I blame her) and I told her I was very clear I wouldn’t be involved again and she got angry saying I as a mother should know her position. I’m a mother of 2 (my kids are grown) and neither of my children has ever acted like Sam.
I can’t handle her and I made it clear to my friend that I wasn’t doing it again. Since she’s making an international flight she’s going to have to sleep over at my place and I don’t want my dog subjected to that again. Her grandma passed 2 days later since she wasn’t able to find a babysitter fast enough and now she blames me for not helping her with Sam.
I feel bad that she couldn’t visit her grandma but she shouldn’t expect most people to be able to handle her foster child. Before this, she was complaining to me daily about how she regrets signing up for the foster program because Sam is so difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is the one who decided to foster. You did not. You helped to babysit twice, much to your detriment and even cops were called on you because of your friend’s foster kid. No good deeds go unpunished and the results were nightmares both times.
And you didn’t sign up for any of that. All the more, your dog was tortured. Your responsibility is to be your dog’s protector.
If your friend keeps being angry at you, my advice is either go low contact or no contact because your friend has no right in any way to be angry with you.
She is the one that decided to foster and if the child she got is a nightmare, the onus is on her to find the solutions that she can work with without involving you.” ozanazmaraza
Another User Comments:
“I am going to comment as an Indigenous person.
This kid has been through the wringer and back. This kid has learned not to trust adults, they have learned home.. probably isn’t the safest space. They also probably sense your frustration and dismissiveness (I am not blaming you, these situations are tough and not everyone can handle them well) and probably don’t respect you.
(I also have personally noticed white people expect respect from a kid immediately. Compared to interactions with other Indigenous; culture thing I guess.) Neither has this kid yet become aware actions can genuinely affect and hurt people/animals.
It sucks what they have had to go through.
I don’t know your friend’s situation with therapy or behavior therapy. Though I HIGHLY recommend they have regular meetings with an indigenous ******************. Depending if you live in a community or an urban area (next to no noticeably Indigenous people around), I also extremely recommend they reach out to a place that has festivities and community activities aimed at Indigenous.
What their boundaries are (I’m assuming you both are white) in terms of involvement of a white guardian and child (since there needs to be taken care of respectfully considering the 60s scoop, people are still sensitive).
NTJ since you have your own boundaries that should be respected. However, I sincerely wish you send these recommendations and have some Google searches for around your area.
This kid needs all the help and support they can get.” AbjectPatient966
Another User Comments:
“I really suggest your friend look up the harm of Indigenous children in foster care. Since the time of colonization, our grandparents were ripped from their parents & forced into boarding schools & had the native beaten outta them.
The foster care system doesn’t really do that now, but the treatment of Indigenous children in the system is by far one of the worst. A lot of the time, CPS will target native parents & will find any slim reason to take a native child away.
Now this is obviously different, but I believe this child should’ve been placed with their native family because sometimes this trauma is something that elders and people from the community can help out with. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. But I also feel sorry for that child.
NTJ.” WitchyNative
1. AITJ For Lying About My Children's Names To My Mother-In-Law?
Sometimes mothers-in-law can be the craziest.
“My (26f) husband (28m) and I come from the same background, the only difference is that his mother isn’t of that ethnicity so he wasn’t raised in the culture like I was.
When we got together, I helped him reconnect with his roots, this eventually led to him reaching out to his estranged father’s family and becoming close with them. I think my MIL has sort of held that against me ever since.
Throughout the course of our relationship, she has made multiple comments about how she doesn’t like the amount of emphasis I put on my heritage.
When we told her I was pregnant with twins, she later said something about not wanting her future grandchildren to care about “that stuff” like I do. I’ve learned to ignore her comments because trying to explain myself to her has never helped, and I try to avoid conflicts whenever I can.
My husband and I decided that the babies would have a first name from our culture, and their middle name would be a typical “American” name. My parents did the same thing with my name too so it was just a continuation of that tradition.
My MIL ended up seeing texts between me and my husband where we said the middle names, but she assumed that we were talking about first names so she went out and got the babies matching sweaters with the names printed on the front of them.
She showed the sweaters to me after they arrived, and I thanked her for the gift but didn’t correct her on the fact that those were the middle names. I was sort of peeved that she had snooped through text messages to try to find out the names before we told her anyway, so I didn’t want to give her their first ones on top of that.
Last night when she was over at our house, she told me how relieved she was that we had chosen “normal” names for her grandchildren, and not a “ridiculously difficult to pronounce name” like mine. My husband asked what she was talking about. She repeated herself and he told her that actually, the babies did have names just like mine and he expected her to learn to say them.
She brought up the text messages and the sweaters she bought, and then my husband explained our plan for their names. She got really ticked off at me after that, said I let her look like a fool for accepting the sweaters instead of telling her the actual names (which we still haven’t shared with her), and that she’d be calling them by their middle names since that’s what she knows them as now.
My husband ended up asking her to leave, and after she was gone he said he wasn’t upset at me or anything but that he thinks I should have just told her she had the wrong info instead of lying.
I feel kind of bad now.
I’m not the biggest fan of the woman but I didn’t mean to be a jerk or make this an issue when it didn’t have to be one. I just wanna know if I am the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“OP feels bad because she doesn’t have the ‘full support’ of her husband.
If he was more proactive with his mother’s disrespect of his wife’s culture and their marriage then she wouldn’t feel guilty. The husband should address this issue that began long before OP became pregnant. The reason she ‘lied’ by omission is because she doesn’t want another conflict with her.
IT’S NOT HER MOTHER. This issue has escalated bc the husband has allowed it to. And instead of focusing on the wrongdoings of the mother (snooping, culture disrespect, marital disrespect), the husband looks at the OP, pointing out the ‘minor’ infraction bc he too doesn’t want to deal with her and wishes the OP did his dirty work by handling the situation herself.
It’s time the husband steps up to the plate and protects his wife and puts the mother in her place. NTJ.” Icy_Literature_3233
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not divulging the first names. Your MIL could use some sensitivity training and your husband needs to set firm boundaries.
She snooped in your text msgs, she needs boundaries.
The sweaters: (kinda the jerk) It appears you don’t care for this woman and from what I read, I do not disagree. I do think, when you received the gift, you should have politely told her that the names on the sweaters were middle names and that the first names would be revealed at the time of their birth as is traditional in your family.” Sufficient_Ant_3470
Another User Comments:
“As soon as I read that she ‘doesn’t like’ how much emphasis you put on your heritage I knew she was a huge jerk.
She has no right to tell you who you are, how you are allowed to celebrate your cultural background and talk about YOUR children as though the priority is that they are HER future grandchildren.
Being a grandparent is a privilege, not an automatic right and some people would do well to remember that!
Definitely have a cooling-off period once your babies are born. Delayed announcement. No delivery room drama.
This woman needs to be called out on her nonsense in a BIG way.
NTJ.” dog-pig-loafofbread
