People Want To Collect Insights On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Friend Who Insulted My Job?
“I (M28) am a project manager for a large tech company. It’s a job I really like, and I’m proud of the work I do. I chat regularly on Zoom with three of my friends from college. One of them, let’s call her Emily (F28) went to medical school, discovered her passion for pediatrics, and had dreams of becoming a pediatrician.
Unfortunately for her, she didn’t match to pediatrics for residency and matched to internal medicine instead. She was very disappointed, and plans on completing her residency and then trying to re-apply for pediatrics through some process. She has been my friend for years, but she has a bit of a mean streak at times.
While we were catching up on Zoom the other day, I brought up a project I had helped get off the ground at my company. I was honestly thrilled at the role I played and wanted to share it with my friends. Emily was the first to respond, and sarcastically said (paraphrasing) ‘Yes, congrats on being a big corporate stooge OP, clearly you are doing the world so much good at your job’.
That got me mad. I may not be saving lives as doctors do but I do really care about the work I do. So I bluntly responded ‘At least I got the job I wanted, Emily’.
She was furious, and the other two looked stunned. Emily cussed me out and then left the Zoom meeting right then and there.
My two other friends told me I was a jerk for my comment. They said that while they agreed that Emily’s remark was uncalled for, my reply was disproportionate given how much she had wanted to be a pediatrician and how upset she was that she hadn’t gotten it.
I thought it was fair to fight fire with fire, but now I am wondering if my comment was over the top and if I should apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if she can dish it, she can take it. Of equal importance, presuming she had matched in a peds program she likely wouldn’t be immediately opening her own practice; as such it’s rather hypocritical to refer to you as a corporate stooge when she’s likely going to start her career in a similar corporate bureaucracy that is modern medical care.
One might kindly remind her that her duty of care to do no harm includes relieving herself of the hubris and occupational prejudice her degree seems to have elicited. Was your comment a low blow? Sure. Was it undeserved? To me – not so much.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with a soft ‘everyone sucks here’ and some food for thought: while I completely understand and empathize with the desire to take Emily down a peg (cause seriously what a jerk?!) all you ended up doing was weakening your moral position and creating an opportunity for Emily to evade accountability.
In some situations telling the blunt truth can be far more devastating than a cutting clap back.
In the future, telling her that her behavior is cruel/rude/uncalled for/hurtful and you don’t know what would drive her to speak to a friend that way, will be harder for her to spin and ensure the support of your surrounding community.
And furthermore, if your ‘friends’ still support Emily or try to explain away her crappy behavior that gives you a wealth of invaluable information = that you need better friends. So sorry this happened to you, I’ve had friendships like that and it’s a huge emotional drain.
Wishing you all the best!” Signal-Milk5222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She came at you, she started a fight for no reason, and she got what she deserved. I’m guessing her shining personality has something to do with why she didn’t get into peds.
If she can’t resist being cruel to a ‘friend’ for no reason other than a false sense of superiority, she shouldn’t be allowed around sick kids and parents struggling with one of the hardest things they can do as parents. Those are two incredibly vulnerable populations who require a level of bedside manner I doubt she possesses.
She had no reason to say anything at all, but she chose to intentionally be cruel to try to hurt you unprovoked. She’s not a good friend.” Worth_Raspberry_11
21. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Twin Replaced Me As Maid Of Honor?
“Stella and I are identical twins (29F) and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. I had her as my maid of honor 8 years ago and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around.
I have 2 kids (6F and 3F).
They’re the flower girls.
My marriage fell apart just over two years ago, due to a stillbirth and my husband’s infidelity. My parents and sister were the only reason I didn’t drown from the stress, loneliness, and total abandonment of my spouse. I was a total mess.
I went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and I owe a lot of it to my amazing sister. She’s the reason why I kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly paying (he suddenly switched from ‘world’s best dad’ to ‘deadbeat idiot’ so quickly that my ex-MIL is disgusted with him).
Stella and Jon (35M) got engaged last year. His parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. Our parents are paying 30% and Stella and Jon are paying for the rest themselves.
The biggest caveat is that they must be married in Jon’s family’s church, full mass with communion.
The family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding.
Tonight, Stella had invited me to dinner, as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception, assuming it was to formally ask me to be her maid of honor.
I was excited since I haven’t been in a wedding party aside from my own wedding.
Jon was with her, weird because Stella didn’t mention him coming at all in our texts about the dinner. We hugged like usual but Jon didn’t. Weirder.
After we got our drinks, they got to it.
In a nutshell, Jon expressed the following: ‘Despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you’re divorced when they asked why your husband wasn’t coming. They are no longer comfortable with you as maid of honor because it won’t look good to the church if my family hears about the divorce.
You can be a bridesmaid but can’t mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events.’
I was stunned, and I felt tears in my eyes. Stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way. ‘This is way less stressful for you, so it’s a good thing!
MIL has already approved my best friend as my maid of honor, so please don’t make this any harder.’
I knew that I couldn’t possibly stay there through an entire meal. I had to process this new info alone. I didn’t speak. I just paid for my wickedly expensive drink and left to order an Uber home.
A few hours ago, I texted Stella that I would not be in her wedding party at all. That was my decision. I wouldn’t pull my daughters out, but I would only attend as a guest.
She wouldn’t take this as an answer, so I had to temporarily block her due to her excessive texts and calls.
I sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when I was in better shape tomorrow.
Stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. I don’t even want to know what Jon thinks at this point.
Please help me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A low blow. Just because his parents are paying for the majority of the wedding it doesn’t give them the right to dictate who is and isn’t the maid of honor – that is your SISTER’S choice. Just like it’s her choice in what she wears on the big day.
I think you are dealing with it really well. You are allowing your girls to still be in the wedding and you are still attending the wedding as a guest.
If your sister wants to allow her future in-laws to dictate her life that’s her choice, but it’s not yours, and good for you for sticking up for yourself but still choosing to be there for her on her big day.
I’m not sure I would be able to.” Lady1218
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Not even a little bit. You handled the situation far better than most people would! Do NOT let your sister or your parents bully you about this. You need to do what is best for your own mental health.
Being downgraded from maid of honor is humiliating, and everyone in your family will know something is wrong. I bet your sister hasn’t even thought about that, she’s so worried about making MIL like her!
Honestly, your sister should be grateful you’re still willing to attend the wedding at all.
It’s beyond gracious of you to allow your daughters to still be flower girls, but unless you’ve already promised it to them you might want to reconsider. If MIL is that judgmental, you don’t know what she’ll say about, in front of, or directly to your daughters.
I wouldn’t trust her around them, personally.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, your sister NEEDS you to pull out. This isn’t just her in-laws. This is also her husband. She needs to realize that they are making completely unreasonable demands. Under no circumstances should they feel entitled to veto the bride’s choice of MOH.
It doesn’t matter if they’re footing 100% of the bill. It’s not their place.
Your sister would be better off with a small ceremony on her own terms than getting jerked around on her in-law’s whims.
Hopefully, you pulling out will be the wake-up call she needs to stand up for herself.” Dry-Spring5230
20. AITJ For "Boasting" About My Lifestyle?
“I (f31) am engaged to my fiance (m33).
We have been together for 8 years, engaged less than one, and living together for 2 months. I didn’t grow up rich. Our childhood home was foreclosed, and we barely got by after that.
My parents worked hard. I always saw that. And I made sure I got a good job to pay as much of their bills as I could.
When my fiance and I moved in together, the master bath is my favorite place. It has a big jacuzzi tub! We both have well-paying jobs (he gets paid more than me) (should mention I’m a 6-foot tall female. I don’t fit in normal tubs.
It’s usually half my body). I spent about a month cleaning this thing, running cycles, and bought everything from a tub tray to brushes, to bath salts just to enjoy a REAL BATH!
This is a luxury to me and one I’m proud of. Anyways, I set up everything!
Music playing, glass of wine. I posted a picture of the setup with the caption ‘Guess I’m bougie now’ and the only ones I have on social media are my friends (that know my humor and family). After me soaking in this monster of a tub I get dressed and go out.
My fiancé says ‘I need to talk to you’ and he takes me to our computer room and on the screen he has a definition of ‘boast’ and he makes me read it. I ask ‘What’s this for’ and he says you should be more humble.
‘That post you made bragging…’ I cut him off mid-sentence. I told him to stop and I left. He came into the bedroom and gave me a lecture on being humble and not bragging. I felt like a child and told him to leave me alone.
I deleted the post to just keep him happy. But I don’t understand why I can’t be happy with what we worked for.
AITJ for posting a picture of my bathtub? Was I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is something you are proud of, spent time on, and personalized. There is nothing wrong with bragging when you work hard and get something you are proud of as a result.
Is it boasting if you get a college degree and post a picture of that? Those cost way more. A jacuzzi tub is expensive, but not so expensive that most people could never hope to get one if they really wanted one. The post wasn’t meant to make people feel bad or jealous.
If it was then everyone who gave people a tour of their house or posted pictures of a room they had decorated would be boasting. Don’t even get me started on the people that buy ego cars.” _gadget_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Be humble’ is just a more accepted way of saying ‘Make yourself and your accomplishments small, so others don’t feel threatened.’
Just don’t be a jerk about it.
Your post was in a joking manner and I guess not a regular occurrence. Fiance is out of line, especially in the delivery. He does not get to scold you like a child. He can talk about how a picture like that looks to him, you can discuss it, but he doesn’t get a say on what you post.” KMN208
Another User Comments:
“People share their joys – great meals, new homes, recent accomplishments – on social media all the time. It’s only boasting if this is the only thing you post. Context is everything.
And if you had boasted (I don’t think you did), in what world is boasting worse than making your future spouse feel belittled?
You are very clearly NTJ but keep a close eye on his behavior. Sometimes red flags don’t appear until a couple lives together. Hopefully, that’s not the case for you and this was just him in a bad mood, but be watchful.” TheBookishFoodie
19. AITJ For Telling My Sister We Won't Come To Her Wedding If She Won't Allow My Son To Wear His Cufflinks?
“I (40F) have 4 kids (16M, 14M, 10F, and 8F) with my husband (45M).
My parents (56M + 56F) had me when they were 16, I lived with my grandparents (dad’s parents) while they were in college, eventually, they settled down and had other kids much younger than me. The second youngest child, my youngest sister, is 22 and is getting married this summer.
Despite our age gap, I’ve always been close to my siblings, and have been excited about my sister’s wedding, but a recent argument has caused some issues for us.
Our 14-year-old son, Dreyson, is a freshman in high school. He asked a girl out to the 7th-grade dance 2 years ago, shortly after they started going out, and were together for a bit over a year.
Unfortunately, last summer she was in a car crash with a family friend and she did not make it. Her parents and Dreyson have stayed in touch and he’s got some of her stuff, it’s been tough on him but Dreyson has amazing friends who have helped him get through this.
Dreyson’s SO was Sri Lankan, while she and her parents were born in the US, her grandparents were not and she had connections to her heritage. Both she and Dreyson loved sports, so they would watch cricket together and sometimes he’d go over to her house and eat traditional foods.
For the 8th grade dance last year, she bought and asked him to wear the Sri Lanka flag cufflinks she saw online. He agreed to and it’s something he cherishes as a gift from her. Note, our family is not Sri Lankan.
Dreyson has quite a few gifts from her, including clothes, but these cufflinks are the only thing that would be appropriate to wear at a wedding.
As the wedding is approaching, we decided to start going suit shopping. Dreyson found a suit he liked, we got it tailored and got the ready version last week.
Dreyson is a very confident person and felt good about the suit and even posted some photos to social media.
On Sunday, we were at dinner at our parents’ house, my sister and her fiancé were there and he asked if they wanted to see ‘his fit’. They agreed to see what he was wearing to the wedding. I could see my sister’s face change while looking at him and she shortly after asked to see me in private, she asked if he could not wear the cufflinks because they didn’t match her wedding ‘aesthetic.’ When I asked her to elaborate, all she said was that she’s going for a ‘traditional’ theme and when I nudged her she said, she didn’t think the cufflinks matched a ‘Traditional American wedding’ and said she didn’t want anything that could cause people discomfort.
Shortly after that, we left and I spoke about it with my husband, who agreed with me that her request was ridiculous and we texted her saying he would be wearing them and if he couldn’t, we would not attend. She texted our parents and siblings and it’s caused a mess, some of our family is siding with us but others are saying because it’s her wedding, we should respect her rules.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister is a big jerk. For Pete’s sake, cufflinks are the size of a dime, on sleeves partially hidden by a suit jacket. They would affect her aesthetic as much as a random bug. And even if they glittered and glowed, the history of them and their importance to your son should ensure they could be worn.
Face it, your sister is prejudiced (and her supporters are either pathetic or also prejudiced). She gets to decide what she wants at her wedding and you get to decide the lessons you teach your kids about not going along to get along.” IDICbeliever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s allowed to have specific standards for her wedding, and you guys are allowed to not want to adhere to those standards and not show up.
I think it’s a crappy move to be so specific regarding cuff links. They’re so small, no one will be looking at him, and I cannot understand how they would cause discomfort.
Sure she’s allowed to have rules, but sometimes the rules you choose to have make you a jerk. This is one of those times. I feel sorry for your son, I’m glad you guys are standing by him.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your sister is.
She is a bridezilla trying to control her guests’ attire, which won’t even be noticed, just like no one will be checking the guy’s socks… anyone agreeing with her on ‘bride’s rules’ is a sheep. The bride does not get a say in clothing that she can’t see.
She is being ridiculous and she should be called out on it. Tell her if she doesn’t back down from the cuff links thing, you are going to post on social media her ridiculous requirement, tag her, and see what all her friends think.” User
I've heard of some dumb @*$ bridezilla moves, but that one beats all. Tell idiot bridezilla your family will not be in attendance, and treat them all to a nice place where your son can wear his new suit and cufflinks.
18. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Last-Minute Bridesmaid?
“My (45F) sister (Lizzie 42F) is getting married in mid-July. I and our brother (John 48M) were told at the beginning of the announcement that we are going to be just ‘guests’ because her wedding will be a destination wedding and she wants her sorority sisters and her fiancé’s (Paul 44M) frat brothers to be bridesmaids and groomsmen.
Her best friend of 20+ years will be her Maid/Matron of Honor and his twin brother will be his Best Man. Our mother was furious at Lizzie for excluding us but we were okay with it… because that means I don’t have to take weeks off of work running errands or making ridiculous things or getting ridiculed for breathing (yea, I know I watch way too much bridezilla.
LOL). And it’s out of town, so I told my mother to stop being mad and let Lizzie have her moment.
Well exactly a month after getting everything situated, Lizzie made another announcement, it seems like one of her sorority sisters can’t do any of her bridesmaid duties due to her unexpected highly extreme pregnancy… So I’m asked to fill in the role of ‘bridesmaid’ but here’s the kicker.
The young lady can’t perform her duties but she can attend the wedding (her due date is in late May/early June), and yet, she can still stand up there as a bridesmaid. I will perform her duties and still be just a ‘guest’, but I can wear the same color and style as the bridesmaids just can’t walk down the aisle or stand up there with them.
Yep, you read it correctly…
I told my dear dear sister… NO, I will NOT be taking the ‘role’ of being a fill-in and still be just a ‘guest’.
My exact words to Lizzie: ‘You told me and John (our brother), we are not going to be in the wedding bridal party because you want to have it where you and Paul met and fell in love at (College).
And it was your sorority sisters that encouraged you to go meet the man of your dreams, it was your sorority sisters that helped you get ready for dates, and whatnot. So it’s your sorority sisters who will be helping you with your wedding and I will just be a ‘guest.”
Oh, it didn’t go well, Lizzie started crying, hollering, and telling me I’m a horrible big sister, that I was so jealous of her bond with her sorority sisters that I was willing to ruin her wedding.
Now my mother and half of the family are saying I am WRONG for not helping out in her time of need.
AITJ? Should I step in and help her with the wedding plans? Or should I hold my ground and just be a guest?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can tell her that you are either a bridesmaid or a guest. What you are NOT is someone to do all of the scut work behind the scenes with zero appreciation.
And playing up the tears and what a horrible big sister you are? What is she, 16? Her sorority sisters and the rest of the bridesmaids can step up and pick up the slack. And if your mom and half the family are upset, they can jump in and help out.
If she wants to blame someone, she should blame the pregnant bridesmaid. I mean she should actually blame herself, but yeah, we know that’s not going to happen. And oh, isn’t it too late now to take weeks off work to do all of this work for her?
Hold your ground. Be a guest. Sit back and enjoy the day.” trappergraves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s going to have you running errands, decorating, and paying toward her events. Nope.
When expectations for bridal attendants got so onerous, it becomes a chore rather than an honor.
Your sister has multiple attendants. She shouldn’t miss the presence of the one who’s pregnant. So, really, she’s just using this as an excuse to make you her unpaid servant. Don’t do it. ‘Thanks, but I’ve got my own things to take care of and am satisfied with just being a guest. I’m sure your other attendants will help you out.'” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If her friend can’t fill her bridesmaid’s duties, the other ‘sorority SISTERS’ should be able to handle her stuff amongst themselves. I thought they were SISTERS after all. You shouldn’t be expected to do bridesmaid’s duties without getting to stand up there as a bridesmaid.
You deserve the recognition if you’re gonna do the work for her. Your sister wants you to take care of a bunch of crap that will DEFINITELY stress you out and you won’t even get to proudly stand up there on her wedding day?
Why are your relatives furious? Maybe they should offer to be the workhorse for someone else without getting to stand up there. Hold your ground, OP.” KuruninguWaipu
17. AITJ For Telling My Sister The Truth About The Names She Wants To Call Her Baby?
“My sister is expecting her first child. She’s not sure if they are a boy or a girl yet but she’s started compiling names. I teach elementary kids and my partner teaches high school.
So we are around a lot of kids, of different ages.
My sister has a love for old-fashioned names. Names top of her list are Judith, Margaret, Dorothy, Ethel, Harold, Donald, Albert, and Eugene.
My sister and her husband were having some disagreements on names because he felt like the names my sister likes are too old-fashioned. She argued against that.
But he said he doesn’t think any child would use those full names in school or with friends. She said they’re beautiful and look at how many Elizabeths and Charles there are in the world who are young and only use the full name.
So she decided to ask me what my experience was with kids.
And I told her that in the classes I have taught, none of the kids with classic or old-fashioned names go by the full older name. They all go with a more modern nickname. She was already angry but asked about my partner’s experience with older kids (teens) and I said from what she has said it’s the same.
She asked what happens if we use their full name and I told her I always respect what my kids want to be called and so does my partner.
My sister went a little crazy on me and said just because I don’t like the names doesn’t mean I should discourage others from using them.
I reminded her that SHE asked ME about my experience and that I did not offer it out of nowhere. She told me my snarky little comment about modern nicknames was enough. She said I was calling my future niece or nephew’s name ugly already.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She asked. You answered. Maybe she is a little emotional because of the pregnancy or it might be because it is 3 against one at this point. And you didn’t discourage her from naming her kid any particular name. You just told her that kids usually shorten their names if they tend to have said names.
It wasn’t your opinion. It was something that you and your partner see happening.” Even_Supermarket_629
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to remind your sister that she’s choosing a name for another HUMAN BEING, and not a pet. Having a name you don’t like is a burden far too many parents saddle their kids with, and it’s something remarkably that more parents have done in the last 20 years than ever before out of some obsession with making their child ‘unique’ through their name rather than by helping them be a unique human being.
My parents gave me a less common name, and I hate it to this day. I almost changed it at 18. I never use it! It’s something I resent, and I guarantee you her kid will too.
She needs to understand this is a serious thing and not about her own tastes or esthetics.
It’s not a trivial choice. If she wants things with old fashion names, have her get some pets to name Ethel and Eugene. Not a human who’s going to have to endure feeling awkward and uncomfortable with a fundamental part of their identity.” Stargazer-2893
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t telling her not to name her kid that way, or that you didn’t like her names, or anything. She asked if kids with old-fashioned names are using them, and you answered truthfully.
There’s nothing wrong with your sister using an ‘old fashioned’ name and using it herself and letting what happens in school happen.
In my experience, most kids are okay with their parents using their full names when they’re going by a nickname outside the home. Your sister just needs to accept if her child asks her to use a nickname too, though. That said, a lot of kids will start going by a full, traditional name at some point when they grow up, too.” Kittenn1412
16. AITJ For Pretending To Be A 14-Year-Old Girl In A Game So My Daughter Could Have A Friend?
“My daughter (14F) does not have any friends and that’s mostly due to her autism.
She says that she does not understand people or what they mean when they speak so she finds it very difficult to connect with others, she described this as ‘feeling like playing a game of which rules she doesn’t know’. She had this problem once she got to middle school and everybody left her, what she does once she comes home is either go on the internet or study.
And as a single father, she really doesn’t like to tell me her issues or what’s going on a lot, well we have a very good relationship but I do know that she doesn’t tell me everything, and I do know that she’s very lonely and doesn’t have any friend in real life and barely anyone online.
And really nothing is working for her, she has a therapist and it’s not enough, ‘go out of your comfort zone and talk with people’ and similar tips don’t work, and no matter how hard I try to help it just doesn’t work.
So I had this idea of posing as a 14-year-old girl in a game she plays a lot (Fortnite) to become her friend, this was going well for 4 months even if it involved taking some of my time when I come from work to maintain this.
She was very happy with this until she figured it out herself days ago and now she feels tricked and ‘played with’ by me and that it is also a huge privacy violation because she told me some stuff she would have never said to her dad, I don’t think that’s true because I’m her dad so nothing is inappropriate for me.
But still, she’s still salty and pretty frustrated by what I did, so could I be the jerk? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is manipulative, infantilizing, humiliating, and a huge violation of privacy.
There’s obviously a reason your kid doesn’t feel safe talking to you, and you’ve now ensured that she’s gonna be on guard and be way slower to make friends; finding out your only friend was your parent tricking you is bound to leave you with some residual struggles.
Take your kid to therapy.” Kubuubud
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that you want her to have friends but this is a huge breach of trust, and it’s going to be very difficult to come back from it. I understand you thought your intentions were good but you have to have known this might happen.
You need to help her meet people who share her interests, now she will doubt the intentions of anyone wanting to be her friend. I suggest you find some counseling for her as soon as possible.” allie-echo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I’m sorry to say this but I fear you only made it worse in the long run.
I can’t see your daughter trusting anyone anymore for quite some time, especially online. She’ll always wonder now if it’s you or if you had a hand in it when it comes to real life.
Also, as a woman myself who has an amazing relationship with her dad, believe me when I tell you that there are definitely things she would never tell you!
What would you have done if she had started talking about her period, crushes, hookups, and desires a father should never know his little girl has? You might think 14 is too young for that but it isn’t. So good intentions or not, this is a violation on a really deep level, so be prepared that she’ll tell you even less in the future.” Lurker_279
15. AITJ For Not Giving The Expensive Wedding Gift I Promised After I Got Uninvited?
“I (32m) was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named Molly a few months ago. I’m not super close to her or her fiancé, but I love weddings so I said yeah I’ll go.
Now, the relevant part here is that I have a very good career and make an excellent living.
Plus I love giving gifts and splurging a bit. So, I spoke with Molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom-made gaming PC since they game together. They were very happy and thanked me a lot. The price of the PC would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in.
Two months ago, Molly told me that unfortunately, I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost-cutting measure. She apologized but assured me it was only because of the cost. I was upset, but let it go. Then I found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that Molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom’s family who decided to come.
I was mad, so I decided to not give Molly the PC I promised.
Molly’s wedding happened two weeks ago and from what I can tell, it was a nice ceremony. Afterward, she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the PC would arrive.
I asked if we could call, and she said yes. I told her that since I didn’t go to the wedding I wasn’t going to get her a gift. We had a long argument, where she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn’t come and that I made a promise.
I didn’t tell her what I knew because I wanted to protect the person who told me.
She called me a petty jerk and complained to our friend group. I explained to a few select people the whole story, and most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren’t personal.
Now I’m doubting myself, maybe it wasn’t personal and I’m just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would say that is an expensive present for someone on the B list. Your friend is not a friend.
Actually, you said as much. She is an acquaintance. She is an entitled brat that is using you. And not even one smart enough to keep a guest who has promised such a gift. Also, why would you feel the need to spend that much?
That you enjoy splurging tells me that maybe you do it to buy affection or because you are insecure. Don’t let people take advantage of you.” LCJ75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There really is no issue here. You weren’t under an obligation to send a gift even when you were invited to the wedding.
Uninviting you means that they expect nothing. Their invitation issues are their own. That’s not your problem. If there’s one thing I take away from this story, it’s that we should not tell anybody anything about gifts before the wedding. We should give them the gift at the wedding, or in your case give them the description and the instructions for the customization.” Few_Ad_5752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should have just been honest and told you that they miscounted and were rescinding invitations from some people to make room for the fiancé’s family members.
Here is a tip though. NEVER tell someone what you are going to get them let it be a surprise.
For one thing, something could go awry (like did here) and for another, it kinda sounds like boasting, which is kinda rude. You know what else is kinda rude though? Rescinding an invitation to someone then not only expecting them to give you a big gift but having the nerve to ask when they are going to give it to you.
Seriously though, don’t give huge gifts like that unless it’s to someone you are very close to. Certainly not to someone who is just an ‘acquaintance.'” Casceal123
14. AITJ For Not Moving My Neighbor's Kid's Bike And Letting It Get Stolen?
“My neighbor’s kids keep leaving things in our front yard. They leave toys, balls, frisbees, bikes, and even one of those electric cars. It’s a huge problem for us because we can never just leave the driveway without checking to see if it’s clear and our lawn guy won’t cut our grass if it is littered with stuff.
We have talked to their mother about the issue but nothing ever changed. We then resorted to harshly throwing their stuff in their own yard and also running their stuff over in our driveway. Of course, some of their things got damaged and their mom would come yelling at us but we would just tell her if they keep their stuff out of our yard this wouldn’t happen.
One day I was leaving for an appointment and I saw one of their bikes in our yard. I was running late so I said I would deal with it later. When I got back the bike was gone, I just assumed the mom had come get it.
A couple minutes after the school bus passes the mom comes to my door asking for the bike. I told her it was gone by the time I got home. She didn’t believe me and told me to have the bike back by tomorrow afternoon or she would call the police.
I asked my husband if he knew anything and he said the same thing, it was there when he left and gone when he came back. While I don’t have a security camera the neighbor across the street has one that catches halfway into my yard.
When I asked her to see the footage you could see a truck drive up to my yard, a man get out and put the bike in his truck and then drive off. When I got the mom to show her I thought she would apologize for accusing me and use this as a lesson for her kids.
Instead, she blamed me for leaving it out there and not moving it. She said if I don’t replace the bike she will take legal action.
I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear legally but maybe morally I’m in the wrong.
It’s not the kid’s fault their mom refuses to teach them any better and I do move the bike every other time it’s out there. The one time I don’t, it gets stolen and I do feel a bit upset especially since I know how it feels to have stuff stolen.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, legally or morally. If neighbor’s kids can’t put their bikes in the garage, then their bikes are gonna get stolen. It would’ve been stolen if neighbor’s kid had left it on their own front lawn, too. Neighbor being too lazy to teach her kids to clean up after themselves means that neighbor and kids have to deal with those consequences.
Meanwhile, neighbor was probably too embarrassed to back down after seeing the footage.” Constellation-88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let this be a lesson to them to not leave things lying around OUTSIDE where anyone can just take them and to clean up after use.
They’re in ZERO right to leave their things on YOUR property, after all, it’s not their property, if they ever try to do anything, you hold no responsibility for it because it’s almost like they asked for their stuff to get stolen in the first place by leaving it.” definitelynotchiasa1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are neither legally nor morally in the wrong. It is not your responsibility to care for their belongings. Moreover, they have been creating a nuisance for you with their littering.
Let her waste her funds attempting to take legal action.
She should be used to wasting her funds by now anyway.
But do ask your across-the-street neighbor to save the footage if it’s not too late. You’ll need it for when your lazy neighbor tries to call the police.” love_laugh_dance
13. AITJ For Refusing To Come To My Cousin's Wedding If I Can't Bring My Partner With Me?
“So my partner (23F) and I (25M) have been together for about 4 years. When I first introduced her to my friends, I noticed that she was getting along really well with my cousin, Dan (25M).
They had a similar sense of humor and common interests. Seeing my partner challenge him to a shots competition and get him wasted on tequila was the highlight of our first New Year’s together. It made me really happy to see them become friends since Dan and I are very close as well.
Dan started going out with Joana (24F) a year and a half ago, and they got engaged last December. He called me last week and asked me if I wanted to be the best man at his wedding. Obviously, I said yes. While we were talking, I mentioned how excited my partner was for them and the wedding.
That was the moment when he got quiet. I asked him if something happened, and he said that he and Joana decided to have a small wedding, with only family and close friends, and that no partners were allowed if they were not married or at least engaged. I got angry and asked how they could even think of this rule without taking our relationship into consideration.
Dan told me that while he wanted my partner there if they made an exception for us, then other people would expect it as well, so there was nothing he could do.
When I told my partner about what happened, she was visibly hurt. So 2 days ago I texted Joana and asked her if Dan discussed our ‘situation’.
She said that she doesn’t want a stranger at their wedding and that she doesn’t consider her family, regardless of how serious our relationship is. I snapped and told Joana that most of Dan’s family (and therefore mine) see my partner as part of the family more than they see her since she didn’t bother to build relationships with relatives other than Dan’s parents.
Well, Joana got mad and told my cousin about what happened. He called me a jerk and told me that I have to apologize if don’t want to be replaced as best man. I told him to do it, because I won’t be attending the wedding if my partner isn’t invited. Dan hasn’t spoken to me since and my partner keeps telling me that I should just apologize because she doesn’t want to be the reason why I don’t have a relationship with my cousin anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here insofar as the engaged couple having this rule and holding firm to it and to OP choosing to not attend.
The rudeness towards the cousin’s fiancée wasn’t warranted. I get that you consider your partner family and that the engaged couple knows her well but OP you don’t know how many other friends they have in a similar situation with long-term partners that are also being excluded for size and presumably cost. You don’t know if someone else in the wedding party has a new-ish partner (or even a long-term SO) that they would throw a fit over if you were granted a pass for your partner but they were not.
The couple gets to decide the numbers and how to draw the line. You get to decide to attend. Your comments to his fiancée may have unnecessarily altered your future relationship with someone previously close enough to want you as the best man. If you are fine with that, by all means, don’t apologize.
If you value the relationship you need to acknowledge you overstepped.” Abcdezyx54321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A wedding invitation is not a summons. They are free to make their choices, but you’re also free to decline the invitation.
What the heck kind of earth-shattering flood of plus-ones are they expecting at an already small wedding?
That’s the flimsiest excuse I’ve ever heard.
This would be reasonable if you’d just met. This might even be reasonable if you were a regular guest…
However, you’ve been with your partner for 4 years! And you’re the best man! Not allowing her to come is specifically callous.
They’re literally saying ‘It’s her or us’, and your partner is clearly the winner simply by not picking the fight.
They know her, she’s not a stranger. But they’re choosing to treat her like one. And if they lose her, and you by extension, that’s the choice they made.
The groom’s shame and reluctance at even bringing it up screams two things to me: he knows it’s wrong; and this was the bride’s decision (jealous, maybe?)
Keep your heart open, but you’re not the one who started putting rifts in your friendship. Dan is.
You tore it up further by insulting the bride. Let this go its natural course. You may love Dan, but you’ll never be able to compete with his Bonnie Bridezilla.” SolidBones
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for the specific question asked. You aren’t a jerk for not attending, and they aren’t jerks for keeping their guest list super limited. Those are choices both parties are totally allowed to make.
But I think you’re a jerk for snapping, getting angry, and insulting the bride, and doubling down on that with your comments about them. People are allowed to keep their wedding guest list super small if that’s what they want to do. Weddings are expensive, and no one is entitled to an invitation to someone else’s wedding.
Plus ones can literally double the cost of a wedding, and you have to draw a line somewhere. In fact, it’s easier to set strict, emotionless guidelines to plus ones than to have it be a case-by-case value judgment.
Getting angry that the couple did not ‘consider your relationship’ specifically before setting the guest list for their wedding is a super entitled reaction.
Your partner is a stranger to the bride, regardless of whose ‘fault’ that is, and just because the groom hit it off well with her once doesn’t mean she’s entitled to an invite. And especially now that you went off on her and insulted her, it’s pretty surprising you expect an invitation if you threaten not to go yourself.
It’s always wild to me when someone makes someone else’s wedding about themselves and doesn’t think they’re the jerk. It’s one night, one party, your partner will survive doing something else that night.” MtchMConnelsDeadHand
Another User Comments:
“‘She doesn’t want to be the reason why I don’t have a relationship with my cousin anymore.’
She isn’t. Joanna is. Calling someone a stranger because you haven’t bothered to get to know them? I’ll bet the guest list will consist of Joanna’s family and friends and on Dan’s side his parents and siblings (if any). Or you’d get there and find out that some people had plus ones, just the people Joanna approved.
I think you were right to stand up for your partner, though your relationship with Dan will probably be a casualty of his relationship with Joanna. This would probably have happened sooner or later anyway, given her attitude toward Dan’s family.
NTJ.” FitOrFat-1999
12. WIBTJ If I Ask A Dead Person's Family For A Sweatshirt He Borrowed From Me?
“I’m 14/M, and almost three weeks ago I let a boy in one of my classes at school borrow my sweater. He said he’d give it back to me after his mom did laundry, but unfortunately a few days after this happened he was killed in a bad car accident.
Obviously, I knew it wasn’t okay to say anything before his funeral, but now that it’s been a couple of weeks I’m wondering if it would be okay to go to his family and ask them for my sweater.
The main reason that I’m not sure if it’s okay to ask is because I’ve never met his family at all and I don’t think they even know who I am, I knew this boy from being in school together but we weren’t friends or anything.
I did ask my older sister for advice but she said that if it were her, she just wouldn’t ask because she would be worried about upsetting the boy’s family. And I do agree that if it was just any random piece of clothing I wouldn’t bother asking at all, but this is a sweater that I got on an important trip and it has the name of the place where I stayed so I do care about getting it back.
I only let him borrow it because it was an emergency.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I appreciate you asking the question. It’s very thoughtful to check your impulses before asking them.
Unfortunately, there’s probably no way to go about this without causing pain to the family.
I don’t feel you should approach the family about the sweater. It would be like pouring salt into the wound no matter how carefully you approached it. They are grieving the loss of a life and you would be asking them about a material possession.
The average grieving parent’s response would be, ‘What? My child died and you’re worried about a sweater?’ Most people are not thinking rationally when they are in the midst of their grief. Yes, the sweater is important to you, but it will feel very unimportant to them.
I’m sorry.
Look at it this way—in a year or two, you’ll outgrow the sweater anyway. Your best option is to go online and see if you can replace it that way.
You are thoughtful, compassionate, and caring enough to check to see what the right approach is.
Send a card to the family, but please don’t say anything about the sweater.” CPSue
Another User Comments:
“First off, you’re NTJ because you’re asking the question before taking the action. With that said, I agree with your sister. I understand this was not a random piece of clothing for you, and you gave it to him in an emergency situation.
But right now, his family is going through what is likely the most excruciatingly devastating experience in their entire lives. This is definitely not the time to be asking for a borrowed sweater back.
More than likely you can recreate a similar sweater, with the place where you stayed on it.
This young man’s life can never be duplicated, and it’ll come across as very cold and callous if you try to approach them about the sweater.” leche-y-miel
Another User Comments:
“It feels uncomfortable to call a child a jerk, especially because you did the commendable thing by asking for advice!
But in my opinion, it would be jerk behavior to bother a family going through a tragic loss to take time out of their day to look for your sweatshirt. They might not even be able to go into his room right now. Even if you did it in the nicest way, there are so many ways this can go wrong.
It doesn’t sound like you two were particularly close, so I would say it’s even more of a reason to be wary about intruding on their grief. Grief is tricky, I do not think a sweatshirt is worth bothering someone for, even if it has memories.
So yes, OP, if you asked a grieving family to go digging around in their laundry baskets for a sweater not even a full month after their son died in a tragic accident, YWBTJ.” LittleBabyOprah
11. AITJ For How I Responded To My Mother-In-Law's Insults About My Home?
“My husband and I have been together for 2 years. He and I live in a home that I bought from my mom’s inheritance money. His mom always talks about how messy our home is and although there are 2 people living in this house, she always directs her comments & criticism towards me.
She’d even bring it up in front of lots of people which puts me on the spot constantly. She also seems to forget that I’m preggo and still work while her son covers 2 night shifts every other week.
Last week was my final straw. We were gathered at dinner, and she brought up how ‘messy’ my home was the last time she visited. She lectured me for half an hour about it then started shaming for the state of the house.
I snapped and told her ‘It’s so ironic and hypocritical of you to keep lecturing me on the state of my house as if I don’t live with someone that YOU raised’. She went silent and my husband stared at me in disbelief. Things got awkward and the next thing I knew, my husband storms out and dinner gets cut short.
We went home and he yelled at me about how I insulted and humiliated him by implying that he was a lazy, dirty, bum. He said it was a cheap attempt to get at him when I should’ve just kept him out of the conflict his mom and I have.
He’s not speaking to me and he’s extremely upset, he went to stay with his brother and has been cold to me about this for days now saying I used him as a ‘tool’ to get back at his mom and that he was innocent and shouldn’t have been humiliated like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This woman was being at the very least incredibly rude and misogynistic by implying that household chores are your responsibility because you’re a woman.
The fact that your husband just stood there and didn’t care that she was being unfair and disagreeable when he should have stood up and said that 1) it’s not her house and incredibly impolite to say so repeatedly 2) he also lives there and is equally responsible for the chores.
On top of it all, he’s now acting like a hurt toddler giving you the silent treatment.
You need to have a very serious talk with this guy. Soon enough there’ll be a baby you need to care for and he needs to know that he HAS to contribute and help with taking care of the baby AND the house.
Hope your husband grows up before the baby is here, otherwise, it seems like you might be caring for two infants pretty soon.” EBoxWatch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can let you take it when he’s just as responsible, he can get bent.
He knows he does less and should be helping more and instead of standing up for you he’s sitting to the side and watching it happen.
You’re also pregnant, for Pete’s sake, and as I’m 38 weeks myself I know how exhausting and miserable it can be.
So again, NTJ. I’d be deeply contemplating if you actually want to stay in a relationship with someone who will allow his mother to talk to you like that when you’re the main household provider and he barely does crap.” hiskitty110617
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL was being rude, and your husband couldn’t be bothered to defend you. I agree with what you said. Your husband lives there as well and shares equal responsibilities for cleaning and maintaining the home. Maybe you could have worded it like ‘with work, husband and I have been so busy that we haven’t kept up.
We will both do better in the future.’ If nothing maybe you could have plans when she is over for dinner so your husband can deal with meal prep and his mother?
Does your husband share cleaning and house maintenance duties? Or is MIL one of those people who expect homes to be spotless?
If he doesn’t you should talk to your husband about setting up chore charts and expectations of what childcare you will both be responsible for (ex: splitting night feeds).” tifftack14
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A House Yet?
“My (F22) significant other (M20) and I are trying to move out in the upcoming months. We are steadily having an argument about which is better. I have a child who is 2, he is not the father but has been in his life since he was 6 months.
I believe renting is easier for my situation and would help ease my mind that we are actually capable of living with each other. I moved out before my son was born, it was a terrible experience. Because I could not live with his father after a while, he was gross, abusive, and all the other stuff.
I just want to make sure we could handle a monthly payment rather than making a 30-year commitment to someone I’ve only been with for two years.
His reasoning for buying a house is that it is a waste of money to rent. It’s all money going down the drain and he believes it is ‘a stupid idea, I want a house’.
At first, he didn’t think it was stupid until his mom said he would have enough to buy a house by himself. I agree that renting can be a waste of money, but it ensures that you can do it right. I have a kid so it weighs heavy if I mess up.
Am I the jerk because I’m not trusting him? Am I the jerk because I’m not able able to convey to him my point? Or should I let him move out, become a roommate and go from there?
I understand the wasting money, trust me, but for me, it’s not about the money.”
Another User Comments:
“OK. Before your son was born, you moved in with your son’s father, and he was abusive, etc. So, understandably, you are nervous about moving in with your new SO.
What is your SO’s proposal? Is he proposing that he should buy a house, and you should move in with him, or is he proposing that the two of you should buy a house together?
You need to talk about your feelings with your SO. It sounds like you haven’t actually done that. You’re nervous about becoming entangled in home ownership with your SO before you’re certain that it will work out, and before you intend to make a lifelong commitment to each other.
Given your experience, this is an understandable concern. You need to talk to your SO about that.
Because he’s right – given a set of assumptions that might quite likely be true, it would be ‘stupid’ to not buy a house. You’re not arguing with that statement, and he doesn’t understand that.
‘Do it right’ is a completely meaningless statement. You need to sit down and talk with him about your experiences and your feelings and concerns. (And in the long term, renting for a year before you buy isn’t such a big deal financially.)
No jerks here.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for needing to rent for a while longer. But I wouldn’t necessarily characterize it as not having trust for your partner, and maybe thinking of it in those terms is a bit of an impediment.
If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready.
Perhaps there is a compromise – such as that you get a 12-month lease together in order to ensure you can live together successfully – and then move towards trying to buy. Or maybe you look for a home together that he buys with an agreement that you will rent from him, but tread carefully with that as that makes him your landlord and your name isn’t on the title of ownership.
In my opinion, he should not force this. You’re both so young and as you noted you need to also prioritize the stability and wellbeing of your son.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to buy a house with your SO.
You should NEVER buy such a major purchase without being legally married. Mainly because if the relationship goes south, you have such a mess.
Better to rent a place and make sure things will work out, at least in the short term.
If he insists on buying a home, then you pay him rent in the amount you’d pay for your share of rent in a home you like.
So, if the rent of an apartment where you want to live would cost you $500 and you agree that your share for you and your child would be $350, then you pay him $350 for rent in the house he buys and HE ALONE obligates himself to.
Meanwhile, make sure you have an escape plan, just in case your relationship doesn’t work out.” Algebralovr
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Phone To My Teacher?
“So I (16M) came into my algebra class and noticed the teacher (50-60F) was already mad at the class because someone had cussed in the class and she wanted to know who it was.
She’s really against swearing but because of this, she told everyone to put their phones up. She typically allows them for the first part of the class.
A few seconds after putting them away, she comes to my desk (I don’t sit anyway near her desk, nor do I sit in the front row, so she was seeking me out for a reason) and tells me I must give her my phone, and my phone only.
I ask her for what reason do I have to give up my phone, the phone was already put away. She then called an administrator (the principal came instead) and took me to her office. It’s not uncommon for me to be picked on by teachers and students, mostly because of my height and chubby face, and I could definitely tell the teacher was trying to single me out to make an example out of me, which was way out of line.
After telling the principal about how things went down she said two things. 1) I don’t care. And 2) I don’t care if it’s morally or illegally wrong, I expect you to do whatever the teacher says. This upset me a bit, because even though the principal said I might be right in trying to defend myself and my property, she said she still favors her teachers and doesn’t want to look further into the situation, then suspended me for the rest of the week.
I admit that maybe I should’ve given my phone up and talked to the principal after class, but after the immature talk I had with the principal I don’t think she was ever going to be on my side of this bullying. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Proper teachers shouldn’t be bullying their own students, especially not to make an example that likely won’t be cared for. Your principal should have done something, even a light slap on the wrist (not literally) would’ve been justifiable. You were also just defending yourself and your property.
I myself tend to get a bit defensive when being picked on, so I can understand the feeling. Don’t feel bad, she was the antagonist in the situation. Also, it’s ok to get a bit short-tempered or maybe a little immature, we’re only human, after all.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d honestly talk to your parents about getting the superintendent involved. It’s not right for the teacher to single you out for no reason and the principal is way in the wrong for their response. The principal’s job isn’t to blindly side with teachers who are clearly in the wrong and suspend students because they feel like it.
I have never ever heard of someone getting suspended because they didn’t wanna turn in their phone for no good reason.” kkthrowaway924
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not take another person’s property, full stop unless it’s your job and that property is something illegal. I despise adults who think they can do what they want to kids because they’re in a position of power.
How hard is it to ask kids to switch their phone off and set it on the desk? You can even go around and tap the screen to see if it’s really off. But trying to take someone’s stuff is just a huge jerk move and a good way to end up liable for said person’s stuff if it disappears in your possession.
NTJ, OP. NTJ.” BethanyBluebird
8. AITJ For Confronting My Sister After She Tried To Make A Scene When I Announced My Good News?
“I have a twin sister (F18) who got pregnant a few months ago with her partner. She’s always been more of the social/party type girl whereas I focus on my academics.
Recently, whenever I have an academic achievement to announce to my family, she starts throwing a fit and makes everyone focus on consoling her.
I recently got accepted into an Ivy League university, and I was planning to tell my family during dinner.
As soon as I broke the news, my parents were excited but my sister began tearing up. She started crying about how she didn’t even get accepted into any colleges and has to take care of her child and how tough her situation is.
My parents immediately jumped to console her.
I was seriously sick of her nonsense. I told her that she’s not a victim and that I would really appreciate it if she could stop being such a miserable jerk whenever I’m trying to share the good news.
I also said the world doesn’t revolve around her just because she’s a pregnant teen.
She started screaming and going hysterical at this, and my parents were mad at me too. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘I recently got accepted into an Ivy League university.’
That’s awesome! Congratulations!!
NTJ. Sounds like this is her standard response to grab attention from your parents (and others). She probably is continually comparing herself to you… I bet that’s difficult to get away from because you’re twins. She’s likely wishing she’d made different choices.
None of that is your problem though. You could have taken her aside and spoken to her privately though. You should absolutely address this with your parents as they are being manipulated and you need their attention too.
I don’t blame you for being fed up with all of it but at the end of the day, she’s your sister and you probably love her.
She’ll grow up at some point and realize her mistakes. Humbling her in front of the family could make that process take longer though.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are off to any ivy league and your sister is basically doomed to poverty unless a miracle happens.
So yeah, some mourning for the life she will never get, and jealousy and messiness are expected.
You both lack empathy for each other. She needs some for you, to have better timing and wait until a private moment later to work through these feelings instead of wrecking your announcements, and you need some for her because her life is genuinely difficult and will be bad.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Congratulations! That’s a big achievement and I wish you the best.
Try to hold on to your patience, I promise September will be here soon and you can start living freely.
Your parents are proud of you, and probably relieved, honestly, that you are doing okay, and you don’t ‘need’ as much parenting (which of course you do).
Your sister’s child will be here soon, and of course, you could go to college in the fall: community colleges can be an excellent start with a transfer to a 4-year school, and there are state schools she could get into if she has a C or higher average.
If your parents can help her with daycare costs there’s no reason she can’t have an ultimately successful life.
But that’s on her. What could also happen is that she fails to launch and your parents become de facto parents to your niece/nephew and the fact that they are grandparents (to an unplanned teen pregnancy) is a joy to them and all of your triumphs (awards, being published, Hasty Pudding Club, or editing the Yale Daily News) are going to be taken as a given because it’s expected.
But just try to focus on yourself. I know it sucks to have hard work pushed aside because someone didn’t use protection in 2023, but regardless of whether your sis makes the community college Dean’s list or lolls on your parents’ couch for 5 years, she’s never going to have to freedom you’re about to have.
If you can, be gracious. If you can’t, see if there are any jobs in New Haven or Providence this summer. Good luck!” Mouse-Direct
7. AITJ For Taking My Dog Back?
“My dog slipped through a hole in the fence that I was unaware about. I looked for my dog for about 3-4 hours before posting on the neighborhood social media page asking for any information.
He had dog tags so there couldn’t be any confusion on who the dog belonged to. I looked again the next day and I saw him through my neighbor’s window. I figured they found him and were getting ready to call me so I knocked on their door and told them that’s my dog.
My dog was clearly trying to scratch his way out of the wife’s arms but they claimed it was their dog. I also noticed they removed the dog tags I put on him. Their fence wasn’t the tallest so I waited until they let him out back to run then I called him and he came running.
I was able to grab him from over the fence.
Once they noticed he was gone they came pounding on my door. I didn’t answer it because I was worried that the husband would forcibly take my dog from me. After 10-15 minutes of them knocking they got the police involved. I told the officer that this was my dog and they took the dog tags off of him so I couldn’t easily prove it.
I have all the paperwork for the dog so they can’t legally prove it’s their dog. I gave the cop the paperwork and he helped me kick them off of my property. I told my mom what happened and she said what I did was despicable and I should give him back to them.
I really don’t think I did anything wrong but I’m second-guessing myself after my mom said I was. A few of my other family members also said I was in the wrong, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for a second. I seriously don’t understand why your mother is saying you are one.
That dog was trying to escape and come back to you. The police proved he was yours. That dog is yours and clearly, he has affection for you. I would personally not forgive Mother so easily if she said that. I love my pets and the idea of them being stolen scares me every day.
I would be ready to fight for them. I hope things get better for you OP. You are NTJ and please don’t ever think you are for getting your dog back.” Conscious_Adagio_485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: They tried to keep a dog they knew wasn’t theirs and denied that it was your dog to your face when you confronted them about it.
You should have gotten the dog back without trespassing, by getting the police involved from the get-go instead of grabbing your dog from your neighbor’s backyard, but given the circumstances, I don’t blame you at all for just taking your dog back.” ReflectiveMagpie
Another User Comments:
“What is wrong with your friends and family?
I would be going full Liam Neeson Taken if someone was withholding my animal from their proper home.
Unfortunately, dogs are considered property, so please make sure all of your documents are in order including pictorial evidence.
Additionally, this can all be solved via microchip. If your dog was microchipped, you can have him scanned and confirm the number and date of registration. I would even go a step further and have your vet sign off on it, and get that notarized and provide the police with any of that information.
If your dog is NOT microchipped, go get that taken care of immediately.
NTJ.” Junkalanche
6. AITJ For Causing My Mom And Granddad To Fight?
“I (16F) have been struggling with dizziness for the past 3 years. We have gone to the doctors multiple times about it and they are unable to find a cause.
However, the medical staff down where I live can be quite useless sometimes (when it comes to things like this).
For context, these dizzy episodes can last minutes to days and I struggle to walk, stand and sometimes even sit up properly. So a lot of the time, I’m stuck in bed.
Last night, my grandad came over for dinner and I stood up to get the tv remote to change the channel and I had to sit down quickly as I got dizzy and my legs felt weak. Later on, I heard my grandad speaking to my mum about how she needed to phone the doctors and ask for another appointment.
Mum got annoyed and ended up raising her voice to him. In response, my grandad stated that he would gladly drive anywhere around the country to have this checked out.
When my mum was my age, the doctors where I live did not help her with the illness she has and my grandad fought to have a specialist consult her and he ended up getting one in London and he was shocked about how they missed certain things.
My grandad pointed this out and said that she should do the same for me as I shouldn’t be expected to deal with this. I personally kept being dragged into the conversation and it felt really uncomfortable.
Mum then said to me that I shouldn’t stand up around my grandad when I feel dizzy as she is ‘getting an earful’.
And slowly, the argument died off there. Mum then proceeded to joke saying how I better not be faking it and how I shouldn’t be dizzy because I was laughing at a joke my grandad said. This then caused another argument that thankfully didn’t last as long.
However, it was really awkward the rest of the evening and I feel really bad for accidentally starting this argument as I know how close my mum and granddad’s relationship is and I feel like I’ve ruined it slightly.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandad is absolutely right, this could be a very serious condition and your mom should be advocating for you, not dismissing you and joking that you’re faking. She’s playing with your health. She’s ‘getting an earful’ because she deserves it.
How can you deal with school like this?
How are you going to work? Does your mom not see how terrible this is? Don’t you?
You need health care, sweetie. If that means annoying your mom to death until she gets it to you, you should do that. This is your life.” Ok-Jellyfish9225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t start this argument. You have something, currently unknown, affecting you and causing you to have dizzy spells which can leave you to be incapacitated for days. It seems to me that your mother is minimizing this. Not only that she is minimizing it to your granddad, and he from past experience knows how what she is doing is wrong.
And I’m kinda shocked that she doesn’t realize it herself. I’m assuming that you’re in the UK and probably under the National Health Service and therefore they’re probably not as quick or efficient as private medical care. You should talk to your granddad about what exactly is happening to you and see if he can help you out because if he fought for your mum, he’ll fight for you.
I just can’t get over your mother telling you to hide what’s happening to you while your granddad is there, essentially because he will hold her accountable for her lack of action in helping you. He sounds like a good person with your best interests at heart, your mother though, well she’s a different story.” WhatAWagon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You DID NOT start an argument! I am so sorry you are going through this. Your grandpa is sticking up for you and it’s great he is supporting you. It’s good that he brought up your mom’s illness not being diagnosed until he went somewhere else.
Maybe now your mom will actually help you instead of thinking it’s either no big deal or you are faking.
You DID NOT START THE ARGUMENT, you were there, but your being dizzy due to a medical issue IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not just wake up one day and say to your body ‘Make me get dizzy all the time and never know what it is’ and then your body replied ‘Okay, let’s just mess you up so your mom will be unhappy’ did you?
No, you DID NOT, so HOW can it be YOUR FAULT? You can’t just NOT LIVE, eat or move around!
Your mom SHOULD be doing EVERYTHING in her power to find out what’s wrong. It could be minor and easily fixed, or it could be something that you can control with daily meds, like low iron or a b***d pressure issue, I’m not a doctor, but those two things have made ME dizzy, but it’s probably not that.
Either way, your getting dizzy FOR YEARS IS VERY BAD and your mom needs to get it together and help you. This IS MEDICAL/HEALTH NEGLECT and it is NOT OKAY. Your mom could get in LEGAL trouble for IGNORING your health problem FOR YEARS, and in my opinion, it would serve her right if she got in trouble with the law… not tossed in jail for days and weeks trouble, but arrested, let go, then ordered to take parenting classes and do everything she can to get you the proper medical care you OBVIOUSLY NEED.
She is NEGLECTING your SAFETY and HEALTH and that is NOT OKAY.
Once again, this IS NEGLECT, it is NOT your fault and it is NOT OKAY. Tell another adult your medical issues are being completely ignored by your mom and doctors and see if you can get help from a social services agency where you live… I am so sorry this is happening to you, I hope you can figure it out and get better very soon.” SageGreen98
5. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday Only With My Significant Other?
“So I (22f) am turning 23 tomorrow. My SO (22m) has planned for us to eat an expensive buffet, at a DIY teriyaki place, which I absolutely love. So our plan was just a simple birthday, no parties, no big dinner, just us two spending dinner together and spending the night at a hotel later on.
So my SO’s mum and I never really had a good relationship nor a bad one. But one thing I know about her for sure is that she likes to complain about me all the time to my SO, and assumed stuff about me. For instance, when we went out to buy groceries, his mum and I got different stuff and were planning to pay for our own stuff.
When I got home, my SO told me that his mum assumed he had paid for all my groceries instead of me paying. Basically, she likes the idea of me being a gold digger. She always complains about how I would spend a lot of his money.
And I know for sure that is not true.
There’s also this one time, when I asked my SO if I could borrow one of his keyboards because mine was broken. He wasn’t going to use them since he is using a laptop.
His mum complained and said, ‘What if we need it for an emergency?’ Mind you, his mum doesn’t even use a computer. On the other hand, she never sees what I have done for her son at all. When my SO’s laptop screen broke, I gave him my monitor that I am currently using because I use 2 monitors whenever I use my PC.
And I don’t care, but she never noticed it, I guess.
So the issue right now is, I was really looking forward to this birthday dinner because I only get to eat at this restaurant once a year since it is expensive, and I want to spend it with my SO alone.
So the dinner was going to be my birthday gift from my SO, which I am very thankful for. When his mum heard of our dinner plan, she kept asking ‘Why don’t you ask your sister and Lucas (SO’s sis’ partner), to come along?’
At first, I was ok with this idea until his mum mentioned that my SO has to pay for everyone. In total, it would be around 400 bucks. It might not be much for you, but it is to me. Not only would I not be able to enjoy the food in peace, but my SO also has to pay for their meals.
I told my SO, if his mother really insists on his family coming along to MY birthday dinner, I don’t want to go. I just want my birthday to be just the two of us.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She invited other people to your birthday date and then directs him to pay for everyone. I’d welcome them to come over at another time to catch up and celebrate in a more relaxed event and explain the evening is supposed to be an intimate night for the two of you.
You should start referring to your birthday dinner as a date, that usually infers third wheels aren’t invited.” SnowRoo_PoGo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your SO can’t say the word ‘NO’ to his mother. She made a silly suggestion that his siblings etc. go to your birthday dinner.
Somebody has to draw the line. It’s a great word! ‘NO’ – he should practice it.
Cancel the reservation! Tell your SO you are going somewhere else that night and then actually go without his siblings. If he wants to take them another time – that’s their choice.
It sounds like his mother will then blame you for having an expensive birthday event.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“The problem is your SO’s failure to keep his mom in check. If he warned her that any interference in the relationship OP has with him would result in a penalty – going extreme low contact for a year, say – it would hamper her campaign to break you up.
It won’t stop her. MILs were born to destroy everything they see. Complaining and scheming to them is like breathing to others. But it will limit the harm she can do.
So when she pushes in with inviting sister and Lucas, your SO says ‘No, you invite sister and Lucas if that matters to you.’ Or when she complains that OP is a gold digger, etc., cut her off for long enough for it to hurt.
Unless he does that, you’re always going to have this problem.
But good for you for holding out for a birthday dinner for TWO ONLY. The place sounds great. Just keep the date a secret to prevent MIL from sabotage.
NTJ.” RealbadtheBandit
Your SO needs to grow a pair and tell his mother that she will not be dictating who gets to go to YOUR birthday party, and who will pay. That's none of her business. And if she doesn't back off, she'll see none of either you or him until she apologizes.
Of course, she's had a lifetime to emasculate him, and it sounds like she's done a very thorough job. I think I'd be looking for a new love interest and making MIL happy by ditching your SO, if he doesn't shape up soon. Or you're looking at what will be your life if you marry him. Think long and hard.
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Bring Her Dog To My New Apartment?
“My partner and I are planning to move into a 3-bedroom loft-style apartment in June. We signed the lease and everything. The only downside is that it’s a no-dogs building. Which is fine for my partner and I since we aren’t planning to get a dog just yet.
My friend who has the sweetest golden retriever ever is pushing me about letting her dog still come over to hang out when she comes over. This is fine in my current apartment since dogs are allowed. I told her the dog can’t come over anymore since it’s a no-dogs-allowed building.
And she kept saying that she doesn’t know of any apartment complexes that are against a dog just visiting for a short time and it’s fine if they aren’t staying long term. I told her no because I’m not willing to risk getting kicked out of this place.
(It’s a beautiful apartment that is perfect for my partner and me). And my thinking is that yes this apartment company is dog friendly but only certain buildings. So people are obviously choosing this building to be away from dogs and people could have severe allergies or fears or anything else.
Note: the apartment is going to be on the third floor so it would be quite hard to hide an 80-lb dog while getting to said apartment.
But she got fairly mad at me that I don’t want him to come over once we move.
And I told her it’s not like I don’t want to see him (the dog) anymore and I’ll come over or we can go on walks or go to the dog park. But he can’t come to my new place.
So am I the jerk?
(I don’t think I am but just want to see if there could be another side I’m not seeing.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told her no, you even gave her the reason why and she is telling you ‘Oh, don’t worry about it’.
If a building had a no-smoking policy, would she say that doesn’t apply to guests that visit that smoke? It’s not her rule/boundary to decide about. You are the one that could be impacted if someone reports you to the building management.
Unless your building has it written somewhere that dogs are allowed to visit for short periods of time, a no-dog building is a no-dog building.
Visit at her home or a park if she needs to bring the dog at all times.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The friend should not be so insistent about wanting to bring a dog to visit.
BUT, you would have more of a leg to stand on if you would actually ask the apartment management if the no-dogs rule includes visiting dogs, or check your lease.
It honestly sounds like you are assuming because you are the one who doesn’t want the dog to visit, but blaming it on part of this rule that may or may not be true. The way you used to say ‘I can’t, I’m grounded’ when someone you didn’t like asked you out.
If that’s the case then just be honest that you want to have a pet-free home.” irissteensma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are simply following the rules of your new apartment. It’s childish of your friend to be so entitled & doesn’t think rules apply to her also!
Her actions could also jeopardize your domestic stability if they catch you and kick you out (more likely, a warning/fine, but you never know!).
Side note: if OP’s friend wants to be able to take her dog to more places that don’t typically allow dogs, she may want to look into having it evaluated and registered as an Emotional Support Animal. Of course, she would have to have a valid reason for that… I’m definitely NOT suggesting she do that just so the rules won’t apply to her.” katsmeow84
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To A Birthday Party Where I Am Expected To Pay For My Meal?
“My friend Amelia invited me to her birthday party and told me she’ll send the invitations out providing all the details.
I said ‘ok cool’ and thanked her. The next day, Amelia sent me my invitation. The party was taking place at a popular all-you-can-eat buffet that I loved. The party was also a day before my birthday. I thought ‘Great, double the food’. Then I remembered that my exams were the next day (my birthday).
The party was on a Sunday. I started to feel unsure about going because there was a good chance I would get home super late. The RSVP date was two weeks away so I figured I had time to think about it.
During the fourth period, my friend said she, unfortunately, couldn’t go to the party.
Amelia then said: ‘Oh speaking of the party, everyone is paying for themselves.’ I said, ‘Hold on, what?’ She said ‘Look on the website for prices’ and then turned away. Now, I’ve been there before. It costs at least $60. My birthday was the next day and I planned to go shopping.
I didn’t feel like going anymore. I figured that if you’re going to invite someone out, you should at least pay for them. Plus, the birthday person gets to eat free at that buffet so I felt like it was unfair. The next day, my other friend said she couldn’t go because her mom thought it was absurd that she had to pay for herself.
Great, even more reason not to go. I really wanted her there. LOL.
During the fourth period, Amelia asked if we were able to go and I said no. She got upset and asked me why. I told her that I simply wasn’t going to spend so much for her birthday party when my birthday was the next day.
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘Ugh just say you’re broke’.
I got annoyed and said, ‘You should be paying for the people who are coming but since you’re not, I ain’t going.’ This turned into a whole argument where she called me entitled and fake.
She also kept saying ‘It’s not hard to just pay.’ I said that I wasn’t willing to spend so much when I already had plans for my birthday which is much more important than hers.
My friends were on my side but after school ended, I couldn’t stop thinking back to the argument.
Did I make myself look entitled and fake? Or was my reasoning valid? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“$60! That seems absurdly expensive.
In my opinion, it is completely normal to pay for your own meal when you go out for a friend’s birthday, I’ve never known anyone who expects that the organizer pays for them unless there is a big age gap or something similar.
Not wanting to pay is a valid reason to not go and your friend shouldn’t jump down your throat like that, I also think they should go somewhere cheaper. They were wrong to insult you.
I’m going with NTJ but do think you are wrong about expecting her to pay.” thejackalreborn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She’s a jerk for taking it personally for other people not being able to afford an expensive meal.
You’re a jerk for expecting other people to pay for your meal. That isn’t how it works once you’re past being a little kid.
You go out to a restaurant? You pay for your own meal. This is also when it starts to be optional on whether or not to buy someone a gift – your attendance can be counted as the gift at this point.” Ohcrumbcakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just tell her that it’s too pricey for you and that to spend that amount you won’t be able to afford to do anything for your own birthday which is the next day. Still, get/make her a card and maybe you could do something nice like bake her cookies or something as an affordable bday gift.
Also, for your information, you’ve sadly hit the age where you’re expected to pay for yourself. Yes, her birthday plans are quite expensive and I certainly wouldn’t have been able to afford it at your age either but you can no longer expect to go to things like meals out, etc., and have it paid for unless explicitly told beforehand.
Welcome to the broke life.” Nevilicious
2. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Invite My Fiancé's Best Friend To Our Wedding?
“I (28F) got engaged this winter to my partner (27M) and hosted a little party with close friends. One of his best friends (49M) who is kind of a father figure to him was there and he got really wasted as usual (never actually saw this man sober).
He did a cringe speech saying that even if he wasn’t really happy that we got engaged he is ‘allowing’ us to get married as long as I do not hurt him (not my intention though).
The first time I met him, he told me that I wasn’t pretty enough to be with his ‘son’ and I felt like he was really scared of losing him.
WIBTJ if I told my fiance that I don’t want him at the wedding? I think it is unfair and rude, to be honest, but I am super scared that he would drink too much, make a scandal, and ruin the day.
Is there another solution I could think of to manage this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. You need to have a conversation with your fiancé and express your concerns to him about the things that were said. If this guy is like a father to him, he’s going to want him there. If the conversation between the two of you is healthy and productive, then it’s time to bring ‘dad’ in and have a conversation with the three of you about your concerns.
If your conversation with your fiancé doesn’t go well, and he doesn’t have your back, you may need to reevaluate things a bit.
However, to me, the things ‘dad’ has said are similar to what many dads/brothers would say to the person their sibling is marrying.
(Not the ugly comment, that’s too far and should have been addressed immediately by you and your fiancé.)” 2Boredatwk
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Talk to your fiancé about your concerns and feelings. Explain to him how his friend’s behavior and comments have hurt you and made you anxious about the wedding.
Ask him how he feels about his friend and what he thinks would be the best way to handle him. Try to be respectful and supportive of your fiancé’s relationship with his friend, but also assert your boundaries and expectations for your wedding day.” seesterre
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. The guest list is shared (as it should be) which means you pulling veto is removing his rights in this regard. That’s not something you agreed to.
You may decide that it is worth alienating this close friend and potentially souring things with your new husband to not have him at the wedding, sometimes the jerk move is still the best one available.
But I think it’s a bit drastic to jump straight to that.
Use your words first. Tell your fiancé it made you feel uncomfortable. Tell the friend you don’t appreciate his behavior towards you. Maybe allow the friend on the condition he doesn’t drink. Explore options before declaring that you are overruling your equal.” AutisticPenguin2
Are you a jerk of you don't want to invite this to your wedding. NOT A CHANCE. Why would you want something like this at your wedding? However, you need to have a long conversation with your fiance about this, what has happened, what you were told, how you feel, and your expectations of your new husband. If necessary, have the conversation with this guy while your fiance is there. Make expectations clear as well as the consequences for any future interactions.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting Strangers In Our Home?
“My husband and I have just moved into our own place after years of living with my in-laws.
We built the house prioritizing what we wanted and needed, which turned out to be spacious. For now, it’s just the two of us since we have no kids. So we’ve just been enjoying the spacious house and our freedom.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, MIL informed us that one of my husband’s nieces will be coming over with her classmates to work on a project.
Yes, in our house since they had little space in theirs. I was taken aback by this since they would essentially be intruding in our space, while we weren’t home. I was reticent, but I agreed considering what MIL has done for us in the past, and it’s just for an afternoon.
The day came, and what initially was going to be a small group turned out to be the whole class. I was livid but kept my cool. When we got home that day, there was crap everywhere. At least they attempted to clean up, but there was so much left that we cleaned up.
I told my husband, calmly, that it should be the last time that we allow something like that to happen. I just didn’t like other people in my house, is all. I stood my ground that our place is our place. Family can come to visit, but I was adamant that my house not be made into an activity center for kids who are not even our responsibility.
I asked him to please tell his family that this not be repeated in the future. My husband retorted that I was selfish for not opening up our home since it has only been that one time and that I was overreacting over something so small.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You should have been asked about hosting, not told that your house had already been decided on as the location. But beyond that… you weren’t even home! Having strangers in your home when neither you nor your husband are there is a huge violation.
This needs to be stopped immediately or you’re going to end up ‘hosting’ everything that anyone else doesn’t want to whether you’re there or not. How would you like to come home from vacation to find out your place had been used as a hotel while you were away because your niece/sibling/in-law just wanted to get away from the family for a while… and you weren’t using the house so why not?
Your home is not communal property. Being grateful does not mean giving up your privacy.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, for being voluntold about this. Second, for the clear obfuscation about how big the group was going to be. Third, for not leaving the house in perfect condition upon leaving.
Plus, you weren’t even there. What if something happened and you got sued? You would have had no way to know what really happened.
This isn’t even similar to the help you received. Running an activity out of someone’s home has nothing to do with letting someone live in your house while they save up to buy their own.
So unless you two never helped out with chores and expected everyone to make you dinners, do your dishes and laundry, and never helped pay for anything while you were there, I don’t see this as something owed. You’ll have paid it back or forward when you help someone else get back on their feet or save up to buy a house.
Not this.” Office_Desk906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re setting ground rules for future cohabitation. So is he. Find the middle ground in between and DO CALL YOUR MIL YOURSELF.
You have an issue, why are you throwing your husband under the bus? Be an adult and put your foot down not to your man, but to your MIL.
That’s the part I find jerk-ish – why does he have to go into a conflict for you when he has no issue with it? Grow a pair and set the rules for your MIL and don’t put him into the crossfire. Of course he is going to backfire at you when you put him into a position where you DEMAND that he throws an ultimatum at his mother that he doesn’t care about.” User
Oh, and if it wasn't obvious before, she's not your friend and probably never has been. That some of the others in your circle are siding with her being so gratuitously nasty to you should be a red flag as well. Doesn't sound like any of these folks are particularly kind or supportive. I think I'd be scouting for a new friend group, in your shoes.