People Ask For Clear-Cut Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Not Issuing A Refund?
“I’m a Latin, Greek, and Italian tutor on an online platform.
I have many students and they’re all happy about my work and I also like working with most of them.
A month ago, among my students there was an 11-year-old boy, who behaved extremely rudely to me: he always appeared bored, was patently playing video games while I was online with him, and was making no progress despite all my effort.
He never thanked me after lessons, and I remember quite vividly how rude he was when I had a cold and appeared annoyed that I was sneezing (the lesson was online).
Anyway, one night we were having this lesson pretty late (7.30 pm) and I had to ask my guests at home to wait until 8.30 to have dinner.
I had made uncomfortable arrangements to accommodate the lesson, but then the boy didn’t show up: I waited an hour in front of the screen, emailed, and called his mum, but nothing happened. Only the day after, said mother told me she had simply forgotten.
No apology, no real excuse.
The policy of this agency is that parents can only be refunded if they give 12h notice or have a compelling reason to cancel last minute, so I didn’t issue a refund.
After two days the mum wrote to me indignant demanding a refund. I explained what the policy of the agency was and she said she didn’t care, because she ‘demands flexibility’ from her tutors, being a mother of three.
Now, first of all, I don’t think I’m accountable for her reproductive choices; second of all, I’m normally very flexible and I had changed dates and times for her several times, and I would have even given a refund if she had wholeheartedly apologized, but she didn’t.
So I told her that I understand the difficulties of motherhood, but I demand payment for my time the same way she demands flexibility. She said that other tutors are more flexible than me so I then suggested we terminate our work together and decided to cancel all future lessons with her son.
As revenge, she wrote me a 1-star review on the agency website (where I was rated 5/5 stars from all my 9 reviews) saying I only work for money and have no care for the kids and their families.
This made my profile go down in the searches and created damage to my reputation. Fortunately, I provided evidence to the agency that her review was just revenge and I always behaved professionally.
So, AITJ because I didn’t issue the refund and left her rude kid without a tutor after her rant?”
34. AITJ For Kicking My Partner Out Of The Car After He Accused Me Of Having An Affair?
“I’ve been with my partner for over 3 years. It hasn’t been easy as we’ve had to work through his insecurities (well we still are as you can tell from this story).
He’s accused me of having another man and/or being an attention seeker many times. He used to be really paranoid going as far as thinking that I was smiling to an Uber that passed by us.
And by smiling, I mean in a flirty way. But he’s gotten much better over time.
Well a few weeks ago we were going to his parents for dinner, which is always very stressful for me because my family dynamics were trashy and any family event makes my anxiety shoot through the roof, but I knew this was important to him so I went.
We get into the car (my car so I always drive and he goes next to me) and he asks me if someone’s been in the car, to which I answer no. This is a Tuesday and we spent the weekend together out of town.
On Monday I decided to go for a drive alone, as is usual (I’m very independent and like my own company). He then goes quiet for the next 20 minutes and finally says ‘Are you sure?
Because it looks like the seat is a little below the normal’. Again I say no. He insists and insists and finally says ‘I’m only asking because it looks like someone hooked up here’.
So when he says this I flip. I start shouting, what does he mean by that, how come he still doubts me, etc, etc. This turns into a full-blown discussion very quickly.
I couldn’t believe I was going to his parents for dinner and he was accusing me of hooking up with someone in the car. So I told him I won’t be going and left him near a metro station.
I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’m just so tired of the accusations but maybe my reaction was a bit much.
Thoughts?”
33. AITJ For Giving A Coworker A Secondhand Bassinet?
“My co-worker is having a baby in 2 months. She’s been gushing about the SNOO (a smart sleeper bassinet), especially after learning more about mine and watching my SNOO work on the nanny cam and how it rocks my baby back to sleep.
She’s been telling people she really really wanted a SNOO but cannot afford the price tag – which is about 1,500 USD for a brand new bassinet. I suggested she can either rent the SNOO or get one second-hand on social media for like between 900-1100 USD (which is what I did).
She said it’s still too big of a price tag and not even sure if her baby would like it (some babies do not like the SNOO).
Anyways, my baby is almost grown out of the SNOO (weight/age cut-off) and would be weaned off the SNOO by the time she gave birth.
So she hosted two baby showers – one at work, and one at home with family/friends. I thought about getting one of the cute onesies from her gift registry – but I also thought a better gift would be to give her our SNOO since we’re done with it.
Even as a 3rd hand user, the resale value would have been easily between 600-900 USD. When she opened my gift, it was a simple congrats card and I wrote on there ‘We will give you our SNOO in a month’.
(Mind you, my SNOO is in great shape. No p******p ever gotten on it, and very small wear and tear, complicated to explain, those who own a SNOO know there is a velcro sleep sack that can get caught on the side of the bassinet, so there is some peach fuzz there).
Well, later I found out she was angry at me for throwing her my second/third-hand bassinet when I no longer needed it and couldn’t even be decent enough to just buy a 15$ onesie.
Well, I got mad, I told her, fine ‘I’ll keep my SNOO, and sell it for 600-900 USD, thought you would like it since you are always gushing about mine and how it’s too expensive to buy even a second-hand one.
There is no need to be ungrateful – here, just take 15$ instead’ – I put 15 dollars in her hand and walked off.
Was I a jerk for giving her a second-hand product (in great condition) and calling her ungrateful?”
32. AITJ For My Snarky Remarks Toward My Grandpa?
“So I (and my three siblings and 9 cousins) have a grandpa that is not really around, for most of us. Around 10 years ago he decided he only wanted to spend time with two specific grandkids (The children of his favorite daughter).
He doesn’t speak to the rest of us unless we are at an event and even then he barely says anything. The last time we saw him was at a wrestling tournament.
He went to watch my cousin and left as soon as my brother’s name was called for his match. So it feels pretty deliberate that he does not talk to us. (For reference I’m the oldest grandchild at 20, the rest are all between 5-17)
Anyways, my brother had this idea that the next time we saw him at an event we should just act like we don’t know him. He never remembers who we are anyways, I thought it would be funny.
So last week was one of my cousins’ birthday (one of the cousins he likes) and he was there. He didn’t interact with us for most of the party but towards the end of it he came up to myself and my sister and said hello.
I said ‘Oh hey! You’re X’s grandpa, right? It’s so nice to meet you!’ He looked confused and said, ‘Well yes… but aren’t you Y’s kids?’
I responded with ‘We are! Are you related to her or something? You look kind of like our grandpa but he hasn’t spoken to us in years.’ He was visibly mad and called me disrespectful before stomping off.
Most of the family thinks what I said was funny and not a huge deal, but his wife and the parents of my cousins (his faves) are super mad at me. His wife told me this will ‘ensure he never speaks to us again’ (fine by me.
LOL)
I don’t really care that he’s mad at me but was this really a big jerk thing to do?”
31. AITJ For Refusing To Change Bathing Suits?
“Where I live (not US) is rather hot at the moment and is ‘pool party season’. My grandparents own a house with a big pool so weekly or bi-weekly my family gathers to just have fun and swim.
My grandparents don’t mind since they don’t really do anything besides offer the house. We all cook, buy snacks, get the place ready, and then clean.
Two years ago my sister married her now-husband who happens to be one of my exes, at first I was horrified because they began to go out pretty quickly, but now, I don’t mind.
We don’t interact much (never have) so at previous gatherings we would just be in on our business not really caring for the other (she’s usually with our cousins and our parents while I’m with our grandparents and some aunts/uncles).
Her husband (whom I’ll call Mike) is always there of course, but we don’t talk to each other. She’s pregnant (26 weeks).
Last Sunday we were getting the garden ready when she came to me and asked me to change (I was already wearing my bikini with a see-through dress over it, it was a normal one, but I have a bigger chest than her and she was fuming).
I asked if I had something or what and she said ‘No, but I’m pregnant and I don’t feel my best. I don’t want Mike looking at you’. I was confused and looked at Mike who was playing with one of my cousins not really paying attention.
I said she didn’t really have to worry about Mike but this made her angrier(?) and told me to not act like we were buddies and to go change. I said ‘Sorry, no, I won’t change’.
She said I was trying to get her husband’s attention and I actually laughed because WHAT?! I said that if it bothered her so much she should’ve thought of that before getting with my ex.
My grandpa got in the middle and told us to stop. He told my sister I wasn’t changing and he asked me to say sorry for my last comment. I did and she wasn’t happy.
Later on, my mom came to me with another bikini and told me to go change but I just decided to go home and it caused my grandpa to scold both my sister and mom for making his house ‘a hostile environment’ and now they’re both mad at me because ‘I should just have changed’.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Making My Son Pay For His Significant Other's Hospital Bills Using His College Fund?
“My husband against my wishes decided to get our oldest ‘Bryan’ (16M) a motorcycle for his 16th birthday a few months ago so they could go riding together.
It was a surprise last-minute gift that I didn’t know about. They also apparently went and got his license for it behind my back.
I couldn’t just take it from him without looking like the bad guy since he already had it so I laid down strict rules.
He was supposed to only ever drive the speed limit and he could only drive it with his dad around and he was supposed to have no passengers on it.
My husband and I are separated right now and he’s staying in a nearby apartment until we figure out what we’re doing with our marriage.
Bryan stays with me for a week and stays with his dad the next week. Last Friday while Bryan was at his dad’s I get a call from the hospital saying he and his significant other ‘Clark’ (15M) had been in a motorcycle accident.
I rush down to the hospital and find Bryan and he’s kinda woozy, with a gash on his forehead, some cuts and bruises, and a concussion. I asked him what happened and he wouldn’t look at me until he finally got up the nerve to tell me they wrecked on his motorcycle while he was taking Clark home from baseball practice and decided to street race some other guy.
He lost control of his bike and they flipped over.
Now I was steaming and asked why he was out riding his motorcycle without his dad and why he would do something so stupid, especially riding with someone else.
He started crying saying he was sorry and that he just wanted to know if Clark was OK. I went to check and found Clark’s parents who were mad and they told me that Clark had broken a few ribs and his leg and two of his fingers.
I promised to take care of the medical bills which calmed them down some.
My husband showed up and tried to explain and apologize for letting Bryan ride around with his SO and I just went off on him in the middle of the hospital yelling at him that this is the reason why we were separated and that he was an irresponsible parent who never took anything seriously.
I went to talk to Bryan still mad and told him that he’d be paying for all of Clark’s medical bills out of his college fund and any funds he’d been saving.
Since then I’ve been getting calls from my husband and my in-laws about how I was being a jerk to my husband and that I shouldn’t possibly be taking college away from Bryan because of a mistake.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Insisting That The Family Spend The Holidays At My Place?
“One year ago, I (53f) and my husband (52m) moved into the country and built our own house after our two daughters left for university.
Before this move, we lived 15 minutes away from my parents and now it’s around 45 minutes.
When we were building the house we kept in mind that we wanted an open space that would be good to have family over during the holidays.
I told my family that after the house was built we could have Thanksgiving and Christmas at our place. My brother (48m) thought this was a good idea since our parents’ home was starting to feel too small for everyone to exist comfortably, especially since our children were getting older and started to bring partners around which meant more people.
During the building process, my mother (75f) never said anything against us moving or the idea that holidays would be at our place from now on. The house was finished for Thanksgiving 2022 and we were ready to host. However, my brother phoned me a week before and said mom was adamant about having Thanksgiving at her house.
I tried to reason with her but she didn’t change her mind so trying to be nice I caved and let her host. As I expected there was not anywhere near enough space.
Her living room fit six people and there were fifteen of us, so many sat on the floor or dragged chairs in from other rooms. Again her table only fit six comfortably so we were very squished with no elbow room.
Christmas 2022 I put my foot down. I told everyone we were having it at my place and everyone seemed happy, except my mother. She said it was too far and that she didn’t like to drive in the dark.
I told her she could stay in the spare room (which I also offered to her at Thanksgiving) and that it was unfair to make everyone cramp into her small house, especially since we have 17 people this year.
I told her everyone else was also staying over to be able to drink which they were unable to do last year because they had to drive. She refused saying I was being unreasonable and that if we didn’t come to her, she wouldn’t come.
When she looked to my brother to back her up, he sided with me. She’s now upset and refuses to talk to either of us.
Am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Police If I Don't Get My Prosthetic Leg Back?
“8 years ago I wrecked my motorcycle and had my right leg amputated above the knee. I get around fine with a good-quality prosthetic leg.
My friends helped me a lot right after the accident when I was really depressed. They’re great guys, but they can be a little childish/frat bro types.
Love them to death and they literally saved my life, but I’ve definitely matured more than some of them.
One of my oldest friends, we’ll call him J, just bought a new house and wanted to host a Superbowl party.
Two of the guests are guys I know well, the rest are distant acquaintances. Well, my stump is itching like crazy. By now we all had a few drinks and everyone is pretty into the game, so I discretely remove my prosthesis and prop it up on the couch next to me.
Later on, one of the guys I don’t know well sees it. He asks if he can look at the prosthesis, I say sure. He messes with it a bit and then starts joking that he’s going to pawn it, how much do you think I can get for the cyborg’s leg, etc?
I’m laughing along until he moves it to the other side of the room. Without it or a mobility aid, I’m a sitting duck so it makes me really nervous when it’s out of reach.
He says he’s not done looking at it and goes to get another drink. When he comes back I tell him it’s not funny, I need it back. He holds it out about 10 feet away and says ‘Come get it.’
Now I’m not about to hop over and arm wrestle this guy for it, so I pull out my phone, make eye contact with J and say ‘Either your friend gives my leg back or I’m calling the cops.’
The room went dead quiet. The guy handed me my leg and said ‘Jesus man, I was just messing around.’
I left pretty shortly after, I was heated and the mood was awkward.
Still, I didn’t think I was the jerk until J texted me today saying I overreacted. Now I feel like a jerk because I know I did ruin his party and yelled at his friend in his house.
J pointed out I wasn’t going anywhere so I went off for no real reason. He’s right, I wasn’t going anywhere and didn’t need it for any reason except like I said I get anxious when I can’t get to it.
It’s part of my body at this point and I can’t walk without it so yeah I’m a little attached. LOL. Asked my other two friends, one said I was out of line, and the other said I was justified. Looking for a tiebreaker vote.”
27. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Daughter Out Of Daycare And Get A Nanny Instead?
“My wife and I found out recently that we will be having a new baby in the fall.
We currently have a 1-and-a-half-year-old that will be around 2 years old when the baby is born.
My wife is self-employed so she is able to take care of our daughter on weekdays while I am at work. In addition, we currently send our daughter to daycare once a week + have a nanny for days my wife is not able to watch our daughter due to work obligations
When our second child was born my wife expressed a desire to become a full-time stay-at-home parent for 6-12 months and not work at all. I fully support her in this decision and think it would be great for both her and our children if she was around full-time.
Here is where I don’t know if I am the jerk. I brought up the fact that if my wife will be home full time we no longer need to pay for the one day a week of daycare.
We live in an area where the cost of daycare is astronomically high and I personally don’t see a need to pay exorbitant amounts for daycare if my wife is home full time.
Doubly so because we will no longer have her income to offset the ridiculously high daycare costs.
My wife is completely against the idea of taking our daughter out of daycare and says it will be too stressful for her to take care of a newborn and our daughter.
As a compromise, I suggested that we quit the daycare and keep the nanny so my wife can have off days when she doesn’t have two children to take care of. This idea didn’t fly and my wife is steadfast in her opinion that our daughter should go to daycare at least once or twice a week.
I personally think it’s ridiculous to continue paying for daycare if my wife will be home full-time. She fervently disagrees and has told me it is misogynistic of me to expect her to be a full-time caretaker of two children without help during the day.
This is something my wife and I have been arguing about and I am conflicted about who is right. AITJ in this scenario?
For context: We live far from both of our families, so we don’t have any other childcare options besides daycare or nanny.
One additional clarification: Our daughter goes to our nanny’s house, and the nanny has three children of her own of similar ages. So she will get exposure to other children while she is with the nanny.”
26. AITJ For Setting Lots Of Alarms For My Significant Other Instead Of Waking Her Up Myself?
“My (nb20) significant other (f22) is struggling with getting up on time, which I feel has only gotten worse since we moved into our own apartment together 2 months ago. We both currently work together where we have to be between 7.15 am and 7.30.
My first alarm rings at 5.45 and again at 6.00 am to give me time to properly wake up and start the day.
Usually, I wake her a first time, go to the bathroom and get ready ’til 6.15 or 6.20 at which point I wake her up again so she’ll get ready.
The thing is, she recently stopped getting up on time completely, sometimes she only gets up at 6.50 when we have to leave at 7.05 at the latest. She is diagnosed with depression and takes medication for it, however, she hasn’t been able to take it on time for the last week or so as she can’t take it without eating something first (doctor’s order).
I talked to her about this but she says it’s because of her medication and she’ll try to do better.
2 days ago I got up as usual, but she didn’t wake up at all when I tried to get her up at 6.25.
I guess something in me snapped, cause I simply set my phone down on the nightstand and set 8 or 9 alarms, 2 minutes apart from each other, and started eating my breakfast. She came to the kitchen at 6.35 and called me a jerk for doing this as I know how much she hates my ringtone and she wants me to wake her up in person.
I tried to explain to her that I didn’t want to spend 20 minutes trying to wake her when I needed to prepare my lunch and eat breakfast but the atmosphere around here is really frosty now and she’s been somewhat shorter with her answers to me when we talk in general.
Now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong here because I do know she doesn’t like my alarm, but she also doesn’t get up with hers cause it’s ‘too calm’. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Memorializing My Dad's Social Media Page?
“My dad died 2 years ago. Since that time my mom has kept his phone and social media active. She sometimes posts and comments on his social media account. Family members have told me privately that commenting as him makes them particularly uncomfortable.
My dad and I had a lot of political disagreements over the last few years of his life. He was a great father growing up but in his later years, politics consumed him and became a wedge between us.
My mom keeps posting political things to his page that are the equivalent of email forwards and exactly the kind of stuff that got between my dad and me. She does not post tributes or memories of him.
I wouldn’t welcome a political sign on a grave even if I agreed with it but it’s much worse when it reminds me of all the bad arguments he and I had toward the end.
So anyway, she posts one more last week and I warned her saying I was calling it and would be memorializing his page and that she should put herself as the legacy contact to retain control.
I sent instructions on how to do it. Radio silence. So I called her yesterday and asked her to please stop posting political things to Dad’s page. She can do what she wants on her page but please let’s do more tributes and nice stuff and no politics.
She got upset and made several claims as follows:
- Because everything was willed to my mother she claims Dad’s social media page is her property and that she can do what she wants with it.
Threatened to get her lawyer involved.
- She and my Dad agreed on everything so he wouldn’t have a problem with her posting that stuff and probably would have done so himself.
- She claimed I was breaking her boundaries by insisting that she not post politics on his page.
- Doesn’t want him to appear dead because someone might steal his identity.
I had already gotten the memorialization process ready to go with an uploaded photo of his death certificate but had thought better of it earlier since it was unlikely that Dad had been savvy enough to put her as his legacy contact and I didn’t want to spring that on her.
I had intended to walk her through the process and had offered numerous times on the call to do so. But I got ticked off by her insistence that his page was her property and my feelings about no politics didn’t matter.
So while I was on the phone with her I kicked off the process. I told her I did it. You need to mark yourself as the legacy contact before they memorialize his page.
I said she had 24-48 hours max to set herself as the contact. I offered to walk her through it on the phone. Once she realized I’d actually gone through with it she hung up on me.
I emailed her and my dad’s email (for convenience) the instructions again with pictures of what to do.
She thinks she’s going to lose all access to his photos and things. She’s quite mad.
To be clear I requested the page be memorialized, not deleted.”
24. AITJ For Not Telling Our Family That I Officiated My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister (31F, we’ll call her Kate) and her partner (33M, we’ll call him Drew) have been together for years; they’ve had some ups and downs like any couple, but overall they’re a good fit.
They’re both happy together, and I fully support their relationship.
A couple of months ago they invited me over and told me they were going to be getting married, but they didn’t want anyone knowing yet.
They wanted to handle all the official stuff now and do the ceremony and social aspect of it all later. This is where I come in. I became licensed to officiate weddings a while back, and Kate wanted me to perform a ceremony in private and keep it a secret from the rest of the fam.
I honestly found no problem with this, as I understood wanting to get the paperwork out of the way so they could focus on the fun stuff later.
So we knocked out the ‘ceremony’ (was literally just us and a friend in their living room), and Kate and Drew were legally married at that point.
Several months later Kate let the rest of the family know she and Drew had gotten ‘engaged’. I kept the secret of course, so naturally, everyone was pretty surprised. At this point, it became clear that my parents were less than happy with the marriage, and their true feelings about Drew came to light.
My dad straight-up called him a piece of work that doesn’t deserve her (said this to me alone), and my mom was just hoping it wasn’t real (also kept these feelings from my sister).
Apparently, they accepted him as a significant other, but never thought of him as a serious long-term prospect.
Kate eventually told everyone that I had already officially married them, and now I’m dealing with two particularly angry parental units who firmly believe I had no right to perform the wedding without their knowledge.
I’m supposedly a jerk for not allowing anyone an opportunity to ‘weigh in’ or something. I don’t understand it to be honest. I know my dad is a very traditional dude, so I think he felt disrespected by not being asked for his blessing (not that he would’ve given it anyway), and by extension, I also disrespected him.
And both parents I think are really just upset with the relationship, and at me for making it legally binding. I honestly didn’t even think about any potential blowback, I was just excited for Kate and Drew and was more than happy to help.
So… AITJ for secretly performing the ceremony?
EDIT: Why my parents don’t like Drew: They think he’s a bit immature, like a man-child. And in their defense, he kind of is, but mostly because he’s just a bit goofy and eclectic and smokes a lot.
He doesn’t have a ‘standard job’ and makes his income from home, day trading, and such. Definitely an oddball, but an endearing one, in my opinion.
That said, he actually really has his life together.
He makes good income even though he dresses like a bum and always looks like he rolled out of bed (I sort of respect that in a weird way since he’s not your typical jerk flaunting his wealth).
And he’s insanely smart, just deals with ADHD so he comes off as a bit scatterbrained.”
23. WIBTJ If I Report My Stepbrother And His Wife For Neglecting My Nephew?
“My stepbrother and SIL have a son (20 months) who they do not take care of properly.
He’s VERY small for his age due to the fact that he’s not fed properly. They routinely go to my parents’ house to eat because they’re just too lazy to go get groceries for their house, so they don’t have food.
My parents of course send them home with tons to make sure my nephew gets fed for a while. It’s not out of the ordinary for them to spend their money on smokes and who knows what else and then not have enough left over to buy necessities for their son (think diapers/wipes).
When he outgrew his infant carrier seat, it took them 4 MONTHS to get him a new seat because they kept buying smokes and stuff first.
I ended up giving them a spare one that was in my FIL’s vehicle until they bought one.
They often leave him in a dirty diaper long enough that his poop has dried to his butt and needed to be scrubbed off with a brush because they just don’t want to change him.
He’s ended up with a rash so bad he had to be taken to the doctor.
They’ve left him outside to play in the yard ALONE, because ‘it was too hot to sit outside with him’ and just watched him thru the window.
Should also add that they live on an acreage next to a busy road, and their yard isn’t fenced, so it wouldn’t be a surprise to see wild animals in the yard.
His clothes are always dirty/smell sour like they haven’t been washed in a while, and it’s normal for them to only bathe him maybe once a week, sometimes not even that often.
My parents, grandparents, and I have gotten mad at them multiple times over how they take care of their son, telling them it’s neglectful and they’re going to end up having him taken away.
My parents try their best, mom watches him as often as she can so that he can be fed properly and actually bathed. She always buys diapers and wipes and makes sure to keep a stockpile at her own house.
She washes his clothes and buys him new ones so he has clean clothes but those get ruined as soon as he goes back to his parents anyways.
I want to call CPS, they’re neglecting my nephew and refuse to listen or accept help from anyone around them, I just don’t want my nephew to be taken and placed with some strangers.
I unfortunately live a couple hours away so I’m not exactly in a position to help as much as I’d like to.”
22. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Have "The Talk" With My Daughter?
“I am a 36-year-old bisexual man who has sole custody of my 11-year-old daughter. I also have a non-harassment order out against my daughter’s mother (Basically a restraining order for all the Americans here) so she has no involvement in our lives and hasn’t since our daughter was one.
I won’t get into that here but I just wanted to make it clear that my ex-partner was not an option for this. She has her troubles that make it safer for my daughter if she’s nowhere near her.
I do however allow my daughter’s maternal grandmother supervised visitation 3 hours a week.
For the past five years, I’ve been in a relationship with my partner, a 38-year-old man, and my daughter adores him.
She even calls him Dad when feeling affectionate but mostly calls him by his name. He was meant to move in with me a long time ago but then the global crisis hit.
He’s a general practitioner so he felt it best to put off moving in together until the global crisis had sorted itself out a little so he wasn’t putting us at risk.
We’re actually planning to move in together in a few months now.
Last year when she was 10 I knew the talk needed to happen and I’d put it off too long already which I’ll own up to I just wasn’t fully certain how to broach that subject with her but I also didn’t want her school to screw it up as she goes to a Catholic School so I asked my partner if he would mind leading the talk as a GP he’d be able to answer ALL her questions and lead it better than I would.
He agreed and the two of us sat down with her for the talk, he led it and I was there for support. All in all, it went fine it was a little awkward but she got the information she needed and in a scientific manner with no glossing over facts.
The other day however her maternal grandmother got in contact with me saying she wanted to give her the talk as this needed a ‘woman’s’ touch and she’d have questions only a woman could help with in this ‘beautiful’ moment.
I told her we’d already handled that last year and my partner led the talk for us. She was upset, to say the least, and thinks I should have told her as the only main woman in my daughter’s life and how I’d robbed her of this moment to bond with my daughter.
She has also implied it’s weird and creepy my partner was the one to do the talk as he’s not blood-related to my daughter.
That got me angry and I told her that I’d been there for the talk but even if I hadn’t been my daughter considered him a second father, I then pointed out that as a GP he’s more trained to do these kinds of talks than either of us but she has said that is the problem that he’d have laid it out coldly and just facts and not made it seem like the beautiful flowering into womanhood it is.
I have told her what is done is done and that it wasn’t on purpose I just felt it was best to do it this way.
I didn’t set out to rob my daughter’s grandmother of this moment it just never occurred to me to involve her.
Is it a jerk move that I’d ask my partner before her?”
21. AITJ For Not Cleaning Some Areas Before The Cleaning Service Arrives?
“I (27F) am a mom of 2 (4M and 2F) and recently became a single mother very unexpectedly.
I’ve been struggling terribly to keep up with deep cleaning since I went from working a part-time job to that and an additional full-time job. I know a lot of people do that and more while also maintaining their household, but I wasn’t prepared for it, I need time to adjust, and I don’t want my kids to notice the difference.
My best friend who knows I’m struggling recommended her niece who has just started her house cleaning business, so after some budgeting I hired her to clean every other week. She does a deep clean of the entire house with the exception of the kids’ playroom, which I asked her not to worry about so the kids can be occupied in there when we’re home and she’s cleaning.
Ever since she started though, she makes little comments about certain things not being part of her job. It’s not always the same complaint, first, it was about wiping down my daughter’s high chair (no food on it, told her not to worry about it in the future), and another time it was my son leaving toothpaste in the sink.
Today’s complaint was about tub rings from me bathing my kids. She said she’s not here to clean up after the kids and would prefer I clean those areas on my own if I want her to continue working for me.
I told her I’d figure it out. I’ve never hired someone else to clean my house before, so I have no idea if this is normal. I always thought you just make sure your stuff is put away and then you stay out of their way so they can get their job done.
I already make sure the house is straightened up and I do clean in between, but AITJ for not doing more?”
20. AITJ For Dragging My Aunt Out Of A Funeral And Then Scolding Her?
“I (f26) just came back from the funeral of a family friend.
He was only 25 and passed away in an accident yesterday, which involved a truck. As his family and mine are friends due to sharing a cultural background and participating in different cultural events together, a large part of my family was at his funeral.
My aunt was quietly chatting with some people there, and when she realized my mom and I were there too, she came up to us. They talked for a little while about how awful the situation was.
Then my aunt made nasty comments about how ‘the accident had probably been his fault anyway’, ‘that happens for trying to overtake a truck’, and ‘we should be happy only he died and no one else was killed’.
There were some more but these were the ones I could remember right now. Keep in mind that 1) the investigation is still in course, we don’t know how the accident happened, and 2) HIS PARENTS were like 8 ft away from us, and my aunt wasn’t even whispering, she was talking in her normal volume.
My mom was in shock, my uncle was playing dumb, and I grabbed her hand and tugged her outside of the funeral home and to a more secluded area. There were a lot of people even outside the building.
When we were alone I whisper-shouted at her about how indecent and disrespectful she had just been to the family and friends, who were GRIEVING the loss of a loved one, and asked her if she would make the same comments if it was one of my cousins (her children) there in the coffin after a fatal accident, and how would she feel if someone was making those comments and gossipping about her dead child.
I told her that I was ashamed of her and I was embarrassed by her being my aunt, and I would deny knowing her if anyone at the funeral asked me, and I went back inside.
I think they left because I didn’t see her or my uncle anymore.
When we left the funeral about an hour later I checked my phone and I was tagged in a social media rant by my aunt who went on a tirade about how I had embarrassed her, was disrespectful to her and I had ‘called her an evil person in front of everyone’.
I had tried my best to keep my voice low but there were so many people and I was so agitated that maybe someone heard me.
My uncle sent me a testament-long text saying I should’ve waited until another occasion and not aggravated the situation.
Many people in her social media post commented variations of the same thing. I’m not sorry about the things I told her, I think she deserved every word. But now I’m wondering if I should wait until after the funeral, or another day to have that discussion.
AITJ for putting my aunt in her place at the funeral? Should I have waited?”
19. AITJ For Abandoning A Guy At The Bar After He Pooped His Pants?
“Yesterday I (26f) went out with a large group of friends for a birthday. We all met at a local bar/restaurant around 6 pm and it was just supposed to be a chill night because it was Thursday and everyone pretty much had work in the morning.
There was this one guy who ended up coming that I didn’t know personally, and no one else except for one person really knew him, not even the person whose birthday it was.
To my knowledge this guy, let’s just call him Mark, wasn’t expressly invited but someone, we’ll call her Tara, brought him as a date.
We were all enjoying our night while celebrating and Mark was drinking rather excessively.
I was a designated driver for around 3 friends because we decided to carpool there, but no one was drinking to get wasted. I had agreed to drive just as more of a precaution than anything, but Mark was reordering drinks and shots regularly.
It was very awkward and everyone at the table was just trying to ignore it because we didn’t want confrontation especially since it was a celebration for our friend. Tara was also looking more and more uncomfortable by his drinking and it was pretty obvious she had not been expecting that either.
After 2 hours, Mark was completely wasted, and we were all pretty mad about it but again trying to just ignore it. When we were paying all of our checks, Mark kind of stumbled off towards the bathroom, and it was just me, the 3 who were riding with me, and Tara left waiting at the front of the restaurant when Mark made it back out.
Immediately as soon as he got within 5 feet of us it was evident that something was wrong, something had happened, because Mark smelled very bad. We all realized Mark had had an accident.
Tara had called an Uber for herself so she decided that she would just put Mark in it and ride with us, but when the Uber arrived the driver could also tell that Mark had had an accident and wouldn’t take him.
At this point, Tara was extremely upset and crying and freaking out. I and the 3 other friends had managed to unlock Mark’s phone and were trying to find someone to come get him when Tara asked if I would be able to give them both a ride.
I told her no, that I wouldn’t give Mark a ride but that she was welcome to ride with us, but I didn’t want Mark getting in my car.
Tara started raising her voice with me asking why I was being like this because she felt like she had an obligation to help him out, but I told her that Mark was a jerk and it wasn’t any of our faults he got wasted and pooped himself and I was under no obligations to drive his crappy butt home.
My other friends agreed and we left because there was really nothing else we could do. I told Tara she could ride with me, but she chose to stay and was finally able to get ahold of a mutual friend of both her and Mark who agreed to come pick them up.
Tara is now claiming I’m a jerk for abandoning them there at the restaurant and some of our friends agree. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Not Telling My Family I Was Pregnant Until I Gave Birth?
“I (27f) have an older sister ‘Jenny’ (36f) who’s been trying for a baby for the past 10 years and has failed miserably.
After multiple checkups with different doctors, it was determined that the chances of my sister ever being able to successfully carry a healthy baby to term were tragically low. Jenny was in denial and wanted to keep trying.
We all tried to be supportive but as the years passed and other people around Jenny started popping out kids it made her… ‘different.’
The biggest turning point was when ex-BIL got fed up and left her so he could find a new woman to start a family with.
At first, she would just get all sad and depressed whenever someone close to her had a baby, but after our cousin got pregnant for the second time (less than a year after the first) and had twins Jenny became bitter and aggressive.
It got so bad that our cousin blocked Jenny and has decided not to attend any future functions that she knows Jenny will be at. My parents have pushed for therapy but Jenny never sticks to a single therapist for more than three sessions because none of them ‘feel right.’
After the divorce, she moved back in with them and paid all her bills. They even let her get a puppy despite my mom’s allergies because it makes her feel better but she hardly ever picks up after it.
I’d honestly just take the dog when no one was looking to re-home if I didn’t think it would make my sister worse and/or our parents would just get her a new one.
Last year I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t intentional but my husband was excited while all I could think was ‘Oh gosh, Jenny is going to freak out.’ One day, when I was visiting, I was subtly trying to talk to my mom about the idea of me having a baby.
Jenny overheard and came bursting in saying that my getting pregnant would be one of the worst things I could do to her as a sister. She then started crying and I apologized and left. My mom sent me a text saying that I was wrong to bring something like that up knowing how Jenny is and I just started crying.
After that, I made a decision to just keep my pregnancy a secret and for 9 months that’s what I did.
I recently gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Now that she was here I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore and just sent my parents each a text.
They both thought it was a joke until I FaceTimed them and became very angry at me. They were hurt because not only did I hide something like this from them but my husband’s parents knew and were very involved. I lost it and told them that it was what they deserved after robbing me of the opportunity to enjoy my pregnancy because I was stressing out about how Jenny would react if/when she found out.
I’m starting to feel guilty because I know my parents are trying to be there for Jenny who’s going through something she can’t control, so AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Pretending To Shave My Head?
“There’s this girl that lives in my uni halls, we’re not roommates but we are flatmates. Let’s name her Kaya (F, 19). I (F, 19) met her in September when we started university and moved into halls.
We’re not best friends but we are friendly. We don’t really spend much time together.
Over time, my friends noticed that Kaya tried to copy me in everything. It started slowly, with accessories and some clothes.
Nothing major. I didn’t even notice until people started pointing it out to me. I have a rather distinct style and she started copying it. I don’t own the style and she’s free to wear what she likes but it’s the exact same copies of my outfits which is very odd.
But then, it started going further. I dyed my hair, she dyed her hair, I bought something for my room, and she bought the same thing. I started chatting with a guy, she became obsessed with that guy to the point that whenever I had a male friend or guy I was interested in over, she would go out of her way to try and get their attention, coming down to the kitchen in nothing but a towel (she never used to do it), etc. And she would do anything to attract attention.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less if the guy was looking and even if it was my significant other looking, I’d have beef with him, not her but the blatant attention-seeking behavior was just odd.
I joined societies and sports and after she found out, she joined the same ones I did. Basically, everything I do, she copies eventually. It’s just really creepy but I haven’t said anything, I wouldn’t even know what to say.
Over the Easter break, my friend and I were at my family’s house, a bit wasted, and decided to test out whether Kaya really copies everything I do. I made a post on social media about shaving my head.
My friend does hairdressing and she helped me out faking a shaved head and I posted a photo with a shaved head.
I deleted the photo a few days later and forgot about this whole thing.
After the easter break was over, we had uni exams and I was focusing on that. Imagine my shock when I came back and Kaya had a shaved head. And she was mad when she saw me.
She started shouting about how I lied to her and why would I do that. She went on and on and on, really angry. Admittedly, I ignored her and hid in my room.
She sent me a text telling me that she expects me to pay for her wig as it’s my fault she shaved her head. I replied that absolutely not, that it was not my fault and she decided on her own to do that.
She kept attacking me over it every time I saw her (it’s been a few days since I came back from easter break). My exams start tomorrow and yesterday I received an e-mail from my university, asking me for a meeting about the issue.
She REPORTED me to uni over something she’s done. I am genuinely confused, was I really in the wrong? AITJ for pretending to shave my head and refusing to pay for her wig?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting Guests To Visit My Baby?
“Currently, my SO and I are staying at my parents’ home till our house gets finished being built by September.
We were planning on staying with my in-laws but my parents offered their basement, it has a living room, bedroom, and small kitchen. At this time I was 7 months pregnant. My parents told us when the baby is here we could take the two rooms they had upstairs for the baby to sleep in & one for us.
We agreed. I spoke with my parents a month after the baby was born and explained that we could not have any visitors over for the moment, which they said ‘Sure’ and even if they did just not have them come upstairs or in the basement, wherever the baby was.
Again they agreed and said they understood (mind you this is my first newborn)
The moment comes when I have my baby 2 weeks ago, with an emergency C-section, and we stayed upstairs in the two rooms. Not even 5 days were given for me to rest and they invite people over (which I didn’t mind) but instead of telling her friends ‘She’s still recovering’.
I hear my mom say ‘Come and see the new baby upstairs’. I got so angry but had to play the stupid card that I was okay. Then again the weekend later she invited ANOTHER pair of friends to come see the baby.
But this time she told me 1 day before. I told her, ‘I don’t care if your friends come over, but I don’t want them to see the baby when I fully said to you I didn’t want anyone touching him or near him unless it’s us two and you guys’.
My dad snaps and tells me ‘You’re being overprotective. Why don’t you just hide your child from the world then’.
Me: ‘It’s a newborn. It’s not your baby to be making decisions on who gets to see him, when I’m still recovering and he hasn’t even seen my in-laws’.
My dad: ‘Do what you want then, go hide him’.
I’m already slightly bumping heads with them over their comments about my weight, and how to raise my baby after only 2 weeks.
It’s mentally draining me and I’ve been crying a lot since I’ve gotten home. I don’t know if this time I over-crossed the line or they did.”
15. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Middle School Bully?
“When I was in middle school, I was bullied a lot for being a guy who went out with another guy. I was bullied specifically by one girl, Sasha.
The bullying went on for all 4 years I was in middle school, and stopped when she dropped out as a freshman in high school. She recently contacted me via Reddit and asked if we could meet up and talk.
We did, and he is now Sam.
Completely transitioned from girl to dude, pecs, abs, a beard, the whole nine yards. We talked awkwardly for a few, and he then went on a long apology, it took like 39 minutes, but didn’t feel very genuine.
In fact, when he was done, he sat back, sighed, and said ‘There, you happy now?’ I just looked down and said, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t forgive you.’ He was astounded and got upset.
‘Why? I just said I was sorry.’ I said ‘You bullied me relentlessly for years, I became depressed, it ended multiple relationships with adults in my life, and friends. You outed me to the people I loved most, and they hurt me because of it.
And you were the root problem.’
He was clearly mad at this point and said ‘I came here to apologize, why can’t you just get over it?’ This stabbed me in the heart.
I hung my head and said, ‘Oh, you didn’t come here to apologize, you just came here to be forgiven. You really don’t care about me, you just want this burden off your back.’ He said ‘That’s not true, I’ve changed, why can’t you move on?’ I said, ‘It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed, I’m only ever going to remember you as the girl who made my life miserable.” He called me homophobic, stood up, and said, ‘I shouldn’t have to live with your trauma.’
And as he was leaving ME with the bill, I said, ‘You should if you’re the one who caused it and has no remorse for it.’ Well, he told people about it and I’m being called transphobic, homophobic, and I’m being blasted on social media and group chats.
I feel bad now, am I the jerk?”
14. AITJ For Pointing Out The Reason Why My Sister's Kids Choose Their Dad Over Her?
“I (32F) have a 14-year-old daughter named Jess. Her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time.
As a result, we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me than most kids are with their parents. Around a week ago she asked me if I could take her to the movies with a guy in her class.
I know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extracurriculars together and I was thrilled he was my daughter’s first ‘relationship’. I took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards.
He was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but I couldn’t be happier for her.
I went to my older sister’s house for coffee earlier this morning.
Backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full-time with their dad. They had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad.
The reason for this was that my sister was extremely overbearing on them. She was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults.
I know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night, etc. This was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that.
While I love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy I fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her.
My daughter came up in conversation and so brought up her first date.
When I explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that I must be joking. When she realized I was serious, she told me I was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries.
She ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14-year-olds are incapable of going out themselves and that I was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that.
She also said ‘I would never allow my kids to do that,’ so I replied by saying ‘That’s exactly why your kids live with their dad.’ She got very quiet and then told me to leave.
When I got home I started thinking more about what I said and while at the time I thought I was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now I’m wondering if I crossed the line.”
13. AITJ For Leaving My Kids At The A Gym Childcare Even If I Don't Workout?
“I (35f) have three kids but only my 4-year-old and 2-year-old are involved in this question.
I pay $114 a month for a family gym membership. I pay for this specific membership because the gym includes 2 hours of childcare per day with it. I do use the gym to workout but I almost always use the childcare to get homework done.
I am a full-time student and have very limited options for childcare. My husband works two jobs so often it’s just me and the kids from 6 am-8 pm. They go to nursery 2 mornings a week and that’s all we can afford.
I have a LOT of coursework so I need more time to do it.
I wouldn’t have even thought of this question but I have had an interaction several times that made me wonder if I am doing something wrong.
Surrounding some of the workout classes (yoga, body pump, cycling, etc…), a line forms for childcare, and sometimes the people at the back of the line don’t get their kids in because they hit capacity.
I try to avoid coming at the same time as these classes but my schedule is what it is and sometimes I can’t avoid it.
Multiple times, the same women have (I guess?) seen me and realized I’m unpacking a computer after I drop my kids off.
They’ve formed a group and are complaining that I shouldn’t be allowed to leave my kids there unless I’m working out. The gym basically told them they don’t care what I’m doing as long as I stay in the facility.
They are escalating it though and writing letters to corporate and complaining to management every time I am there (even when childcare is not at capacity). I’m really mad because I NEED this childcare.
They keep telling me to do homework at the library but the library doesn’t have childcare.
I wanted to make sure I am not the jerk here. I honestly don’t believe that I am but this group of women is like 15 strong so maybe I’m missing something.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that this is a YMCA. It’s not like a corporate gym. There are a lot of programs other than strictly exercise that are run here. Technically it’s more than a gym.
I live next to an extremely affluent area though so it’s definitely a high-quality workout facility. I think most people think of it only as a gym.
Some of these people would still not be able to go to their workout even if my two children were not in childcare.
They are frequently short 8-10 sports when two classes are scheduled at once. I also really DO try to avoid these classes. My schedule overlaps with peak times once every other week.
This issue exists even when I’m not there.”
12. AITJ For Not Sending Over Toiletries For My Stepdaughter?
“I (32f) and my husband (32m) have his daughter (11f) live with us full time. We also have 2 children together (7f, 3m).
My stepdaughter sees her bio mum (30f) once every few weeks/months sometimes.
We receive the bare minimum of £30 a month in maintenance for my stepdaughter, all of which lately has been spent on her uniform going into secondary school (which can amount to a couple of hundred).
Now the problem I have is bio mum is texting my stepdaughter every time telling her to bring a toothbrush/toothpaste/body wash/deodorant/shampoo and conditioner/feminine hygiene. We sent her over with these things about 5 times now over about 7 months, all brand new packs, yet we are still being asked to send stuff over.
Is it unreasonable to expect these products to have lasted more than one visit (each visit is a maximum of Friday to Sunday) and for me and hubby to refuse to send anymore over since we don’t believe my stepdaughter is using them all (which she has told us) and we don’t think it’s fair we are paying to wash bio mum too?
And surely these things are basics bio mum should be providing?
It may be worth mentioning bio mum doesn’t work at the moment because she has had another baby, I don’t work but hubby is a full-time paramedic but we still don’t earn enough to be expected to provide for another family.
We have helped her out before (I sent stepdaughter over with a big box of nice toiletries for bio mum, her little brother, and her new baby sister when the baby was born along with some kitchen staples since she had a c-section and couldn’t get out).
Am I being unreasonable here? We have also had it with clothes and shoes since I bought my stepdaughter some Adidas trainers she wanted. She wore them over and she came back with a pair of sandals nearly 3 sizes too small.
We try not to cause arguments for the stepdaughter’s sake but all of this is really starting to grate on me now.
So AITJ for not wanting to send over toiletries for my stepdaughter?”
11. AITJ For Having A Heart-To-Heart Talk With My Stepson?
“I (34f) have been with my husband (57m) for 10 years now. We’ve been married for 9 of them, and we have an 8-year-old son together. My husband has an older child, M (23m), from his first marriage.
M and I have always gotten along fine. I came into his life when he was a teenager, so I was always mindful of that and didn’t expect him to instantly embrace me with open arms. Over time our relationship has become pleasant.
He visits often, usually to see his brother.
My husband and I didn’t plan on having any other children, we both thought the age gap between the boys was big, and we didn’t want to add to that.
A few months ago though, despite our initial efforts, I found out that we are actually having another one. This obviously wasn’t planned, but my husband and I are happy about our little surprise.
We decided to tell the boys recently, and while our 8-year-old was over the moon about being a big brother, M seemed a little upset.
My husband had to leave for a work call, and when he was gone, M told me he didn’t think it was right for his father and me to have another child.
He cited his father’s age, and how busy my husband is, and he added how unfair it would be to him personally to become a sibling to a baby that would never grow up with him the way they would his younger brother.
I apologized to him because I can understand why he might be hurt. I thanked him for being honest with me and assured him that the new baby would think of him and his brother just the same.
I also encouraged him to speak to his dad about how he felt.
I don’t exactly know how that talk went, but later that night when my husband and I were heading to bed, he told me I needed to stop coddling M’s feelings all of the time.
He said that M is a grown man, so he has no business giving commentary on our life choices, and I definitely shouldn’t have apologized to them. I told my husband that I think it’s only right for M to have an opinion on what’s happening in his family, even if he may not get a final say.
My husband still insists that I took it too far by apologizing to his son about the two of us having another child. I clarified that I was really only apologizing for the circumstances, but he feels that’s the same thing, and I should have shut the conversation down when it started.”
10. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mother-In-Law For Getting My Kids Baptized?
“MIL (57F) and I (35M) don’t have the best relationship.
To be honest, I don’t like her because of what she did to my husband (36M, her son). She disowned him when she found out he was gay and didn’t talk to him for around 10 years.
She only got back in her son’s life 3 years ago, after she reached out to him, I didn’t even know her, she didn’t come to our wedding either. My husband and his mom have reconciled and he has made her a part of our lives.
She is a nice grandma to our kids (5M, 5M) and seems like a nice person but what I don’t like is that she always criticizes the fact that I’m an atheist, my husband has tried to set boundaries multiple times but she keeps on, not as before, but she still does.
My husband is also Christian, but we have agreed that we won’t talk to our kids about any religion, it’s up to them when they are old enough to believe in whatever they like.
Sarah (MIL) likes to spend time with the kids and we allow her because again, she is a nice grandma. This past Sunday she took them as usual and brought them back in the afternoon.
When they came back, my kids started telling me about getting in a pool and people wearing white around them. I asked Sarah what that was and she said that she got them Baptized. I got mad at her because she knows what I think about religions and imposing them on little kids, she knows what my husband and I agreed on, and she decided to disrespect all boundaries we set and still have the nerve to tell me ‘It’s their father’s religion, they’ll end up following Jesus and the true faith anyway’.
I got even madder and told her that she isn’t any longer allowed to spend time alone with my kids or take them to her house, I also told her to get her nose out of the way my husband and I educate our kids.
She started crying calling me a jerk who wants to destroy the bond she has with my kids and also told me I was overreacting. Her husband says I’m a jerk for being too rude to her, my mom says I was too rude and baptism wasn’t a big deal. My husband says that he understands that she overstepped but thinks I went too hard on her and is also sad I banned her from taking the kids home, some other people say I’m the jerk and that I’m overreacting.
But guys, seriously? I mean this woman disrespected our wishes and underestimates the way we raise our kids and even told me ‘She knows better’. I mean I have no problem if my kids decide to be religious in the future but I want it to be their choice.
I mean is this even allowed? Do churches allow kids to get baptized without their parents’ approval?”
9. AITJ For How I Reacted When I Found Out My Fiancé Moved Our Wedding Date?
“I (f31) am currently engaged to my fiance, Caleb (m34).
We’re planning on getting married soon. But his 13-year-old son got diagnosed with a medical condition that will require months of treatment. He’ll be receiving treatment next month.
Caleb and I chose and agreed on a wedding date.
I found out recently that he decided to change it. I was so confused especially when I heard it from one of his friends. I asked him about it and he said it was true he wanted to change the wedding date and gave the reasons:
(a) because he wants to focus on his son and his recovery and give him enough time to get his health back.
(b) he wants his son to be at the wedding looking healthy and happy.
(c) doesn’t want his son exposed to a large crowd while recovering so he thought the best decision was to put off plans for the wedding til months later.
I felt upset and couldn’t help but start arguing with him and objecting to this decision.
He argued that I’m being selfish and short-sighted and that I clearly don’t care about his son like I say I do. I told him he was being unfair and treating me as if I’m happy with these unfortunate circumstances although me and my family have been more than supportive.
He told me that if what I’m saying is true then I should be on board with this decision. I thought that was illogical because now I’ll have to go look for another venue and make other arrangements because wedding reservations need strict timing and planning ahead of time.
He snapped and said that clearly, a wedding is more important for me than my stepson’s health but I disagreed and explained that his son can still attend while he was on treatment but he was having none of it.
We had a fight and he went out. His family thinks he’s being reasonable and there’s no need to rush but I feel like my opinions and thoughts were stomped on and ignored because he knows I have a specific date in mind that is special to me and if I agree to postpone then I won’t get the same date unless I wait another year.
AITJ for my reaction, did he present a valid argument?”
8. AITJ For Only Giving My Sister A Makeup Kit For Christmas?
“I (18F) have a sister (13F). I currently work and study at the same time and make around 500-600 every month and 250 of that goes to my one-bedroom apartment.
I pay for electricity, wifi, food, etc, and saved up some funds from my paycheck these past two months to buy her something nice. She had requested this perfume from Sephora which costs around 80, this makeup kit from Benefit that retails for around 40, and many more things in that price range.
The funds I saved up were there in my bank account but sadly I had a leak in my kitchen and the entire room was basically flooded. This meant I had to pay for cleaning and installing a new pipe in the kitchen so the water wouldn’t leak again and sadly I had to cut back on my budget.
I had promised her I would try to get her some things off her wish list but now I couldn’t.
Instead, I went to the beauty supply store and got her this big makeup kit the size of a microwave, even bigger filled with normally priced makeup that retails for about 60-70.
It includes foundation, eyeshadow, lipgloss, etc. it looks like one of those makeup kits makeup artists use and it’s fairly priced but doesn’t include high-end products.
On Christmas Day, my sister saw the big present and got fairly excited. To be exact, my brother thought it was a PS4, that’s how big the makeup kit is.
Once she opened it she didn’t know how to react first but then smiled and thanked me. She continued to open the rest and saw that it was the only thing I got her.
She immediately began to lash out and tell me that I promised to get her certain things off her wish list. I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t afford it due to my kitchen practically leaking but she said I shouldn’t have promised her anything she wanted if I couldn’t go through with it.
We haven’t spoken since Christmas and I have to see her on new years. My mom said she hasn’t touched my present and that since it’s unopened I should take it back and save up more money to make it up to her.
I’m just upset because I got her something for a fair price and had to cut back on things for myself and my brother to make her happy. (My parents refuse Christmas presents from us so I didn’t spend on them.)
I don’t know, I understand I promised her but I just wasn’t doing well financially and I barely have the budget for anything and thought she would like it but she didn’t.
She hasn’t spoken to me ever since and it’s messing with me. So, AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Wanting To Get Our Dog Euthanized?
“My parents (66F and 81M) and I (27F) have a 17-year-old dog called Simba. He’s always been as tough as a bull, but at the end of last year, he started showing difficulty walking.
X-rays showed that his vertebrae had fused in two points of the spine due to age wear and consequently compressed the nerves from his waist down. That not only made it difficult for him to move his hind legs but also caused him a lot of pain in doing so.
He’s far too old for surgery and a heart condition would make it too risky anyway, so we opted to simply treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. Unfortunately, though, his condition progressed really fast. Within 6-7 months, he went from just limping to being almost completely paralyzed. He can barely stand up anymore without help, often crying in pain as he struggles until I come over and pull him up.
I even help guide him to the yard to p******e because he has no strength left. His painkillers no longer show any effect, either. At times he’s in so much pain, he compulsively paces in circles for up to 30-40 mins because he simply can’t even lie down and stay still in the same position without whimpering in pain… it’s also not uncommon for me to wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of his screams.
My mother and I believe he’s reached his limit now. Simba still eats and drinks water, but his days are spent mostly curled in a corner, unmoving until he cries for help to go to the bathroom and then back.
He’s also started biting me when I give him meds. I think he wants us to leave him alone.
But no matter how much we try to discuss this with my father, he refuses to put Simba down.
He argues that it’s wrong to kill him off like that and we should simply let him ‘take his time.’ My father is 81, so he is from a generation that still has a big stigma against euthanasia.
He fully expects me to keep medicating and feeding him even if Simba goes vegetative.
At this point, it’s not just my dog who is suffering. My mother and I are, too.
I’m so tired and stressed… I hate listening to my pet in pain and helplessly watching him wither away. My mother just came to me with the same feelings and suggested having him euthanized while my father is away or something.
I dunno, though. I don’t see any other options, but this still seems like such a jerk move. It’s his dog too…”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Significant Other To Sleep In The Bed When He's Wasted?
“My significant other (20m) and I (20f) have been together for a year and have been friends for 2.
We have been living together for a little over a year now and we obviously share a bed, here’s where the issue comes in.
My SO likes to drink, but that’s not the issue.
The issue is when he gets past a certain point of wasted (everyone around him can tell and so can I but he refuses to think he’s that wasted) he wets the bed, every.
single. time. he gets ‘black out’ wasted. When we moved in together I told him I wanted to keep my mattress at the apartment since it’s newer and nicer than his and he agreed. And yes I knew about him wetting the bed before I started being with him but we talked prior about how much he was drinking and he agreed to slow down.
Before I brought anything up recently he had wet the bed probably 20-30 times in the past year and to say it has ruined my mattress is an understatement. Yes, I use a mattress protector.
I told my SO that I don’t want him sleeping in the bed when he’s black-out wasted because of what happens and he said he understood and that he was sorry it happens.
For about a month he would ask me if he was allowed to sleep in the bed after he came back from a night of drinking and I would try and have a conversation with him first to figure out how wasted he is (you can tell by one conversation with him).
Last night I knew before I had talked to him how wasted he was by looking at his friends’ Snapchat stories while I was at work. When I get home from working 13 hours I shoot him a text to let him know I’m going to bed, please don’t wake me up, be safe, etc. I also mentioned to him to maybe sleep on the couch or in his recliner for the night due to how wasted he was.
He responded and said okay and that he understood.
He stumbled into our apartment around 1 am and immediately came and woke me up because he needed ‘help,’ AKA he wanted me to get him out of his clothes, make him food, and get him water.
I told him no and that if he wants to drink like a big boy he can take care of himself like a big boy in a slightly harsh tone since I had just been woken up, his attitude flipped like a switch (which is normal if he doesn’t get his way when he’s wasted he turns very angry quickly) and he slammed the bedroom door.
When I woke up this morning to HIS alarms going off at 5:30 am I was very confused as we both agreed he would not sleep in bed tonight. I turned over and my SO was in bed with me and you guessed it, he wet the bed. I am usually the one who wakes up to his alarms and wakes him up every morning so when I tried to wake him up and he didn’t wake up I just went and slept on the couch, I got woken up AGAIN by my SO because he was complaining that I didn’t wake him up, he was late to work, I needed to get up and bring him to work, etc. I told him to just take my car to work.
Edit:
- The car thing: his alarm goes off at 5:30 am every day but he never ever wakes up to it. That night he was asleep by 1:30, woke up by 8, took an hour-long shower, then left for work.
He got probably around 7-8 hours of sleep.
- Why I won’t just leave: I have invested an entire year in this relationship, when he doesn’t drink that much the nights aren’t as bad.
We only see each other in the evening when he gets off of work if I’m not working a double. That does not excuse his behavior but I do love him and care about him.
- I’m aware he has a drinking problem. I do not drink with him. I do not encourage his drinking (and he knows this). I have started to say no to him more often when he wakes me up at night to make him food, dress him, etc. I try to not enable him.
- I grew up in a household full of heavy-drinking and abusive people so my perception of a healthy relationship is extremely messed up. I am in therapy and have been for years trying to help distinguish what a healthy relationship is.
So I’m aware my SO has a serious drinking problem! I try and encourage him not to drink every night like he usually does (he doesn’t get wasted every night just a few beers) and sometimes it works other times not.”
5. AITJ For Blaming My Husband For My Getting Sick?
“My 2 kids 8 and 2 are on the tail end of a cold, nothing major just a bit of a runny nose.
My husband got sick with it 2 days ago but up until now, I’ve managed to avoid it, despite me being in close contact with the kids… more so than he is.
I’ve been washing my hands and making sure that the kids wash theirs after touching their faces, wiping their noses, encouraging them not to be in people’s faces… etc.
My husband on the other hand hasn’t been so careful, he blows his nose and walks around the house touching things, I caught him drinking from the milk carton yesterday etc.
My kids have been sick for almost a week and I hadn’t caught it from them, but within 2 days of my husband catching it, I have cold symptoms. I’m annoyed. I told him tonight that I’ve done my best to keep from getting sick and it’s his negligence that has caused me to catch this cold.
I basically take care of everyone in this house, making meals, doing the laundry, etc and I’m angry that his careless nature has caused me to get sick.
I told him that his behavior was trashy and he needed to think of other people for a change.
He said that I was bound to get sick anyway so what’s the big deal and that I shouldn’t be angry with him while he is sick. That I’m always grumpy when he gets sick and I’m not being fair.
I had a chat with my friend about it this afternoon and she said while she can understand my point, there really wasn’t much that could be done about it now and I should just get over it.
She said that I was acting like a jerk by bringing it up and making him feel bad while he is sick.
So AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Hating My Ex-Husband's New Wife?
“My ex-husband and I have been divorced for more than 2 years now. We have a 5-year-old son who I have sole custody of, and he visits his father once a week. A few months ago, I was promoted in my job and got the opportunity to go on a business trip to South Korea.
I was reluctant to go because it’d mean I have to be separated from my son for 4 months, but I know it would benefit us in the long run so I decided to go.
My son stayed with his father and his new wife.
The truth is I’ve held a bit of a grudge against this woman. They were co-workers and knew each other before we got divorced. When our marriage began deteriorating, I had a gut feeling that there was something going on between them, but I didn’t have enough evidence to prove it so I never said anything.
But not even one month after we divorced the two of them got together, which proves my suspicions correct, but of course he’d never admit it.
When I got back from my business trip, I went to my ex’s house to pick up my son and saw him there with the wife.
I called out to him and to my dismay, he didn’t come running to me and just continued playing with his ‘stepmom’. I had to go over and pick him up before he’d finally acknowledge me.
When we were leaving, he fussed around and didn’t want to go, staying glued to her side. Clearly, they had bonded during the time I was gone, and maybe I’m being petty but it made me really jealous and upset like I’d been betrayed. When I finally managed to get him in the car, he poked his head out and said ‘Bye, Mommy!’ which made me shocked. Apparently, she had told him to call her that.
Now when we’re at home, he would frequently ask to go to his dad’s house outside of the visiting day and said he missed mommy. I told him I’m his mommy and he says ‘I’m talking about the other mommy.’ I was honestly heartbroken, my son had been very attached to me ever since he was born, but now it seems like his attitude has completely changed. I didn’t want them to grow closer, and I figured that if he could grow distant from me after not seeing me for a while, he would probably forget about the wife in a couple of weeks.
I told his dad the next time he came to pick him up not to go to his house if his wife was there. He asked me why and I said that she was causing a rift between me and my son.
He called me crazy and began to leave but I told him I was serious, and that I wouldn’t let our son go with him unless he promised. He agreed but then when my son got home I asked him what he did and he said he and Mommy and Daddy went to the mall.
This seriously irritated me so I called my ex and asked him why he broke his promise. He said I was acting ridiculous, and that I had no right to keep him from his family.
Except that I do, and this woman wasn’t his parent so she was not entitled to spend time with him. My former in-laws even called me up and said what I was doing was selfish and petty.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Letting My Son Go Through My Sister's Belongings?
“I’m a single, work-from-home mom so I spent a majority of the afternoon on the PC as a medical transcriptionist so I can’t keep a really close eye on my son when I’m working.
My sister – his aunt – doesn’t do anything during the day so I usually rely on her to keep an eye on him. She believes that unless she’s being paid to babysit, she doesn’t really take it seriously.
On top of that, I’m pretty much lucky if she wakes up before 2 pm so it’s not exactly a great system in terms of supervision. Normally I don’t mind, but given his overabundance of energy and curiosity, he gets into everything.
Sometimes I manage to catch him before he can make a mess, but other times he’s pretty crafty and manages to get into things he shouldn’t (dirty laundry basket, bathroom closet, cabinets in the office, and most recently ‘unattended purses’).
Yesterday, my son had gotten into his aunt’s purse and took everything out before I could notice. Money, cards, Altoids, bandaids, makeup. All over the floor. Needless to say, she was pretty upset and got onto him for getting into things he shouldn’t.
So far, things are okay. But then she gets onto me for not keeping an eye on him and for letting him go through her stuff, but I kinda chalk it up to the fact that she just woke up.
Obviously, I am partly responsible but if I’m working and she’s perfectly capable of watching him or at the very least capable of putting her purse away in her room and not leaving it out on the living room floor, I feel she should also be somewhat responsible.
I retort back that she shouldn’t be keeping valuables on the floor like that and explain that I can’t keep an eye on him 24/7. We get into a small argument and I tell her that if she can’t put her stuff away, I can’t be bothered to stop him.
So fast forward to this morning, her purse is once again on the living room floor by the couch. And this time I do catch him in the act of taking everything out but remembering yesterday’s spat, I just let him.
$30 worth of eyeliner and mascara were all over his clothes and face and on the floor, coins were thrown about, and a few Target and fast food receipts are being torn to shreds.
Sure, I could’ve stepped in and stopped him but I figure it’s on her this time for not making the effort to put her purse up in her room after yesterday. Not to mention he managed to use up all the bandaids this time, leaving only the wrappers.
He is my son, so he’s my responsibility. But I don’t feel like I’m responsible for her belongings if she won’t put them up or keep an eye out to make sure he’s not getting into them.
AITJ for letting him dig through her belongings?
Edit:
- As far as my sister goes, she’s not working or in school yet.
- It’s my house, she’s living with me until she can get her own place.
- My son does go to daycare while I work but due to a recent incident he’s at home.
- The living room is babyproofed and it’s right next to the office where I work, so I have him in view from the door.
- My sister doesn’t carry dangerous weapons and I already knew that there wasn’t anything hazardous.
- Part of my job is to listen to medical training videos and disclaimers and transcribe them/proofread lectures and transcripts and translate shorthand for readers.
- The house is babyproofed but the living room is the safest place for him.
- I don’t obligate her to watch my son for free, but we haven’t really discussed pay since this was a pretty sudden change in routine.”
2. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Family For Neglecting Me?
“I (23F) am the youngest of three siblings.
My two older brothers (32M & 35M) have always been treated differently by my parents. Although my parents would never admit it, I know I was a ‘surprise’ baby and they didn’t plan on having a third child.
Because of the age gap between my brothers and me, we have never been very close. We have always just been at different life stages and they never really made an effort to connect with me.
As a result, I have always felt like an afterthought. Every accomplishment of mine is overshadowed by something my brothers are doing. When I graduated high school, my oldest brother was getting married about a month later.
Even at my graduation party all everyone was talking about was his wedding. When I won a national award during college it was overshadowed by my brother and his wife getting pregnant.
When I graduated summa cum laude last year after dealing with everything regarding the global crisis thrown my way, my other brother was getting married to his already pregnant fiance and no one seemed to notice or care about what I had done.
I took a job far away from any of them after graduating and have barely spoken to any of them in the last year or so.
A couple of weeks ago my parents sent out an email to my brothers and me telling us that they want to have a video call with all of us to discuss their will as they are both in their mid-60s.
The call was this past weekend and it didn’t go very well.
First, I was very busy the day of the call and told my parents that but they refused to reschedule the call because that was the only time that worked for both my brothers.
So, I got onto the call late and they basically refused to go over what they had already talked about and my dad said he would just send me an email with the details.
Basically, their plan is to give my oldest brother power of attorney if something were to happen to both of them, outlined end-of-life care, and DNRs. Then they told us that their grandkids would each get a set amount in a trust and the rest of their assets would be divided equally amongst my brothers and me.
I got upset because I felt I was being punished once again for not being at the same point in life as my brothers. They and their families were once again getting preferential treatment while I was an afterthought once again.
I kind of snapped at all of them and a lot of pent-up frustration came out. I lashed out at all of them for always overshadowing me my entire life and how even in death, my parents were going to be favoring my brothers over me.
My oldest brother snapped back at me that he can’t believe I think that his kids getting a trust is somehow a slight against me and that he never thought I was that petty.
I told him he never took the time to get to know me anyway, so it’s funny that he thinks he can say something like that. I hung up on them and haven’t talked to any of them since.
My mom has tried calling and sent texts trying to smooth things out, but I haven’t responded.”
1. AITJ For Feeding My Stepdaughter Rabbit?
“I (37M) have a ‘stepdaughter’ (17F). I say stepdaughter because she’s actually my partner’s (40F) daughter but my partner and I have been together for 4 years and she’s been living with us all 4 so it’s quicker to just call her my stepdaughter.
We’ll call her (‘stepdaughter’) Emma.
Emma is autistic, incredibly high functioning, and has ‘food sensory issues’. She is very particular about what she eats to the point of annoyance for me and her mother.
All she basically eats is a variation of pizza or pasta. She has a particular aversion to meat in general and won’t even eat steaks a lot of the time, opting for whatever side dishes I make.
(I primarily cook in the house though Emma also contributes sometimes. I love to cook and it’s a role I willingly took on.)
I’m far more adventurous with what I make and like to try.
I came across some rabbit for sale the other night and decided I wanted to cook with it since it’s a meat I’ve never had the chance to prepare myself.
I told Emma and my partner I was going to make curry from it and Emma had an extreme reaction. She said she didn’t want to try it and that she would never eat rabbit.
I really think if she would be more willing to try more things she would like them. So that night I prepared curry like usual but made it with rabbit instead of chicken and didn’t tell Emma.
Just my partner.
Emma liked it. She said the chicken was a bit more flavorful than usual. I started smiling along with my partner and announced to her that she just ate rabbit.
Emma immediately stopped eating and left the table. When my partner went to confront her she asked why we would do that to her when she expressly stated that she didn’t want to eat any of the rabbit.
My partner told her she needed to get over herself and I completely agreed. She liked it, so what was the big deal?
Emma apparently thought it was a big deal. For the past couple of nights, she’s been making her own dinner separately since she ‘can’t trust me to respect her boundaries’.
It’s becoming incredibly agitating to deal with her attitude over it. She liked what I made but she’s twisting it into this huge thing about consent and boundaries. Over some food.
That she liked.
My partner is now saying I should just apologize to Emma but I refuse to, she liked the meal, she wasn’t allergic to it, and she’s blowing this way out of proportion.
I’m not going to apologize for trying to add variety to her poor diet. I was just trying to open her up to eating and trying new things.
AITJ?”
