People Want The Chance To Explain Themselves With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Laughing At My Neighbor Who Threatened My Dogs?
“I (42f) live outside the big city together with my husband (50) and my daughter (14f).
Our house is located further away from most of the homes in the neighborhood as we also run an equine center. The center is not big and is mainly for private clients stabling 18 horses, most of which are quite pricey.
My daughter’s horses are also stabled there. The house, the yard, the fields, and the arena are on the same territory which is fenced up.
Because of this and my husband going to work in the city and my daughter going to school there, I’m often left alone to look after the yard and ensure it is running.
We also have staff members that look after the stables and horses and instructors teaching people how to ride, but as I said it is private so the owners normally need to make sure they call us before coming so their horses are ready and to avoid too many people.
We only provide services to the people who stable their horses at our place and don’t run a riding school since all the horses are private.
Also, some yard staff also live on top of the stables (there’s a residential area with a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and TV).
Some of my daughter’s friends also have their own horses which are stabled there, so sometimes they can stay over at ours over the weekends or holidays.
Because of all the above and alongside security cameras, we also have 4 guard dogs (Caucasian and middle Asian Shepards) which we let roam free on the territory during the night or when we don’t have a lot of owners around.
The dogs are familiar with all the kids (my daughter and her friends), the owners, and the members of staff working in the yard, in fact, they are very friendly to them. However, they are guard dogs so they are ready to protect the property.
One of the neighbor’s kids became notorious for trying to climb over the fence to look at the horses, even after multiple warnings not to do that. On Friday they managed to get through during the evening, so our dogs cornered them and didn’t let them move.
I only found out about it after hearing police sirens coming to the property. Apparently, they were cornered for a while and since the dogs won’t let them out, their mother had to call the police. I took the dogs away so the kids could go and the police officer said I did nothing wrong since guard dogs are allowed. But the mother has tried to pull the card about how traumatized the kids are and the dogs should be taken care of and I laughed and reminded her they have been warned multiple times.
She started spreading the rumors and they made it to the local newspaper saying I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rebut that at the papers. ‘We’ve not only informed them, but we’ve warned them not to trespass. They’ve done this multiple times and this was the last time that their child has trespassed after being told not to and they were cornered and held without harm.
Exactly what my dogs are trained to do. Frankly, I’d be more concerned with this child’s parents not knowing where their kids are and allowing them to repeatedly and illegally trespass to the point that with other dogs on other properties, they may have been harmed.’
Flip it around on them. Why weren’t you watching your kids, mom/dad?” DNRmyDNA
Another User Comments:
“Journalist here. There are ethical rules that govern journalism and most newspapers are sensitive to the possibility of being sued. Don’t shout at them (at least not at first) but call the editor up and tell them to print a retraction… that you have guard dogs to protect the horses, warning signs up, and the kid and his mother were warned multiple times.
Mention your horse boarding business. And that both the horses and the children could be hurt if the horses were spooked.
Another possible leverage point is whoever advertises in the paper. Depending on your relationship with the business owners, come at it as ‘I have guard dogs to protect my business because stolen or damaged property can be recovered or replaced by insurance but horses are living creatures.
Would you want the newspaper criticizing your safety measures?’
Definitely file trespassing charges even if you ultimately don’t press them. Make it clear to the mother that if her children step on your property again the police will be coming for her this time.
NTJ” SaraAmis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their mother should understand worse things could happen. What if they spooked one of the horses and that horse seriously injured the kid? Or if the kid managed to somehow injure the horse not only would OP get sued but the mother because I’m sure they have the stables line with security cameras.
She needs to teach her kid not to go on other people’s property. Press charges and file a defamation lawsuit against her since she has taken it so far. I’m sure your security cameras will also back up that the kids are repeat offenders in doing this.” Momster_RaWr
19. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My In-Laws' Visitation?
“My husband and I (both mid-30s) are expecting our 2nd child soon.
My issue is my In-laws. My MIL is under 60, so not elderly, but is reliant on others because she chooses not to drive. She lives over an hour away from us so she visits every couple of months and usually stays for several days at a time.
I don’t enjoy her as a house guest. She doesn’t clean up after herself and has no regard for FIFO (First In First Out). Long story short: her visits stress me out.
Last night my husband and I were discussing inviting family to meet the baby when the time comes.
I am due to have him around Thanksgiving, and we agree it’s not appropriate to bring him to a big family gathering (40+ people) at just a few days old. I was trying to come up with some options and mentioned that I had been considering ordering desserts and inviting people over after dinner to visit, have dessert and meet the baby.
We decided this wouldn’t be realistic because the big gathering will be almost 2 hrs from our home. He suggested we do something similar but wait until the weekend when people will be available the whole day.
Here’s where we disagree.
I don’t want everyone descending on us at the same time for a whole day. I was hoping to keep the visits short-ish (2 hrs or so) and small. Our home is big enough for our family but not to host a bunch of people.
I mentioned to him that I want to avoid everyone coming all at once and he got really defensive. Insisting that his mother can’t come alone, so, of course, she’d come with others and that his grandparents (in their 80s) don’t like to drive at night, etc. I realize this and countered with MIL could plan to come with BIL or her long-time partner, and allow her parents (who may come with others who are visiting from out of state for the holiday) to visit separately, in the afternoon.
He deems this unreasonable, that his family will all want to visit together. I maintain that it’s inconsiderate to visit the family of a newborn like this. He then gets upset, and has an outburst of ‘you just hate my family!’ And I feel like a jerk.
I don’t hate his family, but they do overwhelm me. My family is smaller, my dad is the only one I expect to visit. When my daughter was born my in-laws came to visit twice in her first week, once at the hospital and once at home, and it was incredibly overwhelming for me and the baby both times.
Our daughter (4) can’t wait to be a big sister. I’m hoping to involve her as much as possible so that she’s not suddenly felt ‘replaced’. I plan to breastfeed, but use bottles too, as that worked well for us before.
I want my husband and daughter to share bottle feedings so she can participate in a way that she sees as helpful and special, and not have her ‘job’ stolen by her grandmother. I may be overthinking it.
If I stick to my guns and insist that the in-laws break up their visits to 2-3 at a time and keep them short, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the time of all the options you and your husband are discussing, your baby will still be days old. You will be exhausted and still adjusting to having a baby. That’s not a good time to have every one other at your home.
What if you have a C-section? You could still be in the hospital during that weekend, and if not, you will be recovering from a massive surgery. The last thing you need is a bunch of people over asking you to do things for them.
Stand your ground, OP. Your husband is delusional thinking you are going to be able to host his entire family, nor should you be doing that.” joywaveee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. New parents are usually completely over the top and ridiculous with their rules, but popping out a kid a few days before a holiday is a valid reason to not attend an event.
Also, your kid doesn’t need to be feeding a sibling nor would most kids even care/like doing that. She does it because you tell her to.
2-3 at a time when there are some 80+ year-olds is not reasonable if they need someone to drive them.
They’re all driving 2 hours to visit you. Making them hang like bats all day for some arbitrary rule of 2-3 people in the house at once is silly. 40 people are excessive, but 2-3 is also unrealistic.
If you’re not up to socializing after you pop out a kid, don’t.
But setting a bunch of unnecessary rules like 2-3 people at a time when people are driving 2 hours away is over the top. Tell them it’s a time of rest and postpone inviting them all over.” Own_Combination_4114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are the one birthing this baby, you have the veto power when it comes to a lot of decisions both during the birth and in the days/weeks immediately afterward – the number of visitors at once certainly being one of those things.
Don’t entertain his ‘you just hate my family!’ nonsense – that’s a conversational trap and there’s nothing productive for you down that path, since the only way to ‘prove’ that you don’t is to cave to your husband’s wishes.
While hopefully the baby comes on time and you have a smooth and uncomplicated birth, you know as well as anyone that there is any number of factors that may change even the most carefully laid postnatal plans.
I would stick to your guns here and make it clear to your husband that you are excited for everyone in the family to meet the baby, but you do not want more than a couple of people at once and this is final. He can react poorly to that if he so chooses, but hold firm – you are absolutely well within your rights to set this boundary.
Yes, the baby is both of yours, but only one of you is going through a huge medical event to produce said baby (after growing the baby in your person for several months prior). If he can’t see how this entitles you to some veto power beyond his, I don’t know what to tell him.” hannahsflora
18. AITJ For Banning A Child From My Home?
“My daughter (8 years old) plays in the street with the neighbor’s children. We live in a cul-de-sac where it’s quite safe.
The kids usually congregate at mine. They play on the trampoline in the garden. Come in to watch films. Play in my daughter’s room.
There are two other girls E (8) and L (7). My daughter has had sleepovers at mine with both girls.
L is very spoilt. Her mom is the kind of mom who believes her daughter is always right. If there’s a problem L is been victimized and picked on.
E and my daughter are always together. E is always here for dinner. Sleeping over. My partner is big on inclusion. He wants the girls to all to get on.
However, L will go out of her way to antagonize my daughter.
She calls her names. She gets her big sis to bully and swear at her. She has also stolen half of my daughter’s jewelry. She was seen taking it but I was told after she had left the house.
She has been seen wearing it. When we spoke to the mom she insisted she had brought it. My daughter’s name is A. L is wearing a necklace with a mini mouse A on it that’s my daughter. My daughter is devastated.
I’ve told my daughter she does not have to play or speak to L. However if E wants to she can’t control that and needs to accept that. But E prefers playing with my girl.
I’ve also banned L from my home.
Her mom says I’m a witch for encouraging my daughter not to play with her daughter and I’m essentially bullying a child by not allowing her in to play when the other kids are in my home.
I’m now feeling guilty because she is a child and only a product of her vile mom.
But I can’t trust her.
AITJ for excluding her and not allowing her in my home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is outrageous! I can’t believe you haven’t got the jewelry back from her?
This girl bullies your daughter and gets her older sister to bully her.
She then steals your daughter’s jewelry. Her mother refuses to give it back. And now – despite your daughter seemingly being fine with not spending time with this girl (probably because she’s vile to her) – you’re the one feeling guilty for banning her from your home?
You are definitely not a jerk. You are much more at risk of being a doormat. Please stand your ground – if not for your sake, then for your daughter’s.” PerniciousBeast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, this girl is a product of her parents’ poor decisions, but you have a duty to your child.
It’s hard enforcing healthy boundaries so the best thing you can do is help your daughter learn how to do that at a young age.
Your daughter is learning her place in the world and how she deserves to be treated. You’re doing right by telling her she doesn’t have to accept poor treatment, especially as you’re encouraging her to respect others by saying E can play with who she wants.” 31anon5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to let a thief in your home.
If you want to be kind, you could explain to L (like her mother SHOULD have done) the consequences of her actions and give her a chance to come clean in her own time and stop being a jerk.
This would at least give her a chance to learn nicer behaviors than she sees from her hateful mother. An eight-year-old is old enough to start making choices about who she wants to be, and, if she has enough natural empathy, a kind intervention from a kind woman (you) might set her on a different path.” VerityPee
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom Her Rules Are Stupid?
“I (17f) am Korean but was raised internationally. (This is important to the story). I have never gotten along well with my mom because she strictly adheres to Korean societal standards, which I find stupid. Just to clarify, I don’t think Korean culture is bad at all; it’s just the specific things my mom believes.
For example, she thinks that I should never, ever question her, even if what she says is wrong. She thinks that girls were made to ‘serve’ men and that men should never do household chores. Women should always dress modestly because they tempt men.
She is extremely homophobic, and transphobic, and for some reason thinks that tattoos are for ‘gangsters’.
Today I was walking to the mall with her and she started scolding me about my posture. She kept telling me that I was slouching too much and that a woman should always ‘walk prettily’.
However, she didn’t care at all about my brother, who literally was walking like a slug. (I was tired as the mall was a pretty long walk and I was wearing worn-out flip-flops, that’s why I was slouching).
I politely pointed it out and asked why only women should walk prettily.
She said that it didn’t matter for men, but that women always needed to look nice and neat. Now here is where I might be the jerk, I was so dumbfounded that I just outright told her that rule was stupid.
My mom then got very angry and told me that I should always accept an elder’s advice. I told her that what she said wasn’t advice, it was just sexism. Now both of my parents are mad and refuse to talk to me.
They said I’m the jerk but my brother says my mom had it coming. I think I was a bit harsh, but I’m also so tired of my mom’s sexist advice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re almost 18, I would just smile and nod at your mum’s outdated ideas to keep the peace and go do your own thing regardless.
The concept that we women must live a passive servant life for men is outdated and miserable, why you would want your daughter to dim her shine and abandon all her own goals and dreams just to look after someone’s ungrateful son is beyond me but she probably had the same message rammed down her throat at your age.
Once you’ve moved out you won’t have to listen to it constantly. NTJ” StatisticianLong6448
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No disrespect to your mom’s culture or beliefs, but, ‘girls were made to serve men’ is just intolerable and appalling. Who decided this was the case, and why can’t your mom think for herself and see how demeaning that is to a woman’s existence?
You are your own person, independent of any man, or other human being. You have thoughts, dreams, and desires, and should have the freedom to pursue what makes you happy.
As for the idiotic, always accept an elder’s advice… why?
The number of days alive does not equal maturity or truth. If I’m older than you and give you the advice to give me a million dollars, does that mean you have to abide? Older people can still be wrong.
I’m sorry you must deal with such incomprehensible lunacy. Please remember, nobody defines or creates you except YOU.” Dylans116thDream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this situation, but YWBTJ if you keep arguing. You let her know your feelings which are entirely justified. You deserve to be heard and seen.
I would say that your parents are jerks for not accepting the fact that you are growing up in a different culture and generation, but at the same time they still have the right to practice whatever culture they want.
The only problem is that if they never come around, you’ll have to accept that their culture and views are different from yours.
I had to do that with my parents, who are both conservative and tend to be extremely old-fashioned. After years of fighting, it was never going to change.
The culture someone is raised in is a part of their identity, and sometimes when you ask someone to change that they feel as if you’re telling them to change their identity. But respect also goes both ways. If they can’t respect the fact that you don’t agree with them, then you shouldn’t be obligated to respect them either.” yesiamyes
16. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend?
“I (26F) come from fairly wealthy immigrant parents. They paid for my college, and currently, I live with them and don’t pay anything (rent, food, utilities…), Even my car and insurance are paid for by them.
That made it possible for me to buy a house.
I bought my house back in 2020, it’s a 5b/3.5ba with a spacious back and front yard in a great part of town, it is in a great school district and the crime rates are very low.
I also remodeled it from top to bottom into my image of a perfect house.
I plan to move into it either when I get married or in 2024 (my brother’s wedding is scheduled then and they will be moving in with my parents).
Now to my friend, we met in college and became fast friends, she comes from a middle-class family, is a teacher married to a teacher, and has 2 kids.
Due to some trouble with the law, her husband lost his job last year.
Apparently, he was not able to find another job. From what she told me, he refuses to do blue-collar jobs, so he is currently just staying home.
Because of their debt, they lost their house and are now renting an apartment.
It is not a dump or an unsafe neighborhood, but it is not what they are used to.
My friend asked if they could rent my house for what they are renting their apartment now (almost a 1/3 of the market rate), just until they get back on their feet.
I refused.
She has been asking for months, and for months I have been polite in my refusal. I don’t want someone else to live in my house, I don’t have a specific reason, I just don’t.
Well, she asked me again this Saturday, except this time she was a bit wasted (I wasn’t, I don’t drink), and when I kept saying no she kept pushing.
Finally, she started yelling at me, calling me heartless, saying that I am a spoilt rich girl (true) who doesn’t care about her or her kids (not true, like I said they are safe, their home is perfectly acceptable just not what they are used to).
I called her husband to come to pick her up, he went off on me too when he met us. She hasn’t been replying to my texts (I didn’t want to hold what she said to me against her), and it has me doubting if I’m really the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“No NTJ and drop these people. Her husband is not a poor victim of circumstance. Losing his job because he got into trouble with the law means he was breaking it. Not wanting to do blue-collar jobs because he thinks it’s beneath him is on him and he needs to******* up.
Your friend needs a divorce lawyer.
However, none of this is your problem. Even if they were down on their luck because of outside forces, you don’t have to rent anything out, especially for less than what it is worth, to anyone.
They need to get their heads out of their butts and act like a bunch of snobby elitists and learn some humility.
They are the spoiled brats.” General-Insurance852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whatever your reasons were, to begin with – and to be clear, you don’t actually need one, you can just say no for no reason at all – everything that came after the first time she asked should be added to that list of reasons to not rent your house to them.
They could easily improve their own circumstances if her husband would take responsibility for himself and behave like an adult – it seems to me that he’s the one who doesn’t care about her or their children in this situation.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not your responsibility to provide housing for your friend. But also they are in the position that they are in because her husband thinks he’s too good to have a blue-collar job. If they want a better housing situation he needs to/your friend needs to tell him to get out and get a job no matter what kind it is.
He can always look for a better job while he’s working with what he can find at the moment. Sitting on his butt not working is definitely not going to help them find better housing. Honestly, I think if your friend wants to call anyone spoilt and a jerk it should be her husband.” *************
15. AITJ For Telling My Brother That His Family Is Better Off Without Him?
“My (28m) brother Taylor (31) and his wife Jess (30) split up four years ago. They have two children Ryan and Jamie (both 12) They split up due to my brother using illegal substances.
The boys had to see all this from him and don’t really want anything to do with him.
He has, with the help of my family gotten clean. He is now two years clean and sober and I have the utmost respect for him.
For these four years, I have been helping out with his kids and being there for Jess.
My family seemed to forget about her and the boys while they were helping my brother.
I lived near them so we all got very close. I love them all.
However recently my brother seems to want to get back with Jess and see the boys again (he hasn’t had any contact for 3.5 years) This upset the boys and they seem to have taken a million steps backward.
They were confident, loving boys and now they just seem to be very reserved and obviously struggling with the whole situation. (They are in therapy)
I couldn’t watch it any longer and I had an argument with my brother where I told him that his being there isn’t doing the family any good.
I tried to get him to see what he is doing. I love my brother but I couldn’t sit back and watch him ruin their lives again after we have worked so hard to give them a normal life.
My family is all saying I am a jerk for talking to him the way I did and that I should be supporting him not Jess and the boys. They say it’s my job to convince her to give him another chance.
I told them I do support him but I refuse to do it because he’s been clean for two years and only just now wants contact. If he loved them as much as he says he does then he would have been in contact before now.
He’s now saying that I just want his family all to myself and everyone’s saying I’m a jerk for that too.
EDIT: I never said he couldn’t be in their lives. I said he should take a step back and look at what he was doing to the boys right at this moment.
The boys are struggling and because he has been absent for so long he can’t see it.
I don’t want to replace him as their father. I am happy just being their uncle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can’t say anything about your brother and the reasons he didn’t keep any contact before.
In some cases the best way for one to get and stay clean is to cut contact with a lot of your past, and not only because part of that past drove you to addiction but because you are harmful to some people and that is not helping you to stay clean and get yourself together.
But that is not supposed to be like that forever, the aim is to be a whole and dependable person again.
However, one (your brother) doesn’t have the only vote about reuniting with the loved ones that you cut off.
Pushing it is selfish.
‘They say it’s my job to convince her to give him another chance.’
Absolutely not.
Maybe it is the job of your brother to show her he is worth another chance, but no one should convince her of anything.” sicofonte
Another User Comments:
“OP those kids are traumatized. That isn’t hyperbole. Having a parent who is an active addict is traumatic. Having a parent who drops out of your life for three years (!!!) is traumatic. Having a parent who doesn’t understand that they can’t come and go whenever they want because they think the relationship is all about THEM and what they want instead of what the kids need is traumatic.
Kids need families that understand this, and it sounds like all these kids have is you and their mom. NTJ.
Editing to add that at their age, boys are particularly aware of their dads as they are facing a lot of social pressures to be a certain type of dude, and the type of example they have at home matters A LOT.
It’s a really impressionable time and a really sensitive time, and a tough time to have an MIA dad. If they were two years old or three when he left it might be different, but they weren’t.” Wise_Impression_6391
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s good that you’re doing what’s best for the kids, but it looks like you make assumptions ab how much your brother cares. Who knows if he didn’t contact them on purpose because he was too scared or simply not in the right state of mind?
But that is to the side since that’s an assumption on my part I agree that its best not to let him come back to them (that would never be a functioning relationship if I understand correctly) but slowly getting back in contact with the kids could, in the end, help them all.
Personally, I’d just recommend starting by either writing letters or doing video calls once in a while and if the kids ever want to see him again he can If they don’t that’s too bad for him.
But in the end, it should be up to the kids if he’s allowed. Maybe you could pass on messages sometimes, let the kids know what’s going on with their dad, and let them know he’s on a better path now.
But that’s up to you.
You sound like a good person, I hope this situation will be less hectic in the future for the same of everyone.” Ties389
14. AITJ For Being Mad At A Kid For Touching My Food?
“I was always FORCED to share my food as a teenager. Anytime I wanted to bring something home to have for myself, if it made it over the doorstep it was immediately community property and I usually never even got to enjoy it because my brothers would scarf it down before I even got a bite.
So due to this, I have a (bad) habit of what is known in the animal kingdom as resource guarding. I’m very protective of my food. Don’t touch it. Ask me for it and at least give me the opportunity to say yes or no. Plain and simple.
I go to this local gym and we’re a super tight-knit group there. When I get off work I’ll usually stop somewhere and get myself a small snack or something to have before or after my climb. A single mom brings her child to the gym (this is normal for people to bring their children to this gym) and everyone typically loves him but he’s a little ill-behaved. He has a really bad habit of going through my stuff.
His mom has told him several times not to do it, and he’ll stop then but the next time I’m at the gym he’ll do it again.
So this time I brought some pretzel bites to the gym and ate them before my climb.
There must’ve been one left in the bag and he zoomed up while I was talking to his mom and reached into the bag and grabbed it just looking at it. I had enough and I fussed at him ‘(child’s name) stop touching my food.
You didn’t ask, you didn’t even acknowledge me. You don’t just run up and grab people’s stuff especially without asking’.
Mom gives me the death stare and tells him to put it down and he goes back off to play.
She then tells me that I shouldn’t have fussed at her child because he’s just a kid and doesn’t know any better. I told her my two-year-old knows to ask people for food and not to just run up and grab it.
Unfortunately, this ‘doesn’t know any better’ attitude is a result of poor parenting since my 2-year-old is better behaved than a 6-year-old in this category. She told me I didn’t need to be rude about I and just understood that she was trying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If the mombie won’t make her precious behave and it’s impacting you, you have every right to speak up. Mombies don’t like it of course but who cares? If they were doing their job, there wouldn’t be a problem.
Also? Your resource guarding is most other people’s ‘basic common sense’. I mean, if you stab someone with a fork because they grab a fry off your plate then yeah, you have a problem. But telling someone to knock it off or expecting people to ask permission is not a you problem.
That’s a normal expectation.” UsuallyWrite2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 100% correct, she’s just salty because she KNOWS she should be teaching her child manners, yet she is failing to do so. She’s going to have a monster on her hands in a few years and then she will be left wondering ‘what do I do wrong’?
Consequences lady, teach your kid consequences for his actions, he is 6 and that IS OLD ENOUGH to know how to treat things that belong TO OTHERS.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you were fine to say something. I wasn’t really sure what was meant by ‘fussing’ but it doesn’t sound like shouted at the kid or like they were at all affected by your reaction.
The way you tell it, the mother seems very defensive and kind of rude – although I do think a lot of this is hard to judge without hearing your tone.
The preamble about your childhood makes me think you might think that you overreacted a bit as you felt the need to have an excuse in this post, so I wonder if you were more aggressive towards the mother than you make out?
I definitely feel like while you probably weren’t the jerk in this situation, this ‘resource guarding’ thing risks making you the jerk in other situations so it’s probably something you need to work on.’ PerniciousBeast
13. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Sister's Maid Of Honor?
“I (33f) have been with my partner (35m) for over 10 years now. We have 2 kids together (twins) aged 8.
I have an older sister (38), Nina who is getting married to Dan (37m). She has a 16-year-old and a 5-year-old from her previous relationship.
She has known Dan for about 2 years.
Her wedding is in 2 weeks’ time, I was meant to be a Maid of Honour and had my final dress fitting and everything about a week ago, since Nina is very particular about how she wants her wedding to go so the dresses took 2-3 months to be made.
The maid of honor’s dress and bridesmaids’ dresses are slightly different where the maid of honor’s dress looks more upgraded compared to the bridesmaids’ and is closer in style to the bride’s dress. Because I’m her only sister Nina said she couldn’t imagine anyone else wearing the maid of honor’s dress.
Last week I found out that neither my partner nor my twins are invited to the wedding as my sister has canceled their invitations (the wedding is not child-free since her kids and our nephews and nieces are going to be there).
When I asked her what is wrong she said she doesn’t feel comfortable having my partner at her wedding because we are still not married and since the twins were born outside of marriage, they can’t come in too.
I was furious and reminded her that she herself has 2 kids that were born ‘outside of marriage’ (this is her first marriage) and she is currently pregnant with another one.
Nina said she ‘understood her sins and is working to redeem them’, but her word is final. So I alongside with few other bridesmaids pulled out from the wedding and told her we will not be coming since Nina decided to uninvite our partners and kids.
I have also said I will not be giving my maid of honor’s dress either since I have fully paid for it and all the fittings.
My sister called me a jerk and is asking our parents to do something since she can’t have another maid of honor and the dress will take too long to be made and everything is already fully paid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I understand your DAY, your way. (Again, it’s ONLY A DAY)
I can understand if you want a big wedding or a small wedding.
I get preferring a child-free wedding.
What I haven’t been able to understand on all these subs concerning weddings is why bride and groom-zillas don’t understand that while they can have the day look any way they want it to, others don’t have to accommodate their preferences.
I really don’t get the ‘no +1’s’ and the ‘no couples other than married/straight/engaged’ restrictions. It’s insulting and disrespectful.
In this case, we have TOTALLY and completely hypocritical and unhinged bridezilla that is not only sanctioning her sister’s long-term relationship but her very own nieces and nephews for being ‘born outside of marriage’.
Every time I think humanity can’t get more hateful or lower, I read one of these and am disgusted all over again.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your sister is delusional and trying to remake her life into something that doesn’t even resemble reality.
NTJ of course. If she wants to buy the dress from you fine. If you don’t want to sell it, don’t. Definitely stay home.
It would be a good long time before I ever spoke to her again and If your parents wade into it, time out for them too.
She and maybe they, are telling you your kids are less than, that would be enough for me.” Management-Late
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep the dress and advise your parents that this is a disagreement between two adults.
Your sister has every right to make these stipulations.
These are her choices. However, her choices have consequences. Don’t be jerked around by her on this. She made her decision, and the best policy is to honor her request and not bring any vestige of your ‘sins’ into her wedding.
She may decide to change her mind in light of these consequences, but the bell has already rung, and she cannot undo her hurtful actions. Unfortunately, that means not having you and others at her wedding.
Go and enjoy the day elsewhere.
With your partner and kids.
NTJ” kevwelch
12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother And His Pregnant Wife?
“My (25F) brother (29M) and my SIL (31F) recently had their lease ended. They have a new apartment, but not until December.
My SIL is also 6 months pregnant. They have been staying with me for a while now and would be staying for another month since money is tight and hotels here are very expensive where I live.
I’m vegan and I have been for years, before that I was vegetarian.
My brother has always been making fun of me for it. Before SIL and my brother moved in, I told them that I don’t want any meat or fish in my house. The smell of fish and meat makes me gag, and I also love cooking and don’t want my knives and pans touching it.
My SIL was fine with it, and my brother complained but eventually agreed since they don’t have anywhere to go. Now, it went ok in the beginning, until I started to notice lots of packaging from meat in the trash can.
I talked to my brother about it and he said he only cooked it when I wasn’t there, so I wouldn’t smell it. I really didn’t like it because it had been in my pans and touched my knives and cutting board etc, but I decided to let it go and told him he could cook meat and fish when I’m not there but use his own pans and knives.
He said he would get his stuff in a few days (they’re in storage) and then would wait to cook meat and fish until he got them.
Well, last week he was cooking meat (I didn’t notice immediately because I was in an online meeting in my bedroom), again in my pan and with my knives, etc, because ‘he didn’t have time to get his stuff from his storage’ (20 min drive).
I got really mad and said it would be his last warning. A day later he started making bacon and eggs, again in my stuff. He then said he only cooked meat because of SIL’s pregnancy cravings. She wasn’t even there, didn’t come home a few hours later, and I know she doesn’t even like bacon.
(Maybe she had pregnancy cravings but she wasn’t even home, so it made no sense anyway). I wanted to let it go but when he started laughing in the evening to my SIL that he had such a lovely bacon sandwich, I kicked my brother out.
Now he’s been staying in a way too expensive hostel, sharing a room with 7 other people. My SIL said she finds it important to let her baby bond with the father (my brother) and is now also looking to stay at the same hostel or look for a hotel they can’t afford.
(She did understand me though, but I think she also thinks I overreacted). I feel bad for them, especially her, because it’s not easy as a (pregnant) person to stay at a hostel while working, etc, but I feel like I didn’t kick her out and I gave him enough chances.
I know it sounds silly because it’s just meat and fish for many people, but I just don’t want to live in a place like that. Or should I just have let it go? I feel disrespected. My friends are 50/50, I don’t have any family to ask.
Edit: I’m not asking them to be vegan. I originally asked them to be vegetarian, then switched to cooking meat/fish in their own pans when I’m not present. Eggs + cheese have never been a problem and I wouldn’t ask them to go vegan, especially not someone pregnant who knows nothing about veganism.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They were living with you rent-free and all they had to do was maintain the one boundary you set, a boundary you made VERY clear prior to them moving in, a boundary they (well, your brother) broke multiple times and were warned about each time.
They reached the ‘find out’ stage of ‘screw around and…’, and here we are.
Especially since you are still offering to let SIL stay with you and she’s choosing to go to the hostel of her own accord, I don’t think there’s anything else you can do here.
I guarantee you that allowing your brother back in the house will result in him cooking more meat – he was given every chance to stop before and did not, and letting him back in will just be proof that he can get away with it again.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think kicking them out is the only option. I don’t he just wants to eat meat at this point. Your brother was deliberately trying you, believing you wouldn’t do anything since his wife is pregnant.
Her wife let him do it because he doesn’t care enough about you to respect YOUR rules on YOUR home. Kick them out and avoid trouble.
Then – if you want to be the bigger person – let them in when he will come begging again (because he definitely will).
But you are not morally obligated to. Same condition as before but kick them out the first time he tries to ‘show he is the boss’.” KillBatman1921
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You gave him a bunch of different options.
It would be one thing if she had doctor’s orders to eat meat, and he was only cooking it for her. If that was the case, I would tell you to chill out. She might need to eat meat, and I do think that you should let her do it in the house.
Even if it wasn’t doctor’s orders, it’s pretty reasonable to assume that a pregnant person is going to need that much iron and protein. But, you did let them do that. All he had to do was get his own pans.
And all he had to do was cook meat for her instead of cooking bacon for himself while you were home on your pans, which is exactly what you asked me out to do.
It’s also nice of you to continue to allow her to stay and I think that was the right choice.
A person who’s that pregnant probably shouldn’t be staying at a hostel like that. And I honestly am not sure that it’s safe. There are all sorts of like weird diseases that can exist at a hostel. If she wants to go, let her go.” User
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Uncle?
“I (28F) got a call from my uncle (46M) that he was being kicked out of his house and was going to be homeless. I told him he could stay with my husband (28M) and me until he got on his feet.
He drove out here from California, we live in Missouri. Ever since he’s gotten here he has locked himself in the guest room (which is in our basement and the way it’s set up we basically have to walk into the guest room to get into our office).
I told him he needs to get a job and that we need our office during the day but he had locked us out of the room completely and refused to get a job, he keeps coming up with a different excuse each day.
I tried to talk to him about this but he refuses to come upstairs and claims I’m stressing him out. He says I need to relax and that he’s only been here 2 weeks and to give him a break.
My husband and I are going on vacation out of state soon and I’m honestly uncomfortable with leaving my uncle here alone. He is a bad person when wasted and he lies about anything and everything. I am starting to see why he was kicked out of his last place… Would I be the jerk if I told him he needs to leave before we go on vacation in 3 weeks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is denying you access to a room in your house. He is refusing to get a job, and disrespecting you in your own home. Let him go to a shelter. While 2 weeks may not be enough time to already start working at a job, depending on availability in your area, it is more than enough time to be making an effort and to be putting in applications, as well as applying for assistance programs. And under no circumstances should he be locking himself away and denying you access to your office and your papers/documents/workspace.
You can respect his privacy and not snoop through his stuff in his room on your way to the office.” Fabulous-Ad-5284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If he doesn’t know you’re going on vacation I’d keep that information from him. Who’s to say he won’t break in while you’re gone?
He’s your guest, but he’s not allowing you access to your office, which you need to work. I don’t know if I’d give him any notice at all, just a ‘get out now’.
Now, as far as getting a job, I can understand if he wants to take a week to know the area and research job opportunities, but he doesn’t sound like he’s ever going to look for one.” debdnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, kick him out immediately. Not sure how he can possibly be getting booze if he doesn’t have a job to pay for it, but I would be very concerned about how he’s getting any money to pay for booze.
Is he on your wifi? If so, change the password immediately, and don’t give him the new one. If you can’t unlock the guest room door, hire a locksmith to come and do it for you, then remove the door to the room so that you can access your office.
Do it now.” SirMittensOfTheHill
10. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Wedding Reception Early?
“I was recently a Bridesmaid for my best friend, her only Bridesmaid, I’ll add, so a lot of the bridal duties fell to me. We’d been best friends since I was 15 and she was 17 though so I was fine with all this work.
Quick info I have health issues that lead to extreme fatigue as a symptom. The day before the wedding I basically singlehandedly set up her reception while she talked with some family and friends, which was fine, as I was wrapping up she told me she needed my help sewing a button on her wedding dress as her Aunt hadn’t fully finished the alterations.
I told her of course I’d do this and she said she’d call up her aunt to walk me through what needed to be done.
I had a bad feeling about this as it’s only one button, that hardly needs a walkthrough but I put it down to my friend being overly worried as it’s her wedding dress.
It wasn’t one button. I get to her home and we get on the phone with her aunt. It’s six buttons, the clasps to attach her cloak (which needed to be hemmed) and the corset lacing needed adjusting. I was mad but not at my friend I figured she didn’t know how bad it was it had been her aunt’s job to alter the dress.
A little quick info she bought a cheap dress figuring her aunt could alter it.
I fixed the dress having to stay up until 3 am to do so, then I had to be up at 6 am to be ready for the wedding.
After we are ready for the wedding my friend told me she’d forgotten to ask me to do this yesterday and asked me if I’ll sew marvel patches onto her garter belt for her as a surprise for her fiance.
I agreed albeit a bit unhappily as my hands were in agony from sewing into the early morning. So we get through the wedding, and my friend promised me that I can go back to nap before the reception this evening as there is a few hours between lunch and reception.
That’s basically all that was keeping me going. But then plans change and she needs me to stay with her and not go back to nap. I stay as I don’t want to leave her alone and drink way too much coffee to try and stay semi-human even though my body aches and I’m exhausted.
Despite this I’m struggling to stay awake at the reception and manage until the food is served and eaten and the first dance happens, I figure I’ve seen all the important parts and go to my friend telling her I need to go home now to sleep as I literally cannot stay upright anymore.
She got upset at me saying how I wasn’t allowed to leave and she needed me by her side, how I was her only bridesmaid so I had to stay until the very end in case she needed me and how I needed to greet guests who turned up late.
I got upset at this and told her to get over herself pointing out all I’d done for her so far and that I loved her but that had limits on my health. So I left and slept for about 14 hours waking up the next day with a migraine and various aches.
She is upset thinking I ‘ruined’ her day and that I’m selfish for not putting her first, that I was needed by her side and how a real friend would prioritize her day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What turns brides on their wedding day into complete self-centered jerks themselves?
You clearly went over and above for her before the wedding day and the day of. You’re entitled to take care of yourself. Sometimes people have bridal assistants (friends assigned to the job) to take care of many of these little things that pop up.
Unfortunately, there were some big things you were expected to handle. Single-handedly setting up her reception while SHE watched is horribly entitled. She took advantage of you and she should be ashamed. A real friend would have known your abilities and asked you to participate based on those abilities, not shove all that exhausting work onto you.” quizzical_wonder82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It never ceases to amaze me the number and variety of ‘friends’ and ‘family’ that consider their friends and loved ones to be never-ending sources of… basically, slaves.
They require their friends to be endless sources of work, energy, tasks, and so on.
What she demanded of you was beyond the pale. Having an ‘invisible illness’ is already difficult enough to deal with, having people push you beyond your limits, and getting mad at you when you prove to be a human being, with limits, is too much.
All that said (and I mean this in complete empathy, as someone who, like you, suffers from fatigue-related illnesses), learn to say ‘no.’ You will thank yourself later in life.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she asked far too much of you.
But also, and I mean this kindly, you did an atrocious job of setting boundaries and expectations here and failed to advocate for yourself. You could have said no at any time, but you just said yes to everything bonkers thing she asked of you.
She was being extremely unreasonable, but I can also see why she was surprised and annoyed when you bailed because it sounds like you enabled her belief that her expectations of you were fair and realistic.
You’re not the jerk, but you were kind of a doormat about this, and you might benefit from using it as a sign to learn how to set better boundaries and how to say no.” beargrowlz
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Wash The Dishes?
“My (35M) sister (33F), Barbara, started college but had to drop out of college after 6 months of attending because she got pregnant with my niece (15F). My parents allowed her to use the high school fund to be able to keep up with a baby.
Unknown father.
My sister worked in a company as a secretary, it wasn’t a good salary and she hardly kept things up, but my parents and I always helped her if she needed to.
2 months ago, she was fired. She is currently 4 months pregnant.
So almost no company is willing to hire her.
I live in a big house and close to it, so I asked her to come live with me until she could get back on her feet.
That was 40 days ago.
The only thing I asked was for them to cook food, wash dishes, and my clothes. A cleaning lady cleans my house 2x a week.
It was going fine for the first 20 days, but I had to go on a 10-day trip and when I got home it was a huge mess.
Barbara said she was having rough days because of nausea and my niece was swamped with exams. I let it go and tidied up what I could, but it’s hard not to be discouraged when you get home and see a mess.
Since then, it’s been complicated.
I don’t eat lunch at home, but when I get home the lunch dishes are still there with the dirty pans. She always said that the nausea was getting to her.
I had my limit when I got home Friday and saw a dirty empty lasagna platter with everything hard to clean.
I sat down with my sister and said, ‘Barb, I know the nausea is bad, but I really want you to at least wash your dishes for lunch. The rest we can work.’
She started to say that she couldn’t do it, as doing it made her vomit and that my niece was busy with school.
Me: ‘I’m also busy with the service. I’m not asking for much and I think it’s fair considering I’m paying for everything and the two can help each other at least to wash your dishes.’
She started to say that I’m rubbing in her face that I support her and that this idea that only they are responsible for cleaning the house, it was sexist.
She’s still calling me sexist and a jerk, but she sent the picture of the clean sink today saying ‘I did my duty for you to pay everything to me’.
I really don’t think I asked for much until the beginning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your problem either. She is clearly taking advantage of you and your generosity. If it weren’t for the 15-year-old, I’d tell her she needs to leave immediately. When the baby is born she will be too tired to do anything.
You will be supporting three people because…? She is an adult. I would sit her down, and say this is unacceptable and she either needs to work and pay rent or make a plan for how to get her own place within the next five months.
15 year old should pitch in, but they are still a child and shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack for their ADULT MOTHER.” Wildcar_d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… it doesn’t matter what gender you are. If you are living in someone’s home, for free, eating their food, and using their utilities, then the very least you can do is clean up after yourself.
She has a 15-year-old teen that could wash the smelly dishes, and she can dry and put them away. If she was living on her own she would have to do much more than this. If it’s too much to ask her to look after laundry, if she finds that too personal, she can trade some of the house cleaner’s duties for that one.
I’d maybe get the free rental terms in writing. Stipulate the things provided in return for what expectations.” Ste11aBe11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister is a huge one. You are doing her a REALLY nice favor here.
If it weren’t for you, she would probably be homeless, right? At first, it sounded like you wanted her to do your laundry and the dishes and tidy up a bit. Now it sounds like you have lowered your standards for her to just clean up HER OWN DISHES.
I don’t care how nauseous she is, she clearly isn’t that nauseous if she is eating food and leaving her dishes out!
So if I’m getting this right, she expects you to pay her way, keep her in your house, and now she wants you to wait on her hand and foot?
Just no. She has a HUGE entitlement problem and she needs to learn that just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she is the center of the universe (and this is coming from someone that was just pregnant and threw up every day their ENTIRE pregnancy.)
TLDR: NTJ, your sister has a huge entitlement problem and pregnancy nausea isn’t a good excuse.” spiritwarrior1994
8. AITJ For Prioritizing My Foster Cats?
“I’m currently working as a remote web developer who also fosters cats that urgently need shelter. I am registered with a non-profit cat rescue and accommodate any cats that are recommended to me.
I also have a partner who does not reside with me so most of the time it’s just me and the cats and for this reason, I converted an entire spare room I had into a ‘cat room’ with enrichment toys, scratch posts, and beds.
My SIL and brother however ardently oppose the finances I dedicate to my cats. They believe that it could be better spent on my nieces (6&4) and nephew (2). They live close to me and sometimes drop my nieces off for babysitting.
SIL always makes passive-aggressive comments at the cat items I’ve bought saying ‘if you have so much money to waste why not give it to us’ and because I’m non-confrontational I just awkwardly stay silent or change the subject.
Don’t get me wrong, I care for my nieces and nephew deeply and help them with emergency funds and necessities and splurge on them during the holidays yet it is never enough. From young, my parents always funded my brother’s every venture without question, so now he feels similarly entitled to my funds as well and when I refuse he calls my parents and complains and they start with the whole ‘he has kids so it’s more difficult’ speech.
I’ve lent money countless times to my brother and SIL and I don’t even see it back but I tell myself it’s whatever at least it would be beneficial to the kids.
3 days ago my SIL calls saying that the children haven’t been on a vacation since 2020 and they would ‘greatly appreciate’ if I could lend some money for them to them spend 1 week in Thailand.
I was nevertheless appalled because flight fees themselves for 5 people are a bit too much (4 figure range), non-inclusive of accommodation etc. I told my SIL as politely as possible that I do not have that high of an amount to just give away with such limited notice, especially with my bills and also the responsibilities of the cats I’m looking after.
My SIL snapped and said, ‘if you don’t want to give the money to us just say that, don’t lie and then continue to spend more on your useless cats, it’s cruel’ and with that, I was really shocked to respond because she seemed very irritated and did not want to continue the conversation.
I’m not a high earner, this is my first full-time job that I’ve been in for 3 ish years. I earn just enough to be stable and afford my bills and provide for the cats I’m looking after.
Even if I gave up fostering the cats I still wouldn’t be comfortable giving away 4 figure amounts for vacations especially knowing they wouldn’t give it back. Am I in the wrong for letting my foster cat’s needs take precedence over my brother and SIL’s vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In my opinion, they need a firm and direct reply: I have helped you meet your kids’ needs many times. I have lent you money that you have not repaid. You can ask if I will pay for your vacation, but you should not act as though the money I work for is yours to claim when you want.
I definitely understand dynamics among families can be difficult. We should all feel some obligation to help ensure those in our family are doing okay, and it sounds like you do that. You help meet needs and have let ‘loans’ to them go without pressing the issue of repayment.
If they were asking for money for some genuine need (our kid is sick and needs treatment or they need help buying books for school), I would feel differently about it—not that you could be said to be truly obligated to cover their expense, but like they would be more justified in their frustration.
But they are asking you to fund their vacation. Vacations are nice, but they aren’t something anyone should go demand anyone else pay for.
You work hard for your money. You can do whatever you want with your extra income.
If taking good care of foster cats is what brings you satisfaction, then do that with your money. Even if you weren’t spending money taking care of animals, you wouldn’t be obligated to pay for their vacation.” MisterNigerianPrince
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Definitely not. Funding their vacation and other whims is unacceptable. No need to justify your income and spending decisions. Her snide and direct comments about your life are disrespectful and wrong. You are not on this earth to fund them; that is their responsibility.
I noticed you never throw lending them money w/out being paid in their face. Sometimes this keeps people in check as to how outrageous their requests are. You understand where their entitlement perspective comes from but you DO NOT need to pander.
Love on your nieces and nephews; sounds like this brings you joy. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is YOUR money you have absolutely no reason to feel bad for denying abusive entitled gaslighting dead ends in evolution like them!
They are nothing more than thieves trying to take what they have not earned through manipulation and lies that are the literal definition of a con artist… As much as it sucks for the kids go no contact with them they can con others into sitting for them cause if you don’t it’s only going to wear you down even more… You HAVE to grow a backbone and stop being a meek pushover.
It’s just making you an even bigger target there is a difference between being non-confrontational and being a doormat and right now you got boot prints all over you from them using those kids against you… Cut them off.” SnooPineapples6778
7. AITJ For Moving Out Instead Of Paying My Mom?
“I (f16) moved out because my mom (f52) is trying to get me to help pay the bills and anything else she wanted etc.
When I was going out with my partner, my mom has been starting more arguments acting like she can’t hear me and then tries to get me to pay her money for bills and stuff like that.
My mother is married to my father (m57) she is a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids – 2 who have graduated and one who moved out.
I am the youngest out of them, my father gets paid well over 6k every other week, I know because I did the bills, and my mother doesn’t work a day in her life because I’m the one cooking and cleaning everything.
My father agrees with everything she says because I’m not an adult yet and they think I’m lying and I can’t get a word in, but pretty much everyone in my family agrees with her except my aunt who is in another state.
Ever since I started working as a babysitter, my mom had me pay her because I couldn’t get up myself and I had her watch the kids when I had to cook or use the restroom.
I no longer have these problems or need help but she is still trying to get me to pay her by telling my brother (m22) to get make sure I’m up by 6:30 to get the kid because they come to my place.
I decided to move in with a friend for the moment, as I am still babysitting but I have been receiving calls and texts from family, friends, and people from the church saying that I am being unreasonable and didn’t need to disrespect my mother like that.
I DO NOT rely on my parents and I don’t have problems waking up in the morning any longer.
So AITJ for moving out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, you are 16 yrs old. Your parents are responsible for housing and feeding you and ensuring you get an education.
They can’t charge you for that.
You are also not a slave responsible for all of the cooking and cleaning. You are 16, and you need to focus on your education, and if you need to babysit to spend money that’s ok, but your mom is not entitled to that money.” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell all the critics that they can live with mom and have her constantly pressure them for money if they want. Mom doesn’t work, she doesn’t clean the house, and she only buys and pressures you for money.
She’s not respectable in the least.” 295Phoenix
6. AITJ For Not Mowing My Neighbor's Lawn?
“I had a next-door neighbor who recently passed away. He was in his 80s and I mowed his lawn for him every couple of weeks whenever I’d do my own since he told me he couldn’t physically do it anymore.
He offered to pay me but I never took any payment from him.
Anyways, when he passed his son told me he was going to sell the house. He offered me some money to keep mowing until they get it sold, and I said sure.
New neighbors moved in a couple of weeks ago now and they haven’t mowed once. (Granted we are getting close to mowing being done for the year, but we probably have at least one or two mows left lol) Yesterday, a new neighbor left a note on my door while I was working asking when their yard would be done.
I went over to talk to them and explained that I mowed for my former neighbor because of his age, and for the son because he was paying me. If they wanted me to mow their lawn they were gonna have to pay.
(They’re a married couple around my age, mid-late 20s by the way)
Apparently, the son (or realtor?) told them that my mowing services come with the house. That I mowed for the last owner and his son, and I’ve agreed to mow for them as well.
I literally laughed and told them nope, I never offered that. I again said I’d do it if they paid me but they didn’t want to so I left.
The son is now reaching out to me since the new neighbors called to complain to him.
He thought since I was helping his dad ‘out of the kindness of my heart’ I’d do the same for any neighbor. New neighbors specifically didn’t buy a lawn mower because he told them this. I stood firm and said nope.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, that son is a piece of work. He is just greedy, on two different levels. First of all, if someone were mowing the lawn for my elderly parent, I would have certainly insisted on paying them.
Maybe the dad said he was doing it, but the guy automatically assumed it was out of the kindness of your heart so that he wouldn’t have to shell out any funds. Then, he volunteered your services to people you had never met.
The only reason he did this, obviously, was to get a quick sale on the house. What a jerk. They are rather stupid, actually, never to even ask. I would have checked independently and said, is this all true? Because honestly, nowadays, there’s no such thing as something for nothing.
It’s time for this nice couple to join the reality-based community, LOL.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Who in their right might would believe they’d be getting free lawn care in perpetuity after the sale of a house?
I could see them misunderstanding and coming over to offer money and arrange times, but not assuming you were part and parcel of the sale.
This is a house, not a condo with HOA fees to cover such services.
Hint to the neighbors that the son is a tad shady and maybe defrauded them and they should take it up with their realtor (sounds like they’re already onto him) and then wash your hands of this whole situation.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not mow your neighbor’s lawn.
You were very kind to help your elderly neighbor. It was reasonable to mow for the absentee owner for a fee. The son lied to the realtor and the new owners.
If the neighbors and son continue to contact you, just refer them to each other because you are not part of this agreement.
It is really rotten that your kind acts were turned against you.” Huge_Industry_1259
5. AITJ For Thinking My Daughter's Ballet Lessons Are A Waste Of Money?
“I (m31) live with my wife (f30). We have two kids, (f6) and (f2).
We’ve recently had a bit of financial difficulty as our rent got increased and my job has been cutting my hours.
We aren’t struggling to survive but we need to count our coins before buying any luxuries.
I managed to get a second job to make up for the cut hours but we still need to be very mindful about where our money goes and I’ve had a few discussions with my wife about it.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom. Our eldest goes to school from 8 am to 4 pm. My job covers childcare for our youngest and she goes to daycare from 8 am to 2 pm, 3 days a week. I take the kids to school and daycare and my wife picks them up.
I noticed some transactions from our shared bank account that were unusual and I asked my wife about them. She explained that she’s been taking our youngest to ballet lessons in the afternoons after daycare once a week, and each lesson is £30.
I got annoyed because my wife didn’t discuss this with me and £30 a week is quite a bit of money. I asked her to stop taking her to the lessons because we can’t afford them but suggested she look for cheaper activities, preferably something both of our children could enjoy.
My wife protested and said that our youngest really enjoys ballet, she called me a jerk and said that I was depriving my daughter of something that could help her future and that we can find a way to afford them.
I called the lessons a waste of money and told my wife that we are partners and she shouldn’t spend large amounts without discussing it, especially when we don’t have a lot as it is.
My wife started crying and said that something that makes our child happy isn’t a waste of money.
She went into our room and slammed the door and that was the end of that conversation.
Since then, my wife hasn’t really been speaking to me and I wonder if I was the jerk here.
Edit to add: the childcare for our 2-year-old is covered as a benefit from my job, so we aren’t paying for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When finances are tight, things have to be given up, and ballet lessons for a two-year-old fall into that category. Your wife was also wrong to unilaterally decide to sign your child up for the lessons in the first place.
She put your child in the position of being unnecessarily disappointed when a conversation on the subject beforehand, along with a discussion on other possible options, could have avoided the mess entirely.
If your wife feels so strongly about the lessons, perhaps she could take a part-time or online position to cover the additional expense of the classes.
That seems like a fair compromise if she truly finds the lessons necessary even with your current financial situation.” MrDarcysDead
Another User Comments:
“From the way this sounds, you are both on VERY different pages when it comes to your household finances.
You might be feeling more of the pressure of the tight finances since you’re the one responsible for bringing in dollars.
You have tried to have conversations before about the budget, and are still just not in the same place if you are saying £30 a week is too much and your wife is saying it isn’t.
You both need to understand and recognize the reality of your situation and recognize that things like utilities and food are just going to keep getting more and more expensive this winter.
You are NTJ for being anxious about money, and while you could have put it more gently, it seems like other messages haven’t gotten across.
Your wife is a jerk for refusing to listen to your concerns, running away from the conversation, and avoiding talking to you.
I’m also going to give your wife some side eye about how much your daughter will be helped in the future by ballet lessons.
If money is really terribly tight right now, waiting six months to begin lessons will not stifle her dance prodigy.” distrustfuldiscovery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are having financial difficulties as a couple, and especially since you’re working two jobs and your wife isn’t contributing to the household income, she shouldn’t have signed up your daughter for expensive lessons (for anything, not just ballet) without talking to you first. Surely there are other activities that can ‘make your child happy’ that don’t cost 30 pounds each time!
And unless your child has the talent (as determined by a reputable school) to become a professional ballerina, well yes – spending money that you don’t have on an expensive recreational activity IS a waste of money. It’s financially irresponsible, and being financially irresponsible is hardly the way to ‘help your child’s future’.
Insist that your wife find less expensive activities for your children, at least until your finances improve, and that all large expenses must be approved by both parents beforehand. That’s just plain minimal, mutual respect between partners.” Practical_Fox_9475
Jeez lady..get a part time job to pay for these little extras. OP is not the jerk.
4. AITJ For Choosing A Different Pediatrician?
“I (26f) recently moved in with my MIL and FIL with my baby and fiancé (27m).
We moved to a new town too far away from her previous pediatrician, so I began looking for a new one.
For some context, MIL works in the medical field and is very opinionated about different medical groups (Seaton vs Providence vs whoever) and thinks any doctor or office under a different group is horrible and you should never go there.
She has no facts, just opinions on who she likes more. As she is in the medical field I valued her opinion and tried to find a pediatrician under her preferred group, but the only one in the area that had good reviews wasn’t taking new patients.
When MIL heard this she told me to take my baby to her personal doctor, not a pediatrician but he will take babies. I would rather my baby go to a pediatrician so I decided to go with a pediatrician’s office under a different group and it hurt her a lot.
She acted pretty offended by even considering them, let alone scheduling an appointment. She’s never even set foot in that office and knows nothing about them.
I feel bad for upsetting her, and as she knows more about this than I do, maybe I should have gone with someone she recommended. AITJ?
Update: My fiancé works a lot and asked me to handle setting up a doctor since I’m not working. He is in agreement with me. I spoke with MIL about how I felt and that while I appreciate her recommendation, I’ll make the choice I feel is best, as her mom, and that as her mom all medical decisions will be up to me and my fiancé.
She apologized for how she acted and agreed I need to make the choice I felt was best.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don t feel bad. She is free to make suggestions but only a jerk would insist. So the bigger deal she makes out of things, the more comfortable you should be that you made the right choice.
She needs to respect your boundaries.
But consider this a warning and try not to involve her too much in decisions. And move out as quickly as you can. Some people are easier to love at a distance. If she is pushy and you feel guilty easily, this relationship will be stressful when you need to focus on your new baby and husband instead.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need to stop relying on MIL for medical advice. Just because she is in the medical field doesn’t mean that she knows everyone or everything. You need to do your own research and follow your gut on the decisions.
Do not give up your power over your child. She wants you to do what she wants because she wants to control you and the baby. She wants to be In the know and the goto person. This will undermine your confidence in doing what you believe is best for your child.
As a general rule, do not ever go to the same doctor or doctor’s office as your MIL. She will use her influence to get around HIPAA rules to know what is going on with your child.
You need to stop going to her for advice.
You can do this. Unless your child has serious medical issues, finding a pediatrician with good reviews is fine for your child. You need to develop your own self-confidence that you know what is best for your child. Stop feeling bad for upsetting her.
This is your child, you are the momma, and you make the decisions. She is overstepping by telling you who you should see and then being upset when you don’t take her advice. Actually, it wasn’t advice if she is upset, it was a command and you didn’t obey.
Lots of people have opinions… people in the medical field can have opinions based on actual information. I got great recommendations from my GP on a specialist I needed to see because my GP had experience with that particular doc.
It wasn’t hearsay and rumors. It would be that your MIL is making stuff up to drive you to use her docs…
For your information – her role should be that of a spectator in your life. She raised her kids, they are now adults.
She is no longer on the playing field, she is in the stands cheering on her favorite team. You, your husband, and your child are on the field playing the game of life. If you let the spectators guide you, how likely are you to do well??
You will start second-guessing yourself, etc. that’s why players on the field tune out the spectators. They wave and thumbs up the fans so as not to insult them, but they tune out their advice and go with their own game plan.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you shouldn’t feel bad at all. It’s your choice and it’s who YOU feel most comfortable with. The thing is, in parenting you learn as you go, so let’s say you don’t care for the doctor you chose.
you are free to choose another! Your MIL’s preferences or supposed knowledge should have NO bearing at all on what you think is best for your child. She has no say, and if she’s upset, well, that’s on her. Don’t give in to her; do what you feel is best.” siamesecat1935
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Talking About Her Miscarriage?
“My (37M) wife (37F) is pregnant with our first bio child. We tried to have a baby in our 20s, went through fertility treatments, and nothing worked. This pregnancy was a huge surprise and is a high-risk pregnancy. My wife is 20 weeks now.
My brother and SIL have 3 kids (aged 5 – 8). SIL was pregnant again this summer and had a miscarriage at 21 weeks. They were obviously devastated and we felt awful for them.
My SIL talks about her miscarriage a lot, which is understandable.
But it has been making my wife really anxious so I first asked my brother if they (he and SIL) can just stop bringing the miscarriage up in front of my wife. He said sure and stopped, but SIL didn’t.
So I asked her too, and she said that she would try. She didn’t stop.
Yesterday they came to visit us with the kids to stay a couple of days for Halloween. At lunch, my SIL said to my wife ’20 weeks now, huh, I remember feeling the baby at 20 weeks.
Sadly we lost him at 21′ and my wife had a panic attack. We (wife and I) left the room, and I came back 30 minutes later and just lost it at my SIL, I told her to just for once shut up about her miscarriage.
I feel like a jerk, really. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am not going with ‘no jerks here’ because, at some point, SIL needs to be able to read the room. You do not tell a pregnant woman ‘oh this is right where I was when I had my miscarriage!’ because it is at best tone deaf and at worst, cruel.
I do not have kids, but had a sister who had a later-term miscarriage (a stillborn) at about 5 months pregnant. It was awful. When I have pregnant friends, I do not share that story. I had two friends who talked about some similar symptoms of what happened with my sister, but they aren’t very specific, one being lower back pain.
Both times, I told my friends, ‘take back pain seriously and call your doctor’ not ‘my sister had a similar pain and her baby passed away’ because that’s not helpful at all.
Your SIL has had time to process and isn’t just sharing her sadness but making your wife’s pregnancy about her loss, which is totally inappropriate.
Sure, your delivery could have been softer, but at that time your SIL had deliberately told your wife she lost her baby at this same stage, setting your wife fully in a panic.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is allowed to grieve her loss, but not at the expense of your wife’s sanity.
Your wife waited a long time for this baby and deserves to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy. Surely there are other people in her life your SIL can share her thoughts with. It’s not fair that your brother and his wife lost their baby, but it’s also not fair for her to cause your wife extra stress and anxiety during her pregnancy.
I hope you can figure out a way to tactfully get your SIL to stop discussing such a distressing topic with your wife. Congratulations on your surprise pregnancy. I hope all goes well.” ARC2060
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I understand why your wife is so upset and why hearing that sent her into a panic attack.
I had a high-risk pregnancy for my second, after multiple miscarriages, so get it. It is not an easy time at all. Your SIL shouldn’t say things like that to her, as I’m assuming she fully well knows the history and that it’s a high-risk pregnancy so should know better.
21 weeks though… phew. Most people have a funeral for babies that die in utero at this stage and onward. It’s only been a scant few months, seeing your wife at the same stage of pregnancy must be a huge trigger for her.
Maybe a little distance is needed right now.” Caspian4136
2. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancée's Parents To Our Wedding?
“I’m 38 years old (M), my fiancée Mary is 24 (F). We are going to get married in 2 months, and we have been together for almost 2 years. Wedding planning has been expensive and stressful. This is my second marriage, and in my first wedding, my (at the time) future in-laws and my parents paid an equal financial percentage for the wedding.
The arrangement was that I, my (at the time) partner, her parents, and my parents would pay a quarter of the total cost.
So, this time, I was expecting a similar arrangement for this wedding. My current fiancée Mary agreed at first, but after speaking to her parents, they said that would not pay.
My parents already paid their part, I gave my part, and my fiancée also paid her part, but her parents keep saying that they can’t afford it (Tho, I know very well that they can afford it, they have some business and travel often).
Mary keeps saying that we should let it go, that we can cut costs, or that she and her brothers will try to pay for her parents, but I’ve told her, multiple times already, that it is not fair to let them go free of charge, while my parents paid their part, and she agreed to this, and they should follow through.
My parents also say that it is not fair to let only one set of parents pay the percentage.
As Mary and her parents still insist in not paying, I decided to uninvite them. Mary was not happy about it, since she wants her dad to walk her to the altar, but I still try to make her see the situation from my point of view, but she is stubborn to just let them into the wedding for free, that it would be taken by my family as a sign of disrespect from her family.
She told me, ‘if my mom and dad can’t go, then I won’t go either,’ I told her to stop having a childish tantrum and just go along with our original agreement, but she is stubborn, and I wonder if this hill is worth dying on.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. C’mon. You are almost forty years old. This is not your first wedding rodeo. If you and your fiancée cannot afford to finance this event yourselves like the grown adults you allegedly are, then the plans need to change.
And while you can technically change them to exclude the people who weren’t willing to subsidize your vision despite never even having been consulted before you settled on a budget, I think you know that’s not a flattering look.
If this is for real, hopefully, Mary figures it out before she does end up stuck with you… well, I don’t really think ‘for life’ is that much of a concern here, but hopefully, she can at least avoid divorce and destroying all her other relationships before coming to her senses.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Her parents don’t owe you anything. You and your (much younger than you) fiancé are the ones who want to get married, so you should pay for the wedding yourselves. If your parents offered to contribute financially, that’s really nice of them.
But they don’t have to, and neither do yours. It’s your wedding, your responsibility. If you can’t afford to have a big wedding without help from your parents, then go to the courthouse.
Banning your fiancé’s parents is an unbelievable jerk move.
I hope she calls off the wedding and finds someone who respects her.” CherryCool000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t have the right to determine what your fiancee’s parents’ budget is or to assign them a contribution amount. Your partner didn’t have the right to agree to such an arrangement on her parents’ behalf, but she’s young and doesn’t know better.
It’s unbelievable that you think you should get to decide on a budget then inform people how much they owe. No wonder you’re divorced. Trying to force your partner to make her parents pay up or cut them from an important event is emotional blackmail and bears all the markings of a jerk.
Go get some counseling and let your partner go so she can find someone who will treat her as an equal. She deserves better.” sonny-v2-point-0
1. AITJ For Wanting To Meet My Daughter?
“In my (40f) twenties I had a one-night stand with this guy ‘Nathan’ (now 41m) and got pregnant. I first thought of terminating my pregnancy, but Nathan had come from a conservative religious background (not Christian) and wanted the baby so we made a deal: I would give birth to the child and sign away my parental rights (my name is not even in her birth certificate, it’s a possibility in my country) and he would pay all the medical expenses plus some extra for my troubles.
That’s what we did and didn’t keep contact after his daughter was born.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who has the same religion as Nathan sent me a post from her temple’s youth group (they were asking for donations for the homeless), and one of the girls from the picture looked a lot like me.
I searched for her profile and found out that she had Nathan’s surname and had the right age to be the baby I gave away. She’s 17 now and seems to be doing fine: she is involved in charity work, apparently loves music, and has lots of pictures with friends and family (Nathan, his wife, and half-siblings).
I never wanted nor want to be a mother but I became curious to know more about this human I put in the world, so I texted Nathan’s old phone number, which he has not changed, and asked if he would allow me to meet his daughter, since I gave birth to her and everything, and made my intentions clear: I do not want to interfere with his family, just to know her.
He then wrote a long text which comes down to the fact that I am a jerk for wanting to know his daughter now after I ‘abandoned’ her and that this meeting would only mess with her head. I told him I was telling him out of courtesy because soon the girl will be an adult and be able to choose herself if she wants to meet me.
He then blocked me.
Am I being the jerk here? I don’t think there is any harm in meeting my ‘daughter’; she already has a great family and it would only be beneficial to her to know about her own history.
But maybe I am not seeing the full picture.
UPDATE: I wasn’t coerced into giving birth. Nathan and I reached an agreement in a situation that involved us both. I’ll admit that I was young, didn’t know what pregnancy was really like, and needed the money (which I’m not proud of but hey y’all are gonna judge me anyway).
I didn’t want to reach out to Nathan’s daughter just because she looks like me. I only mentioned it because this is what made me realize that the girl in the picture was the child I gave birth to, but it blew out of proportion.
You might assume that Nathan is Christian and wonder why they were judging him for being religious. He is Jewish and I am agnostic myself but don’t think it’s a problem for him to have a strong bond with his religion.
The one-night stand happened when we were very young and I don’t know what his views are about that, but it doesn’t matter. His daughter apparently is very attached to their community and it’s important to her.
Also, I might have used the word temple wrong but I’m not Jewish myself.
When I said I don’t want to be a mother I didn’t mean I didn’t want a relationship with Nathan’s daughter. I am not her mother since I didn’t raise her and don’t want to take this place from the person who truly did: his wife.
I also chose not to have children of my own.
I came to a better understanding of what my role is in this situation and decided to reach out to his wife through social media to try to make amends.
She was very understanding and explained to me that Nathan had a couple of tough years being a single dad before meeting her and my coming back like that made it seem that I wanted to skip the hard parts and become a parent out of nowhere, which was never my intention.
They told their daughter that her birth mother had to go back to her home country and couldn’t take care of her, which was kind. The wife is going to talk to Nathan to leave the door open if their daughter wants to meet me when she’s older and I gave her all my contact information for when and if the time comes.
I’ll admit I was being a bit selfish here, so that is the best ending I could hope for.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
You signed away your parental rights. You didn’t want this child. You don’t get to change your mind 17 years later and decide you want to insert yourself into her life, any more than any other stranger off the street should get to insert themselves into her life.
If she wants to meet you after she turns 18, then that’s her decision. But you already made your decision, and that was to not have this child in your life.” VinnyCapistrano
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s understandable that years later you might regret your decision, but you don’t get to declare it’s in her best interest for you to meet her.
You made the request, you were denied, and now you have to live with the consequences of the decision you made. If she chooses to find you, that is her decision. You don’t get to decide for her. You don’t know anything about her emotional state in relation to you giving her up and whether meeting you could be harmful.” CraftyPumpkin1861
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, but she is not your daughter in any way that counts, you did not raise her and you did sign away your rights. I understand how you must be feeling, but I have to factor in the fact that to her you did abandon her, and accepting that will be difficult (if not downright impossible).
You can ask to meet her, but your ex has every right to decline visitation – especially since you have no legal claim. For her coming into her life out of the blue would be suspicious and potentially as though you want to pick and choose your responsibilities as a ‘parent’ since you refer to yourself as such.” MadelynnSienna
