People Cause Trouble In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Donating More Of My Baby's Special Formula During A Shortage?
“My child was born 10 weeks premature and has lactose intolerance. There’s only one brand of formula suitable for him manufactured in the US. I bought (prior to the shortage) a year’s worth as it is good for a year, I obtained an amazing price buying in bulk and wanted to make sure we were stocked up after hearing some horror stories around formula from the start of a rush on it that coincided.
We were recommended to bottle feed by the pediatricians in the NICU and her personal pediatrician until he was one. Since he was two and half months old when we brought him home (exactly on his due date) and I had a year’s supply, I have donated the difference but I refuse to touch the five-month supply I have left. My wife’s boss’ wife was chiding us for doing so at a party we had recently and I refused to bend an inch, telling her I would not feel guilty for feeding my child even if others were going without.
AITJ for not giving up more of my supply in a time of shortage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my wife was 8 months pregnant a local scratch and dent retailer had dented Huggies boxes at like 25% of normal retail. I calculated how many we needed of each size available and was able to buy nearly 5 months of diapers for under $100.
Even after that, we had 3 boxes of higher sizes we cracked into later and gifted some of the smaller ones. You were a savvy shopper and bought in bulk, in advance. The people who choose not to think ahead are always jealous of those who do.
The grasshopper is ALWAYS jealous of the ant.” CrankyUncleMorty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t clear out the shelf at Target, you purchased in bulk before the factory unexpectedly and unprecedentedly shut down. You made a savvy decision and already donated what you didn’t calculate your child to need. If you give any of it up, there’s a huge chance you’ll find yourself driving hours or paying huge prices to scalpers for formula you already had on hand to begin with, if you can find it at all.
We’re not talking about blue Similac, we’re talking about the rarest/most expensive formula. There IS no substitute.” BICSb4DICS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! My kid was a preemie, in NICU for 2.5 months. Her formula was prescription, not even sold in stores. But her prescription allowed us more than she actually used (via gtube).
And when she no longer needed it, I donated her formula to other families our OT specialist knew, who were struggling with the costs of their baby’s formula needs. And I did the same when she outgrew her formula, and went on Ensure. I hoarded what my daughter needed. Because we are severely low-income, and her food would have cost us ~$30 per day, and that was more than our food stamp allotment.
I helped other families who were struggling to pay, but I prioritized my family first. Which is the right thing to do. In fact, it is your legal and moral obligation to do so. Rest easy knowing this woman has never had to make choices like this, and simply has no idea what she’s talking about.” littlegingerfae
21. AITJ For Asking My Fiancée To Reconsider Her Best Friend As Maid Of Honor?
“I (27M) am getting married to my fiancée (26F) next summer. We’ve been planning everything together, and it’s honestly been really nice to go through this process as a team. The only bump in the road so far has been her best friend, “Lily.”
Lily is her closest friend, practically a sister to her. She’s been there through a lot of ups and downs, and they have a strong bond that I really respect. Lily’s also her Maid of Honor, which is important to my fiancée and something I fully supported at first.
But recently, I’ve started to worry about how Lily might handle that responsibility. She has a very outgoing, energetic personality—she loves being the center of attention, and she’s the type to go big in any social setting. It’s not usually a problem, but sometimes she can take things a little too far.
For example, she’s hinted about making her speech “unforgettable” and has made a few comments that make me wonder if she’s planning some kind of surprise or moment that might end up being more about her than us. I know she means well, but I’m worried that her energy might take away from the atmosphere my fiancé and I want to create.
I brought this up to my fiancée as gently as I could, suggesting that maybe her sister or one of her other close friends could be Maid of Honor instead, just to keep things a bit simpler. I explained that I’m concerned about things going off-course or feeling a bit too focused on someone else.
But she was really hurt by the suggestion. She told me that Lily is the one person who has been there for her during some of the hardest moments of her life, and that she can’t imagine anyone else standing beside her in that role.
Now I’m stuck between feeling guilty for asking her to make such a big change and worried about how the day could turn out if my concerns are valid. I want this day to be special for both of us, and I’m not trying to create any tension over something that could maybe work itself out.
AITJ for asking her to reconsider? Should I just trust that everything will be fine and let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. You have put your fiancee between a rock, a hard place, and a 5th-story window ledge if Lily has already been asked to be MOH.
She can’t take MOH away from Lily just because you are a little worried, or it will cause a huge rift between them. But there’s part of her that is now worried that if Lily stays MOH a rift will grow in your relationship.
Or that there could be ongoing conflicts between you and Lily. You have also made it clear you don’t think she’s capable of standing up for herself to Lily if she needs to. You think she’s too weak. I know you didn’t MEAN to do those things.
But that’s where she’s at right now. You said your piece, now let it go and support your fiance in whatever she wants regarding Lily. Gentle YTJ because OP’s heart was not in a bad place but he needs to understand the position he put his fiance in.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: Nothing you said reflects badly on Lily. Every single thing is your fear. In fact, all the things you listed all the perfect characteristics of a partner. My wife could be described as a Lily and I am so fortunate. (I don’t really hope this), but I hope your wedding is not great, that it rains, that the food is terrible.
But guess what – the next day you get to wake up with the love of your life. You will grow old together and all the terrible things will be funny stories for the next 50 years. Lily will either amaze you or do exactly what you fear.
But it won’t matter. What will matter is that you questioned your bride’s judgment and backed her into a corner. Either ignore you or dump her friend. That is something you both will remember. Go talk to someone about your fears and cold feet. Then give a very sincere and honest apology.
Ended with ‘you got this!’ to your future wife.” houseonpost
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you told your fiance she shouldn’t make her best friend her MOH after she already made her the MOH… you’re the one creating drama where there was none. You can voice your concerns to your fiance, and say that you are worried about Lily making things about herself, but once she knows how you feel about it, you should leave it alone.
It’s her best friend, can you imagine the fallout taking the role of MOH away from her would cause in your fiance’s life? Their friendship would probably be ruined. You don’t just dismiss your best friend from your bridal party… like how do you even picture that going down.” hereforyounot
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother Took My Daughter's Halloween Candy?
“Last night, I (33F) took my daughter (3) out to trick or treat in a good neighborhood in our area (full-size candy bars and even some of the houses had shots for the grown-ups). I woke up with a migraine to help my brother (25) get his makeup ready for his costume and even helped him dye his hair for it.
Did all the driving to the places we went to since he doesn’t drive (including back to his place for a different pair of shoes when his broke).
When we got back to my house, I was changing outfits to go to the bar’s karaoke costume party.
I invited him along because he asked if anything adult was going on that night. In the 30 minutes it took me to change my outfit and do the makeup look for it, he apparently helped himself to some of her candy, including the only full-size bar she picked out that night.
I had no idea he did this until this morning when I was sorting through her candy bag. I texted both him and my mom who’d been with us and he said “oh yeah. I ate it. I’ll get her a new one.”
I was like “really bro?
Her only full-size one and you just took it?”
“I said I’d get a new one!”
“That’s not really the point..”
“Then what is the point? I couldn’t have the candy cause it’s full size? She’s not even going to remember and I said I’d get a new one for her.
Stop making a big deal out of it.”
I told him I wasn’t going to entertain that with a response and that he needed to figure out what he did wrong. He tried to call me but I didn’t pick up.
I mean, am I wrong to be upset here?
The point was it wasn’t his candy to just help himself to, he could’ve at least asked. Even her daddy and I ask her first before we grab a piece of her candy. AND it was her only full-size one on top of that.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG so NTJ! Shame on your grown brother for “taking candy from a baby.” He’s a grown man, who can’t drive himself? Why does he need so much help at 25 years old? He also has control and boundary issues. He’s also disregarding the feelings of your little girl, and I’m sorry for that.
That’s disgusting. She may be only three, but she still has feelings and she understands when something makes her feel bad. She may not fully understand what he did, but we all do.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. Your brother, on the other hand, is a complete jerk because he is allowed to be one.
He doesn’t drive because he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t work because he doesn’t have to. Your mother may not be able to set boundaries, but you should. I would tell Mom and brother that he is a grown man and it’s time to start acting like it.
Set hard boundaries and stick to them. Not allowed to come to your house. Will not drive him anywhere. Get him a bus pass or a used bike for Christmas.” Lanky-Jello-1801
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother sounds overall selfish and like he was raised to think of only himself.
You also have enabled this behavior by catering to his whims (did his makeup, dyed his hair, drove him around, made a special trip for his shoes). He’s not your child. Stop inviting him to do things with your family; trick or treating should be focused on the actual child, not centered around an overgrown underdeveloped man-brat.” FairyCompetent
19. AITJ For Confronting My Brother Over His Immature Pranks At A Family Gathering?
“I ended up calling my brother out in front of our family at a recent gathering. My (40m) bag (basically a fanny pack) was sitting on a table at the entrance of where we were, the bag contains my keys, phone, kid’s meds, etc. I watched my brother (30m) pick up my bag and take it into another room.
I soon made my way to where he was and asked him to hand it over, stating I observed him pick it up and walk away with it. With a smile on his face, he suggested I go tattle on him, stating “no one will believe you, I always win, go ahead, see what happens” while claiming he doesn’t have it.
I made my way to the room where his wife was, stating what had happened and asked for her help. She went and talked to him, returning to tell me he didn’t have it and for me to leave him alone. He sticks his head around the corner and smirks, mouthing “told ya so.” I gathered my partner and our kid and said we needed to leave.
I didn’t swear or name-call, but I was not calm, cool, or collected in my haste. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, being on the receiving end of his nonsense. I was reprimanded by a handful of people for being over the top, and that my behavior was concerning.
Eventually, he disclosed where he hid my bag, and we then left immediately.
I am usually happy-go-lucky, I have the disposition of a ska band. I will never understand blaming a victim for reacting with big emotions to something they shouldn’t have endured in the first place, if this isn’t the appropriate perspective and there is a better position to take, I would like to understand why and what I could do differently when involved with these situations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That a 30-year-old behaves like that & gets away with it leaves me incredulous. There must’ve been some serious enabling & condoning there from the get-go. I also read why you couldn’t tell him to get his hands off your bag there & then.
Him doing it during a kid opening presents at their party compounds his selfish, immature jerk behavior. As does the bag having your kid’s meds in it. “I will never understand blaming a victim for reacting with big emotions to something they shouldn’t have endured in the first place.” That’s because it’s unreasonable.
I know this word gets over & wrongly used on here but this is also gaslighting you imo.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“Get a small water pistol and keep it in your pocket. When he does something bad, fill the water pistol and squirt him in the face saying something like “NO!
BAD BROTHER! Bring the item back NOW!” When he protests, squirt him again. Treat him a bit like people suggested misbehaving cats should be treated 20 years ago. When others suggest OP’s being difficult or rude, just laugh and look confused and tell them you’re training him to be a respectful human because he’s apparently not understanding how to be one normally.” WillowDense4410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s my advice: get a remote-controlled “panic alarm” off Amazon. They’re basically the same as you hitting the panic button on your car keys and your car alarm going off, only in a small remote-sized system. Put the alarm in your bag, and when you see your brother messing with your stuff, hit the alarm button, preferably when he slinks away to a remote room.
That’ll bring everyone running (because why’s there an alarm going off??) and your jerk brother will be standing there holding the proverbial bag. “WSDCAM 113dB Loud Anti Theft Vibration Sensor Alarm Systems” is $20 on Amazon.” A_Specific_Hippo
18. AITJ For Sharing My Dad's Honeymoon Location With My Grandparents?
“I’m in my mid-20s, and I live with my grandparents, my mother’s parents.
I was the result of a teenage pregnancy, and my parents have been split up since I left home at 18.
My dad is getting remarried in a couple of months, and while I don’t keep in super close contact with him, the other day I was chatting with him on the phone about wedding-related stuff, and what’s happening with his side of the family.
That night, I was chatting with my grandparents and mentioned a few of the things we talked about in the conversation, like oh this aunt moved house, dad’s going on a honeymoon to New Zealand. He had specifically said not to mention something about some Christmas plans, which I did not.
Today, he calls me up in a rage, saying that he’s been telling people different locations for his honeymoon to find out how my mum knows things about him, saying she mentioned it in an email to him today. My stance on the issue has always been I won’t be in the middle, and if they try I cut off contact for a few months.
I told him I didn’t know it was supposed to be secret, I chat about normal things that are happening in my life to the family that I live with. Apparently, I’m an adult who should have the basic common sense to know that’s a secret?
Then when I started yelling back at him that he was trying to put me in the middle and divide my whole life up, he proceeded to disinvite me from the wedding and tell me to change my surname, because I’ve chosen my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are adults. Whatever their relationship has devolved into, your dad putting you in the middle of these weird “tests” is just wrong. I’m making a guess that your convo was more along the lines of “hey dad is going to NZ for his honeymoon – doesn’t that sound like a great place to visit?” and not “can you believe this jerk is going to NZ.” If that’s the case, and you are just engaging in a simple convo with your family, then he’s the jerk.
If he doesn’t want certain info to be shared with anyone else then A) he shouldn’t share them with anyone-including you or B) he should tell you specifically what he doesn’t want shared with anyone else. And now cutting you off? Sounds like an example of why your parents’ relationship didn’t work out.
You may be better off without him for a while. He needs to grow up.” AirportPrestigious
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like both of your parents really enjoy drama. If you want to have a peaceful and continuous relationship with both of them, then it will be necessary for you to learn where their fault lines are.
Your father intentionally set a trap for you – which is a terrible thing to do to your own child – and confronted you when it worked. He could have just chosen to leave you out of the loop going forward, but instead, he determined to treat you like a double agent.
Unless I’m misunderstanding, you told your grandparents (people you live with) and they told your mom. Mature adults simply do not share confidential information, so this was pretty much unnecessary. But, like I said, both of your parents enjoy drama. NTJ, but you need a better sense of your parent’s relationship to be functional here.” Academic_Prompt310
Another User Comments:
“OP, it sounds like your mother is putting you in the middle here just as much as (or possibly even more than) your father. She has obviously been using you (via your grandparents) to find out information about your father which has nothing to do with her, and is then bringing it up in emails to him.
I would say no jerks here if you genuinely didn’t know that you weren’t supposed to share information on your father with your mother’s family. Maybe just drop him a brief message explaining that you genuinely didn’t know that you weren’t supposed to share that information with your mother’s family, and from here on your response when either parent (or your grandparents) asks about the other in a capacity that doesn’t directly affect them and doesn’t harm you in any way, your response will be “no comment”.
And then, from here on, respond to any questions from any of the above that doesn’t directly impact them and doesn’t harm you in any way with “no comment”. Because it does sound like your mother has been using you to get information on your father – why does she need to know where he is going on his honeymoon and why is she bringing it up in emails?
That’s suspect.” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Child Support For My Non-Biological Daughter?
“My ex and I have 2 daughters. 17f and 14f. 17f is my biological daughter, 14f is from an affair my ex had. We split due to her infidelity and reconciled when 14f was in kindergarten. We officially divorced 4 years later. 14f’s bio dad is not a big part of her life and she only sees him once a year if that.
I’m currently paying support for both girls, with the agreement I’d pay until 17f turns 18.
My ex is now saying 14f won’t be 18 for 4 more years and I’m being unfair to not support her those 4 years as well. I’ve already promised to provide both girls with cars and fully put them through college and help them get a 1st home.
I will not let 14f go without, but I have no interest in continuing to give my ex money once 17f is 18. I’d rather buy stuff for 14f myself or set her up an account I can see and put money in there for her so she can get what she wants as she needs it.
My ex knows this but insists the only right way is to continue giving her money each month which I do not want to.
AITJ if I stop child support payments after 17f turns 18?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already done far more than what would be expected of you.
I’m actually shocked that she has the audacity to complain, considering you’ve basically set up the child’s future financial security when you have absolutely zero legal or moral obligation to do so. If your ex is in need of financial assistance because of the costs of raising the 14f then I suggest she either contacts the child’s bio father, gets another job, or cuts back on luxuries.” SubstantialAd283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s the opposite of jerk? You are helping support a child that is knowingly not yours and offering to continue in a modified way. There is no way you are the jerk here. Your ex is, for numerous reasons. I would say go ahead and stick to the agreement, then set up the account for the 14f as you have considered. You don’t owe it to care for her but the fact that you are willing to makes you NTJ.” warlikeloki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe your ex any support for another man’s child. “I’d rather buy stuff for 14f myself or set her up an account I can see and put money in there for her so she can get what she wants as she needs it.” This is an incredibly generous offer, and I’m sure 14f would appreciate it – she’s a good age to start learning to responsibly manage her own money, under your supervision.
“My ex knows this but insists the only right way is to continue giving her money each month.” This makes me think your support is not necessarily being spent directly on the kids (as in, your ex may be relying on those payments to either pay family expenses like rent, bills, food, or to use it on purchases for herself).
Otherwise, why would she not be fine with you continuing to support 14f without her involvement? She chose to be unfaithful. It’s very kind and supportive of you to be “dad” to 14f regardless. You don’t owe your ex anything.” BorderlineBadBrain
16. AITJ For Winning Squash Games Against My Friend's Partner And Inviting Them For A Walk?
“My husband and I have been playing squash for the last few months once or twice every week. Recently, my friend “Rebecca” and her partner “Joe” joined us too and yesterday was their 2nd time playing.
I played 2 games against Joe and won both of them because I have been playing for much longer than he has. I saw that he was starting to get a bit annoyed after the first game so I told him he is doing really good considering it’s only his 2nd time, but didn’t let him win the second game either.
When he played with Rebecca after that, he acted really rude and belittling towards her because she wasn’t as good.
When we got home, I asked them if they wanted to join us on our evening dog walk and they said yes, but Joe seemed to be in a really bad mood.
We walked for about 1.5 hours, which is a usual evening walk for us. During the walk, Joe was rude towards Rebecca, getting mad at her because she didn’t know where we were, etc.
The next day, Rebecca was all mad at me, saying that she had to deal with Joe’s bad mood because I had not just won against him twice, but then I also “challenged” him on a walk.
She said that I shouldn’t have emasculated him, because he took it out on her. I told her that Joe is a jerk and she should break up with him if he treats her badly.
Rebecca says that I had to know that Joe would react like this and I was deliberately trying to emasculate him because I don’t like him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Joe is toxic af. It was a dog walk, not a double-dog dare. And getting mad because he was beaten by a girl and then taking it out on his partner? What a prize. Be kind to your friend as much as you can.
Sounds like she is in an abusive relationship and she will really need a friend when she finally figures that out.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts
Another User Comments:
“Joe is a walking red flag. How long have he and Rebecca been together? Effing yikes. I don’t know what your relationship is with Rebecca, but if you want to say something to her about how this is NOT okay, I’d just ask her if she’s ready for Joe to mistreat her every time he’s upset.
Every time he has a bad day at work, every time he gets into traffic, for the rest of the relationship. You’re just trying to play a game and have fun. If something that benign sets him off so hard he mistreats his partner, why is she his partner?
NTJ!” GoingPriceForHome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is this even a question? Joe lost two games of squash against a far more experienced player. Evidently, in Joe’s world, the best female athlete is still worse than the worst male athlete. Joe is being insecure and abusive.
And you were right to advise Rebecca to break up with him. No one emasculated Joe, except Joe.” RighteousVengeance
15. AITJ For Wanting The Master Bedroom After Booking The Airbnb?
“I booked an Airbnb for my partner and me and 2 other couples.
I did all the research and worked on finding a good place for us to stay for 1 night on the long weekend. (Which was hard since everything was already booked for the long weekend) I also booked what we’re doing for the day as well since we’re doing water tubing there.
There are 3 rooms.
1 master bedroom with a fireplace, chairs, TV, and walk-in bathroom, queen-sized bed.
The other 2 rooms have double beds with a closet.
My friend said dibs on the master bedroom when I did all the work booking this place. I told them I did all the research and my partner and I should get the master bedroom.
I mentioned the price for us to all split evenly. But my friend is saying that they should get a discount now because we’re getting the master bedroom, and they’re getting smaller rooms. Which means my partner and I will be paying more if we take that room.
What do you think is fair here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Him calling dibs shows that he wasn’t willing to pay more for the room, but this is something that should have been discussed and agreed upon before the booking was made, and that’s on you.
I’ve done the legwork and booking for many vacations away, and I always consult with everyone if the lodgings will be unequal. Everyone will look at the photos, and they’ll either agree that it’s no big deal, or we’ll work something out. It was a rookie mistake to assume that you would automatically get the bigger room, especially since it has so many more amenities than the other two.
Since you didn’t work this out beforehand, it’s fair that you would pay more for the room, because that’s the most obvious solution to avoid bad feelings.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The master bedroom seems to have a significant number of extra features, especially the private bathroom.
You should pay more if you take it. Whoever takes it should pay extra because it’s objectively a way bigger and better room. You get first dibs on choosing that option as the person who did all of the research and put in all of the effort but yeah whoever takes it should pay more if anyone is feeling frustrated about it But I also don’t agree with him being okay paying equal when he was trying to call dibs on that room especially after you did all of the work.
Shows his motivation is petty and he’s selfish ESH” MadoogsL
Another User Comments:
“If it’s a group booking a place with rooms/beds of varying value, a room auction is a fair way to do it. High bidder gets the best room, whoever it’s worth that much to gets it, and all other rooms are discounted correspondingly.
Whoever ends up with the “best” room is paying what they are willing to pay and everyone else decided they were happier saving money in a different room, everyone wins. On the other hand, if you planned a trip and booked a place and said “my partner and I are staying in a place, we’ve got the master, we have extra rooms, you are welcome to stay here if you like it costs $X” then you are welcome to do that, but you need to be prepared for people to decide they would rather find their own accommodations with a better room or cheaper price.
So decide which this is – a rental for all of you to have equal ownership of, or is it YOUR rental and they can choose to join you or not? Even if it’s the second, and they join you, and you have every right to the best bedroom as it’s your rental that you booked – it’s still fair to not ask your friends to split the cost exactly evenly considering there is such an obviously huge difference in the size and amenities of the rooms. Wouldn’t you rather pay a bit more, enjoy the nicer bedroom, and keep the peace?” SummitJunkie7
14. AITJ For Moving Out After My Sister Refused To Pay Her Share Of Our Joint Christmas Gift Bill?
“I’ve lived with my sister for about 2 years, alongside her very very toxic partner. They are constantly fighting and I always end up in the middle of things. But the straw that broke the camel’s back is Christmas.
For Christmas, we decided to share my mom’s gifts to save money.
While we were shopping they had a deal where if you opened a store credit card you got 50% off. I agreed to open a card if everyone promised to remember to split it when the bill came. My sister also bought her and her man some stuff, swearing up and down they would pay for it when it came.
It’s now 6 months later and I still have the bill, and my sister blew up on me, telling me I’m a jerk and how she wasn’t gonna pay it. So I told her good luck paying rent and I am now lying in my packed bedroom about to go back to my parents till my partner and I get a place at the end of the year.
Sister says she’s gonna disown me and I’ll “never meet my nieces or nephews” but this place is so toxic and this whole money situation broke it for me. So am I the jerk for moving out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move out and don’t look back.
If she ever hits you up for money again, ignore her. Especially if she claims she needs it for nieces or nephews and cries ‘but think of the children’, ‘they’re innocent’, ‘why won’t you help them’. They are/will be HER children and her responsibilities.
Depending on the sum she owes you, maybe look into taking her to small claims court or write it off as an ‘I found out who my sister really is’ tax and go on to live your life to the fullest without her in it.” AlukaCrystal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Go talk to your landlord and see if there’s anything they can do to work with you on possibly getting out of the lease early. Is the partner on it? If not, that might be grounds right there. 2. Put a password or a PIN on the electric account.
When you leave, terminate the service and get the final bill forwarded to your new address. Better still you can get everything sent electronically to a secure email address. 3. Close down the credit card and then call them to work out payment arrangements. Be frank and let them know you’re about to be homeless for a temporary span.
You might qualify for a hardship program. 4. Block your sister on everything once you’ve gone. Be frank with your parents that you are NC and meddling from them will not be tolerated. 5. Lesson learned. Don’t do that again. It’s going to be painful financially for you for a bit while you recover.
However, sometimes, walking away and starting over from scratch is the healthier thing to do. Good luck my dude.” DetectiveResident391
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please talk to your landlord to see if he could take you off the lease. Take the electricity bills off your name and shut it off if that’s allowed (check your contract).
Your sister treats you horribly and she’s using you. I wonder how she wants to ‘cut you off’. If that’s true it would save you from a lot of worries and nonsense. Don’t threaten me with a good time. Too bad that she’ll probably contact you again when she needs money, that’s my guess at least.” NiekPKMN
13. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate's Friend To Stay In Our Apartment Alone?
“My roommate (23) and I (21) have been rooming since we were freshmen.
We have gotten along great given that we’re seniors/graduates now. We’re not only roommates but pretty much besties. I know her friends, and she knows mine.
Today I just got a call. She’s from out of state and I’m just a few cities out.
Long story short: she asked if her best friend could stay an entire week + weekend and that she would just give her her own key. Normally, I’d say sure! No problem… except my roommate wouldn’t even be in town. Her best friend would have the entire apartment on her own, I’ll be out of town too.
She said something along the lines of “yeah, I spoke with ____, I told her it’d be okay but I just wanted to make sure with you.”
I told her on the phone straight up since it’s better than BSing that no, I’d be uncomfortable with that.
She seemed annoyed on the phone and hung up pretty fast once I said no. Am I being an unreasonable roommate?? Not to mention, she’s tried stuff like this before… telling me her sister would only stay for a week and then staying for half a month.
Anyways, I feel like it’s not the answer she wanted to hear yet I’m glad I stood my ground.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, she should have brought this up before speaking to her friend. That this isn’t the first time shows she knows that it’s wrong, but is one of the ‘ask for forgiveness rather than permission’ types.
Setting firm boundaries now will make it a lot better in the long run. Get everything in messages so it’s in writing. Last point – with only the friend there, if something goes wrong, you two will be left with the consequences. So it’s not being an ‘unreasonable roommate’, it’s being a responsible tenant.” No-Flight7858
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your apartment, too, your stuff is there, you pay for it. You don’t want someone in it who does who knows what, uses your stuff, throws parties, whatever. And you didn’t even have the time to secure some stuff.
Just no. Your apartment isn’t an Airbnb (for free). It was good to stand your ground. But I wouldn’t be so sure that she doesn’t let the friend stay anyway. Do you have a friend, family that can check? And for the future, I would set clear rules about such kinds of guests.
She needs her own apartment if she wants to behave like this but not with a roommate.” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and NTJ. Your friend pays rent for the place just like you do. I know you don’t want her there without either of you, but I don’t think you should have the final say.
You should get a lock for your room as I’ve always done for any place I lived.” PotatoQueenForLife
12. AITJ For Keeping My Salary Increase A Secret From My Sister And Her Fiancé?
“I work at an accounting job that pays a very nice salary along with my sister and her fiancé.
They helped me get the job in the first place and we’ve been the only accountants at our location for a while with me coming into the job way after them. Yesterday, I noticed my direct deposit was a thousand+ more than usual. Fearing that this was a mistake that could backfire on me I called my boss and told them about the increase.
They told me not to tell anyone about my salary increase as he put it within the six-figure range. He said, “believe it or not I actually watch my cameras and check the records to see who is actually doing their work and you’ve exceeded expectations since starting.” He told me he is working on increasing my salary more if I keep up the work but I’m not allowed to tell my sister and her fiancé about it.
I feel like I’m the jerk because they’ve been here far longer than me and I’ve already begun to make more than them and I feel bad for keeping a secret this big from them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s guess, shall we?
Sis and her fiancé work longer there than you but get no raise. *wink* So keep your mouth shut, speaking about it will only invite unnecessary drama into your private and your work life. So enjoy the ‘ill-gotten gains’ you worked for, they are an acknowledgment of your hard work.
Maybe even a test if you can keep a secret, if you are fit to climb the corporate ladder, i.e. firm branches out, needs to hire a few more accountants and suddenly there is the new position of a team leader.” Tessa_Kamoda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not sharing news of your pay raise. Your salary is your biz, not your co-workers’ – especially if they are your relatives. You don’t mention if you agree with your boss’s assessment that you are working more diligently than others in the office, but let’s assume you are.
Yes, the boss is not allowed to ask this of you. But are you so sure that he has not already given your sis/fiancé a raise and asked them the same thing? So what would you gain by sharing this news with your sister and fiance?
You would gain an envious relative, potentially change the dynamics in the office, possibly ratchet up tension at family get-togethers, and annoy your boss who asked you not to share this information. Better to keep this news to yourself. If you don’t like your boss’s tactics (and I understand how this would be distasteful) then stay on the boss’s good side while you look for a new job somewhere else.” 11phoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the jerk for choosing not to discuss your financial situation, wages included, with ANYONE. That’s up to you. However, if you live and work in the US, it’s illegal for your employer to forbid you from discussing wages with coworkers, and it is illegal for them to fire you for doing so.
You didn’t say whether you are in the US, but a lot of Americans (and I mean a lot, going by the responses to this thread) do not realize what rights they actually have. We don’t have many rights, as American workers; the right to discuss your salary with coworkers is one of them.
It’s the corporations that spread and heavily emphasize the “taboo” of discussing salary. Why? Because if people don’t talk about their salary to their coworkers, then they can hide underpaying everyone. If you feel COMFORTABLE discussing your salary with your sister and fiancé, you should; if you don’t, then don’t, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.
Just know it’s your choice. I do feel your employer should have sat you down before the raise was effective and explained that because you were exceeding expectations you were getting a raise. Most raises come with a performance review of some kind, that’s scheduled regularly, not just out of the blue.
Though that’s just my personal impression. Not doing it openly makes it seem a little shady, like they have something to hide (like underpaying most of their employees)? Take that opinion with a grain of salt, OP, and see if it jives with your own experience.” iphijenneia
11. AITJ For Refusing To Store My Neighbor's Frozen Placenta?
“My (f) partner (m) (both late 20s) and I live in a house with several apartments.
We have a group chat to communicate in case of emergencies or urgent house stuff, but I don’t really know any of them. So today, one of our neighbors posted on this chat saying her and her partner’s (both mid-30s I guess) fridge had broken and if any of us had some spare space in our freezers to store their frozen goods until they get a new fridge.
We hadn’t lived in the building for long and I wanted to prove myself as a good neighbor, so I offered that we could keep some of their things in our freezer – thinking we were talking frozen peas, French fries, maybe some meats.
When she showed up at my doorstep, they handed me a couple of frozen foods and a large plastic container. I wanted to be polite and we were making some small talk when she casually mentioned that the container held her placenta that they were going to bury at some point but haven’t gotten around to doing it in the five years since their child was born.
I was completely gobsmacked. It’s not that I’m in any way appalled or disgusted by human, especially female body functions and I support women handling their pregnancy, childbirth, and placenta however they see fit, but standing in my doorway holding the placenta of a woman I barely even know just felt weirdly intimate and strange.
I was also taken aback by how nonchalantly she just handed me her organ in a Tupperware container without even discussing it first.
So I told her that I would be happy to store all their food items for them until they get a new fridge, but that I was highly uncomfortable with keeping her placenta, that she would have to make other arrangements and handed her the container.
She didn’t take it well and argued that there’s no difference to the frozen foods, that the placenta was safely wrapped, that it shouldn’t bother me, and that I should hold up to my promise and be a good neighbor like I offered because they’re relying on me.
While all of this is kind of true, I still didn’t feel comfortable storing her placenta next to my food or in my possession at all for that matter. She took all of the frozen foods out of my hands and stormed off, loudly complaining that I was shaming a mom for a perfectly normal and healthy body function, that I’m a bigot, lousy neighbor and basically person for not helping them out in time of need.
When I told my partner he was on my side, but some of my friends think I should have just sucked it up, that the placenta wouldn’t have even touched my food, that I’m being weird about it for no reason and that I’m robbing parents of their chance to perform a meaningful ritual. I’m now debating whether I should go apologize to my neighbor and offer to store her placenta in our freezer.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s really weird. Animals eat the placenta to regain nutrients after birth. Human mothers don’t need to do that. And if she was gonna plant it, she’s had FIVE YEARS to do it.
It’s not gonna happen. This is such a weird request. And gross. I say this as a woman who had two placentas and didn’t keep either of them. It’s medical waste (except when it can be used for some medical purposes, but definitely not after five years in a G-d Tupperware.
You have to arrange the donation before birth).” OIWantKenobi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the placenta had been sealed in a special container by the hospital, you’d be fine. But random household containers do not provide protection from any pathogens that may or may not be present.
If you lose power, things begin to thaw, etc. Look, I am all for people doing what they want with their placenta, but you aren’t obligated to store it for them at any point. Your neighbor is a jerk for being rude and disparaging you for saying no to her placenta.
If anyone says you should just go ahead and help her, offer to give your neighbor’s number to them so they can come to her rescue. P.S. The placenta is incredible. I used to work labor and delivery as an RN, so I’ve had to bag plenty of placentas.” GreenEyedPhotographr
Another User Comments:
“I’m going no jerks here – you were trying to do the nice thing to introduce yourself to your neighbors but found a boundary you hadn’t thought of in the processes. I also see the woman seeing this as a type of betrayal. I know people who stored their placenta for 8 years because they were waiting to buy a house and plant a tree where they could bury it (they had lost the baby late term so it was a type of memorial for them).
I don’t know if she wanted to also wait till they had a house or just hadn’t agreed on a spot or were just lazy.” Lollipopwalrus
10. AITJ For Blowing Up On My Aunts Over My Mother's Care Plan?
“I (33F) have a mother (66F) who suffers from memory loss as a result of several strokes. My mom currently lives with my grandmother but needs to be relocated to a retirement home for a higher level of care. I have been researching/visiting several homes.
Last month, my aunt visited me and told me that she and another aunt had also been researching/visiting retirement homes. I was a little taken aback because they knew I had been doing research and never talked to me about it. But then I thought they were just trying to be helpful – I’m seven months pregnant, work full-time, and am in the middle of home renovations.
I asked if they could include me in future planning and they agreed.
My aunts think my mom just needs assisted living but I disagree and think she needs memory care – she gets lost in my grandmother’s home, wandered once, and struggles to communicate her needs.
She needs assistance with most daily living activities (dressing, bathing, diaper changes). I wasn’t going to push the issue because when we tour homes with my mother, she will be assessed and a nurse will determine whether she needs assisted living or memory care.
My mother lives across the province so my aunt planned a trip so we could tour several nearby homes with her. But then they told me they only wanted to visit one home. It’s a very nice place but I’m concerned because the memory care floor would be out of budget by $1000/month.
I asked if they would consider visiting at least one other home while she’s in the area (it’s not as nice but its memory care floor is within budget) and they refused.
We also initially discussed moving her in the winter but now they want to move her at the beginning of December.
I’m not opposed to it but got upset because I wasn’t consulted. It would be me and my husband moving her (which would also require time off work).
This all has blown up and become a big issue. I know they mean well and want the best for my mom but I blew up on them because I’m being cut out of the planning.
AITJ for blowing up on my aunts? It’s hard to tell because I’m just so hormonal right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are right. Your mother will be assessed and that’s when the doctor will determine if she needs memory care. Sounds like she will need it, I’m afraid, but again, I’m going based on experience with loved ones.
I would say you and your husband go straight to a lawyer and have him sign you up as her POA for medical and financial. You can make all decisions for her, including whether or now you want specific people to visit her or keep people away from her.
You also can find out if you as her daughter have the right to choose where she goes and not her mother or sisters. Do this quickly, because if they become POAs to your mother, they can prevent you from ever seeing her or finding out anything about her, without their permission.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure how it works in Canada, but here in the US, you would want to talk to an elder care lawyer about arranging a POA or guardianship for your mother if that hasn’t already been taken care of. Best wishes for getting through this process and trying to support your mother.
I’ve lost both of my parents after their different struggles with cognition changes. Both situations were difficult, but I am lucky to have siblings and extended family who all worked cooperatively to help. It’s so much tougher when the concerned parties demand their way is the best instead of listening and working together.” JazzyKnowsBest13
Another User Comments:
“The cost of assisted living is substantially lower than if memory care is required. I doubt assisted living will cover diaper change, dressing, bathing, etc, at least it didn’t when I was looking for care for my father. Your aunt may be trying to protect your mother’s assets, living in a care facility can be very expensive and no one knows how long it will be for.
One thing is for sure, your mother’s faculties are unlikely to improve, it’s usually a long slow decline. Does your aunt really understand your mother’s level of need? Is she downplaying it to save money, perhaps she doesn’t want to believe the full extent of the support required, perhaps it’s reminding her of her own mortality, there could be other things running through her head.
Talk to your aunt. Make sure you both understand the level of support required now and that that will only increase with time. It’s not easy. Good luck.” Is-this-rabbit
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister Not To Invest In My Husband's Family Business?
“While my (33f) sister (38f) has always been a bit controlling, we had a good relationship for the most part. That changed when she got engaged to a man who, frankly, was terrible. Despite all the red flags, she chose to ignore them. For a while, I had a decent relationship with him, but they had countless issues, broke up, and got back together multiple times, with incidents of abuse.
Eventually, two weeks before the wedding, he ended it — or, more accurately, he broke it off. My sister went into full meltdown mode, blaming everyone but herself or him for the breakdown of their relationship. After a month of her playing the victim and refusing to accept any responsibility, I told her that it was both her and his fault, not my family’s.
I also told her that he was abusive and a bad person. She took that personally, stopped talking to me, and blocked me on all platforms. It’s been four years since then, and she’s still holding a grudge and refuses to speak to me.
Last year, I met my now-husband. His family owns a business that he works for. The company is doing well, but since all the brothers are involved, there are constant financial disputes. When I introduced my partner (now husband) to my family, my sister left without even greeting him.
I’m sure she couldn’t handle seeing someone else getting engaged, and maybe she was especially upset that it was me. She later apologized, but the cold treatment continued through all the events leading up to my wedding. The only time she acted civil was at my wedding, where she took a couple of photos with me for show, but I didn’t care much about that since she hadn’t been supportive of me for the past four years.
I’m fine as long as she doesn’t interfere in my life.
Now, here’s where we are: I was working from my parents’ house, and she was there too, though in a separate area. It’s an open space, so we could overhear each other’s conversations.
I overheard her talking with my brother-in-law’s wife about giving them money as a cash injection for their business. She planned to give him money to manage their working capital, with a contract stating he’d pay her back with interest. She also told her not to tell me.
I lost it and told her to stay away from my husband’s family and not to get involved with their business. While she’s absolutely entitled to do whatever she wants with her money, I don’t want her to become entangled in their financial issues.
I’ve kept my distance from their family’s drama, and I don’t want to be dragged into it now. By giving them money, she’s putting me and my husband in a position where we could face fallout from her involvement in their business — which, by the way, is their only source of income.
Some family members are telling me that, as consenting adults, it’s none of my business. Others are supporting me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
““Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine” And to borrow another euphemism, she really wants to mess up your doorstep.
It is your business, she’s making it your business. You could try to have a calmer conversation (and don’t lose it) and give her some insight into the family dynamics and why it probably isn’t a good idea to involve herself. Leave out your concerns for you and your husband.
Also, talk to the BIL. Explain to him given your sister’s past behavior why it isn’t a good idea for him. And also make it clear that when it all goes wrong, under no circumstances is he to try and involve you. Even though he will.
NTJ.” blueflash775
Another User Comments:
“I agree that your sister has the right to loan her money to anyone she wants. However, I question her motives. Why would she lend your husband’s family money? Is she involved with one of the brothers? If she is, then you probably should stay out of it.
If she isn’t, then you have a right to be concerned because the families’ infighting could seriously affect your relationship. NTJ for being concerned or speaking out. Usually, I would say to mind your own business, but in this case, I support that you spoke up.” Caroline0541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given your sister’s animosity towards you, you would be right to suspect her motivations. I wouldn’t bother to appeal to her to stay out of the family business. This may be exactly what she wants – to be in control, to cause strife, and to be able to turn you down.
Instead, I’d recommend that you and your husband bring up the loan and its intended use to everyone relevant in the family business. Express your concern over your sister’s motivations. Make it very clear that you oppose anyone’s financial involvement with her as you don’t believe the loan offer is well intentioned.” Mermaidtoo
8. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Lecturing Me?
“My partner is a very smart man and he likes to talk. He will often start talking about a topic he’s interested in and keep monologuing about it for like 10 minutes. However, he will do it without caring if I’m listening to him or not, whether I’m reacting to the things he’s saying or not, he will just lead a monologue whose purpose doesn’t seem to be anything else than to lecture me and show me how stupid I am.
As you can perhaps understand, I’m quite annoyed by this, but don’t know how to handle it. A few weeks ago he was lecturing me about car engines (I literally can’t even drive) and I tried just straight up telling him “hey, I’m not really interested in this” and he got offended and then started telling me “I’m not interested in this” every time I tried to share a piece of info (even if it was relevant to him!) with him.
This morning, I had trouble with my internet (I was supposed to work from home) and asked him about it. He helped me but then started explaining the issues with my VPN and how VPNs work. I tuned out after a bit, because I couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying, and started checking my emails.
Then he got offended again because I was ignoring him. I told him that I really don’t like it when he lectures me and that I would like him to stop doing it, he told me that he doesn’t feel like he’s lecturing me. In the end, I kinda mockingly asked him, whether he would prefer me to just stare at him, until he gets it out of his system since I apparently can’t even tell him when I’m not interested in something.
He got offended again and the atmosphere at home was so tense, I decided to go to the office instead.
I acted out of long-term built-up irritation, so the discussion was probably not very productive from my side. He seemed kinda hurt in the end too, so I’m just wondering whether I’m not in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“So the best way to handle it is a gentle conversation. Tell him he’s intelligent and he likes to share his wisdom, but it doesn’t resonate with you the same way the information does with him. It can feel like a lecture, and at that point, it doesn’t feel like a conversation between equals or partners.
I don’t think you brought it up in the healthiest way, and he sure didn’t respond in the healthiest way, but I don’t know if that makes anyone a jerk. Just try to avoid letting your feelings bubble up like that and look for a kinder avenue to communicate.
My thought process here is to give him the benefit of the doubt. Once. For the sake of the relationship, talk it out as though he didn’t mean to make you feel stupid or bore you to death. Give him a chance to change his behavior.
What I should have added is that if the pattern doesn’t change, then it’s time to be blunt. Or maybe leave the long-winded professor, expert on all things. Drop his class and stop attending his lectures.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the sound of someone in love with their own voice and knowledge is like nails on a chalkboard for me.
I’m sure there are kinder ways to say it, but the fact that he knows you’re not interested and keeps going – gross. My dad used to lecture us for (no joke) an average of 1.5 hours when we got in trouble. We stood at attention and he sat.
He also gets hurt if another adult tells him they’re not interested, but he becomes a bully if he thinks a kid thinks that way. Superiority isn’t a good thing.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards a soft YTJ here. I get no one likes to be lectured, but it seems you are literally asking for his help and advice about things, and then ‘switching off’ once he starts explaining said things.
There’s a common trend here. Essentially you are saying: “I need XYZ fixing, but I don’t give a darn about the details. Just fix it without doing too much talking.” Why does this make you the jerk? Because if someone is gracious enough to help you out when you ask for it, it doesn’t take much to listen to what they have to say – they are literally only trying to help.
You said the only purpose of his monologues is to make you feel stupid. Do you honestly and genuinely believe these are his true intentions? Stop asking your partner for help if you specifically hate the way he helps by explaining things to you.” GrapefruitNo9284
7. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Lease Agreement With Friends To Save Money For School?
“I am a 19-year-old first-year college student, who about a week ago, agreed with a group of 5 friends that I’d be interested in living with them next school year.
Yesterday, we found a place we really liked and talked about how we’d figure out the lease by the end of the week. Today they’ve decided they want to sign the lease ASAP/by tonight because the landlord explained that the market is competitive and they don’t want to lose this nice house… But, reading through the lease has made me realize I don’t want to do this financially.
Even with the 5 of us, this would cost me $750/month or $9k to live there for August 2025-July 2026, not counting utilities… and that is money that could go towards classes (I am paying for school by myself and just came back from a gap year of working.
I do not want to take any loans and have a lot of anxiety about going into debt after college because it happened to my mom and it still affects her). My family also lives close enough to campus that I can just stay with them without having to pay anything.
These friends are all from out of town so they need to find a place to stay. I feel like a jerk now for saying I don’t think I can as soon as they are trying to sign the place because I definitely could with the money I have saved, but I know I’ll regret it in the future.
I know I really don’t want to, but feel like I have to because they don’t have anyone else and they need 5 people.
Right now I am banking on the fact that my parents refuse to co-sign, but I technically wouldn’t need them because my credit score is better than the both of them.
Do I continue to lie and say that my parents are the reason I can’t sign? Most if not all of these places require us to have co-signers because we’re so young, but my parents’ financial history is so poor they don’t think they’d be approved as co-signers
I feel like a jerk because this is causing them a lot of anxiety, but it would be better for my own anxiety in the long run if I stayed at home and saved the money… I don’t know how any of them are paying for school, so I feel awkward and kind of like a jerk for suddenly saying I couldn’t afford it.
(How would you/should I go about this without ruining my relationship with these people? I don’t want to screw them over but know I will if I pull out, which is what I want to do…)”
Another User Comments:
“Be smart about your finances, and never make a rushed or potentially bad financial decision just because you want to be nice.
It’s how a lot of us end up with a bad debt or in a bad situation. Are you the jerk backing out at the last minute, yep. The world isn’t going to stop spinning, and you even mention how this “rush” is due to the landlord.
The landlord, your friends, none of them get to rush or pressure you. If it’s not feeling right, then you’re doing the right thing in stopping it now. Trust your gut. They will get over it, or they won’t. That’s not worth putting yourself in a bad situation for.
Sometimes we have to be a bit of a jerk, but you are the ONLY person looking out for yourself. It’s okay that they will be disappointed. You be your best friend, and have your own back in this situation.” NewWayBack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you just came to a realization late this was not a fiscally good move for you.
(Wise move imho by the way!) Better NOW than before signing anything. They might be disappointed sure. But they can either eat the cost and each pay a bit more, maybe find another person later or they will be free to refine their search for 4 roomies instead of 5.
It sounds like the rush is due to the landlord and you weren’t pressed for housing yet. You all just started looking. Even with the credit score thing you might still need your parent to co-sign due to lack of rental/work history, I think it would be perfectly ok to use that as an excuse.” stella-eurynome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on my understanding, it’s not that you no longer want to room with them but the place is out of your budget/an amount you’re willing to pay. That’s absolutely fine but you NEED to communicate that. A “hey guys, that price point is out of my budget.
If you want to live there that’s totally fine but you’ll need to find another roommate. I can’t make that work will sound much better than the lie you’re about to tell. They may be mad but you’ll have been honest. If you already told the Mommy and Daddy said no lie then it’s already over, but then just do better next time.
And just live at home all four years then. Just be honest in the future. The worst that can happen is the relationship sours, and your friends would be willing to look for a new place if they reallllllly wanted to live with you.” EJ_1004
6. AITJ For Proving To My Friend That Looks Matter?
“I (34M) have a great group of friends who are all really supportive and uplifting, especially with me recently as I try and lose all the weight I’ve put on. I’ve been working on it with diet, exercise, and medication, but it takes time and they’ve all been amazing.
Out of the group, I’m the only one still single, and it’s not by choice, with mental, financial, and physical health issues keeping me single. One of my friends, Kay (28F), is very well-meaning but has decided to become my personal cheerleader when it comes to my romantic life.
She keeps insisting I try the apps, saying it will just take some time I need to be patient, and that my personality will shine through. I’ve told her I’ve tried them but haven’t had much luck and that it’s my looks that are holding me back (which I’m actively working on).
K insists I’m being too negative about myself (the rest of the group just rolls their eyes).
So, to prove my point, this is where I might be the jerk. I recreated my profiles, same name, background, and prompts but used my friend’s (who is a good-looking happily married dude) pictures (with his permission) to prove my point that looks matter more on apps.
I showed Kay the results: over 150 matches on one app with a ton of likes (and roses?) and a plethora of bots on another popular app. She’s now upset, calling me a jerk for showing her how harsh the world can be, saying she was just trying to help.
I feel like I might be the jerk for raining on her parade and showing how harsh the single life can be for an overweight single guy. I also might be a bit of a jerk to those women, who have messaged me thinking I’m my good-looking gay friend.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is no jerks here because this isn’t a jerk situation. Your friend is trying to encourage you. She probably thinks you’re a great person and that many women would be lucky to have you. However, you have way too much going on to give a woman anything right now.
Relationships are give and take. We both have to give and receive. Your goal right now should be to work on yourself. When you are happier with yourself inside and outside you will be a far better partner. Looks will always matter to some people.
Relationship apps are also a microcosm where both men and women typically care more about looks than they might IRL because that’s all you get. IRL you might meet at the shops or sit by each other at the bar. You get the smell of perfume/cologne, shampoo, etc, you get the sound of voices, and you might get touch too.
Many women are also leaving these apps due to safety issues, so better to meet IRL anyway.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your friend getting more matches doesn’t prove that looks matter. There are plenty of overweight men in relationships. Looks matter to an extent.
You likely can get matches too but they’re probably not with women you want. I find when men claim looks matter what they mean is looks matter to the usually very young, very hot desirable woman that he wants. There’s a reason why studies show that no matter the age demographic men usually find the same age 23 most desirable.” Maleficent-Bottle674
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were feeling down, and your friend tried to help, but her advice wasn’t really grounded or resonant — it’s not what you needed to hear. But it sounds like she really meant it, which is why she’s upset you did that experiment.
What are you hoping to hear from her OP? Would you have felt better if she said “Yeah, relationship apps will be harder for you since you’re not conventionally attractive.” you know? I have been on the other side of this situation and had really wonderful, charming, and average-looking men in my life share their trouble with finding The One (or A One), and all I want is to boost their confidence because I genuinely think they are lovely people.
But doing it well takes tact, and it sounds like your friend didn’t get the hint that she was pushing it. Sounds like it’s just a mixed bag of good intentions.” parsleyjunior
5. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Thanksgiving With My Partner's Racist Uncle And Anime-Obsessed Brother?
“I’m very Asian, I was born in Japan, and the only reason I’m mentioning this as stated in the title, is my partner’s uncle is racist (pretty much the typical heavy drinker uncle that spouts racist stuff at any family gathering) and the one time I met him he called me the slur for Asians three times and asked if I’ve eaten dog before.
Also after I said I was from Japan, he still insisted that I was clearly from China as he apparently was an expert on picking apart races as it’s part of his job. He works in a bank.
Luckily my partner defended me but her family was somewhat nonchalant about what he did?
Almost like they didn’t care?
And I don’t even know where to start with her brother, he is very into anime which I’m personally not into but it’s fine he is. It’s just that he seems to have a fixation with the fact I’m Japanese?
Like when I was meeting her family for the first time, he immediately took notice of me and wouldn’t stop asking questions? Which I understand as I’m new to the family and all but they were the strangest questions, like he asked me how hard it was to speak Japanese less in the US and that I could always speak with him so that I don’t miss home as much (his Japanese is horrendous, I could tell he’s only memorized phrases from shows) and if I have any traditional Japanese items that I could show him?
I’m honestly weirded out by both of them and when my partner asked if I wanted to go to her family’s Thanksgiving this year I immediately said no. She was very upset with this answer. But I still refuse to go as I don’t want to be called racist things and be in the presence of a guy who can’t separate anime from reality.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother-in-law is racist and so is her partner. I’m no contact. You aren’t obligated to put yourself in an uncomfortable position with people who are openly and unapologetically racist. Nope. If your partner hates it so much, she should consider skipping it as well.
Lastly, it’s Thanksgiving. Why would you sit at a table uncomfortable and hating it? What would you be thankful for for being there? Hard pass. I also am disappointed for you that your partner even asked you to put yourself in that position again.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hanging out with the racist uncle can’t be fun. I could probably give the brother the benefit of the doubt that he’s just trying to connect and find things in common, even if he’s awkward at it. The uncle… not that I think it would help, but I feel like you’d need your partner to take a strong stand in defending you.
OR – you could square off with the uncle next time he says something racist. “It seems you have a problem with me or my race, given the racial slurs you’ve been calling me, maybe it’s better we stay out of each other’s way?” and say it loud enough for everyone to hear.
That might solve it either way. Either you’re never invited again, or he isn’t. Haha.” DixOut-4-Harambe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will say this. Many people really into anime will fixate on where you come from. My child, who is 22 now (gawd time flies), learned Japanese on her own because she thought it sounded neat.
And I mean, I can hold a conversation with it kinda learned. Over 6 years, she studied hard at it. She likes many of the cultural aspects that come from Japan. For some reason, it seems to resonate with who she is. She plans to take a trip there.
Because of anime, she has found a love to learn about other cultures and appreciate what they have to offer. So it’s ok to think it’s weird. Just sounds like another person who fell down the rabbit hole of finding your culture amazing thanks to anime.” tiny-pest
4. AITJ For Refusing To Return The PC My Ex's Dad Gifted Me?
“I (19m) recently parted ways with my ex (18f). The breakup didn’t go very well and has been a very difficult process for both of us.
Yesterday my ex sent me a text message that said “Hey.. I planned on texting you about this when you responded to me, but my dad suggested I do it sooner rather than later. My dad kinda wants his pc back. He wants me to pick it up for him at some point within the next month.
Let me know when you’re free and I’ll have my mom go get it from you so things are less awkward.”
Her dad gave me the pc as a gift last Christmas and there were no conditions that I would need to give it back once the relationship ended. I responded by standing my ground firmly: “The pc was a gift given to me.
There were no conditions that I was borrowing it. I will not give the pc back. I feel it’s an unfair assumption that I would need to give a gift back.”
Later, I got a text from her mom: “Hi (my name). (Her name) mentioned that she told you that her dad wants the PC back and that you responded that you don’t want to return it.
That was given to you because you were her partner. I understand that it was a gift, but he built the PC and would like it back. It’s more than just a general gift. I don’t think it’s right for you to keep it.
She would prefer not to get her dad involved. Please let me know when would be a good time for me to stop by and pick it up.”
Am I the jerk for thinking that’s not how gifts work and that I should keep the pc?
What should I do in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is weird, to be honest. I might understand a little kid thinking he can ask for a Christmas gift back, but two adults? This sounds more like punishment for the break-up rather than a reasonable request. Also, when the mom said “She would prefer not to get her dad involved”, that sounds like a veiled threat to me.
Do you still live at home? Have you mentioned this to your parents if you do? I get that you are 19 and all, but if you live with people, either parents or roommates, maybe mention this is going on and that some 40-year-old might be coming around demanding a 10-month-old Christmas gift back.
Personally, I would not give it back myself, but I would be aware that this dad could show up unannounced and start causing problems. Let the people in your orbit know just so they aren’t completely blindsided. Good luck.” Heathcoatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Answer “By law, the gift giver rescinds all rights to a gift at the moment the gift reaches the recipient.
Being in a relationship with your daughter in payment for the right to use the pc however was never spoken about, hinted at, or agreed upon and thus does not negate the pc being a gift in all intents and purposes. You may not like it but in the end that is a fact and trying to put pressure on me to give the gift back is in no way lawful or smart.
But then again you thought it was a good idea to give a home build to a teenager in a relationship with your teenage daughter when, as you should know, teenage relationships are notoriously short-lived. So there is that.” I mean you could have given it back.
But they have no right to demand it lol.” talkmemetome
Another User Comments:
“I’d call their bluff. I think there’s a reason you haven’t heard from Dad directly and that each message ends with ‘when is a good time to come get it’. Like if they just say it with authority you’ll be like oh gosh I guess Thursday afternoon.
Obviously, don’t give the PC back, you don’t need to and they have no legal recourse to do anything about it. Which is why they threatened to get Dad involved, not the lawyer. The deeply petty part of me would want to agree, then go find some old computer parts, bash them to pieces, and give them the confetti when they show up.” captainsnark71
3. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Feuding Cousins?
“My parents took in my cousins after my aunt passed away 6 months ago. Jake is 12 and Riley turns 11 in a couple of days. Jake and Riley are half-brothers. Their dads were arrested after my aunt passed away and so they can’t each have custody of their kid.
And it’s looking like they might serve at least a couple of years each. So Jake and Riley will be with us for at least as long. I’ll hopefully be moved out by then.
Stuff was always really bad between them. Jake’s dad left my aunt while she was pregnant but was still upset she saw anyone after him.
Riley’s dad got upset that Jake’s dad was still around and broke up with my aunt because she wouldn’t cut him out. Jake’s dad disliked Riley for wanting that and Riley’s dad disliked Jake for “ruining everything”. I remember hearing stories of the two of them getting into fights.
The boys matched that even though my aunt tried to create a loving bond between them. But they refuse to be called even half brothers, let alone brothers. They hate each other as much as their dads hate each other.
Life with them is challenging and they’re grieving which makes it worse.
They don’t want to live together but we’re their only option. My parents keep hoping grief therapy will help them see each other as their link to my aunt and it will bring them closer.
Because of the fighting, they can’t be left unattended. Which is why babysitting is an issue.
My parents want me to do it and I don’t want to. My parents have to pull them apart a lot. That’s not what I want to do with my free time. My parents have offered to pay me but really, unless they paid me like a crazy amount, it wouldn’t be worth it because I would always have to be on guard.
They ruin each other’s food, they break each other’s stuff, they curse at each other, wish each other dead, and they ruin each other’s homework. Just all kinds of stuff. I believe they would be happy to have the other out of their life and I believe them when they say they’d be happy for the other to die.
My parents think I’m not doing what I should as a 16-year-old who has a pretty good life otherwise. I would say I had until 6 months ago but now I try to not be home because of them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this seems like a little too much to put on a 16-year-old.
If these were self-sufficient young adults that at least could live and let live then no problem, but that doesn’t seem like it can happen here. If something happened to one of them while on your watch, it would be devastating to everyone but mostly you.
Talk to your school counselor for help, find someone that can help you talk to your parents.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t the jerk, but I think you need to play this out for your parents. Walk them through what they would expect you to do when the boys go at each other.
Point out any size, weight, and strength issues (one plays football since 4 and the other is doing karate for a year). Remind them that grown adults are having a hard time managing them in school. Really make them articulate their expectations. Ask the hard questions, “ok, so I try to pull them apart, and one of them accidentally punches me.
Now, what do you expect me to do? How hurt do I have to be before you stop expecting me to get in the middle? What if it’s not accidentally but one or both of them decides to turn their rage on me because there is no adult around.
What level of abuse am I expected to just take? At what point can I defend myself? Where is the line that I shouldn’t cross? At what point am I allowed to call the police?” Make them go through this exercise. These kids are about to catch a case.
And your parents quite simply are setting you up to be a victim of violence or a tragedy because you have to defend yourself. Your parents made the choice to take both of these boys in. They are the adults and it is on them to find safe and appropriate childcare.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These two boys are devils in disguise… or maybe not so disguised. Their hatred of each other makes them totally uncontrollable by most adults, much less a 16-year-old. I noticed that your parents have to pull them apart often; it takes two people to do that.
Do they expect you to do it by yourself? Refuse, and refuse again, and again, and don’t stop refusing to babysit these monsters. They are just old enough to cause a lot of damage to each other — serious damage — and to make you babysit them and possibly be responsible for that is just totally wrong.
How do they expect you to keep control of them? I guess you could handcuff them to something really heavy in two separate rooms, but I wouldn’t even count on that keeping them under control, to be honest. They would probably pick the locks and then where would you be?
It sounds like the only thing that might work is hog-tying, but that’s a lot of work and probably not possible either, since you’d be trying to do it on a couple of boys who were not cooperating. It’d be like trying to restrain a couple of wild ferrets or something.
I know you are counting the days until you can get out of this madhouse, and I sympathize. Is there another relative you can go live with? It doesn’t sound like your two cousins are making your life very pleasant, even though it’s not actually you they are mad at.” LonelyOwl68
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Sick Kids Go Trick Or Treating?
“I (35M) have 2 kids (9M,6M). Context: I just started a new remote job so my medical benefits haven’t kicked in yet. My partner has a job that requires them to travel and is currently away.
For the past 2 weeks, the three of us have been dealing with a cold/flu bug.
It wasn’t serious enough outside of taking your standard over-the-counter remedies and continue going to school/work.
Today, the day before Halloween, the kids got a bit worse and wanted to stay home from school. I also felt worse so I made the necessary arrangements (contacting my job/school etc).
Kids are in bed watching TV and we’ll be doing soup and medicine for our diet today.
Now my oldest has a fair amount of common sense so I did warn him that if they still feel sick enough to miss school tomorrow as well as today, then they can’t go trick or treating.
He understands this.
I gave my in-laws the heads up about the potential cancellation as they planned to join in our trick-or-treating tomorrow. They think I’m ruining the holiday for the kids. My partner, while agreeing with me, wants me to bend to their will because they don’t want us to deal with the drama afterward i.e., “you’ll never hear the end of it”.
While I get the point, I wasn’t going to be completely heartless on the subject. I was going to make some Halloween-themed snacks and do some kid-friendly Halloween movies and allow them to wear their costumes all day tomorrow (just in bed) and buy them some discounted candy after Halloween to make up for the trick-or-treating loot they’ll miss out on.
But I also stand firm on the principle. If my kids aren’t well enough to attend school, then they aren’t well enough to socialize in this kind of activity.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I agree 100%. This is how I was raised. Too sick for school?
Then you’re too sick to leave the house. It’s not a punishment, it’s a safety measure. You don’t want them out there trick or treating & getting worse or getting other kids sick. It would be very irresponsible of you to allow this. Your wife is wrong, your inlaws are wrong.
They’re not the ones who have to deal with everyone including yourself being sick. I think what you have planned for the kids is good enough. Maybe even better!” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I think an at-home celebration with Halloween snacks and movies while sick sounds lovely and might even be a fond memory since it’s out of the norm.
I loved trick or treating but most of my childhood Halloweens blurred together. Quality time with Dad, costumes in bed, and a special spooky-themed night would definitely stick out. If you’re feeling well enough, maybe put a few decorations up (I think colorful lights do like 90% of the work to make a room festive) while they sleep.
You might be able to find a trunk or treat this upcoming weekend as well, as a makeup event.” Current_Read_7808
Another User Comments:
“Mom of two here. I know that is the general rule, and the rule enforced by the school for school functions.
However, I would let the kids trick or treat anyway. Going around the neighborhood for an hour or two for this magical day that happens only once a year is not the same as having to do schoolwork for 6+ hours. Kids are too sick for a birthday party?
There will be other birthday parties. But Halloween is different. Even if you only take them for a couple of blocks, they still get to participate in the specialness of Halloween. I would just discuss how far/how long you will go trick or treating before you leave the house, to avoid unpleasantness while you’re out.
Since this is AITJ, I am going with no jerks here. You are being a good dad, but it’s okay to bend the rules on occasion.” KFmess
1. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Laundry Being Removed From The Dryer?
“For the second time now I have gone into the laundry room to find my clothes in a pile on the communal folding table because someone needed the dryer. The thing is, the first time it happened literally all of the other dryers were empty.
I was furious but thought it might be a person that favored that particular dryer because I live in a technically sectioned complex, I try not to let things bother me.
But tonight I left my laundry in the dryer for a few hours as I was decompressing after a bad day, and I went into the laundry room and three piles of laundry were on the table, one being mine.
To be honest, I usually do two loads of laundry and only use one dryer on high heat because of time and cost. Also, I have undergarments in one, so I guess I hope they had clean hands… and didn’t steal anything.
Anyway, I’m oscillating between feeling like a jerk for emailing my property people but like, what the heck man?
Am I crazy for being so upset I sent an email?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because all the other dryers were empty doesn’t mean they were when someone needed to dry their clothes. They were only empty when you went to grab your clothes because everyone else went & got their things promptly.
And if you email your property manager, you’re the one who’s going to be embarrassed. They are not going to take your side here. They are communal & while some people will give you a short grace period to fetch your clothes a majority of people won’t.
It’s on you to make sure you are back on time.” Stefie25
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In all the apartments I lived in, there were LITERALLY notices saying, don’t leave your clothes in the washing machine or dryer because other people need to use it.
If you left it in there, they wouldn’t be responsible if people took it out and put it on the table. Essentially, the onus is on you to put a timer on to get your washing and dryer done in a timely manner. This is harsh but no one cares that we have mental illnesses that prevent us from doing normal things.
When someone needs to dry their clothes, they don’t see this pile of clothes as the owner being depressed, they see it as someone being lazy and couldn’t be bothered to get their washing in time. It’s not like they can tell you’re having a bad day?
Another thing, emailing the property people won’t help your case. I work in the property industry myself, and someone emailing about washing being out on the table is the LEAST of my problems. If the machines broke down and weren’t functioning – sure that would be a problem because it affects everyone but your clothes sounds like a you problem and they just won’t care as much as you’d like them to.” [deleted]
