People Try To Make Their Case In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Chose Our Apartment Without My Input?
“I (25F) was asked to move in with my partner (30M) about 2 and a half weeks ago.
We agreed that we’d both like to move in together around September of this year. He told me that he’d be looking at apartments with just his kids and use them to make his final decision for where we’d move. I understood that his children would be his priority, but I consulted with him a couple of days later stating that I’d like to be a part of the conversation about where we live too, as it’d be mainly me and him since his kids live with their mother and visit once a week on Sundays.
On Wednesday, we made plans for me to spend a couple of days at his place like I typically do every other week. Yesterday being the day that I would come over from work, he asked me to come to his job first because he wanted to see me.
I was confused but obliged. Afterward, he asked me to follow him from his job and I did. As we drive, we pull into an apartment complex I’ve never seen before and ask him why we’re here. He proceeds to tell me that this is where he’s chosen to live with the help of his kids.
I’m taken aback, seeing that we’re supposed to be moving in together in September.
I ask him why I wasn’t asked or even consulted, seeing that he now has a new place that I’m expected to live in without so much as even knowing that his lease was up earlier than he let on.
He then reiterated that I already knew he was going to let his kids be the decision-makers and that it wasn’t a big deal. I get upset and we start arguing about how I should’ve had a say because we’re still supposed to make sure we’re both comfortable in a place that I, him, and his kids are ok with.
I ended up leaving because he didn’t understand that I thought we had months to figure this out when in reality I was not a part of any conversation, consultation, or decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…the kids should have some say, but ultimately, the ones paying the bills have the final say.
I would ask said partner if he is paying for everything. If not, then I would be telling him, that he just rented an apartment by himself for himself and his children. I would not move in with him. He has made it clear, that in all aspects of his life, his children will come first. What he could have done, with you, is maybe look at a few apartments, you both decide on your top two choices, and then possibly ask his kids which they like.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should consider this a breakup. Your name isn’t on the lease. He’s using his kids as an excuse to be a poor communicator and partner. It’s not their fault, he’s 30 and trying to take advantage of you.
Another 30-year-old would not entertain that nonsense for even a minute.” Abject_Director7626
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be living there the same as him, but he can’t understand why you should get any say in the matter. Massive red flag and you need to dump this guy.
Of course, his kids matter, but to act like you don’t matter at all? This will be the rest of your life if you don’t stop it.” onelegflamingo2
23. AITJ For Wanting To Pursue College Instead Of Helping With The Family Business?
“I’m from a middle-class family of 4 and we survive alright. My parents own a local sweets shop which has been in the family for over 5 generations.
I have an elder brother who is 20 and will inherit the business after my dad retires.
Since our shop hasn’t been operating that well, we’ve barely broken even some months and been barely surviving.
After he finished school my brother worked at the store (doing nothing) my dad gave him full authority to do whatever to help the business and he has always been preferred over me since he was much more “manly” and didn’t focus on his education since He was going to inherit the shop anyway and ended his education after narrowly passing the 10th CBSE board exam.
Meanwhile, I have been very competitive and have been studying to top my class and keep up so I can get a good opportunity. I got a 97% average on boards which I know I could’ve done better but I still managed to get an 80% scholarship due to my marks and being OBC in one of the best psychology programs in India.
However, my parents have been forcing me to not go to college and help my brother run the shop since it hasn’t been doing well. (When my brother got free reign over the shop he’s been taking some liberties which have negatively affected the income and has been spending whatever money he makes without saving on booze and going out with friends).
I have been approved to take out a loan to apply to college and I already have a low-paying job working for an online AI startup part-time.
I’m really in a rock and a hard place since I know if I dedicate my time to finishing my education I could make a lot more money which would help our family, but my parents think I am applying for a stupid subject that no one cares about and it would be better to slave away in the sweet shop.
Also, I’m on an alt account because my brother uses Reddit so I hope this doesn’t reach him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ever heard the saying “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”? Long-term thinking and diversifying are best here. Besides, your parents are still young enough to work in the shop.
Unfortunately, your brother will probably yank the shop and your parents will blame you for not being there. So you need to make sure that are aware of his awful management and that he needs more guidance. “Dad, big brother is doing well, but he doesn’t have your experience.
He doesn’t need me, he needs you. He would benefit from your guidance.”” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“Demanding you work for the family business without even offering a stake in it? They can go pound sand. Tell them they coddle the brother who is bringing the place down, yet they want to give it to him and that the consequences are that you are going to college.” Scenarios
22. AITJ For Uninviting My Friend From My Family Trip?
“I (26F) have a friend, 30F, Jessica. Jessica was invited by me to my trip to see my family in Jersey in September.
Well, the other day trip plans came up, and I made a joke that I’m going to be at the beach every day.
Jessica got upset and said, “if I’m not going to be accommodated then maybe I should go on my own.”
She was making plans to go to Boston (for a *day*). NYC for 3 days, and Philly last day before we leave. 1 day was allotted for Jersey.
This trip is meant to be a trip to see my family, specifically my 85 y/o grandmother. I invited her so she could see my hometown and have fun at the shore, and mentioned we’ll probably go to New York one day.
I felt as though she was co-opting my trip.
Fast forward to that night, we’re in my hot tub, and she won’t get out. I left her in there and then about an hour later told her she needed to get out (she was in there by herself, sleeping on a pool float).
She gave me an attitude as to why I was pushing her out of the hot tub. I said “Well, if you drown in here it could be a big problem for me” (she was asleep & intoxicated)
She said “ok I got it, go inside” So I walked inside and then she came in, all upset for whatever reason.
I had been stewing on these plans she was making all day. I blurted out “I think we have different expectations for the trip, I’m going to see my grandmother, not go to New York every day”
She followed up with, “If you don’t want me to go then I won’t”
And I said “Yes” and she got upset, stormed out of the house, and drove home intoxicated (no one told her to leave).
My partner (30F) told me it was uncalled for, as I was the one who invited her on the trip, and we previously discussed letting things play out and seeing if Jessica uninvited herself to the trip.
My partner told me I acted unhinged, and it was not the time to say that since she was already upset and the tone I said it in made her feel attacked.
So: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“WHY would your friend want to visit your grandmother for a week?
Of course, she wants to do other things while she’s there, like visit NYC & nearby cities. NTJ for uninviting her, but I don‘t see why you invited her in the first place. (The intoxicated driving is a red herring.)” EmilyAnne1170
Another User Comments:
“I think it was a good thing to be upfront about the fact that it did not seem like your plans were compatible. You invited her to the beach with your family and she was making other plans. Getting her out of the hot tub was a good idea too as you are not supposed to stay in them for that long a time – especially when intoxicated. Letting her drive home intoxicated though not suggested was not cool.
She sounds exhausting and it is probably good for your family that she is not going. I would say NTJ” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“Well… I suppose NTJ, but are you sure you’re 26 and she’s 30? Cause you are reading a lot younger than that. I’d add that were this my trip to see family, I wouldn’t mind if she took as many day trips as she wanted while I was visiting with my grandma.
She wants to go… wherever more power to her. We connect up later in the evening or whenever and that’s that. If she can manage a trip to Boston on her own steam… fine with me.” SoImaRedditUserNow
21. AITJ For Forgetting To Pay Back A Friend?
“A few weeks ago a friend (21F) and I (22F) went out to dinner. I have been having some issues with my bank and therefore was unable to access my account, which I let her know when she invited me out. I told her I’d pay her back as soon as possible, and she agreed that was fine.
While we were at dinner, she mentioned that one of our other close friends (22F) had yet to pay her back a substantial amount after a weekend the two of them had spent in Chicago. I promised I would be more prompt.
A week or so later, she texted to remind me.
I assured her that it was still on my mind and that I would pay her the moment my issues were fixed with my checking account. I suggested she request the amount I owed on Venmo so that it would be certain I wouldn’t forget.
She agreed, and that was the last we spoke about it.
A couple of days after that, my issues were fixed and I was finally able to access my account. I went to my Venmo requests and saw that the amount she had asked for was about ten dollars higher than the total of my meal. I texted her about this, asking politely if there was something I was forgetting, assuring her that I would pay the full amount she’d requested if that was how much I owed. She never responded to this (and even left me on read) so I honestly forgot about it after sending the text.
This morning, news made it back to me that she has been mentioning to some of our other friends that she’s annoyed at me for not paying her back, especially after she told me about how frustrated she was with our other friend for forgetting about payment too.
I was pretty confused by this, as she never responded to me when I asked her to clarify the payment amount. I guess I could have just paid her the amount I assumed I owed or followed up rather than forget about it. But it feels low to bad mouth me for something I tried to communicate clearly about.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – yes you should have paid her the amount you thought you owed (i.e. the amount of -10 bucks). And was the 10 bucks going to kill you? Yeah, I’m sure it was a 10-dollar “you made me wait” tax.
“in case you forget”? C’mon You won’t forget, you hope your friend will forget. There is no reason to not pay friends back in a reasonable amount of time. Heck, I would have been freaking out about my bank, because I gotta think this was not the only debt you had.
Electric, gas, rent.. all of that stuff, anxiously waiting on this bank issue. At this point … you took her money if you’re not going to pay her back. A dinner out is worth the end of this friendship because you’re playing around.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Pay people back and don’t wait for them to have to reach out later, I don’t blame her if she was talking bad about you because she mentioned to you earlier about how someone didn’t pay her back and you did the same thing.” FormulaHeart
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you should’ve paid her back without her having to remind you multiple times. The extra is probably tax+tip. She offered to lay out, but that doesn’t mean she’s offering to hound you until it’s convenient and you remember and everything falls perfectly into place at the exact right moment for you to send her the darn money.
You should’ve sent it and either swallowed it or then later followed up to confirm and she could’ve sent u some back if you overpaid.” chill
20. AITJ For Cutting Off My Father's Friend Who's Leeching Money From Him?
“My elderly father is in mental decline. His dementia is sometimes better sometimes worse but due to a recent accident and hospitalization, it is on the worse side at the moment.
Even before he was not so mentally stable but got along on his own and with our support. He also has a friend (f) from the neighborhood that gave him company and they sometimes did smaller trips together.
Since the hospital, he can no longer go to the bank or do any kind of bank-related stuff on his own and asks for our help.
Said friend has recently asked for some money from my father and he asked me to give it to her. It was ~300$ and I did not ask any questions.
A few weeks later she came back and asked for more than double that because she got an unexpected bill and I hesitantly paid her that money too but told my father that I had the feeling that she was using him.
He (apparently) had a brighter moment and agreed.
A few weeks later (now) she asked for money again – and I found out a few things about her in the meantime. It seems she has been taking money from him for a few more months already – I only see the ATM statements of what my father took out with his card.
He would not need so much cash on his own so I presume it went to her wallet, but he does not know if he did. Also, she seems to be “working with elderly people” apart from visiting my dad. So I suspect that this is her business model: getting close to elderly people who enjoy the company and leech them for money.
So I intend to cut her off to prevent any more of this.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not your clown, not your circus. It’s funny you said she’s a leech because I was going to say the sharks are circling. If I took food out of my mouth for every person suffering or in need, I’d starve.
She’s taking advantage of him. Storytime: My great aunt was exploited on the side. We made a big point of visiting her often to make sure even when she lived alone she wasn’t exploited. Imagine our surprise to find her new “roommate”. The home was paid off, but this jerk saw a free roof over her head and some jewelry to snag.
We got to learn how to evict somebody in California despite never being a landlord. The day before the sheriffs were going to accompany us to evict her she ran. We later found out she had a few warrants. Moochers gonna mooch. It wasn’t even a proper house, it was a prefab, she wasn’t living in the Ritz.
I have no idea why she wanted to cling to it so badly. My mom was more upset over losing heirlooms, she checked the local pawn shops for weeks just in case. Anyways tell this rando to kick rocks.” sn34kypete
Another User Comments:
“Listen.
This sounds very much like she is milking your father’s bank account. He’s got dementia and I know from experience that for the one suffering from it, sometimes the choices made, people they take a liking to, may not be what would be logical to “healthy” people, but also know that a change made can be very disturbing and cause faster mental decline, unsettling them further.
You noticed that with the accident your father had. Now, he likes that person and company. Why don’t you turn this into a deal? Tell her you know she is milking your father’s account. Tell her also that he likes to be with her and that it seems to be good for him.
Offer her $$ a month to keep seeing your dad like she does, but make sure there will not be any extra pay, no matter what. Your dad will be happy, you have s.o. “looking out for your dad, and who knows….she might get the drift and will make that her business, proper without scam, and turn her back from the”dark side”?
Could turn out into a win/win. Good luck.” Maleficent_Ad_402
Another User Comments:
“This same thing happened to my grandfather. The woman in question would sit and talk with him and do little things around the house. and help herself to his belongings, not just the money in his wallet.
My uncle called the cops on her. Turns out she had quite a little business going and was doing this regularly to several other people. All those people were elderly men who were alone in their homes. These people prey on lonely, elderly people and they are ruthless.
Nip this in the bud.” PotatoPotato76
19. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite My Family's Financial Struggles?
“So I (23F) live with my mom and two brothers. Before living here we lived in a more affordable income-based home which has a long wait list by the way.
We wanted more space, so my mom and my sister decided to move to our current house and split the rent three ways. Long story short my sister ended up getting addicted to substances and leaving.
Due to all the toxic behavior in the house from my sister using substances, my mom moved in with her partner in his 1 bedroom apartment but still, she pays her half of the rent.
So that leaves me and my 2 brothers here (19 and in trade school currently) and (18 still in high school because he barely even shows up to school) I don’t hate my family but I honestly am ready to live on my own and have my own space.
Also due to my sister leaving me and my mother can barely afford the rent between us two. The house honestly needs a lot of repairs that make it harder to live like a broken washer machine, constant power outages, etc.
Which honestly makes me don’t want to live here anymore.
But when I complain about it my mom just makes it seem like I’m being dramatic. But like I said before she doesn’t live here she lives with her partner. So I try to convince my mom to just let the house go but she goes ” I can’t afford to get a place on my own with just my income.
Where will your brothers stay?” I don’t want to be a selfish daughter/sister and I don’t want to see my brothers with nowhere to go. But I just honestly can’t mentally live at home anymore. My mom also asked me if I just wanted to move somewhere cheaper with all of us.
But that honestly wouldn’t solve my problem I just want to live alone. I just need some type of advice on what to do. When I get close to moving out I just feel an insane amount of guilt because my mom says this is a selfish decision and that I’m not thinking about my brothers/her.
Open to all thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom and brothers are not your responsibility but hers. Your brothers are also old enough to find a part-time job and help their mother financially to pay the expenses of the home in which they live.
Does your mother work? As for you, it’s time to take care of your mental health and get on with your projects. If you need your own space, you need to find it and move out. You can’t stay tied to your family for the rest of your life, or you’ll be 30 and still worrying about how your mother’s going to pay the rent.
You can help your mother for some months if you can afford it, you can give her moral support, and you can help her with administrative procedures to obtain financial aid. But don’t sacrifice your life and your future, you can help without it infringing on your freedom and your own needs.
It’s up to you to find the right balance.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brothers are now considered adults. I understand they may be ill-prepared to take care of themselves, but that is your mom‘s problem, not yours. An ideal situation would be that mom moves into a cheaper place with your two brothers and you move on with your life.
I don’t know what that looks like nor do I understand how that can be achieved in your current situation. However, that seems to be the goal to shoot for. Good luck.” RidiculousSucculent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom shouldn’t be leaning on you like this.
Also, your brothers are adults, they can figure themselves out. You don’t owe it to any of them to stay there while your mental health takes a hit. Find yourself an apartment and get situated to move. By that I mean, sign a lease and get a firm move-in date.
You’ll need to be able to put down quite a bit of funds tho (1st & last month’s rent, a security deposit, etc). Only *after* you’ve done that, *then* tell your mom and brothers that they need to sort themselves out because you’ve got your place.
Wishing you the very best of luck!” Global_Look2821
18. AITJ For Not Refunding My Neighbor For Childcare Services As Stated In My Contract?
“I run a daycare out of my home. I provided childcare for my neighbor, who lives across the street, and one house over a few years ago. She had another child and was pregnant with her 3rd when she contacted me asking if I would take her kids again until her baby was born.
It was part-time, but her baby was 7 months old, and I typically didn’t watch children under 1 year. They need a lot of attention and I had more than her children to tend to. I also didn’t have any kids her older son’s age, but I agreed anyway.
I have a contract, and it says that childcare fees are due on the 1st of the month for the month. I require 1 month’s notice if you are leaving and refunds will not be issued.
Her son complained after the first day that he was bored and had no one to play with.
She knew that. She knew I have a free play daycare, kids play with what they want when they want. They just have to ask for craft supplies, as I had young kids I wouldn’t leave them out for the kids. Also didn’t plan daily arts and crafts activities when I had such young kids as they can’t do a lot of the things.
I have many kids most days they were here so I couldn’t sit with him to do the activities, especially while tending to his 7-month-old younger sister. She came by a couple of weeks ago to drop off the kids and both were crying, so she left. After she left she messaged me asking for a partial refund because she was annoyed I didn’t have planned activities for one 4-year-old boy that I would have to sit with to do said activity when I have 5 other children, including a 7-month-old infant.
I told her I didn’t do refunds as per the contract. My husband said to keep the peace with neighbors I should just give a refund. I said no because she was being unreasonable. I was doing her a favor even taking her kids because her baby was so young.
AITJ for not refunding the fees even though my contract stated that I wouldn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should have said no to begin with, obviously, and you’re hiding behind a contract that was never intended to cover the situation *you* agreed to.
Your neighbor also is a jerk for pushing the situation on you … but honestly, you’re more of a jerk here. You did something outside the previous setup (accepting the kids), but did nothing to make that work (say, providing something for the older child to do).
Depending on where you live, it sounds likely illegal too (especially with the 7-month-old). Holding to that contract could easily upset a neighbor enough to report you. Your husband at least recognizes some of the implications and may want to stay on good terms with a neighbor (not to mention, just not hurt them at a likely difficult time).
He’s the only one (besides the kids) who doesn’t behave like a jerk.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – proof that no good deed goes unpunished. Two lessons: don’t bend your rules to take a child younger than you can care for….and stick to your contract about refunds.
You might also consider making the ‘free play’ idea very clear as that is more ‘home-style’ and less ‘daycare style’.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. You’re running a business whose purpose is to help you put a roof over your family’s head and feed them.
You had to turn away other clients (or theoretically did) to provide spaces for her kids. I’m sure she signed a contract and had the opportunity to ask questions before paying. That’s it. No other explanation is needed. I would imagine at this point that even if you gave her a refund it still wouldn’t be enough to create peace.
She sounds like the kind of person who might complain about other things. You don’t need someone like that for a client. I also think she’ll have a difficult time finding the type of childcare she needs at her price point. Let her shop around and see how generous you were to offer to help her when you knew it wasn’t a good fit.” Particular_Pitch_745
17. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Share My Interests And Respect Movie Night Rules?
“I (18 F) always make a point to indulge myself in my mother’s hobbies and interests, whether they be movies or music. Even for the things I am not fond of, I power through because I want my mother to have someone to share her interests with.
I am not saying this to make myself look sympathetic but rather to explain why I hoped for that gesture to be returned.
My mother always refuses to even give my interests a chance, always claims they are weird and boring, and always talks about how things from her time “just hit differently” and was a “better time”.
Then it comes to movie nights. Same thing again. She will always want to put on movies she likes but refuses to sit and watch if I or my sister want to put on something we like. Today we tried to set conditions for movie night.
If we are going to watch her movies, then we get to pick the movie the next day and she must watch it. When I tell you she blew up, I mean it.
“Why are you putting up so many conditions for movies?” “Can’t I just watch something with my kids like other mothers!”
We really didn’t want a fight and were ready to give up on this discussion but she just wouldn’t stop talking (a very irritable woman by nature), trying to make us feel horrible for even asking for such a thing (she was successful in that regard, I felt horrible).
We were finally able to calm her down after a while. “No one will speak out against me anymore!” she said, and me being an idiot whispered “Power imbalance”. That was stupid of me to say that after things had finally settled down, I won’t deny that.
She left the room and frankly, threw a tantrum about having heartless children. No matter how much we apologized, she wouldn’t come back and movie night was over. I was so sure the problem was my mother here, but after some time to think to myself, I started to doubt myself.
What if it’s my fault for just not going with the flow of things? Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She can’t force you guys to watch movies that she wants and then not give you guys the same courtesy.
It’s nothing to do with her being more powerful because she’s ‘mom’ or whatever, it’s just basic courtesy. You and your sister should carry on having movie nights without her, alternate between the two of you on what you want to watch” Purplesnowstorm215
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you assessed it correctly: “power imbalance”. You will bend over backward for her and she refuses to budge even the tiniest bit for you. A tantrum in an adult is a really ugly thing. You should treat it the same as a tantrum in a toddler.
**Don’t reward it!** Why are you apologizing for doing nothing wrong? You’ve been downtrodden for so long that you can’t seem to recognize when she’s being unreasonable. Stop pushing yourself to share your mother’s interests. She doesn’t reciprocate and simply accepts it as her due.
If this were a friend doing this, you’d get out of that friendship.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why can’t she watch movies with her kids like other moms? I’m a mom of a 10 and a 6-year-old. They pick or I guide them to pick something they want to watch ..a do to.
Unless you want her to watch movies like Brazil… that’s probably a bit out there.” Key_Transition_6036
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Expect Bridal Party Tasks Without A Bridal Party?
“I 22F was eating lunch with a very close and longtime friend (22F) the other day who is recently engaged and she was toying with the idea of not having a bridal party for her wedding because she didn’t want to exclude people.
I told her that it was her wedding and she should do what she wanted but that being said she couldn’t get upset if her friends didn’t do certain things with/for her such as help her get ready, dress shopping, throw a Bach trip, or just little things that members of a bridal party would do.
She seemed a little taken aback by that but I explained further that having a bridal party means you are setting an expectation and asking someone if they are okay with your expectations for them in their role at your wedding/ wedding planning. Therefore if you don’t explain that you have these expectations or even ask if someone is willing to fulfill these expectations you can’t get mad when they don’t fulfill them.
She got quiet after that so I tried to make her feel a little better by saying that I know I would love to do those things for her bridal party or not but she may need to explain to the people that she has these expectations for that she has these expectations even though there’s no bridal party.
She said thank you but still seemed confused by my opinion and quickly changed the subject. It’s now been a few weeks since then and we’ve hung out and talked like everything is normal but I noticed that she never brings up wedding stuff to me anymore.
Am I crazy for setting that boundary with her? I honestly don’t need the title to want to do those things for her but I also don’t think it’s fair of her to expect me or others to do those things without being asked even if it’s her saying hey I’ve chosen to not have a bridal party but I want you to come dress shopping with me or get ready with me the day of.
So am I the jerk for telling my friend that it’s okay to not have a bridal party but you can’t expect people to do bridal party things for you?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I get where you’re coming from – you were trying to head off unreasonable expectations.
The thing is, nothing indicated that your friend was having unreasonable expectations, or that she wasn’t going to communicate with her friends about these concerns you brought up. Rather, you’re the one who came it with assumptions: A bridal party means doing x, y, and z afterwards, and not having one means no one will want to do x, y, and z.
Yes, she stopped talking to you about wedding stuff, because you just told her that you’re not interested in having a bridal party. Oh, that’s not what you meant. You don’t care that there’s no bridal party and still want to do other wedding stuff for your friend?
Then why the heck did you make a big deal about it?” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You told her in a passive-aggressive way that if she didn’t have a bridal party, not to expect any help from anyone. You spoke on behalf of others without any authority to do so, and you then topped it off with a “pick me” statement “by saying that I know I would love to do those things for her bridal party or not”.
When she asked what you thought about no bridal party, your response should’ve stopped at “I told her that it’s her wedding and she should do what she wants” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The fact of the matter is there wasn’t a boundary to set, you just decided to cause drama for the sake of it.
Your friend was toying with an idea because she wanted to make sure no one felt excluded. And rather than weighing the pros and cons with her, you immediately jumped to, don’t expect any of us to do anything for you because we’re not obligated unless we’re given a title.
There are plenty of people who would be happy to go dress shopping and get ready together for the wedding or plan a group trip without a title. But, she never asked for any of that, so there was no boundary to set. This whole thing is giving the impression there’s more to the story here and you were looking for an opportunity to make this friend feel bad.” screamqueen57
15. AITJ For Blaming My Mom For My Parents' Divorce?
“I’m a 32yo male whose parents recently got divorced. I grew up with a great childhood and both my parents did their best to give me great memories and contribute to my adulthood career success.
My mom unfortunately has strong narcissist tendencies which eventually contributed to my dad not being able to healthily handle living with her without affecting his personal health and physical well-being (work-related injuries with consistent PT). Unfortunately, this behavior has also affected her relationship with my wife, and here we have the classic wife/mother-in-law relationship.
We have both tried to apologize for our behavior in different situations of blowing our cool, however, the feelings on my mom’s side still fester.
After they divorced, my dad moved out and was mentally distraught by the feeling of failing his marriage despite the circumstances.
I helped him for a long while balance his emotions while maintaining his job. Unfortunately, consciously or unconsciously, I didn’t communicate with my mom much until about two months later, when she experienced the same type of emotions. During this time, however, my dad constantly reached out to me for help and my mom was waiting for me to reach out to her.
During a forced conversation between her and me, I admitted that I felt and personally experienced she was a major contributor to the divorce. Her rebuttal was that it was nobody’s fault, it just naturally fell apart, and that I didn’t have any right to blame anyone since the split was between them.
As of today, my mom wants me to apologize for what I said and generally doesn’t want to talk to me until then. I just really can’t get myself to take my words back since it’s what I truly feel and experienced firsthand as a young adult since I can remember I could rationalize and understand this type of behavior.
Today, my dad has been a part of almost every family gathering on my wife’s side of the family, and some of our mutual friend’s gatherings which have helped his healing process. Unfortunately, my mom is naturally more to herself and I feel has not been healing well.
Am I the jerk for standing my ground despite potentially losing the relationship with my mom because of it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s natural that a lot of people blame one parent for their parent’s divorce. It sounds like you and your mom have a delicate relationship already, especially with your wife.
However, now that you’re a grown adult who is also married – don’t put too much blame on either one because you don’t know what happened in all those years of their marriage. If your mom was the first to reach out to you during the divorce, would you have ignored your dad for her?” dancemom98
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- You admit both parents contributed to a good upbringing. You gave no examples of what terrible things your mother did to her husband. Your wife doesn’t like your mother and yet no examples of why. Convenient to take your father’s side(did he tell you she was at fault?).” Appropriate_Art_3863
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to express your side of things, especially if you’ve experienced this since being a young adult. Sure, maybe there is something to be said about how you delivered the message vs the message itself but that’s not the point.
Admittedly, I have a personal connection to something similar happening with my parents, but I think parents shouldn’t expect their children to have much part in fixing their parent-parent relationship. How can your mom expect you to help her solve her relationship when it involves potentially discussing your own father’s negatives?
You’ve been gracious to respond to your dad’s calls for help but at this point with your mom, you’ve done nothing wrong and she and your dad should try to seek the help of their peers/friends or therapists to take their burden off of their children, you and your wife.” ttango618
14. AITJ For Calling Out A Fellow Judge's Lack Of Musical Knowledge During A School Competition?
“I’m Georgie, a music teacher at a high school, and recently I served as a judge for our school’s annual music competition.
Alongside me were Mrs. Johnson, a fellow music teacher, and Mrs. Smith, an older history teacher who didn’t have much music knowledge. (Her singing is terrible and is never on the beat, and while this shouldn’t be too much of a factor, seeing other fellow teachers too, they are normally fine.)
Throughout the competition, Mrs. Smith kept making objectively incorrect comments. She claimed one performer was off-key and unclear when they were perfectly on pitch and articulate. Mrs. Johnson privately agreed with me that the performance was flawless but only gave generic feedback publicly.
On the other side of things, Mrs. Smith also praised a performance that was clearly pitchy and flawed, describing it as perfect.
While I understand that music can be subjective, I feel like it just showed her clear bias towards certain genres. (This is fair, but I try my best to be an impartial judge, so it’s frustrating.)
I tried to politely disagree with Mrs. Smith’s comments during the first few performances, hoping she would reconsider her approach.
I would say things like, “That part was a key change” or “That’s typical for this genre,” trying to explain without being confrontational.
By the middle of the show, I was fed up with her inaccurate and misleading comments. I felt like, at some points, they were even just exaggerated and not encouraging.
During one of the transitions, within the judging table and the audience around, I snapped and said something to her like, “It’s clear you don’t know what you’re talking about. Your comments are misleading and unhelpful to the contestants.” It’s not the exact words, but I know my comment was blunt and probably quite rude.
Now, I’m wondering if I went too far. I felt that her feedback was unfair to the performers and potentially damaging, but maybe I should have worded it differently. I’m not sure how else I could have gotten my point across. She did become nicer, but it did become awkward.
So, AITJ for calling out another judge’s lack of musical knowledge and biased feedback in such a blunt manner?
Thanks for your input.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a musical competition and it’s unfair to the students to have poor judges. Why was she a judge in the first place?
Perhaps instead of calling her out on her comments I would publicly have to say “I disagree about performance. I thought it was perfectly on key/pitchy, great key change, sung beautifully for this genre etc.” Say what you know to be true without directly attacking her.
Sort of like Simon on America’s got talent show.” gouf78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are kinder than I am. I probably would have popped off with something along the lines of “Look, you can only act like Simon Cowell if you know something about music.
Clearly you don’t, since you can’t carry a tune in a bucket so why don’t you let those of us who know music do the technical critique.”” DifficultMammoth
13. AITJ For Giving My Jobless Stepson An Ultimatum After Multiple Rule Breaks?
“Telling the important details relevant to the story first. My stepson has been living with his dad for about half his teenage years. For reasons I’ll explain in a moment, his dad kicked him out and forced him to live with his grandparents. He messed up there too and they kicked him as well.
The moment he turned 18, he moved in with his partner and was living with him until earlier this year. He was kicked out of that situation as well.
His orientation has never been an issue to me or his mother. The issue is he has no self-control.
He has been kicked out because he can’t control his urges.
In January 2024 he moved into our spare bedroom. We sat him down on day one and gave him 3 rules of the house. Choose 3 household chores, no overnight/daytime guests (friends can visit), and must have/maintain a job within 6 months.
He wholeheartedly agreed.
Since January, he has had approximately 14 male friends over, 13 resumes submitted, and 0 job interviews. All 3 of the chores he picked are never done and we constantly remind him. The final straw happened Wednesday.
His grandparents stopped by to take the 3 of us to an impromptu dinner.
He says he is not feeling well. An hour after we left, our Ring motion alert triggers and someone is at the door and is let in. 30 minutes later, a male guest leaves.
We come home an hour or two later and his grandmother goes to use the restroom and it stinks.
I’m politely alerted as we might have a cleanup/mildew issue. I enter and the smell is unmistakable. When we confront him, he doesn’t deny what we imply, just stays silent.
A few days go by and we have a family sit down with him.
Telling him he has 40 days to get a job, do “something” household, and have no friends/guests over anymore until he has a job for 60 days. He didn’t outright say it but heavily implied we were homophobic, were jerks, and couldn’t tell him who he could/couldn’t invite over.
We were shocked he said these things to us. Help on what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He disregarded your reasonable rules. You have been more than fair. If he were hetero and behaving the same way, you’d have the same problem with him.
He’s grasping at straws and accuses you because he can’t defend himself. Throw him out if he doesn’t meet your expectations. He will need to sink or swim. It’s time for him to grow up. It’s dangerous for him to be hooking up with random men for quickies.
Eventually, one will give him a disease or hurt him physically. Please get him some help for compulsive behavior.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your restrictions and requirements have nothing to do with him being gay. They are about him not actively looking for work or contributing to the house.
To be fair the job market is difficult at present. But if he puts in the effort and is open to opportunity he will find something. (I was looking for work recently and know what the market is like. I went through a phase where I was doing six interviews in three days.) Make sure he has several job-finding apps and does so many applications a day.
There are lots of jobs someone with little experience can do including night fill, cleaning, fast food joints, and pick packing.” LavenderKitty1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude wants to mess around, he can find out. Maybe one of his romantic friends will take him in so he can freeload on them.
I don’t care if he’s messing with dudes, ladies, or abominable eldritch monstrosities, kids disrespected your family and household while getting a free ride.” neoprene
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Non-Paying Roommate In An Email To Our Landlord?
“I, (F25), and my partner (M24) signed a lease in January, starting in February, for an apartment with who was supposed to be our roommate (M30). For one reason or another, he kept having excuses (like oh, but my family won’t help me… or Oh, but my partner’s family had this thing that weekend… the kinds you’d give your boss to get out of work but everyone knows is BS based on his body language and everything.) to not move in and eventually grabbed the handful of things he had brought over when we got the keys on move-in day and decided to not move in after all and tried to get off the lease.
At first, he was still paying his portion of the rent, but then once we were talking to other friends about one of them maybe taking his place, he found out and decided to stop paying any rent. We had agreed that once we had a replacement he could stop paying rent and we’d get things squared away to get him off the lease.
He doesn’t live here and has no desire to be here, I get that, I’m willing and happy to let him off as soon as the complex will allow it.
We are now behind this month and facing eviction. If we can’t get all of this month paid by the beginning of when next month’s rent is due.
Our property manager emailed us all about this and I replied with the situation and mentioned our roommate pulling out and no longer paying any rent going forward seeing as he never moved in, and that we’d agreed to that happening once we got a replacement for him, but that we haven’t gotten one yet.
Our roommate is upset with us for not letting him off the lease even when I start my new job in 6 weeks (we still won’t have the income requirements for the complex met just the two of us alone, so the complex won’t allow it.
And as pinchy as it will be we will be able to manage our current rent and bills at that point though), and now he’s even more upset at being called out in the email for not paying his portion of rent the last couple of months.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Can you take him to the Small Claims Tribunal if needed? He has let you down and could impact your future ability to rent. Where I live, tenant issues are not dealt with separately when they rent a whole property such as a house or unit.
If the rent is behind, then all people on the lease are responsible. An agent can’t evict just one person, and likewise cannot replace one tenant in a group should one leave or be unable to pay their rent. NTJ.” ElectricalTip4614
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He let you down in the first place.
This is not petty squabble but has a serious impact on your lives. He SHOULD pay you back retroactively, being called put to your landlord is the least thing you could do. Worst case you have to contact a lawyer so something like that…” Few_Engineering4414
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Unemployed Friend Who's Using My Car To Doordash?
“So about 10 months ago, I decided to let my best friend move into my apartment.
To keep it short, he was in a crappy living situation and didn’t have a car. I was struggling with the bills. The original hope was to get him a job where I work so he could ride with me, help pay the bills, and save up for a car.
After he moved in, I agreed to let him use my car to DoorDash while I was at work or not using it. That way he could have a way to contribute to the bills until he found a job.
Well, he couldn’t get on where I was at, and I got laid off due to the auto strike anyway.
So he was still door-dashing while I searched for another full-time while working part-time. I found another full-time, and have been there nearly 4 months. He still doesn’t have a job. I’m tired of waiting for him to find one, and I’m tired of him being in my car all the time.
So it boiled over into me making it clear I wanted him out.
From his perspective, I’m ungrateful because he’s been helping pay the bills. I was way behind on the light bill and a payment plan, so it was super high every month. We recently got it caught up and back to a normal price.
He has indeed helped with the bills, but there are still some issues for me. One, he was supposed to get an actual job. Door dashing with my car was only supposed to be temporary, but now he’s been here for 10 months and that’s still what’s been going on.
Also, he’s not even paying his full portion of the rent because he can’t make enough door dashing to do so. He’s been extremely short some months. He’s made me late to work at least twice not having my car home in time. He’s also running a lot of miles up.
My car needs an oil change every 3 or 4 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your roommate does not sound as if he is at all motivated to find an actual 9 to 5 job. It’s all well and good that he’s ‘helped’ you catch up with the electric, however, that seems to be a minimal contribution at best. While he’s door-dashing, YOU are the one who is carrying the liability on your car!
If he gets in an auto accident, your insurance will skyrocket, not his. Have you talked to him about what his level of responsibility would be, should he be deemed negligent in a collision? Will he pay your deductible, or pay for the rental car you will most definitely need to get to work?
OP, you are assuming a tremendous amount of risk for a person who is unwilling to meet you halfway, after putting a roof over his head for almost an entire year. Time for some tough love.” MaeQueenofFae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would kick him out too.
Express your gratitude for him helping you get up to speed with your bills (if you haven’t already), but if he gives you any flack for it just make it clear that he’s essentially been doing the bare minimum to pay for his stay. 10 months is a long time to run up miles on someone else’s car.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to look after yourself.” cellardoorss
10. AITJ For Sending My Brother's Friends Home After He Played Longer Than Allowed?
“I am living at home while going to college and am very grateful that my parents let me live with them. Part of living with younger siblings is that you sometimes have to watch them while your parents are out. My brother was nagging my mother about playing with his friends for however long he wanted and my mom specifically said “You don’t need to play that long, an hour is plenty”.
So after they all leave, I go do a workout in the basement after eating. After I come back up, I see my brother in the backyard with his friends. I unlock the door go outside and say:
Me: Sorry for having the door locked, hey brother do you know what time it is?
Brother: 8:30. Me: Well 8:40 but ya… And when did you leave? Brother: 7. Me:… And that means you’ve been playing for an hour and 40 minutes, so, *to friends* hey thank you for coming over and playing with my brother, it’s getting a little late now and it’s time for him to stop playing.
Thanks for coming, please come play tomorrow. *they leave* Hey brother, why didn’t you say anything when I told you you were playing for an hour 40? Brother: Why would I? Me: Because you were told you could play for an hour. Brother: Mom said an hour 15.
Me: And an hour 40 is bigger than that, you disobeyed and that’s not ok, you will probably have to get grounded because you did this right after getting ungrounded.
Then he pouts and played in his room, eventually, my parents came back home and he whined to my mom and she got mad at me saying how dare I send his friends home because I’m not the parent and that he didn’t disobey because they were playing at our house, not the friend’s house (even though she told my brother how long he could play not even how long till he had to come home and even then that implies being done playing as well).
Tldr I sent my brother’s friends home and told my brother he disobeyed by playing too long and my mom chewed me out for sending his friends home while I’m not the parent and that he didn’t disobey, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were trying to follow your mom’s instructions to her son.
Since you aren’t allowed to discipline your brother should you be made responsible for watching him? “he whined to my mom and she got mad at me saying how dare I send his friends home because I’m not the parent and that he didn’t disobey because they were playing at our house not the friends house (even though she told my brother how long he could play not even how long till he had to come home and even then that implies being done playing as well)” Your brother will never listen to another thing you say.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next time your mother asks you to babysit, refuse. You cannot effectively supervise your brother if you’re not allowed to tell him to do anything. If you’re not there to make sure he follows the rules, you’re just there to call 911 if something explodes.
You’re not getting paid for your babysitting services, so why would you continue to do them a favor if you’re going to be prevented from doing that job AND get yelled at for it AND you’re not even getting paid?” Abstruse
9. AITJ For Buying An Old Truck Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I (28M) just recently bought an old truck from the mid-1980s.
My partner (23F) doesn’t approve and wishes she had talked me out of it.
I got it about two weeks ago. As expected, there were a few minor things wrong with it but nothing huge. For context: I drove it eleven hours back home from where I bought it and didn’t encounter any issues along the way.
The largest things were 1) it needed some brake work done and 2) the windshield was badly cracked in a few areas. Before I bought it, I asked my partner for her opinion (but not her approval) and she said “If you like it, go for it!
It’s cool”. Once I got home, I immediately got the brakes fixed (they now work perfectly) and I got a new windshield, along with other small cosmetic things I’ve already done. Now, two weeks later, she randomly went off on me last night, saying things such as:
“I wish you hadn’t bought the truck”
“I wish I had talked you out of it”
“It’s in such bad condition. The brakes don’t work, it has no airbags”
She kept re-using the brake and windshield line over and over, even after I told her I already got them fixed. She thinks that because I bought it with bad brakes, that they’re “permanently disabled” and will break again.
She also doesn’t like the fact that there are no airbags (it didn’t originally come with airbags).
Now she wants me to get rid of it, and I’ll do no such thing. I already have a nice car to drive every day, this is just a second car.
I got it so I can have something to wrench on on the weekends. She thinks I should got something “newer” and “safer” if I had wanted a second car. She also thinks I didn’t have a valid reason to buy it; my philosophy is that you don’t need a reason to buy anything.
I bought it because I wanted it and it makes me happy.
Context on relationship: been together for one year and three months, but were friends for a while before then. Has always been a strong, healthy relationship, and are considering moving in together later this year.
She thinks she’s being practical and logical, I think she’s being unappreciative of my interests and hobbies. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She has buyer’s remorse. She told you to go for it, and you did. She gave her opinion and not her permission.
You took her opinion into account. If she brings this up again, tell her she already gave her opinion, and the subject is closed. If she doesn’t let it go, it’s a sign of immaturity at the least and a possible red flag. Does she get upset when you don’t do what she wants?
Does she get upset when you act independently? She “went off” is an interesting phrase; does she go off on you often? It’s one thing to express an opinion or thought. She’s allowed to tell you she didn’t realize it wouldn’t come with airbags or that it would be in such a condition, and she’s concerned now.
If she gets upset that you won’t get rid of it, that’s another matter. It’s yours to do with as you please, and she has no entitlement over the vehicle or your decisions. If this makes her upset, then you might reconsider a long-term relationship with her.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This situation is honestly really weird to me. If you have another car, which I assume is the one that you would drive around in with her as a passenger, why does she even have an opinion about it? (Also, wow on the “permanently disabled” brakes thing – that kind of renders her opinion on this situation kind of moot as well, in my opinion.) Honestly, I would pay close attention to how this situation shakes out, how the two of you communicate about it, and what her expectations are when it comes to your hobbies and how you spend your money to see just how compatible the two of you are before you move in together.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do some people care so much about things that others spend money on and that makes them happy? Oh, because that money is not spent on these people. Will be hard for you to get things that you want and make you happy in the future, unless you learn how to set clear boundaries with your partner.” forgeries
8. AITJ For Letting My Half-Sisters Call Me And My Fiancé Mommy And Daddy?
“So, 6 years ago my dad (50) married Amber (30). Amber and I (23f) got along okay but I always felt she was a little too pushy on being my new mom. They had 2 kids together (5f and 3f) and separated shortly after 3f was born because he was unfaithful.
They got back together 2 years later for a couple of months and in that time she got pregnant. My dad also decided that this time he didn’t want anything to do with his kids.
Amber went into labor 10 months ago and asked me and my fiancé (25m) to take the girls for a few days.
Amber had a traumatic birth and postpartum depression which then turned into heavy drinking. My fiancé and I have custody of all 3 girls and honestly, it doesn’t seem like either of their parents will be getting them back. Last I heard, Amber is on substances now and my dad doesn’t want anything to do with them beyond sending child support.
I still take the girls to see Amber’s family occasionally and yesterday all 5 of us went to the park so the girls could see their auntie and cousins. While we were there our 3-year-old fell and my 5-year-old ran to us yelling “Mommy Chloe fell”.
I got Chloe, checked out her knee, and told her to sit with Daddy so I could get band-aids and fruit snacks out of the car. When I got back Amber’s sister asked if I let them call us mommy and daddy. I said yes.
As of now, it doesn’t look like Amber will be getting the kids back and my dad already told me he’s ready to sign his rights away so we can adopt the girls. It’s not exactly something we encouraged but by the time they started it was already pretty clear that Amber was not going to get clean/sober anytime soon and even if she does she likely won’t be mentally stable enough to be a single mom to 3 kids.
We ended up leaving the park early because I did not want the kids to hear us argue but she’s been texting me saying how wrong we are and how heartbroken Amber is that we’re stealing her kids. Now my fiancé and I are wondering if we allowed it too early.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean seriously neither of their bio parents gives a rip, from the sounds of things. Amber is heartbroken, but not heartbroken enough to get it together and raise her kids, and let’s not start with your father. These kids are lucky to have you and your partner and auntie should be grateful.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“10 months is early to assume someone who had PPD and then fell into heavy drinking/substances as a result can’t recover. You didn’t force the kids to call you mom, but you seem to be the one referring to your fiancé as daddy.
You also already refer to the kids as “our 3 yo”, or “my 5yo”, so these kids may have picked up that you would like to adopt them. Just because your dad is willing to sign away his rights, doesn’t mean Amber is. If Amber was a great mom before the PPD, this seems like a very hard outcome for her.
If a lawyer hasn’t advised that adoption is a slam dunk without Amber’s consent, allowing the kids to call you mom and dad may be confusing for them if things don’t work out how you expect. I don’t think this is a question for Reddit but for a child psychologist – which may be ordered anyway if adoption goes ahead.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you didn’t force the kids to do it they did it on their own and you rolled with it. My goddaughter used to call me Godmommy and started calling me Mom and mommy when I had her living with me for a year while her mom was homeless but worked the ground and hustled to save up for a place.
(I held her down and took care of her while mom got her stuff together so they wouldn’t be on the street.) Now they’re happy in their place. Ana still calls me mom or mommy.” various-randoms
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Sisters To Stop Waking Me Up?
“So for context, I live with my partner, her 2 (16f 20ish f) sisters, and her mom. Well recently I started a new job where I work 6 pm-4:30 am and we told both her sisters to not even try and wake me up for many reasons but the main one is that knocking gives me sleep paralysis which affects the little sleep I get.
Today was the worst I woke up to them pounding at the door for me to move my car when they knew I left a spare out for this exact reason her mom has no problem just moving my car but her sisters do for some reason and I just laid there having both a panic attack and sleep paralysis and when I was finally able to move I almost threw up and I just cried for a good 10 minutes it felt horrible.
When we talked to her mom about how she needs to ask her to stop doing that she agreed that they shouldn’t be trying to wake me up and that she’ll talk to them. Unknowingly one of her sisters (20ish) was there and she said I should just leave my car outside then so no one can wake me up (if I leave my car outside I risk getting towed).
Her mom told her to not be such a jerk, to just move the car and they all got very defensive which gave me anxiety and I’m on like 3 hours of sleep. I was so mentally drained I didn’t wanna deal with it so I just ended the conversation and I finished making our dinner.
I ended up not going to work because my partner told me I needed to sleep but I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault that everyone’s arguing. We suggested I just pay for an extra parking spot in guest parking to prevent this but her mom said no that the cars fit and her sister should just move my car as I move hers when I need to.
I get that the hours I work are inconvenient but I’m so tired of getting sleep paralysis every day just because they don’t want to move my car. I can’t tell if I’m the jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
Regardless, of whether it’s the mother‘s house or not. Tell the 20-year-old sister that she’s the one who should leave her car in the street. Start waking them up when you get home from work. Keep doing petty things, that annoy them, and maybe they’ll get the point.
If all else fails, or if you just don’t wanna be confrontational about it, then I guess pay for the extra spot.” Romance-BookWorm-55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sister sounds like a princess. Tell her she can either move the car herself or tell you where to park in the property.
If she can’t find any spot for you, she can park on the street as she suggested to you. I don’t know the reason why you don’t have your place with or without your partner, so I won’t suggest moving out, although I think it’s the last solution.
Sleep is important.” Case_no_292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking someone not to wake you up … BUT In almost every scenario in this Reddit, people would say your mental health issues are not someone else’s to solve and accommodate. They are yours to manage.
If someone knocking on your door affects you so severely that you have panic attacks, almost throw up, and cry for a good 10 minutes, then you need to be in your apartment where you can control the conditions. Having a mental illness does NOT make you a jerk, but if you don’t prioritize getting your place and getting professional help to manage your issues, then you would be the jerk.” Additional_Flan_6594
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mother To My Wedding After She Tried To Control The Venue?
“I am engaged and looking to marry my beautiful fiancé. The only issue is my mother has thrown a huge fit about her wedding gift.
While waiting in the hospital for a relative of mine to get out of surgery, my mom offered to us that she would give us the gift of a venue, 1 hour of booze, and meals.
All we had to do was pay the deposit on the venue and it had to be a specific place(let’s call it Joe’s Hall/Joe’s for short).
As we were surrounded by about 10 of my family members, we agreed to this gift and accepted it on the spot.
When we got home, my fiancé explained that she wasn’t confident about Joe’s and she wanted a more rustic wedding at a park.
After 2 days of my mother asking if we booked Joe’s yet, we told her we were still thinking about it.
She exploded saying that she would not throw in for anything else(we didn’t ask her to). After this, my fiancé and I talked and we agreed a park would be a great spot. My mother went ballistic. She went off about how could we do this and that she didn’t want to attend the wedding if we were going to disrespect her like this.
To make a long story short, she confided in me that she thinks my fiancé is a lesbian( she went out with a girl for 3 weeks and it didn’t work out). I asked why she wanted to pay for Joe’s but wouldn’t attend if it was at a park.
She said the wedding would be “trashy” and that the guests wouldn’t have fun.
It has been 4 weeks since the talk and tensions are high with her and me not talking, but I will talk with my brother and father. They both are asking me to reconcile with my mom, but I feel disrespected and my fiancé can’t trust my mother anymore and doesn’t feel safe if we were to visit my parent’s place.
WIBTJ is I didn’t invite my mother to my wedding?
To clarify, the ballistic talk and the talk after are about a week or 2 from each other. I haven’t talked to my mom for about 6 weeks in total if we take away the talk where she called my fiancé a lesbian.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to reframe your thinking. It’s not about the gift. It’s about the control. Your mom is trying to control your wedding. Throwing a fit because you prefer a different venue is petty and immature. Then she goes after your fiancée?
Yikes. Do not accept any money from this woman for anything. And put passwords on your vendors. Whether you invite your mother or not is your choice. Do you think she’ll behave? Will she try to make a fuss? Will she try to pull a stunt at the wedding or reception?
Could that be controlled with security? If the answer is no – do not invite her. Your father and brother aren’t in the line of fire. They need to take a step back and let you handle your wedding and if they pull the “if mom isn’t invited, we won’t come”, then wish them well and tell them you’ll miss them at the wedding. Do not give in!!!!
You will regret inviting her just for someone else.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with the gift in reality. Your mom wants control and she wants to look good doing it. That’s why she offered in front of people. That’s why she’s insistent.
That’s why she trying to control this aspect of it. She doesn’t like your fiancée and you didn’t listen. You didn’t choose her venue of choice and now she’s throwing a fit. It’s about control. Over you. Get rid of that BS and move on.” Connect_Guide_7546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as it’s more because of the behavior rather than the crappiness of the gift. People get emotional about weddings. Some extreme things are being said – mom calling fiancee a lesbian and fiancee saying she doesn’t feel safe at your parent’s house.
It’s all a bit, Maury. Sadly, you are stuck in the position of mediator if you want to keep your folks together. ” Squiggles567
5. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Not Bring His Partner To The Airport?
“Some context: last year, in June, my mom (63f) passed away after surgery to remove some early-stage cancer. She and my dad (62m) were married with no divorce in sight.
Around 3-4 months later, my dad started to sneak around to see this woman, let’s call her Andrea (40s f) without me (34f) and my brother (32m) knowing.
But in early November Andrea started commenting on his Instagram posts and we found out he was seeing her like this.
In December my brother and father had a falling out because of this that ruined Christmas. I tried to stay neutral but told my dad that I thought it was too soon and I didn’t want to be around her as I was still grieving.
My dad and I live together, so he started spending more and more of his time at our second home with Andrea. While it does make me sad, I haven’t commented on it and let him live his life, only showing that I’m upset when he brings her to our house without any warning and expects me to interact with her.
Before my mom passed, we were planning a trip to the UK for my first vacation since I started at my new job. After months of trying to decide, I figured I should still go. I’m leaving this Saturday, which is the weekend of Mother’s Day here in my country and it will be my first Mother’s Day without mom.
I asked my father if he would take me to the airport since he and his mom took me to the airport the last time I traveled abroad. He said yes initially. Then 2 days ago he said he wanted to bring his friend to the airport with us and I asked him not to.
We argued about me not liking her and when I would stop being uncomfortable around her (we had already discussed this and I had said that I wanted at least a year – which isn’t even up yet). I simply don’t want her there in situations where my mom should have been.
Today he told me that he is only going to the airport with me if he can take Andrea too, otherwise, I’ll be going alone. AITJ for asking him to take me to the airport without his friend?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry OP you lost your mom.
Your grief is still very new, and everyone grieves differently, so only you know if or when you are ready to accept a change in your family dynamics. Your dad needs to understand that his attempts to force you into not just accepting his new friend, but insisting that she be included in all your interactions are not going to magically make you like or want to be around her.
It will only end up straining his relationship with you too. He’s telling you if you don’t immediately accept her into your life, then he will be stepping back from you. It’s a shame he is so blinded by his wants, that he cannot see it from your perspective.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is a specific thing that you shared with your parents. She isn’t your parent. But people also do some silly things when they’re grieving and many people who have been part of a couple struggle to be alone.
So I wouldn’t cut your dad out or anything but I would be going to the airport alone this time. It needs to be clear to him that you are sticking with this boundary and that she isn’t your stepparent. I’m also wondering how you know there was no divorce in sight or that your parents were happy and still in love.
Is it possible that the relationship may have had different dynamics than you thought?” Fabulous_A_53
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You are totally in the clear in terms of not wanting to spend time with her. That’s your choice and you are welcome to grieve in the way you want.
Your dad is also welcome to grieve in his way. And if that involves a rebound relationship, then that’s what it involves. Remember that he was with your mom for a very long time from maybe a very young age and probably doesn’t know how to be alone.
Take a cab or an Uber to the airport like an adult.” Kessed
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Break Up With Her New Partner?
“I (female) have a best friend (also female), that recently got together with a guy from our circle of acquaintances. I was shocked because this guy was someone our circle despised up until recently because he:
1. Was involved with his cousin
2. Was disloyal to her
3. After they broke up he harassed her
4. Stalked her and emotionally manipulated her
5. Tried to gaslight our entire circle that he was the victim and that she (his ex) and her friends were out to destroy his life.
Now, I’m all for change. If you can, sure.
But I highly don’t trust this guy, especially since this only happened a year ago. Not even his closest friends trust him — they said it themselves.
I texted him, saying that he shouldn’t dare hurt her because I have the funds to fly out and do the same, and his friends screenshotted his response to me (in their GC).
He was saying things like “Why does she care?” and “It’s not her life”.
When I found out about their new relationship, I wasn’t just disgusted at him, but I was shocked for her, I guess it’s partly my fault that she didn’t know the full story.
Now, my friend is a very gullible girl. She’s too trusting, and super vulnerable, will believe anything someone says in a heartbeat. So I’m very worried about her and scared that she’ll get manipulated out of her wits.
So when I found out they got together, I immediately went to text my friend.
We had a long conversation — and I told her to break up with him because it’s unlikely he’ll change his ways (he still likes emitting parts of stories to keep himself in good light, even lying about some stuff to his friends). She says she trusts him, but that is the thing I’m most worried about.
I talked about this to his three closest (the ones that don’t trust him either) and although they don’t want to be involved (which I understand and won’t involve them anymore) one of them said that maybe he did change, and we’d never know if he did or not if we don’t change our views on him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can watch out for your friend and tell her what you think. You don’t get to decide for her. She has chosen to trust him and trust that he’s changed. Only time will tell if she’s right or not.
You’ve said your piece and now you just stand by because she made her choice.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“It’s like I’m reading about my own college life. Listen OP. I know you mean well. I did too. But let me tell you from experience that no matter what you say, she will go back to this guy.
Because to him he’s someone she can fix. Or he’s someone who is misunderstood. And slowly slowly she will see you as someone who is not willing to give him a chance to be better. I wish I had done this sooner and saved myself my whole college life and trauma, distance yourself from all of this.
You told her what you knew, now it’s her life and she’ll do what she wants with it. Also, there will probably be a whole lot of breaking up and crying and then patching up again. Every time she breaks up, she’ll say I’ll never go back only to go back again.
And then you’ll become the villain. If this happens more than 2 times, cut this friendship and live your life. I ruined my entire college over this. And I ended up with no friends because of how much I wanted to pull her out of it.
I learned my lesson the hard way and I’m so much happier now having them all out of my life. NTJ. But seriously don’t get too deep into this. Stay away.” NarglesChaserRaven
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. It looks like to me that you’re trying to control your friend’s life.
Of course, it’s for her best and I get that but in these types of situations, I feel like you should wait for a couple of weeks and then base your decisions on that. It’s the same with guys. If my friend is seeing a jerk.
I will warn him initially but if he doesn’t listen then I’ll just leave him in his situation because he is thinking emotionally rather than logically. Your friend might just be the same.” PoeticPenMen
3. AITJ For Cancelling Plans With My Dad After He Forgot My Birthday?
“My family and I have always had issues, particularly with my dad. I’m turning 20 soon, and in February, I asked my dad about having a birthday dinner. He’s always struggled with dates, so I confirmed the date with him multiple times through various means. He assured me it was okay each time.
To accommodate him, I didn’t invite my maternal grandpa and step-grandma because he doesn’t get along with them, nor my mum or maternal grandma to avoid him feeling ‘outnumbered.’
I live with my maternal grandpa and step-grandma while at college, which my dad isn’t happy about, even though it saves money.
Since my brothers likely couldn’t make it due to work, I invited my maternal grandpa and step-grandma after clearing it with my dad. He disliked it. During this conversation, he mentioned he was working on my birthday and couldn’t attend, despite his previous confirmations.
Upset, I went to my mum’s house to cool off.
A few days later, I visited my dad’s house to see my younger brothers. My dad was rude to us, so I left and texted him to cancel our camping trip. We’ve always gone camping, but this year was special because we planned to go in May and do a hike we’ve wanted for years.
Given his rudeness and lack of apology, I felt it wouldn’t be fun anymore.
In response, my dad blew up about me missing the last seven Christmases. When I was younger, Christmas was split between my parents, but from age 14, I could choose where to spend it.
Often, my dad had work and didn’t make plans, so I went with my mum to visit family. I always spent time with him during the holidays, just not always on Christmas Day. Despite this, he still holds it against me.
Now, we’re arguing over text.
It’s not about him missing my birthday but his lack of remorse for messing up again. I’ve given him several months’ notice and even considered not inviting my grandparents for his sake. This pattern has happened multiple times: he almost missed my high school graduation, dinners, dance recitals, and concerts, and even needed coaxing to attend his niece’s baby shower.
I’m frustrated because I’ve tried everything, but he only seems to be mad about me not spending Christmas with him when I was younger. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good parents make the time. Or explain why they can’t. Like “I got called in last minute to work”.
If dad can’t be a grown adult then you’re not obligated to spend time with him. However, dads are only around for some time and then are gone. So be sure you want to burn that bridge before you do so. Another option would be to invite your dad to therapy to work out issues.” Pnutbuta-Jelityme00
2. AITJ For Wanting To Use The Same Baby Name As My SIL?
“I don’t know what the protocol is on this and I need opinions. I’m the last person to ever want to offend someone, and I don’t know what I should do in this situation. I love ONE name for a girl.
My husband and I are going to be trying for a baby in the next threeish months. We started discussing a baby about 6 months ago. We both loved the girl name I suggested, which was to honor both my late grandfather AND grandmother. They were very special to me.
So I wanted to use the female version of my grandfather’s name as our baby’s first name (assuming we have a girl one day) and my grandmother’s first name as the baby’s middle name. The two names just go so perfectly together, and it’s what I’d wanted to name my future baby girl for at least 10 years.
My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant about 5 months ago and about 2 months ago, my brother-in-law told my husband that they wanted to use the name we’d talked about (no, my brother-in-law didn’t know that we loved that name I didn’t think, it was pure coincidence) and I feel heartbroken.
They had two names for girls that they were considering but ended up choosing the name I love. The name we love IS one of the top 3 baby names in the US right now for girls, which makes me slightly inclined to still use that name if we do get pregnant and have a girl.
Also, we live in a different state than my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. We see them 3-4 times a year maybe. But I’m very torn. I have never loved another little girl’s name the way I’ve loved this one and now I don’t know what to do.
Would I be horrible to still use the name I picked out long before meeting my sister-in-law/brother-in-law? I wouldn’t want to cause a weirdness between his family and him and me. But his brother was so rude when my husband mentioned that that was the same name he and I had discussed and that I’d picked out long ago.
So that also makes me feel like “I don’t care, we’re using my name I came up with and loved.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should name your kid what you want! It would be really weird for grown adults to feel protective over a name for a baby.
Normal adults care about keeping themselves and their families safe, not claiming a baby’s name. It’s like when people need to get over it that someone bought the same top or chose the same topic for a project at school- its immature and adults don’t GAF.
Give your sister-in-law a chance to be chill with your attitude, I would have your husband, her brother, just say that we’ve been thinking about x as a name and my wife has been obsessed for like 10 years. Make sure you don’t ask permission to name your own child.
There are like 4 Billy’s in my family and I kinda like it, it has become a family name. If you raise your kids to embrace family then it’s great and they can bond over it later in life even.” No_Requirement2516
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but this is so ridiculous.
I’m not surprised your brother-in-law was rude; if I told my brother I was pregnant and had picked out a name for my child and he instantly responded with “Oh I and my wife also plan to use that name for our imaginary child” I’d also find it ridiculous.
What is the point of bringing this up now when you don’t even have a child? If you’re going to do it anyway surely it’s better to have this conversation when this is no longer theoretical? You do understand that you might not even have a daughter right?
YTJ, as is your husband (not for wanting to have the same name, though I also think being hung up on one single name is silly) for being ridiculous, immature people with main character syndrome.” Equivalent-One-5499
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but will the kids have the same surname?
If yes then they should have different first names since if they have the same first and last name and are born in the same year there could be paperwork issues in the future especially if they ever wind up living near each other. It’s not fair but can you switch first and middle name around?
Or a different version of the name? You shouldn’t have to change it but neither should they have to either. It’s just an unfortunate situation and emotions are running high.” Starry-Eyed-Owl
1. AITJ For Telling My Ex To Apologize To Our Babysitter After An Argument With Her Husband?
“My ex-wife and I share custody of our 8yo son Vincent.
We have a sitter, Tanner, who babysits all the boys in my son’s grade who need one. He’s been working with us since Vincent was 5.
Around the same time my ex remarried her first husband Francis. They’ve known each other since high school. The other day Tanner was babysitting Vincent and Francis was WFH.
I guess Vincent asked if he could have a soda. Tanner said sure but they could share one.
Francis interjected and said it wasn’t a good idea to give soda to Vincent because he’d start asking for them. They were limiting his soda intake. Tanner said it was cool because they were sharing and it was a sugar-free ginger ale.
Francis said no.
That same night was Vincent’s bath night and typically he likes to have someone in the bathroom with him so he can talk to them (except his mom). So Tanner was in the bathroom with Vincent and talked about magic tricks. Francis walked by and said Vincent was too old to have bath supervision.
Tanner said to go call me or my ex to see if they weren’t fine with it.
Later Tanner told Francis not to tell him what he can or can’t do. He doesn’t work for Francis. If he has an issue then take it up with me or my ex.
Francis said it was his house so he does have a say and implied that he could fire him.
Tanner related this to me my ex and we both agreed that Tanner worked for us, not Francis, and Francis should take up it up with us unless Tanner was taking Vincent skydiving.
I apologized to Tanner for what happened. Later Francis apologized too and said he had a lot of noise in his head and took it out on himself and Vincent.
I asked my ex if she apologized too. She asked why would she apologize. I said about what he went through.
She said she fixed it and wasn’t going to apologize. I said no, you didn’t fix it. All you’re doing is making him feel like you are annoyed with him or he’s not appreciated. It’s like not saying thanks for going above and beyond.”
Another User Comments:
“It wouldn’t hurt for her to apologize too. But she doesn’t have to, as she didn’t do anything wrong. I think Tanner has had plenty of apologies and YTJ for making an issue about it. I also think the reason is that you want your ex to be as embarrassed as possible over her husband.” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, I hate meaningless apologies; it’s disingenuous. Second, it sounds like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill and being super technical about what happened. Maybe she didn’t say the words “I’m sorry” but she also took actions to rectify the situation immediately including what must have been an uncomfortable conversation with her husband.
She doesn’t owe anyone an apology when Francis already apologized and she wasn’t even there when it happened. She did everything right in this situation. Finally, she can acknowledge that he went above and beyond without apologizing for things that are out of her control, maybe suggesting she acknowledge to Tanner that she recognizes it was an uncomfortable situation for him is sufficient over telling her she needs to apologize when she did nothing wrong.” Injuinac
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Either I’m having some literacy problems or this story is confusing and hard to follow. I’m not even sure what your ex did that was wrong. In my opinion, Francis did have a point that Tanner should also listen to him.
No Francis is not the one who hired Tanner, but Francis plays a role in raising the kid as a father figure so I do think that he has a right to guide Tanner and Tanner should not have told him blatantly “You cannot tell me what to do”.
Francis apologized and I believe Tanner should as well. I don’t think your ex is obligated to apologize, that’s her decision and if I were her, I wouldn’t either because honestly these two adult men could have fixed this issue without involving her to this extent and it seems like you are just looking for a reason to hate on her” SwimmingCatDogs
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