People Can’t Avoid Their “Am I The Jerk?” Issues Any Longer
21. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Kid For Blocking Parking Spots With His Bike?
“First and foremost, I want it to be known that I have no issues with kids. As someone with a lot of experience working in childcare, I have a lot of patience. I met the end of this patience and want to know if what I’ve done is justified.
My apartment is known for tight parking (there are probably 20 spots for 16-20 apartments.) There are no rules for parking, which causes issues from time to time with getting a spot near my building. Typically it doesn’t bother me, as it’s to be expected.
My neighbors have two kids (roughly 6 and 11) they don’t take responsibility for. As a tame example, we have quiet hours set at 9:30 PM on weekdays. These kids have been in the hallways screeching (I am talking stuck pig, would’ve called the police fearing child endangerment kind of screeching) at midnight or even 1 am on weeknights.
The parents do nothing about it. To put it gently, these kids think they can do whatever they want, with no consequences.
Summer is arriving, and the weather has been great. The kids across from me have also been enjoying this weather, except they’re “enjoying” it so much that one of them (11-year-old) has taken to blocking the parking spots in my complex by parking his bike in the middle of one and standing there on his phone for hours.
The parents watch this happen, the dad sometimes goes out and brings the bike back into their apartment late at night. Emphasis on sometimes. I’ve talked to them about this, as recently I’ve had to park over five, ten minutes away from my building because of the kid taking up an entire parking spot.
The father shrugs and laughs, and does nothing about it.
Next point is where I am unsure if I’m the jerk.
Our complex has strict rules about personal items taking up public spaces (planters, grills, and most relevantly bikes.) They’ve sent emails stating they’re not responsible for reimbursing personal items removed from the public spaces.
I came home from a particularly stressful day, and the kid was in the only spot left near my building. I asked him nicely to move his bike so I could park. The kid stared at me, then laughed as he left his bike and went inside.
His father watched all of this from their patio and did nothing.
After parking 3 buildings over, I’d had enough. I called the complex and reported a bike taking up parking. Within half an hour, maintenance came and took it.
Next morning I woke up to screeching from this kid.
His dad realized what happened and came over to yell at me. Annoyed at being woken up at 7 am on my one day off, I responded “play stupid games win stupid prizes” before I shut the door and went about my day.
Part of me feels justified, but there’s part of me that feels bad this kid won’t have a bike for the majority of this summer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they probably want a fight. Not the kid’s fault, just taking after his parents. Unfortunately, you can’t change them and it might end up getting messy as neighbor vs. neighbor usually does. But I mean… what else were you supposed to do?
You already asked nicely.” hollanddavidson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the parents could have done actual parenting and taught their kids to respect the rules for the common areas of the building and to clean up their stuff, but they clearly chose not to. Welcome to the FO part of FAFO, kiddo.
I would, however, keep a closer eye on my car than normal if I were you. Some irresponsible parents may actually be dumb enough to encourage their children to damage another person’s stuff to vent their frustration at getting what they bargained for.” ComplexSyrup8848
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now his parents, who should have been dealing with this all this time, will be on the receiving end of a campaign for them to buy the kid a new bike, which is as it should be. These people think the rules don’t apply to them and they aren’t going to change, but it is sometimes possible to force people like that to control their behavior by making sure there are consequences for it.
You didn’t just annoy the kid or his parents; you struck a blow for everybody who lives in your apartment complex, follows the rules, and has to tolerate this uber-entitled family. Now maybe someone can report them for breaking the quiet hour rules.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My Mother's Church To Receive A Graduation Gift?
“Fair warning: I have nothing against religion or having a relationship with God. I have a best friend who is Christian and we get along super great but the difference between what she and my mother believe is huge.
Long story short: My mother dragged me to church from the time I was born until around when I turned 18 and decided that I wasn’t going to go there. I have a bit of religious trauma from my mother and have talked to her about the multiple reasons I don’t want to attend church at her church.
Jumping to recently now: she told me about a week ago the church wanted to get me a gift for graduation. I told her something along the lines of “well that’s nice of them but I don’t need anything and I won’t be going to that church.” She acted like she had no recollection of me telling her all the reasons through the years of why I won’t go to that church.
She texted me this morning and is trying to convince me to come even though I have told her multiple times I won’t come back.
She texted me “The church will have your graduation gift for you today. Could you come to church at 11:00 to receive it?
It would make us all happy.” And I told her “I told you I will not go.” She hasn’t responded yet but I’ll update if something more comes from this.
So am I the jerk? What do you think?
Of course there is way more that I could have prefaced this story with but then the post would be a novel so I’m just trying to stick with a little context and the basics of what happened recently.
I definitely don’t fit in at her church and haven’t felt safe or welcomed in a decade.
So yeah, am I the jerk for refusing to go to receive a college graduation gift from the old church I haven’t been to for a service in around 5 years?
Again! I am not going so don’t worry about me going I’m not!”
Another User Comments:
“This is very clearly a plan to bring you back to the church. Do you recall them ever offering grad gifts to any other members? Tell your mother you really appreciate the gift but you will not be attending.
She can either pick it up for you, or they can give it to another graduate. NTJ.” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“My husband’s parents are super religious and have always guilted him and his siblings into going to church. We often heard things like “the only thing I want for (insert holiday or special occasion) is all my children at church with me”.
It took years, but my hubby finally told her we just don’t have the same beliefs and are not coming anymore. We still respect their right to believe what they want, but the constant nagging and religious references have ended up with us being pretty LC with them.
That is the direction your mother is heading. It’s not worth your peace to have to constantly defend yourself and say no.” Flimsy_Task8579
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. There is nothing worse than suffering through a sermon that goes against the grain. I’ve been in a similar situation.
I just found it impossible to hear that a crying baby is sinning because it selfishly wants to be fed — plus a million other beliefs. I stopped going altogether. 6 or 7 years later, the minister sent letters out to those who had stopped attending, stating: “Mere money will not rectify the situation.
You must attend church services regularly or face excommunication.” Excommunication was my emancipation.” Bubbly_You8213
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Drama-Prone Sister To My Wedding?
“I (27F) am getting married in two months to my fiancé, Alex (29M).
We got engaged last year and decided to have a small engagement party with close family and friends. It was supposed to be a joyful occasion, but my sister, Emily (24F), caused quite a scene.
Emily has always had a flair for drama, but I didn’t expect her to make my engagement party all about herself.
She showed up late, wearing a white dress (which felt inappropriate), and immediately started complaining about everything – the food, the decorations, and even the guest list.
The breaking point was when she got into a heated argument with my best friend, Sarah, over something trivial. She accused Sarah of trying to “steal the spotlight” and ended up causing a huge scene that left many guests feeling uncomfortable.
My fiancé and I had to step in to diffuse the situation, and it completely ruined the mood of the evening.
After the party, I had a long conversation with Emily about her behavior. She apologized, but it felt insincere and more like she was just saying it because she had to.
Since then, I’ve been anxious about her attending the wedding and potentially causing more drama.
After much thought, I decided not to invite Emily to the wedding. I felt it was the best decision to ensure the day went smoothly and was about celebrating our love rather than dealing with unnecessary drama.
When I informed Emily, she was furious and accused me of being unforgiving and petty. My parents are also upset, saying I should have given her another chance and that I’m being too harsh.
Now, I’m starting to feel guilty. I don’t want to cause a rift in my family, but I also want my wedding day to be peaceful and happy.
AITJ for not inviting my sister to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Mom, Dad, I am not interested in having a guest who whines about my choices and picks loud public fights with my friends at my wedding. She had her chance to show me she’d behave herself, and she blew it.
If you want to be upset at someone, be upset at the person who actually did something wrong, because it wasn’t me. The discussion is closed.”” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to be honest with yourself: “I don’t want to cause a rift in my family, but I also want my wedding day to be peaceful and happy.” Look, not inviting your sister to your wedding is 100% one of those things that divide families.
It sounds like, unfortunately, your parents might be choosing her over you. Which sucks. But ultimately you need to decide you’re not going to let them control your actions and your wedding day even if it does cause a rift in the family. They’re still jerks.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“Wore a white dress to the engagement party, caused a scene, assuring all eyes were on her and your parents are still taking Emily’s side? So is she the golden child by any chance? Yeah, I think you’re going to need security at your wedding because what she just did was her dress rehearsal for what’ll be coming on your wedding day.
So that should be your plan: lots of security. NTJ at all of course.” Global_Look2821
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner It's Not My Job To Calm Her Down During A Work Trip?
“I (34M) am currently on a trip with my partner (41F). It is a work trip, but I invited her to come along with me (all paid for by me).
In part because I thought it could be nice but mostly because in the last 5 work trips I have taken she always gets upset and starts fights. Her points included not taking her with me.
So, the day of the trip, 20 minutes before taking the bus to the airport she tells me that she is feeling bad.
I asked her what was wrong and if she felt fine for travel. She said “I don’t know.” “What choice do I have?”
We got to our room and it doesn’t have a private washroom (I misread the booking). I know that this is unacceptable for her and her OCD.
So I try to take her to a new hotel (losing my money on the first one) and she said no. Thankfully the staff was very understanding at Hotel 1 and (for a fee) let us switch rooms and gave us a washroom only for us (for her).
I told her this and she got even angrier. She started berating me telling me:
- She is never going on a trip with me again.
- Why didn’t I ask her to book the room with me? This one is a valid point. I apologized back then.
- Why didn’t I cancel my trip when she was feeling bad before?
- To “ignore her and go to the conference”. She told me that 3 times. I asked her what to do with food another 3 times and she said she could take care of herself.
I told her I made an honest mistake (which I tried to fix) and that it was unfair to treat me like that.
She continued the fight and I answered her multiple accusations and left her alone to go to the conference.
She got mad that I left her alone (?), we had another fight and she said that I never can calm her down. I answered, “sorry, everybody else had to learn to control their anger without lashing out and it is not my job to do it for you”.
She made another scene about leaving (alone, in the middle of the night 2500 km from home) and after I told her how insane that was, we went to sleep, angry.
Was I the jerk for telling her that it was not my job to calm her down?
Also for not cancelling the trip before? I am regretting that one… I should have never invited her in the first place, but in the last 6 months we had not had a fight and things were going great.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am a victim of emotional abuse.
I don’t know what is going on with your partner, but the end result is that she is emotionally abusing you. Everything here feels like a series of tests she is throwing at you to prove that you love her and care for her above all else.
She essentially wants you to cancel a work trip to show that she matters more to you. Of course you shouldn’t cancel a work trip. And no, it is not your job to calm her down. A 40-year-old adult should be responsible for themselves and their emotions.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“Wait, wait. Why would you cancel the trip? This was a work trip, was it not? Not an optional junket like it was for your partner who could have just not gone, if she really felt so unwell. But your partner went, anyway.
Because it sounds like while this trip may have been a vacation for her, she also felt it was her job to make your trip about her, and she was going to do her best! If you were stressed or miserable, well, that’s the price of taking her, and of course she is well worth it, (in her opinion).
Of course you went on to the conference! Like, duh! Isn’t the conference the whole reason you are on this trip? OP, you had a frank conversation with your partner and she didn’t wanna hear it. You should put her on the first available plane or train home and go about your business.
She was acting like a child, and you don’t need that. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope that was a typo and you meant ex-SO. She is insufferable, manipulative, controlling, has “main character syndrome”, uncaring, selfish, self-centered, and the list goes on.
The question isn’t whether you are the jerk. The question is why you remain with someone who clearly mistreats you. She actually thought you should cancel your work trip because SHE wasn’t feeling well at the AIRPORT? I should add insane to the list, or maybe she has a low IQ.
I’m guessing your SO has never had a career or she would know that canceling your work trip while at the airport wouldn’t be a good option unless you had a serious emergency. In my opinion, whatever you think you are getting out of the relationship is not worth the abuse she is tossing out continually.
I don’t care if her looks are a 10, it’s not worth it because she treats you terribly. I simply cannot imagine why you would choose to remain with someone who doesn’t value you, who doesn’t care about you or your feelings or your career. All she cares about is herself.” Gladtobealive2020
17. AITJ For Telling My MIL She's Just A Guest And Doesn't Make The Rules?
“My (33F) mother-in-law (67F) lives in another country with her husband.
We never got along because she always insisted on being the one to make the rules and is overall very controlling. She also disliked me from the start for merely existing. We don’t see her very often thankfully but whenever we do it’s always pretty stressful.
She is visiting now and staying with us. It’s been a week. Normally my husband deals with her nonsense but he’s currently travelling for work and won’t be back until tonight. Since my husband left she’s been horrible. It’s like she’s trying to get on my nerves on purpose.
I try to keep calm because I know she’ll leave in 2 weeks and I won’t see her for months again. However, there’s been an incident that I and my husband are now fighting about.
My toddler brought a large toy truck to the table. I reminded him ‘no toys when we’re eating, please put it back in the toy box and you can play with it when you’re done eating’.
My toddler was compliant but as he was getting off the chair my mother-in-law said ‘it’s ok honey, grandma allows it, your mommy is no fun, isn’t she?’ This is not an isolated incident, she’s been trying to undermine my parenting ever since my husband left for work (trying to let the kids eat sweets instead of dinner, telling them they can do things I just told them they were not allowed, and so on).
I could not take it anymore and said ‘let’s not forget grandma is but a guest here. Guests don’t make the rules, do they? I’m sure Grandma knows who this apartment belongs to. And hotels are so expensive in this area’. I admit my tone was mocking and I was referring to the fact that I alone own our home (I inherited it from Grandpa).
She was red and called me disrespectful but did not escalate it any further.
The same evening my husband is calling me furious, asking how dare I tell his mother she’s not welcome here. I told him the full story and he was still upset, claiming I should have handled it better and kept the peace.
He said he can’t even leave for a few days without us getting in a fight in front of the kids. I told him why don’t you say that to your mother. I also told him this is the last time I’m allowing her to stay over.
She can live in a hotel or not come at all for all I care if she has to act like this. I refuse to feel so uncomfortable in my own home.
I also told him I’m going to my parents’ lake house this weekend because the weather is so nice and I want to relax.
However, my mother-in-law is not welcome to join. He has 3 options: go with us, try to convince the kids to stay home with him and mother-in-law so that I could go alone or I go with the kids and he stays with mother-in-law. He told me it’s very rude not to invite my mother-in-law.
She would love to go to the lake. I said maybe but she’s the one I need a break from. He called me a petty jerk. I sure am petty but I don’t think I’m the jerk here. Never in my life have I started an argument with my mother-in-law first. But just in case, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You should go to the lake alone, no mother-in-law, husband or kids. That woman can be useful and take care of the baby she comes to visit every year. Her baby needs a dose of reality that is dealing with his mother and children at the same time without your assistance!
Don’t forget sunscreen and your weekend at the lake could also be for the duration of her visit! You would not be the jerk.” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She’s undermining your authority in your own home with YOUR children. Plus I think she’s not telling your husband the whole truth about everything she’s doing and playing victim here.
You go ahead honey and enjoy your weekend at the lake.” princessofIreland
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is mad at you because it’s easier than being mad at his mother. He’d much rather YOU be uncomfortable than HIM being uncomfortable, setting boundaries with his mom.
I know that culturally there are some that socially treat mothers like queens and/or daughter-in-law like dog poop, so I’m guessing there’s a bit of that husband needs to unlearn ASAP. She has absolutely no right to say or do those things in your home, and your husband should be the one spending the time with her, not on out-of-town business trips during his mom’s annual visits.
Sorry OP you’ve got a husband problem and HE’S got a mommy problem. You take the kids and escape and let him be the sole target of all her nonsense.” Beanz4ever
16. AITJ For Being Upset With My Brother Over His Neglect Of Our Mother's House?
“In 2013, my mother was a new widow, and we bought out her remaining mortgage on her home.
Mom has been living in that home since but now has Parkinson’s. My brother Nate moved in to help take care of her. Nate had a home health background, so I thought it would be great.
My daughter (17) Sky picked up my son (19) Parker, from college.
My family and I were going on vacation for Memorial Day.
Parker and Sky made a slight detour to see their grandma. It was about 7 pm, and the house was dark, and they let themselves in. The place was disgusting. As a teenager, Sky started a live stream and bad-mouthed her uncle, who was supposed to care for my mother and the house.
They get to the kitchen, and moldy dishes and bugs are everywhere. My brother comes out screaming at my children for trespassing and rips my daughter’s phone out of her hand and throws it.
My daughter’s friends and a cousin on my hubby’s side see it, and the police are called. I’m called, and instead of making our flight for our trip, we are cleaning up my mom’s home.
Thankfully my mom’s room was clean, and her bathroom also, but my brother let the house go to a mess and hasn’t been cleaning or doing dishes unless he knew we were coming over and we should show up. I reminded him it is technically our home, and we paid off the mortgage taxes.
The deeds and title are in my name, so my kids can stop by and visit their granny whenever they want.
Nate goes into how Sky recorded him and the home, making him look bad. He may face some legal issues of neglect because of what people are saying on TikTok, and the police did come to talk to my brother about it.
So instead of going away for the weekend cruise, my family is out thousands of dollars and is upset at Nate. Nate is angry at Sky.
My mother is. My husband wants to evict my brother and get a private nurse because my brother can no longer be trusted in “our” home to take care of Mom.
My brother acts like he forgot we bought out the home and says the situation isn’t fair to him because he was acting like mom told him he could have her house for taking care of her and doesn’t know what is really going on and he’s been fighting with Sky and Parker.
Sky refuses to help us clean if Nate is there and my husband wants to press charges and sue my brother but I want to first clean up the house and focus on mom and all sides are mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t about your children being disrespectful.
This is about your brother being neglectful towards your mother in regard to her care. Obviously, he thought he was getting something for nothing by moving in and providing half-hearted care. I happen to agree with your husband, send him packing and arrange for aides and nurses, if necessary to come in.
Too many elderly are abused like this and too many turn a blind eye to it. Time for your brother to take up residence elsewhere. NTJ.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ. She live-streamed it you didn’t encourage anything 1. This is elder abuse, it needs to be reported even if it makes her sad/mad even though it’s hard.
It is like if a child was being mistreated even though the child wants to stay with mom they can’t stay if mom l refuses to feed them. 2. Your brother is doing the bare minimum for your mom and thinking he will get the house.
3. Your brother’s job used to be elder care – was there neglect there too? Worrisome. 4. Did he hurt your daughter?” Icy_Yam_3610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude doesn’t deserve respect. You need to get him out of there though. Your husband is 100% correct. We had a similar situation in my mother’s family.
My grandmother (a retired psychiatric nurse) was supposed to be caring for my great-grandmother, who was very old & mostly bedridden. She was paid through the government & was actually going to inherit the house. She kept things tidy but neglected Gran. She neglected her to the point where she didn’t change out her oxygen tank & Gran developed irreversible dementia from the cranial atrophy.
Then we caught her kicking Gran (she’d even cranked the bed down to reach her) & I bodily grabbed her and dragged her out. She only left because we threatened to press charges. Gran had to go into a nursing home, developed severe depression, went on multiple hunger strikes & died shortly after.
Then my grandmother sold the house & refused to even sell it to anyone in the family (despite offers that were far above market value). All for spite because she was a trash human being. Your brother sounds like trash, too. So throw him out.” WastelandMama
15. AITJ For Making My Son Pay Back His Failed Investment Loan From His Education Fund?
“My son came to me with a foolproof investment. I told him it wasn’t a great idea.
He said that he had a bunch of money in his education fund and I should just give it to him. He was fresh out of high school and not in post-secondary. If we had taken money out and he wasn’t in school there was a pretty big tax hit.
I told him that I would loan him the money but that if his investment didn’t pay off then he had to pay me back from his education fund.
I figured it was safe since he can’t get the money unless he is in school.
We wrote up a contract for the loan including nominal interest.
His fool-proof investment went poof. He got a job. It turns out that working for a living is harder than school. It’s been two years and he is going to community college this fall.
He managed to save up exactly zero dollars from two years of work. He did have a string of partners and a few vacations though.
I told him he has to pay me back before he empties the account. He got upset that I’m taking his money meant for his education.
I asked him how much money would be in the account if I had let him invest it?
He didn’t have an answer.
I got my money but he is angry.
His mother is upset that I’m holding him accountable. I told her she could pay me back the loan and he could have all the money in the account.
She hung up.
I could afford to write off the money. It is substantial but not crippling to my future. But I need him to understand that money isn’t free.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He and his mother are just angry that you didn’t provide money free of consequences.
If you bail your kids financially every time they mess up they will never learn anything and will keep failing throughout their adult life. So you did your son a favor and he can always come back for more loans but the next time he will think all through much more carefully and will know about consequences.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“The fact that it was described as a ‘foolproof investment’ shows that he is either being disingenuous or has no idea what he is talking about. A gamble with a positive expectation? Sure. Foolproof? Lol no. Not sure about a judgment. How old was he when he accepted this offer?
If an adult then probably not the jerk. If not, then likely you are the jerk. Enabling a minor to gamble is a bad idea. That’s a no-brainer. NTJ.” stoat___king
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ. I don’t see how anyone could see it any other way.
You told him the investment was a bad idea, he signed a loan agreement, and he paid it back. An expensive lesson for him but clearly a lesson he needed to learn.” Ok_Smile9222
14. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Partner She Doesn't Seem The Motherly Type?
“I (45F) broke up with my ex (47M) 7 years ago after being together for 12 years, due to infidelity on his part.
We have a 10-year-old and a 3-year-old together, I will explain that later.
My Ex has been with “Nina” (29, fake name) for 4 years – so yes, I and my ex had our youngest whilst they were together, but ultimately she forgave him and it’s not my problem.
Both my children love her.
Nina is the free spirit type, she’s nearly always on vacation or hiking or whatever it is she does, she’s an artist…her hobbies don’t bother me, the children enjoy going on trips and I like knowing they’re getting those experiences, but the point is she’s flighty, irresponsible and forgetful – you may ask how I know this?
My ex texts me 9/10 when she’s done something to upset him, usually, he’s in the wrong anyway like expecting her to cancel a trip because he had hurt himself which ended up being like a papercut. Nina doesn’t know he texts me and I see no point in sharing.
Well, I was recently told by my eldest that Nina is pregnant, so I congratulated her and we spoke briefly about motherhood – I said I’m surprised she’s having a baby as she doesn’t seem the motherly type, she didn’t respond.
Ex texted me to say I’m bang out of order; I said I didn’t mean it to sound rude, although it’s ironic he’s texting me about that when all he does is complain about her.
My eldest is also upset with me claiming he heard his dad, because Nina didn’t tell him, and it’s “mean” because Nina is nice. I apologized, but still no response…my friends say I’ve put Nina through what my husband put me through and I’m just a “nasty” person sometimes.
I apologized and I just meant it as a passing comment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I believe in the moment you let your animosity towards your EX and what he did to you and your children get the best of you. Of course all types of people can be great parents, yes even ‘artsy’ free-spirited types.
It was a callous and spiteful statement you made, you probably need to expand your apology to Nina a bit by explaining where it was actually coming from, what your EX did to you. Maybe you can save the situation by doing that. Nina did nothing to you, your EX did.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a messy relationship with your ex and Nina still overlooks it. Yet, you chose to make a snarky comment to her when she has always been decent to you and your kids. You sound incredibly judgmental which is ironic considering that you aren’t a paragon of virtue yourself.” Spiritual-Bridge3027
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is obviously never a compliment to tell someone they are “not the type”, and doubly so when you learn they are pregnant. You didn’t become a mother until age 35, and who knows what you were like when you were 29, but the fact is that becoming a parent changes you.
Besides which, there isn’t one “right way” to parent and no reason for all parents to be the same “type.” You want to say it was a “passing comment.” But the fact is you were either trying to find out if it was an “accident” or you were putting in a dig about her lifestyle.
Do better, for your children’s sake. PS. At 4 years, she is hardly a “new” partner. That’s another way you are insinuating this is an irresponsible pregnancy.” 1962Michael
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister And Her Kids Stay With Me During Her Visitation Weeks?
“I (33f) am recently separated and live alone where I work from home in a big house. I value my solitude and quiet time. My sister (31f) has two kids (12 and 9) and recently decided to sell her house and move to Florida. She has to come and spend a week with her kids every few weeks while they live with their father full-time.
She never asked prior to selling her house and moving if she and the kids could stay with me when she had her visitation.
Around Easter, they ended up staying with me at the last minute and I had to do all the cooking, cleaning up after them, and buying the groceries.
They had to sleep in the living room since I have no extra beds so I was confined to my bedroom or office the whole time.
She’s now asked to stay ten days with me next week, again last minute. I really don’t want them to stay.
When I didn’t let her stay before, my family stopped talking to me for months. My mom will also try to convince me to take custody of my niece. It is stressing me out. I don’t have a maternal instinct and never wanted kids.
AITJ for not letting them stay with me and for not taking custody?”
Another User Comments:
“If you can’t bring yourself to say no, then stand up for yourself in other ways: No sleeping in the living room. They can sleep on pallets on the floor in an empty bedroom.
Or bring their own blow-up bed. $1500 upfront for food/drinks. Then, order online for delivery. Messes will be cleaned up. No trashing the house. Big noise if you find a mess. You don’t cook. Don’t even make a sandwich. You are not a hotel or a restaurant.
They had such a lovely time last time. Free food/showers/wifi/electric/streaming. A chef. A maid. So, they want to do it again. If mom doesn’t like it, they can stay with her. You will be called selfish. You will be told you don’t care about family.
This will be projection because they are being selfish to you, and are you not family too? Stand firm.” ButtonsSnapZipper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister doesn’t have a place where her kids can visit her, that is her own problem, not yours. And you definitely aren’t obligated to take custody of her kids.
Your relatives with strong opinions about the matter are free to offer up their own homes.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t your responsibility to provide your sister with a place to stay just because she decided to move so far away and not make plans for the times she has to be back in the area.
Further, the manipulation of your family is also not your fault. If they choose not to speak with you because you’ve put down a boundary saying what you will and will not do and are sticking to that, that’s on them. You’ve nothing to feel guilty for.” Adm_Hawthorne
12. AITJ For Defending My Spending On A Vacation My Partner Insisted On Paying For?
“My partner and I (both in our early/mid-twenties) recently went on an international vacation together. Background context is that he comes from a wealthy family that fully supported him through college.
Because of this, he has a large amount of money saved. This is not my situation, I worked through college to support myself and I have no savings at all. We are now early in our careers, we make the same amount of money working full-time, and it’s not enough to save.
Several months ago my partner suggested that we take an international vacation together. I told him I fully supported him going by himself or with other friends who can afford it, but I can’t afford it. He ended up insisting that he would cover me.
He booked the flights and most of the accommodation out of his own pocket and his parents covered the remainder of our hotel stays. I didn’t contribute at all to this as we’d agreed. I felt a little uncomfortable with it but I’d never travelled abroad so I took the opportunity.
On our first night, we went to an expensive restaurant of his choosing and we each got an entree, shared an appetizer and we each had a drink (a cocktail for me and a soda for him because he doesn’t drink). We then went out for ice cream and another drink later that night (also his idea).
It was wonderful and we were both in good spirits the whole time.
The next morning, he became withdrawn and was looking at his phone. He told me that we were burning through the budget and I should “cool down on my spending” and should be paying for my own appetizers, drinks, desserts, and other extras.
I let him know that I was sorry if he misunderstood things but I can’t afford restaurant food in a tourist town. I told him that if I am supposed to be paying for those things myself then I just won’t order them anymore, which is ok with me (I was just happy to be there).
Admittedly I was feeling a little defensive, and I pointed out that everything we ordered had been his suggestion and he never told me in the moment that it was too much. I said it felt like he was insinuating I was going crazy and burning through his money.
It became a big argument and he accused me of trying to make him feel bad for not having enough money to make all my dreams come true, and for making it sound like he’s depriving me of fun extras during our vacation. I told him that that wasn’t my intention at all, but that we should’ve had a clearer conversation about budget before we took this trip (and I accepted responsibility for that too).
He feels strongly that I made him feel bad for not being able to give me the world, basically. The entire day ended up being tense.
AITJ for responding that way? He thinks that I should’ve shown more gratitude and not gotten defensive. In hindsight, I agree that since he’s paying for everything I should’ve maybe just said ok rather than arguing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was unfair for him to suggest expensive restaurants and for you to have a cocktail. You were right to tell him there was a miscommunication. Now that you know there’s a budget, you can follow it. Having grown up in a wealthy family may have made it harder for your partner to understand that money isn’t infinite.
He may be used to splurging on vacation and seeing the vacation funds depleted so quickly might have been depressing and frightening. But he unfairly placed the blame on your shoulders. You made it plain from the beginning that you couldn’t afford this trip, but he insisted that he would treat you.
Now that you know there’s a budget, suggest less expensive restaurants and activities should he suggest lavish ones. Traveling can be stressful. I hope you two can resolve this issue and have a lovely time.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: he offered the trip and picked the restaurants.
I have family like this. They are super nice and offer/insist on taking care of everything but then: Resent you for taking them up on it. Constantly remind you that “they did it for you.” Act like you owe them even though they insist on paying.
It is honestly exhausting.” Lopsided_architect
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s freaked out about money and is taking it out on you. But it’s not your fault. It was a miscommunication, or lack of planning, or whatever. He may feel bad about not giving you a “perfect” vacation… but it sounds like you don’t need pricey experiences to enjoy yourself.
That may be about how he was raised, and what he thinks is required for this to be a nice trip.” Klutzy-Pool-1802
11. AITJ For Not Rehoming My Cockatoo After Neighbor's Complaints About Noise?
“We have a Moluccan cockatoo who has been with us for five years. We gave Peaches a home because a family member couldn’t keep him due to allergies and Peaches was in bad health.
(He was being kept in a cage all day and was feather plucking.)
Peaches is now a completely different bird. He’s much happier. He’s stopped feather plucking entirely.
He now has lots of attention and out-of-the-cage time. We even built an outdoor aviary for him, so he can enjoy playing outside.
This is where the “jerk” factor might come in.
New neighbors moved into the house across the street from us. In April the mom knocked on our door, and said that Peaches is making too much noise and it is waking her baby up. This happens when Peaches is indoors or outdoors in his aviary.
We said we would make changes. These have included:
1) We asked what the baby’s schedule is and we don’t let Peaches out during those hours.
2) We have added additional soundproof paneling inside our house.
3) When Peaches is loud, we discourage him from screaming.
The neighbors returned yesterday and said that Peaches is still keeping their baby awake and that he has to go.
They said they’d be filing a noise complaint if we didn’t get rid of him.
Other facts:
1) We let Peaches play in his aviary for about 2 hours each day and it is always supervised. We don’t just stick him in the aviary and go off and do our own thing.
If he starts getting loud we try to distract him or we bring him indoors.
2) He is never outside during early morning or evening hours or during the baby’s nap hours.
3) It is hard to teach a cockatoo to be quiet.
4) We live on a 1-acre property in the suburbs (not a townhouse or an apartment).
None of our other neighbors have ever complained about Peaches.
5) It would be very difficult to rehome Peaches, especially since he is a feather plucker. We are his third family. When we got him, it was with the understanding we’d be his forever home. He has grown very attached to us and I am afraid if he was rehomed, he would start plucking again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parrots are loud but you’ve made every effort to make the neighbors’ lives more comfortable. They can get a white noise machine for the baby and soundproof their own house if they’re so adamant they need silence. It would be cruel to uproot Peaches again when he’s improved so much.” ants-in-my-plants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like they have a poor sleeper on their hands, and she’s stressed and making complaints for a sense of control. Seems like you have been respectful and very willing to compromise. It’s unfair to expect you to rehome an animal—doubt anyone would ask the same of a dog.” Zealousideal_Fig2482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless Peaches is loud during the time when you are legally required to keep it down, you should not have to worry. That’s ridiculous. If you were to make changes to your house, there would be plenty of construction noise, and they would not be able to stop you from doing this, just because of their baby.
You are doing what you can to be considerate, and it comes across as if they are letting their baby sleep with the windows open or something. As someone who has worked in a daycare, we did not have issues putting the little ones down even with construction going on right outside of the window of the sleeping room.” FlatConclusion8847
10. AITJ For Confronting My Friend's Abusive Partner After My Bachelorette Party?
“I’m getting married in the fall and got back from my bachelorette party yesterday. There were 10 girls plus 1 guy who is gay. We went to an Airbnb in a major American city on the ocean and spent our time relaxing by the water and on a boat.
We went out clubbing once but that was it.
One of my best friends since high school “Lindsay” has been seeing “Rob” for 2 years. About a year and a half ago, Rob converted to Islam. This has caused a strain in their relationship because he has grown increasingly controlling and judgmental since then.
I love Lindsay but she’s always been insecure and lets guys walk all over her. I guess she had to beg Rob to “allow” her to even go on this trip. Rob is VERY against drinking and general party scenes.
Here is some of what we dealt with.
I felt HORRIBLE for Lindsay during all of this. I would say like clockwork he called her every 90 minutes to 2 hours. There were multiple times she stepped out of whatever we were doing to talk to Rob on the phone for half an hour. She avoided being in group pics for the most part.
We took one of all of us on the boat and she freaked out to the whole group to please not post it anywhere because Rob would freak out knowing she wore a two-piece without him there.
I did snoop on her phone, which I regret, when she left it out and it was blowing up with texts from Rob.
I saw the horrible disgusting things Rob was saying. I posted a pic of me and 2 other bridesmaids on the boat and we happened to be in bikinis because boat. He screenshotted it and sent it to Lindsay basically calling us every bad name in the book, fat, saying he’s disgusted by who Lindsay surrounds herself with.
He said she is going to embarrass him in front of his religious community too. He said if anything bad happened to any of us it would be our own fault because we are intoxicated jerks. He insulted MY fiancé. Apparently, my fiance is not a man because he lets me wear bikinis and drink.
He also had quite a bit to say about our gay friend as well.
When we got back, I texted him a very long message about what I thought of his actions. I said he ruined the weekend because of how he tried to control Lindsay the whole time.
I could tell how off she was all weekend because he was saying horrible things to her. He apologized to me but did say he could not help but that the way we choose to live is against his religion and can’t stand to see the woman he loves “delve into sin” and said that he tried to tell her she shouldn’t go.
I insulted him and his perceived manhood. I’m not going to go into much more detail but I went off. Lindsay has told me that I should have let her handle it and now things are so much worse for her. He’s saying things like she needs to cut all of us out, especially me for disrespecting him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset. But you should be upset with Lindsay. Rob is a controlling, misogynist. homophobic jerk, but Lindsay failed to handle it. She’s the one who took all of his calls. Lindsay has to decide if she is willing to live with this man’s completely unacceptable behavior.
If Lindsay had grown a spine and either turned her phone off, blocked Rob, or finally broken up with him your trip wouldn’t have been ruined.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Rob is abusive and controlling. But you didn’t call him out on this out of any sense of obligation to your friend or to help her.
You did it because your friend was annoying you at your bachelorette party. You also had no business going through her phone. If her behavior was bothering you, you needed to address it with her. You likely only made it worse for her with Rob.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to call you a jerk, but knowing someone who was in a DV relationship, you probably did make things a lot worse for Lindsay. Your concern should be for Lindsay. That your party was ‘ruined’ should be the least of your concerns.
You have a friend in crisis. If you are truly concerned for Lindsay, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can guide you on what you can do and what you should NOT do.” pinkflamingo-lj
9. AITJ For Attending A Friend's Party After My Stepmother's Funeral?
“My dad’s wife passed away two weeks ago. I (15m) didn’t like her and her passing didn’t really make me grieve. I felt bad for my dad. I feel for my half-siblings.
But she’s not someone I’ll personally miss. My dad always knew we’d had a very rocky relationship. He used to ask me to give her a chance because she didn’t always say the right things but she was a good person deep down. Her not saying the right things included saying homophobic things when “she wasn’t homophobic” or saying racist things but of course not being racist, she called my mom a horrible woman because my mom met my stepdad when I was only a newborn.
They didn’t start seeing each other until I was 4 but the fact she met the guy she would later marry made her a horrible woman apparently. Also not marrying my dad for me made her a horrible woman too. She told me she didn’t like my relationship with my mom because it left no room for her.
She would complain when I wouldn’t hug her and would try to accuse my mom of giving me “issues” by not taking care of me when I was a baby. It wasn’t true. But that was her way of trying to blame my mom for me not being affectionate with her.
She got sick two years ago and my dad begged me to try getting along with her better. I told him the best I could offer was biting my tongue and walking away from her more. Three months ago she was given the all-clear or whatever and then she was dead.
The cancer had returned and she passed away before they realized it. My dad and half-siblings were really upset. I had to be there for them. But I felt like Dad expected me to be upset and to grieve like they were. He’d tell me to cry and open up about how much I missed her.
He asked me questions when funeral planning came and would dismiss my I don’t know what she’d want and tell me of course I knew. But I didn’t. I never paid attention to the stuff she liked.
The funeral came during my mom’s parenting time.
One of my best friends’ birthday party was the same day and I wanted to go so Mom said of course and after the funeral (which I went to) I attended the party. My dad was furious when he found out about it, and he found out because of social media.
He asked me how I could be happy and cheerful and celebrate something when I lost someone we all loved. I had to really really hold back that I didn’t love her and I didn’t lose anyone, because I really didn’t. My dad also raged at my mom.
She told him I was a kid and deserved to have a good time. He asked how I could be so heartless and told me I could have stayed with him and my half-siblings and helped take care of them instead of going off to celebrate.
But instead, I went to a party to celebrate on the worst day of our lives.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I had to really really hold back that I didn’t love her and I didn’t lose anyone, because I really didn’t.” It was restrained & kind of you not to say.
Especially when his wife had some unpleasant traits. “She told him I was a kid and deserved to have a good time.” Your mom is right & your dad can’t force you to feel something. It wasn’t the worst day of your life. That’s just how it is.
“He’d tell me to cry and open up about how much I missed her.” Like that for instance. I hope your dad eases up. All the best to you.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is somebody you’d avoid as much as possible during life, so of course you’d avoid her after death.
You did your duty. You went to the funeral to support your family. You wouldn’t have been with them afterward regardless, because it was your mother’s parenting time. What you do during the time with your mother really isn’t their business. You were good. You continued holding your tongue when your dad tried to make you mourn his way.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The worst day of HIS life. Not yours. How can you possibly grieve for someone you didn’t care about? Because your dad is grieving, he expects you to do the same. You played your part by going to the funeral. There was nothing more for you to do but sit around watching others grieve.
This is why they say misery loves company. Your feelings or lack thereof for her are valid. There was nothing wrong with you going to celebrate a friend’s birthday.” NOTTHATKAREN1
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Bring A Recent Hookup As His Plus One To My Wedding?
“I (27F) am gonna get married to my fiance (29M) in July. Initially, I invited both my brother (23M) and his long-term partner of 3 years to our wedding, however, my brother broke up with her last month, and a couple of days ago he requested me to let him bring another 1+ to my wedding in order to replace his ex that wasn’t coming anymore.
I asked him who he was planning to bring and he said that he wanted to bring a guy he met recently on a social platform with whom he got along great. I told him that I don’t want him to bring a random hook-up to my wedding because we’re planning for a rather small ceremony with only our families and close friends.
The reason I invited my brother’s ex was because she was a long-term partner, which obviously isn’t the case with this hook-up.
However, my brother twisted the truth and started accusing us of being homophobic for previously allowing him to bring a woman as his plus 1 but not a man and even contacted some of my and my fiance’s friends who are LGTBQ+ to stir up drama and turn them against us.
While some of them believed us we’ve also had a couple of friends saying they’re gonna drop out from our wedding because of what my brother told them, not to mention that now he started stirring up drama with my family as well.
AITJ? I feel like I was reasonable in valuing a long-term partner and a random hook-up differently, especially when I still wouldn’t have allowed my brother to bring an acquaintance to my wedding even if it was a woman instead, however I’m getting tired of getting called a homophobic bridezilla over this decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”If you think we have to allow a random hook-up at our small, intimate wedding, then I think you are confused about who we chose to invite. If you really would skip our wedding because you are choosing to believe my brother’s false and self-serving accusations — if you really believe that we are secretly homophobic and the gender of my brother’s proposed guest has anything to do with our decision — then I guess we aren’t as close as I thought we were.
It’s extremely painful that you think we would do something so prejudiced and awful but if that’s truly what you believe, it’s probably just as well that you don’t attend. If you do change your mind and realize that we would never do such a thing, then we are happy to welcome you back and put this nastiness behind us.” NTJ.
I’m sorry there are people you thought you were close to who have decided you are capable of these heinous acts.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually, you’re probably doing him a favor. You want to be able to display those wedding photos for the rest of your lives.
You’re saving him from a very cringy future of his future REAL partner (male or female who cares) having to see that person in those pictures every time the family pulls them out. Understandable that he’s extra rejection sensitive due to coming out queer, but a wedding is a big deal in a person’s life and it’s really okay for you to only want family members and people they are really connected to at those.
Honestly, this kind of happened to me, a guy I was seeing briefly took me to his son’s wedding as his plus one, and I’m not even cringe (I think) but he has a serious real partner now and I wonder how she feels about those pictures.
Maybe you can make it clear that you accept him and support his new relationship, you just don’t want people you don’t know well at your wedding.” RhiannonNana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, you decide who has the privilege to attend. It’s a small ceremony, the then-partner was considered part of the family, but this random new person is not; the end.
Are people dropping out of the wedding over a lie your brother is spreading around? Then they’re probably not essential guests at the wedding. Make sure you talk with your brother and tell him the logic behind your decision of not inviting his +1. Communication is key.” Unofreu
7. AITJ For Crying In Front Of My 12-Year-Old Son?
“I (36M) am trying to raise 2 emotionally intelligent kids, hopefully unaffected by the issues that messed with my childhood and carried through my adulthood.
So, I have done my absolute best to break down the whole ‘guys don’t cry nonsense’. But, obviously, I don’t cry in front of my kids, because that’s weird.
Unfortunately, I broke this rule of mine yesterday. I know it’s not an excuse, but I was tired and I was stressed. My daughter’s bed decided to break the other day, so I had to fix it over the weekend and work’s been messy at best. I was talking with my son, (12M), basically the conversation was about him and how he was doing with his school life and friendships.
One thing led to another, and I was just so happy and proud about how well this kid turned out, and pleased with myself for not being like my own dad so he could talk to me about this kind of stuff. Anyway, I started crying.
My son got sad and started trying to cheer me up, and I cried harder because darn what a good kid.
Anyway, I thought that was an ok interaction because it ended with my son feeling fine and I didn’t think he was too affected by the whole crying thing.
However, this morning my wife has been very angry with me and how I could have traumatized my kid by doing that and he’s only 12 he doesn’t need to see his dad crying. She said I was a jerk for doing this to a kid.
What she said made sense and I’m feeling pretty bad about it now. I don’t really know what to do. I didn’t think it was that bad but my wife thinks differently. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This helps with your kid’s emotional intelligence. It’s important for kids to see that their parents are human and feel the whole spectrum of emotions that they do.
And, also, you were sabotaging yourself with the “breaking down the guys don’t cry” with “I don’t cry in front of my kids.” You were basically telling your kids to do what you say, not what you do, whereas, when you cried in front of your son, you finally walked the walk you’ve been trying to teach them.
Then you get your wife berating you, trying to undo everything you’ve been trying to teach them, her trying to force you back into at least some of the traditional toxic masculinity roles. You did not traumatize your kid.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not the jerk!
As long as your son felt safe, that he wasn’t at fault and that everything is going to be alright, there’s nothing wrong with crying in front of your child! You sound like a good father on the basis of this post, so I imagine you have explained to him that sometimes adults need to have a cry too.
Your wife is terribly in the wrong here, and it’s so insensitive that she dismissed your emotions and natural emotional reaction like that, and then even told you that you’d traumatized your son. Horrible of her.” Even_Peach7198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but seriously, you are NOT breaking the “men don’t cry” toxic stereotype by… doing everything not to cry.
Crying in front of kids isn’t weird. It’s healthy. It shows kids that parents are humans too and that parents have emotions too. That DAD feels it’s okay for boys to cry. Your wife is insane and seems to be trying to force that toxicity back into your lives.
You didn’t traumatize your kid: you showed him that it’s okay for men to cry. It’s okay for dads to cry.” katbelleinthedark
6. AITJ For Wanting To Miss School Because My Brother's Meltdowns Keep Waking Me Up?
“My 24M brother has bipolar and has anger issues and still lives with me and my parents.
I go to sleep at around 10:40 P.M., but I always get jolted awake by him having a meltdown at my parents over something stupid. For example, tonight I got woken up because he yelled at my mom for spilling water on the ground. And when I say yelled, I mean like full-on meltdown.
He then aggressively moved furniture and started screaming and making a ruckus.
I hate how I can never get any sleep and I’m always exhausted at school because he wakes me up. So, I beg my parents to let me sleep in and miss school because of him, but they say I don’t have a valid excuse that you can tell the school.
I was thinking of maybe talking to my guidance counselor about it, but my parents said they don’t want to deal with the trouble that would cause. AITJ for wanting to be able to sleep in and miss school because my brother consistently wakes me up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t miss school. You DO need to talk with your guidance counselor. What’s happening at home isn’t working. Noise-canceling headphones won’t do anything for this level of noise. Your parents are in a tough situation, but you HAVE to be able to sleep to function.
And your brother is 24. His disabilities present hardships for him and that doesn’t make him a bad human, but he can’t stay there if he’s screaming at all hours nightly. He’s 24. He needs to take responsibility for himself to some extent even if he can’t work full time or do everything himself.
” Rtarara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a very valid reason for missing school – but missing school isn’t the answer to your problem. The most generous excuse I can give for your parents’ response to you is they are emotionally and mentally drained from dealing with your brother and are so caught up in dealing with that trauma, that they forget you are forced to deal with it as well.
Definitely talk to a school counselor. Please. See if they can help. If they don’t help talk to someone else. You need someone who has your best interest, not your brother’s, at heart. Do you have grandparents or other relatives nearby? Could you stay with them temporarily?
Keep trying until you get the help you deserve.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even with your brother’s issues, there is no reason for him to regularly have interactions in the middle of the night that can lead to meltdowns. If these meltdowns are genuinely unavoidable, then your parents need to figure out how to shift his schedule so these kinds of things happen at less disruptive times of day.
If they can’t, they should be actively working with a therapist to mitigate his symptoms and their impact on others, particularly his younger sister.
The very fact that your parents do not want you to discuss it with your guidance counselor is heavily suggestive that they are not doing everything they can to get your brother connected to care.
After all, it is entirely possible that a guidance counselor would know of additional programs that could be helpful to your family (e.g. in my state, we’ve just had a strong push to increase access to mental health services for kids in schools and their families, and I just saw a presentation of rapidly expanding a pilot program in another state where they’re targeting family systems similar to yours to help parents develop better strategies to help their mentally ill children).
As others have already said, missing school because you were chronically having your sleep disrupted is not a viable long-term solution but talking to your guidance counselor (or another trusted adult) might help you get the support you need.” DinaFelice
5. AITJ For Rejecting My Serially Married Dad's Fiancée's Offer To Go Dress Shopping?
“I (18f) was invited to go dress shopping with my dad’s current fiancée Natalie (38f). My two sisters (25f and 22f) were invited also. I turned down the offer and Natalie was upset because my sisters also turned her offer down.
We’ve all been here before.
So. Many. Times. My dad has been engaged at least 11 times that we know of and married at least four times. He has 7 kids. Not all of us are from marriages. None of us are from the same mom. My mom didn’t even know he had kids when she married him.
He was a huge liar earlier in his serial marriage life. Mom finding out about his past triggered their divorce. After mom, he stopped lying about having kids or being married before. But it didn’t stop him from getting into these whirlwind serial relationships and getting engaged and married a bunch.
I don’t believe any of his relationships will last more than a few years. Four years was his longest marriage and that was only in the legal sense. He has filed at least one annulment that we’re aware of.
At this point, none of us plan to go to his future weddings or play pretend in these pre-wedding events.
My paternal siblings all feel the same way. None of us really know Natalie or have anything to do with her as a person. I met her once before. Some of my siblings twice. But she’s not part of our lives or anything.
After every one of us said no to Natalie she sent a group message to us all saying she expected more from us.
That we’re about to be family and none of us want to welcome her into the family. She said she has a lot of maternal love to give and would like for us to embrace that and open our minds and hearts to her being more than another of our dad’s wives.
She said most of us aren’t children anymore and even the ones who are could do with being more open to having another mom in their lives. She said she’ll be the mother of more siblings one day and for that reason alone we should reconsider how we’re treating her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Does Natalie know The True and Factual History of OP’s Father’s Marriage History? If she doesn’t, someone should tell her. If she does, she is living in Cloud Cuckoo-land and there is nothing you can do but make sure she knows the truth (see above) OP, you are NTJ.” InedibleCalamari42
Another User Comments:
“A guy my husband worked with used to not bother to learn any new employee’s names until they’d been there a year since the turnover was so high. I’d just email her back and tell her you appreciate her stance, but a, you don’t know her, b, you have a mother, and c, you’ve been through so many stepmothers and fiancees that you don’t really engage until they actually have been married to your father for at least a year, at which point you’ll consider grabbing a coffee.
Honestly, she sounds delusional. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – (except maybe your dad still). I don’t blame you for not wanting to go through the facade, but she’s trying to do everything right as well. I think the way to go is to be firm but gentle.
“Natalie, I hope this wedding is as wonderful as you hope it will be and that your marriage to my father is a happy one. That being said, I have my own emotional baggage with my father being a serial divorcer, including divorcing my mother, to be a proper support for you.
I appreciate your efforts to include me, but I must politely decline the pre-wedding festivities.” If she brings up being your stepmom again, again gentle but firm “I appreciate the effort that you are willing to put into this relationship, but I am a legal adult now so it’s unfortunately too late for me to have a true mother-daughter relationship with you like I do my own mother.
I understand that we are family, but I don’t want to be treated as a child. I’d be happy to have a drink with you later this month” or something like that, substituting an appropriate activity that you can do at 18 where you live. Internally I’d treat her like a mother-in-law.
You have to be cordial and polite, but you’re not required to actually bond with her or like her. Best of luck to you.” Electrical-Bat-7311
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad's Promised Down Payment Doesn't Cover A House In My State?
“When my wife and I were talking about getting married, my dad said that he would give us a down payment for a home.
We were thrilled and kept that in mind. We would be able to afford a good starter home with his help, and we scrimped and saved to add to it.
Except apparently, he meant “a sum of money good for a down payment for a house near us” where the cost of living is low.
He did not ever mean a down payment for a home in Colorado, where my wife and I have lived since we were in college. He said he thought I would be “smart enough” to realize that we’d need to move somewhere with a lower cost of living than Colorado.
He keeps saying “move to a cheaper city.” Our lives are here. Our friends, our jobs, our hobbies. You can’t exactly leave your house and be up on top of a 14,000ft peak in 6 hours where my family is.
I told him that we had never talked about moving back there, and we never would.
That we would rather be stuck renting for a while longer than be stuck somewhere we didn’t want to be, and the “move to a cheaper city” wouldn’t work for us. He said “so be it” and gave us the amount and that was that.
I expressed gratitude and thanked him for the money. It is still towards the goal.
Well because of this shift in our finances, we have had to make a lot of changes to save up the rest of the money. We have had to cut out vacations, birthday gifts, holidays, etc. We won’t be traveling home for a few years.
At our current rate, we should have an okay down payment by the end of next year (2025).
My dad confronted us about this because we won’t come for a summer break trip and told me that I was being a selfish, entitled brat because I hadn’t gotten my way.
That I was essentially punishing the rest of the family because we “assumed” what his gift would be.
I told him that I was grateful for the amount he gave us, but that it means we do need to buckle down and save every penny if we want to be able to afford a house anytime soon.
Even townhouses around us are easily over 400k, and that’s for the sketchy ones.
But is my dad right? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for framing it as your dad screwing you over. He offered you a down payment for a home. You assumed it would be a certain amount.
It wasn’t. But he still gave you a generous gift. And now you describe that generous gift as screwing you over. Also, while you’re under no obligation to go on family trips, to cut out any visits to them for a few years after your dad gave you this generous gift because it wasn’t as much as you were expecting sends a message, whether you mean it to or not.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I live on the west coast and my family is on the east coast. It is so expensive now to travel. People always expect you to go to them because you’re a jerk for leaving but it’s really not fair.
If you want to save for a house I get not wanting to visit. They can always visit you or offer to help pay travel expenses if they really want to see you.” Skyward93
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight. Your dad offered you money and gave it to you.
He’d like for you to move home but that isn’t happening. Now, you are struggling with the costs of the area you chose to live in and you’re punishing your dad for “screwing you over”? Based on what I’m reading here, he gave you what he said he would.
Somehow, you feel entitled to more. Either that or it is his fault that Colorado has a high cost of living. From what I read, YTJ. Make your choices and live with them.” biffmaniac
3. AITJ For Refusing To Continuously Babysit My Half Siblings?
“I (20f) have a sister (16f) and two half-siblings from our mom’s new marriage (3m) and an infant sister.
My mom insists on my help with the youngest siblings, constantly, without notice. She wants me to babysit, or feed them, or give them baths. Most of the time it’s fine, but sometimes it’s overboard. For context in my reactions: I have autism, high functioning/Asperger’s.
The situation: Today she asked me to give them baths, and I did. It was hard because of my sensory issues and the fact they were both screaming bloody murder in my ear over wanting my mom to give them baths instead. It was okay though, I pushed through and got them dressed through the screaming.
Then I left them in the living room with her and started to go back to my room. She asked if I could hold the baby a little longer. I did, but she was screaming and crying still, so it was hard. The only time she’d calm down was if my mom held her, and she didn’t want to because she was getting ready to leave for an AA meeting.
At this point, I was extremely overstimulated. I was standing sort of rigid, but still holding the baby acceptably, I thought. She began to yell at me, saying I wasn’t holding her with the right body language, and if I held her “like I cared about her” she wouldn’t cry.
I told her she’s probably crying because she wants to be held by her mom, separation anxiety, because no matter how much I coddled her before, she still cried. This is a consistent thing that’s happened since my sister started going to daycare.
Maybe I am a bit rigid after being screamed at, but still I don’t feel like my body language was the issue.
My mom eventually got fed up and told me to put her in the feeding chair, so I did and started to walk back to my room.
She then started to rant on about how she still needs my help with watching them longer and how I don’t care about my brother and sister. She said she shouldn’t have to ask for help. It didn’t even occur to me that it was assumed for me to stick around and watch them because their father is home.
All she asked was that I give them a bath, then hold the baby, and I did that. This escalated into an argument in which I told her that her children aren’t my responsibility, especially not at 20 years old, and while I don’t have a problem helping out sometimes, I’m not her employee and both can’t (because of autism) and won’t (because I wouldn’t want to if I could) predict what she wants from me in order to wait on her hand and foot.
I do live at home for free, so it could be entitled of me to be so averse to helping her with them. I do other things, I’m the only one in the house who cleans regularly (every other day) and that’s easy for me as it doesn’t involve any crazy variables & never changes.
But I do not want to help with my siblings the amount she wants.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would seriously look at finding a way to move out. Has your ASD been formally diagnosed and documented? If so you should qualify for some disability resources.
In my state, each county has an aging and disability resource center that we can call to find out what sort of services, funding, and housing are available. They can also help you find out if you qualify for SSDI if you aren’t able to work.” Ornery-Process
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not the parent. I think you need to ask yourself some questions about your future, though. Are you going to school? Do you work? Are you going to live independently in the near future? If not, you are a dependent of your mom and stepdad and they aren’t unreasonable to expect you to contribute to the household.
Given your issues, childcare is not the best choice. Can you sit down and calmly work out contributions that accommodate your issues? Doing all the cleaning? How are you at cooking? Grocery shopping? If you are relieving other burdens on your mom, she might find parenting easier.
However. While I think you need to figure out your adult role, your mom has no business expecting you to raise her younger kids.” dontlikebeige
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perhaps you can hang out at the local public library during the day while you apply for jobs.
You may even be able to find a job at the library or your college library. You said you’re in college, perhaps you can take a class over the summer to get you out of the house. You should also look into open positions on your college campus.
You may hear back from them sooner than you would from other places. The turnover rate for student jobs on campus is higher because of students graduating. Your college may also have a career center that can help you find a job on or off campus.
This is often a free resource for students. Once you graduate, they may also be able to help you after you graduate in order to find a permanent full-time job. Another option you may want to look into is volunteering. Volunteering in an organization can give you experience that you can put on your resume which will help you get a paying position in the future.
Plus volunteering could help you do networking among people who may eventually help you find a paying position. Establishing working relationships and connections often leads to better opportunities in the future.” Foreverforgettable
2. AITJ For Letting My Brother's Partner Break Their Lease Early?
“My brother and his partner have lived in my apartment for 4 years. I used to live there (bought it 7 years ago) but when I married my wife, we bought another place and I decided to keep the apartment as a rental.
There are some issues with their relationship and it may end as she found another job in another state. They have been together for 6 years and she wants to get married but my brother is hesitating about proposing. He says she’s the one but won’t propose.
Her industry isn’t big in our state so she has always been underpaid and recently she accepted a job in another state which from my understanding is a huge salary bump. He is very unhappy about this and thinks she is blindsiding him and she thinks she shouldn’t put their relationship over her career because he refuses to propose.
She wants me to end the lease. Which I’ve written means she needs to give me 3 months’ notice and they signed the lease knowing this. She has given me 3 weeks’ notice. My brother wants me to enforce it and fight with her to get the 3 months notice.
She agreed to leave her half of the security deposit and I’m just canceling the lease. He is upset because he thinks I’m on her side because I’m letting her off easy. In reality, I haven’t increased rent for 4 years and her leaving means he will probably leave soon too as he can’t afford rent alone and I can increase rent.
Also, I don’t want to fight with her in case they actually make amends and she ends up my sister-in-law. Unlikely now but still. He is refusing to let me enter the place or letting me find a roommate to cover her half of the rent so he can stay and calling me the jerk due to letting her “escape”.
Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“Seriously what he really wants is for you to almost imprison her. It is not uncommon for reasonable landlords to give consideration to a lessee when it comes to a job transfer or moving out of the area for a new job.
I am sorry she didn’t give you more than 3 weeks, but perhaps it was a long shot and she really didn’t know. You have offered reasonable solutions but… your brother is simply angry that she took the job. He is trying to drag you into their relationship mess and is more than willing to make you the villain in the story.
Neither of which you seem to be. You are NTJ and this is between them. You can hardly blame someone whose long-term partner doesn’t want to take the next step but wants her to refuse an opportunity to advance her career and really boost her income.
I wish her and you well. Good luck with this mess.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“Nah, nah. Absolute NTJ here. The partner is NOT your brother’s property, someone he can just imprison and yank back simply because he refuses to stop being a wimp.
She has EVERY right to move for better pay, which she probably deserved after being underpaid for so long. Also, you are losing A LOT of money by keeping the rent the same price for 4 years. Now, I don’t know where you are located, but from the sound of it, you are in a pretty populated area and could find new renters except that you can’t because your brother is being a jerk.” Hermes_1678
Another User Comments:
“There are several mostly unrelated things going on here. One of the contracted tenants wants to leave with less than the required notice. As a landlord, you can always waive the notice requirement. No issue here. Brother wants you to enforce the notice period, presumably to keep her from moving right now, but also possibly because he is unable to pay her share of the rent.
All leases have a provision that allows for breaking the lease… how much is owed, etc. But that usually involves all tenants on the lease leaving at the same time. He’s not leaving but now must pay more rent. He has the option to take on a new roommate but doesn’t want to.
You also want them out so you can take on new tenants and raise the rent. You could also raise the rent on them (or him), although I would agree the timing would be pretty bad. The only ethical obligation I see on your part is since you’re not enforcing the notice period, you’re impacting him financially in a way that he did not contractually agree to, so you should only require half of the rent until the notice period is up.
After that, you can resume the full rent and your brother can figure it out.” Restil
1. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Book-Snob Coworker?
“I (24F) have this coworker (mid-20-something F) who I am not particularly fond of. She is a book lover which is fine but personally, I always feel like she is talking down to me because of it. The first day I worked there, she introduced herself at my desk and was talking about something she was reading and was asking what I like to read.
I told her in a humorous but mostly true way something like “Oh, I haven’t really read a book since like senior year of high school”. She just looked at me almost with pity.
Later on, she would start recommending me books to read but I just declined, and it soon turned condescending.
She would say stuff like “I don’t know if you’ve heard of The Cat in the Hat but it’s a really good book!” She would say she was joking but it didn’t feel like it.
I’ve been working there for a few months now and last Friday some of us went out together and she was there.
I was a few drinks in and she was talking about a certain book and I just blurted “I read that!” because I had before. She asked when I read it, I told her a few years ago I listened to the audiobook. She was like “Okay so you didn’t readdddd it”.
We got into a little bit of an argument over it even though it was all so stupid but she ended up saying to me “No guys are gonna like you if you have to lie to them about things as simple as reading”. Ummm what???
What I said to her in return may have not been my kindest words I’ll admit but I said something like “Look I know that you really really want to, but you can’t be intimate with a book.” She didn’t even say a word to me she just left. I felt really bad at first but now I don’t think what I said was even that messed up.
I have been getting texts about it from some of my coworkers, I still haven’t talked to her or seen her, and I have been kind of nervous she would tell our boss. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an avowed, lifelong bibliophile.
I loved books from the moment I learned what they were. Audiobooks are reading. They’re especially convenient for people whose physical or learning disabilities prevent them from reading print with ease, but they’re reading for anyone who consumes them. It makes me a little sad when people don’t share my love of reading, but I try to keep that to myself.
I don’t view it as particularly different from people who don’t enjoy my other hobbies, like knitting and dancing. Your coworker made herself condescendingly obnoxious, and you treated her accordingly.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“I was about to come in with “As a book lover, there’s no way she’s that antagonistic about it, you must be reading too much into it.” Then I finished reading the post. I don’t care if you consume your books by reading or by audiobook, or if you’re just not into books in general. You’re allowed to like or not like something, no big deal. Some people just can’t sit still to read a book flipping through pages, and audiobooks let them enjoy it in a way that works for them!
What you said was probably harsh, but honestly I support a well-deserved clap-back, and if she DOES decide to complain to the boss, this happened outside of work hours and outside of work’s location. A decent boss will recognize that this happened outside of their jurisdiction and the young women involved need to deal with their issues outside of the office.
Soft ESH: OP’s end is one of those “jerk but she had it coming” moments as far as I’m concerned.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for responding but honestly everyone in this has been too caught up in it for work relationships. Y’all should have set some boundaries a while ago about this kind of thing, especially if she’s making “jokes” like that.
You need to smooth it over and set some boundaries about this or someone is going to involve HR, and that’s not gonna be good for either of you at this point if someone repeats what you said to HR. Very few “work friends” are your actual friends.
Boundaries at work are super important. Also, don’t get intoxicated with randos from work, ever. If you have TRUE friends from work, that you’ve known for more than a few months, that you’ve been there for each other a lot and spend a LOT of time with outside of work, then sure.
A few drinks and looser boundaries are fine. But those people are few and far between. I’m in my 40s and I think I’ve got maybe 7 people out of my whole career that I am close with like that. Out of idk how many hundreds.
Find your friends outside of work. Keep work friends light and uncomplicated, and set clear boundaries EARLY if someone starts being inappropriate.” GoldenGoof19
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