People Try To Calm Their Conscience In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Suggesting My Family Accept My Half-Brother's Silence Instead Of Pushing For Reconnection?
“When I (16f) was a baby my dad died. I have three older siblings (all in their 20s now) and a half-brother who was my dad’s son from a different relationship. After dad died his ex moved with their son and we never saw him.
I don’t remember him. My siblings all remember and miss him and so does mom. Mom tried to fight for our rights to see him through the courts when Dad’s ex wouldn’t agree but she never wanted him to be a part of our family so she said no and the courts didn’t grant visitation rights to us for sibling visits.
This upset my mom and siblings and for years I’ve heard about my half-brother and seen videos and photos of them and how happy they used to be. When he would have turned 18 Mom tried to find him on social media but couldn’t and she had no other contact info for him so she waited and hoped he’d reach out.
That didn’t happen and my siblings all tried finding him on social media and eventually, they decided to do Ancestry or something to see him, but he wasn’t there. Then he asked social media to help them find him. Eventually, they found an account from him and they rushed to friend him and DM him but he never replied. They looked a while after and he had made his account private and never responded to them.
They saw the message they sent had been seen. So they know he was aware they reached out.
Last week my siblings and mom were talking about what they should do next and how could they make contact to make sure he’s aware they want him back in our lives.
This is when I spoke up and said it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to have us in his life. I said he saw the message, he made his one account private and didn’t accept their requests so it sends a pretty clear message. They asked why I was being so insensitive and that they were trying to reunite after being apart for too long.
They brought up how close they were before and how if his mom hadn’t taken him away we’d still be close. I said if his mom was that unhappy with us being in his life she might have kept saying negative stuff to him after they left and so now he doesn’t want to know us.
I said maybe therapy could help them because he might not like it if they keep pushing.
They told me I sounded like I had a problem with them loving and missing him and wanting him back and was trying to therapy the wish away.
Mom said my grandparents (her parents) really missed him too and might not be around forever so finding him and reuniting is important.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ. As someone who has been on the receiving end of estranged family members getting in contact when I don’t want them to, it’s uncomfortable when they try to push the issue.
It sounds like just like when my family member tried forcing a reconciliation, he couldn’t fathom that I wouldn’t want anything to do with them, not necessarily because I had a personal problem with him (initially) but more because that side of the family triggered a lot of bad memories for me and I’d spent years healing and moving past my trauma.
He then got angry and pushed the issue (as though he couldn’t understand the rejection), which I ultimately used as proof that I was making the right decision. It sounds an awful lot like they’re being incredibly selfish and only care about their feelings. At this point so much time has passed, any fondness they have is likely for a person that doesn’t exist anymore.
You’ve had to be on the receiving end of their constant whining, you tried suggesting a healthy way to deal with the issue but they’re determined to keep stalking this poor guy with no consideration for him or his feelings.” Leigeofgoblins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He wants to move on. Your family is playing “Shoot the messenger”. Sadly, parental alienation syndrome is a thing. I suspect his mother has said all sorts of lies to him. Maybe as he grows up he will realize and reach out to you. I have a bit of experience of this: sometimes the only way is to see a person face to face.
That can get very traumatic. Sometimes the person realizes they were lied to. Sometimes they get incredibly angry. Either way, not your fault and I wish everyone involved the very best.” No_Ear_7484
Another User Comments:
“You spoke the truth. They didn’t want to hear it.
NTJ. I completely understand that your siblings miss your half-brother, but they reached out, and he blocked them. That was his answer. We can speculate about what his mother told him about his dad’s side of the family, but that’s just speculation. The best your side of the family can do is make themselves available in case he decides to reach out.” PikesPique
21. AITJ For Believing Rumors About My Friend Using Me After He Ghosted Me?
“I’m a 30-odd-year-old male and recently my best friend of 6 years who I work with has had a change in our friendship. Now I won’t lie, I do suffer from PTSD from a serious event and I have leaned on my friend a lot, however, he gave me no indication there was anything wrong.
He’d say I’m like family to him, we will always be best friends no matter what, etc. Recently he found out his partner was pregnant and we were all super excited. Then at work, he approached the boss and asked could change our shift pattern so he didn’t have to work with me and our friendship was over.
It was a massive surprise to me and I’ve felt awful these last two weeks of no contact and ghosting. We worked together one day and he said we’ll be ok but was really off with me and even though I used to get a lift with him every day he just said “right bye” at the end of the day.
He said the ghosting etc is because I kept saying sorry. Now other people at work have started to say he has spent the last 6 years isolating me and using me for my money. Now I do have money saved up and I have bought quite a few gifts and things such as £1000 worth of sports equipment but he did buy my things too – not as expensive- but he doesn’t have much money so I always thought that was nice of him.
But now everyone is saying he’s not the person we all thought he was and he was using me all this time and isolating me so he reaped the benefit of my generosity and due to my assault, I’m easy to take advantage of. I still defend him to this day and have said I don’t believe he’d do that.
But I messaged him to ask how he was after being ill at work and he saw the message and ignored me. I’d also done something for him which was very important for him and he didn’t say thank you and he’s just been nasty to me.
So AITJ for starting to believe these rumors about him. Just from this AITJ or is he?”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, I think you should go to therapy. PTSD isn’t something to just overlook. Second of all – isn’t it extremely odd that he only stopped being friends with you after his partner got pregnant?
Is there anything we’re missing here? My theory is, that since you guys were so close and you did so many nice things for him, his wife thought you were into him or something and manipulated him to do this. This is just my guess though.” AikoxSweet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ cut the ties, he made his decision. Carrying on as you are will lead you to becoming a jerk. He was using you, isolating you, and taking advantage of your economic situation. Now he wants nothing to do with you. Cut the ties, completely, and stop looking for an answer.
Some people are users in the same fashion he has been using you.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – actions speak louder than words. He doesn’t think as highly of friendship as you do. Maybe the rumors are true but instead of just believing them, look at his actions and go off of that.
He’s bailed on you at work and after work. He’s not showing any interest in you. I’d just let this silent treatment run its course. If he comes back at you and asks “Why haven’t you called/texted?” You can reply with “I don’t see any texts/calls from you either, what’s up?” slap-a-frap
20. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Prefer Her Without A New Tattoo?
“Me (31m) and my partner(30f) have been together for 2 years. We love each other deeply and both believe that we are soulmates. I try my best to be supportive of everything that she does and all of her interests.
My partner had half a sleeve of tattoos when we started seeing each other, I don’t mind tattoos but feel like there’s a limit where I find them to be a bit too much.
She doesn’t have that many and I love the ones that she has now.
Tattoos are a big interest of hers and throughout our relationship, she has gotten another tattoo which I also supported and didn’t mind, I was just happy that she liked it.
Since then she has stated that she’s very interested in getting one across her chest. I feel that such a tattoo would be a big change in appearance and I don’t think it would look. I always respond that I’m not sure about such a tattoo.
I understand that it’s her body and that I have no say in what she does to it.
Today she comes up to me brimming with excitement stating that she’s getting the tattoo that she’s been talking about and asks me what I think about it.
I tell her that it’s her body and she can do whatever she likes, but I think that I prefer the amount of tattoos she has currently and that I don’t think I would like the tattoo.
I could tell that she was crushed with what I had to say with her emotions slowly changing from sadness to anger directed at me.
She asked me how I would feel if she told me to stop enjoying one of my interests. I tell her that I love her more than anything in the world and I very much support her decision to do whatever she wants with her body, but that I think she would look better without it and that she has every right to disregard my opinion.
Now she’s angry at me, ignoring and stonewalling me, telling me that she is very sad over what I said and that she wants to be left alone while glaring at me with cold eyes. I feel horrible for what I said. She won’t even respond to me when I tell her that I love her and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Why do people like you do this? Why do you pick a person for who they are and get mad when they continue to be that way? She did ask, but if you’ve always lied about how you feel about her tattoos, even by omission, she was probably expecting a nicer response.
Now she’s learned you are deceptive and hiding your true opinion and she’s thinking on that. Plus, you ruined her joy. Again, she asked but she probably didn’t expect you to ruin her excitement so she’s dealing with two hits at once.
Maybe don’t date women who have a penchant for permanent body modification if you don’t like those types of things? ” daisukidesu1981
Another User Comments:
“I was fully prepared to call you the jerk, but she’s in “don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to” territory.
You feel how you feel and aren’t trying to control her. You didn’t tell her to stop enjoying her interests. You told her, under repeated prompting, that her interests were not the same as your interests. If you’ve been as openly respectful of her right to adorn her body however she chooses as you claim here, I don’t know that there is anything else you can do except lie, and it’s hard to see that as a long-term winning relationship strategy.
NTJ” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“This is you telling us how you are super supportive of everything she does while not doing that. Just stop talking about yourself as if you’re doing something you’re not doing. She asked you what you thought and you told her.
Nothing wrong with that. Just admit to yourself that the tattoos are important to you and that you do care about the tattoos. This whole post is just textbook cognitive dissonance. YTJ. If you support her then you do, and if the tattoos are a problem they are.
Just be honest about which is true.” Miserable_Dentist_70
19. AITJ For Giving A Family Necklace To One Grandchild And Not The Other?
“This post is about my son and Amy (my daughter-in-law) they have been married for about ten years and have two kids. They are 10 and 6. In the beginning, I tried to get along with her but she made it difficult. She is not very sociable, and always puts her mom over seeing her husband’s side of the family.
This is apparent with holidays and the kids.
She always chooses to go to her mom’s for holiday even if I do it on an early day or late day. If I offer to babysit she always tells me she asked her mom or she would get back to me.
The time I do babysit or get to hang out with the grandkids she is criticizing everything I do. Usually saying that is not how her mom or how she does it.
In the beginning, my son was trying to fix this but gave up.
We see him separately from his wife and kids. I truly don’t understand it and I have asked if I did anything wrong but no answer on that.
I gave up trying when my other son had kids. It is so much better and I have a great relationship with my other daughter-in-law and the kids.
The kids are 9 (Ava my step-granddaughter) and 4 (grandson)
I gave Ava a family necklace, which was my mother’s. She loves it and has been wearing it everywhere according to my son. That also includes the school that started this issue.
My daughter-in-law called me up and asked why Ava got a family necklace but her daughter (10) didn’t get one.
I told her I just wanted to give it to Ava.
She got angry and told me I was playing favorite and that her daughter is older so she should have gotten the necklace. I told her that yes I am playing favorites and it is due to her.
I pointed out that I do not know her daughter because of her. That her kids will not be getting any of my family stuff because of her.
This was a huge argument and she called some a jerk and wanted me to give her kid a necklace.
I am doubting myself on this”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s difficult, but the conversation needs to be steered toward the amount of quality time you’re able to spend with your grandkids. She’s putting the focus on the gifts that were given when that’s the least important part of the relationship.
I wouldn’t discuss with Amy about why her daughter isn’t getting a necklace. She’ll try to poke holes in the argument, come up with counterarguments, and spend way too much time on that point. The conversations should focus on why you’re not able to see your grandkids for the holidays, why you can’t babysit them, and why you can’t spend more time with them.
Hopefully, that necklace is causing your granddaughter to pressure Amy about seeing you more, even if it’s for slightly jealous reasons. And now is a great time for your son to start trying to fix this again; Amy seems to have a renewed “interest.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has put a distance between you and the grandkids and criticizes and compares you to her & her mom. No one wants to feel like they are constantly being scrutinized and having to compete against someone else. She didn’t have any problem with you not seeing the kids until she found out a necklace (valuables) were involved. You could be petty and get some costume jewelry and see how she reacts.
She is just hoping to get ahold of some family heirlooms or antiques.” Lazuli_Rose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have offered to help with babysitting, you have attempted to schedule holidays so both families can celebrate, and you have asked point-blank if something is wrong.
That’s all you can do, and if they won’t engage in solving a problem if one exists, and decline attempts to build relationships, well that’s on them. There may be an underlying issue where you did do something wrong, and you still wouldn’t be a jerk because they aren’t communicating with you.
Worse, your daughter-in-law expects all the benefits of being part of your family without doing any of the work. So again, even if there was a reason for daughter-in-law to be distant, there are also consequences for her decision to be distant, and that is she doesn’t get to lay claim to your time, possessions, or even love.” fruitfly
18. AITJ For Refusing Family Vacation After Sibling Contacted My Professors Without Permission?
“I’m in college, currently living with my parents since campus is close to our house and I don’t have a job because I want to focus on studies.
My family is planning a vacation in October. A week-long trip to a cabin upstate owned by a family friend.
The trip is in the middle of the semester, and I said I can’t go because of school. One of my older siblings got mad at this and told me to skip class that week. I said I wasn’t comfortable doing that. In all honesty, I didn’t want to go on the trip anyway – I’d rather stay home alone, even if I didn’t have class.
After some back and forth, my sibling seemed to accept what I had said and I thought that was the end of it.
Yesterday, I found out my sibling got the contact details of my professors, called them, and asked if it would be okay for me to skip class that week.
They said it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with family from out of the country coming to visit, including elderly relatives who we may never see again. I guess the sob story worked because my professors explained their attendance policies and said it would be fine for me to skip that week, provided I catch up with the assignments and classes online.
For the record, there is no extended family from out of the country, and no elderly relatives will be coming. The group will be the same people I’ll be seeing later this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Admittedly they will be celebrating a few significant birthdays and anniversaries that have happened this year, but that’s the only obvious special thing happening.
When my siblings told me about these phone calls, they did so in front of my parents and said it all worked out because it meant I could come after all. I admit I blew up at them which I shouldn’t have done, and yelled that they shouldn’t have invaded my privacy and contacted professors as it has probably made them see me as a child looking to skip class, which is not the impression I want to make.
I told my sibling and my parents I would not be going on vacation now, nor would I want to be at any family gathering with my sibling in attendance. I went to my room afterward and did not come back out until my sibling had headed back home.
That was yesterday. I haven’t spoken to my sibling since then, and all night/all day my parents have been practically begging me, in person and via text, to come on vacation since I can have the time off now. I told them I wouldn’t be going at all, especially not since my sibling would be there, and they said I’d ruined the family trip, and if I didn’t go then they would just cancel the whole thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but that brother sure is. Your brother had absolutely no right to make those phone calls and lie to get you to do what he wanted. While I’m sure they’d all like you to attend, you are being responsible by attending to your education.
If they wanted you to go on a trip with them, they should have booked something during one of your non-school weeks. I’d go to the professors and explain that you had no part in those phone calls and that your brother made up a story because he wanted you to go on a trip that you had already turned down as you were focusing on your studies.
It might help the professors not see you in the infantile manner your brother likely left them with.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sibling went way out of bounds to contact your professors. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if your parents put her up to it.
Unfortunately, your family doesn’t understand that YOU value your education. I’m guessing you’re the first to go to college. You didn’t ruin their vacation. They scheduled it at a time that you could not attend, without asking you first. THEY ruined it for themselves. And it’s not ruined–they just won’t have you there this one week.
You should contact your professors and apologize for what your sibling did. You don’t want to just show up to class and pretend it didn’t happen.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your entire family, especially your sibling, is behaving horribly. If they wanted you there they would have scheduled the vacation in your break from school. Taking a week off from college is not like missing a week of high school.
Next week’s material builds on what you learned this week. Trying to get caught up while simultaneously learning the new material can be overwhelming. It’s time to stop feeling like you did something wrong and ask, “Why are you trying to sabotage my college career?” Born_Significance691
17. AITJ For Telling Jane She Was Being Nosey About My Birthday Gifts From Tina?
“I work in an office with Jane and Tina (fake names). I am Jane’s supervisor, but not Tina’s. I am friends with Tina during work and outside of work.
I am friendly with Jane during work (we talk, joke around, go to lunch sometimes), but I always keep in mind that I’m her supervisor and we don’t talk or hang out outside of work. Jane and Tina are very friendly at work. I think they call and message each other outside of work but I don’t think they hang out outside of work.
The problem is, that I feel like Jane is jealous of my friendship with Tina. She makes comments sometimes, such as “Tina told me insert story here, but you probably already knew that.” Or she’ll say “I don’t know, I don’t hang out with her like you do.” Or she’ll get quiet if Tina and I go to lunch without her.
I had been out of the office for a few days, and when I got back, Jane made sure to tell me how she and Tina went to lunch every day while I was gone.
That day, Tina and I were having lunch in the office kitchen and Jane came in and sat down and joined the conversation.
She had already taken her lunch break. As her supervisor, it bothered me that her lunch break was over and she came back to chat. As Tina’s friend, it bothered me that I couldn’t have lunch with my friend without Jane butting in, especially when they had lunch together while I was gone.
Like why couldn’t Jane just let us have some time to chat? There are many other instances of Tina and I talking and Jane shows up to join the conversation. Fast forward a few weeks, and Tina brought birthday gifts into my office. She was barely there for two minutes (after I hadn’t seen her for over a week), and Jane poked her head in the door and said “I’m being nosey, what did you get?” I don’t even know how she knew Tina was in the building or my office.
It’s like she has a beacon for when Tina is nearby or when we’re talking. But it bothered me because I hadn’t seen my friend for a while and I thought it was a moment between friends that didn’t need to be intruded on. So I said, “Yeah you are kind of being nosey.” Jane turned around and walked away.
Tina said that was rude of me, but I don’t think I should have to share every moment with Tina with Jane too. AITJ for what I said?
Edit: Jane and Tina don’t do the same job. Jane has been in the same role at the company for 40+ years and has made it clear she plans to retire in the next couple of years.
There won’t be an instance where Jane and Tina are up for the same promotion or I have to choose between them for any reason or recommend one of them for an assignment. My friendship with Tina will not hurt Jane’s career in any way.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to put some more boundaries in place or explain it better to Jane. TELL her that as her supervisor, you are not allowed to be friends with her, etc. Then only see Tina outside of the office for outings go to lunches away from the office or close the door to your office when talking with her.
You are making it weird for them both though. I don’t think they see it as a problem to be a friend with bosses. So you have to explain and you may lose Tina as a friend if it doesn’t make sense to her. No jerks here but communication needs to be better.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you were unprofessional being her supervisor. From now on, I will start speaking office tone and talk 100% with her. Instead of saying she was being nosey, it would’ve come off so much better if you got your manager’s voice on and gently said, “Tina and I need a minute.
Would you mind giving us a moment or two, and if you have a work question I can help you with, I’ll circle back to you in about 10 minutes.” Put her in her place. And I don’t mean that to be catty. Her literal workplace and your supervisory role need to be better established, and you can do that through tone and talk.
You got this!” Sensitive-Bug-881
16. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With Siblings Who Didn't Care For Our Father?
“I’m the youngest of 4 siblings, I’m not super close with them mainly due to the age gap (my brother closest in age to me is 12 years my senior) but honestly have had a rocky relationship with the oldest two. My parents divorced when he left for college and I was about 6-7 and he was awarded custody of me.
This is important because I spent most of my childhood life with my father and am much closer to him than I am with my mother and other siblings, I do love her and them we just struggle to communicate effectively at times.
Due to the circumstances of my parent’s divorce, they sort of took “her side” and it frayed our relationship.
When he got sick I left school and did college from home to help him and take care of him, neither my mother nor my siblings helped at all. He passed last year and due to the magnitude of his assets the probate took a long time, a few weeks ago I received a call from his executor who is a family friend of ours, and his lawyer letting me know I was the primary beneficiary of my father’s estate.
In an off-the-record way, he told me it was mostly in assets, stocks, and bonds, and that he had left just a few physical keepsakes to my other siblings.
I (stupidly) told my mother about this call just because I didn’t know who else to talk about it with as it’s an incredibly life-changing amount of assets.
She was able to receive a copy of the will through the courts as she was listed as one of the beneficiaries. She shared it with my siblings and all four of them have been borderline harassing me since they found out. Telling me that I better share it and that I’m a bad person and talking badly about my father.
I’m not exactly sure when I should receive the assets just that I definitely will be. My thoughts are if they didn’t care about my father when he was alive then why should they benefit from his death? It’s pretty obvious to me they only care about his assets.
WIBTJ if I didn’t share it with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, cut contact with them all; you don’t have much of a relationship with them anyway. If you did maybe you could try to salvage things, but it’s not worth it. Assets bring out people’s true nature whether they won the lottery, got an inheritance, or some sort of settlement.
Do not give them any assets unless you want to of your own will and don’t put up with that treatment. They can believe what they want and they will…even if you share the assets, you’ll probably still be treated as a bad guy because greedy cold-hearted people like this do that.
It is by law your assets. You had a relationship with your father they did not; you took care of him when he was ill; they did not, and he chose to leave you the person who loved and cared for him his assets. It would be a disgrace to him to go against his wishes and give his life accomplishments to people he didn’t want to have them.” AdOne6099
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. BUT. I have been in a similar situation. Even after offering to turn over EVERYTHING to my half-sister- she spread lies and caused me to lose half of my family. (This long story I don’t need to get into- that the gist of it) I say that to warn you- Nothing tears a family apart like assets- you may lose your family no matter what decision you make.
But you also need to decide now if these relationships are worth keeping. Whatever you decide- set boundaries, be strong, and remember- they have their truth, but you also have yours. Do what makes you happy and what you can live with. In my case- Cutting the toxic members of my family off was the best thing that ever happened to me.
But I still miss them sometimes.” ImmediateSet7864
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they weren’t close enough with your dad to help when he got sick or reach out to you when he passed, they don’t care about him or you. They weren’t in his life enough to be left in the will by your father and wouldn’t even know about this at all if not for Mom.
If you and he weren’t close to them this whole time, they just want the assets. If you want a relationship with them, you could share as an olive branch but that would be purely your choice. If Dad wanted them to have assets, he would’ve included them in the will from the beginning.
You are under no obligation to share and shouldn’t be pressured into it by greedy siblings who didn’t know you or him” flights-not-feeling
15. AITJ For Reacting Badly To My Divorced Parents Having Another Baby Together?
“So I got a problem I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends about.
I’m 15M and my parents are pretty young, my mom’s 33 and my dad’s 36. I’ve got a younger sister 13F and a little brother 10M.
My parents got married because my mom got pregnant with me but they divorced when I was like 4~5 when my mom was pregnant with my brother.
They’ve always been good parents though, like, never fought in front of us or anything. I honestly don’t even know why they split, they just told me “Sometimes relationships don’t work, but we both love you a lot.”
Anyway, 10 years passed and things are cool.
I like my family, my parents didn’t get with any crazy stepparents or whatever. My dad’s ex was pretty chill, and my mom was engaged to this cool, funny guy, but they broke up a while ago.
So the other night, my parents called me and my siblings for dinner, which isn’t that weird for us.
Dinner was fine, but afterward, they sat us down in the living room and said they wanted to talk. They started by saying we’re gonna do family therapy, and I was like, what? We don’t have any issues. Then the real problem dropped, my mom was pregnant with my dad’s baby AGAIN.
My brother and sister thought it was cool to get another sibling, and didn’t ask too many questions. I was shocked though, like, they’ve been divorced for YEARS, I’ve been going back and forth between houses, and now they’re having another baby??
I asked if they were getting back together, and they were like” We’re still figuring things out.” I lost it. I yelled at them and said their relationship was ridiculous, and it was gross to have another kid when they don’t even know what they’re doing.
My mom started crying and left the room, my brother started crying too ’cause he can’t stand seeing people upset, and my dad and sister were calming him down. My dad was mad, but all he said was to go to my room and chill out, and that I should think before I spoke.
Now I feel confused. I said what I thought, but I didn’t want to make my mom cry. She’s a great mom and I love her a lot. This all happened last night, and my dad’s been taking care of the house and us today, but I think my mom’s been in her room.
I haven’t had the guts to talk to my dad or siblings yet. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“At 15, many kids are grossed out and horrified at the thought of their parents having relations. Your parents’ announcement confronted you with the notion of two long-divorced parents not only having relations but also producing a baby.
Your reaction sounds pretty normal under the circumstances — not the most tactful and mature thing to say, but then again, you’re not 40. And for what it’s worth, I think that your mom is overreacting. That said, it sounds like there are many good things about your parents, such as the way they never say a bad word about each other, what great parents they’ve been to you and your siblings, and how they share custody without any nastiness.
Yeah, it’s got to feel pretty strange to be confronted with the fact that your folks are friends with benefits, and not to have any idea if they’re going to get back together or have the functional equivalent of a long-term affair, or what. But I think you can be secure in the fact that they’re going to keep being good parents to you and your siblings, including this baby.
Of course, your mom being pregnant with your dad affects you; you’re going to have a new sibling and the whole situation is confusing. But I think that if you can take a breath and know that your parents do genuinely love you and that no matter whether they get back together or stay in this admittedly odd relationship, they’re still going to love you and be good parents to you, it will be easier for you to handle.
Even though your reaction wasn’t surprising and doesn’t make you a jerk, you might want to tell your mom you’re sorry you exploded. This might help things calm down a lot at your house and make life easier for you in the short term. In the long term, this one incident isn’t going to wreck your relationships with your parents or your wreck family.
NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I actually would suggest that you might also find individual therapy valuable. My parents divorced when I was 14, and because it was amicable, it took me a long time to realize some of the ways that it had impacted me.
With a therapist you trust, you’d have a space to share things outside of friends and online groups, and it could help you sort out what might be underneath some of your confused feelings, and give you some language to be able to articulate your feelings or what you need to your parents, as they go through this process.
good luck” cyncity3132
14. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Neighbor After Buying My Kids A Ouija Board?
“My wife and I (both 37-year-old women, just so you know how to refer to me in the comments) have lovely twin girls, ten years old. This weekend, I was doing errands with one of the twins, “Sammy.” In one of the big chain stores we stopped in, I noticed an Ouija board on the shelves and sort of laughed because I didn’t think they sold those anymore.
I pointed it out to Sammy and mentioned how I used to play Ouija all the time at sleepovers and how fun and spooky it was, especially around Halloween. Sammy thought this sounded awesome (both girls like age-appropriate creepy stuff) and asked if she could get it for her and her sister to play with.
It wasn’t super expensive, so I agreed.
Sammy was messing around with the box in the car on the way home and was carrying it under her arm in the driveway. Our neighbor “Mallory” (in her 60’s I believe) was on her porch and asked her what she had.
Sammy showed her the box and I thought that was that, but Mallory gestured me over as Sammy headed inside. She asked why on earth I bought that for my girls and didn’t know I was opening up my home to dangerous spirits through such a form of divination etc. This honestly floored me.
I knew Mallory and her husband were religious, but they’ve always been fairly chill, and seeing that they gave my wife and me a nice housewarming present, I assumed fairly modern as well.
I just said something along the lines of “Well, we don’t see any harm in it” and she doubled down saying things like “You say that now but you’ll regret it later” and I cut her off by saying “Sure I’ll regret it when one of the girls gets possessed but right now it’s fine” and left saying “this convo done, I’ll see you later.” When I recounted the story to my wife later, she thought it was hilarious, but then Mallory’s husband texted saying I had upset her greatly.
I do not think I need to apologize, but I would like to keep the peace. My wife says I need to do nothing, especially since we’re not going to take the girl’s game away. WIBTJ if I don’t apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kids, your household, and your beliefs about the supernatural and occult are the only ones that matter here. Mallory is a busybody. If you said “This convo done” as your goodbye, I think you were a bit rude, while still right. I’m not sure I could have given Mallory much more in the way of a polite response after she doubled down, but that’s the only issue here.
Is Mallory upset that you were rude or that you have an ouija board now? Those are different responses. If it’s the rudeness, that warrants a conversation. If it’s the Ouija board, she needs to mind her business. If you’re in contact with the husband, and he seems more grounded, you could choose to message back that her insistence on putting her beliefs forward got your back up, and that you’d like to apologize for being curt.
But also point out that you don’t think the Ouija board is any more dangerous than a kids’ magic set and won’t be apologizing for the object, just conduct (and again, it’s hardly necessary unless you think you were rude to her).” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not letting your neighbor make your parenting decisions. YTJ for being the parent in the first act of a horror movie. Next, you’re going to schedule a sleepover, hire an inexperienced babysitter, and go out of town where you can’t be reached for the night.
Did you buy a house that was a great deal because of mysterious disappearances that the realtor didn’t have to disclose because they weren’t proven deaths? Is there a door in the attic that leads nowhere and can’t be opened? Do you… okay, I’ll stop.
I get carried away. If you happen to connect to anything there is no way to disconnect, so pretty much anybody into the woo-woo is vehemently against them.” Big_Zucchini_9800
Another User Comments:
“Are you telling me the fine people at Hasbro are mass-producing demonic portals to the afterlife and you didn’t take this old woman’s warnings seriously!?
You didn’t heed her warnings so don’t come crawling back to her when you need help wrangling your children off the ceiling, or trying to stop their heads from spinning and projectile vomiting ectoplasm.” ouchmypeeburns
13. AITJ For Confronting My Manager's Insensitive Comment About My Friends?
“I (26M) moved to the US from India 8 years ago for undergrad and have been living in Chicago ever since.
I recently changed jobs and now work at a small company (about 20 people). My manager is a mid-40s white woman, and so far, we’ve had a pretty neutral working relationship.
Last week, we were planning an event for prospective clients, and I suggested inviting a couple of my college friends who could potentially be interested. For context, these friends happen to be white, but obviously, that’s never been something I thought twice about.
Here’s where things got weird. My manager asked how I knew them, and I casually said, “Oh, they’re friends from college.” She paused, looked at me like she was surprised, and asked again, “How do you know them?” I thought it was a little odd she didn’t believe me the first time, but I repeated, “They’re friends from college.”
And then she said this: “Oh, that’s surprising considering you come from such different backgrounds.”
I was honestly taken aback. What did she mean by that? I laughed a little, trying to give her a chance to clarify, and asked, “What do you mean by different backgrounds?” thinking she might walk it back.
Nope, she didn’t. She doubled down, implying that because I’m Indian and they’re white, it was somehow unexpected that we’d be friends. At that point, I was done being polite. I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Believe it or not, it’s 2024, and people from different races are friends.” Then, to drive it home (and maybe I was being petty), I added, “I have a partner too if you find that surprising as well.”
She immediately started backpedaling, saying, “Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that! I wasn’t trying to offend you!” but by then, I was just over it. I shrugged it off and said, “It’s all good,” but honestly, it didn’t feel good at all.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted by calling her out like that. I get that maybe she didn’t mean to sound racist, but the way she kept pushing made me feel like I had to say something. I also wonder if bringing up my partner was unnecessary or if I was right to hammer the point home.
AITJ for calling her out or should I have just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What did she mean by that comment then? Seems pretty obvious to me it was meant the way it was delivered, she just didn’t think you’d stand up to her.
My freshman roommates were all of different races than I was, and the only role it played in our friendship was when we would make food from our cultures and share it. According to this woman, you are not allowed to make friends outside of your race and ethnicity without it being commodified or exploited. Managerial positions can be taken away, remember that OP’s ignorant manager who lives in Chicago, a fairly diverse area if I do say so myself.
You are not in the wrong, that comment felt uncomfortable to read, let alone it being said to my face.” Lobotomy_Hangover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People have biases even if they don’t know it, so if they bring that up in public, you can defend it in public.
Hopefully, she’ll take this as a learning experience. I might consider talking to HR about it (email, to have a record, and BCC your email) and just inform them of the encounter. If there is retaliation or weirdness later, you have it on record. Be sure to include the time/date and eventual witnesses.
You can even say that you don’t want to make it a thing but just inform them. This person might have done this before.” User
Another User Comments:
“She was hoping to make her bias known without any pushback. Well done for not taking her nonsense!
“I didn’t mean to offend” means “I didn’t expect you to say anything.” Keep a written record of this incident, with date, time, and witness names. Handwrite it or keep it password protected or otherwise confidential. This is called “starting a file.” When you’re tired of giving her second chances, take your file to HR.
Do it now if you’re ticked. Remember, HR exists to protect the company, not you personally. Present your file in a way that makes it clear this biased woman is a liability. Hatred and ignorance are so ugly. I’m proud of you for calling her out on the spot!” lefteyedcrow
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Send Money To My Estranged Mother In El Salvador?
“I’ll keep this short. I’m a 19-year-old woman studying engineering in college. I’m really into cars and music. Recently, I upgraded my project car by getting her a new exhaust with a muffler delete and straight pipe.
I did my research to make sure it’s legal, and it is, as long as it’s not too loud.
My parents (well, my two grandmothers who raised me) found out about my upgrades. They’re starting to see how much I’m investing in my car since I love it so much.
So, they sat me down and told me I should start sending money to my biological mother, who lives in El Salvador. I don’t understand why. She was never there for me—she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday when I turned 18.
She missed all my birthdays and my graduation.
I get it though—she crossed deserts to give birth to me in a better place (Texas) before she was deported. I appreciate that she brought me into this life, but I didn’t ask to be born.
School is expensive, with homework and textbooks. I invested in my car as a reward for my hard work, but now I’m conflicted. My grandmas said they didn’t want to send money either but told me I should grow a bigger heart and help.
I just don’t get it. These days, money is essential to survive. I’d rather help the people who take care of me than the person who gave birth to me and then left.
At the same time, I feel bad. I don’t want to be seen as a bad person and seem cold heart but I work hard for this money.
I can’t even save money for myself. I know if I resist, they will scowl at me and say that I should do otherwise. I don’t want them to be upset with me. I just don’t find “doing these good deeds of sending money to someone who lives in poverty makes you feel good” a reason to dump money on someone who just gave birth to me and that’s it.
She got a family over there also, she got kids and a husband who I never met.
AITJ for telling my grandparents that I don’t like the idea of sending money to my “mom” who never was in my life, never was there advice me advice and life lessons, who wasn’t there to feed me, and who wasn’t there to witness all my hard moments in life and the best moments of my life.
Someone who doesn’t feel right to call “mom” when she wasn’t there to parent me.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you are insulated from the level of poverty and despair that your mother is likely facing. You don’t HAVE to send money, but I mean… I would.
She got deported, she didn’t choose to abandon you necessarily. I can’t imagine the heartache and mental torture she would have faced. NTJ… I guess.” OpenPerspective1067
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The key factor here is that she hasn’t had any contact with you. Telephones exist so there’s not an excuse for not having to have established any sort of relationship with you in 19 years.
You don’t owe anything to someone for making decisions before you’re born so they can use it to get something from you in perpetuity.” CrazyGuava9880
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d tell your grandparents that you’ll financially support her when you’re capable of financially supporting an entire family, which isn’t while you’re in school – just to get them off your case about it.
Social media does work both ways and if she cared and wanted to be involved in your life, she would make the effort. She doesn’t, so why should you? Hold your ground OP.” PrincessLilianz
11. AITJ For Not Being Excited About My Husband's Surprise Room Makeover?
“I (34) just came back from a girl’s week getaway while my husband (36M) stayed home with the kids. I was off the grid so we didn’t text very much and it was a fantastic trip.
I was excited to get home and see my husband and the kids. The last day was all travel with a connecting flight so after my husband picked me up from the airport with the kids it was pretty late and I was tired. My husband didn’t act like he was excited to see me but the kids went crazy and that was fun.
When we got home I went upstairs to put the kids to bed I found out the the kids’ rooms were different colors from when I left. I asked my husband about it and he was smiling and saying the rooms were always those colors and that I must have been misremembering but the kids ratted him out and said that he had painted their rooms. He then showed me our bedroom and oh my gosh was it … green.
I know I had once told my husband that I wanted the room dark green but this was like forest green. My husband also has a habit of just doing things around the house like getting a ping pong table without my say and we’ve had arguments before about how I’m not included in his decision-making.
Anyway, I did not react in the way my husband expected. I wasn’t outright mad … just not happy.
After the kids went down and he was putting the bedroom back together I came in to talk to him about why I wasn’t included in this decision and he told me that he was upset at my reaction, that I didn’t appreciate the time and work it took to paint the rooms over the week, that I had not yet said thank you, and that he needed some time to cool off.
Later on, he came downstairs after he had put everything back together and said that I was welcome to repaint the room. When I tried to talk to him about including me in these decisions he stopped me and said that’s not how surprises work, and said that this was a hill I shouldn’t be fighting over.
I felt like he invalidated me because he wanted to “surprise” me. I said I just wanted to come home to him and the kids and instead spent the night crying because I upset him. He said he was sorry for how I felt but did so in a way that meant that he didn’t care and wanted the conversation to be over.
He then went to his office to play on the computer.
So here I am typing alone in bed in a very very green room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What I’m hearing is that your husband regularly makes decisions around the home and for your family without your input.
Then he expects you to be grateful because he’s “doing this for you!!” When you try to explain how you feel left out and dismissed, he invalidates your feelings because HIS feelings are more important than yours. It sounds like either: 1) he truly believes that he knows what is best for you & your family & he is humoring your opinion but then doing what he wants, and/or 2) he can’t be bothered to communicate with you first and talk to you now because that takes effort.
Either way, he is dismissing you. These are the interactions that lead to resentment, anger, and relationships breaking down. NTJ for being upset.” Miserable-Arm-6797
Another User Comments:
“This post reminds me of the tightened jars. It seems like such a small thing at first (making changes without consulting you and gaslighting when you comment on the changes), but it’s hiding a much bigger issue.
The fact he’s pouting about your reaction, which he knew would happen based on previous conversations, but is still punishing you for it anyway worries me. You’re NTJ, but don’t let his pouting cause you to drop it. This needs to be addressed, either in conversation or in therapy.
If he refuses, get yourself into therapy because I’m not sure his behavior is innocuous.” Pleasant-Koala147
10. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Pick Me Up After Dad's Trip Plans Changed?
“So a little backstory: my (18) parents (f46 and m48) divorced when I was 10 because my dad was unfaithful. I live with my mom and used to visit my dad twice a month when he lived with his parents.
He married his wife (34) last year which I wasn’t invited to. I tried to visit him more but because of this incident, I haven’t seen him in 5 months.
During the New Year holiday (Persian New Year is at the beginning of spring) he asked if I would take a trip with him and his wife and her son (6) to the north of our country (there’s a sea there) and I agreed because he told me we would visit my aunt and then he would take me to see my friends who live in a nearby city to where my aunt lives.
We set off for the trip in his car. During the ride, I noticed that his wife kept canceling the north plans and I was upset because that was the whole reason I agreed to go.
We first arrived at his wife’s parents’ house. I was uncomfortable there because I didn’t know these people and they were not MY family, they also primarily spoke Turkish so I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.
I thought we were staying there for just a day but his wife kept talking about going to nearby cities (not the north) and coming back to her parents’ house again. On the third day, the plans of going to the north were almost completely forgotten and I was even more uncomfortable.
I talked to my mom and she said she could drive to the city we were at and pick me up (it’s a 6-hour drive) I said I would talk to my dad and get back to her but my dad wouldn’t give a clear answer about the plans.
The last straw was when his car broke down when we visited a lake and his wife got extra sulky and canceled everything. So I told my mom to come. I was really scared of telling my dad about it and had a breakdown when I told him.
He was very angry and blew up at me. After a few hours, my mom picked me up and we went back to our city.
Now I haven’t spoken to my dad in 5 months except for the reminder texts for my child support which he never answers.
So, AITJ for asking my mom to pick me up and leaving my dad on a trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know if you have this term in your country, but in the US we call that a bait and switch – he got you to come along by promising something, then took it away once you were locked in.
(The term comes from a sales practice where a store advertises a product to get you in the door, then pushes a different product once you’re there. It’s illegal.) It’s shady and he knows it.” 30Helenssayheckoff
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for asking your mom to pick you up.
It sounds like you were put in a very uncomfortable situation that didn’t align with what you had agreed upon with your dad. You had reasonable expectations for the trip, and when those weren’t met, you took a step to remove yourself from the situation that was causing you distress.
Understandably, your dad was upset, but you had to prioritize your well-being and comfort.” BrunetteAlice
9. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Helping My Parents Who Refuse My Assistance?
“I 34 M, don’t live with my parents.
They are both 62 years old. Recently, my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and when they removed it, she went blind. I have tried figuring out how to get her to appointments, she’s on 10 different medications that have to be taken at different times of the day.
I’ve tried countless systems but she gets angry with me and says she needs to know what each medication is or she won’t take them. I have tirelessly, week after week, gone over the medications, had her touch them, explain them back to me, and tried different pill boxes.
And she says the same thing and won’t take them.
My father the week after had a stroke, where he refused to go to the hospital for 2 days, and then finally went. They put him on a ton of medications, I try to get him to take them, but he won’t.
He orders fast food every single day despite me making healthy food for them. Before this, they lived in a hoarding situation where I grew up cleaning tirelessly every day.
I go there each week to try to help but there’s filth on the floor which I keep cleaning up, and they’re only 62.
I also grew up in a cult which I got out of but they are still in. Being with them and talking to them messes with me emotionally, especially when I keep trying to help them and they talk so nasty to me. Things get much worse if I don’t help, and no one else steps in.
I also have an older brother who lives there and doesn’t do anything.
I put a lot of blame on myself because I am also a registered nurse, for the past 13 years. I was also recently diagnosed with OCD and PTSD, so it’s a fight just to wake up and work and do daily tasks, but then on top of it, it feels impossible.
I tried registering her with the Division of the Blind, I asked my brother to get the eye report from the doctor, but he couldn’t even do that. I keep trying but they constantly tell me they didn’t ask for my help, but they need it.
But after dealing with them today and risking my job by taking long lunch breaks to help (I’ve exhausted all my time off and FMLA) I don’t think I can help anymore. Am I the jerk if I just let this go?”
Another User Comments:
“Jeez. I would call a family meeting – brother included. Lay out for them bluntly what you are willing to do, and not do going forward. I.e – I will put your medicines into a pill container. Whether you choose to take them is on you, but I will not stress over it or argue with you.
Tell them if they truly don’t want your help/feel like they don’t need it you’re no longer going to worry about it. You can’t help people who don’t want help. NTJ” Lizzydeathstar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this will be a lot even if they welcomed your help. But at this point, you’re hitting your head against the proverbial brick wall. Given your background and profession, then it is wise to back off and start taking care of yourself again.
You’ve done amazing work in trying to get them back to health. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You NEED to let this go. I’m sure as an RN, you’ve felt the need to do everything you can for your parents, but they have to help themselves too.
If you’re in the US, I’d call Adult Protective Services. They can set up a plan for your parents and get people in there to help and you can NOPE out of the situation. For your sanity and relief of your mental health issues, you need to make this someone else’s responsibility.
You can only do so much. You’re burnt out and on the edge of a breakdown. Get out for your peace of mind.” No-Broccoli-5932
8. AITJ For Refusing To Go Through My Clothes Again Despite My Partner's Request?
“My partner (41M) and I (34F) moved into a new home recently. He is paying for the home as well as the vast majority of our expenses- he is well off and my net worth is about 3% of his for context.
In our home, we have a walk-in closet. Currently, I use 60% of the closet, he uses 20% and 20% is unused and available for him to use. In addition to the closet space in our bedroom, we currently have two guest bedrooms with large closets as well.
Before purchasing our new home, we lived separately. When moving here, I was very deliberate about which of my clothes I was bringing and used it as an opportunity to get rid of a ton of items of clothes that I no longer wanted.
My partner has said to me “Hey, I want us to go through your clothes and decide which ones we’re keeping and which ones you don’t wear or use and we should get rid of.” I responded, “Ok we can, but I already did that, and I only brought over the clothes I know I want to keep, so I don’t think this is necessary and won’t lead to me getting rid of them.” He responded that he still wanted to go through them, it’s fine if we don’t end up getting rid of anything, but also that “he doesn’t want to bring junk into our new home” and that I “have too many clothes”.
He also offered that we could go through his things and do the same, but I said that I don’t have any problem with how many clothes he has and I’m not concerned about what he keeps/doesn’t keep.
To me, this whole thing is unnecessary and I don’t even see why it needs to be an issue.
We have the space, I already did what he is asking me to do on my own, and also I’m having a hard time seeing why this even matters/is an issue. This isn’t the first time this has come up he’s brought it up multiple times, leading to a similar conversation though last night’s was especially vitriolic.
I got upset about it when we were discussing it last night and said “Why can’t I bring what I want into our new home?” and he said “Fine I don’t care bring anything and why don’t you pay for everything too?” and then he left because he needed a break.
Am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But when he brought up money at the end, it’s a pretty clear sign he’s going to use your wealth/contribution disparity as a cudgel against you. Are you comfortable living like this? Why should he get any say in which of your clothes you want to keep?
I couldn’t live like this, wondering what else he’d try to control because he’s got more money.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – At the absolute most generous read I can give to his behavior, this might well be a class difference in how possessions are valued. People with a lot of money can afford to get rid of things they only use rarely or haven’t in a while with little to no concern about whether they can be replaced later.
Most people have to consider things like “Oh I’ve only worn this dress a couple of times but I like it and if I need something like this I don’t want to spend the money to get a new one”. You keep things because it does make a difference to have a lot of options you can use for free in your closet versus having to shop for every event.
If he’s always had money, he might view this as a waste of space when you might view tossing things as a waste of money, which would make sense given your relative financial situations.” Wrong_Researcher_808
Another User Comments:
“Hmmmmmm this is concerning. My spouse and I recently purchased a home and it came with a bedroom converted into a closet and that was a huge selling point because I have a ton of clothes.
So we compromised, I got the closet room and she got the actual bedroom closets which are also pretty large but it’s on a different floor so I have to go downstairs to dress lol. The fact that he’s deciding to go through your clothes and is saying you have too many is weird.
Like he’s not wearing them, he didn’t buy them they don’t belong to him and there’s plenty of space why does it matter? This is oddly controlling and I feel like it’s starting small to see what he can get away with. NTJ” Taliasimmy69
7. AITJ For Filing A Petition To Change My Daughter's Last Name Without My Partner's Consent?
“I (33F) and my partner(36M) have been together for 2 years and 6 months. Our relationship moved very quickly. Shortly after we started seeing each other he asked me to move in with him and then proposed to me.
About a year into our relationship we found out we were expecting a little girl. Before finding out we were pregnant we had discussed getting married and I tried to make plans but we never followed through with them. I have done all of the work and told him that he just needs to set aside the time for us to go and get married. I have not asked for a wedding or anything extravagant.
When I found out I was pregnant I told him that I wanted to get married and that it was important to me to have the same last name as my child. He kept putting it off and I finally told him I would stop asking and that he knew what I wanted and the ball was in his court now.
Fast forward 6 months later, Right before I had my daughter I confronted him about it again and he stated that he never acted on marriage because he just simply had not had the time away from work. He owns his own business and works long hours.
This hurt my feelings because it felt like he was prioritizing his job over me. I had our daughter and due to pressure from him, I gave her his last name. I regret this deeply now. We still haven’t gotten married and this has become a sore subject for us.
Every time the conversation is brought up I get very angry and want to call the whole relationship off. I feel like he doesn’t want to marry me and that my wants and desires are not important to him. He still has not made any moves to actually get married but swears up and down that he wants to.
Recently I filed a petition to change my daughter’s last name to my maiden name and he is not happy about this. He refuses to sign the petition and just keeps repeating that there is no need to do that since we are eventually going to get married. I have hired an attorney that he doesn’t know about to fight this in court.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. This was classic love bombing and future faking. It sounds like marriage is important to you. Before you have any more kids, be married first, if you plan on having more. He’s already getting all the benefits of being married AND you made him immortal by bearing his child.
He has zero incentive to marry you. This was a valuable lesson. But, change the baby’s name and be prepared to be a single mom. This relationship is over. Every place has the equivalent of a courthouse marriage. He doesn’t need to take time off work.
If you insist on staying make sure your birth control is on lock. The more babies you have, the harder it is to leave” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“I mean honestly, either way on the kid’s name. Do what you think is best. However.
Since you have decided to go Nuclear Option on the name, I think you need to end the relationship and get yourself and your daughter out of the house. Whether changing her name is right or wrong, this relationship doesn’t come back from this.
Especially given you are hiding your lawyer from him. And don’t just leave it at changing her name. Get custody and child support put in place.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“Not understanding all the YTJ comments here. To me, it sounds like OP is getting dragged along.
Everyone assumed that she had the child to trick him into marrying her – no idea where that cynical read is coming from. OP, I’d be honest with him that you’re getting an attorney involved. But you deserve someone who is going to commit to both you and your daughter – not string you along.
You aren’t his priority.” Affectionate-Ad3666
6. AITJ For Not Sharing My Dad's Inheritance With My Brother Who Inherited Everything From Our Mom?
“When my mom passed, she left everything to my older brother, Jason. Jason never moved out of my mom’s home. He never had anything more than part-time minimum-wage jobs.
My mom forgot about me or my sister and preferred Jason. It also meant she had minimal contact with her grandchildren when she favored him.
My father, who lost that home in a divorce, said it wasn’t fair that Jason inherited everything from my mom. My father suddenly passed away, and Jason was kept out of his will because my dad was still upset about what my mom did.
Jason was shocked when he was left out of my dad’s will. He said the property tax on my mom’s house was late because he was planning to use the money from Dad’s inheritance, which was a dirty trick Dad pulled on him.
My sister Debbie already told Jason to get a job, and maybe he will have the 7k by the time it’s due. I’m also not giving Jason anything. It’s how my dad wanted it.
Jason was freaking out during the reading because he didn’t get anything, and he’s already going through most of my mom’s money and hasn’t worked in 5 years since her death.
He called us all jerks and said he needed the money more than us. I’m sure this was the same line he used on my mom to get Debbie and me written out of my mom’s will.
Jason acts like he will fight the will, but my dad talked about how Jason got 100% of my mom’s inheritance; he doesn’t get anything.
On top of my dad’s insurance, Debbie and I are going to sell my dad’s home, and hopefully, the market stays hot. I suggest to my brother that he do the same thing and take the money and downsize to a smaller apartment or home.
My brother is ranting to anyone who will listen, calling us selfish jerks, and even setting up a GoFundMe for his taxes. Several family members have donated.
My grandma (on my mom’s side) has reached out to me to help him with the taxes, and I said no. My grandma said she was no longer going to leave Debbie and me anything now because of how we treated our brother, but I reminded my grandma that our mom (her daughter) started this, and no one threw a fit about it when mom died. Debbie had two small children then and could have used the money.
I didn’t see Debbie start a GoFundMe, and I don’t remember you (grandma) calling Jason and asking him to give up part of his share for us. My grandma said it was a different situation, and I told her, “Not really.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Jason got a leg up 5 years ago, but instead of using it, he sat on his behind the whole time… He’s an adult and has nothing to show for where that money went – it didn’t even go to paying the taxes on the home he was gifted…
His bad decisions don’t warrant an emergency on your or Debbie’s part. He STILL has options, he can sell his house, he can get a job, he can… do what people everywhere do all the time. He’s not hopeless, he’s lazy.” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“Grandmama can give her money to her destitute grandson right now instead of harassing you. That threat of cutting you out of her will is pretty empty because she can always change her mind and cut you off later. NTJ. Why is this even a question?
But grandmama showed her true colors, as well as the other flying monkeys.” thepatriot74
5. AITJ For Stopping My Sister From Using Our Mum's Funds For Her Own Paid Leave?
“Me (M35) and my sister (F40) have power of attorney for financial affairs and welfare over our mum. Mum has not had the mental capacity to deal with her affairs due to cognitive decline. She has been in a residential care setting for around a year.
My sister recently told my wife that she planned to take around £1,000 from Mum’s account and use it to buy paid time off from her job because she is stressed by Mum’s illness.
To be honest, out of the 4 of us siblings, she may have done the most legwork getting her into a home and dealing with carers.
This was her choice and because she is controlling.
An example of how controlling she is- last month Mum had a fall, and the home tried to call my sister as she is first on the contact list.
The second person on the contact list should be me or one of my siblings, but she has tried to exclude us from Mum’s care to the extent she had our dad listed as the next contact.
They hate each other and have not spoken since they divorced around 30 years ago.
Anyway, over a family dinner recently, my sister said she intended to buy annual leave with Mum’s funds. One of my siblings said no to this, and if she used the funds that would be needed for mum’s future care to buy an additional holiday, it would not be in my mum’s best interest, and she would be reported for financial mistreatment of mum’s funds.
To clarify, she gets around 28 days a year of annual leave and her boss has also given her compassionate leave when she has requested it.
She has done more caring than the rest of us because she chooses to and lives nearby. Everyone else does offer to do more but she doesn’t let anyone else help out.
Since Mum has been in the home we visit an equal amount, and so for the past year, the division of labor has been about the same.
AITJ for refusing to let my sister use mum’s funds to buy herself an extra holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reframe the question properly: AITJ for not letting my sister steal from my mum and commit fraud? This is a crime, straight up. Powers of Attorney are not allowed to “pay” themselves by deciding how much should be apportioned based on the amount of work that they did.
This is not a question of emotions, such as guilt. It’s ILLEGAL. As a POA, you have a fiduciary responsibility to your mother to report this. There’s no grey area here.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – your sister should not be gatekeeping your mother’s care.
The emergency contact issue says a lot. However, it’s also telling that the first issue you seem to have pushed back on is a financial one that you don’t stand to benefit from. I think it’s convenient that you haven’t pushed to be more involved in her care because she’s “controlling.” Lots of decisions led to this point that you were happy to let your sister handle on her own.
You should have been insisting on being an active participant the whole time. But now that she’s done the bulk of the work, you’re drawing a line in the sand at $1,000. Pretty certain in my judgement but here’s some food for thought.
How much of your sister’s 28 days of leave has she already used for your mom’s care? How much social currency has she used with her boss requesting compassionate leave? Is it possible that she is looking to essentially pay herself back for the time she has already given up?
That after all of the work she’s done caring for mother, she now realizes she didn’t save enough time for her mental health and needs a break?” Ok_Discount_7889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should be calling a lawyer to get this stuff spelled out to avoid future issues.
Also, you need to be 2nd on the contact list and you need to call the home directly, provide them a copy of the POA, voice your concerns to them, and point blank tell them that you are BOTH POA and you are notifying them formally of the fact that you expect to be informed about decisions, etc to prevent issues going forward.” Lizzydeathstar
4. AITJ For Wanting To Shut Off Utilities At My Former Rental?
“I have a friend, let’s call her Anna. Some months ago she was staying with a friend of hers and they got mad with her and kicked her out I offered to stay with my former roommate, we were moving and going our separate ways but I offered to transfer that house to her name so she could stay there and rent the other rooms. She wanted me to stay and be her roommate but I got a bad feeling and declined. Turned out I was right because Anna became annoyed about household stuff.
After one month I found a place for myself and so did my previous roommate and we both scheduled to move out on the same week. We agreed on paying the upcoming month’s rent and bills so Anna would have 30 days to find some people to rent the other rooms. This, however, really annoyed her.
When the rent was due, she still didn’t send me her share, so I had to cover her share so we didn’t have a 10% bill because of delays. This annoyed me very much and I had to ask her for her share for 3 days because I really needed the money to move and she hesitantly sent it to me.
I think all of this annoyed her she started saying she wanted the rent contract to remain under my name and I wouldn’t let it be like that, especially after she was late with her very first share of the rent.
I said I wouldn’t keep it under my name and asked her for some documents to transfer the contract and she delayed it and I had to ask multiple times about it and the last time she went off on me saying she wasn’t having time to put the documents together and I was a selfish person that wanted anything handed to me on a silver plate.
She has been rude since she moved and this annoyed me because I opened my home to her when she needed and I was trying to help her by transferring the rental contract to her. Long story short, she sent me the documents and everything took a lot more time than it should and I got increasingly annoyed because she continued to be unpleasant every step of the way.
Now for the current situation. The electric bill and water bill are still tied to my name because in my country they are separate from the rent. I don’t want to keep it tied to me because I don’t trust her and I don’t want my credit score messed up.
It’s been 12 days since the contract was transferred and I already gave her the information on how to transfer the other bills to her name (you can do it all on an app and it takes less than 15 minutes each) and she still hasn’t done it.
She started ignoring my texts. There’s one way I can get rid of my name on the bills is by finishing the contract this would result in the utilities being shut off from her house and she would have to make a new contract which can take days and she would be left without water and electricity in this time with her new roommate and this could make me a jerk.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of the utility companies have dealt with this situation before and should let you set a date when your accounts are closed and services are cut off. So do it a few days from now and then tell Anna they’re set to shut off on X date and so she has until then to contact the companies and open new accounts in her name to avoid interruption of services.
Don’t tell her about it until you have already set the date with each company–that way, she won’t be able to argue with you for more time, etc. This is a hard lesson in extending favor to someone you knew was kicked out of her prior place.
There is always a reason!” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she has had plenty of time to get everything put in her name. If you don’t want to get stuck with the bills and have your credit rating ruined shut off the utilities. Tell her in 2 days the utilities will be out of your name. It’s her responsibility, not yours. You have done a lot to help her and she has been rude and uncooperative to you. Enough. Grow a spine and do what has to be done. Or let her walk all over you and you can pay her bills. Your choice.” Right_Narwhal821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – shut the utilities off. She’s an adult. If she makes a stink of having to pay for utilities in HER place then she needs help beyond what you can give her. At the end of the day, utilities are something that she needs to take care of.
It’s on her, not you. Shut them off and save your credit.” slap-a-frap
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister's New Partner To My Family-Only Wedding?
“I (25f) and getting married to (26m) John. He is my high school sweetheart, though we have not been together the whole time since high school we have remained friends since we first met.
My sister Julie (21f) has a history of short flings with partners.
She always has a new person she is talking to. Her recent relationship is with Ann (21f). They have been together for a few months, but are still new in their relationship.
We are having a family-only wedding. The exception to this is my bridesmaid who has been in my life since we were both 3 years old.
She is like a sister to me and is bringing her wife. My Fiancé also has a friend he has known for years who is coming who is also considered family.
Ann is not someone I consider family, she is just Julie’s newest partner to me.
Julie was aware this was a family-only wedding. She decided to ask me in front of several family members if Ann was coming to the wedding. I said no, it’s for family only. My mom tried to jump to her defense but a look from me shut her down.
Julie made a stink and caused a fight, causing several family members to gang up on me.
I don’t want to be rude but I don’t like Ann a lot. She’s still a stranger to me and I don’t think, especially now that my sister thinks her wants are more important than mine at my wedding, that I should invite her.
My parents are divorced and do not talk to each other. Each has separately pulled me aside to ask me to reconsider. Their partners, my stepmom, and stepdad agree with me. My fiancé is tired of hearing my family pester me but is starting to lean towards the “this is ridiculous that you don’t want her here so much you’re going to keep fighting them about this.” He does not like confrontation and is staying out of this but I can tell he is getting annoyed.
AITJ that I want a family-only wedding that does not include a partner who I do not consider family?”
Another User Comments:
“My mom always told me about how at my parent’s wedding, when my mom first entered through the doors to walk down the aisle, the first person she saw was someone she knew from high school and hated. She was someone else’s plus one.
This person was right on the edge of the pew and was in all the photos of my mom walking down the aisle. She never forgot it and it drove her crazy 25 years later. OP you’re NTJ. Do not give in. Everyone telling OP to just let Ann come is insane.
No one else is getting Plus ones. It’s family only except for some very specific exceptions. There’s no reason to invite someone who is essentially a stranger to you. Honestly, it’s a red flag that your fiancé isn’t 100% backing you up considering this is a valid concern” JazzlikeOcelot419.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you only made an exception for 2 extremely close friends who are considered family, no one else. My suggestion is to start responding to anyone who brings this up with, “We have said no. The answer is and will remain “No”. If you bring this up again, your invitation will be revoked and you can spend the day with Ann.” BluePopple.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very small wedding, close family and loved ones only. Ann is neither. Your sister can spend any other night with Ann, you only have one wedding. “Ann is not invited, and the matter is not open for discussion. If Ann’s attendance is more important to you than my happiness on my wedding day, by all means, take some time to also consider your attendance”.” Competitive_Papaya11
2. AITJ For Ignoring My Dad's Birthday After He Prioritized Step-Siblings?
“Ever since I (16m) was a little kid I got my dad a birthday gift with the help of my (surrogate) grandparents. My mom died when I was 2 so it was me and dad for a lot of years.
Dad and I used to be close.
Then when I was 10 he met Jen and he met her kids who were 18 months and 3 years old at the time. Dad and Jen fell in love pretty fast and they moved in together a few months after they met.
Jen was divorced and her kid’s dad wasn’t around. So my dad decided he needed to step up and be a good dad to them. He told me things would change but I was still his son and he’d make time for me. But ever since he decided Jen’s kids were going to be his, he let me down a lot.
It started with us having plans and him having to cancel because one of the kids was unwell. Then it was they had a play or a game he needed to be there for. Or it was they had decided to have one of the kid’s birthday parties early and dad needed to be there.
But he wasn’t doing the same for me. When I got unwell he’d send me to my grandparents or expect me to stay with Jen while he did something with Jen’s kids. If I had something on he’d apologize for missing it and would say he had plans with Jen’s kids.
Oh, and the big thing that annoys me is for the last 6 years (almost) he gives Jen’s kids credit and thanks them too when I buy him a gift. Even when I tell him it’s from only me. He talks about it being teamwork to get him that.
I tried talking to Dad. He admitted he let me down. He told me he was afraid of Jen’s kids feeling rejected if he were to cancel with them for me. That he didn’t want them to feel like he loved me more when all three of us were equal. I told him he cares more about them and he asked how I could say that after 10 years of having all his attention.
He asked me to think about the kids whose bio dad walked out on them and who could feel unwanted if he were to let them down. I told him I didn’t care about them or their feelings or whether they felt loved and wanted. I told him I didn’t feel loved and wanted. I feel resentful of the fact he gives them credit for my gifts, he cancels on me for them, but won’t give the same back.
He told me he couldn’t change it but he could try to let me down less. I told him he was putting them ahead of me and I told him I was done. He can enjoy having two kids instead of three.
He didn’t think I would follow through.
This big talk happened back in April. Dad’s birthday was yesterday and I didn’t join in on any of the celebrations and I got him nothing. I didn’t even say happy birthday. I knew they were going out for the day but I didn’t go and I knew ahead of time.
When they got home Dad was upset because I was on the couch playing video games. He told me he’d missed me. Jen told me I had hurt my dad and was behaving like a child instead of a 16-year-old.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, It is sorta petty but you tried with grown-up talk and it didn’t work out.
It was a powerful move to show him how he makes you feel all the time. It is okay to accept stepkids, as he should he put them ahead of you. Soon you will be old enough to move out and forget about all of them..” Anya-444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve spoken to your dad about how he’s made you feel, and he’s effectively done nothing to remedy the situation. He can’t enjoy the benefits of having three kids if he only puts in the effort with two of them.
If you’re open to still having a relationship with your dad, I’d suggest asking him whether you could all attend family therapy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re just done with the situation at this point.” laughinglovinglivid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and how dare Jen says that when she had watched your dad allow her children to be a priority while you get pushed to the back. Maybe I’m petty but I’d probably take it a step further and start calling him by his first name or Mr or Sir instead of Dad to hit home.
Also, have your grandparents put down as your school emergency contacts. You’ve tried to be grown up and speak to him and he is ignoring the issues and trying to guilt you.” Secret_Double_9239
1. AITJ For Hiring Help When My Stay-At-Home Husband Neglects Chores?
“My husband is a stay-at-home dad to our 1 elementary-aged child while I work full time and am taking a college class online.
When she was born we agreed he could stay home until he was ready to return to work as long as he took care of the kid and household chores. At our last home, he was very engaged in the community, but I honestly don’t know how he spends his days since we moved and school started.
I’m sick of how poorly he keeps the house and has given up trying to communicate via the normal methods because it’s always been met with resistance, and as much as I hate absolutes I do mean always. Dirty dishes clutter the sink, we can’t eat at the table because it’s cluttered with stuff, and before yesterday’s incident, he hadn’t done laundry in 2 weeks.
I’ve suggested a weekly routine or chore chart to divide responsibilities at home, and he rejects these ideas as if I’m calling him incapable of doing it. I recently tried a written honey-do list as a last-ditch effort to communicate my household needs: 3 things daily for 3 days.
That was 3 weeks ago and he’s only done 6 of the items. I’m so tired of his excuses and his “I’ll do it tomorrow” that I’ve given up.
So I hired a cleaning surface for dusting, sweeping, mopping, and scrubbing the kitchen and bathrooms. I ordered a meal kit service because my body fat is alarmingly high from stress and he wants to eat out 5 times a week or just heat pre-made convenience foods at home instead of cooking and treating vegetables as an afterthought.
Most recently he’s not done laundry in about 2 weeks. In the past, I asked if he wanted help with laundry and he got upset that I “don’t trust” him to get it done.
For the past several days he’s been bringing me one pair of clean pants each day as I ask before my shower because I don’t have any clean ones–I won’t ask him outright to do the laundry because experience tells me he’ll get offended and claim “you don’t trust me” or “you don’t think I can do it.”
Yesterday he loudly blamed our daughter when she said she didn’t have any clean shorts to wear, “you should’ve told me you needed your clothes washed!”
We previously told her she just needed to put her dirty clothes in the hamper, which she had done.
After she went to bed I asked my husband if something had changed and he said he told her she needed to speak up when she needed her laundry washed. He seemed offended that I would even ask.
Is there some way I can help him see that I’ve lost all respect for him because of his temper and how easily he gets offended because of his inaction?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something is wrong here because you said this is a new state of affairs. Yes, stay-at-home parents (I have been one) need to do laundry every week. They should be cooking most nights. (this is how you afford to have one parent stay home) Maybe he’s ready to go back to work?
This is passive-aggressively letting you know he doesn’t want to do this anymore.” ClassicTrue9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There honestly is NO reason for him not to work. You don’t have a baby. He absolutely can and should go back to work. He needs to go back to work (full time) or you need to separate.
You’d be better off on your own. The funds you spend on him (or the funds of yours he’s been spending) can be rerouted and spent on a cleaning lady. He’s taking advantage of you. It’s unnecessary. He isn’t bringing anything to the marriage or household.
That’s not a partner.” Katiew84
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