People Get Called Out In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Showering With The Bathroom Door Ajar In My Own Home?
“I (17M) live at home with my two sisters and parents. My older sister (22) has been seeing her partner (21M) for three months now.
He’s been sleeping over at our apartment ever since they started seeing each other, but the frequency of the sleepovers has been increasing over the past few weeks.
Our apartment isn’t tiny, but it’s small enough that we all share a bathroom.
The room doesn’t have air conditioning and only has one window that doesn’t let a draft through. When you shower, the room steams up a ton, so my whole life we’ve just either left the door ajar or opened the door fully as soon as we stepped out of the shower and did the rest of our bathroom stuff.
The very first time my sister’s partner slept over, I was getting ready to go to bed in the bathroom and had the door closed, but unlocked. I was taking off my boxershorts when he walked into the bathroom. He immediately apologized, closed the door and we never spoke about it again.
Well, last week I thought I was home alone and was taking a shower in the afternoon with the door ajar, as always. After I was done, I opened the bathroom door and continued with my routine (lotion, face cream, stuff like that) and noticed that my sister had come home during my shower.
When I was done, I walked into the kitchen to find my sister and her partner arguing. I didn’t want to intrude, so I left and soon heard the front door fall closed.
In the evening I made dinner for our family and while I was cooking my other sister (20) came and talked to me.
Our oldest sister and her partner’s argument was about me and „my“ showering habits. He thinks it’s disgusting that I shower with the door ajar and feels uncomfortable with me using the bathroom in my own house.
This shocked me because, from the way our bathroom is set up, you can’t even see the shower from outside of the door.
I went to my other sister and asked her if this was true, and she refused to talk to me.
It’s not as if I was the only one that showered like this. We all do. I’m just the only one taking showers in the afternoon/evening when her partner is usually there because that’s when I come home from hockey practice.
So, AITJ for not completely closing the bathroom door while I shower?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in. It sounds like there are now 6 adults sharing one bathroom, which is bound to cause issues. But showering with the door open in an apartment with 6 adults is weird.
Maybe your family is used to it, but it is fair that someone else will be uncomfortable. Just close the door while you shower, then leave it open for the steam to clear once you’re done.” No-Entertainment3435
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Just because his parents won’t let his partner sleep over at their place, that doesn’t give this guy the right to impose his uptight sensitivities on the people who live in the home where he is a guest. OP has done nothing wrong and should not be expected to change his habits for his sister’s guest.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home and if that means leaving the door slightly ajar to let the shower steam out, I think that’s very reasonable. If it makes him uncomfortable that he might walk in on someone, he should learn to knock first (even if the door is slightly open).
It’s not like you are walking around out in the open.” summerstorm74
23. AITJ For Accusing My Mom of Taking My Belongings?
“I am a gay teenager old enough to work in my state, and I’ve always spent a fixed amount of money on romance manga, books, art, sketchbooks, etc for a few years now.
I’m not a minimalist, in fact, the opposite, so my room is pretty decorated with things I like filled in every drawer and on my desk. My mom has always gotten on my case to start making my room more minimalistic, and it hurts her eyes to see it all of the time.
A week ago, I came home and my parents wanted to discuss it with me. My mom explained that she was cleaning my room and found gay books in my room. My parents strongly disapprove of the LGBTQ+ community and have made it abundantly clear throughout my whole life, even when I was little.
My parents passively threatened me about what would happen if I came out when I was in middle school when I didn’t know how to hide my growing realization of my relationship preferences. So I desperately denied being gay and told my parents that I collect manga of all types, and I was convinced enough that my parents let it go.
Later that day, I found out my mom had taken all of my LGBTQ+ manga, or whatever she thought was gay. I talked to my dad about it, and he said that she’ll probably give them back soon.
I asked her about it, and she said she wasn’t giving them back.
After this day, I started noticing a lot of things in my room that were missing. My sketchbook is gone, pink things in my room, and little bits of makeup, are gone. I even cleaned my room to a more “minimalistic” sense, but I still can’t find them.
I started to question my mom, and she quickly got annoyed. She told me to stop interrogating her and that I wasn’t trusting her which is very hurtful. My dad is upset that I keep blaming all of my missing things on her. I talked to my older sister about it, but she also says this whole thing could have been avoided if I just cleaned my room, and that I was a jerk for asking my mom about everything.
Maybe I’m petty about this, but I’m still upset that the things that I paid for are gone with no compensation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stuff. Bought with your own money. If she doesn’t want to see “the mess” inside your room, she shouldn’t have been snooped. And she has no right to throw your stuff away just because it doesn’t fit her narrow mentality.
But maybe, instead of spending the money on stuff that she’ll never accept, it would be better to open a bank account that she has no access to and save that money there. That way you can plan on moving out of “her house” and “her rules”.
You’ll never be able to collect anything she disagrees with as long as you’re living with your parents.” Ahemera
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re old enough to work pack up what’s left, give them to a VERY VERY trusted friend for safekeeping, keep your room as minimalistic as possible, and start saving to leave.
Don’t save in a bank, they will probably have access to your money till you’re 18, save in cash and with the same trusted friends (ONLY IF YOU ACTUALLY TRULY TRUST THEM AND MAYBE EVEN THEIR PARENTS) and as soon as you’re able to skedaddle out of there.
You’re in a very dangerous situation, it doesn’t look like it because you grew up in it, but you’re being gaslit, manipulated, and emotionally mistreated for who you are and you need to get out of there ASAP. If you have good grades look for scholarships/loans in colleges that are as far away as possible as a backup plan and save save save everything you can.” WatercressSmall8570
Another User Comments:
“You’re gay, that’s fine, your parents are bigots, that’s not. But you have to live in the real world, they won’t accept you being gay and have made threats about you coming out. Should you be able to have books with gay characters and advice books, absolutely, but you need to realize you need to keep your head down and your family isn’t accepting.
It sucks but you’ll be safer and happier to just draw a line between who you are and your family. Have friends, have partners, and keep them outside the house. When you’re 18 you go to college or start working and work on moving out. When you’re gone you can be open about who you are and create distance with your family.
Again it sucks and it would be great if they weren’t bigots but they are. Just remember they are in the wrong and they suck and that you’re protecting themselves from you, not what you are. NTJ.” User
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Mother and Siblings To Move Into Our New Home?
“I (29) female and my fiancé (34) male are purchasing a home. His mother moved from Africa 2 years ago and has lived with him ever since. She works full-time and is in great health.
She is now sponsoring 5 of his siblings to come to America. The catch is she lives with him and has ever since she came to the US. I know in some cultures parents living with you is normal. I asked him that and he said it is not normal for a mother to live with her son.
Maybe the daughter but she is not to live with the son. Well, he wants her to move in with us to the new home and allow the other siblings to come in as well to our newly purchased home. Let me add we have 4 kids of our own to take care of.
She is a nice woman granted but she serves him and does everything for him including cooking. I feel it’s a conflict of interest only because I cannot be this fiancé or wife if his mother is doing all of my duties. He will eat her cooking before he eats mine due to it being more authentic.
She has no motivation to get her place for his siblings. She enjoys living off of him rent-free. I tried to tell him it’s getting to the point where they are using him because he pays all the bills. She is bringing more siblings here and sadly to say doesn’t even have her place.
I spoke with him about not allowing them to move in and he felt like I was trying to put them out or I disliked them. I am picking up the slack of his parenting due to him trying to take care of them. I won’t be able to have adult time comfortably with him with his mother in the next room or walk around my home comfortably seeing someone is always in our home.
A lot of people at that. I don’t want to start off my marriage living with his mother & 5 siblings. (3 adults 2 children) I don’t want to seem rude or hateful. I just want to enjoy my home & family without 6 extra people we are responsible for taking care of.
Am I the jerk for not wanting his mother and siblings to move in with us?”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ, maybe it is a good time to decide as to whether or not you want this man for marriage. He is happy having his mother be his mother.
You will never cook as good, not that you aren’t able but no one cooks like mom. You already have 4 kids but you didn’t say whose they are so that is hard to have an opinion on. It certainly is not fair for him to expect you to contribute financially to all those other people.
Mommy needs to find another house or you need a new fiancé?” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you purchase a home with him and marry him. Mom is staying, he wants Mom to stay. No way to know when or if his siblings will move out.
He is showing you who he truly is and how he will treat you and the kids. He didn’t consult you before telling his mom she could move into your new joint home, nor before he told her to bring his siblings. A real partner would recognize he must discuss these matters with you.
He neglects his children to attend to his mom. His money goes first to his mom and siblings. He doesn’t treat you with respect or love BEFORE you buy the house move in and get married. This will only get worse AFTER you buy the house.
He prioritizes his mom and siblings over you and his children. He isn’t a good partner or a good dad, and you know you want both qualities in a man.” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… hold off on purchasing that home if you can and you are going to have to sit down and have a serious conversation with him and tell him you are not comfortable with and do not want his family to move in with you guys.
If that is a hang-up you are better off just calling it quits now before you guilt yourself into a situation that is going to start brewing resentment and cause issues later down the line. You may even have to give him an ultimatum and go from there.
But seriously don’t force yourself into a situation unless you are 100% comfortable with the outcome. If you have doubts it is better to pause and seriously think than to ignore your gut and regret it later.” HolyDarknes117
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Partner $75 After He Lost His Wallet?
“I do not know where else to turn regarding what happened, so let me give a little context.
I (28f) have been with my partner (31m) for almost two years.
For context, we’ve been through a lot of trials and tribulations. Incarceration (11 months away, we met prior), death, car accidents, you name it, we’ve probably been through it.
Now, I have ADHD and can at times not be able to regulate my emotions properly.
So when I am frustrated, angry, or upset, I can become overwhelmed and lash out. I’m working on this and have been for quite some time. However, as humans do, we have regressions.
Monday night my partner wanted to partake in something that made me uncomfortable, I expressed this politely and told him how I felt and that I could not force him to not do it (this isn’t the first time I’ve asked of this).
He told me we’d have a conversation about it later. As typical men do, the conversation never happened. When I confront him on this later in the night, he becomes irate and sleeps on the couch downstairs.
I wake up the next morning, come downstairs, and see dirty dishes all in the sink (he is aware I hate this) and that set me off.
I got mad, I yelled, nagged, complained, etc. I did not let him even say good morning before saying things like “Why are the dishes in the sink? What the heck?” I drive him to where he needs me to drop him off and he tells me he’s going to walk.
I drive about my merry way to work.
Flash forward to two hours later I received multiple texts that he lost his wallet while walking and that it was my fault. On top of this, he had $75 in his wallet that he placed in there from his savings in the house because as he said “I took it because I was leaving for good.” He believes that I should have to pay the $75 because my attitude caused him to be so all over the place that he lost his wallet.
He has told me “This is your fault and you need to give me $75” I told him no and that while my behavior may have caused him to feel stressed I am not responsible for him deciding to take his money out of the house and him losing his wallet.”
Another User Comments:
“One of you was incarcerated for more than half your relationship? Trauma and drama do not equal a close bond. Anyway, NTJ, I’m not sure what happened here as you said you drove him to where you dropped him off, but then he decided to walk from there.
And then lost his wallet with all the savings? Don’t give him a dime and let him leave for good. Find someone who isn’t so manipulative and has far less drama.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“A strong NTJ here from me, and I’ll explain why.
I’m going to say it right up front. You are not a compatible couple. Your ADHD combined with his major drama has elevated your disorder. And you deserve better than that. You need something stable and routine. He is not it. I strongly urge you to break it up with him, as long as you do it in public and have somewhere you can go.
Don’t let the break up escalate, don’t let him talk you back into it, it’s just not worth it for your mental health and happiness. Give him the $75 at the public place and then let him know you’re cutting your losses and calling it a day.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for him losing his money YTJ for saying, “As typical men do, the conversation never happened.”. I would never let my husband get away with saying, “As typical women do…” Sexism toward men is just as obnoxious. You sound a bit frustrating to live with.
Your SO sounds kind of insufferable to communicate with as well. Both of you can probably do better.” No-Personality-5397
20. AITJ For Telling My FIL To Stop Giving Unsolicited Medical Advice About My Pregnancy And Postpartum Recovery?
“My FIL is a retired doctor, a GP to be precise. He is generally a kindly man and we haven’t had issues in the 10 years I’ve been with my husband.
When I was in the third trimester, I noticed he made a lot of unwarranted and unsolicited comments about my condition.
For instance, I had gestational diabetes. He seemed to disagree with the advice of my (highly regarded) endocrinologist. Then he asked me when I was getting induced into labor and said I should be induced at 38 weeks because of my GD, and age, and that my placenta could degrade and result in stillbirth.
I found that incredibly insensitive and told my husband that if he says one more thing about my body and our birth choices (which are entirely conventional, by the way, I ended up going into spontaneous labor right on 40 weeks and had a smooth delivery), I would have a word with him.
Today he came to visit the baby. He asked me if I’d started exercising yet. Both my husband and I were surprised and said no, and my husband added that I needed bedrest, on the advice of both my OB and physio. My physio advised half an hour on my feet per day, building it up gently and going for small walks with intense exercise for 6 weeks.
FIL said he disagreed. Ok. Then he asked me if I’d been weighed yet. That threw us both for a loop. We didn’t know why that would matter. Not that it should matter but I’m a petite woman and have always been skinny. I look appropriate for one week postpartum.
Then he said I should be careful about diabetes down the line. My husband asked him what that had to do with my weight and he said well you should look to getting back in shape. I saw red. I told him to keep his nose out of my body, and that I already had a team of doctors looking after me, and he wasn’t one of them.
He said I’m coming from the point of a concerned FIL. I replied that it was even more inappropriate and that with any more unsolicited comments, I would consider not allowing him in my house. He looked taken aback but apologized, mumbling about concern, and then left. He has a history of depression and looked very sad when he departed, which made me doubt myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if he meant well, the questions were incredibly invasive, inappropriate, and frankly none of his business. As long as you’re listening to your doctors, your FIL shouldn’t be trying to insert his opinion into your recovery plan.
Congrats on the new addition to your family!” nerdgirlnay
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m a type 1 diabetic myself, and unfortunately, a lot of what your FIL said is true. Diabetics can have issues with their placenta in pregnancy, and are almost always induced early to avoid complications.
Secdoctormany people who have GD go on to have type 2 diabetes later in life. It’s sort of a risk factor/warning. Now your FIL was never asked for his opinion, and I can understand your feelings of wanting him to shut up. He is in a weird position though.
He has (correct) medical knowledge and is sharing it because I think he cares about you and feels an urge to say something.” Tiny-Trifle1348
19. AITJ For Gathering My Girl Squad Against My Partner's Ex At Our Halloween Party?
“I (29 F) have been with my partner (27 M) for almost 4 years and we are in the process of buying a house together. When we first got together, he told me that was going to hang out with his friends Josh* and Amy* and I thought nothing of it.
A few weeks after that, his mum tipsily tells me that his ex was awful to him and was unfaithful and “I’d better not break his heart like she did”(standard mum talk). He is close to his family and I am lucky enough to be close to them too.
His cousin Hannah told me how she didn’t like his ex. Ex was always saying how much girls are threatened by her and how she doesn’t have many guy friends because they just want to be with her. Hannah then revealed to me that his ex was Amy.
I was comfortable with it all for a while, even going on days out and going for drinks with Amy and other friends. I know that I’m the one he is with and buying a house with and talking about marriage and kids with.
But recently Amy has been messaging my partner relentlessly with self-pitying messages like “I’ll never find love like what you’ve got” and “Things were so much better when I was with you” and pictures. I have also been told by Josh that she has been sending him inappropriate texts and photos but then changing her mind about them getting together.
My partner didn’t tell me about the messages to him. I saw them come up when I picked up his phone to pass it to him. I’m organizing a Halloween party this Friday and all of his friends are invited, including Amy. She sent me a message to check what I was wearing as a costume.
She sent me a picture of her angel costume which is pretty much just white attire and heels. Our friends don’t do hot costumes, we’d rather do something funny or trendy (we all went as SpongeBob characters one year) so I explained that she could wear whatever she feels comfortable in.
I trust my partner 100% but going off the messages, photos and their history, I’m getting nervous. So I have gathered my closest girl squad (including his cousin) to come to the party and act as support if anything does happen. We’re also going to find the most ugly costumes we can find.
But am I overreacting? Is it just a friend going through a rough time?”
Another User Comments:
“The squad isn’t the issue, although it could be immature and problematic to have them gang up on Amy – and she isn’t your problem, either. Your problem is that you’re paying for 50% of a house, and your partner is being unfaithful (or unfaithful lite) and is probably going to break up with you and move Amy into the house you’re paying for.
Everyone’s a jerk here, but the partner is the worst. Have some self-respect, confront him, tell him you gave him his chance to come clean but he didn’t, and that he should buy the house with Amy. Throw your own Halloween party, and everyone can dress up as famous singers who got revenge on their exes for being unfaithful!
One of you can be Beyonce in “Irreplaceable,” another can be the cardboard box to the left, one can be JT in “Cry me a River,” another can be Carrie Underwood in “Before he was unfaithful,” and another one of you can dress up as the 4×4 with the slashed tires.” PlainRosemary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if they are there just to support you Amy is the jerk and not a friend if she is sending inappropriate texts to your man and likely a bad person since she apparently was unfaithful when she was your man’s partner.
Your man should have told you about the messages and told her to kick rocks (if he didn’t already) but I think didn’t because that would have revealed the whole Amy is my ex thing. Talk to your partner about it be honest with him and expect the same in return and go from there.
Don’t trust Amy-fyi” Anonj609
18. AITJ For Leaving My Partner Behind During a Charity Run?
“My partner and I run in the same running club. Usually no one gets left behind as it is a social club, with a 5k loop followed by pizza or a beer afterwards if anyone wants to hang out.
A group of us from the club (partner included) got together to support another club-member (let’s say Bryan) who was raising funds for a charity, aiming for a PB in a local 10k race. We all agreed weeks in advance that we would run with Bryan as far/fast as possible and drop off individually if we needed to.
Some of us would keep an eye on the pace, some could make suggestions about when to have an energy gel or water, etc.
So about 4.5km in we get to a hilly section of the route and my partner starts to slow down, tells the person running beside her to keep going, and falls back a little.
I drop back as well to hand her a gel I was carrying for her, check she is okay, and then speed back up to the group. We run the rest of the race, Bryan gets his PB, good times. My partner finishes 5 mins after us, and I can tell she is upset and angry – but that was not the time to talk about it, so we all head to the pub and actually everyone is in great spirits, meeting up with others from the club who either ran separately or cheered from the crowds along the way.
As soon as we set off back home though, I get the silent treatment. We awkwardly muddle through dinner and some TV before getting a super early night. The next day, both working from home, I go through and ask if everything was okay after the race.
She tells me that she really didn’t have a good time, felt like we all ran off and abandoned her, she walked sections because she lost any motivation to continue the race, wouldn’t run with us anymore, certainly wouldn’t do any events with us, etc.
I tried to explain my perspective, that anyone who dropped off would have been left behind because the objective was always get Bryan over the line, and that I don’t want to invalidate her feelings but what happened to her would have happened to anyone.
She said she knew I would say that which is why she didn’t say anything (despite making clear she was annoyed in other ways) and that she didn’t want to talk about it, and the silent treatment started again.
We have another social run tonight with the club, and people will be hanging around after for a beer as its someone’s birthday – and I am dreading going.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She entered knowing what would happen, you even slowed down to make sure she was ok before having to run faster to re join the pack and depleting your own energy reserves. She is making this about her when it should be about your friend beating his PB” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The goal was for the “team” to support Bryan reach his personal best. Your partner is just having a pity party for herself because she couldn’t keep up with the team. Not fun to feel like you’re not good enough for the team.
Leave her alone. She will get over it. Just remind her she’s great & next time you will help push her to her personal best time.” Alarming_Reply_6286
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you all had a certain goal that you agreed to, she just had different expectations.
She expected for you to stay back with her because she’s your partner and it’s not unreasonable on her part to think she’s going to be treated special because of the special relationship. Not unreasonable of you to stick to the plan either. Just tell her that you knew she could handle it because she’s a pro at it already, but you felt new guy needed all the support he could get, that and you stick to your agreements.” LiolaCharm
17. AITJ For Telling My Son He Doesn't Have To Share His Food?
“I (42M) am a picky eater. I don’t like everything and I tend to order my favorite meal wherever we go. I also don’t like trying new things. I am also a white American (individual plate culture). My wife (40F) loves food and eats a variety of dishes.
Likes different kinds and will try lots of stuff. She is Chinese (shared dish culture).
My son (7) is like me in that he is picky and doesn’t like to try new things. His brother (5) is more willing to try new things but not always.
He is sometimes picky.
My wife has long said that I’m selfish with food because when she wants to try some of mine at individual plate meals (with no seconds) I don’t share happily. Sometimes this means being upset that she wants mine and other times just bad attitude.
Generally, I will end up sharing but I’m not usually happy about it. I probably will after. I have tried to get better about this and I think she’d say I’m less likely to have a bad attitude. To her credit, she rarely asks for food.
I also try to offer to share whenever she offers her own.
This understanding was probably fine until my wife began telling my older son that he “should share” (by which she is softly saying he must share). For example, my younger son got a burger and fries recently, and the older a chicken sandwich.
The younger ate half his meal and said he was done. He then offered to give the rest to the older son, who eats a lot. OS said, “ok,” at which point my wife said, “Do you want to share with your brother?” He did not.
She began pressuring him to share and escalating toward requiring sharing. I intervened and said, “It would be nice if you share, but you don’t have to.” My wife responded that I was teaching him to be greedy. I argued that it’s just as greedy to expect others to give you their food as it is not to give it.
She said I had a problem and now I was teaching him the same. I stated that I would set an example of sharing as best I could but I didn’t think it wrong not to share.
I continued to tell my son that he didn’t have to share but that he should think of how he would want others to share with him.
AITJ for telling him he doesn’t have to share and teaching him that requiring others to share is greedy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you are teaching that when you are dining out, you may keep the meal you ordered and not that you shouldn’t share at all (toys, time on computer, time on games, etc).
I’m assuming that if you are at home and there’s one piece of cake or one brownie, you teach the children to share by cutting it in half, not by giving all of it to only one child.” MercuryRising92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because this doesn’t rise to the level of jerk but my friend, teaching your kids to be hospitable is a great thing to do as a parent.
If they are willing to share even when they might not have much TO share will make them good people in pretty much every culture. We live in a privileged world of plenty, they are not going to starve, right? It’s difficult to take yourself out of the equation I understand, but step back and think: which approach will see my sons onto a better path?
It’s such a minor thing in the grand scheme, to be willing to share food, but it can make a really big impression on others. I don’t accept your premise that your disinclination to share food from your plate is “American”. It’s probably familial. Did you have brothers and sisters?
Anyway, teaching kids to share is vital for their long-term happiness in relationships, let your wife lead on this one, would be my advice.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Maybe explain when it is a one-plate deal they should not be expected to share. Usually, it is only enough for one person anyway.
But you could go more often to shared plate restaurants (or even buffets) and teach them to share while there. And you could also do some shared meals at home. That my friend is called a compromise. Also, in general, if they learn to share things I think they will be fine.
But also remind your wife that there are things she does not share so it is fine if they have some belongings they don’t share too.” Personable
16. AITJ For Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Move Out?
“Me and my husband have been married for 1 year now and we bought a house together. He brought his mother with us and we are living together. His mom is very sweet and she helps us by cooking and doing laundry.
But I feel like she babies my husband too much, she packs his lunchbox, cleans up after him after he eats and washes his dishes, etc and I feel like my husband is like a manchild. He doesn’t even put away his dishes after he eats into the sink since his mom wired him into thinking it’s ok just to leave his dishes on the dining table and she will be the one who cleans them up.
One time, my mother-in-law had to go stay in his brother’s house for a month and my husband became more independent but after she came back, he went back to his old ways and I don’t feel comfortable with that…
Also, I feel like I have no privacy in the house..
it feels like MY HUSBAND AND HIS MOM’s house. She’s always in the kitchen from 6 AM to 10 PM and I’m always holed up in my room whenever I get home from work and during my days off if my husband’s working. I don’t feel like it’s my house even though I’m helping my husband pay off the mortgage… she and my husband are also 2 peas in a pod..
very messy and very cluttered and also every time I arranged things in a way.. my mother in law moves it into the way she wants it and she always stocks food in the fridge until it’s spoiled and doesn’t want to throw it away..
so fed up.. but I can’t complain because none of his siblings wants to take care of his mom so it falls onto his responsibility… I don’t feel like it’s my house and every time I say something about his mom..my husband says I should be grateful she’s doing our laundry and cooking for us..
but he never realized that the only reason I let her do it is because she’s always there in the kitchen and in the laundry room that I feel that there’s no space for me there omg. I want my own house and space… my dogs can’t even hang out in the living room and they have to stay only in my room because my mother-in-law does not like dogs………God help me”
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps you need to be blunt and point out that although you pay half the mortgage you don’t feel like this is your home! OP, let the dogs out. Your MIL is the third party here and perhaps it is time she feels uncomfortable rather than you.
Shut the door to your bedroom and if MIL wants to come in then state that you have shut the door for some alone time. Maybe she needs to hear that, you want some alone time. If MIL moves stuff then say thanks MIL but since I am paying half the mortgage and this is my home, then this is how I would like to arrange things.” Whipster20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and TAKE YOUR HOUSE BACK. If that means getting rid of both of them, so be it. It is long overdue for you to sit down with your husband, and tell him everything you said here and more. You two need to be on the same page, and then you both sit down with MIL and lay down rules and set boundaries.
If you will not do it for yourself, do it for your poor dog.” SleepyKoalaBear4812
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve only been married for 1 year and MIL already moved in. You and your husband need years to bond as a couple alone. It sounds like your MIL is healthy since she is active in your household.
So, I am assuming she is living with you for financial support. Maybe your husband and his siblings can provide some money so your MIL can live in her own home.” PsychologicalEgg4738
15. AITJ For Not Letting A Stranger Pick Apples From My Tree For Free While I Was Working?
“I work from home and today a woman who I did not know knocked on my front door. When I answered the door, I was in the middle of a work Zoom meeting that I was co-leading and was a little irritated because she kept ringing the doorbell until I could answer.
The woman told me she was driving by my house and could see the large apple tree in my backyard filled with big apples. She then asked if she could come into my backyard to pick them up for herself to take home. I explained that it wasn’t a good time as I was working.
She dismissed my words and further said she wouldn’t bother me, but she wanted me to let her into my back gate which was locked and she could pick the apples (for herself to make jam) while I worked. I felt she was being pushy and not listening to me, so I told her again no, it wasn’t a good time.
Again, she proceeded to interrupt my words and tell me she was driving by randomly so she might not be on my side of town again so it worked best for her to pick them up now. At this point, I’m worrying about my meeting and getting irritated so I tell her she can pick them up if she gives me $50… almost to appease her or maybe make her go away.
She gets very angry at my offer and starts to yell on my porch that I should give them to her for free because there is no way I can eat all the apples and they will probably go to waste or rot in my yard.
She yelled at me that she was doing me a favor by taking the apples and I should pay her. I was kind of dumbstruck at this point that the strange woman was yelling at me now for not letting her onto my private property during the work day to take things from my yard for free and getting mad for telling her no. I again tell her if she wants to pay me, I’ll let her do it, but she can’t do it for free now.
She ends up giving me the middle finger and huffs off to her car while telling me I was selfish and greedy.
So, AITJ for not letting a stranger come into my backyard to pick food for free to take it home without paying me for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t owe anyone free things. Owning something means you have complete control over the use and distribution of it. If she was politer, or offered to split what she picked with you, perhaps. But her demanding your property just makes her an entitled jerk, and nothing else.” DahDebil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sheesh, it sounds like all you wanted was for her to ask when would be a good time. If another time wasn’t convenient for her, she should have just shrugged and told herself “Oh well, this one didn’t work out.” You don’t owe her access to your apples regardless, but the entitlement of expecting to either let her pick unsupervised (and possibly be left with nothing or damage to your tree) or drop everything to come keep an eye on her when you had other things you needed to do is beyond rude.” KaliTheBlaze
14. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Mom Threw Away My Food and Disrespected My Wishes?
“I (34M) flew to the UK today to attend my mother’s (71, almost 72 F) British citizenship ceremony and see her in general. Earlier today, my mom and I were hungry, and she suggested I go out to pick up something from the market nearby.
I go out to get some arancini rice balls from a street food vendor and bring them back. I liked it, she didn’t do so much.
While she almost finished her meal, I got full and wanted to save the rest for a snack or something later.
She said she wanted to throw all of the food away. I insisted I wanted to at least keep my portion, which she agreed, and I wrapped my food in the paper wrap assuming it’d go into the fridge.
After some time, we were about to go to bed, and I asked if she put food in the fridge.
She said she threw it away. I asked if she was joking, and she wasn’t and showed me the (small) rubbish bag she put it in.
I asked why she did that when I specifically said I wanted to keep my portion. She said it was because it was “disgusting”.
I got annoyed and said that it felt like she was undermining and not respecting my wishes. She insisted that it was disgusting and we’d go out for food tomorrow anyway, so it didn’t matter. This got me upset and I told her how it feels like she doesn’t respect me in general, how it’s no wonder I have low self-esteem due to her undermining me and making me think what I do isn’t worth it (many things I’ve come to realize due to therapy).
She then said that she compares how my cousins treat their mom vs how I treat her (saying that I treat her badly…despite her criticizing how crazy and toxic everyone on that side of the family is not one hour earlier). She started crying and left the room for a bit.
She came back, and to try to have a healthy conversation about the topic, I asked her why she thought I was upset in the first place….to which she’s now giving me the silent treatment…
Am I the jerk, or am I going crazy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s good news and bad news here, OP. The bad news is that at 72, she is very unlikely to change. She expects you to kiss her behind and always agree that she’s right and that you’re wrong. She also thinks that respect means treating her as superior instead of equal. It’s a huge mistake that many parents make with their adult children.
Now for the good news. You don’t live anywhere near her. You can downgrade your relationship to phone calls, and you can end them abruptly when she starts in on you. I know it sucks but she is choosing to be detrimental to your mental health, and you do not have to engage with her when she acts like this.” tiredandbored37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, your request and subsequent responses were perfectly reasonable. Your mother has just never grown up. I’d imagine that must feel a bit threatening for her. Kudos to you for being an adult and becoming a role model. Continue on your current path.
She will either learn from you and grow too, or she won’t. While you can hope she will join you on the journey, she decides to make or avoid it. In the meantime, you keep doing you. You should be proud of you. I am!” RevolutionaryCar8240
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex Make-Up Days After Our Son's Injury?
“My son Ashton is in the 4th grade and I share custody of him with my ex.
We have a schedule where we get him one week each. There were times when she messed around by taking extra days without giving me the same time back. For example, she took him to visit her family in another state and came back two days later because of “flight issues.” Because that wasn’t her fault, she refused to compensate me with extra days.
Stuff like that.
Ashton’s school is connected to a park and every Friday they do PE there. Well, he’s 9 and does silly things and decided to see how far he could climb a tree. He got pretty far and then fell out. He had to get emergency surgery on his leg and got a bad concussion.
He stayed overnight and then had another surgery on Saturday and was released that day. My ex and I didn’t discuss the custody schedule. We were concerned with other matters.
On Sunday, my ex said she was going to pick Ashton up for the start of her week and I reminded her that he can’t be moved around like that.
He’s still loopy from the concussion and medicine and how are you going to get a kid with a broken leg into your two-seat Porsche? Another thing is that he’s still not able to wash himself and he will NOT let his mom do that.
Just me.
I told her she could visit but needed to prepare for him to stay. She was angry but knew I had a point and there were doctor’s orders. Long story short, my son stayed with me six days later because my ex couldn’t get the time off work whereas I work from home.
Our 19-year-old son agreed to help take care of Ashton when Ashton needed a guy for something. Ashton can now use crutches and recovered from his concussion and can go back to school on Monday.
My ex said she wanted to be compensated for the six days she lost by having Ashton get two weeks instead of one.
I said nope. She said that was unfair. I reminded her of all those times when I lost days for things that weren’t her “fault” and you refused to compensate me. It’s not my fault Ashton’s silly self fell out of a tree and you couldn’t get a week off so I’m not compensating you.
I told her I’m not going to be flexible with you when you aren’t flexible with me.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Yeah, your ex is a jerk. But so are you, because it’s pretty clear from all these responses that you are WAY more invested in “being right” than you are in your child’s welfare.
Neither you nor your ex can be trusted to act in good faith. So you need to have your custody arrangement amended to include a specific clause that settles this argument — extra days ON EITHER SIDE are compensated to the other. That’s it. No arguing.
(You are also a giant jerk for the comment that your son’s wishes don’t matter.)” region
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Do you guys compete or collaborate? I just can’t with parents being so petty with each other. Let her have her 2 weeks.
You both sit and establish clearer rules for the future and agree to be flexible because life happens. Let her have the kid for 2 weeks. The child will not stop loving you in 2 weeks. The boy won’t be harmed in any way. You’re being selfish.
Be a good father, and a proper adult, and stop counting days. Tell your wife *this is not a competition”. The pettiness is big with you. If she has a Porsche, surely she could afford a big Uber to take the boy? See. You both acting like children.
See the big picture: the boy is recovering and loves and trusts both his mother and father. That’s what matters.” cityflaneur2020
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Focus on what your child needs and wants. If Ashton wants extra time with Mom, let him have it.
If Ashton wants or needs extra time with you, die on that hill. And Mom needs to do the same. Her wanting HER time with him when he was still recovering is a bad move on her part, and almost moves it into “she’s the jerk” territory.
This isn’t the time to settle old debts, or create new ones.” grckalck
12. AITJ For Wanting To Host My Own Book Exchange After My Friend Canceled Hers?
“When I (25f) first moved to the city I live in, I started attending events held by my friend (a few years older than me f) designed for shy or new-to-the-city women.
It was a great way to make friends and I hung out with several of the girls I met at her events regularly. I do consider this girl a friend too. We text, and when we talk she’s super nice, she invites me to stuff, always acts happy to see me, etc. But we mainly hang out in person when I go to her events, and for her events, you “RSVP” by sending a fee.
I always understood this because she plans all of them, buys the materials, and they’re really fun events. I RSVP’d to go to a book exchange but she was charging like $65 because we were doing bottomless mimosas and stuff. I wasn’t going to drink but I still really wanted to go and see some girls I like to hang out with, exchange books, and enjoy a girl’s day.
She didn’t get enough RSVPs and it was canceled (she always gives full refunds if this happens) but I just haven’t stopped thinking about how fun it’d be. I enjoy planning events and I think I’d like to host a book exchange but I wouldn’t charge people to come and I don’t want my friend to think I’m being petty or rude.
WIBTJ for throwing a book exchange since my friend canceled hers? Should I invite her or not? Is it ok to post pics of it?
You don’t have to read this part, but for those of you who want even more context, one time she threw a picnic and I went to her picnic and told her I was also thinking about throwing a picnic for my birthday.
I’d already been thinking about this for a long time. She offered to be the event coordinator for it and I thought that was nice and said I’d consider it. She sent me a quote though, and it was over $1000. I told her that wasn’t in the budget but I’d still really love it if she could come, and she said she was considering throwing her event on my birthday so she wouldn’t be able to make it.
She didn’t throw an event that day though. Other than this, our interactions have been positive so I’d like to keep it that way and still maybe go to an event every once in a while.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s not a “friend” in the traditional sense.
Your friendship with her is transactional, which is fine, and I don’t doubt that these events she holds aren’t beneficial to the people coming to them (and her as well. I don’t doubt she’s making a profit off these events). Even so, people are free to have whatever events they want to have.
I wouldn’t invite her, as she’s politely made it clear that your friendship with her is only at the events she throws and she’s not interested in attending an event you throw. Invite your actual friends that you don’t have to pay to interact.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“Either way you would not be the jerk: But you should talk to her. The reason is that she is simply postponing the book exchange and planning to try it again on another day. Your free book exchange would affect hers. In reality that doesn’t matter you’re free to do what you want.
But if you want to remain friendly you should talk to her first” User
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner For One Day A Week To Ourselves?
“To be fair I (24f) am pregnant and emotional lately, and I just woke up so I was pretty upset. I’m taking a breather on the porch at the moment.
We have the house to ourselves for the week, yesterday would have been our day but his (28m) friends wanted us to come over for the evening and we had spent the morning running around a bit.
I knew this planned, and had mentioned Saturday after he got home from work that our one day a week could be Monday since that’s his last day off before he’s back to work for the week.
During the week he works all day and then comes home and wants to relax and play video games which is not an issue for me, I just ask he makes enough time to watch a movie and cuddle before bed. It’s part of why I asked for one day a week to just us cause while he is comfortable just being in my presence which is perfectly fine, I need quality time together too and the one day a week helps “recharge” for the week coming where it feels like he’s not there or doesn’t want to talk/hang out with me.
This morning he woke up super early and was saying how he wanted to play a game, I had said I wanted to snuggle and sleep a little longer. I messed up and said no games, you played for 6 hours Saturday and last night you played for 2 hours when I had tried setting up a little date night for our first night in forever having the house to ourselves.
(Dinner, bath together, and we could have been intimate without worrying about anyone hearing us, I ended up saying we could play cod together cause he wanted to and then just had him and his friend play together for an hour after we played for an hour cause I’m not very good tbh) That today was suppose to be our day of the week.
He got upset with me to cause “our day was yesterday” when we had been running around and went to his friends for the evening…
I got upset cause he seemed like it was a huge deal and burden for him to have one day a week where we just focus on each other.
That said I honestly would have been fine playing games with him today later, I just wanted to snuggle him and sleep a little longer. We were up late.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Intimacy and quality time aren’t chores or obligations that you should have to beg, borrow, and steal to get.
I don’t quite understand what your schedule is supposed to be in terms of your day vs not your day and that’s part of the issue: It’s so needlessly complicated when he should want to spend time with you and be willing to spend time with you when asked. I’m a gamer so I “get it,” but at 30 with a baby on the way he needs to be proactive with your relationship.
Otherwise, you’re going to end up taking care of two “babies” in a few months.” NewGoatFish
Another User Comments:
“My son got lucky and married a gamer too. Now his partner, his daughter, and he all have their computers and play games all the time.
Drives me crazy. I tell him to get out and get some air. But I will say they don’t smoke drink or do anything harmful so that’s the biggest plus I could ask for. I love those two they’ll stay married forever.
Also by the way she likes wrestling, the fake kind, and ice hockey. It’s a marriage made in heaven.” doglover507071956
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Build A Relationship With My Neglectful Grandmother?
“I (41F) was recently approached by my father (70M) who commented that my grandmother (don’t know her age) says we don’t even bother calling her and asking how she is.
In reality, I do not have any relationship with her.
She was rarely present in my life. I had a better relationship with my late maternal grandmother.
I recall instances when she and my late grandpa visited us when we were kids and things seemed fine until an incident that made me aloof with her.
On one of their visits, she wanted to feed my dog leftover chicken with bones and I said no. A day later, my dog was suddenly paralyzed and could not walk from belly down. She still fed my dog the bones and he had stomach injuries.
Back then, I was in elementary school and could not force my parents to bring the dog to the vet (they had a messed up mentality back then that it was just a dog and could not be bothered. That mentality has changed as years and many dogs in our life have come and gone).
My dog died a few weeks later. I lost any emotional connection with my grandmother since that incident. Plus, she spent most of her life overseas with my cousins. They were rarely present at our big milestones and vice versa. Comparing them that they call her versus I don’t is night and day.
She’s a stranger to me. They grew up around her and have a relationship (albeit tumultuous and toxic that I would rather not air here).
I’m polite and respectful when she calls my Dad. I say hello on the phone and have a few polite exchanges because we don’t have anything to say to each other.
Other than that, she rarely crosses my mind.
Now my father is guilt-tripping and forcing me to call and say hello. I could do it just to keep the peace, but I’d be lying to myself knowing it’s a fake gesture on my part. I honestly have no interest at this point in my life knowing I’m forced to build a bridge with another person who will likely add potential negativity to my life.
I don’t want it.
I told my father if she’s already on the phone with you, sure. But, I wouldn’t go out of my way just because he ordered me to call her (the way typical Asians are expected to do it because your elders say so).
He wasn’t happy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Nobody should be forcing anyone to build a relationship with anyone just because they’re family. I do wonder why OP’s Grandmother made that comment, though. Is this a sudden occurrence?” boadicaea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The dog part was sad. But on the other hand maybe look into your heart, because we are on this earth a short time.” Ok_Path1734
9. AITJ For Losing My Cool After Being Left Behind In Toronto?
“So I (32m) am visiting Canada with my mother O (63F) and her best friend J(66F), we’re staying with J’s Daughter A (26F) and her husband M(30F).
We’ve been here 2 weeks so far and everything’s been ok so far. Today, A and M took us all to Toronto, it was my first time going and also my first time in Canada, to get there we got an Uber to catch a bus which took us to catch a train.
After getting to Toronto, everything was going well until time to head back home.
On the way to the train, O, J, and A stopped somewhere in a long line, and while waiting outside, something in the very next store caught my eye.
While in line to purchase my item, everyone was ready and went ahead leaving O to wait on me but not knowing the place, we went to the wrong station and had to walk back, this time A, M, and J got on the train and went on home without us.
We then had to figure out our way home as tourists with no service or ability to make calls and after getting carried away by the train and having to ride back to our correct stop, we found the right bus and managed to get an Uber back home right before they stopped working for the night.
As we were getting in the Uber and we were on the wifi, J called, having no time to deal with her, I declined the call.
We came in, M was in his bed sleeping, while A and J were still up watching TV, I said goodnight to both and no one replied, noticing some packages had come for us, O and I went into our rooms to organize, after around 10mins, I went to use the bathroom, A and J were still watching TV having said nothing to us, I used the bathroom and on coming out, J had opened the door to the laundry room to go in, it being still open and blocking the door back to my room, I closed it.
This door when open is 2 inches from the door of my room. O, in my room still organizing the packages didn’t even know I had closed a door.
J came back up a few minutes later and asked O to come out and talk to her, this is the first time anyone spoke to us since returning home.
O went out, and I overheard J telling her that I was being disrespectful by slamming the door and that she should talk to me about it, O was confused and asked what door, and then I came out saying ” I didn’t slam a door, and even if I did, why did you call O out when I and she were the same place and you could just talk to me instead?” J replied she didn’t want to talk to me and I said “Oh, you don’t want to talk to me?
then don’t talk to me then” and walked off.
Anyway, A stepped in to defend J and after a hot back and forth revealed she didn’t like when I said “Don’t try to rush me, no one can rush me” while I was putting in my contacts a few days ago and that I always walk along doing my own thing when they shop and since I don’t like her timing and prefer my own she didn’t see a problem with me finding my way back home.
My head got so hot that everything went FUBAR and now no one likes each other. AITJ for losing my cool?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, no joke look up non-violent communication and get a copy for everyone involved and try to understand each other’s feelings and not push on them..” extra_extra_reddit
Another User Comments:
“What time were you still in Toronto? The trains don’t stop until 2 a.m., and Uber doesn’t stop running. You also might want to consider going home soon if you thought today was cold(which, as a Canadian, today was not cold).
It’s about to start getting cold, though.” hollywierzbicki
8. AITJ For Feeling Ignored By My Parents Despite My Achievements?
“I (16 female) had had a lot happen over the past week that I thought my parents would be overjoyed by.
For example, I’m in a school play and rehearse twice a week. After every rehearsal, I have been walking home because my parents are busy. I tell my parents about my rehearsals all the time but they always forget so each week when I come home they’ll ask why I was so late as if I haven’t already told them.
Well, this week my sister was hospitalized. It wasn’t anything serious but they were having to monitor her. I was nervous because I had bad experiences in hospitals and was very worried for her. But I was also getting the results of my State Exams which is a massive deal. It was the first time I’d done them and when my sister (19) got the results we all went out for dinner and celebrated, she got more or less all Cs but we were still happy.
So when I got mine back and got all As or Bs I was so happy and told everyone. I knew my family was preoccupied with my sister but I assumed when she got out at the weekend we could all do something or even next weekend.
I just wanted a moment of appreciation because I put loads of work into my exams and my parents knew and had put pressure on me. But it was forgotten the day after. I kept trying to drop hints but no one cared. It just makes me feel like my effort was for nothing.
Another thing, I’m going on a school trip for a week. I’m very excited and have mentioned it to my parents a few times because I needed their permission and such. The day before my parents kept yelling at me to clean my room which might I add only had a messy desk and the rest was fine.
I told them I was in the middle of packing and they went off asking why I was doing that. I had to remind them I was gone for a week and a big trip. I just feel like they don’t care and have been ignoring me.
I feel like I’m doing so much all the time but they only notice the things I don’t do. I’m putting so much effort in and getting none out. I just needed a rant because I honestly can’t take it anymore. I feel so stressed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents are. Being busy is no excuse for not knowing what is going on in your kid’s life and celebrating accomplishments. Sounds like your parents aren’t in a good headspace if they are no longer having those celebratory moments they used to have.
None of it is your fault, and it could help if you sit down with them in a moment where they’re calm and not busy, and express your feelings like you did in this rant. They should be called out and hopefully should acknowledge your feelings.
It’s not fair that you feel all this unnecessary stress because of their lack of managing their own stress.” dave-da-harpist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, has it always been like this, or just the last week or so? There is no excuse for ignoring you, forgetting you have rehearsals even though you told them.
Completely ignoring the Exam results you were proud of and not at least doing something to celebrate as they did with your sister. This is bordering on favoritism to your sister. When you get back from your trip you need to sit down and talk to them and tell them how upset and disappointed you are with them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, try to think: is this how it’s always been, or is this something new? If they always behave like that and you’re just now realizing it, then, unfortunately, a huge issue and you might not be able to change anything about it.
However, if they used to be more attentive parents, then something new might be happening in their lives and they might not realize how much it’s affecting them. In that case, a conversation might help. Either way, you are not doing anything wrong and your feelings are completely valid.
So sorry it’s happening to you.” moominsmama
7. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor Who Lets Their Toddler Play Unsupervised in My Yard?
“I built a playground in the yard of my apartment complex. One day, my kids and I were outside playing when I noticed a 2-ish-year-old child coming into our yard from the back alleyway. I didn’t know the child or his parents and thought maybe the parents would be behind him.
I asked the child where the parents were and they didn’t respond. I was getting ready to leave to run errands and didn’t want to leave the child unattended, so I waited about 10 minutes before walking the child around the complex to find their parents.
Found the child’s parent and they told me that they knew he walked down to my yard to play. Found out that this had been happening when I wasn’t home. And they let the child walk back to my yard after I dropped them off.
I became upset because I didn’t want the responsibility of watching someone else’s child without even being asked. Nor did I want my yard being used without permission in case someone got hurt. So I reported the Neighbor to my complex management who immediately contacted the Neighbor.
But now I’m wondering if was I the jerk because the child only wanted to play”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. A two-ish-year-old child can get into all sorts of trouble. They have to be chaperoned at all times. You did Mom a huge favor and her older daughter too (who probably doesn’t realize it right now but maybe will in the future).” sbinjax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, possibly a hero. Kids that young can get into stuff, and I can’t imagine letting them roam around outside by themselves. You didn’t say how far their house is from your backyard, but I’m assuming they’re not next door. Maybe not even on the same side of the street.
That kid could get hit by a car, fall down a ditch, be attacked by a dog, etc. You may have saved him from serious injury or even death. I feel sorry for the real mother, and I’m sure she’s going to have some issues with her older daughter for a while, but that’s reasonable collateral damage to ensure the safety of that kid.” ScubaTrek
6. AITJ For Having Trash Under My Bed and Facing Eviction From My Parents?
“I (21F) recently had a conversation with my mother and stepfather that my grandmother was going to be staying over for the weekend, and they were going to use my bed for her to sleep on. I’m currently staying at my biological father’s house, which isn’t too far from my mother and stepfather’s house.
My mother said that while she was cleaning my room, she had found trash under my bed, such as a couple of Q-tips, a few tissues, and 2-3 bags of the little Dorito chip bags. I would say that this is about as much trash that can fill a small plastic bag about halfway.
Mind you, we are not allowed to keep trash cans or recycling bins in our rooms. They said that them having to find this and clean it was a blatant act of disrespect from me, and if they find anything else such as this again in my room, they are going to “find other living arrangements for me”, in other words, kick me out the house.
To give some background to the subject, I’m always a helping hand in this house. I live with two younger sisters, one that is in elementary school and another that is in kindergarten. Whenever I am home, I am constantly taking care of them, whether it be making them dinner, playing with them, picking them up/ dropping them off at school, and other things while my parents are working from home.
I do other things around the house such as laundry, cleaning the house, and from time to time buying groceries or other necessities. I also contribute money to the house for my car insurance and other things. The only reason I’m telling you this is to show that I’m not a lazy person or some kind of hoarder, but a constant contributor and helping hand to this household.
There had only been one time before this situation where they had found trash in my room, and they said that if they found something like this again they were going to take away my car, which is under my mother’s name. Now that they have found trash again in my room for the second time, they aren’t going to take away my car, but instead threaten to kick me out of the home.
So, am I the jerk for having trash under my bed, or are my parents the jerks for using this as a reason to kick me out of the house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. Your parents do seem very controlling to an unhealthy extent, so I would suggest working on getting your place and a car as well.
You’re old enough to be on your own, and if you do manage to get an apartment, you could also go low or no contact with your parents.” Jaded-Permission-324
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I can’t imagine kicking one of my kids out of the house for something like this, even in their early 20s.
I also can’t imagine being in my early 20s at home and being anything but extremely respectful of the rules. Your parents suck much more, but you need to get your act together and abide by the relatively reasonable requirement that you don’t leave used food wrappers and other refuse in your bedroom.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you might want to make other arrangements yourself. Are you going to college or trying to get a promotion at your job? Your parents sound a bit controlling and not having your car isn’t helping you. You need things they can’t take away or hold over your head when the smallest thing you do inconveniences them, ie your own car and apartment.” fckinsleepless
5. AITJ For Wanting My Dad to Divorce His Abusive Wife?
“My dad (M42) married his wife (F46) 5 years ago.
She is my stepmother. She has 4 kids, but only 1 talks to her because she is 10 and still lives with us. I am a F19 and currently in my third trimester of pregnancy (that is a story for another day). My dad has been insanely supportive and super excited to meet his granddaughter.
He has been my labor partner since the father of my child left. My stepmother and I have never gotten along. She has threatened to divorce my dad multiple times because I refused to apologize to her. My dad refuses to make me apologize because he knows I’m usually right.
If I’m wrong and he and I talk about it, I will apologize and things can move along. He understands this.
My stepmother has 4 kids. I have talked to 3 of her 4 kids and the 2 older ones have told me about her abusive and manipulative ways.
My dad is her 3rd husband. Today, I was awakened by the sound of a very loud slap and my step-sister (she’s 10) crying. They were screaming at each other. This is not the first time she has done this. Things calmed down for a while but now my stepmother is slowly becoming abusive again.
Being pregnant, this terrifies me. I work a full-time job but the state I live in is so insanely expensive I cannot move out. I am also 9 months pregnant so moving at all is out of the picture until I am at least 3 months post-partum.
I do not want her around my baby.
My dad and her got into a fight about 3 weeks ago. She didn’t talk to anyone in the house for 2 weeks. She told my dad she was going to file for divorce when she found a job (she lost her job for basically not doing anything which was the tipping point for my dad).
She was yelling at him to kick my grandmother out (they don’t get along well) and she screamed at me telling me how awful my grandmother and dad are. She made my step-sister grab her coat and they started walking (my dad works nights and he was on his way to work.
They share a car).
At the end of those 2 weeks, she started talking to everyone again as if nothing happened. She is no longer threatening to divorce and my dad is letting her be a complete jerk to me. She always yells at me for no reason and she is sarcastic whenever she thinks you’re wrong.
She makes me feel stupid and tries to bring me down. My dad just watches and lets this happen. I am done with it.
In my eyes, there is something wrong with her. Her mood swings are irregular and she is abusive and manipulative. I don’t want her around my baby and she has my dad basically on a leash.
She is wasting the money he is making (he had to get a 2nd job because she refused to apply anywhere) and she only causes stress in the house. How many times can she threaten to divorce him and he be okay with it?
So, WIBTJ if I told my dad all of this and told him he needs to divorce her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, It’s heartbreaking that she has mistreated these kids and likely will continue abusing the youngest. However, there may be a more convincing way to talk to your dad about this. Abusive relationships are tricky. Sitting him down, calmly explaining what you saw, and making a timeline of her behavior may be better than going straight for “divorce her”.
Needless to say, he needs to get out of this relationship. Is there any way you can support the 10-year-old? Even if it is just taking her out of the environment for a few hours? I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, especially during a pregnancy.” Firm-Recording-9039
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like he should divorce her and it may be imminent, but you need to think long and hard about the potential consequences if you do this and whether you’re ready to face them. Your dad seems to be willing to do anything to make your stepmom happy, including getting a second job to make up for her lack of one, take her back in after she left, etc. If you push this divorce thing and he’s not ready, you and your baby may be the ones kicked out instead.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If everything you’ve said is true, she sounds like a total nightmare and is causing far more damage than any good she could be responsible for. I’d exercise caution when talking to your dad though. Just make sure you come at it from a very calm, concerned position and ensure him that you want to support what he wants in life, but are very concerned with her behavior.
Good luck” The_White_Ferret
4. AITJ For Reminding My Sister About Car Safety?
“We’re both in our early 40s. I live in Europe and she lives in South America (we were born there)
We grew up in the 80s without car seats, there was no rule about seatbelts in the back, we used to ride in the back of our father’s pickup truck, you get the picture.
But of course, times have changed, car safety has improved, and so on. And just because of survivorship bias, it doesn’t mean that we have to repeat how we were raised.
Now when I visited her a while ago my nephew “hated” me because I would strap him in and I wouldn’t give in to his crying.
My sister was upset with me because I wouldn’t unstrap him and hold him. I told her that I wouldn’t go out with them if she made me carry him in my lap, she then let it go and I eventually managed to calm her baby.
It took like 5 min.
She often sends pictures of her kid in the back. I chose not to ask if she was driving while she was sending it because she has a habit of texting and driving and gets upset with me every time I ask her to stop.
I have seen a few times that her son is a bit too loose in his seat.
Fast forward a couple of months and it’s now her turn to visit me.
I had an accident and my son was with me and he was unharmed. Thankfully it wasn’t a high-speed collision because the driver and passenger of the car that hit us were not wearing seatbelts and you can see the forehead of the passenger hitting the windscreen on the footage of my dash cam.
She knows about the accident, about how anxious I feel, and that it has been incredibly difficult for me to get in the car. But I drove them around when they were here at an incredible level of stress for me.
Now she sends me a picture of my mum and nephew in the back of the car (she wasn’t driving) they’re on a national road moving and with no seatbelts neither my mum nor the kid had half unstrapped his.
I texted back “Seatbelts, do you want to give me a heart attack?”… And she replied, “Take anti-anxiety pills”. Which made me angry as she was mocking my mental health.
Am I in the wrong for making her those comments? Should I leave them be and pray they never have an accident?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s sending the pictures to goad you. There is no reason for her constantly to send you pictures of the backseat of the car without seat belts otherwise…she wants to upset you. Just stop responding though, or she’s gonna keep doing it.
Nothing you say will change her behavior. Did you make your nephew sit in a car seat in your car when they visited? Are there seatbelt laws in their country?” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My grandfather had a medical exemption for wearing his seatbelt.
My mother and my school were so thorough in teaching us the necessity of seatbelts that my grandfather would wear his seatbelt, even though he didn’t have to, rather than repeatedly hear 5-year-old me tell him he’d get hurt in an accident. If the stubborn man born more than 25 years before seatbelts were even offered as an option by most car manufacturers would wear one after being badgered into it, there’s no excuse for anyone else.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Annoying but NTJ. You might lose the relationship with your sister and nephew. Is it worth it? Telling her about safety is a good thing, but reminding her several times when she does not care will unfortunately not achieve anything good. It will probably end up with her being tired of you and annoyed. She is an adult making a very bad decision for her and her family’s safety and that’s sad.
Though, I would probably not be able to get into a car where a child is not fastened for example when visiting.” BlueSkyInSummer
3. AITJ For Refusing To Speak To My Friend After She Shared My Embarrassing Photos?
“I (16f) took a lot of embarrassing photos of myself and did a lot of embarrassing things between 2019-2021 that my old friend group had saved, they constantly mocked me for them and I grew super insecure and embarrassed about them and how I acted when I was a kid.
Every time those photos or my actions were brought up I told my friends to delete them and please never post/talk about them but they never listened.
(they aren’t illegal or anything explicit, just very embarrassing)
I have left that friend group now and joined a new one that is a lot more accepting than my old one.
I felt a lot more comfortable with them too as they didn’t know about the photos or anything like that. One girl (f16) from my old group is pretty close with my new group and I still talk to her
A few weeks ago she sent a bunch of photos again to our DMS, I told her that I wanted her to delete them and she didn’t, a week ago she hinted at some embarrassing things I did to the new friend group and said she would try to find the videos.
I then again messaged her privately telling her to please not tell them anything, and that I was sick of being embarrassed of the things I did back then.
Now 2 days ago she decided to send all of the photos she had of me into a group chat with my new friends, they saved the photos and laughed at me because of them.
I begged them all to delete the photos from the group chat (which they all did) and I told them to delete them from their camera rolls too, but I can’t tell if they listened or not.
I got really upset at my friend for posting the photos even after I told her so many times that I wanted her to delete them.
She told me it was funny, I told her that I have said multiple times that I hate those photos and now my new friends know about them and now I feel super embarrassed about it.
I feel like she doesn’t care about how I feel at all, and I feel that she doesn’t care about how her actions affect how people think about me as long as they find her funnier.
AITJ for refusing to speak to her after this? Am I being too sensitive or am I justified in thinking she’s a bad person and friend to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try not to let it bother you. Kids are idiots and they definitely shouldn’t be sharing that stuff.
So when it comes up try not to have a negative reaction to it. That’s why they share it. To see your reaction. If you just say “Haha yeah that was funny” or “I’m glad I refined my comedy routine” it will give you back control of the situation.
You’re all learning boundaries at those ages. That’s why you’re embarrassed about the stuff you did at 12. You shouldn’t be though because we all did embarrassing things at 12 learning boundaries.” fartrider420
2. AITJ For Admitting I Would Have Chosen My Dream Over My Relationship?
“Me (M33) and my wife (F31) got married and moved abroad to the UK for work about 9 months ago. It was always my dream to live in another country, and once the job opportunity appeared, I told her. She said right away that she would marry me and come.
We hadn’t seen each other for about a year and a half and had not even thought about living together yet.
Ever since we decided that she started to scrutinize the way I would tell people that we were moving to the UK. She would often say that I always mentioned “I” was moving there first, putting the marriage second.
She also felt weird that she was the one to propose, even though she didn’t allow me to do so. She suggested we get married and move together as soon as I mentioned the job interview. From time to time, we would have these conversations where she would say that I had misspoken in some way that made her feel bad.
It feels like she is overanalyzing everything that I say.
Last night, it came to the point where she asked me if, in the case, she had made me choose between continuing the relationship with her back then or moving abroad alone, what would I have chosen.
I had never given that a lot of thought because of the way everything had happened, especially now that we are living here and I couldn’t be happier with our relationship. I feel that I fall more in love with her each day, but for some reason, she says this question is still lingering in her mind.
I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion that if she had made me choose, I would have come alone, and that shattered her. She says that she feels like she loves me more than I love her and that she should have asked the question back then.
She is heartbroken that she married someone who didn’t prioritize her the way she did.
I do prioritize her, our marriage, and our life together. However, if she had put me in a position to choose, I think I wouldn’t have chosen her over the opportunity to fulfill my dream of living abroad.
I can’t be 100% sure that is the way I would have dealt with it, but this is what I think.
AITJ for telling my wife I think I would’ve prioritized my dream over our relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “When faced with a more cunning and ruthless foe, always tell them what they want to hear!” “Do these pants make me look fat?” “Of course not!” Because it’s not the pants’ fault you gained 20 pounds…” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Regarding your wife, she arguably shouldn’t be so insecure about you explaining the plan to move exactly as it happened. She has some self-esteem issues. With that being said, when she asked you what you’d choose, she was looking for validation that you prioritize your relationship with her.
She didn’t want to know what you’d pick, she just needed reassurance. You should have reassured her that your marriage is super important and that you love her very much, rather than answering the question.” SincerelyAnzi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. It is unfortunate that you just didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear, you knew she was insecure about everything.
She just needed validation. Seriously this seems like it could become a bigger problem. Why didn’t you tell people of your engagement before your news of the move? Seems weird. I kinda understand why she is upset. You may be oblivious to how things are being translated but your wife will need validation.
She just wants to know if you are 100%. If you’re not, stop wasting her time. If you are, then make more of an effort to show her. I understand how it can be frustrating and it does seem like she is insecure. I think over time, a few occasions have fueled her insecurities.
She shouldn’t be baiting you with these questions.” Summhunni
1. AITJ For Not Serving Drinks At My Parties And Not Warning Guests In Advance?
“I (27F) don’t drink. It’s a personal decision, I don’t mind if other people drink around me, as long as they respect my desire not to and don’t get pushy.
I regularly host parties and small gatherings with friends, and I usually serve a variety of food and non-booze drinks.
I’m fine with people bringing their own booze if they want to drink, and it’s never been an issue before, most of my friends know I don’t drink, and my parties are usually a success either way.
This year I hosted a Halloween party, and I invited friends and a couple of coworkers that were cool but I wasn’t super close friends with yet, and a few friends brought over their friends as well.
As usual, I didn’t serve booze. Things were going fine, and then my coworkers showed up, a few of them already slightly buzzed.
My best friend Kev, who knows I don’t drink, and had sometimes brought his drinks to my place in the past, starts chatting with my coworkers, and then after a while, loudly starts talking about wanting a drink, and offers to go to the convenience store down the block to buy some booze.
People were excited about this, so Kev left, got some booze, and came back.
After the party before he left, Kev pulled me aside and gave me a lecture. He told me that he respected my decision not to drink, but that if I was throwing a party for anyone outside of my close friends, booze was an expectation, and that I was going to disappoint a lot of people or be seen as misleading if there wasn’t booze.
He insisted that next time, I should at least warn people that I wasn’t serving booze, in case that was a dealbreaker or they wanted to bring their own, but that really, I should just suck it up and serve booze at my parties in the future.
He also insisted that he’d ‘saved’ my party by going out and buying booze, and asked if I would chip in for the cost of the booze he’d bought.
I was shocked and refused, but today Kev sent me a Venmo request for it anyway and reminded me that I owed him for it (his Venmo request was for $75)
I was shocked and hadn’t realized it was such a big deal. AITJ for not serving beverages with drinks and for not warning people about this in advance?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I fully support your choosing not to serve booze at your parties but it is something you should let people know beforehand, particularly for a holiday party such as Halloween, so they can plan accordingly.
However, I don’t think you should have to pay for the beverages with drinks since you don’t partake. Your friend could have asked everyone to chip in.” Thegetupkids678
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here- It’s traditional to announce byob if you’re hosting and are willing to allow booze but not serve.
So that’s on you. But Kev is also the jerk for just expecting you to throw down cash. He volunteered, he could have passed the hat around at the party. Or asked if you would pitch in before going to the store. But no. He went off on his own.
So that’s on him. $75 is a lot. I’m not sure how hard this party was, but if that’s half what he spent. You guys must have had a rager! That’s like 6 fifths of liquor or 5 nice 12-packs and a bottle. Or maybe just a few bottles of nice stuff.
But Kev doesn’t strike me as a guy who buys the nice stuff. At any rate, it’s a lot of booze.” Megatron4Prez2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your home, your rules. You are under ZERO obligation to provide booze for others. You have already provided, the space, food, and other drinks.
I would, never, go to someone’s place and expect them to provide me with booze, even though they know I like it. Not their responsibility. Kev is a jerk.” My_igloo_is_melting
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!