People Want To Test Our Judgment By Spilling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Going With My Mom When She Moved Out?
“I am the oldest female in my family with four other siblings.
My parents were married for over 20 years until they divorced in early 2020. For background, I do have older siblings, but I’m sure anyone from an ethnic or maybe a strict household knows that the eldest daughter is the second mum which I have been. My parents had divorced once before in early 2018 but got back together around late mid of the same year.
During a couple of months of divorce in 2018, my dad had been with someone else but left them to get back to my mum but never told anyone.
Flash forward to early 2020, my mum discovered the relationship my dad had in the period they had broken up and filed for divorce.
That’s when my problems began.
My mum has been psychologically and emotionally abusive and manipulative; It doesn’t make it better that I was such a naive child and always wanted to be enough for her. I was constantly told, ‘Why can’t you be more like your skinny friends’.
She even took it as far as going up to my best friend in year 7 and telling them to make me run around in the park and not to let me sit down when I was around her. And that’s not even a sliver of what she has done.
Anyway… After my parents divorced in 2020, I stepped up along with one of my older siblings to be parents for my younger siblings. This included taking the kids to school, the dentist, the doctor, school programs, paying bills, being in school, and getting good grades.
Somehow my brother and I did it, he graduated as an engineer, and I graduated high school with a scholarship to university. All was happening, and my mum refused to do anything. She would sit in her room, becoming more manipulative and awful to everyone.
Last year (2021), I started university and had less time, whether it be online classes or classes that begin at 8:30 in the morning; I didn’t have time. So she was forced to do work in the house.
Until one day my dad decided to move back.
My mum went ballistic when she found out he was moving back to our hometown.
Sidenote: even after the divorce, my dad was still paying for the mortgage and bills in the house my mum lived in with us.
My dad said he would rent a place till he could buy a house, but my mum said, ‘I’m moving’.
Her moving was a shock to us because my dad hadn’t even arrived in the country, and she had packed her bags in June and moved out. I was left to raise my siblings by myself while still trying to pass my classes at uni, so I didn’t need to repeat as well as to keep my scholarship; my dad arrived in the country in September, so for 3 months, it was all me.
This all seems pretty cut and dry when I type it out, but the feeling of being a jerk comes from a week ago. I visited my mum, and she just started screaming and crying, telling me that she needed me and I wasn’t there to help her in her darkest times.
She said that ‘no daughter would ever do this to their mother.’
My aunt has told me that what I did was wrong, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have gone above and beyond normal daughter duties, and now it’s your time to focus on yourself.
You aren’t the mother of your siblings and yet you act as one even though it’s making your own life harder. You should be proud of everything you have accomplished under these circumstances ánd being an amazing sibling and your mom should be proud and fricking grateful to you too… its time to start making decisions for YOU, not for your mom.
Good luck OP, I’m sure you have a great future ahead with this ethos and dedication.” unfortunatemm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. AT ALL. I’m repeating that to impress upon you the extreme extent to which you are NOT the jerk here. You have done your absolute best to take care of yourself and your siblings while your mother selfishly checked out of her responsibilities as the actual parent of your siblings.
What was she expecting you to do, move out with her, and leave all of your younger siblings to fend for themselves? The woman is a narcissist and you deserve much better than her self-serving emotional manipulation, she and your enabling aunt should be blocked and ignored.” allmenmustdrinktea
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share The Business I Got From My Grandfather With Our Family?
“My (36M) grandfather owned a business that has been in our family for generations.
Everyone in our family has worked or helped out at the business. About ten years ago Papa decided to retire. He was starting to have issues with his health, the business was failing due to lack of help and financial issues.
My father and his siblings are older and mostly retired, so they didn’t want to be bothered with it nor did any of their children including my siblings.
Said it would be too much work to get it back up and running properly. I took part of my savings and gave it to my grandfather as a down payment. There were a lot of naysayers, including my parents, siblings, and some other relatives saying how I should have let my grandfather sell the business, thinking he would never see the rest of the money I owed him.
Basically saying they didn’t believe in me. Within the first three years, I’d paid him off completely which made the business mine.
The business is now quite successful. I have three locations and thankfully my Papa got to see the success before he passed. It went from being I couldn’t do it to them asking what I was doing with my money because they didn’t see a difference in how my family and I lived, so there was all kind of ridiculous speculations.
My wife and I have always been humbled by our blessings and lived below our means because there was a bigger picture for us. We lived in a two-bedroom house raising our family for over fifteen years driving beater cars.
I had a home built from the ground up on a nice piece of land I’d acquired. The global crisis hit and stalled everything.
It was finished at the top of this year. For the fourth of July, I invited the family down to celebrate. A lot of my family hadn’t seen the home in person, so once they did the talk of how much I was making came into place.
Our home is now a six-bedroom beauty with four and a half baths that sits on over sixty acres of land and a private lake. I didn’t entertain the conversation. My father brought up the suggestion of me giving a percentage to the family (siblings and cousins).
I told him I was, my family, as in my kids. My siblings have nice careers, but they also have a lot of debt.
I thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn’t. Days ago, my mother mentioned it again. I told her that it wasn’t up for discussion.
She asked why wouldn’t I want to share the success of my grandfather’s business. I pointed out to her that while Papa may have started it, this was my business fair and square and it’s my choice, and that it would never happen.
Not liking my tone, she ran to my father and siblings, who have now been texting me crazy texts like I’m selfish and greedy, and that I don’t care about our family. I’ve ignored it, but I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the business fully, taking on all financial responsibilities. They had a chance to buy in with you. They did not. The question to ask them is ‘If the business would have failed and I went into bankruptcy, would my siblings help me recover?’
You know the true answer to be no. However, since that didn’t happen, they’d lie and say of course… then give you the family helps family nonsense.” Squibit314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve accomplished something that less than 1% of the population can hope to achieve and now the claws come out.
Sadly, this sort of thing happens pretty frequently to people who manage to ascend class strata.
Cut them all out except for the few who stay true to you. Success comes with its own costs and the costs are often no longer monetary.” clave0051
23. AITJ For Confronting My Homophobic Coworker?
“I (27M) am happily in a same-sex relationship.
While most of my coworkers are supportive, there’s this one guy (30sM) who’s been giving me a hard time. His homophobic comments and nasty looks have turned my workplace into a less-than-welcoming environment.
Yesterday, my partner Alex came by the office to have lunch with me.
It was supposed to be a pleasant break, but things took an uncomfortable turn. Throughout the meal, my colleague glared at us from across the room. I tried to brush it off, hoping Alex wouldn’t notice, but as he was leaving, my colleague made a hurtful homophobic remark that left me stunned. I could see the tension on Alex’s shoulders, and I felt terrible that he had to experience that.
I had reached my breaking point. I confronted my colleague, telling him that his behavior was hurtful and out of line. I may have gotten a bit heated, but I couldn’t let him make our relationship a target.
In the heat of the moment, I told him that he must be a sad and lonely piece of work to act this way.
I warned him that if I heard any more comments about us, I’d take the matter to HR and ensure he faced consequences.
By the end of the day, word had spread that my colleague was painting me as the aggressor, claiming I attacked him and made him feel unsafe.
In reality, I was just trying to stand my ground and protect my relationship.
HR will be stepping in, and while some coworkers are on my side, the outcome remains uncertain. Alex believes I should have let the comments slide, but I disagree. I’m tired of tolerating bigotry and want him to know he shouldn’t accept it either.
However, now I’m grappling with the fear of potential job repercussions, and tension in the office is palpable.
So, I turn to you. AITJ for confronting my colleague and risking trouble at work? Did I do the right thing by standing up for myself and my relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for confronting him
But you definitely screwed yourself over. If you had been reporting this to HR as it was happening, they would have the paper trail documenting his pattern of harassment and would have a strong case against him for creating a hostile work environment.
Instead, HR found out about the conflict through your coworker. From their perspective, you suddenly had all these issues with your coworker only after you got in trouble. That doesn’t look great. Now it’s your word against his, and you’re starting on the defensive.
Again, I totally get where you’re coming from. And you’re not the jerk for confronting him. But you just made your life a whole lot harder than it needed to be.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely did the right thing. You should be able to have lunch with your partner or just exist at work without getting harassed. Having said that, this situation does put you in a precarious position because you gave him a warning that allowed him to get ahead of the event.
But that doesn’t mean you were in the wrong for standing up for yourself and your partner.” Born_Ad8420
That said, I don't think anyone's going to ask you why you didn't report sooner. If they do, they're risking backlash because s****l orientation is a protected class, and your HR department would be risking federal scrutiny, censure and fines, very heavy fines, if they ignore or question your report. Those are government rules, and if HR does its job properly, they should deal with your harasser and have an end to it. Good luck.
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay £300 For A Hen Party?
“My husband’s best friend is getting married in a few weeks, and it’s safe to say that I’m not the biggest fan of the bride-to-be. I tolerate her because the two men are like brothers and I love him like a brother too.
Now, we come from different worlds.
My family is working class, hers is posh. That’s not the issue. She likes to remind me how different our worlds are on a regular basis and often makes me feel beneath her. But like I said. I keep quiet and carry on to not cause any drama.
I was invited to her hen party, which I thought was a nice gesture, I accepted the invitation. After I said I was going, I was told by the Maid of Honor that the price per head was £300 for the day. Let me remind you that I come from a different world to these girls and £300 is not something I easily part with for one day or night of drinking and activities.
I have been to almost a dozen hen parties in the past and the only time I have ever had to pay was when I was a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor and never just a guest. So I was really surprised when I was told this was what the day was going to cost me.
I said as the Maid of Honor that I couldn’t really afford it and she got angry and said I shouldn’t have said I was coming if I wasn’t prepared to pay for myself. Now she’s upset cause the day has been planned and headcounts have been allocated.
I’m really angry about the whole situation so don’t want to go so am trying to figure out a way to get out of it that won’t cause eternal drama in our lives.
AITJ for not wanting to pay for a hen party when I’m not a bridesmaid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If you can’t afford it and you agreed prior to knowing how much it cost then it’s not your fault. I understand that a hen party is important for people, but £300 a head is a little excessive unless it’s traveling abroad and you knew that was the case.
If it’s too expensive then it’s too expensive and I would just stand your ground with that, especially if you’re not close with them.
I’m getting married myself and made sure all my friends knew how much roughly it would cost for a weekend away for us before even booking it.
I’m also having just a regular night out for people who can’t afford it to be accommodating.” AdAlternative2125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perhaps she should have included the price expected to pay with the invite and then you could have declined when you were first invited. For being so posh, that was a pretty tacky move.
Not to mention you don’t even like her… the financial aspect is a perfect excuse not to attend, she’s already upset. What else do you have to figure out?
However, you’re being a jerk to yourself. Stop being such a people pleaser and start learning how to set boundaries and respect your own wants and needs.
It sounds like you do a lot of bending and scraping for people you don’t even care for. You probably wouldn’t have accepted the invitation in the first place if you cared more about your wants and needs rather than others.” pelorizado83
21. AITJ For Not Liking My Coworker's Favorite Comedian?
“About a year ago my company had a new recruit, Jane. I (f 30) had to train her and she is overall a lovely girl, however, she wouldn’t stop talking about a specific female comedian and how great this comedian is.
It got to a point where Jane would recommend her films and pester me to see if I’d watched them or not.
Now I really don’t like this comedian she adores. I was unfortunate enough to meet her in real life and she was one of the rudest and most entitled people I’ve met.
She steals jokes of other people and her own jokes are not funny but mostly awkward and cringy. I do not find this comedian a good or funny person at all.
I decided not to tell Jane what I think about this comedian, and since then Jane got a lot more friends on the team, so I kinda forgot about those comedian talks we had.
Last Friday my colleagues and I went for a drink at the pub as it was a Platinum Jubilee and we needed an excuse to hang out. Jane also came along. After a few drinks, someone brought up a topic about comedians and this female comedian has also been mentioned. A lot of people didn’t like her for exactly the same reasons I didn’t like her and I’ve shared my experience meeting her personally.
Some people ended up bashing her over recent things she posted, her behavior, and other things she does but soon moved on to other topics. After the night out, Jane messaged me and got angry with me for ‘joining the conversation and speaking negatively of her favorite comedian’.
I thought she was a little bit too wasted and things will get back to normal by Monday.
Well, it’s Monday now and I’m still the bad guy here and apparently a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were in a public conversation, engaged in the topic being discussed, and honest about your feelings along with the rest of the group.
You didn’t speak badly about the comedian to Jane when it was a one-on-one conversation and you knew it was a favorite, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to your own opinion or sharing it with others. If Jane didn’t like the conversation, she could have left, or given her own input on why she does like said comedian.
Instead, she waited until after the public conversation was already over and then got mad at you personally.” Undrwtrdreams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can like whatever comedy, music, films, fashions, food, people, places etc you want.
Anyone who can’t cope with you not liking what they like has obviously got some problems.
You don’t have to explain yourself but you might need to set the record straight for clarity if she can’t grasp this simple notion.” essres
20. AITJ For Making My Husband Clean The Toilets?
“Our house has three bathrooms. The ensuite is basically mine. All of my products are in there and it’s where I do my business. My husband also uses it but not for much more than brushing his teeth, grabbing a glass of water, or a midnight pee.
The main bathroom is the one my husband and three kids use. The half bath on the main floor is mostly for guests and washing up before meals.
After we potty trained our sons I kept making sure that they were sitting to pee. They are young and don’t really care.
They can use a urinal when we are out somewhere.
My brother-in-law was over last month and saw my oldest boy in the bathroom by accident. My sons don’t lock the bathroom door yet because they don’t want to get locked in. Yes, I know they are easy to open.
But after one got locked in and had a panic attack it is just easier for now.
Anyway, my brother-in-law made a joke about my son not stinking up the bathroom. My son told him that he was just peeing. For some reason, my BIL took offense at this and started bugging my husband about his son’s sitting to pee.
My husband then started telling the boys that if they were only peeing they should stand. The boys don’t have great aim but they make up for it with a short attention span. When I went in the bathroom after a few days of that it was gross.
I turned around and walked out. When my husband got home I told him that he picked up a new chore. He now has to clean the toilets, floors, and walls in the bathrooms the boys are using. He said that it wasn’t his turn.
I said it was his idea for the boys to stand to pee so he had to deal with the consequences.
He did it but he is upset about me unilaterally making this decision. Like he did about the boys.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
Gotta love that toxic fragile masculinity where not spraying the whole area with urine every time you pee = your manhood is at stake. Both your husband and his brother need to figure out how to be less insecure because 1) that’s frankly pathetic, 2) as the boys grow up, this fragile masculinity thing is going to be passed onto them and they deserve better, and 3) toxic, fragile masculinity is going to lead to a ton more problems for you over time.
Peeing position is just the tip of the iceberg.” AcerbicCapsule
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If he insists peeing be done in a messier way, he can clean it up. If it’s not a big deal, then what’s the big deal with him doing it?
If he’s sensitive to criticisms based on ‘boys should stand when they pee’ does he think bathroom cleaning is women’s work too?
I always want to ask men who get all up in arms about ‘how men pee’ (or any other arbitrary test of ‘being a man’) why they care so much about what other men think about how they pee.
etc If they’re not dropping their pants to their ankles in a public restroom and mooning the room, there’s really no reason for others to care.
Why is BIL so interested in how a child pees?” AsgeirVanirson
That said, you might try the advice in a fabulous meme I read the other day. It was a picture of a toiled with the lid up, and mom had written, "If you pee on the seat, I will use your toothbrush to clean the toilet. Love, Mom". I wish I'd have thought of that when married to my ex husband, who although a chronological adult, had poorer aim than your boys. Might try that to give hubby a break. Good luck.
19. AITJ For Having Concerns About My Ex Providing Our Son With A Stable Household?
“My wife (29, let’s call her Anne) and I (28) are separating after an 8-year marriage. We have a 2-year-old son. It is a no-fault divorce (no infidelity or anything like that) but Anne does not love me anymore and has chosen to leave.
Again, this is no individual’s fault but I am still willing to try and fix things and she is not.
I have been the main breadwinner while Anne has done a small amount of self-employed work. With the separation, I would fairly comfortably be in the position to have primary custody of our son with an Au Pair for care during the week while I work.
I do have some small concerns about Anne’s ability to provide a stable household. She would have to rent with her mother (who is not in a good financial position) and doesn’t yet have a job, however, I do believe she is a good mother and would try her hardest to provide for him.
To make matters more complicated, my parents gave us a sizeable amount of money to help us purchase our first house (~£100,000). They told me this evening that they would want this back to help me put down the deposit for my next house. This did not sit very well with me as this greatly diminished the assets that Anne would be entitled to.
I would be willing to part with other assets to try and balance the scale somewhat. NOTE: I am not asking about the legalities of this, I am just putting forward an if X then Y suggestion.
This caused Anne to get very upset. Even though I’ve explained my parents’ thought process behind this she believes that they are doing all of this out of spite and anger.
She’s saying that this makes it very difficult to look after our son but my attempts to say that I can care for him are just met with ‘That’s not happening’ with no consideration.
For clarity, I’m not talking about sole custody either way in this.
In all likelihood, it would probably be the difference between 3 & 4 nights/week depending on who the main carer is. If I do not have primary custody then I would also be paying child maintenance, this would not be the case the other way around.
Note: If anyone’s unfamiliar with an Au Pair, in essence, they are normally someone from abroad who wants to learn the language and culture of the host country in exchange for room, board a nominal amount of allowance, and childcare for the host’s family.
AITJ for believing that me having primary custody with an Au Pair is a reasonable suggestion that should be considered?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All of this stems from your parents’ desire to screw over your soon-to-be ex and you’re enabling it. When they asked for the money back, you should have said no. It’s not like they have any legal recourse against you.
They can’t turn a gift into a loan. If Anne is able to take care of your child full-time during the week, let her do it. She can just work on the days your son is with you. That makes way more sense than hiring live-in child care and a judge would most likely agree.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In trying to revoke a gift that was to you both as a married couple, you created a circumstance where your child’s mother would be too destitute to provide a good standard of living for your own child, whom she planned to care for herself.
Instead, you decided that in your largess, partly because you want to structure your divorce in a way to make the mother of your child even more destitute than otherwise, you would rather foist childcare onto someone who is not related to the child and does not have any obligation to them as a family to love them.
Children need their parents and you are actively trying to deprive your child of his mother. In doing so, you’re not doing it to spend more time with your son, no. You want to foist him upon someone else, further decreasing the amount of time he would spend with his parents.
So you want all of the assets that you both contributed to, financially or otherwise, in your marriage, and all of the custody, but you do not want to actually spend time with your son. In contrast, Anne wants an even split of assets and to care for her own son.
But you want to deprive your son of his mother and hire an au pair so you don’t have to pay child maintenance. Gee, I wonder why your ex didn’t go for your marvelous deal, that would make her poor and deprive her of her son.
It’s great for you, though, so I guess that’s all that matters, the best interests of your son be darned.
Well, I hope she has all of your maneuvering and such in writing because no court would ever give you custody now that you’ve admitted to trying to deprive her of assets and parenting time so you can foist your son on some hired help.
Not out of concern for your son, nope, but for your own financial gain.” beanfiddler
Stop trying to make your wife destitute so she'll come crawling back to you. You really are a narcissistic, controlling piece of work. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. You're pathetic.
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Decorate My House With Overly Girly Stuff?
“I (29M) just bought a house a few months ago. I have asked my partner (32F) to move in with me at the end of April. She will not own the house and will be helping me pay the mortgage (like rent in a way) as well as splitting the bills with me and splitting the cost of any furniture we buy.
I am doing some home renovations (which I’m paying for) and although I am making all of the final decisions, I have been asking for her opinion on different things, partially because I’m colorblind. She’s also been a huge asset to me in picking paint colors and helping me paint.
So, since we will be combining households, there will be a lot of who has the better couch, dresser, or whatever, and all of the other furniture will go into storage.
Now, we were talking about decorating and stuff and what other pieces we would need to buy, and she vetoed a couple of things that I had selected and said that the items looked dated to her.
I should point out that I don’t typically care about how something looks, I just want it to be functional. I told her that I didn’t want my house to look like a lady’s house. She said that she wouldn’t want to make decorating decisions without getting my approval, but she does also want it to feel like her home too.
I said that I felt like she was decorating the whole house while I only had one room (my office). She quickly reminded me that I have my office plus half of the basement (which is the same square footage as the floor above) for all of my gaming tables for when I have my friends over.
She actually only has one room that’s just hers (her office) and she wants my assistance in decorating the rest of the house. She said that I’m the one who asked her to move in and it isn’t fair to her for me to expect her to live there but to also keep the house looking like a bachelor pad.
She wants to feel like it’s her home too. She compared it to the house that another couple whom we are friends with has and asked if I thought their house looked like a lady’s house. I said they buy each house and decorate it so they can flip it.
She said that she knows that I own the house, but she wants to make it look nice for both of us since it’s going to be OUR home, and she doesn’t want this to be a thing where I’m constantly holding it over her head that it’s my house.
Now I feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She has the right to feel at home in a place she’s paying half of the mortgage for. It’s not like she’s going over your head in the shared spaces. In fact, you said that she’s making a point of asking for your opinion about the decorations for the rooms you both will be using.
I understand not wanting things to be overly ‘girly’ but you have to be willing to compromise. Right now it seems like she is willing to meet in the middle and you won’t budge.
Also, she’s your partner. You should be willing to at least try to make her somewhat comfortable in a house you both share at the bare minimum.” OneofManyJailyns
Another User Comments:
“So your partner is going to put her funds in your investment? She’s going to help you pay off your mortgage even though she does not have a share of that property?
What does a lady’s house look like? It has female reproductive parts and stuff?
She wants to feel like the house is her home, but it’s not. It’s a place where she pays rent. You are her landlord.
You want it to look like a bachelor pad? That’s a conflict of interest right there. You want to have your cake and eat it too.
Either you want a live-in partner or you don’t. Make up your mind.
You are holding it over her head that it is your house. That’s fine – no one is saying you need to do otherwise. But then just be honest about it. Sounds like you two are not on the same page in the relationship and you are trying to have it both ways.
YTJ.” User
17. AITJ For Not Liking My Friend Talking To My Dog Like A Baby?
“I love hosting my friend group at my apartment. I also have a two-year-old dog. She’s a super beautiful, playful, and friendly girl to the point where strangers fawn over her on the street. Recently some of my friends started inviting their new neighbor Anne.
I don’t think I’d hang out with her one-on-one. Baby talking when there are no children or animals around really annoys me and she’ll do that a lot (things like ‘Me hungry. Me tired. Me want this’). But I’m fine with having her in the group.
So Anne has started coming to some of the outings at my apartment. And she is obsessed with my dog. I don’t blame her and I’m fine with people fawning over her in a ‘normal’ way (e.g. who’s a good girl). But for some reason, ‘doggo’ talk (doggo, pupper, etc)) snaps something in my brain and really grinds my gears.
Whenever Anne visits it’s a constant stream of that nonsense. Anne will also obsess over my dog to the point where it disrupts group activities because she isn’t paying attention.
I’ve mentioned I hate the doggo talk before but she brushes it off with things like (but she’s such a friendly pupper!).
Whatever. It makes her happy, I’m not going to ban her from saying doggo in my apartment. But it does really annoy me, so lately I’ve been suggesting alternate venues besides my apartment when my friends want to hang out.
Since my apartment was the de-facto hangout spot, some of my friends noticed I wasn’t offering to host as much, and soon after noticed I would never host if Anne was coming.
So a few of my friends asked me about it. Since part of our humor is complaining about small things, I told them the real reason since I thought they’d get a kick out of it. They told me they couldn’t believe I’d ban someone over saying doggo (not true).
Luckily they haven’t told her but I’m now the crabby jerk to them.
AITJ for getting so annoyed over doggo talk to the point of not hosting?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s an acquaintance, not a friend, and this is not just about her using words like doggo.
You also said she pays so much attention to the dog that it’s disruptive and it all sounds weird. It’s not like you’re refusing to socialize with her or treat her poorly, so you didn’t do anything wrong. But it was only a matter of time before friends started to notice – and eventually she will too.” ceruveal_brooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Babies and toddlers don’t even like baby talk. They like enthusiasm sure, but respond far better to people actually speaking to them and interacting than just cooing at them. The same goes for an intelligent dog!” Apprehensive-Food205
16. AITJ For Not Helping My Ex Fix Her Website?
“My ex wants me to fix her website, weeks after telling me she wanted to sever all ties with me, personal or professional. Her breakup email was very clear ‘Leave me alone please from this day forward, do not contact me any further, personally or professionally.
I think it is best to sever all ties with you.’
I’m a professional web developer and her startup hired me to develop their webpage. We signed a legal contract. After months, she never made any effort to follow through with the contract, ignored all my invoices, and never paid me my initial deposit.
I decided to terminate that contract after I realized she may never pay me and just wanted me to do the work for free; also after finding out that she had been sued in the past for refusing to pay people she owed money to.
She broke up with me an hour after I announced that I terminated our contract.
Besides the startup, she also had a personal blog that she asked me to design and that I offered to do for free as her partner at that time. It wasn’t a business site so I didn’t mind.
I was in the middle of doing that when we broke up, so I halted the whole thing, removed the custom WordPress theme that I designed for her, and removed my username and login from her admin backend. Her personal blog was restored to a default, free WordPress theme.
Then this morning she emailed me to ask me to fix the blog because it looks unfinished. Her email said ‘You assured me that you would always exemplify professionalism in business, even if we were no longer in a relationship. This is the type of situation where I expect that level of professionalism in your business.
I am sure you understand.’ Then she said if I didn’t want to fix it and customize it, I could return it to how it looks on Square Space. Her old personal website was a generic 1-page site on Square Space before she asked me to redo it on WordPress.
I feel this is no longer my problem and she should just pay someone else to do/move it or do it herself. Plus she asked to sever all personal and professional ties.
I just blocked her and didn’t respond because I feel this is another way to gaslight me.
Every time I asked about the deposit for the design of the startup in the past for example, she delayed it and wanted to talk more about the project but then would never sit down and have that talk. She ignored all the invoices that I sent to her, and when I confronted her about them, she would call me ‘unprofessional’ and ‘lacking emotional intelligence’.
After months of back and forth and no payment from her whatsoever, but 10 weeks booked on my calendar, I finally terminated that contract and that is when she broke up with me.
AITJ for blocking her and not even responding, and letting her figure out her site on her own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m assuming no contract was signed about the blog? If not, you have no legally binding reason to keep working on it, especially after she herself requested all contact be ceased.
If I were you, I would document everything, all contact before and after her email.
Including any legal reports about her being sued before for lack of pay. Mostly in case she tries to push something.
She jumped ship once she realized she’d get nothing for free from you, she has to clean up the results of her choices and demands of no contact.” DealerThat1482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You could always state back to her that you do ensure that your work is of a professional standard to customers who pay their invoices.
If she has elevated her work standards and ethics to a similar level to your own you look forward to her paying the overdue invoices listed on the statement you could include with your message.
State that after the overdue balance is clear you are willing to provide a quote for the work that is required however due to her issues with unprofessionally paying on time such work would only commence after the pro forma invoice for the agreed work has been paid or alternatively if she finds this unreasonable you could refer her to another professional to complete this work however anyone you recommend would also require payment via Pro forma invoices before work on it starts to prevent invoice payment avoidance.” GeekyFreak07
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom Why I'm Not Going To Church Anymore?
“I (23f) stopped identifying with my parents’ religion in high school. I found every excuse not to go to services or events. I got a full ride to our local uni, and my freshman year I stayed on campus and had all my meals/housing covered. At that point, I stopped going to church.
When I moved back home for the summer, my parents lost it. I was taken to a clinic and forced to get substance tested (for going to a coffee shop with my childhood best friend on a Saturday at 11 am and not telling them where I was), was given a curfew of ‘when the sun goes down’, and had my belongings and clothes gone through multiple times.
With every event came threats, ‘if you don’t respect our beliefs, we will take away your car, car insurance, health insurance, you won’t be welcome to take food from our home’ etc, etc. They told me before I started my sophomore year that if I returned to living on campus I’d be completely cut off.
So, I stayed home and commuted, for the sake of our relationship.
I tried to maintain our relationship, because I am a very non-confrontational person, and I don’t want to cause feelings of pain, especially family. It was easier to go along with demands than to cut out such big pillars of my family from my life completely.
Now, 6 years later, I moved to a different state and completely supported myself. One of my sisters also left their church and has come out as a lesbian. My parents sent me a text about her posting during lesbian visibility week, essentially saying my sister wasn’t being respectful of their religion by critiquing it on social media.
I told them that I understood where my sis was coming from, though they might be offended when she critiques their church, their church teaches that she’s not going to heaven, and I’m not going to heaven too for revoking my membership, so having people you love believe those things about you hurts, but I understand that since their faith is important and sacred to them, this is a topic we should not bring up for the sake of family harmony.
Well, my mom is demanding we have a conversation where I list out my reasons for leaving the church, and until I’m willing to do so, we will not speak. I told her I would not do that because I don’t want to get into a religious debate where I would have to say harmful things about something that is very important to her, and what’s done is done.
She says that as my mom, she deserves to know what I believe, and that I was disrespectful by not talking to her about my ‘doubts’ in person (even though I live on the opposite side of the US).
This last year I’ve tried to unpack some of my mental health struggles, and I thought by doing this I was setting healthy boundaries.
But, AITJ for not having an in-person conversation with her about why I left her church?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s demanding reasons so that she can bully you into dropping them or just ignoring them completely. But if you’re going to list some, don’t forget to list all the things about how they encourage and allow parents to mistreat their children, have gross views on what women wear, don’t understand the Christian concept of forgiveness, and are weak in their own faith to allow for any sort of public criticism.
Oh, and disagreeing with someone’s religious beliefs isn’t harmful. If I say ‘god isn’t real’, who have I hurt, and how? No is a complete sentence and all that.” the_mike_c
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Look, your mom is very abusive and controlling, you don’t have to explain anything to people like that.
Going through your stuff and taking you to do tests just because you went out is really bad, that doesn’t even have to do anything with religion.
If she decides to tell you that she won’t speak to you after this or something, tell her ‘If you decide that you aren’t speaking to me after this because I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this topic, then I’m sorry that you adore your religion more than your child, in no religion does it state that you should leave your children whenever they don’t follow your path, nor does it state that you have to be controlling about it.'” fakecalico
Tell your parents to get lost and that their imaginary friend is not your problem. OK, you might have to look into other sources of financial support but they should be available to you: controlling you to the point you describe (abuse, interference with your belongings etc) is ot acceptable.
14. AITJ For Choosing Not To Visit My Biological Mom Anymore?
“I (f 14) live with my dad and stepmom and I had supervised visits with my bio mom every other weekend. I’ve never liked my bio mom. She hated my stepmom and did everything she could to make her life miserable.
She’d memorize our routine and be at the park or the grocery store at the same time as us, then when my stepmom would try to get me away from my bio mom, she’d start screaming that my stepmom was trying to kidnap me.
People would pull me away from my stepmom and they’d call the police on her. She would also show up at my school and throw a tantrum when they wouldn’t let me go home with her. We had to go into isolation a couple of times because of how bad she was.
During the visits, if my stepmom gave me any attention at all, my bio mom would scream at her for trying to turn me against her. She once tried to fight my stepmom because I fell and scraped my knee and my stepmom picked me up and tried to take me somewhere where she could clean it off.
After that, my stepmom wouldn’t go to the visits unless my dad or one of my uncles were there. She would also call CPS on us and make up the most random stuff about my dad. And she’d wait in front of our house for us to leave and she’d try to get me to go home with her.
We had to move because of her.
I turned 14 a couple of weeks ago and I decided that I won’t be going to those visits anymore (my state lets you choose when you’re 14). My first visit since my birthday was supposed to be last week and when my dad told her I won’t be going to those visits anymore she lost her mind.
She came to our house and was banging on the door and yelling and we had to call the police on her. She also showed up at my school twice last week and the police were called again. Now we have temporary restraining orders but I’m really stressing my family out so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And this is the perfect cautionary tale for all the co-parents and step-parents out there. Your kids see you and watch your behavior. This is how it ends when you play games with your kids, start drama, and don’t have the kids’ best interests at heart.
They go no-contact the second they legally can. I see so many co-parents arguing over who gets little Johnny on Mother’s Day and refusing to be flexible for vacations and whatnot. The kids soak that all up. Granted this bio-mom seems off her rocker.
But I’ve seen otherwise sane parents go out of their way to make the co-parent’s life difficult… just to have that control… just to make it a little more painful for the other parent. And all for what? Not only are you NTJ for stopping visits, but it’s absolutely imperative that you do so for your own mental health.
The fallout is all on your bio mom. She sounds like she needs professional help and that is beyond anything in your control.” Zorobeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, big time. I’m so sorry your mom is putting you through this. She’s inflicted her issues onto you your whole life, and that’s not fair to you.
Your dad and stepmom are stressed because of your mom, NOT because of you. I know how relieved they must be that you’re old enough to decide whether you see her or not, so they no longer have to have you visit her against your will.
As you become more independent, you’ll have the option to go no contact or low contact with your mom, and it sounds like having more solid boundaries will be a positive thing for you and your family moving forward. It doesn’t sound like she adds anything positive to your lives.
Police resources often need to be utilized for people like her, and this kind of situation is exactly what they’re there for, to protect you. You seem super mature and together and like you have one great set of parents who love you a lot.
Sorry you’re dealing with this. Hugs.” waitingfordeathhbu
13. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Not Telling Me That She Speaks Spanish?
“My family is from Mexico but I was born in the US. I am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak Spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but I never really cared for it that much.
Katia (my significant other) knows I am Mexican and she asked if I spoke Spanish but when I said no, she didn’t push which I found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. She never said she spoke Spanish but I remember her watching something and hearing Spanish but I figured she had subtitles on.
If it’s important, Katia is from Germany.
Katia and I have been together for 3 months. It’s not long but it’s been intense. My grandmother had a birthday on Saturday and my family threw her a huge party. I invited Katia to come along with me as it would be the perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming.
Katia agreed.
When we got there, everyone switched to English to speak to Kate but they quickly went back to Spanish. I went to grab a beer and came back to find Katia talking to my aunt, in Spanish (!). I came over and played it cool, telling her I didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda.
When Katia was with me, she spoke English but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. It made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken Spanish, it was full-on, fluent Spanish and she understood my fast-speaking relatives.
I got really annoyed with her but said nothing.
My grandma told me how much she loved Katia and how she’s happy I found such an amazing girl. All my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her.
On our way back, I got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, I told her that I feel betrayed that she hid she spoke Spanish and how she made a fool of me out there.
I admit I was shouting because I was so angry. I felt humiliated.
She asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually. She asked if I was being serious and I confirmed. She called me a jerk and left my apartment.
I was too angry to stop her.
I am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since Saturday night. I told my brother about it and he told me I am the fool but I really feel disrespected by Katia.
AITJ for getting angry and shouting that she hid she spoke my language?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it sounds to me like you are more jealous of the fact that she can speak Spanish. Maybe do some digging on your own insecurities before getting upset with your SO over being bilingual. She asked you if you spoke Spanish and you don’t so she didn’t have to speak it around you.
If I were you I’d be more than thrilled that she was able to communicate with your family in what I’m assuming is a lot of their first language. She wasn’t hiding this big secret or doing it to be malicious or hurt you.” UnderstandingIcy4423
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You never asked her if she spoke Spanish? And she never lied? Plus that comment about her sneakily making her way into your family? Sheesh. I feel like you’re insecure that you can’t speak Spanish and how much your family likes her is making you feel inferior.
I’d get it sorted buddy and make it up to her and start being a better partner or you’ll lose this amazing girl. (Which in fairness if you don’t change will be a great situation for her)” asianyau
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom Why My Partner And I Were Late?
“So the other day my partner (30m) and I (25f) were invited to this festival-type event by my mother, as a gift to my partner for his birthday.
My mom has visited these events often, and it was my partner’s wish to come along for this one. However, the day before we had our housewarming (we also recently moved places). It was a bit of an awkward planning but we discussed it beforehand, agreeing that we shouldn’t party too hard because we needed to be fit the next morning.
It is a 2-hour drive from our house to the festival and we needed to be there on time.
So of course, as many of our closest friends attended the party was very rad, and my partner kept drinking throughout the night (understandably, it was a really good party so I do get it).
I only had 3 beers and the rest of them were non-liquor, because I wanted to be in shape for the next day. I did warn him at some point to go easy on the booze and he agreed, but I think he was already pretty wasted by then.
The thing is, he’s had these very predictable terrible hangovers where he pukes all morning the next day if he drinks too much after a certain threshold. He’s had this for at least 12 years. (I haven’t been with him for 12 years, but for 5. He’s just told me many times that he’s had these hangovers since he was 18) And, lo and behold, the next morning he ends up puking as we are supposed to leave for the festival. Of course, I comfort him because it sucks to feel that bad, but I also text my mom telling her that we’ll be late because my partner had too much to drink last night at our party and is now puking.
When I tell him this, he gets upset and tells me that he is disappointed with the fact that he didn’t get any say in how the situation was communicated with my mother and that he now gets painted in a bad light. I disagree and tell him the result of his actions affected my mother and me as well (I was also invited along to the festival), and that therefore she deserves to know.
I just felt like he had to feel the consequence of his own choice, or am I too petty/childish for thinking that?
It wasn’t a big deal by the way, fortunately, my mom was very understanding and thankfully my partner felt a lot better by the second half of the day and we did enjoy the festival. I am just curious, what would you have done in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“If he knows about this condition his actions are reckless. You both agreed on taking it slow to be fit for the next day – you even reminded him of that! He is the only cause for your delay (which you have to communicate to your mother if you have an appointment).
He behaved like an immature teen instead of a responsible man and brought this on himself. It would be wrong to cover for him by lying to your mother. NTJ.” DotA-Mann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s ashamed of his actions then he should change his pattern of behavior, not ask you to lie and cover for him.
Take a long, hard look at the man you’re sleeping next to and ask yourself, is he going to accept responsibility for the little things? Because I promise you this, OP, if he won’t accept responsibility for the little things, then he will never take accountability for the big things.
Good luck.” pumpkinjooce
11. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Buy Me A New Phone?
“I (18 male) was asked to babysit my brother’s kids recently. They are twins and super sweet. One of the twins however has ADHD causing him to be extremely hyperactive and not good at listening to instructions or doing as he is told.
The twins, let’s call them Lily and Evan, are very different and don’t play great together. The twins are 6 years old and so have a basic understanding of what is right and wrong. Anyway, because they don’t play great together Evan was playing with his cars whilst I was showing Lily how to sew as she really wants to learn.
I turned my back on Evan for 1 minute because Lily had dropped a needle on the floor and when I turned around Evan was holding my phone. I asked Evan to put the phone down as it doesn’t belong to him and we shouldn’t take things that don’t belong to us.
Evan being Evan decided that he didn’t want to give me the phone and so ran off. I asked if Lily could put the sewing stuff down for just a second while I dealt with Evan and she said that’s fine.
I chased after him and found him in my bedroom going through my things.
I told Evan in a firm way that he should give me my phone back or else he was going to have to be in a time-out. He didn’t like the sound of that and screamed at me ‘NO!’ And then threw my phone which hit a wall breaking the phone.
Once my brother came to collect the kids I talked to him and said what had happened and that because it was my property and Evan destroyed it I would like him to put some money into the new phone I’m going to have to buy.
I said he didn’t have to pay for everything but I wanted him to put something towards it as it was his kid who broke it. He said that Evan was only six and it wasn’t his fault. He said that I had plenty of money and so could replace the phone so he would not be putting a penny towards it.
He stormed off and after I bought the new phone I asked him to pay some money to me as his kid broke it and he told me to go screw myself as he ‘has two kids and isn’t made of money’.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But clearly, that is the LAST time you babysit.
He should have offered you something and it was rude and selfish of him not to. He may have been embarrassed.
In my house you break it you buy it.
Sorry this happened to you
The next time he asks you to babysit (he will), tell him no and why. The next time you are at a family gathering and if someone asks you to watch his kids politely decline. He’ll get the message.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would bet that it is hard for your brother to find babysitters because of Evan’s behavior. Just because you’re family doesn’t mean there are no consequences for Evan’s behavior. If you had been negligent or Evan was younger, I would say too bad, things happen.
But Evan willfully stole and broke your phone. As you said, he doesn’t have to pay for the whole thing. Just contribute something. I would not babysit again until brother made it right.” letsdoitforthememes
10. AITJ For Playing Loud Music?
“I live in an apartment complex with thin walls. I moved in about 9 months ago, and my next-door neighbor moved in about 3 months ago.
Said next-door neighbor has a young child (about age 6ish?) who she claims is autistic (I believe her).
She has no control over this child, lets him do whatever he wants, and uses his autism as an excuse for his behavior all the time. He will d******e and urinate in the hallway, and pound on walls (his favorite wall to pound on happens to be adjacent to where my bed is, love that for me), he has also climbed and jumped up and down on top of my car and has made dents and scratches in the paint, will leave the apartment and kick and scratch the wood and paint in my door (he has also drawn on it in crayon and marker) and screeches and has meltdowns CONSTANTLY, like almost at all hours of the day.
I have tried bringing it to his mom’s attention (please can you get him to hit something other than the wall, please can he not climb on my car, etc) and she will go ‘HE’S AUTISTIC. HE CAN’T HELP IT, I’M A SINGLE MOM, HE’S NOT HURTING ANYONE, YOU’RE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST HIM’ etc etc. I have even tried bringing it up to the landlord who just shrugged and said there’s nothing he can really do and that he would try and talk to her, but clearly, that hasn’t done anything.
So, last night, while her kid was screeching and banging and kicking next to my bedroom walls, I turned on my TV and went to YouTube and started playing a song by Jan Terri as loud as I possibly could to drown out her brat’s screaming.
I play the same song over and over until it drowns out the screeching and pounding. Mom comes barging into my apartment and screams that I’m upsetting her son, that he’s sensitive to noise, and that the music is too loud. I tell her tough luck, and how can he be sensitive to noise if all he does is scream and bang on walls all day.
She starts her whole spiel of autism mom this and he can’t help it that and I just laugh and slam the door in her face. She ended up calling the cops on me and telling the landlord about what had happened, who took her side for whatever reason and she made a noise complaint.
Friends are telling me that I went too far. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As soon as you said he urinates and d*******s in the hallway, I was certain of this. You need to report this (a bunch of hateful words I can’t say here) to your landlord every time she lets her son do disturbing crap like this whenever he wants.
Document dates and times, and take pictures or videos if you have to if the situation is serious enough so they can’t deny it. Eventually, they’ll get sick of hearing it and will kick her butt out.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Where is the mom when he’s peeing and crapping in the HALLWAY?!
And damaging your car as well. I wouldn’t do the whole music thing again cause you have other neighbors as well who haven’t done anything to you and they shouldn’t have to listen to loud music. There are no winners here. My best advice is to move as soon as possible.
If the kid damages your vehicle again I say bill the mom. What is she doing while her kid is running around unsupervised?” More_Impact9752
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Friends With Toxic People Again?
“So I (19M) used to be a pretty naive kid up until a few years ago, and there were a lot of personal factors to that, I couldn’t figure out what’s right or wrong easily, also I had gained a tendency to draw attention towards myself all the time.
So this resulted in me doing the most absolute dumb stuff imaginable and people would make fun of me a LOT in school coz of that. The middle school years were the worst years of my life, I was constantly bullied and didn’t even realize that I was being bullied (all thanks to my naivete), I just didn’t look much into it, and it was mostly verbal bullying.
People never used to take me seriously.
In the last year of middle school, I became friends with two other guys (or so I used to think), it was actually a group of two with me being the one following around and being the ‘lackey’, they would constantly make fun of me, which I thought was friendly banter, and didn’t say much.
I joined another school shortly after, and I met a lot of people who I’m still friends with after graduating, they pointed out that the intentions behind my old friends were not that good. It was around this point when I did a LOT of introspection and self-searching and kinda matured as a person.
And I realized those old friends were actually really crappy people, so I did the healthy thing, I cut contact with them, I didn’t block them but I didn’t pick up their calls either
So now I’m graduated and prepping for my entrance exams for college this year, and out of the blue, one of the guys from the old friend group hits me up after 2 years, just a generic ‘What’s up, it’s been a long time’, and to be honest, I just didn’t wanna fall into that pit again, so I ignored it, a few days later he messages again and again, like ‘Why are you ignoring me, me and (other friend) miss you, man, let’s meet up’ to the point that I blocked him.
Not a few minutes go by and the other friend starts bombarding me with messages, so I snap and just text back to leave me alone, you guys are toxic and helped make my middle school years an absolute misery. He then calls me, I decline once then he texts me saying he and the other guy want to apologize, so I pick up their call, both of them say sorry, they did see me as a friend but they also did confirm that they used to see me as some kind of comedic relief to both of them and they hate themselves for it but they’ve grown up now and want to have a friendship again.
I accepted their apology as I did feel that it was genuine, but I declined the friendship offer and suggested that we all move on, because I can never see myself being friends with someone who betrayed me. They get all furious calling me a jerk, and saying I’m being unreasonable, so I just hang up and I blocked him too.
My friends are saying that I’m definitely in the right but when I told this to my parents, they said I should at least try being friends with them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“While they might’ve had good intentions, as they both contacted you out of the blue and also apologized for and accepted that what they did to you was wrong, the fact that they became furious and called you unreasonable means that they haven’t grown, matured, and learned from it.
You not wanting to renew the relationship isn’t unreasonable, nor should you want to try being friends with them as your parents said.
Sometimes things can be forgiven, as you did (at least at first), but sometimes it’s not forgotten and things will not go back to how they were before.
One has to accept that, which they didn’t. Even if there’s no fault on any party, things will not always work out the way one party wants.
NTJ.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Anyone who has used you in the past for their own benefit at the cost of yours doesn’t deserve another chance.
Glad they apologized, but if they wanted to remain friends, they needed to come clean a lot sooner instead of basically saying ‘Oh ya sorry’ once confronted. Also, what are the chances they do this again to you? Better off cutting contact and living your life.” Chewbarkovvv
8. AITJ For Defending My Sister From Our Mother?
“My (25F) sister’s (16F) mental health hasn’t been the best for the past years.
She’s in therapy but it has been a rocky road, depression caused her to abandon a lot of her hobbies and neglect her homework but she’s really a good kid. When she was younger she was obsessed with videos of dancers, rhythmic gymnasts, and acrobatics so the other day I showed her a video of a 15-year-old figure skater trying to motivate her and maybe help her find a new interest. I jokingly told my sister that at 15 I couldn’t even tie my shoes, let alone win medals.
That’s not 100% true, at 15 I was very successful in school and my hobbies but by no means was I participating in the Olympics and winning medals, LOL.
My mother came to see what we were watching, heard my joke, and commented ‘Actually that’s not true, at 15 you were excellent at everything you did.
Unlike you (sister‘s name), who is too lazy to do your homework and keep a hobby for more than two months.’ My sister got up and left and I got into a yelling match with my mother. I told her that her demeaning comments are not helping anyone, let alone my sister who is depressed and unmotivated. She said her laziness has nothing to do with depression and it is something she has had since she was a child.
I warned her not to be surprised if my sister cut her off completely.
My father is on our side including my grandparents but I have been receiving calls and messages from my mother’s side of the family berating me and telling me I hurt my mother while she was only trying to motivate my sister.
I don’t think I’m the jerk but I’m normally super non-confrontational so I can’t help but doubt if I was too harsh. I’m currently moving to another country and I plan to get my sister to live with me once she finishes high school.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister is fortunate she has you in her corner. I’m a big believer that parents deserve the respect they earn. Mental health issues are no joke and depression ≠ laziness. Depression already makes you feel useless, and your mother’s comments are only going to make it worse.
Best of luck to your sister, and kudos to you for being there for her.” chaosxmage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, maybe a little for yelling, but at the same time it is incredibly harmful when parents compare their kids like that, especially when it’s in that vein of making one feel bad for not being ‘as good’ as the other.
Throw in debilitating depression and a parent who doesn’t seem like she quite gets it, and those comparisons feel even harsher.
I’m glad you’re looking out for your sister, and she’s probably very grateful to have you stick up for her and know you have her back.” ParapaPalace
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend And Her Dad About My Mom's Affair?
“Last year my mom told me that she wanted to get a divorce from my dad. At the time my dad and I did NOT get along. We couldn’t hold a conversation without one of us getting angry. When my mom laid out her reasons, I thought they were good ones.
I said, if it would make her happy, she should go for it.
One day Dad sat me and my brother down. He said he was sorry for how he had treated us. He was going to start therapy on his own and couples therapy with my mom to try and make the relationship work.
I never saw my dad cry until that day.
My brother and I watched my dad work to be the perfect husband. He practically waited on her hand and foot and let her travel to our home state as much as she wanted (we moved for my dad’s work fifteen years ago).
Then we started to notice Mom being weird. She guarded her phone, she was constantly texting someone, and she once answered a FaceTime call and ran to hide, holding her finger to her lips to tell the person on the line to be quiet.
When my dad started seeing other women, my mother was furious.
She constantly asked me about his new partner and tried to get information. I got angry and told her that she should move on.
Then, the bombshell came. My mom called and said,
Mom: I’ve been having an affair with a man. I first had an affair before we moved. I told your father after Christmas.
It suddenly made sense why my dad had stopped trying to save the marriage. He had been married to my mom for twenty years. He was devastated!
Recently, I was at a town event with my mom for my high school. My mom had to leave the event early and my friend Amelia agreed to drive me home.
The ENTIRE time that we were at the event with Amelia, my mom was talking trash about my dad, saying, ‘You can only take SO much before you leave,’ and ‘That’s why I left.’
Once my mom left, Amelia asked me how I was since my mom told her that my dad and his new partner had started going out BEFORE my mom left. I was FURIOUS!
I said, ‘You know my mom was unfaithful to my dad, right?’
Amelia’s face went white. ‘No.’
My mom had told her parents my dad had started seeing his partner before my mom left. I couldn’t believe it. My mom has always tried to play the victim, but this was so much worse.
My dad was the only one that tried to SAVE their marriage.
I started talking to Amelia’s dad later. He asked how I liked dad’s new partner. I said she was nice and I liked her kids. Her dad asked how I liked mom’s partner.
I said, ‘I honestly don’t like him.’
He asked me how I could give dad’s partner a chance, but not mom’s. I told him how mom’s partner was responsible for my parents’ divorce because he was the other man. (He knows that my dad exists).
Amelia’s dad said, ‘Well that changes things.’
I haven’t told my mom that I’ve told people the truth. She and I used to be really close and I’m the only one to look out for her mental health, but it infuriates me that she is making my dad a villain.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since your mom was lying about things trying to make your dad the bad guy. But do keep in mind that just because your dad changed his attitude towards the end of the marriage, it doesn’t take back from 20 years of a bad marriage.
If your mom was unhappy for a long time then she was right to get a divorce. I know she didn’t handle things well by having an affair, I’m just saying be careful when you say things like ‘My dad was the only one trying to save the marriage’.
Your mom tried for 20 years and your dad only changed when he realized he was losing her. Your mom is really wrong here but don’t put your dad on a pedestal either.” Historical-Tap7948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad was not a great husband and father until after your mom said she wanted a divorce.
Mom was having an affair for 15+ years! They are both jerks but your mom is more so. She could have gotten divorced long ago.
I think you were right for not letting Amelia blame your dad, but I think you should have been more vague.
‘Actually, they had both been unhappy for some time but my dad started seeing other women after my mom asked for a divorce.’ However, given that you were surprised and your mom blatantly lied, I can hardly blame you for being blunt.” Soiree1999
6. AITJ For Asking My Parents Why There Were Only A Few Pictures Of Me In Their Photo Book?
“So my (m 18) mom (f 39) and dad (m 41) recently ordered a ‘Once Upon’ picture book. It’s basically an app where you upload pictures to the app, then a book gets printed with those pictures inside, and it is then sent to you.
There are a total of 112 photos in the book, when I looked through the book I noticed that there were barely any pictures of me.
So my nerdy analytical self decided to count how many pictures there were of everyone, here are the results (this includes group photos):
Youngest Brother: 48.
Younger brother: 46.
Older sister: 26.
Mom: 24.
Dad: 23.
Me: 7.
Out of the 7 pictures I was in, there was only 1 picture that was a solo picture and the remaining 6 were group photos.
I was slightly upset by this but decided to wait before bringing it up.
Well we were eating dinner yesterday and my parents asked if I had seen the book, I answered yes, then proceeded to ask them why I had so few pictures in the book.
They both looked a bit confused until I told them how many pictures everyone had.
My dad started making excuses like: ‘You don’t come on family trips with us as much’ (which is true, but family trips only made up a small part of the book) and ‘I don’t do as many sports as my siblings’ (but I went to gymnastics for 6 years and stopped only a couple of years ago, so they could have just used those photos).
Later that night I found my mom crying in her bedroom, she kept apologizing for not including me in the book as much. I tried comforting her, but she still felt extremely guilty.
Later that night my dad came into my room and berated me for making my mom cry, saying that I really affected her mental health.
I’m writing this the day after because I feel really bad about how I made my mother feel. I know that she has had issues with mental health in the past, so was I the jerk for being upset at this picture book?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s mad you affected her mental state, but your mental state at being less favored is nothing to worry about, apparently. It’s not wrong for you to answer honestly about how their thoughtlessness makes you feel, or even point out that there is unequal treatment that might be going on.
It’s up to your parents to admit the problem if they want to fix it. Apologizing for saying anything and letting it go would only help them pretend they did nothing wrong.” Via_Victoria_Terra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First and foremost, you are not responsible for your mother’s mental health.
Period. If she feels bad about it then that is truly on her. Not in a mean way at all. She’s probably crying because she feels that she inadvertently hurt you, the child that she loves, and is regretting that she wasn’t more careful. Hugs and kisses will work wonders here.
On the other hand, your dad’s a jerk for putting this on you.” okiou1
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex An ETA?
“My 13-year-old son got his finger jammed during PE today at school and asked me to come get him because it hurt really bad. I took him out of school at 12 and we tried going to urgent care.
After waiting for over an hour I had to go pick up my other son from school at 230 so we left the line and basically started over at 4 pm at the clinic.
Pick up time is at 6 pm and it takes 50 minutes to get to the pickup point for me and 2 hours (there was traffic) for my ex. I texted my ex at 4 letting him know we were at the clinic because our son hurt his finger but didn’t say anything about changing the pickup time because I thought we could make it.
At 530 I told him we would be about 30 minutes late and he said that was fine. I guess at this point my son started getting mad at me for ‘doing this at the last minute’ and texted his dad saying we were going to be super late at this rate and I was lying about only being 30 minutes late.
My ex then started texting me asking for an ETA… I got annoyed and told him to chill out and said I didn’t know how much longer it would take and that he needed X-rays. My ex got mad and said he had been in traffic for 2 hours and waiting forever at the pickup point, I should have told him before he left that this could take a long time or just dropped off my son at the usual time and had him take him to the doctor, just in general ‘my communication was poor’ and ‘he had no idea what was going on other than we were at the clinic’.
He told me he was just going to go home if I didn’t give him an ETA and I could drop the kids off at his house but I said no because that would be an extra 2-hour drive for me? I got there at 7 pm, only an hour late and our son had to get a splint for his finger.
I don’t think I am a jerk here because my son’s health comes first. I also can’t forecast how long these urgent care things last. But my son seemed really frustrated with how I handled it and my ex was mad about waiting for an hour so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not clearly communicating with your ex-husband. You were waiting in urgent care for a long period of time. You should have been on the phone with him explaining the situation. As far as your whole ‘because that would be an extra 2-hour drive for me’ part, so what?
You just expected your ex to abide by the regular schedule, when you gave him little to no information?
Also, you could have taken so long that your son may have just decided to go back to your place and not go all the way to his dad’s.
Then, your ex would’ve made a 2-hour trip there and however many hours back home (traffic) for nothing. It sounds like your 13-year-old son is better at communicating than you.” figuringthingsout__
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not communicating better. At 4 pm you could have told your ex you weren’t sure about the pickup time, because you really did not know.
You were rude to tell him to chill out. He had fought traffic for 2 hours to be on time, and he was very nice when you told him you’d be 30 minutes late.
Leaving urgent care to pick up your other son was either a poor decision, or you have no backup plan for emergencies.
You need to have a backup plan for picking up each son if something like this happens again. Network with other parents. Due to leaving the urgent care line at the first visit, your son’s treatment was delayed, your ex had to wait, and you expended a lot more energy than you needed to.” Squeakhound
4. AITJ For Shutting Down My Mother-In-Law's Parenting Suggestions?
“My (29F) son is six months old. He is the first grandchild on my fiancé’s side and the fourth on mine.
We started introducing solids when he was 4 1/2 months old, with permission from his pediatrician, and have had a blast trying new foods for him.
We introduced meat to him recently and my son absolutely hates it. He makes gagging noises and spits the meat right back out after getting it in his mouth.
I am sure he is put off by the texture so we are going to continue to introduce it slowly. Well, my MIL came by and saw the reaction he had to the meat and said we should ‘put some salt in it’ to make it more palatable to him.
When I told her salt was actually not good to give babies she told me she put salt in food for my fiancé and his brother when they were starting solids. I told her very politely that it’s great that she did that for her sons and they turned out fine but I was not going to be doing that with mine.
I asked her to not make suggestions like that again and to allow me to do what I believe to be right for my baby.
Fast forward to just last week and I am feeding my son a mixture of his favorite veggies and meat purée (he still does not like the meat by itself, so mixing it with something else is helping him get used to it) while my MIL and BIL are visiting.
I guess I didn’t mix some of the food together well enough and my son makes an awful face and gags on the food. Without missing a beat my MIL says I need to put some salt in the food to help him like the meat better.
I snapped. I told her that I was not going to put salt in any of his food, nor would I tolerate her trying to dictate how I raise my child. I said I was doing what my son’s pediatrician had suggested and had been told to avoid salt, so that was the end of the discussion.
I also told her that I am his mother and she should back off and allow me to make decisions I feel are best for my child.
When I got sick, she told me I should dump the milk I was pumping for him and give him formula because she read somewhere that the illness can be passed to the baby through breastmilk (my sickness didn’t pass into the milk so she was wrong).
She got upset at me and told me she was just trying to help.
My fiancé has had my back each time I tell her to calm down the ‘suggestions’, but he thinks I’ve gone overboard here and said that his mom is just trying to help and I should be grateful to have her there to give advice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I get that it’s annoying but trust me you don’t want an ongoing war with the MIL. Honestly, I really do think she means well. She’s new at this whole grandmother thing and probably thinks she’s helping. Maybe just have a talk to her and say that you understand she’s helping but would appreciate it if she let you follow the advice you’re getting from doctors.
Maybe also – ask her for help in other ways? E.g. Oh, MIL – would you mind playing with baby while I do some chores? She may just want to feel like she’s supporting you and your partner.” MumOfBoy
Another User Comments:
“I think you are both jerks.
Suggesting and dictating are not remotely the same thing. Dictating implies you are being forced to do it her way. Suggesting is just that. It may annoy you but going scorched earth over a suggestion (even when made multiple times) is pretty aggressive. And I wouldn’t add salt to the food either but you could handle it better.
‘Maybe when he’s older I’ll do that’ or ‘Thanks for the advice but I’m gonna pass’ (however many times you have to repeat it.) I’m a parent AND a grandparent and I don’t make many suggestions but I do comment on what I did with my kids.” WonderfulPromotion60
Just smile repeat as much as needed... salt WILL NOT be added to his food UNTIL HIS PAEDIATRICIAN says its safe.. and thr guidelines say X age and not before... she is obviously spouting the 'advice' she was given way back when.. when research wasn't done wasn't as advanced and her mum/granny were telling her these words of wisdom
3. WIBTJ If I Ask For The Baby Swing Back?
“About 5 years ago my friend bought a baby swing for her daughter that cost about £300. Since then almost everyone in our group of friends has had a shot of it for their newborns. My sister was the last of us to use it about 2 years ago.
I have some fertility problems, but knew I would want it when/if I ever fell pregnant. These swings still sell for about the same price secondhand.
About a year ago my partner’s brother and SIL had their second baby and since no one was using the swing at the time we asked if they would like a shot.
We were clear that it was just for a loan and it would go back to us/one of my friends when their baby outgrew it. So it’s currently at their house, but their 1-year-old will be too big for it soon.
At Christmas, they announced that they’re expecting again and due around June.
This morning I finally got a positive on a pregnancy test. I’ve had a few very early miscarriages, but this is the strongest positive we’ve ever gotten, so I’m quietly hopeful. All going well we’ll be sure in October, only 4 months after SIL.
Anyway, we’re laying in bed this morning, absolutely buzzing and starting to plan things out a bit and I mentioned getting the swing back off my partner’s brother and SIL, and my partner went quiet.
Then he said he thinks it wouldn’t be fair to ask for it back when they’re expecting again. The thing is, all my friends’ babies have used this swing and it has a lot of sentimental value to us. I would be gutted if my baby didn’t get a turn at it.
It’s also £300 that we can’t afford right now since we’ll hopefully be buying everything else a new baby needs.
So would I be a jerk if I asked for it back? I wouldn’t hesitate if it was for someone else in my group of friends since it is kind of communally owned now, but maybe it is selfish to ask since it’s for us?
I should mention that despite already having a couple of kids BIL has a good income and I’m sure could afford a new one if they really wanted it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an item that a friend of yours originally bought. It’s circulated in your friend group.
You loaned it out with the express understanding it was a loan, and presumably, your in-laws know its origination.
I would frankly hope that their joy in you being pregnant now after a struggle would most certainly eclipse any awkwardness about taking the swing back and being able to use this item that is sentimental to your own sister and all of your friends.
It’s keeping it in the original group.
If you need a softball way out of it, just tell sister-in-law that your friend, the original buyer, said she can’t wait to see your baby in it this time.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You wouldn’t be at all.
And even if your partner isn’t comfortable with the idea of asking, it doesn’t mean your in-laws would be offended at all. I wouldn’t be, I’d be happy that it was lent to me the first time, and understanding that it was just a loan!
If you really feel worried about it, you could always say that your friend wants the swing back so that she can give it to you at your shower as her gift, that’s absolutely something that I would want to give my friends at their shower!
If you feel like your friend would be up for it, you could even ask her to help you out by telling the same thing to your partner.” deme9872
2. AITJ For Letting My Son Cry At The Mall?
“I (33M) am a father to twin (7 months) boys. My wife and I have gotten pretty good at keeping them on a fairly consistent schedule. They woke up around 12 pm from a nap. I figured they’d want their next nap around 3:30. So I figured ‘I don’t want to be stuck in the house all day.’ It’s 90 degrees out, too hot for the park.
I’ll take them to the mall! We can get a nice walk without broiling the babies. Ran a few errands then got to the mall around 1:30.
Now, had my wife found out I went to the mall and didn’t bring her home a Cinnabon, she would be very sad.
So, we roll up to the food court and get in line. It’s moving at the usual speed of a mall food court (that’s roughly 30% faster than your average post office). 2:00 rolls around and I’ve only got one person ahead of me now when danger signs start showing; my son is making sleepy faces and rubbing his eyes.
This means I had anywhere from 20-40 minutes to get him in his crib.
For the uninitiated, when babies start showing signs that they’re sleepy, you need to get them down sooner rather than later. If they get overtired, it becomes an endless loop of ‘crying because they’re tired, and being tired because they’re crying’.
Fortunately, I’m next in line and the mall is less than 10 minutes away from my home. I get to the front counter. Son is whining a bit. Before I can open my mouth to order, the cashier just takes off. Not a word, just walks away and goes into the back.
She disappears for a full 10 mins. Me and the other customers in line look at each other equally confused and frustrated. Her two coworkers are standing back working on making the food and pretending I and the other 7 customers in line don’t exist.
After she gets back, she starts ringing in a bunch of phone orders, still not even a word to me or anyone else in line.
At this point I’m annoyed, and my son has graduated from gentle whining to louder whining. I was mad at this point. So, I decided ‘Ok baby, go ahead and let it loose. Let’s see how fast she handles it now.’ Sure enough, Sonny Boy moves from gentle crying to outright wailing within 5 minutes.
He’s fine (not hungry yet, no poopy diaper, just tired and there’s a lot of noise around). After 2 mins of him crying, the cashier finally looks up at me and takes my order. As soon as she hands it to me, I say thank you and pop a binky in my son’s mouth.
He calmed down immediately. I got him back home and he and his brother were off to nap land.
I told my wife what happened and she said I was mean to do it, both to the baby and the cashier. I said the baby cried for like 3 minutes tops and was fine.
As for the cashier she was completely rude. I worked retail and customer service for 8 years and I would never dream of walking off a register without so much as an ‘Excuse me a moment I’ll be right back’. Forget bad service, it’s just poor manners.
But now that I’m thinking about it I do feel a bit bad about letting my boy cry. What do y’all think? Did I take it too far? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say YTJ for being passive-aggressive. Instead of a simple ‘Excuse me, is she coming back?’ to the others working, you used your kid as a weapon (I’m assuming against a teenager who is probably working their first job) to annoy the person into service.
Was her work ethic exceptional, no. But 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Clearly, while you did retail for 8 years, none of it involved management.” burneredmonton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Letting your kid cry to get the cashier to get to you quicker was a bit much but the cashier is a big jerk.
Literally couldn’t have been more unprofessional. Props to you for not being petty and saying something about it.” iiRoboloose
1. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Helping His Childhood Friend?
“I (27F) got married to my husband (27M) about 3 months ago after being together for 2 1/2 years.
Things have been really good so far, no issues other than a few fights about who does the chores, but nothing that would overall affect our relationship.
About 2 weeks ago he ran into one of his childhood friends that used to live on his block when they were both in elementary school.
He told me that she had 2 kids around the ages of 3-5 each with her and said she looked like she hadn’t slept in days, her hair was really messy, and she had a bit of an odor. He told me he was worried for her health and safety so he got her number and offered to help her out.
I asked him if she even showed any signs of wanting help but he said no, but she was probably too embarrassed to ask. I felt like saying something but let it slide.
That entire week he would bring her groceries in her low-end apartment for her and her children, even went as far as buying them clothes AND offered to babysit her kids (we never did).
I started to get concerned and a bit jealous but said nothing. He told me that she would hesitate to accept the stuff he gave her but still took them. I started talking about this to my friends and they asked me if he had some type of crush on her and I said I didn’t know, but it got me thinking about it.
She came to the house once for dinner with her children after I told my husband I didn’t want her to, and the entire time my husband was offering stuff to her and checked up on her and the kids several times throughout the dinner.
She was exactly how he described her, very quiet and had bad hygiene.
I found a photograph of her from social media and sent it to my friends after they asked and one of them told me that she was involved in a certain business on the streets because her partner had seen her phone with the picture and told her, I won’t say what business but if you know you know.
I got enraged and told my husband to stop helping her, and he refused. He said that she used to be a good kid that did well in school but some people just get desperate. I told him that it was her decision to put herself in that position and it isn’t our responsibility to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. He told me that if I was in her place, wouldn’t I want to be treated the same?
I told him that I would never put myself in that place to begin with, and to stop being so infatuated with his childhood friend. He just looked at me with a shocked expression and packed a bag to stay at his mother’s house for the night.
He wouldn’t pick up or return any of my calls, and when he came home the next day he was very short with his answers. I talked to my friends to see if I was a jerk in that situation but they told me he had it coming.
Was I in the wrong for telling my husband to stop being so infatuated with his childhood friend? He still refuses to really interact with me at all after this happened 3 days ago and continues to help her after I told him how I feel and it is eating me up inside.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except your husband, this is a childhood friend and your husband is clearly trying to help someone who is down on her luck and needs help.
I also understand why you are concerned but the way you talk about this woman is disgusting.
Also, your friends are horrible, this woman is clearly having trouble and does what she needs to provide for her children.
Maybe try to be a bit more understanding and go with your husband when he takes these things to her. You might learn something before jumping to conclusions.
But I understand, that no one can do anything nice for the opposite s*x without there being anything wrong happening. It might shock you but there are kind and genuine people out there that just want to help people without any ulterior motives.” HarleyT5
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You could have saved time typing this all out by summarizing it in one sentence. ‘I’m judgemental and insecure.’
Could your husband be a little less dismissive of your feelings? Sure. But seriously, lady, get a grip. You have an empathetic, caring, compassionate, charitable husband.
Oh noooo, how awful. And obviously, because it’s a woman he’s helping it must mean he wants to sleep with her.
Is him helping her harming you both financially? Is he pushing it on her and harassing her when she’s said no, it makes her uncomfortable, and she clearly doesn’t want it?
No? Then I don’t see what the problem is other than you are jealous and think you’re better than her.
Also, the way you talk about her is gross. I like how you just had to add ‘low-end’ instead of just leaving it at ‘her apartment.’ Even if you don’t like her, you think you’d be able to have just a little sympathy for her children.
It’s NICE that your husband worries about kids having enough to eat.” ConferenceDecent4222
