People Can't Help But Wonder If Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories Are Still Redeemable
19. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Mind His Own Business?
“I (17F) used to play games on my PC practically every day. I made a lot of friends from America, specifically one we’ll call Cameron (19M).
We’ve been really good friends for around 4 1/2 years now. I appreciate Cameron for always being there for me, but recently we got into an argument. Now, I like keeping to myself, I don’t like people telling me how I should live. I enjoy drawing, art, etc. But I specifically like making NSFW art (overage characters always, and never of me of course).
I understand I am not 18 yet, but I have never ever drawn any character that isn’t of age. I also understand that I can 100% be the jerk here or even if I’m not, what I did I shouldn’t have been doing anyways.
I use drawing to cope with a lot of things. I made an account on Twitter to post these drawings, never with hashtags or any way to relate this account to me. But somehow, he found it. This has happened before with different situations, where I’ll do something in my life he doesn’t agree with (even if it isn’t anywhere near as serious as this) and immediately come to me telling me I’m wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this or that, etc. I did not make this account to grow, gain attraction, or anything, I just wanted somewhere to post because in a way it makes me feel proud of myself.
He came to me with screenshots of the account telling me to take it down, it’s wrong, I’m too young and I don’t understand what I’m doing, yet I’m well aware. I made the account for no one but myself and genuinely just forgot to private it.
I have no idea HOW he found it or how he ever finds anything to do with my personal life but he does and always acts like he has authority over me. I understand he cares and is trying to protect me, but I’m an adult in a month and want to live my life.
He’s halfway across the world and at this point I want it to stay that way.
This isn’t the only time he’s gone out of his way to find something about me, this is just the most recent. He’s found things to do with my family, partner, etc. I’ve had enough but I’m not sure if I’m the jerk.
EDIT: I’ll most likely cut him off in time, but I’ve always had a fear of losing people (even bad ones!) so it’ll be a somewhat slow process.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would STRONGLY advise you to think about the relationship you two have.
Unless your phone number or email was linked to the account, I find it very odd that he found the account AND knew it was you. And the fact that this has happened multiple times with other things makes me slightly worried that he is keeping tabs on you like this.
You’re an underage female (not saying this has anything to do with gender directly), and he is a male two years older.
You two met when he was 15 and you were 12/13 – he was learning how to drive a car and you weren’t even out of grade school yet!
Although I don’t know you, him, or the context regarding the ‘times this has happened before’, but PLEASE do not give him any more info on yourself or the people you’re close with. This feels like ‘early stage stalking’ behavior, and for him to be this controlling from a different country (or at least I think he is from how you described it), that’s a big red flag.” deadwerm400
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, lots of 17-year-olds do this kind of thing. You’re not a child and not hurting anyone. But if he’s constantly finding things out about you that you haven’t told him and then trying to exert control over your life you may need to reassess the friendship.
Expressing concern is one thing, trying to control you is another.
While I don’t know you or him, everything you’ve said here seems to be a massive red flag in the way he acts towards you and it might be safer/healthier for you to end the relationship and block him.
It sounds like he’s stalking you, to be honest.” Aethermist88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I have no idea HOW he found it or how he ever finds anything to do with my personal life but he does and always acts like he has authority over me.
This isn’t the only time he’s gone out of his way to find something about me, this is just the most recent. He’s found things to do with my family, partner, etc’
YOU NEED TO BLOCK HIM NOW. RIGHT NOW. He is 100% cyberstalking you.
Cut all contact, change all of your passwords, go private on your socials for a few months, and pray to whatever higher power you might believe in that he hasn’t found your home address.” NowWithMoreChocolate
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My In-Laws For Christmas?
“My husband (29M) and I (27F) are both vegans. We have been married for four years.
Our respective families live far from each other so we alternate which side of the family we spend Christmas with (his or mine). His family takes turns hosting Christmas and has all sorts of family traditions including doing a seafood dinner (apparently a European thing).
It is a big dinner that includes the whole extended family (aunts/uncles, cousins, nieces/nephews, etc). My husband and I don’t partake in the seafood but there are always some side dishes that are fine or only need minor adjustments to be vegan.
In previous years, I have declined for us to host because I don’t want to prepare meat dishes.
This year we are spending Christmas with his family and last week I asked him who would be hosting. To my complete surprise, he said that we would be hosting because some of his cousins asked him to since they wanted an excuse to visit our city.
I expressed my surprise that his family would all agree to have a vegan Christmas dinner and he replied that they didn’t. At this point, I was confused because there was no way that I was going to cook seafood and I told him as much.
He said that he had already agreed for us to host and that everyone had already started making travel plans and some flights/hotels have already been booked so we couldn’t back out now. He assumed that I would be okay preparing seafood for his family because apparently, he is fine handling seafood.
I do almost all the cooking because he is terrible at it so his cooking Christmas dinner is not an option.
Now all my in-laws are mad at me for ‘ruining Christmas’ by canceling the plans they had made and are threatening to disinvite us from the Christmas celebration.
My husband is upset at me for wrecking his relationship with his relatives and also being an ‘unreasonable vegan.’
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – even taking the vegan issue out of the discussion, your husband was totally out of line to voluntold you for a major undertaking like this without even saying a word to you, let alone having a reasonable discussion.
That was inconsiderate and flat-out wrong. And if his family so badly wants to come to visit your city, there is nothing in the world stopping them from doing so and having their seafood dinner catered at a hotel or something. The fact that your husband felt that this behavior was appropriate and that he has the right to be mad at you when you did not fall into line with this usurpation of your time and energy says you have a bigger problem in your relationship.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should have discussed the proposed hosting with you and sought your agreement before confirming with his family. You are perfectly within your rights (morally and otherwise) to refuse to cook meat, and he’s a jerk for name-calling because he’s not getting his way, among other reasons.
If it’s so important to him to host, and he can’t cook, then get the meant dishes catered and you can prepare veg, etc (if you are happy with that and can afford it). In any case, this isn’t a problem you created nor one you are required to fix – that’s on him.” Boring-Gas-3878
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If my husband sprung on me that all his relatives would be descending upon my house in a week and expecting a home-cooked meal, I’d be livid. Add in your food restrictions, and your husband gets bonus jerk points. He absolutely should have discussed it with you before any plans were set.
And he should have definitely taken the entire blame for this situation.
To keep the peace, I might have told him he could pay to have the meal catered. But that would only be if I really liked the family members and if your husband has never pulled a stunt like this before.
But since he seems fine with you taking the blame, I wouldn’t even consider it now.” PetuniaGoBlue
1. Your house your rules... they don't get changed unless you BOTH agree
2. You don't make plans to host and have someone else cook a huge meal theyre not even going to eat WITHOUT asking first.
3. If you tell them he didn't ask you and you are not cooking meat regardless of who is at the dinner and they still are mad at you for his disrespect the dobyou really want an invite ??
4. Leave him the entitlement is disgusting
17. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Asked Me To Take The Bus?
“So we have been together for a year, I lived alone and he slowly started to come over more and more.
Then one day he never left and I was ok with that. He lives with me. I’ve asked him to help with rent and utilities multiple times but aside from paying $50 for my internet one month and buying me food he has not paid anything else.
He always blames it on forgetting the due dates and promises money on the next paycheck as long as I remind him. Ok.
Recently my car broke and he has been needing to drive me to and from work (again, I pay all the bills).
He works 45 minutes away while I work 20 minutes away driving. He got upset that I asked for coffee one morning and said we needed to wake up earlier if we wanted that because he’s always late to work even though we were early that morning.
It made me upset because we were early. So I left the car without saying ‘I love you.’ And he later texted me to let me know that he doesn’t feel appreciated for driving me to work and picking me up through rain or shine and never once has he asked me to ask my parents (that live 20 minutes away in the opposite direction of my work and home) for a ride.
He is encouraging me to buy a monthly bus pass now.
I am angry that he’s even entertaining the idea. Not because I’d be taking the bus, I’ve done it plenty with my parents when I was younger, but because we leave for work at 7:30a and it’s barely above freezing outside and it’s a very rainy state.
It feels like he’d rather I suffer in the cold so it doesn’t inconvenience him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Take this from someone who had a similar partner in the past, he’s using you. He may even think he loves you but he’s not showing any consideration for your time, money, or feelings.
It’s not love, or even affection, it’s a nice free ride through life off your stress and struggle. He won’t change and if you needed help he’d be gone.
Don’t trust him, he’s been making excuses for a year, it’s all lies. Please get rid of him, with a bill, as fast as possible.
Save yourself as he can’t even be arsed to drive you in the cold and dark. Strangers would be kinder.” BimbleKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He always blames it on forgetting the due dates and promises money on the next paycheck as long as I remind him’
If you don’t lay claim to the money immediately, it’s all gone. Where does it go? If I told my landlord it’s his fault I didn’t pay rent because he didn’t remind me – girl, please. He’d laugh himself silly while he filled out the paperwork to evict me.
Paying rent is every month – the same amount, the same day, every month. But even if it did vary – mature adults realize the first of the month is coming, therefore rent is due. They set some money aside.
OP, please wake up. This man knows exactly what he’s doing to you – he’s getting a free ride.
And making you feel like a horrible demanding witch when you ask the least little thing.
Remove the parasite from your life. You will be happier and so much healthier without him.” redheadjd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like your partner weaseled his way into living with you, and you lost your opportunity to address his support.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) you’ve been handed a gift. He wants you to pay for the monthly pass, and this now opens the door to a discussion of all costs in the apartment that you pay and he does not contribute.
Don’t let this opportunity slip by.
At dinner just start with ‘now that I have to pay for a monthly bus pass, my monthly finances are going to be tighter and I need you to pay your share of the rent, utilities, cable, and other expenses’. Use his words against him.
I think the next morning forward you will have a personal chauffeur.” cazzobomba
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband That I'm The One Who's Canceling On His Friends?
“I moved to the US temporarily 3 months ago with my husband.
He already had an established friendship group here and they’ve all been more than welcoming. They helped show me around while my husband was busy working and I’m more than thankful for how much they helped me settle in during the first month.
However, they invite me out every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, and it’s too much for me. I would force myself to go in the beginning since I knew my husband was worried I would feel lonely here while he worked and that he had asked them to spend time with me but I can’t do it anymore.
They’re nice people but I feel homesick and I honestly just want to be alone most days.
For the last 3 weeks, I’ve been canceling them almost every day. I didn’t say anything to my husband because I didn’t want him to worry but I guess somebody finally mentioned it to him because he asked me why I was doing it.
He was pretty upset because his friends now think I don’t like them and he thinks it’s not good for me to stay home every day all day. I think the thing that’s upsetting him the most is that I didn’t tell him I was doing it.
I got angry at him while we were talking about it because he kept insisting I spend time with them since they were going out of their way to include me so I snapped at him that I wasn’t a kid who needed him to organize play dates for me which definitely escalated the situation and now he’s angry with me too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk for not going out with his friends, but YTJ because you’re consistently canceling plans… If you don’t want to go out, communicate that. It’s not clear here how you are canceling, but if you’re too afraid to not commit, is it a stretch to say you’re not being honest when you cancel?
It’s possible to say no in a way that shows you care, but you’ve spent socially and need some time.
Your spouse sucks because it’s not really up to them how often or with who you’re social. I can see how you got to this point with that pressure.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for being overwhelmed by the friends. However, you should speak up to your husband and tell him that you were just overwhelmed and you needed some time alone.
I also think YTJ because you didn’t tell your husband, so you kind of put him in a bad light with his friends and I think he’s feeling it.
You should also be truthful with his friends and not just ditch them for no reason just tell him you need some alone time feel overwhelmed you don’t like going out every day multiple times today. If they’re real friends it shouldn’t be much of a problem.
Otherwise, your lack of communication will cause major issues in the future.” CarolsLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to spend less time out and just relax at home. You just need to communicate this to your husband and your friends.
The friends sound lovely and should be understanding of this, I would make sure they know you appreciate the effort they put in and how welcoming they are.
Husband is a bit of a jerk for not asking what makes you happy and dictating you to go out all the time.” Get_Schwifty477
15. WIBTJ If I Delete A Tracking App?
“I (23F) live alone and so I share my location with my parents and brother in case of emergencies.
We have had an on-and-off thing with this app as when my parents first started using it I was already 18, and I absolutely refused it. I’ve never given my parents reason not to trust me, and so I felt angry about it. They didn’t push unless I was going on a far trip and I appreciate it in hindsight.
The biggest issue I also initially had with this app was it would drain my phone battery.
Let me note, I’m also the only one in my family who doesn’t have an iPhone, so I think my mom didn’t believe my reasoning. When I got a newer phone I reinstalled the app while I was away at university.
I felt better having someone being able to know my location as this was my first instance of living alone. Also I would drive 1.5 hr when I came home and the app has crash notifications just in case.
The global crisis then hit during my time at Uni and so when the school closed down I had no reason to remain in off-campus housing and moved back home and went into the working field.
When I first moved back I stayed with my parents for a year and again deleted the app. Once I moved out again, I reinstalled the app again so that someone would know my location and in case of emergencies or things like bad weather.
It’s been at least a year since and now my parents have started using the app to scold me when I’m late to work. My dad has gotten onto me when the app sent him a delayed notification. If my parents ever ask I always tell the truth.
If this is how the app is now being used, I am considering deleting it again.
My conflict with it now is that I’m not a parent, I don’t understand things from their perspectives, and again who would be able to keep an eye out for me if things went wrong?
I’m just tired of feeling treated like a child. I feel a great lack of respect, and I get double trouble from both my family and work when I run late (I have ADHD so timing is difficult for me, always has been so this is a reoccurring problem).
WIBTJ for deleting the app and taking this control away from my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Delete the app NOW.
If you want to share your location on a drive or whatever, that seems logical, but share it with a friend, who can ring your parents if they receive a crash notification to let them know.
No one needs to know your location 24/7. Tell them if they want to know where you are, they can ring and ask, but you’ll only tell them if there’s a reason they need to know.
They’re just being controlling. You’re an adult.” mynamecouldbesam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You’re a young adult and your parents should respect your decisions. There are alternative ways of checking in that your family could use instead phone tracking to make sure you’re okay. I think it would be a healthier relationship too if both you and your parents were okay with it.
But at the end of the day, you can choose not to do either if you’d like and check in with them when YOU want to.” kronikfumes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know when you’re away from family that it can be worrying to think ‘What if something happens to me?’, but there are less invasive ways to do this, particularly nowadays.
Have your parents set as your emergency contacts in your phone, and also give their information to your HR if you are working. Choose a friend who has shown up for you in the past and lives locally with you and have them set as your emergency contact too (with their permission).
Also, give them a way to contact your family. Keep a card with your parent’s numbers on them in your phone case (in case it can’t be used to find emergency contacts) and your purse.
When I was your age, way back at the turn of the millennium when smartphones were just a sci-fi dream, this is what I did when I moved across the other side of the world to my family.
The ‘what if…’ was scary, but we found ways to alleviate the worry without constant tracking because that simply wasn’t an option. Now it is a lot easier to get information like this. Delete the app but have a backup to alleviate the worry.” Pleasant-Koala147
14. AITJ For Not Attending My Family's Christmas Party Because I Can't Afford It?
“My family has always spent Christmas together with our parents. Last year was the first year we spent it with my brother (20s) and his wife (20s).
Due to it being their first time, they were understandably very stressed and had trouble getting things together especially taking into account my dietary restrictions.
Last year I (F20s) didn’t live in the same city as them so I couldn’t really help with the preparations but this year I do.
Since I’m a student the money is tight but my brother and sil earn extremely well even compared to our parents. When we spent Christmas with our parents we didn’t have to contribute financially towards the feast but this year the cost is shared by our parents and them.
As I can’t afford it my compensation is the organization and cooking of the feast as none of them enjoy such things. This is not a small task since I’ll have to start the preparations days before Christmas and do everything on my own.
However, since I’m not the one paying for the meal I shared my plans weeks ago with all of them and they agreed on the menu. A couple of days ago I sat down and calculated how much all of this would cost and sent the info to my family.
This did not go down well with my brother.
He is extremely frugal which is fine and all but the cost of the feast is the same as it has been every year. Mind you, it is nothing crazy honestly but costs more than a regular everyday meal.
I said fine we can cut something back if he wants and asked what he wanted to give up. He chose the one thing I wanted to make for myself as a treat since almost everything else is something I can’t eat but the rest of them can eat all of it.
I said okay anything else but he didn’t want to give up anything else. I asked him if he was serious that ‘my dish’ would be the only one we would get rid of and not one of their multiple sides. I don’t want to eat only potatoes and salad.
His response was that it’s all so expensive and since it’s something that most of us wouldn’t eat it didn’t make sense to make it. My brother pulled the same move last year and my mother put her foot down and forced my brother to include me.
Since then he has constantly told us ‘how we are so emotional and stir up unnecessary drama’.
So to his opinion, I said that it was fine. I’ll just not attend and spent Christmas by myself since I can’t afford to pay for the dish since I already provide my main.
My brother got mad and said that it was not what he meant.
I replied that this would be the most elegant solution to the problem since the feast would be cheaper and I wouldn’t have to work so hard for a meal I can’t eat.
And this would have the added bonus of not causing too much drama since I’d do so voluntarily (I know I’m probably a jerk just for this).
He got super mad at me while my mother got mad at him and decided to spend Christmas at my place.
Now everyone is mad at everyone but honestly, I’m mainly just sad and feel like I ruined everyone’s Christmas. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from my take, they know you are vegan, have been for years, and the additional costs are only $5-6!
That is a ridiculously small amount of money for your brother to take a stand on when it means deliberately excluding you from eating. He is well aware that you don’t have the money yourself and has already agreed to help foot the costs.
And you are doing all the work cooking! This is a stupid hill for him to die on. If I had someone offering to do all the cooking for me I’d be glad to throw in a little extra money. The cooking is the hard part.
And if you don’t come he has to pay and cook and not have you there. He is being a fool. That is not on you.” JessiK9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like this is not really about money. Brother is engaged in some sort of weird flex.
OP is agreeing to cook it. It’s worth bearing in mind that if you were to eat in a restaurant, the food is probably the cheapest element of the meal. What’s expensive is probably a toss-up between the cost of labor and the use of the premises.
I’d argue that OP is making the biggest contribution to the meal by taking the trouble to prep and cook it. Not sure what brother’s problem here is but OP is right to stand up for herself.” borisslovechild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
News flash people.
Being alive costs money. Making and eating food costs money. You wanna have a nice Christmas dinner, you gotta pay for it.
Also, whoever is paying for the meal is obliged to pay for food every person invited can eat. It is a perfectly reasonable boundary to say you will not cook for, nor attend a feast where everyone gets to eat but you.
You didn’t ‘ruin Christmas’, your brother did by complaining about having to pay for the dinner he agreed to help pay for. Also, assuming you are planning the feast for Christmas day, you still have a week to work things out, and we don’t need to jump to the conclusion that Christmas is ‘ruined’ yet.” ghosts-on-the-ohio
13. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Seats To Sit Beside My Partner On The Plane?
“My (M21) partner (F21) and I just got done with finals so we decided to take a trip to Ohio for a few days. We live on the west coast so it’s like a 4-hour flight.
We got done with our trip and we’re coming back home by plane. When we woke up she was immediately angry because I accidentally pushed her off the bed. LOL. Then she started finding things to complain about. I suggested we get the free breakfast at our hotel instead of going to some coffee shop and when we went she kept complaining about how the coffee is weak and that she needs another one so I complied and we went to a coffee shop.
We get to the airport and she’s complaining more, I tell her I’m tired and let me rest, don’t talk to me until we get home and she gets all mad and complains.
We have different seats on the plane because the flight is packed and overbooked. I tell her it’s fine it’s just 4 hours.
She then comes to my seat and tells me the woman sitting next to her is willing to trade seats with me. I literally said ‘give me a break’ and told her no. She went back crying but I just wanted a break. When we got home she started crying even more and said I embarrassed her on the flight.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not for not switching seats, but for not communicating. I get that you were tired, but it doesn’t sound like you said anything to her about her behavior. It doesn’t sound like you have ever sat down with her and had a conversation to communicate your needs… (if you had, then you would have a real basis for a short chat about what you needed at that moment.) It sounds like you’re just reacting based on what you want and expecting her to deal with it.
I get that you were tired but the way that you have worded this story, you are implying that whatever it is that you need is acceptable and people need to be fine with that… but if they need something from you or if they literally woke up on the wrong side of the bed because you pushed them off, they are being annoying.
If you’re not interested in talking to your partner or establishing a good line of communication, you should break up with her so she can find someone who respects her.” hallowiener8D
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Dude. Breakup already or both grow up.
You accidentally pushed her off the bed and think it’s funny still even though she was clearly upset as evidenced by your use of ‘LOL.’ It makes it sound like you don’t care about her feelings.
But that’s not my point here.
You are both really immature and don’t seem to respect each other. It seems like you’re not mature enough to speak to her about her negative behavior and how it’s affecting you, and she didn’t respect your boundaries when you said you needed space.
You should both work on your communication issues and talk frankly and KINDLY about your needs and expectations. Your avoidant behavior is bringing out her anxious attachment style.” safarigreen-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The fact that you added a ‘LOL’ after saying you pushed her out of bed ‘accidentally’ is enough to prove that you don’t care about her.
You should try waking up to a hard hit on the floor because you got shoved out and her giving a crap because ‘LOL’. You didn’t seem to care at all. Despite your bad attitude and poor listening skills the entire day she still forgave you enough to want to sit by you on the plane back for some reason and you still couldn’t be bothered to do something as simple as sitting next to her to make her happy.
Just break up already. We all know she deserves better than you.” SpangingOfframps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for accidentally kicking her out of bed, but YTJ for laughing about it or being dismissive of how it could’ve annoyed her.
NTJ for being annoyed at your partner for complaining, but YTJ for telling her not to talk to you until your 4+ hour trip home is complete.
(Seriously?! Who do you think you are?)
NTJ for not wanting to switch seats, but YTJ for being rude and not thinking about how your words could hurt her when you refused.
Basically, yes, YTJ, but not for the reasons you think. If you think telling your partner not to talk to you for x amount of time is respectful or acceptable behavior, you need to grow up.
I’m an elementary school teacher and even on my bad days, I treat my most annoying students with more respect than you treat your partner.” SquatLowTheDachshund
12. AITJ For Putting Down Our Cat While My Younger Sister Was Away?
“We already knew our cat wouldn’t make Christmas this year, he lost power in his little legs and looked confused at times.
He would just sit and stare at a wall for half an hour.
In the last few weeks, I(25f) noticed he was breathing heavily, I called my vet and he said we had to enjoy every day he was with us. That was until this morning.
Everyone was away except for me, my old cat, and dog. I was eating lunch when my cat sounded like he was choking. I put him on his little paws, and he coughed and then continues breathing through his mouth. I didn’t wait for a second, got his crate, and rushed him to the vet.
The vet made clear that his life was over and that it was best to put him to sleep. My little old man, who was besides more than half my life now was gone.
I came home with an empty crate, called my mom, and cried. When my mom came home with my younger sister (17) she called me names for not waiting until she came home.
She wanted to say goodbye as well and give him his last hug.
I feel very conflicted, it was the best for my cat but not my sister. So, AITJ for putting our cat to sleep when my younger sister was at school?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Future veterinarian here. First, let me say I’m so very sorry for your family’s loss & I’m extending my deepest sympathies to you all.
You’re not a jerk because you did the best you could at that moment for your cat. The vet told you he was suffering & you chose to relieve him of that suffering, which is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can do.
Your sister isn’t a jerk because due to the circumstances, she couldn’t say goodbye the way she wanted to & she wasn’t there to see with her own eyes that he was in pain & distress, so she may think it could have waited. Be gentle with her right now – she’s grieving, too.
I’m wishing your family love & strength in this time.” mangovixen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did the right thing, instead of making the cat suffer for how many hours it took for your sister to get home. No decent owner should prolong the suffering of their pet, just because they aren’t ready to say goodbye yet.
Plus, the vet had already given you all a warning the past few weeks. It might be blunt, but she should’ve taken that warning seriously and basically hugged and kissed the cat goodbye each day she leaves for school.
For all she knew, the cat could’ve died due to natural causes while she was off to school and what would she demand then?
Give it CPR until she had her last hug in?
The vet said it was kinder to put him to sleep. Only a monster would say ‘No, I’m going to wait and visit the family until everyone has said their goodbyes, while this poor cat is clearly struggling to breathe’.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You did the best you could in a hard and emotional situation, it’s not unreasonable that you didn’t think ‘Oh, I should ask the vet if we can make him comfortable so my sister can say goodbye, too.’, that’s a ‘hard’ thing to think of at the moment.
What might help is for you to acknowledge and validate her grief, tell her you’re sorry she couldn’t be there, and see if there’s anything you can do as sisters to honor him.” EleriTMLH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As sad as this situation is, I think you did the right thing.
I’m sure your sister will come around to realize this as well. That poor kitty was suffering and in pain, so it was crucial that you allow him to pass away peacefully as soon as possible.
Perhaps there could have been some level of communication as you did it, like perhaps a family call or Facetime before/during the euthanasia, but, ultimately, what you did was for the best for the cat.
Try to sit down with your sister and discuss this with her. She deserves an explanation and is clearly hurting too, so I’m sure explaining your stance on this will help ease the situation.
I’m sorry for your family’s loss, sounds like they were a great little kitty.” nalyddoctor
11. AITJ For Causing My Stepsister And Her Family To Be Banned From Christmas?
“I have a daughter, Elena (6), and my stepsister Jess has a daughter Hattie (5). Me, my husband, Jess, and her husband Paul are all staying at our parents’ house over the Xmas period.
For context, Paul arrived a day after the rest of us, very late at night because he does shift work and worked late before driving to our parents’.
The next morning, the girls were playing in Elena’s room at about 10 am. The adults were all downstairs, except Paul because he was sleeping, and my stepdad was out. Suddenly, we heard Paul shouting. This is not too unusual, if unpleasant, but this episode sounded particularly bad so we got up.
Before we can even get to the stairs my daughter runs down crying, saying Paul had shouted at her for waking him up. My husband was livid and went upstairs to deal with Paul while I calmed my daughter down. I knew it would be absolutely impossible for us to be around Paul after what happened so we would probably be leaving.
Jess said that was ridiculous, Paul probably got annoyed and was tired and he’d apologize and everything would be fine. I said no, it would not be fine, nobody shouts at my child and remains on speaking terms with me or around my daughter, Paul should know better than to be acting like that with other people’s children.
When my stepdad came back, we told him what happened and that we would be leaving because we refused to subject Elena to being around Paul after what he did and we don’t trust him not to overstep his boundaries like that again. My stepdad agreed, but said that it was unfair we should have to leave after Paul was the problem.
He called Paul and Jess down and said they had to go, and weren’t welcome on Christmas, or until after we had gone home. Paul tried to defend himself saying the kids should have been quieter but when my husband got annoyed Paul half-heartedly apologized. I didn’t believe a word of his apology.
My stepdad reiterated that Jess was welcome to stay without Paul, but Paul had to be gone within the hour. Jess started crying and said it was unfair and that my stepdad was choosing me over her and was a horrible father. She started an expletive rant so I left the room with Elena, and the next I saw was her and Paul going upstairs to pack.
They left without a goodbye.
Since they’ve been gone every few hours I’ve got a text from Jess saying how I’ve ruined her Christmas and her relationship with her dad over 30 seconds of bad judgment. I don’t think I created this situation because it was my stepdad’s decision to throw them out, I offered to leave.
I also think Paul made this bed that Jess is lying in. All he had to do was come downstairs and ask us to quiet the children, or pop his head into the room and ask politely. Nevertheless, I do feel bad that Jess is stuck in the middle and that Hattie won’t see her grandparents on Christmas because of this.
Did I overreact? Would Paul apologizing have been enough?
EDIT: Re the kids being unsupervised – I was upstairs with them, and we were all going down to do some baking. The girls asked for 10 more minutes to continue playing before coming down so I went down to get all the stuff ready in the kitchen, they weren’t on their own for hours on end.
They were playing with a large dollhouse in Elena’s room, hence why they were not playing downstairs to start with.
EDIT 2: Re Paul’s history of yelling – Paul yells at his daughter Hattie quite a lot, in a way I would describe as quite vicious.
We have all been made uncomfortable by Paul’s outbursts, and more than once I’ve had to bite my tongue because I just think his conduct is unacceptable, but I do because he and Jess are the parents. Maybe I did overreact but imagining him shouting at my daughter the way I’ve seen him shout at his made me sick and angry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A five-year-old and a six-year-old are going to make noise playing together, it was 10 am not 1 am so I fail to see why anyone should have gotten angry about it.
I’m stuck on the part where you say Paul shouting is unpleasant but not unusual. That’s an issue.
If your BIL is shouting at his kid enough for it to be a normal thing there’s something wrong there. She’s 5, and her dad shouting at her shouldn’t be the norm.
Good for you for standing up for your kid and your family.
Paul has absolutely no business shouting at your daughter for playing. She’s 6. Honestly, I’d say that short of causing bodily harm to his daughter he should never be yelling at someone else’s kid.
You didn’t demand they get kicked out, you told your family that as a result of your BIL’s inappropriate behavior, you would leave so your daughter wasn’t subjected to it anymore.
Your stepdad obviously agrees that Paul was out of line otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you to stay and Paul to leave. I have a feeling this shouting thing happens often otherwise I don’t see why your stepdad would have asked Paul to leave.” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shouting at kids is abusive and not okay. You are not responsible for how your stepdad handled it. No one ‘ruined’ anyone’s Christmas; even the Grinch learned that other people’s Christmas experiences were not his to control. In the future, it might help to ensure that Paul and Jess understand what kinds of behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable, and to give them a chance if they genuinely seem to understand and commit to acceptable behavior.
Sorry to hear you and your family had an unhealthy surprise, disappointment, guilt, and confusion at your get-together.” learning_moose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, largely. I can understand Paul’s perspective to an extent, working the night shift and then getting woken up is surely quite unpleasant.
But that’s no excuse for making a kid cry and then doing nothing to make it up to her. And the fact that this behavior is what he defaulted to when upset is definitely concerning. So while I think you and your stepfather did escalate this conflict a bit quicker than you had to, ultimately the blame lies on Paul.
All I can do is hope he doesn’t act this way with his own daughter, but unfortunately, there’s a good chance he does. Hattie is not your responsibility but maybe you can look for more opportunities to connect with her just to let her know she has a support system outside her parents.” Cogito3
10. AITJ For Displacing My Negative Feelings On A Baby?
“I (28f) have been in no contact with my brother (21m) for 6 months since June after a big argument. It follows years of him bullying and belittling me, and my parents allowing it. I have faced a lot of pressure from my family to drop it and forgive him, despite never receiving an apology for everything he’s done over the years because my choice is making life difficult for them, but I am not willing to put myself back in that situation.
In September, his first son, my parents’ first grandkid, was born. Despite my asking them not to, my parents continually try to show me pictures, talk to me about him, and facetime him and his mother, who is not with my brother (and another reason I no longer want contact with him – I can no longer sit by and allow him to verbally belittle, and fool around with women while everyone laughs at how stupid they are for expecting him to respect them in the first place) while I am in the room.
They have repeatedly told me I am being selfish and spiteful by taking my negative feelings out on a baby, but I don’t see it like that – if I am not going to be in my brother’s life, there is no point in getting attached to his child.
My mom has spoken to the child’s mother, who apparently has agreed to meet with me without my brother around. I never asked for this, nor do I want to go. Honestly, it feels a little disrespectful to go behind my brother’s back, even if we are in no contact and on bad terms.
I feel like I am being pressured, and both I and my brother are having boundaries crossed here, but on the other hand, it’s literally a baby, so maybe I am being spiteful/hateful to an innocent child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be time to go low contact or no contact with your parents since they don’t seem willing to respect your boundaries.
Based on the way you described your brother I can’t help but wonder if they want you to make up for anything that will be lacking in your brother’s parenting ability. However, that is not your responsibility nor are you required to have a relationship with your brother’s child.
Your brother is the one who procreated not you.
Genetics doesn’t mean you are required to have a relationship with your brother’s kid. It doesn’t make you a bad person either. It doesn’t mean you have anything against the baby. You just don’t want to develop a relationship and that is your right.
For all you know, you would be a terrible aunt so people acting as if you are somehow punishing the baby by not having a relationship with him are just speculating. No kid needs people in their lives that don’t want to be there because that is how they end up with issues as adults.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re being hateful or spiteful to the baby at all. And that’s coming from someone who has relationships with my brother’s ex/baby momma because I strongly wanted a relationship with my nephews and nieces.
If you want a relationship with the baby then do it. That baby deserves family around. However, if you’re not comfortable no need to force yourself to be uncomfortable.
My brothers weren’t too involved with their own children so in order to stay in their lives I developed a relationship with their moms to have a relationship with them.
And I’ll never regret it. So definitely be firm in whatever you choose, last thing you’ll want is for this kid to get yo-yo’d around with people who don’t want to be in his life on a consistent basis.” warriorheart1031
Another User Comments:
“If you already stood up for this woman by making a stand against your brother and his unfaithful ways, it kinda sounds like you already do care about the baby. And while you may not have contact with your brother, you do have some with your parents, so it is more than likely you will have contact with the baby in the future.
This is your niece/nephew and will be your family forever. While the father (your brother) may deserve to be cut out of your life, don’t let your anger with him affect your feelings for your nibling. The worst thing you can do is let someone who hurt you keep hurting you even after they are gone.
NTJ, but don’t let your brother take away your role of being an aunt.” evilcj925
9. AITJ For Not Being Able To Impose Boundaries With My Mom?
“My wife and I recently had to move in with my mom along with our one-year-old son. My mom has made it very clear that we are ruining her life and she hates having us here. I know in a lot of families adult children moving in is normal but in this situation, she is clearly doing us a favor and is mad about it.
I have been having a hard time setting boundaries with my mom because her answer is if we don’t like it we can leave and, to be honest, that sounds fair. Don’t get me wrong, I still say something when she is rude to my wife, but as for real boundaries and consequences, I just don’t have any leverage.
My wife has been on me lately about how I need to do more to set boundaries.
One thing my mom does that my wife hates is using some offensive word in place of ‘you’ in a sentence. Previously I set a boundary that if my mom called either of us bad names we would leave and not visit for x amount of time, but now that we live here she laughs and tells me to please go.
So my hands quite literally are tied.
Well, tonight my mom came down to go to a work Christmas party, and MIL who was visiting made a comment about how her outfit was going to get her fired. My mom called my mother-in-law a nasty name and my wife gave me a look.
Though I just shrugged it off because I felt MIL was rude.
My wife spoke up and said that I am a coward and that she is going to remind my mom of our boundaries and we are sick of how she used those words.
My mom then looked at my wife and said ‘ok I’ll say jerk next time, dumb jerk’ I was in shock and yelled at her to shut up. She left for her party and I thought it was over, but my wife and MIL both began telling me how I needed to set consequences for my mom and how it shouldn’t be so easy for her to insult my wife.
I responded that we lost our right to set boundaries when we moved into her house. I don’t like it either, but she owns our lives, and I’m not going to make a fool of myself and come off as some choosy beggar. I said for now she really can say what she wants.
MIL muttered something under her breath and my wife began to scream at me.
My wife is currently not speaking to me and says I can’t come into our room tonight. She called me weak and told me to crawl in bed with my mom which honestly hurt because my mom has multiple locks on her door as she DOeSn’T tRUsT uS.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At least you realize you’re two broke adults with a child living with your mother. And your mother has made it abundantly clear, if you don’t like it, move out. If your wife wants boundaries, she needs to move out And you’re wife can’t tell anyone where they can go in a home she’s squatting in because she’s a broke adult with a child living with her mother-in-law.
And your wife’s mother won’t even let her move in because her husband will leave. So let that sink in, you’re two broke adults without many options. Your wife needs to understand, she doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, she does not have the upper hand or moral high ground.” penguin_squeak
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for the kid & you need to move as soon as possible.
And why are you inviting MIL over if she’s going to be saying trashy things to your mom? Yeah, your mom sucks royally, but you chose to move in with her.
But MIL should keep her mouth shut. What she said was trashy.
Is it possible for just your wife & child to move in with MIL while you wait it out with your mom? (Or will MIL’s husband also not allow that?) I know it’s not optimal, but allowing someone as toxic as your mother around your child isn’t optimal either.
Or does your wife have a friend she & the kid can stay with? It might be easier for her to find temporary housing if it’s just the two of them.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom is a saint. So wife and you got yourselves into a mess by living on essentially one income and racking up massive debt while not saving anything.
Much of it is on an extravagant wedding. Wife has a very low-paying job. You lost yours and the house of cards tumbled. No other relatives on either side would take you in. Wife’s mom’s husband actually said he’d leave if you lived there. Your mom did take you in and gave you 2 rooms and even maid service and is helping pay off your debt to get you back on your feet and she is the bad one?
Despite you also saying she was an amazing mom when you were growing up and still is not charging you anything to live with her.
You and your wife need to get over yourselves and be grateful and thank your mom for all her help.
You should be thanking her every day and since swearing is the big complaint yet she’s always done it you need to get over it. Her life has been massively inconvenienced in many ways and she’s taking a massive financial hit to have you live with her and help bail you out.
You owe her. Your wife, who you say would rather die than set foot in a homeless shelter, needs to get over herself or go live in one anyway. I’m sure social services would be happy to place your child with your mom when you are living in your car or a shelter.” Americanhealth74
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. MIL was a guest in your mother’s home so she was out of line for making any comments about how your mother was dressed. Your mom is out of line for calling people out by their name. She has every right to use whatever word she wants in her own home but it doesn’t give her the right to call people derogatory words.
Your wife because if she truly has a problem with your mother’s behavior then she does need to get out of your mom’s house. Why can’t you all live with ML?
Also what exactly does she expect you to do besides ask your mom not to call you by those names?
You can’t physically force get not to because that would be wrong and illegal. It’s her home so you can’t force her to leave? I’m confused by what consequences you could give your mother when you are living in her home. Especially when her behavior suggests she doesn’t care if you leave.
It doesn’t sound like she cares about maintaining a relationship with you or your family whatsoever. She wants you out of her house.” Such-Awareness-2960
8. AITJ For Winning My Case Against My Brother?
“My brother and I inherited our parents’ house and were looking to sell it but we could never decide on a price (he wanted more than the house was worth) after a few years of this I decided to buy out his share.
Things went smoothly and I offered him what I believed to be fair for a fix-it-up home, the issue came after the house was transferred to me and I got a bill for back taxes (10K) for the period we both held the property.
We shared all expenses and paid the taxes on the house at the rate that our mother had (heavily discounted) and we got hit with the difference owed in the tax rate.
So in short, my brother felt that now I was the owner and that I was responsible for covering the back tax, while I argued that these taxes were incurred, while we both were responsible. So I had to sue, and I wound up winning, he sent the check and considers that I robbed him, and I no longer have any contact with his family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not pay for all taxes when you had joined ownership of the house, or if you did, it should have been deducted from the price of his share of the property. Especially considering you had an agreement to share the costs associated with the house.
If you brought a house from a stranger and discovered afterward that there was BT, you would not be responsible either, and suing the previous owner would not make you a jerk. It is the same here, except that it is about a 50% share of a property, not all of it.” AnikaStev
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your brother and you couldn’t sell the home because you said he wanted more than it was worth. When you showed interest in buying it you paid him a fair ‘fix-t-up’ price. So it sounds like once you decided to buy it he did sell it at a cheaper price because you are his brother.
He made a concession so you could buy the family home then you sued him. YTJ” Strange-Badger7263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother tried to dodge having to pay the back taxes while he owned his part of the house. You basically called him out on it, and he’s mad he couldn’t get away with ignoring it.
This is his fault. Your brother is the jerk here. He should have thought about how not paying the necessary bills could affect you if he even cared about your feelings at all. He’s now all butt-hurt that he had to pay anyway and has made sure his family believes you’re the bad guy.
This is his doing, not yours.” Azile96
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
All of this could have been avoided if you would have done this the right way. Get multiple estimates for the sale, and agree on ten estimates. Then getting a real estate/mortgage professional involved, who would have pro-rated any taxes, liens, debts, and fees, and done this the legal and equitable way.
Instead, you both tried to save a buck, and in the end, it cost you your relationship.” QuirkySyrup55947
7. AITJ For Bringing Soda At Home?
“We have a family of 5. My husband (30M) has always been on the bigger side. He has a problem with self-control. We have been eating healthy for most of our 6-year relationship.
We don’t bring junk food into the house very often. My kids only drink water and milk daily. They get a soda if we go out to eat and anything else that isn’t the norm. Recently they wanted to drink soda at home. They’re 10, 9, and 7.
So I brought sprite home.
My husband has been drinking sprite like crazy and I told him that those are for the kids. He said that if I bring anything into the house, he’s going to consume it because he doesn’t have self-control. He makes it seem like it’s my fault for bringing it into the home.
So AITJ for bringing sprite home for the kids with my husband’s lack of self-control?
Info to add: He meal preps. He works out. He’s been to the doctor to get bloodwork done to see if it’s something medical. He isn’t doing anything. I don’t let myself indulge as I’m not into sweets.
I simply want to have my kids have a balance between healthy foods and unhealthy foods so they don’t overindulge as an adult because said unhealthy foods are forbidden their whole childhood.
I have let him look at this for his personal feedback, and his issue isn’t addiction.
It’s impulse control. He has this problem with many many things, but the food is the easiest to be impulsive with to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is not a heavy drinker who would have a physical dependence. He seems to just be acting immature
Impulse control is something many people struggle with, and disorders like ADHD are hard to diagnose in adults. Regardless, you have to change the way you and your kids live your life because of his deficiency, which is unfair.
And certainly, nobody told him it was OK to write off his actions as ‘you know I have no control, this is your fault’.
This means to some degree, this is a problem he doesn’t want to solve, and would rather everyone else put in the effort to keep him away from making bad choices. He’s preventing himself from showing restraint on his own, even if he also has an undiagnosed disorder that makes it harder for him.” ooooooooooooolivia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Also, I’m concerned that these issues will be wearing off on your very impressionable aged kids. Food is not inherently good or bad. If you make it a big deal that your husband is drinking soda your kids will pick up on this.
If your husband continues to exclaim he has no self control your kids will pick up on this as a potential failure they don’t want to make and can easily make this something that becomes a huge sticking point in their own relationship with food.
I think you both need to relax around food and if your kids want to try a soda, buy them one each and not an entire case to keep at home. Or put their names on the cans/bottles and perhaps your husband won’t drink them all.
Or get him some as well so he isn’t in an all-or-nothing mindset when he sees them.” Abcdezyx54321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, the whole ‘self-control’ thing is blown way out of proportion when it comes to diet and ‘clean eating’. It seems to me that your husband could benefit from the same perspective that you are trying to teach your children.
That there is room for both nutritious foods and foods that bring us comfort/pleasure. Abundance and the neutralization of ‘bad’ foods like soda is a good step. I would take it easy on the guy and maybe have a convo. It’s a bit like your husband has the inner child that you are trying to parent in your own children (not to let him off the hook, as he is capable of taking responsibility).” aliveonly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If your husband is fully aware of his impulse control issues then why isn’t he actually trying to improve them? Is he seeing a psychologist or a doctor or doing anything at all to get better, or has he just given up and refused to take any responsibility?
You listed several physical things he’s doing to keep healthy, but impulse control is not a physical issue, it’s a mental one. If he’s not seeing any mental health professionals then he’s not putting in the work he really needs to be doing.
The lesson you’re both modeling for your kids is that if you are struggling with a personal issue, you can pile all of the responsibility of dealing with it onto your family members instead of doing it yourself. Have a think about that.
One more thing: how does your husband behave when he’s not at home?
Does he plow through the office candy dish every day? Does he buy himself his favorite snacks every time he stops for gas? Does he raid the pantries of his friends and family whenever he goes to their houses? Does he go out of control at buffets?
If he can control himself outside the house, then he is actually capable of controlling his impulses, he just chooses not to do so at home.” User
6. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Parents' Dogs For Three Months?
“My parents have two huge dogs that I absolutely adore, they are about 150 pounds each and require a lot of attention. Well, my parents decided to book a three-month-long vacation to a tropical country that they leave for in 2 days, and they haven’t found anyone to watch the dogs yet.
They’ve had MONTHS to find someone to look after them yet they decided to leave it till now. My mom asked me today if my partner and I would take them but we live in a very small apartment and it would be extremely unreasonable to try and keep 2 150 pound dogs there and we already signed on the lease that we wouldn’t have any pets.
My parents are acting like it is our (their kids) responsibility to watch the dogs which is extremely frustrating as we’re not the ones that decided to get two dogs and then go off to another country for three months, but I care about these dogs so much and am very concerned for there well being so I started wondering if I’m the jerk for not being willing to take them.
Edit: my apartment DOES allow pets of any kind but on our lease, we signed off that we wouldn’t have any.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They deliberately waited until two days before the trip in order to force you to take the dogs. It is unreasonable to expect you to care for two large dogs in a small apartment and your lease doesn’t permit it.
I would suspect that your landlord is not going to permit you to have two large dogs even if you sought to modify the lease.
They have alternatives as there are no doubt boarding facilities and they could have used a dog-sitting agency and the dogs would have stayed in their own home which is probably set up for two huge dogs.
Since the vacation is for three months, they will have to delay departure for a few days while they find a boarding facility and perhaps contact a few dog-sitting companies to find someone to sit them at home.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not responsible for the dogs they are.
It’s not fair for 2 large dogs to stay in a small apartment and you don’t even have permission to keep them there either. Tell them you will visit the dogs whilst they are away but you can’t take care of them, your parents are probably expecting you to take them out of guilt.
They had months to plan and for a three-month trip it doesn’t matter too much if they have to delay the start because they’ve not been responsible enough to sort out care for their dogs.” kezzarla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kennels and petsitters are expensive.
Your parents intentionally didn’t hire one because they don’t want to spend the money on pet care and instead plan to spend the money they ‘save’ on their trip.
Their plan, all along, has been to dump their dogs on their kids. Your parents don’t care if you get evicted for breaking the terms of your lease.
And they probably don’t intend to cover their fogs’ food and vet bills while away, either.
Continue to say no. Don’t allow your parents to step foot in your home with their dogs, ever. And don’t agree to spend the next three months at their home, caring for the dogs.
This isn’t your circus and not your monkeys.” teresajs
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Get A Hotel For Christmas?
“My wife came to me concerned about a week ago and said she wanted to get a hotel to spend Christmas or at least Christmas morning in. We have really cut back financially and our children will be receiving very modest gifts this year.
She feels bad that there won’t be much for them, and doesn’t want them to wake up at my mom’s house and see the pile of gifts under the tree that aren’t for them.
I gently explained that hotels cost a lot of money, especially for Christmas.
We’ve been saving and doing so well, and I really don’t want to spend the money. She even said we could come back and do Christmas dinner with my family, but she doesn’t want the kids there in the morning. I explained that I feel like that is ultimately unhealthy and we can’t shield them from reality and really Christmas shouldn’t be about gifts.
Here is where I might be the jerk. My wife brought it up again in front of my mom and my mom chimed in about how nice that would be for her and that she would love to have Christmas morning alone with her husband.
I immediately felt mortified because I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted. My mom has also done a lot for us and doesn’t ask for anything in return, so I felt even worse that she just wanted to be alone on Christmas morning.
I told my wife (in private) that I would consider it and she blew up.
She said it made her feel awful that I would do it for my mom and not her and that I’m being cheap and a mama’s boy and we shouldn’t be spending money to make my mom happy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What changed wasn’t who wanted it, it was why they wanted it.
Your wife’s explanation was that she didn’t want the kids to have to see other peoples’ Christmas gifts; all arguments about whether that would really be bad for them aside, it seems to me that it would make more sense to put the hundreds of dollars of hotel money towards some additional gifts, no?
Her suggestion was nonsensical.
On the other hand, when someone who has let your whole family live with them for no charge mentions they’d like some privacy Christmas morning, it’s bare minimum levels of respect to clear out if you possibly can. The cost of the hotel isn’t really the cost of a hotel; it’s a cost that comes with living with someone rent-free, to respect their need for a little space.
If your wife really wants to draw a comparison between herself and your mother, then she needs to say that it’s her that needs space, not form a nonsensical argument about protecting the kids from the existence of less modest Christmas celebrations; and even then, I’d still say there’s a difference because one is an indulgence for your family while the other is respecting a generous host.” littlefiddle05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re being blasted with hate but honestly, the original reason for refusing your wife is logical. I worked in several hotels and honestly, our prices tripled during the holidays. It would be even more surprising if you can still find a decent room to celebrate in.
I don’t think your wife really understands what a standard room looks like. It’s not exactly the Christmas spirit. Standard rooms are small, with just enough walk space for 2, and a small table to put the coffee on. If you want a space that will hold your very excitable, holiday-energetic kids you’re paying A LOT of money.
And no wife, letting your kids go crazy in the hotel lobby, restaurant, and hallway is not acceptable behavior.
I think it’s completely reasonable to feel panicked that you might be unwelcome. Which you probably aren’t. But it’s your mother and your family that feels the strain, not the wife’s family.
And her reason for ‘seeing so many gifts, not for our kids’ is incredibly Mrs. Dursley Harry Potter vibes. This is their grandma for Pete’s sake.
By paying for a more accommodating room for your mother and her husband you free their entire house for your family.
It’s also a nice gesture of gratitude for being in their house.
Your wife is being overly protective and might be struggling with her own emotions that came from the financial setback. But she is communicating it in the wrong way.” Viranesi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you guys are in a financial crisis and are technically homeless. A hotel on Christmas isn’t a necessity. This ideology that everyone deserves an amazing Christmas is why so many people are crippled with debt. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in the best interest of your family.
Now the hard part, your wife is a problem. Calling you cheap when you guys clearly don’t have disposable money. Also, the mama’s boy comment is childish. She needs to understand that even after your mom’s suggestion, you still don’t want to fork out the money, but are forced to do so out of guilt and embarrassment.
Maybe explain how you want your kids to enjoy their Christmas but you aren’t willing to jeopardize their future for it. Your wife has good intentions but possibly a near-sighted outlook on the future. Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you can actually afford it.
Also, your wife is kind of toxic for bringing it up in front of your mom. Completely calculated decision. It’s sad that it actually worked and now she is mad that she might get her way. Huge red flags for me, but I’m only judging this one situation filtered through your eyes.” PurpleSimba
4. AITJ For Changing My Mind About Who I Want To Spend Christmas With?
“My (15M) mother (37 F) and my now stepfather (55M, Alexander) got married early this year. My parents have been divorced since I was 9 and I have lived with my mom since then. My dad (39M) always tried to be present in my life but it has been hard for him for as long as I can remember because of his bad economic situation.
He is often between jobs and with very little money to spend on me. He now lives with his friend Trevor in a small apartment and they have a bunk bed. I usually see him on Saturdays but I prefer not to stay at their place because I don’t want to sleep on the couch.
My mom and I were not rich either but we always managed to have a more stable home life. It was harder when I was a kid but since she finished community college we have been better. Her marriage with Alexander changed our situation drastically because he is in a very comfortable economic position and now we lived with him in his big house.
Last week, my mom went to McDonald’s to buy us all food to eat for dinner. She knows I don’t like my burger to have any cheese but, when I opened it, it had all that cheese. She told me that she had asked for my order correctly but forgot to check before leaving the restaurant.
I grabbed my mom’s salad and threw it all over the kitchen floor yelling that if I was not eating McDonald’s, neither was she. Alexander told me to go to my room for the night but I told them that, if they sent me to bed without dinner, I would leave the house and go live with my dad.
I had used that threat before with my mom but this time both she and Alexander were indifferent to it. When I insisted on it, he just said they would call me a taxi in the morning.
The next morning, my mom packed my stuff for me, basically just clothes and boring stuff like a toothbrush.
The only electronic item I was allowed to take was my phone. They gave me my last chance to decide. I could stay and everything would be fine or I could leave to stay with my dad until the end of the holidays. I was still angry so I chose to leave.
Staying here with my dad and Trevor all this week has been horrible. The TV is too small and we all have to share a computer.
Today, I finally gave up and called my mom to pick me up. They said that although I was missed at the house, I was given a clear choice and told that if I went with my dad, I couldn’t return until after the holidays.
I think they are being very cruel and that this punishment is totally beyond any proportion. I have been calling constantly to demand they let me go back and now they are saying that if I keep bothering them, they will stop answering my calls.
They say all my presents will be waiting for me under the tree when I return.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had a tantrum at your mum when the restaurant made a mistake and when she rightly punished you for acting like a toddler you had another tantrum and went to stay with your dad.
You’ve now realized that the grass isn’t greener and want to go back home, but your mum is sticking by what you agreed to when you left.
You’re 15, not 2, so toddler tantrums should be a thing of the past. You’re old enough to understand the consequences of your behavior so you need to******* up and accept this was your own choice.” Scarlettohara1605
Another User Comments:
“Are you sure you’re 15? Because that salad-throwing tantrum rivals any I’ve seen a 3-year-old throw.
YTJ. You cannot expect to keep making the empty threat of moving in with your dad, not doing it, expect it to make them angry/sad/upset whatever reaction you wanted, and then throw another tantrum when you don’t get the reaction you expect.
As for setting boundaries (not letting you come back until after the holidays) can you blame them? You threw your mom’s food after she tried to buy you a treat, you basically left their house in a huff because you’re angry your tantrum didn’t get the result you wanted, and now you want to come back because life with your dad isn’t as glamorous as you expected?
Adult life has consequences. When you hurt/disrespect people (whether intentionally or unintentionally) they are allowed to set boundaries, and this includes asking for space, like telling you that you have to stay at your dad’s until after the holidays.
You know where a great way to start mending the relationship with your mom and stepdad would be?
An apology that you mean. Not a half-meant ‘I’m sorry you feel that way/I’m sorry you’re upset’ but a genuine well-thought-out apology.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I will acknowledge that being a teenager today is hard, and having to navigate divorced parents isn’t easy.
There’s obvious trauma and anger there, and the sooner you get professional therapy to work through it, the better.
But. Throwing temper tantrums and ruining your mom’s lunch because a fast food worker screwed up is unacceptable. You’re 15, not 5. And even after that, your mom and stepdad gave you a chance to stay, but you let your anger make your decision.
It was your threat and now you have to live with the consequences.
Also, your dad cares about you, even if he’s not rich. The tv may be small, but he’s letting you use it, and he’s sharing his computer with you. Try to enjoy your time with him, rather than just wishing you were back in comfort at your mom’s.” DumbQsBadAnswers
3. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Wedding?
“I (F23) have always been close to my bigger sister (F25). She got engaged a couple of months ago and her wedding is coming up fairly soon.
While planning the wedding with her she said that I would be a part of the bridal party and that I would be the maid of honor at the wedding. To me, it made sense that I would be since I was helping a lot with planning the wedding with her.
Well, yesterday She informed me that not only would I not be the maid of honor at her wedding but that I would also not be in the bridal party since she wanted to include her fiance’s sisters in the bridal party.
I wasn’t necessarily upset about not being maid of honor but to be completely taken out of the bridal party made me irritated as the sisters didn’t help with the wedding planning at all, not to mention that I am her sister.
I told her that I was upset that I wouldn’t be in the bridal party and that being her sister I should at least be part of it. She told me that I was just being a selfish jerk for saying that. I informed my sister that since I wasn’t going to be a part of the bridal party that I would not be going to the wedding because of that and being called selfish.
My sister told me that I should still go to the wedding because I was her sister but I told her that obviously me being her sister didn’t matter enough to be in the bridal party and stuck to it that I would not be going if I wasn’t in the party.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I suspect the husband may have been involved in this decision if you are being pushed out completely in favor of his sisters. Going from promised maid of honor to being not in the bridal party completely without you being responsible for some travesty is a real punch in the gut so I have the feeling there’s more to this somehow.
At a good moment see if your sister will tell you whose decision this was and who came up with the idea. Anything less than this being her call — not their call, her call — suggests that his fingerprints are on this change somewhere. And if it is her call and she takes responsibility for it, I feel like she owes you a better reason than that.” NoraGrooGroo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There aren’t actually rules about how many bridesmaids you can have. My sister had four bridesmaids while her husband had two groomsmen. They didn’t escort us down the aisle, and even if they had, either it would have been two ladies for each gentleman or two of the bridesmaids could have paired up, or the groom could have escorted his sister, there were any number of ways it could have gone.
Your sister’s fiancé could have had his sisters stand up on his side if having them in the bridal party was so important to him. Kicking you out was definitely a jerk move, and you’re not wrong to choose not to attend, but you might want to consider what the long-term implications on your relationship with your sister might be and if you can live with them.
It’s easy for a bunch of strangers to tell you, ‘Stand your ground,’ but how will you feel a year from now, five, or ten? This is a big day for your sister, and if you’re close to her you may regret not being there, even though you’re angry now.” North-Perspective376
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like she promised you that role to scam you into doing the legwork and once the majority of the legwork was done she pulled the rug. Bait and switch.
She wants you there so no one asks where you are.
Be prepared she will most likely make something up, so get ahead and just casually drop into conversations that you’re sad she took the role away from you after making you do the hard work so that she looked good for her future SILs.” Status-Pattern7539
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In Contact With My Child?
“I grew up in a religious household; overbearing and restrictive, in a way of rebellion I acted out – got pregnant with my child (‘Charlie’) in a way that a) I am not even sure I can say, b) wasn’t… nice, to say the least.
My parents cut me off and I haven’t spoken to them since (I was 16 at the time, and it’s been 19 years) it was difficult, I’ve been in therapy but it’s something I don’t like – I kept Charlie for 7 months but decided I wasn’t fit to be a mother, Charlie was given to my friends family who’d wanted another child.
(Later diagnosed post-partum depression)
The situation is while thinking of word count; I sent Charlie’s parents my health records (asthma as a child, type 1 diabetes) and get periodic updates like pictures and videos. I maintained that I did not want contact
I’d considered having a child a few years ago but didn’t feel right after giving Charlie up (personal choice) so I’ve fostered, Charlie reached out and asked to visit – she’s pregnant and wants to know her mother.
Here’s where I may be the jerk; I texted Charlie’s parents saying throughout 19 years I’ve expressed a boundary that I do not feel fit to be in contact with Charlie – it’s still very triggering for me, I am not her mother she has my medical records… even then, I would’ve appreciated a warning at the minimum.
They said that it was her Christmas present, that it’s been 19 years so I owe it to her, that I owe her at least one meeting.
My husband thinks I need to give her a chance, that maybe if I move on for adopting her out we can finally have a child of our own or even adopt.
I feel insane, but I feel anxious/overwhelmed/sad all negative feelings when I think of Charlie, I want her to be happy! But… without me. I’ve gotten nonstop texts from Charlie and her parents ranging from begging to angry about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Charlie’s parents are huge jerks for not considering the huge emotional impact this will have on both of you and setting their daughter up for a potentially traumatizing rejection.
You’ve been through so much OP and I can’t imagine the trauma.
I think you should discuss with a mental health professional before you make a firm decision on whether to meet her (preferably one that works specifically with people that have survived what you have.) This might also be a good way of compromising right now, tell them that you are not in a space to meet her at this moment, but that you are seeking support and will need time to consider/process/build up to… (it may be you are never ready and that’s ok.
Right now people are laying on the pressure, this is totally unfair and in an ideal world, they would take ‘no’ as an entire answer. A compromise like this may be a way to placate them and give yourself room to breathe.)
It’s worth Charlie being prepared too, she may not be aware of the events around her conception and that could be devastating to discover.” leb2353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you went through quite a bit and you did what you could to give her a good life. And, despite it being a while ago, you still have some PTSD and unresolved feelings/traumas surrounding her conception and birth.
It’s understandable that you don’t feel comfortable with the meeting.
It’s understandable that she wants to meet. It’s understandable that you are still processing so much and maybe don’t feel ready. Your husband brings up some good points, but you can’t rush the healing process.
And ultimately, it’s up to you both (you and Charlie) if you feel ready for this big change.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, Charlie is NTJ, and her parents are jerks.
You need to talk this thru with a therapist. Someone who can help you process this situation.
Hopefully, you’ve had therapy to deal with the trauma of the past. But if not, now is the time to start. You’re not right or wrong for not wanting to meet her. But based on your husband’s comment, it doesn’t seem like you’ve truly handled your trauma or the adoption.
Perhaps some unresolved issues that are keeping you from truly moving forward in life with him in the way he wants.
Charlie is normal for wanting to meet you. You are more than a health record. Adopted children often want to connect with their biological parents to learn more about who they are.
Do I sound like my parent? Do I tilt my head like them, walk like them, etc? It’s natural curiosity & a bit of self-exploration.
Charlies parents are jerks for pushing this on you & demanding it as a Christmas present.” CarDecGra
1. AITJ For Refusing To Change Plans To See My Fiancé?
“My fiancé got home from a 2-week business trip the day I was out celebrating my friend Amelia’s birthday. He called me to let me know he was home and asked if I wanted to get dinner but I told him I couldn’t so he told me he was going to go to a bar with some friends.
Once I got off the phone, my friends asked me what he said and I explained how he was going to a bar with his friends.
Half of the group wanted to go too as it’s hard to get into that bar but my fiancé knows the owner so he could get us in but we were supposed to go see a show so I said no. They repeatedly asked me why I didn’t want to go and if I didn’t want to see my fiancé.
I was annoyed so I said I didn’t want to see him get them to shut up about it.
We did end up going to the bar as they convinced Amelia that’s what she wanted to do. I was quiet because I was upset about missing the show and my fiancé asked me if I was okay and my friend, Maria, told him I hadn’t wanted to see him and that I made a big deal about not changing our plans so I wouldn’t see him.
His friends teased him about it and I denied it but he’s upset with me because Maria made what I said seem worse than it was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You behaved like a whiney brat. They weren’t your plans to make.
It was YOUR friend’s birthday. When it’s your birthday, you can do what you want.
You also should’ve been honest to your friends when they asked you why you were upset, instead of lying about not wanting to see your fiancé. As a result, you ended up hurting your fiancé on top of it.
All of this because you displayed selfish behavior on a day that’s not even yours.” tifingpenguin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You lied which created the issue when you could’ve just been honest about wanting to go to the show.
The people that pressured the birthday girl to do something she wasn’t keen on suck for doing that.
Maria sucks for telling your fiancé that you didn’t want to see him because the only reason to do that is obnoxious – but again, you told her that in the first place so…” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
YTJ because you should’ve told your friends that A) you wanted to see the show and B) that more than anything, it was up to Amelia as to what you guys do.
Now, you lied to your friends about why you didn’t want to go to the bar, your lie hurt your fiance’s feelings, and your explanation of the lie is going to be VERY hard to believe and VERY hard to get past in your relationship.
Telling them that you really wanted to see the show literally risked nothing. Agreeing that you don’t want to see your fiance is a huge problem because it’s something you can’t un-say.” bus_emoji
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Maria didn’t make what you said worse than it actually was.
She repeated exactly what you told her and all of your friends. She shouldn’t have brought it up to start drama between you and your fiancé but you shouldn’t have said it in the first place.
You couldn’t have come up with anything else?
Anything? This was going to start problems even if Maria hadn’t said anything. You told all of your friends you didn’t want to see your fiancé and then sulked when you ended up going to the bar after all. Do your friends get along with your fiancé?
Because if my friend acted the way you did, I’d wonder about how the fiancé is treating her. And don’t you think they would say something along the lines of ‘glad to see you’re doing better’ the next time they see you and your fiancé getting along again?
After all, they now believe that you hate being around him so much that you won’t even talk or enjoy yourself while he’s around.
You all suck for forcing your wishes on Amelia when it was her party. Your friends suck for pressuring her to change her plans and you suck for making it awkward—with the original comment and your pity party at the bar.
Also, you all suck for putting your Fiancé in that situation. Do you know if his friends were okay with you and what I assume are a bunch of strangers just joining them? Have you thought about how embarrassing it is to have to beg a friend of yours to please let his fiancée and her friends into the club?
Not to mention that he now also has to deal with his friends’ teasing.
The only ones who don’t suck here are your fiancé and Amelia.
What Maria did was mean and unnecessary but that doesn’t negate what you did.” rvbbersovl
