People Try Not To Brush Over Any Details Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Stop Invading My Weekends?
“My mother-in-law has the idea that she can come over every Saturday or Sunday. Both if she can have her way. I prefer Saturdays as Sundays I’m busy getting everything ready for the work week and doing laundry.
Yesterday I went to visit my dad as I haven’t seen him in 6 months so she couldn’t come over so she comes today on a Sunday.
I’m just so tired and annoyed she always tries to tell me how to raise my kids and how to clean or cook. Because she’s obviously the perfect mother right? We feel obligated to be home because she wants to come over. We never get a weekend break.
It’s been happening for a little over a year now. She doesn’t have a car so we have to pick her up and drop her off.
Last weekend I was sick with the flu and I told her I wasn’t up for visitors. She insisted on coming anyway so I told my partner I guess she can come for 4 hours.
She seemed upset because she was here from 12:00-4:00. Usually she’s here from 12:00-9:00 or even later if we don’t tell her it’s time to drive her home. I just feel like a jerk speaking up and telling her how I feel but I can’t live my life like this every weekend.
Sometimes I’d love to stay in PJs over the weekend and watch movies all day with my kids not entertain guests. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she has keys to your home, change the locks. Make plans to be elsewhere a few weekends in a row, that would help.
And have the talk AGAIN and let her know you are not going to be available for visits except once a month or so WHEN YOU CHOOSE to do so. Any kids in the picture? Look out for how bad it will be when the parenting advice is next!
Stop it now while you can.” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“I have an idea….. why don’t you send round your partner with the kids to hers on Sunday. You stay home and get your stuff done and she can cook a Sunday dinner for them and as she’s so fantastic your partner can bring you home a meal. That’s something you could organize at least once a month.
Then make plans for the rest of the time. Sorry no you can’t come to ours because we’re going to the park – you’re welcome to come and join us – it’s the number 1 bus.” practicallyperfectuk
Another User Comments:
“So, let’s get this straight: Issue: you’re fed up with seeing your MIL every weekend.
However, you either pick up and/or drop off. She will turn up by herself. You’ve told her “you’re out”, only to come home and find her there (in the house??). She’s guilt-tripping you with the ol’ “well if you never want to see me again” nonsense.
If you didn’t say “right, time to drive you home”, she would stay with you literally all day.
To me, it sounds as if she’s just lonely honestly, BUT if you’re that fed up, grow some spines and tell her to sod off! If she’s legit turning up whenever and letting herself into your house, then either take away her keys or change the locks if necessary.
If she’s just standing outside, you don’t actually need to let her in. You can just open the door and say “sorry, not today”. She’s a grown woman and she can sort herself out. If she’s staying well past her welcome, tell her you want her to leave.
Remind her not to miss her last bus home. You need to set firm boundaries. Make it known that she HAS to ask if she can come over at least a day or so before. If she just turns up randomly, you will not let her in and will not entertain her.
YTJ (you’ve caused your own problem here by being too lax).” Els236
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger Neighbor Join Our High School Group Chat?
“Like most friend groups, we have a group chat. Everyone in the group chat is either in 12th or 11th grade. You can only imagine how crazy and wildly inappropriate the group chat can be.
Well, my neighbor (age 13) who doesn’t play sports or anything just got a phone.
He knows about the group chat because my dad saw my phone by the pool and thought I was involved with some shady stuff then let it go once he realized it was just teens being weird.
Well unfortunately neighbor kid overheard and a year later he decided to come on over while I was working out in the garage and ask to be a part of the group.
I said, “I’ll let you in if you can name any other members other than me and my partner.”
He started crying and ran off to tell his dad who told my dad who of course defended me but his dad said I was being a bully.
I don’t see how I’m being a bully since he wants to be put in a group chat with guys and girls older than him, who don’t know him, and even if he didn’t say anything, the last thing we need is one of the girls posting a swimsuit pic saying “I’m fat.”
Not to mention all the stuff we talk to each other about and talking about stuff that happened in school.
His dad’s final argument was “I’m his friend so he should be in the group chat” and I replied with “do you realize how weird it would be for a senior to be in a group chat with middle schoolers?””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the kid isn’t the jerk. His father is. You’re right, it’s super weird for a middle schooler to be in a group chat with upperclassmen in high school. The kid’s dad is doing him a disservice by enabling his whiny 13-year-old’s every whim instead of using this as a learning opportunity to explain age differences and how that impacts friendships.
I feel bad for the kid because this sort of parental behavior might get him alienated from his peers down the road.” daddyslilmonstah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m way older than you (50+) and when I first got my PS4 several years ago I made the mistake of accepting a few friend requests from people I’d randomly matched with in multiplayer – two of them turned out to be 13.
That led to some seriously uncomfortable moments as they’d be spouting off about the mythical things they’d done with their partners and I’d be trying not to scream profanities as I got ganked at the spawn point. After a week or so I unfriended them and blocked them because I felt like a creep.
There’s nothing good that comes from a big age mismatch in online interactions, and middle school to high school is a big gap even though it’s not as many years as my example.” RainbowCrane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s inappropriate, you know it, your dad knows it, his dad should be able to understand it.
Seriously, if this 13-year-old runs away crying to Dad because you won’t let him into an age-inappropriate group chat then he isn’t mature enough to handle the content or the ribbing. Tell him and his entitled dad to buzz off and grow up.” Upper-Spell-3588
20. AITJ For Planning Trips To Avoid Staying Alone In Our Creepy House?
“I (25f) live with my partner (25m) in a pretty big old house. I absolutely hate spending time alone at this house, I don’t know, it just creeps me out (I’ve never lived alone – always with family or roommates so I was rarely alone, and always hated having to stay home alone).
Whenever I know he’ll be coming home late I’ll stay at the gym for literally 3-4 hours just so I don’t have to spend time alone in this house.
I try to plan all of my “girls’ trips” around my partner’s “boys’ trips” because I just don’t like the idea of sleeping in this big house all alone.
Every time I do this he gets so annoyed and says that I’m “jealous that he’s going somewhere” when in reality I genuinely just don’t want to stay at the house all by myself. There is no reason why I should stay there if I don’t have to either.
I don’t know why this makes him so mad, it’s not hurting anyone that we’re both gone at the same time, and it makes me feel so much more comfortable to be around friends.
I explain to him every single time why I do this and he just keeps going back to his “you’re so jealous of me” theory, it’s honestly getting kind of annoying at this point.
Am I the jerk for deliberately planning trips with my friends during my partner’s “boys’ trips”? To be honest, I don’t really see where he’s coming from with all this anger.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is. Seriously. Isn’t he supposed to be happy that you’re planning your trips while he has his own?
It’s almost like he wants to isolate you. I know it’s a big leap. Just an observation. Does he want you to be left all alone for a period of time in that house? Does he enjoy thinking about you being alone? Does he get off on the fact that should you cater to his ridiculous childish stomping, you would be ‘the girl he left alone waiting for him while he’s on a trip’?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I know this probably won’t make a difference to you, but my ex-husband was jealous-furious the first time I took a trip without him, even though he wanted me and my friends out of the house. The second time I planned a trip alone, he shouted at me until I cried. I never did go on that trip, and I stopped trying.
Four years later when I left him, I had to lie before he would let me book the plane tickets. We divorced. I screamed and cried with PTSD for three years. Please don’t ignore your partner’s bizarre behavior. Entitled, angry jealousy that isn’t a single occurrence (followed by massive apologies) is a terrifying core sample of someone’s personality.
I’m not hopeful you’ll get out, but please at least remember in the future that you’re really NTJ here, and don’t let yourself allow your friends to drift away. Please.” onmyknees4anyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you asked me, this screams unfaithfulness. Why would you be jealous of him going on a guys’ trip?
Maybe he’s already feeling guilty and knows you should be jealous about something? Why wouldn’t he want you to go on your own trip? He wants to be the only one having fun? He doesn’t want to worry about what you could be doing there (doesn’t trust you)?
Every man who has talked down to me about going out with the girls has been unfaithful to me while going out with the guys. Men are weird like that. Either way, he’s being controlling and not caring about your needs and trying to keep you from your friends.
All red flags. I’d take an extended girls trip, forever.” frequentlyfrazzled
19. AITJ For Banning My Husband's Step-Mother From Visiting Our Baby Until She Respects Our Boundaries?
“Our relationship with my husband’s family has been very strained since before I got pregnant. His stepmother (married to his dad for a few years) has constantly made nasty comments to me and they have both constantly violated every boundary my husband and I have tried to put in place.
We all sat down and had a conversation about boundaries which has come to no avail.
Less than two weeks before I had my baby she came over to our new house, we had just moved into, with FIL so we could show them the new place, as we were very proud of our new home.
FIL decided to pick a fight with my husband and she used the opportunity to go into my unborn son’s nursery and rifle through his room and all of the gifts people had given us. I noticed it was odd she was missing and walked in on her doing it.
She knew she was caught and just shrugged at me like she knew it was wrong but she was never going to acknowledge it. She was looking for her daughter’s son’s blanket which my husband and I had both looked through the house for after getting several texts from her and FIL and assured her we searched the house and absolutely did not have it.
If she was so sure it accidentally got mixed in all she had to do was ask if she could have a look and we would have helped her.
I was angry especially since there was never an apology but I moved on until they came over for Christmas.
For context, she and FIL never came over to help with the baby born beginning of December. They never offered to do so much as drop off a meal for us. This is my first baby and my sister was fighting for her life in the hospital which meant my family was not able to be there to help us.
They made snide comments the entire time they were there and she raised her voice at me with the baby in the room which I had previously warned would get her removed permanently from being around my baby until she could reestablish trust that she would not be disrespectful around my son.
I have held true to my boundaries and am now getting pushback that I am being unfair and all kinds of nasty comments from the rest of his family. FIL is still welcome but refuses to go anywhere without her and as a result, is telling everyone we are refusing to let him see the baby.
AITJ? Should I just drop it or should I hold firm to our request FIL does visits alone until stepMIL shows she is not going to yell around my son and do things like rifle through our belongings with no remorse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Quite frankly it’s a case of who is worse here? They both sound toxic with no sense or regard for personal boundaries and selfish in every sense of the word. I would not want either of them around period. Stick to your guns. You don’t need them or their negativity around you or your son.
Your FIL is able to see the baby if he chooses. If not, his loss. Don’t care what other people say or think.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You put up with it far longer than I would. They keep violating reasonable boundaries. Now they are crying crocodile tears.
As another said tell others they know what they need to do, they don’t refuse to do it. Then post what you are expecting from them. Secondly, I suggest refusing to meet them anywhere other than public and not to welcome them into your home anymore.
You don’t need to give in. Family is probably pressuring you two as the reasonable ones. Let me guess: That’s just how they are? From the flying monkeys?” CeelaChathArrna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ban both of them. FIL supports his wife’s actions. They both made unnecessary comments in your home, she is clearly a jerk and neither of them will give in.
You and your baby don’t need that disrespect. They can’t hold in their disrespect when your child is an infant and doesn’t understand, they will never hold it in regardless of your child’s age. Forget them. Husband can have a relationship outside of the house if he wants but you and baby are done.” Lulubelle__007
18. AITJ For Laughing At My Sleep-Talking Fart Incident?
“I have since middle school had a habit of talking in my sleep. Usually, it is mumbles and people don’t know what I’m saying, then other times it just doesn’t make any sense.
Last night, I woke up to my wife pushing me. I had no idea why, so I went back to sleep.
This morning she was still mad and she explained: “Last night, you don’t normally cuddle in your sleep. But you did this time. And I felt so special. It was such a great feeling just being in your arms. I felt so safe. Then you said, very clearly, so I assume you were awake, “Catch me outside” and let out the loudest fart I’ve ever heard.”
Upon hearing this…I could not hold back laughing. She’s now mad that I thought it was funny. She believes that I was asleep, but mad that I laughed. I can’t help it.
AITJ for laughing? The moment clearly meant something to her.”
Another User Comments:
“LOLOL. NTJ. You were asleep. You can’t be held responsible, and that’s funny. Honestly, you should hear some of the things my husband says to me in his sleep. He’ll also argue with me that he is NOT asleep when he clearly is. The look on his face when I say “Do you remember talking to me last night?” is hilarious.” hazelowl
Another User Comments:
“I woke up one morning to find my sister laughing helplessly. When I asked what was up, she said that in the middle of the night, she woke up when she heard me talking – more like chanting – in my sleep.
My dream subject was fairly obvious since I was chanting: “WE ALL NEED! WE ALL NEED TO PEE!” Also, NTJ.” Gothic0165
Another User Comments:
“Haha my husband NEVER passes gas in front of me. I wouldn’t be upset if he did (I don’t get mad about normal bodily functions – unless someone is trying to just fart around me on purpose).
Anyways, he is a stickler about it. He will always go to the restroom to pass gas. But when he is sleeping, he can’t help it and I think it is hilarious lol if he wakes up from his own fart he gets so annoyed about it, even after a decade of being together, and I just find it adorable and funny.
Also, he talks and giggles in his sleep. I woke up to him giggling and hitting himself in the face with a throw pillow One time, like the first month of sleeping together, he farted (and it was so bad lol) he woke up and was like “OMG DONT BREATHE!!” NTJ it is really funny.
It wasn’t like you were purposely holding her in place while you attacked her with poo ghosts.” Fabulous-Associate79
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Won't Miss Work For My Induction?
“I (f18) have been in a relationship with X (m18) for about 10 months. I’m 9 months pregnant (yes it’s his) and am scheduled to be induced on Sunday night.
Throughout the whole pregnancy, he has been amazing. Our whole relationship has been SO good. We usually do an excellent job of communicating our needs to each other and we spoil each other with attention and affection. It’s the most loved I’ve ever felt in a relationship, and I really don’t want to screw it up.
However, this pregnancy has been really hard on me and my body. From morning sickness to passing out, I’ve had just about every unbearable symptom in the book. Because of this, I haven’t been working. My hours got cut to none, and I was too far along to go get a different job.
He has been the only one making money. We’re both okay with this, but it has made it worrying sometimes when it comes to bills. We can pay for everything we need just fine, but if he loses his job, we’re in trouble.
His job uses a point system where if he gets more than 5 points, he gets fired. He’s at the point where if he calls in sick 2 more times, he will lose his job. A few weeks ago, I had a procedure done called ECV (External Cephalic Version) where the doctors put their hands on my belly and try to externally rotate the baby.
(He was in breech and needed to be head down) We were warned that this would be painful and I would not be able to drive myself home. He didn’t want to use a point to go to this, which I didn’t like, but I understood.
Called my mom and that was the end of it, no hard feelings.
For my induction, the doctors are putting medicine into my body on Sunday night, and the actual delivery probably won’t happen until Monday. He works both of these days but managed to get Monday off with no points.
When I asked him what he will do about Sunday, he said he’d probably go to work, because he didn’t want to “waste” a point. I’m upset because it sounds like the birth is more important to him than comforting the mother of his child.
I am beyond terrified and it is going to be painful and I’m really hurt about this. After our conversation about it last night, I slept on the couch.
I know his job is important, but even if he calls sick for Sunday, he won’t get fired. He just wouldn’t be able to call in sick until October, when his points get partially reset.
So.. AITJ for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here….the jerk is capitalism. No human being should be put in the situation you and your partner have been put in, and I’m so sorry. I get why he’s terrified to lose his job, I get why you’re terrified to be alone.
But I fall on his side, unfortunately — what if he gets violently ill and absolutely can’t work sometime between now and October? Find a friend or family member to be with you until he can get there. He’ll be there for the most important parts.
Inductions go slowly, you will honestly likely not be doing much or in a huge amount of pain on Sunday. I’m also assuming here that he’s only ever used his sick days when he really needs to, not because he’s hungover or whatever.
But I assume you’d have mentioned that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think. It just sounds like a really unfun situation, and I imagine that summing up his side not being a problem because he “wouldn’t get fired” is unfair. That one-point buffer is huge, and the difference between “something can happen and everything won’t collapse” and “literally nothing can happen to make me miss a day or else I can’t support my family” until October.
The difference in stress and pressure (and perceived risk) is huge. That said, calling it a “waste” is also super cruddy. It’s important–VERY important, and it’s valid to want him there and to be upset over choosing work over family when the latter is more important.
You and his child are more important than some job, and he should treat that as such. But, playing “well x is more important than y” game is gonna suck, as you could argue your side is “comforting my partner is more important than making sure my partner and child can eat and have a home.” Y’all need to be nicer to each other.
The situation sucks, not each other.” SFyr
Another User Comments:
“This is less a jerk thing on either side and more of a need to sit down and talk with each other and your broader support system about how to prepare for the peripartum period.
You’re both very young and likely have minimal experience with independent living and employment, and you’re currently on a single income. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in, and immensely stressful and taxing for everyone involved. And it won’t stop when you’re freshly postpartum with a newborn in the home.
Give yourselves and each other plenty of patience and understanding, take full stock of the resources, support, and options you have, and make your decisions from there. Both of you may have to make major sacrifices even when you find the best-case scenario. Life as new parents will be hard enough without going into it with a strained relationship.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Calling My Husband Childish And That He's Ruining Our Daughter?
“I’ve (28) been with my husband (31) for 5 years, married for 2. One daughter (almost 3 I’ll use V for her name). I love and appreciate my husband, he provides for our family and does a good job taking care of us, he’s a sweet man who has so much potential but he wastes it outside.
He’s always loved camping/being outside and I thought it was cute at first but at this point, I find it hard to like that aspect of him as the majority of his free time is spent outdoors making forts. I feel as if he’s trying to relive his childhood or something and needs to realize this is adult life and he should pick up some adult hobbies.
I said this to him about a year ago and he disagreed saying it makes him feel “fulfilled” and he loves everything about outside, he went on to gush about the smells/textures of outside for like 5 minutes until I stopped him as we were clearly getting nowhere.
Life went on trying to get him to cut down to no avail. Now, that V’s 3rd birthday is coming up, I wanted to host a princess-themed party. I was planning it one day while my husband was, of course, spending his day off in the woods.
I thought this was perfect until he came home, he looked excited about something but I just assumed it was something to do with the outdoors so I didn’t ask about it. Shortly after, he came into the kitchen with V in his arms, he told me he was taking her to go see his fort because he finished it today and she wanted to see it (doubtful she’s a 3-year-old girl).
I asked to speak with him alone then asked why he felt the need to bring V into his childish hobby and he said it wasn’t childish but a “valuable life skill that every person should have”. I told him that our daughter didn’t need this skill, and he’s only exposing her to risk.
He ignored it and left.
They came back home dirty. He washed them both and joined me for dinner. He broke the news that we will spend V’s 3rd birthday camping and it’s what she wants. I refused and asked V if she wants a princess party, my heart was crushed when she said she “wants to be outside like daddy.” I snapped at him to look at what he’s done to our little girl.
He told me to calm down and take a breather which only furthered my irritation. I told V to go to her room and I let it out. I told him that he’s not only ruining our marriage but also our daughter. A little girl wants to be in the dirt because it’s what her childish dad does all the time.
He teared up and walked past me without saying a word, grabbed his camping bag, and left.
It’s the next day now and he hasn’t come back or messaged besides last night telling me goodnight and that he loves me and V and the same thing this morning.
I understand I may have crossed the line by saying he’s ruining V but the reality is that he is molding her into a tough outdoorsman when she liked dolls a month ago. I don’t know how to get him to see that what he does is childish and that he needs to grow up.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Big time. And a really unsupporting wife and person. Your husband is adulting. And in fact, he sounds like he’s got some fantastic life skills he can share with your daughter which would be an incredible bonding experience. He’s also showing your daughter a different way of life than you.
It balances out a child IF the parents are supportive of each other but you sound awful. “He looked really excited about something but I assumed it was something to do with the outdoors so I didn’t ask about it.” Wow, you’re such a winner.
Hopefully, he wakes up and sees how nasty a person you are and finds a wife who treats him with more love and respect and accepts him for who he is rather than change him. Unfortunately, he’s tied to you for another 15 years. Seek marriage counseling and heal yourself and maybe you and he can have a chance at staying married. FYI my girls LOVE outdoors stuff with their dad so saying that your child won’t like the outdoorsy stuff because she’s a girl is incredibly sexist and I seriously hope you don’t restrict her because the way you’re raising her is a huge disservice.” PuzzleheadedTap4484
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, big time. You married a man who loves to be outdoors as much as possible and now you’re mad at him for it? How does that compute? Here’s another big shocker, kids often end up liking what their parents like. If your daughter wants to hang out with her dad outside for her birthday, then so be it, it’s her birthday, not yours.
She’s 3 and in 6 months she very well might be into something totally different, you’re getting upset about something that just doesn’t make sense to be this upset about. If you continue to go down this path of trying to force your husband and daughter into the predetermined paths you have laid out for them, you’ll risk losing them both.
You can’t force people to change and you certainly were well aware of what your husband was into before you got married. It’s your own biases that are creating this issue and your husband and daughter have done nothing wrong based on what you’ve written.
What exactly are these “adult” hobbies you reference in your post? Is he supposed to all of a sudden start rebuilding cars in the garage, join a dart league, or take up golf? They are his hobbies, not yours, so get over it, because it’s not like he’s the one who changed in this scenario.” irish52084
Another User Comments:
“Wtf? What on earth are adult hobbies? Hun, I just spent all day painting an egg. Are you gonna tell me that it was a waste of time? When did life become so rigid and boring for you? I hope this is a troll post because… darn!
1. You’re condescending about your husband, only liking his hobbies cause you thought they were “cute”. You don’t need to like his hobbies. He needs to like his hobbies.
2. You are trying to change who he is. Somehow, he has put up with your belittling, your rude comments, and your selfishness.
Chill the heck out. Let him be the man you allegedly fell in love with. If you wanted to date yourself you should have bought yourself a mirror instead of marrying him.
3. Your daughter is three. I hope you asked her what party she wanted and she chose princess.
Otherwise, you brought this on yourself. She’s old enough to decide what theme she wants.
4. You expect your girl to be a “little princess”. She’s not. She’s a regular human, half of your DNA and half of your husband’s. That’s it.
Nothing you try to force on her will change that. If she wants to go camping, why would you shame her for it and say it’s a terrible thing?
5. Maybe you should go camping with your husband some time and let your hair down.
You sound awfully stressed and nature can be very calming and healing. It could help you understand why he loves his hobbies and strengthen your marriage. Are these things you’ve built up in your head – her liking princess things and hating “boyish” things like camping – more important than the health of your marriage and the mental health of you, your husband and your baby girl?
She’s not a trophy. She’s not a doll. She’s a human, distinctly separate from you and your identity. Let her live. Live your own life. Let your husband live his.
You are so much the jerk. Please get a therapist. You need guidance.
YTJ, a thousand times over.” SomethingComesHere
15. AITJ For Not Buying A Homeless Man The Meal He Requested?
“I am a CNA, I wear scrubs.
After work, I went to Bealls Outlet to shop. I got a good amount of stuff, 3 bags. When I walked out, there was a man sitting outside of the store. He chased me down to my car screaming “nurse, nurse. I am not asking for money, I just need something to eat.
I haven’t eaten.” I work hard for my money as does everyone else. 12 hour shifts are not easy. So I do not give out money anymore, because when I used to, people declined food and always wanted cash. I have had my experiences.
Anyway, I’m like poor guy but I don’t have cash.
Again he said he didn’t want money just something to eat. So I offered to go to McDonald’s in my head I was like I’ll get him two McChickens and a soda. I shouldn’t spend any more than $5. Because I wouldn’t give someone on the street $5.
I’d rather spend it on my children. While I was thinking this, the man says “can you get me a Big Mac with large fries and a soda.” It caught me off guard. (Now I am a person who cannot say no, all my life I struggle when I am put under pressure, I freeze up and feel like I owe people a yes.
It really sucks.) I wanted to say no but I couldn’t. So I said yes. In my mind, I’m thinking that’s like $8, sorry but no.
So I lied and said yes and just left.
My husband says I’m a jerk for making that man wait.
But hear me out, I feel like if you are hungry, you would appreciate anything someone can and will give you. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why on earth would you not want to get him what he wants and likes, if you’re going to get him food?
I mean, you don’t have to get him anything at all, but if you’re going to, why wouldn’t you rather it be what he’d like?? So if he said he is allergic to chicken you’d be like “Too bad, that’s what I’m getting you!”? What the heck?
And you should have just said no. Telling him yes and then just leaving him there waiting was a not-nice move. Homeless people are PEOPLE. Many of us are just one or two different life choices/events away from being in that same spot. Think about how you’d feel in his spot.
Give the guy some dignity and let him choose his own food. Goodness.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I was full-on ready to NTJ by the title. I was expecting you to say you offered McDonald’s across the street and he asked for Chik-Fil-A on the other side of town.
But you offered McDonald’s and then got upset when he told you what he wanted? Still said yes and left him waiting. For food. For like $4 more than you were willing to spend. YTJ Also: “I feel like if you are hungry, you would appreciate anything…” But you didn’t say “I’ll get you a soda and 2 McChickens.” You had it in your head what you thought he should have—McChickens are not good—and then got all upset when you thought he asked for too much.
If you had come back with anything, a happy meal even. I would have said NTJ.” Quiet-Quiote
Another User Comments:
“YTJ !!!!! Wow. A $5 meal?!? A CNA and you know the benefits of a good healthy meal. You don’t know this man, you don’t know their life story, you know absolutely nothing other than the man said he was looking for food, not money, and he hasn’t eaten.
I don’t know what Bealls is, but the fact that you state “I got a good amount of stuff. 3 bags.” Like it’s something to show off about, whatever it is… poor taste. Have you ever felt the true feeling of hunger? You chose the cheapest, most thoughtless option in food choice you could and this person accepted your lack of kind gesture.
They then suggested a meal they knew they’d like to enjoy, because it’s their tastebuds, not yours, and it unfortunately for them was a whole three dollars more than you wanted to spend. And THEN, you made them wait because your bitter heart didn’t think it was fair you had to spend an extra three dollars or ANY money at all.
Can you imagine what that sort of act does to the human psyche? Hope for a meal in their belly because some stranger said yes and then that stranger just disappears and never comes back, they’re still hungry and waiting and eventually giving up the spot they waited for you in?
That’s completely shameful on your part… You, NOT my friend, maybe need to rethink your line of work as well. I could most definitely go on, but I’m sure, just as that man got your point, that you must see where this is going.” rosebudink3
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay House Deductible Without Equity In The House?
“My now fiancé and I have lived together for 4.5 years and he almost a year ago bought a house that we both moved into. We had a flooding issue and need to pay the insurance deductible. Fiancé says I should help pay the deductible since I live here.
I told him I don’t feel comfortable paying for home repairs and remodeling if I’m not on the deed as it feels like a homeowner’s responsibility given he is getting equity in the house.
He said if I want to be on the deed I should pay him 50% of the down payment he originally paid when buying the house.
I feel this isn’t justified given I paid for all home furnishings (literally everything in house except one of the couches), I paid for interior painting when we moved in, I pay for monthly utilities including lawn service.
I also solely pay for food/groceries/household needs as well as all pet care/supplies for our dog and cat.
On top of these financial contributions, I also do all the cooking 5-7 nights a week plus all the housecleaning. I also work 40 hours a week (as does he). He pays the mortgage and homeowners insurance. He does his own laundry and will occasionally empty the dishwasher.
AITJ for thinking the ‘sweat equity’ and current financial contributions I’ve been making should justify adding me to the house deed vs asking me to pay half the cost of his down payment for the home he purchased? I’m more than happy to help pay for the home repairs, mortgage, etc but only if I have the security of knowing I have equity in the house.”
Another User Comments:
“In general you are getting mistreated. You are losing out on owning your own and gaining appreciation and equity. This overtime is a significant sacrifice in wealth. Your arrangement of he’s paying the mortgage and you pay utilities and groceries leaves you as the loser.
Now since this appears to be the agreement you willingly entered No jerks here. You should work to change it. I’d argue for half of the appreciation and half of the capital paydown since you moved in.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you need to figure out your priorities.
He’s not the jerk either IMO. If you don’t want to cook seven days a week, stop cooking for him, but don’t treat it like a financial obligation the other party didn’t agree to. If you’re already taking score like that now you’ve got a long marriage ahead of you.
One thing I had to learn about sweat equity is that raising someone’s standard to mine when they didn’t care and don’t want it is something I do for me, not for them. He bought the house, you’re not really entitled to anything here, and I do think it’s fair that he’s not going to put you on the deed for half the work if you don’t pay half the down payment.
Do you pay rent? If so, it’s his obligation to do this. tell him to kick rocks. If you don’t, then consider it the lesser of many bills and help him, you live there.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The balance of chores is all wrong.
Are you doing all of that because you feel you have to or because he wouldn’t do it? “I pay for monthly utilities including lawn service. I also solely pay for food/groceries/household needs as well as all pet care/supplies for our dog and cat.” This is most likely more than the mortgage.
You should stop paying all of this and have a joint account from which all joint expenses come from. Each of you put a % of your salary to pay for all of this. Also, get a cleaner and pay it from there! You can also tell him you rather pay “rent” so pay whatever is either 1/2 of the market rate or something similar to what you paid before moving in together.
This guy is taking advantage. You shouldn’t be paying for remodels or fixes. I’m 100% certain you are already paying more than he is and you also do all the chores! You need to change your arrangement ASAP. Don’t marry this guy before you do. If he doesn’t change or keeps asking you to pay for remodels, leave.” Coco_Dirichlet
Lay it out
House cost x amount. Down payment was X amount. Monthly utility expenses are X amount per each type of utility such as power, water, internet, etc. Mortgage payment is X amount and hone insurance is x amount. Groceries, cleaning supplies, laundry supplies, etc., cost x amount per month. Fo you oay him sny rent? If do add thst. Currently he is paying mortgage and home insurance that equals x dolla5s; you are paying and just each separate bill you pay each month relating to house or living there and that equals x dollars. Now see who is putting out more cash each month. Based upon an assumption I daresay you may be paying out more. Make him an offer thst you will pay 50 % at such time as you are both spending 50% of the total monthly costs. But, you will only do so at such time as your name is added to the deed. If he does not agree then be ready to either give him notice you are moving out or tell h8m yiu jsve researched comparable rentals in the area and you will agree to pay him a reasonable rent each month based upon a written and signed lease but henceforth he will be pay8ng x% of the monthly utilities and expenses such as food, pet costs, cleaning and laundry supplies, etc. Also, put him on notice that you will not longer be providing 100% of cooking, cleaning, pet care, laundry, etc, and that based on the % of income, his compared to yours, he will need to start putting that % of time into those chores and yiu will contribute your %. This is supposed to be a partnership, not a you waiting on him hand and foot and footing the bill too.
13. AITJ For Calling My Brother's Fiancée A Plastic Doll?
“My brother Sam has been engaged for four years to a woman named Lillia, whom he had never introduced us to.
He arrived with her for dinner to introduce her to the family, and we were surprised to find a gorgeous and glamorous woman with a passion for Victorian Lolita fashion.
Lillia seemed pleasant at the beginning of her visits, but over time we realized that she was quite capricious, that she used to act like a child and completely isolate herself after an hour or two of being with people. In addition, she is clearly obsessed with being perceived as perfect: The few times she speaks, it is towards my brother, and she always speaks with stilted and pretentious words.
My mom thinks she’s a gold digger, and my dad thinks she’s immature. I agree with both of them, which is why this issue was generated.
In a meeting, she was clinging to Sam without speaking, looking around with an expression of forced innocence, looking around as if she wanted someone to stop and admire her.
I was already fed up with her attitude, and a rather stupid idea occurred to me.
I told her: You look like a plastic doll when you do that. Why do you do it?
Lillia didn’t answer, and Sam came after a while to tell me that those kinds of questions hit her too hard and that I should shut up.
Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She didn’t insult you. She didn’t say any horrible slurs. I’m not hearing that she talked trash about you behind your back. She seems more nervous than anything else. Unless you can pinpoint something specific then I don’t see a case for you being mean to her.
I got to know. Do you do this to EVERYBODY you talk to?” Maleficent_Ad_3958
Another User Comments:
“Wtf, YTJ I’m also into Lolita fashion. A lot of people into alt-fashion are actually shy, anxious, and/or neurodivergent. She didn’t say anything rude to you, but you assume she’s caught up in appearances because she’s making an effort to come across as proper and polite?
You don’t have to like her and can think how she acts is odd if you want, but making an unsolicited rude comment like that shows that you are in fact the immature one who cares about appearances. Apologise immediately.” Brintyboo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It sounds like the only thing she is guilty of is being different – which is no crime (in fact, it should be celebrated). Your family, on the other hand, sounds like they immediately took a dislike to her because she was different and because she was either shy or just plain introverted (or, going out on a limb here, she isolated herself from people after getting the hostile vibes you were sending her way and she needed to get away from all of that just to keep her sanity).
You yourself admitted that this was a stupid idea. Let’s face it – for absolutely no reason, you insulted this woman to her face when she had done absolutely nothing to harm you. Your brother was right – you should shut up. Your comment did absolutely no good except to tear down someone who has done no wrong and to make yourself feel superior at her expense.
Let’s call a spade a spade – you are a bully.” bamf1701
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Bring Their Dog To My Party?
“Since the weather is getting nice, my wife and I decided to invite people over for a party this weekend. One couple asked if they could bring their dog to the party, to which I said, “No.”
I don’t have a fenced yard, so the dog would have had to be in the house with us.
And let me clarify that I love dogs; I will pet any dog that allows it. However, I have 2 cats. And neither has lived with a dog in years. And honestly, if I had no pets, I would let them bring the dog. (The dog in question is a 40-pound mixed breed.)
I refuse to lock up my cats so my friends can bring over their dog. They claim the dog is, “a very good boy,” which I don’t doubt. But my cats will likely be terrified the whole time.
My friend is offended that I won’t let them bring their dog; I think it’s my house and my cats don’t deserve to be locked up.
AITJ for not letting my friend bring their dog to the party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m definitely a dog person. I have 4 myself. But I also know they are not for everyone and not welcome everywhere. Anyone who tries to push their pet into other people’s homes once asked and answered is a jerk.
You don’t need to have reasons. But you do, and they’re valid and reasonable. To your friend- hey bud, I don’t mind you asking… but “no” is an answer and that’s that. I’m hoping that our friendship isn’t conditional on this or it was never much of a friendship – up to you how this plays out from here.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have this rule at my house because of the countless times someone has brought over their dog and it peed all over my house. EVEN THOUGH they claim their dog is “potty trained”. Got into a pretty big argument with a couple that conveniently forgot to mention that they couldn’t find a dog sitter when they were coming to stay with us for a weekend.
And told us when they were an hour away. Their two tiny dogs peed on everything. It was an uncomfortable weekend with people who just completely disregarded our house rules. I don’t play that game.” LL1713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I love dogs, live on a small farm, have a huge 150 pound Bernese, very well behaved and trained, has never in his life had an “accident” indoors, plays and is petted by all the neighbors’ children that come and visit us if we are there, they say he is like a giant plush toy and behaves as such (if we are not there he doesn’t let anyone or anything get near the house), but would not even ask to take him to “human” a party in a strange environment.
We do, though, meet with some neighbors AND our dogs at each others’ houses for them to socialize and play, but that is a mutual agreement.” Any_Dragonfruit_6543
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Mother To Stay In Our Corporate Apartment?
“I will be moving across the country for a job I am starting. It will be a provided corporate housing apartment with all amenities included but I will pay extra for a second key so my partner of 6 years can stay with me.
I will not be charging anything for her stay and also paying for all living expenses for the both of us. It is likely she will be studying in a master’s degree program while working part-time.
My relationship with her family has always been strained, primarily because of how her mother has treated me from the get-go.
She called me an offensive term on holiday whilst intoxicated (later apologized), I feel she takes my handiwork for granted and leaves me out of holiday plans by never communicating with me directly. As a result, I only see her family once or twice a year, and she sees them less as well.
I am indifferent about the situation, but with the move, my partner and I are planning out this next phase of our lives. She is asking me if I would be okay with her mother visiting us in the apartment and staying with us. I said I would be okay with her coming over for dinner but I am not comfortable with her sleeping there, and I would want her to stay in a hotel.
AITJ for not wanting my roommate/partner’s mother to stay in the apartment provided by my new employer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m actually kind of surprised you’re allowed to bring your partner with you since this is being provided by your employer. Between you not being entirely comfortable with her family, and this being corporate-provided housing, I think it’s entirely reasonable to expect your partner’s mother to stay in a hotel.
That’s not some kind of big, weird, ask.” Zazzog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All my guests visit the house but sleep in hotels. I do not like overnight visitors, even when I like them lol. I have paid for their hotel or toward it though!
That said, if you want to really move to the next level with your girl, you might want to reconsider how you treat her mother, even if her mother has one bad day.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is tricky, but at the end of the day it’s your home as much as your partner’s and you have a right to not want overnight visitors, especially in-laws.
I would say though to try and extend an olive branch to her mom somehow. Smooth things over with her. If not for you, for your partner’s sake. From personal experience, those gestures go a long way. Good luck!” HugeWin6564
10. AITJ For Refusing To Park My Car In A Dark, Unsafe Field For Work?
“I (22F) work part-time as a waitress.
The restaurant I work at has quite a large parking lot but it gets full on the odd occasion. I have been parking in the parking lot outside of the restaurant since I started working there.
Recently I was told to move my car to a field across the street or my car would be towed. This field has no lights, can’t be seen by the public, and has several homeless people sleeping there.
Now I’m not saying homeless people are bad, but where I live some can get quite aggressive when told no.
I refused to move my car because as a young woman, I don’t feel comfortable walking alone in the dark to get to my car late at night.
My exact words were “I won’t be moving my car. The field is pitch black by the time I leave and I would have to walk alone in the dark to get to my car. Unless you or another security guard are willing to stay until 11 pm to walk me to it each time I work, I will continue to park where I know I will be safe walking to it.”
For extra information:
- No one is able to drop me off because I start working when other people are still at work and I work quite far from my house
- I sometimes close by myself so having someone walk me to my car isn’t an option (and it would mean them having to walk back alone which isn’t safe for them either)
- I am currently looking for a job somewhere else but at the moment this is the situation I’m in.
A customer who overheard the conversation then told me I’m a jerk for not wanting to move because I’m taking parking from the customers (again, the parking lot is almost never full).
I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk for not wanting to move my car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That customer, however, is a real jerk for eavesdropping, and then chiming in to tell a young female service worker who is worried about her safety that she should risk her life to avoid potentially inconveniencing a customer.
Seriously, what a jerk. That being said, if the security guard told you this and you responded to the security guard, I would be careful about being towed. He is issuing a warning that came from management. If you don’t discuss this with management, you run the risk he will just do as he is told, and have you towed. And if management wants to risk losing a waitress over a parking spot, then best of luck to them finding a new one.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, that customer is the jerk for saying that. And when you get bonked in the head by some assailant and end up in the hospital or worse, then how are they going to feel? It’s all fun and games until somebody really gets hurt and then they’ll feel bad but by then it’ll be too late.
So people should watch what they say sometimes. Secondly, as an employer, if they have a parking lot you have every right to use it! This security guard is just power-tripping especially if it’s just him alone making a complaint. Keep doing you because your safety is paramount.” suliasoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even aside from potentially aggressive people living there, it’s a field! Full of rocks and gopher holes that can’t be seen in the dark, and you’re at risk of breaking an ankle! The human element just adds an extra layer of potential danger.
Parking your car in your restaurant lot isn’t taking anything from anyone. I’ve been in a similar situation, only parking was much more tight. Unfortunately, things didn’t change until someone was assaulted walking six blocks to her car after dark. It turned out that the manager was violating corporate policy by banning employee cars in the lot, and said manager left to “pursue other opportunities.”” DeVitreousHumor
9. AITJ For Refusing To Split The Restaurant Bill Evenly?
“I went to a restaurant for a birthday brunch. My partner and I had another event to go to this morning and had already eaten prior to the brunch. The brunch was at a steakhouse & everyone ordered 2+ drinks and steak for their meal. Since we had already eaten, we ordered a hamburger to split because we weren’t hungry.
We also don’t drink, so we only had water. Our meal was $15….
When the bill came they wanted everyone to put down their cards to split, but split evenly it would be $80 per person. I said I didn’t want to split and instead would pay for what I ordered. I felt uncomfortable and felt like it got awkward from there… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I split bills with my friends because it evens out in the long run. But we all agree with that and understand it going in. It’s never ok to assume everyone is ok with splitting the bill, especially if you’re the knucklehead who orders 2 appetizers, surf and turf, and 3 expensive bottles of wine “for the table.” It needs to be agreed upon in advance, and not just expected when the check comes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a manager who made us go to her favorite restaurant one time, got takeaway for her family, and then once we all ordered paid the bill. The next day comes in and tells everyone what their share is to pay her back, I ask for the receipt to check and tell her I’m not paying the amount she said which included her main and entree and three drinks, and her family’s takeaway, no chance.
I told everyone that I was only paying for my one dish and one of the more expensive shared dishes and that was it. Pretty sure everyone else did the same after that but she was not happy with me!” ConfectionDiligent71
Another User Comments:
“The only time it’s okay to split a bill with someone is if you shared something.
I eat out with friends, and there are exactly two scenarios: 1) One of us will pay the whole bill, or 2) We each pay our own bill. Scenario #1 works out especially when there’s a big difference in economics, but also works when we just kind of trade-off doing it, knowing that some people are in a better position to cover more often than others.
#2 obviously works because everybody is paying only for what they ordered. Splitting the bill does none of those. So NTJ, but those people definitely are.” vanisaac
8. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Stay At My Wedding After She Objected?
“My sister doesn’t like my husband and has spent the last 3 months trying to convince me not to get married to him. Up until the last second before the ceremony, she was still trying to convince me to run away, despite our dad warning her that she wouldn’t like the consequences if she was the reason the wedding didn’t happen.
The reason my sister doesn’t like him is their personalities clash, and she thinks he’s like our dad and I’ll be miserable being married to him. Another thing is she feels like he embarrassed me since he used to sleep around before even though we weren’t together at the time because pretty much everyone knew we would eventually get married.
She ended up objecting during the ceremony. Our uncle dragged her away and everybody pretended it never happened, although I could see my husband, dad and some of my in-laws were all angry. Once the ceremony was over I followed my dad because I knew he was going to yell at her.
He was planning to have her sent back to the hotel with my uncle but I said I didn’t want her to go. My dad pretty much ignored me and only agreed to let her stay when my husband said it was okay if she stayed as long as she didn’t cause another scene.
My dad was angry at me and told me I was a wife now and I needed to start acting like it. While my husband never said anything about her staying, I don’t think he was happy about it either and I know his parents definitely weren’t since they made remarks about her multiple times during the reception.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you’re missing way too many details. You’re way too vague. What is so bad about your father that your sister doesn’t like? Why does your father get more say on who’s allowed at your wedding than you? What did you mean they already knew you were getting married?
Like everyone is taking your words at the surface and assuming you and your partner went out for a while, fell in love, and both chose to get married. Which is why they are saying YTJ. But is that the case? Is your sister crazy or desperate to save you?” Timely_Race
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because nowhere in your post did it say you ever confronted your sister and told her to stay in her lane when it came to these ludicrous reasons for her disliking your husband. As for your dad while I agree with him on the point of the sister not being allowed to stay, the rest I don’t as that whole thing about acting like a wife doesn’t make one bit of sense.
What doesn’t sit well with me is your husband’s reaction to the point that you either glossed over his reaction/downplayed it, you didn’t really talk to him one on one to get his true feelings, or that he simply gave in to make you happy because you still wanted your sister there even after the stunt she pulled. It makes total sense for your husband to be upset after what just happened, especially considering you wanted the person who just objected to him marrying the love of his life, you, to stay at the wedding.
You need to learn to start standing up for your husband and telling your sister to back off if you have any respect for your husband and want to stay married to him.” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like an arranged marriage, your sister trying to talk you out of compliance, you sharing many of her views but not ready to do anything so drastic, and your father threatening your sister.
Did your sister do a brave thing? Yes! Was it wise? Time will tell. Did you do a brave thing? Yes! Was it wise? You’ve upset your in-laws and your father, but really, time will tell. This is a really hard situation, and it will probably get harder now you’re married. Best of luck to you and to your sister.” ggcc789
7. AITJ For Wanting To Rescind A Job Offer Because Of A Game?
“I run a small business through which I employ about a dozen people. Most of us are pretty close friends, and we play board games together on the weekends pretty frequently, including a game of Pathfinder every now and then. One of the employees, let’s call her Jill, has never played tabletop RPGs before (but has expressed interest), so we started the Pathfinder game partly to give her that experience.
She offered to bring her husband, Jack, so they could play together on the weekends (they don’t have kids so they don’t need anyone at home to watch). Awesome! We’re down for another player, so we agree that he can join. Jack has experience with TTRPGs, so it shouldn’t be much trouble at all to add him to our group.
Another element of this is that we’re looking to expand our operations and open up another location in the same town. I’ve since offered Jack a part-time position at that second, future location, to which he accepted.
But here’s where the trouble comes. We’ve since noticed Jack has been dishonest during our game sessions.
Picking up dice the moment they stop rolling before anyone else can see, and announcing what he “rolled”, stuff kinda like that. I am 100% sure of him being dishonest, and a couple of the other members of the group have noticed it independently of me.
I’m not sure how to bring it up, because I don’t want it to hurt relations with Jill, who still works for us. I don’t think she’s aware he’s being dishonest at these games. I’ve never had to deal with dishonesty in these games before, and I’m not sure how to address it.
But the point is, I don’t think I can trust Jack anymore, to the point where I don’t know if he would be honest during his employment. WIBTJ for rescinding the offer of employment on these grounds? Nothing has been signed, so it wouldn’t be a breach of contract or anything like that.”
Another User Comments:
“As much as I see and agree with your reasoning, if you do this, YTJ. Things that happen outside of work should not affect work at all. Let’s say, as I saw other comments suggest, you simply tell him your “business needs have changed”, rather than the real reason.
His wife would probably question this, and probably be aware that the position is still needed and your business needs have in fact, not at all changed. Plus in that case, you’d be lying to him, because he lied to you and it rubbed you the wrong way.
If you can’t tell him the real reason he’s fired without being a jerk, you’re a jerk. Simple as that. Dishonesty at Pathfinder has nothing to do with your employment, even if it does suck.” nobody_important12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dishonesty ruins the game for everyone, and if he’s going to be dishonest in a game with no real stakes what will he do when faced with something with genuine stakes.
Personally, I’d state some house rules when playing such as after rolling, no touching the dice until people have seen the roll type thing. I personally don’t mix work with my personal or “fun” stuff like this because these things can happen. Your opinion of this guy has been changed because you know he’s dishonest now.
I’m not saying you have to stop, but I would be mindful of how this could affect workplace dynamics.” Honeypot_707
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I hate people who are dishonest in any games be it video games or card games. (What’s the point of playing?
The challenge is where the fun lies). But there’s really no reason to think his dishonesty in a game reflects him at all as a professional employee. (And the example you give sounds only suspicious at best). A game is just that. A game.
It has no real-world outcomes. Work can have actual effects. I know I take my job more seriously than I do games. And given his relationship with your current employee, rescinding the offer may cause issues with her. In any case, you should talk to him and or Jill about the dishonesty.
Depending on his reaction, he may show he’s not someone to work with. I’ve heard my brother-in-law and his dad are dishonest in some partner-playing card games (I can’t remember the name of the game… euchre?). They have little signals for each other and all that.
I also know he’s a hard worker and takes his job very seriously. Would I want to play a game with him? No. Would I want him as an employee if I was ever in a position to hire people and he was a candidate?
Absolutely. He’s also the type to not hide that he was dishonest if called out for it and laugh about it which I think is why it’s important to talk to Jack first. If he denies everything and tries to gaslight you, then definitely not a jerk to rescind.” No-Knowledge8325
6. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Live In A Supported Living Facility?
“I (22F) am the youngest of several children. My siblings are all 10+ years older than me but close in age to each other.
This issue concerns two of my siblings and me – Jane (37F) and Lisa (43F).
Lisa is mentally ill. For private reasons, I won’t get into it, but Lisa is almost totally unable to take care of herself, although she is not physically disabled. Lisa has tried several treatment plans over the years, but none have been helpful.
She lives on her own now. Our mom pays her bills, cooks for her, and checks on her frequently throughout the day. Lisa also has a child that my mom and one of my other siblings care for.
There are a lot of family dynamics at play here that I can’t get into, but my siblings and I agree that Lisa should not have custody of her child, nor should Lisa be living on her own.
My mom interfered and prevented another sibling from adopting Lisa’s child last year.
When reading this, please keep in mind that I have never had a say in Lisa’s care until now. Her mental illness prevailed when I was 4 and Lisa was 25. My siblings have boxed me out on every aspect of her care despite my trying.
The current issue is that our mother is sick. It’s been hard dealing with the fact that our mother is dying, but this also presents an issue with what we should do about Lisa.
The sibling who was going to adopt Lisa’s kid is moving forward with doing so and with Lisa’s cooperation.
None of us had the resources to help Lisa like our mother was. I don’t live in the same town as the rest of my family.
I did a deep dive into care solutions for people with Lisa’s illness and found a good supported living facility not far from where my siblings live.
Our mom is leaving us a set amount of money for Lisa that would cover the expenses.
I presented this to my siblings (Lisa excluded), and all were on board, except for Jane. Jane lost it on us and called us, specifically me, jerks.
I told Jane that none of us were able to help Lisa like our mom had, even if we did all pool our resources.
Lisa has continued to worsen over the years. I said that if Jane wanted to take over Lisa’s care, then we would support her emotionally.
I went on to say that I understand that it seems like a cruel fate to put someone in assisted care and take their child away, but Lisa will be living nearby and have access to her own car to visit as she would like.
The supported living facility also provides treatment, so if Lisa were to get to a place where she could function on her own, she would be able to move out and into her own apartment again.
Jane said that we were stripping Lisa’s autonomy and taking away her right to choose her own life.
We would also be spending Lisa’s inheritance on something that she hasn’t agreed to.
We would talk to Lisa before asking her to move and wouldn’t make her go against her will, but we would continually persuade her.
I think what I’m suggesting has Lisa’s best interest at heart, but am I being too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think the trouble is, and I’ve experienced this with my 95-year-old grandmother, that the autonomy Jane says you are stealing has always been a mirage. Lisa has not been autonomous, at all, for years. She has had your mother and other siblings provide housing, food, money, etc. for her, and for her own daughter.
Lisa won’t really be losing any further autonomy but instead be gaining further support, she already avails of the support provided by your family; it’ll just be moving from your mother in these tough times to a better equipped outside facility.” Beverley_Leslie
Another User Comments:
“OP this is an awful situation and I can absolutely relate because I have lived with a similar situation in my family. That said, there’s no way to compare your sister’s illness and my sibling’s illness and my personal experience would not necessarily be helpful in that regard.
I can share my experience if you like but I won’t without your consent. NTJ but break down the issues. First is your sister’s kid. She should be in the care of someone else, period, full stop. Even if your sister is functional some of the time, her kid needs someone who can be functional all the time.
It seems like everyone agrees on that point, except maybe Jane? That part wasn’t clear. On second read, seems like everyone is on board with this part. Second, Jane has a point about autonomy but it’s hard to understand her motivation if she’s saying “let her live on her own but I’m not going to help.” That mixed message kind of makes her the jerk.
Does she not understand how much help your sister requires? Does she think that your sister just needs to learn to take care of herself? Or does she just not care anymore? What does she expect will happen if Jane continues living on her own?
Does she have anything positive to add to the conversation besides naysaying? I’d say talk to Lisa and get her input but only you and your family know if she’s capable of making the right choices for herself.” Then-Ad-7988
Another User Comments:
“Strong YTJ. I strongly believe you don’t deserve a say in the issue.
Jane should be the sole party deciding what happens. Sure she can’t force you to take care of Lisa either. However you state you were boxed out of her life till now, so I personally don’t think you should make a choice for her life now.
Second, excluding Lisa from the conversation is extremely rude mental illness does not equate to someone who can’t listen to the possible choices for their own fate. Lastly, it would be horrible to remove Lisa from her daughter, that just sounds extremely cruel to me because I bet that’s the only person she feels close to right now, as your mother is dying, I’m sure Lisa is grieving as well.
Jane should get the first decision and Lisa should have a fair bit of say too. After that decision should be prioritized downwards to the next person who spent the most time taking care of her. (also especially since it is said that mom is leaving enough money set aside for Lisa’s expenses.)” evanp36
5. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Niece With Tourette's To School?
“My niece has Tourette’s syndrome, which makes her prone to making a lot of loud noises unexpectedly.
I’m a decent driver, a good one, maybe. But I need focus. I don’t play music in my car and I don’t drive anyone else most of the time because I don’t like having conversations when I’m driving, it’s just distracting and could be fatal.
Just to reiterate, I almost never drive anyone because of that last bit. However, my sister’s husband recently passed away and she needs someone who can drive her daughter to school. To be honest, my sister’s always been a sour spot for me, she’s done a lot of stuff to me throughout the years but I’ve always had to find it in my heart to forgive her.
She’s also just rude and entitled 99% of the time. She didn’t tell me that my niece has Tourette’s and because I work an intense job where I work A LOT. So I didn’t know either.
Cue me driving her for the first time and she won’t stop talking.
I’m doing my best to stay focused but I have to tell her to stop. She does, but 10 minutes later she makes a massive screeching sound which makes me dent my car on a mailbox.
I get shocked easily, and even if I know what something is, in the half-second between me hearing it and my body reacting, I can’t stop myself from reacting to it.
I told my sister I can’t drive her daughter to school if that’s what she does on a regular basis. I realize she can’t stop that, but I need to make sure I’m a safe driver.
She’s going off on me now because I’m being ableist and cruel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I’m not sure it’s safe for you to operate any heavy machinery at all if this is really how you react to noises. A screeching child is not much different from a car honking, and if that can cause you to wreck you shouldn’t be driving until you get some treatment or therapy to get it under control.
Good luck to you.
I saw your other comment about your parents’ deaths in car wrecks. I am so sorry to hear this and I’m sure that has traumatized driving and even riding in cars for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope you can get some help. It’s no fun to be that stressed and it sounds like you may have PTSD.” leslielantern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a safety issue. She should be thinking about her daughter’s safety in this situation! What if you get startled and swerve into a vehicle and her daughter is severely injured?
Would she be spouting off about ableism then? Ableism is a huge issue but this situation is not the time to deal with it. Tell her sorry but you’re not changing your mind and you won’t be driving her daughter again.” MiserableQuit828
Another User Comments:
“I have Tourette’s and would totally understand if someone found them too distracting to drive. In the same way that some neurodivergencies and disabilities may not be compatible with one another (say, someone who is hyper-sensory being put in the same classroom as someone with screaming tic,) in general people can be incompatible in certain situations.
This doesn’t mean either you or the daughter is wrong; the daughter is who she is, and you are who you are. Your sister, however, is very much in the wrong here. Driving is dangerous enough as it is, and I know as a passenger I wouldn’t want either of us to get into an accident.
The sister isn’t even considering that. She’s putting her own convenience over the safety of her daughter, and that’s not okay! NTJ, OP. That being said, I worry about you being put in sudden situations with honking, etc., and the danger that could bring not only to yourself but to others.
As someone who has ADHD and knows I can’t concentrate on driving well, I know that makes me a risk to other drivers and thus take the bus. However, I understand that everyone has their own situation. Just be careful, OP.” ctz_00
4. AITJ For Calling My Deceased Sister The Most Amazing Woman I Knew?
“After my dad passed away, my older sister dropped out of high school to take care of me and two other siblings. She started making and selling baked sweets in our neighborhood. After 4 years she managed to open her own bakery at the age of 19 which was a huge success.
She opened 3 more in the period of a decade. Her business was the first choice for weddings and similar events and celebrations in our town, she made a lot of money. She gave us money for college and equal shares of her business. She also got her high school diploma and bachelor’s degree.
Our birth mom didn’t want anything to do us so we always considered her as our real mom and best friend. Sadly, she passed away 4 years ago.
My partner and I were talking about family yesterday when I told her about my sister and what she did for us and said that she was the most amazing woman I ever knew.
Her face changed and told me in a sarcastic voice “Thanks for telling me, now I know that I’ll never be as amazing and capable as her”. She didn’t even want to hear what I had to say afterward.
I told a work friend about what happened this morning and told me that her reaction was weird especially since my sister is dead.
Still, she advised against talking about another woman to a partner as “the most amazing” unless I am talking about a daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is she seriously jealous of your dead sister who finished raising you? That’s just coldhearted. And your coworker is wrong.
Any woman who raises you can also be considered the most amazing woman in the world because mothers or siblings acting as mothers are amazing.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but your friend’s advice is terrible. I think you should mention your sister as the most amazing woman you knew to every prospective partner because it brings out the red flags.
Your partner’s reaction was a HUGE red flag! She had nothing to do with the conversation but made you sharing your admiration and love for your sister all about herself and her insecurities. Unless your partner is under 16 years old, this is an extremely immature response.
This speaks to a revelation about her character (that she is so insecure, everything is about her and now you have to walk on eggshells) that would, for me, be a deal breaker. I think life is too short to walk on eggshells. Her response was totally unreasonable and she is the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You don’t mention age, but her reaction was rather immature. Your sister does sound AMAZING! This shouldn’t be a competition between your partner and your deceased sister and she is treating it like it is. It’s unfortunate that she feels threatened by your sister.
NTJ! Hopefully, this isn’t a red flag as to how she reacts whenever you mention someone else (especially a woman) is amazing.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Insisting On Wearing My Seatbelt Despite My Family's Disapproval?
“My sister right now is practicing to drive. She is already able to drive us to places around the city but has yet to get the proper and formal training.
When we go out, no matter who is driving, I always wear my seatbelt because that’s just basic common human decency. This is somehow a conflict in our family. The car plays a ringing sound when it detects that the two front seatbelts are tied or used, so obviously they just automatically tie the seatbelt.
The ringing doesn’t apply to people who sit at the back (people like me).
Yesterday my mom scolded me for wearing my seatbelt while sitting at the back saying “it wasn’t necessary, so why wear it.” My sister also jumped in and told me that “wearing the seatbelt is silently telling me that I’m a terrible driver and you don’t have faith in me.” I told them that no matter who was driving wearing the seatbelt was mandatory anyways.
My mom got mad and told me “you keep thinking that an accident is going to happen, that way of thinking will MANIFEST into a real accident.” I was already tired at this point, I just shut up and just kept wearing it anyways.
AITJ for refusing to take off my seatbelt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what on EARTH!?!?!?!?!? I don’t know about you, but where I live seatbelts are a legal requirement and if you don’t wear them you will get heavily fined. Also, seatbelts are the #1 lifesaver in accidents. You could be the best driver in the world and it’s still important to wear a seatbelt because you never know when someone else might hit you out of nowhere.
A seatbelt is the only thing preventing you from flying through the windshield or window.” anonananbanana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seat belts save lives and is literally a law in every state that I’m aware of. The person driving and (depending on age) passenger can both be liable or given a ticket if all occupants are not in seat belts or restraints.
Especially as a young driver, you are protecting her privilege of getting and keeping a license and making yourself safer at the same time. Your mother should know better and try to set a good example about safety…” PointxGuard556
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – wearing a seat belt is literally common sense.
It not only protects you in an accident but also the people you are sharing the car with. In an accident when a person not wearing a belt is flung around in the car they have a chance of injury or harming the other persons in the vehicle.
Both your sister and mother are thinking in a worryingly irrational way. The sister: thinking that you wanting to protect yourself, is somehow a commentary on her abilities (also seems a little self-absorbed to be honest). Further, no matter how good a driver someone is they: a) can make errors b) not avoid, or prevent others from having an accident with them.
The mother: “it wasn’t necessary, so why wear it” – a seat belt is a preventative measure that in no way impedes you on a journey without incident, but could save you from death and serious injury should an accident occur. “You keep thinking that an accident is going to happen, that way of thinking will MANIFEST into a real accident” I really don’t know what to say about this.” ZEM14843
2. AITJ For Threatening To Report Teenagers Harassing My Family To Their Parents Or Police?
“A group of teenage boys ding dong ditched my house today. When I told them to stop, they came back again.
The second time they came, I went onto my lawn and yelled at them, telling them that if they came back again, I would either call the cops on them, talk to their parents, or both.
This group of boys used to ding-dong ditch us a couple of years ago.
We also caught them peeking through our living room windows a couple of times. We were annoyed when they did that, but since they were still young (about 11-12 years old), we let it slide.
But now that they are older (high schoolers, probably around 14 years old), we are not accepting this disrespect anymore.
If they come back again, we are planning to take a picture of them and go to their parents. They are teenagers now, and they should face punishment for their actions. We are concerned that their harmless fun may turn into something more serious and/or dangerous if they get too bold.
I would also like to note that as far as we know, we are the only house that they do this to. We are also the only colored family on the street. This is a group of white teenage boys living in a rural town… you can put two and two together.
AITJ for being so strict with these boys? Or do they deserve to face the consequences of their actions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a Karen situation. You have warned these boys. You have been merciful enough. They continue to do this. Also looking through your windows… that’s without a doubt too far.
They could wanna steal from you. You can’t rule that out because they apparently have an interest in seeing what you have in your home. Calling the police would probably teach them a lesson.” _Shellie_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once, fine, kids will be kids.
A second time, make threats – as you did. If they’re smart, they will decide they’ve had their fun and move on. But if the pattern continues, I agree it is time to escalate. If you know the kids and/or their parents, then again I agree – go to the parents next.
That being said, escalating to involving their parents, or the police, is exactly that – escalating. And sometimes that backfires. At the risk of whitesplaining, I’ll just say that I hope you have good relationships with your neighbors and can be sure they have your back.
Good luck.” sinevigiliamentis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you go to their parents. That’s a good way to try and resolve the situation after you’ve given them a chance by speaking directly to them. YTJ for calling the cops, though; the police aren’t there to help people, so they won’t be able to do anything supportive for these kids or provide an appropriate punishment.
It’s not great for a teen to get a criminal record or the junior equivalent, or get hassled by police – and they are still children. I don’t think young people should ever be targeted by police, certainly not for something as minor as this.
Start by communicating with parents, or with teachers, first.” AnachronistUrania
1. AITJ For Kicking My Neglectful Mom Out Of My Bridal Dress Shopping Appointment?
“I (26f) am getting married next year.
Today my mom, dad, stepmom, maternal grandma, and I went wedding dress shopping, and I kicked my mom out of the appointment.
To give some background. My mom would regularly not send me to elementary school with lunch money because she promised to bring me lunch, but would not show up.
It happened so often that my dad gave my teachers money to pay for my lunches when this happened. My mom would regularly leave me at home alone for entire weekends, when I was under the age of 8, to go somewhere with whatever guy she was seeing that week.
But the icing on the cake for me is that she walked out of both of my college graduations. I remember walking off the stage and seeing her wave to me as she walked out the door (I give her credit for even coming tbh).
Also, I was the maid of honor in her wedding. We were supposed to go dress shopping for her but she never showed up to the shop the day of. Her excuse was, “oh I found a dress last week while I was out with the other bridesmaids.”
Fast forward to today, Mom showed up 30 minutes late. I had already looked around the shop and found dresses I wanted to try on. I was changing into the first dress when she ripped the curtain back and scolded me for starting without her. I’m just standing there in front of everyone while she’s yelling.
I just say sorry and she goes to sit down. Every dress I try on she makes some snarky comment about my weight and that it looks nothing like her dress. Side note: I’m on the heavier side but I have been losing weight and was starting to feel better about myself.
I just kept quiet and would move on to the next dress.
We were still going through the dresses I had picked out. Unbeknownst to me and the stylist, my mom had picked out some dresses as well. She had just put them on a chair outside the changing area without saying anything to us.
When I came out in the last dress I picked out my mom said “just like always, you think you’re too high for my clothing choices for you”. That’s when I discovered she had picked some out. I told her I would go try them on.
I came out in the first one and it looked identical to her dress. It was pretty but just not my style. I told everyone there that and my mom said “it looks horrible on you. You should probably just wear a garbage bag.”
I lost it.
I had been trying to just let her comments go in one ear and out the other but I had enough. I yelled at her to get the heck out. She retorted that this was one of the biggest moments in my life and she deserved to be a part of it.
I yelled back that she was ok walking out of other big moments in my life and excluding me from hers so what makes this any different? We yelled back and forth for a bit and I admit I said some hateful things but so did she.
My dad and the store manager ended up walking my mom outside while she was crying. Some family say I was in the right but others say I’m in the wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds incredibly toxic and selfish as heck.
I’m really sorry she kept making awful little comments, I hope you don’t let this affect your newfound confidence and find a dress that makes you feel incredible. In all honesty, if it’s possible it would be good for you to go low contact or even no contact.
She’s mean-spirited and soooo selfish. You deserve better. Also congrats on your upcoming wedding.” dollyuwu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who are the people who are on her side? Was it made clear to them that she showed up late, exposed you to everyone, and fat-shamed you?
Because if they know that and all they have to defend her is “but faaaaaaamily” they can all go kick sharp rocks with no shoes.” Bird_Brain4101112
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, but don’t go thinking you owe your mom an apology because you don’t.
The smart thing would have been to just end the appointment, and then make another one and not invite your mother (who, for the record, is a huge jerk). Maybe a scene is/would have been inevitable, but better to have it someplace a little less public.” Mehitabel9
