People Divulge Their Boldest 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Friend's Birthday Gift To Another Friend?
“I just got my first grown-up job a few months ago so I finally have some funds to afford things.
I graduated a year later than all my friends because I had to take a gap year (health issues). This is the first time I’ve actually been able to spend on my friends and family, so I went ahead and got Janet this Burberry perfume she’s been wanting for the longest time but wasn’t willing to bring herself to spend that much money on herself.
Sephora’s been having a sale and the perfume was 35% off so it was a great deal. It was sold out at all the outlets I went to in my area, but my younger cousin’s partner works at a Sephora in a different area of the state so she managed to get a hold of one for me.
The issue comes in here: We have another friend, we’ll call her Jodi. I posted a picture of the perfume on my close friend’s list (removed Janet so she wouldn’t see it) and captioned it something along the lines of finally getting the perfect gift for Janet.
Jodi saw the story and replied immediately saying she was looking for that perfume everywhere but couldn’t find one at all. She wanted to buy one for Janet as well.
I told her how I managed to get it and told her to just let me know if she ever needed something from Sephora because I’d ask my cousin’s partner to hold onto it for her.
However, Jodi was really upset and told me it was unfair that I didn’t even tell anyone that I was even considering getting her the perfume because I “usually just get something cheap”. These are her words exactly.
Realistically, of course, I couldn’t spend much on gifts until this year.
I was eating ramen every day quite literally a year ago because I was so broke.
Jodi called me later. She offered to buy the perfume from me and said that she’d be doing me a favor by taking the load off of me and that Janet would be happy either way because she was getting the perfume anyway.
She said it condescendingly, but this is just how she speaks when she’s upset.
I told her no thank you. I told her that if she wanted to gift the perfume to Janet, I wouldn’t mind putting her name on the card for free so Janet would think the both of us got it for her and I wouldn’t tell Janet that I paid for the whole thing.
She refused this option and so I told her there was nothing else I could do for her and I added that if she wanted to get the perfume for her, she should’ve done a better job and tried asking around like I did.
She got upset and said I was being a real jerk for speaking to her that way, but I felt like it was a reasonable thing to say. She refuses to speak to me now and last I checked, has softblocked me on social media.
AITJ here for refusing to sell? Should I apologize to ensure we don’t ruin Janet’s party that’s happening soon?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your question. YTJ for posting before you give it to her. I can see Jodi spilling the beans about it as payback.
Also, have neither of you heard of online shopping? If it’s sold out in stores it may be available online. If it’s not at the store you’re at you can check if it’s at any other stores close by. If so you can buy online to pick up in-store most of the time.
There’s no need to play Russian roulette when looking for a specific gift anymore. At least not with Sephora.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Jodi wanted to buy Burberry perfume for Janet, Sephora is not the only store that carries it. This is ridiculous.
Dozens of stores carry it, on sale or not. Walmart, Ulta, Nordstrom, Macy’s, etc, etc. If Jodi wanted to get this particular gift for Janet, there was absolutely nothing standing in the way of her doing so.” ImportantOnion9937
19. AITJ For Leaving Thanksgiving Dinner After My Mom Criticized My Dessert?
“My (32f) Mother (60f) hosts Thanksgiving dinner at her house every year. It’s a small event, with my parents, my brother’s family, and my SIL’s family attending.
We avoid family quarrels by implementing a strict no-politics” rule and trying our best to be civil. I should probably mention that we are not a particularly close-knit family. We rarely see each other beyond these events since my Brother lives in South Africa and I travel a lot due to my work.
Thanksgiving is important to my mom since it’s one of the rare times we’re all together.
Anyway, the main problem I have with my mother is her constant critique of me. She has a habit of making passive-aggressive comments about my life choices, from my career to my lack of children to the way I dress.
I’ve addressed this with her multiple times, but she doesn’t seem aware of it. My father claims it is just her way of fussing and expressing that she cares. It does hurt though, because my brother is never criticized in the same manner. I cannot entirely fault her for her criticism, since I did majorly mess up my life a few months ago (depression) and it has affected her opinion of me negatively.
It does not excuse the way I acted, but I just wanted to explain why I left. By the time we finished dinner, I was a bit upset because of some of her commentary.
I made a cake for dessert. I was explicitly put in charge of it and no one specified what exactly I should make, so I opted for Maple Cheesecake.
I did my best and I think it looked okay. Mum normally makes pumpkin pie, but I hate pumpkins (they make me gag), so I thought perhaps we could try something new. As I was bringing out the cheesecake, my mom eyed it somewhat warily and announced that she’d decided to make the usual pie as well.
This caught me off guard. I asked why she didn’t tell me beforehand, and she said something like, “Well, we figured you’d do your own thing, so I thought it was best to have a backup.” She went on to cut the pie and serve it to everyone, instructing me to leave the cheesecake in the kitchen.
When someone asked to try my dessert, she said “Let’s not mix too many flavors at once,” which just felt passive-aggressive. I know it’s immature for an adult to get this upset over a triviality, but I just (politely) refused as she handed me a slice of pie, retrieved my coat, and left. People were calling after me I think, but by that point, I was crying for some reason and it would have been too humiliating to have an emotional outburst in front of everyone for no real reason.
My mom just texted me saying that it was incredibly rude and immature of me to leave like that, especially on Thanksgiving. My brother also sent me a message saying I’m acting irrationally. I feel horrible for leaving so abruptly, especially because my parents are getting older and we are already not close.
Something about my mother seems to turn me into a neurotic teenager and I hate it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your mother’s way of “fussing and expressing that she cares” looks, sounds, and feels like she’s being a deliberately nasty person then I’m guessing she is really just being a deliberately nasty person.
Walks like a duck and all that. I’d tell your father this. Your mother premeditated the whole dessert thing right down to the kick in the teeth of excluding the dessert you made from the table. She got off on being cruel in this petty way for whatever warped reason.
This kind of thing is no accident and not care in any way. Golden boy brother can’t see it because he is never the target. Dad is trying to see it through the best possible lens. Your mother won’t admit to herself what she is doing even as she deliberately does it.
Their blindness doesn’t mean she isn’t doing it.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the worst, like seriously the worst. God forbid anyone eat and then compliment your cheesecake! You were not crying for some reason, you were crying for valid reasons. You were not behaving irrationally, you were reacting with perfect rationality given your circumstances.
Maybe take off the rest of the holidays and give yourself some grace? Or spend them with a friend or family member who doesn’t treat you like an inconvenience? From one black sheep to another: you deserve way better.” jhistory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not close for good reason.
Your mom can’t even be nice and civil for one evening. Next year decline the invite. We usually have several kinds of desserts for our holiday meals. Maple and pumpkin go great together. I’ve had key lime pie and chocolate silk pie at the same time without any issues.
Your mother was just being unkind on purpose to undermine you. You did the right thing by leaving when you felt like you could take no more. You don’t need to reply to those texts. They didn’t ask a question to reply to. They didn’t offer an apology to accept or decline.
So what would you need to reply to? Ignore it and go on with your best life. You deserve peace and kindness at the holidays as much as anyone… your family isn’t bringing that. So have Thanksgiving with a friend next year.” lily ladyy
18. AITJ For Not Ignoring My Partner's Disrespectful Behaviour On His Birthday?
“Today is my partner’s 30th. Yesterday he played in a sports day with his dad and brother from around 12.
I was out buying items for our new house. I returned straight to his parent’s house to have dinner with the wives and his mum. At around 8 pm, I was pretty tired, the men were still at the prize giving having a few drinks and one of them let us know they’d be back by 9:30 p.m. I sent a message to my partner to ask if he’ll need a sober driver (he has made no prior mention of this potentially happening).
He said probably, and that he’d be done between 9:30-and 10:30 pm and we exchanged a few more messages where I tried to figure out if I could go home to shower and then come back later to pick him up (we both have work today).
I will add that my message said at 9 pm, “I’m not going to wait for you, leave your car there and I will fetch you”. On the phone, I told him I’d come back to fetch him when he let me know. I waited until 9:45 and then drove home.
We share our locations, so when I saw that he had moved along the road, I called to ask if he was actually on his way back, he half answered by repeating “2 minutes” and hung up on me.
I turned around and then left my car with his parents, driving him home in his car.
He was singing at the top of his intoxicated lungs and told me about 3 times how boring a person I was on the 10-minute journey home. (I sang along to the one song I knew but my mood was low). He repeated ‘I’ll rather not say it’.
Probably about our currently not-great relationship status. He also said that our relationship is bad and we hate each other and a few other insults while I was in the shower. I don’t think I said much if anything in response but gave an exasperated look.
He told me not to wish him happy birthday the next day. We went to bed. This morning we woke up and I was scrolling on my phone quite uncertain how to approach the morning.
He was then angry with me for my mood on his birthday, so I explained it’s pretty hard to wake up in a great mood when I didn’t know where we stood after being insulted for being expected to be his driver and being told not to wish him.
He then justified his insults toward me because he interpreted all my questions about how to get him home in a naggy witch voice (he read my messages to me). He refused to let me explain that I was trying to get him home safe and was not his servant.
He believes I have ruined his day and that I shouldn’t have had a problem waiting for him. And I believe that having a birthday doesn’t mean you don’t have respect for other people’s time and feelings. I don’t think he has considered me at all or wants to view anything but his wants and needs in this scenario.
AITJ for not faking it this morning and ignoring the inconsiderate behavior because it’s his birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“Why do you date a guy who feels free to insult you constantly and then gets mad at you for it? Did we not learn self-respect and having a backbone when we were young?” LawNerds
Another User Comments:
“I probably would have put the disagreement on hold for his actual birthday but you two don’t sound like you’re a match. ” Expensive_Visual_594
17. AITJ For Dropping Out Of College Against My Mom's Wishes?
“I (F18) have never been the most academic person. I barely graduated, I took full semesters of core classes to walk the stage.
My mom (F54) was never the most academic person either; she went to community college but never got her A.A.
She wasn’t my biggest supporter through school, just constantly telling me to get my grades up and getting mad, taking my electronics – the usual parenting stuff.
When I graduated though, she was immediately telling me to enroll in community college classes. And I immediately said no lol.
I was clearly not ready to go back to school, especially college, I just made it by in high school! I told her this but she kept persisting, and it got to the point where she would tell my older sister (F28) to get involved and tell me I needed to take college classes.
I love my sister, so I was hurt that she got involved.
After a while, I did give in. I was between jobs and didn’t do much, so I had no excuse not to go to college. I enrolled in classes that were, you guessed it, picked by my mom and sister, and it was at this point a waiting game.
The days leading up to me (or should I say them) picking my classes, my mom would yell at me and tell me I needed to get myself together, enroll in classes, and look for jobs, which is understandable. I was all here looking for jobs and applying, helping around the house, etc, but just not
college.
It was so bad to the point where we had to go in and sit down with a counselor at the college, but I felt so pressured to know what I wanted to major in that I shut down.
The first day of class felt like high school.
She gave us an assignment to do, and I didn’t do it. I tried to convince myself I needed to do this, but then I realized I didn’t have to. I went for maybe 2 days and dropped out. Now I’ve just been out doing things.
Now I have a consistent full-time job that pays $21/hr. I am a shift lead at my job. When my sister went to college, she was working full time and dropped out from the stress of it all, and my mom let her. I wanted to do the same, and what better way to excuse me ‘dropping out’ than saying I’m stressed from work?
I tried it, and it didn’t work. My mom was furious. We argued and I cried again. I am a crybaby lol.
Now enrollment for the spring semester is coming up. She has been hovering over me like a hawk. The second I get home from work it’s “Did you enroll in classes yet?”.
I don’t know how long I can keep up with the whole going to classes but not actually because I dropped out. I’m scared she’s going to kick me out or just keep yelling at me for months. I don’t mind paying rent either, but she won’t accept me living there if I don’t go to college.
Sorry for the boring story, I wish it was more juicy than this.”
Another User Comments:
“College professor here. I think college is great for many folks, but only when it’s the right time for them to be there. You do not want to be there.
Please take some time off. (If mom is resistant to your stopping, calling it a break, or saying you’ll take some time to earn tuition money first, might help her reconcile.) By the nature of college, you are an adult and it is your decision whether to be there or not.
If your mom is right and college is going to help you, it will still be there when you want it. But to pay all that money for something you don’t want and aren’t feeling motivated to do will not lead to good things. You can live a great life without college.
College is expensive and it’s a thing to do only when you can see it’s worth it for where you are trying to get. If your mom is feeling regret because she didn’t finish college, she can certainly enroll herself (not being sarcastic here). But you going to college for her is not right for you, and it would be wise not to do so.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if your mother is willing to pay for your college education, you’d be foolish not to accept. I’m not sure if you realize what a tremendous privilege it is to be able to get a higher education without amassing debt.
And if you’re firm in this decision, then you should start taking steps to move out and live independently, because she can force you to leave if she wants to.” deedee7890
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t choose to go to college in the first place, you were forced into it.
Why should your mom be mad at you for dropping out of something you don’t want to do? I’m in college and working and it’s really hard, I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to/ not being able to get through it. If you barely made it through high school, college would’ve been so much worse for you.
Not saying you wouldn’t ever be able to do it if you choose to, but it is difficult. I’m sorry your mom can’t understand that and is being so mean to you. You don’t deserve that.” breadsticck
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Children Around My Ex's Partner?
“Me (36M) and my ex (33f) are in the process of getting a divorce after 10 years of marriage.
Nothing is finalized as that is expensive and I currently do not have the funds to afford an attorney. A lot of our problems we had stemmed from my repressed trauma as a child and I was inadvertently and unknowingly letting my conditioned behaviors out on her.
Through counseling, I am doing my best to become a better person deal with my past trauma, and not let it hurt the people I love the most.
That being said I don’t want my kids around my ex’s (m50) partner. He drinks & smokes to excess and I feel is a creep.
About 1.5 years ago she was unfaithful to me with him & lied to my face about it. A month later she walked out on me and our (now 13m, 7f) children. I found out she was being unfaithful the entire time as she left her social media open on our computer when she went on vacation with her mom.
I saw pictures and convos that stick with me today. She came back a couple of times to try and work things out, but that was only because they were fighting & she needed a place to stay.
One weekend she took the kids & they spent their time at a local hotel/pool.
My son wanted to come home because he was bored. When my daughter came home later she told me in her little kid words she saw mommy being intimate with her partner. I reported the incident to DHS as this wasn’t the first time my daughter said something about their behavior (excessive making out, groping each other) and it was making our then 6 y/o uncomfortable.
Whenever I would say something to my ex about toning it down she would balk.
She’s barely seen either of them this past 1.5 years and only spends time with them when it’s convenient for her. I am not preventing her from being with her kids, she chooses not to.
There is no formal custody arrangement as we are not officially divorced. I want my kids to have a good relationship with their mother if they so choose, but I will not force them into a situation where they are uncomfortable. I do not want them to be around her partner thinking his behavior is acceptable & I also do not want my daughter in a position of being with a possible creep.
All that being said she still thinks I’m a jerk and it’s because she left me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The age gap seems tricky. Gather as much evidence as you can get your hands on. This is an adult whose frame of mind is probably much the same as it was at 31.
Start looking him up.” Maleficent-Signal295
15. AITJ For Going To A Work Dinner On My Partner's Birthday?
“On Wednesday it was my partner’s birthday. We’ve been together for 10 years approximately, and every year we talk about how her birthday feels like any regular day to her, she doesn’t like to celebrate or do anything special, she even doesn’t like receiving gifts (a rule that I break every year though).
At midnight on Wednesday, I had our puppy bring her a bag of “goodies” chocolates, scented candies, es and a note to our bed, and I wished her a happy birthday. She was ok with that, partially, so I said to myself “ok let’s call it a day The day went by, and we did our normal routine.
I asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner, in a chill mode, not a birthday celebration or anything but she very politely declined, so I knew not to keep pushing.
At around 4 pm, I got a call from a colleague saying there was a networking dinner organized by corporate and the CEO.
I recently was promoted so they didn’t send me the formal invite, but this guy tells me they wanted me there if possible. I immediately said no, because it was my partner’s birthday. She overheard the conversation and asked me what was going on.
I told her. She said this, not paraphrasing, “Hey you never go out, and things have been hard at work, go, do your thing, I’m ok I didn’t want to do anything either way so at least you get to impress your boss”.
I asked her “Are you sure? You sure you’re good with this?” And she said, “Yes, I know you want it, so I’m good”.
So I kissed her and took off. We had a great dinner, every C level was there, and I truly felt like I made a great first impression.
My Director was a little buzzed so I drove him home, had a great conversation, and this morning I got an email with a cool project assignment that I had been wanting for over 2 months! Good news right? NO.
My partner woke up and ignored me all morning.
I made her breakfast, like we always do but she didn’t eat it. Then we went to our respective offices at home, and she didn’t speak to me all day. At noon I asked her “Hey you, ok, you seem sad or worried, something happened at work?” And she went off… she said that she hated me and that I was a “selfish jerk” who didn’t care about her, that I manipulated her with that “phone call” she overheard to get permission to abandon her during the most important day of her year.
Ultimately she said that she felt I was a bad person, and was seriously considering a separation because of this.
I have been a little selfish this past month and a half, my mom was diagnosed with late-stage terminal brain cancer and moved to hospice care, and I recognize I might have been a little self-absorbed this past time.
With the visits, talking to the insurance, getting her meds, and everything I have seriously not been paying much attention to her.
I feel awful I hurt her, but I also feel like she kind of set me up. I love her, but I feel a mixture of like a jerk, and like an idiot for how she set me up.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What’s wrong with your partner? I mean, according to what you tell us in the post, she’s never cared about her birthday, she also didn’t necessarily appreciate your birthday present and even rejected your offer to do something special for her.
So why is it that when you get this amazing networking opportunity, first she encourages you to go, then the next day she ices you out? And she also starts gaslighting you into believing you caused this, and it’s your fault for not being with her on her “special day”?
When she never cared for her birthday in the first place? And allowed you to go?? And why do you think you’ve been “self-absorbed” for caring and worrying about your sick mother?? If anyone is self-absorbed it’s your partner.” simu111903
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, your partner specifically told you using her words go to the work dinner.
She even said that you work hard and never go out. She persuaded you to accept the dinner invitation, *after you turned it down*. She doesn’t get to huff and puff and claim you manipulated her, and her “overhearing” the phone call was on purpose.
Oh, no ma’am. I don’t know if your partner has secretly been harboring hurt feelings of being ignored, or if somebody is talking to her and stirring the pot and she is eating that right up but this is unacceptable. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
14. AITJ For Wanting To Split Rent And Bills 50/50 With My Roommate?
“I (M24) am currently on a graduate scheme with a colleague (M25, we’ll call him Tom), working for a company that move us around randomly every 6 months, before we get a permanent position with them.
For our final 6 month rotation, we were both moved to Rotherham in the UK. I started searching for my own place, as this is 3.5hrs from any family/friends who I could stay with. Tom was going to live with his Mum in York, 1hr away, and occasionally commute in.
He tried this for a week before saying he didn’t like it, and I agreed I would search for a place with him.
I shortlisted some places in Sheffield City Centre. These were more expensive than Tom would have liked, so I offered to pay for weekends in full, while weekdays would remain 50/50.
He agreed this was a good deal, so I pay £525/mth, he pays £280. He agreed to furnish the place.
I had to move immediately, so took the room which came with a bed, our only furniture. Tom brought a mattress for the other room a few days later, and some kitchen stuff, nothing more.
We bought a kettle and a toaster, but this is it in terms of our furniture – I bought myself some essentials from IKEA, Tom lives very light 4 months later and has not in my opinion, made good on his promise to furnish the house.
Tom is rarely here. The agreement is he has Monday to Friday, and just can’t stay at the weekend, but he’ll frequently go home on a Thursday, and come down the next Tuesday, losing the Monday and Friday he pays for. He’s also been away a lot, skiing in January, abroad getting ready for his permanent role, on holiday in the UK – having a house has been very poor value for money for him.
I sympathise with this, but also don’t see it as my problem.
I agreed, after he tried to turn the heating down to 15mins in the morning, 30mins in the evening, to split the bills the same way we do the rent. This has at least allowed me to not freeze at the weekend.
For context, our utility bill was coming to about £180/month, which I understood to be pretty normal for a 2 bed house in the UK at the moment, but he was pretty taken aback, hence the agreement. It now comes to about £150 after a cutback.
We both move out in April, but have the house till mid May (business reasons).
Today I suggested that, we split everything 50/50 after March. With neither of us using the house, I felt this was fair. This was not welcomed, and Tom said he would “do some calculations” to figure out how much rent he actually owed for the time he spends here, as opposed to paying more when we move out.
I’m pretty outraged by this. I think he’s being completely unreasonable. I know his salary, because we have the same role. This is a guy that can afford to go skiing several times a year, yet is behaving incredibly cheap. I feel the current setup is generous, and he is squeezing me for more cheap living.
I recognise however, what I’m suggesting is against our original agreement, so I ask – am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree the split is unfair. I would have found someone to go 50/50 with instead of this ridiculous system. But you chose to live with him with this system. You don’t get to change it because you choose to change your living situation before the lease is up. You knew what you needed to pay when deciding to no longer live there. That’s your decision. Tom shouldn’t have to finance your choices.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You agreed on the split before moving in and he accepted on that condition. You can’t change that now. How’d you feel of your landlord came to you mid-tenancy and said “my mortgage payments have gone up and I know your salary so I’m gonna need more rent”?
They can’t do that because the price was agreed for the length of the fixed term tenancy. Splitting utility bills is fair since those were meant to be split equally from the beginning, but if neither of you are living there then those will be small anyway.” rainbowteddybearr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom has yet to furnish the place. So he went back on your agreement first. But for that verbal agreement, you could have had a full time roommate who shared expenses equally with you. Tom’s issue isn’t that he cannot afford the place he stays, but that he cannot afford it while spending on pursuits outside of his dwelling.
Just find your own place or one with someone willing to share space with you.” Mundane-Aardvark7778
13. AITJ For Wanting My Car Back From My Stepdaughter After Her Mother Traded Their Shared Car?
“In August, my 18-year-old stepdaughter (who lives about an hour away with her mother) told my husband and me that she needed a car to get to her community college classes, volleyball practice, work, etc. Before this, she and her twin brother had been sharing a car that was purchased by their mother and their former stepfather (they are in the middle of a nasty divorce).
For context, her brother started working full-time and took over payments from their mom on the car they shared, although she lied several times about paying for the car.
I decided to let my stepdaughter use my car- even with me finishing off the last 10 months of payments and paying for the insurance while she drove it and had the car in her possession.
The agreement with my stepdaughter was that once her brother purchased his vehicle, she would take the vehicle they previously shared, and I would get my car back. To be clear, my name is still on the title, not hers.
Since August, going down to one car has been rough for my spouse and me.
We have a 19-month-old who is watched by my mom daily. We ride together to work, but if I need to stay late or he has to take the day off, I end up borrowing my mom’s car. Things get especially difficult if my mom needs a day off and her car to go to doctor’s appointments or whatever.
A couple of weekends ago, my stepson again mentioned that he was thinking of purchasing his own car. I respond with “Great! Then your sister can have the car you shared and I get mine back!” He responds with, “Yeah, but mom doesn’t want to do that.” While his mother doesn’t know, his aunt/godmother promised him $5,000 for a down payment on a car.
However, he has not received this money yet.
On Friday, my stepson pulls up to our house with a 2019 Dodge Charger. It’s a beautiful car. We tell him how proud of him we are. I also mention getting my car back again, now that his sister can take their old car.
My stepson mentions something about that car needing to pass emissions, but never comes out and says his mom traded it in.
Today, my husband spoke with his ex-wife. When he mentioned getting my car back, she explained that she traded the twins’ shared car as a down payment for a new car, as well as money she had “stashed away.” She explains that my stepson will pay her back.
But basically, I’m out of luck. When we talk to my stepson, he confirms that she traded in the shared vehicle and put money down that he is expected to pay her back. She also claimed that she could not afford to make the payments on the shared vehicle, despite not having a mortgage payment.
I do not have extra funds for two monthly payments (my former car driven by my stepdaughter and a new car) nor do I have a down payment saved. I am angry and feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me.
AITJ for wanting to ask for my car back and let the twins’ mother figure out how to get a car for my stepdaughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Get your car back ASAP. It seems that they had banked on you letting the stepdaughter use the vehicle indefinitely. It’s now time to take back your vehicle. It would now either be up to your partner or the stepdaughter’s other parent to figure out whether or not she’s going to be taking the bus, or she can use an Uber, or if she’s going to need to get a job so she can get her car and pay her insurance.
My point is, that you are a grown man who lent his car to his stepdaughter with the understanding that he would get it back. Since the circumstances changed, and there is no extra vehicle that your stepdaughter will be able to use, you still have to live your life and you need to get your car back.
Your wife isn’t going to be happy about it. But your wife needs a car to be able to take care of your kid and go to the hospital if there’s an emergency. And you need the ability to drive to and from work on hindered. This was only ever going to be a temporary solution.” compiledexploit
Another User Comments:
“This is beyond ridiculous. Do not simply ask but demand the return of your vehicle. Your husband is useless. Take full control of his car for your exclusive use. He can use public transportation to get to work until such time he delivers your car back to you.
You have been disrespected and have absorbed the cost of wear and tear on your car while paying to insure and register it Edit: You must have spare keys. Tell your husband to man up and get your car back.” No-Comfortable-3918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It is your car, and your husband’s ex is trying to manipulate you into “giving” your car to your stepdaughter. Don’t let her. There are two other options. You can tell the ex and stepdaughter they can return your car now that the stepson has purchased his car as agreed. Just because they decided to change the deal from their side does not change it from your side since it was not discussed or agreed to by you.
Give them a time limit for the return. If the car is not returned within the deadline, then hopefully, you have a key and you go get it, or you can report it stolen by your stepdaughter.” bookworm-1960
12. AITJ For Being Upset About Not Being Informed Of My Dad's Hospitalization?
“This is from the other day. My family (mum, stepdad, and little sister) moved to the other end of the country about two years ago. We haven’t seen each other since then as the sudden move caused tension between them and me. Unfortunately, my relationship with my mum and dad has decreased to low contact due to my mum’s narcissism and manipulative ways (she believes she’s the black sheep of the family and the world is out to get her).
As of late, I’ve been dousing the flames instead of feeding the fire. It’s been hard and emotionally taxing, but I know it’s needed.
I have had to play judge, jury, and executioner between her and her mum, and her and my sister, and her and dad.
She called me out of the blue one day to tell me my sister was in hospital and that “she couldn’t do this anymore! I’m a horrible mother! I shouldn’t be allowed to be a mother!” and so on. After managing to calm her down after an hour, after, she refused to even tell me why my sister had done that or anything about how my sister was recovering.
I had to call my sister directly. Turns out they had a huge argument and a lot of horrible things were said on both fronts. This sort of thing happens constantly. Sorry for the ramble.
So what happened: in mid/late January my mum messaged me, I will quote it below for convenience’s sake.
Mum: “If I pay for your flights what’s the chance of you coming up to watch (sister) for 5 days ?” My Sister is in her mid-teens.
Me: “Depends on when, why, and the season, I’m on contract till August at my work.”
Mum: “I’ll check dates with (dad) it’s next month I need someone to watch her.
It’s not a holiday but it’s also not my story to tell just support”
Me: “I’m on contract with my work until August, I cannot call out of work, we’re short-staffed as it is. And one month isn’t nearly enough notice to get it covered”
Mum: “Ok” That was the end of it until now.
A week ago now, I got a call after work from my partner. He calmly let me know that on my dad’s social media, there was a photo of him in a hospital bed with tubes and wires all over.
He was half loopy but grinning. So I got worried, as anyone would, and messaged all three of them. But this is the conversation I had with my mum.
Me: “What’s up with dad?”
Mum: “Hi how are you? Not my story to tell sorry .”
Me: “Why can’t you tell me why dad is in hospital!?!? You’d lose your mind if I did that to you.”
Mum: “I was asked not to tell I’m sorry you feel like that .”
This honestly angered me off I had to put my phone down.
This might seem a bit drastic considering the lack of prior knowledge. My dad hasn’t replied, and my mum hasn’t said anything more, but my sister said “All I’m allowed to say is it’s for a good reason.” I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.
Please someone set me straight. I at least just want to know if he’ll be ok or not.
AITJ for being upset I’m not being kept in the loop, and being upset I wasn’t told my dad is in hospital?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so rude and manipulative.
To your sister, I’d be like, Okay, I’ll get the story from him later. I take it he’s expected to make a full recovery? Any ETA for when they expect him to be released? Maybe he’s embarrassed because he crashed a car while under the influence.
Maybe he had prostate issues and needed an operation. Who knows why he wouldn’t want to say it, but all that matters is whether it’s serious or minor. But as for your family giving you partial information while withholding the important details… just awful, but sounds unsurprising given your mom’s personality.
She just LOVES knowing something you don’t that you want to know. She’s a drama queen who loves having that power over you and torturing you with it. What a gem she is. Sorry, you have to suffer her narcissism.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This sounds like your dad went in for elective surgery since your mom was trying to arrange care for your sister ahead of time.
It also sounds like he was embarrassed or worried about it, and asked your mom to keep it private (maybe something to do with either his prostate or his colon/rectum?) On the surface, all this is understandable. But your mom’s behavior is still very manipulative.
She tried to guilt you into doing her a huge favor without giving you any information. Then when you found stuff out anyway, she still isn’t telling you things that you have a right to know. You’re being pushed out of the loop for absolutely no reason.
Your teenage sister knows what’s happening. *Everyone on social media* knows what’s happening. But for some reason, you’re the bad guy for wanting the bare minimum of information.” apatheticsahm
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Fiancé's Cousin To Bring A Plus One To Our Wedding?
“I (F) am getting married this year to my (M) fiancé. Things have been great between us and our families, and it seems like both sides like our respective partners.
His family in particular can be pretty closed off to new people but they seem to like and accept me and approve of our relationship.
However, he has one female cousin who detests the idea of us both being together and getting married in the future.
While she’s always been rather hostile to my fiancé it really started when she found out he was seeing me. It wasn’t a secret or anything but the news just travelled slower to her. When he asked what she thought she said plainly that she was disgusted by the idea of him seeing someone, but never explained why.
Despite all this, he’s at least been on civil terms with her because she’s family and he wants to be a kind person, but he doesn’t allow her to get close.
Last year I met her for the first time and afterwards when he asked what she thought of me she essentially belittled him and told him that I could do so much better and she didn’t understand why I was with a guy like him.
He put on a brave face but I could tell deep down he was hurt by it since he values other people’s opinions on him and uses that to try and change for the better.
As for the title. Recently she had asked about bringing a plus one to the wedding, to which I replied that we were allowing them however I had to look at numbers to make sure there was room, however, they had a few months until I needed the RSVPs so I said I’d let them know.
Turns out the plus one is a female friend (which is fine) but she intended to shock my fiancé and me by pretending it was her date. However, neither of us had a problem if her date was legitimately a woman so the intent behind bringing her felt odd.
Then they were self-admittedly planning on doing anything in their power to upstage me and get a reaction out of our guests before getting inebriated and leaving. Upon hearing this we were both rather disgusted by how tacky she was and agreed that bringing a plus one to cause a scene and us stress is not a good enough reason to bring one.
We told her that we were at our number limit to keep our source of this information anonymous but that didn’t mean she wasn’t upset. Saying that we had already said it was okay, (we didn’t) and that this wedding was going to suck and she didn’t even want to go but would show support.
Most of both families have been on our side but I’m still worried if we stopped this scheme she’ll try something more desperate to ruin our day. I’m trying my best to be the most anti-bridezilla but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting someone there who solely wants to try and upstage me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but uninvite cousin! You said you are only inviting her to avoid family drama, but it seems that’s exactly what you’re going to get if she does come, be it alone or with a plus one. From what you’ve said about families’ feelings on it, they’d probably be relieved to be free of her drama as well.” Ok_Conversation9750
10. AITJ For Telling My Mum She's Acting Stupid Over A Tanning Oil Incident?
“I (17F) went grocery shopping today with my family including Dad (late 40s M), Mum (late 40s F), and my sister (14F).
While we were there, I got some sunscreen and SPF tanning oil. As my high school formal is in a couple of weeks, I thought I’d try to tan a little. When we went to pay, Mum saw that my sister and I had gotten a few cosmetics and said we had to pay separately because we had to use our own money.
Fair enough. But that brought attention to the tanning oil.
She raised her voice at the checkout and asked why I was “buying that stuff”. I told her why. She said that I “better not get that stuff on their car”. I explained to her that the oil itself did not have color, it was not a fake tan, and I would not be putting it on outside the house, only in the pool area where I could tan.
She let me buy it, but she’s “confiscating it” and is not letting me have it. I tried to explain the ‘not fake tan’ thing like 3 times to my parents on the way to the car.
My dad laughed at me and said that I was ridiculous because why would I use sunscreen or SPF if I wanted to tan, and ‘he doesn’t understand’ in a mocking tone.
He said this at least 3 times on the car ride back. I kept saying it’s to protect my skin as best as possible because I don’t want to burn. And he kept telling me it doesn’t make sense (although if I’m wrong please correct me).
They said I better not get that stuff on their car. Again. At least 3 times. Again. I tried to explain the ‘no color, not a fake tan’. Again.
Then my mum went on to say “Would you get a tan, you don’t even exercise”.
I told her you don’t necessarily need to exercise to get a tan, and that it may even be splotchy. She started manically laughing and screamed at my dad ‘Oh my god she’s so dumb, she said she doesn’t need the sun to tan’.
My sister and I looked at each other because I clearly didn’t say that. I told her ‘That’s not even close to what I said. Why are you trying to act dumb on purpose?’
She just kept laughing at me like it was the funniest thing on earth and kept calling me stupid and dumb, so when we got out of the car I said ‘Why are you acting stupid?’ That stopped her laughter real quick.
She got into my face and said ‘You jerk, what did you just call me?’ We were right outside the house where all the neighbors could hear so she did not want to make a loud scene so I took the opportunity to leave and walked into the house before she could pull my hair, to be honest.
My sister is on my side because mum just put words into my mouth and ‘she always does this’ (making up stuff we said to try to throw it against us). My dad scolded me and told me I just caused trouble and should have kept my mouth shut.
And obviously, my mum thinks I’m one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both of your parents are acting stupid, delusional, and narcissistic lol. I’m glad your sister has your back at least! I got frustrated reading this since my parents are also like this and LOVE to make up stuff.
Also, can’t believe your mother called you a jerk and that she felt okay saying that to you when she was the problem here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and both your parents are jerks. They’re bullies and I’m sorry they treat you like that.
Why even let you buy the oil if they’re not going to let you use it? They’re acting mean and unfair.” No_Confidence5235
9. AITJ For Confronting A Colleague Who Was Spreading False Information About Me?
“I am from a multi-ethnic country where people speak in different languages and observe many religions.
At work, my closest colleague (Infaz) and some of the people sitting at my table were fluent Tamil speakers and I was not.
There was this girl in the company who created several issues with me. They would openly not do work I assign, badmouth me to others, and sabotage me.
Through most of it, I was visibly stressed, and would always passively accept this workplace bullying. Every day I came home and dreamt of standing up for myself by confronting these people in front of everyone.
One day, I was having a personal problem with Infaz, and the entire day, he was speaking mostly with the set in Tamil.
This upset me and even though I did engage with them, I didn’t have context most of the time and felt left out. So I chose to focus on work.
In the set that was talking in Tamil, one girl would be one that always caused problems for me.
Let’s call her Nina.
Nina once brought up an Instagram story she had screenshotted from my account about hospitals not accepting Islamic women due to hijabs. I am not Islamic, but my best friend and many close friends are so I felt the need to tag this post saying how ludicrous the thought process was since a Hijab is a mere cloth and everyone wears clothes!
She spun this as though I was speaking against the religion and was telling everyone at the table that I don’t like Muslims. They were trying to worsen Infaz’s idea of me to further break our bond. So I got very upset about this and went to calm myself.
I was shaking and felt helpless. Once I calmed down, I went back to my desk. Nina was laughing on a phone call with someone and seemed very happy with what happened. This made me realize she did it on purpose. I didn’t want to get away with bad-mouthing me and making stories just because I was passive.
I told her that a majority of my friends were Islamic and showed her some of my friend’s replies. I told her if she needed any clarifications, I was sitting right in front of her and she could directly ask me. No swears, no harsh words.
Just maybe was a bit blunt.
Then I went back to my seat, sat down and I was shaking. I had never directly talked to anyone like that ever. My heart was beating very fast! Just got up, left in an Uber, and felt great.
Later Infaz clarified that he defended me in Tamil. I still was upset that he didn’t just directly involve me in the conversation since I was also there. He said they were planning to apologize to me. But there was a long time since I came back from the washroom and they never said anything or showed any signs of remorse.
What upset me most was that my colleague told me that I was wrong for standing up like that in front of everyone. That I made it look worse than it seemed. I shouldn’t have done that in front of Nina’s manager. So tell me, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in an unfortunate situation. Bullies get “off” on eliciting a reaction like you gave her. If you haven’t already blocked her from any social media accounts you have (to the extent you can), I’d do so. Otherwise, I wouldn’t worry.
Let your story stand for what it stands for. If she wants to say ignorant things, it makes her look bad, not you. Stay out of the conversation, and trust that those who know you, do know you and will stand behind you. It’s not easy.
I get that. You already go to work expecting and dreading the next thing she’s going to do. But don’t give her that power. Once you stop reacting, she’ll more likely move on. And if she doesn’t she continues to prove that she is the jerk.
Good luck! Take many deep breaths. Stand tall! You got this!” User
Another User Comments:
“She had it coming. NTJ. And now everyone in the office knows they can’t just roll over you without consequence. That’s a good thing. And you don’t need anyone’s approval to defend yourself, OK?
What you did change the balance? It might make people dislike you for being declarative and having the temerity to stand up for yourself. But, so what? Sucks for them. People with horns and talons sometimes forget we all have claws. Hopefully, Nina’s learning curve is shorter now?” AndSoItGoes24
8. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Share Household Chores Despite Her Busy Schedule?
“So I have been living with my roommate, let’s call her A, for nearly five years. While we’ve had your typical roomie disputes, all in all, I’ve loved living with her. They are my best friends, and our mission is to treat each other like family.
Now, I’ve always carried the bulk of the household chores because I WFH and have a generally relaxed job where I can get up and do things while working. Plus, I love to cook and clean. However, at times, it can feel like I’m a parent picking up after my kid.
A isn’t comfortable cooking – that’s fine; I love cooking and sharing food. What bothers me is having to pick up all of her mess out of the common rooms. I’ve had several meetings with her over the last few years about how I understand that we have different levels of cleaning, but I would appreciate it if she could, at the very least, keep the common areas clean.
It’s not like I’m going to go into her room and demand she clean up, but at the very least, the couch should be clear, and I should have space on the dining table to eat a meal. Anytime I’ve brought this up, she’s always agreed to do better, and things got better for a few months until I had to bring it up again.
I noticed it was time to bring up the discussion again because things had started to become extremely messy around the house. However, A came to me a few days ago and said she hasn’t been able to do her share household chores because she’s “too busy.” For some added context, she is currently in graduate school while also working a part-time job, and she also volunteers at a local theater group to help direct some of their shows.
Her schedule is absolutely packed. I honestly don’t know how she has the time even to breathe.
After discussing this issue in more detail with her, I learned that it stems mostly from her aversion to doing the dishes. For whatever reason, that task is just too much for her.
I understand a bit; our house doesn’t have a dishwasher, so we must handwash dishes daily. (The dishes really aren’t a big deal; they take maybe 15 minutes, but I can understand having an aversion to them.) I told her that it was just not really fair for me to cook for her, clean up after her, and essentially be her live-in maid and that I expected if she wasn’t going to do the dishes a couple of times a week that, she should at least take on a bit extra of any other chores.
She agreed to take on other chores to make up for it, but I still have doubts. So I told her, “If you don’t have time to do 10 minutes of chores every day, maybe you shouldn’t be doing so many activities.” She didn’t really have a response to me, so we both agreed that we were feeling frustrated and decided to circle back on this conversation after a few days.
At this point, I’m at a loss for what to do. I sincerely doubt that she’s truly going to get better because she doesn’t give herself enough time in the day to do the most basic chores.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop making excuses for her.
“She isn’t comfortable cooking, has an aversion to doing dishes. “She is not going to change since she has no reason to do so. It’s been 5 years and you’ve let her get away with this. It has nothing to do with activities. You think she doesn’t scroll on her phone for at least 15 minutes while in the apartment when she could be clearing off the table or washing a few dishes.
She doesn’t bother because she doesn’t care and knows you do so it will always end up falling on you. Time to find a new roommate.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. From what I gather from your post you are both trying to work towards a common goal. And you seem to have an overall good relationship.
You stated you have different ideas on what you consider to be clean and that this has come up before, gotten better for a while and then gone back to the way it was before which is leading to resentment. This may not help as it will be adding to your mental load and that will possibly add to the feeling of you being in a parent role; but maybe try to get to the root of why she falls back into bad habits.
It sounds like she is trying and you have been patient giving her several opportunities but the pattern will continue if you can’t find a different solution. You might need to work with her to help her create lasting habits. She might also need it spelled out exactly what you are expecting.
Or there may need to be terms set out for consequences if the behavior continues. If the two of you want to find solutions that work for both of you have to dig deeper and have those hard conversations.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Not Giving My Cousin My Car For Free?
“I (28M) am from a middle-class family. We moved to New Jersey from Yemen in 2010 but weren’t financially stable.
In 2021, my older brother and sister moved to California, and I’m staying with my mom. We work at good-paying jobs and are now stable.
In 2013, my mom hardly bought my sister a Prius. My sister then moved to CA with a Benz, and the Prius has been sitting in our driveway since then.
In 2022, I noticed a lot of issues and brought them to a Toyota dealership. It cost $2k in total.
I thought it was time to sell it. I paid $200 for interior detailing and listed it for $13k. I was getting offers for $10-11k, but my sister and I thought that it was worth $13k considering what I put in to fix it.
It had no accidents and around 90k miles. I couldn’t get a sale and took the listing down. My sister wanted to use the car when she visited anyway.
In Oct 2023, my close cousin (34F) and her husband came to Long Island on a visa for a couple of months.
They rented a daily car at an expensive price because they needed one ASAP. They were looking for cheaper options and knew that we had the Prius. The car was under my mom’s name and insurance, so I told them that they could borrow it if they could put it under theirs.
They said they couldn’t because they had just arrived and didn’t have a driver’s license to get insurance. Although my cousin told me she was a good driver and I believed her, I was not comfortable lending her the car under my mom’s or my insurance, because if anything happened then our premiums would be in trouble.
She then asked if she could buy the car. Without a second thought, I said $13k. She said that it might be too expensive. I said that that’s what I listed it at. She said she’d ask her husband and look into it.
I didn’t want to leave her empty-handed, so I looked up safer ways to lend the car.
A day later, I figured out a way to lend the car on Turo, and they have their policies for covering renters. The initial cost was $13 per day, which was cheap in itself, but I could lower it to $1. I thought was a great option to protect my mom and gave my cousin this information and the link to the active listing.
She said she’d ask her husband and look into it.
I didn’t hear anything from her for 2 months.
Fast-forward to last Christmas, my brother visited her in Long Island and then visited us in New Jersey. He brought up and asked why I didn’t just give her the car.
I asked him for what she said. She said that I wasn’t willing to lend her the car and inconsiderately asked for $15k. I got angry. I was willing to negotiate the price, but I wasn’t going to bid against myself, and I didn’t ask for $15k.
She was putting me in a bad spotlight when I tried to give her the car. She has a Highlander now.
My brother argued that I should have given her the car for free because we were financially stable and they weren’t. America is expensive, but they came here to give their autistic son special education not available in Yemen.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but given the car was sitting around for long periods, you were having to keep it insured, pay for maintenance, couldn’t sell it for $13k, I’d have sold it to family for $10k. That would have eliminated your ongoing expenses, stopped being an eyesore, and helped your family out.
It’s bad for cars to sit, especially in areas which get snow. Parts will rust out, the battery will go dead, and more. I’ve had this problem with my vehicle as I have chronic health conditions and anxiety and my car has sat for 3-6 months without use and had repairs as well as needing help to get it jumped so I could drive to the mechanic to get a new battery.” TashaT50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume that the car’s title is in your name. If so, it’s yours to sell at whatever price you think you can get for it. If it matters that much to your brother, he can buy your car from you and give it to them as a gift. BTW: you should check your asking price on Kelly Blue Book.
Your price seems a bit on the high side.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk for not wanting to give the car away, but you are for coming back with an above-market price that no one was willing to pay. ESH. You for that, them for inflating the price even further and leaving out your Turo scheme (that would have probably come back to bite you anyway), and your brother for saying you should have just given it to them without offering his own money at the time.” SubarcticFarmer
6. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend Why He Only Uses A Fake ID?
“I’ve been best friends with a guy since middle school, we can call him Logan. We’ve done everything together: sleepovers, school sports, trips out of state, classic best friend stuff.
The problem is throughout our entire lives, I’ve never seen his real driver’s license.
He didn’t drive until we were 19/20 and I just assumed it was a money thing and I always just drove him to school/work/wherever.
Eventually, he got a car and started driving but even then, the only time I saw him use an ID was a fake one that we all bought together in college so we could get a beer at bars and stuff (it’s important to know the fake ID he has is for a different state than the one we’re actually from, which is how I know it’s the same fake).
We’re all 21+ now and use our real IDs when we go out because we have no reason to use fake ones anymore obviously but that’s still the one he always uses.
Recently we were all out at a bar and he got his ID taken because the bouncer said it was fake (and it was) so he went home and got his social security card and birth certificate to prove he was of age and get the ID back so the cops weren’t called.
I’m just so confused as to why he wouldn’t just go get a real ID at this point instead of continually trying to use a fake one and risk getting caught, especially if he has all the right paperwork at his house.
He gets denied entry from bars still every now in then and refuses to fly because he’s “scared” but I think it’s because he knows he has to get a real ID for it.
He’s worked at the same place since we were in high school and it’s a family-owned business so I’m sure they’ve never verified his ID or even asked.
He’s like another son to my parents and they would do anything to help him if he needed it so if it was a matter of paperwork or money or something they would help him but I’m not even sure what the problem could be or how to address it without embarrassing him.
It just gets even more obvious as we get older when there are so many things he can’t do without showing a real ID or when we go somewhere and every single person gets in but him because they can tell it’s fake.
If you need any more details let me know but would I be the jerk for just straight up asking why they only use a fake?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk but I’m surprised you have never asked him. You have been around enough situations where it has naturally come up and no one says anything?!
It must be true that dudes don’t talk about stuff. Women would have talked this to death, offered advice, gone with them to fix it, or given their therapists’ info by now LOL.” friendlily.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s something else going on. I’d approach it tactfully and see if there’s some kind of misunderstanding.
My SO was convinced that getting an ID had a bunch of untrue restrictions on it because his father lied to him about it. He didn’t get a driver’s license until he was 27. Because his father believed they couldn’t do the test unless the car had valid insurance.
His father refused to get car insurance. Then his father’s ID expired, so he was told he couldn’t take him because his father would get arrested for driving him to the DMV. It just went around and around with more excuses and lies, to the point where my SO drove illegally for years because he truly believed he couldn’t get a driver’s license.
In reality, none of that mattered. Even after being shown the regulations from the government website, my SO was still anxious about going into the DMV. Even though your friend’s family members have IDs there could be barriers you don’t know about.” samk2487
5. AITJ For Miscommunication Over Dad's Birthday Gift Price?
“My Dad has always wanted a nice set of golf clubs. I thought it would be a good idea this coming birthday to get together with my older sisters and get him some.
They were all pretty excited about the idea. I collected screenshots of some good options and sent them to my sisters.
Each screenshot featured the product and its cost. I put the price we’d individually pay in the corner of the photos I sent out.
We all agreed on the one we wanted to get our Dad and I told them I’d buy it and they could pay me their share.
My sister Jessica texts me angrily. She thought the price I stuck on each photo was the price of the clubs, not the price she would have to pay.
I was a bit taken aback because you couldn’t look at the clubs without seeing the total cost right under them and I pointed that out to her.
Suddenly I get a phone call. My sister is livid. She starts yelling at me that I’m texting her while she is in a meeting.
I told her I didn’t know she was in a meeting. Mind you, I answered her texts immediately when she sent them. She then says to me that she is buying a car and can’t afford the golf clubs. I tell her that I can cover her side of the cost and she can just pay me back whenever.
She refuses me and yells at me some more about her finances. Then she gets even angrier and tells me that I intentionally did this to trick her with the prices. She hangs up on me while I’m still talking, a common Jessica move. Then she immediately starts calling me back and I don’t answer because I’m crying.
I instead texted her saying that we should talk another day because it’s escalating. She texted me back that if I was going to play games and ignore her calls then I could consider myself blocked. This is where I lost my temper. I told her to grow up and to stop being a child.
She told me to go away and blocked me.
Our sisters are pretty upset with Jessica and the oldest of us all called Jessica and got into a fight with her herself.
That night my dad wanted to talk to me. He told me that Jessica called him and said that I tricked her on the price of the golf clubs we were getting him, got her in trouble at work by texting her, and got our oldest sister to tear into her.
I was shocked and felt betrayed that she spoiled the surprise. I said that the only thing I did wrong was call Jessica a child and to grow up.
My Dad insisted that Jessica was crying so hard, and he felt like Jessica had been picked on.
That I needed to fix it. I told him I didn’t know how wasm supposed to fix it when my number was blocked. I ended up texting Jessica’s husband trying to apologize. He told me Jessica doesn’t want to talk about it. My Dad is not happy with me.
I feel like some drama villain and about 2 inches tall. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Smooth things over with Jessica. She’s a dramatic, selfish child. Get your Dad something smaller. His siding with and enabling your sister is gross. Any reasonable parent would tell the upset adult child that they need to work it out among themselves.
Most of all, stop feeding the drama. You’ve apologized when it wasn’t even your fault. Don’t engage further. Refuse to discuss it.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister can’t afford the clubs and is embarrassed She didn’t comprehend the value of the clubs She/family would get a very clear text from me stating “To be clear what do you want me to apologize for?” Then I’d counter in writing with EVERYTHING they want an apology for.
Then I’d say “to be clear you want me to apologize for her lack of reading comprehension?” Then finally I’d ask for an apology from her/them based on an over the top response which created unnecessary friction and angst” tmj_4477
Another User Comments:
“Just get the golf clubs anyway and don’t put her name on the gift. Don’t even mention this drama on the birthday. Tell your sister’s husband that you’re getting the gift with or without her. If she doesn’t want to help then she can get him something else.
NTJ but I feel like you probably could’ve worded it more clearly in the original message stating the price in the corner is what each person would pay.” -Nightopian-
4. AITJ For Pulling My Coworker's Chair To Help Her?
“Last week, I [30M] was at a celebration/dinner with my coworkers. Our boss arranged a big dinner for us at a nice restaurant, in celebration of some very big deals we struck recently. We have 18 people in the company, and some people brought their significant others.
So we had like 25-30 people in total at the dinner. We were seated at two long tables and were divided into two groups mainly based on our departments.
Anyways, an hour into the dinner, our boss and his wife decided to sit at our table and asked us to make some room.
I was sitting at one end of the table, and my boss and his wife were standing at the other end. Emily [25F] was sitting on my right. The guy on my left moved his chair towards me quickly, but Emily looked like she was struggling.
The chairs there looked like little armchairs on top of thick metal chair legs and were much heavier than regular restaurant chairs, and Emily is a very small woman.
She tried to move her chair without fully getting up and wobbled in place for about 30 seconds.
Everyone on that side of the table was waiting for her to move her chair so they could move theirs. I wanted to help, so I said, “Let me help” and grabbed her chair’s armrest and pulled it towards myself, about 20 cm. I was very steady, so the chair never lost balance, and I didn’t touch her.
And I didn’t just yank the chair, I pulled it slowly.
Emily seemed shocked, she got up and loudly said “What are you doing?”. I explained that I wanted to help and apologized if I scared her. However, she yelled back, “I didn’t ask for your help”.
People started asking what happened, and Emily yelled “This guy (she knows my name very well) yanked my chair while I was sitting on it”. Everyone either chuckled, asked “why?”, or expressed disapproval. I felt embarrassed and explained that I just wanted to help her since she seemed to be struggling.
I repeated my apology to Emily. But she was still angry and looked like she was about to cry. Our boss intervened at this point and asked Emily to come sit beside her wife.
That was last Saturday, then the next Monday and Tuesday Emily didn’t show up for work.
At first, I thought she was sick, and maybe wasn’t feeling well that night, so that’s why she overreacted. But then I asked another coworker [53F], whom Emily seemed closest to within our office, and she said “You have some apologizing to do”. I asked what she meant but she just said I should talk to Emily about it.
I tried to, but Emily just ignored me now. Whenever I ask something, about this or work-related, she either pretends she didn’t hear what I said or gives a very brief answer and walks away.
I guess it’s worth mentioning that I’m a high-functioning autistic person.
Of course, now I know I should’ve asked if she wanted help. But I don’t think pulling the chair was that bad. It’s been a week since that night now and she’s still acting like this. So, what do you think, am I such a jerk for pulling the chair?
Is this that inappropriate?”
Another User Comments:
“Feels like there’s more to this than just the chair. She got very angry very quickly. I get that it was unsolicited help and you did physically move her without her permission. But the not coming into work, and the guilt trip after is a bit over the top…” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Unless you’re leaving out a major detail she is way overreacting. Are you sure you only touched the chair when you moved it? Did you move the chair by grabbing her chest? (I’m joking) You should get ahead of this and go have a chat with HR.
Just explain what happened and that you don’t understand what you did wrong and why she is acting this way but you will apologize anyway (with HR present).” buttpickles99
3. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Avoid The Kitchen While I'm Cooking?
“Me and my partner (both 20s) currently share a house with my parents. We both have full-time jobs pay half of the bills and buy our own groceries, it’s just not feasible for us to find our own place right now.
The earliest we’ll be leaving is when my partner finishes his PHD but the living situation works fine long term. We’re expecting a baby in August but nobody except me and my partner knows about it yet.
I love my mum to death but we just clash sometimes.
It’s because I know that we’re the same and I picked up a lot of her toxic behavior, but I worked hard to undo it during the time I lived away from her and when we’re together I feel myself slipping back. I can’t say I was mistreated as a child but I know I was mistreated in some ways that messed me up long-term, so it’s also hard for me to get along with her now because some things she does like snapping/shouting at the dogs remind me of my childhood and it upsets me.
We also can’t ever talk about it because she’ll start with “Well, I’m sorry your childhood was so horrible” and “I suppose I’m just an awful mother then” so communication with her is never an option. I see 2 therapists to help with all my issues but right now this is just how it is.
One thing that bothers me is people being in my space. It’s always been like this because I’m neurodivergent, I’m not sure if I’m more sensitive right now because I’m pregnant but it’s always been quite bad. I just can’t stand having someone hovering near me while I’m doing something (usually cooking).
The only exception is my partner but he’s a sweetheart and always checks if I’m OK with being touched. I don’t think I have any trauma that caused this, I just hate people being unnecessarily close to me.
We have a tiny kitchen and the sink is right next to the oven with only one corner worktop between them.
Every day while I’m making lunch my mum comes over with her plates and starts doing the entire sink full of dishes while I’m standing there and it drives me insane. Even typing it out and thinking about it makes me feel like I’m burning.
I just don’t understand why she has to do it RIGHT NOW when there’s not enough space for 2 people to stand there. Why doesn’t she just leave them until the kitchen is empty, having dishes in the sink for 5 minutes isn’t going to hurt anyone.
If anything the soak would make it easier!!
I can’t just tell her to get away from me because that’s so rude, I don’t know if I should ask her to please just not come in the kitchen while I’m in there because it feels selfish of me to dictate where people go in their house.
I know I can’t go through life expecting people not to come near me, usually, I can cope with it in public but this is every day and it drives me MAD and it’s one little instance that I could control to stop myself from breaking down.
I know I should just get my stuff together but I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ but very gently. But, that being said, I only see one good move for you. Before you start cooking, wash all the dishes yourself. That way she won’t have an excuse to stay in the kitchen with you.
You can even tell her, when she brings in her plate, “Just put it beside the sink, Mom. I’ll wash it with the other dishes when I’m finished cooking.” If she asks why you would wash her plate, say, “I just think it so nice of you to let us live here.
It’s the least I can do!” And then try to look pleasant. See, your mother knows how to fight dirty, but maybe she doesn’t know what to do against kindness.” demi
Another User Comments:
“I think within what is generally considered acceptable YWBTJ if you tried to not share the kitchen with your mother, however as someone with autism, I feel very torn because yeah I need to be like that myself, and I feel it, and how stresses and I imagine pregnancy can make it harder to deal with it.
Ultimately I think you would be the jerk but you have to do it anyway in this case if that is what you need for yourself. Sometimes you have to be the jerk if the alternative is worse I guess, I dunno, I feel like my answer doesn’t fit this format well in this case.” Imaginary-Bit-3656
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I already responded elsewhere to a comment you made, but this is her house. If you’re unable to ask her if she could wait to do dishes until you leave the room, and you can’t respect or adhere to her standards of cleanliness, then it sounds like you should move out.
I am not sure if the expectations that you have of your mother are very reasonable as I understand the context to be. You seem focused on your norms and preferences, but you appear to be comfortable invalidating hers.” Appropriate_Buyer401
2. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Read My Unpublished Book?
“So, some backstory first: I (26m) am currently writing a book; a sci-fi adventure story about a party of young explorers with special abilities going on an adventure kind of thing.
Sounds pretty cliche, I know, but I have my unique spin on it, with unique and interesting characters with backstories and everything. I’ve been at it for about 5 years now, and I think I’m in the final stages before looking into getting it published.
I’m still new at the whole author thing, so I’ve been asking my partner (23f) to take a look at it and tell me what she thinks.
I’ve been asking since I finished the first draft about a year ago, and since then the responses have evolved to get more and more uninterested. First, it was “I’ll read it when I have time,” then it was “I know, I know. I promise I’ll get to it eventually,” and now we’ve gotten to, “I don’t know.
Reading’s just not my thing.”
Now, don’t misunderstand. I try not to be too pushy with it. I just ask her gently from time to time, primarily while I’m actively editing it, and having it in front of me.
One of the frustrating things about this is that I know she loves to read.
She’s got a bookshelf full of books, and 13 different reading apps on her phone. She’s constantly on her phone and reading different stories, many of which are of similar material to what I have created, so I know she would at least like the premise.
I even made a Google Drive version she could just open up and scroll through on her phone if it would make things easier. Still, she won’t even look at it. It kind of hurts.
The other thing, and this is where I kind of feel like a jerk, is that I feel like she should do this, for me.
I know she’s her person, but is it really that unreasonable to ask for this one favor as her partner? I’ve been working on this for 5 years, and she knows full well how much it means to me. I just want her to take a look and tell me it’s not horrible.
To see something that I’ve dedicated so much time and effort toward and tell me if it was all worth it.
Yesterday, I asked her again but differently; more bluntly this time. I began with the usual jab after she told me she was bored and was trying to find something to do.
I joked, “Well, I’ve got 500 pages of something you can do right here,” then gestured to her phone (It’s not 500 pages long, I just said that to be hyperbolic) She smiled and stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at me. I knew she was joking, but I got frustrated.
“Hey,” I asked. “So, is there a specific reason why you won’t read my story?” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just can’t do books,” she replied.
I pointed at the 3-book set on our kitchen counter that had arrived from Amazon a day prior.
“Really?”
She rolled her eyes and brushed off the comment, and we moved on with our night. We haven’t spoken about it since, but I can tell she’s getting sick of me mentioning it.
I honestly don’t know. Is it too much to ask? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Congrats on writing a book! That takes a lot of time and effort! In basic terms, you have worked hard on something and you feel your partner is showing zero interest in supporting you. That’s the issue here.
Has she shown her support in other ways? My concern is that you’ve said you want her to tell you it’s not horrible and it’s all worth it. Maybe she knows that’s what you want and doesn’t want to read it because what if it’s not good?
What if she doesn’t enjoy it? She probably doesn’t want to put either of you in that position. I’d say let it go.” tacobelloboutit
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend Our Single Mom Experiences Aren't The Same?
“I 26f have a friend Sarah 27f, Sarah has one kid (3m) and she got divorced from her husband about one year ago. I also have a kid (2f), her dad is not in her life, does not pay child support, and has never met her.
We were in a relationship but he chose to leave when I fell pregnant.
So it has always been just me and my daughter, it has not been easy, being a single mom has been hard but I love my daughter more than anything and my daughter has always been fed and has had everything.
Sarah’s ex-husband is still very much present in their life, he pays child support while they have 50/50 custody (he does not have it court-ordered). Sarah and him have a great relationship and co-parent wonderfully.
My problem is just that she often comes to me and talks about how hard it is to be a single mom, to do it all on our own, that “you get it, right?”.
While I do understand that she is alone half of the time, cooking dinner alone, putting him to sleep, and getting him ready alone in the morning all by herself is hard, especially when you are used to having a partner. I also think that her struggles are very much real, but they are not the same as mine.
I know I chose this life knowing what I got myself into, and yes of course I am jealous of her, I would say I am jealous of everyone who has two present parents for their kid.
When we got together this Wednesday it was her week without her son, she started talking about how she feels frustrated because she never has any money left to treat herself.
She finished the sentence with something like how that is just how it is to be a single mom and that it is great to have a friend who can relate to her struggles. Sarah makes more than me, and with child support,t I know that she has an income that is about 1,500$ higher than mine.
I told her that I understand that her life has changed drastically, but that our situations are very different. I said this because I frankly got tired of her saying stuff like how I can relate, how I know what it is like for, her, and how she constantly compares her situation to mine.
I have always let her vent about her feelings but when she said this, while also still being able to afford housekeeping and getting her lashes done etc it rubbed me wrong because there have been times I had to go hungry for days.
She asked me if I meant that had had it easier than me, and I told her that it was not a competition but that situations couldn’t be compared due to them being so different.
She said fine and started talking about other stuff, however, after that, she has not texted me once nor has she answered a text I sent this past weekend. I am starting to feel like maybe I was unjustified in what I said because she usually texts me every day and responds to my texts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like she has a bit of main character syndrome. I don’t think she is necessarily a jerk for viewing her situation as being the same as your situation, think that’s more in line with her being a bit naive and thoughtless.
As you said, her lifestyle has changed drastically due to the divorce, and she is learning to cope with that change, but it is not the same as your experience. I don’t think you did anything wrong in pointing this out to her. You weren’t rude about it.
How she is reacting to this is childish and that makes her the jerk.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your two situations are indeed very different. Being child-free 50% of the time and having someone to share in the costs of providing for the children is different than having the children 100% of the time and shouldering all the costs yourself.
Having to co-parent with an ex – or being able to quickly and immediately do what’s best for your child without having to get anyone else’s permission – are also two very different dynamics. Medical care, tutoring, and psychological care can all be delayed or blocked by an antagonistic (or even just well-meaning but misguided) co-parent.
You don’t have to deal with that but you have to deal with a whole bunch of stuff she doesn’t have to deal with – what you said is true and fair. The situations are just really different.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s possible to acknowledge the validity of Sarah’s feelings while also recognizing the disparity in struggles you each face. By opening up this conversation, you are inviting a deeper understanding between you two. It may take some time for Sarah to process the differences and digest the hard truths, but it could lead to a stronger, more empathetic friendship.
Both of you need support, and sometimes honest conversations are needed to build that supportive bond.” SlightWillowx
