People Want Blunt Feedback For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Giving A Family Heirloom To My Stepsister?
“My (F 20) step sister ‘Abby’ (F 20) has moved out since our grandma gave me her diamond necklace. My mother married Abby’s dad. My stepfather’s parents both passed not too long after they got married. Abby has always hated going over to my grandparents, and she’s not always nice to them.
She has no desire for them to have any type of relationship. Abby and I were super close growing up. But something changed after high school. I left for college and she stayed home, then dropped out of community college to pursue another opportunity, but it fell through.
When I came home for Thanksgiving break I could tell things were off between us. She’d******* off and wouldn’t talk to me. Then the same thing happened over Christmas break. I’ve sent texts and calls all read but none responded to. I then reached out to my mom to see if she knew anything, and she said she figured it was jealousy, so I gave her space.
Her birthday is right around the first of the year. So that day I sent her flowers, ordered her food on door dash, and sent her a corny text message. I didn’t do any of it for her to ‘praise’ me, but I did expect a text back.
But I got nothing.
Fast forward three weeks to my birthday, I flew home so my family and I could have dinner together. Abby opted not to come. At dinner, my grandma gave me a diamond necklace that was a family heirloom. She wore this necklace every day and had promised me since I was a little girl that one day it would be mine.
Abby was in the living room when we all walked in from dinner, immediately she saw I had the necklace on. This is when things went down. She jumped up from the couch and got about 3 inches from my face screaming that I knew she loved that necklace.
And that she had begged for it to be left to her. So I snapped back and said it was a family heirloom and that it has always been mine.
She then said I implied she wasn’t family and that I was a self-centered jerk.
I told her she didn’t want to start with me. And she said since the necklace is supposed to be given to the first granddaughter we should sell it and split the money so it’s fair. At this point, I had enough, and I told her no and that she just wanted the necklace for the money and she didn’t care or couldn’t begin to appreciate the history behind the necklace.
And that she didn’t even love my grandparents, and that they were just money signs to her. Abby then stormed upstairs, packed a bag, and left.
She’s now not returning anyone’s calls and says she will come home after I agree to split it with her or give her the necklace.
My mom and stepfather think I took it too far and that I was a jerk. And I should just split the necklace with her to end this nonsense. I refuse, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t get to be rude to your grandma and then demand a family heirloom after not wanting to have any kind of relationship with her.
She herself clearly doesn’t see your grandma as her family, and now she is accusing you of implying she is not family.
To be honest, she sounds to be an extremely entitled person.
Please make sure she doesn’t get her hands on that necklace.” jurassicpry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, something is going on with her, could be jealousy or shame or something more that you aren’t being told, I don’t know, but none of it makes any of this your fault OR your responsibility. Your grandma literally gave you the necklace, even if it wasn’t a family heirloom it is still her choice.
Don’t sell or share it, and keep that thing very safe and far away from Abby AND your parents for the time being just to be on the safe side because they should not be advocating you have joint custody over a piece of jewelry because she’s throwing a massive tantrum.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You know who took it too far? ABBY!
You know who is being an entitled jealous toddler? ABBY!
You know who is enabling Abby’s behavior? Your mom and stepdad, and anyone else supporting her ridiculous demand.
This was a family heirloom from your grandmother, who not only is your ***** relative, but who has been in your life and you in hers since the day you were born, so regardless of who is older or who is *****, YOU ARE THE FIRST GRANDDAUGHTER.
Abby wanted no relationship with them and didn’t see them as grandparents, BUT she expected to inherit from them. The fact is, this isn’t about the necklace, this is just her excuse to attack you and make her the victim. Why? Because she has been cutting you off and treating you like dirt because she is jealous of you because of her own life choices.
You’re getting everything SHE WANTS AND IT’S NOT FAIR!
Let me guess, she didn’t like that she couldn’t afford to go to or couldn’t get into better schools. Is that what she is jealous of? Or was it that she expected you to not go off to college and do what she did?
Or did she just make the choice to stay back and then drop out for no good reason, and she now resents you for making better choices and is projecting them onto you?
I think she came at you thinking you would just take it off and give it to her, she knows you have been trying to connect with her, what she didn’t expect was for you to defend yourself and tell her the truth, this is a family heirloom and it was always meant to be yours.
She is still part of the family, and you weren’t saying she wasn’t, but it would be like you demanding a family heirloom from her dad’s mother, it’s different. Not to mention, even if she was close to your grandmother, your grandmother promised it to you.
In the end, it doesn’t matter. IT WAS NEVER HER NECKLACE TO DEMAND!
SHE CHOSE TO CONFRONT YOU!
THIS ISN’T ABOUT HER WANTING THE NECKLACE. IT’S ABOUT HER NOT WANTING YOU TO HAVE IT, WHICH IS WHY SHE WANTS TO SELL IT!
So let her have her tantrum while you travel back to school WITH THE NECKLACE (or put it in a safety deposit box, cause if your mom holds it, it will go missing).
Tell your parents that they need to see the situation for what it was, that it’s not your fault her feelings were hurt, that she didn’t care about your feelings for all this time and she didn’t care about confronting you and starting this. That she isn’t entitled to treat you like this or to demand anything.
Please don’t sell it, if you do it won’t solve her issues and it would make you the jerk if you did.” McflyThrowaway01
18. AITJ For Wanting To Ask For Full Custody?
“I found out my wife was having an affair a few years ago, and filed for divorce. The divorce itself went off just fine, 3 months from when I served her til the final court hearing for finalization. All because we agreed on everything.
We have three kids.
(B 15), (G 10), (B 7). We have 50/50 shared parenting on a 2/2/3 schedule that alternates every week.
In the last 6-7 months, there have been days where she is supposed to have the kids, but for whatever reason can’t (‘I have to work’, ‘my car won’t start’, ‘I don’t have gas’) and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve had the kids for a week straight multiple time.
I am not complaining about that, I love my kids dearly and always want to spend time with them. But her pulling this means that that’s an extra day’s worth of food, laundry, homework, and missed work (my work is flexible and has always helped when they can, but me having to call off because I have to watch the kids on her days hurts me financially), etc. She’s gotten at least four tattoos but complains and has the audacity to ask me for funds.
My partner told me I should take her back to court and ask for full custody, letting her have every other weekend and a couple of weeks in the summer, and ask for child support (which neither of us pays child support or alimony).
My internal conflict doesn’t have to do with me fighting her.
It has to do with how the kids will feel about the court and myself restricting her days with them. I know our daughter is hurt every time I have to tell her that she won’t spend the day with mommy because (insert her excuse here).
Our oldest boy is hard to read. Our youngest is nonverbal autistic and just goes with the flow.
I could care less about hurting my ex-wife’s feelings or having her get mad at me about it all, I dealt with it for 10 years and don’t care at this point.
It’s the kids that really worry me. Do I just sit back and let her keep doing this? My thought is that our oldest son and daughter are going to remember the times mommy couldn’t spend her day with them and daddy stepped up to take care of them.
But if I go through with this, then I fear they will resent me, retaliate, and hate me.
A couple of notes: I’m a Medically Retired Veteran. I work a job that pays me 14/hr and I work 30 hours the week when I have my kids on the weekends, about 36 hours when it’s my ex-wife’s weekend with the kids.
My disability check pays for my mortgage and bills, my job helps pay for food/gas.
Ex-Wife is an LPN. She’s bounced from job to job. For our last joint filed tax return, I had to ask for an extension because I was waiting for all four of her W2s from her jobs to come into the mail to file.
This school year alone, our children have missed 7 days of school because my ex-wife couldn’t get them to school due to not having the gas money or her partner had to use the car to get to his job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I do think revisiting the custody agreement is a good idea, but it doesn’t need to be all or nothing.
Right now you are supposed to be 50/50 but it seems more like 60/40 so why not just make that the legal agreement and she pays you like 200 bucks a month or whatever the right number is? You don’t need full custody if you don’t think that your kids would want that.” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be setting your children up for more routine that is less interrupted by going for more custody time. Kids thrive on routine and your ex has shown she is not capable of fulfilling that need. Especially for your daughter.
The last-minute changes by your ex are harming your daughter. Not to mention that she is failing them by interrupting their schooling due to transportation issues that she is causing with irresponsible spending so not having gas money or prioritization of her SO over their schooling.” poweller65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would sit the older kids down and talk to them about it. Let them know that you’re worried about them missing school and not knowing where they’ll be each day, ask them if they feel like those things have been affecting them, and explain that you’ve been considering asking to change the schedule so they can have more predictability and so that mom can be more focused on them when they’re there.
Emphasize that you want to know how they feel because it seems really stressful for them. Then listen to them.
If they’re opposed to the idea, listen to why. Ask them to brainstorm solutions with you. Be honest with them. Let them know that you want to hear how they feel and that you care how they feel, but if issues like school don’t improve you might not have a choice.
I’d refocus this as it’s not good for your kids to have mom bailing on them all the time. They need consistency and she isn’t providing it. The financial issue will follow as you’ll be entitled to child support if you get more parenting time.” paradepanda
17. AITJ For Not Sending Financial Help To My Half-Sister Anymore?
“My older half-sister has asked me, once again, to send funds to her so she can support her kids, my nieces.
At first, for the first few months, I did. But today, I’ve put my foot down and stopped, much to the dismay of her mother, who is angry that I am refusing to support my sister any longer. But I have my reasons.
So for some background, before my dad moved to the US, he had kids in his home country of Trinidad who we sort of stayed in contact with through phone calls, so I always knew about them but we weren’t as close as my siblings who I share a mom and dad with as we only talked like three times a year.
We lived completely separate lives. The eldest is my half-sister, who’s six years older than me (20f). They grew up in a poor part of Trinidad, won’t specify, and as much as my dad would send funds back, without a father figure and much money they struggled. As a result, they didn’t make the smartest life choices – especially my half-sister.
At first, I didn’t understand why my parents, as much as they loved/liked her, thought she wasn’t the smartest. As I grew older, I understood.
My sister had her first child at sixteen to an older man, so for that, I can’t fault her as it was a bad situation.
Though she had the choice to finish her education, she dropped out and took care of her kids full time and didn’t work, relying on the support of her mom, the child’s dad, sometimes my dad, and the community. She then, keeping in mind she doesn’t work, went on to have three more kids with I don’t know who.
All are old enough to go to school. However, even with the community help, it’s not enough and they’re struggling.
A few months ago, we reconnected through social media and we began talking. After a few weeks, she swallowed her pride and asked me to send her funds.
I, while not making much money (I’m a student but I work part-time) but having enough spare income, agreed and I sent the US equivalent of $70. She was happy.
After a month, she asked again. I sent it. After a month, she asked again – you see where I’m going with this.
The issue is, with the increased cost of living, I’m not able to do this anymore as I don’t have enough money to spare anymore. The funds that I can send back won’t be enough, they’ve told me this. She’s upset at this, and so is her mother.
At first, I did feel obliged to help but when I couldn’t anymore, I had to stop. They have this misconception that everyone in America is wealthier, so they have more to give. I tried to clarify that this isn’t my situation, I come from a paycheck-to-paycheck family and support myself with no help from them at all.
They also don’t understand my frustration at her not getting a job to support herself, they’re saying she needs to focus on her kids as they’re young.
Simultaneously, I also understand that they’re struggling badly and raising four kids as a single mother isn’t easy.
They insist I’m being selfish and that I should continue sending funds to them. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Aside from parents to young kids, it’s almost never a jerk move to not give funds to someone. And this is even worse.
While yes, she is family, she’s also someone who doesn’t seem to be in your life, as well as someone who seemed to have a hand in her own misfortune
If you don’t want to strain your relationship with her, tell her you’re struggling somewhat and can only send her very small amounts occasionally.
(I know this is unethical, but sometimes it needs to be done to avoid family drama).” doesnotexist2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you are unfairly judging your sister too harshly here.
If she grew up in real poverty it isn’t as simple as saying she should have made better choices.
If she was taken advantage of and not able to finish her education, it set her on a difficult path. Being a mother then becomes the only thing she’s ‘good’ at, so she focuses on that. Combine that with the fact that she may see it as that she is providing for her children by ‘cleverly’ asking her ‘rich sister’ to help.
And ‘getting a job’ isn’t easy when it becomes a chicken and egg situation of needing to pay for childcare before she starts getting paid.
You really should be more upset at your father rather than her for being happy to abandon one family in poverty to start again with a new family.
That’s not to say that you are obligated to help her or that she shouldn’t provide for her own children; but I’m wondering if you could approach this differently – look into if she would qualify to immigrate based on her father’s status; or put together a childcare or education plan to help herself work out of poverty.” runfatgirlrun88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… not at all. And yes a lot of Trinidadians have a misconception that people from foreign countries have a lot of money. If it’s a skills issue on her part there are a lot of FREE courses the government provides twice or three times a year which can now be done online because of the global crisis.
You can’t help anyone when you yourself are struggling. You don’t owe it to them as much as you feel guilty. She is more than capable of getting her butt up and getting a job… The sad reality is a lot of poorer communities don’t do much to elevate themselves out of these kinds of situations so they end up perpetually pregnant with no education to speak of.
Don’t let anyone guilt you, there’s only so much you can do. She can reach out to government offices to get welfare, food cards, etc. These things are accessible. You’re not the jerk, OP.” Subian-Bichen
16. AITJ For Laughing At My Nephew Who Got Spit On By A Llama?
“During the weekend, myself, my older sister, her SO, our parents, and my older sister’s 5-year-old son went to a petting zoo. This was a treat for my nephew organised by his parents. One of the animals at the petting zoo was llamas. At the llama enclosure, my nephew started to agitate one of the llamas by stroking it a bit too hard.
His parents asked him a few times to not stroke the llama like that, but he did anyway. The llama got agitated that they spit on him in retaliation.
After he got spit on, I immediately burst out laughing and my nephew started to cry.
The laughter lasted for a good 2-3 minutes. I was the only one that was laughing over it. Not even my parents found it funny. After I stopped laughing, my sister came up to me and started to shout at me. She said, ‘How would YOU like it if you were his age and people laughed at you over that?’ I responded to her that it was not a big deal, but she insinuated that he could be traumatized by what happened. She wouldn’t speak to me (or even look at me) for the rest of the day.
My mum said that she won’t talk to me until I apologize to both her and her son. Why should I apologize? In my opinion, I didn’t even do anything wrong. It’s not like he was harmed by it.
AITJ for laughing at my 5-year-old nephew getting spit on by a llama at a petting zoo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your nephew wasn’t physically hurt, a llama spitting on him didn’t do anything to harm him in any way.
If the parents are so worried about their kid being traumatized they should’ve stopped him from annoying the animal. What if the llama had bitten the kid instead of just spitting?
You didn’t laugh at the kid for something that the kid did. If you laughed at him being hurt or laughed because of a drawing he made or whatever then I can see how he can be hurt and traumatized by it but that wasn’t the case.
It’s probably good that you laughed, it’ll teach him that he needs to listen to his parents and that actions have consequences.
However, you also won’t die if you apologize to your nephew. He’s your family and he’s a little kid, if he is really sad about it (and it’s not just his parents that are sulking about the situation) you could talk to him.
You don’t need to say that what you did was wrong, you could instead just say that you didn’t laugh at him but at the situation and that you’re sorry if you made him feel sad because you love him and he’s your family.” No-Fuel4991
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m not saying the kid didn’t do anything to deserve it or that it wasn’t funny as an onlooker. But it’s not about whether or not the kid was harmed as you point out in your question.
Put yourself in your family’s shoes.
Their kid/grandkid just had something really unpleasant happen. You’re trying to calm them down, maybe even make it a teachable moment, but someone is laughing at them. At 5 kids are very well aware when someone is laughing at them, and they absolutely can feel self-conscious about it.
Now they’re freaking out because they’re covered in disgusting Alpaca spit AND a member of their own family is seemingly making fun of them. Yeah, I can’t blame them for being upset.” Rhewin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister was so concerned she could have taken her kid away from the llama the first time he didn’t listen.
She certainly didn’t care how her child’s behavior upset the llama. Teaching a child to be rough with animals is a dangerous and stupid thing to do. Teaching a kid to have no tolerance for other humans in his vicinity as if he’s the only person on earth, is also dangerous and stupid.
Acting like he should be ‘traumatized’ by this is why he’ll remember it as anything but a funny life lesson later in life. Mark Twain said ‘Humor is simply tragedy plus time’ and this is one of those little ‘tragedies’ that fits the bill there.” Itchy-Chicken-78
15. AITJ For Refusing To Help Out My Partner Financially?
“I (31M) have been working in the business sector for a little over 7 years. It’s been paying very well, as my field (MIS/Logistics) has been growing steadily for a while now. I’ve been very particular about my finances ever since I was a teenager; I’ve always made sure to save and invest intelligently.
A little over a year ago, I met my partner. We’ll call her Sarah. Now Sarah (29F) is an incredible person. She’s been supportive and kind and loving throughout our entire relationship, and I’ve tried my hardest to return that same energy.
But she had a really large issue come up in her field last month. She works in physical therapy, and her company laid her off last month. She hasn’t been smart with her income at all. I’ve tried to tell her to invest but she still only put away about 10% of her income, and she made a big investment in herself last year moving into the city, so her financial situation isn’t great.
She only has a couple thousand saved up, and she had to move out of her apartment when she got laid off due to its ridiculous rent (1500$ a month).
She asked me if she could move in for a bit to get back on her feet, and I begrudgingly obliged. My apartment isn’t massive, and it’s way more expensive getting food for two every night.
Now it’s been over two weeks, and she still doesn’t have a job. She’s had a couple of interviews, but they’ve fallen through. I asked her about when she thinks she’ll get another job, and she says it’ll probably take a bit.
I feel like she’s taking advantage of me. To top it all off, she asked yesterday if she could borrow 100 bucks to pay off her credit card bills from earlier in the month. I told her that I’m done giving her funds for free and that she needs to get a job soon because it was costing me so much keeping her in and feeding her.
She started crying and said that she couldn’t believe how I was acting after how long we’d been together. My friends think I’m being too harsh on her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She has been living with you for only 2 weeks.
It usually takes longer than that to get another job. Part of the problem is how you express yourself: ‘I’m done giving her funds for free.’ That’s really harsh. Instead of seeking solutions like a supportive partner would, you go straight for the throat.
You could instead suggest that she get a job while she keeps looking for a job in her field. You could also take turns cooking at home instead of ordering out to save funds.
She’s been with you for over a year. And while she didn’t have a lot in savings, it isn’t like she was totally irresponsible.
Hope if the shoe is ever on the other foot, she shows you more empathy than you are showing her.” uwe0x123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your whole tone comes off as someone who flosses after Jello. It’s controlling, hostile, and lacks any grace whatsoever towards this woman you say is supportive, kind, and loving.
She asked for help, and you’re kicking her while she’s down. Two weeks is nothing in a job search, and you’d know that if you took the time to show any curiosity about her field.
You’re not ready for a partnership and won’t be until you’re also capable of wanting to be supportive, kind, and loving.
That’s really unfair to her.” MissMandaRegrets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – this is so harsh and not a grain of understanding here. Sounds like you lack the maturity to be in a relationship with anyone if you can’t have the smallest amount of empathy toward her situation.
Just because you’ve had a stable income for years and can invest a bunch doesn’t mean everyone can. As you’ve said she moved into the city – I’m sure this was a big move but for the right reasons and she wasn’t anticipating getting laid off.
Everyone deals with finances differently but you are being stingy – she’s your SO. It shouldn’t feel like a chore to feed her for a couple of weeks or support her with 100 dollars (doesn’t sound like that is actually going to make much of a dent for you at all) which she will pay you back.
It’s 2 weeks man, chill out or you’re gonna lose someone because you’re too obsessed with saving to see what’s in front of you.” Iusedtobachicken
14. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sick Mother-In-Law?
“My (22F) husband (27M) and I will have been married for 2 years in July and haven’t been in regular contact with his parents for the entirety of our relationship. We have been completely no contact for about 2 years now (we went no contact a month or two before we got married).
We made that decision after many incidents with them.
Recently, we found out, via an old friend of my husband’s family, that his mother was hospitalized. She was having some issues with her colon. She has a major infection, and they were having to do surgery to resect her colon (a procedure they had already had to do in the past).
From what I understand, they were worried that she would not be able to handle the surgery and would pass away.
When my husband got this message he called me, as he always does when we hear from anyone from our past, and he asked me what he should do.
I asked him how he felt, and he said he was worried. I asked him if he really wanted his mother to die and for him to have never talked to her again and he said no. He expressed concern that they would try to pick a fight with him about our differences or would try to ignore everything like it never happened. I advised him to only respond to things directly related to his mother’s condition and that if he was not ready to talk to them about anything else then he didn’t have to.
I feel as though he can express concern for her well-being and simultaneously not forgive them for what they have done.
Since then, I have received multiple phone calls and texts from my family and his saying I am a jerk for ‘keeping a mother and son apart’.
My mom even told me that I should not be so selfish and unforgiving when his mom could die. I feel like I might be a jerk because maybe if I had not expressed my opinion, they would still have a relationship, and this would not be an issue today.
I am just so confused, and I do not want my husband to end up resenting me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
MIL didn’t even contact her son to tell him about what she is going through healthwise but you’re being made the bad guy for keeping them apart.
Did I understand your post correctly? He wants to talk to her but has the parameters restricted to her health situation, that is his prerogative.
If their relationship was such that it hinged on you not having opinions, it wasn’t a strong relationship.” Sidneyreb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your advice to your husband sounds good to me.
If your MIL wronged you in some serious way, then she should apologize before you forgive her. Her being sick does not constitute an apology.
If you’re not talking to them because of some trivial disrespect, then intimations of mortality are a good moment to hit the restart button in a relationship.
But I assume it’s something more serious than that.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I say this from experience.
Jerks on their deathbeds or in the hospital do not suddenly become less toxic or abusive. They are still the same person. You are allowed to keep your boundaries intact.
You need to make sure your husband is aware of the mistreatment you are receiving and is shutting that down.
As for your mother, she is being extremely disrespectful of your boundaries and encouraging you to open yourself to mistreatment. I would remind your mother that the reason you went no contact with your MIL was that she refused to respect boundaries and that if your mother cannot do the same, she will be in the same boat.” imothro
13. AITJ For Wanting My Bio Parents To Come To Thailand If They Want To Meet Me?
“I (21M) was born in the U.S. but I was adopted as a baby by my parents who are from Thailand and I’ve lived there my whole life. I’m very lucky because my life is great here. I have a great English tutoring job, a great family, my parents and my little sister, and also an amazing wife (21F) and twin daughters.
Recently through social media my bio parents reached out to me. I don’t know how they found me but they did. They said they would really like to meet me and for me to meet their kids in the U.S. I’ve honestly feared this day my whole life because I didn’t know how I would respond so I talked to my wife and family to see what I should do.
I decided that if they wanted to meet me they would have to come to Thailand instead of me going there because they were the ones who gave me up so if they really wanted to have a relationship with me that would help prove that they actually wanted to.
I won’t lie it would be expensive to get here, the flights are about 1,500 USD each so $3,000 if my bio parents just come or $7,500 if my bio siblings come as well. They said they couldn’t afford it and it would be cheaper for me to come to them which is true but I want them to make the effort, not me because I have a family and it’s not them.
Then I get a message from what I guess is my bio aunt cussing at me about how I should just fly to the U.S. to meet my ‘real’ family and that way I could be ‘where I belong’. I asked her what she meant by that and she went on about it’s where my ‘real’ family is and how America would be a better place to be than Thailand because it’s a third-world country.
Which made me pretty mad so I told her that if she thought the U.S. was a better place why didn’t she adopt me instead and some other things. Then my bio parents got angry and started messaging me about that and so I just stopped talking to them for now.
Now she wasn’t wrong about Thailand technically being a third-world country but I’ve been to the U.S. once a year and a half ago with my little sister and wife. I personally think Thailand is a better country for me even though I’m not originally from here it’s the place I’m meant to be.
Especially now that I have kids because it’s a lot cheaper here for example I make 1,250,000 Baht which is only 36,000 USD a year which isn’t a lot in the U.S but here it is for example I can get 1kg of chicken for about 86 Baht (2.50 USD) and then our house which is 4-bedroom 4-bath with a nice pool only cost 5.6 million Baht (162,000 USD).
The biggest thing is healthcare since we have kids and healthcare here is either free or extremely cheap compared to the U.S. so I have no reason to live where I ‘belong’.
I think I’m in the right for wanting my bio parents/family to come here instead of me going there even though it costs more for them but I don’t know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They stopped being your ‘real’ family when they gave you up for adoption. Your real family is in Thailand and raised you. And if you want to use their words ‘they live in a first world country, they might have more money and should be able to pay for the trip instead of you’.
Did you video chat with them? Talked before they invited you or was it just ‘hello I’m your parent. Come to the US and visit us?’ Maybe if you want to build a connection with them, video chats would be the first step to getting to know each other before someone takes such a long trip.
But if you don’t want anything to do with them – which would be completely understandable after they cussed you – don’t talk to them. You owe them nothing.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Thailand is your home – they had no right to disparage it in an attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want – which is traveling and meeting them.
Whether it is right or wrong to say come to me or they say the same – not sure about that one. Just because it is cheaper for your airfare does not mean it will be cheaper for a motel here or food daily, etc. Only the flight will be cheaper.
I would wager they want you to come here for more than a day or two and that also means your kids would be out of school/daycare and upset their schedules.
So, it could be actually cheaper for them to visit you – the flight would be expensive (but if they planned it right and asked for discounts), they could negotiate a lower price.
The hotel, food, and transportation would be cheaper in Thailand than here. Also, you have a wife and 2 young kids, so traveling with kids would be harder. Leaning much more to NTJ.” Sharp_Equipment5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — that they don’t respect your reluctance and go straight to calling you a jerk for not immediately doing what they want you to do are pretty big red flags.
You’re right — if being Thai makes you poor, then they should pay. If being Thai makes you poor then they were irresponsible to let you go there. But I have the feeling ‘Come to America my successful son!’ is a test for ‘proving how successful you really are, your poor mother needs treatment for her warts’ or whatever.
You’re busy with your babies. The timing sounds like it was never going to be right and now it’s really bad. Leaving the twins for weeks comes at a huge cost to them and your wife that needs to be considered too.” Pumpkinkra
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cosign My Friend's Bail?
“I got a call the other day that my friend had got arrested. His total bail is only 3500 but I don’t have that lying around right now either.
My main concern is this is the 2nd time in a span of a month that he’s been picked up. He also is going to continue to live with his SO which would be violating the bail cause of a protection order in place.
I don’t want him to have to sit in prison but I don’t think I can rely on him to follow the terms of bail. Thoughts? His SO is trying to guilt me into doing it but she was the reason he got arrested in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – especially as it is not his first time being picked up recently. If he skips bail it falls on you and based on his living situation it sounds like he probably will be in trouble again. Sometimes people need to learn tough lessons…
Also, tell his SO to go pound sand… if she wants him out so bad she can find someone else instead of giving you grief.” cateydidders
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘His total bail is only 3500 but I don’t have that lying around right now either.’
He did the crime and has to deal with the consequences. Plus, you don’t have the funds lying around in the first place. It’s not your problem to deal with. If the girl is the reason he is in there and she wants him out, she should be paying.
You shouldn’t have to put yourself in debt because your friend is irresponsible.” FrostyLineage
11. AITJ For Helping My Sister Shave Her Mustache?
“I (F17) have somewhat of a nice, thick mustache going on thanks to my strong Indian genetics. I got bullied and teased for it all throughout middle school, which finally led me to buy hair removal cream at the beginning of high school and start using it on my mustache every few days.
I haven’t felt any skin irritation so far but I do think that partially has to do with how resistant and nonsensitive my skin is.
I do regret not having done it sooner, though. I put up with years of bullying due to excessive hair.
My (10F) sister is starting middle school in a few months and mentioned her (even thicker than mine) mustache a few times, specifically in reference to hurtful comments about it. I asked her if she would like to remove it as I know how hurtful and excessive the ‘teasing’ gets.
She agreed that she wanted to.
She has sensitive skin so I bought her an eyebrow razor, some f****l oil and taught her how to use it safely. She was a bit apprehensive at first about shaving it off because of myths about shaving and also thought she would look weird without it.
She’s gotten used to how her face looks like without the hair though, so she’s pretty happy about it now.
On the other hand, my oldest sister (20F) is not very happy about it. She said that I was creating insecurities for our younger sister and that it’s not a given that the kids would bully her for her mustache, and that we should teach her how to accept it and not see it as a flaw.
A bit of context: my sister had upper lip hair, but it was nowhere as dark and thick as mine or our younger sister’s. Our mom advised us to talk it out (isn’t taking any side) but told me I should’ve treaded more lightly on a subject like this and consulted them beforehand.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Bit tricky here. But NTJ
Honestly, even though I don’t support being ashamed of your body, you were bullied throughout it and you know what it’s like to go through it.
That’s why you asked your sister before doing the same.
Which isn’t wrong because she herself told you that she was receiving hurtful comments due to it. You never forced her… you just asked her (I hope it is what happened). Normalise that is ok to have f****l hair but if it makes her feel better about herself she can remove it!
I understand the elder sister’s perspective too that you should appreciate who you are… but she won’t know what you went through because she may not have gotten bullied but you did.” Calm-asutra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kids can be so nasty in school, you did the right thing by protecting your little sister before she starts classes.
You’re saving her from the bullying that sometimes happens when you finally get rid of x thing you’ve been bullied for and bullies just turn that into a thing they bully you for. I experienced that. It’s not nice.
Sounds like your mum knows you’ve done the right thing too and is just trying to avoid your sister’s wrath.” roxysinsox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t force her to shave, and shaving is not permanent by any means. Sure, in an ideal world, we would all have the confidence to be as we are without caring about what other people think or say – but we are not in an ideal world, and showing support and empathy is more important than broad ideologies.
You shared your personal experience and offered to help her with shaving safely. She can stop doing so if she wants, she can continue if she wants.
She can experiment and make avant-garde mustaches a part of her look if she wants. When she is older she can go on to have the hair permanently removed if she wants.
Regardless of what anyone else (you, your sister, her peers) thinks or says she should have the tools to make choices for herself. So long as you support her if she decides to not shave, you have, in my opinion, done the right thing.” Wrong-Construction40
10. WIBTJ For Calling My Husband's Family Out When They Insult Him?
“My (30m) husband and I (29f) have been together for about 10 years and married for 6. I think we’re a great match. We communicate very well, have a lot of fun together, and are a good team.
However, my husband, bless his soul, is a bad capitalist.
When we were younger and in school we were always broke and both worked minimum-wage jobs to make ends meet. We split expenses halfsies and both went through at least a dozen retail/food service gigs in that time.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve found a strong footing in my career (I’m in tech). Fall of 2021 I got a big raise and broke six figures for the first time. At that point, my husband was working an office job with a 3-hour commute and his mental health was really suffering.
Plus, he was gone for 12 hours a day and always tired – I missed spending time with him.
I suggested he quit his job and pursue his passion for filmmaking (he went to school for video editing). After a lot of talking and planning, we decided to go for it.
He quit his job, we put aside some funds every month as a film budget, and he’s made a few short films and is working on a documentary.
I think it’s been great. I work from home and it’s been much less lonely with him around.
He makes dinner, does the shopping, manages daily chores, helps me drink enough water, and encourages me to go on walks or make it to the gym, helpful reinforcement of habits I get distracted from. He spends several hours a day writing, editing, marketing, or networking.
However, the bad part is that a lot of his family makes invalidating or snide comments about our arrangement. His brother has said things like ‘some of us have to give up childish dreams and work real jobs’, his parents have made insinuations that I will get sick of it and leave him for not contributing, his sister’s husband (who I would never want to be married to for the record) said something driving at how he’s not good enough for me in private at a family wedding.
I feel like in general he is low-key disrespected as a man by these people and it annoys me so badly.
I don’t think money is a good measure of how good a person or a partner you are – and just because his films don’t make money doesn’t mean they don’t have value!
Would it be wrong of me to start calling these people out when they say these things? I don’t want to alienate his family, and I’m not sure I can change their ingrained idea that men are supposed to be breadwinners, but it’s mean and disrespectful of them, right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Both you and your husband are truly happy with the arrangement. That is the only opinion that matters here.
However, you are right. You’ll never be able to change their sexist ideas. Put bluntly, they’d be 100% supportive if your genders were flipped. Particularly if children were involved.
Don’t worry about alienating people who so strongly disapprove of your own life choices. It doesn’t matter if they’re family or not. Feel free to tell them off. But you’re better off going no contact with the lot of them. Fighting with them will just strengthen their views.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d just check in with your husband first. See how he is feeling about everything and make sure it’s cool with him if you say something.
My guess is alongside their money issues, his family has some misogynistic views. They may interpret you standing up for him as him ‘not having the guts to say something himself’ or some other crap like that.
Your husband knows them best, so he’d be able to tell you if saying something would make the situation worse for him. Sorry you two have to deal with such nonsense! I wish you both the best, you sound very happy together.
Also, ‘My husband, bless his soul, is a bad capitalist’ is an excellent line, by the way.” p************d
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Standing up for your husband, the person who is the one that is supportive of you in other important ways is not wrong.
It’s none of their business how things run in your marriage.
Let them know what you think, no need for explaining the whys.
All you should state is that is what you both want and what supportive spouses should do for each other.
More than likely the family’s comments come from a place of jealousy.
You both keep being supportive of each other, enjoy your marriage, and don’t mind the outside noise.
Congrats on having a wonderful marriage and understanding that happiness is not all about a job one holds or if one brings more money into the marriage.
Wish you the best of success and hopefully one day you’ll come back and share with us your husband’s documentary!” jesland89
9. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Sister?
“My sister (29F) and I (31F) were raised in another state than our mom & half brothers due to unrelated family drama.
In ’19, my sis left her fiance, whom I loved, to be with a man that I don’t like.
Shortly after my sis started going out with him, she began to ghost me. She didn’t even show up to my baby shower, & when I went into labor a month early she didn’t show up to the hospital til the next day claiming no one told her, mind you I personally texted her.
A month later, she announced she was pregnant with this guy’s kid. Then the global crisis hit, she still had her gender reveal, which I attended, & then my husband & I moved to be with my mom & brothers.
For Christmas of ’21, my sis & her SO came to visit, & we let them stay with us even though we didn’t like him.
During the visit, the guy showed that he wasn’t as bad as we initially thought. They ended up deciding to move up a few months later.
When they moved, they stayed with us for a month while their apartment got prepped. They invited another couple from back home to be their roommates.
Everything was great, until the day their friends got here. Then we got ghosted again, which is amazing because we lived in the same building!
A month later, someone complained about something we did. Honestly, it was so minor I don’t remember it. Based on what happened, I thought it was the guy in the couple they brought up here.
I talked to my sister about it. When I went to walk my dog a couple of hours later, the guy roommate started verbally threatening me & flicked a lit smoke at me. I told him I was over the situation, & if he threatened me again, I’d call the cops, then walked away.
When I came back, my husband was talking to him. When we got back inside my husband told me the guy said ‘You need to get your woman in line because I’m not afraid to hit women or children’ so I called the cops, just to have a record just in case.
A month later, we moved into a new apartment.
Over the next months, my sister got dumped, kicked out, & kept from her kid. My mom, kids, & I were threatened any time we voiced our concerns to my sis. It got to the point that my husband told her never to speak to us again.
This is big because he would never get in the middle of our relationship unless he felt it was necessary.
Today, my mom told me that my sis & her SO apologized to her, acknowledged that the roommates were to blame, moved away from them, & ended the friendship.
She said that she wants us to find a way to mend our relationship because she doesn’t want to have to choose between us. I told her that they would have to come to us, & apologize for us to even consider it. But we will be civil at any & all family events & as long as they aren’t alone with my kids, she is welcome to have my kids whenever she wants.
What I didn’t say is that part of me doesn’t want them to apologize, nor do I want to forgive them. Does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister allowed the situation to escalate and then refused to take any responsibility for anything that happened. She is now allowing the animosity between you to fester because she doesn’t want to be accountable.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and you and your husband are definitely owed an apology from her and her SO.
Also, good for you for holding out for an apology and committing to taking the high road at family functions.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you’re willing to be civil when at events you both attend, that’s all that anyone has a right to ask from you. Your mom doesn’t have to pick. That’s a guilt comment, meant to make you cave, so she doesn’t have to acknowledge there’s a problem.
You are right. They should apologize. You did nothing to apologize for.
I’m not sure I understand your ‘visit the kids’ bit… are you saying she can see them if you or your s/o is there, or as long as your sister is there?
The first one is acceptable. The second one is not if the trust is not repaired. You may not want to push as much blame on your sister as her SO, but she’s been complacent the whole time. What makes you think she’d stop her SO from doing whatever you’re worried about?
Or tell you?
Some of the things you mentioned make me wonder if her relationship is healthy, even if you’ve softened on the guy as a person. Your mom will obviously be there for her if she ever decides to leave and needs help. And your mom will likely tell you, and you can make that decision when/if it’s a thing.
For now, you are entitled to not be ready to forgive. Especially if you haven’t gotten a direct apology and explanation as to why it was ignored… or, even after that.” astrid28
8. AITJ For Pointing Out My Friend's Wife's Texting Habits?
“Lucas (27M) and I (27M) have been best friends since elementary school. It’s no joke to say that we’re basically closer than brothers. I know everything about him and the same goes for him.
We’re part of a friend group that has known each other for years and years.
Lucas has a wife, May (28F) who is fine but she’s very serious and can be a bit overbearingly clingy and boring. She doesn’t really fit in with our friend group.
It just devolves into awkward silence and her trying to monopolize Lucas all the time and be really prying. Even Lucas gets tired of her. Plus she texts him literally all the time and he usually has to mute notifications from her.
We’ve been planning a group trip to hit up Southeast Asia for a while now and we finally got to go.
We were worried that May would want to come along so we made it clear that it was just the friend group. We also had a policy where we would try to be as low contact as possible. May agreed to not text/call Lucas at all during our trip and Lucas and I even switched phones so he wouldn’t pick up which May knew about.
The trip was a blast at first but Lucas started getting weird. He kept asking me if May had contacted him yet and to my surprise she hadn’t at all. He didn’t believe me and snatched it from my hand to check. a couple of nights he even rummaged through my backpack to check his phone.
I shut it down. He got more annoyed every day I think because he realized that May was totally capable of not spamming him with messages all this time and just now finally did it.
When our trip was over, our flight arrived early but May picked us up from the airport when she said she would arrive instead of coming earlier.
Lucas asked her if she missed him and May said ‘Of course I did’. Apparently, all she did was read books and lounge around the house. Lucas was understandably annoyed and she realized and asked him what was wrong so I thought I would say something and make my buddy feel better.
I said that Lucas had an awesome time in Southeast Asia. He was just annoyed to be back home in a boring town. I added that we didn’t realize that she could stop herself from texting so much and that we would’ve gone on the trip sooner if we had known (which was a joke).
May said she was happy Lucas had fun and was sorry for texting so much before. I thought it was over and settled but Lucas cussed me out later and called me a jerk but she didn’t seem hurt. She even laughed? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lucas sounds like someone who was taking his wife for granted and found out that gasp he likes talking to his wife and misses her when he’s gone. And he seemed to want reassurance that she missed him too. Butt out of their marriage.
You sound like a 3rd wheel who is bitter that someone who you’re ‘closer than brothers’ with found a wife and comes between the two of you.” BreakfastF00ds
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You are the problem. Not May.
It sounds like Lucas is going along with your tasteless ‘jokes’ to humor you, and is probably at home complaining to May that you don’t stop talking about her texts.
I’d mute my notifications too if the person I was with whined every time one popped up.
I don’t know if you’re jealous of Lucas and May’s relationship or just jealous that she takes his attention away from you. Either way, stop trying to come between your friend and his wife.
He will choose her, and you’ll lose your friend.” MuppetJonBonJovi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Go back and read your own post. You obviously don’t like May and seem eager to exclude her. Well, your friend married her. She’s more important to him than you are.
He was nervous about his communication routine with her being disrupted even though she just stuck to the agreement and let you guys have a good time.
That’s a good sign you shouldn’t make fun of her for it.
If nothing else, think of it as how people treat their siblings – they can make fun of themselves, big brother can pick on little brother or vice-versa, but big brother will fight anyone else that picks on little brother.
Your friend was on edge and your disposition towards May makes it different than when she pokes fun at herself.” Aestro17
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Bring His Service Dog Over To My House?
“My (M39) friend (M38) recently got a service dog, it’s a diabetic alert dog.
The issue arises in that he wants to bring it to my house when I host hangouts/parties. I’m not much of a dog person and really don’t want it at my house. It is a breed that sheds and I don’t want to have to deal with dog hair in my house.
Also, my kids regularly play in our yard and I don’t want them to encounter dog poop and pee.
I’ve spent the last 10 years in this house turning it into a place my friends, family and I could hang out. I have a pool, I built a bar in my basement, those types of upgrades.
I offered to meet out at a restaurant or someone else’s place and host less, but my house is the preferred destination among everyone else. I have amenities that others don’t and there are no expensive food and bar tabs at my place. I host a lot during football season and other major sporting events, with some general hangouts in between.
I told my friend that his dog wasn’t welcome. I offered to pay for a monitoring device he can use while at my house, but he didn’t take that offer well. He let me know he wasn’t happy and recently missed our Super Bowl get-together.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s your home. You can invite whoever you want. You have a no-dog rule…You actually made an effort to accommodate him. He hadn’t always had this dog. So what was he doing before?
He can ask and you can say No. Obviously don’t be surprised if your friendship changes or goes away completely.
You can’t force your dog on private homes. That is your space to do as you please.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you are not excluding the dog, you’re excluding your friend, and for really minor reasons. If your friend isn’t worth running the vacuum cleaner for 5 minutes after a visit then you should just go ahead and tell him you’re not really his friend at all.
As to the pee and poop – your friend’s dog will be trained far more than a regular pet dog and even pet dogs can be trained to request to go out when they need to relieve themselves – so there’s absolutely no reason why any of that would end up on your property at all.
But you wouldn’t know that because you’ve just decided you don’t like the dog.
Of course, you have no legal obligation to accommodate the dog in your home, but you are still being a jerk to your friend for refusing to allow his medically necessary support system into your home and insisting that he miss out on the hangouts that all your other friends are able to comfortably attend.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It doesn’t matter how well a service dog is trained, it is still going to shed and dog hair is gross and hard to clean. You’ve offered to pay for other medical equipment or host less, it’s unfortunate that those don’t work for your friend but you’ve made a reasonable effort to accommodate him.
Your friend isn’t in the wrong for not attending group events, and I understand him being upset that he’s missing out on gatherings because of this, but you’re not a jerk for not wanting his service animal in your space.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your home.
I sympathize with him and personally, I’d reconsider my friendship with you, if I were him. But you are absolutely within your rights to say no, it’s your home and that doesn’t make you a jerk to want to keep it a certain way. As a nurse, it’s rare that I come across any diabetic patients that can’t take care of themselves without a service dog.
Sure they are helpful, but he has other options like checking his b***d sugar more frequently. Unless there is more to the story, this isn’t a life or death issue to be without the dog for a few hours, it seems more like his preference.” Frosty_Animator_9565
A machine cant alert you when you are about to have an episode
6. WIBTJ If I Ask Tenants To Move Out So I Can Move In?
“My dad still owns my childhood home. It was a hoarded house and he couldn’t get it cleaned up to sell, so some people from church came and helped with the process (professionals were hired for renovations on his dime though). In return, he’s been renting the 3-bedroom house for a few years now to a family from church with 6 kids at well below market rate.
Basically as cheap as he can rent it without it being legally considered a gift. They’re packed in like sardines and can barely make rent each month (but for some reason keep having kids, not that it’s any of my business).
My dad also wants to retire and move to a small apartment and he’d rather leave his pets with me (3 cats and a dog).
I’d gladly take the pets, but I’d need a bigger space than my apartment. I can’t afford the rent for even a 1-bedroom house, but he told me if the tenants move out of that house, he’d rent it to me for the same rate, which I could definitely afford, especially if I get a roommate.
Also, being raised in a hoard is a traumatic experience and I think that if I could live in that same house but actually keep it clean, it would be a really healing experience for me.
He says if it were to come to it, he would give the tenants 6 months’ notice to move out, but he doesn’t want to do that and honestly, I’d kind of feel like a jerk as well even though I don’t know them and I really don’t owe them anything and my family is not responsible for their poor planning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s basically a favor that your father is allowing them to stay there for such a cheap price and he’s planning on giving them plenty of notice. It’s his house, he can do what he wants with it and it wouldn’t make any of you a jerk.
I WILL say, it’s kind of selfish of you guys, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong or a jerk for it. You’re allowed to be selfish, it’s y’all’s house.” Unique_Bus397
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s wonderful that the church helped clean up the house.
It’s wonderful that he has allowed them to live there at under-market rent for a considerable period of time; however, the information provided indicates that it is HIS PROPERTY. You are his FAMILY. He can use, rent, sell, and give his property. Subject to tenant laws, he can give them notice and regain the use of his property.
If he then chooses to have you live there and take care of his pets, that’s the way it should be. Feel as guilty as you want, but it’s pretty straightforward.” eagle3tx
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Hard situation. Your dad wants to retire and wants to give his animals to you.
Your place isn’t suitable for it, and you can’t afford to rent a larger space.
Now I think it’s very nice and more than reasonable of your dad to rent out the house at a well-reduced rate to people in need from the church. Admirable really.
In the end, it is his house, and a consistent legal thing to do is if a family member wants to move in, the landlord can ask the old tenants to move out to allow this to occur. (As long as that does occur).
6 months’ notice is also more than fair.
Far more than most landlords would give.
It is sad they’re not financially responsible and are barely able to make the rent.
A different thing is he could ask around at church and see if anyone has a space they’d rent to you for a good price too, that’s large enough for you and the animals.
Maybe someone has something that would work well, so the family doesn’t have to move, and you can move somewhere and take care of the animals. Or maybe someone has a place they could rent to that family instead for a similar rate. Either way works really.
Either way, you and your dad wouldn’t be the jerks. Some entitled people will claim he as a landowner has no claim to ask his renters to leave, but they’re wrong.
If the rent isn’t much of an issue for your dad, to make it easier he could refuse the last month or two’s rent so that family could move to a new place and not be financially destitute.” Schafer_Isaac
5. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband After He Came Home From A Trip?
“Yesterday my (31F) husband arrived from a two-week long work trip, without going into the details he works offshore and in a not-so-comfortable environment.
Yesterday he arrived after a two-week long trip, international travel, so he was tired.
I wasn’t able to pick him up at the airport due to my work and he took a taxi home.
I work from home but I was really busy yesterday with meetings, so he headed right to the house early morning tired and greeted me and the first thing he did since I was busy with my meetings was set up a monitor stand he just ordered (he is a gamer).
It took him a while to set up the stand, he even had to go out to buy a drill bit to do the holes for the stand to get attached to the desk.
After that I made lunch and he set up to play while I finished my work (from 2 pm to 6ish pm).
At 6 I was bored enough of him just playing and a friend texted me if he could come over at 8 to watch the new chapter and finale of a tv series we both love and he would bring dinner for the 3 of us (this has been my friend for over 10 years, gay and best male friend after my husband).
I asked my husband how he felt about this and he said ok, I invited my friend and he comes over (my husband was playing when he arrived so we waited around 30 mins for him to finish to start eating together). We watched the show while we ate and after eating we were just doing a little bit of chatting.
My husband started playing as soon as he finished eating
After the show and a bit of chatting my friend said goodbye and that was it, he stayed at most 2 hrs.
After he left my husband spent the rest of the night playing, I won’t lie, at first, I was going to say no to my friend but when hubby came and just started playing I felt really lonely and that’s why I asked my husband if it was ok for him to come.
After a couple of hours, I told my husband (who was still playing) that it was a little rude to turn his back and start playing while my friend was here. He rebutted saying that I invited him and he wanted to play after two weeks at work, though he wanted to spend time alone in his house with his wife (we were intimate before my friend arrived so that was covered).
I scoffed at his ‘spent time with me’ bit because from the time he was here, maybe he spent 2 hours with me.
Maybe I am the jerk but he has a gaming addiction and I’m not talking about playing 1 hour a day, I’m talking about he can play up to 8-10 hours of playing, and maybe this eagerness to just come home and play just broke me.
So AITJ for getting angry at him, and basically giving him the cold shoulder for the rest of the night?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your emotional needs are neither being met nor expressed. Someone not noticing that you’re uncomfortable can definitely feel like a lack of care and consideration, but they are unaware that you’re feeling unloved, or unaware that a dynamic is causing you pain, then you need to inform them and address the issue.
8 hours straight of video gaming isn’t the problem. Your relationship not leaving you both feeling secure and emotionally satisfied so that you can both comfortably focus on solo pleasures and pursuits is the problem.
I’d recommend talking to him about how you feel and what you would like, maybe look up love languages and take some quizzes together so that you can better learn how to be happy together.” MadKillerKittens
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Instead of being clear about what you wanted at the moment, you asked him to read your mind. Sure, he’s excited to game while you’re working, but when your workday was over, why didn’t you say something about wanting to spend time together?
Why did you just elect to invite a friend over instead of addressing the issue? Don’t get me wrong, he’s not totally innocent but you have to talk to each other.” bus_emoji
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I think you need to start communicating your needs and expectations a bit more clearly to one another.
It seems like there were already some hurt feelings (maybe he was disappointed that you wouldn’t drop what you were doing and pick him up at the airport after not seeing him for 2 weeks and knowing he was exhausted?), but I do not think ignoring your friend was really what you were upset about either.
You have an issue with him gaming with all of his free time, so tell him as much. It seems like there are too many passive-aggressive games going on.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your husband leaves for 2 weeks at a time. That’s a long time to not see each other.
You’re busy working, so he occupies himself with his hobby (gaming). You finish your work and instead of talking to your husband and enjoying a night to spend quality time together following a long time apart, you prioritize your friend coming over. He says ok when you ask about it.
Cool. Everyone is on board at this point. You and your friend will spend time together and watch a show you both love. So your husband decided to continue with his hobby.
I don’t think he’s wrong to continue. You showed him that you were prioritizing your friend on your husband’s first night home so he occupied himself.
Then you’re mad that he’s not doing what you want on your schedule now your friend is gone. He’s hurt because you, instead of talking to him about feeling lonely, invited a friend over. Just sleeping together doesn’t count as quality time together.” poweller65
4. AITJ For Telling My Daughter-In-Law To "Grow Up" And Confront Our Issues?
“My (58F) DIL (29F) and I don’t have the best relationship. I’m not a meddling MIL, she had a rough upbringing from her mother’s addiction and abandonment the first 15 years of her life and has trust/control issues (She couldn’t control much as a kid and wants to control everything now).
Let me also say that her mother has done amazing things with her life since getting sober and I give her full credit for this.
Her mother has lived with them since they moved in together over 10 years ago. Both of them are judgmental at times and don’t seem to care for me very much.
My DIL is currently pregnant with their 3rd child who will also be their 3rd girl. Do I want a grandson? Of course. It would be fun to have another little boy just like my amazing son (31).
I have had and still have my share of faults, however, both of my kids will tell you I was a good mother and my daughter will tell you I’m a fantastic Nonie (I have the oldest 8-year-old girl half time and we co-parent).
My son knows in his heart I’m a great grandma but you really can’t tell since my DIL has never let me be alone with them except upstairs in their playroom. To be fair, she has never left them with anyone except her mother.
My DIL’s younger brother just had a baby boy.
I did the usual congratulations on social media. I ended the post with a joke saying ‘This may be the only ‘grandson’ I get. Good thing (Son) and (Daughter) have male animals. LOL’. It was totally a joke. I didn’t mean to hurt feelings or cause my DIL stress.
My DIL texted me that my post to her brother was rude and out of line and I ‘better delete it. Unbelievable.’ This is not the first time she’s told me in text how ‘Unbelievable’ I am. I immediately took down the comment and texted her that I was sorry.
It was meant to be a joke and I understand pregnancy can be hard, but I thought her wording and demand to me were ‘rude and out of line’. Her response? ‘There is so much more I could say’. So I told her to grow up and say it.
That maybe we should stop pretending that everything is ok. I may or may not have said something to the effect of ‘Maybe your mom wants to chime in (as she has done on many occasions that do not involve her)’ but I can neither confirm nor deny that I made that comment.
LOL
So, AITJ for wanting my DIL to just tell me how she feels and what she has to say so we can or cannot move past it for the sake of my son and grandgirls?
I have been asking my son for two years to sit down with me (maybe an hour tops) so he and I can discuss some stuff because I haven’t told him all the times his wife or MIL have said inappropriate things to me or my husband.
I would never want to put him in a position where he thinks he has to choose (and I would NEVER ask him to do that. He’s just very sensitive and doesn’t care much for confrontation). Every time we make a plan, DIL finds a way to sabotage it.
And please, no comments on how my son needs to grow a pair. I know this and telling me won’t change him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘Good thing (son) and (daughter) have male animals… this is the only ‘grandson’ I’ll get’… Your social media comment was incredibly out of line.
You’re low-key shaming your DIL for not having any sons on social media. DIL can’t control the gender of the child she is carrying. And I bet she is fully aware that her husband may have wanted a boy.
You say that your social media comment was a joke, but it wasn’t.
You meant every word you said. Even in the story, you say ‘My DIL is currently pregnant with their… 3rd girl. Do I want a grandson? Of course’.
Just because you were a ‘great’ mom to your immediate kids doesn’t mean you are a good grandmother or mother-in-law.
This is a great example. Would you have made that same social media comment if it was your daughter? No, because you care about your daughter, but apparently not so much about your DIL. I get the DIL’s hesitancy to leave you alone with the granddaughters.
In reality, you shouldn’t be commenting on the DIL and her son’s relationship in general. At the end of the day, the DIL can’t truly be upfront with you because you are her husband’s/your son’s mom. Any issues are a discussion for your son and you to work out.
He should have confronted you for disrespecting DIL/his kids, and set future boundaries with you.” le1236
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It wasn’t a joke, it was cruel. Not only to your son and DIL, but more importantly to your three granddaughters who now know that they are not and will never be as important to you as a grandson.
Good job, Grammie. (At least now you’ll understand why if in the future they don’t want to have anything to do with you.)
It’s not ‘judgmental’ to call a person out on cruel and unacceptable behavior. Most people don’t care much for others who say and do mean things.
You really don’t want your DIL to ‘grow up and say what she needs to say’ – you want her to shut up, agree with you, and eat the crap you serve her and her mother just like your son does. We know this because you complain when she ACTUALLY DOES speak up.” POAndrea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You upset your DIL, yet somehow feel like you need an apology from her for her response to your passive-aggressive comment. Then the whole ‘may or may not’ crappy comment about her mother was completely uncalled for, yet you seem to have found it hilarious.
These words can hurt, and they already have. You not finding them hurtful or you saying it’s a joke, doesn’t change that it offended someone. Someone you know you already have a rough relationship with.
This entire story has been about you and how much you love your son, not one instance of taking DIL’s feelings into account.
You even managed to talk well about her mother who mistreated her for half of her life before DIL. She’s not just a person your son’s with, she’s a person with her own history, feelings, and actions. And also the mother of your grandchildren.
To think so lowly of her to not even consider her feelings is what’s the issue here. It’s probably why she doesn’t trust you much around the kids, and I can almost guarantee that’s why she hasn’t told you how she feels about/around you.
I don’t say that to shame you but to say you’re being a hurtful person and don’t realize it—and now’s the time to realize. Telling your DIL to grow up and talk to you is missing the reason why she feels she can’t, and using a taunting approach like that is not helping.
And from the fact you keep insisting on talks with your son ABOUT her and not with, makes me think you’re just as scared.” User
3. AITJ For Peeing In My Friend's Car?
“I (22 F) have significant problems with my pelvic floor which causes issues with controlling my bladder. It’s a very embarrassing and sensitive issue for me. The other day my friends (20 F) (22 F) and (21 M) were returning from an event in a nearby city.
Unfortunately, the event concluded in rush hour traffic so we faced an uphill battle getting home in a timely fashion. Almost immediately after entering the freeway a strong urge to pee hit me like a truck. I tried my best to hold it and maintain my composure.
I let my friend know that she needed to get off at the nearest exit so I could run in somewhere and use the bathroom.
But we were not getting anywhere quickly and after about twenty minutes I couldn’t hold it. I was genuinely going to pee my pants so I started looking for other options.
The only one I found was an empty bottle so I decided that I’d pee in it. Unfortunately, I missed spectacularly and urine got all over the seats and the floor.
My friend was very unhappy and yelled at me for trying to pee in the bottle.
I was obviously very embarrassed and tried to explain I didn’t have any other choice. I scrubbed her seats with soap and water when we got back. But she still lit into me about how rude and immature I was and how her car was going to smell.
I also think she was way over the top tearing into me in front of our friends for a situation that was beyond my control. Anyways AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, knowing you have this condition, you need to be prepared to handle it. You could’ve had period undergarments on and/or a super absorbent pad.
You could’ve made sure to pee before you got into the car at all. You could’ve had something better to pee in than a water bottle. Honestly, you could’ve even had your friend pull over if it was gonna be bad, and since you know you have a condition, you should probably expect that.
There are steps to take when you have conditions like this, that you did not take here.” Juno-bird
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with YTJ.
You have a known medical condition and you should make a better effort to manage it. Try to go pee every other hour or something.
You can’t have full bladder failure if your bladder isn’t full.
You had an accident in her car. You should offer to have it professionally cleaned. That is the right thing to do.
Should she have torn into you? Probably not. But she was immensely mad and I understand why.
The best thing you can do is apologize and have her car cleaned.
Potential options to prevent future issues: Buy a shewee (a female urinating device) and shove it in the bottom of your purse. Wear pads. Wear period undergarments. Incontinence undergarments aren’t that bad.
(No seriously. I wore them after giving birth and I was surprised at how discreet and comfortable they were.)” Old-Opportunity-5751
Another User Comments:
“You peed in someone else’s seats. All they did was get upset and raise their voice. Your actions, if you kept apologizing after, made you NTJ but your feelings towards this situation almost get you far enough to be the jerk if you don’t fix it.
You’re upset that they got upset at you:
Is it because you feel like they’re blaming the wrong person? Well, no. I’m pretty sure we all know who peed in the car.
Is it because you feel like they’re wrongly upset? Well, I think it’s pretty reasonable to be upset if someone urinated in your vehicle.
Is it because you feel like it isn’t targeted in the right direction? Again I think we know who got the vehicle dirty.
Is it because it was in public? This might look good at face value but what’re the chances that if these other people were there, they would’ve heard about what was said anyway?
You might’ve told them yourself if you had enough of a problem with what was said.
About the only one left I can come up with is that you feel entitled because of your medical condition to sometimes accidentally urinate in and on other people’s possessions.
You might not like the framing, but I think this is what is happening here.” Suprblakhawk
2. AITJ For Telling My Nephew No One In The Family Likes Him?
“I (25 M) get along with my sister Diana (31 F) fine, I won’t pretend I like her son Darius (10 M). I think he’s an entitled brat who has gotten away with crap far too many times. I don’t think Diana has ever reprimanded him, and every time the little jerk acts up Diana makes excuses for him.
He’s already been suspended from school for stealing, he’s a bully to all his cousins, and I know for a fact no one in my family likes him at all. Both of my parents cannot stand him. My mother, a woman who could find the love in her heart to babysit a honey badger, refuses to watch Darius at all because of his behavior.
My father will take all of the grandkids out to fish every few months, except for Darius because he’s too tempted to throw him out into the lake and drive off (his words not mine).
On Monday, I got a call from my sister who panicked because she got called into work.
Darius was out of school and her babysitter was not available. No one else in the family will watch Darius so I told her to drop him off and I would watch him. It was a nightmare. Darius was mad he had to spend his day off at my place.
He refused to do anything I offered, made a mess in my bathroom, harassed my dog, and had a tantrum because I would not let him use my work computer to play games.
By lunchtime, I was frustrated beyond all belief. I made him mac and cheese and he demanded I take him to Wendy’s.
He refused to eat and eventually dumped his bowl of food on my floor. At that, I just kinda lost it. I didn’t yell or get aggressive at all. I just sighed and asked him if he realized that everyone in the family literally despised him.
I explained that he was at my house because Grandma and Grandpa cannot stand him, and in fact, refuse to let him come to their house because he acts like a little jerk. I won’t lie, I got pretty brutal.
He started crying and locked himself in my bathroom until he came out and sat and watched tv till my sister came and got him.
I told her what happened and she and I got into a massive argument as well. She called me cruel and I told her that she was to blame and he would have learned eventually.
My family is split on this. My dad thinks ‘the little jerk deserved it’ while my siblings have mixed opinions.
My mother has told me she’s staying out of this but if I feel the need to apologize do it and move on.
What do you people think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did him a huge favor. Obviously, nothing anyone has said or done so far has made any impact.
He NEEDS to know that his behavior is already costing him relationships and will continue to cost him relationships until he chooses to not act this way.
Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but when the truth is all that’s left, that’s what you’ve got to do.
Sugar coating it would not have gotten the point across and avoiding it sure wasn’t, either. The pain and rejection he feels will – hopefully – be a huge wake-up call. If it’s not, he’s going to have a very lonely life. I hope you’ve saved him from that.” MommyLovesPot8toes
Another User Comments:
“He’s 10. He’s been raised badly. He didn’t just wake up one day and decide ‘You know what, I’m gonna be a total jerk to everyone’. This is your sister’s failure, and as much as he is a total little jerk, it’s not entirely his fault.
Because he’s 10 and he’s never been taught better.
Did he need a serious talking to? Yes.
Was your way the right way to do it? Not really.
It’s better to talk about behavior and outcomes than make it about the kid. Instead of telling him that his actions caused people in the family to not want to be around him (which I would applaud), you told him that his grandparents loathe him.
It’s not very effective, because it doesn’t give him anything to change. Behaviors can be changed, but if you tell a kid that everyone hates them, that’s them as a whole, not something they can change.
It’s not like telling a jerk adult that everyone dislikes them cos they’re a jerk.
An adult can figure out what that means and deal with it. But a kid? Their family is their whole world and all the people they rely on, and you told him that basically, everyone in his world loathes his very being.
That’s what makes it cruel.
I really don’t want to call you a jerk, cos I’m not sure I would have lasted even til lunchtime with that little jerk! But it wasn’t the right way.
A regretful ‘everyone sucks here.'” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a kid in 4th or 5th grade, with a new core memory of his uncle telling him everyone in the family hates him.
He sounds both troubled and insufferable, and if OP had declined to babysit and told his sister/Darius’ mom exactly why, he would be perfectly reasonable in doing so – hopefully she would change her parenting style, seek outside help for Darius and maybe herself, and actually take steps to correct or at least improve a bad situation.
But losing his temper at a child and causing lasting emotional damage wasn’t the right call.” andante528
Another User Comments:
“You are 25 years old. He is 10. Is he behaving like a jerk because your sister has no idea how to parent? Yes. Should you enforce boundaries with your nephew when he is in your care?
Absolutely. But that’s not what you did. You bullied a child.
‘Your behavior is awful and everyone in the family despises when you act this way. It makes it hard to be around you. It means that you are left out.’ This is VERY VERY DIFFERENT than ‘Everyone in the family despises YOU.’
You can change your behavior. Telling someone how their behavior impacts how others feel can be a great catalyst for change.
Telling someone, especially a literal child, that they themselves are hated by their family is demoralizing, demeaning, and cruel, and generally does nothing to encourage change.
Clearly, you were an emergency babysitter and you are still very young and likely not trained to deal with a problem child in a calm manner, but this was out of line and harmful.
You need to speak to your sister. Apologize to your nephew if you can and then explain what you meant to address was his behavior NOT HIM.
Because there are plenty of studies that show that kids who feel that they are unloveable do not improve and there are a lot of horrific outcomes to that.
Everyone sucks here, yes, but bullying a child = YTJ.” OutlandishnessNo9868
1. AITJ For Not Ending My Vacation Early To Make It In Time For The Birth Of My Grandchild?
“My (52m) wife and I were on a two-week vacation in Cancun Mexico. We’re from the US and planned all year for this trip, and saved up money to be able to go on this trip.
(We booked and paid before my daughter was pregnant.)
It was our 6th day there when our daughter’s (26) SO called us saying she was giving birth and we had to get on the next plane ride home. We were aware my daughter was soon to pop, but her due date wasn’t until the end of this month, mind you these events took place at the beginning of this month.
We told him that was impossible, and just to follow their birthing plan and to keep us updated. A few hours later we got a call from my daughter updating us and then asking when we’d be on our way back and that she really wanted us to be here and that it was taking longer than expected, she was scared, etc. She’s a first-time mom so it was expected for her to be scared. My wife and I assured her everything would be fine, but we were unable to just pack up and go.
She got upset and hung up on me.
Hours later in the middle of the night, we missed a call due to us sleeping and it was her SO saying there were complications and they were performing an emergency c-section. The next morning we called immediately and our daughter told us she was scared and things could’ve gone bad and our Cancun trip was more important to us than her, then hung up.
We tried to call back but she wouldn’t answer.
The baby was born healthy and our daughter is okay. We have only seen pictures of our grandchild through social media because our daughter hasn’t let us see her and has barely spoken to us since we’ve been back home.
We had planned to be there for our grandchild’s birth, but we couldn’t leave 6 days into a trip we spent a large amount of money on. Even if we did we wouldn’t make it back on time. Even if we did make it back we couldn’t do anything the doctors couldn’t in the situation.
I feel as though our daughter is being too harsh on us. We have apologized many times.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You didn’t plan to be on vacation when the baby came. Babies don’t care about anyone’s timing or schedule. They just come.
Your daughter knew you had a trip around her due date and should’ve realized it was a very real possibility that you wouldn’t be able to attend.
It sucks that the phone call didn’t wake you up. I know a few people who could sleep through an air raid.
I am sure that just didn’t help the situation.
I am guessing your daughter is struggling a lot with grief. She had an image in her head of what the birth would look like, and it included you. That part (along with many others, it sounds like) did not happen.
She is feeling loss and disappointment. Just try to be understanding and as supportive as you can. Give her at least a year. This is very rough for her.” judgyhedgehog
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t need to rush back from your trip but you could have done a lot more to let your daughter know you were there for her.
Number 1 would be keeping your phones on loud, and letting your daughter know you guys would be available via phone whenever she needed. YTJ for not answering the call about the emergency c-section when you already knew she was in labor and weren’t able to make it back.
Hearing your voices and support at that time may have meant a lot to her – that’s why they called after all, even after you said you couldn’t come.” deadninbed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Life happens and sometimes it doesn’t happen exactly the way everyone plans it.
You booked and paid for a trip long ago. Your daughter became pregnant and the baby came earlier than anyone expected while you were out of the country. Your daughter may feel hurt that you didn’t try to rush back but at some point, she needs to put it in the past and bring you into her child’s life.
Hopefully, a little time will cure it. Best of luck.” Rooster_Local
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: How many weeks along was your daughter when she went into labor?
If she was 37 weeks, AND you told her you’d be there, then you messed up and should have moved your trip when you found out the due date.
Or, you should have communicated that you did not know if you could be there for the birth. 37-42 weeks is the range of normal.
It sounds like her birth experience was traumatic. Early labor, long labor, emergency surgery. She was in the midst of a traumatic experience, reached out to her parents, and was told ‘Not now honey we are on vacation’.
That really, really sucks.” bilbiblib
