People Are A Bit Ashamed Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Spraying My Housemate With A Showerhead When She Barged Into The Bathroom?
“I’m (21f) in my third year of Uni and live with three other girls my age.
We live in a relatively big flat for four people with two bathrooms, one with an overhead shower and another with a bath and a showerhead. The overhead shower has pretty low water pressure, which is awful for washing long hair like mine, so when I need to wash mine, I just use the showerhead in the bath because it’s right opposite my bedroom.
None of the bathroom doors have locks on them, which is very odd for student housing. We did try to contact our landlord at the start of the year to see if he could install them, but he told us it would be too expensive because he’d need to reframe the doorways entirely.
We eventually managed to work around this problem by getting some of those do-not-disturb signs like the ones you get at hotels to hang on the door handle to indicate whether someone was in.
Anyway, I’d just made it back from the gym today and headed up to the bathroom, turned the sign to say occupied, and began to wash my hair.
As soon as I started washing my hair, my housemate, Katie started banging on the bathroom door for me to hurry up because she needed to use the toilet. I told her I’d only just got in, and it was gonna be another 10 minutes before I was done, so she should go downstairs and use the other bathroom.
Katie then told me she couldn’t because one of my other housemates was using the toilet downstairs, and she needed to use the bathroom now. Once again, I told her to go downstairs because I was literally not clothed and washing myself, and whoever was downstairs would be a lot quicker than I was.
Well, next thing you know, I hear the doorknob turn, and she’s opened the door to come in and use the toilet while I’m in the bath. Out of reflex, I grabbed the showerhead and pointed it right at her in hopes that the water spraying at her would mean she wouldn’t be able to see me.
I screamed at Katie to get out, and she left to go use the bathroom downstairs.
When I got out, I told her how invasive and rude it was for her to barge in, but she’s insisting I’m the jerk because I could have hurried up to let her pee.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or no jerks here – Her barging in was definitely rude, but if it was a bathroom emergency I am sympathetic. INFO: Do y’all not have a shower curtain? That way, in case of instances like this, someone could use the toilet while you’re behind the privacy of a curtain.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But about the locks, your LL is full of it. Go to your local hardware store and buy 2 sets of privacy knobs. You can uninstall the old one and install the new one in a matter of minutes. So there are 3 types of knobs.
Passage (just your regular standard door knob), privacy (used for bathrooms, etc. where you can lock it from inside the room with a button or twist thing), and entrance (which requires a key to unlock it from the outside). You can buy a set for just a few dollars.
All you need is a screwdriver.” mazzy31
20. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Frequent Flyer Miles On Myself?
“I work as an engineer for a large engineering firm in the US. We have job sites all across the country, and because of this, I have to fly pretty frequently.
Due to the amount of flying I’ve done the past 2 years, I have enough flier miles through a popular airline where I could get a free first class, round trip ticket to Europe.
We are planning a family vacation there next summer. Normally, the prices are $3000, which is quite a lot of money for a flight.
I told my mom, my mom’s friend, and my brother about this and they basically told me I should use the miles to get one of them the free ticket, and expressed I should pay for my ticket because I “make more money than all of them.” I said no and I’m using my miles for my own ticket.
They called me extremely selfish and said if the shoe was on the other foot, they’d happily use their miles for me.
While I do get paid well for my job, I think this is a bit out of line. I worked very hard for those miles.
I was away from home for countless weeks working. I really don’t think me using my hard-earned miles for myself is selfish at all. My job that I chose has its perks. And one of those is free plane tickets occasionally. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “If the shoe was on the other foot, they’d happily use their miles for me.” Nonsense. Since they can’t be called out on this, it is easy for THEM to say. YOU are the one who earned these frequent flier miles.
YOU are the one who was away from home all this time. YOU are the one who made sacrifices for it. THEY are the ones being selfish. Forget the family vacation. Go with someone who is not trying to leach off of you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please share the link to this post with them so they can see how they are being unreasonable. Why would they be entitled to something you earned?? And honestly, if they can’t afford to fly there then they shouldn’t be traveling, they’ll probably expect you to foot the bill on some of their expenses as well, since you have a good job and can “afford” it.” SuspiciousHumor4206
Another User Comments:
NTJ. This is your lesson to stop telling family members about your financial situation. Be it first-class tickets or a pay raise. None of that is their business and it’s clear they can’t get over their envy of you and are so bold to separate you from what’s yours that they will call YOU selfish for using and enjoying what you’ve earned.” BlooomQueen
19. AITJ For Recording My Flirty Coworker Admitting Her Lies And Getting Her Fired?
“I 28m have a female coworker 26f who likes to flirt with all of the men at work. My wife 24f knows about her and how I feel. Coworker stays away from me unless it’s work-related because I shot her down a few times and told her (on Monday) that if she didn’t knock it off I would report her to HR.
Well, yesterday that coworker found my wife’s social media and messaged her telling her that I’m a “creep” and “won’t leave her alone” and that I “tried to pay her for a hookup”. I was honestly disgusted. I ignore her existence unless it’s work-related and I couldn’t believe the blatant lies she was telling.
So today I go into work and have my phone in my hand and recorded our conversation when I confronted her. I didn’t show her face the camera was facing the floor so all that was shown was the shoes. After some back and forth she admitted she was mad that I threatened HR and hoped my wife would force me to quit my job so I wasn’t a “problem” anymore.
So I took the recording and the messages to HR and she was fired immediately.
On the way out of the building, she screamed at me that I was a jerk and a few other choice words for recording her without her permission and that she’s suing me for it.
Even a few coworkers said I was wrong for it and I should have just shown HR the messages and how she’s a single mom and I just cost her kids their livelihood.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like you gave her enough chances, she wouldn’t stop until you finally threatened to get HR involved. That’s where she should have left it considering you didn’t actually do it and just threatened you would if she had continued. She could have cost you your wife and job, all because she wanted you gone so that you wouldn’t be a “problem” anymore?
No, she was the problem, she needed to learn to control herself and respect others boundaries she deserved to lose her job single mother or not, hopefully she learns a lesson from this for her next job. NTJ for the recording. In some cases you have to do it for your own protection and you didn’t record her face.
The messages she sent your wife may have not gotten her fired and could have escalated the situation if HR got involved where she might have even done worse, the recording was needed to show her intent behind sending those messages.” Jennypenny_03
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ. If you showed HR these messages it could go one of two ways. Number one, they believe you, and she still gets fired. Same outcome, same problem, she played herself. Number two, they investigate it. And that could then land you in some hot water, because chances are neither of you have proof.
You might be in jeopardy for something that never happened. Recording her was 100% the best way to go. She wouldn’t have said any of that to anyone else, with any kind of witness. Talk to lawyers if you need to, but I’d say you made the right call.
Honestly I’d look into if you have any actions against her. She already contacted your wife and tried to cost you your job. Do what you can to make sure she stops for good. “She’s a single mom and I just cost her kids their livelihood.” She should have thought of them before playing this twisted game.
Again. Showing the messages may very well have had the same effect. Or doing the same thing to you. This woman was willing to risk YOUR livelihood, YOUR marriage, YOUR reputation. She doesn’t get to be mad that you caught her.” should_be_sleepin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not one of those “men’s rights guys” but I think if recent events have taught us anything, it’s that men can be and are victims of stuff like this, not just women (although it’s probably far more common for women than men).
You can’t back someone into a corner like that and not expect something drastic to happen. It sucks that she lost her job, but it is her fault. Anyone who does this in the workplace deserves to lose their job.” PuzzleheadedState405
18. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At My Roommate's Inefficient Cleaning Habits?
“My roommate turns a chore that would take an hour into all-day long events and it’s bothersome to wait for them to do things every single time they do anything around the house.
For example, it’s my roommate’s turn to clean the kitchen today.
This means wiping down everything, mopping, dishes, putting appliances away, etc. Instead of just doing it all in one go, she’ll set a 10-minute timer and everything not done in that 10 minutes is just left as is.
She just… leaves. She’ll have a task half done and just leave in the middle of it.
She comes back about 40 minutes later and sets another 10-hour timer — cleans like she’s racing against someone to do it and when the timer starts screaming at her she leaves. Again. She’ll do this til it’s done. This means sometimes it’ll still be half a mess or messier because of cleaning products around until she comes back.
I’ve gotten upset at her and finished her chores for her because it’s annoying waiting for her to be done. She gets upset and says that she was working on it, but I don’t feel like it and says it’s unfair for me to say she doesn’t pull her own weight around the house.
This is also annoying because if you ask her to do something, she has to do it right now. I asked her to get the trash from the bathroom and I was going to take a shower, but she went into the bathroom and wound up cleaning everything, which hindered me taking a shower.
I said just get the trash! and I told her she could get it any time. And she does that with everything. You can’t mention to her that something needs to be done without her doing it right then and if something is scheduled it gets done in 10-minute increments.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I do chores this way. It makes it way easier to manage my ADD and if I don’t use this approach I basically can’t get chores done. But, I know that it can be very irritating to watch, especially for roommates who work differently.
Being able to get people who work differently on the same page so they can coordinate chores will involve a lengthy conversation, but it is worth having. Expect both of you to be annoyed, but if you maintain a rational conversation about it you should be able to work out a system that will have you both happier long term.” Crayshack
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mildly. I get that it’s not an average or typical way people usually clean. I’d be kinda annoyed too if a roommate’s unconventional cleaning method got in the way of being able to use the house in a normal way.
But I think this is one of those situations where you have to look at the person’s intent. It doesn’t seem to be out of “pettiness” or “spite.” It looks to be a coping mechanism for some kind of neurodivergence. It’s an opportunity for you to show some magnanimity by being an understanding roommate.
Your replies to the comments indicate you two are good roommates to each other in all other regards. By all means, I think you should still feel free to express some concerns, but it’d be so much more productive if done without being “upset.”” HIOP-Sartre
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I’m glad you’re open to understanding your differences better. I have ADHD, and what you described is also how I do things. ADHD is an attention regulation disorder—it’s harder for us to stay engaged in tasks that are not highly rewarding, due to the brain not being able to stay tuned to it unless it’s interesting.
I compensate by breaking things into short-timed efforts, because it is much easier to stay on task for 10 minutes (or 5, or 20) than it is to try to get my brain to stay focused on something for 60 minutes straight. Offering to do chores together is another way to accommodate things, as having another person alongside can create more co-regulation, which is often easier than trying to regulate through tedious tasks all alone.
The thing with the top-to-bottom cleaning of the bathroom is called hyperfocus—it’s when the brain gets really intensely focused on a particular thing and needs to fully complete the task. It’s the flip side of the attention regulation issue—and honestly, it can be great when it comes up and I try to take advantage of it because it is much easier to get things done when in that mode than it is the rest of the time.
Understanding the neurology of ADHD brains can help a lot.” Adventurous_Nail2072
17. AITJ For Suggesting Alternative Career Paths To My Struggling SIL?
“My (20F) SIL (brother’s wife’s sister) is a super bright girl who got a full-ride scholarship to an expensive and well-regarded university. Since I’ve known her (we met at age 12 and she’s 19 now), she’s been super passionate about working in the medical field, wanting to be a neurosurgeon.
Last semester was hard and she failed 3 classes. This devastated her and she took a break and went back home this semester to regroup.
When I visited her during my spring break, she literally broke down, telling me she was scared to return and that she couldn’t handle all the schooling and felt genuinely depressed. On top of that, losing her scholarship meant she would now have to pay the fees herself and that made her feel more scared. She still wants to work in the medical field though and she felt frustrated by her situation.
I calmed her down and told her that she doesn’t need to return to her uni if she doesn’t want to. I also showed her some options from our hometown community college. She ended up really liking a 2-year radiologic technology program. Her credits would transfer so it would only be 1 year at community college tuition.
Apparently at her job there are people there who do it and she always liked it.
Before I left, I reassured her that there were plenty of options for her and to think about it some more because she has plenty of time. Yesterday I got called up by her mom, telling me that I made it seem like I didn’t think she could handle medical school and broke her self-confidence and to apologize and to help her gain confidence to return back to her university.
I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her hope that she could still have a career in medicine, and you showed her a path to get there. She needs to get her feet back under her and get some success under her belt.
Your suggestion will help her do that. In response to her mother, I’d say something like ‘SIL is in crisis. Her self-confidence was shaken by her rough semester at University, not anything I said to her. Your priority should be her mental health and well-being.
She needs patience and support while she works this out. She needs to hear you tell her you believe in her, not that her career plan is not prestigious enough. Do you think it helps her to feel like you’re disappointed in her?'” floopdoopsalot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you listened to what your SIL wants or does not want. There’s not really a sugar-coated way to say this, but it’s not you saying she can’t handle medical school, she’s already failed several classes. That has nothing to do with you.
Her mother calling it your fault is just her looking for a scapegoat. University is stressful. Not everyone makes it. Less than half the people who started when I did ended up graduating. It’s not like you just randomly threw a spanner in the works, things were already going quite poorly.
Sometimes it’s smarter to take another path and it’s certainly good advice to present more options. There isn’t much to go on here, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Mom has her daughter’s future mapped out a lot more than the daughter does. What you did is certainly much better.
Sometimes it’s best to cut your losses instead of getting caught up in the sunk cost fallacy and throwing more time (and money) down the drain. Especially so if uni isn’t free where you’re at. If you’re in the US, student debt is no joke, and as far as I’m aware you cannot get rid of it, even via bankruptcy or anything.
So if she hangs in there for another year or two and drops out then, she’s down a lot of money with nothing to show for it. That’s definitely something to at least think about, rather than just doing what her mom seems to want: Going “There, there, sweetie.
You’ll be fine. Now run along and study harder”. At the end of the day, it’s your SIL’s decision but it doesn’t sound like you’re taking it from her.” Nightfish_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was 18 I told my parents I was going to go into something they really wanted me to go into.
I thought that’s what I wanted and they were so incredibly excited. Over the next few weeks, everyone in my family found out and got excited and even though I still thought it was what I wanted, the pressure began to build so much that I felt trapped. One day my brother was asking me about it and I don’t know if he could sense my doubts but he said “you know you don’t HAVE to do this, right?” The relief was unreal. I didn’t end up doing it and I’m so grateful to my brother for saying that.
You didn’t break her self-confidence, you showed her that her self-worth wasn’t tied to one career path and I bet she’ll be thankful for a long time.” MissPandaBlue
16. AITJ For Letting A Stranger Pay For My Meal But Refusing To Give Him My Number?
“I was at a rest stop and went to grab some food at a Popeyes there. This guy was in front of me in line and kept telling me I was “so gorgeous.” After I ordered, this guy INSISTED he pay for my meal. I kept saying no thanks, but he shoved cash into the cashier’s hand, who ended up taking it.
The whole thing made me incredibly uncomfortable, but the cashier had already accepted his cash and finished the transaction.
As I was waiting for my food, this guy started asking me for my number. I said no, repeatedly. After I got my food and was walking out, he started telling me I was an entitled jerk, and that I just used him for free food.
I got in the car and told my sister what happened. She told me he was definitely creepy, but that I shouldn’t have let him pay and that I could have just told him I had a partner or something. But, I don’t have a partner, why should I have to lie to get some guy to leave me alone?
Also, I didn’t have any cash to pay this guy back, I had intended on paying with my card, but he literally shoved cash into the cashier’s hands and refused to let me cancel the transaction and pay. I feel like no one is ever entitled to someone’s number, and especially not in exchange for like a $9 fast food meal. But my sister said I could have been more polite about the whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do people do this phase think there’s some sort of weird transactional thing like “oh I did this thing for you so now you have to give me your number and you eventually have to be with me”— no. You didn’t make him pay for your meal he kept insisting because he thought he was gonna get something.
That a him problem, not yours. Your sister has no idea what she’s talking about make her give him her number. This could’ve been one of those things like in a drive-through the person picking up their food pays for the person behind them and they keep it going.
Now this obviously wasn’t that but again that’s his problem.” ZOE_XCII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told the guy not to pay for you, he chose to ignore your no and do it anyway. You’re not responsible for his choices. You owed him nothing.
“She was just saying that I should have been more polite about saying no” …How? You said “no thanks”. That’s about as polite as you can get. “And that I should have tried to find a way to pay him back.” Nope. This guy ignored your “No”, multiple times.
Who knows what else he was willing to ignore your “No” about? It was safest for you to get away as quickly as possible from that creepy pushy guy. Trying to figure out how to pay him back when you didn’t have cash meant trying to pay him back with an app.
That meant spending more time engaging with him and potentially him getting your contact info. As the true-crime podcast My Favorite Murder likes to say: Screw politeness. Many women have been hurt because they ignored their bad gut feelings for the sake of being polite and “not wanting to cause a scene”.
Trust your gut. If you feel like someone is a potential threat then screw politeness and do what you need to do to GTFO. Your physical safety matters more than other people’s feelings.” DiligentPenguin16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! I think your sister has been taught some sexist values of how to talk to a guy.
I’m a woman and I have read a lot of things online, including posts by guys saying never let me down easy and posts by guys saying just straight up tell me if you’re not interested. This guy you ran into at Popeyes was literally a self-entitled jerk and you made it very clear you weren’t interested in him but he willfully ignored that.
He probably just wanted a hookup or something. The only thing you could have done better was walk out the door without the food that was ordered (well, I’m just saying that because that’s what I would have done if a creepily aggressive person argued with me over who is paying), and go somewhere else for food, and let him enjoy the food he paid for, but in that situation, you were probably feeling so awkward you didn’t think of it.
So again, NTJ.” EK_3oh
15. AITJ For Wanting To Take The Coffee Maker I Bought For Work With Me When I Move?
“Last summer the Keurig at my job broke (I’m a security guard, we have a little mini kitchen in the back of the guard shack that consists of a microwave, sink, toaster and Keurig). And I work nights 40-62 hours a week so I need coffee.
I asked my boss, ‘can you replace the Keurig, even with just a regular coffee maker?’ He said no because he didn’t want to go through all the trouble of trying to get the company to reimburse him again (it was one of the $150 Keurigs).
So I said ‘fine whatever I’ll buy one’ and I went and bought the $60 one so a basic one but more expensive than the mini. I’m the one who keeps it stocked with the K cups, and another person at my job (I work at a distribution center) keeps the sugar and creamer stocked.
I’m moving to a new city at the end of the month and I told a coworker of mine that I was gonna take the Keurig. They got back to my boss and he told me this morning that I wasn’t allowed to take the Keurig.
I was like ‘sir I bought it.’
‘You bought it for the guard shack.’
‘Yes but I still bought it, I was never reimbursed or anything like that, the Keurig’s mine and it was kind of expensive and I’m taking it with me.’
‘But you bought it for us, for the guard shack, not for your own personal use.’
And we went round and round until the end of my shift and we didn’t resolve it. I mean he’s kind of right, I did buy it specifically for work but I also don’t have a Keurig at home I just have a regular coffee maker and I’d like one for home but I also don’t wanna spend another $60 for one when I already bought one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss basically just wanted something at work fixed for free. You did buy it, it is yours. I’m sure if he was too lazy to make a claim for a reimbursement then he’s too lazy to report you “stealing” it or whatever.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the Keurig. You brought it to work and allowed others to use it. You still own it and can take it with you when you leave. Boss thinks he can save a few bucks by hanging on to yours and not having to shell out some money to replace it when you go.
Or when you are gone he will take your Keurig home and ask his boss to replace the original broken one. Don’t argue anymore. Ask to talk to Boss’s boss about the matter since it’s become a problem. He will probably back down immediately because his boss will be mad that Boss didn’t replace it like he should have done.
Or just pack it up today and bring a thermos to work for the rest of the month. Tell your co-workers sorry but since Boss is being such a jerk about it you can’t afford to lose it. Good luck with your upcoming move!” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“It was the wrong move for OP to even get into the conversation of whether or not he could take it, but we’re past that now. OP, don’t wait until your last shift. Take it now, get it home, if asked “I needed to pack it”.
If your boss gets mad and threatens to take the cost out of your last check “My attorney already has the receipt after our last conversation and the company will definitely hear from him if you try. You really want to risk your own job by lying to the company about who paid for my coffee machine?” NTJ.” TogarSucks
14. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Autistic Cousin's Late Arrival At My Eid Celebration?
“My family and I are Muslim. My parents usually host one of the two Eid celebrations at our family home and have done so since I was a baby. It is always a huge celebration with easily upwards of 40-50 people celebrating together.
This year I asked if I could host the family at my home and they agreed.
My cousin (25M) is always late for everything. Every year we will have eaten, had dessert and tea/coffee, etc., and then he will arrive. This is hours after the stated invite time.
He then demands that the leftovers be reheated for him and complains if his favorite part of the dish/side dishes/dessert is already finished. He’s my mum’s favourite so she lets him get away with it but I find his behaviour disrespectful.
He claims that he is late because of his autism so it’s not his fault if he doesn’t arrive on time. But we have other neurodivergent family who manage to do so.
I messaged him separately to let him know that I expect him to arrive on time this Eid and that I will not be reheating food and laying the table for him if he’s late.
We got into an argument over text with him calling me ableist and not caring about his autism.
He then messaged my mum and told her she’s raised a bully and she is now saying that I shouldn’t be excluding him from a holiday and that I am being a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a behavior consultant who worked with families of kiddos on the spectrum (before DSM-V) and would always explain that the whole “my kid is not a brat, he just has autism” excuse is not an excuse. Your cousin cannot help his diagnosis but he definitely can develop a routine to get places on time.
Not only are you not being “ableist” but your family members that reinforce this behavior are enablers! Good for you for empowering him!” Critho822
Another User Comments:
“On the spectrum here. Tell him he should stop using his autism as an excuse to put other people out by being a bad, demanding guest. If he can get himself around he is high functioning enough to show up on time..that is if he cared enough about others to put in the effort.
If celebrating with his family was one of his focus interests boy, howdy would he get there on time. NTJ. Point this out to your mom and tell her he will never grow as an adult as long as she enables him. Actually, the argument could be made that giving in to his bad behavior is ‘ableism.'” TimeSovereign
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t exclude your cousin. You merely told him he either shows up on time or he fends for himself as applies to eating whenever he shows up. And yes his behavior is disrespectful. I presume he gets to other appointments on time and it would be different if he had to work so was coming as soon as he could.
In that instance, it would be nice for someone to fix a plate for him and place it in the frig until he can get there. As no one is doing that it pretty much tells the story. So in this circumstance pretty sure he knows how a microwave works, can find a plate and utensils as well as how to get food onto the plate from containers.
Else he could avoid all the hassle and come on time.” 3Heathens_Mom
13. AITJ For Quitting My Job On The First Day Back After Maternity Leave?
“I have worked at my current job for 7 years. I do everything they ask me to do (I’m very flexible). My bosses are a married couple. With the male, I have a good relationship, with his wife too but she is sometimes very moody and works it out on me.
My work is a small business with a family atmosphere.
I was absent for 7 months because I was pregnant and I had problems with my back and pelvis (I couldn’t walk anymore from the pain).
So when I was away, the first weeks I still did some work for them from home (for free) but I stopped when I asked them if I could stay home on the Friday for parental leave after the birth of my son.
They wouldn’t give it to me. I felt a little bit hurt because I really do a lot at my work.
They did give me a nice gift for my son’s birth and my colleagues too.
Now I have the opportunity to get a new job that pays better and has work hours based on the daycare.
My family thinks I’m the jerk for quitting on my first day back and find it disrespectful. But my friends and partner are all happy for me and say my bosses should’ve treated and paid me better because I work my tail off for them and get nothing in return.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of it all, it’s just a job. And it sounds like they take advantage of you. Live for yourself and not for your job. It sounds like your current job doesn’t live up to the new offer in any aspect, so why should you sacrifice it for people who don’t value your work, purely because you feel bad?” nursewithnolife
Another User Comments:
“I need more information: When are you due back to work? Is there a reason you would return to that job before quitting? To me, it’s tacky to not let them know immediately that you are not returning. As soon as they know they can fill your employment spot instead of continuing to hold it during your medical leave.
However, some jobs require you to return or if you’ve received benefits during your leave you may have to pay them back. If this is the case it excuses the first. If not, please just give them a call and tell them you will not be returning.
You really don’t owe your employer anything. With that said NTJ.” Affectionate-Item818
Another User Comments:
“Your family should be ashamed at the fact that they are putting the feelings of your employer over the prosperity and financial well-being of their family member and her child.
You are NTJ for taking a better job offer and looking out for your own best interests. I do have one question though. Couldn’t you have told them you would not be returning when you were offered the other job?” kimariesingsMD
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Won't Pay For College If I Get A Tattoo?
“I (21F) have been given an ultimatum by my mom that if I get a tattoo she will not help me pay for college at all.
My parents are pretty well off, having retired early, and made it clear from a young age that they would be willing and able to help me and my sister (24F) pay for college.
This has also been a rule for a long time. As I’ve grown older and gained an interest in self-expression, I asked her why she made this rule.
Her reasoning is that if I can afford a tattoo, then I can afford college. I think this is insane, personally, but she’s been unmovable for 10+ years.
I have no hope of going to college anytime soon without leaving in massive debt if I try to support myself, so I basically have to allow another grown woman to tell me what to do with my body.
It makes me feel terrible about myself and while I’ve known about it for years, every month or so a new bout of anger will flare up about this. It’s not even that I could afford to get one anyway, it’s the lack of control of my own body that makes me mad.
I just want to know if I am the jerk for being incredibly upset about this for so long or if I’m being a spoiled brat who needs to get over herself.”
Another User Comments:
“Meh. I’m going to go with YTJ. Many people don’t have the option of their parents paying for their college, and they have to pay for it themselves.
If you want tattoos do that, if not enjoy the free schooling while the rest of us take out student loans. One of my best friends was in this position and lied to her parents about getting a tattoo, it took almost two years for their parents to come around (mostly because she lied repeatedly about it) and begin speaking to her again.
She ended up paying for her school and her parents refused to support her at all so she had to work while going to school and it took twice as long. Just wait until after college.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her money, not yours.
You are not entitled. You are allowed to be upset that you don’t get what you want when you want it but that’s your problem, not hers. She has every right to hold her ground. She made the rules and has been upfront about them for YEARS.
You know this. It’s no surprise. If you don’t like the rules, pay for college yourself. Or get the tattoo after college. You said you didn’t want another grown woman to have control over your body. Two things wrong with this: 1. ) She does not have control over your body.
You do. She has control over her money. 2.) You are not a grown woman if you are seriously acting like this. Pay your own way in life. You’re 21. Act like it. If only this were the type of problem faced by all people wishing for higher education.
Tens of thousands of dollars handed to me or a tattoo I can still get in four years after I graduate and get my own job? Hmmmmm. Decision, decisions.” wheeziecat6369
Another User Comments:
“I would say YTJ, but I understand so hear me out. I get that the idea of a tattoo is important to you right now.
I got my tattoo when I was 20. I’ll be completely honest, I gave it tons of thought and took care to pick out a good design, went to a good tattoo artist, etc. But almost 30 years later, I honestly couldn’t care less about it, haven’t in decades.
Not because I made the wrong decision or was impulsive–I wasn’t, at all. But of course I grew as a person in the years since then, so now different things are meaningful to me. If I got a tattoo now, and I’ve thought about it, it would be very different.
So it won’t hurt to wait a little longer, because when you do get it, it will still be meaningful to you, even if you change your mind about how it looks during that time. So yes, it sucks that your mom is holding your education over your head on the basis of a tattoo.
That’s pretty emotional-blackmaily of her, but it is her money and if she wants to put strings on it, she can. You can agree to the conditions or not, that’s your choice.
Personally, I would seriously, seriously think about the benefit of not having to take on nearly six figures of student debt vs.
getting a $400 tattoo. I think you and I both know that turning down free college would be by far the worst decision there. So, consider this a long-term goal. You go to school, you kick butt, you graduate and get your tattoo once the last check clears, and you’re set.
In the meantime, consider a temporary option like designing your own temporary tattoos. You can try designs that way, get some fun out of it without the commitment, and by the time you graduate, you’ll have a more informed idea about what you want. It’s going to last the rest of your life, believe me, there’s no rush.
This is a bona fide Adult Decision that you’re making here. Please do your best to set your emotions aside, look at it in terms of your long-term best interest, and make the right choice here. It might feel like “I have to do what Mommy says or she’ll punish me,” but it doesn’t have to.
She’s making a deal with you: free college in exchange for holding off on the ink for a few more years. That is, truly, a very good deal. One you’ll only get to make once in your life. Take the money!!” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Walking Away From A Sample Lady Who Refused To Acknowledge Me As The Parent?
“I (29f) and my husband (33m) took our children (6m) (11f) grocery shopping. As we were finishing up we stopped at a sample stand for the kids.
I walked them up with my hands on their shoulders, made direct eye contact with her, and when she asked “any allergies?” I responded “No ma’am” and then she looked around me, and looked past me to my husband who was quite far from us staying out of the way.
She asks loudly “Excuse me sir are you the parent” and I know I must’ve made a face. I tell her “I AM the parent”, but she is still looking at my husband so I say again “I’m the parent.” And I must’ve sounded upset because she goes “I’m sorry but we have to ask the parent.” But again “I AM THE PARENT.”
By this point, my husband can sense I’m about to blow and I’m feeling it too, so since he’s stepping up I storm off to grab the rest of our groceries. I come back and she is STILL apologizing that “we have to ask the parent” which really annoys me again because I’ve already told her REPEATEDLY that I AM THE PARENT.
I told my husband in front of her “This is God darned ridiculous” and we still stand there with her acting like I’m a petulant child while she slowly scoops ice cream for my son. I guess my husband’s permission was good enough when mine wasn’t.
Was I a jerk when I walked away from this woman? Or maybe when I referred to her as being ridiculous?
I don’t think so but my neighbors thought I should be flattered that that woman must’ve thought I was a child. Implying that she thought my husband was my darn father or something.
I’m still really upset honestly, this happens to me frequently but this woman was the worst.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t care how young you look, I don’t think it was simply she mistook you for an older sibling. You stated very clearly multiple times that you were the parent.
After the first time, it stops being a misunderstanding and starts being intentional. NTJ. Next time complain to the manager because she ignored you, talked over you, and instead of apologizing kept blabbing on about having to ask the parent, further refusing to acknowledge what you had told her and assume what your husband told her as well.” Tiffm09
Another User Comments:
“Sigh. I had a little bit of this problem. Not quite as young a parent as you. I had my son at 26. We moved to a large city when he wasn’t even a year. Most of our peer parents were a decade older.
So, we got a lot of this kind of confusion but never this level of full-on disrespect. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it. Hold on, because you’re gonna get it on the back end, too. I’m 47 with an adult child. A lot of people I run into just assume I’ve never had children, since so many women my age are often mothers to middle schoolers.
I have a high-powered career. Always have, even when my son was very young. But now I’ll get the folks who talk to me about their work-life struggles like I can’t possibly understand. I DO, though. Give me a chance. I’m open to working with you so you can do what you need to do.
Anyway, good luck!” authorized_sausage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would view it this way: Sample lady is stupid and couldn’t wrap her head around your response. Even supposing you do look much younger than your actual age, she made an erroneous assumption that she couldn’t let go even when corrected. Even if she didn’t believe you (for whatever bizarre reason), she failed to understand the point of the question is to relieve her of legal responsibility if a minor is accidentally hurt by a food allergy.
This is a good thing when you get out of your 30s, and a very good thing further on! If supposing you weren’t actually the children’s parent but still could pass as an adult, your statement regarding your relation to them (“I am the parent”) takes the responsibility off of her.
Your lie would be the culprit for any harm that happens to them from the food sample. So cheer up and let it go. You will meet stupid people in your life and it’s best to just understand their failures instead of being mad at them.” DtEWSacrificial
10. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Stop Bragging About Attending Harvard?
“I (19F) come from a family that expects the younger ones to excel in school and get into a good college.
I personally wanted to do that anyway, so it wasn’t a problem for me. I landed a spot at Yale, but it was way too expensive so I decided to attend UCLA (in-state so not as costly).
My cousin (20F) is a year older than me and attends Harvard.
Since she got in, she hasn’t stopped boasting about it. And I know what you’re thinking, “It’s hard to get in! Why wouldn’t she talk about it?” I know that, but talking about it all the time and telling everybody you meet is annoying.
Anyway, we were at a family reunion and family that we hardly see was there.
Of course she talked about Harvard and I heard her talking to my great uncle about it (former Harvard alumnus). Then I heard my name, along with many of my other cousins. She was making fun of us for going to state schools. I walked up to her and said to stop basing her entire personality on a school and to talk about something different for once.
And that Harvard isn’t number 1, Oxford University is. My great uncle laughed and my cousin looked embarrassed. Mom says I was a jerk and that she is permitted to talk about it as much as she wants because hardly anyone gets in and it’s something to be proud of.
Dad says she had it coming. I feel kinda bad about telling her in front of our great-uncle though. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everybody Sucks Here. Reminds me of the college student who was working at her family-owned restaurant during school break. Some Yale boys came in wearing shirts emblazoned with their Ivy League school name.
One of them kept hitting on her using the “I go to Yale” line. She played it off by saying things like “Is that the town you’re from?” “Oh so it’s NOT a community college?” “Where is this place again?” She reported she thought they were going to explode LOL.” Bear_Aspirin_00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to talk about what you’re doing at school — for many college students, that IS what their life revolves around for a few years, but it’s another to put down others for the schools that they chose. College is expensive in the US and it’s not easy to choose the cheaper option when your options include a “fancy” school.
Getting into an Ivy League school is hard, but UCLA is also a fantastic school. In my opinion, your reaction wasn’t great, but your cousin had it coming. As an aside: It’s a bit rich to gloat about being in an Ivy League school without recognizing the ways in which the school mistreats its own students and workers (racism, low stipends for graduate students, harassment, etc.)” nebuchadnezzar03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AT ALL. All the weirdos saying you’re jealous clearly didn’t read this post right. YOU GOT INTO YALE AND GO TO UCLA! HELLO!!! WHAT IS THERE TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT???? They’re some of the best schools in the world and in the end, it comes down to your knowledge, work ethic, etc etc etc. I went to CSULA and turned down three ivies for the same reason as yours.
I am not upset with my choice and I am proud of where I am now, heck I even make almost as much as a Harvard grad. It’s also pretty messed up she made fun of her own family for going to state schools.
Cali schools are some of the best and are most applied to. It’s also great to see someone attend such a great school like Harvard though and good for them!! Just don’t be a jerk who solely talks about Harvard and its prestige and thinks you’re better than everyone for that.
Anywho, I hope you do well in your studies and have a great day!” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Skipping A Friend's Wedding Because She Banned My Tattooed Friend?
“I have a very good friend (A) who lives in a different country. We visit each other each summer. Last year I was staying for a week in her country. She, her husband and their 2 little kids treated me as a close relative.
This year, she will visit my country in the first week of august with her older daughter. The dates of her visit were decided months ago, mainly because we have a festival around that time that I know her daughter would love.
I also have a friend (B) who is a lot less close to me, we were just a part of the same friend group for many years, and we don’t particularly share a lot of interests or anything.
I am happy to chat with her when we meet, but we don’t really seek each other’s company outside of hanging out with the group.
Friend B had a wedding planned for early summer, but in late April her groom’s uncle died and they decided to postpone the wedding out of respect and to let the family mourn.
So, the new wedding date was set and OF COURSE it coincided with the time my friend A planned to visit. The plane tickets were already bought and the ticket for the festival too. So I asked my friend B if it’s OK if friend A attends the wedding too.
I don’t have a partner, so my +1 spot was empty, and friend B said it’s OK.
One week later, I suddenly get a call from my friend B, who said that she saw a few pictures of my friend A on a social media platform and that she doesn’t want friend A to attend the wedding because of her piercings on the eyebrow and a couple of tattoos.
I know she is extremely religious, so I tried to explain that those tattoos hide burns on her shoulder and arm. Friend B responded that she doesn’t want any girls (yes, “girls” not “people”) with visible tattoos to attend her wedding. I said that in that case, I won’t be attending either, as I would feel very uncomfortable going to an event where my good friend wasn’t allowed to be because of her tattoos.
Since then, she called me many times to let me know how mad she is at me for ruining her wedding. And almost everyone in our friend group supported her and told me that friend B’s marriage is far more important than friend A’s visit.
They insist that the wedding is super important and some friends even returned from overseas to attend it, and that friend B was very excited that the whole friend group will reunite and I ruined it.
Even friend B’s mom called me and tried to make me reconsider, and when she didn’t succeed she said things like “I am so disappointed in you” and “in times like these it becomes obvious who is a real friend and who is a fake”.
Anyway, I am suddenly distanced from the whole group and they consider me to be 100% at fault.”
Another User Comments:
“B’s mom said “in times like these it becomes obvious who is a real friend and who is a fake.” She’s right. B, her friend group, and B’s mom herself have done a good job of showing who really isn’t your friend.
On top of that, this is only an issue because of their outdated thinking of women with tattoos. NTJ. Enjoy your time with A. I can almost guarantee you’ll have more fun than you would’ve at the wedding, anyway.” Zazzog
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Every so often we should really evaluate why we call some people “friend.” If B, her friend group, and her mom, are so against women with tattoos, you simply actually aren’t in their friend/peer group. And that’s ok. No one should have hard feelings about that.
Folks are different and if your values are that different, don’t feel obligated to consider each other a friend. Why? Longevity of proximity? That’s not friendship and it does a disservice to your actual friends to give such people the same status in your life.
These are some people who you have been friendly with, but they are not currently your friends. That’s ok, no hard feelings. In no way is her wedding ruined cause someone who isn’t her actual friend won’t be attending. Now, weddings are pricey and if the angst is a feeling of wasted money, I do believe decorum still demands you to send a gift as you have RSVP’d but that’s even if you give a darn about such.
“In times like these it becomes obvious who is a real friend and who is a fake”. Like, agree 100% just not being nasty about it and now one should. Distance yourself from this group! That’s GOOD. Stop hanging on to friend groups with folks with such different views.
Doesn’t mean you’re not still friendly. Doesn’t mean you can’t get a drink or a nice cup of cool milk sometimes. But it does mean, perhaps you won’t be attending a wedding they have. Cool. That’s nothing to be upset about.” mewhilehigh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell B ‘sorry but you aren’t a friend you are an acquaintance within my friend circle but it’s not like we have gone for a coffee just one-on-one or had close conversations. My friend & her daughter visiting are my priority, if that ‘ruins’ your wedding then seriously you need help and to stop being so selfish, people cannot attend for all sorts of reasons & a wedding is meant to be about uniting with the person you love.
This sounds more like you just want a party for you & your friends & just coincides with a wedding. Let’s just leave us as acquaintances and nothing more. Try to actually enjoy marrying your fiance than who attends & I will have fun with my lovely friend who tattoos or not is an amazing person & a true friend to me.’ Then block her and her family!” RavenBlueEyes84
8. AITJ For Confronting My Mother About Her Racist Remarks And Invasion Of Privacy Towards My Indian Partner?
“I am 30 and my partner is 28. She is Indian, of a different race from me. It’s not an issue to me because as long as we love each other why should race come in our way?
Her family also accepts me for who I am. The problem started when I introduced my partner to my mother. I took her out for dinner with my partner who tried her absolute best to spark a conversation with her but my mother would only reply with one-word answers.
She kept turning to speak to me and even spoke in our mother tongue knowing very well my partner could not understand her. I was taken aback and called her out on it right away. She apologized and then spoke in English again.
When we left, my partner and I had an honest conversation with each other and we both knew we felt the same way.
We didn’t like it. However, she didn’t mind meeting my mother again. I told her I didn’t want to put her in that situation again and I would not make her meet my mother unless it was really necessary. I had also specifically mentioned to my mother to NOT tell my father about this relationship yet as I knew he would make a fuss.
And she promised.
She broke her promise. She told my father about her as soon as she got home. She claimed he had asked what race my partner was. He made cruel remarks on why I was seeing her & was there not enough girls who were of my race instead.
Of course I was upset when I found out. I called her out on it saying I trusted her and she should have kept her word. She was upset and said she was not good at lying and there was nothing she could do.
Here is the creepy part.
She does prayers at a temple and during prayers she had ‘asked’ about my partner. She told me she found out I was seeing someone long before I told her. She could even tell personal details of my partner and kept saying she would try to observe her to see if she is a good woman.
I felt violated in that moment. She started questioning me if my partner was first-class or lower-class Indian. I had chills running up my spine and was fuming at this point. I told her she had no right to pry into my life nor use our religion as a way to do so.
I would like her to stop because it is my privacy and she should respect both me and my partner and stop using racist remarks to try and ‘understand’ her. She then retaliated saying she was doing her best to get my father to accept my partner and had even given him water that was blessed so that he could ‘see’ my partner for who she was.
At that point I truly questioned my religion. Was Buddhism ever this scary? What is she into and is it really Buddhism?
I love my parents & I am not forcing them to change their mindset in a day. But I also want to protect my partner from them because her race is NEVER her fault.
My mother has been saying she is accepting her but would constantly brainwash me by saying Indians are bad people and I would not have a good life if I marry her. I stopped talking to her since. My family thinks I went too far and should be more understanding of the elderly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you clearly need to put your mom on an information diet. Potentially go low/no contact. So – your mom is essentially using meditation and prayer to spy on you. Some folks believe that is a thing. I’m not going to dispute it.
Just for funsies, however, make sure there is no way she could be directly cyberstalking or having someone investigate your partner. However- if you exhaust the physical of this world options and don’t know where she is getting her info from- start fighting fire with fire.
Strongly picture yourself and your fiancé in your safe little happy bubble and every time a thought of your mom doing this to you crops up – imagine a force shield or mirror reflecting her energy back at her or bouncing off your happy little bubble.
At the very least you will feel better. And if you feel better and more relaxed, you will be happier.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there is being understanding of the elderly and then there is tolerating racism directed at the woman you love. As for the whole finding out things via religion: she could have taken the time to get to know your partner if she wanted to know more about her.” Just_the_doctor1988
Another User Comments:
“If I’m being honest, I HATE it when people use the nonsense of “oh it’s the elderly” just because you’re a stupid boomer doesn’t mean you respect. I’m sick of people who think all elderly, regardless of what they do, deserve respect just because they are elderly.
respect should be earned, not given. Personally, you’re not a jerk. It’s best you try to avoid her but try to still convince them because they are your family.” MysteryWarthog
7. AITJ For Watching Disney Movies With My Partner Who Never Saw Them As A Child?
“For many reasons, my partner Jake has never watched a Disney film. He didn’t have the greatest childhood and he’s expressed to me that he feels bad about it.
So I decided that we’d have a Disney movie marathon. I’m saying Disney because it’s pretty broad but I’m making him watch any children’s/family movie.
So far we’ve watched a couple movies and it’s sort of bittersweet watching his reactions.
He enjoys them (usually) but then gets upset that he didn’t get to experience this as a child. I’ve asked him if he’d like to stop but he says no every time.
Now I never thought I’d be the jerk for this but his older sister and I were talking the other day and she was really annoyed. I asked her if everything was okay and she said no and that I’m to blame.
I was confused and asked her to explain and she said that “you’re constantly reminding Jake that his life was bad and our parents were bad because you wanna watch some dumb movies and it’s making me very angry.”
I tried explaining everything I’ve said on this post and that he gets upset with me if I try to pause or whatever but she just said “So you’re okay with him crying all night?
Your little brother has dyslexia right? How would you like it if someone kept trying to remind him that he can’t read?”
I called her crazy for making that comparison but I will admit, I’d be angry. She insists I’m the jerk and that she and Jake deserve apologies for making them feel bad.
Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for watching Disney movies with my partner?
Jake and I are 18, his sister is 23.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Jake didn’t tell you he was uncomfortable and, in fact, repeatedly said he wanted to keep watching after you asked, that was the info you had to go on and you thought he wanted to do it even if it was bittersweet for him.
It might be nice to sit down with him on a separate occasion (I.e. not when you’re in the middle of watching movies) though, and let him know he can be completely honest with you if he’s not enjoying it. His sister was probably trying to look out for him… but he’s the only one who really knows how he feels.
You’re not a jerk for not being able to read his mind.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Jake can express if he doesn’t want to keep watching them. You’ve asked him….he can decide whether to be honest with you, but all you can do is take him at his word.
Her comparison makes no sense. Neither is something that people want to be randomly reminded of, but there’s a difference between disability and experience. Also, if she must compare a bad childhood to dyslexia….this wouldn’t just be like “haha, you can’t read,” it would be like “let’s work on reading together and different reading strategies that you may have not gotten in earlier grades.” Which would be a good thing.
You can talk to Jake about what his sister said and his feelings on it. If he still wants to watch movies. But his past isn’t going to change….so he has the choice now to watch them and hopefully enjoy them, or to never watch them.
Just because his childhood wasn’t good, doesn’t mean the rest of his life should be devoid of enjoyment. I think the sister is projecting. She had a bad childhood, too, and maybe doesn’t have someone now. Maybe talk to Jake about inviting her to movie night.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jake can make his own choices. You offered to stop but he wanted to continue. To be honest, this is probably an important part of the healing process for him. Recognizing that his childhood wasn’t all it should have been but also seeing that he can still experience those things now he’s an adult and with someone who truly cares about him will probably be good for him in the long term.
You should ask him if there’s anything else in the “typical childhood experience” that he feels he missed and arrange to do it. My husband’s childhood was bad and in the years we have been together we have done a bunch of things he never got to do.
It’s bittersweet but he says he feels much better now because he got to enjoy those things with people he loved and experience the simple joy of “silly, childish” things he was never allowed to do.” PepperPhoenix
6. AITJ For Ignoring My MIL's Objections To Baby Swim Classes?
“My six-month-old son and I just started a baby swim class. Parents must be in physical contact with their children at all times.
Lifeguards are on duty, and there is one instructor for every four pairs, who is in the water with us.
My MiL hates, HATES, HATES this, and has repeatedly told my wife she needs to stop me before something bad happens. My wife had no problem with the class initially but after her mom started her campaign asked if I could wait until the baby is older.
I don’t want to because the class already started and is good for our son.
I told my wife if she had an actual objection we could address it, but I’m not okay with her mom interfering in our parenting choices. My wife said fine, but I can tell she’s annoyed at me.
I don’t think MiL should get a say, and my wife’s only issue is her mom’s nagging. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Infant swim classes can be fun and help acclimate a child to not be afraid of the water. Know that the AAP does recommend against “swim lessons” for infants under 1 because there is no evidence that it lowers the risk of drowning, but as long as you are aware of the risks and use “touch supervision” you are in the clear.
Your MiL, however, could be reassured by inviting her to class or explaining to her what you’re actually doing in class. Know that it was not uncommon, even in the 90s, for infant swim classes to not include “touch supervision” and babies under 1 would sometimes suffer from water poisoning as they were allowed to be dunked and would sometimes swallow too much water for their little systems to handle.
So her fears are grounded in precedent.” desipalen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And take note of how your MIL is expressing an opinion on a parenting choice that you clearly made for the enrichment of your child. It may benefit you to speak with your wife regarding this because if your child is only six months old, and your MIL is having a fit over a swimming class (that is vetted and has lifeguards on duty with you present during the class) you can only imagine how she will react to other decisions you will make that go along with raising a child.
You are teaching your child to be safe in water. And to be able to not be afraid or panic in open water. What is wrong with her mindset? That you would purposely put your child in danger? Speak with your wife soon because your MIL needs to know what the boundaries are and how to keep within them.
If not, you may have a problem in your marriage in the near future because of her meddling.” roxywalker
Another User Comments:
“Baby swimming classes didn’t really start until around 35 years ago. My oldest son was 5 months old and in the first class in my state.
A lot of people had very negative feelings about it, including my extended family (especially my mother), and were very vocal about the “dangers”. Your MIL probably heard about all of the bad and none of the truth. I’m going to interject here and say that how the swimming classes were handled back then seems to be very different from what you described. My classes were 3 times a week.
The babies were taught to hold their breath and get used to kicking and moving their arms underwater. Eventually, the parents let go of the baby and have them swim on their own. Then they were taught how to swim in different directions. 4 years later, when I took my youngest son, the classes were handled the same way.
I will admit that at that time, some instructors and parents were idiots and some babies did get injured and worse. But most weren’t. Maybe your MIL is thinking that your classes are the same as mine and that’s why she’s freaking out..? Either way, your wife should trust you to keep your baby safe.
NTJ.” halfwaygonetoo
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Child Support Until Paternity Is Proven?
“I (31 m) and my wife (29 f) are expecting in 2 months and recently “an old friend” hit me up. I was shocked and furious as I never wanted to see her again. We’ll call her Tiarra. She dropped a bombshell on me that I never wanted to hear, that we have a kid together.
She showed me pictures of our daughter and she favors me a lot. Though here’s the problem, I’m not on the birth certificate and her current husband is on the birth certificate.
Well, I agreed that I should have responsibilities and I will support her and the kid but I want shared custody.
Her husband refused saying that I have no rights to his daughter and that I need to get lost. I basically told them that until I have my rights to my daughter, they won’t be getting anything from me. Tiarra is going crazy demanding child support.
I don’t even know why she needs CS because her husband is a lawyer and she works at a company that she is the VP at. This situation is a mess.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Absolutely never give someone child support in a situation like this one – until you have taken a paternity test. There’s nothing wrong in the least with asking for one.
This is a married person claiming their offspring is your child. (Which is news to you!). Do not give her any money until a court proves you need to do so. Looks prove nothing – wait for genetic testing results. I am partners with someone who went through this hullabaloo for a kid that wasn’t theirs.
It’s not cool at all – and you never know why you got dragged into it until you figure it out at the end. (She might be proving a point to her husband the lawyer). Tell her to set up the genetic testing. And that you want no further contact until that is done.” Fair_Ad_6259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can’t do anything about the child support as long as her husband has paternal rights to the girl and especially if they’re refusing to give you any custody or even let you meet her, or get a paternity test to confirm it.
Men who are on the birth certificate but find out later that they’re not the father have been obligated to pay child support regardless of a divorce and refusal to see the child. So they really don’t have any legal standing to come after you, who has no legal or social connection to the child, you’re essentially a sperm donor.” Summoning-Freaks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ under the facts as presented. You should speak to a lawyer. However, your best course of action is to do nothing. If they want child support, they will have to prove the child is your bio child through a court-ordered DNA paternity test. If the child is your child then you would have rights in terms of custody.
Also in many states, the law has become complicated because DNA is a relatively recent thing. Prior law was that whoever was the husband when a child was born is the “legal” father especially if they had been raising the child as their own. The cases involved men who discovered a child who they had been raising wasn’t their bio child and the court said they still owed child support.
In this case with DNA you would most probably be awarded some form of custody if you were the bio father and the husband would have no ability to prevent that. So what do you want to happen? Do you want to go through a legal procedure and attempt to get some form of custody so you can be in the child’s life?
Or do you want to ignore it and then it would be up to the woman to institute some kind of legal procedure to establish your paternity and the outcome would be you would be in the kid’s life and have some form of legal responsibility?
How does your wife feel since this impacts her future significantly as well.” Jujulabee
4. AITJ For Roasting My Uncle About His Affair At His Birthday Party?
“My uncle Mick (45m) has done a lot of ill moral and illegal stuff and is proud of it or finds it funny.
Well, his birthday just past like two weeks ago and for his birthday he wanted a roast in his honor. He claimed he wanted us to go as hard as possible. The way it was set up like 12 of us were supposed to do the actual roast and the rest are party guests.
The 12 of us came together and talked about what we’d say and for how long. My roast was going to be about his fourth marriage failing because he got with her daughter Brittany (27f) 5yrs ago. Nobody had an issue with mine other than some saying that was too tame.
The day comes and I get up to do mine everyone else is laughing and he is just stone-faced. After the party, I get a call from him telling me I had no business making fun of him for that time of his life and he genuinely felt sorry for what happened and how I made Brittany leave out of embarrassment.
I told him if he really felt sorry they wouldn’t be a fling still and I’m not apologizing to either of them.
The rest of my family is on my side saying he got what he asked for but he hasn’t left his apartment since with Brittany texting calling me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“”Roast as hard as you can!! Except for any topics that might be sensitive!” What the? Having an affair with your stepdaughter is probably his crowning jerk achievement. Did he seriously think it wasn’t going to come up? NTJ. He’s still with Brittany as a hookup???” Only-Ingenuity7889
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Roasts are tough because we all have topics that if a person hits on it, we will feel it. He did ask for it, which is why you are not the jerk. However, I would apologize anyway because those were your words and they did hurt him and Brittany.
Just say that you thought that you were doing what he asked, you cleared it with others to make sure you didn’t cross a line and you didn’t realize that it would hurt them. You would not say it if you could get a do-over.
You are sorry for hurting them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m so conflicted. I want to say you’re not a jerk because he asked for a roast and that’s what he got, but like… Brittany was present when you made this ‘joke’?? I also lean towards you are a jerk just for that.
You’re supposed to be roasting Uncle Mick, not poor Brittany, who likely didn’t ask for it. Mick probably should have mentioned if there were landmines for you to step on in certain areas when he asked you to roast. But I’m also struggling to see how a joke about that could be told in a way that says ‘roast’ rather than ‘mean-spirited’, especially given your response when he called you about it.
Are you regularly rude and sniping about their relationship, which you called a fling even though it’s apparently 5 years later and they’re still together? I’m gonna be controversial and say Everyone’s a jerk, except Brittany, who for the purpose of this story just seems to exist to be the punchline of a joke.
You’re a jerk because the joke isn’t really funny (as you’ve explained it here), and made Brittany so uncomfortable she had to leave. The point of a roast is to be clever and funny, not to just insult someone. That’s why even good comedians struggle with the style.
Your uncle is a jerk for asking for a roast and not being clear about what you can’t reference in it. He set you up to fail. You probably could have mustered an apology for going too far, just to keep the peace.” GreatCDNSeagull
3. AITJ For Calling The Police To Prove I Wasn't Drinking On The Job?
“I work at a bar/restaurant.
I have been working for a year and already moved up to server from having previous experience. Many servers drink but I am not one of them.
Yesterday one of the floor managers pulled me aside and said he could smell booze on my breath.
I replied there was absolutely no way I’d been drinking anything.
He said he was going to send me home and that we’d be having a conversation the next day.
I insisted that I had not, nor ever would drink on the job.
He said “whatever, stop taking tables and finish out the tickets you have while I confer with the other managers.”
So as soon as he left, I called the non-emergency number and requested an officer come down to the bar because people suspect the staff is intoxicated.
Two police officers arrived and I made sure I let them know I was the one who called. I explained the whole situation and they immediately took me outside and performed a sobriety test. I blew a zero. They waited for my mangers to come out and they told me I had called and that I blew a zero and passed the sobriety test.
None of the managers said anything to me but this morning, the owner brought me into his office and fired me for “insubordination.”
He would not tell me anything specific that I did wrong. He just kept saying “It’s not hard to follow the rules here.”
But when I would ask what rule I broke he would just say “I’m not gonna argue with you.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AT ALL! What a bunch of jerks. It sounds like they made a mistake and instead of moving along they doubled down and fired you.
That is wrongful termination and if I were you I would consult an attorney and see if you qualify to sue for damages. Your story is rock solid since you called the cops and blew a zero. A zero. That’s insane. If you aren’t that kind of suing person I get it, but you doing this could prevent this from happening again to an innocent person.
Let em know that stuff isn’t cool.” HugeWin6564
Another User Comments:
“Not voting, but OP, please see your doctor. Booze-smelling breath/body odor is a red flag for diabetes. I had read about it but didn’t think too much about it. A coworker of mine was sitting next to me in a meeting, and their breath reeked of booze.
Another coworker noticed it too. It would have been extremely unexpected behavior from this person if they had been drinking. Within a couple of hours, the coworker was on their way to the ER in an ambulance due to hyperglycemia and astronomically high blood pressure.
They are now diagnosed/considered pre-diabetic and have to make a lot of changes in order to live a healthy and long life.” CoveredinCatHairs
Another User Comments:
“These people are jerks and you don’t want to work there. Now, having said that, so are you.
You were on your way out when this manager accused you of drinking on the job. Most servers have no recourse after that, especially if you are in an “at will” state where they can fire you because they don’t like names beginning with the letter “J.” You got your revenge by disrupting the business and calling the police.
I hope it was worth it because now you might be blacklisted in other restaurants. I’m a waiter, I sympathize, but don’t burn bridges unless you are willing to pay the price.” Infamous-Cellist8008
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband That Bread Isn't Dinner For Our Misbehaving Son?
“My son (7m) was having a hard time and wasn’t handling behavior well.
My husband took him to his room and talked to him for 30-40 minutes before dinner.
When dinner was ready, my son came out followed by his dad. Son’s attitude still wasn’t great and my husband told him to fix it. When he still was pouting, my husband then said something along the lines of “I’ve had enough.
You’re going to bed.”
My son immediately cry-yelled and began to melt down. My husband carried him to his room and repeated “you’re going to bed.” My son yelled, “I haven’t had dinner!” And when his dad didn’t respond, he again yelled “I need dinner.”
My husband, still carrying him, comes out and grabs a piece of bread.
At this point, I went to intervene and said, “Son, you need to calm down and stop hitting.” I looked at my husband and said, “bread is not dinner. He needs to eat.” My son obviously played into this, and his dad then rolled his eyes and got up and then closed the door on me.
My son went on for a long time and refused to eat the bread. Eventually, his dad went back to the dinner table and I got him calm. To my son, I restated that I didn’t agree that bread was dinner, but that his behavior, no matter how mad, wasn’t appropriate (he’d hit and screamed at his father).
I stated that sometimes Dad and I didn’t agree but that “we’re a team” and would talk about other ways to handle the situation.
My husband eventually brought him a banana. After this, and away from my son, I told my husband, “since you gave him a banana, I’m giving him a cheese stick for protein.”
My husband rolled his eyes and has since failed to step in when my son has had outbursts at me.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – What discussions have you and your husband had around discipline styles? I grew up in a household where “going to bed without dinner” was a form of punishment, as did many people I know.
We didn’t starve, we are all alive and well. Whether or not you agree with that, right now it sounds like your son is playing into your willingness to undermine your husband’s consequences for bad behavior. If your son was truly that hungry, he would have eaten the bread.
This wasn’t about food, this was about seeing what he could get away with. And until you and your husband are on the same page, you are enabling that behavior.” anonboogers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not only openly disagreeing on something you commented above as an agreed upon consequence between the two of you, but also for telling your son directly, again that you don’t agree.
What you said to your husband and son in that moment is “Daddy was wrong, Mommy will make it right.” So now, because your husband knows you wouldn’t support or agree with how he handles things, he’s given up. I’m not saying this is okay, but it is directly a product of a very clear choice you made here.
It sounds like you may need to engage in getting some parenting support because particularly in parenting autistic children, consistent, predictable outcomes for the choices they make matter a ton (this is true for all children and adults, but is especially helpful for autistic people).
Disabled people, with any disability, still need structure, support, and predictable outcomes for their choices. Get support from an occupational therapist and/or counselor (preferably both) starting NOW, or this will continue to break down not only your relationship with your husband but it will also not allow your child to thrive.” Disneyland4Ever
Another User Comments:
“ESH. NTJ for discouraging food restriction. YTJ for presenting a divided front to a kid who will definitely now plan to drive a wedge between his parents in every argument. Your husband is a jerk for withholding dinner in the first place.
Pick up some peer-reviewed articles on the severe issues with using food as a punishment for kids and why it’s a terrible idea, and make your husband read them. Kid sounds like a lot of work and stress right now – are you two getting outside help to deal with his issues?
Assuming “wasn’t handling behavior well“ is an ongoing concern.” Meghanshadow
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With My Partner's Friend Who Enabled An Abusive Friend?
“I (28F) have been with my partner (31M) for over half a decade now.
He’s very extroverted and has a lot of friends, while I’m an introvert. However, I get along very well with pretty much all his friends… except for a close-knit group of 4 guys (including my partner).
Now, they’ve been to high school together and used to be bullied, so they’re kinda trauma-bonded with one another.
However, one of those friends (let’s call him ‘Sam’) is a raging narcissist who loves bringing his other friends down (my partner and the other 2 guys in this group have/had low self-esteem and everyone else is treated in an equally unpleasant way by Sam), and Sam generally rudely ignores or nitpicks flaws in his friends’ partners, while treating his own wife in an appalling manner (such as emotionally abusing her, saying she isn’t ‘enough’ for him and pushing for threesomes… quite a picture).
After 3 years of putting up with this guy’s attitude, I had enough and went NC with him and the other 2 of my partner’s guy friends from this circle, because honestly I think they enable him. They don’t stand up to him, let him walk all over them and their SOs and other friends.
Now, one of ‘Sam’s’ enablers ‘Mark’ is finally getting fed up with his nonsense and setting up boundaries as well as forbidding ‘Sam’ from meeting his new partner because he knows the guy’s a jerk at best and he’s afraid of what his new partner will think of him if she sees the kind of company he chooses to keep.
The problem is: my partner wants me to give ‘Mark’ a new chance since he drifted away from ‘Sam’ and is constantly complaining about how aggravating he is and how he can’t take him anymore, as well as saying how he really wants to mend his relationship with me.
However, Mark and Sam still keep in contact, even if a lot shallower. I kind of resent how ‘Mark’ never stood up for me or any other partners in the group, and I feel that he wants to reconnect with me simply to show his new partner that he has friends who are not completely insane.
He never showed an interest in being friends with me before I went NC, no matter how much I tried to make small talk and be nice.
So, AITJ for wanting to keep away from him, even though my partner says that Mark is a ‘new and improved’ guy now that he drifted away from Sam?
I won’t lie, I feel like he wants to use me to look good in front of his partner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why are you in a relationship with a man who doesn’t step in when his friend is emotionally abusive to his partner?
It clearly doesn’t bother him if he maintains the friendship. Also, going through a rough patch with someone is not trauma-bonding. Trauma bonding is when a victim continues to return to their abuser due to a psychological punishment/reward system. You definitely are the company you keep, this all says a lot about your partner, especially if he’s so close and tight-knit with these people as you’ve mentioned.” MoonMacabre
Another User Comments:
“”I kind of resent how ‘Mark’ never stood up for me or any other partners in the group.” Neither did your partner? In all of this, your partner was still friends with everyone too… You said it yourself they were all trauma bonded now his spell is broken and he’s trying to mend bridges.
You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to but it seems like he genuinely has seen the truth. “He never showed an interest in being friends with me before I went NC, no matter how much I tried to make small talk and be nice.” Yeah because he was literally still enamored with his narc friend that’s how that stuff works people change and have perspective now he wants to shift to a healthy friend group of you and your partner and he probably wants to be closer to your partner, one of the people he’s still bonded to, and of course that involves being friends with his partner because if you are NC with him your partner may feel like he has to pick a side.” kspicydaddi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is not a people pleaser because you too are a person. Your partner chose previously to expect you to tolerate extreme discomfort, sacrifice yourself for his social life and now he is demanding you do it again. Even if someone has changed that does not mean it is not still hurtful to see them or that they are allowed to make you uncomfortable again by setting your partner on you/making demands/refusing to acknowledge they hurt you in the past and that you are not a child who is being stubbornly rude by refusing to socialize.
What your partner is demanding is patronizing, cruel and does not take responsibility for the harm he caused by exposing you to abusive bullies. Having gone through pain in the past does not give them a license to cause pain to others now, let alone ask you to spend time with your partner’s spousal misconduct supporter buddies and your partner should understand social pain enough to know what he is doing is incredibly messed up.” HannahAnthonia
