People Try To Put Their Best Foot Forward In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Regretting Letting My Difficult Mother Move In With Us?
“OP (56) wondering if my decision was the best one.
For years it has always been kind of joked about that one day my mom would move in with me and my husband. Well, that day came on June 26th, 2024. Everything has been challenging from day one.
Our daughter lived with us up until a little over a year ago.
When we moved from one state to another, she decided to stay behind and get her place due to loving her job. My husband is retired, and I work remotely so moving was exciting. I finally get to live at the beach!
Of course, with my daughter staying behind we had an extra bedroom in our new home.
Then mom moved in. While helping her set up her bedroom, she asked my husband to hang some pictures for her. My husband is very meticulous when doing any project. He’s the measure twice type to ensure it’s perfect. She was standing there watching him and kept telling him “That’s not straight.” After hearing this several times, he went and grabbed a level to show her everything was indeed straight and exactly where she asked him to hang it.
Every day is becoming a challenge for us. The only activities she wants to do is get up in the morning, get her coffee, and sit down to read her paper (which my husband drives to the gas station every morning to get for her because we do not live in an area where it is delivered) and does crossword puzzles.
She has no motivation to do her laundry, dust and vacuum her room, or anything out of her normal routine mentioned above. Her hygiene routine is non-existent. She has gone 8 days without showering or bathing. She speaks very negatively of everything. She said something to my husband about one of our neighbors the other day.
My husband told her “We have made friends with our neighbors and don’t speak about them like that.” She got angry and stormed off to her room. We are animal lovers and have 3 dogs. If the dogs don’t come to her when she calls she tells them they are jerks.
There is a stray cat in the neighborhood that has 2 kittens. They choose to seek shelter in our house. We took some food out to them one day and she told us “You need to get rid of them.” This turned into a major argument.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. If I say anything she doesn’t agree with, she gets angry and walks off. I told my husband the other day that it is getting so bad I’m worried I am going to have a heart attack from the stress.
I have tried talking with my brother and sister about what is going on and it gets me nowhere.
AITJ for thinking we should have never agreed to let her move in with us?”
Another User Comments:
“Hindsight. NTJ You need to sit down with your mother and have a very adult conversation about the living arrangements.
Tell her that things are not working out and you would like to explore other options for her. When she asks why, you politely and gently tell her that she is being rude, smelly, and mean. Explain that you will give her ample time (2 months is sufficient) for her to find other accommodations, No one should have to live like that.” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom is still a functioning adult who can take care of herself. You did not sign up to be her maid, delivery boy, or at-home nurse. It’s okay for her to ask for help sometimes but this is too much.
It’s okay to have second thoughts since you didn’t know she would act this way. Your mom probably thinks since you are her kid and she lives there now that she is the head household again like when you were young. It’s your house your rules.
She is a guest that’s it.” Starr_Lights
20. AITJ For Letting My Med Student Partner Attend My Doctor's Appointments?
“Me (24F) and my partner (24M) have been together for 2.5 years. My partner is studying medicine and it’s his last year. The hospital he interns at is the best in my city and might be the best in the state so when I need to go to the doctor, I try to arrange my appointments when he is in the hospital so that he can come with me.
The hospital is quite big and he helps me with that also having someone with you for your appointments is quite good overall. He comes into the doctor with me during the consultations ( I sometimes panic during the appointments and tend to forget what they say, so he reminds me) and usually, I don’t have any problems with that when I don’t want him in I tell him and he waits me outside.
So the issue is I recently had surgery on my nose ( I had septum deviation) and I had a control appointment 2 weeks after the surgery. My partner also came with me. In the appointment, they look into your nose with a thin camera that they see from a TV to see the stitches and the overall healing process and he watched it all.
After the appointment, I met with my friend and told her about the appointment. She was so shocked about my partner coming into the appointment and watching the camera footage of my nose. She said that it is very controlling of him to attend my doctor appointments. I explained to her that I preferred him there since he is also a doctor and eased my panic.
She said was a pick-me who was incapable of handling her appointments and he is probably disgusted by me because he saw inside of my nose. She finally concluded that I take away the time that he should spend on his patients. To that, I said that they work in rotation so he comes in when his colleague is working and he is free but she didn’t budge.
All she tried to talk about was these 3 topics whenever I tried to change the topic she wouldn’t let me. Throughout this conversation, she spoke in a calm and sweet but demanding tone. If I snapped at her I thought I would overreact. The whole evening was weird and I left shortly after my efforts to change the topic.
Now I’m ashamed that my partner saw inside of my nose. How should I talk to my friend about how it bothered me or should I act like nothing happened?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend sounds jealous you are with a future doctor. You want him there.
That is all that matters. I’m a doctor and honestly, there are so MANY worse places to look in the human body than someone’s nose. Dump your friend. She sounds awful and likely will just cause more drama. Especially if she gets it into her head to cause problems for your partner’s program.
Residency programs can swing so unpredictably with how they respond to things that mess with any part of their image.” Intelligent_Sky8737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I go to all my husband’s medical appointments because he has a brain injury and can’t remember everything. He comes to some of mine because I have bad anxiety.
The only time it’s been weird for either of us was when I went to the doctor about massive black bruises I suddenly started getting. My doctor sent my husband out of the room to give me a chance to answer questions about how I got the bruises in private.
It was understandable, it looked like someone had kicked the crud out of me. It turned out to be a simple issue, easily treated, but it was a very weird experience. Many people take a support person with them for medical appointments. It’s quite normal. Depending on what kind of medicine your partner practices, he probably sees far more gross things than the inside of your nose daily.” KittikatB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ll tell you what is controlling – constantly turning the conversation back to something you don’t want to talk about and refusing to drop it! It sounds like you have some anxiety and that might be getting in the way of seeing that your friend is completely out of line.
Nice partner, though.” 2moms3grls
19. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother For Arranging A Meetup With My Estranged Aunt?
“To make a long story short but add context, my family is fairly small. And because of various disagreements with childhood and money, we don’t see eye to eye. My Aunt is one of those people.
We grew up together and practically were sister and brother, but that was a decade ago.
Once I started doing well in life, the energy that started coming from my Aunt was strange, and what I could best describe as discomfort and jealousy. My mother tried to say this was just because we were like siblings in the past, but my argument is that we are grown adults now, and when somebody shows they don’t like you, that’s a decision she made as an adult so I won’t look past it.
(I have a lot of experience with keeping friends who have shown similar behaviors and have turned out to be no good).
Moving forward to the present time, my Mother and my Aunt have started hanging out, and going to places like malls and out to eat together.
That’s good for them, but at every opportunity my mother has asked me to meet up with them, I have declined the invitation and explicitly said I have no interest in reconnecting with that family member. But last week, I agreed to go out with my Mother somewhere, and as I was getting ready to leave, she sprang it on me that my Aunt was also going and was almost on her way.
My Aunt lives far away, so this had to be pre-planned. My Mother would have had to tell her I was going in advance, and she would have had to leave her house at least 40 minutes before we even left. She knew I wouldn’t say no after being ready to go myself, so I went.
As expected, me and the Aunt barely spoke, and no, it wasn’t me being weird or acting weird, we just both had a very uncomfortable energy around each other and I was more like a third wheel. And when we all left, my Mother tried to spring the idea of another hangout on us most likely because I am less likely to be rude and say no in front of my Aunt.
After, I was kind of mad and called my Mother weird for trying to arrange the meetup. If I invited a family member she was not comfortable seeing she would have blown up and I know it. I told her that I was angry because if I knew the family member was going I would have never agreed to go, and that if I had a friend or partner that did the same thing, I would see it as a setup and I would never speak to them again.
Who’s at fault here, am I the AITJ for blowing up and reacting the way that I did after?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ after the first time mum should accept that your relationship with aunt will never be the same again. You are already an adult if you want to talk with an aunt you can call her yourself.” Mysterious-Bag-5283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It *was* a setup. You should have backed out instead of going just because you were “ready.” Why would that matter? Go do something else or change into at-home clothes. If your aunt shows up somewhere you weren’t expecting, leave. Rude?
Yeah, but so is springing someone you don’t care for on you.” JewelCatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have declined to go as soon as you knew the aunt would be there, regardless of whether you were ready to go or not. I don’t get why it was then too late for you to back out.
Anyway, it’s your mother pushing this that is wrong.” WhyNott99
18. AITJ For Refusing To Share Our Male Nanny With A Prejudiced Parent?
“My ex and I share custody of our 9yo son Caleb. He had ODD and ADHD when he was 5. It was so bad that he got kicked out of summer camp and went through multiple sitters all before he was 6. His mom and I worked so being a SAHP wasn’t an option.
A few summers ago, we found our unicorn sitter- Mike. We have no idea how Mike makes it work but he does. Caleb has been a different kid ever since Mike started working for us. He is so well-behaved, polite, and social. Mike is like his best friend.
We joke that Mike is Caleb’s executive assistant.
Earlier this year Caleb became friends with a classmate named Luke. They wanted a sleepover playdate and everything was good until we said that Mike would pick up both boys, bring them to my place, go to the pier, and then back home to go to bed. Luke’s mom flat-out said she wasn’t comfortable with a male sitter.
I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
She said it was too weird for a male to babysit and wasn’t cool with it. I said she didn’t need to explain herself and there would be no playdates with our kids outside of school.
She wasn’t expecting that. I told her if she’s not okay with a male caregiver then she probably wouldn’t be okay with Luke spending the night at my place since I’m a single dad. I pointed out that she was the first parent to have a problem with this and Mike occasionally works for other families at the school.
She was offended that I was offended.
I ran into Luke’s mom who said she needed a sitter for a couple of weeks as her old sitter quit and the new sitter wasn’t free until mid-September. She then asked if Mike would be free. She even said she would need an overnight.
I said you can’t be serious. You said you didn’t trust Mike and now you want him to watch your son so you can have a social life? I admit that it took guts to ask.
I told her, no, we would not share our nanny.
You said that it was suspicious when a guy has a childcare job. She said she was joking and that Mike was a nice guy. I said I know he is but you can’t use him.
For the record, the days and times that she needed him were days when he was working for us.
She would have paid him on top of what we pay but Mike would be at Luke’s house or his place. My ex and I don’t mind Mike double dipping on sitter fees by watching more than one kid because he can make a lot of money and Caleb gets a playdate.
This was an exception.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going as far as to call you the jerk here, because I know *why* you did it, but I think you should have given Mike the option to make this decision for himself – told him your concerns, her previous comments, and your thoughts on the subject, and let him decide for himself.
He could need the money, or he could just want to prove one archaic person wrong, but either way, he deserves the choice.” laughing loving livid
Another User Comments:
“Ultimately it’s not your place to decide for Mike unless you have some contract signed where if wants to freelance a little he needs your permission.
In that sense, YTJ. But, I understand your reservations. Let Mike know, and explain why you delayed telling him, but you have to let Mike decide. Withholding this from him and him finding out another way will not be good for your working relationship.” Quiet_Clothes_4446
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion but NTJ. As a masculine nanny myself, there is a lot of discrimination against male or masculine caregivers. I would NEVER want to work with any parent that said something like that. You saved Mike the trouble of having to deal with someone who probably wouldn’t have treated him well.
If the family I work for approached me with this situation I would immediately decline because this woman clearly wouldn’t treat me with respect and would put me in at the very least a very uncomfortable situation. I trust the families I work with to share my values and know when another family would be a good fit for me.
Plus if it’s during times I’m already working for a family I like, I wouldn’t even think twice about saying no. All in all, I think you did the right thing and saved everyone time and hassle. This wouldn’t have been a viable option for Mike.” Stunning_Recipe_3361
17. AITJ For Wanting Access To The Security Camera And Thermostat In My Rented Townhouse?
“I (21F) and my roommate (21F) both moved into our townhouse 2 months ago because we just got our first big girl jobs.
I found this townhouse to live in because my aunt (who I’m close with) has been best friends with the owner (20+ years) and the owner’s daughter is already living there for college. They agreed for me and my roommate to rent there because there were two more bedrooms on the property.
My roommate and I appreciated that there was also a 1 car garage that the landlord told us wasn’t occupied since both of us drive to work. We signed the lease and I thought everything was fine.
A couple weeks after I moved in – there were some issues with access to the garage because the owner was under the impression that the garage wasn’t part of our lease and needed to park her car there permanently.
We eventually worked it out that there would be a garage schedule once everyone moved in.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. After I was granted access to the house’s Google Nest camera and thermostat, it was suddenly revoked, days later. I texted the landlord about the issue 5 times.
My roommate and my mom who my landlord has been talking with did the same. He refused to respond to us until we got an email 3 days ago saying that although the lease stated that “the nest camera and nest thermostat would be provided” we would not be provided remote access to the thermostat or any access to the nest camera.
This is a huge issue for me because my bedroom is the only one on the basement floor where the front door is so I was hoping to get alerts for if someone was attempting a break-in. The reason that the landlord stated in the email was that since they are paying for electricity they need to monitor that the HVAC system wouldn’t cause huge spikes in electricity bills for them and that it could be a possible security concern for us to have access to the nest footage.
However, he also stated that since the owner’s daughter was also an owner of the property – she would be the only one who had remote access to the thermostat and access to the next camera. This doesn’t help my situation because her bedroom is on the third floor and she doesn’t live here 50% of the time.
It’s also a privacy concern because I’m pretty sure the owner’s husband also has access to the live feed so he can keep track of her movements (which I noticed in the brief time that I was given access). I don’t want some guy I’ve never met to have access to a live feed of who comes and goes from the property I pay rent on.
They’re putting their foot down but I’m seriously considering turning off the camera because I have no idea who’s watching the live feed. What do I do and am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“If the lease states you would be provided the camera and thermostat, that means access to it.
If this goes on, look at the terms of the agreement and see what termination reads out. I’d be worried the landlord is watching the cameras because of some hotties moving in. I’m a little confused though, is this a separate townhouse, or are you all renting out rooms inside an already occupied townhouse?” MidniteDriver
Another User Comments:
“Girl, this is a very uncool situation, and they may be taking advantage of you due to your age/inexperience. I would feel less safe knowing some random guy is watching a property with young female residents, as would most women, I think.
If you have the option of getting out of this, I think you should consider it. In the meantime, disconnect the camera or whatever, this is nonsense.” curious-trex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! lease says you get access, you get access. Turn off the camera. If they demand you turn it on, explain the security concerns and state since you pay for that space, you will not be monitored. If they demand again, bring up the lease and say that since they broke the lease, you can break it by moving out.
This is worth finding a new place over. Nobody should have access to information about you like this.” chai-candle
16. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Stay In My Room During His Visit?
“My partner (21M) bought a plane ticket to come visit me (21F) in a few weeks. We have been in a relationship now for a little over half a year and have been long-distance since we left college to come home for summer vacation in June.
I have met his parents and he has met mine as well, and they seemed to like him. He is my first partner and I am his first partner but we are committed and serious about each other. My parents know I stayed with him at his apartment for almost a week before I came home for the summer and had no qualms about it.
This is why when he told me he wanted to come visit (which my parents both offered him when they met him), I thought it would be a given that he would stay in my room with me. (I want to make it clear that even before all this was brought up we had no intention of getting intimate with my parents around) I had never gotten the impression from my parents that they felt strongly about traditional approaches to relationships (I knew they had lived together before marriage and all that) but I was wrong about that.
At lunch the other day my dad (56M) broached the topic saying my partner would have to stay in my brother’s room while he is here with us. He said that otherwise, it would be “disrespectful to him (my dad)”, that even though he “knows we are together”, “he doesn’t want to see that” and that it would make him uncomfortable.
I was a irritated with this and asked what part of two adults in a committed relationship wanting to stay together was disrespectful to him. After that he took the tone he saves for when he lays down the law and said that “it just isn’t how things are done” and ended the conversation.
Afterward, my mom (58F) approached me and said that since she and my dad would be leaving on a business trip a few days into my partner’s visit, we could just do whatever we wanted after they were gone.
Now I am probably the least confrontational person you’ll meet.
The last thing I want to do is upset my dad or put my partner between a rock and a hard place. We will survive if we have to spend a couple more nights apart. I told my dad if he feels this strongly about it that’s fine.
But my dad is treating me like I’m a jerk for even asking. Lately I have felt like my parents don’t treat me like an adult, don’t respect my boundaries, and don’t trust me to make good decisions. The way they have handled this situation says to me that they don’t respect the relationship I have with my partner and still see me as a child.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not your house, not your rules. A little rigid maybe, but at the end of the day it’s their say where a visitor sleeps in their own home. IMO your mom saying you can do whatever when they’re not there is more than a reasonable compromise.
If you want to sleep in the same room the whole trip, go to a hotel or something.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You did nothing wrong by asking and asking for reasons for the answer. Your parents still get to make the rules because it’s their house and if your dad feels icky about the idea of his baby daughter having intimate relations in his home he can make it your problem too.
Only time and you moving out is going to achieve what you want, being treated like an adult.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your parents get to make the rules in their own house. You’re 21 and have been in a relationship with this person for 6 mo, pretty reasonable rule on your parent’s end.
If you were older and had been in a relationship with your partner for years the complaint would be more understandable but still moot considering it’s not your house and you don’t get to set the rules.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Asking My Sound-Sensitive Mom To Use Noise-Cancelling Headphones On Our Road Trip?
“My mum and I are on a family holiday in Canada (my brother M22 will be meeting us in a few days). We will be doing quite a few hours of driving over the next few weeks as we travel between cities. Most of the lengthy driving will be just my mum and I in the car, some will be with my brother as well.
It’s well established that my mum is very sensitive to sound and doesn’t like a lot of my music – in her words, it aggravates her and makes her angry. She won’t tolerate anything she considers “rock” (which is just anything with an electric guitar and drums) or anything with a bass beat.
For more info, her sensitivity also extends to things like sports on TV. She hates the sound of the crowd and the sport itself (whistles in AFL or the cars in F1) so I’ve never been allowed to watch sport outside my bedroom when I was living at home.
This morning, before our 7-hour drive, I asked that she charge her noise-canceling headphones to wear during the periods that I’m driving so that I can put my music on without bothering her. She flipped out (for lack of a better term) and said that my request was completely unreasonable, she couldn’t believe I would ask that, and that she shouldn’t be expected to “isolate herself for the entire drive”.
She wouldn’t listen when I re-iterated that I never asked her to wear them the whole drive, just when I wanted to play music that she didn’t like. To be clear, it wouldn’t always be music she hates, but I don’t want to listen to the same 100 songs that we both like for the next 4 weeks.
When the situation is reversed, I’m always happy to put my earphones in and listen to my own thing.
She insists that I’m trying to dictate the car and that for the next 4 weeks, we can only play the music that we all agree on (that Venn diagram is very small).
I see my request as a compromise – if she doesn’t like the playlist when I’m driving, she can listen to her stuff. I believe it’s insane to think that 3 people will agree on the same music for the next 4 weeks and that we need to plan for the fact that there will be disagreements.
Why I think I might be the jerk: my mum feels that it’s isolating to wear noise-canceling earphones and we could theoretically just listen to music we both like, I just think will be boring to do for the entire time.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m 49 and this makes me want to rant about the ole days when we only had a cassette player and I had to listen to Willie Nelson and Kenny Rogers on repeat for days as we drove across Canada from Alaska to Pennsylvania.
If I could sing The Gambler’s words perfectly, so can you. Anyhow, it was a good idea you had, but your mom finds it isolating and this is a family trip. This is a compromise she isn’t willing to accept. I think reasonable people can disagree on it.
So, back to the drawing board. ” Salty-Initiative-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been on numerous short road trips (4 hours or less) with my wife and son. We are usually in her vehicle (newer), so she usually drives unless it’s somewhere she’s not comfortable driving.
Our son is usually watching videos on his iPad, and she will watch IG reels on her phone if I’m driving. I’ve told them both if we decide to take a long road trip and I’m driving that they are both wearing headphones so the stereo is mine.
We have vastly different music tastes and I’m not listening to stuff that makes me want to fall asleep if I’m the driver. Your mom needs to put her headphones on while you’re driving. Rock on!” WarpedHumorIsTheBest
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here.
You’re the jerk because – You’re 25 years old and you say it’s well-established that your mom is very sensitive to sound and doesn’t like a lot of my music. Yet, you chose to go on a 4-week road trip with her knowing you wouldn’t be able to listen to a lot of your music.
How could you NOT see this conflict coming? Why didn’t you just … not go? Or why don’t you refuse to drive and then you could wear headphones whenever you want to listen to your music? Your mom is a jerk for flipping out over a reasonable request from you.” Additional_Flan_6594
14. AITJ For Refusing To Quit My Job And Care For My Aging Grandmother?
“My grandmother is in her nineties and her memory is failing. She had a series of falls about two years ago and had to move in with my aunt, who is her eldest daughter.
Since then, my aunt has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She’s undergoing chemo, but she’s very sick herself and hasn’t been able to look after another person, so they eventually moved my grandmother into a residential care home.
They sold her old house to pay for her care, but the cost of said care quickly burned through the proceeds, and she isn’t going to be able to stay there past the end of this year at this rate.
Discussion of what to do next has largely excluded me, taking place mostly between her three daughters, but the options were as follows:
* Government-sponsored care home.
* My mother or another aunt takes her in. My mother has large, untrained dogs that would probably hurt my grandmother. My other aunt lives in another country, and the logistics would be invaluable.
* My cousins take her in. They have children, however.
* Me. I have a spare room in the house I rent.
The problem is, that I work full-time, and I wouldn’t be able to look after her and still pay the bills. I’m also the youngest cousin, and the least financially secure, I’m neurodivergent and struggle to look after myself as it is, I’m currently in a relatively new relationship, I’ve just started a new job that suits me well, and I’m still trying to get my life off the ground.
My mother recently brought some of the options up with me and suggested I volunteer to take care of my grandmother. She tells the rest of the family that it would be the best option because I have the least to lose if I lose my job, relationship, etc. because of this.
I’ve been told they would pay for her expenses, which I’ll admit is generous, and they’d discuss also pooling money to pay for my rent and other essential costs if I’d consider quitting my job to look after her.
I’ve told her that I’m not willing to put myself in that position.
I love my grandmother, but there’s a reason why I don’t have children and why it’s taken me until my 30s to finally get my life together. I’m not fit to look after another person. I can barely take care of myself. I didn’t even get diagnosed until recently because my family didn’t ‘believe’ in mental health issues and as far as they’re still concerned, psychiatry is quackery.
Since giving her my answer, my entire family has dragged my name through the mud, calling me ungrateful, selfish, and worse. I love my grandmother and I’m not thrilled about her having to accept a lower standard of care, but I don’t entirely understand how I of all people ended up shouldering all the responsibility and the blame.
AITJ for refusing to take my grandmother in and care for her, likely until the end of life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You aren’t capable of taking care of your grandma without severely hurting your own life.
Even if the relatives paid your expenses now, you’ll be missing out on building your career, so you’ll be years behind on advancement and compensation. They’re not going to pay you all that money in lost lifetime earnings. It also sounds like you simply wouldn’t be a good carer.
It’s a simple reality and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t justify your reasoning to them because it just gives them points to debate you on. “No, that doesn’t work for me” is all you say. Then change the topic, end the phone call, leave the gathering- whatever you have to do to end the topic of conversation.” pupperoni42
Another User Comments:
“Looks like it’s time for your mother to get rid of those dogs. Failing that she needs to pay for a way for the dogs to be able to be secured at her home away from your grandmother. Failing that the government care home is the next best option.
Your family are the jerks for putting this on you. I’d laugh in their faces at their suggestion. Every time it’s mentioned say “Hahaha! Good joke!” and don’t enter into any further discussion about it beyond the solutions I’ve outlined above. NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and imagine how not having a job will affect you! If you are in the US you would lose health insurance and you would also lose out on social security benefits when you retire. If they are willing to pay money to you, then why can’t they pay money to put her in a private care home??
If you will get pennies and tons of blame for anything that goes wrong or not cleaning enough. NTJ and do not do this.” Vaaliindraa
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (26F) am getting married in a few months to my fiance Alex (29M), and one major issue is causing significant stress: I don’t want my dad to walk me down the aisle.
My dad has struggled with heavy drinking my entire life. Growing up, he was unreliable and often absent, which led to a childhood of broken promises and instability. My parents divorced when I was 13, largely because my mom couldn’t handle the situation anymore. After the divorce, I took it upon myself to try to help him get sober, believing that if I tried hard enough, he’d change.
But despite my efforts, he never stayed sober for long. The emotional scars from those years are profound, and I’ve spent years in therapy working through the pain. Part of my healing process has been accepting that he wasn’t the father I needed.
Because of this, I’ve decided that I want my mom to walk me down the aisle. She has been my unwavering support, especially when my dad’s heavy drinking caused our family so much turmoil. My mom made countless sacrifices to provide stability and support, attending every important event and ensuring I had opportunities despite the chaos at home.
Her consistent love and dedication have been the foundation of my life, and honoring her in this way feels fitting.
However, Alex’s parents are very traditional and religious, and they’ve offered to pay for a significant portion of our wedding. When they learned I didn’t want my dad to walk me down the aisle, they were shocked and didn’t understand my decision.
They believe that tradition dictates a father should walk his daughter down the aisle, regardless of past issues. They also see this as a chance for my dad to show his care and make amends in front of everyone. They’ve suggested that allowing him this role could “heal old wounds” and bring our families closer together.
They think I’m being too unforgiving and missing an opportunity for reconciliation.
Alex has been incredibly supportive and understands why this decision is so important to me. He’s been trying to explain my perspective to his parents, but they are firm in their views.
They’ve made it clear that if my dad doesn’t walk me down the aisle, they will withdraw their financial support. He’s worried about how we’ll manage the wedding expenses without their help.
I feel conflicted. I don’t want to compromise on something that feels so significant to me.
The thought of my dad walking me down the aisle feels wrong on so many levels. At the same time, I understand Alex’s concern about the financial implications. I’ve tried to explain my feelings to his parents, but they seem unable to grasp the depth of my pain, viewing my stance as “stubborn and unforgiving.”
Am I being too stubborn by refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle? AITJ for prioritizing my feelings over the financial help we need for the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Explain to Alex’s parents that contrary to their ancient views, the father of the bride isn’t some birthright position but one of a position who nurtured you, supported you when you needed it most, one you could look up to, and be proud to be their parent and your bio dad wasn’t any of that.
So it is most important to you to honor the one parent who gave you all that and more and that would be your mother. Tell them also you respect their decision to withdraw the monetary support, but you have decided to go with the principle and will be eloping instead of a wedding and they are welcome to join if they wish or not, their choice.
But, you will not start a new life with their son by being disrespected by them, they either respect you or not. Their future with you is in their hands, so please choose wisely.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding. Congratulations that your husband is backing you up.
If you buckle to your in-laws, they will continue to try and control and bully you Talk with them ( with your fiancé) Mom. mom will be walking me down the aisle 2. Please let us know if you are with drawing funds so we can make other arrangements.
Tradition also dictates that a father supports his family. Sadly my father was too ill to do so 3. Don’t offer more explanations. This is not an argument. Case closed. How this is handled will set the tone for your marriage with dealing with in-laws Good luck and congratulations” Immediate_Dance_.3981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I despise religious high and mighty jerks. Tell them to keep their money and pay for your wedding. Even if this means that you have to have a smaller wedding or push the date back until you can afford to pay for your wedding.
You can start by cutting 90% of your future IL’s guest list. Your relationship with your “father” is not their business. If you give in to them now they will mess all over you until they die.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend To Hire A Nanny Instead Of Constantly Relying On Me?
“So my best friend is like my sister and we always help each other out when needed. She has a 10-month-old baby and I have always been helping her in every way I can, but lately, it started to be a daily thing.
We live on the same floor next to each other and she calls me to watch her baby over everything. ‘I need to shower, can you hold him? ‘He is so bored, can you hold him?’ She calls me multiple times a day to ask for a favor and now even when I don’t reply..
she comes to my house with her baby and asks if I can hold him.
Yesterday I had some work to do on my laptop and she asked me to hold him for ‘10’ minutes because she wanted to take a quick shower. I agreed for 10 minutes and that turned into one and a half hours.
Mind you, her son is not an ‘easy’ baby. Cries uncontrollably the moment you put him down and try to play with him. So I am forced to walk for like one and a half hours with him in my arms while I have other things to do…
Anyway, yesterday I felt lightheaded while walking around with the baby.. so I put him down while trying to distract him with some toys.. he kept crying so loud, but I couldn’t take him cause I was worried I would drop him.
She heard the ‘crying’ and knocked on my door in a ballistic angry way..
saying why do you let him cry? I explained to her the situation and also told her that it was her fault for not disciplining him and letting him play on his own. I’ve babysat a lot of babies in the past and none of them were like this..
it’s not the baby’s fault. It’s hers.
She was like: I don’t like to ever hear my baby cry and I do not accept that you let him cry either. That upset me.. so I went on like Then you should hire a nanny that will fulfill all of your requirements…
Extra info: nobody in her family, including her mom, wants to ever help her out because they can’t put him ever down… not even for a second.
Also: her husband has a very well-paying job.. they can easily afford to hire help.
Thirdly. I do not mind helping her out and I love her baby, but I do not like when she’s entitled to my time.
Side note: I always do it her way.. just yesterday it was taking too long and I was just concerned about his well-being.. as I had already fainted a couple of days ago
When helping out someone feels like an obligation I immediately don’t want to do it anymore..
am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“She sounds very selfish and ungrateful— not to mention entitled. I think you need to take a break from this friendship and reevaluate if she’s someone you want in your life if she acts like this.
Has she always been like this, taking you for granted, you always folding to her? At least stop opening your door when she knocks. Tell her you can’t watch the baby, and if she gets upset, block her. There’s a difference between helping her sometimes and this.
She needs to learn that you don’t exist to be another parent, especially when you didn’t sign up for it. NTJ” citrushibiscus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like someone who takes advantage of you and doesn’t respect your time and other commitments.
Not sure what you needed to do on the PC, work, or school things, but it was important, and she promised it would be 10 min. Yet it turned into an hour and a half before she picked up her son. Which she only did, by the way, because you weren’t cradling him like a porcelain doll during Pamplona Encierro.
I can’t imagine how bad things are gonna be when he gets older. Either he is never going to leave, and he will be 50 and living with his mom, or he will leave early, and never talk to her again. Mommy issues inbound. But I digress.
You didn’t do anything wrong, your neighbor/friend needs to respect you more.” WhyDoIHaveRules
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your “friend” is taking advantage of your kindness, and she’s entirely ungrateful for everything you’ve been doing for her. Sounds like she feels you “owe” her your time whenever she wants, and that behavior has to stop!
By any means, help out in a true emergency, or when you’re genuinely free and want to babysit, but these expectations of hers that you’re always available have to be tempered. The situation is already out of hand, but better late than never to put your foot down and lay down some very firm boundaries.” Odd-Phrase5808
11. AITJ For Possibly Not Attending My Half-Brother's Baptism Due To School Commitments?
“My (20f) dad (46m) just had a new baby with my stepmom (38? f) about a month ago. I went home right before school started again to meet him and spend some time with everyone, which was nice. They recently texted me and asked if I could come to the baby’s baptism, which would be the week right before Thanksgiving break, which would be midterms and a lot of traveling within two weeks.
Mind you, it’s my senior year of college, I’m working two jobs, have classes, have an internship, and I’m a 7-hour drive away, but a quick flight.
My stepmom sent me the date and I said “This should work, but I will let you know once it gets closer” and that was it.
My dad then texted me asking if I saw the text and I said “Yes, but it might be hard to make it for a quick weekend depending on my schoolwork.” Some more context: I have flown or driven down for every single other thing they’ve asked me to do, my bedroom that I had throughout high school is now a baby nursery, which is a little odd, and I don’t have the best relationship with either of them, so it’s never really a comfortable time being home and it never has.
Also, I was not baptized and we never once went to church growing up, it’s mostly for my stepmom’s family. Some more context is that my dad does not financially support me whatsoever and I pretty much pay for everything myself, including some flights I’ve taken there in the past.
Anyway, I told my stepmom yesterday that I was a little worried about flying down given it’s midterms and I’m gonna be busy and want to focus on school and she said “You making his baptism is just as significant as an event like your college graduation.” Which immediately I thought was incredibly disrespectful, and made me want to go even less.
We also do not have a very close relationship, so I was a little shocked she talked to me like this. I didn’t answer and was going to call my dad today, as we haven’t talked in a few days after he flipped out saying some pretty harsh things.
They have no regard for my personal life and my responsibilities, and never even bothered to ask how my first day of classes went, it would be a different story if baptisms were a big part of my family growing up, but they never have been.
I also have not given them a solid answer yet, and I’ve just been shocked at their reactions. Anyways AITJ for saying I might not be able to go? I’ve been back and forth about it”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to schedule something where you want everybody to be able to be there, work around everybody’s schedules.
If they want you to be there, don’t schedule it during your midterms. Also, if your adult child lives 7 hours away and you decide to have another child, you’ll have to accept that the older child won’t be there for every milestone your younger child has.
I applaud you for having gone back and forth as much as you have, even paying for it yourself, but it’s clear to me that your dad and stepmom don’t have any realistic expectations about the frequency of your visits to them, which is something you’ll need to have a serious conversation about.” DutchDaddy85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not one bit! I am not particularly clued up on US education, but I’ve heard the terms you’ve used enough to know that period is stressful and important. Your family has placed no importance on the education you’ve worked so hard to provide for yourself, and that is wholly a problem.
They should have known what time of year it is, as a dad to a young son the first thing we look at when planning something for him is what else might be going on at that time. We do not expect everyone to make everything, and come at me religious folks but a baptism doesn’t mean anything to anyone who isn’t.
It’s a completely pointless event that shouldn’t be forced on babies and children but that’s a discussion for another day! Anyway, there is almost nothing that they should expect you to prioritize over your education. You are making the right call, IMO, and I admire you for it.” daedric_dad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – juggling a demanding schedule with school, work, and an internship, and the timing of the baptism coincides with your midterms, making it difficult to prioritize a quick trip. The baptism, more significant for your stepmother’s family than yours, coupled with their dismissive response to your graduation, further complicates the situation.
Given the lack of support you’ve received, both emotionally and financially… It makes sense to prioritize your commitments and well-being” VY_Canis_Majorys
10. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Mum If My Rude Step-Dad Is Around?
“Me (28f) and my significant other (28m) have been together for just over a year and it’s a great relationship. My mum invited us round to dinner one night for the first time which we accepted; nothing fancy just a casual weekday meal.
We got there and my mum was nice, showed him around her garden (her favorite place), and introduced him to the family pets, etc. But my stepdad barely said hello to us before going and having a shower and then getting dressed into his pajamas!
This is my stepdad’s usual routine as he works with fuel so is often smelly and oily when he comes home, but I purposely came around at least an hour after they had gotten home so he could clean himself up.
I helped my mum in the kitchen with dinner so my significant other went into the living room to chat to my step-dad.
I went in to check how it was going after about 15 minutes and found my stepdad on his phone completely ignoring my significant other who just sat there awkwardly.
Dinner came, and my stepdad was so rude! He ate his entire dinner in (I’m not kidding) less than 5 minutes, then started clearing away the table before we had barely started. My mum was trying to have a conversation with us but every few minutes my stepdad would take a plate or bowl anyway saying “Anyone want this or it’s going in the bin”.
Then once he had filled the dishwasher he left to go into the living room again without a word.
Dinner was approximately 15 minutes long with all my step-dads rushing, so decided to go into the living room to chat for a bit. My mum was trying to talk with me and my significant other but my step-dad was sitting on his phone playing videos out loud.
After about 10 minutes I gave up and said we had to go because my significant other’s shift at work was starting soon.
I apologized to my significant other on the way home, I was so embarrassed! My significant other said it was fine but honestly, I was mortified, especially as his parents have always been so warm and lovely towards me.
I messaged my sister (30f) giving a run of what happened, and she said she’d talked to our mum and our mum thought it had gone well! I asked if I should talk to my stepdad or our mum about his behavior but my sister said there was no point as “we know that’s just who he is”.
I said that I wouldn’t be taking my significant other around there ever again if my stepdad’s there then because I’m not dealing with that again. My sister is calling me a jerk for “punishing our mum” because of my stepdad’s behavior.
I don’t expect them to roll out the red carpet for my significant other but some common decency would be nice!
It’s not fair on me or my significant other to have to be treated like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your stepdad is a huge jerk, your mother is a jerk for accepting that outrageous behavior from her husband, and your sister is a jerk for thinking that your mother is not at fault for allowing her husband to treat guests like unwanted trash.” Aromatic_Recipe1749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The getting into PJs after his shower is normal so no reason to change that. Being rude otherwise especially clearing the table was rude and the mother not stopping him was equally rude. Wouldn’t take him over whether stepdad was there or not since mom didn’t understand there was a problem.
If they want to eat they’ll have to do it in a restaurant. If stepdad stays on the phone tell him he can leave since he doesn’t want to be there.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“I find myself deeply interested in what’s going on here.
Is he usually like that? Is it completely out of character? Coz that is some weird behavior not to call someone out on…hey pal, we’re not finished eating! Etc. Or even, dude, wtf is your deal? How bizarre.” Gulliverlived
9. AITJ For Not Prioritizing My Partner Over Work During Busy Times?
“I (28F) and my partner (28F) met and used to work for the same company.
She has moved on to bigger and better roles, while I remained at the company. I love my partner and do try to keep up with responding to her text messages throughout the day, however, due to the nature of my position and career field, things do come up frequently that will prevent or delay my response.
Today is a great example, I went to work and already had heaps of tasks to complete, test plans that needed to be executed, debugging that needed to occur, and so on. I wound up wrapped into several working groups from folks in my org to try and accomplish and resolve these tasks.
Along the way, failures occurred and while all of this was going on, and while I was actively working, I realized it was after her lunch started. I immediately texted her and followed up with a phone call to apologize for not catching the time and let her know that I would see her when I did take my lunch.
We chatted for a bit and I could tell she was still upset about it but she ended the call so I could focus. Cue SHTF and everything failed. I sent several more texts out over the remainder of my day updating her. I never took lunch.
After a coworker helped me out and resolved one of the issues I was having, they asked me to look at their vehicle with them real quick, which I agreed to, and took less than 5 minutes total to check out. I also let her know about that.
I then returned to my desk, grabbed my things, and began to head out, which is when I received a phone call from her which I answered. I said hello, but only heard background noise, and then the line closed. I tried calling her back 3 times but it went straight to voicemail.
She sent a final text to me saying that she was going to wait to go to the gym because we needed to talk. Once I got home, I opened the door and said let’s talk, which is when she told me she felt disrespected, not prioritized, and as though I cared more about her than my job and that if I had time to help my coworker that she felt I prioritized them more as well.
I explained everything contained in the text above to her, however, she stood firm. This is an ongoing trend whenever work gets busy or hers gets slow and I just want to know if I’m the jerk here. I feel as though I’m not prioritizing work more, despite feeling as though if I did it would be justified due to the salary difference alone (over 150k difference).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is. Work hours are work hours, if you have time to send texts, that’s fine but it should NEVER be assumed you’ll have time to “chat” during paid time. It’s nothing but unhealthy if she can’t understand that, and it does her a disservice treating it like this as people who behave this way make it impossible to easily discern whether 3 missed calls are an emergency or their usual communication pattern” throw-away
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a level of immaturity and entitlement that I would not be able to tolerate. You were at work. Barring an emergency, your focus should be on work. You’re not her on-demand entertainment system or emotional support animal. Do not trot after her trying to appease the “me me me” monster.
Don’t validate the ridiculousness.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Holy codependency Batman. Wifey and I text during the day sure, and there are times when one of us needs something urgently but we never have ever called each other at lunchtime. If we had and it was a tradition and if crap happens and we’d miss it’d be more of a hey heads up crap happened can’t make it today see you tonight,” New-Credit-9661
8. AITJ For Accidentally Leading On A Coworker While Still Interested In My Ex?
“I (22f) work in the front office of a school, I’ve only been working there for like a month. Genuinely I would consider some of my coworkers’ friends, and I thought the guy I was “leading” was my friend (26m).
So earlier this week my ex (23m) came into the school to pick up his niece early. Not surprisingly we live in the same area, I was close with his sisters, and when they heard I was gonna work here, his sister enrolled her daughter here.
Admittedly when he walked in I made sure I was the one to attend him, and as we were waiting for his niece to come up to the office, we made conversation. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all and I doubt that I looked uncomfortable.
As I was talking with my ex, my coworker came up to me and tried to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me into him. That made me uncomfortable so I stepped away from him, and asked him, nicely might I add, what he was doing.
He pulled me aside and told me that I looked like I was uncomfortable talking to that guy, so he came up to me to try and “help me out.” I guess he was trying to do that thing where when a woman looks uncomfortable in public, someone will go up to her and pretend to know her to get her out of the situation.
I had just told him that I wasn’t uncomfortable and that I was fine because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.
Later during our break, he came up to me to explain a little more. He said he thought it would be fine to touch me like that because “we’re both interested in each other.” I was genuinely confused and he could tell because he started saying that we’d been flirting with each other for weeks.
I want to make it clear that I was never flirting. My ex and I broke up in April, and well when we broke up, we said that later on maybe we could give our relationship another try. Since our break up, I’ve only been thinking about when that “later on” might be.
I haven’t even wanted to flirt with anyone else since our break up. I told my coworker that, and he looked upset, and to be honest I don’t blame him.
Yesterday I got some texts from him and another coworker that he’s close with, and they told me that I was leading him on, that I was a jerk for doing that to him, that I should’ve told him, that I just don’t want to admit that I like him, etc..
Anyways am I a jerk? I genuinely believe that I was never flirting with him, I think I was being nice and I treated him the same way I did everyone else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ you should have told him? You did!
Exactly when you figured out he was interested! He made a lot of assumptions and that’s on him 1000%. That’s pretty textbook workplace harassment on his part and his friends.” LongjumpingSnow6986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many people think that just because you’re nice to them, it means that you’re flirting.
I’ve been told the same as you. I’ve only been myself around guys, and I’ve been nice, engaging in conversation and whatnot, and people have accused me of flirting. No. That’s not correct.” DogsReadingBooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to speak to HR.
I’m a teacher – the idea that ANY of the school staff, teaching or support, would think it would be a good idea to touch another member of staff without consent – and in front of a child’s relatives – is astounding to me.
This guy is a creep – this behavior is outrageous even if you were interested in him. The fact that he’s accusing you of ‘leading him on’ is really worrying to me, alongside the fact he’s touching you without consent and feels he can do this in a public space.
Please, please report him – this is disgusting behavior on his part.” According-Let3541
7. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In A Walking Excursion On Vacation Despite Prior Agreements?
“I (16F), my sister (15F), and my roommates (18F, 17F, 17F, 15M, 14M, and 12F) are currently on vacation with our “caretakers” (55M, 53F, 57F, and 30F).
We’re on vacation at the seaside, like every year, but since a trip that we made 3 years ago, which consisted of walking from mountain to mountain for 6 days straight (we were at 5 Terre, Liguria). After that vacation, we vehemently said “no more walking” in future vacations, and the “caretakers” agreed, especially the ones who had some physical disabilities.
This remained the case until this summer, when we were discussing the vacation destination and we decided the same as the year before. However, the “caretaker” boss, who is also the summer vacation organizer, scheduled a walking excursion for 3/4 days and implied that it was mandatory.
At first, we were like “No, we are not walking, we told beforehand we weren’t walking again after 5 Terre” but he kept brushing us off and straight up ignoring the topic and even tried to convince us by saying “the excursion will be simple and blah blah”.
Total nonsense because the last time he said that most of us couldn’t make it till the end and he didn’t even appear to care. Fast forward to today, the fifth day of vacation for us, and the third for the boss, we were still saying we wouldn’t be doing the excursion but he blew up on us and said “You guys do nothing all day but go to the beach and don’t take a swim so the least you could do is participate in the excursion”.
I must admit some of us spend all day minding our business but that doesn’t mean we don’t go to the beach or swimming pool. He then said he didn’t spend 6000€ for nothing and it’s the bare minimum. The problem came afterward when the others tried convincing us not because they genuinely cared but because they wanted to go and if we didn’t go they couldn’t go + if we didn’t go the boss would have an anger attack.
We considered going to keep the peace but the boss went his way to call us dumb in different ways, people who don’t want to live and we don’t deserve to be here. After this we said “Since you want to act like this we won’t come” and he blew up further on us and offended us.
In the end, we didn’t go so two of them had to be with us but they’ve been acting distant and one is badmouthing us to everyone we’ve made friends with. The moment I think I might be the jerk was when we refused to go and two of them had to remain even though one couldn’t make it due to physical disabilities and the other wanted to be petty about it by saying she didn’t go for the 12-year-old but in reality is because there wasn’t space for her but they could have taken the bigger car with nine seats and they were in six.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think this middle-aged “caretaker” with anger management issues has no business leading a group of 8 young teenagers on vacation because he is not thinking about or making room in the schedule for what you will find enjoyable. Most people would choose the beach instead of walking!
If he wants you to see the other towns in Cinque Terra, there are several ways to get there besides walking. There is a train and you can take a boat ride. But, of course, there is a fee for those and this guy seems focused on the price.
Ugh, such a bad host!” LakeGlen4287
Another User Comments:
“What you have to get through your head is that vacations aren’t about fun, relaxation, and otherwise doing what you want. They are about having angry people get mad at you for enjoying your time making you do painful things, and ensuring that no one has a good time at all.
NTJ” SoImaRedditUserNow
6. AITJ For Hiding Food From My Roommate Who Doesn't Pay Bills?
“I (30f) am pregnant and I live with my 21-year-old sister and her 21-year-old partner. I’m pregnant and struggling to make ends meet. I work at a Dollar store and I don’t get paid more than $200 weekly. I almost have enough saved for my apartment before the baby comes.
My sister’s partner’s father lives here as well. I moved here in May and the agreement was for all four of us to split the rent and bills. We all do our job and pay our part except for her partner’s father, and my sister always has to pick up his Slack card which is why I still don’t have anything for this baby yet and I’m due in November.
I recently discovered his secret, he has a substance use problem. This explains why he wakes up at 6 am to get on the freeway and go panhandle and doesn’t come back until 10 pm. He makes at least $20 to $100 a day and he lies and says he never gets paid.
I saw a sketchy-looking guy in a black truck pull up to this house and put something in the mailbox. I go outside and check the mailbox and it’s something brown and powder-like. I didn’t touch it because it was inside an envelope. A few minutes later after I witnessed that, he went outside for a few seconds and came back in so I immediately knew what was going on.
I told my sister what happened and she immediately blew it off but she’s never been around substances before so of course that would be her response. I know what they look like because my mother was heavily addicted to them in my childhood.
I always come home and expect to eat things that I’ve been craving at work all day just to find out that he’s eaten it all.
I tell my coworkers and they think I’m being petty about it. I’m not. Times are extremely hard for me and food prices have gone up. Maybe I am being a jerk but I have no sympathy for a 41-year-old man that spends all his money on substances but has to steal food from a pregnant woman or rely on his son and his son’s partner to feed him.
I have to hide food and sometimes he still finds it. My sister ordered a mini refrigerator from Amazon to keep in their room because he does the same thing to her. It must be nice. I don’t even have a room in this house, I sleep on the couch.
I honestly feel like he needs to be the one sleeping on the couch since he’s not paying any bills but that’s a story for later. He was here before I moved in so I’ll let that one slide. I just want him to stop stealing food from me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel so badly for you. You don’t need this aggravation right now and you need to have proper nutrition. His eating your food is stealing from your baby. Would it work for you to stop in at a grocery store on your way home from work and only buy what you will consume for your dinner?
And maybe pack any leftovers for your lunch to take to work with you? I don’t think you will be able to change the behavior of a substance user so you are better off altering your own shopping habits to buy only what you will eat right away.
I’m thinking of things like those prepackaged salads and maybe a small package of chicken, cooking all of it and packing whatever you don’t eat for dinner to take to work with you. Is there a refrigerator at your work that you can use?
I hope you can get moved into your place or find a new situation with a friend to get away from this man.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“I would ask local shelters if they can find somewhere for you. Just say you don’t feel safe there and feel like there may be illegal activities.
(Do not state they are, because you do not want CPS involved). Call section 8s, they typically prioritize women with children. You may be able to get into a low-income apartment. Can the fiancé (I am so sorry for your loss) help you in any way?
Is anyone in his family that may be willing? It sounds like you two had a good relationship. It sounds like the dates don’t align but I do hope the fiance is the dad.” Radiant_Bee1
5. AITJ For Asking My Grieving Partner For Help While I'm Sick And Pregnant?
“My partner’s grandpa passed away 4 days ago.
When he passed we met all of his family at a small ER to say our goodbyes. The ER made everyone wear masks. Due to a sickness going around the hospital.
So 2 days ago I started to feel really bad body aches, sore throat, etc. Keep in mind I’m 18 weeks pregnant.
I told him how I felt and he basically said he doesn’t want to get sick because his grandpa’s funeral is coming up. I told him I was feeling weak as well as hungry and didn’t want to drive myself home and then be hungry once I got there.
I asked him if he was okay with helping me for the night and I’ll leave in the morning. Just bring me some food to the room so I wouldn’t contaminate any other areas of the house. He told me he had a lot on his mind and wasn’t in the right head space to help me.
So I told him I understood and left.
When I got home I made something small to eat then went to sleep. Yesterday morning he called and checked on me. I tell him how I feel more sick than when I left. He just says okay.
The rest of the day he has family over until about 3am just offering their condolences and keeping his family company. Around 4 pm I called and asked him for help to see if he could bring me something to eat because all I had the strength to get myself were just snacks like chips and cereal. No real meals and I wanted to make sure I had enough in me for the baby.
He basically brushed me off saying he has no idea how he could help and said I was selfish for not thinking about him grieving and how he was stressed and had a million things on his mind. He also told me that I was being evil because I said he wasn’t helping me at all.
After that, I just hung up. He called me at 3 am when everyone left to sleep on the phone with me but hung up 20 minutes later and said he would call back but didn’t. Now I don’t want to speak to him at all.
But don’t want to cause him more stress when he’s already sad about his grandpa.
I want to know if I’m a jerk for not respecting his time for grieving. Also, would I be a jerk for not talking to him today?
I know how It feels to lose your grandpa when you’re so close to him. But at the same time, I just asked for a little bit of help and don’t feel like I was asking him for a lot. Most medications you can’t take during pregnancy because they have bad side effects for the fetus.
So I’ve just been waiting it out and he knows that as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I doubt the other commenters saying YTJ has been pregnant and sick at the same time. Not having enough food to eat in that situation can make you physically very weak.
(It would be another story if food delivery was an option for you, but based on your edit, it’s not.) You were not being needy or entitled. You needed him to help care for you and he refused. I understand he’s going through a tough time, but you are carrying his child.
All you asked for was some food, which would not take a lot of his time or attention. You and the baby need to be his priority from now on, and it’s concerning that this doesn’t seem to be the case.” Gold-Flaked-Paint
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for so, so many reasons. You’re a grown adult and pregnant. If you’re sick you speak with your ob. Not become a helpless baby who isolates themselves and asks their partner WHO JUST LOST A FAMILY MEMBER and is dealing with grief, loved ones, logistics, a funeral…
and you. Who took to their bed and expected him to dance attendance on you? Could get up to get snacks because you knew enough not to go hungry but couldn’t manage a “meal”? What is a meal? Any groupings of any foods you put on your plate.
I had a partner like you. Who berated me, called me names, and flipped out because I said no to intimacy. The day after I buried my mother. Notice the ex part? Grow up before you become one too.” Management-Late.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re both coming from understandable points and this is just unfortunate timing. I would focus more on making sure the baby is okay and sorting this out later. I would also think about assessing your bf as a partner and you as a person, whether he can put you and your family first, if you can step up should he be unavailable, and whether the answers to those questions are something you can live with, etc. hoping for the best for you OP!” dragonsirens
4. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law He Neglects His Daughter?
“For as long as I can remember my brother-in-law has been creepily obsessed with my sister but because he’s handsome and has wealth everybody likes to pretend it’s cute. I don’t know how he convinced my sister to finally give him the time of day but that’s a story for a different day.
Anyway, they’ve been married for 4 years and have a 3-year-old daughter together.
I’m convinced that the only reason they even had a kid is because my sister has always wanted kids and she would’ve left him if he didn’t agree to having one. The reason I think this is because he’s outright said my sister is the most important person to him (even after their daughter had been born) and when their daughter was in the hospital he only came home because my sister told him she was scared and not because he was worried about their daughter (he admitted this himself).
I think my niece and sister both deserve better but I usually bite my tongue to keep the peace and because he has a way of always making the other person look like the bad guy in front of others so I knew I would get a lot of backlash if I said anything to him.
But recently he missed his daughter’s birthday because he went on a work trip that he could’ve moved or canceled so since my niece is so young my sister celebrated her birthday twice since she wouldn’t know the difference. During her second birthday party he was completely unbothered and wasn’t giving his daughter any attention (he was too busy watching my sister the entire time).
I felt so bad for her because she’s a complete daddy’s girl and just wanted him to play with her on her “birthday” and he wasn’t encouraging her at all. The only time he bothered to give her attention was when my sister was around.
Eventually, it was just me and my brother-in-law and I told him he should give his daughter more attention and he just scoffed and claimed he did (he doesn’t). I asked him if it had been my sister’s birthday would he have gone on that trip and he wouldn’t answer because we both know the answer is no. I can’t remember exactly what else was said but he told me to mind my own business and I was feeling pretty angry on my niece’s behalf so I told him that he shouldn’t be surprised when one day she was all grown up and hated his guts.
I also said that my sister would catch on and she would hate him too which I think got to him more than the comment about my niece.
As I mentioned before he has a way of making the other person look bad so he spun a story on my sister and now she’s upset with me because I won’t apologize to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re intruding where it’s none of your business. The center of this man’s universe is his wife and he acts like it is. You seem to think that it should be his daughter, but the funny thing about children is that they grow up and leave the couple to what was before.
You say that his business trip could easily have been changed. It’s none of your business to make this call. You don’t know how those sorts of changes can affect his career paths and his earnings. Nothing he does involving his daughter seems to be good enough.
Not only do you make gratuitous comments about how his daughter will react to him; but also you drag his wife into your envisioned scenarios. He didn’t need much spinning to make you look bad to your sister; you did that all by yourself.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the YTJ votes are getting a hard side eye from me Ignoring your child when they’re begging for your attention is usually a monstrous thing to do. There are times when you need to show kids that certain actions won’t get the reaction they want them to, but holy smokes this is not that.
At all. And OP is correct, anyway. Does BIL wanna lose the wife he’s obsessed with? Because if not having kids was a deal breaker, what do you think neglecting their kid would be? ” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL had this coming. It’s disgusting to see parents ignoring their children and acting like it’s normal and nobody else’s business.
It is everyone’s business to look out for the children in the family, and when emotional neglect is egregious, someone should call it out. Maybe he will come to his senses and maybe he won’t, but when it comes to protecting children, the truth is never a bad thing.
Also, and I don’t care how well your BIL managed to spin this, your sister is going to be thinking about what you said and your refusal to apologize for having said it. She is a mother and a good one. She’ll start watching more closely now.” Auntie-Mam69
3. AITJ For Telling My Co-Worker I Didn't Enjoy My Pregnancy?
“A new co-worker started 3 months ago. Let’s call her Linda. She seems pretty nice, which is why I’m not sure about all this.
At my work, we have a tradition where once a new employee completes their probation, we go out for a team lunch.
Nothing fancy, but something nice to celebrate. Linda passed her probation, so we went out for lunch.
As we’re eating, we all get to talking, and the topic of ‘the magic of pregnancy/childbirth’ comes up. Everyone was sharing sweet moments from their pregnancy.
I enthusiastically joined in but didn’t share any of my own. I think Linda noticed because she specifically turned to me and said:
Linda: “You had twins, didn’t you? That must have been a wonderful experience.”
I smiled and said something along the lines of how I wished my pregnancy and birth had been as positive an experience as theirs had been.
To be clear it was not said sarcastically at all.
The truth is I hated every moment of being pregnant. I could write a long list of all the ‘magical’ symptoms I had but I’ll just give you the highlights. Horrific vivid nightmares. Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness).
Debilitating migraines. A metallic taste in my mouth.
And then the birth…. Honestly, I feel like anything that could go wrong (but not be life-threatening) did go wrong. Worst of all, due to some of the complications I ended up being kept in hospital for a while, so I missed the first few days with my girls.
It’s safe to say I hated every moment of being pregnant, and every moment of labor. It was not a magical experience by any stretch of the imagination.
I didn’t say any of this to Linda, I just responded as I mentioned. After my reply, Linda started getting short with me.
Later, I asked her privately what was going on. She snapped and told me what I said was ‘insensitive’ and ‘undermined’ their experiences and told me I was a jerk for it.
Since then, she’s sort of cooled off and is less hostile (or at least less openly hostile), but last week she invited all the girls in the team to a ladies’ night.
Everyone but me. Now, I don’t mind so much, since ladies’ nights are not my thing, but the fact that she pointedly excluded me has made things awkward. I feel like I need to do something.
I’m not really in the mood for drama.
I have had enough of that in my life right now. I don’t need more, so I haven’t confronted her about it yet. And as I said, she is otherwise a nice person, normally pretty friendly and easygoing. So I’m left wondering if I was a jerk.
Was what I said insensitive? Did it undermine their experience? Before I ask her about it, I could use some perspective because I honestly just don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good lord, sooooo NTJ. I would have wondered if she was pregnant with the way she responded. I also had a very miserable pregnancy and a serious life-threatening event (heart failure), so I can’t relate to these stories.
You weren’t being sarcastic, you weren’t telling these women that they sucked for having positive experiences, you didn’t call them liars. You just shared your experience. She has shown that she’s very petty by excluding you from a ladies’ night event. All of this would make me very cautious about working on any projects with her.
Good luck.” All7AndWeWatchEmFall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hated every minute of it too. Sure I was excited to be having a baby but the experience of pregnancy, and birth was incredibly unpleasant. I am very happy for people who enjoyed it, maybe even slightly jealous of them, but everyone experiences things differently and that’s ok.
It’s not undermining anyone else’s experience. If it was then you could argue that their gushing about it is undermining the struggle and unpleasant symptoms that you had. Perhaps she is struggling with fertility or something that’s made her sensitive to the subject. I would just try and avoid the topic with her and try to be friendly as you don’t know why she reacted that way and you have to work with her so it’s better to get along.” whynousernamelef
Another User Comments:
“NTJ We’re supposed to lie and just pretend it’s the most beautiful thing ever. I think more people should be honest about what it’s really like for a lot of women. So, distance yourself from her because she doesn’t want to live in reality.
I bet the teen pregnancy rates would drop significantly if they weren’t fantasizing about “being over the moon” based on BS.” SnoopyisCute
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Solo Time With My Niece's Step-Sister?
“I’m completely lost and unsure of how to proceed. Recently, I was told that to see my niece, I must also spend solo time with her step-sister. I raised my niece for the first ten years of her life, as she lived with me during that time.
My half-sister, her mother, has been in and out of rehab, and we no longer speak. My only option to see my niece is through her father, who has since married and adopted his wife’s 7-year-old daughter.
The first year after my niece’s father remarried was great.
I was able to reconnect with my niece, whom I loved as my child. I got to know her stepmother and her step-sister, and while my niece and I continued our solo adventures as we always had, I also spent some time with the entire family.
I’ve even developed a friendship with her stepmother.
However, due to a series of surgeries, I couldn’t visit for a year and a half. Despite this, I felt confident that my relationship with my niece remained strong, as I always felt welcomed. Now that I’m slowly recovering, we were planning to resume our solo outings, but the stepmother approached me with a request: since her daughter has become attached to me and sees me as her aunt, she asked that I spend solo time with her as well.
This left me confused because I’ve only spent a handful of group outings with her daughter. The stepmother argued that since her daughter now sees me as “Aunt Jax,” it wouldn’t be fair to exclude her, as it could hurt her feelings. I’ve always made sure her daughter felt seen and valued during our group time, providing equal attention and gifts to both girls.
I never corrected her daughter for calling me “Aunt Jax” because it’s what my niece calls me.
When I expressed to the stepmother that I care for her daughter but see her as my friend’s child rather than my niece, things became tense.
She was hurt, and our conversation turned uncomfortable. She insisted that because I’m seen as “Aunt Jax” by her daughter, I need to take on the roles and responsibilities of that title. I tried to explain that my primary focus is my relationship with my niece, whom I’ve loved and cared for as my child.
While I’m not against developing a bond with her daughter, I feel this relationship should grow naturally over time, not be forced upon us.
Unfortunately, they’ve made it clear that spending solo time with their daughter is now a condition for me to see my niece.
This has raised several red flags for me, especially since the stepmother questioned when I would “make the time” if I truly wanted to foster a relationship. I’m upset and hurt that I’m being asked to fulfill their expectations without them considering my feelings.
It’s concerning that my time with my niece, which has always been special to us, is now being controlled rather than respected.”
Another User Comments:
“What is the age difference here? 7 is very young and the niece is a teen? Perhaps tell the 7-year-old that she’s too little for solo adventures and she’ll be old enough when … make something up… like when she’s 12 or when she’s 11 or whatever age she will be when your niece is driving a car and old enough to be considered an adult who can go visit her aunt on her own when she feels like visiting.
Then it becomes a non-issue.” Somythinkingis
Another User Comments:
“This is so difficult. I’m going to say right now that I can’t stop seeing this through the eyes of the step-mum’s daughter. I feel like she’s already said something to her mum about how I wish Aunt Jax would take me on adventures, too.
Otherwise, I don’t see why Mum would say something after a year of you and your niece having time just the two of you. I agree that it shouldn’t be forced on you. An ultimatum is never healthy. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to your niece.
I feel like it’s a desperate bid to give the other little girl the relationship she’s pining for. I guess I see it as No jerks here” BeMandalorTomad.
1. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her Past Comments On My Weight?
“Last week, while I (F30) was decluttering I came across some of my clothes that I used to wear about 3 to 5 years ago. I gained a bit of happy weight since then and don’t mind it because I am healthy and physically active, but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness for my younger self because since middle school and maybe even earlier I’ve never really thought of myself as skinny.
The clothes I found were mostly S and M in European sizes (I believe it’s about 4-6 US) and as you can imagine I was even smaller back in school but my mom was always commenting on my appearance, telling me how my arms were too bulky and soft and how I should always pull in my stomach, stuff like that.
I know how it’s gonna sound but she wasn’t mean or cruel about that, and I believe she was only meaning well. I mean, Y2K beauty standards, am I right?
After this little walk down memory lane, I wanted to get some closure and discuss with her how this unhealthy obsession with weight damaged me and probably her, too, but it didn’t go well.
At first, she just denied everything and told me she never called me fat to my face because she felt sorry for me. Then she confronted me that I only seem to remember bad things from my past, then she stated that commenting on her daughter’s appearance is normal and her mother did it as well, and then she tried to nitpick semantics telling me how she never used the word “fat” so it didn’t happen.
At that point I was in tears, trying to just make her stop because I didn’t want any of that reaction, but she just continued pushing, telling me how I was insecure about my weight back in school but she showed me nothing but support.
And that’s where I might be a jerk because I was so strung up I just laughed through tears and asked her what she meant by that. Our relationship back when I was in school and then university was strained at best, I was never a “troubled youth” but she treated me as such for her reasons so I think the word “support” just hit a bit too close to home because that’s what I never really got from her when I was younger.
Anyway, my mom hasn’t been talking to me since last Thursday. I tried to talk to her first several times, not about this whole disaster but some mundane stuff, but she’s very short with me and only answers if necessary. I do feel bad about it because it was my active decision to talk about something that happened long ago and I reacted poorly when I could’ve kept my cool, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took a chance on bringing it up and hoping for an adult discussion, which was reasonable. She might have said a lot of things–that she has learned since then, that she is sorry her comments hurt you, and that she loves you.
Instead, she denied, deflected, and distorted what happened so she felt she was right. You know she wasn’t right. And now you also know she’s the kind of person who can’t give you what you need here. She’s more invested in her self-image than in your pain.
That’s a rough lesson, and I’m sorry it turned out that way, but you weren’t wrong to try to talk through it. Just know that if you have the urge to talk to her again about anything where she might feel like she did something wrong, it will probably go the same way.
Sorry for what she did to you. No one deserves to be treated like that. And it is not “absolutely normal” behavior.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you purposely brought up old stuff that was insulting to your mother and then got upset because you did not get the answer you wanted. Yes, your mother is a jerk as well for the way she acted. It does not surprise me that she does not want to talk to you though, you told her she ruined your childhood self-esteem but still expected everything to be good between you.
I think you have serious issues and suggest a therapist and stop contacting your mother. She sounds like a piece of work and has never changed but you know she has never changed and yet still choose to talk with her, so stop whining about it.
If you don’t like what she says to you, don’t talk to her, simple.” Wide-Author-342
