People Are Asking To Be Criticized Through Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Favoring My Mom Over My Stepmom?
“My parents broke up when I was 4 and before the birth of my younger sister.
Their divorce was pretty quick once my sister was born. My dad met Sarah when I was 7 and they got married after a year of being together. I got along okay with Sarah. But she was never special to me the way my parents were.
I’m now 17 and Sarah wanted to talk to me recently about how I choose my mom over her. She told me I never turned down time or did something with my mom when she asked me to do something, yet I would turn her down for something with my mom.
Examples were both wanting to do something after a sports game I had when I was 13. Sarah asked after my mom did. I told her I had plans with Mom.
Another time Sarah was going someplace with her nieces and asked if I wanted to join them.
I told her I would let her know, made plans with Mom in the meantime, and told her I couldn’t go. She found out I chose to spend the time with my mom. I went to my partner’s prom with him last year and asked my mom to go dress shopping with me and my friends.
Sarah was upset about it.
She told me all this not too long ago and told me it bothers her. She said she wants me to feel like I will choose her over my mom some of the time, in some things.
Then she told me that my sister said she didn’t pick her over Mom either because she saw I never did and thought she should copy me. She told me I might have been older than my sister when she and our dad met, but we had been kids and we could have and should have been just as much her kids as our parents’ kids and it upset her to not be treated the same, appreciated the same and valued the same.
I told her I had not set out to hurt her feelings and I was sorry that it had, but I would never regret the time I spend with my mom, any more than I regret the time spent with my dad (and it only bothers her if I choose to spend time with mom over her).
She asked me to choose her some time though and not my mom. Then I told her I will never choose her over my mom and I needed her to accept that.
She’s mad at me. Dad was confused when he heard and told me not to worry about it.
But he then argued with my mom over it (not a huge surprise) and Sarah told me I was cruel and a bully.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her feelings for you DO NOT come before your own feelings. Your father supporting her is also super wrong.
You know how step-parents get an ‘actual’ parent role? They don’t demand it, they build it. Does she put her own children before you the way she wants you to do with your mom? I would guess not.
It really seems she is actually trying to one-up your mom in some competition in her head.
You were respectful and honest. She’s being pushy, petty, and insecure. She also should have realized by now that she can’t dictate how you feel and act.” SuccessValuable6924
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Oh my. This is so brutal and selfish of her.
You have every right to choose your mom over your stepmom. And she should always enforce that bond between the two of you – that’s what a good stepmom does.
Even if she does feel some type of way when you don’t join an activity – and of course, she can be upset about it – she should never expect you to favor her over your own mom.
Glad your dad had your back on this one!
And no, you are NOT a bully. Her saying that makes her a bully. Don’t take any of this personally and enjoy spending time with your mom!” SmannyNoppins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Sarah is x10. She is manipulative, and her audacity of her to call you cruel and a bully when she is literally being the bully is insane. No logical person would think you should choose your stepmom over your mom.
You have a good relationship with your mom and Sarah is mad about it. She went so far as to get your dad to berate your mom for… spending time with her children? Honestly, I feel really bad for your mom in this situation.
Evil stepmom is trying to push her out and manipulate her kids. Sarah is a possessive, controlling jerk.” Ch-Ch-Ch-CherryBomb0
18. AITJ For Telling My Former Boss To Pay Me If He Needs My Help?
“A couple of months ago, I (28F) left a job after close to 10 years of being there. It was an accumulation of things but I really just needed somewhere that was going to give me more money since I just had a baby.
I told my boss my concerns, but he refused to give me a raise, I found another job, accepted, gave my two weeks, and left.
I thought I had left on good terms, I wrote him an email stating I was beyond grateful for the last decade.
He wrote back stating I would be welcome back at any time no matter what. It felt nice to have that little security, especially after so much time there.
Things ended up not working out at the current company and it was mildly embarrassing but I shot my boss an email telling him what was going on and asking for my job back.
He reached out to me stating that they had already replaced me and that unfortunately, I was not welcome back since I had asked for more money. The last part stung a little since he told me I would be welcomed back at any time.
My old coworker texted me and told me that he lied, he hadn’t even begun interviewing anyone leaving her all alone to do both my work and hers as well and was telling everyone how embarrassing it was that I couldn’t hack it in the real world and how I groveled for my job back.
I admit I cried a few tears but I let it go and ended up finding a job that I absolutely love now.
This morning I woke up to a text message from him asking if I would be able to help my former coworker with paperwork that she was having trouble with.
I told him what my rate for an hour of work was and he texted me back stating he cannot believe how greedy and money hungry I was. I left my coworker with EVERYTHING she needed to know, I trained her for the last two whole weeks I was there, gave her access to all my files, and passwords asked her if she needed help understanding anything, and kept no intellectual property.
I told him that was only fair and since he doesn’t work for free neither do I. He, his wife, and my former manager all texted me calling me vindictive and out for revenge since he refused to give me my old job back but I am NOT, I have no desire to be spiteful, I just don’t want to work for free when I trained someone to do my job just the way he asked.
AITJ for telling him he needed to pay me to help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They really expected you to work for free? Get out of here with that crap. And I kind of doubt that your former coworker is having that much trouble with individual tasks.
I suspect she having trouble with the workload because he never replaced you. And a few months later things are falling apart.
You had loyalty to a company that has none towards you. If I were the co-worker I would be looking for another job, too.
If, for some reason, you do come to fair terms and decide to help out, get a contract that lays out your rate, number of hours per week, and payment schedule. You’ll need that in writing for when he refuses to pay you for your time and you need to sue him.” love_laugh_dance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And I can’t stress enough that you are NTJ.
You’ve left the company, and even if the subsequent interactions and apparent animosity from your old manager hadn’t occurred you have no responsibility to the company to work for them for free.
This isn’t about greed on your behalf. You would have to give them help in your personal time – not in your new company’s time – which would take time away from your family. Your ex-manager is delusional in the extreme.
It obviously sucks for your former co-worker that she is struggling but that is the company’s problem and not yours.
Just wanted to add, if your ex-manager comes crawling back and agrees to pay you the rate you quoted. Insist on payment upfront before you do any work or it’s no deal. I have the feeling your ex-manager cannot be trusted.” Sajem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a quick clarification of something specialized that an old colleague missed/forgot from training and was a one-time 5-min or less deal that would be one thing.
This isn’t that, he’s expecting you to spend an unknown time, without pay, to help his business.
Even without him treating you badly when you wanted to return and telling you no because you wanted to be paid commensurate with your expertise, you shouldn’t do anything for him without a paycheck beyond the above example.
Consultants typically get paid a lot more than employees and he’s asking you to be an unpaid consultant.
Absolutely not.” Emotional_Bonus_934
17. AITJ For Letting Someone Fail Chemistry?
“I (16F) am a student in high school. I have a friend Tom(16M), who has two moms. Our parents are friends, we went to the same elementary school, have known each other for basically all our lives, and now we go to the same high school.
He and his parents are all friendly people who constantly are over at our house for dinner or to watch football games.
My chemistry class was doing a lab the other day and I was in a group with Tom, and two others.
Me, Tom, and one of the others were working on the lab together, while the other person (we can call Kate) was talking to her friends. We were working on the lab write-up at a table when Kate came over and asked me for the data we collected. I didn’t care enough to not give it to her, so I was about to hand her my paper to copy when her friend walked over and asked her why she was talking to me and the ‘gay’.
Kate laughed and I was pretty grossed out by it. She just walked away without my paper so I assumed she wasn’t going to take the answers, and I didn’t call after her.
A couple of days pass and the lab was due.
As everyone was turning it in Kate walked up to the teacher and complained that she didn’t have the data needed to fill out the lab. The teacher said that it was her fault. She ended up getting a zero on it and is failing the class.
Since she is now failing a class she is not allowed to play a sport in the spring. Since we are all juniors this is a very important time for people to prepare for and get recruited for college. She is essentially the best in her sport and is in line to play at a Division 2 school with a scholarship.
Here’s the issue. A scholarship was basically the only way Kate could go to college. Otherwise, she would be practically swimming in debt. I know this because our moms are friends. My mom received an angry phone call from her friend (Kate’s mom) saying that I basically failed her daughter and ruined her life.
She said there was no way she could get an academic scholarship and now would have to be paying off student loans for the rest of her life. My mom asked me why I didn’t help Kate and I explained the whole situation.
My mom then called her friend up again and blew up on her about her homophobic daughter.
Both of my parents think that it wasn’t my fault but I just feel icky about it. I know that Kate has a lot of issues, like an absent father and a struggling mom who works several jobs, and I know sports were one of her only outlets, but her reaction to her friend’s comment just sucked. Especially as someone who has been experimenting lately it really hurts to see how kids in my school are.
Seeing what people say in front of teachers makes me wonder what they say to him when nobody else is around. While I think she deserved some karma, I hate how extreme this was. I feel crappy about it and just want to know if I’m a jerk for not helping her to begin with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, I applaud you for being empathetic. Second, this is truly on Kate; not her friend.
Why is it on Kate? She could have done the lab work herself. That was her actual responsibility. Her backup plan was to essentially be dishonest. OK, fine.
Her friend comes over and says something offensive. You would have still shared your data. She essentially joined in by laughing and walking away. Now it is on Kate, not her friend. She walked away without the data. Kate walked away.
Kate could have asked someone else; she didn’t.
This isn’t really karma but rather direct cause and effect. A different analogy. Let’s say Kate has a job and lives in an apartment. She quits her job to spend more time hanging out with her friends.
Now can’t pay rent. She asks you for money, and you are inclined to help, but then her friend shows up and insults you. Kate then laughs and walks away. Kate then gets evicted. Not your fault.
The consequences were large but not as large as her mom suggests.
If she is a great athlete, she might get a scholarship at an NAIA school or be a walk-on looking for a spot.
Finally, Kate needs to learn there are consequences to behavior. This begins with her simply not doing her own schoolwork.
It ends with her walking away from any help. This isn’t about Kate’s friend, it is about Kate.
It is highly unlikely that this one instance is what caused her to be academically ineligible. In other words, while this might have been the proverbial straw there were numerous other instances where Kate failed to do the academic work.” tropicaldiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From your description you didn’t withhold anything at all – Kate forgot to get the information she needed and never bothered to collect it in time to finish her report.
It is not your duty to monitor Kate to ensure she has all of the information she needs and that she is completing her assignments on time – that is her own responsibility.
Had you refused to give her the information for classwork you were doing as a group then the answer may be different, but you didn’t…
It is also worth noting that most classes will not fail you for one missed assignment.
To fail completely due to this one assignment probably means she had missed or failed enough previous work to put her in a dangerous position anyway, and this was just the final nail in her coffin. No teacher wants to fail an otherwise good student…” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is all on Kate. The interaction with her friend that resulted in her not getting that paper may have been the one part of this that you intersected with. But it is still a byproduct of Kate’s failures.
Kate needed that data from you because she was talking with her friends, instead of doing the lab and collecting the data herself. Lab data that, unless I miss my guess, her friends should have been working on collecting also.
She should have been with your group collecting the data. If she didn’t want to do it with your group, she could have been collecting the data with them.
There’s more to it than that though.
When the teacher said it was ‘her fault’ when she approached them, it is likely because they remembered her standing around talking instead of doing the lab.
Could they have provided an out for her? Sure. But when you know someone wasn’t even trying, the willingness to provide assistance tends to fade away.
Also, Kate is not failing the class because of one missed lab. If it were one missed lab, she should be looking at a letter grade difference at worst. If even that.
That she’s failing because of this means she’s probably botched multiple homework and labs, and blown multiple tests.
This was not a sudden thing. She had to have known her grade was at risk. Yet, she still chooses to blow off doing the lab to hang out with her friends.
Note also that after the class was over, Kate had two days and multiple people to try to get the lab data from. You, the third person that was working with you, and Tom, her friend. Yet she still ended up opting to try to sob story the teacher.
Last thing. What happened to Kate… You can call it karma if you want. I’d call it the result of a lack of character and work ethic on her part. Not something you had anything to do with.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
You are not responsible for anyone's failure but your own. And tell anyone who says you are, to go pound sand, especially Kate's mother. I strongly suspect that she's unaware of a lot of her little girl's activities.
16. WIBTJ If I Kick My Long-Time Friend Out Of My Wedding?
“This friend (we will call her Jane) and I have been friends for almost 15 years. We have lost contact and gotten in contact again off and on over the years. Jane helped me get away from my abusive ex-husband and I will forever be grateful for that.
Our kids have been the best of friends their whole life and grew up together since they were babies (the oldest ones are both 9 now) and the oldest ones are who the story is about.
My oldest child has a health condition that requires her to be on a low-sodium diet until we get the rest of her test results and see if this will fix the issue or if we need to do more testing to find out what’s causing it.
So this past year Jane’s oldest hasn’t been the nicest to my oldest off and on thru the school year, saying mean things to her and doing mean things to my oldest’s friends. I have brought it up to Jane so many times and she always says ‘My child would never do it’ or ‘She’s crying so she’s telling me the truth’.
To me, that sounds like she’s telling me my child is lying.
My oldest has been thru a lot this past year with hospital stays surgery and so many doctor visits and therapy literally has been thru a lot this past year.
I am getting married in 2024 and Jane is supposed to be my maid of honor. Why I’m wondering if I would be the jerk to kick Jane out of the wedding and not even invite her family as guests go as such: My oldest came home this past week completely distraught and when I was finally able to calm her down to find out what happened she told me this: ‘I was at lunch sitting next to (Jane’s oldest) and they asked why I don’t eat the school lunch.
I said cause I’m on a diet. They said well I’m on a diet for the rest of my life. (I’ve been told Jane calls her oldest cubby. I don’t know if that’s true) I said I’m on a low-sodium diet.
And then they looked at me and said the one thing I hate about (my childs name) is that they think they’re on a diet.’ I was livid!
Someone who is supposed to be her friend goes and says this to the point where my child is completely having a breakdown about it sorry I’m not ok!
I don’t tolerate bullying in any way whether it’s someone else’s kids or my own. I know my children are not perfect angels and I’ll be the first to admit it but this was too far.
So would I be the jerk to kick Jane and her family out of our wedding not even as a guest to protect my child from their bully?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Distancing yourself from your daughter’s bully and the mother who refuses to acknowledge the problem is reasonable.
Talking and trying to resolve it between the parents has happened, and failed. Your adult friendship puts your daughter in a vulnerable position, where details of her home life and dietary issues are made available to her bully, along with more access to your daughter herself.
Harassment IS bullying. You aren’t overreacting.
When people refuse to respect boundaries, reducing your giving time and energy to those people and situations is a healthy way to maintain your boundaries. Don’t think of it as ‘taking away’ your old friend’s being at your wedding.
Think of it as a relationship you’d hoped would continue with safe and respectful boundaries that sadly has not turned out that way.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I would certainly not allow Jane’s children to attend the wedding. That would send the message to your child that you aren’t going to protect her.
You tried on several occasions to speak with Jane about her child’s behavior. She has not addressed it and it continues.
Apparently, this is how Jane consistently acts with all the parents who have come to her with complaints. She enables her child(ren) to be a bully.
Distance yourself and your child. Talk to your child and explain that it’s okay not to put up with bullies or allow bullies and their enablers to remain in her life.” Careless-Image-885
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Protect your child.
Your long-time friend means a lot to you. But she’s doing her child a disservice by turning a blind eye to her child’s faults. She’s putting her own child’s words over everyone else’s, including yours.
So you can put your child first too. Never let a bully stay around your child. If you stay friends with Jane and keep them around your child, it’s going to show her that you don’t care about her health and well-being.
It’s Jane’s choice not to listen and have her own child understand that they’re bullying and get them help. She’ll be the one burning bridges here, not you. Hold fast to your priorities.
It’s even a good teaching moment for your child to learn that even if some friendships are long-lasting or short, if they’re not respecting your boundaries and making them uncomfortable they’re allowed to cut ties and they have to prioritize themselves.
Good friends are ones that stick up for you and hold you to what’s right, point out your mistakes so that you can grow from them, recognize when they’re wrong, and apologize. These are all good lessons she needs to learn and know for her own future to build good friendships and relationships of her own.
What kind of role model would you be if you stayed friends with someone who enables a bully?” stormoverparis
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Husband's Grandfather?
“My MIL and her father live 7 hours away. A bit of history is my MIL has always been unwilling to help out with any childcare for our 3 children 9,11,13) this is no problem for us and we have accepted the fact that we chose to have children, with or without help from family.
My husband has worked from home for 3 years. MIL who receives a carer’s allowance for her father who has dementia and other health conditions (generally frail). She has a ‘family’ apartment abroad where she goes there for 3-4 weeks in May to open up, and 3-4 weeks in September to close it down.
She usually books these holidays without consulting and of her family and then expects people to swap and change their plans to care for the grandparent. Usually, this entails my husband driving 7 hours each way to collect grandparents along with 2 cats.
We have suggested it may be easier to deliver him to us on the train and then fly from an airport close to us.
Just to add some more info, my husband and I are not allowed to go to the apartment in the summer holidays as she rents it out to other people, however, keeps insisting it is a family apartment.
However, for the past 6 months, my husband has moved abroad for work and rarely gets to come home. He has already has a conversation with his mother about trying to liaise with us before she books another holiday so that the grandparent is safe and looked after.
And maybe suggested that a week would be enough.
We have just found out that MIL has booked a 3-week trip away in May, without talking to any of us. My husband wants me to care for his grandfather for the 3 weeks, otherwise, he will be left with a carer coming in 3 x per week, and he doesn’t think this is safe.
I have said I find it quite stressful and draining especially since my husband will not be there to help and I have 3 children and other commitments. Caring includes assisting with showering, cooking for, and giving medication including insulin.
I am annoyed at MIL as she is very selfish and only thinks about herself, she would never ever look after our children for us.
When we lived close to her, we had 2 children at the time, my husband booked for us to go away to a spa hotel for the night, and she had agreed to watch the kids, then she canceled last minute with no excuse, my family had to meet halfway down the country and collect the children so that we wouldn’t lose our money for the hotel.
I think she is entitled to a holiday but should maybe pay to put her father in respite care.
Would she be responsible for his career if anything happened to him? Historically he falls over during the night and has needed an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He has had several strokes and has also suffered from depression.
I’m stuck on what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His health reasons alone are enough: Dementia, strokes, insulin, depression, and falling in the night. This isn’t just taking care of an elderly family member, this requires around-the-clock care.
Add to that your MIL’s refusal to help you and your husband, which I’m only adding because she expects her family to drop everything at any time to care for her father for weeks, but refuses to help/watch her grandchildren for one overnight.
You cannot be expected to take this on with 3 children, and your husband shouldn’t expect that of you either. In my opinion, that is unfair and unrealistic. MIL needs to make the proper arrangements for his care if she is not willing to have him placed in a permanent facility.” EmptyDrawer9766
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is not YOUR grandfather, it’s your husband’s grandfather. Why are women always expected to take on more and be caregivers and guilted into it by men? This is your husband’s task to take on or not, not yours.
You have too much on your plate already with three children to care for on your own with no help with your husband working abroad.
You cannot take on the added burden of caregiving for your husband’s grandfather, even for three weeks.
Tell your husband firmly no, that his mother needs to arrange respite care. I would make this the end of you agreeing to take him in at all in the future, too. If your husband tries to arrange it for next year, tell him you have booked a three-week vacation for yourself during the same dates, so you hope he will be taking time off to manage his three children and his grandfather with dementia.
I’ll bet that will shut him up.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a long shot. You are taking care of three kids currently by yourself which is a full-time job along with other work/commitments. It shouldn’t even be dumped on your husband honestly.
If she is receiving a carer’s allowance this is 100% her job. She doesn’t make that money so she can go on trips, she makes it so he’ll be cared for. As someone who’s done it in the past, caring for someone with those kinds of needs can be hard on you, especially if it isn’t a job and it’s around-the-clock care.
I think your husband needs to work on setting boundaries with his mother because no part of this on her end is responsible behavior. This is a case where you need to put your foot down and say it’s just not possible by yourself.
May be hard, but your life can’t be just put on hold because MIL needs a 3-week trip. Set boundaries here and enforce them for both the sake of you, your kids, and for his grandfather who is being passed around like a child and having to take 14 hours’ worth of trips bc his own child can’t be responsible.” Ok_Palpitation_2137
14. AITJ For Making My Pregnancy Announcement At My Sister's Wedding?
“I’m 32, my sister is 28, and we’ve always been incredibly close. Point in case, she was the first person I told that I was pregnant, besides my husband of course.
I told her essentially a week after I got a positive pregnancy test, which was about 3 months before her wedding.
I told her that I was going to tell our parents and my husband’s parents around the 10-week mark, but she told me that I should hold off until her wedding in September.
I’d be like 4 months along at that point, so I wouldn’t be showing really, and she thought it would be so special for her to be able to make an announcement about a ‘special guest’ at her wedding and it’d be her first niece or nephew, and my parents first grandbaby.
I agreed because it seemed like it meant a lot to her, and, again, we were super close and I was happy to do that for her!
Turns out, the first trimester was awful with morning sickness and exhaustion – I would have preferred to be able to talk about it with my mom, but I was willing to grin and bear it for my sister’s wedding.
Well, the wedding came along, and about halfway through the night, I asked her when the announcement was happening. She told me that she had changed her mind and that her wedding didn’t seem like a good time or place to announce my pregnancy.
I was obviously super upset since I went through a really awful first trimester with only my sister and husband to lean on. I decided I wasn’t going to put the announcement on hold any longer just for her, so my husband and I pulled my parents aside and quietly told them, and told them to keep it private for the evening.
They were thrilled, with lots of hugs, and a few tears, but a very touching and private moment. Literally, no one else found out until I announced it on social media a week later.
My sister found out around the same time as my social media post when my dad mentioned how we told him about it, and she texted me and called me a jerk who made her wedding about myself, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.
I’ve messaged her and apologized probably a dozen times since then, but she refuses to talk to me, and now she refuses to come see her little nephew who is almost a month old at this point.
My parents and partner think I did nothing wrong since she went back on her word, and that I should just wait it out and she’ll come around.
I’m obviously unsure as clearly, this has made her so upset with me, and we were so close before. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was all set to say you don’t announce that at a wedding thinking you grabbed a mic and told the whole wedding.
You didn’t. You told your parents. Just them. And it clearly didn’t create a fuss at the wedding because your sister didn’t even know until a week later when your parents told her.
You know what happened here, right?
Your sister didn’t want you to steal any of her wedding thunder leading up to the wedding. She saw this as her time and the focus was supposed to be on her upcoming life event, not yours. That’s why she told you not to tell anyone at all and then she’d announce it at the wedding.
I don’t think she ever planned to announce it. It was just a way to keep you from telling anyone so she could be the center of attention for months.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you told them discreetly after your sister played an obvious trick on you.
Clearly, it didn’t even make an impact on the wedding because it took her being told it happened to even be aware of it.
I don’t think she ever intended to make that announcement. She just didn’t want attention taken away from her while she planned her wedding where she did a really nasty rug pull.
She essentially denied you of much-needed support during a very touchy time so her special day remained front and center.” artorianscribe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the people saying otherwise don’t seem to be considering that she actually didn’t alert you to the change of plan.
You had to ask when it was going to happen halfway through the reception and then she just tells you oh I changed my mind. Extremely selfish to not tell you that before. You literally waited a month and a half to two months so she could make the announcement at her wedding.
Absolutely nothing wrong with pulling your parents aside after this has been the day in your mind that they would find out for a long time.
I don’t want this to be over the top, but it almost seems to me like she didn’t want people to know beforehand because people would be congratulating you so her announcing it at the wedding was a way to make sure nobody else knew beforehand and then telling you that she actually decided differently was a way to make sure nobody found out at the wedding either.” Zestyclose-Egg6211
13. AITJ For Letting My Partner Confront A Coworker?
“My partner is a year my senior in high school, we’re in the same mentor-mentee program along with Jen, a girl from my class. My partner has some popularity in my school and the aforementioned girl was one of his admirers and was upfront about it.
I started going out with my partner in my senior year and Jen was our biggest ‘supporter’ and used to tell me she have a crush on ‘us’ (The idea of me and my partner being together). We graduated high school and parted ways
In the middle of last year, Jen joined as an intern at my partner’s workplace and is still so enthusiastic about me and my partner, according to my partner she sometimes subtly inquired about our relationship. She has reached out to me as well but I wasn’t too keen on being friends with her and mostly kept her at arm’s length.
I don’t know when it started exactly, but when my partner and his coworkers got together (or when Jen have the chance to chat with my partner) Jen started mentioning stuff about disloyalty in a relationship and dropping hints about me being disloyal and not being fully committed to our relationship.
She ended up accusing me of having a third party and showing him a pic of me and another guy eating out while they were having lunch with other co-workers.
My partner knows the guy I went out with and he knows the reason I went out with him, he also knows there’s no possibility of me ever cheating on him or disrespecting our relationship.
He thanked Jen for looking out for him, but there’s nothing to worry about and he’d prefer if Jen could stop obsessing over our relationship. Later that evening he tells me all about how Jen’s accusations of me and how he respond and mentioned how he would have been harsher if they weren’t in public.
He ask me if I’d like to confront Jen because I was the one being slandered. I tell him I don’t really care for that but since he’s the one being harassed, he can go forward as he likes and I’ll also ask Jen to stop harassing him.
The confrontation happened yesterday, my partner wasn’t too polite with Jen and even ask for reassignment with all his work relating to Jen, which embarrassed Jen to tears, she complained about me and how she’s afraid her career might suffer from it on social media and some people reached out to me and tell me I messed up and I shouldn’t have my partner, who’s a man confront Jen, the fairer gender.
They say I should be the one doing the confrontation and shouldn’t have put another woman in a difficult position.
I don’t think me and my partner did anything wrong but at the same time, I kinda get that for a woman a confrontation with a man might be uncomfortable and even scary.
What do you guys think, does this make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your partner is Jen’s coworker. It’s on him to handle it. You should not be involved in your partner’s work relationships, even if you are friends.
If Jen can lie and manipulate she can take the heat when she’s called out on it. Your partner is handling this correctly. Stay out of it. Both of you should block Jen on any social media and avoid her socially moving forward.
If your partner had to work with her he should be polite and otherwise don’t engage about anything not directly related to the work at hand.
Also, I would try to have someone else around whenever they interact at work.
Your partner may also want to loop his manager/HR in, just in case Jen tries to make trouble for him.” ughneedausername
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, you are not responsible for your partner’s actions. You told him that he gets to handle this the way he wants.
And you are not responsible for that. Do I personally think he should have yelled? No, but that’s his decision and I personally am a – try the least dramatic way first. But that’s still a personal choice and I can see why he got mad.
Still, his actions are not your responsibility.
I do think that his asking to be reassigned was a smart move. She sounds like a manipulative lying bee. She doesn’t respect boundaries. She’s trying to disrupt your relationship and now she cries for being called out.
The fact all her friends are coming toward you just shows how manipulative she is. She should have kept out of this. This is on her.
And then calling like ‘Oh you should not have let him do that?’ that’s some back-sided internalized sexism.
If we are equal, then he has every right to confront her. Of course, he shouldn’t get violent, but he is allowed to defend himself and his relationship.” SmannyNoppins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she can proposition him and continuously harass him after he tells her to stop nicely then she can hear a harsher worded no and be reported for harassment at work.
Stalking and harassment of men by women are just as serious as men harassing and stalking women; they should be treated with the same urgency and contempt. She doesn’t get to manipulate people with her tears as she lies and pretends to be a victim.
Women crying does not equal truth or weakness.
You and your partner did nothing wrong… Please get your partner to report her to his HR department again for escalation of harassment via her social media posts that caused you both to be harassed by her friends/followers and request she leaves your partner alone at work and in his private life.” A************1
12. AITJ For Not Driving For My Son's Friend Who Farts In My Car?
“The other day I was driving my son (14m) and his friend who lives nearby to soccer practice. They usually take the bus, but sometimes I will drive them before work. As I was driving, I heard a loud fart coming from my son’s friend, followed by laughter from both of them.
Apparently, he is doing it at least partly on purpose, because they have a dumb ‘farting joke’ they think is funny. He even pulled his legs up before he farted to demonstrate he was doing it on purpose.
I told them point blank that this was not funny at all and asked my son’s friend to not do that again in my car.
A few minutes later, he farted again and busted out laughing. My son had a smirk on his face but was trying to hold back his laughter because he knows I asked him not to. At this point, I pulled over to the nearest bus stop (we live in Europe so we have great public transport) and told my son’s friend he will have to travel the rest of the distance by bus.
Later my son told me he was embarrassed in front of his friend and thinks I treated him a bit too harshly. Apparently, the kid was also late for practice and the coach scolded him. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a retired psychologist who worked with a lot of teens, I highly approve of this. You asked the kid to stop and gave him a chance to do so, then followed through with the consequences of crossing the reasonable boundary that you set.
No one was unnecessarily hurt or yelled at, and the intensity of the consequences fit the intensity of the boundary violation. The cherry on top is that you are a man who didn’t just let the behavior go because ‘boys will be boys’.
Good job OP!” DrKittyLovah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kid has to learn that when you’re in someone’s car, they will have rules. And if I was in your position, he wouldn’t be allowed in until he learned to obey them.
If it was a true digestive or medical issue, I would say YTJ, but the fact that he and your son saw it as a joke, shows he was doing it just for laughs. Yes, it was embarrassing for your son, but let him know that if he breaks people’s car rules in someone else’s vehicle, he might find himself being dropped off at a bus stop, and he can learn true embarrassment.” Apprehensive_Size484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Although, if I were you, I would have immediately sent a text to the kid’s parents. ‘Hi. I was giving your son a ride to practice along with my son, as you know they both take the bus normally.
Your son kept farting on purpose after I asked him to stop. It was not accidental or uncontrollable, he was doing it to be funny. I dropped him off at a bus stop on the blah street at 3:25 pm so that he could still get to practice.’
If the off chance something happened and that kid didn’t show up at practice, you would have been responsible. As a parent of a young teen boy, I get it too. I don’t wanna drive around another kid stinking up my car on purpose.
But I would have made my own kid go on the bus if he wasn’t like ‘Hey cut it out’ and still laughing about the farting.” SourSkittlezx
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk About My Financial Contribution?
“I (F 41) am currently on maternity leave. In my country, we are entitled to up to 18 months while the job stays safe. While I still got my leave, it is not paid as I had to reduce my hours in the year before the birth of my daughter to help my husband (M 51) who injured himself during a squash game and later went on to have long term complications from something fairly common now.
I still have six more months and am in the process of securing my baby’s daycare spot.
A few days ago, my husband approached me regarding my spending and what he feels I should be contributing to the finances.
He said he feels he’s being taken advantage of because I use his money. I must stress, I love my job. I am not unwilling to work and am enthusiastic about returning. He claimed I was averaging $1000 a month.
First of all, I have started keeping better track of what I spend. I have been tallying everything down to when I just pick up a soda.
In both January and February EACH, I stayed under $500 (my dad also gives me money each month due to the lack of subsidy).
In January, I only added up at the end of the month JUST TO SEE how I did without thinking too much about it. I admit, I could be better but I am clearly not as bad as he is saying.
A lot of my spending does go towards clothes/toys/necessities for the kids, extra groceries, gas, and hygiene products. Basically, he wants us to act like we have separate finances. I sometimes buy wine to have on hand and frivolous purchases like clothes are often made at thrift shops.
I went into the marriage understanding that our money went into our day-to-day account and it was considered ‘our money’. I am only not working now because I am caring for the baby and I reduced my hours before that FOR HIM.
I told him I believe that’s marriage should be like regardless of each partner’s salary and refused to discuss further until I had time to cool down. He thinks I’m a jerk. So, AITJ for not wanting to discuss my ‘financial contribution’ in the middle of an unpaid maternity leave?
My husband is great at the debate and often makes me second guess. But I’m having a hard time getting past my own feelings here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Present him with a bill for your lost wages during the time he was injured, for the lost income now on your maternity leave, and for the cost of surrogacy (most surrogacy plans include the birthing costs, but the surrogate gets paid on top of that), and for all of the hours of work, you put into the home (childcare, cooking, cleaning, all of it).
Give it to him, and then tell him you’re willing to discuss finances and what you should be paying… Or more specifically, how much he owes you now.” Unabridged_Nick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t have completely separate finances when you have children.
Caring for the baby is an in-kind contribution to the household.
Having a budget rather than free for all spending is fair (he should also have a budget for casual spending), but you have made a huge sacrifice for your family that will affect your earning potential for years.
A second sacrifice, that is, as you ALSO had a financial sacrifice to support him during his injury.
He needs to understand that you & your baby are his financial responsibility fully for the next 6 months and that if you were not there, the costs of caring for this baby while he works would be astronomical.
If he’s so worried about it, offer to set up a household budget so he can see where all the money goes – including general kid expenses and a moderate casual spending budget for you both.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can understand a spouse wanting to reign in needless spending AS A COUPLE. To measure outgoings and make sure there wasn’t a major financial problem with cash flow.
However, your spouse has couched it in terms of ‘yours and mine’ instead of a joint enterprise.
This is a huge issue because he is ignoring the huge burden of childcare and its effects on a woman who has to take time out for maternity. He appears to be oblivious to the economic contribution mothers make in taking their time out.
Is he a first-time parent at 51? AND does he think he is ALSO your dad too?” HoxtonLover
10. AITJ For Not Holding My Nephew?
“My (21F) brother (25M) has a four months old son. His wife is a stay-at-home mom, but sometimes she asks for family members to take care of the baby for short periods of time to have a break and relax.
The child is my parents’ first grandson and the first member of the ‘new generation’ of the family, so they love the baby very much. I live with my mother.
The problem is, both I and my mother work from home, but my mother has a lot of online meetings and I have very flexible hours, so last time she decided to take care of the baby, she just left him in my bedroom and came to see him in the interval of her meetings.
I don’t hate children but I’m not good with them. I’m very sensitive to loud noises, touching other people is unpleasant for me and I have very high anxiety, so I usually avoid small children (I know it’s not their fault and I 100% don’t get mad at them nor their parents).
Besides, I have low immunity and get sick very easily, so it’s not good for neither me or the baby to be close to each other. I talked to my brother and he knows I’m not a good babysitter so he’s okay with me supporting them from a distance.
But I couldn’t just leave the baby there so I tried to take care of him. I had to search on YouTube how to do most of the things. And the baby just wouldn’t stop crying after more than one hour after I tried everything, feeding, checking the diaper, holding him, singing children’s songs, getting the toys, like, I tried absolutely everything I could think of, so I just put the baby back on the stroller, laid on the floor and had a complete meltdown.
My mother finally came to check on the baby and started screaming at me for ‘abandoning’ the baby.
So this time, when my mother told me she would babysit my nephew again, I told her it was fine, but she would have to take a day off work.
She said she couldn’t because she is saving for a new computer and I told her that either she takes a day off or don’t offer to babysit my brother’s son, cause if she left him with me again I wouldn’t even touch the baby before calling my SIL to come to get him.
My aunt ended up babysitting the baby. My mother is crying and telling me I’m ruining her chances of seeing her grandson with my egoism. She told my brother that I said that she couldn’t help because I hate his child so much that I don’t want to touch him, so he’s mad at me and I still haven’t had the chance to explain.
Everyone is mad at me. AITJ? I thought I was doing the best for the safety of the baby by refusing to put him at risk in my care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is out of line. She seems to think your time and effort, whether or not you have the skills or inclination, are hers to use as she pleases.
Her redefining your unwillingness to tackle infant care and related discomfort as ‘hating the baby’ and ruining ‘her’ time with the baby is illogical and manipulative. You are okay not being ‘a baby person.’ Lots of nice people are the same.
It’s wise that you recognize it’s unsafe for unskilled you to be in charge of an infant. Refusing to allow yourself to be pressured into that situation again is an important boundary for your safety, privacy, and comfort.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have every right not to be a kid person. And you being honest about that is the best you can too because, in the end, it will not be good for the child either.
The one thing I think you could have done differently is how you approached this with your mom.
Instead of demanding, she takes a day off, it would have been better to tell her ‘I cannot babysit while the kid is here, are you able to watch him during your meetings? Can you postpone some of the meetings’ Because coming with demand never works well for these kinds of things?
Still, I find your mom’s reaction really over the top, and she’s the true jerk here. Like she still gets to spend time with her grandkid, she just needs to plan her own time around this better. What if you would not live at home?
Would it then also be your fault? And her telling your brother lies about you. That just sounds super manipulative.
Send a message to your brother to explain. They will understand, they want their kid to be in good hands too – that’s the most important thing.” SmannyNoppins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mother is. She offered to babysit. She has to take care of the baby. He is not your responsibility.
Group text your brother, aunt, and SIL. Explain that your mother is lying. Explain to them exactly what happened. Explain that your mother offers to babysit but dumps the baby off on you.
Or you could just not bother and every time someone says something, tell them that your mother isn’t tell them the truth.
Keep your door locked so your mother can’t just come in and ‘abandon’ the baby. Stay out of the house as much as possible when your mother has the baby.
If you can afford it, move away from your mother and go low contact.” Careless-Image-885
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Demonstrate How Things Should Be Done With The Baby?
“I have a 6-month-old baby. Many times, my mom will say that she wants to come over to help me with the baby so I can get some housework done.
I appreciate the sentiment, but my mom is not good with babies. Never has been. I really don’t know how I made it past infancy.
She refuses to change or feed my baby because it makes her nervous. She gets frustrated dressing her because she won’t stop wiggling.
She can only pick the baby up in very specific positions because she can’t readjust her once she’s holding her. And if the baby starts fussing my mom will freak out and demand I take her back.
All this is fine, in general. I get that some people just aren’t baby people.
But my mom also comes with tons of unsolicited advice.
Lately, it’s been mostly about feeding because we’ve recently started giving the baby solids. My mom comes in with all this, ‘Well don’t you think you should do it like _______?’ Or, ‘Don’t you think it would be better if you did _______?’
Finally yesterday I said, ‘Well why don’t you stay for her next meal so you can feed her and show me what you mean? Otherwise, I think I’ll just keep doing it my way.’
Later she started doing the same thing in regard to getting the baby to sleep.
I said, ‘Well why don’t you come over tonight at bedtime and you can give me a demonstration? If you’re not gonna do that then I don’t need any more advice.’
She got all quiet after that, then eventually said, ‘I was just trying to be helpful.’ She left shortly after.
I feel kinda bad now. I know my mom has good intentions, but she was getting on my nerves. Was I too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if she feels a bit ashamed at her own lack of parental skills that it makes her feel better to be ‘helpful’ by giving advice.
She does seem to lack some skills in the parental category.
I’d sit her down and tell her that you know she wants to help but offering parenting advice is not helpful to you. If she wants to come over and be helpful you’d love it if she could help by doing some of the housework so you could relax and focus on the baby.
That will make her feel like she’s helping and you don’t have to handle the parental advice.
If she continues doing it, then lay down the boundary telling her that she cannot come over and tell you how to parent.” stormoverparis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t feel bad. If she can’t do the basics she doesn’t get to tell you how to do x, y, or z. Heck, she doesn’t get to tell you what to do with your child regardless of her capabilities.
It’s your kid, not hers. Sounds like she can dish it but not take it. Her replay was a guilt trip because she couldn’t handle being shut down.” Witty_Comfortable777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom doesn’t have good intentions.
Any sane person would’ve either learned to hold a baby or chosen not to babysit. Your mother only keeps coming back because she’s been able to force the baby back on you. She only cares about what she wants and says, not you, otherwise, she would have reflected on her actions.
You need to permanently put your foot down. She’s either there to watch the baby or leaving because she’s being more of an inconvenience than you just watching the baby yourself while cleaning would’ve been.
Your mom’s feelings don’t matter if she’s talking to you like you’re a maid instead of her daughter.
She doesn’t deserve you if she can’t treat you like a grownup human being.” mimi7600
Doesn't sound to me like she ever intended to be helpful, but rather wanted unlimited opportunities to criticize the way you d things with your child, but get "credit" for "helping", simply with her presence.
My mom had a phrase to describe people like her; "More a hindrance than a help."
Just thank her for the thought, but tell her that you'd rather she not be stressed by "helping " with the baby, and if she still wants to give you a break, invite her to pay for a babysitter if she likes. And then drop the subject.
8. AITJ For Telling My Friends About My Roommate Eating My Food?
“I (25F) share an apartment with my roommate (25F), who has been acting strange recently. I started noticing that my food was disappearing, and I couldn’t figure out where it was going. I decided to set up a camera, and to my surprise, I caught my roommate eating my food without my permission.
When I confronted her, she got defensive and accused me of overreacting.
Feeling angry and violated, I decided to tell my friends about what happened. They were shocked and couldn’t believe that my roommate would do something like that. One of my friends even confronted her about it, which led to a big argument between them.
As a result, my roommate lost her friends and is now angry at me for ‘ruining her life.’
I feel guilty and unsure if I should have told my friends about what my roommate did. Am I the jerk for causing my roommate to lose her friends by telling them about what she did to my food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your roommate stole your food. If she’s really upset about you ‘ruining her life’ maybe she should be upset at HERSELF for stealing your food. I’m calling it stealing because that’s what it was. She didn’t have your permission, after all.
She is 100% the jerk here. If she didn’t want to lose her friends, maybe she shouldn’t have been a jerk and stolen your food in the first place.
She was also a jerk when you confronted her with it. If, say, she were on medication that gave her midnight munchies and apologized and bought you replacement food, she’d not be a jerk.
Instead, she got angry and doubled down.
The consequences of losing her friends are 100% her fault. You just showed her friends a truth she wanted to hide.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – cuz unless you’re intention was to cost her friends, it was the consequences of the situation playing out.
People vent about the frustrating problems that is life. (Venting doesn’t equal bashing, for your information)
I don’t know, I feel like it’s a bit harsh to end a friendship over that though… My first thought is a concern about your roommate not having food for themselves and why that is… Like does your roommate need food assistance?
If your roommate was just eating your cheesecake cuz it’s a cheesecake that is crappy, but if they were eating food because they need help that’s another thing and probably needs to be fixed… Roommate might need help adulting if that is the case.” Drawn-Otterix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t need your help to lose her friends, her stealing from you, trying to gaslight you into believing you were the one eating all your food after you had video evidence of her stealing and eating your food, and her lying is what cost her the friends.
Not you. Ask yourself why her friends were so willing to believe you and not her. This is her typical behavior, and all those people knew it.” solitarybydesign
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Stay With My Husband's Grandparents Overnight?
“My husband went to prison a few months before my son was born.
My husband’s family was never really accepting of me because when we got together I wasn’t what his family expected to love. Well, he came home about 2 months ago and he got a really good felon-friendly job an hour and a half away from our home town so I uprooted myself and my child away from my support system to live with my husband.
Due to past trauma I don’t really like the idea of strangers taking care of my child, especially because he is hearing impaired and doesn’t speak much or very clearly so we decided I wouldn’t work until my son starts school.
Last week on Friday afternoon, my husband’s grandparents showed up at my house and I was excited because my son hasn’t met them and I felt it would be good for him to get to know them.
About an hour into visiting, they asked me to pack up an overnight bag and some money for food as they were there to pick him up and take him back to their house for the night.
I said no because they are strangers to my son. I called my husband who was about to get off work and told him his grandparents were here and that they were insisting on taking my child with them to their place which is also in our hometown.
He told me that he asked them to do that so we could have some much-needed alone time as husband and wife since we don’t get to be alone anymore. I told him it made me uncomfortable and I was not letting what are essentially strangers to him take him to another town an hour and a half away overnight.
After about 10 mins of going back and forth and getting nowhere, I told him to come home and we’ll talk about it in more detail but I’m dying on this hill that our child isn’t going anywhere with them alone, especially not overnight.
His grandparents kept insisting that they raised multiple children and that one night away would be beneficial to me and my marriage. I just don’t feel comfortable with it, my son cannot communicate clearly and has specific routines, restrictions, and needs that they don’t know about and I’m not going to put him in a situation where he’s not getting those needs met with people he has never met before today.
I told my husband If he wanted a night alone with me, I could ask my parents to babysit him as they have been around his whole life and know everything he needs to be safe and comfortable. My husband thinks it isn’t fair that my family can watch him but he cannot.
I’m getting the silent treatment now and I’m starting to think I was being too overprotective.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, meanwhile the dad was in prison his family could’ve visited or offered support and gotten to know your son but they didn’t so they don’t get to call you irrational now.
Dad doesn’t get to spring things like that on you and your son and his family that stayed away doesn’t get to make demands of you and your son after meeting him for the first time. Yes, your family that has been there, knows him, knows how to care for him, and learned how to communicate with him get to spend time with him alone, it would be remiss to put your son in danger with his family that knows nothing of his needs or personality.
Your husband is the selfish a******e in this and his family is not far off from him. If they cared they would’ve tried to have a relationship with your son before now. So what if you’re protective of your son?
You’re the only one putting your son’s needs first and you had to care for him alone until your husband got out of prison… your husband should be thanking you, supporting you both, and learning about and getting to know his son not adding stress and being childish.” A************1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was the first time your son was meeting his grandparents so they are strangers to him. It would not be a good idea for them to take him for the night after just meeting him.
Once he gets to know them and they understand his needs after more visits you may be comfortable letting him stay with them overnight. They’re being too presumptuous and entitled telling you to pack a bag for him without even discussing it with you first.” Ok_Report_3201
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you lived in the same town as his grandparents until your husband was released? They didn’t take the time to know your child then? They left you to be a single mother for how long because they didn’t support your relationship though you stuck with their felon grandson while he was incarcerated. But now they want to help your marriage and know your son as long as you chip in for food.
They’re jerks. They wasted three years when they could have bonded with your son and supported you.
I get your husband is trying to make up for lost time with you as his wife and life is different than when he left, but he’s a jerk for springing this on you and expecting you to suddenly trust people who didn’t look out for you while he was away.
That’s terrible. Please tell me marriage counseling is ongoing because he needs to work out his priorities and you need to get support for the trauma you have dealt with.” wildferalfun
6. AITJ For Gifting My Wife With Cash?
“99% of the gifts I give my wife she returns.
Even if I buy something she has told me she specifically wants. Even if I buy it off of her Amazon wishlist. It will be the wrong color, or style, or size, or something.
She loves to read. So I got her a book she kept talking about wanting to read.
Back it went.
These days I have two options it seems. I can either shop online or in person with her and get her something she tells me to purchase or I can give her cash.
I don’t see the point of scrolling through a website or sitting in a store waiting for her to pick something.
So I just give her cash.
The last straw was Christmas. I bought her an antique photo frame for a picture of her and her dad that had been in an old IKEA frame for years before the frame got smashed in a move.
So I found a frame that fits in with the style she has for her office. She said she loved it. Then returned it.
She is mad at me because I’m not making an effort to buy her gifts anymore.
That’s not true. I still take her out for dinner at restaurants she loves. I’m planning our vacation this year somewhere she loves. And I’m giving her money. I’m just not giving her a physical object she will return.
She is upset because all her friends get gifts from their SO and she gets cash.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are just saving everyone time and effort. You are saving not just your own time but also the person who helps you at the retailer. And the delivery drivers. And your wife’s as well. You going out and buying her a gift only to have her return it is the same as giving her cash with a few extra steps.
I do like that you are still giving her things she cannot return like a dinner out or a vacation somewhere special. This is the way.” SecretJealous4342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wife is the jerk. Returning gifts is rude and hurtful, especially if you put effort to buy something they said they would like.
Her actions have proved that she doesn’t like the things you buy her so you’ve done the right thing by trying to buy dinners and vacations, and giving her money. And she has the audacity to complain that it’s still not enough while not offering any solution?
Your wife needs to communicate better about what she wants.
I don’t know your relationship but if my husband returned something I bought him I would be deeply hurt.” Faithbot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but instead of giving her straight-up cash, offer to take her on a shopping trip together to make her feel special, not like a chore.
Taking her to a nice meal, like a date, and spending time looking for a gift together will make her feel special and she gets exactly what she wants. And you don’t need to spend unnecessary energy on thinking of what to get her, but it is more personal than giving her cash.” mantamama
5. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is A Liar?
“I picked my sister up from the airport yesterday and we got home a little before seven.
She said she was hungry and suggested we go out to eat. I said I was done driving for the day, but I have plenty of food in the house. She looked in my fridge and said ‘You don’t have any food.
Let’s go out to eat.’
I told her she was welcome to go out to eat, but I was staying home because I was tired. I had to go straight from work to the airport to pick her up, and I was done for the day.
She said, ‘But you don’t have any food.’ I said I have pasta, rice, veggies, shrimp, tofu, french fries, and all kinds of stuff. I have a ton of food and can make dinner.
She said all that has to be cooked and she’s too hungry to wait.
I said the food at restaurants also has to be cooked, and also I have yogurt, applesauce, hummus, and salsa if she needs a snack. She said that wasn’t food because it was cold. I told her she can borrow my car and go where she likes, but don’t say there’s no food, because there is.
She said she wasn’t going to go by herself, so I said fine, I’ll make dinner.
She complained that she was hungry and suggested we order takeout because there was no food. I overreacted a little and said ‘Quit being a liar.
There is food. You don’t want it, but it is here. If you want takeout, order it.’
She accused me of gaslighting her and said condiments aren’t food. I said I was done talking to her for the night.
I said I would make her a plate and she could eat it or not and if she doesn’t want it to put a cover over it and put it in the fridge but don’t talk to me the rest of the night.
I ate in my room. When I went out to clean the kitchen she had left her plate on the counter where it would have spoiled overnight.
I woke her up and asked her why she did that, and she said it was because I called her a liar and cursed at her.
I called our mom and said to get her a hotel room because I changed my mind about her staying with me. I dropped my sister off at the hotel and she flipped me off. I feel bad because I’m supposed to be an example to her and shouldn’t have cursed at her.
Maybe I overreacted because I was tired and my actions caused everything to snowball out of control.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards NTJ. I was going to say you kinda suck for speaking that way to her, but if she’s old enough to stay at a hotel alone then she can handle that.
But your sister… wow. Cold food is still food. Pasta, shrimp, French fries, those aren’t condiments. And she’s just soooo hungry but then goes to bed without eating because you didn’t do what she wanted. She deserves the cursing for misuse of gaslighting.
It isn’t gaslighting if you state the truth and someone doesn’t want to hear it. You had food! It was true! Although claiming that shrimp is a condiment and food isn’t food as an argument for the need to go out to eat, now that would be gaslighting.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister was hungry and wanted a hot meal after traveling. As the host it is your responsibility to make your guest comfortable. That means providing a meal, takeout, or going to a restaurant. Asking her to cook for herself was not acceptable.
She probably doesn’t want to risk wrecking your car, so lending a car isn’t a good solution. She had to practically beg you for food and you wonder why she’s upset? You should not be hosting anyone and should have suggested a hotel, to begin with.” tootsandcats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is a major jerk here. She could just have said ‘I really want to take out tonight’ and been done with it. Instead, she lied and argued with you about the food you had available and then accused you of gaslighting her, to try to get her way.
If your sister is an adult, she should know how to communicate like one. Not try to be manipulative and lie to get her way.
You did the right thing dropping your sister off at a hotel. If she’s this much of a handful just to get a meal, I’d hate to see how she’d be if it were something difficult.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because you kept pushing it, and woke her up to kick her out. That’s worse if she’s very young, but I don’t need to actually ask ages, because it sucks no matter what.
She’s obviously a jerk, and you were correct that she was lying.
But (even though she’s your sister and crashing with you), at that point you needed to not take responsibility for her. She could eat or not, order takeout for herself or not, and that’s it. You even offered to let her drive herself to a restaurant, for Pete’s sake.
You were a jerk mostly to your mom.
However, don’t pick your sister up from the airport anymore or let her stay with you, as she’s apparently an ungrateful brat.” Tangerine_Bouquet
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Quit My Job Just To Make My Partner Happy?
“I and my partner have been together for a little over a year. Ever since we’ve been together I’ve worked in a different state and come home on my week off.
I love my job and make really good money that allows me to help support my family. I’ve always been very close with my family so it feels great to be able to pay back all support given to me during my years of struggling.
I’m gone for 2 weeks at a time and home for a whole week off. I love my schedule and I think the work I do is really fun.
After our 1st anniversary, my partner has changed a little bit and has been asking more about our future and settling down.
I told her I want to stay at my job and save money to buy a house eventually. She’s been telling me that being away for 2 weeks at a time is really hard for her and that I should find something in town.
I told her I’ll look for something in the same field but it’s a lot harder in our area to find. I’ve been searching for the past 2 months and I haven’t been able to find open positions for my kind of job anywhere within 200 miles.
She’s been getting really impatient and more and more confrontational every time I go back to work. She’s been telling me If I can’t find something in my field I should just find something else to do for a living.
I’m not college educated and I only have years of experience in this one field so if I switch I’m right back to barely being able to support myself.
This last time I was going back to work we got into an argument about me leaving and she told me I need to figure it out soon because this is too hard for her.
I finally snapped and told her she needs to******* up or just travel with me out of town because I’m not quitting my job, stopping helping support my family, and surviving paycheck to paycheck just to make her happy. I’m making sacrifices in my present to help build my future and our future if she still wants to be a part of it.
She ended up calling me a jerk and that I care about money more than our relationship. So AITJ for telling my partner that I’m not quitting my job just to make her happy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Let’s be real for a second, you have been with her for one year and she’s struggling hard.
It takes a very certain type of person who can handle a work schedule like that. (Think about military and other related jobs where SOs are gone for extended periods of time). unfortunately, not everyone can handle it and she doesn’t seem to be in that camp.
Anyway, I think your suggestion of ‘come with me’ is a good one, you all could possibly think about moving to where you work and visiting home on your off weeks that way you are together more often than not.
On a separate note be careful with ‘supporting your family’ if they need the support it’s a good thing to do but you also don’t want to be financially responsible for them for an extended period of time otherwise your life will get harder.
If they don’t actually need the support and you are doing guilt payments or something then take a step back and dig into that.” firetothetrees
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I don’t see any woman that would be happy with their partner being gone three weeks out of the month.
You should be more empathetic to your partner, she loves you and it’s hard not having her partner around. Also, why do you have to ‘support’ your family, I can understand helping out a bit but putting a lot of your income towards your family that maybe have their own income as well seems like a lot.
Either way, you probably will lose her over this. And it’s not reasonable to expect someone to travel with you, what about their job? I don’t see someone accepting this as a partner unless you move to where your job is located and find someone who lives there.
Everyone sucks here.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also you need to recognize that your job isn’t conducive to building a life together with someone. If you want to prioritize your job and keep the one you have, that’s valid.
However, your being out of town for three weeks out of a month is going to take a toll on your relationships at home. Long-distance relationships are tough. If she’s not on board anymore, and you’re preference is to prioritize your job, perhaps it’s time to cut ties with the girl who wants more from you than you’re prepared to give her, so she can find a relationship with someone who will be a participant in her daily life rather than a visitor for a week every month.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner pitching a fit and trying to get you to quit your job is immature and short-sighted.
She is telling you that having a relationship where you are gone two weeks at a time is not what she wants and it makes her unhappy.
She wants a future with you and to her, that means living in the same town full-time. Your response to her was essential that you don’t care how she feels. This is what you want to do. You are asking her to sacrifice for what you want.
This is a make-or-break relationship situation, time for you to decide which you want more. If it’s the job, then cut her loose and stop wasting her time.” Similar_Pineapple418
3. AITJ For Defending My Coworker After She Received NBA Tickets From Our Boss?
“I work at a restaurant as a line cook. There’s a waitress named Alyssa.
Alyssa is a very attractive woman, and our boss hits on her a lot, and it’s really weird for 2 reasons. First of all, I’m pretty sure she has autism, so his remarks go right over her head.
Like once he said ‘You look great when you wipe the tables down’ and stared at her a*s, and she said ‘Thanks’ Once she said, ‘Registers are closed is there anything else you need me to do?’ And he said ‘Oh I can think of a few things’ and she said ‘Oh, it’s not my turn to mop it’s Jessie’s’ (another waitress).
The other reason it’s weird is that Alyssa is married and 24 years old. Our boss is 46. Her husband is a cool guy too. She doesn’t work much anymore but every week or so when she does he and their baby will come in and get dinner.
He also picks her up because she doesn’t drive I don’t think, so sometimes while he’s waiting for her to get a beer or something I’ll talk to him. He’s pretty chill, she seems like she’s well taken care of.
So the Lakers were in town lately and often Alyssa will wear a Lakers shirt. When there’s a big basketball game she’ll wear a Lakers jersey. She’s mentioned she and her husband are big Lakers fans. Our boss has season tickets for our local team and gave her 2 tickets to the game.
I’m pretty sure he expected to go with her, but she (obviously) brought the tickets home and went with her husband. I’m pretty sure it was
My boss was complaining about it calling that really rude and inconsiderate, I said: ‘I don’t know she’s a married woman, why would she go to a basketball game with another man?’ And he said ‘I thought it was pretty obvious it was something for me and her, not her husband’ and I said, ‘So you thought a happily married woman, who is a loyal wife, would go on a date with someone over 20 years older than her?’ And I thought he’d laugh with me but he actually got really mad and sent me home.
I’m planning on putting my 2 weeks in. I also plan on telling her husband about the boss’ remarks about her. I’ve only spoken to him twice but he seems like a smart guy and will know what to do.
Maybe this wasn’t my business though and I should’ve just not said anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for defending Alyssa.
But you would be the jerk if you directly approach her husband. Alyssa is an adult, and she should be allowed to decide what happens.
You say you think she’s autistic because she doesn’t ‘get’ when your gross boss hits on her, but speaking as a woman, sometimes being deliberately obtuse is the safest/best option when it comes to gross people with power over you, hitting on you.
So actually, you don’t know if she is. And even if she is, that doesn’t mean you should take away her agency and approach her husband like she’s a child.
I think you’ve got the best intentions, but in my opinion, speak to Alyssa, and not her husband.
See what she wants to do.” daladoir
Another User Comments:
“Your inability to imagine that this woman is well aware of your boss’s harassment and is simply very skilled at deflecting it is really telling, as are you trying to ‘solve’ this for her through her husband rather than talking to her – but the bottom line is you should not be talking to either of them.
What you said to the boss is fine. It’s the rest of it that is not great.
People with autism are perfectly capable of holding a reasonable conversation, and you are treating her like a child or as if she is mentally incompetent.
Maybe she doesn’t choose to talk to you about it. Maybe the harassment is why the husband comes.
Stop infantilizing her and stay out of this. Even if she isn’t picking up on the boss, this is none of your business and you are clearly paying way too much attention here when you’re clearly not that close.
YTJ” butimean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t tell her husband, that’s none of your business. I work in a male-dominated field, and what Alyssa is doing is playing dumb. If she actually didn’t understand, she would at some point ask for clarification of the weird creepy comments.
Playing dumb is remarkably effective when you’re in a situation where there’s no immediate practical recourse for dudes being creepy.
However, some guys don’t tend to understand that there are consequences to making waves. Women don’t put up with crap because we’re delicate snowflakes, or our feeble lady brains can’t think of confronting someone, we do it because we know the likely repercussions and have made an informed decision at the moment.
A shocking number of dudes seem to think this kind of harassment is both unusual and a reflection of their manliness as a partner and will cause a huge amount of trouble over it.
Either Alyssa has already told her husband because she knows he’ll be supportive, in which case you don’t need to, or she hasn’t because she knows he’d chuck a tanty, and you won’t be doing her any favors.” reddit_username_yo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Him more than you
You for assuming she’s autistic and thus doesn’t understand what he’s saying to her when from the sounds of it she’s playing dumb to get through her shift and get out.
The tickets thing is a clear example. She took the offered gift and then did what she wanted, which was to take her husband. She didn’t fall into the obvious trap of offering to take her boss (which you know makes no sense) with her.
Your boss for all the obvious reasons of trying to creep on his much younger employee and getting huffy for being called out when it continues to fail.
TALK TO ALYSSA, SHE’S AN ADULT AND IT WOULD PROBABLY BE OF SOME RELIEF TO HER TO KNOW AT LEAST ONE OF HER COWORKERS IS AWARE OF WHAT YOUR MANAGER IS DOING.
She’s cut her shifts down and she brings her husband and kid in as a clear sign she’s happy.” Fun-Replacement1998
2. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out For Refusing To Babysit My Son?
“I (f30) live with my husband (m31) and our son (m5), my sister (f22) is still in college and has to move out with us three months ago because she had some issues with her roommates.
Things were going fine until this argument, also she doesn’t work but my parents send her some money for textbooks and groceries although she barely ever has contributed to the household since she moved in with us. We also live in a different state from our parents and family so I’m basically throwing her in the streets by kicking her out which would make me a big jerk.
So, my son comes back from school at around 3 pm/3:30. My husband works until 6 and I work until 5 although sometimes I have to stay an hour or two extra (this is not normal, maybe three or four times per month when we’re behind in a project).
We had a babysitter that would wait until he was back (he comes back home via the school bus) and would stay with him until I or my husband come back from work. However she recently discovered she’s sick and told us that she can’t continue working as she has to go through treatment, we thanked her for telling us and wished she would get better soon.
I asked my sister to babysit our son until we can get a new babysitter given that she doesn’t have classes at that time. She told me she never agreed to babysit when she moved in here and that I should’ve told her beforehand so she could find somewhere else to live.
I told her that I knew this wasn’t our agreement but this was something exceptional since our babysitter has medical issues, it’s not either of our fault and she would prefer a 100 times to not be in this situation. She still told me she can’t babysit because sometimes she has to go to the library or to study with friends and babysitting would limit her hours of studying.
I got angry, maybe too angry, so I told her that we never ask anything from her, we helped her because we wanted to be kind to her, and yet she can’t even compromise to stay a few hours home just until we find a new babysitter.
I ended up telling her she has a week to leave because we will not be providing food or a roof to a jerk like her. One of my son’s friend’s mom is taking care of my son now, they go back to her home together and I pick him up later.
My sister tried to apologize but I told her I don’t want to live with her because she showed me her true colors. She also has told our family and a lot of them are giving me problems for leaving my sister homeless.
My husband, my in-laws, and friends support me but it feels hash if my family isn’t on my side, makes me think I’m a jerk, to be honest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were not asking her to babysit indefinitely just literally to help out while you looked for an alternative.
She was all fine and dandy with living with you for free while not contributing at all to the household and the first time you asked her for temporary assistance with something she made it clear that she has zero intention of helping out ever.
You are under no obligation to help someone out who would not reciprocate when you need them.” Frosty_Emotion_1431
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You were in a tough situation, your babysitter left you for medical reasons and you needed short-term help until you lined up a new sitter.
Even if your sister paid some of her expenses, it is reasonable to ask her for help for a couple of weeks while you look for a new sitter. It could have been for some days of the week while you relied on other help (like you are now) for the remainder.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for your sister to refuse to help you at all but I calling her a jerk is extreme and undermines your position.
Kicking sister out with a week’s notice is also harsh, a month is usually standard.
If I were you, I would tell your sister that her apology is accepted, but you still want her out within 30 days. All the family members saying you were wrong are welcome to help her with her housing situation. Just let her know that you have reorganized your life and household to house her, and at the first request for temporary help, she made it clear that she does not want to reciprocate.
You should apologize for the name calling, but be firm about moving her out in 30 days.” barefootwondergirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you are angry because your sister lives the life of a child but is an adult in your house.
I suggest you breathe and then have a talk with her. Ask her why you are obligated to help her but she doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate when you are in need of help. Then, if you choose to let her stay, tell her it will no longer be a free ride because what you once did out of love feels unappreciated so now it must be more transactional. You can also tell her you give her one month to move because this is no longer working for you and in order for you not to resent her, you cannot live with her.
What makes you a villain is the one week. That is hard to do. Tell your parents and other family members that you feel taken advantage of and when they take a side, it shows who they favor in your eyes so please stay out of it.
Your sister bit the hand that fed her because your parents did not teach her to be grateful.” Mrfleas
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You snapped, you know you did. I would have told her ‘Okay, I apologize that this was short notice but you can’t expect us to help you when you won’t return the favor from time to time.
I am no longer willing for this to be a one-sided relationship and I think you should either look for a job to pay rent or you find elsewhere to live’. I think a week was too harsh, would you be able to find somewhere to live in her circumstances at such short notice?
And was the insult really necessary?
She sucks because I’m genuinely sick of this whole idea that people can expect free housing, food, utilities, etc with putting absolutely no contribution to the house. Whether that was the exact agreement isn’t relevant as everybody is expected to contribute to a shared home.
Especially when they are unable to help in every other way due to a lack of finances. It’s not an everyday thing, it’s temporary for an hour and a half for a few weeks while you and your husband keep the roof over all of your head.
You aren’t asking the world of her.” TheSuperAlly
1. AITJ For Telling Someone To Respect My Daughter's Personal Space?
“So I was walking home with my daughter. She sat on the tram (I’m not sure what it’s called in English – barnevogn in Danish) and my friend walked by.
She said hi to me and then to my daughter by clapping her on the head. My daughter hadn’t seen my friend before so she was a stranger to her, and she got visibly scared and upset after. I saw this and told my friend that she probably got upset that she touched her, and told her to try not to do it again.
My friend then got mad and I asked what was up and she said: ‘I’m not going to say anything because I have nothing nice to say’. It got awkward and then I excused ourselves and continued walking home.
I’ve noticed a lot of people just touch her, even strangers on the cheek or the top of her head.
I think it’s weird since you don’t touch stranger adults either. I wouldn’t like it either if some stranger touched my head or my cheek.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but lots of us are socialized to approach little kids exactly like that (I know I was), and your friend probably did it unthinkingly, with good, affectionate intentions.
The interaction took such an unexpected turn for her that she felt extremely awkward and lashed out. It’s a learning process. You were absolutely right to call her out, because it is weird and kids’ personal space should be respected, but not touching a kid affectionately can be really counterintuitive depending on where you are from and how you are raised.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You could have just said ‘She doesn’t know you, that’s why she’s upset’ or something along the lines of how you have taught her how it is wrong for other people to touch her.
You are correct for protecting your daughter, there was just a nicer way to say it to your friend. If after saying it nicer, she was still offended, well then that would be completely on her.” WhatDontIUnderstand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Protect your daughter’s body autonomy from adults who feel entitled to touch her. What your friend did was rude and disrespectful. No one would want to be greeted that way. I would clap this friend’s head and see how she likes that.
People disrespect the body autonomy and personal space of children all the time and it is abusive, cruel, and also dangerous as it teaches kids that their body is not their own and it makes it easier for predators to take advantage of them.” Neonpinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting random strangers to touch your daughter. Eww.
YTJ or NTJ for your interaction with your friend, depending on how you said it.
NTJ if you laughed and said ‘Oh wow, she didn’t like that, haha, it’s probably better if you let her get to know you before touching her.
She’s like that’ then fine, you said it in a friendly manner while getting your point across.
But if you got all indignant and firmly said in an unfriendly manner ‘She is upset because you touched her and you should try not to do that again!’ (as if your friend had done something outrageously inappropriate with her friendly greeting) then YTJ.” newfriend836639
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