People Aren’t Sorry In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Using A Photo Of My Potential Future Self To Curb My Binge Eating Cravings?
“I struggle a lot with cravings and binge eating. I could easily consume 5000 calories in a day but because I used to play soccer it was okay. However, two kids later, I sometimes get stressed and want to order a whole pizza, down a bottle of soda, and eat an entire cake in one sitting… Which is unhealthy.
I’m already overweight, but if this continues I could become morbidly obese. Now I’m trying to reach for fruit, sugar-free drinks, or popcorn and when I get cravings, I just look at my photo as to what I could become and try to find other ways to manage my stress.
My friend saw my phone screen and asked what that was about, and I told her it was my motivation to not binge eat. I’m still easily consuming 2500-3000 calories a day but at least I’m not binging.
She told me it was messed up, and that I’m fat shaming and need to grow up and listen to my body when it’s hungry. I just told her I’m not even dieting yet, I’m just trying to stop giving in to my cravings.
I feel like I’m not the jerk but who knows? She has been acting weird around me ever since and ended our visit early.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but hear me out – I spend a lot of time on Twitter dot com and for some reason, even though I never interact with these spaces, I come across pictures of both random thin people and random overweight people (without their knowledge, of course) as “thinspo”.
It irks me every time. Imagine someone had you as their lock screen so that when they get a craving, they can look at your photo and go “man, I don’t want to turn out gross and disgusting like her!
Better put the sodas back on the shelf.” Honestly, I think it’s majorly messed up. I don’t think this kind of self-hatred-by-proxy is conducive to a healthy lifestyle. I feel for you OP, I really do.
I’m sort of in a similar boat and while I don’t binge eat, I do have obsessive behaviors/thoughts about food. But I’m working on changing my eating habits as well as exercising a little and at some point, I’m going to seek out therapy to work on myself.
I suggest you do the same as well. More importantly, I’ve realized that I’ve never liked the way I looked no matter what weight I was, so I’m working on accepting my body as it currently is, which I understand can be hard for some folks post-kids.
Best of luck, OP.” Soulfire1123
Another User Comments:
“I think light YTJ for explaining it. I agree that you can look at the picture in private, but if you consider your home screen private, you should have just said that you didn’t want to explain, and if you don’t consider your home screen private, then I don’t think you should have it set as this.
I don’t think using your own disgust towards fatness and the idea of your own potential fatness is necessarily the healthiest way to deal with those cravings, and so you should avoid exposing other people to it.
If it’s the lesser evil for you, that’s fair, but other people might not want to be exposed to that disgust.” Extension_Ad_972
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re NTJ for trying to manage disordered eating as best you can and your friend isn’t a jerk for feeling uncomfortable with the fatphobia inherent in not wanting to live in the body of an overweight person.
Fatphobia is in the air we breathe in our culture and it doesn’t surprise me at all that you find the photo supportive when you’re coping with what sounds like a really painful pattern of disordered eating.
That said, eating disorders are truly difficult and I wish you so much luck with this journey. If you’re able, I hope you can find more professional support to help you as you work through your cravings.” queenofnewyork
20. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Share His Food With Our Neighbor's Kid?
“My partner made himself a plate of leftover Chinese food for lunch today. At the time we had the neighbor’s kid over to play with our kids. The neighbor’s kid asked if he could have some too.
My partner said no and ate his plate of food. The kid is 5, when I heard this story it broke my heart.
I told my partner in the future to either send the kid home first or only eat what he’s willing to share with him.
My partner thinks he should do whatever he wants in his own home, regardless of who’s over. He also said if it was one of our kids who asked he would of course share. He doesn’t like the neighbor’s kid and feels feeding him isn’t our responsibility.
AITJ for expecting him to share or at the very least send him home so he isn’t eating in front of him?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your partner is right. He shouldn’t have to share and he shouldn’t have to tiptoe around his own house.
You ask from a place of “concern” for the boy but what if he had a food allergen in your partner’s food you two didn’t know about? Have you gotten a list of what he’s allergic to and what he isn’t?
Also; just because an adult is eating doesn’t mean a kid needs to. If your partner had made food for all the kids minus the neighbor kid then yeah that’s a jerk move. But making himself a snack or meal isn’t wrong.
Adults eat more than kids usually. And there is nothing wrong with gently telling the kid no.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think. That is, yes it is super rude to eat in front of people and not offer them some of what you’re having, especially if it’s something of a treat.
On the other hand, do you know for sure that the neighbor’s kid has no allergies? Maybe he’s not allowed to eat that food at home for a particular reason and that’s why he wants it.
But also, if your kids that the neighbor’s kid was playing with weren’t eating, he shouldn’t expect to get anything either. Your partner would have been the jerk if everyone in the house was allowed to eat except the neighbor’s kid.
However, from the way you wrote it, it was literally just your partner eating while the kids played. So in that circumstance, I would say he is not a jerk. Your partner has a point that it isn’t his or your responsibility to feed the neighbor’s kid unless he was specifically invited over for a meal, but you are certainly entitled to feel bad about eating something special in front of him without offering any.
So no, I don’t think you’re a jerk for wanting your partner to share either, (although it is a little cruel to tell him he can’t eat if he’s hungry just because the neighbor’s kid is over).” Deondebomon
Another User Comments:
“I agree with your partner. The kid was there to play, not to eat. Were your kids supposed to just watch the neighbor kid eat a plate of Chinese food at your house?
Kids and adults have different rules. Just because YOU know the kid doesn’t have allergies, doesn’t mean your partner knows. I’m going with no jerks here because, although your partner was right, your heart was in the right place, but if you continue to make this an issue, your partner might just decide to not let the neighbor kid be at your house if you are not there (permanently sending him home, so that he can eat whenever he wants).” Himkano
19. AITJ For Uninviting My Cousin From My Wedding For Not Helping My Stranded Niece?
“I (36F) grew up with my cousins as if they were my siblings, so the fact they are technically extended family means little.
The cousin I refer to in this post moved to Detroit a few years ago as she married a man there. I am in Canada, a few hours north of the American border.
My sister’s daughter, we can call her Liz (15F), went to Ohio to spend a week with a friend who moved there, my sister’s husband dropped her off and is now camping in a no-service area, and will be back Tuesday night.
He is the only one who currently has a passport, and since he is in a no-service area, no way to notify him of any emergency.
Liz originally was going to be picked up Friday by my sister’s husband, however, there has been a death in Liz’s friend’s family and she needs to come home now.
We can get Liz on a bus to Detroit, close to the Canadian border, to be picked up on Tuesday when my sister’s husband regains cell service.
We asked our cousin if she can take Liz in for a few nights until we are able to cross the border and get her, and our cousin stated she is too concerned about recent health issues to do that.
We asked if she would be willing to drive her into Canada as she has a passport, and we could meet her at the border. She was also not willing to risk having someone in her vehicle.
Liz and my cousin were close before she moved to Detroit in 2019, and they continued to chat on the phone at least once a month. Liz is a close relative and not a stranger.
We are figuring out how to pick up Liz, however, I told my cousin that they are no longer allowed at my wedding if this is how they treat a stranded family member who is only 15, and not old enough to stay at a hotel on her own.
I have been told by several family members I am overreacting… so AITJ?
(I am aware it wasn’t the brightest idea for the only one who has a passport to be in a no-service area during this time, but again, this is my sister’s family, and that’s not what this post is about.)”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is there a reason that Liz can’t stay where she is and catch a bus to arrive in Detroit on the day that her dad can be there? Secondly… as an actual local to the area you’re referring to border crossing… have you considered trying to see if taxi services are able to take her over the border right now?
I know the tunnel bus isn’t operating at the moment, but you just need to get her into Windsor, so there’s got to be some option. I know some taxis would be willing to bring people across.
Given, being a minor crossing the border without a legal guardian might be a problem. I didn’t get a passport until I was an adult and have never had to travel with a teenager so I don’t know how that would exactly play out.” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“I am legit worried for Liz. I have some ideas you may not have considered. 1. Call the administrative office of the camping area where the dad is. Give them a description of his car.
Ask that they track him down, and tell him to call home ASAP. Offer to pay for the camp worker’s time. If there is no administrative office, call the cops in the municipality where the campground is located with the same request. 2.
You or your sister pay a friend with a car and a passport to go pick up Liz. Give him/her the papers Liz needs to get back into Canada. If there’s still some “Liz can’t back into Canada without her legal guardian” issue … pay for the two of them to stay in a hotel in Detroit until the dad can get there.
3. I think you’re in Windsor? Buy Liz a train ticket from Detroit to Windsor. Have your sister run down to Windsor with Liz’s papers. Talk to the Canadian border patrol about this situation in advance.
4. Call the Canadian Embassy in Detroit, to see if they can be of any assistance.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Being worried about health issues isn’t just ‘oh I don’t feel like doing that’, it’s a legit concern.
Your sister, her husband, and perhaps to a lesser degree the friend’s family are responsible for the problems here. Your cousin isn’t stranding anyone and you’re being completely unfair to cut her out for it. Why don’t you go down, if you’re so determined to have someone take responsibility for Liz?” Left-Car6520
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Overweight Cousin On A Hike?
“In recent years I’ve made more of an effort to be close to my family. My family all hates my mother and distanced themselves from her, but now that I’m an adult I can facilitate my own relationships.
I’m very into hiking, and there’s a certain mountain in our area I’ve wanted to hike. I invited one of my cousins, Sarah, because I know she loves outdoorsy stuff. Sarah agreed and suggested inviting one of our other cousins, Jeffery, who also loves hiking apparently.
I like Jeffery but I didn’t know because we haven’t spoken that much since we were kids. One person led to another and we now have 8 people going on this hike. All are at least somewhat fit and in decent health.
My uncle’s wife suggested inviting my cousin Jessica because she doesn’t get out much and it would be good for her. I suggested we invite her to a different event and suggested going to the beach next weekend.
I stated that Jessica isn’t in the best shape and that hiking this particular mountain might be hard for her because of her weight and health problems (her knees and back often hurt). I didn’t say this but if something happened none of us would be able to carry her back to a car because she’s around 300 lbs.
Everyone agreed but then my uncle’s wife ran her mouth to Jessica and now Jessica’s feelings are hurt.
I apologized to Jessica but stood by why I didn’t invite her, stating that she’s not in good shape and she probably wouldn’t be able to complete the hike safely.
I invited her to the beach next weekend instead and she refused. She now won’t talk to anyone and is making posts on social media about how the world hates fat people.
AITJ for not inviting my cousin on a hike because of her weight and health?”
Another User Comments:
“You explain the hike route, explain the risks and physical demands, and then let the person decide what they want to do. Remind them (politely and kindly) that if they need to stop someplace on the trail, you will meet back up with them on the way down.
But, frankly, a group of 8 people will already probably not make the entire hike to your satisfaction and you don’t really know anything about their skills except they seem fit. I think if there is a hike you really want to do, do it with people you know have a similar skill level.
So, shame on you for just assuming she couldn’t do it and others could. Of course, your cousin was set up to be hurt by being volunteered to go on this hike. She probably didn’t want to go but was trying to be a good sport.” LogicalVariation741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anecdotal, but I have a cousin with a physical disability who is a bit overweight and continues to invite himself to events that require much mobility (local hikes, local block parties, and festivals that require lots of walking, etc.) This disability does not prevent him from walking or anything as severe, but he does use a cane often and has difficulty standing for long periods of time, and by his own admission, it exacerbates his condition.
It seems to reason that he would know not to attend or make alternative plans if mobility is an issue, but that is not so. We’ve had to leave a hike over an hour’s drive away because he was not able to make it up the first hill.
The last block party we went to, we sat in one bar the entire time and missed the rest of the events. I do invite him to other types of events, but I think he just hasn’t come to terms with his lack of abilities.
I sometimes feel bad about excluding him, but I cannot enjoy active things that I want to do solo or in a group without hurting his feelings. I am active and try to stay that way for my own health reasons, so it seems we are at an impasse.
I’m sure your family members would have thought you to be terrible if your cousin came on a hike and got stranded or you left them to go at their own pace. I understand your issue, but I think you are being reasonable.
The other person, however, is the jerk.” moonprizmpwrmakeup
Another User Comments:
“I am fat. You can probably tell that by my username. I am 6’4 and weigh over 300lbs. I move under my own weight, can run, swim semi-often, and walk over 10000 feet a day due to my job.
I am not fit, I am not healthy, I am obese, but I manage. However in terms of fat people on my weight, I am probably on the healthier end and have some strong legs. I also know there are a lot of events I can’t do.
Because I am fat. I know I cannot do these events, not because they are fatphobic or anything like that. But because the laws of physics are not on my side. And it doesn’t matter how much you wish things worked differently.
This means I accept there are certain things I cannot do unless I lose a lot of weight. I am also, as I mentioned, tall. This means that there are certain things I cannot do due to my height.
If you are upset you cannot do something, you need to accept you need to change things yourself. (Obviously, this exempts anything genuinely ableist) NTJ.” ThatFatGuyMJL
17. AITJ For Refusing A Promotion At My Job Due To Lack Of Pay Increase?
“I work as a cashier/stocker/bartender at a busy local farm/orchard.
I have a great work ethic and have been recognized by my manager and the company owner for such. Unfortunately, because my employer refuses to ever pay more than minimum wage, they eventually lose all their best workers, because they promote them to opening and closing responsibilities, supervising other less motivated workers, staying until all customers leave the property, and counting/balancing the till at the end of the day.
So basically you get more responsibility and stress with no hope of advancement and with no benefits.
They have been having a difficult time getting new employees because even the local high school students can make more money elsewhere, and the rising cost of gas limits who is willing to drive out to the farm.
I am worried about the farm going out of business because it provides an important local source of fresh produce. They keep their U-pick prices low and allow people to purchase produce with ebt/food stamps.
I have a college degree but am in transition and took this job as a temporary easy, low-stress gig while I am taking some classes. Recently, one of our best employees and hardest workers left and I have been offered her position as a closer/opener.
Am I a jerk for refusing the position because they won’t pay me more when they are having trouble getting employees? I don’t know what they are going to do. If they can’t find someone, the manager and/or owner will have to do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a business cannot afford its staff, it cannot afford to be in business. You are not a charity. You are doing yourself, other workers, and the business itself a disservice if you do extra work for no pay.
I get it’s fulfilling a local need. That’s still not your responsibility to keep it afloat. Maybe local grants? Raise pick your own prices slightly? You’re an employee, not a volunteer at a charity.” PeggyHW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your assumption they will go out of business. Unless you see the financials, you’ll never know how the company really makes, particularly if they refuse to pay a living wage they are likely making heavy profits.
Many small companies like to feign poverty while the owners rake in money for themselves. If the owners gave a care about the community they’d figure out a way to pay people beyond the bare minimum.
You’re giving them far more credit than they deserve and giving yourself far less. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of, regardless of perceived circumstances. You should ask for a raise for taking that position – see what their answer is.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are grants for small farms (I applied for and received a small permaculture grant because I turned my old yard into an organic permaculture farm, and received said grant because I kept the whole, un-fenced front of my yard as a community garden) and massive subsidies for large farms. They can absolutely afford a few more dollars/hour for management positions.
Turn down the offer and tell them exactly why. They will probably fire you or retaliate, but looming recession or nah, places are still hiring and if they don’t hire, they will close. Workers have the power if we choose to use it.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Not A Mom, But A Stepmom?
“My sister got married a few days ago and she became stepmom to her husband’s two children. The kids do not call her mom and there has been a lot of trouble in her home because they say she can’t be their new mom and she has already started telling people she’s a mom and introducing herself as her stepkids mom.
Their mom passed away 3 years ago when the kids were 5 and 6 and the kids are now 8 and 9. My sister has known them for a little over a year. The whole wedding was a mess and I felt so bad for the kids.
They didn’t want to be there, they actually got out of their seats and walked away during the ceremony, and during the photos, we heard the youngest cry and say she (sister) wasn’t replacing his mom.
The day after the wedding my sister was at our parents’ and told us that being a mom is hard work. I told her she’s not a mom, she’s a stepmom, and if she wants to have a good relationship with them she should stop violating the boundaries they are putting down.
She yelled at me and told me I’m a jerk for dismissing the role and not accepting that stepparents can be just as much parents as bio ones.
Some of the family is split on this because she went and told them all.
A few have said she became their mom the day she married her husband and we all need to accept that. While others agreed that you can’t force it and she might never be “mom” to those kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right; she can’t just walk into that role. She is trying to replace the kids’ bio mom, which is impossible. It will take time for her to create a bond and develop relationships with them, and as it stands, she is sabotaging herself in that regard.
It’s not a matter of whether the rest of the family will accept her as the children’s mother; it’s a matter of whether the children will accept her in that role.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Stepparents can indeed be just as much parents as bio ones, but only if both sides accept the relationship. The kids have lost their mother. In time, they might see your sister as another mother figure, but no one can truly replace the mother they lost, and if she continues to push this they’ll absolutely grow to hate her.
The rest of the family can accept what they want, it doesn’t matter. It’s only the kids’ feelings that matter here.” Reasonable_Minute_42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, legally she is their stepmom but she’s really a stranger to them.
Those poor kids needed therapy and time to cope with their mother’s death before the marriage. Your sister and her husband’s lack of compassion, pushiness, and “knowing what’s best for them” is going to push them further away to the point of no contact once they turn 18.
Your sister needs to realize you can’t force anyone to love you or see you as their mom. If she doesn’t understand this then she’s in for a rude awakening as they age.” Sirenaide
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Rude Neighbor To My Party?
“My husband and I bought a fixer 2 years ago. From the first day we moved in, we felt very welcomed by our neighbors. But there’s this couple, Kate and Ken, that we’re friendly with but aren’t close.
They have been kind enough to have us over a couple of times for dinner but until this year, we weren’t able to return the favor because of all the work being done on our house.
Ken is great. He’s a fun person to hang out with. But Kate is someone I don’t enjoy being around. She’s friendly but she is cursed with a combination of bad manners, a lack of self-awareness, and weird personality traits.
She’s the type of person I’d be okay talking to when I’m out walking my dog but that’s it.
Earlier this year, my husband and I hosted a large housewarming cookout. We invited a ton of people including our entire street.
The party was great until Kate and Ken stopped by. Kate was holding their toddler son up to our very expensive dining room pendant lights and letting him grab one and swing it around. I asked them to stop but apparently, after I left the room she let him play with the other ones.
At one point Kate was trying to fix dinner plates for her family before the food was done and I had the chance to invite everyone else to come and get something to eat. I said “it’s not time to eat yet.
I will let everyone know when it’s time.” She says that they need to go put their kid to bed and she’s making to-go plates for later. I tell her fine, but I would prefer she asked first or come back after putting the baby down.
They leave without saying goodbye. Because of her behavior, my husband and I decided that we would not be inviting them to any future get-togethers in our home.
This brings us to the 4th. We had a small party the day before with close friends including two couples on our street with whom we’ve become friends.
We didn’t invite Kate and Ken. I am 11 weeks pregnant and didn’t have the energy to host more than 10 people. The next day at the neighborhood block party, Kate overheard our other neighbors talking about the party at our house because she loudly confronted me in front of everyone asking why I didn’t invite them to our party.
I told her that we wanted to keep it intimate. She yelled that I hurt her feelings by leaving them out because they have had us over so many times and that I’m a jerk.
I apologized for making her feel left out and that I didn’t intend to hurt her. Kate continues to scream at me but I walked away ignoring her. She tried to follow me but my husband got involved and told her that if she hadn’t acted so rude at our housewarming party, she might have been invited. He also told her that we didn’t have to invite them and that she will not be welcomed into our home until she learns some manners.
Some people came up to me and said we were jerks for not inviting them to our gathering since they’ve “been so welcoming” to us since we moved here but others have told us that she was wrong by acting the way she did.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Putting her kid up to swing on the chandelier (so to speak), told to stop and she did it again when your back was turned. Decided to help herself to food to “take out” before you announced dinner was ready/served. Then creates a public scene after discovering she wasn’t invited to a small event….
give me a break, time for her to grow up, take a course in etiquette and stfu. Good grief, nope she wouldn’t be welcome at my home either.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have to invite anyone to your home if you don’t want to but as soon as you started having these feelings you should not have kept accepting their hospitality and going to their home.
I find the encounter very odd in general. Did she really just start yelling at you on the street? That happens in movies, very odd. Hope you all can repair to be cordial, at least, if you run into each other at the store.
It’s a difficult life having neighbors you’re on awful terms with.” happyspec
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – She was rude when a guest in your home, on multiple points, and rude to confront you publicly at the block party.
The polite and kind thing would be for her to talk with you privately. That also goes for you and your husband. Better to talk with her later instead of responding emotionally. It doesn’t matter who was first, etc. If we are keeping score, she is in the lead for being a jerk.
She does have a point about reciprocating the hosting. Any time you don’t, people get their feelings hurt eventually or take the hint. I suggest you talk with them privately (not in your house) and see if you can explain your concerns, and apologize for the slight.
You may be able to reach a peaceful existence, even if you aren’t BFFs.” ResearcherExpress671
14. AITJ For Not Being Enthusiastic About My Friend's New Dominant Partner At Her Divorce Party?
“My friend Brittany (30f) and I (30f) have been planning Brittany’s divorce party for the last few months since she started going through her 3rd divorce. It was supposed to be a fun girls’ night out.
This is the first divorce party that she has had and it felt like a thing to celebrate since she was in a very controlling and abusive relationship.
Her ex Allen (31m) was into a lifestyle where he was her dominant.
He would give out orders anywhere they were at and she would have to follow them. Like he would purposely drop something on the floor and tell her to pick it up. She said after they broke up that she would never be with someone who was into that lifestyle again because it definitely wasn’t for her.
A couple of days before the party Brittany announced that she had been seeing a new guy that she met online Chester (39m). She said she met him a week and a half ago, but that she already wants to spend every minute with him and that he had been staying at her house since the first date.
She told me that Chester was into the same lifestyle as her ex where he is the dominant in the relationship but she is okay with that because it can work out if it’s done correctly and she trusts him.
She then tells me that she is bringing him to the divorce party and asks if that bothers me. I told her that it’s her party and she can bring whoever she wants. She then said that I didn’t sound very enthusiastic.
I said I want her to have a fun party so if she wants to have him there that is her choice.
Her party was last Saturday and he did come with her and he seemed really creepy.
He would get real stern and tell all of us not to buy her any more booze when she would leave the room. Anytime we would go up to the bar to get ourselves drinks he would glare at us.
The whole party he would act like he was babysitting her and she was acting more intoxicated than she normally acts. When Chester went to the bathroom Brittany asked me what I thought about him. I told her that I was worried about her and tried to get her to ride home with me instead of him.
She said that I was being a jerk and that I should be happy for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked what you thought about him and you told her. The guy seems like a real creep, and Brittany herself seems to be in need of some time to reflect on why she has been divorced 3 times already before jumping into another relationship.
It isn’t your job of course to control her choices even when you think she is making a mistake, but it is your job as a friend to be honest with her even if she doesn’t want to hear it.” CleverOne0255
Another User Comments:
“Poor thing, she needs to learn that it’s okay to be single and love herself for a bit before jumping into a new relationship, especially if the guy is the same as the last one, and she hopes “it can work out”.
She needs a therapist, not a new partner. Sounds like this guy is already quickly asserting his dominance over her and she’s convincing herself that she’s okay with it. Her body, her life, her choice… not sure what else you can do except tell her the truth as you see it and how he behaves when she’s not there.
Beyond that, it’s up to you to either support her or cut contact with her.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brittany seems to be repeating history. Hopefully, she figures out why she keeps going into the same pattern, but unfortunately, you can’t figure that out for her.
I wouldn’t mention her partner in the future but I would mention any worrying behavior you notice in her. Keep this observational and from a place of care, and if she doesn’t want to listen or talk strongly think about what boundaries you need with her for your own well-being.” EmpressJainaSolo
13. AITJ For Telling The Cop My Friend Caused The Accident?
“My friend and I have been friends most of our lives; since third grade and now we’re in the second year of college. My friend also has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has an ESA to help her with it.
And because of this, she doesn’t deal with stressful situations very well.
She’s also not the best driver unfortunately and has been in a couple of small accidents, myself being in the car with her for all but 1.
She also tends to speed on highways, going almost 100 at times to the point I need to remind her not to go too fast since I’m nervous in cars. She’s admitted that she speeds so much because she forgets her foot is on the gas.
On our campus, there’s a big building with a bunch of mini fast food places inside and it’s where most of the students go to eat if they decide not to go to the campus cafeteria.
Behind the building is a small section for student parking which is where this accident happened. Student parking is a literal nightmare here. So we’re in this tiny parking lot looking for a space when I notice someone has left a space behind us.
I point it out and she absolutely stomps on the gas while in reverse to get to it faster. I had also seen another car coming in behind us to enter the lot as well so I also had to yell at my friend to slow down because we were going too fast but it was too late and she hit the car.
Because of the amount of times I’d been in incidents with her and cars, I was kinda annoyed on top of being panicky from the crash. I told her while we were still in the car that this was her fault and that if I get asked by anyone, I’ll say it to them as well.
The other driver called the cops and a cop came and talked to both my friend and the other driver and then came to talk to me since I was the only other witness there. I told him what happened and that it was mostly my friend’s fault due to her speeding in reverse and then he went back to the other two.
During the whole thing, my friend was stressing out and probably on the verge of an anxiety attack. She was doing her nervous fidgeting so I could tell. I felt bad that she was feeling that way but I was also still annoyed at her because I’ve said many times in the past that her driving is a little reckless and makes me nervous when I’m in the car with her.
I think I’m the jerk because instead of showing her support and comfort in such a stressful encounter, I was being petty and ignored her as well as basically selling her out to the cop.
On the way back to our dorm, it was pretty tense and quiet.
She hasn’t really made conversation in a few days and when we have talked it’s pretty short and clipped and only when necessary, so I’m under the impression that she’s maybe not angry but upset at me because I sold her out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being truthful or for being upset. She was reckless, she should know better, she should thank her lucky stars no one was injured. The other driver needed comfort too. As did you.
Everyone involved was in an accident and those shake anyone up. I’d say the only “issue” (if you’d call it that) with telling the cop/driver/others it was her fault would be her insurance. As someone who was also accident-prone for a good few years, my father told me not to admit fault because our insurance payments would rise, and to let the insurance sort that out.
But that’s not something you, as a passenger, need to be concerned with in an accident, it’s way less important than safety.” Yuusaris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me get this straight: your friend with anxiety drives like the 4 horsemen are after her because she “forgets” her foot is on the pedal?
If this was true she should not be driving. That’s some special kind of dense. If this was a lie she is just a reckless jerk. Either way, she should lose her license because she is not safe on the street.
To expect you to lie to a cop is another red flag. Lying for her pure reckless driving. It could have ended way worse, this woman doesn’t belong in a car. Was the driver injured? Or you?
Whiplash?” MasterpieceOk4688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s depressingly easy to inflict lifelong injury with a moving vehicle. If your friend is that scattered and anxious, she should NOT be driving. I’ve had too many family, friends, and associates injured by reckless driving; 10 mph in reverse can be lethal … 100 miles per hour IS lethal. You don’t owe her unconditional loyalty when lives are at stake.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Downplaying My Chronic Pain To Doctors?
“I (F16) have been suffering with chronic pain since I was in 6th grade but haven’t gotten a medical diagnosis up until a few months ago, because my mom (F43) would always come to my appointments and downplay my pain.
While I wasn’t able to walk for days she’d tell the doctors it was because I “didn’t exercise enough” even when I did finally go to a doctor who would listen she told them the same spiel “she doesn’t exercise and all she does is eat sugar all day.” She’s even forced me to go to appointments about my weight because she thought I wasn’t eating enough and had lost too much weight (my chart had shown I’d been the same weight for a few years).
During the entire appointment, she’d keep interrupting me and my doctor asking if it was candida or something to do with my “awful posture.” The doctor kept telling her that no, all my symptoms pointed towards rheumatoid arthritis and MS.
After a few more interjections from her, I yelled at her in front of the doctor “you eat like crap too, you don’t exercise, and somehow you look half decent and don’t have any problems like I do besides, you haven’t even spoken to me in the past six months how would you know?” (My parents are in the middle of a divorce)
When we got in the car she started yelling at me and crying and when we got home she told my dad. We talked about it and since she isn’t going to take care of me she should stop emailing and communicating with my doctors.
She started yelling at us and stormed off to her room. I agree that yelling at her in front of someone maybe wasn’t the best but I feel like it was necessary for me to in order to get a proper diagnosis, so am I the jerk?
And what can I do to stop her from messing with my medical info?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ on this. Your mother’s downplaying is trying to stop you from getting proper consultation and treatment which will not be good for your health.
Try going with your dad, a friend or a friend’s parent if possible. If I were your doctor, I would ask her to wait outside the consultation room to give you a chance to explain your problem free from interruption to allow a proper diagnosis.
Try talking to your doctor if they possibly can see you without any interruption from your mother.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! When I was 16 my parents convinced a DOCTOR that my depression was caused by my ADHD medicine and not my birth control.
I had gone on both 3 weeks apart. So I was “un-diagnosed” with ADHD and now in my mid-20s I still can’t get ADHD medicine despite numerous doctors saying “hmm it seems like you have ADHD but without a psychiatrist willing to contradict that other one you won’t be able to be diagnosed. Since then I’ve been pulled off numerous birth control medications because of depression and anxiety.
Parents should stay in their lane when it comes to kids trying to communicate their health. Especially teenagers.” imnotpanickingyouare
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ OP I am so sorry you’re going through this. I also live with chronic pain, and it’s so important for the people around you to accept what you say about your own body, to listen to you, and to believe you when you explain your lived experience.
Stress and low mood can actually hugely impact chronic pain levels, so if you’re making an argument about medical neglect from your mother then definitely include something about that. Her behavior and attitude are probably actually making your pain worse, and it’s definitely impacting your mental health.
You should be old enough (surely) to request with a doctor that you see them alone and to state that you do not want your mother in the appointments. If your dad is more supportive and less intrusive maybe you can ask him to take you to appointments instead?” Spirited-Star-674
11. AITJ For Wanting To Donate My Papá's Ex-Wife's Stillborn Baby's Clothes She Left At Our House?
“My papá’s ex-wife had a late stillbirth due to an infection before they divorced. She involved her prejudice in their divorce and now my papá is not in contact with most of his family. When he got married to my dad, she gave them a very passive-aggressive congratulations.
When my baby brother was born, she started treating him as a replacement for the baby they lost and has been hostile towards him, hence why my parents make sure she’s never near him.
As I was walking back home on Friday, I saw her parking her car and getting a bag out of the trunk.
I ignored her and went inside. When she rang the bell, I brought her to the guest living room. My papá immediately told her to get out upon seeing the bag. I came to learn that the bag had their stillborn baby’s clothes and she was trying to bring up the past on purpose.
She claimed in her defense she just wanted to preserve memories of the baby they lost (she also said it was a “gift” for my baby brother, so I assumed she didn’t want the clothes anymore).
My dad said he is sorry for her loss and suggested seeing a therapist and possibly taking antidepressants (he’s a family doctor). She took it the wrong way and my dad told her she needs to heal from her PTSD.
My dad left to make tea; that’s when they started arguing in Spanish. She said my papá left her to rot and called him some bad words. He replied that she was accusing him of nonsense and told her to get lost. Then she declared he didn’t care about their children, including the stillborn baby, and was “happy the baby died because it made her vulnerable and easier for him to betray her”.
Luckily, my dad broke the fight off. She left the bag to spite us, mocking my parents by saying they’d surely like something in there.
My parents went to check on my baby brother after she left while my other siblings and I got the ingredients out for dinner.
After a few minutes, my dad called for me to come upstairs and I saw papá crying on their bed. It’s common for her to casually call him a slur and the comments about the children must have really gotten to him.
My dad asked me to go to the Food Basics near our house and buy an already-cooked chicken.
I asked him about the bag and he told me we should donate the clothes as we have no use for them and they symbolize the past; a period of grief that we need to let go of.
I don’t want to see my papá suffering any longer, so I went to my school and put the bag in my locker on the way. I haven’t donated them yet but I have the intention to on Monday.
My papá’s ex-wife got my sister to tell her what happened to the bag and is now furious. She said I discarded not only her feelings but the only thing she had left of her stillborn baby.
I have the opportunity to give her back the bag… I once told someone about her and they said I have no right to judge the way she grieves when my family was the one who “lied and manipulated” her (???).
My papá is feeling better now but I know he’s still hurt. I don’t know… was I in the wrong? My parents keep saying I’m not but they’re biased, but so is she…”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one because she LEFT the clothes at your house to hurt your papa. She may regret leaving them there genuinely. BUT. Giving them back also gives her a reason to show up with them again to try to upset your papa.
If she has done it once, she could do it twice. This woman seems to care more about hurting your papa and is willing to use their stillborn child as ammo to do so and it is disgusting that she would be willing to use the death of a child like this.
She is processing her grief poorly or not at all and is acting like a raging jerk. I am going to go with NTJ. I think you should donate them. This was a risk she took by leaving them there and could be regarded as a consequence of her using such things to try to hurt others.
If I didn’t strongly believe she would use them as a weapon again, I would say give them back, but I think she cares more about making herself still involved in your papa’s life against his will than anything.
Her peace of mind is not worth more than your papa’s at knowing she can’t ever throw this stuff at him again.” EnergyThat1518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ex-wife was being performative and passive-aggressive when she “gave” the clothes to your papa.
Since a gift is the possession of the person it is given to, the baby clothes are no longer Ex-wife’s property. Your [apa does not want or need the clothes for the new baby. Donating is fine.
However, since the clothes are not yet donated, it would be kind to return them to Ex-wife.” SaltMarshGoblin
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you may be awfully young to be placed in this position. It’s really hard to feel pulled in all directions, especially when it involves people you love.
Sounds like you’re doing the very best you can in a grown-up situation forced upon you when that really should be your responsibility yet (having a locker at a school, and I assume your responsibility at this stage of life is to be a kid – to learn) and because of this, NTJ.
You’re doing your best and doing the right thing by asking for help.” namenerd101
10. AITJ For Not Spending More On My Best Friend's Wedding Gift?
“My (32f) best friend (33f) of 20 years got married yesterday! I was in the wedding party, super excited to be there for her and help her celebrate.
A little backstory, I moved away from our hometown 5 years ago about 500 miles away.
We have obviously kept in touch and still feel as close as ever. I also recently had a baby (4-month-old) so between that and the distance I wasn’t able to be there for her to help as much as I would have wanted. I had to miss her bridal shower but was able to get to her destination bachelorette weekend a couple of weeks later.
All in all, between that weekend, the dress, shoes, hotel, and travel to get up for the wedding itself I have spent over 1000 dollars which for my family is a ton but I am happy to do it for her.
However, because of this, my budget is completely tapped out so for her present I just went to her registry and picked out something she wanted for about 100 dollars and had it sent to her house about a week ago or so.
Well as we were leaving the wedding last night her mom (who I consider a 2nd mom!) pulled me aside and said that she had expected more from me. That my friend had given me quite an expensive gift at my wedding even though she couldn’t attend (it was in my parents’ backyard with 10 people), that I hadn’t done a lot of typical bridesmaid duties to help, etc and she thought that my gift so should reflect that I guess.
I apologized but told her my family was tapped out and that if I could have done more I would have but she just scoffed at me said I should have found a way to get a better gift and walked off.
Guys, I feel absolutely awful. I didn’t even think about how much she had spent on my gift (about 300 for context). AITJ for not spending more?? I do have a little more savings I could contribute to like the honeymoon fund or something as a secondary gift but not sure if that would solve anything?
EDIT: the bride has not and I don’t think would ever say anything about it and I hope doesn’t feel this way but to be honest I am too scared of conflict to ask which is why I came here!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being in the wedding party doesn’t mean draining yourself dry. The fact that you even gave her a gift despite your limited resources is going the extra mile in my books. If one of my friends told me/I knew that they were in a tight financial spot and had to get me something cheaper for my wedding, I’d say “You don’t even have to give me anything.
Just come.”” painforpetitdej
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. This is a typical case of just being awful humans who care more about materialistic things than memories and moments. The fact that you are considering spending more just to make them happier shows you are a good person but seriously don’t people like that do things to get things.
Not for the memory. You did what you could and that should be enough…. And if they still make you feel like a jerk… compare all monies value for everything you spent for her wedding vs how much your friend did and invoice the mother the difference.” Fuzzy_Necessary4642
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – don’t hold this against your friend but nobody is ever entitled to more of your money than you can afford to give. You and your family are not supposed to starve just so your friend can have nice things.
I’d mention in passing to the bride that you hope she doesn’t feel that way – to quietly let her know what’s been said to you because you might well not be the only person the bride’s mother is trying to extort money from and that’s super awkward and rude, especially as you have spent the money in other ways to be there.” redcore4
9. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Dying Father Alone Because Of His Racism?
“I (34M, white) have 3 kids with my wife (30F, black). I love them all to death. My parents are “uncomfortable” with my lifestyle, and even though they met my wife and kids, they never approved of my family.
My father died two weeks ago. Before that, my mother called me and asked me to come over, because my dad wanted to see me for the last time. I said I’d come the next morning, but then my mom said that I should come alone and not bring “those people” with me, as per my father’s last wish.
I completely lost it, called them both racist, and told my mom I won’t be coming over.
Two days ago at the funeral, my mother called me an ungrateful son, a disgrace to the family, and my siblings told me to just leave and let it go.
Later I got texts from a bunch of family members, calling me a jerk for letting my father die alone and breaking my mom’s heart.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask each and every family member what they heard.
If it’s different tell them the truth. If they know, or find out and double down, make a list of everyone to block and cut contact with. Bonus points if you’re petty and block all their numbers, and make a big social media post tagging everyone and go “please don’t talk to me about anyone tagged here.
Don’t tell them info about me. Don’t mention me to them. I don’t associate with racists who think it’s okay to tell me that being married to my wife, a black woman, is a “lifestyle” and refuse to respect her, me, or our kids.” Make sure you mute them first though.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your father didn’t die alone. He unfortunately died surrounded by people who share the racism he had in his heart. Though you may have wanted that chance to say goodbye or wanted to give him a chance to see you again, you didn’t have control over the circumstances that prevented you from being able to do that.
Some people, on their deathbed, ask for forgiveness or they realize something they want to correct or address before passing. Your father had control over that and unfortunately chose the hate over the love he had for you.
As for your mom, she made the choice, not you. She broke your heart, not the other way around. Don’t allow your family members to guilt you because this is all on your mom and her words to try to turn the situation on you when it’s her who needs to own her actions.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me start this off by clarifying one thing. Your family is your beautiful wife and children and people who love and support you and your family whether they share DNA with you or not.
All of these “family members” are extended family at best, and at worst the people that you no longer have contact with because they support racist jerks. I still offer you condolences on your father’s death.
I’m just really sorry that you did not get the father or mother that you deserved. Please know that you are a wonderful husband and father for supporting your family and protecting them from that hateful behavior.
I am incredibly impressed that you turned out so amazingly well despite your parents’ ugly ideology. Please ignore anybody who’s trying to chastise you for protecting your family and keep those people away from you guys.
Good luck!” Jovon35
8. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because My Roommate Is Pregnant?
“I do not like kids, at all, however, I support all my friends who want kids and will be part of those kids’ lives to help my friends.
Here’s the issue:
I moved into a new place with some of my friends about 2 months ago and recently one of them said she was pregnant and does not know who the father is (I’m not judging her we all love one-night stands and sometimes things happen) however I do not want to live with a kid much less a newborn and she can’t afford to live anywhere else.
We split the rent between the three of us so if I moved out I know that they wouldn’t be able to afford the place on their own.
I spoke to my landlord and he agreed to let me off of the rent contract however we right now pay about $750 each and I know if I moved out it would go up to about $1100 for the both of them.
I told them I don’t want to live with a new baby and want to move out and they’re calling me a jerk because my friends won’t be able to pay rent without me there and that moving out while my other friend now has to pay expenses for hospital visits, baby stuff and all that comes along with it she’s going to be very tight for money even at the $750
I thought about subletting my room however no one wants to live with a new infant.
Of course the baby won’t be here for another 9 months so I have time to think and plan however I’m really set on leaving if she’s staying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not intentionally screwing them over, you simply did not sign up to live with a newborn. I wouldn’t either. It’s not your responsibility to help your friend pay for anything baby-related; she’s choosing to have the child so this is what she has to do.
It’s also not your responsibility to keep the rent low for 2 other adults. What if you had to move out for any other reason- change in job location, illness, injury, etc.? You’d have to do what was best for you then too and they would have to deal, like they have to deal now.
It kind of sounds like they’re more upset that you’re not on board with the baby and everything that entails.” DorothyZbornaksArmy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you signed up for living with two of your friends – not two friends and an infant child.
You deserve to live in peace and quiet if you so decide, and you’ve done your homework by letting the landlord know you want out of the lease. As the arrival is still several months away, I suggest staying for a few months to help allow your roommates to find someone else to take the room.” smackof_ham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The fact that she’s already trying to guilt you that she can’t afford things now because she has to spend money for the baby should let you know that you’re doing the right thing.
Imagine when she’s heavily pregnant and demands you guys to do everything for her. Or when the baby arrives and she’s overwhelmed and the apartment is a mess with a screaming baby. Not to mention the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Maybe this will be a wake-up call that she shouldn’t expect her friends to help subsidize her life because of her poor decisions.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Trying To Evict My Freeloading Brother-In-Law From Our Inherited House?
“My brother-in-law is in his 40s and has never lived on his own. He has always lived with his family rent-free. He smokes every day, plays video games all day, and has never had a job for more than five or six months at a time.
He takes all of his money and buys video games, and what he considers collectible toys which is in reality worthless junk.
My father-in-law died two years ago, my mother-in-law died two months ago. As a result, my wife has inherited half of the house and he hasn’t inherited the other half.
He has told us flat out that he has no intention of leaving because it’s his home and we should be letting him live there even though we technically own half the house. It’s valued at $350,000 and has no mortgage.
My wife and I are very well off and have more than enough money. We even float the option of having him pay us rent equal to half the rental value of the house.
But in the first month of his living there the smell is awful, the electricity has been shut off, dishes are piled up and never get cleaned, he has not done one load of laundry, and the bathroom is disgusting.
We are concerned that he is going to destroy the house and make it unsellable in the future. So we have told him flat out that he has one month to find his own place and we would even pay first, last, and security advancing him the money until the house is sold and then taking it back when we divide the funds.
We also try to make him understand he would be walking away with a little over $150,000 after all fees and expenses are paid. (We know he will blow the money within a year on stupid stuff and end up homeless but that’s not our problem..) That will give him rent for quite a long time.
But he doesn’t want to do any of that. He wants us to continue to support him like his parents supported him but that is not gonna happen. He thinks we’re being selfish because we have so much money, but we have so much money because of wise spending, frugality, education, and hard work.
None of our success financially has anything to do with any of his efforts and he is not deserving of anything from us. We are currently locked in a struggle to get him out. Am I the jerk for trying to kick my brother-in-law out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have a brother like that… did something very similar when our parents passed… at the same age… you need to untangle yourself from the house. No scenario is going to work sharing ownership of the house.
He will never pay rent, he will never keep the house up. Talk to a lawyer about how to get out of the co-ownership of the house. FYI – while you co-own the house, you are partly liable if anything happens there (Ie brother has a party and someone gets hurt, etc).
You can’t fix him, he is an adult. For your own well-being, you need to get out of the house ownership.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to disentangle your household’s finances from his.
But this is going to be hard, and you need legal advice. If you’re not careful, you could end up in a lengthy, expensive court battle that just erodes everyone’s assets. Very unhelpful of your in-laws to leave their estate in this way, when they knew their son had problems coping.
But perhaps they were not in a great way themselves when they died. I note that you’re prime mover on this, and that you say your wife agrees with your financial decisions. However, if she is grieving her mother, she may not be thinking entirely clearly, and if your BIL gets in a mess then she may regret taking a hard line at this point.
I would be very careful about how you move forward on this, remembering that there are a lot of emotions at stake in families. It’s never just a financial issue.” Ok_Smell_8260
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but, does he have autism/adhd or something causing executive dysfunction?
A lot of what you described screams executive dysfunction to me, being someone who struggles with that myself. Especially when mental health struggles impact it, for example, if something triggers my anxiety/depression I am almost unable to function and care for myself, I turn into the biggest slob.
I’m working to change it but it is genuinely hard. The issue is that unless he wants to put in the effort to correct the harmful behaviors, and acknowledges them, it’s unlikely to just change, but it makes me wonder.
You’ve given him lots of options, so NTJ, but maybe gently suggest counseling or other professional help because he might be struggling really bad and showing it in a different way than you might be used to.” mydogisfour
6. AITJ For Locking My Sister Out Of Her House After Catsitting?
“Recently my (23m) sister (30f) “Jessica” and her partner went on vacation for the week. During this time my partner and I agreed to catsit at her house. We were given one key to share.
On the day she was returning, I called her phone to ask what she wanted me to do with the key but she did not pick up.
I did the most reasonable thing I could think of without her input and left the key on their kitchen table and locked the door behind me as I left about five hours before their return.
Around midnight I get a call from my sister letting me know their plane had landed. She asked me where I left the key and I told her, she asked if the door was unlocked and I said no.
She then gets angry and tells me I locked them out of their house. Turns out they hadn’t bothered to bring their key with them. She claimed she had told me that they didn’t bring a key (they hadn’t).
I assumed they had brought their key as I was given only one to share with my partner (why didn’t she give me both if it was sitting at the house somewhere anyway?). Luckily her mom had a spare.
She then says something that angered me: “you can’t lock keys in a house, let this be a learning lesson for you.”
Angered, I responded “no Jessica, let this be a learning lesson for you not to leave your home without a key” and hung up, haven’t spoken to her since.
Ignored the angry text walls she sent me.
So who’s the jerk here? I shouldn’t have assumed, but like…who doesn’t bring their house keys with them when you knew you’d be coming home to an empty house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I’m flying somewhere the only key I take with me is my house key. Leaving the house unlocked while you’re gone for multiple hours is stupid, let alone multiple days. Your response was perfect and I’d refuse to ever house-sit for her again.
(or if you do, leave the house unlocked and take her jewelry box with you as a harmless prank since apparently leaving the house unlocked is somehow normal.) Probably don’t listen to my advice about taking the jewelry because it sounds like she’s someone that would call the cops and press charges on you.” Detached09
Another User Comments:
“Rereading it twice, I’m going to go with you are NTJ and your sister is. Here’s why. 1. I’m assuming you are doing your sister a favor because you are cat-sitting while she’s on holiday (for free I assume).
She should be more grateful/respectful of you 2. Your course of action on leaving the keys on the kitchen table is quite reasonable. 3. She has no right to get angry or say passive-aggressive things like “let this be a lesson for you” when you not only did her a favor but did not do anything unreasonable to her.
(Did she expect you to leave her house expose and unlocked for 5 hours?)” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“The most reasonable thing to do would have been to hold on to that key until they were actually home.
Sure, I would have expected them to have their own key too. I’m not a doorman. I wouldn’t expect to have to let them in. But apart from that, what if they had been delayed or diverted?
You didn’t even know if they actually got on the plane that would take them home. Especially in this day and age, one of them could have tested positive and they could be stuck with no way to get home for days.
Who would feed the cat then? How would they get inside? You’re a jerk for not realizing your responsibility for the cat didn’t end until your sister was actually home. Your sister is a jerk for not bringing a key, expecting you to act as a doorman after midnight, and being a general jerk about it.
ESH.” Signal-Television510
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Unmanageable Stepson To Sleepover Anymore?
“My husband and I are in our late 30s and have been married 5 years and together for 6. My stepson is 13 and completely unmanageable in terms of behavior. He has harmed our animals, thrown feces in our bathroom, and lies constantly.
I could go on and on and on. Some stuff I can’t even put on here. He has had a battery of tests and psychological help and the only clear-cut thing they’ve been able to diagnose him for was ADHD.
He was on meds for a while but his mom decided against keeping him on them because of side effects, which I understand. But she did not further find a new medication.
Now in our household, my husband is disabled and cannot work.
He struggles at times to care for himself. I do most of the household chores as well as going to school for a master’s and working as much as I can to contribute on top of my husband’s disability income.
Now with all of this saying I’m overwhelmed is an understatement.
Our marriage is great except for the weekends that stepson comes over. He is so unmanageable and because my husband is disabled I am the one to manage him.
Would I be a jerk to ask my husband that we not have sleepovers anymore with his son? I have no problem during the day when he can be supervised and then go back to his mom but I am uncomfortable at night with him in my home.
I feel like I could be a jerk because his son is a child even if he is disturbed and he might be hurt by not being able to sleep over. I just don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a serious conversation with your husband. There will come a day when your stepson physically hurts you. Not only are you working and studying, you’re providing care for your husband.
And on the weekends you have to deal with a destructive 13 yo boy. What if you had to be away for the weekend? Who’s going to not only provide care for your husband but also make sure your stepson doesn’t burn the house down (or something similar)?
Your plate is more than full. What support do YOU have?” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are well within your rights to not allow sleepovers. Your stepson needs serious psychological help. This is way more than ADHD, which I’m sure you know.
You could even limit visits until he gets help since he is so destructive and his dad is disabled and not really able to do much if his kid starts up. Also, this is just going to get worse, since your stepson is going to get bigger and stronger.
I‘m so sorry you’re going through this! You have way too much on your plate. I hope you can get some support and relief soon.” gollumwasrobbed
Another User Comments:
“This unfortunately is ESH even though I think a ton of this is beyond your control.
The harsh truth is this child will definitely get worse without intense therapy and intervention and even with all that may always struggle. Do you know for certain he’s been evaluated for other issues? I don’t trust his mom.
There’s no way a doctor sends away a teenager who throws feces without a plan or follow-up. His mother isn’t doing enough and that sounds at least partially by choice. You two aren’t doing enough due to your husband’s disability and your workload as an employee and as a caretaker/spouse.
This child needs far more than you and his mother are currently offering. You are not the jerk for fearing for your safety and for not taking on even more. However, this child will lose what sounds like the only routine and reinforcement he has in his life and that’s heartbreaking.
Again, there’s only so much you can do, but everyone is leaving this child to decline and become a danger to himself and others. If there’s anything you can do to prevent that outside of overnights, please do it.” EmpressJainaSolo
4. AITJ For Not Allowing Uninvited Guests To My 4th Of July Party?
“My (32F) best friend, Noelle (30F) has two best friends, me and Sarah (34F). The three of us usually do not hang out all together that often so I am not that close with Sarah.
For the past few years, Sarah has hosted a 4th of July party at her house which Noelle and her family always attend along with Sarah’s other friends and family members.
My family and I have never been invited or attended. However, this year, Sarah is considering not having her 4th of July party because she doesn’t want the stress of it all.
I figured, well since Noelle might not be going to Sarah’s for the 4th then I would invite her and her family to my house.
I also extended the invitation to Sarah and her family. I make it very clear that if Sarah changes her mind and decides to go ahead and host her usual party at her house, my feelings will not be hurt.
They are very appreciative, thank me for the invite, and say they will let me know.
This is already out of my comfort zone since I am pretty introverted and not a social butterfly. Hosting makes me feel awkward and stressed, but I want my best friend to come over without making her feel like she is betraying her other best friend.
Last night I get word from Noelle that Sarah is considering my invite but she is planning on asking me if her other friends, their families and her parents could come too. So, her usual guest list, but at my house.
This will probably end up being about 15 extra people who are either acquaintances of mine or complete strangers. Hypothetically, Sarah will have all her people around her and I’ll be feeling uncomfortable and most likely excluded in my own home.
So, WIBTJ if I tell her no additional guests allowed or should I just suck it up and say the more the merrier?”
Another User Comments:
“Lol, NTJ. As a guest, you don’t get to invite other people to come along.
Sarah is totally out of line even asking. “Sorry, my house will be full with the original guest list so I can’t cater to additional guests. I understand if you’d rather celebrate the day with these friends, though, so if you want to not come to my dinner party, that’s fine by me.”” wandering_salad
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. That many more people is a huge burden, not only to host but food prices! And all those strangers in your home? That’s nuts. Of course you’re uncomfortable. Simply Tell her you can’t host that many people.
Being uncomfortable is reason enough but if she needs more the money, the space, your family’s comfort, the mountain of energy to prepare host and clean up are all very good reasons not to.” dalealace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But Noelle doesn’t give a darn about Sarah not inviting you to her party. Why would you even consider inviting Sarah to yours? Noelle could have come to your place and had a good time.
Sarah’s decision not to host was not the time for you to be the bigger person and invite her to your party. Your gesture will never be returned. You caused this anxiety by trying to people please someone who doesn’t think enough to ever invite you to her party, but is trying to invite more people to your place instead.
Your misguided guilt to believe you’re in the wrong for saying no to the extra people tagging along is ridiculous. Grow a pair and rescind the invitation. Sarah is very disrespectful about trying to move her party to your place as well as never inviting you to her party.” Necessary_Device_227
3. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Surprising Me With A Puppy On Mother's Day?
“My (43F) husband (45M) took our 3 kids Mother’s Day shopping today and came back with a “surprise for me”. When I opened my eyes a 7-month-old Beagle mix puppy (from an animal shelter) jumped on me.
I was shocked and speechless, not in a good way. I acted happy in front of our kids, but privately I was furious with him.
I asked him how he thought it was a good idea to get someone a 15-year responsibility without their input or consent.
He said the kids begged him to get a puppy and that everyone would help with the new dog. We already have one dog. I blew up on him and told him how angry and disrespected I felt.
He feels it was a nice gesture and doesn’t see why I would be upset. I feel awful now. I hate being angry. Am I the jerk here?
Info: All three kids are teenagers (a boy and 2 girls).
We are currently in tough negotiations regarding the distribution of puppy responsibilities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they got you a full-time job for Mother’s Day; on top of already having young children. A puppy is a lot of work — like, a lot a lot.
This is not a decision you make without consulting your significant other. OP, whatever you do, if you decide to keep this dog, do not let your husband use the excuse, “he’s your pet” to get out of taking care of this dog.
Remind him that you weren’t consulted on this in the first place. Good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! This is very much a gift for the kids, and you should have had the ability to voice your opinion on the topic.
Ultimately, I’d recommend talking with your husband again, letting him know that “everyone” helping with the dog doesn’t include you – you didn’t have the chance to give input, so you shouldn’t have to help, right?
If he has a problem with it, then that’s a really good time to highlight why you feel like you were disrespected – my guess is, he’ll think it’s unreasonable, and that’s a really good time to turn it around on him.
Also, I feel like most people reading this will likely recommend some form of counseling to get him to better understand why it’s a violation of your trust to make a long-term decision like that without you.
Either way, you’re NTJ, and I’m sorry that your husband refused to let Mother’s Day be about you. I’m sorry you’re feeling awful about having gotten mad, but your anger is valid and matters, just like you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in an animal shelter and I absolutely hate people who do things like this. I also remember doing the immediate return of a kitten I’d named Joe who was bought as a gift for mom’s birthday and had similar results.
Your husband is reeeeally dumb if he doesn’t see why you would be upset. So I’m guessing he’s playing dumb. I think you need to tell your husband this was a bad idea, and anyone with sense knows that pets as surprise gifts as a BAD idea.
Also, so what if the kids wanted a puppy? YOU didn’t want a puppy and this is supposed to be YOUR gift! And even if you did getting a family pet should be a FAMILY decision.
He’s setting you up to be the bad guy with the kids. Honestly, I’d have a sit down with the kids and explain to them that you were not actually happy about the puppy but didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
You don’t want a dog, and it’s not responsible dog ownership to give someone a surprise animal and not fair to the person or the animal–and then I think you need to return the puppy and explain to them that you already have a dog.
And before this happens you need to explain to your husband that HE hardcore needs to apologize to the kids for telling them that they could have a puppy without consulting you and that he used Mother’s Day as a ruse to get said puppy.” Keeshberger16
2. AITJ For Preferring My Partner's Sister's Dish At A Family Potluck?
“My partner’s family had a potluck earlier this evening. We all brought something. I brought the beer/wine because I’m a terrible cook. We arranged that in advance.
Partner’s mom made the dessert (peanut butter cheesecake, yum) and her dad made sausage.
My partner made pasta salad, but she messed up the recipe a bit. It was very bland. I couldn’t taste any seasoning, just the pasta and oil. I ate a full serving to be polite, but I didn’t get a second helping.
Partner’s sister made potato skins, and they were incredible. I love potato skins. I definitely got a second helping of those. After we polished off the cheesecake, MiL started boxing up leftovers. She asked partner’s sister if she wanted anything, and she laid claim to the (excellent) sausages.
Then she asked my partner if we wanted our pasta salad back, as there was quite a bit left. My partner said MiL could have it. MiL declined and asked if she wanted her to throw it away.
My partner was annoyed by that comment.
To distract them from their argument, I asked sister if she was going to take her potato skins. She said no and offered them to me. I gladly accepted. My partner ended up taking her big container of pasta salad.
In the car, my partner started crying and said I humiliated her. She said I should have asked for her dish instead of her sister’s and that her sister probably thought I was flirting with her.
She asked if I thought her sister was hot. I said no, sister couldn’t hold a candle to her, but she called me a lying jerk and told me to have relations with the potatoes.
I really don’t understand what I did wrong?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your partner was just hurt that no one wanted her pasta salad. And even more hurt that you clearly preferred the potato skins. It was irrational to extrapolate from your love of potato skins that you fancy her sister.
Sounds like she was just lashing out. However, I think it would help no end if you helped her prepare her dish or prepared your own. It gets on my nerves when people say they can’t cook.
If you can read and you have arms, you can follow one of the 16 billion recipes in the world. It’s a bit rich to criticize her pasta salad when you can’t even make that.” WhoIsJayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yikes! You did not ask for your partner’s dish because either way it was already coming home with you (or at least going for a ride in your car, giving you a chance to change your mind).
The potato skins, on the other hand, would not be going home with you if you didn’t claim them. Since SiL didn’t want them back, they might as well go where they would be appreciated! I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety, and it sounds like your partner is having a bit of an episode of one or both of those.
I suspect her feelings were very hurt by MiL’s comment, and perhaps the family event in and of itself had her on edge, as could other things going on in her life. So when you asked for SiL’s food, it twisted that knife a little deeper, even though it shouldn’t have.
This might not be something she’s aware of doing – her lashing out at you in that way sounds like a defense mechanism, and I suspect if you were to compliment her on something else she would stop lashing out at you…as long as you don’t bring up the potato skins again.
If cooking is a sore spot for her, I recommend just taking it as a lesson for next time and extravagantly asking for a small portion of her food in addition to what I hope is more excellent potato skins in your future.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and from the perspective of a girl who loves to cook, I promise it doesn’t come off as flirting if you ask someone else for their food or even get a recipe from them!” CitronicGearOn
Another User Comments:
“Technically NTJ, but my wife would probably react somewhat similarly if I outright showed that I preferred her sister’s cooking. Of course girls are insecure about their cooking, nothing new buddy, so I’m not sure why everyone’s so surprised by this “phenomenon”, but just tell your girl it seriously was nothing more than you liking potato skins and laugh it off lightly so show you genuinely have nothing to hide.
The last thing you ever want to do is get just as heated for no reason and it escalates, and others might not like this lol, but tell your girl you’ll always get her food next time whatever it is if it’ll make her happy.
Or at the minimum, don’t go begging for food another woman cooked while your girl’s food is barely touched. Relationships aren’t about the technicals, cause technically anyone can do anything they want, and no one’s in the wrong, but GOOD relationships are about doing and going beyond that.
Tiffs happen, just work them out and show you want to work them out. Don’t encourage brat behavior though if the other person just wants to drag it out longer after the discussion and compromise.” Latter-Signature-456
1. AITJ For Considering A DNA Test To Prove My Brother's Paternity?
“I (25f) haven’t had a great relationship with my family since moving out, cliche nonsense, brother (30) was the golden child, I was a scapegoat, etc., etc. Anyway, that made it for a rough relationship with them, and haven’t really spoken to them for 6-7 years.
Well a few weeks ago I was contacted through social media by a woman who claimed to be pregnant with my brother’s child, the problem is he is refusing to claim said child and wants nothing to do with the mother.
She told me he has completely ghosted her and blocked her on everything, and apparently, my mother has been quite hostile when she has stopped by to try and talk to him and has threatened to call the police for trespassing if she comes around again.
So she tells me this and asks if I’d be willing to do a DNA test after the baby is born so that she can take my brother to court.
I told my husband about this in front of some of our friends and one of them piped up and said I shouldn’t get involved with something that has nothing to do with me and that it’d be spiteful to do that to my brother, my husband kind of agreed and said I shouldn’t get involved with my family again.
I’m honestly not sure, on one hand, I don’t want to have any of my family contact me after doing the test, but on the other hand I wouldn’t want that to happen to me, my brother lives rent-free and makes more than enough to buy a house, he should have to take responsibility for a child he helped create.
The baby is due in a few months so I have time to decide what I want to do, I’m leaning towards doing the test, but WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: What do you think of the possible “middle” ground of one of those genetic ancestors kits?
Take yours now. Then mom-to-be can also have the baby do one in a few months and if, surprise surprise, you pop up as a family member match, well, both of you can cover your butts.
You did it out of curiosity, someone got it as a present, and she did it out of desperation hoping something would shake loose. And oh look, something did. It’d be easier to come back from than purposely doing a DNA test directly with this kid.
If you do agree to the current plan of direct testing, I am leaning towards giving your parents a heads up (not your brother) so they don’t completely flip out for the “betrayal” and deny the results automatically.
Give the excuses of wanting to prove her wrong and what if this is their grandbaby? and let them anticipate getting an answer. They’ll be more likely to accept and actually read it if they’re waiting for it, than if they’re hit with a paper out of the blue.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk softly. There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved, but it’s also your DNA (bodily autonomy and all that). It’s just whether you want to step in with the intent to get back at your brother.
My judgment is probably skewed though. Due to the fact that I think it’s weird that someone can just sue to take a cut of someone’s paycheck for no other reason than that they were together a couple of times.
I don’t believe the responsibility falls on him if it’s a child he doesn’t want. If she doesn’t want to raise a baby alone, she can make a decision (at least for now…yikes SCOTUS), but it’s weird to me that she’s going to someone who clearly doesn’t like the dude.
It gives me baby-trapping vibes. If she wants to force him to do something, she should go the legal route, the court would even cover it if it comes back positive.” RuinousOni
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t a judgment-type situation, it’s a legal one.
Stay. Out. Of. It. The mother can petition the courts for a paternity test VERY easily and she has to go to court for the child support payments anyway. Do not become a weapon against your family because you’re feeling petty and want to put your brother in his place (since that seems to be your motivation more than the welfare of the future child).
You will only be opening yourself and your family up for a whole lot of nonsense you don’t need. Listen to your husband and keep away from your family and their crap.” What_Was_I_doi
