People Get Anxious Over Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Being Fed Up With My Messy Roommates Who Don't Clean Up After Themselves?
“I (M21) live with two other guys who are terrible at basic tasks like cleaning their rooms or bathrooms, and they always forget to turn off the stove or oven. One of them almost burned the apartment down the first week because he turned on the oven for pizza and forgot to turn it off.
They leave stuff on the floor, creating hazards, and people always compliment how clean my bathroom is compared to theirs since I clean the toilet and make sure we don’t run out of toilet paper.
The other guy’s partner (not the one I’m mainly talking about) does the dishes for us because neither of them does it.
I’m the only one who washes dishes right after cooking, but sometimes I can’t because the sink is full of dirty stuff. There’ve been times when the sponge was buried under their mess, or I couldn’t even move my hands without hitting something.
One of the guys (M21 – “John”) has ADHD and doesn’t take his meds because they make him depressed. He says his disorder keeps him from doing chores.
Sometimes he doesn’t even put dirty pots in the sink; he just leaves them on the stove. My mom bought us new, expensive pans a few months ago, and now one has been sitting on the burner for a month with chicken grease in it.
I’m sure John’s mom enabled him to grow up. He leaves stuff like milk and butter out, and I always have to put them back. His friends and roommate defend him, but when I mention all he does is play video games, they shut up.
I’ve had enough of this guy. I have autism and clinical depression, but I still manage to wash dishes, go to college, and hold down a tutoring job (plus extra prep at home). Those are three things John isn’t doing. I take meds for my disorders, and if they cause problems, I talk to my doctor and we switch to something else.
Even when John does the dishes (usually before parties so he doesn’t look bad), he brags and complains about it. He tells people he “washes all the dishes,” even though most are his. What annoys me more is my roommate and I pay for his food and the detergent he uses, but he has the nerve to complain in the group chat about how we need to “dump out food from the sink drain,” which takes like five seconds.
I told his roommate, who was closer to him, but John still didn’t do anything. I’ve asked my roommate’s partner to stop doing the dishes because it enables him, but she doesn’t listen. We just got back from Thanksgiving break, and John left his dirty dishes sitting there the whole time he was gone.
When he came back, he still didn’t wash them. How can you be a grown man and not clean up after yourself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to live with a guy like this and we started putting his dirty dishes in his bed. That cleared up the issue.
Either that or move out. Living with slobs is the worst.” RaisinToastie
Another User Comments:
“I would be putting those pans in my room. I wouldn’t be sharing them. Those pans will be in my life longer than the roommates. My petty self would also be stacking the dishes in front of his bedroom to clear the sink so I could clean mine.
NTJ every time you see him tell him to do his dishes.” BigWeinerDemeanor
Another User Comments:
“Been there done that. NTJ. Everybody gets 1 plate, fork, spoon, and pan. Clean them and take them to your room. Those that can’t clean can’t stay after 3 warnings to clean their stuff” ToldU2UrFace
19. AITJ For Denying My Co-Worker's Last-Minute Request For Extra Donation Bags?
“I work at a non-profit, managing a small vegetable farm. Today was a much-anticipated day of packing Thanksgiving bags of veggies for donations and staff. I had nearly 20 volunteers and staff coming to help, and almost 2000 lbs of 16 different varieties of produce to move and sort and pack.
Half an hour before the volunteer packing session started, while I was running around trying to get things set up, I got a text from our fundraising manager (let’s call them Jay) that they needed to pick up 5 bags early.
I had designated 10 bags for them to use for “donor appreciation”, and it was like pulling teeth to get Jay to give me info on pickup details over the month of notice and reminders I gave them.
It was clear in all these communications that bags would be available for pickup after 4 pm. At some point last week Jay had asked for early pickup for one bag, verbally to my co-worker Anne (and not to me, who was managing it!). So, the sudden request for 5 more was annoying, and inconvenient to handle amid the prep and people-managing.
I made it happen.
Then, later in the day, an hour after the bags had been labeled with names and loaded into volunteer cars for delivery, Jay called Anne (again! Not me, the person managing, who they had already coordinated with earlier in the day!) asking for an 11th bag to give to the admin of a donor they were working with.
I cycled through stages of annoyance and told Jay through Anne that their staff bag could be used if they needed another one. A lot of build-up to the actual moment of conflict that I’m seeking judgment on, sorry…
So Jay comes to pick up the rest of the donor appreciation shares after 4 pm.
They asked via text if there was any way they could still get a bag for themself. I’ve been stewing about all this nonsense, and I’m tired of being around people all day (farming is usually more of a solo sport). I tell Jay that these last-minute requests were “unacceptable”, and that I need more notice in the future.
They offer excuses, no apology, and get out of there. Shortly later, the director of the organization (Sam) came to dress me down about it, saying that “‘unacceptable’ is not appropriate language for this situation.” I managed to turn that conversation into something slightly productive, but I’m still seething with a little side of guilt about my interaction with Jay.
What I said upset them, and I withheld their bag out of spite… I could’ve spent half an hour digging through the leftover veg and harvesting a few more things, and now they have nothing for the Thanksgiving they’re hosting. And I definitely could’ve just sent an email, instead of cornering them and giving them the literal sternest talk I’ve ever given in 2 careers.
So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The problem is that there are no clear lines of responsibility. If you want to turn this into a productive conversation, you need to clear up this with Sam, Jay, and Anne. – Jay needs to give you a count within a set period ahead of time — Jay needs to decide ahead of time who is getting the bags.
– If Jay needs any additional bags he needs to ask you for them and not Anne. If you say no then he doesn’t get any more. – Anne is not to accept any last-minute bag requests from Jay. She is to refer him to you.
– If Jay wants extra bags at the last minute, they get taken from the bags intended for staff, starting at the top. Sam gives him up first, then Jay, then whoever is next in line, and so on. Those who make the big bucks give theirs up first. Lastly, and not part of the conversation, you need to stop extending yourself.
Work to the rule and make someone else feel the pain. When Sam and Jay start losing their benefits they will fix the problem. As long as you keep overextending yourself they will not change anything.” plsuh
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Jay should have coordinated this better, but I understand if she chose to deal with Anne as it sounds like there was a strained relationship between you guys.
It is understandable if extra bags meant she would not get her own, but if you withheld it purely out of spite, that makes you the jerk. After all, she was volunteering and while she didn’t do everything perfectly, she gave her time and tried to organize the delivery of donor bags.
I’d love to hear her excuses or explanations for how things went.” Secure_Demand_1146
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m going to give Jay the benefit of the doubt since he’s dealing with the donors. This nonprofit probably doesn’t exist without them, so he needs to keep them happy.
It’s not his fault if he’s getting some last-minute requests. “I’m tired from being around people all day” Does Jay know this about you? If he does, I think that explains why he went to someone else with the requests. He didn’t want to overwhelm you or put more on your plate.
I would be reading the situation wrong but this is my interpretation.” Puzzleheaded-Rip8887
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change Jobs To Afford A House My Wife Wants?
“I am currently working a great job, but my pay is kind of poor (60K/year). Unfortunately, even after I move on to the next stage of my career (3-5 years from now), I probably won’t make more than 150K/year depending on where I get a job.
My wife, on the other hand, makes around 300K/year. Even though she makes much more than I do, I pay approximately 50% of all of our expenditures because she says that it would be unfair for her to pay more than 50%. I don’t mind this, since I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking advantage of her.
Recently, we have talked about having a child and my wife brought up the topic of buying a home so there would be more space for our parents to help take care of the child. I told her that, although I have some savings, there is no way for me to pay half of a down payment on the 750K homes she was looking at, especially since we may want to purchase a more long-term house after I get a more permanent position.
This started a huge argument in which she said that since my income is so low and I pay half of everything, her quality of life is much lower than what it should be given her income. I told her that I only make so much money and I need to spend within my means so if she wants something outside of what I can afford, then she will have to pay more than half of the cost. Alternatively, we could rent a larger apartment until such a time that we could buy a house.
This was unacceptable to her and she suggested that I either ask my parents for money, give up my career for something more lucrative, or pick up another job. I refused the second option outright because I love my work and I have been on this path for nearly a decade.
I cannot ask my parents for money because, although they might help with a down payment for a house, I don’t think they would help with 2 houses. I could find additional work, but I am already full-time time and no part-time job could ever allow me to save enough to make up the difference.
She then said that I was not doing enough to help improve our quality of life and our argument continued with neither of us budging.
Out of all the possibilities, finding another job is probably the most viable. There have previously been companies that have offered me nearly 200K starting salary, but I know that I would be miserable in those industries.
Am I in the wrong here? I love my work and I feel like, if a new job makes me unhappy, I will resent her for making me give it up, which is not what I want.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife sucks, sorry bro but you chose poorly.
I make probably double what my wife does and would never in a million years think to split bills 50/50. But you two aren’t on the same page financially. How does this poor situation not get discussed before people get married?” Proper-Foundation668
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I notice that every alternative your wife offered involved you suffering so that she can improve her lifestyle. All of them involve her grasping tightly to her money and only minimally sharing it. Reject all of those alternatives. Let your wife know she only has two options.
1. Keep the status quo and drop her lifestyle demands. 2. Change the percentage share so that the two of you can afford more. Whatever happens, don’t ask your parents for money. It’s not for an actual need; it’s just your wife’s aspirations. Also, don’t reproduce with her until you have the long-term finances clearly and satisfactorily ironed out.
As far as finances go, you don’t have a marriage; you have a shaky truce with the enemy. Where money is concerned, she doesn’t see you two as a team.” extinct_diplodocus
17. AITJ For Confronting My MIL Who Rearranged My House And Removed Pictures Of My Deceased Mother?
“I (30f) have a really good relationship with my MIL (57f). She has welcomed me into her family and is always there whenever I need her and up until recently considered her a friend. My husband travels a lot for work and MIL often comes around to make sure I am not lonely.
While I appreciate the good intentions, sometimes she comes over unannounced at really inconvenient times (such as when I’m in the shower or having dinner and once even when I have been working without asking me first). I have not said anything up to this point, but it has been overbearing and stressful at times.
Recently my mother was admitted to hospital and was in for a few days when she died in hospital of a heart attack which was very sudden and unexpected as she had no other health conditions. MIL would often come to the hospital unannounced to show her support despite my family not wanting visitors.
That said we were grateful someone was there if we needed anything. My husband was out of the country for work at the time my mother died and unable to support me so I asked my MIL to look after our dog while I moved back in to support my grieving father.
2 days after my mother’s death, I went back home to collect a few things that I needed only to find my MIL had been through and interfered with my whole house – as agreed she had taken our dog, but she had rearranged my kitchen and living room, taken away my laundry to do at her home and even been up to mine and partner’s room and rearranged our bed, moved a lot of things around (some I still can’t find like jewelry) and changed all the bedding.
I felt angry she had done this without asking me as I felt violated she had been through my personal belongings, but the thing that upset me the most was that she took away every picture I had of my mother.
When I confronted her in tears I begged her to return the pictures and said she was just trying to help.
I said I could let the other things slide but to return the pictures of my mother – she refused as she said I needed to heal and forget about her for a while to move one which upset me more. I told her she needed to respect my boundaries and wishes and bring everything back and I told her from now on not to do anything without asking me first. She got upset and called my husband abroad who told me I was a jerk for making his mum feel as if she had done something wrong.
I feel really upset that MIL did things without me asking her to and while I am grieving I don’t believe I am in the wrong here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What did I just read? Your mom died unexpectedly in the hospital and your MIL decided to take all pictures of your mom?
Your MIL is a horrible disgusting person. She stole pictures of your mom She is telling you how to grieve She is telling you to forget and start moving on two days after her passing She is refusing to return what she stole Then she dares to call your husband upset.
Then your husband is mad at you for hurting his mommy’s feelings. I think you should change the locks or the code and stay with your dad. I also think you should reevaluate your marriage. The fact that your husband is more concerned with his overbearing rude mom and not your feelings is just horrible.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your MIL is and your husband is a bigger one. He should be backing YOU, not his mommy. She violated your home and your personal space. I’m so angry at her and I don’t even know you, people! She stole your pictures of your mom and told you to forget about her?!?!
I hope you got your things back, your dog, changed the locks and told your husband he can move in with his mother. I’m so sorry for your loss.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your MIL has overstepped with the pictures of your mom. Ask her whether she’d be fine with her son deleting all the pictures he has of her when she passes away or does she expects him to create a shrine in the house for her.
Your husband’s response worries me, but you need to check exactly what your MIL said to him. What she said to him may be very different from what happened. And also ask your husband how he’d feel if your dad came to your house after his mother passed away and did the same thing your MIL did and removed every picture of her from the house and you told him to suck it up and yelled at him for saying something to your dad?
He won’t like the tables turned on him. Sometimes a narcissist will lovebomb you when they first meet you and for a time afterwards. They involve themselves too much where they aren’t wanted. They walk all over your boundaries… like your MIL has. I wonder whether she wants to replace your mother in your life… she needs to be in control.
She may not be a narcissist but there’s something not right with her. How long have you moved back in with your dad? Was it only for a week or two or are you talking long-term? How far away does your dad live? If it’s close by, go back home to look after your dog.
You could also take your dog to your dad’s and change the locks (just rekey them – cheaper than replacing the whole thing) and don’t give your MIL a key. Get some cameras for the living areas of the house too… your MIL won’t stop snooping.
She’ll do it again. Your most important thing will be what happens with your husband because it sounds like you have a husband problem who is putting his mom first. Your mom passed away and he’s not even able to support you. I get that he can’t leave from overseas but he’s supporting his mom more than you.
You may need some couples counselling but I’d probably suggest some counselling for you regardless. I wouldn’t be too surprised if you realize there may be a few red flags your husband is throwing around regarding his mother. They may need to be sorted or you may need to reconsider your relationship.
At least you don’t have kids which is an added complexity layer to all of this.” KitchenDismal9258
16. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Involved My BF In My Toxic Family Dynamics?
“I’m in a wonderful relationship but a very tumultuous home life. My brother and I do not get along because he is insanely toxic but he lives with my mother and me (we co-own the house) because she can’t find it in her heart to kick him out and I get no say in the matter.
It’s been 6 years and he’s finally taking steps to move out (supposedly leaving in May).
The trouble started when my partner took my mother out to tell her he was going to ask me to marry him. As they chatted, my mother devoted about 20% of the conversation to talking about my brother.
The first portion was understandable- she wanted to inform him of the family dynamic he would marrying into. I have a very strained relationship with my father and my brother because they are both narcissistic jerks. She wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting himself into.
But then she said she wanted my partner’s help to get me to “be the bigger person” and mend my relationship with my brother. She said she would like his help to “get through” to my brother (such as asking my partner to talk to my brother on her behalf).
When my partner told me this, I felt gutted; putting all of that responsibility on his shoulders and focusing on my toxic brother was so hurtful. And what made it worse was she kept saying “I know he’s a jerk, but…”
Despite how angry I was, I decided not to talk to her about it.
I decided that, whatever her motives were, I wouldn’t let it put a damper on our moment. However, my mom came up to me yesterday and asked if I knew about the lunch she and my partner had. I told her yes. She asked if I was mad at her and I was honest- I said I had been because of her devoting so much of the convo to my brother.
She exploded at me- she said I had no right to ask about her convo with my partner because it was private and she “didn’t know she was getting graded” for what she said. I told her I reacted the way I did because 1) it was meant to be about me and my partner and 2) my brother is not his responsibility.
She said, your brother is going to be his brother now”. She acted as if their convo was supposed to be a secret- she was seething because I dared to ask my partner how it went. Why wouldn’t I want to know that? And unless she and my partner agreed it was only between them, I don’t see why she could be so angry at my partner for telling me.
Idk, am I being self-centered here? AITJ for asking my partner how their convo went in the first place. AITJ for being honest instead of lying to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Question. Why t f are you living with your brother and mother when they’re so terrible?
You have a partner who wants to marry you. Move in with him, get a second job to save for buying out your mom’s share of the house/buying a condo/paying off debt/whatever, and go to work whenever you’re tempted to talk to your mother or brother.
You guys can move into your house with Mom later once Bro is gone IF you think it’s a good idea. I wouldn’t. If the house can’t be sold I’d be renting my room out to a tenant who is compatible with Mom to cover my house expenses and living Anywhere else with my partner.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to be in therapy to see things correctly. You are doubting yourself and that doesn’t feel good. Your mom should know that your fiancé is loyal to you first and that you both will share conversations unless she asks him to keep a secret.
Second, she’s getting angry because you’re not complying. You’re not going along with her plan. By involving the partner, she is further triangulating you and your brother. Your mom is part of the dysfunction. You must tell the truth and stand by it.
Maybe try going to Co-dependents Anonymous? Maybe that could help? There’s some deep dysfunction that you’re bringing another person into. It’s about to her a whole lot worse, not better.” omnixe-13c
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people know that anything spoken to one person in a partnership is likely going to end up in the ears of the other person in the partnership as well.
His loyalty is to you not to her. And you had no idea any of that was going to be said when you asked how the conversation went. So it’s not like you were prying for that information. Your mom is just mad she got caught.” ConfusedArtist89
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé To Become A Full-Time Uber Driver?
“My fiance Nick (33M) and I (31F) have been together for two years and engaged for one. Nick was an ambassador for a liquor company, a job he fell into through work connections after many years working as a bartender. He was let go from the company about six months ago as it went bankrupt.
Nick has been driving for Uber ever since to pay his bills. We both don’t live with each other and have been financially independent, but since he lost his job, I’ve chipped in a few hundred a month to pay his bills, plus I now pay for all date nights and any fun activities we do.
It’s not too much of a strain on my finances and I am happy to help where I can since I have a steady income as a nurse and Nick was eagerly looking for another brand ambassadorship job to get back on his feet.
Recently, Nick and I had a conversation where he told me that he is done looking for a new job and will drive Uber full-time now as his main income for the foreseeable future since he likes the immediate payment and flexible time. He doesn’t want to go back into bartending either as he didn’t like it anymore.
He also isn’t doing anything during this flexible schedule he has, he mostly wakes up when he wants to, drives until he makes just enough to pay bills due that day has a few drinks at a bar after, and repeats that routine every day.
This is a concern for me as we have already discussed planning our wedding soon and getting a house and kids in the future. He made a great living when working as a brand ambassador but now as an Uber driver, he barely makes enough to sustain himself alone month to month with no emergency savings.
I explained to him that this would cause me to reconsider our future as I still stand on what our goals are, but I don’t want all of the financial responsibility to fall on me alone to build the future we have discussed, as this is how it’s looking like now.
He thinks he is making a lot hourly doing Uber, but once I calculated everything including wear and tear on his car and gas, it barely comes down to slightly above minimum wage. I also pointed out that there is no career advancement with Uber, and that I think he is taking the easy way out and giving up due to how hard it is to find a job now in this job market.
I am a jerk for not supporting his goal of becoming a full-time Uber driver now. I just think this is a big life decision and as his fiance that affects my life and future too and I should have an input on it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t marry someone who makes big life decisions like this without considering you both. If you were a man and your fiance decided she was gonna be a stay-at-home wife without considering you, I’d have the same response. He’s an adult, and the things he wants cost money.
If he wants to go back to sleeping late and working part-time while someone takes care of things for him, he can go back to his mom’s house. ” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who is also engaged and getting married soon, engaged and married couples need to think as a unit and consider what is best for both of you.
This is a selfish decision on his part if he is capable of making more (it seems like he is), and it creates an imbalance. You’re doing nothing wrong.” PrinceOfHungary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He stopped being the man you agreed to marry. Maybe this is just a phase and he is going through some anger and depression related to the job and that is understandable but not okay, especially with this “and have a few drinks at a bar after, and repeat that routine every day” Uh??
Excuse me, but he cannot afford that if his fiance is paying his bills and paying for all together activities. If you think he can overcome this setback then let him know you are willing to help however you can but you cannot compromise on your plans and dreams just so he can live leisurely.” starbiebarbie99
14. AITJ For Not Paying For My Brother's Expenses During His Visit?
“I have an older brother, 3 years older than me, who is pretty well-off. He lives in Houston, and I recently moved to Portland, Oregon – so he asked if he could come and visit me.
Backstory on our relationship – we grew up super close, and he was like my first best friend in life.
He was always kind of the golden boy in our family, and I was the awkward duckling sister. Anyway, after we both started working I feel like he became a bit insecure because of my success at work – and would often look for ways to feel smarter than me.
I’m personally secure in my intelligence so I don’t care, there’s tons of stuff he knows more about (e.g. the NFL), and other things I know more about – like who cares.?It is annoying when he gets into these arguments. Anyways, I’ve been trying to work on remaining close to my siblings and parents, so I was excited to see he wanted to visit me, because he never calls or texts me, and I have to do 99% of the work to keep our relationship alive.
Anyways, so the visit – he and my sister are visiting. For context, I just graduated from a health doctorate degree and have about 150K in debt so I don’t own a car and am focusing on just repaying debt. I live in the middle of Portland though – so overall accessibility is not bad.
I had asked them to get an Uber to my place, and I rented a car. They Uber over, and immediately my brother isn’t super happy and ticked off and I don’t know why. The next day, he said it was because I asked him to split the cost of the car.
He said that as the host, I had to incur the cost of all of his expenses on the trip – including meals. I thought that was a bit ridiculous, as they are staying at my house for free, and I’m asking to split everything else (our sister is really young so we just pay for her stuff).
For the rest of the trip, he’s argumentative, and he’s again trying to have these competitions to see who’s smarter. He’s completely disassociated with the trip, wants to come home and “rest” every 2 hours, and is doing things that annoy me – like leaving his stuff everywhere and sitting on all of my furniture in his bare boxers.
This is where I think I became the jerk – I started acting super annoyed and called him “disgusting” a few times when he was sitting with his boxers for the 100th time on my couch. I also said “I can’t wait for you to leave” on day 5 of the trip.
I was acting annoyed and upset, and of course, I was not a good version of myself to hang out with in that state.
He has not talked to me for 7 months after leaving and told my parents he never intends to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As a Portland resident myself, things are expensive here, you’re well within your rights to ask him to chip in. >He said that as the host, I have to incur the cost of all of his expenses on the trip – including meals. Not on this planet, or any other planet for that matter, is this true?
He’s insecure and is frankly envious and trying to take those frustrations out on you. **NTJ**” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 100% not responsible for covering the costs of people visiting you – I’ve never even heard anyone make that claim before. He was incredibly disrespectful and selfish for the entire trip – you are not a jerk for finally having had enough of it and telling him so.
Sounds to me like little was lost in him deciding he doesn’t want to speak to you anymore, to be honest.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Entitled doesn’t begin to describe your brother. Nothing but weird power plays and childish displays of inadequacy. Make sure he knows you’ll be there for him when he grows up, but don’t let it bother you.
I let my friends crash if they want to visit Seattle, what they spend money on is not my concern or problem. We’ll split bills at meals we share but transport, tourist stuff, and food on their own are their responsibilities, not mine nor yours.” sn34kypete
13. AITJ For Setting The Heater To 72 Degrees In My Shared Condo?
“I (20f) live with two other girls in a condo. M (22f) and T (21f). Recently, T’s mother has been diagnosed with a severe sickness so T has not been living with us consistently for the past 4 or so months (but still paying her rent).
So mainly it’s been me and M in the condo and we rarely even see each other because our schedules are so opposite. We’ve been happily living together, the two of us, for about a year now. T came into the mix in July.
The issue that we’re having is the heater. I have the largest room so my room stays fairly cold while T & M have smaller rooms so they get very warm very fast. So we agreed I use the space heater in my room, so we don’t have to use the house gas heater.
Lately, it’s been colder in the mornings, so I’ll turn it on while I get ready for work and turn it off when I leave. This particular weekend, it was just me at the house, so I kept the heater at a nice 70-72 (on and off) while everyone was gone.
Yesterday I had the morning to myself in a nice warm house, and M stayed there in the afternoon/evening with her partner while I ran errands and went to my partner’s house until about 10 pm. The next morning I woke up to a text as follows “Please never turn the heater to 72 again.
It’s the middle of the night and I wake up sweating and miserable. My window is open and it’s still way too hot. I’m feeling hurt and upset because I thought we talked about this. It’s not fair for me to not be able to sleep in my own house.
I have to go to work tomorrow and teach on bad sleep, this affects me. Please understand where I’m coming from. It’s also insanely expensive to run a heater all day every day. I don’t want to pay for something that I don’t even want.” (for context M is a teacher)
I said that I was sorry for hurting her feelings and said I didn’t even know it was on that night and suggested that she just turn it off. She said that it’s been on every time she came home and she had trouble going back to sleep.
I told her that it wasn’t my intention to keep it on overnight and I explained I usually only turn it on in the mornings. She said turning it to 65 works just fine. I replied by saying that 65 is cold for me and I must not hold heat like she does.
Then apologized again for hurting her feelings.
I understand where she’s coming from, but she was home for e 6+ hours and didn’t turn it off or anything, and the thermostat is right next to her room. If she wanted it off so badly, why did she wait until after she went to bed?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ here. First off, 72 F is miserable with a heater on, especially for the people in the rooms getting baked with hot air because the house heats unevenly (they’re probably at 74-76 F with local hot air flowing). It might be a normal temperature for you, but it’s toasty and a huge problem for your roommates.
Second, it sounds like you agreed to use the space heater for your room instead of the gas heater, and then used the gas heater anyway, breaking the agreement you had with them, and adding to everybody’s utility bill. Third, you’re blaming them for your options.
You’re acting hurt because they told you not to mess with the heater instead of just turning it off themselves, but think about what that means: You want them to not trust you at your word, to constantly monitor the heater in case you turned it on despite saying you wouldn’t, and to passively aggressively adjust it or turn it off and hope that you don’t raise any issues despite the ongoing heater fight you’re telling them to engage in.
Just don’t turn on the heater, and certainly don’t set it to salamander-people temperatures. E: Also, yes, if you’re in a house then “too hot” should trump “too cold”. You can easily fix “too cold” with throw blankets or a change of clothes, but you can’t fix “too hot to comfortably sleep”.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were the one who turned the heater on, you are responsible for turning it off. You are aware that her room gets too hot, you have already settled on a solution where you have a space heater for your room, and then seemingly out of nowhere, you turned on the main heater and didn’t turn it back off.
It doesn’t matter that the thermostat is next to her room. You are the one who turned it on, it’s not on anyone else to come out to turn it off. That’s like coming in and leaving the door unlocked and then getting upset your roommate didn’t go lock the door since she lives closest to it.” holliday_doc_1995
12. AITJ For Getting My Substitute Teacher Fired Over Unexpected Exams?
“I am at the beginning of my second semester of grade 12 currently. In the first part of this story, my Chem teacher had been away for around 3 weeks for a ‘family emergency’ (which has now turned into 3 months), and we have had a sub instead.
This is the 2nd time this sub has taught us, as my teacher was also away one day near the very beginning of the year, and the consensus among my class was that nobody liked her much. This time, though, we weren’t having too many problems with her until we got back from winter break.
Turns out, she was supposed to tell us about a final exam that would be happening the following day, but she figured that because we are an advanced class, we would not need any prior notice, and ‘should be fine’. My class was just going to have to accept this, even though it would be the most important test of the class, and this was our final year of high school.
When I told my family, they were, of course, upset, and decided to call the school to find out if the date could be changed. We would have just emailed the sub, but she neglected to give her email address to anyone, and there was no way to talk to her in class since the test was tomorrow.
So, we found out that every other class was given the entire winter break to study, and it was heavily encouraged to do so. The school was going to talk to the sub and update us on the status of the test.
Sadly, they could not delay the test at all for my entire class but told me that I could have an extra day to study if I wanted. I took it and took my test a day later during my lunch break.
Sadly, though, for my next semester, I happened to have an advanced bio, which was also taught by this sub. She decided to speed through all of our topics and have our test 3 weeks before the other classes so we had ‘time to do more fun stuff’.
My entire class was struggling with this, and we all asked her to move the test even just a bit later, but she wouldn’t listen. This caused around 10 of us to go speak with the principal soon after, as we didn’t want this to affect our grades too much, and he again said that he would look into it.
At the end of the day, one of my friends told me that she saw the sub leaving our principal’s office with red eyes, and now I’m wondering if we went a little too far. She had gotten fired, but I didn’t want her to get fired; I just wanted to have good enough grades to get into the universities I wanted to.
So, AITJ? I really can’t tell anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teachers have lesson plans for a reason, students need time to learn and master the material. Failure to do so is a disservice to you and all of the other students in the class.
Teachers are not hired to ‘freestyle’ they are hired to follow the curriculum as designed and teach according to the state standards.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused about the timeline of the final, isn’t the semester ending an indication there’s a final exam? I also don’t understand the other test, why make an exception for one class?
I’m sure there are many factors here, but you have no idea what happened in the principal’s office, you are only speculating. No jerks here” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t your job to worry about her career problems. As long as you did not lie or do anything that would misrepresent her, or cause her to misrepresent herself (like pranking her to put her in some compromising-looking situation, for example), it’s totally between her and the school.
She sounds like a bad teacher, and your complaints were probably not the only ones.” mifflewhat
11. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Be More Considerate Of My Dog?
“I’ve been sharing a living space with a friend for nearly a year, just the two of us plus my dog and cat (I was left with both pets under my care after being cut off from my abusive parent).
My dog, an 11-year-old, mostly stays in the living room due to his age and health issues. Initially, I said the dog would spend more time in the laundry room, but because of growing health concerns and my roommate leaving his door open, this hasn’t been the case.
I pay a higher portion (almost double) of rent than him. This was agreed upon based on my being able to afford the situation, considering the space my dog would occupy, and him telling me he could not afford anymore for rent, and claiming to make x amount of income.
I later found out this amount was not correct and that we earn the same income. We don’t have a lease contract, so there is no legal requirement for any of us to pay x amount, just a verbal agreement with the landlord about the total monthly rent.
Recently, tensions rose when I asked to renegotiate the rent due to financial strain. He declined (which is fine) and asked for two and a half months to move out. This was a month ago. Last week I found someone who wants to move in a month from now and asked my roommate about it, but he backed out after initially agreeing, saying “I had agreed to give him two and a half months”.
Today, I returned home to find my dog eating chicken bones left on my roommate’s desk in the living room while he napped. When I confronted him, he brushed it off, refusing to apologize, saying it wasn’t intentional. This is not the first time he has been careless around my dog.
He also complained that the dog is “pretty much living in the living room” instead of the laundry room/outside. I told him it’s unfair for him to complain about that because I pay more precisely because of my dog, and that dogs are not meant to be locked up.
I also brought up that he hasn’t been keeping cleaning agreements and he said he’d “do it when he can”. Cleaning agreements include not leaving food out that the dog can get to, among other things he has not been doing. I sometimes have to remind him of his chores for him to do them.
I feel frustrated and angry about his lack of consideration, especially considering we are friends and he knows how much I care about my dog. He also knows I’ve been through something very traumatic recently and had “offered to support me in any way he can”.
AITJ for demanding an apology and expecting him to be more careful around my dog?
One time, my dog vomited and seemed fine a couple of hours later. I told my roommate to let me know if anything else happened because I was going out, and he said he would.
Later, I found out my dog had vomited multiple times after my roommate gave him a treat, which he did not tell me of when it happened, but hours later. I rushed my dog to the vet and returned to find vomit everywhere with just some paper on it (and my roommate cooking next to it).
Another incident occurred when my dog needed a cone during an allergic episode. My roommate asked how the dog was, and I said he was improving. The next morning, I found my roommate had removed the cone, claiming I said the dog was better. I was furious and told him not to make medical decisions about my dog.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You keep going back on your agreements. There’s not enough info for an “Everyone’s a jerk”… I had to read your post about 4 times because it is pretty all over the place. You agreed to pay X rent, and then you “had to renegotiate”.
You agreed to keep the dog in the laundry room (which is a pretty bad thing to agree to, for the dog’s sake, but what your roommate reasonably understood) but then changed your mind. You agreed to give your roommate 2.5 months, then tried to replace him at 2 weeks.
Also, you didn’t even tell the story about the bone, but if the dog was supposed to be in the laundry room, it’s your mistake. (Or was that the “treat” from the roommate?) It’s probably for the best he is moving out, but it typically takes 2 months to find a new place and move, so you need to chill in the interim.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if there weren’t a dog involved, it’s disgusting to leave chicken bones lying around the house. What the heck? And why are you paying more rent? If the landlord is charging pet rent, that makes sense… but if your roommate is the one saying you need to pay double because of your dog… you need to find a new roommate.” Gold_Statistician500
10. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Metro Seat Despite My Invisible Illness?
“Little context, I (22F) was going home from a very long trip. I was alone, with 1 big luggage, 1 backpack, another bag in my hand and my handbag. I had over 20 hours of traveling behind me at that time and have had a very serious illness since I was little (but it is invisible haha).
This illness affects my legs, back, and arms.
When I get on the metro, there are plenty of seats so I just put my bag on one seat. I did not sit because if I did, I would not be able to get back up.
I was far too tired to keep my bag on my back and if I had to put it on the ground I would never have been able to lift it back up, due to my illness especially affecting me since I was out of sleep and tired from the trip.
Slowly, the metro starts to fill until there are no seats left available. It is getting hard to breathe for me, I am agoraphobic. But at the next stop, a father and his son come on the metro. I notice the little guy is very young, like… 5 at most. So I ask him and his father if they want the seat.
Both of them say no, they’re fine. Mind you, I think I had a sickly look on my face. Sleep deprived, ill, agoraphobic… I am quite pale usually but at that time I looked more dead than alive.
I wear a headset with noise reduction to fight agoraphobia, so I had taken it off to speak to them.
I get the headset back on and this is when I hear a scream from behind me. I turn around and get my headset off one more time. This is when I hear that random guy, about my age, screaming at me to let the kid sit.
I immediately got angry, I was just so tired. But I don’t have the energy to reply, so I just give him a death stare and a quick explanation. But the guy kept going on about the fact seats are meant to be seated on (which I get btw but there was nothing to put my backpack on, no luggage dedicated space or anything).
This is when the boy’s father, now behind me, started to argue with the guy and I put my headset back on. From what I heard, it kept on, a woman joined the other guy, a group of people joined the father and it ended when I got off.
I turned around to thank the father who had taken my defense and noticed the son kept refusing the seat to the guy still insisting with him that now the seat was free.
So… AITJ for not letting the seat go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You offered, but the dad declined. That’s the end of it. If the dad or little boy changed their minds, that would have been one thing, but they didn’t seem to have done so. On top of that, you have a disability that makes it difficult to do things and I’m betting the dad picked up on that.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“First, traveling makes people grouchy. So I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. NTJ – you offered and they declined. Nosy Ned behind you got all offended on their behalf. Nosy Ned, on a regular day, probably is a good dude and he sees a bag on a seat that someone could be sitting on and gets upset at your ‘selfishness’.
I don’t know what your ‘explanation’ was but I hope it was something to the tune of ‘This is my seat, I wish I could sit but I can, but I do need to relieve my back pain’. That’s all you owe.” Canadian_01
9. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About His Changed Behavior After His Promotion?
“When I first met him, he was the sweetest man. I’m talking give the coat off of your back type kind. The running joke at my partner’s work, which I would hear when we would go out with his work friends, was that he was TOO nice.
Too kind for the corporate world, but everyone loved him regardless. The common nickname he had was the “good cop” and it reflected in his personal life too. For the first 3 years of our being together, it was like this…
Then about a year ago, my partner got a promotion.
It was something he had been trying to get to even before we had been together, and he was so excited. It was going to be a bit more work and a bit more travel, but he was excited to take it on and make more money.
And I was too initially. But as the months went on, changes started to appear.
They were small at first, my normally chatty partner “didn’t have time” for his friends when he was home as much, he started to not say “thank you” to waitstaff or bartenders if we went out.
I figured he was just stressed, and he still treated me as kind as he always had.
Then a couple of months ago I really started to see a different side of him. He would berate waitstaff for getting orders incorrectly, he started to only buy expensive groceries, and would quietly laugh at others who were buying off-brand quality.
The last straw for me came about 2 weeks ago when we saw a couple get into a run-down car, and my partner commented that he wouldn’t be caught dead driving anything with a value under a certain number.
That was enough for me. We got home and I told him we needed to talk.
The paraphrased argument is as follows: I told him that he had changed since he got his promotion, and how he was treating others was concerning me. He came back and said that he had always been kind, so he was just dialing it back a bit and being “normal” and not overly friendly.
I told him that he was being a jerk and this wasn’t normal. He asked if he was mistreating me, and I told him the truth, no, but I didn’t like how he was treating others. This went back and forth with no resolution.
I talked to some of my friends about it. And they are split, some are saying that I’m ruining a good thing and that if he is treating me fine, then don’t worry about it, he really was overly nice and likely needed to get rid of that for his work.
Others are telling me (mainly his old friends) that this is weird and I’m not crazy for feeling this way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly your partner sounds like a jerk. You know that saying, about how you can drop weight by dropping the partner?
I don’t want to jump straight to that, because it sounds like this can be resolved. But honestly, he needs a wake-up call. None of what you’re talking about sounds like “too nice” behavior. It’s on par with what I’d expect of a normal, functional person.
The changes you mentioned though? They’ve turned your partner into the stereotype of “that guy” who doesn’t tip and berates everyone around them until no one wants to be around them because they’re just unpleasant. I would see about talking to him about him starting therapy.
Alone. Eta NTJ.” zeeelfprince
Another User Comments:
“You have seen the change in him. He no longer says “Thank You” to the wait staff is a big thing for me. It is a small politeness, and most servers, and wait staff do not hear it often enough.
It is better to be kind, in most situations. He needed to get rid of being “overly nice” for his work. What the heck does it do? Is he a mob boss? (joking) There are simple courtesies humans should extend to one another. We should say “Please, “Thank you,” or “Excuse me.” “You’re welcome.” It is called being polite to strangers.
There is part of leadership where you welcome the team. You treat the members of the team as valued assets. The good team may make you look good but should be darn sure to spend that praise to the team. NTJ for noticing this change.” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You raised a legitimate concern. He is changing his behavior from being too nice to being rude and judgmental. This is not a good change, even if he is still treating you well. My guess is he will continue to get worse and then start treating you worse.” Fearless_Ad1685
8. AITJ For Not Regularly Checking On My Depressed Friend Who Treats Me Like A Personal Assistant?
“For years, I (F, 39) have been friends with F, 45.
We were hanging out, partying, and sharing about our lives, I would loan her money when stuck, and she would help me with advice. I have a partner (who she hates and says is not good enough for me) and she is single.
Things started getting weird about 2 years ago.
I was ill and she was supportive after my diagnosis, hanging out with me for about a month. I did the same for her before. When I started to recover, she started saying we needed to be in contact daily even if we had nothing to say to each other – just stare at each other over video.
I was happy to talk when we had things to say but refused to spend time staring at each other. Then she started being mean and disrespectful, putting me down, bringing dates to our planned activities without informing me, using our drinks to talk only about herself, and refusing to make or confirm plans until the last minute because she wanted to decide at the moment even though she knows my life is active and schedule full.
When I told her I missed her and she knew I was in a tough situation, she told me she had too many things happening in her life to connect with me. When we organized to meet, she would mostly cancel last minute. When she blew up at me for not dumping my other friends to spend time with her at the exact time she wanted, I asked her to talk it out.
She said not for the next month, she was too depressed.
That was last year. At that time, she forbade me from asking her how she was or asking to make plans – said she would do it when she felt ready as it made her depression worse.
Her depression diminished in spring. Over the last year when she was feeling better, she would mainly talk to me when she needed something. I started dreading checking on her because it would always come with “do x/y/z for me” and sometimes would explode if I said no. She stood me up for lunch because she went to a beauty salon for a date she scheduled after and didn’t check if she had the time for all the services she ordered. She shows no interest in me and only contacts me when she needs something.
This year, she is depressed again and is berating me for not checking on her regularly, saying it’s worse this year than last year and she needs resources around her to build her resilience (not missing me as a friend, needing resources). She is complaining she has no one around her and is isolated.
I feel sad for her suffering, but I feel used and disrespected, so I don’t want to keep showing up to be treated as a personal assistant. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a toxic relationship and not worth the effort to put any more time into it.
Very few friendships last for a long time.” Snoo1560
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a friend, not anymore. Time to cut the ties that bind you to this person and move on with your life. There is no good left to be had here.” Foggy_Radish
7. AITJ For Refusing To Build My Friend's Computer After He's Been Unfair To Me?
“I (22M) have been friends with “Kenny” (20M) since high school.
We’ve been on and off friends throughout the years, but recently we’ve been a lot closer and I consider him one of my best friends. We used to spend a lot of our time gaming and we loved talking late at night about games, computers, music, etc.
In our group of friends, I’m known to be the go-to “computer tech guy”. Since about a week ago, Kenny has been asking me to help him build a new computer and help upgrade his partner’s computer. He’s already ordered all of the parts that they need, and they need my help with the assembly and set-up process.
At first, I agreed to help both of them, but over a couple of months, a few things happened between us that have made me rethink our friendship.
My birthday was on Monday. My SO had been planning a birthday trip for me since early December and had asked Kenny and his partner to clear their schedules in advance.
However, due to financial restraints, my SO had to downgrade the trip to a mini-golf and a restaurant. We let Kenny and his partner know in advance. However, on the day of the plans, Kenny complained that the restaurant was too expensive ($50 per person, which I know is a bit pricey but we had been planning this for a while) and I compromised by choosing a less expensive option.
My partner also paid for everyone’s mini-golf fee ($150 total).
Another thing that Kenny has also done that rubbed me the wrong way is the way he has talked to my SO. The two of them are friends, and my SO has expressed feeling neglected by him ever since he got a partner.
They tried to have a heart-to-heart about it with him and the conversation ended with him calling them “sensitive” and reminding them that he “went out of his way to celebrate their birthday, even though that was money he didn’t want to spend”.
Lastly, back in December, we had a hot chocolate party with our so’s and the rest of our friend group.
The original plan was to enjoy some hot chocolate and then sleep over at Kenny’s place. However, I started to feel a bit drained towards the end and expressed wanting to sleep in my bed. Kenny became upset and said that he got yelled at by his parents to allow us to sleep over and that he “didn’t want us there in the first place” and “really only wanted his partner staying over”.
I really did want to help build him and his partner’s computers, but lately, it’s been feeling like he’s not treating me like a friend. On one hand, I get that he’s in a new relationship and probably wants to spend a lot of time with his partner.
But on the other hand, I feel like it’s unfair for him to treat me this way and then ask for a favor.
So, WIBTJ if I refused to build his computer?”
Another User Comments:
“I vote YWBTJ if you unilaterally decided to back out of your commitment (why has it been *months* and not happened yet?) specifically without involving your SO.
I don’t think you would be a jerk if your SO is on board with potentially blowing up this friendship. Your SO is closer friends with Kenny, they even have heart-to-heart talks about the state of their friendship. So you should take your SO and HER friendship with Kenny into account before you do anything that could hurt her friendship with him and possibly put her in the very uncomfortable position of being in the middle of you and Kenny’s falling out.
Have you talked to your SO about all this? What does she think?” goodbye-toilet-cat
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in IT for over 20 years and have been building my own PCs for longer…I started in the 486 era….I learned a long time ago, that you do not build computers for friends or family.
You just don’t. Tell him you’re sorry, but that time won’t allow you to help out…then send him some videos on how to build…stay away from build videos by the verge though…unless you want a laugh.” My_friends_are_toys
6. AITJ For Yelling At My Roommate Over Her Constant Criticism Of My Partner?
“My partner (m24) Aaron and I (f22) have been together for about 6 months. I love this man. We met in college and got together pretty quickly.
We both have similar interests, like video games, movies, and food. But we like our things, he’s more of a homebody and I like to go out more. He’s very in tune with his surroundings and I’m more scatterbrained and oblivious. He likes to keep in close touch but I can go a few days without talking to him.
But we have similar plans for the future and goals we want to achieve. I love our differences. He lives alone and I live in a duplex with a few friends. The thing is, my best friend and roommate, Jessica (f22) does not like him.
I could confidently say she hates him. Ever since they met, Jess always has something bad to say. He’s clingy. He’s messy. He’s weird. Too quiet, too loud, too everything. And I get it, opposites don’t always attract. But I don’t appreciate having to hear all about how much his existence bothers her so much.
He doesn’t even live here with us, but she always has something to say.
Now onto the situation. I had Aaron over for dinner over the weekend with Jess, my other two roommates, and me. We had a good time and the conversation got to if Aaron and I planned on ever moving in together.
It was something we had talked about and we explained it to the other girls. After our one year, I was going to slowly start spending more and more time at Aaron’s before eventually moving in with him. We didn’t have a set date, just when it felt right.
This was the end of Jessica’s rope. She fumed and asked what was wrong with me and if I was serious. I was super confused and said yes, I was. She stood up with a dramatic huff and went on a long rant about how this was way too soon and I didn’t know Aaron well enough to decide to move in and blah blah blah.
But what got me upset was when she started to call him creepy and a weirdo and whatnot. She said he was trying to get me to leave my friends too fast and keep me away. Now here is where I may be the jerk.
I told her to knock it off and apologize. She refused. In the heat of the moment, I yelled at her, calling her creepy and obnoxious. I told her I couldn’t stand how rude she was to my partner and how she seemed so obsessed with how wrong he was for me and that was the reason I wanted to move out.
She got upset and cried. Now the whole house is tense and my other roommates agree with me but said I was a jerk to yell at her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have tried talking with her in a normal voice.
Yet she keeps on disparaging your partner and his house, habits, etc. This time when she started calling him a weirdo and other things, I think you raising your voice at her was perfectly appropriate. She wasn’t listening to things you were saying in a normal voice so yelling seems like the only way to get through to her.
After a few days, I would ask her if we could talk and ask her why she keeps going off and getting mad whenever his name comes up or he visits you. See if she has any real complaints or if it’s just because she doesn’t like him.
If it’s the dislike, I would try to avoid her and not talk about him with her around and try to spend more time at his place if possible.” Foreign_Company6090
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if anyone else has thought this or not, but I believe your roommate is jealous.
This could be for any number of reasons but my money is one of these: * She doesn’t have a romantic partner and is upset that you do. She is afraid of being replaced by your partner or “losing” you to him. Or she has unexpressed romantic feelings for you.
There is doubt that you’re NTJ and it’s on her to figure it out and work through it. However, be prepared that she may not and that unfortunately, your relationship ends. I’m not wishing for that just preparing you for that potential outcome. In the meantime, congrats on finding your person!” TheCooler1965
5. AITJ For Ending My Friendship Over A Stolen Cat?
“Today I just ended my friendship with my friend we will call Meg.
Meg found a cat wandering the streets and took her in. The cat had a collar on it with the name and phone number of the owner. Meg told me she threw away the collar and put a sweater on it. I own a cat and personally, if my cat was stolen or was missing I’d go to war.
I told Meg to give the cat back and she refused claiming it was her baby’s now and cats should not be outside cats, especially in the cold. I told her it doesn’t matter it’s still someone’s cat and they deserve to have it.
She fought with me for a while and told me the reason she was also keeping it was her outdoor cat had gone missing and she believed someone stole it so she could keep this cat she found. I felt the need to find any sort of missing post about this cat.
I ended up searching for an hour for this cat and magically found a post of her posted 20 minutes ago. The cat was an indoor cat that escaped and they have been desperately trying to find her for 3 days. I sent the picture to Meg and she said no way you better not snitch on me then told me I’ll keep the cat until the girl says she will give me money.
However, it didn’t feel right knowing my friend had a cat some girl was missing. I sent a long message to Meg stating I didn’t want to be friends with her because I thought what she was doing was wrong and all she said was “Should have never told you”.
I contacted the girl who was missing her cat personally and told her my ex-crazy friend was holding your cat hostage. The girl was very understanding but unhappy she wanted her cat. I gave her all the information about Meg. Meg started mocking me and telling me I just wanted to be the main character that I was making this a big deal and that what she was doing was not a crime.
I told her to give the girl the cat back and she said no it’s not my problem and was going to put the cat back outside with no collar on. She then told me she was planning on making a post the next day to make the exchange chill and civil but I don’t think she would have had that intention if I didn’t threaten to tell the girl missing the cat.
The cops ended up getting involved and the girl got her cat back she was so unbelievably thankful to me and thanked me multiple times. I just feel so bad losing a friendship and could have potentially got her arrested if she didn’t comply.
I keep thinking about it and just feel sad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it were a stray, understandable. However, she very much knew that the cat had an owner and decided to dispose of the cat collar and everything to keep the identity secret.
That’s theft. Even worse when she said she wouldn’t return the cat without money involved. Just because she lost a cat doesn’t mean she should steal one.” AgentSongPop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. Your friend could have gone to the shelter and adopted a cat.
There are so many cats in need of homes. Instead, she stole this cat. She knew it had an owner and refused to give it back. She’s not a good person. She’s not someone you should associate yourself with.” No_Confidence5235
Another User Comments:
“Your ex-friend is a creep.
So no blaming yourself for anything, some friendships simply run their course and that’s ok. This is exactly how we grow as people; we find the boundaries of our persons by trial and error and sometimes that means walking away from relationships that clash with our values.
You saw something that was pretty messed up, and you did something about it. The thing you did was use empathy and compassion, and that takes heart and maturity, I’m so proud of you for being steadfast in your values when you saw someone you cared for acting inappropriately.
You did a good thing, and it was a difficult thing too, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” Merps_Galore
4. AITJ For Refusing To Arrange A Marriage For My Cousin In Korea?
“I (f29) am from Latin America but I have lived in South Korea for the past 5 years and I have been married for 1 year to the love of my life (a Korean boy). A couple of days ago an aunt (one of my mom’s sisters) called me because she found out online that people in Korea go on blind dates to get a husband or wife (it’s a serious thing here) so I explained everything about situation with arranged marriages here in Korea to her, she told me to find a husband for my cousin (her daughter) that way, I laughed thinking it was a joke and although she was very pushy I let it go.
Yesterday my mother called me to tell me that my aunt is telling the whole family that I refused to get her daughter a husband just because I think I’m the best for having a foreign husband (we have other cousins married to foreigners but according to her “They do not count”)
Here’s the whole context: I was very close to my aunt even though she always made comments about how good her daughter was over others, especially in this part of my family where the majority of us are women. I never cared about her comments about how her daughter had better grades, better jobs, or better partners than us.
She was in a relationship with a guy for 8 years and my aunt was more than happy to show off her daughter’s “stable” relationship compared to us who changed partners from time to time. But they broke up a few months ago because my cousin (especially my aunt) wanted to get married and the boy didn’t want to because of the economic situation in the country (in short, they don’t have money between the two of them to buy or rent a house, much less to celebrate a wedding like latins weddings, especially from Venezuela) so they broke up.
But my aunt was already talking to everyone about how her daughter was getting married (although she was the one who had been in a relationship the longest, she wasn’t the first to get married and that’s why she was already upset).
I don’t know if it’s me but how do you think about getting a Korean husband if you don’t even speak the language?
Or live in Korea? She doesn’t even speak a little English and although those were some of the reasons I told my aunt, she doesn’t care. According to my mom, she has this issue because she watches dramas and she wants a husband like that for her daughter or because my mom always talks about how well my relationship and life is going here in Korea, and now my cousin wants to come.
I don’t know whether to follow the show from the distance just to have a little fun or leave it like that so as not to complicate things more…”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sure most of your relatives know that the things your aunt is asking for and saying about your refusal are garbage.
I wouldn’t lose a minute’s sleep over this. Live your best life, and don’t respond to your aunt about this issue. Further explanations and discussions will not help. Just cut the topic out and don’t worry about what other relatives think. If you get any blowback, tell them to find your cousin a husband!
You’re not the jerk.” BoomerBaby1955
Another User Comments:
“In my country, there’s a law that even as a foreign person married to a citizen, you can’t move here until you at least have a fundamental knowledge of the language, proven by a written and oral test at the Embassy.
You just don’t get a visa otherwise. Maybe you should tell her it is the same in Korea. Maybe it even is, I don’t know. But yes, your cousin should learn Korean before coming there, and if she’s so superior to anybody else in your family, she should not have any problems learning it till… let’s say, Summer.
I mean, you were able to learn it, and if she’s so much better, she should speak Korean the day after tomorrow, right? You’re not the jerk. But if you’re afraid your mother would have to pay for you to have some fun with their delusional ideas, then stop it.
(You might even tell them you don’t want to live in your cousin’s shadow anymore so she can’t come and live on the same Continent as you or something else like that, just to mess with them a little bit.)” redsoxx1996
3. AITJ For Refusing To Speak When My Sister And Her Friend Constantly Interrupt Me?
“My (16F) sister Jessica (21F) and her best friend Petunia (21F) currently live with my parents and me. They met in college and were roommates for the last 2 or 3 years of their college education. After they got their degrees and graduated, my family somewhat ‘adopted’ my sister’s best friend.
One of Petunia’s mothers died during Petunia’s high school education, and the other mother is unsupportive and refuses to let Petunia live with her. My parents live by a philosophy that every child deserves a home, safety, and comfort, so they invited Petunia to live with us for a ‘month or two’ while they get on their feet and move out.
It has been 8 months since, and they still live with us. They have been lazy and dysfunctional for the past 8 months. Waking up at 10, don’t have any jobs (not even retail jobs), and don’t have industry positions lined up either. Neither one pays rent, and my parents pay the majority of their costs.
Food, gas, groceries, etc., all paid for by my parents for BOTH Petunia and Jessica. My parents are trying to get them to do Uber Eats or Instacart to make some money for when they EVENTUALLY move out, but both have ‘driving anxiety’ and just won’t sign up.
They tell my parents that they’re going to sign up, but it’s been 2 weeks since they said they would and both haven’t even started the process. 3 weeks ago they were discussing finding an apartment and when I asked how it was going they said they were still “in the beginning stages.” 8 months and still in the beginning stages?
Anyway, the reason I tell you this is to give you some context as to why I get frustrated with them. Petunia and Jessica both went to college for animation, which is a niche and unique field. Their interests include AND are limited to: Animation, film, art, pokemon, anime, Nintendo video games, mystery movies, avatar the Last Airbender, finding old animal bones, LGBTQIA rights, and stuffed animals.
Neither Petunia nor Jessica made any effort to match their conversation topics to the rest of my family’s. If my mom and I are talking about one of our interests that doesn’t overlap with theirs, they interrupt and just begin a side conversation between themselves smack in the middle of a family dinner conversation.
They interrupt CONSTANTLY, I cannot stress this enough. Almost every conversation gets interrupted by Petunia especially.
To combat this, when I am interrupted, I simply stop speaking and don’t continue talking over them and stare blankly at them. When my mom or dad tells them to stop interrupting, I refuse to finish my thought after as well.
This makes everyone upset because I’m ‘gatekeeping my thoughts’, but I don’t think it’s my issue. If they don’t care enough to not talk over me, they don’t deserve to hear what I was going to say. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is pretty spot on how to handle this IMO.
My brother has a foolproof technique along these lines. He adopts an exaggerated face indicating extreme interest in whatever they are interrupted about, and “politely” says “Oh, excuse me, I’m sorry. Please, continue!” And then smiling and nodding, etc. It’s so jerkish and passive-aggressive but IMO interrupters deserve it.” Avierra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents need some boundaries. They don’t know how to parent their adult child. They aren’t creating a good environment for you to live in either. I would sit down and tell your parents how you feel without the other two around.
They need to know what you’re thinking and how you feel. These women are adults who should have been out on their own a long time ago. Most schools have resources to help graduating students get jobs. Their student loans have to get paid if they have them.
I would ask your parents what their plan is to help you succeed in life as an adult because the one they have with your sister is a disaster. I have a family member who was always borrowing money from their mom. Always. Well, I shouldn’t say borrowing.
I should say taking. In her 50s, she moved back in with her mom for a couple of months. Two and a half years later she was still there, and her mom died. Mind you this person was married with kids and animals. It was ridiculous.
She’s never learned to budget and take care of herself. We had to pay some of her bills because she lived in the home, and she still hasn’t paid us back. Your sister is going to have a rude awakening someday Her friend is not good for her.
She’d probably be a different person if Petunia wasn’t around. If they interrupt this conversation again, and you’re accused of gatekeeping, tell them you’ll gatekeep until this rude behavior stops. If it continues you can stop speaking at the table completely. Maybe your parents will wake up and make some much-needed changes.
They need to put their child over their guest.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I normally just say if I get interrupted in a story that I assume they are not interested in what I have to say so will stop about it, but just stop talking sounds like possibly a better way of handling it.
I guess it’s the only way to teach them in case they want to know what you have to say. And yeah, they don’t like it when I do this, but I don’t like it when they interrupt me.” InvSnake
2. AITJ For Defending My Son's Behavior To My Husband's Sisters?
“My husband was the favorite child and played into it a lot as a kid too. He has 2 older sisters and they were often treated poorly by their parents and him.
By the time my husband was 14, the sisters had moved out and they barely spoke.
Now, my husband told me himself he was a spoiled brat when he was a kid. He says he feels bad for being mean to his sisters but he’s not going to beg for their forgiveness or live miserably because of stuff he did as a kid.
He apologized to them, they told him they didn’t care about his apologies so I think that’s fair enough.
Anyways, we have 2 kids. My SILs don’t say anything to them and don’t care for them which is fine.
FIL invited all of us to his birthday dinner.
My youngest (5) was in a bad mood that day because he had bought a new toy but wasn’t able to play with it because we had to go to grandma’s house. He cried a lot in the car but by the time we got to my MIL’s house, he was just silently grumpy.
He eventually got over it and went to play with his big brother.
Unfortunately, because he cried so much I just knew he was going to have a headache. My eldest came up to me some time later saying his brother was being mean so I went to go check on them.
And just as I expected, he had a terrible headache and was lashing out. I took him with me back to the adults and that’s when one of my SILs tried saying hi to my son. She didn’t mean any harm but she was loud and my son started crying.
She looked embarrassed but I explained that he had a terrible headache and not to worry about his reaction. I calmed him down and he fell asleep.
I went to put him in a bedroom and both my SILs came with me. They both then asked if my husband and I had been poisoning our children against them.
I was a bit taken aback but told them that we don’t do petty things like that. They insisted I was lying because of how my son reacted to them but I once again explained that he was not feeling well.
They started getting annoyed and said I’m lying because 5-year-olds shouldn’t throw tantrums like that and either he’s a spoiled brat or we’ve taught him to hate his aunts.
I just asked them if they’re always so dramatic.
They both got annoyed with me and left the house. My MIL immediately took my side and said they tend to take things personally but my FIL suggested that I could’ve done more to reassure them because he wanted his whole family here.
I do feel I was a bit mean considering their childhood but they were doing too much. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a sad story of a lot of hurt people, mostly. You didn’t do anything wrong and it seems like your 5-year-old was being pretty much just a normal 5-year-old.
It was of course out of line for them to confront you over this. Frankly, they should not be surprised they have ZERO relationships with their nephews/nieces based on what you said about them not saying anything and not seeming to care for them.
Their distance means they don’t know your son well and therefore are not in a position to gauge his behaviors. Interpreting this one interaction as a sign you’re poisoning him against them is them looking for trouble, not to mention failing to recognize their role in this situation (they may be akin to strangers to him, and that’s not his fault).
However, I will say perhaps your husband should be doing more to repair the relationship. Even though he was a child at the time, he admits to contributing to their hurt and it might take more than an apology – it might take actual gestures of goodwill on his part and demonstrations that he has grown up, understands his actions, condemns the treatment they faced by the parents, and wants a relationship.
For someone who understands his role, he does not seem from this description particularly interested in owning it.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SILs have some issues from being treated badly by their folks in contrast to your husband growing up. But that’s no excuse to be so ridiculous after you’ve clearly explained that your kid had a headache.
5-year-olds throw tantrums over silly things, that’s part of the package deal of having a kid. I can see why they would be touchy over comments like that, but it’s not fair for them to lash out at you and your kid over their issues.” camembert23
1. AITJ For Visiting My Best Friend's Mom Despite Their Ongoing Fight?
“I (30M) have been best friends with Chloe (30F) for 20 years. We’ve been living together for 10 years and sometimes it’s difficult but she’s truly my platonic soulmate and I love her.
She’s currently in a fight with her mum and isn’t speaking to her.
Their relationship had been contentious since her mum and dad divorced five years ago. It would take a novel to explain all that’s happened between them, and most of it is their own business.
They can both be petty and hurtful to each other, but I know ultimately that they love each other.
Some background on me before I get into the argument I had with Chloe. I was raised in an abusive household, physically, mentally, emotionally. It was a bad time and for a long while Chloe’s family looked after me.
They fed me when my family starved me, would clean my clothes when I wasn’t allowed to use the washing machine, and let me shower when I wasn’t allowed.
When I was 14 I was kicked out. I had nowhere else to go and Chloe’s family took me in.
They saved my life, and I became very close to Chloe’s mum. She is like my mum, better than my mum’s ever been to me and she’s the first kind of motherly figure that looked after me. Chloe’s mum helped me a lot with food school and sorting my life out, and I am eternally grateful.
So recently I stayed at Chloe’s mum’s house for the night. I do this sometimes when I need kind of a break from my house, as I don’t get out much and work from home. So having a different environment that is safe for me is essential. While I was there Chloe consistently called me, asking me to sort random things out and just generally seeming to have a bad attitude.
I didn’t argue with her because she was going through some things, but I was feeling attacked.
When I returned home I asked her what her issue was, and she said that I was a jerk for going to her mum’s when she knew that they were fighting She also accused me of going there to complain about her to her mum.
Now, to be fair to her, her mum is kind of mean. She has tried to complain to me about Chloe, but I am an expert at deflecting and I’m not shy about sticking up for Chloe if her mum is wrong about something. But Chloe said that me seeing her mum was essentially the same as betraying her and that I’d made it very clear whose side I was on.
I feel like I can understand how Chloe feels. Like I love her mum but her mum is genuinely horrible to her sometimes, for which I’m always sticking up for Chloe. But also, on the other hand, I really see Chloe’s mum as my own mum, she’s looked after me since I was 12, even if she didn’t give birth to me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re in a no-win situation dude. Either way, if you go or don’t go you will hurt people you truly care for. Both of them have to work their stuff out without getting you involved or you have that difficult conversation and figure out why they are beefing.” AsuraRathalos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a tough situation, and it sounds like you’re stuck between two people you deeply care about, both of whom have valid emotions here. It’s clear you’re trying your best to navigate this with empathy and respect for both Chloe and her mum, but it’s also a super messy dynamic.
From Chloe’s perspective, it’s understandable why she feels hurt or betrayed. She’s in a really emotional place with her mum right now, and seeing you spend time with someone who’s currently hurting her might feel like you’re taking sides—even though that’s not your intention.
On the other hand, Chloe’s mum has been a mother figure to you in a way your own mum couldn’t be, and it’s not fair to ask you to cut off someone who has been such a big part of your life.
You’re allowed to value that relationship and find comfort in her support, especially given your history.” User
