People Anticipate Our Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Making My Son Wear A Shirt At The Beach?
“My (37M) son (17) and I hit the beach yesterday for the first time in years. A few years ago my son was in a car accident, thank god he survived. However, he was left with some serious burns all over his shoulder and torso.
He’s had skin graft surgeries on more affected areas. It’s been a long process for him and all of us. His scars are still pretty visible so that’s something he’s been very self-conscious about. It took him lots of time in therapy until he was able to even look at himself in the mirror.
It hurt a lot to see him so depressed, being so self-conscious about his body. My son is much more comfortable now. He can look at himself, take his shirt off to go swimming in our pool. The only thing he hasn’t done is be shirtless in public which he wanted to do so we decided to have a beach day just us, me and him.
I’m guessing you can tell where this is going. There were some kids staring and pointing when we got close to them but my son ignored them while we kept playing ball in the water.
Later on, this lady comes to ask, and she’s saying in a fake sweet voice if my son would mind putting his shirt back on.
It’s not that ‘she’ has a problem with it but her family and all their kids are here and it’s too visible to ignore. Some of the kids are a little freaked out by it, she said. My son to my surprise tells the lady they can look somewhere else instead of at his scars if it’s such a big deal.
She got irritated real fast now she’s looking at me expecting me to do something. But I pretty much said the same thing, if the kids are so freaked out about it maybe now is a good time to show them not everybody is the same and it’s nothing to be scared of.
This lady would not let it go. To avoid my son hearing more than he needed to we walked off away from the water and then gave this lady a piece of my mind.
I told her it’s people like her that made it so hard for him to be comfortable in his own body so why doesn’t she shut up and get out of my face?
If it bothers her so much then she can get out with her family. She told me I’m such a disrespectful jerk because she came here asking politely and instead I reacted with nothing but hostility. They did end up leaving. My son didn’t want to be in the water anymore after that but luckily after a while he wasn’t so bummed out anymore.
The thing is I’ve never had an interaction with someone like that before. Let alone cussed at a total stranger. Yes, I know how kids can be so maybe for hers they found it scary, but also this whole thing made me go into protective papa bear mode knowing what my son has gone through so I’d like to know if I was a jerk for how I treated her.”
35. AITJ For Getting My Neighbor's Guests' Car Towed?
“My neighbors and I were close, I even went to their wedding.
Since 2020, we don’t really talk much. They live a few doors down from me and own a second home across from me and my parents’ house. I made friends with their second house tenants who told me they were being kicked out so my neighbor can start using said house as an Airbnb.
My neighbors themselves never told me, my parents, or close neighbors, they were doing this. The neighborhood is zoned single-family residential.
It has been 4 months and people come/go. The biggest problems are that since these people are on vacation it gets noisy. But I don’t care, even enjoyed popping over sometimes and hanging out.
Sometimes though these guests will park in our yard. We have a camper van and three cars so when we’re not home there are gaps. No one asks us, not even the neighbors. The first time I was like ‘meh’. It’s a blip.
Now we have to worry about constant parking.
And people give me attitude; clearly, no one cares it’s someone else’s home and we’re not a hotel strip. So I just took photos of the car in offense and called a towing company. They took away the car. Woke up to the neighbor at my door, cussing me out with his Airbnb people behind him.
Clearly, they woke him up and he’s returning the favor.
I told them the car has been towed and closed the door after giving them the info. 30 minutes later there’s more pounding on the door. The cops are here; everyone wants me charged with theft, public nuisance, and other stuff I don’t remember.
Basically, to them, I had no right to remove something on my property. I explained everything to the cops. They were mad because no one told officers that I moved something unauthorized from my own property.
Apparently, the Airbnb people got their car back, canceled the rest of their stay, wrote bad reviews, and now my neighbor is mad that no one has booked his house for 2 months out.
He threatens to sue me for loss of business and mental damages. I said, ‘bring it on.’
So AITJ? I probably could have talked first, but thought what’s fair is fair.”
34. AITJ For Having An Awesome Mother-In-Law?
“I (25f) have a tricky relationship with my family of origin. My father died when I was 5 and from what I remember he was probably the better member of my family. My mom hated me always. I looked the most like Dad so I figure that’s why.
I was the baby of the family with three older sisters, all who took after mom for hating me and I heard my whole childhood that I was ugly and would never find a guy to love me. This story is about my sister Grace who I have the worst relationship with.
I got married at 20 and was so so lucky to join an amazing family. My husband’s mom especially is the best. She came from a sucky family too so she gets it and she has embraced me and her three other kids-in-law as her own kids.
So has FIL. They are people I would gladly call my parents any day. MIL is extra special to me though. There’s just something so caring about her. She never pushes herself on anyone but she will be there for you at the drop of a hat.
She has supported me more in trying to get an education than anyone in my family of origin ever has.
Grace decided to track me down and drop by one day at random with her husband. It was awkward. But I didn’t want a fight so I spent some time with her.
While she was around MIL stopped by and was just awesome. After about an hour of MIL being there, Grace turned on me and said I didn’t deserve the crap I had, and she stormed out, pulling her husband after her.
She then contacted me on social media and ranted at me about being so smug about my MIL when hers sucks and hates her guts and wouldn’t do anything for her.
I knew none of this. We had not talked in years before she showed up. I responded that it wasn’t my fault her MIL apparently sucks while mine is awesome. I said she shouldn’t take it out on me.
She called me a smug, gloating jerk.
I blocked her and she found an old Twitter account I had and I got the email saying she had DMd me more nonsense.
Part of me wonders if saying her MIL sucked and mine was awesome was just rubbing it in a little too much and a little too much of a jerk.
AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Sister About Throwing A Harry Potter-Themed Party?
“I (31f) have an eight-year-old daughter who is absolutely obsessed with Harry Potter.
I loved Harry Potter books and movies while I was growing up. So I can see where she got it from. I raised her to love it as much as me.
I have an older sister who also loves Harry Potter. She has seen each movie and read each book at least 27 times.
As you can tell she definitely loves it more than me. My sister has a son, my nephew. He is turning 5 this winter. My daughter who is turning 9 in mid-July asked me for a Harry Potter birthday party. I agreed and was excited that she wanted one.
I was texting my family on the group chat about my daughter’s birthday party. I told them that she wanted a Harry Potter-themed birthday, and I told them what I had in mind just for the time being.
My sister immediately stepped up and told me it wasn’t a good idea.
I asked why and she said that she had planned on throwing my nephew a Harry Potter-themed party too. I asked why I wasn’t allowed to throw an HP-themed birthday. She then threw a hissy fit and complained about how I wanted to steal her son’s glory and how I was copying her every move.
I lost my temper here and told her that my daughter wanted the HP party and not me, I also let her know that she didn’t tell me her plans for my nephew’s party.
My parents instantly took my sister’s side in this argument.
I got mad and ended up ignoring their calls and messages. While I was doing so I found a lot of cute decor and catering for her party. I had let my daughter make custom HP invitation cards. Since my daughter loves my nephew she wanted to invite him.
I let her since I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at my sister.
A little after I had sent the invitations to my parents and sister’s house. A couple of days later I had gotten a call from my sister. I picked up not knowing that she was about to go off on me.
She told me I couldn’t let my daughter throw the party and that I had to cancel it since I took her idea. I had hung up, I wasn’t dealing with my crazy sister. Later I checked the catering and the decorations to see if we were all good.
I had seen canceled orders for the decorations and the catering. I called the catering company only to realize my sister had canceled them all. I told my parents what happened and they were on my sister’s side throughout this whole thing. They told me that since my nephew is the youngest he should get what he wants.
I was done with all of them. I decided to not invite any of them. I had to tell my sad daughter we had to push back the birthday party, and not invite her aunt and grandparents. AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Run Things With Me First Before She Decorates Our Place?
“I (29M) have been with my partner (24F) for 2 years now.
We have not lived together before, but she’s currently 18 weeks pregnant so I suggested that she move in with me once her lease was up. It ended at the end of June, so she’s been living with me for almost 3 weeks now.
While we get along well and overall living together has been great, I’ve noticed that she’s started to change things around my apartment.
She only brought a few things over since my apartment is fully furnished so I understand her need to make it feel more like her space.
Everything in my apartment is mid-century modern, it’s a mid-century modern building and I bought the apartment because of how much I love that style.
Some of the things that she’s suggesting or bringing into the apartment absolutely do not go with that vibe. She’s taken down some of my artwork and replaced it, cleared off shelves I curated and put her knickknacks on it, went through my pantry, and cleared out things she thought were unhealthy, all without asking me.
She works from home while I work in the office so she has a lot more time at the apartment than I do. I just wish she would run things by me first. I’m an architect, she’s an editor and doesn’t have that same designer eye which clearly shows.
What really bothered me was that she started to throw some things away without asking. I went to take out the trash and saw that some birthday cards I kept were in there. When I asked about it, she said she was just getting rid of ‘clutter’ but her stuff is more like clutter and mine has actual sentimental value.
I told her to stop touching things in the apartment and she pointed out that she should have a say because she lives there which I agree with but she doesn’t run anything by me. Now she’s being very avoidant and passive-aggressive. So, AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Throwing My Son's Stuff Outside?
“My 17-year-old recently got busted playing cruel pranks on one of his classmates.
It involved a girl, a date, and then a series of photos of the student being stood up circulating around the school. My son fessed up to it. I gave him the choice to either write an apology letter to the classmate he ‘pranked’ or he could be grounded for 3 weeks.
My son chose the 3 weeks, I suppose that’s a pride thing.
He’s spent the better part of it in his bedroom because he’s been studying for assignments and exams and I was fine with that, he’s always been good with his grades and he puts a lot of work into passing.
About 4 days before the end of his punishment, I asked him if he’d like to watch a movie with the rest of the family, he said no, his test at school was the next day, and had to study, fine by me.
I’m usually at work before he wakes up (gone by 6:30) so I went into his room before bed to wish him good luck only to find his room empty!
I searched the house for him, figuring he could have gone down for snacks or to use the bathroom but he was completely gone. It was then that my husband discovered he’d cleverly removed the security screen from his bedroom window and had been sneaking out.
So, I proceeded to throw his belongings out of the window, he said he was going to be in his room and that’s where he went so I figured that’s where all of his stuff belonged. X Box, lamps, computer, clothes, posters, yes, even the bed was dismantled and thrown out into the backyard.
We kept all the lights on and retired to our bedroom like we always do (it was about 10 pm at this point) and when I went downstairs, there was my son sitting at the table with a glass of juice, saying he came down for a study break.
When he finished his juice he went back upstairs and came down a few minutes later. He didn’t seem remorseful at all at being caught and merely said ‘Okay busted, where’s my stuff.’ I told him it was all in his room.
He found it all outside and threw a teenage temper tantrum about how unfair it was, I told him he could either write an apology letter to us and we’d help him move his stuff in or he could move his own stuff back in provided he wanted to move back in and put it all back together himself.
We got our apology letter and helped move things back in and set his room back up with everything that wasn’t broken. On top of this, he had to finish off his grounding AND apologize to the classmate he ‘pranked’.
The grounding lifted as planned and he went to stay with my sister for the weekend in the country to clear his head.
He must have told her what happened because I received a nasty phone call about how much of a jerk I am and how that was way too much for such a small offense. I personally feel as though it was justified after he’d completely ignored his punishment and lied and thought he was being sly about it.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Making My Stepsister Copy My Bad Homework?
“My (17f) stepsister Bonnie (17f) has a habit of copying my homework. Like she just emails my homework from my laptop to hers. I have asked her not to do it many times before because I don’t think it’s fair that I do all the work and she too gets the grade.
I have spoken to my dad about this and he said I should just let her do it since she struggles with schoolwork, and my stepmom just yelled at me so I left it at that. Speaking to the school is pointless, I have tried and they say they don’t care, that it’s my issue to deal with.
I have offered to help her with her homework before but she accused me of calling her incapable and dumb.
I was venting to my older brothers (19m, 21m) about this and they said maybe I should just do my homework wrong once and Bonnie might stop after that.
Now, they only suggested, never insisted I do it, but I was so frustrated, that I did exactly that. I saved my wrong homework with the name of the assignment but submitted mine (saved in a different name).
Anyways, Bonnie took the wrong homework and submitted that.
And she got a bad grade. My stepmom yelled at me when she found out that I had submitted a different one than Bonnie. My 19m brother heard and yelled back at stepmom. My stepmom involved my dad, but my dad told her that maybe Bonnie should get some help with school stuff.
This has caused a fight between them. My dad says that he understands that I am upset, but what I did was still jerkish, but my brothers say I did nothing wrong. I know that Bonnie struggles with school, but I don’t think it’s my problem that she and my stepmom consider getting tutoring or other help as something to be ashamed of.
I don’t know if I was a jerk.”
29. AITJ For Telling My Son's Partner What He Told Me About Her Childhood?
“I (41f) have a son Connor (25) who started going out with this wonderful Dominican girl named Nicole about a year ago.
My husband and I only met her 5 months ago. When we first met her she was extremely uncomfortable around us. At first, I thought it was because my son told me that she had an extremely terrible upbringing so I assumed she wasn’t okay with most people.
He also told me as a result she hated her family and her people’s culture. Those were topics I avoided when she was around.
Well about a week ago my friends took me to this cute little hole-in-the-wall Dominican restaurant where one of them complained about the food and asked to speak to the cook and manager.
What do you know the cook is Nicole and this is her family friend’s restaurant. After my friends left, she and I sat down because I had questions and I guess she did too. Where I found out my son lied to me and her.
He basically told her we hated all Latin American culture and people because of an accident he had as a kid causing him to have an allergic reaction. I then told her what he told me about her childhood.
Afterward, I didn’t hear from her but he did eventually come to my door screaming about how I ruined his relationship.
Later on, my daughter filled in a few blanks which was his plan in his words to stop her from cooking that stuff and cook ‘normal’ food and be ‘normal’ once things got more serious with them. I then called him and shamed him for even having such horrible views.
Since he has been crying to everyone in the family about me ruining his relationship and judging him. Everyone he has talked to does agree what he did wasn’t okay but they are shaming me for not supporting my son’s choices regardless and meddling.”
28. AITJ For Telling Someone To Sit Somewhere Else?
“I (35f) commute to work in the city on Mondays and it’s a 3.5-hour trip. I normally sit near the front and there are always lots of extra seats open, including lots with both seats open so you don’t need to sit next to anyone if you don’t want to.
I sit up front near the driver because it feels safer. Lots of people put their bags on the empty seat next to them and move them when someone asks to sit down. Previously, I always kept my bags on my lap while people were boarding and, if no one sat next to me, I’d expand a bit.
A few weeks ago, about 20mins into the trip, a guy gets up and asks ‘Do you mind if I sit here?’ I said no problem and he sat down. I’m catching up on work, he seems fine. Then he begins to manspread and starts consistently applying pressure to the armrest area.
This is one of my pet peeves. I loathe having to make myself physically small so that other people (to be honest, it’s almost always men) can spread out like no one else is allowed to have personal space. But whatever. It’s transit. It sucks, but so it goes.
For the record, we’re both fairly lean people. Neither of us appears to physically need to take up more than our allotted space. I didn’t say anything, but I kept my legs and arms firmly on my armrest (middle armrests, we each had one), refusing to budge.
He kept giving me a side-eye, applying more pressure, etc. but eventually seemed to settle into just applying pressure. Annoying, but whatever. Once I had to get some water and he immediately took over my armrest. When I was done, I made eye contact (to assert dominance?), said ‘Pardon me’, he said sorry and I got my armrest back.
Pressure resumed. Annoying but not enough for me to feel it was worth escalating or changing seats.
Well, guess who takes this bus every Monday morning now? That’s right. This guy. I started putting my bag down on the seat next to me until after he boards and then move it.
I move it immediately and welcome anyone who asks to sit next to me during boarding time. Week 2, he did ask once the bus had started into its route. I said no problem and then got up and went to sit somewhere else. He gave me an affronted look, I sat in another set of open double seats on the other side of the bus.
Week 4 he left me alone.
Week 5 he did the same post-boarding move. This time there weren’t any side-by-side seats where both were open, but there were lots of open single seats. This time I said, ‘I’m sorry, if you don’t mind sitting in one of the other open seats I’d really appreciate it.’ He glared at me, then started calling me a jerk under his breath before going to sit somewhere else.
At the destination he caught up with me, said ‘You didn’t have to be such a jerk’ and stormed off.
Normally, I never discourage people from sitting next to me when they ask, so maybe I’m the jerk for telling him no. I could have gotten up and moved to one of the open seats but I just really didn’t want to.”
27. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Pay Rent?
“My wife and I have 3 kids (19F, 15M, & 12F). Our 19-year-old, Kate, graduated from high school last year but is still living at home. Despite getting into a few different colleges, she declined to attend as she wasn’t sure she wanted to go to college and wanted a break from school.
We were ok with this but gave her some rules if she wanted to live at home.
These were pretty basic rules. She had to work at least 30 hours a week and continue to help around the house. I wanted her to pay a token rent which we would put away and give back to her when she moves out, but my wife disagreed as she wanted Kate to learn to save funds on her own.
Kate has struggled with anxiety for the past few years and has been in therapy since her junior year of high school. She is also on medication. She also, like many 19-year-olds, struggles with impulse control. This usually manifests in her spending habits. She will spend money as soon as she gets it.
And she spends it on, in my opinion, things she doesn’t always need.
Her room is full of clothes she will wear maybe once or twice. Jewelry, makeup, salon and spa trips, etc. We’ve had many talks with her about being better at saving, but it always ends up in a fight about it being her money and she can do with it what she wants.
Which, I don’t necessarily disagree with, but if she’s still living at home and being fed and housed by us for free, I feel like we get at least some say in how much she saves. She’s saved less than a thousand dollars.
This past weekend Kate came home one day with bright rainbow hair.
My son asked her how much it cost and Kate said it was $300. I asked Kate if she seriously spent $300 on her hair and she said yes. I told her that was a ridiculous amount for something like that. She said it makes her feel good and it’s important for her mental health.
I told her that if she can afford to spend $300 on her hair, then she can afford to pay us rent. She immediately got defensive and reiterated that it is her money and she will spend it how she wants. She said I don’t understand why this is important to her and that she hates that I am so controlling over what she does.
I told her that as long as she’s still living with us, I have a right to be critical of the choices she makes. She called me a jerk and stormed off to her room and slammed the door. My wife told me that I need to be more supportive of Kate and her choices, especially with regard to money.
I told her that I am not going to continue to let her live here for free if she was going to spend so recklessly.
My wife said that Kate needs to learn this on her own. But I said that she’s had over a year to learn and she still spends money just as fast as she earns it.
I told her that we need to have a conversation about Kate continuing to live with us because we have other kids to support and Kate is an adult and should be contributing something to the house if she’s going to stay here.”
26. AITJ For Saying I Don't Care About My Ex's Financial Problems?
“I (36F) have a daughter Sadie (12) with my ex-husband John (39). We got divorced 5 years ago and I have primary custody while he sees her two weekends a month. Last year, he got married to Amanda who has sole custody of her kids (10 & 8 F) from a previous marriage.
Amanda is a stay-at-home mom (not for any health reasons or so on, she just doesn’t want to work) while John works at a 9 to 5. He makes good money to support them, but not enough to live in luxury.
I have a much higher-paying job.
Since it’s just me and Sadie, I make sure she has the best possible life. She goes to a private school, set her up a college fund, and she has much better things than most kids (phone, clothes, etc). I still managed to raise her to be humble and not take things for granted, and she’s one of the hardest working people I know, always making sure to get good grades and keep her room tidy.
Well, the last few times she came back after a weekend at John’s, I noticed that the clothes she was bringing back in her duffel are a) not her size and b) much cheaper and poorer quality than what I usually buy for her. I asked her why that is and she told me that while she’s at her dad’s, Amanda takes away her nice clothes and gives them to her kids while Sadie gets the clothes they buy from Target.
I asked her if she wanted them back but she said she didn’t mind sharing since all her favourite clothes were kept here.
The problem came when I went to pick her up last weekend. I had a business meeting and couldn’t drive her over, so Amanda offered to just pick Sadie up from school, which hadn’t happened before.
When I got there on Sunday, John and Amanda asked me to sit down with them and when Sadie came to hug me, Amanda sent her to her room quite harshly saying her punishment wasn’t over yet. I was confused because Sadie very rarely misbehaves.
They sat me down in the kitchen and said that it was unfair for Sadie to be going to a private school while her kids go to a public one, so they’d decided that Sadie would be pulled out of private school and put in the same school as the girls.
They also said I should keep up Sadie’s punishment because when they told her she blew up at them, told them it wasn’t fair, and yelled that Amanda and her kids weren’t even her real family, that all they did was steal.
I told them in no uncertain terms to shut up.
I would not be pulling my child out of a school she likes, away from her friends, because they can’t afford it. I told them they could easily make as much as me if Amanda started working in her field because she has the qualifications and the job market is very good.
I told them their financial problems are not my issue, and if Sadie’s items get stolen again or they try to pull her out of school, I’ll be taking this to court.
They’ve been blowing up my phone ever since, calling me a selfish jerk, and after telling the story to a friend, he told me I was rubbing my success in their face, but I still don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
Still, AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Mother-In-Law's Caregiver?
“My MIL may be coming home after transitioning from the hospital & to a care facility.
My FIL knows back in my late 20s/early 30s I did Nursing Assisting and Rehabilitation Technician work. (RT is kind of like helping out with Occupational Therapy for challenged adults)
He also knows when my own parents had terminal cancer I nursed them both through it, as much as I could, often ‘taking over’ for the home health/hospice nurses when they left.
I’m in my late 40s now and, after being diagnosed with early Rheumatoid Arthritis, have not worked for a while, especially not in that field.
It’s been ages; my most recent work was in film & television production.
His son, my partner, is the primary earner in our family and doesn’t mind me not working.
I don’t think my FIL understands how much things have changed for me. I literally cannot lift or change people like I once could, or assist them with walking or mobility.
(My arthritis is especially bad in my right arm, wrist, hand, and shoulder)
My FIL offered me $100/day to ‘look after her.’
She will most likely primarily be bedridden and may have to have catheters and daily enemas, things I have no experience with.
I asked my partner to tell his Dad I was not interested.
Dad texted me and ‘upped his offer’ to $150. I declined.
He got mad and called me, and said ‘I wasn’t doing anything with my time anyway’ so ‘What was the big deal?’
Said ‘This is not how you treat family!’ and ‘Why wouldn’t I even consider it?’
Demanded to know: ‘What’s my final price?’
I got upset and didn’t know what to say. I finally caved and said I’d think about it, but that he really needs to hire professional help and reiterated I don’t think it’s something I can now physically do.
He laughed and said ‘All I have to do is babysit her’ and make sure she ‘Doesn’t get up and wander off.’
AITJ for not even wanting to ‘consider’ doing it?
I just don’t think I’m capable & know this involves a lot more work than he thinks it does.
Honestly, it also brings up a lot of bad memories about losing my parents & their own decline.”
24. WIBTJ If I Want My Parents To Agree With My Demands If They Want Me To Help With The Bills?
“Recently at the request of my parents, I (18M) went out and got a job. It is a great job, the work isn’t too hard and the hours are nice.
But the best thing is the pay, I’m getting about 23 dollars an hour, and for a college student, it’s amazing. Now my parents are happy for me and are proud of me for taking some steps towards independence. But not everyone is happy, I don’t know why but my sister (19F) seems upset by my pay rate.
She has been constantly trying to poke holes in my plans, questioning every little detail. Well, it finally got to the point where she brought up the idea of my helping with bills since ‘If your pay is so good, why don’t you help with bills and pull your own weight.’
Honestly, I’m ok with helping with bills and expenses. My parents’ faces lit up like a child in a candy store at the idea, and we began with negotiations over what bills I would take over. Well, we came to the agreement that I would take the phone, internet, and TV bills, totaling about 300 to 350 depending on usage.
But another wrench was thrown into the plan when my siblings did a ‘Paycheck Calculator’ using my pay rate and hours. When it came out that I am making more than they previously thought, they asked me to help with more totaling around 650 (Partially paying for things like light bills, car insurance, and gas).
Now I was ok with helping out with the phone, internet, and tv bills. But since they want me to contribute more, I decided I wanted more liberties. So I came up with a list of ‘Demands’ to present the next time the topic came up.
It’s simple really.
- No Curfew (my curfew is 10:45)
- Significantly reduced chores
- No more ‘grounding me’
- My own mini fridge in my room for my food and drinks
- LAN cables for my electronics, so basically a direct connection to the internet.
Here’s the issue, I know the second they allow these things for me my siblings will expect the same for them without the same level of sacrifice.
(To clarify, my sister helps with bills, but to a lesser degree and my brother plans to help when he gets a car and job.) Now my parents are going to deny me these things if they know it will cause conflict. And I will not help if I don’t get these things.
P.S. I know I can move out but I can’t as rent is high in the city I attend college in, and my parents have offered me the chance to stay home throughout college to save funds. So please don’t just say ‘Move out.'”
23. AITJ For Going To My Friend's Funeral?
“I have been friends with James (not his real name) for about 7 years, he has been in a relationship for about 4 years (married 2) with a girl that I’ll call Emily (also not her real name). We never had the greatest relationship but we tolerated each other and James could make time for the both of us.
James recently passed away due to medical reasons and I got a DM from Emily saying that she would rather I didn’t show up to his funeral since she’s not comfortable with me being there. I was surprised by what she had said because although we didn’t get along that well, I never thought she would tell me not to attend my friend’s funeral. I told her that James was a very close friend of mine and I want to attend his funeral and she didn’t like what I had to say.
After arguing a bit, I just stopped responding. James’s father is paying for/organizing everything and has given me the date and he thinks that I should come.
Fast forward to the funeral, when I arrived, there were about 30-40 people but I couldn’t find Emily (I was looking for her so I could explicitly avoid her).
Later that day, I received a message from one of Emily’s friends saying that I should have never shown up and that it was my fault Emily left, and that she had been bawling her eyes out for ‘hours’. Apparently, she saw me show up and left before I saw her.
I was again shocked by what I had just read. Who would leave their SO’s funeral because someone that you didn’t like showed up? I then started receiving other messages calling me a jerk for showing up when I didn’t have permission from Emily. I couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal.
I have already broken contact with Emily and most of her friends because I thought this was just crazy. Most people have said I’m NTJ but a lot of people said I should have just stayed home. I don’t think I am but what do you guys think?
I had to clear something up: James and I have never had a romantic relationship as we are both straight males. I feel as if one of the reasons Emily doesn’t like me is because James sets aside a lot of time for me. We used to game every other day for an hour or so and we used to hang out on weekends fairly often.
I never thought of the possibility that she could be jealous or perhaps wanted more attention for herself.”
22. WIBTJ If I Just Keep My Mom's Clothes?
“I (16f) have a sister Jen (17f). Recently our mom found a few boxes that had a few boxes of her old clothes.
Jen wasn’t home when Mom and I were going through it. She and I are about the same size, so I tried a few on and they fit, so I asked her if I could keep some of them. She said yes.
When my sister came home later, my mom asked if she wanted something from her old clothes pile.
My sister is bigger than Mom and I are so even if she did keep some, she won’t be able to wear them. Jen said no. When my mom asked if she didn’t even want a few scarves or boots she said no to those too.
So my mom asked me to go ahead and pick out whichever ones I wanted to keep and donate the rest.
Later Jen told me that it was a very bad thing to do to just keep the clothes when I can help other people who need them.
She is right, it’s not like I need new clothes, I have plenty but I just wanted to keep a few for, I don’t know, sentimental value? Because they were pretty? Anyways, I told her no. She got angry and has refused to speak to me since.
Last weekend my brother (19m) told me that Jen went crying to him and told him I was rubbing it in her face and that I was more petite. I mean, she is 5’7 and I am 5’1, so obviously I will wear smaller clothing.
And she has a healthy body weight so it’s not like she is ‘fat’. Bro told me that she is just upset that Mom and I can share stuff, while she can’t. He told me that it would be nice not to hurt her feelings, and just donate them all.
But I don’t want to. It’s been 2 weeks and she still hasn’t spoken to me, even though she is still speaking happily with Mom, Bro, and Dad. WIBTJ if I just keep the clothes?”
21. AITJ For Refusing To Move To A Different Seat?
“So I (23M) was coming back home from a business trip on a 2-hour flight, European low cost (RyanAir).
RyanAir like most low-cost airlines sells everything, from priority check-in, to luggage, to drinks and stuff like that. So I bought my seat in row 4B which is in the middle, it may sound odd to buy a middle, but I wanted it to be as close to the exit as possible and there were no other seats available.
The flight was landing at a minor secondary airport that has limited train connections so if I wanted to catch the best train, I have to run outside the plane and do passport control as soon as possible. If I miss that train another option is to wait 1:30 hours or get a 70 dollars cab.
So that’s why I paid for that seat.
So I board my flight really tired. Also, the business trip was awful and unproductive, and I have this lady with her child of months quietly sleeping while sitting in the window seat. She immediately asks if I can move to row 18 so she can sit with her husband.
I just said that I paid for the seat and I did not want to move, didn’t really explain much.
The whole row is looking bad at me and I could see the mother texting the husband about me. The worst thing is that the aisle seat next to me was empty, and no one showed up so it seemed even more odd that my excuse was that I bought a middle seat.
Eventually, no one was sitting next to the husband so she moved down the airplane.
AITJ? I was physically and mentally exhausted, I paid for my ticket and that exact seat. Everyone was judging me yet no one moved a finger to help the mother.
I am open to hearing your opinion.”
20. AITJ For Celebrating Father's Day Alone With My Kids?
“I’m a 30-year-old father of two. I want to say happily married but the last year has been a very, very bad period for my marriage.
It appears to have started with my MIL, who is the only grandparent our kids have. She for a while now has treated me like all I should be doing is providing, and my wife appears to have jumped on that bandwagon. I get told I should leave the parenting to my wife, I was told to let my wife quit her job and work all the hours I can so she can be a stay-at-home mom, even if it means I never see my kids.
My wife and I have had discussions about this but every time I think progress is being made we go backward.
We both grew up without fathers. Hers bailed before she was born and mine was far more complicated but let’s just say, I had no positive male role models growing up around me, and my home life was toxic and not so great.
I feel like my wife and MIL’s experience has influenced what they want and expect from a father. They see fathers as providers now more than people who are involved in the kids and don’t get that I don’t want to miss out on my kids growing up.
They’re 1 and 3 now and I have only been there for stuff like first steps and words because I don’t do as they say I should. But my MIL especially has said that stuff is for mothers, not fathers, and when I was there for those moments I could have been working to provide for my family.
On Friday there was another fight like this. I got home from work at my normal time, for a bath and bedtime with my kids, and MIL said my wife could do it and I should be working. My wife spoke up for once and said the kids love me doing it.
But Saturday came and my wife tried to pitch this idea she had for her staying home, me working more, but MAYBE getting some time with the kids on the weekends. We got into an argument and I poured my heart out to her. I expressed all the hurt I felt at being pushed out.
The whole thing was very raw for me because we had talked before, but I was never so hurt or angry about it as I was Saturday. I stepped away in the end so it wouldn’t turn into anything worse.
Then yesterday… I don’t know if Saturday got through to her or not but she appeared apologetic.
She did actually apologize. And she actually brought the kids into bed before I woke up, so I could snuggle with them first thing. It was maybe the first time in a long time I felt like she actually wanted me to spend time with the kids.
But then she invited her mother and I didn’t want to have Father’s Day ruined. So I announced I was taking the kids, they weren’t coming with us and left with the kids for the day. MIL was mad, my wife was upset but said she understood, but her upset only made MIL angrier.
I feel bad for not trying to work through something with my wife first. Part of me was just scared Father’s Day would be ruined for me if I didn’t just go with my kids.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Wanting To Buy My Stepdaughter A Wedding Dress?
“I have a 21-year-old stepdaughter who I’ve been in the life of since she was 2 years old when I began to see her father and when she was 5 I became her stepmother. My husband and his ex-wife live in the same town so my stepdaughter would always alternate houses every week and despite her being an adult now we’re still close.
She is marrying her partner of five years in May. I know for a fact that they can’t afford to get her dream dress as she’s talked to me about it, I have a good job and I love her like she’s my own daughter so I told her I’d buy her whatever dress she wanted as my wedding gift to her.
My husband was there when I made the offer and had no problem with it so that isn’t a concern the issue however came up when her mother found out.
She came around demanding to know where I got off offering to buy her daughter a wedding dress and that I had no right to do this and what if she’d wanted to buy the dress?
I did feel bad about this and suggested we each pay half of the dress but she isn’t happy with this and said she can’t afford the kind of dress I could and now I’ve gotten my stepdaughter’s hopes up for any dress she wants.
I suggested that she just pay what she is comfortable paying and I’d cover the rest and she can just assume her Mother and I went half on it but this was also shot down. My husband asked her what exactly she expected then and she thinks I should withdraw the offer entirely.
Obviously, I’m not going to do that as I’m not going to be letting my stepdaughter down but I don’t know how else I can make this right. My husband ended up kicking his ex-wife out of our house and calling her unreasonable and that she should remember this isn’t about her but I feel guilty over upsetting her.
I didn’t think it was out of line to offer this as I’ve been part of my stepdaughter’s life for 19 years. Was I out of line with this? I am worried this could cause drama on the day.”
18. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Mom Regarding Her Being Religious?
“My (16F) mother (40) is very, very catholic, and for as long as I can remember she has forced this on me in almost every aspect of my life.
I don’t intend to be dramatic but it’s ruined a good chunk of my life and all of my childhood.
I wasn’t allowed to consume any media that ‘the bible looked down upon’ for my entire childhood. I was interested in grunge music and when I had been gifted a Nirvana and a Soundgarden cd as a kid she found them and threw them away.
She has always scolded me for having interests that didn’t line up with her beliefs and it’s made me feel trapped. I may sound like a bad person when I say this but I can’t tell if I just resent her or if I really, truly hate her.
A couple of years back a friend of mine introduced me to spirituality, witchcraft, astrology, etc. and it’s something that really resonates with me and makes me happy.
I knew and I know that it was a risk to buy tarot cards, crystals, and rune stones of my own, but I kept them hidden in the ceiling because it moves up (Joe Goldberg from You taught me that one).
I feel like I have the right to my own individual beliefs and spiritual practices. Regardless of what my mother says or wants.
Well, she found them. Don’t ask me how because I have no idea, but it started a huge argument that ended in her calling me a disrespectful jerk and a devil worshipper, and destroying all of my spirituality books, my tarot cards, my crystals, everything.
I called her a hypocritical, lunatic Jesus freak who thinks she gets to project her beliefs onto all others and that’s probably why my father divorced her. She paused and then began crying, calling me an ungrateful child from the underworld and told me that she was kicking me out come next month.
I don’t know what to do. I know it was a low blow but in the moment I didn’t care, and I’m still debating on whether or not I should care. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Getting My Husband And His Mistress Fired?
“I (29f) have an ex (34m), ‘Richard’. It’s been 3 years since we separated due to him being abusive and unfaithful, but we are not divorced as divorce is expensive in my country and whenever I apply for divorce Richard insists on meditation, so divorce is not granted as ‘one of us tries to save the marriage’.
He lives with his mistress and they have a kid together that was conceived when we were still together. Due to both of them harassing and abusing me, I have a restraining order against both of them. My employer is aware of all of this as the utility company my ex works for supplies the buildings their offices are at (one of the major suppliers in the country).
Now to the actual events:
Due to restrictions, everyone is currently working from home with a few days in the office. Richard decided to show up at my work with his kid and demanded to see me for ‘child support’ money since we are still legally married. As my employer is aware of the situation, the receptionist refused to tell him if I’m in the office or not (I was) and asked Richard to leave.
Richard did not and security was called. As he was with his child, security couldn’t use force to remove Richard, so reception threatened to call the utility company he works for. Richard didn’t believe the receptionist can do it, so long story short he and his mistress were fired with immediate effect as Richard showing up at my work has been seen as gross misconduct and they discovered Richard was his mistress’ boss (apparently his employer didn’t know they were together and it’s strictly forbidden to have a relationship with someone who is directly employed by you).
The utility company apologized for Richard’s actions and gave a considerable discount for their services to make sure the news of what happened wouldn’t spread.
Since they were fired I’m getting calls from unknown numbers from various of Richard’s/his mistress’ family members and friends saying I’m responsible for it and just a jealous jerk for getting them fired to get Richard back.
We still have some friends in common and they believe him getting fired and losing the only source of income they have is too harsh and I should have prevented that/shouldn’t have spoken in the beginning about what happened.
AITJ?
Edit: His family believes it’s okay to have several partners and be responsible for kids even if they are from an affair.
And according to our friends in common, he spreads a lie that I couldn’t get pregnant (I don’t want and never wanted kids) so his mistress helped us with that, but then I ‘overreacted’ and called it having an affair, so he had to stay with her to support the kid.
It’s the same as what he pulled in the court when we were getting divorced alongside his ‘I still love her and should have communicated better’ lies. So the court wouldn’t grant a divorce as they believe he is trying to save the marriage and I’m being unreasonable.”
16. AITJ For Not Making Excuses For My Ex Anymore?
“My ex has a long history of not showing up when he has planned to see the kids.
The worst was when I had driven the kids 30 mins across town to his place, to arrive at 10 am, and he texted at 9:58 am to cancel.
He saw them 4 times since Easter last year and had 1 overnight visit with some of the kids as I had to take one to the hospital.
In mediation to write our parenting plan, he told the mediator that he didn’t want the 50/50 care which I had suggested, and facilitated (I was even moving out of my home so he could stay there with the kids, since he has no accommodation suitable for the kids and I was paying all the daycare costs, bills, food, rent, etc) in fact he wanted 0% care.
He shows up about 50% of the time, even when he was doing regular overnight stays with them. He forgot our oldest’s graduation. Last time, he told our 9-year-old he was going to see them. Our 9-year-old said ‘cool story bro’ and hung up on him.
Every time he has bailed on the kids they either didn’t know that he was coming (because I don’t tell them until he is definitely driving to my place) or I lied and said he was sick. I don’t want them to feel rejected when he doesn’t show up.
The kids have unlimited access to be able to contact him, and I have helped them organize birthday presents, Christmas presents, and Father’s Day presents for him. There is definitely no alienation coming from me. I WANT him to see the kids because he is important to them and they love him, and his own father pretty much ignored him, and I know how much he hurt because of that, swearing to never do that to his kids.
Yesterday the 4-year-old called him on Messenger and asked him to go to the park. The 4-year-old came and asked me, I replied ‘Yes of course, after lunch is fine and the other kids finish school at 2:30 and would love for you to pick them up’.
I have moved, and he didn’t have my address, so I texted it to him.
At 2:20 I messaged again, asking if he was coming, and he replied that he didn’t get my message so figured I had ghosted him. After dinner, the 4-year-old didn’t want to go to bed because he was waiting for dad still.
I let him call his dad and ask why he didn’t show up. My ex was not happy that I didn’t cover for him.
He has asked to see the kids this weekend. I was taking them camping, but have postponed the trip so he can visit.
I told all the kids that he will be coming, and they then called him, and he said that he will see them on Saturday at 10:30 am. If he doesn’t show, he will be the one explaining why.
AITJ for not continuing to cover for him?
I feel that I should protect my kids, but it’s been 2.5 years of this and they will realize that I’m lying eventually, which will damage our relationship. I just wish he actually wanted to see his kids as much as they want to see him.”
15. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Should Be Paying For The Laundry Service?
“My husband is very particular about his public image. We are middle class but he likes to show off how wealthy he is. The problem is we live in a community that’s full of actually wealthy people so he feels the need to buy overly expensive bbqs and furniture to show off with.
He also hates my ‘poor people’s habits’. I don’t see them as poor people’s habits because actually I come from a more wealthy family than him and my family and friends do these things too. I hang all my clothes to dry in the air because I have dust mitt allergies and the sun helps makes my sheets and pillowcases better for my stuffy nose.
I like to change the oil on my car myself because I can let the old oil drip out longer. I like to plant the ends of green onions to get more green onions. I also repeat my dresses to friends’ parties because I don’t normally wear dresses so a dozen are enough.
He absolutely hates all these habits because he thinks they are poor people’s habits. I guess hanging clothing out in the backyard is considered a poor person habit but in Australia where I’m from everyone does it including rich people since the sun dries things faster than a dryer.
He doesn’t like it when I do car maintenance because it looks like we can’t afford a mechanic. Admittedly this is from my college days when I didn’t want to pay for oil changes but I find it’s not a big deal.
We had a big fight about me hanging my sheets and clothing to dry outside. He demanded I never do it again because of how embarrassing it is. I told him if he does the laundry he can do it however he wants.
He agreed and then did the laundry twice before telling me we are hiring a laundry service since he doesn’t want to do the laundry anymore.
I told him because it’s an optional service the money for the laundry service should come out of his ‘fun money’. He got upset and told me it should come out of the joint account because it’s everyone’s laundry. I said fine he can hire a laundry service for his laundry with his bank account and I will wash and hang my laundry outside like I want.
He then yelled at me for embarrassing him and making the neighbors look down on him.”
14. AITJ For Telling My Partner That I'm Doing Him A Favor By Receiving Packages For Him?
“We are both 31. I’m someone who generally has a pretty carefree view of life. I figure when my paycheck comes, it comes, if a package I order is late then I can get it tomorrow, etc. I think I have a positive attitude.
He is the type who starts to get stressed if he finds out his package is going to be late because he doesn’t know where it is, and he seems to have a fear that he therefore will simply never get his item or something.
I honestly don’t understand it.
Currently, our apartment’s main office is closed due to management being sick and they won’t be receiving packages for a few days, instead delivering packages to our front doors. In my view, this is no biggie.
My partner has a habit of ordering very expensive sneakers and has a $500 pair coming in tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my one day off work this week and I’ll probably be home, but I might be sleeping or out when the package is delivered. If that’s the case they’ll take the package back to the mail facility.
As soon as my partner saw in my email that the mail room is closed, he (in my view) started freaking out.
He got wide-eyed and started yelling demanding to know where the packages would be going and it stressed out my nerves. I don’t see the point of stressing over what you can’t change.
He says he wants to change the mail instructions to deliver it directly to the door and have me sign it.
I don’t want to get yelled at for missing the package when they knock, so I told him that he should consider it a favor if I get the package, but only to expect about a 30% chance that I’ll actually be able to get the door.
This is to protect me from getting yelled at if I don’t get it.
He says that I’m absolutely ridiculous to consider it to be a favor to him to open the door. The thing is, for me to actually stay up all day and make sure I get the package, that’s hours of my sleep I would be missing, and most of all ‘I don’t want to be yelled at if I miss it’.
I see stressing over this as silly and he said if I make a post on here, everyone will see how wrong I am.
What do you think?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cut My Hair Off For One Event?
“A while ago, I (16) dyed part of my hair bright purple. Not all of it, but it looks really different than it used to and I definitely stand out from the rest of my family.
My mom gave me permission, and she was fine with it, but a lot of people in my extended family think it’s weird and tacky.
Only a few days after I did that, my stepdad announced that his sister will be getting married. I like his sister (I think of her as an aunt) but she can be very picky.
At her birthday celebrations, for example, everyone has to dress a certain way, and she has yelled at the employees in restaurants before if her food was undercooked or something. One time they got her order wrong, and she just lost her mind.
My stepdad is very close with his sister (who I’ll refer to as my aunt) so that means we all should go to the wedding.
But my aunt saw a picture on social media (of my sisters and me) and called my stepdad. She apparently told him she did not want me at her wedding with my hair dyed, and demanded I cut it. When my stepdad told me about this, I said that I don’t want to cut off my hair for just one event.
He said that was okay, but the next day he told me again that my aunt didn’t want me messing up the wedding photos.
I just said, ‘If she’s that picky, maybe I shouldn’t go at all.’ My stepdad said that my aunt will be disappointed if I don’t show up for her special day.
My mom overheard and told him that it really should’ve been my choice in the first place whether I want to go. But my stepdad is still pressuring me to cut the dyed part of my hair off, but my mom is telling me I can look the way I feel most comfortable.
My stepdad is now annoyed at me for ‘not caring about my aunt’s needs’ and I don’t know if I’m just being a brat or not. AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Body Shaming The New Girl?
“My (f21) friend ‘Tara’ (f20) has always been a little overweight and in the past, she couldn’t accept it.
She tried so many diets but nothing lasted more than a few weeks as, quote, ‘my love for food is so strong’.
A few years ago she met a guy and that was the hint she needed to get serious help from a professional doctor and start exercising.
I need to say she looked stunning after a few months and was able to ‘catch the guy’. Let’s say that the global crisis got the best of them and after three long years of relationship he dumped her. She was devastated at the beginning, she regained almost all the weight she had lost previously, but after some time I and other friends managed to make her stand again.
She come back to hanging out with us, and she flirted with some guys, but nothing serious.
In the meantime another girl joined our group, let’s call her ‘Maya’. Maya is the kind of girl that’s naturally fit and doesn’t need exercising at all, and that’s something Tara couldn’t accept.
She began teasing her all the time saying things like ‘Hey, don’t hug her too tight, you might break her’, ‘How can you manage to sleep with someone? A boy could crush you’, ‘I’m glad I gained my weight back because I used to look like you’ or even ‘At least I have some meat they can grab, if a boy grabbed you where would he put his hands?
On your collarbones?’ Maya always tried to laugh it off as she was the ‘new girl’ but I could see her not being comfortable at all.
Last night, after the umpteenth comment, I blurted ‘At least she can fit in a pair of jeans’.
Tara suddenly fell silent as the rest of the group turned their heads on me and I continued. ‘You shouldn’t body shame someone over jealousy, and you shouldn’t be proud of being overweight either. You know that doesn’t help your medical conditions’. Tara stormed away and a few girls followed her to check on her.
Everyone called me a jerk, saying that I shouldn’t make fun of her for being overweight, nor should I bring up her medical conditions in front of someone that doesn’t know her that much (Maya). I told them that it was hypocritical that they would scold me about saying that, something that’s at least true, and wouldn’t say a thing to Tara as she was body shaming Maya.
So, AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Walking Into The Bathroom While My Sister Was Inside?
“I (21f) am a lesbian. I also have two sisters (18f and 23f). I’ve always been close with them and even before coming out, if dad wasn’t home we’d just shower with the door open because sometimes we’ll need to grab stuff while they’re in there.
Even if the door’s closed, we’ll just walk in and do what we need to do and walk out. There have been times when I’ve been showering and my sisters walked in to take a dump. Another time my sister and I were wasted and she wanted to have a shower but we were talking about her ex so I sat on the floor with a bottle of wine and she sat in the shower with her bottle.
It’s a glass shower screen as well.
This hasn’t changed since coming out, which to me honestly shows that they accept me and don’t look at me any differently. So I had a friend (L) over and my sister was in the bathroom and I needed to brush my teeth because we were about to leave.
I excused myself and walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I did my thing and walked back out and asked L if she was ready to go.
She had this odd look on her face and asked if I just went into the bathroom while my sister was showering, I said ‘Yes?’ and she proceeded to tell me it was ‘inappropriate and disgusting for me to do that because I’m gay and attracted to women and I wouldn’t do it if I was a guy.’
I told her I don’t look at her like I look at girls because she’s my sister? I also don’t even look at her at all because once again, she’s my sister? I don’t even know what else to say except she’s my sister.
She ended up leaving and we haven’t really spoken since. Afterward, I was talking to my sister about it and she thought L was absolutely nuts.
Honestly, now I’m unsure because maybe it’s not okay. AITJ?
ETA: my friend is bi which is why I started questioning myself and our shower doesn’t have a curtain.
It’s just glass so yes I can see them and they can see me but we also don’t look at each other because why would we do that?”
10. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Husband's Proposed Conditions Regarding My Mom's Move-In?
“My (31F) mom (49F) has had a really hard early life with a lot of trauma. She raised us (33/31/24) mostly as a single parent. While she did an amazing job with the tools/resources/role models she had, she was definitely not a perfect parent.
I moved out when I was 18 and went no contact. After my younger sister moved out though, my mom sort of found herself as a person, started therapy, started apologizing for stuff, and has grown A LOT. She’s definitely a work in progress but I’m really proud of her.
She needs to move out of her current house and I suggested to my husband that she move into this little in-law cottage we have behind our house, it’s fully self-contained, we used to AirBnB it before 2020. We haven’t asked her yet but I’m 95% sure she’ll say yes.
My husband (32M) agreed but wants to impose a lot more rules on her than I was thinking. First of all, he wants her to pay rent rather than feeling like she needs to be babysitting and helping around our house to sort of earn her keep.
I actually think my mom would prefer that anyway so that’s fine.
He also said that initially, he doesn’t want her to have access to the house at all if we were not home. He said that he thought this policy could be relaxed in time like she could get a spare key and housesit, but he wants that to be the ‘baseline’.
He also wants to explicitly tell my mom that she’s not allowed to bring up certain sensitive topics or talk to our kids (7/4/3) about things where we know she has a different parenting style regarding reproductive health/education. And she’s definitely not allowed to talk negatively about us or some extended family members she has beef with (long story, she has good reasons but we’re neutral).
She also has to either avoid them or be nice to them when they come over.
He also wants us to frame it as a trial basis where we review it each month as needed and then revisit it after the first year.
Basically, he wants all of this typed up and presented to my mom as the conditions and then she can decide.
(Not a binding/real contract just the kind of thing you’d give a teenager).
I’m not necessarily against any of his rules per se, but I’m uncomfortable with the formality of it. I think it will feel cruel to my mom. She already knows what not to say and follows it for the most part, and when/if she slips up I can and do call her out in the moment.
I think she’s done enough to not need all of it laid out like that.
My husband is the kind of person who likes to communicate very upfront and directly, like on our first date he laid out his goals for our date and how long he expected it to last. He really really likes setting clear expectations upfront but I think it’s too far this time.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Swap Cars With My Husband?
“A couple of years ago, my husband bought me a car for Christmas.
I was able to pick all the features I like most for a car. I got a hatchback, blue paint, and even splurged for lots of accessories. I love this car. His car is to his liking, but it’s not what I would choose.
It’s a sedan, it’s black, and is relatively Spartan inside with no creature comforts. He picked that car because his job didn’t require him to go into the office every day, and we predominately used the blue car because it has kiddo’s car seat in it.
In the last 6 months, my job went from telework to mostly in the office, I have been taking my husband’s car to work regularly. This is mainly because his schedule is more flexible, and it’s easier for him to take our daughter to daycare.
So it makes more sense for him to take her in. I don’t mind driving the black car when it’s just to/from commuting, and I don’t do any errands in it.
A couple of days ago he decides he is going to switch the car seat, and the blue car is going to be his.
He said it’s because the black car is too low and it aggravates the arthritis in his hip. His new job will have him going into the office every day, and I will be working fully remotely next month. So I will be taking the kiddo to daycare and doing most of the errands.
I’m not a monster and don’t want him to be in pain, but I also feel it’s unfair to me to give up my car. The black car doesn’t meet my needs. If I’m doing errands I don’t want a sedan; you can’t fit anything in a sedan.
Am I wrong in being frustrated that the blue car was my Christmas gift, but now I don’t get to drive it?
I suggested that we should trade the black car in for something that both of us like, but he was fully against it bc we got it in 2021.
I also tried explaining why I like the blue car so much, but said I’m making him feel bad about his arthritis. Am I the jerk?”
8. WIBTJ If I Spill My Landlord's Dirty Laundry In Court?
“I (22f) live with my mom and siblings (53f, 16f, 11m). To keep this short, we have lived in an illegal basement apt. for 18 years. I was told by LL (landlord) that it met govt. requirements and only found out it was illegal after he begged us not to call an inspector for a sewage leak he refused to fix in November.
At first, we were afraid to, but a housing program was coming through and we’d had enough, so after swimming in sewage for a month we called the inspector. He was not happy, because he was getting fined every day starting mid-Feb for having an illegal place (We had a fire escape, so they didn’t have to emergency evacuate us).
We continue to clean 20 gallons of sewage from our living room every day, and no we can’t fix it, because we have to tear down walls to find the guilty pipe.
He still hasn’t fixed it. All the events in the past four/five months are half-blackmail from him to get us to move out without facing court fines.
We had roach and mice infestations caused by our neighbors that, both times, he refused to do anything about. His dad stole our Christmas packages and dug my gift out of the garbage in front of me, LL himself refused to call a plumber UNTIL he was worried about the foundation and then forced me to come home from school because I didn’t want him in the house alone with a random plumber, they yell at my mom on the phone but not me because I’m making most of the legal decisions here and was paying the rent, etc, etc…
We barely make noise, and one slightly loud movie night my LL came down in the middle of the night and banged on my window to tell me to turn it off, completely skipping the options of calling me or even trying the door. LL’s wife curses at us over the phone while we have no idea what she even has to do with this.
They told me to drop college and get a job the second time I ever missed rent when I already had a job. I’ve had enough of their hostility.
We have court tomorrow and they said they were taking us for non-payment of rent, which is true because the inspector himself said to stop paying.
However, he does not want us to mention that it is illegal because he’s going to face A LOT of fines, likely 6 digits. I’m sick of being considerate when they think it’s okay to have a family of four living in THEIR sewage and harassing them in the meantime.
The housing program is going through, and we are in no danger of being homeless anymore, which was 99% of our concern.
WIBTJ if I tell the court about my LL evicting us because he’s getting fined and the place is illegal?”
7. AITJ For Commenting The True Story About How My Friend Came Out?
“I have this friend who we’ll call H (24F). H always likes to be in on what she thinks is trendy.
Nothing wrong with that, but this time I think she’s gone too far.
Obviously, June is Pride Month! So naturally all our social media feeds are full of people going to Pride events and celebrating themselves. I admit these events all look like fun, but H has been ranting for weeks about how ‘left out’ she feels and how it’s not fair there’s a whole month dedicated to LGBT+ people.
Well, a few days ago we were out to dinner with a few of our friends when H said she decided to ‘label’ herself as bi so she can get in on the fun and post pictures online because in her words: ‘b*********y is the easiest way to say you’re gay while still being straight.’
We all sat in shock for a moment until I asked her, ‘Do you think you’re actually bi and in denial? Or are you straight?’ H started laughing and said that while she thought some girls were pretty or hot, she’d never do anything romantic with them unless it was to ‘get some guys hot.’ I was so grossed out by this comment that I stood up to leave.
H got all flustered and asked why I was leaving, to which I started lecturing her about what Pride Month actually means and it’s not all about getting wasted and posting pictures in rainbow clothes. A few of our friends got up to follow me after expressing their disgust as well.
H got super mad and started screaming at us saying we don’t accept her new identity and that she wouldn’t be inviting us to any events or clubs. She then went on to her social media accounts and started trashing us, saying we were homophobic, and people shouldn’t associate with us anymore because we ruined her special night to come out.
She waxed on and on about how brave she’s been after being scared for so long to finally admit she’s bi, and we (specifically, I) took her moment away from her by saying she’s not bi at all. She finished by saying how disgusting it was that some people wouldn’t be accepting during such a ‘sensitive and beautiful’ month.
Since then, I’ve received a bunch of messages from people either asking for clarification or just straight-up abusing me with hateful comments about my ‘homophobia.’ To respond, I went back and commented the story on H’s posts. H then called me and said I was the jerk who was trying to ruin her reputation and make her look like an idiot.
She told me I needed to delete my comments/side of the story because even if it wasn’t true (which it’s not but that’s beside the point), I could’ve just ignored this and let it blow over.
So, AITJ for telling people the truth behind H’s big ‘coming out’ story?”
6. WIBTJ If I Tell The Photographer To Photoshop My Father-In-Law's Shirt's Color?
“I’m getting married in a month. Our wedding colors are light blue (think cornflower blue) and white. My MIL is wearing a dark blue dress which looks gorgeous, and I bought light blue ties for my BILs who are wearing white shirts and black jackets.
My FIL, after knowing for months the color scheme and that I bought everyone a tie, said, ‘I’m going to wear a purple shirt. As the groom’s father, I should be the one to stand out in photos.’ Of course, this perplexed my MIL, my fiancé, and myself.
His reasoning was, ‘You’ll have your individual bridal photos. I want to stand out in the family photos.’ Family photos that I, the bride, will be in. He will stick out like a sore thumb, and look like he doesn’t belong in the wedding party.
I have extreme OCD and mild autism, which sets off anxiety if something is out of place or if something doesn’t match, colors, or organization-wise. I do go to therapy for this, and take anxiety medication. Everyone is aware of this.
We have tried to compromise with him, by suggesting a dark blue shirt, to which he’s said I’m being a bridezilla to even suggest ‘not sharing the spotlight.’ My fiancé has not paid for these photos.
I used my own money to pay for them. His dad thinks he’s got a say in our wedding photos that he’s not contributing anything for, and the only thing he’s paying for is the reception. My fiancé’s mother has helped pay for everything else.
He can wear his purple shirt to the reception, I don’t care, we aren’t having photos at the reception.
Now onto the AITJ question! I have very lightly told my fiancé, ‘You haven’t paid for these photos. I have paid a lot for these photos.
I wanted a specific scheme and he’s being disrespectful towards me. I’m happy to buy him the shirt color I would like, and he can change into something else at the reception. If he doesn’t agree since we’ve tried to compromise, I will have the photographer photoshop the color of his shirt to match your mother’s dress so that he matches in the photos.’ My MIL is on board with me, but my fiancé thinks I’m being unnecessarily petty and thinks I should let it go because ‘he’s already tried talking to his dad and that’s how he is.’ We don’t speak to this man unless the world is on fire, or something happens.
His brothers are ‘living for it’ because I have only ever been the one to stand up to this man, and they think I’m being punished.
Would I really be a jerk if I had my photographer change the color of my FIL’s shirt for my wedding photos?
EDIT: We are having a courthouse wedding and then a later reception with friends. The only people in attendance are his parents and siblings, as well as our photographer. His dad is literally in the wedding party, which is why I wanted the photos to be cohesive.
We aren’t in the US as well.”
5. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter With My Parents?
“I have 3 kids, Amelia (12F) and Bastian/Colin (7 months twins). Amelia’s mom passed away when she was 2, three years after that I married my now wife, Suze, and she and I struggled to have kids the first years of our marriage, luckily, now we have two baby boys that I love with all my heart.
Amelia and Suze have an excellent relationship, she even calls her ‘mom’. For years our only priority was Amelia. We gave her our undivided attention and I believed we spoiled her a little bit more than we should’ve. When Suze got pregnant, Amelia was really happy because she had been wanting to be an older sister for a while since all of her cousins are.
She wanted a sister, of course, but was equally content with two boys.
Around that time, Suze and I had a few problems. I felt she was casting my girl aside because we were now pregnant. She denied it of course, until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren’t even born.
We attended therapy and included my kid, but to the surprise of no one, she also felt that ‘mom’ was mad at her but didn’t know why. We are now doing better, and Suze has never acted like that again.
Now onto the problem: while our twins are overall healthy, 15 days ago Bastian started to cry inconsolably out of nowhere.
This caused Colin to cry too. We didn’t understand what was happening. We tried the normal ways for a day and the next we took him to the doctor. Long story short, Bastian had something in his stomach and he had to stay in the hospital for two days.
During this time, I left Amelia with my parents and I told her that I would be back soon. After two days, the doctors asked for two days more, then they discharged him and we took him home. We wanted to make sure everything was okay, so we decided to leave Amelia with my parents another day so we could monitor Bastian.
Then my wife and I took another day to rest.
My parents called me an hour ago and my dad went straight to my neck. He called me a deadbeat, irresponsible, and useless father. He doesn’t understand how could I ‘abandon’ Amelia for a week without visiting her.
He said Amelia asked if I was mad or if she did something wrong. I tried to explain that Bastian wasn’t feeling okay and that enraged him more because ‘not only I abandoned Amelia, I did it for my new family’. He said I have to make sure all of my kids are okay and not just my new babies, that Amelia has been crying for a few days because I didn’t even dare to call yesterday.
I said I would go pick her up as soon as possible and he told me I better be ready to explain everything to her because neither he nor my mom will.
My wife said we should go pick her up in the afternoon after the babies are awake so my family can see they’re okay too, but I think that’s not a good idea and I should go alone, which caused her to be mad at me too and called me a jerk.
Now everyone thinks I’m a jerk, so I wanted to ask here.”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved In My Wife And Daughter's Fight?
“I have been married to my wife Hannah (36) for 2 years, She and my daughter Morgan (16) don’t have a daughter-mother relationship, To be completely transparent here… they both fight often and just don’t get along. Morgan used to spend most of her time at her mom’s but now is staying with us for school.
I remember Hannah telling me about a novel Morgan had been writing on her laptop. She admitted to sneaking and looking at it without Morgan’s knowledge but she praised her writing style and storytelling so I thought that was a positive thing.
Yesterday, I got back home and found Morgan and her mom yelling at Hannah.
I asked what was happening and Morgan told me that Hannah deleted her novel. Hannah said that Morgan created a character in the novel using her description and name and making her the villain. Not only that but she wrote bad words about her. Morgan argued that it was just a character and Hannah had no business snooping on her laptop to begin with.
Hannah broke down crying after my ex-wife threatened her. I just watched the 3 of them fight and did nothing nor said a single word. I stepped out for a minute to get fresh air and moments later, Hannah unloaded on me about how I should’ve defended her in the argument instead of acting so cowardly.
Morgan and her mom also said that I should’ve done something when Hannah decided to snoop and then delete Morgan’s months’ worth of work. It just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face. Morgan went home with her mom and she was crying and refused to speak to me and Hannah checked into a hotel also refusing to speak to me.
The texts from both sides kept coming in both telling me I should’ve done something and should’ve taken their side in the argument. I just had to stay out of this one. I was on my feet the entire week working, both my mental and physical health are down the drain and I’m tired of them fighting all the time and then blaming me for my actions/or lack of.
Both are expecting me to get involved and do something to fix this but I haven’t done anything yet.
Am I the jerk for not getting involved?”
3. AITJ For Kicking My Cousin Out Of Being A Bridesmaid?
“My (29F) fiance Jack (38M) and I are getting married in a couple of months. I have 6 bridesmaids, including Jack’s sister Mary and my cousin Cassie (25F). Jack has another sister, Anne (31F) who wasn’t invited to the wedding originally because of some family issues – this conflict has now been resolved and we later gave Anne an invite.
Now, I initially planned to ask both Mary and Anne if they wanted to be bridesmaids, but obviously because of the issue with Anne I didn’t end up asking her. Anne is now saying that she should be a bridesmaid as well, and while it’s a bit last minute, I do think she should be a bridesmaid since I was originally going to ask her anyway.
I still only want 6 bridesmaids, so I asked Cassie if she would step down so Anne could be in it. I told her I knew it was unexpected, we would compensate for her dress that has already been ordered and she was still invited as a regular guest. Cassie seemed confused and asked why I had asked her to be bridesmaid to begin with, to which I explained the scenario with Anne and that she deserves the spot more.
Cassie eventually agreed – I thought that was the end of that, but some of my other bridesmaids said that I was being unfair to Cassie by ‘kicking her out’ and that I should apologize to her. I got mad at that because I didn’t think I did anything wrong, perhaps not ideal but not wrong so I called Cassie and asked if she’d been badmouthing me to the other girls.
She replied that she ‘just said the truth’ about me ‘kicking’ her out, to which I said that it wasn’t her place to say it and I would’ve told them.
Cassie argued that they had a right to know, I said that she was acting privileged and it isn’t HER right to be my bridesmaid.
Jack and his family think I did the right thing by standing my ground, but my mom gave me trouble for being harsh to Cassie, AITJ?
(The reason I asked Cassie specifically to step down is that she was my last choice for bridesmaid anyway when I didn’t ask Anne, and I’ve had some issues with her before.)”
2. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé To Ask His Daughter For The House?
“My (28F) fiancé (38M) proposed to me last week. We’ve been together for 2 years. He has a 15-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Her mom passed away 5 years ago and I have a 6-year-old son.
When my fiancé and I started to see each other, I noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom.
I found it weird because I’d never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before, but he brushed it off saying that the house was ‘hers’ so it was normal she slept there, ‘with no further explanation,’ I thought he meant as in an inheritance for when he passes away which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, I didn’t say anything because we were only beginning and I knew it wasn’t my business.
Now that we’re engaged, I said that I wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided on the wedding date. He said that we could do it or we could get our own house now because we will have to do it regardless.
I asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was his daughter’s. To be honest, now I did get a little mad. I said it wasn’t fair he called it his daughter’s when we were about to get married and he was supposed to adopt my son.
So now the house should be theirs and not only hers. I also said I wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours.
He got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughter’s.
He has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but we will have to pay off the rest together. I was shocked and said that he could ask his daughter for the house because she’s only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was his daughter’s.
I got angry and called him a jerk because he should’ve told me the truth before and he said that it’s not like we will be homeless or anything. We still have 3 years and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college. He said he has always known he has to move out and that’s why he saved. I asked what else belonged to his daughter that I didn’t know of and he said that his car (a 2020 KIA) the car that I always use will be hers when she leaves for college.
I called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parents’ house. When I told my family my brother laughed because I talked and acted like a gold digger and called me a jerk.
I felt betrayed and lied to. Am I really the jerk?
I think I’m justified.”
1. AITJ For Trying To Give My Sister Marriage Advice?
“I (33F) have a sister (23F) named Hannah. I am a stay-at-home mom and have 3 kids. I am in charge of 100% of the household duties while my husband takes care of the bills. Hannah met her husband (30M) when she was in college. They got married shortly after she graduated. Hannah is on the spectrum, gets overwhelmed very easily, and is a little slow.
Because of this, her husband told her that if she doesn’t want to work she doesn’t have to work and he will take care of everything. Hannah has never worked a day in her life. Her husband is a high-earner and comes from a wealthy family, so money isn’t a problem for them.
She also rarely cooks or cleans. The most she will do is load the dishwasher and put dirty clothes in the washing machine. The only thing Hannah does during the day is play with her four cats or read. She likes to knit too.
Recently we were over at my parents’ house for dinner.
During dinner, my mom would not stop gushing over how good my BIL treats my sister. She almost started crying because of how happy she was my sister found someone who loves her and takes care of her. My mom even gave my bil a hug and thanked him for taking such good care of her.
At the end of the dinner, my mom picked up my dad’s plate, I picked up my husband’s plate, and I was expecting my sister to pick up her husband’s plate. But no. My BIL picked up my sister’s plate and told her to go relax and when he does they can head back home.
She asked him to hurry but don’t rush because she is tired. He gave her a kiss and told her he would be in a heartbeat. This didn’t sit right with me.
When I got done doing my and my husband’s dishes I went to the living room and saw my sister laying down on the couch.
I went over to her and told her she should start contributing more to her household or her husband will get tired of her. She seemed confused at first and I said to her no man wants a useless wife. My BIL walked in on me saying this and got very mad.
He yelled at me that my sister isn’t useless and worth isn’t measured by how often she does the dishes.
He called me bitter and told me I was pathetic for talking to my sister that way. He thanked my parents for the lovely night and barged out of the house.
My parents agreed with him and told me that I was being harsh and shouldn’t intervene in my sister’s marriage. They said that I should apologize to my sister and that I sound jealous of her. My husband told me I was right and that nobody but my BIL would want to marry my sister and that she doesn’t contribute anything to her household.
AITJ for trying to give my sister marriage advice?”
