People Anticipate Straightforward Judgment From Us Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Letting My Parents Stay At Our House Even Though My Wife Hadn't Agreed Yet?
“My wife and I live far away from my parents. My parents would love to come to visit us and their grandchildren. My wife is pregnant and my parents would like to come to visit after the baby is born.
My wife is giving me an ultimatum that I need to finish the basement or tell my parents they can not stay with us. I believe this to be unreasonable because we will have an empty room when my parents visit.
The room is our future kid’s room while the future kid sleeps in our room for a few months. I currently make good money but my job is not guaranteed for more than a year. I don’t want to take on a bunch of debt to finish my basement with high-interest rates, decreasing house prices, and a wonky job.
I also don’t think it is reasonable to tell my parents to buy a plane ticket and hotel to visit. They are both retired and doing ok but not rich. My wife and I chose to live near her parents.
We visit her parents once or twice a week. We see my parents once every year or two years. I understand the visit would be an inconvenience for my wife at a stressful time but I wish she would welcome them into our house.
We have had a few heated conversations about this and neither of us is budging. I was talking to my parents a few days ago and told them they could stay at our house without my wife agreeing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – giving birth can be a traumatic and exhausting experience and you want her to play hostess. Coming over to visit is fine but did you ever think that the reason your wife is suggesting the basement is that she needs personal space and that’s the only way she can get it?
Maybe she hopes that you don’t finish it and ye both can enjoy being first-time parents alone.
While grandparents are important the first weeks should be about bonding for both parents.
Also, do you realize she’s going to have to push a literal human out of her and she won’t be up to entertain your parents?
She’s going to be a mess and needs time to relax.” Adventurous_House527
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, can you really be that dense? Your wife doesn’t want to deal with her in-laws after pushing a whole human out of her.
She will be in pain, sore all over, sleep deprived, and emotional. But you want to take all that and add to it by making her deal with your parents constantly in her face, she can’t rest because she has to be a host. How can you not see how much more you will be adding to her plate?
You’re worried about your parents’ money but you have zero concern or empathy for your own wife! Let her recover and then invite your family. Be empathetic and supportive and remember your wife and child should be more important to you than your parents.” Away-Breadfruit-35
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not only did you tell your parents they could stay at your house after your wife explicitly told you that she was not okay with it, you expect them to stay for months. You want to prioritize your want to have your parents visit over your wife’s need to recover from childbirth and take care of your newborn in peace and privacy.
Either finish the basement or get a hotel for your parents. Or y’know keep doing what you’re doing if you like the thought of being divorced and paying child support.” User
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepsisters To My Bridal Party?
“My parents were divorced when my brothers and I were young and both remarried. I have six total step-siblings, four of which are sisters.
I am getting married next fall and I have been harassed by my stepmother about including her girls in the wedding.
Here’s the thing, she and her daughter are the reason my youngest brother and father no longer have a relationship. Although it’s not a drama that directly involves me, it matters to me immensely. I have no relationship with any of her children and do everything in my power to avoid my stepmother.
she has actively talked trash about my mom and tried to turn us against her from the time we first met.
My dad is begging me to include them to avoid any further drama. But I genuinely see no reason for me to compromise my day for them.
I feel as though I was being courteous by inviting them, I owe them nothing more.
I understand wanting to avoid drama but I don’t feel that I should have to include people that I don’t want to see on my special day.
My fiancé agrees and wants me to do what I feel is right, as it is my family. I understand I am putting my dad in a hard situation but at the end of the day I want to be surrounded by those I love most.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You get to decide who’s at your wedding party. All you have to do is tell your dad that you had already made up your mind on how many bridesmaids and groomsmen you and your fiancé want and all decisions are final. I don’t know who’s paying for your wedding but that shouldn’t have any bearing on who you want to be standing up there with you.
You need to be firm! This is YOUR wedding, not your dad’s, not his wife’s, not your stepsisters. It’s yours.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, and you are not responsible for the drama your Dad is experiencing in the form of his entitled 2nd wife – it is HIS responsibility to deal with her and her issues, not yours.
In your place, I would tell him to manage his wife or she won’t be invited to your wedding. Also – why are you even in contact with her? Block her number on your phone and on all social media.
She’s adding stress to your life – go no contact with her.” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad, his wife, and her kids’ opinions and feelings do NOT matter ESPECIALLY on your wedding day. You are doing the right thing and if they keep harassing you they deserve to have their invitations revoked. Your dad included. If he was supposed to walk you down the aisle I think your brother would be a far superior substitution.
LOL. I hope your wedding is magical.” CosmicKage
19. WIBTJ If I Don't Accept My Father's Christmas Gifts?
“I (22f) just bought a BMW. I struggled a lot mentally as a teenager, and now being mentally healthy and having enough money to buy a nice car plus anything else I want is really special to me.
That being said, I work my butt off. Onto the issue.
My dad doesn’t like the way I dress. I like wearing hoodies and mom jeans or joggers. They’re nice hoodies and joggers, with no stains or unintentional rips or anything.
They’re mostly black. I myself am clean but rarely wear makeup. My dad hates this. He had no problem with this when I drove a jeep, but now with the BMW, I ‘have to look professional’ and ‘people think I’m a call girl when they see a girl dressed like me get out of a BMW’.
He says he’s going get me bright-colored clothes and ‘blazers and nice dress pants’ for Christmas because I ‘need them so my style can evolve’. But I don’t want my style to evolve. I’m comfortable in my skin and know who I am for the first time in my life.
I told him I won’t wear them if he gets them, and made suggestions of clothing I would like. He rolled his eyes and that was the end of it.
Part of me thinks he’s going to go through with it to prove a point.
Obviously, he doesn’t even have to get me anything since I’m a grown adult. But WIBTJ if I didn’t accept his gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way you present yourself to the world is a personal choice and he sounds like he’s having a very hard time accepting that he’s got no say in it.
To be honest with you, under these specific circumstances, I personally would gladly accept the clothes because good crafting material is expensive. The sentence ‘Where are the clothes I got you,’ slowly trails off as they look at a sea of cute cloth purses, book covers, blankets, etsy pillows, and headbands.
If they get the hint, the conflict is resolved. If they don’t, that’s more crafting material for me.
Edit – I think donating the clothes to charity is a good option. Whether you use the material for your own gain or to give to others, the clothing won’t be wasted and your dad will get the hint.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there are lots of things we wish we could change about our family members.
Your father wants a girly daughter to match the BMW. Perhaps he thinks that’s the only way you’ll get married and have children (a goal of his ?) Perhaps he worries about what the neighbors think.
Perhaps you wish your father was different too but you don’t actively work on changing him to suit your desires. If we all changed to suit all our relatives, we’d be basket cases.
Your father is out of line and perhaps the best way of showing him just how crazy his request is to make a similar request yourself – tell him how you require him to change to suit you.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you don’t want to get blamed for causing a scene. He expects you to show out when you open the gifts. Thank him ever so sweetly. Don’t say a single negative thing. Keep your mouth shut.
Refuse to take any argumentative bait he throws at you. Just keep thanking him and telling him how thoughtful he is.
Then, a few weeks later when he asks why you aren’t wearing them, remind him you told him you wouldn’t wear them, and so you donated them to a women’s shelter.
When he claps back, tell him you refuse to discuss it further. Leave if he tries.
Stealth revenge is the sweetest revenge. Besides living well, which you seem to be doing. A BMW at 22? You go, girl!! I didn’t get my first BMW until middle age.
He should be proud of you instead of being critical and petty.” Significant_Rain_386
18. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Scarf?
“I’m 18F, and I’m a Muslim woman.
I choose to wear a headscarf (hijab) because, well, I do. I’m studying for my finals for my senior year of high school and I was in a study group and had to go to someone else’s house to study.
I’ll call her Rachel.
I arrive at Rachel’s house, and, keep in mind, I was one of four girls coming over. At the door, Rachel’s mom encourages me to remove my scarf, and Rachel follows suit. Her mom said that it made her nervous.
I told her it was not coming off, especially since there was a man in the house. Rachel swore up and down that there wasn’t, but sure enough, when I got in there, her (older) partner was there. One of the other girls in the group called this out, but her mom claimed not to know he was there (which I don’t understand, but, whatever I guess).
Everything went pretty smoothly after that, until Rachel just texted me, claiming that her mom was having a panic attack due to my scarf and it made her partner feel threatened. She told me it was her house so her rules, that I was a jerk, and that I would not be welcomed back.
One of the other girls is taking it next time, I know her family and they’re great, but Rachel says she will not be in attendance because her mom doesn’t want her near me. AITJ?
Edit: the guy isn’t Rachel’s partner, it is her mom’s.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the right to choose what you wear and not be pressured to remove your hijab, especially in the presence of a man who is not a family member. It is not fair or respectful for Rachel’s mom to ask you to remove your hijab, and it is not appropriate for her to have a panic attack over your choice of clothing.
You have not done anything wrong by refusing to remove your hijab, and it is not your responsibility to make Rachel’s mom or partner feel comfortable. It is Rachel and her mom who are acting inappropriately and unfairly, and you are not the jerk for standing up for your beliefs and boundaries.” Ambitious-Ad6923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the woman has so many issues that a teenage girl wearing a hijab can’t be in her house, just, wow. Please have an absolute meltdown if anyone named Chris, Christine, Christopher, Christina, or any variation of those comes into your house and wail about how a cross/crucifix/saint’s icon on a necklace makes you feel unsafe.
Does that sound ridiculous? So does the mom’s behavior. Time to quietly remove yourself from Rachel’s presence. The mom’s behavior and the presence of the male in the house tell you this is NOT someone you want to be around.
Sounds like at least one of the other girls gets this. Drop Rachel from the study group and/or contact the others and form a smaller, saner group.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She lied and tried to manipulate you, a dependent under her care (I know, you’re 18 and she’s not your mom, but as a high school study group she was the responsible party in this case).
For that alone, she is very, very wrong.
Add in the obvious reasoning behind it and you have some very nasty bigotry to boot.
Personally, I would ask VERY PUBLICLY — with as many people seeing/hearing as possible — why her mother and her partner require a teenage girl to take off her clothes in their house.
Then stay very quiet and wait for the ‘It’s not like that’ and ‘It’s different’ and only ask, ‘How?’ and wait. Keep asking ‘How?’ or ‘Why?’ and let them dig their own graves. And never go back there.
Tell people publicly that you feel unsafe there if pressured.” quats5
17. AITJ For Not Coming To My Husband's Christmas Party?
“I’ve been married for 5 years and my husband just landed this great job not too long ago. We were invited to the company’s annual Christmas party. Mind you, I was super stoked when I heard he can invite a plus one, been planning for 2 weeks, buying my dress, getting my nails done, etc…
The day of the Xmas party I started getting major cramps ( my monthly). So I told him I might not be able to attend because I would feel super uncomfy and would not enjoy myself.
At first, he was supportive and said that’s fine but then as the day progressed and I was 100% sure I was not going he started to act up.
I told him if he would like to go he can I don’t mind. But he said he didn’t want to go without me cause he would feel uncomfortable and would not enjoy himself. I appreciate him staying home with me but now he’s giving me the silent treatment and barely acknowledging me.
I asked him if he was mad at me he was like no I’m not in the mood to talk, my day was ruined. I asked him why was it ruined, and he answered you know why. Am I the jerk for just not sucking it up, popping some Advil, and showing up to the party since it would have been his first Xmas party with his co-workers, or is he overreacting?
I feel like crap and it’s eating at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. No man has any idea what it’s like. From cramping to headaches to nausea, feeling achy, and tired, the list goes on. He had that choice, but instead, he decided to stay at home and mistreat you.
YES, I said mistreat. Therapists will tell you that silent treatment is a form of mistreatment. If this party was so important to him, because he could make contacts or something, then he should have just gone on his own.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people have periods that are severely painful. My sister is one of them. When she’s on hers, the most she can do is go to the bathroom. That’s it. Beyond that, she’s in too much pain to function for the first 2 days.
Those 2 days, she lays in bed with a heating pad, pain meds, and ice packs, and literally does nothing. We family members understand and don’t hold it against her.
Your partner should not be holding this against you, but instead should be more supportive and understanding of the pain and uncomfortableness you are feeling.
You told him he could go without you, so if he really wanted to go he could have. You just couldn’t and he should be able to understand and accept that.
I’m sorry your husband is being a jerk to you right now.
Just know this internet stranger understands what you are going through, and I feel for you!” 90sbaby90s
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for not being up to going to the party. But he is also allowed to be disappointed. Maybe try acknowledging his disappointment and talking about what he missed out on – the party itself, the work credit for showing up at the party, maybe other things.
See if there’s something you can do to help him deal with some of that – what part of it is important to him? If it’s the work credit, you could plan some small events where he gets to hang out with his co-workers, for example (e.g. a small gathering at your home, drinks somewhere, etc.).
If it’s the fun party, plan something fun for you two to do together. Just like your period is not a ‘fault’ and doesn’t make you a jerk, his disappointment is not a fault either.” Brennan_Boru1031
16. AITJ For Not Asking My Sister To Be My Bridesmaid?
“My sister (26f) and I (24f) were close as kids.
We grew apart a little in our teens when her best friend became her bigger focus. Her best friend was not very nice to me ever. I hated her being around because she always seemed to dislike me and more than once she made comments toward me that left me upset.
But my whole family loved her. She didn’t have a good relationship with her parents and she was an only child.
From the age of 15, she spent most of her time at our house which often meant I felt out of place.
My parents would tell me we’d get closer with time and she was just struggling with having a younger kid around so much. When she turned 18 my parents adopted her so she’d have a family legally to fall back on who would be there for her and since then she has been treated the very same as me and my sister.
My sister loves it. But things between me and her were not improved by the adoption.
My sister and I ended up a little closer again but not like it was before and not like she has with her best friend.
And I get that. Friends can often be the family you choose vs the family you are biologically related to. But it makes it hard for me to do the big family stuff because technically she is now family and I would need to invite her and not inviting her would be a huge freaking deal.
I’m engaged to my amazing fiance and I have found a really good sisterly relationship with his older sister. She’s the only girl in their family and I think she loved the idea of having that sisterly relationship. So when we got engaged I asked her to be my bridesmaid.
My only bridesmaid.
My sister had asked about bridesmaids and said she would love to be mine. I asked her if she really wanted to be. She said of course. That she and her best friend would be the best bridesmaids.
I asked her if she’d do it if her best friend wasn’t asked. She told me that wouldn’t happen since we’re all family now and she’s our sister now. I told her she wasn’t my sister or my friend and I wouldn’t want her at my wedding.
This is when my parents got involved too and they asked me why I didn’t ask my sister. I said I love my sister, even if we’re not close like we were, but I would not want her best friend to be a bridesmaid too and I know they would never be okay with me having just my sister.
I think everyone knows what happened from here, seeing as I’m telling this now. I was reminded she’s family. That she’s legally my sister now. That it seems so mean to not ask my sister just because I would have to include ‘both sisters’ and how I am harming the relationship more than anyone else by doing this.
They said it’s time to grow up and accept the reality and that not all sibling relationships are perfect from day one but having two sisters is better than having none.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because she’s (adopted sister) faaaaamily doesn’t mean you have to accept her poor treatment of you, nor do you have to tolerate her behavior on your wedding day.
You’re not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep your family warm and comfortable. Your bio sis and parents need to accept that you don’t have to like adopted sis, you don’t get along, never have. You can’t force that stuff, and nobody wants to be uncomfortable on their wedding day.
They do not get to dictate your life.” plantsb4putas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want someone in your wedding who has made you uncomfortable in the past and with whom you have a strained relationship.
Your parents may have adopted her legally, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to include her in your wedding if you don’t want to. It’s your wedding and you have the right to choose who you want to include in it.
Additionally, it’s not fair for your sister to pressure you into including her best friend simply because she wants her to be there. You have the right to make your own decisions about your wedding and who you want to include in it.” Ambitious-Ad6923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They forced the relationship…
Unfortunately for them, your wedding will show a little bit about how the family dynamics played out and how you aren’t close with your sister or the best friend anymore by the fact that they are not in your wedding party.
Mom, Dad, and your family can see that it wasn’t as perfect as they thought it was since they didn’t protect you from the best friend in a sense and her meanness/unkindness.
This is what they are concerned with.
The family will notice this, your sister and her best friend will know for sure and yep, the relationship is getting further strained, but that isn’t necessarily your fault. The best friend hasn’t apologized for any of her last unkindness or any ongoing one (if there is any), correct?
No amends?
The past is the past as they say… and so, they can move on too as you have as well. Everyone can attend and be in family pictures, but not in the bridal party if you don’t want them to be.
Just be prepared for the consequences (short-term and long-term) as this will change the relationship with your family even further since you are putting a spotlight on this issue.
Good luck, OP! I hope your wedding day is what you hoped it would be for you and your guy!” Mandaloriana_2022
15. WIBTJ If I Don't Attend The Christmas Eve Dinner?
“I (F19) live in the Bible Belt and came out as a lesbian to my parents around 3 years ago.
My half-sister Carrie (F36) has only known this for about a year. They were all very supportive, but I have a grandmother who is a very conservative baptist. Neither I nor my parents are religious.
Today I found out from my mom that Carrie accidentally outed me to my grandmother.
I had honestly intended on never coming out to her, as I was pretty sure I knew what her response would be. All I know right now about her actual response is that she wanted to know if we had prayed on it and that she is concerned about my soul.
This resulted in my conservative aunt and uncle finding out I’m a lesbian, but they were luckily very supportive.
Carrie had originally planned on telling me about what she had done herself after Christmas, but my mom felt more comfortable telling me once I finished with my finals so that I would be prepared and decide what I felt comfortable doing.
I wasn’t mad at Carrie, I do believe it was an accident, and I told her this over text. However, I also told her that I don’t feel comfortable attending her Christmas Eve dinner because my grandmother will be there.
Carrie has stated that it will be a small family gathering (me and my parents, her, and my grandmother) and that it wouldn’t be the same without me there. I told her again that I just didn’t feel comfortable with it.
My mom and I are very close (Carrie is not her daughter) and are essentially a package deal. I let Carrie know that if I didn’t go then my mom would also not go, especially since she wouldn’t want to leave me alone on Christmas Eve.
Carrie’s response was to ask, ‘So now she’s not coming either?’. I told her most likely not. I can tell that she is upset with me about this, and she hasn’t responded to the last text I sent almost 4 hours ago.
Both Carrie and my dad have spoken to my grandmother and asked her not to say anything, but I feel like this is too big for her to not say something to me when she sees me next. She has always been very critical of me and my mom and has a history of being homophobic and racist.
I don’t want to ruin Carrie’s event by being a jerk, but I also feel like all I am doing is trying to create boundaries and protect my mental health. I just don’t want to be bombarded with questions and have my holiday ruined.
WIBTJ if I didn’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not penalizing Carrie, you’re protecting yourself from a woman who has a history of being homophobic and racist. It’s perfectly fair that you don’t want to spend Christmas with her, especially now that she knows your a lesbian.
Tell Carrie you love her and hope to see her over the holidays, but it’s not good for your mental health and you won’t compromise on that. Good luck.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to decide not to go, just as your mother does.
Regardless of whether Carrie accidentally outed you to your grandmother or not, the fact is that she did and will now have to deal with the consequences and backlash of her actions. Don’t let her overstep this boundary you’re setting.
You don’t feel comfortable going to a party that a woman who has been critical of you and homophobic in her past will be attending. That’s certainly reason enough to stay away under normal circumstances, but now that she’s learned of your orientation and you have learned she wasn’t very tolerant already, you’re completely justified in staying home.
Your mom is a competent woman to make her own decisions on where she wants to spend the evening. If that’s with you, instead of Carrie’s, then that’s her decision to make.
Carrie will learn a tough lesson in being more careful with things that aren’t her business to share.
And perhaps your dad and Carrie can use that time together on Christmas Eve to discuss with your grandmother why her attitude and behavior are so wrong.
I know you said you aren’t religious, but you would be welcome in my church.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a lesbian. We welcome everyone. That’s the way Christianity is intended to be, and if your conservative Baptist grandmother hasn’t learned that, then she’s ignoring the Bible teachings deliberately. Regardless, religion aside, there’s no reason to be a trashy human being.
Stand your ground. NTJ” Gorgeous-Angelface
Another User Comments:
“Carrie outed you. Everyone claims it was an accident. Then some other relatives who you didn’t want to tell got wind? Hmmm… not my first rodeo, and I’m skeptical. But either way, it’s done.
You’re not kicking up a lot of drama about that. Mature.
But your boundary with your grandmother is understandable and must be respected. If Carrie is pressuring you about this? Carrie is not only THE jerk in this instance? She is A jerk in perpetuity.
NTJ” dekebasswood
14. AITJ For Saying That Three Weeks Are A Long Time?
“My (24F) best friend of 16 years, Kate (26F), and her fiance Chris (28M) planned to stay with me and my partner over Christmas. She made arrangements and booked flights a few months ago and we discussed it in passing over a video call.
During a recent visit, the day before she returned home, she mentioned that she was staying for three weeks. I was taken aback by this, I thought it would only be 1.5-2 weeks. I don’t doubt that she had told me the dates, but I’m sure I would’ve remembered if she had said three weeks.
That’s a long time to expect to stay with someone.
I discussed this with my partner and we both concluded three weeks is too long. Christmas is a stressful time, we have family visiting from another city and overseas, and Kate and Chris have no transport so, therefore, rely on us to drive them places.
We also have a very skittish and anxious cat who is usually allowed outside, but the vet advised us to keep him inside in case he runs away. Three weeks is a long time for him to be hiding under the bed.
I decided to send Kate a message (17th Nov) asking if she was going to stay with her family at all over Christmas. I explained that three weeks is a long time, I’m totally happy if she stays for part of the time, and I hoped we could figure something out.
I apologized and said that there must’ve been some sort of miscommunication.
What followed was messages back and forth about how I screwed her over, ruined her plans, don’t care about her, and wouldn’t do the same for her as she would for me.
She called me a jerk, a piece of work, and said I had the flight details and that she wasn’t going to hold my hand and explain it to me like a child. She said I was acting oblivious and was well aware of how long they were staying, and that we talked about the dates multiple times.
She’ll have to spend her first Christmas back in her home country alone.
Problem is, looking back, I did have a screenshot of the flight details and she was here for exactly 14 days. Except, she said she was telling people three weeks because it was ‘easier than saying two weeks and a few days’.
But it was 14 days. Why would she tell me three weeks and also not correct me after the first message?
Two weeks would’ve been perfectly fine, I only brought it up because I thought she was staying for three weeks, and now it has ruined a 16-year-long friendship.
I feel awful about this whole thing. When she said three weeks, I panicked and didn’t think to double-check the dates. Now I have to grieve the loss of a friend who thinks I’m selfish and careless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You had her flight details. Details said 2 weeks. 14 days. Not three weeks. You’re entitled to having your home and you actually gently probed on whether or not she was staying elsewhere when you questioned it. Where did the other week come into factor?
To me, and in my personal opinion is she’s using you as a free vacation resort and when you didn’t just lie down and allow her to do it, she showed her true colors, yes even after 16 years. You didn’t ruin anything, she ruined it by feeling entitled to your time and your home during a busy season generally for everyone.
You’re not selfish and careless. Selfish and careless would have told her that she had to find a hotel room during her 14-day visit, instead, you offered her your home. You did nothing wrong. She imploded your friendship on her own terms.” stonecloakwand
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’ve confirmed that she never changed plans, that it was always planned for 14 days, and that you were okay with this and had confirmed this months ago.
So what happened is she said ‘3 weeks’ off-hand cause it’s fewer syllables than ‘2 weeks and a few days’ and you freak out and cancel everything without even confirming/checking the dates?
It sounds to me like you changed your mind at the last minute and were stretching for an excuse to cancel.
You’re within your legal rights to do this, but it does also make you an unreliable and trashy friend (especially since these plans had been in place for months).
To me, you sound exactly as you describe yourself, selfish (canceling plans at the last minute that other people were relying on) and careless (not bothering to double-check anything before taking drastic actions).” NAFAL44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend became totally unhinged due to an innocent miscommunication.
She mistakenly said 3 weeks when it was only 2 – which should have been easy to correct. But rather than just clarify the length of her visit, she went nuclear with personal attacks. She was downright abusive. I would never be comfortable hosting her after such a vicious attack.
Claiming that she would do more for you than you do for her is so hypocritical since she couldn’t even be bothered to iron out a small misunderstanding. Her rant makes me wonder if she planned to ask for a REALLY big favor during her visit.
Has she ever flown off the handle like that before? Sudden and drastic personality changes can be a symptom of a medical problem.” justmeat23
13. WIBTJ If I Secretly Sell The Prize I Won?
“I am the sole breadwinner in my family with kids. Although the income I earn is not very high, it was sufficient for my family and my kids.
We don’t live lavishly and I do not splurge on myself. To the extent, I can give a monthly allowance to my parents and even give them and my siblings (also married with kids) the occasional treat where I foot the bill.
I recently won a prize from a Lucky Draw. The value was quite high for the prize that I won and I was frankly quite surprised at the value. I consider it a luxury and for me to use the luxury on my own… I thought it was best that I sell it away and the money can be used for my kids and as a family.
Especially with the end year and the new school year expenses – any extra money would certainly help.
After I listed the item on a marketplace, I was shocked when my sibling asked why am I selling and offered to buy.
The sibling and family had a bit of financial issues over the years and although it has somewhat stabilized over the last several months, I am not very sure if they are out of the woods yet. Siblings offered to buy and pay in installments.
The issue is not about accepting the payment in installments, but more of; 1. My family is not financially stable yet (my parents had to financially pitch in numerous times over the years to help) 2. I am not comfortable selling and accepting money from my family.
I could’ve sold it to any of my friends but I thought a transaction with a stranger would be smoother without any emotional complications.
My parent has now even pitched in to say I should give it to my sibling if I don’t want it.
And if siblings can’t afford it, parents will help pay. I’ve told both tht I am considering keeping it for now, but WIBTJ if I sell it off anyways on the quiet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s yours to do as you wish with it.
Sibling does not seem too wise, but I wouldn’t fault him for that. Now, parents suggest you just give it to your sibling, not cool. If you are selling it in the first place, it’s for a reason.
Answering your original question, yes, you can ninja sell it if you want to, though you should be able to just tell them you’d rather sell it to someone who can pay upfront because the money would be useful right now.
If anyone is offended by that, you have a completely different kind of problem with them.” LadyAtalia
Another User Comments:
“It’s up to you who you want to sell it to, and for whatever price you can get.
If the fam is looking for a ‘family price’ (i.e. cheaper than what you can get on the open market), well, you need the money for your own reasons.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to give them a cheaper price because you won it. That your sibling is making this a big deal and escalating is rather controlling. If your sibling really wants whatever this is, they can just buy it on their own.
NTJ – tho perhaps a better approach might be to sell it on the sly as you plan and then just say ‘they were offering more money than you, an offer I couldn’t refuse’. Whether that’s true or not is not their business.
Another tack would be to sell it via eBay and your sibling or whoever can bid with everyone else.
Just in general you are doing exactly as I would, selling the prize. If I were ever on a game show like the Price is Right or whatever, I would just go ahead and sell the new car, the boat, and the bedroom set.
If I could sell the trips I would do that. I would just prefer the funds to the stuff. Pay down debts, college funds, etc.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Few things can destroy a family quicker than money. You want the item, so it’s your right to decide what to do with it.
And the whole pay-by-installment thing will go out the window after the first payment. Since you’re family, there will always be something more important to pay first. And then of course they will expect you to just forget about it after a period of time.
Your best bet is to just sell it.” xDoublexOxShoex
12. AITJ For Selling My House?
“I own (have a massive mortgage on) a house in a high-cost-of-living city. I have four roommates. I have the basement suite and the upstairs is rented to one couple and two single people.
They know I own the house and all of them were recommended to me by friends or family. I still required a lease agreement and security deposit as well as the first and last month’s rent. I just was willing to rent to them at below market rate because I didn’t have to advertise or arrange for a property manager.
Between the four of them, I collect enough to cover the mortgage and utilities with a little left over. I save my money and use it to pay for major repairs and maintenance.
I will be starting a new job in a different city in the new year.
I knew about this back in late October. I offered the couple an opportunity to take over the basement suite in the new year for a little bit more money. They would get a massive bedroom upgrade and a private living room, bathroom, and kitchen.
They agreed and let me know that they were planning on moving out in one year so they would be willing to sign a one-year lease.
I asked the two singles if either of them wanted to take the master bedroom that would be empty.
They both declined but asked if they could turn it into a home office for them. I said sure but they would have to cover the rent for the room.
They think I am being unreasonable. Since I will be making more money off the couple they think I should keep their rent the same and let them have the room for free.
I offered it to them for 80% of what I was getting before. They called me a selfish jerk for taking all their money. Even if they took the deal they would still be paying less than market value for a single room in our city.
It turned into a huge fight with the people who referred them to me calling me a greedy jerk for trying to suck money out of their friends.
I don’t need to deal with any of this. I found a property investor who was willing to buy my house and honor my current leases including the new one for the couple.
Unfortunately for the other two renters, their leases are up in February and I imagine that the rents will be going up a fair bit. But that isn’t my problem anymore.
So now everyone they know is angry with me because these two people will most likely have to move into a crappier living situation.
I feel bad because if I wasn’t moving I would stay and deal with it. But it is just easier to walk away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t required to give away rental space for free and it is your business what you decide to do with your property.
It isn’t like you are a slum lord who just unilaterally and arbitrarily hiked their rent. You offered them more space for more money. (And still below market.) If they didn’t want to pay more, they easily could have just said no. Instead, they chose to get entitled and call you names.
Who does that to their landlord and expect there to be zero consequences?
They made it clear that managing this property from a distance would be a headache so you made the reasonable decision to sell it.” glitterymayhem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because it’s a room and not a whole separate apartment doesn’t change the fact that they’re paying for a certain amount of space. If they didn’t claim that room for themselves, regardless of what it’s being used for, you could rent it out to another tenant.
If they want to claim the room, it’s pretty reasonable they should have to pay for it.
And at the end of the day, you’re allowed to sell your property if you want to.
I’m generally not a fan of landlords, because I’ve seen a fair share of them being scummy, but you do not seem like the unreasonable one here.” finallyinfinite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People seem to forget that when they rent, that rent money pays for the mortgage on the building, plus repairs and such. It’s a business. Just because you happen to know the people didn’t make your mortgage disappear.
You had a business to run, which they are in fact, your tenants, not anything special. People always think when they rent from friends they are getting ripped off because they are helping to pay off the mortgage but not getting anything out of it.
They are getting a place to stay. Your entitled roommates are gonna face real life now!! Just laugh because it’s all their fault! You did nothing wrong!” Less_Ordinary_8516
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Cook At My House?
“Today we were hosting a Christmas lunch at our house. Both (my husband and I) our parents were coming over and my siblings. This was more so informal hosting, my (29) mom was bringing lunch and we were providing dessert and coffee.
I’ve had a very hard week and my sister (Sam, 23) is well aware of this and I asked her if we should just have lunch at my parents’ house. Truly because I hate having people over when my house isn’t impeccably clean and I didn’t have the time to clean on Friday.
Sam said no she rather be at my house. So Sam and my other sister (Trish, 22) came over to sleep over Friday night. We all went out for a late dinner and got back to our house around 1 am. Trish and I wanted to stay up and watch a movie even though it was late.
Trish doesn’t come up as often as Sam, so it was nice to make some hot chocolate and hang out.
I asked my sisters before we went to bed if they could help me clean the house on Saturday before lunch.
Sam was super annoyed. I told her that I offered to go to my parents’ house so I don’t have to ask for help to clean. She said she didn’t know that’s why I was suggesting it and would’ve said yes if she knew why.
Since sam was annoyed I decided to clean what I can at night (this was like 2 am). Sam texts Trish that we are making too much noise and she can’t sleep. All I did was put dishes in the dishwasher.
In the morning we all woke up pretty late and I got to cleaning and didn’t ask anyone for help. While I was cleaning, Sam woke up and goes to make breakfast. I kindly asked her not to cook as I’d already cleaned the kitchen and didn’t have time to clean up after her.
Sam got mad at me and snapped and said I’m being ridiculous. So I left the room and she came upstairs mad and stomping everywhere so I angrily said: ‘if you are going to cook then clean up after yourself.’ She goes ‘OMG you are impossible.
I’m going to leave if you continue.’ I said, ‘Okay then leave. Who’s stopping you?’ She packed up her bag and left in her PJs.
My MIL said I should’ve just told her to stay and made amends but I said I’m tired of her behavior and her being so rude.
If she wants to leave she’s free to go. My parents thought my sister was being dramatic but I could’ve asked her to stay.
A couple of notes: Sam comes over often and she has a key to our house.
She was free to make food usually and do whatever. She uses our house as an escape. She makes a mess but I don’t care usually.
Had Sam woken up earlier and cooked I wouldn’t have had a problem. She woke up an hour before everyone was coming and also didn’t want to help in any way to get the house ready.
My husband was going to go out to get breakfast, he just had to take care of the dogs first but she didn’t want to eat out because she’s on a new health kick.
So AITJ?
Edit: I will be changing the locks.
Sam is not welcome in my house anymore to sleep over. She can come when there is a gathering, but I will not be allowing her to sleep over. I’m drawing a strict boundary with her and keeping her at an arm’s length.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sam acts like she can just do whatever in your home, make messes, etc, and not lift a finger to help you when you politely ask for it? Then she gets mad because you asked her to clean up after herself?
She needs to grow up. You are being more than accommodating to her and she walks all over you. She’s a jerk, you are not. I would have told her not to let the door hit her in the butt on her way out when she ‘threatened’ to leave.” Defiant_Rule3099
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sam is acting like a petulant teenager, not like someone in their 20s. It is ridiculous that she wanted to create a mess in your kitchen and not clean up after herself, shortly before you were due to host a meal. You should not put up with it.
If you took your parents’ suggestion to let her stay, it would just be enabling her behavior. I guess this has been your parents’ approach, which is probably why she hasn’t grown out of it.” FatBloke4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sam is acting like an entitled teenager. Sounds like you’re pretty easygoing, like me, and let her get away with less-than-stellar behavior in the past because it wasn’t a big deal. But being taken advantage of starts to wear you down after a while, and it looks like you had enough and didn’t want to entertain her little meltdown for not getting her way.
Grow up, Sam.” shineshineshine92
10. AITJ For Charging Too Much?
“I’ve been childminding for the past 10 years, most children I look after from 0-5 and sometimes look after them whilst they go to school, so most children I’ve known since birth.
I don’t charge a set rate, I grew up in a struggling one-parent household and saw firsthand how difficult it was to look after children/work, and survive… I grew up practically raising my brother so my mother could work, it’s not nice… so I’ll charge what parents can afford this does mean that this isn’t exactly a good income but I enjoy my work, and I and my partner are doing well.
Trouble started when I found out I was pregnant, I knew my SILs friend from a few occasions and SIL recommended I look after their children (6 months and 3) I started looking after them and it was overbearing; I’d get texts at 1 am asking ‘what did… eat today?’ Firstly I keep a diary for all children which is accessible to their parents, which is hard enough to keep track but also I told her at the end of the day…
Then I miscarried 4 months in and told all parents that I’d be taking a month off, she would text me/try to drop the children off and I ended up only taking 2 weeks off because the stress of her just wasn’t worth the ‘break’.
I informed her that her children’s care was beyond what I could offer, as I was busy caring for other children while she spams me with texts/tries to meet me outside work hours, at the end of the day our relationship should’ve been professional and it wasn’t – I learned in my childcare course that this is a boundary, she wasn’t keeping.
She wouldn’t accept this.
Partner suggested we ‘up’ our prices, so we asked her how much she could possibly afford, she said ‘100 a week’ which I do childcare for her alone for 35 hours a week, I know she works full time and so does her partner so I think she’s making a mockery out of what I offer – which is aimed towards low income/single households, but, I did have to accept it’s what I offer when I had originally started to childmind for her, I didn’t realize there’d be this many problems… so I told her I’d charge £200 a week, she actually agreed… then didn’t drop the children off but it’s not a loss for me.
My SIL texted me saying I ruined a long-time friendship and should’ve set boundaries before, I tried once, and I said it’s not my job beyond asking once but SIL is adamant I’m the jerk here.
I don’t think I am.
But I figured outside POV would be good.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is nice that you want to provide low care quality child care but even if you charged the friend 200 pounds it would still be an insanely low price for child care.
It seems as though you have problems enforcing boundaries – far better to just tell the woman that you can’t provide child care for her rather than to play games in terms of your rates especially since it appears you asked her for a sum and then deliberately raised it.
I am not saying that the price you asked was too high – in fact I think it’s ridiculously low for quality child care – but the manner in which you did it isn’t really a mature way to handle business.
I don’t know how you determine what to charge – do you know exactly what income people have?” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except to yourself. Charging what a parent can afford has to apply to well-off parents too or else eventually you won’t be able to keep subsidizing the parents who are less well-off.
Even at 200/wk, you are disrespecting yourself by not requiring (a) market rate of this family and (b) a premium on top of it for being a high-maintenance client and (c) not firing her as a client when she persisted in violating your boundaries repeatedly.
She’s mistreated you, which makes her a jerk. But you also aren’t giving your own work and personal life the respect each deserves. This is going to harm your relationship eventually if you don’t get firmer. I understand how hard it can be to counter a lowball offer with a fair market quote, but I hope you remind yourself that for every family that pays fair market, you have a bit more ability to help families like the one you grew up in.
Holding firm on fair rates for those who have the resources is how you will get to keep contributing this service to struggling families that are meaningful to them and you.” SearchApprehensive35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, interesting that your sister-in-law is coming at you like you’re a villain when she sicked someone on you who was such a jerk to work for and didn’t respect your boundaries.
It sounds like you need to take the message that your sister-in-law absolutely put you in this woman’s sights because she knew you would be easy to manipulate and would be cheap for this woman to have. Your sister-in-law does not respect you and viewed you as being of easy use, and is lashing out at you for protecting yourself.
You should remove the direct line of contact with her and your partner should be the one to communicate with her.” JCBashBash
9. AITJ For Not Telling The Truth About Not Visiting My Parents?
“I (22F) recently got married to my lovely husband (28M).
I grew up in a religion that basically preaches total obedience to men, your father before marriage and your husband afterward.
Neither of my parents was practicing at all and they’re both actually very liberal, but whenever they wanted to criticize me, suddenly they were the picture of virtue and godliness and they expected me to be a caretaker for my brothers.
They were very neglectful and verbally abusive towards me growing up. Additionally, I have two brothers. One older, one younger. Both of my parents have described themselves as either a ‘boy mom’ or a ‘boy dad’ who had ‘no clue how to raise a daughter’.
Essentially, they were awful to me using a religion they barely adhered to themselves and held me up to standards they did not fit.
I’m also a naturally very shy person and I suck at confrontation. When I was getting married, my parents would go on and on for ages about how I’d finally learn to be obedient and a ‘good woman’.
My husband also comes from the same background that I do although we’re both barely religious now so I decided to use this to my advantage. I’m not mentally prepared to deal with the drama that’d come with trying to go no contact or low contact, so when I moved out of their home and into my husband’s home, I told them my husband didn’t give me permission to visit them whenever they’d ask when I was visiting.
Obviously, my husband wasn’t preventing me from doing anything and I had his permission to do this. He is very happy with being the bad guy in this situation and there are no consequences he could face from this, we discussed it in depth before I did it.
When they asked why I said that he wanted us to lead a more godly life and he didn’t approve of their lifestyle. I used this excuse every time they tried to get me to meet them until they gave up.
Given their treatment of me growing up, I didn’t think that they’d care about me potentially being treated wrongly or whatnot but my older brother turned up at my house yesterday extremely concerned. He said that our parents had told him that my husband was controlling and he wanted to know if I was safe.
Just a public service announcement, I have never been close to my brother and he refused to help every time I asked him to stop our parents from being horrible to me so I politely told him the truth about the situation and sent him on his way.
He hasn’t told our parents the truth, but he’s calling me a jerk for worrying them. I honestly don’t think I’m wrong because they raised me to follow these rules and they took advantage of me and because of the mistreatment I don’t have the mental strength to cut them off in any other way because they will go to any lengths to interfere in my life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may not be honest, but it’s probably better than bluntly telling them that they were abusive. Religious ‘sometimes’ always find a way to sound things in their favor… ‘It was for your own good’, or ‘you needed to be stronger/better.’ Your brothers are both jerks for not having your back growing up, but your parents are the ultimate jerks for raising the three of you the way they did Love your best life with your loving husband.
You deserve to be happy!” MizGriz68
Another User Comments:
“You have every right to distance yourself from parents who mistreated you as a child and if you’re not ready to tell them the truth as to why you won’t visit, your lie is at least providing you some cover.
NTJ.
I would suggest therapy so that you can have some help processing the way you’ve been mistreated. I know there’s a stigma associated with therapy, and I’m guessing this is true of the religion you were raised in. However, a therapist can help you to determine how to handle your relationship with your parents in a way that you’re comfortable with.
At the moment, you’re relying on your brother to keep your secret and your parents have a negative opinion of your husband that could lead to arguments in the future. It’s working for now but you need to be prepared if it falls apart on you.
Good luck, be safe, and please update us on how things go.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But – I think you should stop using your husband as a meat shield. Honestly, the experiences you had seem really toxic and traumatic, and if you feel that way about them, you need to start owning up to that and dealing with it.
You’re going to keep having to make excuses as to why you’re not around if you don’t. Eventually, it won’t work, and what then? It will blow up. Instead of lying about it, eventually, you’re going to have to say ‘Hey you know the way you guys raised me was pretty terrifying and I have a lot of baggage from it.
I don’t really like being around such a hostile place.’
They’re not going to take that well, but that’s not really the point is it? The point is to not lie about why you’re uncomfortable, or consistently use your husband as an excuse.
Granted, it is a stroke of brilliance to use their own logic against them. So like 10 out of 10 for that, but you never actually really deal with the problem by just lying about it.” Non-Perishable
8. AITJ For Leaving My Wasted Partner And Her Sister In The Cold?
“Basically me, my SO, and her sister went out for drinks last night.
My SO’s sister (we will call her S) gets really wasted and gets ridiculous. After the last bar, it’s like 1 am and we order an Uber home. Everyone was wasted and tired. Before the uber S had mentioned she wanted to stop for fast food and me and my SO were like ‘no’ but she pretty much ignored us.
My SO orders the Uber and we are on the way home to which S keeps asking our Uber driver to stop at a fast food restaurant. He keeps saying no because fast food takes too long and he needs to make money.
She pretty much pesters him to which he gives in. Well, we pull up to a fast food joint and the guy is a little apprehensive because it doesn’t look like the line is moving. So he goes ‘I’m sorry I can’t do this’ and S is essentially telling him to wait.
She gets out of the car and goes to the walk-up window and it takes forever to get her order. The guy is understandably upset. I have to add here that this guy is an immigrant and mentioned something about uber sending a notice if he does not keep moving.
He was also apprehensive about being deported for whatever reason.
S ignores the pleas of him and is just waiting so he essentially kicks us out and cancels the uber. Well now we are in the freezing cold at 1 am and my SO insists on waiting for her sister and her food in the cold.
I am just now getting over the flu and shivering. I am also upset because S kept blabbering on about ‘I’m gonna give that guy a low rating because the last time I asked an uber to stop at a fast food restaurant they did it.’ So I’m just shivering, upset, and just getting over the flu in the freezing cold.
Well, 15 minutes go by and I cannot take the cold so I order an Uber and am like ‘yall I am wasted and tired. It’s way too cold out here we need to go’ S doesn’t budge and my SO doesn’t want to leave her sister so when the Uber comes up I hop in and leave.
My SO calls me upset because ‘why would you leave two women stranded here’ and I felt bad so I went back.
But I have been doing some thinking and I am not sure if I was justified in leaving.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are not worth the time if they’re going to call you a jerk for not wanting to sit in the cold. Did S even have her food by the time you came back? You were already waiting 15 minutes plus the time it takes to order an Uber and does drive twice to your home.
Neither of the 2 respect you or your time. You gave them the option to ride back with you and they chose fast food that can be ordered or I’m assuming you had food at the house.” thenorsegod101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was their choices that led to all of you getting kicked out of the first car. Then when things still aren’t happening you called for your own ride and left. They are adults who made their decisions. They cannot expect to just go where ever they please and you will tag along to protect them just because you are a man.” TruckOk7081
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they stranded themselves. There is a point where PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY is a thing. They could have been reasonable, but they both chose not to be. If they can’t handle their sobriety enough to remain reasonable then they shouldn’t go out drinking.
If they can’t manage to competently respect someone’s income source to the point they lose their Uber they should stick to it at home when they want to drink this much. If going out they need to learn to limit it to not hit this level.” StrykerC13
7. AITJ For Having My Deceased Dog Taxidermied?
“When my dog Franco passed away last year I made arrangements to get him taxidermied. I just got him back and he looks like he is just napping on the couch in my office.
It took nearly 18 months to get him back.
I have also gotten two Pomeranians since from a rescue group. Poms can be yappy little ankle-biters and some people can’t deal. But I love them.
My new pups, Guido, and Vinnie are good about leaving him alone after freaking out when he first came home.
However, I did not think to mention what I did to my family.
My brother and sister-in-law and their kids are visiting for Christmas. They are here from New Zealand so it is a long visit.
The plan was for them to stay with me and my wife while they are in the city since we have the most room.
They are also traveling to Disneyland and seeing more of California.
Well, the problem came today. They had been gone for a few days and when they came home I was busy working in my office. I work from home but I work for myself so I told them if they needed me they could knock and I would tell them if it was okay to come in.
My SIL knocked and I told her to come in. She tried to shoo Franco off the couch. I was busy and didn’t notice until she screamed and ran out of the room.
Everyone noticed then. Me, my wife, my parents, my brother, and her kids.
Everyone came running to see what happened. She was sitting on the stairs crying.
Apparently, she peed herself a little because she thought one of my other dogs had died on the couch.
I explained to everyone, except my wife who already knew, that I had a stuffed dog in my office.
My nieces think it’s cool, but they think of me as the crazy aunt anyways. But my parents and my brother are taking her side. They are saying I’m weird for doing that to my dog and that I am a jerk who should have warned everyone.
My brother and sister-in-law want to go stay at a hotel. They expect me to pitch in since it is my fault for scaring the pee out of her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What SIL thought she found was definitely worth getting distraught over, but her reaction was a little excessive.
That said, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not think to mention ‘by the way, I taxidermied my dog’ especially if he’s taking his final snooze in an office or room that doesn’t sound like a common area. If they hadn’t overreacted, I’d say this was a ‘no jerks here’ situation.
As it is though I’d say they’re the jerks. Your SIL may be embarrassed but she needs to take a leaf out of Franco’s book and calm down and nap it off. You would not be at all out of line for refusing to pay for a hotel room for them.” WinternallyScreaming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Also, why would SIL come into your office and then decide to kick a seemingly sleeping dog off the couch? It’s the dog’s home, not hers.
She’s just embarrassed by her overreaction to the stuffed dog.
Plus, I find it hard to imagine that you hadn’t mentioned Franco’s passing for an entire year. Plus, there’s the fact that there are two other dogs, whose presence you’re well aware of if you’ve been spending a few days at this place.
I find it hard to believe that 1. they’ve spent several days already without noticing the stuffed dog and 2. that they can’t differentiate between the two living dogs who were in the house, and the stuffed one permanently present in the office.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a large margin. Your SIL’s reaction was way, way over the top. Instead of acting like an adult by asking you to explain, she acted like a 4-year who mistook a sheet for a ghost. You did nothing wrong.
It’s your house, and, therefore, your rules. You are also keeping some precious memories intact of what you did with your departed pooch. That may not be to everyone’s taste, but it’s not like you are carrying Franco around and forcing people to pretend he’s alive.
Just for fun (and if you’re up for it), inform your family you plan to have deceased loved ones stuffed the same way so you can line them up on the couch next to Franco. This way he can have company and you can hold a family meeting whenever you wish.” D_OShae
6. AITJ For Letting My Wife Kick My Mom Out Of Our Wedding?
“I got married recently and it was a great night, but I know it was a lot of stress for my wife leading up to it as she wanted everything to be perfect.
The day of she told me she was very upset over my mom’s hair.
So my mom had (I suck at describing but I’ll try) her hair half up and half down, and the piece that was in the ponytail had pearls in it, and then some cascading down her hair. She told me she felt it was a bridal hairstyle and that pearls are a traditional bridal thing.
She felt it was inappropriate.
To be totally honest I have no idea about this stuff, but took her lead. We confronted my mom and asked her to take it out. She refused and called my wife narcissistic. My wife began to get emotional and I asked what she wanted to do.
She said she wanted her to take it out or leave, so I gave my mom that option.
She said it was way too much work to just take it out after an hour and she would rather leave and go somewhere nice with her husband where she could keep it in.
She left with her husband muttering about us, and we got a lot of hate from a lot of people calling us jerks and selfish, but my wife strongly feels that it was done on purpose.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your wife more so, though. Your mother may be right about your wife being narcissistic.
Your wife was upset about HAIR. There is no rule about pearls being bridal, there is no rule about wearing hair half up with pearls in it.
Your wife sounds insufferable and insecure and cruel to your mother, as well as being dishonest with you by claiming your mother’s hair looked bridal. That is such nonsense, but no surprise there because your wife is a flaming jerk, so what else would she spew other than lies?
I would be surprised if your mother wants to have a relationship with you anymore. She didn’t deserve to miss your wedding and your wife was a wretch for causing her to miss it.
Too bad your wife didn’t reveal who she truly was before you married her.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and lousy tacticians to boot. Even given the worst-case scenario – that your mom out of sheer malice aforethought planned to humiliate your wife and ruin your wedding – my dude, it’s a mildly fancy hairstyle.
Half of your guests wouldn’t have noticed and the other half would’ve gone ‘huh, they treated the mother of the groom to a fancy hairstyle, that’s nice.’
Instead, you went nuclear, and in the process lost every single bit of high ground you will ever have over your mother in the future.
(‘Mom, I need to talk to you about -‘ ‘What? Kicking me out of your wedding? Yes, let’s.’) I do hope those perfectly aligned centerpieces or whatever was worth it.” Shoereader
Another User Comments:
“YES – You and your WIFE are 100% the jerks here.
Pearls are not specifically traditionally ‘bridal’ – not since the late 60s/early 70s – they are now ALSO traditionally Mothers of the Bride and Mother of the Groom hair accessories worn with updos/half-up do styles.
It was simply a traditional updo hair accessory likely carefully chosen so as not to conflict/be confused with Bridal wear – no veil – headpiece with veil.
You allowed your wife to act like a Bridezilla to YOUR MOTHER – and then you acted like a Groomzilla. #ShameOnBothOfYou You both owe your Mother an apology and better start figuring out how you are going to repair the damage done to the relationship with your Mother and her Mother in Law.” sandim123
5. AITJ For Trimming My Sister's Hair?
“I (18f) cut off a lot of my sister’s (19f) hair Friday night as she had beautiful long brunette hair, but now, she has a Bob.
On Friday we went to a gathering and both got inebriated, my sister proceeded to come back to mine as it was the closest. She started talking about haircuts and how she wanted the smallest trim, that it wouldn’t make a difference.
I told her I had a trim kit in my restroom and she told me to get it. I showed her the trimmer and she asked me if I could trim the bottom. I did so, or I thought I did so as when we woke up, the majority of her hair was in the bath and she had an uneven Bob.
My sister started to freak out and was in complete shock, I was too. After a while of me calming her down and telling her she looks fancy, she told me that she must do the same to me and went to go look for my trimmer.
I love my hair and wouldn’t be able to do this. She kept insisting that it was the only way things could ever be good.
I told her no and hid my trimmer, she proceeded to get upset and told me that now she was now ugly and ruined. She proceeded to leave and hasn’t talked to me in a day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You were both wasted, don’t do things like cut hair when wasted. You should have known better but again wasted so… While being wasted is not an excuse for 99% of stuff, this is one of those instances where it is what it is because of the state both of you were in.
I do understand being attached to your hair, and I would be devastated to wake up and see my hair short (I have long curly hair that I’ve been growing out pretty much all my life, only trims to cut the dead ends off and keep it healthy) but at the same time, it’s hair.
As long as you didn’t damage it to the point where it will not grow back… it’s a drinking and life lesson. This is a poster child for ‘play stupid games, win stupid prizes.’
DO NOT let her cut your hair, and let her know if she tries without your knowledge (like while you are asleep) there will be serious consequences.
Not saying to go this far if something happens, but in many places, if someone were to say, cut your hair without your knowledge or consent while you slept, it would be considered assault.” Nymph-the-scribe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you both need to cut back your liquor intake.
I’m saying this as a healthcare professional, you both seem to be on a dangerous path if this is your normal. Thankfully the liver is resilient but still one never knows which drink will push them over the edge to undo end-stage liver disease.
I’m going to assume you both were very far wasted in order for her to not realize how high you were cutting, only to realize it in the morning. You were also too far wasted to not be able to tell the difference in trimming the bottom of her hair and towards her shoulders.
Again, cut back on drinking. If you thought you were sober enough to do a hair cut then I’m assuming you’re the kind of person who would drive under the influence and kill someone. Get help if you’re unable to cut back on drinking on your own.
Lessons learned for you both last night.” SuspiciousAd3725
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t coerce her into the haircut, y’all were just wasted and dumb and you should both learn from it and keep the scissors and sharp objects away while drinking.
Her wanting to butcher your hair while sober is too much. She made a decision while intoxicated and has to live with it. Extensions and wigs are a thing.
Anyone who says she deserves to butcher your hair is whacked and apparently, they don’t think your sister should have any accountability and that’s not okay.
Signed, someone who has gotten an ugly tattoo and didn’t take it out on my friends or the artist, since it was my fault entirely for drinking that much, coming up with the idea, and then immediately seeing it through while wasted. Never repeated my mistake and didn’t drag anyone down with me.” TrixIx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both need to stop drinking so much.
She did ask for the haircut and you don’t remember what happened but it doesn’t sound like either of you remembers you maliciously cutting off too much.
But you should apologize and offer to pay for a hairdresser and maybe get her some nice hair decorations that go with the new haircut, try and make it up somehow.
She is the jerk for suggesting that she cuts your hair off too.
And for asking for something while wasted and then blaming others when she regrets the consequences.” Mentathiel
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Raise My Siblings If Our Parents Pass Away?
“I (21m) am my parents’ only biological child. When I was 6 years old my parents started the process to adopt children and by the time I was 8, my parents adopted for the first time.
At the time I thought it would be great but I had no idea just how much my life would change. They adopted mostly special needs and disabled babies and toddlers and it was a lot of adjusting. When they first told me they wanted to adopt they explained it as they wanted to give me brothers and sisters to play with and grow up with and have for the rest of our lives.
They said when they were gone we’d have each other and the families we created. But as it turns out, what actually happened is the majority of the kids had such complex needs that I didn’t get these amazing, lifelong sibling relationships my parents promised and instead I ended up in a place where I needed to be okay with not getting any of my parents time and ending up as a sort of caregiver for them.
When I was an older teen my parents did adopt two kids who have no special needs or disabilities but the age gap paired with the resentment that built in me over how much I had to sacrifice meant I hardly spent any time with them and don’t really know them today.
I know I probably sound like a jerk. It’s something I’ve battled with for a while. My parents gave these kids love and a home and took care of them better than they would be being tossed around the system.
Yet I can’t pretend I am good with the fact my life had to change so much. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t bother me that my parents lied, and had always known they were going to sign up to care for kids with these additional needs, and not the picture they painted. I found that out when I was 16.
They knew when they started the process. They took extra classes to be trained for severely disabled and special needs kids.
Once I moved out I stopped talking to my parents for a while. Then I told them how they made me feel by taking on so much and turning my world upside down.
It did not go well. We didn’t talk again for close to two years until they reached out to me recently saying we needed to talk and when we did meet, they told me they needed me to promise I would take care of the kids if something happens to them and to help make sure they’re okay in the future and they’re gone or incapacitated. I told them I wouldn’t and that I did not want all that responsibility.
I told them I had to give up so much as a kid and they were not going to make me take on the responsibility for several more kids. I pointed out they had many family members who could do it and that they would need to ask me.
My parents called me selfish and told me I have no idea how good I have it and how can I reject my little siblings and how much they needed their big brother.
It did play up on my guilt over how I felt about them being my siblings in the first place and when I didn’t change my mind right away my parents became very hostile.
Now I need to know if I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. The enormous task of caring for adults with special needs is not anything you are obligated to take on. It was their decision to take on this commitment, and it’s their responsibility to arrange for ongoing care after their passing.
I think your ability to put up boundaries is fantastic. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means that you know your limitations. The children/adults should be with someone who is trained, motivated, and committed in the long run.
(I worked for an agency that serves youth and adults with developmental disabilities, and one of the services was finding home care providers, so I am intimate with the reality of the situation)” daisymcs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ask for this, and it is incredibly selfish of your parents to expect that of you.
You are not their big brother – you barely know the younger ones. And they’re trying to emotionally manipulate you. Your feelings are valid.
It kind of flummoxes me that your parents went through this specific training to look after very disabled children while you were still so young.
It sounds like they wanted to be heroes – to look after these very dependent children when nobody else would. Obviously, there is a lot to respect about that, but they already had somebody to look after – you. Were you just not disabled enough for them, or something?
No parent should expect their child to take on a burden they’ve willingly taken on themselves (and, yes, these kids are a burden, regardless of how lovely they might otherwise be). I’m sorry – your parents are undervaluing you and like I said above, your feelings of hurt, neglect, etc, are valid.” gillebro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for other people’s kids. That’s the beginning of it and the end of it.
Your parents’ expectations are ridiculous. As you pointed out, they chose to adopt children with disabilities, but seem to think you don’t have a right to make choices for yourself.
I can completely understand why you cut contact with them and it’s a shame that after a few years appear when trying to rebuild your relationship, they focus on what they want you to do for them and not the other way around.
Good on you for making it clear to them that looking after their children isn’t what you have planned for your life – it’s great that you were unambiguous and have given them time to make another arrangement.” EllieMacAus19
3. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Little Brother?
“I am a 16-year-old girl and my brother just turned 2 months old. We have different dads but share the same mother. My brother’s father does live with us.
I love my brother and frequently ask to spend time with him, but one thing I do not like is when my mom just barges into my room demanding I take care of him.
She does this at least 2-3 times a day. From feeding him and burping him to watching him while I do x. Also to note she asks me before she asks her partner (my brother’s dad) to do these things.
A little while ago it was the same thing, my mom came into my room while I was chilling demanding I feed him and burp it while she and her partner eat dinner. She phrases it like a question so I politely declined and said I did not want to and that’s when she pulled the ‘well I do a lot of things I don’t want to do for you’ card.
She told me it’s my job as his family and older sister to do these things. I told her I did not want to again and that’s when she told me I didn’t have a choice and to sit down and feed him before she handed him to me and walked out.
I also want to note that he chokes a lot when feeding, and it scares me a lot, it’s a very big fear of mine. Even though I know to pat him on the back it’s why I hate feeding him.
Anyways, she made me feel very bad, she is also still not talking to me even though it’s been a few hours. So I come to ask you all am I in the wrong for getting a tad irritated and not wanting to feed him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Occasional help is a reasonable enough request. But the fact that she thinks it’s your job to do this ahead of the child’s father is problematic, and if he chokes a lot, my goodness, that’s wildly unfair to you.
She does have to do things she doesn’t want to for you because that’s what a parent does. You are not a parent, and your mom needs to turn to her child’s father more.” VictorianPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground more.
DO NOT LET HER KEEP DOING THIS IF YOU DONT WANT TO and if she tries to push it like she did this time tell her you have no problem telling CPS the baby is being neglected and you’re having to raise it (an empty threat ideally unless your seriously being parentified but only you know that) and I guarantee it’ll stop her in her tracks.
She may throw a fit but she’ll stop doing it.
Also, start locking your door and if she tries making you full-on babysit with her not there and you say no say you’ll call it in to the cops for child abandonment.
I know this seems extreme but with these kinds of parents, this is what it takes to make them stop because asking nicely won’t do it and slightly standing up for yourself will only make them mad and they’ll push harder so you comply.
You have to take it THERE to get it to stop.
If you’re too scared to do that, you shouldn’t be, but if you are, apply for a job so you’re out of the house ALL THE TIME.
You can even lie to her about your hours so you can just be gone when you want it. She’s that bad and you’re that scared. You can do that and if there’s a restaurant or park or friend’s house nearby just walk there and tell her you got rides to work or find a job close by and Uber if it’s close.
The Ubers won’t eat up much of your money but either way, the goal is to get out not to make bank but both together is a goldmine so just apply like crazy.” Blondebabe2002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! This is called ‘parentification’ of a child (you).
It’s considered a form of child mistreatment. Sure, chip in a little bit for the family, but if you feel like it’s interfering with your ability to be a kid, it’s not a role that you should be playing.
Get yourself a job if you can. Not only will it make you too busy for childcare, but you’ll also be saving for your move out as soon as possible in two years.” -tacostacostacos
2. AITJ For Prohibiting My Sister-In-Law's Kids From Bringing Their Own Food To Our Christmas Dinner?
“I (f31) am gonna be honesting Christmas celebration this year. The menu is usual and everyone is familiar with it.
My SiL’s kids are what they call the most vicious picky eaters out there.
mind you they’re 6 & 9 and are probably just being deliberately difficult to their parents.
SiL called to ‘inform’ me that she will be bringing food for her kids to eat at Christmas dinner. I asked why and she said that they will not be able to eat anything from the menu after looking at it.
I said I was sorry but there isn’t enough space at the table for extra meals and besides that, the kids should start learning to be more tolerant of some foods, especially at family holiday gatherings where it’s expected for everyone to just eat what’s in front of them without complaining.
She went on about how difficult kids can be (mostly can’t relate but I get it! but still, she should keep in mind that it’s probably a passing phase for them and so sucking it up for one dinner wouldn’t affect them.
She said that I don’t get it and that she doesn’t want them to stay hungry or feed on snacks. I apologized and declined.
My husband got involved in this and is saying I’m being inconsiderate towards my guests. He said I lose nothing by allowing them to bring food but I disagree because this was not part of my plans.
and if anything this should be a teachable moment for the kids to know that they can’t expect to be catered to all the time. He got more upset and told me that his sister is heavily reconsidering coming to a celebratory dinner where her kids weren’t allowed to bring their own food.
They’re applying pressure on me saying I’ll ruin the celebration if I keep trying to die on this hill.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are fighting for a moral victory and it isn’t even a great one. This is kind of the point of hosting – the host invites people into their home to give them good spirits and cheer, comfort, and love.
You seem to be looking at it the other way – that the guests are there to honor you and your idealized vision of a celebration.
Your SIL might be a jerk. It’s impossible to tell. 6-year-olds are pretty young and even with 9, it’s impossible to tell from your post whether her kids have developmental issues, emotional regulation issues, undiagnosed food sensitivities, etc., or if they are just undisciplined. Even if they are just undisciplined, you can’t take over the parenting of these children to teach them a lesson.
ETA: It’s your home, so yeah you could bar people from bringing food into it. That would even be reasonable if you had allergies or sensitivities. But when the rule is just imposed to try to force the guests into making their children eat the food you want to serve, then it becomes a jerk move even if you can do it since it is your own home.” Due-Operation-708
Another User Comments:
“Personally. YTJ.
You don’t know if this is a passing phase or if they have sensory issues with food (you don’t always know and can’t always tell at first) and SIL isn’t demanding you cook an entirely separate meal for them either.
Some kids just don’t do the whole ‘traditional meal’. I hated turkey growing up (and still do) because the texture is off to me and I have sensory issues with food! So I basically was a vegetarian at holiday meals (except when ham was available I was able to tolerate that).
If she was then yea it would be a different story. But she’s offering to prepare, cook and take home the food she knows her kids will eat. She’s footing the entire grocery bill for it as well. And if you don’t want their dishes in the middle (for some reason) let them use a little kitchen counter space off the table for any containers and have the kids make plates separately so it’s not in the way of your ‘picture-perfect meal’.
She’s not asking you to cook a separate meal or change the entire menu. She’s bringing her own stuff for her own kids. It’s not a big deal. She’s also not asking you to foot any bills. So you kinda look like the jerk for demanding her basically to tell her kids ‘sorry you gotta fill up on snacks because that’s all there is.’ You don’t know why they are picky eaters.
You aren’t in their home.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Sometimes plans have to change. Sometimes people are neurodivergent/autistic and only have certain safe foods to eat, sometimes it’s just easier to let kids eat what they want especially on a holiday.
Not everything in life will go according to your plan and you should know that as an adult. If you don’t like your family then fine, don’t let them make a small adjustment for a 6 and 8-year-old. Your husband is right, you are causing an issue where there really isn’t one but if this is the hill you want to die on, you can’t complain when no one wants to visit or spend time with you anymore.” WickedAngelLove
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom She's Not My Baby's Grandmother?
“I (F24) gave birth to my first baby last month, and I and my husband (M24) couldn’t be happier.
For some context, my parents got divorced when I was around 10. My mom lost all custody of me in court for reasons I won’t get into so after that I was raised by my dad. I’m in no contact with my mom and I intend to keep it that way.
When I was 16, my dad (M40s) met a woman online and got married, and moved her in after only knowing her for a few weeks. For the sake of this story, we’ll call her June (F60s).
I want to make it clear that I don’t dislike June.
She was always very nice to me when I was living there and did typical ‘mom’ things, she’d help me with my homework, helped me learn how to drive, etc, etc. We had a few conflicts here and there but it was all petty stuff.
Now, the issue is that June keeps referring to herself as my baby’s grandma, both on social media and to everyone in the family.
I talked to June and told her that although she’s part of the family and a wonderful woman, she is not my mom and not my baby’s grandma.
June told me she feels betrayed. She started screaming at me and accused me of pushing her out of the family and my baby’s life, and said that I’m being heartless and cold.
My husband made her leave and that was that.
My dad is now really angry at me and told me I owe June a huge apology and that I’m causing rifts for no reason. He said with everything June has done for me the least I can do is let her have the grandma title.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
June assuming that she is ‘grandma’ is rather entitled and bold. If you and your partner aren’t comfortable with that, then she has to respect that decision. Her reaction to begin screaming at you and claiming that you are pushing her out of the baby’s life is ridiculously dramatic and self-centered. Just because she doesn’t have a ‘grandmother’ title doesn’t mean she can’t have a relationship with the baby (unless you don’t want her to, which is also your call).
Given the tantrum from June, I feel like you made a great decision. Congratulations on the baby!” fajitagoblin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. June can simultaneously be NOT your mom, while ALSO being your child’s grandma. She’s been married to your father for how long now?
8 years? When your kid grows up, June is the only grandma they’ll know from your dad’s side. Even if you try and prevent June from calling your kid their grandbaby, the kid will likely still end up seeing her in that light.
I get that you may have complicated ‘Stepmom’ feelings with June, and that’s absolutely your right to not see her as a real Stepmom/Mom. But I really don’t see any issues at all in her treating your child as her grandchild, and your child treating her, your father’s long-time wife, as their grandmother.
It seems petty to be honest like you’re trying to punish or hurt June.
Edited to add: There is no harm at all in having ‘one more person’ love your child as a family (assuming no toxic relationships/traits, treating your child nicely and fairly, etc).” Expensive_Plant_9530
Another User Comments:
“This one is tricky to me. You’re NTJ as long as you don’t expect her to fill any sort of grandmother role. So don’t get upset if she doesn’t want to spoil or babysit your child in the future because you have explicitly said she’s not your child’s grandmother even though technically she’s the step-grandmother.
As someone who had strained relationships if any with my grandparents, I would kill for someone who actually wanted to fill that role in a positive way. I hope you’re not alienating her just due to biological relation because that’s petty and unnecessary.” Chesirae96
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You have the opportunity to include someone who loves your baby as if she was biologically related to the baby. Someone who appears to love you as well. Someone you describe as ‘wonderful’.
She may not be a biological grandmother.
But she is a grandmother in love or a grandma from the heart.
Your stance makes the relationship with your dad more difficult, deeply hurts a lady that does not appear to deserve it, and denies your child the love and support of another adult who will always be there for them.
How she and your father met is irrelevant. They have been together for a very long time. Including that bit is just an attempt to put her down and adds no value to the situation.
Your stance is all about you and your hang-ups.” Happy-Greyhound-8821
I think your wife is being unreasonable. Your parents might be very helpful with the baby. This used to be the norm, for parents to come to the new parents home and stay for a week or so to help out.
I don't think anyone is a jerk here, although your wife isn't understanding that you have parents also and would like to share this with them too. Her parents are not the only Grandparents here.