People Take A Moment To Reflect In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Stop Taking Credit For My Artwork?
“My (39F) artist friend (39F) and I have been friends since college. She was a painter, I was a potter. She moved to the west coast to start a career, I moved to the east coast with my husband and started a family. She lives on commissions, my husband and I own a business and I only keep up with my art for fun.
We keep in touch and I’d say we’re close.
We frequently share pictures of our latest projects and have for years. Recently, I completed a mosaic with hand-made tiles and I was fairly proud of it.
Last week I saw her tagged in an announcement for a conference with featured artists in her city.
I was excited for her since she’s been struggling a little financially. I click the link and see a lot of her pieces displayed…most prominently, though, was my mosaic.
I called her and assumed it was a mistake. She fell silent, then explained that while she was showing a journalist phone pics of her other pieces, he saw the mosaic and was thrilled. He suggested she expand her portfolio with more mosaic pieces.
She didn’t correct him and ended up featured at this local conference.
I obviously asked her to remove it from her “portfolio” and she says she can’t do that now, that she’s in too deep. I insisted that it’s so weird and dishonest and I wasn’t really comfortable with her taking credit.
She called me a selfish mean person on a high horse because I didn’t live off of my art but that one piece could jump-start her career. She feels if she removes it from her feature, she’ll have to explain why, and then she’ll be exposed as a fraud and shamed out of town.
I know she’s dug her own grave here, but I do care for her as a friend and I want her to do well in life. She’s right, I’m not making any money off of the mosaic, so why shouldn’t she benefit from it? Sure, she lied, but should her career be ruined by exposing one single mistake?
My personal life would be unchanged either way. However, as a matter of principle, I’m livid.
I feel like I would be the jerk because it infuriates me that she’s taking credit for my 18+ months of hard work and I really want to insist she take it down or threaten a cease and desist (my husband’s idea), but I feel that would be too far and definitely make me the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. If this piece is so important and if this feature helps her… someone will want to see the actual piece, not just a photo of it.
2. I assume the pic you sent her was a candid… eventually another publication or even the same one could demand to send a journalist to take a more professional picture, like with her in it.
3. Odds are she would need the actual piece at some point and then you would either have to let her drown or you would have to assist her in defrauding your work, implicating yourself.
4. While you may not subsidize yourself off your artwork, you probably do like to share your work in communities or maybe do a small local gallery… or something like this, but if your name gets tied to an art steal scandal…
you will get tainted.
5. She never even came to you all on her own… she was not even THAT honest.
6. If I were you, I would either give her a 48-hour deadline to contact the newspaper, and if you do not receive proof that she did, either contact them themselves or gather all of the proof of you making that piece and publish it on social media.
7. You do not owe her your art and the credit for 18 months of hard work just because you have a non-art-related main career and she does not.” GrassTerrible5262
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, this friendship is broken. She passed your creative work off as her own and gaslit and guilt-tripped you when you (correctly) called her out on her very unethical behavior.
So let’s say she expands her portfolio with more pieces that are closely modeled after your piece. Would you be okay with that? Because it’s not uncommon that artists do a lot of repeat pieces that riff on the same theme. What if there are demands for her to make prints of her cool mosaic?
If a local gallery wants to feature it? How big a hole are you going to let her dig herself before it feels like too big a hole? NTJ.” twiddlywerp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your friend is doing is a kind of theft. No matter what your friend says, it’s not really that complicated, and it doesn’t really matter whether or not you make a living from your art.
Your friend is passing the mosaic off as her own, when in fact you made it. I’d be really concerned that she’s behaving without integrity here. Not just for passing the mosaic off as hers in the first place, but for expecting you to compromise your integrity and go along with her deception after she’s been caught out.
That’s really dishonest behavior, in my view. Telling her to stop and threatening a cease and desist is the mild option because it gives her the chance to self-correct. You haven’t even mentioned the nuclear option which is contacting the conference organizers and telling THEM to take down the pictures of your piece.” HokeyPokeyGuestList
21. AITJ For Vetoing My Partner's Party-Loving Friend As Our Child's Legal Guardian?
“My (28F) partner (28M) and I are discussing God parents/nominated legal guardian in the event we both pass away.
Obviously, it’s a 50/50 say on both sides.
He has suggested his best friend, let’s call him “Juno”. Juno is a lovely person, but is a heavy binge drinker, indulges in strong substances on the weekend, doesn’t have any experience with children, lives the typical young party lifestyle and lives 200 miles away from us currently and has never met said child.
I have absolutely vetoed the idea mainly because of the substance use side of it, but also because our child would be uprooted to move away from their immediate family to live with Juno 200 miles away. So it’s a big fat no. Juno is the only person in his life who is remotely considerable.
His family are all heavy drinkers, strong substance users, and have been in and out of prison, so I can’t even suggest someone else on his side, not that he’s contested this at all.
My partner thinks I am being selfish and unreasonable for not considering Juno.
I’ve suggested my brother, who is very financially secure, has two happy kids, lives close by, I’m his son’s nominated legal guardian, etc. so it’s something I’m interested in doing back.
My partner still thinks I’m being selfish for not considering Juno.
Am I the jerk for vetoing Juno from being nominated legal guardian of our child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ especially if it’s really about you not considering Juno specifically, you clearly HAVE considered him but have come up with a number of sound and reasonable reasons to say no at the surface level of consideration.
Is this something that Juno would actually even want? In my experience, most people living that lifestyle would be terrified to be put in the situation of suddenly having to pick up a strange kid from miles away and change everything to be financially and physically/emotionally responsible for them, especially after losing their best friend.
Is it possible your partner just feels like it’s not as much of a 50/50 decision because he has no one reasonable from his side of things to suggest?” Arinskullboi
Another User Comments:
“Would Juno even want to be the guardian of the kid?? It doesn’t really seem like he’d even be happy about that decision.
And maybe have your partner consider the circumstances in which the kid would need to go to a guardian. This isn’t “where will Junior spend a month this summer?” Both parents have literally passed away. The two most important people in the world to this poor kid have been wiped off the face of the planet, maybe one shortly after another or even worse both at once.
A newly orphaned child would do so much better with stability instead of being moved 200 miles away to live with a partying binge drinker who has no experience with children. There are some things in life that don’t need to be about “fairness” and this is one of them.
This is about what is best for the child. Your partner is the one being selfish.” tetrisOnATI83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with your husband? Other commenters have already covered how horrific moving a grieving child away from everyone and everything they know to live with a stranger would be.
But why does your husband want to blow up Juno’s life as well? Because suddenly becoming guardian to a traumatized child is going to put an immediate end to his party lifestyle, either because he’s suddenly parenting on hard mode now or is in court because your family is suing to get your kid back because of neglect.” Probable_lost_cause
20. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Husband For Calling My Family Caucasian?
‘I (25f) and my husband (27m) “Nick” both live in the UK and have been married for a while. My family moved here a few years back as well from a different Slavic country. My husband is British, born and raised.
Now in the UK, it is normal to refer to white people as white, I don’t think I’ve seen the term Caucasian ever used to describe white people.
Over the weekend my mother hosted a family meal which my husband and I were invited to.
While discussing some of the recent events my husband labelled me and my family Caucasian. Everyone went silent and I had to clarify if we heard him right and he confirmed he had indeed called us this.
Now while I do understand it is a typical American way to describe white people, for someone from my country it will be very offensive since there’s a place the Caucasus, and when describing someone from there the term Caucasian is normally used. The reason why it is offensive is mainly due to how men from this country behave towards women in my home country and also because being referred to as white is totally different from being referred to as Caucasian since for us the latter represents a nation.
It would be the same as calling a Chinese person Indian because both countries are in Asia or all Irish people travelers. Basically, you got the memo.
Now Nick is perfectly aware of this. He has been in my country, he saw why it is offensive and he also knows that I’ve lost some family members due to conflict there.
Yet he still used the term which upset my family. I was also upset, I explained my reasons to him again but he still doesn’t see what he did wrong.
I decided to stay with my mother for a few days and that made Nick upset.
He called me a jerk for siding with them when it was just a word and his family believes he didn’t do anything wrong and my family and I are just being difficult. He is also upset and annoyed that I have sided with my family when he was asked to leave early after saying what he did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there is nuance to this situation that’s not being fully acknowledged. Your husband is aware of the boundary set in place by your family (to not refer to them as Caucasian, and for very valid reasons) he was made aware of this boundary previously and he made a conscious decision to cross that boundary — if it were a total accident/slip of speech then he would have immediately apologized and acknowledged that he crossed the boundary, but he did not do that and even now his refusal to acknowledge and take accountability for his choice in words proves that he feels entitled to say and do what he wants.
No one can make or force someone to be respectful, but each of us can choose to not be further disrespected — a good boundary is not making someone show respect, it is taking away the opportunity for that person for them to continue to show disrespect, in this case, your husband was knowingly being disrespectful so he was asked to leave, and his refusal afterward to acknowledge his disrespect and properly apologize resulted in you rightfully removing yourself from his presence.” nekiwa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally asked your husband not to say Caucasian, he agreed to not say the word and then he said it anyway. He did it on purpose. I don’t care who says otherwise. You don’t agree to do one thing and then ‘forget’ especially if Caucasian isn’t a term he uses often.” vball0111
Another User Comments:
“So, for your judgment question? You are NTJ for getting upset at him for something that you perceived to be a slight against you or a slur used against you. You’re allowed to be upset over things. However, you seriously overreacted and everything you did after that was so dramatic.
Kicking him out of the dinner. Staying with your parents. The word Caucasian has another meaning (unlike other racial slurs) and literally means, white-skinned, so he’s not wrong for saying you’re Caucasian. He also said it about himself. I’m sure he didn’t do it meaning to be offensive (and I’m pretty sure you know it, too) but the minute you “asked him to clarify if he said it” you knew everyone was going to have a fit.
Why even make him repeat it? So you could feel justified in being angry? Or you wanted to make sure that everyone at the table heard it so you could turn it into something it didn’t have to be?” Thebeatybunch
19. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Pay Me For Babysitting Her 4 Kids?
“I (19 f) have a sister (35 f) who has 4 kids ages 5, 4, 2, and 1. Four kids those ages is a lot to handle and my sister frequently needs help from our family, which I usually don’t have a problem with. I’m closest with one of the kids so usually if they all come over I primarily am responsible for watching 1 or 2 of them, while my parents and grandparents will help with the other kids.
I have also watched all the kids before by myself if they’re left at my house (1-2 hours at most) and will go over to my sister’s house every weekend just to help her out.
This past week my sister had asked me if I would babysit all 4 while she and my family go out for a special occasion, I was a little upset because I already had plans and she told me it would be for 5/6 hours.
I asked her for how much? And she looked at me confused. I told her I didn’t want to babysit all 4 for free and she told me that they are my nieces/nephews and I should be watching them for free because I love them.
I said I usually always help for free, but this is different because it was all of them for a long time.
I also mentioned why her husband could not watch them (because he’s not going with her and my family) and she said because he wants to go the gym and run errands.
This is a usual thing seeing as the husband NEVER helps. This made me more mad and it turned into a big argument. She called me a jerk and my parents weren’t fully on my side. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you may not have much leverage here if your parents will not support you but I’d start with..
How much do you make per hour or per day? Would you still do the work if you were not paid? Then, I will only watch them for free when you are going to work. If you are going out, then I expect to be paid, also, I will not work for free when your husband is not working but choosing to have free time.
You do not respect my free time and you are creating resentment for me with your disrespect. You do not express gratitude but only that I should have a sense of obligation. But you should have a sense of gratitude and you do not, so I guess neither of us is a model of perfection.
So let’s be clear – if the end result is that I’m going to be a jerk, then I’m going to be a jerk who is not doing any babysitting.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is already taking advantage of you and your family.
She is guilt-tripping you when she should be making her husband feel guilty for not helping. Your parents should be on your side — but they’re probably afraid that they will be stuck with babysitting duties. It’s great that you are able to help so often, but your sister has taken advantage of this.
And your family has enabled it. You should start charging all the time so that you can save money and get away! Going to your sister’s house nearly every weekend to help is a lot of free labor. You should not be made to feel obligated to babysit kids just because they’re your family members.
I noticed from your comments that your sister says that hiring a babysitter from outside the family is “unsafe.” First, that just makes her cheap. Second, that makes her naive. Does she not realize family members who babysit children can be abusive? (Of course, I’m not saying this is happening in your family, but it does happen — in too many cases.)” Critteranne666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The teenage aunt is more obligated to watch 4 small children than their own dad?! That’s messed up. I get that it’s easier for your sister to try to guilt you into watching them than make her husband finally man up and take care of his own kids which he seemingly hasn’t been doing the past 5 years but she should stand her ground with him and make him do his job as a father.
Also, they should maybe consider stopping to procreate if they are not able/willing to take care of their own kids themselves and need so much help from family.” ConfidenceFront3561
18. AITJ For Attending A Coworker's Wedding Without My Partner?
“This is my first relationship. I (24f) met my partner (26m, let’s call him A) about a year ago, around the same time I started a new job in a new city. I became friends with several of my (male) coworkers (I work in a male-dominated field) and one of them (let’s call him B) is engaged. B and I used to get lunch or meet up after work for drinks (sometimes just us, sometimes with other coworkers) because we were both new to town and his fiancée lived in another state until about 2 months after I started my job.
I’ve hung out with them multiple times and she’s very sweet.
I started to spend more time with my partner and didn’t really hang out with my coworkers much, partly because A finds hanging out one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex disrespectful when you’re in a relationship.
This feels limiting and I’ve told him it’s simply platonic and neither B nor I see it as anything else, but I try to accommodate A’s discomfort by not hanging out with my male coworkers much anymore (although I met up with a male friend several months ago and A wasn’t happy).
It’s still a sore spot in our relationship because I’ve always had guy friends, but that’s another issue.
I’ll note that B, his fiancée, my partner, and I had dinner and then went out for drinks once. It was fun.
B casually mentioned that A was invited to their wedding, and I was glad. That was the only time the four of us hung out. Months passed and I got my invitation in the mail, but no plus one.
I brought it up to my coworker (which in hindsight seems kind of inappropriate) and he apologized and said his fiancée made a pact with her mom to only allow plus ones if the guest and their partner have been together for at least a year.
At that point A and I hadn’t been together a year yet, so I told my partner this and he asked if I made it up or if I just didn’t want him to come to their wedding. This is not the case.
If I had the option to bring someone it would be him. Despite this, I RSVP’d, which is where I may have been the jerk.
Since then A has made sarcastic comments about the wedding and how rude it was that he got uninvited and seems to resent me for wanting to go.
A and I also recently went on a trip where he had to miss a wedding (I’d have no problem rescheduling our trip if I knew he wanted to go) and he (jokingly?) said he sacrificed his time to be with me. I feel guilty but B has been a great coworker (and friend) and I want to show my support.
WIBTJ if I went to the wedding without my partner?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO seems controlling. Tell him to grow up. You can hang out with whomever you want. I’ve been married for over a decade and still have gal friends with whom I’ll go to lunch here and there.
My wife has guy friends. If one of them can’t afford a large wedding, I would be happy that at least my wife could go. It’s messed up that he’s not happy that at least you got invited.” pbrown6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having some kind of standard for when a plus 1 is appropriate is pretty common.
When I got married, I gave plus 1s to everyone who had been with their partner for more than a year, too. It’s a really common line. I’m concerned about A’s paranoia and controlling attitude. I have straight male friends and a number of LGBTQAI friends (I’m bi myself), and I definitely have never tolerated a partner who wants to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.
Not being able to hang out one-on-one is part of that. If they decide they can’t trust me with my friends, that’s the end of the relationship. There are no healthy relationships without trust – it’s impossible. The only choices are whether you’re willing to do the contortions your partner demands to earn their trust or not.
I’m willing to make minor concessions that are obviously okay with me (a lot of kinds of touching are partner-only, but I hug and cuddle some friends of all genders and I tell them that I love them), but not ones that try to change who I am and who I’m friends with.
It’s how I’ve always been, and it’s one of the things that I won’t change for anyone. They get to decide whether they’re happy living with them. Are you happy in a relationship that demands you make major changes in how you relate to your friends and who they are?
It kinda sounds like you’re not and don’t know what to do about it.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Putting aside your partner’s issues with male friends for a minute here because that’s a whole can of worms on its own… I don’t think you’re the jerk but I think it’s weird and convenient that your coworker and his fiancee casually said your SO was invited (to his face) but now are setting an arbitrary limit for the duration of the relationship for plus ones that mean he just misses the cut off?
And by the time of the wedding (if you’re RSVPing now) then presumably you will have been together a year anyway? So what gives? It really sounds to me like an excuse to uninvite your partner for some reason so I can understand why he’s hurt over this.
Either that or it’s an excuse to uninvite someone else and they just don’t care about your partner getting caught in the crossfire. Either way, kind of rude.” strikingfirefly
17. AITJ For Siding With My Dad During My Parents' Divorce?
“I (15m) have decided to side with my father during the divorce.
My mum (40f) is divorcing my dad (42m). This is something that happened out of the blue for us, but it isn’t uncommon. During the divorce process, my parents agreed to have my dad have my sister (13f) and me during the week, and my mum having us on the weekends.
Some weekends my mum won’t have us due to her own reasons, but this is something we are used to as she was commonly not around due to work.
My dad has always been there for me and my sister and was always the main adult in most situations.
During the divorce, and to this day, my mum provides minimal information on anything to do with the divorce, or what’s happening, while my dad provides us with all the information if we want to know/ask. My dad is always a person who likes to keep no secrets and tells the truth 99% of the time, and my mum can bend the truth.
My dad explained to me and my sister how my mum is lying about how much she earns so that she has to pay less child support, and still doesn’t pay it. My mum also owes my dad a lot of money and is trying to take everything from my dad, and this is something my mum doesn’t know.
She says she deserves the house and more than half of the equity. My mum got quite upset when she realized I was not on her side, calling me multiple rude things. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your dad is not being fair to you.
I understand you like his honesty, but he is giving you way too many financial details. This is not information he should be burdening you with, and it is influencing you to take a side. You don’t need to take a side. This is between your dad and your mom.
It’s not your problem and your mom is right not to tell you about it (although she is wrong to call you names, of course). Both your parents are behaving badly, each in their own way.” Creatableworld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But some of the things your dad is sharing are a little much for someone your age to know about.
I’m in a similar situation with my parents and I’ve been fully aware of my parents’ finances since I was about 10 as my dad is a heavy drinker. My mom sharing her frustration with me about money and how much we are in the hole has tainted my view of my dad and my childhood growing up.
She influenced my “picking of a side”. And it appears that’s what’s happening here. You’re not in the wrong and I’m sure you have issues with your mother that you have perceived with no help or information from your father. But I still think he is sharing too much and creating worry in your life that a 15-year-old shouldn’t need to even think about.” Imaginary-Ad-7379
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this sounds very much like parental alienation. It means that one parent is manipulating the children to hate the other parent. It means using children as a weapon to get back at the other parent. Your mom might not want to share reasons to protect you and because this is grown-up business that you shouldn’t have to be burdened with.
A good parent wouldn’t make you feel like you have to choose a side and they also wouldn’t disparage the other parent. You are 50% of both parents’ DNA and if one parent disparages the other, they automatically disparage half of you. If I were you, I’d stay out of this and ask your parents to treat you like Switzerland.” miumiumiau
16. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom For Ignoring My Shrimp Allergy?
“My mom was eating some rice with spinach and shrimp, which I am allergic to. My mom tells me to try some of it, which I decline.
My mom KNOWS I’m allergic to shrimp and reactive to it. So much as the fumes from cooking are enough to set me off.
My reactions aren’t too severe, they aren’t deadly or anything but they hurt like heck (at best it’s just my lips swelling, at worst I get hives on my face usually). Once again, my mom is aware of this, which is why she opens the front door and windows whenever she cooks it, though truthfully it doesn’t do much.
Anyways, my mom ignores my no and convinces *cough cough* manipulates *cough cough* me into trying some of it. She tells me that the lil lump of rice she made with the spinach doesn’t have shrimp in it. Honestly, I myself knew that the shrimp was already mixed in and the oils and stuff mixed with the spinach but I ate it anyway because she’d just keep persisting.
As soon as I ate it my throat hurt like heck and my lips started swelling slightly and stinging after a few minutes.
Rightfully (in my opinion), I was really angry at my mom so I ignored everything she said and went about my business and coped with the pain.
After I sat down she said stuff about how she was so sorry, she didn’t know, she didn’t mean it, etc. She asks me if I want to eat anything to which I say no because I don’t trust her. She gestures for a hug which I also refuse.
Then she goes on about how she’s so hurt by my refusal and how everyone treats her bad, acting like the victim. At that, I’m more angry but also guilty which led me to post here. And my lips still hurt a ton and she refuses to touch or talk to me (I’m a really touchy-feely person, I need physical contact.
Fine with the no talking but even when I’m angry I still go back to her, which probably isn’t healthy tbh).
So, AITJ for this? Again, the answer might be obvious but I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’ll tell you why.
My partner is in the same boat you are. He is allergic to fish so anything that smells like fish/tastes like fish etcetera will cause him to have a bad reaction. A bad skin reaction. His skin is so bad. And she keeps cooking fish, we’ve told her a million times she keeps cooking fish.
I only recently got her to start opening up the windows and doors, Turn on fans, and open the vent. She’s been doing this stuff for years. His skin has compounded so badly that the doctors have to put needles through his feet instead of his arms. we will tell her that it’s causing him a reaction.
Do you know what she’ll do? She’ll say “oh but he wasn’t allergic before.” How do you know it’s this?” And a classic ” You’re lying, you’re making me feel bad, you’re doing it on purpose.”
For years we have told her to knock it off or cook the fish outside.
It continually sets off his allergies. Then she gets in his face and says “have some you’re hurting my feelings if you don’t.” I’ve put a stop to that. She has left us alone since I started putting my foot down more. She pouts, posts stuff on social media, makes backhanded snide comments, and is upset, and I don’t care.
I’ll even respond back with “what what did you say?” That usually gets her to stop talking and pout more. He refuses to talk to her without me there now. She listens to me, More than she listens to him. It’s kind of sad. We’re looking about moving but we don’t have the funds at the moment.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I too have allergies like that. If I walk into an environment & my body detects something that’s allergic my body reacts with the same symptoms you described. It happened at a job I got once and for the first 3 days within 30 minutes of arrival, I had an allergic reaction.
I had to leave immediately. I voluntarily quit because I could not handle the environment. I didn’t find out until many years later actually decades later. The day after I left that facility due to allergies and what I had complained about. Within two weeks 26 other people quit.
Turns out the company was manufacturing a product that contained a poison named Vapona and that’s what my body was reacting to. I’ve eaten peaches or foods from other countries and reacted the same way.” Rolmbo
15. AITJ For Asking My Bisexual Partner To Stop Insulting Straight Men?
“My partner, who is bisexual, will not stop talking about how uncomfortable and awful straight guys are.
I am a straight guy. Tonight I asked her to please stop because it’s really starting to get to me… I mean if she dislikes straight guys why is she with me? She reminded me I was the only one she liked, but I told her to remember, she’s insulting my friends, family, and almost everyone I love.
She once more stated she had her reasons for disliking straight men, and I told her she kind of didn’t, and even if she wanted to continue disliking straight men stop telling me because it’s getting to my head. I went into detail about how it makes me feel, and she never really caught on, continuing to not really care and just trying to diffuse the situation.
I realized she wasn’t getting it so I just kind of ended with this text:
“Do you understand, like truly? Instead of saying “I dislike straight guys” maybe actually say the people you dislike… you dislike those who harm others, you dislike creeps, you dislike offenders, you dislike misogynistic jerks, stop putting all of those under the umbrella term “straight guy.””
That summed up the situation pretty well, and I think she caught on after that, but I don’t know maybe she had the right to dislike all straight dudes, I mean she can dislike who she wants but why remind me, her straight partner, all the time that she dislikes straight guys.
Was I the jerk here? Obviously, I’d like to think not but I don’t know maybe I was… I still love her but this is one of her tendencies that needs to stop I believe.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom would rant for hours about how all men are trash, giving specific examples, and occasionally tell my brother “Oh, except you, I don’t mean you, you’re going to be a good man”.
Yeah, he’s got a lot of issues. It messed him up. She’s not your mom, but she’s your partner. She’s supposed to be the one who loves you, and she’s consistently acting like she doesn’t. Of course you’re going to feel angry, depressed, hurt, and question your worth.
Are you looking to have kids someday? Do you think she will be a woman to have around your kids? Or do you think she’ll teach your daughters to be hateful and your sons to hate themselves?” lyan-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously she should think about how what she says makes you feel.
But if you want to understand her I may have somewhat of an explanation: she could be feeling less bi and part of the LGBTQIA+ community by being with you, THAT IS NOT THE CASE, but part of biphobia in the community is heterophobia towards bi people (your couple seems 100% straight and that can be hard feelings for her to navigate).
IN NO WAY IS IT A JUSTIFICATION, but it could be an explanation.” SwissLad0
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as someone who has experienced violence, I’d never label all straight men as awful irredeemable human beings. Are straight men more likely to be a threat to women than other groups?
Yes. Does that mean we should assume every single straight man on the planet is out to get us (aside from the bigger issue of The Patriarchy and all)? No. That sounds exhausting. It’s one thing to be like, ‘The possibility exists that this man will be awful to me, and I should be prepared to handle it’ and another to be like ‘I wish this man and all his kind didn’t exist because I just know they are bad people.’ That’s a lot of hate to carry around on the daily.
I highly recommend she like, let that go. It’s not healthy. Acknowledge the risks and protect yourself of course, but have some hope in human decency and humanity in general. I can’t issue a ruling just cause I don’t know what exactly you told your partner, so I don’t know if it has NOT ALL MEN vibes.” tempting_honey
14. AITJ For Standing Up To My Critical And Controlling Grandma?
“I, a 13-year-old male, have a family of 4: dad 44m, mom 42f, and my brother 3m. Prior to my grandpa’s passing, everything was okay and things were running smoothly. Now my grandma 67f has been arguing with everyone in the family to go and visit her sons, and unfortunately, my dad was the first victim.
She came here in March and ever since then, things have just not been good for me. She is always criticizing the way I sit, dress, and even my bedtime! Now, I live in America, so I dress in the usual t-shirt and shorts (Florida attire lol).
I come from an Indian background, and it is traditional to live in an extended family rather than just a family of four.
We were in the grueling process of selling our house and Grandma had just made it 10 times harder. She was never adjusting to the environment and it wasn’t the worst move in the world.
She always complained about sitting next to me in the car because I like to sit with my legs crossed and she always says that she has a broken leg (I don’t think that a leg can be broken for 3 months).
That was all fine until she started body-shaming me for being diabetic, which I absolutely am not!
I may be a bit taller than her but she uses my height as an excuse to make me eat less so that she can eat more. Keep in mind she is diabetic. And when my mom tells her to stop, she just says that she’s doing me a favor.
The last straw was when she suggested that I stay home with her every chance I get so that she doesn’t feel alone. She is very rude and I don’t know what to do about it. The last straw was when my grandma said that I shouldn’t get my room because I shouldn’t sit on my computer all day and exercise more and that I don’t deserve such a great room.
I do sit on my computer but I do things such as code and configure a computer and of course, I do play games.
So then I tell my dad in front of her that she should be the one going outside and instead of telling me I’m fat to show me her making at least one round around the community and stop limping like your leg is broken.
Now she left the room crying and put it in the family group chat and now the entire extended family is texting me to respect my elders and to keep my mouth shut or else they will disown me. Even my parents are against me on this.
So here I am asking. Please, please tell me what to do and if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me guess, she wants your room? There’s not much we can really tell you to do. Your grandmother and parents/relatives are all indoctrinated into this and aren’t going to care.
That comment about telling her the others miss her and want her to visit is a good one. There’s not a lot of non-malicious stuff open here. “Now she left the room crying and put it in the family group chat and now the entire extended family is texting me to respect my elders and to keep my mouth shut or else they will disown me.” What are the actual consequences of this?” slendermanismydad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have elders in my family who have this nasty sense of entitlement because they’re old and it has always irritated me. Your grandmother is a mean-spirited person who is not deserving of respect. She is cruel and unkind, I can see why you said that considering how she’s treated you up till now.” jtheminipony
13. AITJ For Banning My Biological Dad From My Graduation?
“I (18M) am graduating next week. Graduates are allowed to bring 3 guests so I’m bringing my mom, dad, and my partner. My sister is also graduating and she’s bringing her two friends from camp.
My biological dad Ted found out about the graduation and asked me for a ticket for him and his wife.
I told Ted that there were no tickets. He found out about the extra ticket and he called me and begged me to come to his only kid’s graduation. I refused and said I wouldn’t find another ticket for his wife either. I told him he was not my dad and if he tried to come to my graduation I’d get him kicked out.
I don’t think of Ted as my dad. My dad (technically my stepdad) Jason is my dad. When my mom was pregnant with me, Ted got his dream job in a different state across the country and told my mom he had to take it.
My mom couldn’t come. He left us anyway and she gave birth alone. A few months later he asked her for a divorce because he found someone else.
When I was in pre-k I met Madison and we became best friends. Her mom had left her as a baby too.
Long story short my mom fell in love with her dad and they got married when we were 7. As far as I’m concerned they’re my real family and Ted’s a stranger who shares my DNA.
Now Ted’s family is blowing up my phone calling me spoiled and my mom a parental alienation and said I was being disrespectful to Ted. His wife called and I told her to get lost too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is just a sperm donor. If he loved and cared for your mom, he wouldn’t have left, and he certainly wouldn’t have “met someone else” while on the other side of the country, knowing his wife was alone with his baby.
It also doesn’t sound like he ever reached out much to have a relationship with you. So, honestly, what does he expect? Some states do adult adoptions. If your state does, you could always ask Jason to adopt you, now that you don’t need your sperm donor to agree to sign over his rights.” Emotional_Fan_7011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re all jerks. They don’t get to claim your success as theirs, which is what they’re trying to do. They don’t get to try to control your behavior by projecting some “respect” idea which is really “do as we tell you.” If you really want to stick the knife in, send them a group photo of you and your actual family at the graduation.
That’s a little bit jerky, but we’re all a little bit jerky sometimes. Either way, enjoy graduation and the rest of your life, without Ted and his family. You don’t need people like that in your life.” FelisCantabrigiensis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s YOUR graduation and is a celebration of YOUR achievements.
This is coming from a mom who homeschooled her kids and was recently told not to come to a graduation of her child. Did it hurt? Absolutely! Do I wish I was there? More than anything! Did I deserve to be there? Not even a factor to be considered, because her graduation was for HER not me.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Physical Gifts For My Hoarder Niece?
“My niece will be 13 soon. Yep, a huge milestone. Officially a teenager!! For over a year now, she cannot keep her stuff clean to save her life.
Ever watch Hoarders? Yep, that’s her rooms. Yes, you read that right, she has multiple rooms. Granted, some have a specific “theme” (like a room just for the arts and crafts) but let’s be real, arts and crafts never gets used in that room but everything ends up on the floor.
Her clothes, shoes, dirty used tissues (which vary between tears, urine, and fecal matter), used masks, dishes, etc.
I spent hours upon hours either “helping” her clean it (conveniently she always had to leave the rooms for some reason), or forcing her to clean it.
I mean hours upon hours. I can come early Saturday morning, focus on her rooms, leave 10 hrs later with plans to come back on Sunday to help finish, come back and spend all Sunday…. only for her to dirty it up by the following weekend.
A few months ago, I told her and her adopted mom that I’m not buying her any presents. Things I had bought her previously were unused but disgustingly filthy, and it upset me. Birthday? I’ll buy experience stuff (gift card to a place but not to a store where she can buy something to bring home and just end up stepping on).
Christmas? I’m not religious, I hate acting like I am so at this point, I won’t celebrate it anymore and she’s past believing in Santa which means I have no reason to give a gift.
Now… this is where the drama begins. I’m being told I’m the jerk because I’m the only one with “real” money.
No one else who’s consistently in her life can get her the bigger/slightly more expensive stuff – like certain style shoes or clothing (def into the goth look but also Nike lol) or the big ticket items (she wants some hanging egg chair thing that’s a few hundred dollars).
Her adopted mom is on disability so while finances are tight, they have everything they need. Her grandma is in assisted living and she only gets an allowance of $50/ month, which is automatically spent on Pepsi. I normally help fund grandma’s needs (hair care, extra food, etc)… but since I’m standing firm in my “I’m not buying my niece anything”, it includes giving money to others to afford to buy her stuff… which really annoys grandma.
Grandma says she deserves to be able to open something on her birthday.
I don’t think I’m the jerk because if you aren’t going to take care of what you already have, why should I spoil you more? Her deceased biological mom’s siblings have gotten in contact with them the last year so they’ll probably buy stuff for her (if they remember her bday), so she may have presents to open.
I planned on getting her a gift card to a restaurant since they rarely go out but I’m also thinking maybe a salon where she can get her nails done. So she’ll get something but it isn’t something she can really hold in her hands and discard on the floor of her room.
So AITJ for not funding a physical present for my niece?”
Another User Comments:
“I think this might be an ESH because it sounds like your niece has some severe underlying issues that nobody in her life is actually addressing. The behaviors you describe are not those of a normal, happy, healthy teenager.
By only focusing on the external deficiencies (messy, dirty rooms) you’ll never do anything to help fix her core issues (could be depression, neurodivergence, any number of very real things). If you really care about your niece’s well-being, talk to her guardians about getting her into therapy and have some real conversations with her about what’s going on internally.
That will be more important than any present you do or don’t buy her.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s clear she needs help and a visit to the dump. No more spending hours cleaning, you sit her down and explain that while a tiny mess or clutter is understandable, for her own health and safety she shouldn’t live like this.
Your birthday present to her will be one item of her choosing AFTER she has completely de-cluttered and cleared out all of her rooms. If she can’t remember the last time she used it or it’s within 2 feet of urine or feces then it goes in the Bag of No Return.
There will be a lot of trash bags and way more tears but it sounds like you’re the only one who sees the road she’s on and can make an impression that will last. Also, the rooms must be maintained or the presents, even gift cards will stop completely.
Tell her one day she’s gonna have her own place and you need to be able to trust that she’s going to take care of these things and that starts now. Tell her that this is the last time you will help her do a Big Clean like this and she has to maintain it to earn other presents.
Be really gentle with her don’t come off like you’re being super judgmental that will just make her shut down and become more of a hoarder. Share some of your own stories of instances where you really felt in over your head but you buckled down and got something done.
People who have mess like that know that they’re in over their heads and typically feel a lot of shame about it but it seems too overwhelming to go back and fix so they just stay in their own filth. I am concerned that her mother isn’t stepping in and wonder if she’s a hoarder/ok with filth as well?” BlooomQueen
11. AITJ For Wanting A Child-Free Wedding Despite Family Objections?
“Both my fiance and I are childfree and want to have an adult-only wedding, which is still a year and a half away. We were wanting to have our wedding as a formal and moderately boozy event. Additionally, we are putting a fair bit of money into our wedding and paying for everyone who attends, thus keeping headcounts low.
My sister who is meant to be the maid of honor isn’t happy that her two kids (who will be 3 and 5 by the time we get married) can’t come. I do love my niece and nephew, but my niece is FULL ON. She is so full-on, that even my parents have agreed she is one of the most difficult-to-handle kids they have come across.
I can’t say much about my nephew as he is 1 and still mellow, but I can’t have one kid and not the other. My sister has also pointed out it would be unfair to my step-sister who lives intrastate to not allow kids. However, my step-sister’s children are just as bad.
Her youngest, my step-niece (who will be 8 by the time we get married), has a bit of an attitude going and can’t stand the word no, and my step-nephew has autism and is prone to full-on meltdowns.
I have basically said to my sister that my fiance and I are adamant about having a child-free wedding, which I don’t think has helped matters.
To counter, my sister has implied that if she can’t get a trusted friend to watch the kids they will have to come regardless. On top of that, my sister is now calling me a jerk because I am not considering the struggle it will be for her and my step-sister to find people to watch my nieces and nephews.
I might be the jerk which is why I am seeking clarification as to whether I am in the wrong.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are annoying and it’s your wedding your rules. However, you’ll also have to accept people won’t come if they are upset by this rule/can’t find childcare like your sister.
It sucks but if you have the rules you’ll have to deal with those consequences. If I were a parent I would also stress about finding someone I can trust to watch my kids, and I’d possibly not attend a wedding for those reasons and that’s perfectly okay (not my sister’s wedding though I wouldn’t throw a fuss like her, you’re presumably already stressed enough).” Express-Gift-9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Child-free weddings are very common. I think your sister has to accept that your wedding is about you, not her. One piece of advice: for my wedding, my SIL was my wife’s MOH. She is mentally abusive, and we did not know literally until 10 minutes before kickoff whether she was going to bail on us or not.
She had dropped out earlier in the week, came back in, and was threatening to drop out again. We had a backup plan: a backup bridesmaid in the audience with an appropriate dress in the trunk of her car that she could change into at the last minute.
(We went with a little black dress as the bridesmaids’ attire.) Ultimately we didn’t need it, but I recommend you be prepared for a day-before cancellation.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Went to a wedding last weekend. Our 2-and-a-half-year-old wasn’t invited. I was so excited to have a night out with just my husband.
It was meant to be child-free but somehow another 2-year-old and 4-year-old were there (other than the page boy and flower girl) and omg they were terrible. It was a Greek Orthodox wedding so the ceremony went for ages and they had to be taken out multiple times and they couldn’t sit still during dinner.
Kids at a wedding are no fun at all. If it was a newborn that was still breastfeeding regularly I can see the parents wanting to bring them (especially because you can tuck them into a carrier and most people wouldn’t even notice a newborn at the wedding) but not a bigger kid.” DangerousWrangler572
10. AITJ For Resenting My Son's Partner Because She Doesn't Want Kids?
“My only son is seeing an older woman who doesn’t want children. From the time he could speak, he would tell me that he wanted children. All throughout his life, he repeated how much he wants children. As an adult, he still says how much he adores and wants children.
Then he met a woman who is at least a few years his senior. And after meeting her, he suddenly changed his views on having children. He sounded like her, and he gave her reasons for not having children.
For me, having my son in my life is beautiful and rewarding.
I am very proud of the man he is. My son is intelligent, talented, artistic, creative, funny, and loving. All the traits I would associate with a wonderful father. I feel sad that he’s changing for her. He still talks about having children, but I feel it’s done in secrecy.
His life his choice. I don’t tell my son all this. I don’t want to put pressure on him. Her body, her choice. I wish her well, but away from my son!
When you are young, life seems easy. When you age, you begin to regret.
It’s not a good thing to put your ideals on hold for another person. But his life, his choice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When I was young I thought I wanted kids. I looked at my parents and thought that what they had was the only form of happiness.
God, I would talk to my mom about it and she would say things like “you and your wife could find a place with enough space for me and your father, and we could help look after the kids” and I thought that sounded like an amazing idea.
Then I got older. And not only did I get a whole lot gayer, but I also changed my perspective. Kids weren’t really something I found myself wanting. Instead, I developed new interests and pursuits and passions that I wanted to explore. Increasingly, the idea of raising children seemed like it wasn’t something that would mesh well with me or my mindset.
I think raising kids is admirable, and I think I’d be a loving parent, but it stopped being something I wanted. A huge part of that was just perspective, and finding other parts of life that were deeply fulfilling. Another part of it was valuing my own time or time spent with my partner and the understanding that introducing kids into that equation would mean sacrificing a lot of that time and freedom for literal decades.
It’s very possible that your son has gone through something similar. Don’t make him feel bad for charting his own path.” corpserella
Another User Comments:
“I guess I’ll go against the current popular opinion and say no jerks here. Moms worry about their kids.
Idk why everyone is saying you’re thinking of what you want and blah blah blah. You clearly said this is something he’s talked about for years with you and suddenly he’s changing his mind. That would be a bit concerning for anyone I would think.
The mature thing to do would be to just bring it up with him in private. Most posts can be handled if the two people involved just had an honest conversation with each other. Maybe he will tell you something you didn’t think of or notice and it could begin to make sense for you.
You would be the jerk if you continued to resent his partner without ever trying to figure out their side of the story. Don’t let this ruin your relationship with your son.” Bengillian
Another User Comments:
“You need to understand that a person’s views can change as they get older for many, many reasons.
Perhaps he is not happy with the current conditions in the world right now and thinks that bringing children into it isn’t responsible. Maybe he likes this person so much that he could see that being with her is all the happiness he could want.
By the way, their age difference really isn’t that large and if the ages were reversed, no one would even mention it. You think that this person is responsible for “taking your son’s dream” when the truth is that maybe you influenced him into this “dream” because it was what you wanted and are now frustrated because he is considering someone else’s advice instead of yours.
I thought that this part of your comment was strange: “He still talks about having children, but I feel it’s done in secrecy.” You start by making a claim as if you know this for a fact, but then reveal you “feel” it is done in secrecy, which tells me that this is a projection and not something you know to be true.
Sorry, but YTJ, and if you do not back off and let your son live his own life made by his own decisions you are going to lose him. He will stop seeing you and you will be shut out.” kimariesingsMD
9. AITJ For Getting My Co-Worker Fired After She Made Me Uncomfortable?
“I (21M) work at a small amusement park. There are only like 30 people on the staff and one of them is this lady (32F) who’s honestly been kind of creeping me out.
She asked me for my phone number like a week after I started working there and while I find her physically attractive she’s like kind of incredibly weird. She constantly says pretty creepy stuff to me and I don’t vibe with it so I told her no to my digits.
Anyway, she continued to say all this weird stuff and kept pestering me for my number so I told our boss about it.
He was going to just give her a verbal warning but apparently, they got into an argument and she ended up getting fired.
She then texted me (I don’t know how she got my number) and told me it’s all my fault. I just blocked her number.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….ugh. She was making you uncomfortable, she was harassing you. Since she already has an unhealthy obsession with you, this may lead to stalking.
Just because it is a woman doesn’t mean it won’t be less dangerous than a guy. I would take some extra precautions for your safety and unblock, but silence notifications from her number. That way, you have an evidence trail of her harassment in case you need to get a TPO or file stalking charges.” ChaoticCapricorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was repeatedly inappropriate at work. You did the right thing talking to your supervisor about it. Even if she was fired for that alone, it wouldn’t be your fault. She wasn’t fired because you told your supervisor about her behavior, she was fired because of her behavior.
As another commenter pointed out, it’s unlikely this is the first time she’s behaved this way. If this was her 2nd strike and she decided to double down and argue, that’s on her. If someone is harassing you in the workplace and they will not stop, your best option is to report them.
Because the only other way to get them to stop would either be to quit, endure this harassment until she found a new victim, or violence (and then be fired). Silence only encourages the aggressor. Many people who endure this type of harassment try to endure it, and when they finally reach out for help, the amount of time they endured it is used against them (as in, “why did you tolerate it for so long?
Must not have been THAT bad.”). You did the right thing by reporting it early, and you would be fully in the right to give your supervisor a heads up that she has managed to get your number anyway & harass you still. They can’t stop her at this point, but if she shows back up at your workplace, they’ll know the full story and be less willing to believe, “oh, time has passed, this is a friendly visit.”” Ana_Rampage
Another User Comments:
“Her response to you saying no to your number – is to get your number by other nefarious means?? Why on earth would you be the jerk for ever saying no to someone for your number for any reason? It doesn’t have to do with attractiveness – you could just be a private person, you could be gay, there could be 1000 other reasons why you said no. So no. It sounds like she got fired for the right reasons and only one of them was your complaint.” KeepLkngForIntllgnce
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let A Group Skip The Line At A Theme Park Ride?
“At a theme park, I joined a long line for a ride.
After 45 minutes I’m near the top with only two groups before me. The front group was 5 people and the second was only three people so I should be on the ride in the next 5/10 minutes.
While waiting a group of 9 people pushed their way through the line to the front.
Two people behind me and I refused to move out of the way.
The 9 people said we have to let them through as their friends are ahead of me.
I get that lines are tough, especially for kids or people with certain conditions.
I have no issue with one parent standing in line and then the other parent joining later as I would prefer that than having to listen to kids complain about waiting. Or if someone has a condition that makes lines difficult or painful then they can join their friends or family later on.
Personally, I don’t think I’m an unreasonable person so I asked why they didn’t wait with their friends in the line. They said they hate waiting in lines and this is easier.
Two others and I refused to move saying that they can wait where they are.
They complained about wanting to do the ride with their friends and we are being difficult. One of them even got a staff member to try to force us to move. The staff member instead removed them and their friends for attempting to skip the line.
They left cursing us out for making a big deal out of this.
If it was one or two people then it wouldn’t have affected my place that much but with how many of them there were I would have to wait 20 minutes because they were too lazy to wait themselves.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes this is jerk behavior from that group, but quite honestly, the REAL jerk here is the park itself. This kind of thing happens all day long and they know it, but there are never clear (if any) rules on line-holding or staff to prevent it from happening.
The park should be responsible for stopping people from cutting/holding, but instead, they let you, the park guest, fend for yourself and leave you open to verbal/physical altercation. NTJ.” DigDugDogDun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a close relative who can’t stand or walk for long.
Most parks we have been to have a different entrance for rides or will escort us through the exit. Sometimes I wait in line alone, then my family is escorted in once I reach the ride. I would bet anyone asking to skip the line isn’t doing it because they need to.” Powerful_Narwhal6747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hate this. For Thanksgiving, my dad wanted to go to a buffet, not my thing but he likes it. We are there and just as we get to the front of the line the two people we were there with get a call and like 20 people show up pushing past everyone.
My dad smooth as he is takes the couple of two just in front of us and me and starts saying excuse me past the people that just line jumped and after all four of us are ahead of them they ask WTF? My dad said you can wait 5-10 minutes after us but we aren’t waiting an hour for you all to get in and get a table when you just pulled up.
The host looked at them and said or you can go to the way back of the line. I was embarrassed and proud all at once.” ContributionNo2778
7. AITJ For Laughing At My Adopted Twin's April Fools Misunderstanding?
“I (38M) and wife (37F) recently finalized our adoption of two 12 y/os. We’ve been fostering them for a while and finally finished everything up just in Feb.
Yesterday was April Fools, one of the twins was real into it (got wife and me a couple of times), the other one not so much.
Twin A (jokester) got twin B (not a morning person) by pouring orange juice in their cereal and was laughing at their own mad genius. Twin B stared them down and completely deadpan said “I’m so glad you’re adopted.”
I’m not sure how, but Twin A interpreted this as them and Twin B not being biologically related and was heartbroken and started demanding Twin B tell the truth.
To be clear these two couldn’t be more identical if they tried. If they aren’t biologically related, then I’ll eat my hat.
This might’ve been immature but I just busted a gut. It was a combo of it being 7 AM, Twin A forgetting that they and Twin B are identical twins AND Twin A forgetting that they are, in fact, adopted (by wife and me).
I just thought it was too funny, and my wife had to intervene to explain the joke to Twin A. I apologized to Twin A after I got my breath back, and they seemed fine, but my wife told me that I had to be more supportive of Twin A.
In my opinion, part of being a dad is getting to get a goodhearted laugh in with (and yeah occasionally at, as long as there are no hard feelings after) your kids. Plus I think it’s fair to say I was encouraging Twin B’s sense of humor, too.
AITJ for laughing at my kid April Fooling my other kid?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your wife is genuinely concerned about the psychological well-being of your children which is clearly a sign of very good parenting on her part. And you laughed wholeheartedly at a (very funny) joke, I laughed while reading.
This encourages Twin B to cultivate his humor (albeit dark humor x)) and Twin A to get a taste of his own medicine since he was the prankster in the beginning. All in all, you seem to both be great parents, and your twins are lucky to have you both on their side.” CyssiP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But as your wife said it might be good to talk to Twin A. But that is a good one lol I kinda laughed at that too. But they are 12 and could have fragile egos and we (the internet) don’t know why they were in foster care until you all were able to adopt so could be bad memories for them also, for being laughed at.
But really was well played by the twins lol.” lab_tech13
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, or maybe E S H, if you want to take it to the other extreme. As a (biological) father, I can wholeheartedly agree that being able to laugh with, (or occasionally laugh at, or be laughed at by,) your kid is really important.
On the other hand, if the adoption is still pretty fresh, I guess I could see how the one, or both, might be pretty vulnerable right now, and some extra tact might be called for. I don’t know. I don’t see any long-term harm here.” Zazzog
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Dropout Of School To Join The Army With His Partner?
“My son Taylor (16M) has been seeing his partner and longtime best friend Greg (16M) since they were 14. Greg’s a good kid and good to Taylor and I’ve pretty much watched the kid grow up. Greg comes from a military family (my husband and Greg’s dad were in the same unit) and over the last two years has decided to join the army and his parents gave him their permission to drop out and get his GED and enlist right away when he turns 17 in September.
This came as quite a surprise to Taylor who was quite upset at knowing he wouldn’t get to spend his last year at school with Greg. I know from earlier talks with him that he wasn’t happy that Greg wanted to join the army in the first place as he’d be gone a lot like my husband was when he was deployed.
Yesterday morning Taylor came downstairs to talk to me and his dad and he told us that he wanted to do the same thing. Both his dad and I vehemently said no. His dad told him they could discuss him signing up after he gets his diploma.
He got upset and said he needed to sign up soon or he’d be alone. I told him that he’s trying to enlist for the wrong reasons and that he’s never talked about enlisting before and he just stormed out and went to school.
He came home and stormed off to his room and hasn’t said boo since then.
We were talking to my FIL about it today and he says we were too hard on Taylor and that we should have discussed it more and not assumed his reasons. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Do not let your kid drop out of HS. There are very few requirements for joining the army and a diploma is one of them.
A GED requires a higher ASVAB score and sometimes a waiver. Plus, it’s in your hands. He can’t join at 17 without your permission. And no recruiter worth his salt will encourage a minor to drop out of HS to join the army. Stupid all around and I cannot believe your son’s partner’s parents, even being military, are considering that a valid option.
My husband and I are both military (him presently, me formerly) and while my son certainly could start the process at 17, his rear isn’t shipping to BCT until he has a diploma for sure. NTJ. Also, the army does not give a single care about what you want or where your partner is.
My best friend was stationed overseas while her husband was stationed stateside. She’s coming home to where her husband is stationed this month and he just deployed for a year. They haven’t seen each other since Christmas. And before that, the last time they saw each other was March.” chaosandpuppies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe the FIL is. Taylor said he “needed to sign up soon or he’d be alone.” That’s a pretty big indication that he was only doing it to be with his partner. Your son isn’t a jerk either, he’s just young and afraid of losing his partner.
You’re older so you know the realities of the situation. Enlisting won’t ensure their relationship will last or that Greg won’t meet someone else or get killed in action. Taylor’s dad tried offering up a solution of graduating and then signing up. If he’s serious about it, then he can do it.
Have another talk with your son to make sure that he knows you’re there for him and are in support of his relationship with Greg. He needs that more than he needs to know that you’re in support of his enlisting.” blockparted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need to sit with him and have him verbalize what he thinks it will be like. Ask him questions that get him thinking about what he could be missing. He‘s in love and he wants to follow his love and he thinks life is over unless he follows him.
we know that life isn’t over, but his 16-year-old self doesn’t… at 5, you can tell a kid no and that’s that. At 16, you need to get him thinking about it to realize that maybe that’s not a good idea for him and help him figure out what are good ideas for him.
My son is early 20s, and at that age, we were talking regularly about what he wanted for a career. Got to say, 1 or 2 ideas scared the crap out of me…. But I asked him what he thought that meant he would be doing every day, and then gently pointed out the reality of that job especially at entry level.
I didn’t tell him no, but I did ask enough leading questions or do you realize that means that you are doing 2-5 years of XYZ and is that what you want to do?? You don’t like XYZ now, are you going to want that for your 8 hours every day for a few years until you get more skills, opportunities??
You have to problem-solve with him, and you want what’s best and that you want to work through that with him so that he makes informed choices rather than rash decisions. FYI – my son finally chose a career and he is in his dream job loving life.
His career is 180 degrees different from what he said he wanted at 16.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother From My Wedding Over His Rainbow Tuxedo?
“I (36M) am getting married to my soon-to-be wife (34F), everything was going great and we were giving out invitations.
When I gave one to my brother (Sam) he asked if he could bring his (22M) partner to the wedding. I was immediately super fond of the idea as Jack (his partner) and I are both very fairly close.
About a week after Sam sent a picture of what he was going to be wearing to the wedding in the wedding group chat, it was a rainbow tuxedo.
Initially, I thought he was joking so I said “lmao.” He was very hurt and told me to go screw myself. He has always been quite feminine in his clothing choices which I am completely ok with but my soon-to-be wife and I both thought that what he wanted to wear was inappropriate and would take the attention away from my wife and me.
So I told him that he and his partner were both uninvited from our wedding. He told me that the only reason that I didn’t want him there was because I was homophobic. I am very much not homophobic, I go to pride marches and have never had any problem with him being gay.
Most of our family agrees with my decision. But some are refusing to come to the wedding now. So AITJ?
Also on the invitation was a dress code saying black and white only.”
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ I am a gay man and know that if I was going to a wedding, that is neither the time nor place to flame on and dress like Elton John.
A masquerade ball yes, Halloween at the bar, yes, but at a wedding where the dress code is clearly marked down, absolutely no. It is a wedding, not a pride festival, and does not show up to make a statement to take away any sort of attention from the bride and groom.
This is not homophobia, this is simple manners. And your brother is a double jerk, one for trying this nonsense, and the other is for playing the homophobic card just cause he is not getting his way and was uninvited.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The invite says black and white only. I would encourage you and your future wife if she is willing to have a sit down with him. If you can and if he is willing ask him to explain how he interprets the dress code and how exactly does wearing a rainbow tux fit within the dress code parameters.
If you and he are willing perhaps you can find a way to incorporate the rainbow into his attire. Perhaps a rainbow pocket square, or rainbow suspenders, or rainbow cuff links & tie clips. I am sure that you can find a way to meet halfway so that both of you feel heard and that he feels seen.
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your dress code is clearly stated. There’s literally nothing worse than a gay person calling someone homophobic because the gay person doesn’t get their way. It sounds like you’ve been super supportive of your brother and he’s just acting like a petulant child because he isn’t getting his way.
Stand your ground. I might suggest if you have someone who’s good at mediating, use them to explain your point and maybe your brother can express and explain himself more than “you’re homophobic for not letting me wear what I want.”” Rohlf44
4. AITJ For Insisting My Partner Wear Shoes To The Mall?
“My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now. I love her so much but there’s this one thing she does that I can’t stand sometimes. She loves being barefoot, and I mean she almost has an aversion to wearing socks and shoes.
She walks barefoot in a lot of places she shouldn’t. We go on a lot of walks and she’ll just walk around the neighborhood barefoot. She’d rather wash her feet when she gets home than just wear some shoes.
So the other day, we were going to the mall.
We were about to head out when I noticed she was barefoot. I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes. Then I felt like I was compromising with a child telling her that she didn’t have to put them on but she had to bring them.
It got ridiculous.
We ended up not even going to the mall and just staying home mad at each other. She said I was trying to control her and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like I was being reasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: are shoes required at the mall? If you’re somewhere with a rule like “no shoes no shirt no service” then yeah, she should just acknowledge that you’re going somewhere where shoes will be required so whether she likes it or not she’s going to need to put them on – it’s not you being controlling, it’s just following the rules of the stores.
But if you’re in a country (like NZ) where shoes aren’t necessarily required, then yes YTJ and are being controlling because you’re trying to force your opinions on her.” kiwifarmdog
Another User Comments:
“Maybe an unpopular opinion: YTJ. You met a girl that comes with a quirk.
She dislikes shoes, she doesn’t hurt anyone by not wearing them. Did she hide that from you? Now, 8 months later you’re doing a surprised Pikachu face because she still doesn’t wear shoes. You are embarrassed by her and are trying to change her behavior and choices.
Have you not thought about this when you got with her first?” Bayramtee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not a question of whether it’s a gross practice or otherwise, it’s also not even about whether the establishment has a policy regarding shoes, it’s about what being shoeless signifies for you (?) and you seeing her as immature because of her choices, to the point of considering her a child that needs parental supervision (ie.
you). An example of parenting is “I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes.” First, you chose to admonish her to put on shoes, the next choice was to order her to put on shoes.
That’s controlling behavior. Could it be reasonable? Yes! If she has a mental illness and you are her caretaker, certainly. Two adults who are fit and able to make their own choices, should 1, not have to “notice” their partner not wearing shoes (they are probably quite aware of the fact) and 2, the barefootie, should be free to use their own judgment and their autonomy to act in a way they see fit.
If you want to make it about the mall and not the practice itself – bring the mall policy into your argument.
Sidenote, in Sweden, most places look down on you not wearing shoes but I’ve gone shoeless for two years, straight through the winter.
I was an idiot teenager. It’s nice, but now I got barefoot 5fingers instead – freedom of feet and respectable.” Serenity_by_Willow
3. AITJ For Refusing To Make A Sibling Commitment Vow With My Soon-To-Be Step-Siblings?
“I’m 17f and my dad is getting married to Joan, who has a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.
The wedding is a few weeks away and her kids wanted to do vows between us kids, saying we’ll be siblings forever. I think it was her son’s idea based on something he saw on TV, but her daughter has been all excited about the idea.
However, I don’t want to do it, and I said no when the topic was brought to me. Joan’s kids were upset and now Joan and my dad are mad and saying it’s harmless and would make them happy. Joan said I better be planning to actually take the role of an older sibling and be active in her kids’ lives once she and my dad are married because it will crush their hearts since they have known me for three years now and don’t remember a life where I’m not their sister.
I said I won’t make those vows and they cannot force me to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t required to play happy family because that’s what they want. I would sit down with your dad first and tell him you will not babysit or help with the kids ever and if you do agree you expect to be paid $25 an hour.
Make sure chores are also evenly distributed to everyone. Set clear boundaries and expectations, this will be easier to enforce if it slowly turns into parentification. Watch out for those red flags!” DCWilloughby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Joan’s kids are not your responsibility. It would be a nice gesture sure but you are in no way obligated to do it if you don’t feel comfortable with it and making a vow should actually be taken seriously and not used as some awwww isn’t that cute moment.
Also, Joan can get off her high horse by demanding that you have to be part of their lives, you’re not marrying Joan, that’s your dad who’s taking on that responsibility. Good for you for standing your ground. I hope that you all do get along in the future and the family kinks work themselves out but just remember you’re almost an adult and you have your own life to live as well.
Good luck.” garbfink
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like Joan is setting her kids up for heartbreak. She’s setting unrealistic expectations based on her wants, and not your wishes. When her kids are hurt, it’s from her, not you. In her perfect world, both sides would come together and be the perfect family.
This is not her perfect world. You don’t have to form a relationship with them if you don’t want to. She really shouldn’t be setting the expectation so high. Do not feel bad. You’ve done nothing wrong. You are under no obligation to form a relationship with anyone.
Doing this would be wrong. It’s a huge commitment in the kids’ eyes. It will set the expectations for them, and when you don’t want the level they want, they will be heartbroken. Please remember this: It’s not your job/responsibility to have a relationship with anyone you don’t want to.
You didn’t set the expectation, and if you did this sibling vow, you would be setting that expectation. Don’t let them force you into anything. Especially when other people’s feelings are involved. They’ll feel if you’re really not into it, and that will hurt them more.” QueenKeisha
2. AITJ For Commenting On My Partner's Frequent Farting?
“This is my first time living with someone who’s not my family.
I moved in with my partner about a month ago. He passes gas in front of me alone like 4-5 times a day. Definitely more than I don’t see. Some smell, it’s kinda gross but not a huge deal. This is weird because I rarely fart (maybe twice a day), and I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve heard my sisters do it while living with my family.
But he farts in front of me every day.
The other day I kinda mentioned to him like “Wow I hear you pass gas really often”. He got pretty defensive about it insisting it was a normal amount. Seemed a little embarrassed even. But I just said that I’m not used to seeing someone pass gas so frequently next to someone else.
As a matter of fact, he’s never heard me do it once even. I just mentioned it because it’s something weird I noticed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“25% YTJ 75% no jerks here. It doesn’t sound like he’s being intentionally rude. Like, if my gas is going to smell (sometimes you know) I’ll leave the room.
But otherwise, if I live with you, this is my living space and it’s fair game. So yeah, YTJ, but mostly because, what did you hope to gain from saying it? Did you WANT him to feel embarrassed or dumb or rude? If so, very jerkish.
Do you want him to leave the room? If so, you should say that directly. But we all say things sometimes that are just words. Doesn’t sound like you were being malicious intentionally. Maybe just keep your mouth shut next time if it might hurt someone else’s feelings and isn’t a substantive comment.” Cultural_Note_6722
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, people pass gas, and yeah, different people may pass gas in different amounts. Don’t you think it is embarrassing for him if you make a big deal of it? It isn’t as if it isn’t a perfectly natural bodily function. Sure different families have different attitudes towards this sort of thing, in some families passing gas is not an issue, and family members do it all the time in front of each other.
Maybe in other families, people don’t. I think it’s healthier medically and within the dynamic of the relationship to just not make it any sort of big deal.” Alun_Owen_Parsons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there’s a little bit of biology you need to learn.
It’s quite normal to pass gas up to about 20 times a day if someone has a normal diet. Passing gas can also be a very good indication of health, for better or for worse. Now, if he makes a production of it like I do (timing the gas to a certain beat, doing some kind of stupid dance to entertain my kid wherein it slips out while I’m doing a high kick, singing and timing the gas to a particular piece of the chorus of a song, etc.), treats you to a nice warm Dutch oven on your birthday, or closing the car windows and turning up the heat before he rips one, then I can see how you’d be annoyed. Otherwise, this is one of those things that you’re going to have to accept when you cohabitate… and I guarantee you there are already a couple of things that you do which he’s not thrilled about, but accepts it all the same because he loves you.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Giving An Amazon Gift Card To My Eco-Conscious Friend?
“A friend I went to college with, Shea, is pregnant. Shea is super into organics, holistic stuff… you know.
She used to be in a climate crisis organization and volunteers for local eco groups, loves slow fashion. She’s a first-time mom and already planning to do the whole gentle parenting, natural products deal.
Shea’s baby shower was last week and she had a registry, but everything on it was super, super expensive.
I’m at a hard spot with money and Shea knows it and I can’t drop a ton of money on wooden toys or an organic stroller.
I didn’t want to come empty-handed though so on the day of Shea’s shower I showed up with an Amazon gift card and some cool organic soaps I got at HomeGoods.
It was all in a bag so Shea didn’t see what it was.
The next day Shea called me angry saying I know that she doesn’t support Amazon or anyone giving their money to Amazon. She said it’s an inhumane company that exploits their workers and she was disappointed in me and that really, I shouldn’t have purchased anything at all.
I apologized but she seems hurt. Acting like I barely know her.
I feel awful but I thought gift cards were just kind of like currency dressed up nowadays and I couldn’t afford some $300 contraption when I can barely afford to make myself 3 meals daily.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – call Shea, tell her that you’ve been thinking about it and you didn’t realize that Amazon exploited its workers. Then explain to her that you are in the position of the workers she is trying to protect, the ones that live paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to survive on one job.
Let her know that as your friend, you wish that she would apply the same expectations on herself and have affordable gifts for you to choose from instead of putting you in the position of choosing and making a mistake. The reality is that being elitist isn’t the way to help people like you who she is trying so hard to fight for.” ProgressiveWNY
Another User Comments:
“ESH though your friend is the bigger jerk. You clearly know that she is firmly rooted in these beliefs. You definitely aren’t required to get her a pricey gift simply because she prefers pricey natural products. But you could have looked up some other options that were better aligned with her beliefs.
Shoot, even slipping $20 into a congratulatory card with a note to use the money towards the baby’s needs or the start of savings would’ve likely been better received. I can understand a friend being stung if they make their values known to those close to them and someone elects to gift them something that goes completely counter to what they believe and value.
That said, your friend is the bigger jerk for the escalated reaction. If she felt hurt by the choice, I could see thanking you and returning the gift card, saying she appreciated the thought but cannot support Amazon for (insert list of reasons) and then gently reminding you that she firmly stands behind (insert list of principles and practices).
But to blow up as she did was unnecessary. I also have to say I find those who have only pricey items on any sort of registry to be jerks.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“Unless you are a hermit living under a rock, everybody knows Amazon is a despicable company, led by an entitled awful man, that treats all his employees worse than the dirt in his soul.
How on earth did you think that an Amazon gift card was a good idea knowing your friend’s stance? I also don’t believe for a second that wooden toys are that expensive. And I doubt it because I bought wooden toys and puzzles for a friend’s kids, and they were way cheaper than brand regular toys.
You could have looked elsewhere, besides the registry, if you really cared. You could have bought reusable baby stuff like nappies or even onesies. I’m sorry but is clear that you didn’t think about it because you really don’t care, you were too lazy to check what you could get outside the registry, and were just checking a checklist. I would even say you consider your friend crazy and her ideals ridiculous.
Otherwise, you would have bought something from somewhere else. It’s fine if you don’t agree with her ideals, but don’t get surprised when you try to cram down her throat stuff from Amazon and she doesn’t like it. YTJ.” Chemical_Relation008
