People Aren’t Afraid Of Backlash After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother-In-Law After He Disrespected My Home?
“My late wife’s brother (M57), who I (m47) always got along well with, was dealing with a marriage breakup. He was still cohabitating in the home he shared with his ex, a stepkid, and one of his kids. And things were getting difficult there for him, It was in the middle of nowhere, he had no money, had to borrow money from her for gas anytime he needed to go into town, and the straw that broke the camel’s back so to say was that she was inviting different men over every few weeks (including a few cousins).
So I agreed to let him stay with me in my house for a few (3-4 months) to get back on his feet, as long as he paid some $ towards electrical/water/internet/etc and did some of the repair work that needed to be done around the house since I was always short of time and his profession is as a handyman/carpenter/roofer.
The only rules I had were no smoking in the house, no substances, and no random women. As I had a kid still living at home.
After 8 months of skyrocketed bills (before he moved in my hydro bills were 150-200/m after he moved in 425-450 was average), of the list of things we agreed he would work on (stairs, front door, deck, drywall repairs, insulating an outbuilding, fixing a leaking outdoor hose bib, and some landscaping) he had done 1 (door).
At the time I was living at home a week and living with my partner a week, but living with him at all was a pain and I was unable to stand sharing a home with him.
In that time he started smoking in the spare room, leaving drinks all over.
He started building a shed in my backyard without permission, so we gave him a letter giving him 60 days to leave. Needless to say, he was upset and started bad-mouthing me and my partner to EVERYONE he could (family, friends, neighbors, etc). Apparently, we are scum, jerks, and every other derogatory term he could think of.
The aftermath, once he was finally out, it took weeks to clean up the mess he left. He tampered with some of the electrical in the house (like WTF), it smelled like he dumped a ton of beer in the Hottub, and he peed all over the bathroom (how do you even pee on top of a toilet tank), broken beer bottles several places in the back yard, broken tools, piles of wood from him having to remove his shed, dead grass where he killed it, none of the work he said he would do done at all, apparently he used all the propane in the tanks I had for the BBQ and thought he would use scrap wood and burn it in the BBQ to cook with.
I’m sure I’m still going to find other things.
Most of the extended family think I was being too harsh and should have let him live here indefinitely. I suggested maybe they should let him stay with them, but unsurprisingly, no one agreed. Not one of his many siblings would take him in, nor would any of his five adult children.
But now BiL, several of his siblings, his minor daughter, his ex, one of my neighbors who he drank with, and a lot of extended family are saying I’m the jerk for giving him the boot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ be sure to send them photos of the mess he left and tell them that he did not hold up his end of the agreement and that your wife would be very disappointed in every single one of them and how they’re behaving toward you and your child.” Icy-Doctor23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s nearly 60 with no money and nowhere to live. Of course the next place he’ll live will be “forever”, which is why none of his family want him. To HIS family members: “Funny how none of you will let him live with you.
Why won’t his OWN family help him? I am not and will never be an option again. Sort it out yourself, if you care to, but don’t put on others that which you refuse to do yourself.”” CinnamonBlue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were more than generous and he repeatedly broke your agreement.
Calculate how much he cost you. Tell ALL those folks the total he racked up. Include the cost of repainting. Then say that isn’t even the cost of being his maid. They want to complain? THEY can pay his bills.” TiredAndTiredOfIt
21. AITJ For Refusing To Eat The Watermelon My Sister Prepares?
“My sister is a big fan of watermelons.
In the summer she’s been buying watermelons from the grocery store almost every week. She cuts the watermelon and serves it, and she’s really into food preparation in general.
However, I’m not a big fan of watermelon. I don’t really like the taste of it.
When she offers it to me, I politely decline. She says she feels hurt when I don’t eat the watermelon she buys and prepares, and she says I’m ungrateful and wasteful.
Our parents agree with her and say that I should just eat the watermelon to avoid wasting food and to support her efforts.
I said that I feel pressured into eating the watermelon, and I said that I’m not a fan of watermelon that much. They still insisted that I eat the watermelon, saying that food should not go to waste, I should support and appreciate my sister, and that it has nutritious value.
I reiterated that I did not want to eat the watermelon because I do not like it. I pointed out that I like mango and my sister does not, so I asked if she would eat mango that I buy and prepare. She said that she would not because it’s kind of sour and has a weird texture, whereas watermelon is the ideal summer fruit because it’s sweet and juicy.
After a 15-minute argument, I still refused to eat the watermelon my sister was offering, and she and my parents became visibly upset.
So AITJ for not eating the watermelon my sister bought and prepared?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is my go-to when people try to force me to eat something I know I do not like.
Only AFTER I have told them that yes, I have tried it, and it wasn’t a taste I enjoyed. Sorry for the visual: I smile, and say thanks, I never know, it’s always worth a second chance. I take a bite and visibly gag like I’m about to throw up.
Wave my hand, say, oh gosh, so sorry, that must have just gone down the wrong way, take a second bite, gag, fake the vomit motion again, jump up, and go to the restroom. 99% of the time the offending food has been removed and I am never asked to eat something once I say I did not care for it.
Now, saying that, I am 60 and have only had this happen about 4 or 5 times that I can remember because I normally am not forced to be around idiots who want to control me. Good luck.” randomgirlG
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is a clown. I’ve never had a watermelon that was sweet.
Just tasted like eating water without the flavor. Mango actually is a sweet fruit. She’s acting like she’s growing the melon and meticulously cooking it for 22 hours. She just cut it with a knife. People enjoy certain fruits. If it’s going to waste, she needs to stop wasting money buying it every week.
While she’s bothering you, she needs to go online and learn to make that sorbet and ice cream. Freeze it so it lasts longer.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“The only person wasting food is your sister, who insists on serving it to someone she knows won’t eat it.
And gratitude is not a requirement when the giver is forcing someone to take something the giver already knows is unwanted. If she wants to be appreciated for her food preparation, she’s 18 and McDonald’s is hiring. Otherwise, tell her to keep her watermelon to herself unless you ask for some.
If she and your parents keep pulling this crap, immediately give your portion to your parents, saying, “Gosh, we don’t want this to go to waste, but thanks anyway.”” Acreage26
20. AITJ For Not Allowing A Friend To Sleepover Without Knowing His Medical History?
“I’m a caretaker to an 18 y.o. mentally disabled young man, Harry. He goes to a special school that caters to disabled students. In the past year, he made a friend at the school. The friend, Jim, is 16. He is both mentally & physically disabled.
With summer vacation here, the kids have been wanting to spend time together outside of school. Part of this “want” is I was asked if they could have a sleepover and if Jim could spend the night.
As some of you may know, disabled kids have a lot of trouble making friends.
I wanted to say yes, but needed to know in-depth specifics about Jim’s disabilities. Naturally, I talked to Jim’s mother about this. She did the best she could in being forthcoming but also indicated that although Jim is disabled, he’s not an idiot and does have pride.
She informed me that he’s progressed to the point where he has a say in how much anyone outside the medical profession can be brought up to speed about his condition. Sadly, I had to tell her if she can’t tell me anything more about his condition, I’m not comfortable with him spending the night.
If I don’t know the specifics about his disabilities, as well as if a crisis is being brought on, then I can’t accommodate those disabilities. I would be hard-pressed to know if/when he was going into a critical mode. Jim was present for this conversation.
Although he was encouraged to speak, at times even prompted to, he chose not to. The only statement he contributed was asking, “how’d you like it if your medical business was being discussed with a stranger?”
Important to note; that none of us is qualified to judge Jim’s mother.
She has the unenviable task of taking care of a disabled child while having to respect that person when he asks, “mom, please don’t embarrass me by discussing my personal medical stuff with anyone until I give you permission to.”
Harry & Jim are disappointed (to say the least) that he can’t stay over.
I genuinely feel bad, but don’t see that I have any other choice. Am I being unreasonable or more to the point, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a perfectly reasonable request. You need to protect yourself and the boy you care for, and in order to do that you need this information.
I always got funny looks from other parents at sleepovers and when I threw birthday parties because I would ask them if their kids had any allergies or medical conditions I should know about. The number of times I heard “oh yes actually he’s allergic to something or has asthma” was a lot.
I couldn’t believe they didn’t warn me without me asking! It’s a massive responsibility to be looking after someone else’s child. While I know he’s 16 and not exactly a child he has issues that most 16yr olds don’t and you need to know what you are dealing with, for his sake as well as yours.” whynousernamelef
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jim is 16 and clearly picking the wrong battles about his medical history to enact a form of control over his life – your problem is that he’s being an obstinate teenage boy and he isn’t mature enough to understand the consequence of his choice.
You mention a discussion about his mom staying over as well – that’s a good option, but Jim needs to learn that his choice to refuse disclosure means he can’t do what he wants and has to involve his mom more as a compromise, and that makes organizing things harder.
I think it’s a hard situation because it’s just typical self-absorbed teen stuff but unfortunately, Jim is struggling with the reality that his decisions have much more serious ramifications than if he were able-bodied. A typical teen can get into bad stuff and come out okay the other end, but with him, it’s absolutely not the case.
He likely knows that but is refusing/fighting to acknowledge it because it’s probably a really unpleasant thing for him. As is the way with teens, it’s now also everyone else’s problem. Wish you luck in navigating this.” mignyau
Another User Comments:
“Info: because it seems like you and Jim’s mom would both really like to find a way for this sleepover to happen, have you guys discussed doing a session or part of a session with Jim’s therapist, all four of you, so that the therapist could help you guys come to a conclusion, which I would guess be helping Jim come to the conclusion that he is okay with having some more information shared and you are comfortable with being at a less specific knowledge?
Or, maybe Jim would agree to have the specific information you would need to tell EMTs and the hospital, in the event his mom couldn’t be reached in an emergency, in a sealed envelope that he would bring with him, hand over to you, and that you would only open if you needed to call an ambulance and couldn’t get a hold of his mom.
And you would then give him back the sealed envelope. Or maybe the envelope would only be handed over to medical personnel, without you reading it, unless the 911 operator instructed you that they needed you to tell them some info from the envelope.” Letters_from_summer
19. AITJ For Not Asking My Brother To Speak English Around My Partner?
“I (19F) have been seeing my partner Mark (22M) for a year now.
My family and I came to the United States when I was 14 and my brother was 8. So naturally, he had a harder time assimilating into the culture because of his age. Both he and I are very good at speaking English now (with a few mistakes occasionally lol) but feel most comfortable speaking our native language.
When we are with each other or at home we usually only speak Portuguese. When Mark comes over to my house if my brother is asking me for something he will usually ask in Portuguese and if he is talking to us as a group he will use English.
Earlier today during lunch Mark asked me if I could speak to my brother about his “excessive” use of Portuguese around him and how it made him feel uncomfortable. I asked why he felt like that and he told me he thinks we are talking about him behind his back/he does not like feeling left out.
I told him I wasn’t going to tell my brother to stop doing something that makes him comfortable in his home and that he uses English when he talks to Mark so I don’t really understand. Mark got really mad at me and told me to “forget it” and refused to talk about it again.
I am not really sure and I’m trying to gain perspective here so WIBTJ if I didn’t tell my brother to stop speaking the language that makes him comfortable?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand both of your perspectives. You’re used to speaking Portuguese with your brother, this is an important part of your identity.
But by doing so when Mark is sat with you, he can only join the conversation when you allow it. You control the flow and topic of the conversation, by controlling what he understands. He can only join in when you talk to him directly.
When everyone is speaking the same language, the conversation is fluid, people jump from one topic to the next and back, people comment on what has already been said, and everyone present can join in equally. If the topics you talk about in Portuguese are not private, why not use English around Mark?
You should definitely encourage Mark to learn Portuguese!” Umm_what_I_think_is
Another User Comments:
“My best friend (we’ve been besties for 25 years) – married a man from a different country. We are in the U.S. We speak English (I’ve tried to learn other languages, but I suck at it).
Her hubby speaks 6 languages. It is incredibly common to hear 3 different languages being spoken in her house at the same time. They often have friends over from other countries, who are not native English speakers – we have NEVER insulted anyone by asking them to speak in English.
if they choose to have their conversations in French or Bambara (Malian language), then so be it. We will have a side conversation in English (as neither one of us speaks French or Bambara). You are not the jerk. Your SO is. Americans are just uncomfortable when they hear people speaking languages they don’t understand and they just need to get over themselves.
It is a lovely thing and it fosters better acceptance when you just say “hey, that’s their thing” – and let it go. He should just be happy that you are all getting to spend some time hanging out. What does he think would happen if you went to a large gathering of people who were from where your family is from?
Everyone would be speaking Portuguese and he would be a jerk for telling anyone to stop it and just speak English.” Human0422
Another User Comments:
“Multilingual here, married to only English speaker. When in a public setting, we stick to English. If something in the conversation calls for another language, we immediately explain for context what’s said in the other language.
At home, he just ignores or converses in other languages. After 20 years, he follows the conversations and will interject in English. If he’s in the mood for it he’ll throw in the occasional phrase in other languages for comedic effect. Unless you’re having long conversations in Portuguese and ignoring him for long stretches of time during what I’m guessing is a date at home, NTJ.
Frankly. If you were doing that in any language, that would be rude, too.” KingAffectionate656
18. AITJ For Firing My Sister Who Was Babysitting My Kids?
“Since the beginning of summer, my parents convinced me to hire my sister (19F) to babysit my 2 kids while I’m at work.
My kids are 5M & 4M. Everything was going well. Until I came home late in the evening and found my sister who was drinking booze & was inebriated & her heavily inebriated partner who was throwing up in my bathroom. This made me angry because she wasn’t supposed to be drinking any booze when watching my kids and she brought her partner to my house who I haven’t even met yet.
When I asked her where my kids were she did not even know. I found them outside digging in the yard.
After this happened, I kicked both of them out of my house & fired my sister. She then blew up at me saying that it wasn’t right to fire her all because she had a little to drink.
My parents got involved & told me that I was overreacting & was being inconsiderate. They even tried to assure me that my kids were fine & nothing bad happened, but I tried to tell them that that wasn’t the point.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not “firing the babysitter for drinking booze”, you’re “firing the babysitter for getting inebriated during her job to the point of gross negligence”. Like, let’s look at the situation properly, because you’re downgrading the behavior by describing it just as “drinking booze”.
If she was just drinking booze during the job, that’s not great but can be acceptable, depending on what the job is. If she was just getting inebriated during the job, she’d get fired from any job for this behavior. But that wasn’t it. She was getting inebriated with others during the job to the point where a person was throwing up and she had to ultimately, stop doing the job to take care of that person.
Now, babysitting is not a hard job, but the potential consequence of her failing to do her job could have led to injury or worse. I would not trust her and her partner to not mess it up again.” petrichorInk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She clearly can’t be trusted to take care of your kids.
She also didn’t just have one glass of wine, she was wasted to the point that her friend got sick and she had no idea where the kids were. If it was any other job she also would get fired for drinking and neglecting her work completely.
In this case, it’s worse because it’s children’s lives at stake. You did the right thing.” Confidenceisbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It isn’t even a question that you needed to fire her. This is terribly irresponsible of her. Do your parents actually know how inebriated they were?
Just because nothing bad happened doesn’t mean it couldn’t have. Kids that age can suddenly find themselves in spots where a (sober) adult will need to help them – even just digging outside in the yard. If this was my parents I would let them know that, since they don’t consider this a bad thing, I no longer have faith that they are safe for my kids to be around.
I’d tell them they should take a hard look at themselves and what they consider acceptable because, right now, I don’t think they are responsible adults either. I would also tell them that I will be waiting for an apology but, until they are ready to give one, not to contact me.
It’s that serious. I am not saying you need to be as extreme as me. First, you need to ensure that they actually know what happened and aren’t believing a story your sister spun. They quiz them hard on each point you have an issue with but abstract it away from your sister like so: “so you think it’s okay if a babysitter has no idea where the kids they are looking after are?
You would have no problem if you came home to a stranger throwing up in the toilet?” Get them to explain why they are fine with those things. But don’t let them discuss it as “your sister” always go on the principle of it. If they can’t handle that then that tells you a lot about them – nothing good.” VoltesVoltron
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Ex 50% Profit From Our House?
“My ex (56m) and I (42f) split 10 years ago.
We have a 12-year-old son. We weren’t married. I live in the house we bought together, with our son. I used to have full custody and ex paid me the statutory minimum each month. I kept saying I couldn’t cope and pleaded for shared custody.
In the end, I had a nervous breakdown and called him from the car at my absolute lowest point and begged for shared custody or I was going to drive at 60mph into a huge tree.
Things changed. Custody became 50/50 so he stopped paying anything.
I have been paying the mortgage on my own for 10 years. What he previously paid for was solely for our son.
Now I finally earn enough to put the mortgage in my name and have his name taken off. I have made every payment on the mortgage.
I paid the deposit on the property when we moved in. I have overpaid to pay off some of the capital. In 2018 I tried to buy him out and his solicitor said he would agree to 7% of the gross profit on the property as a fair deal. Then it fell through because I didn’t get a hoped-for pay rise and bonus I needed. Now I finally have enough to have the mortgage in my own name and pay the 7% but he has said he wants 50%
AITJ for telling him I can’t afford that so I’ll have to stop the transfer and he remains on the mortgage. He says he just wants what’s fair. I have spent these past few years working really hard so I can get enough pay rises to pay off this debt.
He’s now annoyed and says I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is the only jerk here. 50% when you’ve been paying on it alone for 10 years is not fair at all. If he’s going to try and claim the child support he was giving you in the beginning was for house payments then he going to need to cough up some actual child support for that time.” MeykaMermaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and just tell him… you are the one changing our deal so if anybody is the jerk it’s you. you haven’t paid anything in 10 years but you want 50%? The problem is that legally, he can probably get away with that demand.
This is more of a legal question – you likely need a solicitor who can speak to the laws in your area.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“Was the house not an asset in the divorce? At the time of the divorce, it should have been awarded to either you or him.
They don’t like to drag these things out for exactly this reason. If the house was stated as yours in the divorce it’s yours. If not, you need to not pay him a cent and go to court and let a judge decide. This is not something that should be dealt with in cash.
It should have an order.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Asking My College Student Neighbors To Not Hang Out In The Hallway?
“I live in a small apartment complex. My nearest neighbors are a group of college students.
Nothing wrong with that. I don’t know them well but we’re always polite to each other. This problem has only arisen recently.
For some reason, this group (and some additional friends) have decided to start hanging out in the hallway outside of my apartment.
Literally just hanging out and talking. Things they could do in their own space.
I work from home, and this has been a nightmare in meetings. I can hear them in the hallway, as can my coworkers. They’re college kids, so some of their discussion isn’t exactly office-appropriate.
Nothing wrong with that, I’m not a prude, it’s just not workplace talk.
Yesterday I got especially fed up after they were especially loud during an important meeting with my supervisor. I went into the hallway and just politely asked them if they could please hang out somewhere else.
I explained my WFH situation and told them that I could hear them.
They took it poorly. They started telling me that they live here too and can hang out wherever they want in the building. One of the friends (not a resident) called me a mean person and told me to soundproof better.
One of them implied that WFH isn’t a “real job,” which is rich considering that none of them work during summers. Their parents foot the bill.
I feel like I was justified, but surprisingly my mom agreed with the neighbors. She insists that they live there too and have a right to the hallway.
So, AITJ? I’m at my wit’s end.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If talking to the landlord doesn’t work sometimes the best way to deal with rude people is to just weird them out. They are hanging out in the hallway so make it weird.
Next time they are hanging out in the hallway open your door and just stand there staring at them. If they ask what you’re looking at tell them that you’re taking your 15-minute break and silently stare at them so more. Interject their conversation with random facts or completely unrelated stories, tell them about your favorite food, in detail.
Pretend you are hanging out around the water cooler at work and talk about the meeting you just had or try and talk shop with them and then stare at them some more. When your 15-minute break is over, say well time to get back to work and then in a very friendly way say how much you enjoyed hanging out with your new coworkers at that you look forward to seeing them at your next break or at lunch.
Randomize when you come out and do this so they don’t know to expect you popping into their hangouts.” Comfortable-State-94
Another User Comments:
“”I feel like I was justified, but surprisingly my mom agreed with the neighbors. She insists that they live there too and have a right to the hallway.” They have a right to use the hallway to walk to and from their apartment and maybe have brief conversations there but not to loiter in the hallway.
No landlord would permit that. If that woman calls you a name again, call the police and say that you are being threatened by a stranger outside of your home. Tell your landlord that tenants have been congregating in the hallway and that it is impacting both your quality of life and your job.
If he doesn’t respond to your complaints, go talk to a tenant rights organization about how to get the landlord to reply to your requests. You might have to get a bunch of neighbors to complain before the landlord does anything. Obviously these students have never lived in an apartment and think that it’s an extension of their dorm.
You can not hang out wherever you feel like in an apartment building.” PanamaViejo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ some buildings have stipulations in the lease about places you can and can’t hang out. If your lease doesn’t include anything like that, it should include something like a “reasonable enjoyment clause” which means that if other residents are engaging in behavior that isn’t explicitly banned on the lease but infringes on the reasonable enjoyment of your space then your landlord can tell them to knock it off.
A few years ago I had neighbors that would blast music all day and when asked to stop they said since it wasn’t during quiet hours (10 p.m. to 8 a.m.) they wouldn’t stop. I got my landlord involved and she was able to get them to stop because their blasting of music violated my right to reasonable enjoyment of my space as per my lease.
This is definitely something to talk to your landlord about. Also, maybe consider getting a doorbell camera or something in case your neighbors retaliate. Based on how aggressive they got when you asked them to go elsewhere retaliation sounds like a definite possibility.” puddlespuddled
15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad Stay With Me After His Surgery?
“I (29F) received a phone call from my aunts (actually my dad’s cousins) informing me that my dad was in the hospital in our home country. It turns out he has a heart arrhythmia. For the week he stayed in the 1st hospital he would not answer his phone or be put on the phone.
Then in the middle of the night without telling anyone he agreed to be moved to the specialist hospital. Once there they set him up with having surgery this past Fri./Sat. After his transfer, he answered and tried to lie about being transferred and about denying a prior transfer that would have kept him close to the family.
I then got a panic call on Thurs. morning that my dad had refused the surgery. I called him and he said to me “do you have a roommate?” I responded I only have 1 bed. He says “it’s fine, can I stay with you for 8 days after my surgery, I can sleep on the couch.
”
Of course, I ask him why would he endanger himself by flying out of our home country to the USA to get surgery when he has his scheduled for Fri/Sat. He then throws a fit over the phone that he changed his mind and we are not his boss.
The doctor has allegedly authorized him to fly to the USA so he is going to go. I asked why can’t he stay with our aunt who lives in the USA, who can stay with him. He argues that he wants to be alone, so he wants to stay with me.
I said no, that it was insane that he was doing any of this, that he needs to stay in the hospital.
I called my other aunts and confirmed that my aunt in the States had no problems with him staying with her but that she is having plumbing problems so there is only one bathroom for 3 people: she, her roommate (family friend), and my dad.
They think this is insane and that he hasn’t thought it through. What if something happens on the plane? What if something happens just going home? She is 50 yrs old; has no car available and this hospital is at the edge of the city up in the mountains.
So I call him back explaining how it will take weeks to get a new appointment, stateside. He says that he was already discharged.
My aunt didn’t know, and when I pointed this out to him he just said she can take public transportation and he will wait for her.
When I asked about his plans, he said I was making a big deal out of all of this. When he gets to the USA he will just call 911. That was his plan all along. I was furious. I told him that I would not be taking him in.
So I told my mom and sister this whole story as it was happening. My mom says I’m an ungrateful jerk and a monster for not taking him in. That she agrees with my dad, he must need the surgery urgently and should call 911 once he arrives in the USA.
My sister thinks my dad is crazy and thinks I don’t owe him anything but that people will think I’m the jerk for not taking him in, in his time of need. Despite me pointing out that he can’t just be left alone at my apartment after major surgery.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This must be very confusing and exhausting for you. He keeps on not making any sense. But he gets to decide to do anything he wants. You just need to have absolutely nothing to do with it because she doesn’t care about anybody else and it sounds like your mother doesn’t either and he just wants everyone else to take responsibility for him but it’s not your responsibility.
So. When he decides to fly the coop and do all of these things in a way that doesn’t make any sense at all if it becomes a mess none of that is your fault and none of it is your responsibility. It is all his.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like my mom. She’s got weeping leg syndrome, but with her dementia, refuses to see a doctor…but constantly asks why her leg is expressing water. I’m wondering if his ailment and lack of proper care messed with his thinking.
Ultimately you can’t care for him. It kinda sounds like he has to get worse before anyone will get him the care he needs to get better.” DameofDames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it possible his arrhythmia is causing him to not think clearly? I suffered badly from brain fog and cognitive impairment during my own little ‘episode’ and while I’m fine now I still get a little patchy when I’m tired, I remember finding it difficult to process information and deal effectively with day-to-day things.
It might help to get a medical opinion on this. I hope his surgery goes well OP but without medical training, you really shouldn’t be put in this position.” Microtart
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Difficult Grandmother Stay With Me?
“I live with my partner in his house he inherited and we recently had a baby.
Soon my grandmother is coming to our state. Normally she stays with my mother but my mum is sick of it. She overstays her welcome without telling anyone when she’s leaving, she creates arguments for the sake of arguing then sulks in her room for days saying no one loves her, she will help with chores then when she doesn’t get her own way throws it in your face saying she does so much with nothing in return, criticizes people’s parenting and so much more.
So my mother doesn’t want her staying in her house anymore without a timeline of how long she’s staying and she has to pay rent. My grandmother doesn’t want this so she asked me if she could stay with me since my partner inherited his house so she wouldn’t have to pay rent and said she could help with the baby.
I definitely don’t want that because I can already predict what’s going to go on. Her criticising the way I do things and if I talk back she will throw her help in my face.
So I told her no, my partner doesn’t want her staying here.
I quickly realized that would get her arguing with my partner and I really shouldn’t use him as a scapegoat so I corrected myself and told her that I’m the one who doesn’t want her here and listed a few reasons above why I don’t.
Now she’s having a sulk and calling me a jerk.
She has nonterminal cancer so she’s now throwing that in my face trying to guilt trip me. All of this is making me so stressed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your decision who stays in your house and if you have a new baby, even more reason to not have someone stress-inducing, critical, and petty staying in your home.
The responsibility of housing your grandma does not fall on your head, especially as a new mother and maybe she should have checked on accommodation before deciding to arrive in your state. My grandma was an incredibly critical, mean, emotionally abusive, homophobic, transphobic and racist woman.
We lived in a very small house that (thankfully) did not have room for her and my lovely (but complicit) granddad when they came to stay. So they booked a hotel. End of. Also meant that we all had the space we needed as my parents were raising young kids and my grandmother was a monster plus my grandparents were old and needed rest. Make her think it’s her idea and get her to stay in a hotel.
Raise the positives of having her own space, food on demand, etc… But do not let this woman stay in your home.” wanesandwaves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When people make themselves unpleasant houseguests, they make themselves unwelcome. The only person she has to fault is herself.
When I was a kid, my grandma used to come stay with each of her kids for a couple weeks every 2-3 years, because most of us lived in So Cal and she lived 8 hours away in Arizona. She was very welcome because she’d watch kids and help with chores and her only real expectation was that we’d make time to be with her.
It all got planned out in advance, with the adults all knowing when she’d be with whom and who was driving her from one house to the next. Other than making sure she didn’t help with cooking (she was a terrible cook), her trips were enjoyed by everyone because she basically did all the things a good houseguest does – her requests were all very reasonable, she was a very kind woman, and she came and left when she said she would (barring the one year one of the So Cal families had a minor emergency, 6 people down with a bad stomach bug at the same time, and she stayed with each of us an extra few days and skipped the house where everyone was down with a bad stomach bug at once to avoid stressing them out).” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just because she is your grandmother does not give her rights to your life. She has proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted and you told her this. Neither your mother nor you deserve to be treated the way you have described and it is okay to go no contact with people who bring so much stress and negativity into your life even if they are family.” sorryformyopinion
13. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Parents Pay Their Bills With My Earnings?
“I (16f) got a job earlier this year. Ever since then, my mom has made not-so-subtle jokes about me helping her pay bills. At first, I would laugh it off. After a month or so, I was getting fed up with her constant jokes. I asked her to please stop making those jokes as I would not be helping her with any bills.
She got mad and went on a rant about how ungrateful I am for everything she has done for me.
Here is where I am not sure if I am really in the wrong.
Recently, my dad has been going to work less. My dad is nearly in his 60s and works a very physically demanding job.
With gas prices and inflation (among other things,) money has been tight. I am aware of how expensive things are. A week ago, my mom asked me to help with the bills. Again, I said no. Then she started crying. She began to apologize about the jokes she made and how she really was just joking.
She asked me to just help her with a smaller bill. Again, I said no. I told her that the money I am making is for myself, it’s for my future. I plan on going to college and getting a job at my age because I know my parents never had enough leftover money to save up for me to go to college, so I thought why not do it myself?
After explaining, my mom still asked me to help her. She told me it would just be this once and that she really needed help. I still said no.
She has been crying and stressing and I feel like a jerk, but I seriously don’t want the money I’ve made to go into anything other than my future.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you got a job with the intention of helping, or at the request of your parents in order to help, paying the bills is their responsibility. While it may be a good idea to find out why they can’t pay the bills this month (did a truly one-time thing happen that created an unexpected expense, etc) it seems pretty clear that this would not be a one-time request. If your parents are having financial challenges such that they need their 16-year-old to help pay bills, then the family needs to sit down together and create a plan.
Based on the information you’ve provided it definitely sounds like they’re asking you for money simply because you have it. If you didn’t have a job, would they be asking you to get one? While I think there are legitimate times when minors have to help support their family, a family needs to talk about those circumstances and create a plan around them, rather than just randomly asking for money.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So many parents do this to their kids and then drain them of money so they have nothing to start on their own. Nope, your parents are responsible for their bills. If they need help they should look at services within their communities.
Also, your dad should find a less physically demanding job. It might seem heartless but it is not a kid’s job to support their parents. If your mom hadn’t been “joking” and pushing you to help with bills from the start of your job and actually talked to you like the adult she is then maybe loaning money one time would not seem too risky.
But even in that situation I would warn you to get your money paid back before loaning anything else or you’re just an ATM. But the way your mom has been saying she’s already expecting not to pay you back no matter what she tries to tell you so nope.
You keep your money and make sure it’s not in a joint account with your parents or they will just take it anyway.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s time for your parents to see a credit counselor. They can help them set up a budget they can keep.
You might pay for things like your entertainment costs (I paid mine at your age). But it’s not your responsibility to be a breadwinner at your age. That being said – my dad was born in 1925 – he was taken out of school after the sixth grade and made to go to work full time – and his entire paycheck went to the family.
He never had a problem with that. (It was an expected thing of the times). Same with his brothers and sisters. It is not an expectation of our times. And there are child labor laws on the books preventing it. Is it possible for a 16 yo to find themselves in a position where they’re helping the head of household keep things afloat?
Yes. But you have two parents. Until you know they’ve done everything they can (and that to me would include credit counseling) I would not be giving them my money. Certainly not without a formal IOU signed in front of a Notary Public. (Which can be done at most Banks/Town Halls/Libraries).
BTW all my dad’s kids went on to college. All four of us. (And graduated too). He had strong feelings about education. And we all worked our way through – with support from our parents.” Fair_Ad_6259
12. AITJ For Refusing To Delete Vacation Photos That My Friend Dislikes?
“My friends and I took a vacation to Hawaii recently and I’m terrible at remembering to take photos so they are all landscape shots or group photos. I made a Google shared photos folder of my photos and my friends all contributed.
One of the friends on the trip texted me and the other friends saying we need to delete all the photos and we were like why? She basically refused to give us a reason and told us we had to delete them. I am the creator of the shared photos and she called me to tell me she needed all photos with her in it taken down which are most of the photos.
I told her I could not share them anymore but I wasn’t deleting them since I was in them too and I didn’t want to lose the memories. She got upset and told me she looked horrible in them so I had to delete them.
She said she had put on a large amount of weight recently and didn’t really notice because she was wearing baggy clothes but noticed once the photos came back.
I told her I won’t share them anymore (although my friends already downloaded some and posted them on their social media) and I wouldn’t post them but I want to keep them.
She got upset and yelled at me for keeping photos of her looking horrible saying it’s her property because her body is in it. She also threatened the other friends to take down the photos from their social media but no one deleted the photos outright.
I mean they are still on the internet she can’t force everyone to delete it and it’s probably in the database still.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But skipping to the end, at least in the US the person who snaps the photo is the legal owner of the picture.
I say because she’s got some therapy to attend. Coming from someone with body dysmorphia, I hear where she’s coming from. I think that’s cool you’re being respectful by not posting anymore, but she’s gotta understand this is a her problem. Hopefully, she can learn soon that she’s the only one who cares what she looks like.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… when she starts making stuff up “saying it’s her property because her body is in it,” I would quit even ATTEMPTING to compromise with her… There’s no valid expectation of privacy in a public space…. If you snapped pics of her hopping out of the shower, sure.
Tell her to move on, your photos are YOUR property and you refuse to be bullied.” Certain-Secret-7926
Another User Comments:
“I don’t like having my photo taken so I tell people when we are on vacation, not to include me… although I still do some group shots, etc. She should have said something at the beginning of the vacation, not after, and not expected you all to delete all your holiday photos.
NTJ as long as you don’t publicly post photos with her in them… unless you edit her out. There’s a wonderful post somewhere, when a girl broke up with her partner after prom, so she replaced him with Ryan Reynolds in all the photos.” del901
11. AITJ For Guessing My Stepmom's Baby's Gender Correctly?
“I’m a 14F living with my dad primarily and seeing my mom frequently on weekends. I hate living with my dad but I do so that I can go to a better school and take care of my siblings.
My stepmom is currently pregnant with my baby sibling and while my dad, my stepmom, my siblings, and I were all sitting at the dinner table just having a casual conversation, my siblings started naming their guesses on what the gender of the baby is going to be.
Everyone said boy except for me and my dad.
I said I think it’s a girl and my stepmom replied “it’s a boy. I think I know my body well enough to know I’m having a boy.” I replied, “I’m not saying you don’t know your body, I was just guessing like everyone else.” She gets mad and I leave to go upstairs to my room because I didn’t feel like dealing with her and my dad ganging up on me.
I then hear them conversing about 30 minutes later about whether or not I should be punished for disrespecting her. My dad took my phone a little while later, and I had it taken away for a week. My stepmom recently found out the gender and it’s a girl.
She says I knew from some weird gut intuition and guessed the gender to embarrass her. She took my phone away for two days after that.
NOTES: this happened a few weeks ago and she isn’t letting it go. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your stepmother is a jerk. Your father is even worse for punishing you. And why are YOU taking care of siblings? Your stepmother and father should be taking care of your siblings. You shouldn’t be required to do anything more than an occasional babysitting gig – for pay.
If your father and stepmother are pulling the whole “family” nonsense, they’re even bigger jerks. I’m betting if you examine your situation more closely, you’ll discover a lot more instances of bad behavior by both your father and stepmother. However, I warn caution. If you need to live there for school and are dependent on them financially for now (and maybe into college), you need to consider the consequences of your actions.
Sure, stand up for yourself and try to get your father to see reason. But, if your stepmother is angling to use you for free childcare or to get rid of you from their new family, you need to be certain that you’re protected. Caution is the operative word here.
Keep your eyes open, and your mouth shut…for now.” Veridical_Perception
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! I can’t believe she would even think that you guessing differently would be worthy of a punishment. It sounds like she’s insecure and is threatened by you because you’re not her flesh and blood, and she doesn’t think you’re supporting her.
That’s a really difficult situation to be in. The fact that you were punished afterward and then punished again because you were right? Honestly, that sounds like an incredibly unhealthy situation. I wish I had some advice for you for how to deal with a person like that, but the best I can say is, hang in there.” cocteau17
Another User Comments:
“I have done this and have been correct and someone wasn’t happy so the next time babysitting duties come up refuse to help with anything else to do with siblings. Only color pictures with them and play all depending on how old they are also just do not interact with her.
Find a hobby. And how can your dad get mad when he agreed with you over the gender? Any free time you should spend studying or doing hobbies and activities, maybe learn yoga. They can’t take that away, shadow box, squats, stretches, meditation, look into extra courses so that you can further your education more and pass subjects early.
I had a step-parent like this just it was a man.” Ok-Arugula1134
10. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Meet Our Child After Her Lack Of Support During My Pregnancy?
“When I was pregnant I was severely ill and there was a meeting with the consultants where I basically just had to accept the fact that myself and/or the baby could die.
This was obviously devastating and a very scary time and while I was strapped up to a million monitors my partner went home to process the news, call his mom, and ask her to support him. She then didn’t call for 2 weeks. Her reason being was that her dog had a sore paw.
When my partner pressed more, it was because she assumed I’d be fine and then said she “had no feelings or emotions toward the baby.”
This was heartbreaking and my partner cut her off. Our child is now 6 years old.
Over the last 2 or so years my partner and MIL have started talking again although it’s nothing like their relationship used to be.
I don’t like this, but I don’t say anything. The other day she asked if she would ever meet our child and my partner said no, at least not for a while. But I say no, not at all. He doesn’t want them to meet because of how she behaved and what she said, but there’s also a nagging feeling as if we are doing the wrong thing later down the line.
I say that she doesn’t care about the child so I’m not going to bring someone into their life who never wanted to be part of it and isn’t going to be around much anyway.
AITJ for sticking to my decision? Should I be willing to bend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s like that saying, be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. She got what she wanted and now regrets it. I could maybe consider giving a little leeway if she expressed sincere remorse and apologized profusely if your child was 6 weeks old or something, but it’s been 6 years.
What I would question though, is why does she want to see your child now? What has changed?” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but…just a thought. It might be worth thinking about whether there is a way she can make amends and be forgiven.
Forgiveness is NOT obligatory, and it’s okay if that answer is no. It sounds like you have enough uncertainty that it might be worth talking through this with a therapist. The hopeful result of talking with a therapist would be to either come up with amends she can make and ideas about how and when you’d be willing to let her in OR to come to certainty about never letting her in.
Both answers are correct, the key is that you’ll be comfortable and certain in your decision.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Man. This is a hard one. I don’t think you’re a jerk: your child, your rules. That said, I think you’re still hurting from what MIL said.
There’s a very real possibility that more was going on in the background when she said it. Or that she changed. It sounds like your hardline rule (MIL doesn’t get to meet child) is something you’re doing to punish her and to memorialize the pain and loss you went through.
That’s a lot to carry around. Sometimes forgiveness is more a gift for yourself than it is to the person you’re forgiving. It’s not something I think you must do or that there’s a moral imperative to do. I just think that—at least for me—forgiveness of what I thought were unforgivable things ended up positively defining me in ways I never could have predicted at the time.
Ultimately, I got your back on this one. You definitely aren’t a jerk for this. I just hope you aren’t hurting still.” DrummingChopsticks
9. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Step-Daughter's Bathroom Due To Her Hygiene Habits?
“I (47F) have two stepkids (15f (Ella) and 11M).
When the trash in their bathroom is anything resembling full, rather than empty it, Ella just throws her dirty tampons and pads and related trash on the floor next to the trash. This has happened multiple times. I find this beyond disgusting, as does the person I pay (my husband doesn’t contribute to the cleaning payment and I get all the embarrassing texts) to clean, who gets angry when it happens (and I tell her not to pick up—she is not paid for that).
And I always end up cleaning it myself because I refuse to let bloody period trash sit on the floor (we have dogs and she is only here 50% so it would have to sit for days sometimes). My stepson mostly uses the trashcan.
My husband seems to think this is not a big deal and that I am exaggerating that my cleaning person is annoyed. She has cleaned and pet-sat for me for a decade and I think she is justified in complaining.
No one should have to clean that up. And he actually uses that bathroom and never seems to notice it. (I do not use it often)
Would I be the jerk if I refused to pay to clean that bathroom anymore? My husband can do it himself or parent his daughter and make her do it, his choice—but I want no part in this anymore.
Though I would bet (1) the bathroom will never be clean and (2) my husband will try to make my stepson do 50% of the very limited cleaning they do even though this is Ella.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Umm. This is all sorts of disgusting and wrong.
I am the kind of woman who meticulously wraps every pad/tampon in a good amount of toilet paper before putting it in the garbage. I couldn’t imagine just dropping it on the floor all full of blood. This would also disgust me if it was someone leaving any other type of garbage containing bodily secretions/fluid/excrement.
I couldn’t imagine having to clean up after someone in this situation more than one time. I’d be pretty upset about one time but this sounds like it’s an ongoing thing which makes it even worse. It’s incredibly unhygienic and could pose numerous health risks.
You are 100% justified in no longer paying to have that bathroom cleaned and no longer cleaning it yourself. Your husband or the kids (or all) can clean it until they’re able to see that cleaning up someone’s soiled garbage is unacceptable and inexcusable. Definitely NTJ just because I can’t believe this was even a question, I felt I had to reiterate.” mountainsandmommin
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Can you take a picture of her grossness and then write an email addressed to Ella’s Mum & Dad (your husband) with the pictures attached, saying, “Ella seems to believe this is an appropriate way for her to dispose of sanitary hygiene products.
Can I ask that you both speak to her about this and teach her the appropriate way to dispose of sanitary products and to empty the bin? I don’t think it’ll be appropriate coming from me but I am no longer going to clean this up after her visits, as Ella is 15 and shouldn’t be putting herself or her brother in a position to be using a bathroom as unhygienic as this in the first place.”” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you get so little support in dealing with the very basic things. If it’s within your purview then I do think you should mention it to her therapist. As well as just being gross for everyone else she is creating biowaste hazards (which directly affects your dogs and stepson (also a child and should be protected) including herself).
I do wonder how long she has been seeing a therapist and if this is the right therapy relationship if they aren’t able to deal with her general grossness (leaving food trash everywhere). If this does break down your relationship then I hope you are able to express that (to him and perhaps age appropriately to the kids).
The real issue isn’t the bloody tampons but his inability to effectively (and perhaps actively) parent his children and his failure to understand the seriousness of the situation. And that has wide-reaching consequences for his children and their relationships and their ability to move through the world.
As well as his own relationships. And I think insisting on couples therapy is a good idea if he isn’t willing to go by himself.” AdGroundbreaking4397
8. AITJ For Expecting My Promised Graduation Trip Despite Delays?
“When I was in my sophomore year of college my parents promised me and a +1 to go on a trip around SouthEast Asia. It was a big motivator to do well in school because I would be able to go home and see my cousin.
We’re only 11 days apart and very close. I had planned for my partner to be my +1 so that he could see my country and meet other people in our family for a month. And the rest of the summer hop around different parts of SE Asia like Singapore where another part of my family lives.
So come graduation, after a grueling 6 years and mental health issues, I finally graduated with honors and two degrees. But due to travel restrictions, we couldn’t go. Slowly the travel restrictions were lifted, we’d left the US for a short trip and afterward agreed we felt comfortable flying again.
So I asked my parents about it to start planning but they said that they won’t do it now. To them, since they made the promise 2 years ago, it therefore wouldn’t be a graduation gift anymore. They even admitted it wasn’t a financial issue at all.
Then I got upset and they said I was acting like a spoiled brat and that they don’t “technically” owe me anything and that gifts aren’t guaranteed. Adding they can’t give something they don’t have, even though they said it wasn’t financial?
So am I the jerk for wanting my graduation present after waiting 2 years?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: do your parents often break promises to you? Have any of your health issues been related to their unreliable behavior? Do they often throw the fact that they put food in your mouth and a roof over your head in your face?
The way you’ve written this it sounds like your parents don’t respect you. It sounds like they expect you to be the perfect child while not even trying to be the perfect parents. I’d be interested in how they came to the conclusion that a present has to be given at the time it was promised. As well as a few other relationship dynamics.
But I’d go with NTJ. Especially since they said it wasn’t about the cost.” kali8007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And they are. It’s not about being due. It’s about being gifted and promised. You didn’t ask for it, they made you dream about it. They made it a deal to graduate with honors and you fulfilled it.
It was their idea and call from the beginning and they are failing their word to you. Also, you wanted this trip to visit family and visit Asia, sounds more like a sentimental trip than a fun-only trip. A spoiled brat would ask for a 5-star hotel in Dubai.
Off note do they have an issue with your partner? I hope you can talk to them calmly and ask them why they don’t want you to go anymore? Also, try to tell them it meant a lot for you to see the family back there.” Elfitine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here + INFO would be very helpful: OP you admitted in another comment that your parents have historically broken promises to you and this should have been suspicious from the start. This makes them a little bit of the jerk here, but there are also so many other factors as to WHY they are being one that could be justifiable: They’re lying about being financially secure – they ran into hardships you may not know about, or had to use the money they were saving for a trip on something.
This happens more often than you think (with parents hiding financial issues or struggles). Maybe your parents fear for your health. Maybe it’s just not a good time, and they don’t want to explain why. They gave you a quick shutdown with really no answer.
Let it be and approach your parents a little later on and maybe they’ll explain why. If not, just say “if it isn’t financial and you do have a reason to worry, or if it’s for my safety in any way, it would help me understand more why the answer is no currently.”” Itsdawsontime
7. AITJ For Wanting To Downsize My Family Gathering Due To Home Damage?
“Last year my mother downsized her home. My husband and I took over the role of hosting the family get-togethers. I enjoy get-togethers and being the host. It’s a joy to cook and decorate for the holidays. I put together a big family get-together for Easter.
When my mother hosted she had a family of three she always invited. She considers this small family part of her own. Honestly, I have never liked these people and find them quite annoying. My mom loves them so I’ve always tried to be social with them.
My mother invited them to the Easter get-together. I told her it was okay. I was fine with it because she loves them. They had never been to my house and she was so excited to show them my home.
Well, yesterday we had a major leak and had to pull up some of our flooring.
The leak ran under the floor planking and it looks rough.
Originally we were going to cancel due to the leak however we have already basically have it ready and my family is used to working around construction areas.
I told my mom about the leak and everything going on and explained I didn’t want this plus family coming since the house was a mess.
I just wanted to downsize the event.
She wanted to move the event to her new house which doesn’t have any room. We are talking about trying to fit 15 people in a one-bedroom house.
She feels like she is lying to the family by telling them it’s canceled if she is still attending the one at my house.
After making this comment she said she had also invited another related to the plus family. Once again I would be fine with it but my house is a disaster.
I’m so frustrated about it all that I’m about to cancel everything. AITJ for wanting to downsize and not having this family see the wreck my house is in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call and tell them yourself though – removing your mom as the messenger would solve a lot of problems here. I realize since she invited them it should be on her to uninvite them, but it doesn’t sound like that’s going to happen.
Plus, you doing it will help reinforce the fact – which needs to be shared with her – that going forward, YOU will be in charge of inviting people and setting up the guest list. Because YOU are the host. It’s not at her house, she’s not prepping for it, and she needs to stop acting like she is still the host who gets to make these decisions.” whatev88
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here it feels more like you’re just using the mess as an excuse to uninvite them. Family is more than just through blood. If these people are truly family in your mom’s eyes, it’s a little bit of a jerk move to offer your space on the condition they can’t attend.
If you just don’t want them to come, then let your mom host something they’re invited to. Maybe the solution for this year is two gatherings. But also your mom shouldn’t be inviting even more people without asking you first. So uninviting whomever that was is fine.” endymion2300
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are doing it because you are embarrassed about the floor being torn up. Your mom clearly really wants them there as she is willing to cram everyone into her house. At a minimum you should be being honest with the reason and who is still coming.
Also, another question: Does your mom in general want to still host despite her small house and is it the rest of the family who is encouraging it to be somewhere else? This is probably hard on your mom giving up the hosting duties.” GWeb1920
6. AITJ For Expecting An Engagement Soon After My Partner's Divorce?
“I (34f) have been with my partner (34m) for a little over a year and moved in 8 months ago.
When we met he was in the process of getting divorced, but the actual divorce took 2 years (but mentally he’s been done with that relationship for at least 4 years). As of 3 weeks ago, he is finally divorced.
We both really want a family, and we do want to be together for our future.
Given the fact that we’re both not young, I thought that things would move faster. Now that he’s divorced officially, I thought he’d be ready to move forward and get engaged soon so that we would have time (due to female clock) to have the family we’ve both always wanted.
But tonight we got into a huge fight. I brought up the topic of just what is he thinking time-wise on things, and he got insanely mad that I don’t understand that he got divorced “only a few weeks ago” and the fact that I’m not sensitive to that is making him question things.
He said obviously he wants to be with me, but he needs some time after getting divorced.
But in my mind, the divorce was almost a formality on paper and I thought he was fully done mentally with the relationship. He is very clear that he is and has been done with the relationship for a long time, but still just the act of getting divorced was mentally hard, and he’s not ready to get engaged and all that just yet.
He thinks I’m being extremely selfish for wanting that and being disappointed that he’s not ready. I almost feel like I was lied to a bit because I thought he’d be ready as soon as he was officially divorced.
AITJ for not being more understanding and sensitive of my partner’s emotions due to his divorce??”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Divorce is hard even if it was over before the decree was signed. He married her and no one goes into a marriage with the anticipation of getting divorced and it’s hard regardless. But I can’t be hard on you because it’s hard to understand unless you’ve been through it.
If you can handle that he needs time to process the official, legal end to his marriage then stay, if not, then do what’s best for both of you and leave. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with you but that finality of the decree is hard.” Black_Tears524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His attitude sounds suspicious. You started cohabitation before his divorce was final, he gets everything he wants without having to marry you. His reaction is partially understandable. But at the same time if he was ready to live with you before his divorce, and now deflects the commitment talk.
Sus. Prepare for him to withdraw from the relationship because you may have just been in a cuff relationship. A lot of men will latch themselves onto a stable relationship through transition times, such as divorce. Then when it’s over, they move on from any reminder of the ex, including the mistress or rebound.
Don’t get involved with married people. Even if they say the relationship is over.” ipsos_custodes420
Another User Comments:
“You sound so needy. I really feel like you want the whole marriage experience, that you think it will complete you somehow, and your desperation for a fairy tale family is more the goal, rather than the partner itself.
It’s like you are shopping, and the perfect dress will show everyone you are beautiful, rather than being comfortable in your own skin and self, and that self-confidence with anything you put on will be enhanced by you. Quit focusing so much on the marriage part, and quit settling for a man who you think is ready.
Take marriage, kids, etc out of your relationship, and put what you like, what you enjoy doing, and what someone does when going out with you that makes you happy, and stop trying to force marriage. You aren’t too old for kids yet, and your self-worth should not be based on having a child.
Loving who you are, and knowing you are fine by yourself should be your priority. NTJ but you are trying to fit him into your dream family picture.” Due-File-3927
5. AITJ For Drinking In Front Of My Sober Friend At Our Weekly Bar Meet-Up?
“My friend is an ex-heavy drinker, we know that. Anyway, my friends and I do a meet-up every weekend in a bar.
She is recent and I’m the one who introduced her to my friends.
She joins us even though we keep telling her that there will be drinks, however, she keeps telling us not to drink in front of her because “it’s gonna help her relapse.”
Some of our friends respected her “wishes” in the beginning but others including me did not. She gets mad that “we do not care for her relapse” but I keep telling her that she is a grown woman and that she needs to control herself.
Over time, even those friends who respected her wishes, in the beginning, didn’t care anymore and started drinking again.
Anyway, 3 days ago, she called me to tell me that she drank and that she is starting to feel like she is going back to her old self again, she was mad at me spouting insults and nonsense because “I didn’t care about her health.” I told her to back off and be quiet and that she can’t blame me because she is a grown woman and we had been warning her that there would be drinks every time she went with us to the bar.
Some of my friends say that I did the right thing, and some of my friends said that I acted a bit like a jerk but still was the right thing to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, stop inviting someone in recovery to the bar.
Do you guys do any other group meet-ups, or is the only way she can socialize together with her friends on said weekly meet-up at the bar, creating pressure on a recovering addict to be around triggers? It doesn’t make you a jerk per se, but it would make you a bad friend and human being.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“As a recovering heavy drinker NTJ. I avoid bars and clubs like the plague because I know there is gonna be booze and I’m not ready to fight the urge to get plastered. If my friends want to drink, I’ve asked them to not invite me.
If you’re ALWAYS meeting up at bars then I can understand her wanting to be there with you guys but from some comments you’ve made it sounds like she actively asks to go to bars. Maybe next time offer another place and see how she reacts.” KandyShopp
Another User Comments:
“I was in a relationship with a recovering addict for a few months. I told him that if he used again, we were done. At some point in the relationship, the spark was gone and we broke up. He immediately started using again.
I kicked him out. His mom and sister kept calling me trying to get me to take him back. I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him until he thought he was clean enough that I would want to talk to him.
I never saw him again. I hope he got his life back together but that’s not my responsibility. Same with OP. You are not responsible for other people’s choices. NTJ.” NotYourMutha
4. AITJ For Not Including My Husband's Mother In Our Hawaii Timeshare Vacation?
“My mother has a timeshare, she’s had it for about 13 years. My partner, now husband and I are the only ones who have used it. I am turning 40 the week before Thanksgiving, and my mom and I have been discussing/planning a vacation for quite some time.
Previously we planned a vacation for her 60th birthday but circumstances happened and the country we were going to shut its borders. We settled on Mexico somewhere, but she was diagnosed with cancer so we put that on hold. Then at the end of spring, she said her doctors approved her for travel so we started planning again.
The timeshare hotels in Mexico were booked, so we pivoted to Hawaii. Found a hotel and picked dates, confirmed with my brother and husband (+ my daughter and nephew). Previously my husband said his mother didn’t want to go to Mexico. But since we changed plans to Hawaii she wants to go.
I informed him we don’t have enough room in our suite (only holds 6) but we can possibly book a separate room for her/whoever she brings.
A couple of weeks go by I realize the rooms are booked up so I call my mom and we book.
My husband asks me 1) if we have enough points left over to book his mom a room (the answer was no) and 2) if we could just have booked her a separate room while on the phone with the timeshare peeps (the answer was also no they don’t book Hilton regular rooms).
He’s upset so I immediately pulled up the hotel to see if we could book a room for her, turns out that the hotel is timeshare only; but there are other hotels within the same “Hilton resort zone” that do have rooms.
He doesn’t want to go now unless his mom is in the same hotel.
I reminded him that she originally wasn’t even invited (I had no problem with him inviting her but he nor she ever asked), and I’m happy for her to go. But it’s ridiculous for everyone to cancel plans for someone who didn’t want to go in the first place.
We were at dinner/drinks during this convo, he put $10 on the bar for his drink and left (we were in separate cars). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“MIL has no interest in spending time with you, your husband, your brother and his kids, and your mom until she hears you’re going to Hawaii?
Sounds like she’s the jerk and I don’t understand why your husband isn’t spending some effort booking a room for his mom. This sounds like a vaca for your side of the family, MIL shouldn’t be invited, you can go with her on her 60th or 65th or whatever.
You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“Husband asked about available “timeshare points” to book a room for his mom. That’s why husband and MIL are so invested in this – it’s a vacation to Hawaii for MIL, subsidized by OP’s mom as the timeshare owner.
It has nothing to do with wanting to celebrate OP’s birthday or spend time with family. I have secondhand embarrassment for MIL’s blatant greed and presumption.” Dreamy_Literature101
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he doesn’t want to be the bad guy and tell his mother he book or talk to you in time.
She’s a grown woman (who didn’t even want to go originally), she can book her own travel arrangements. You could send her all the info and suggestions of the closest available options to help smooth things over if you want. This is your trip with your mom.
NTJ.” RulerofHoth
3. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Family After They Ignored My Messages?
“I (19F) live at home with my parents and 2 younger sisters (9 and 14). My mom hates cooking and says that cooking is “too much work” and on the rare occasions that she does cook, it’s honestly not very tasty or edible.
So I’ve started cooking for the family every day, I usually come up with meal ideas and ask if that’s okay for everyone.
Yesterday, I ran out of ideas and genuinely didn’t know what to cook and we also had no groceries, so while I was out I messaged the group chat asking what they wanted to eat and to let me know what I should get for groceries on my way back home.
Four whole hours passed and everyone saw my messages because it’s a WhatsApp group and I can see their read receipts but no one replied. I was out with my significant other for the day and was gonna go home for the sole purpose of making food for them and when my messages got ignored I decided that it wasn’t my responsibility for today and decided to stay out longer.
At around 9 pm, my mom texts the group chat asking me where I am and why the food hasn’t been prepared yet? I said that I messaged hours earlier asking what they wanted to eat and what groceries I should bring on my way home and they all read it and didn’t reply so I told her that I’m not cooking today and that they should figure it out themselves.
Got a call 5 minutes later from my dad telling me that I’m being disrespectful and ungrateful and that I should call my mom and apologize, I said I didn’t do anything wrong and I won’t be apologizing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
YOU are ungrateful and disrespectful? HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Talk about taking people for granted. There are lots of solutions to this problem. Kraft Dinner is one. Pizza from the grossest pizza chain you know of is another. Regardless, take the week off from cooking, except perhaps for yourself.
Memorize this: “This is what happens when you upset the chef. One week in the penalty box. Deal with it.”” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.The header says it all, YOU asked THEM what they wanted. THEY ignored you. I wish someone would talk to me about cooking after I asked/offered & elicited zero response.
They’d be eating dirt. OP, please ask your parents this question: “If I wasn’t cooking every night, what would I be eating? Who would be responsible in this house to text me and say “hey, what do you want for dinner tonight? Let me know so I can buy the ingredients for it.” No one else cooks, when mom does, it’s inedible.
No one ever bothers to check in with me, so what was that about me being ungrateful? YOU’RE the ungrateful ones in the world’s eyes.”” Maiahnnaise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think this is actually a little more complicated than people think. You’ve set a precedent for cooking most of the time.
You ought to chat with your parents, together agree to what your responsibilities really are and what should happen if you’re busy and can’t cook (and nobody should be on tap to cook 7 days a week). I am the cook and shopper for my family: me, my husband, and our housemate.
I have been married for nearly 42 years, and to this day, when I ask my husband what he wants to eat, he says with a grin, “food”. My housemate has mental health issues that make it hard for her to talk herself into eating some days, and if she doesn’t want what I cook, she gets takeout or fixes eggs and I’m fine with that.
So. Years upon years upon years of no input into what I should cook. And so, I have taken to doing 2 things: 1) I cook enough food to feed us for at least two or three nights, and 2) I appreciate feedback, and take it into account, but only if it’s stuff like “That was a weird recipe, please don’t make it again” or “That soup was awesome, please make it often”.
I also take into account our various gut issues, since all of us simply can’t digest some things well. I am absolutely not a short-order or daily cook. OP, consider cooking as your regular family job, but with limits that support the fact of you not wanting to cook every day.” RockWhisperer2013
2. AITJ For Assuming A Man Was Following Me On My Walk Home?
“I (22f) went out last night with some friends for a birthday party. We all went back to a friend’s house after going out to hang out a bit more. I wasn’t staying the night so I decided to walk home since it’s only a 10-minute walk back to my place.
Soon into my walk, I noticed a man behind me and it seemed every time I would turn down a street he would go the same way. I decided to do a circle around the streets and he was still following me so I started speeding up and going in the direction to the police station that’s close.
Once I get to the police station car park the guy is nowhere to be seen but I’m not taking my chances and I call my dad to pick me up instead of walking home.
My brother and mum seem to think I’m the jerk for assuming the man was following me and I probably made him feel like rubbish and a monster and it turned into a big argument.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were just being aware of your surroundings and trying to keep safe. Self-preservation is nothing to be ashamed of. The fact that he was following you even as you doubled back and turned makes it highly suspicious. You didn’t accuse anyone.
You were just being cautious and that’s OK. There would have been no way for this guy to know much less think he’s a monster because he wouldn’t have known what you were thinking. If I were your father/parents I’d have had no problem coming to pick you up.
Please carry mace with you on your keychain.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“A friend once ended up accidentally following a neighbor he didn’t know home from work an hour or so away. Once they got into their neighborhood she started holding her phone out the window like threatening to call 911.
Once he pulled into his driveway she realized and explained that he had followed her for about an hour and 2-3 freeways. His response was that he felt bad she was scared. That’s a normal response when someone is distressed. So if the guy was absently driving and meant no harm he would probably just feel bad about freaking you out.
Don’t worry about it. Don’t put yourself in danger because it might offend someone. NTJ.” Majestic-Evening-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s better to be too careful than not careful enough. I’ve been this guy before. I used to walk around my neighborhood at night for exercise, and one time I got behind two girls as I was walking home.
I was walking pretty fast to keep up a good pace, and it was just bad luck that I kept turning the same way they did. I was too far behind to really talk to them and explain the situation without screaming in the middle of the night and speeding up to close the distance would have probably made them start screaming for help or something.
I felt bad for scaring them but I never blamed them and understood why they were scared, and I’m betting the guy following you felt the same.” SellaraAB
1. AITJ For Maintaining A Relationship With My Ex's Adult Children After Our Divorce?
“When I met my now ex, he had 2 kids. Twins, a boy and a girl. They were about 6 when I married their father. Their mother was never really involved in their life. I played the role of their mom. I taught his daughter about her body, I taught my son anything I knew about being a male.
We both formed a great bond. The 3 of us shared similar tastes in nearly everything. Fast forward to last year. My husband and I got divorced due to him having an affair with his current fiancée.
It hurt pretty badly, I loved him, I loved his kids and I didn’t want to lose that.
The twins are now 22 and they have been checking up on me for a while. They visited me for the first time in a while a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed seeing them again. I thought it would be fine to keep talking with them.
I got a phone call soon after, it was their father. He asked why the kids were at my house and I told him they wanted to visit me.
He said we are no longer married and I’m blocking them from a relationship with their new stepmother.
I said it’s their choice if they want to continue a relationship with me and he got mad and hung up on me. Am I the jerk for keeping a relationship?
Edit – due to health problems I’m unable to have children biologically. It means a lot to have these kids view me as their mother.
I’m super grateful they are in my life. I’m super grateful I was able to have the experience of raising children, along with the bond of having them. I went through something similar as a child. I had to cut contact with my step-siblings after my stepdad and mom divorced. I don’t want history to repeat itself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not going out of your way to stop children from having a relationship with a new step-parent. They’re adults and able to make that decision for themselves. I’m in my 20s and when my parents would find a new partner, rarely would I be interested once I no longer lived with either of them.
They don’t need a “stepmom” anymore. They’re grown and (likely) off on their own not needing anyone to raise them. You raised them and were a mother figure. Obviously, they cherish that and there’s nothing you can do to make that stop (nor should you).
It would be like telling them their bio parent doesn’t matter anymore because there’s a step-parent (referring to active bio parents with this comparison).” mountainsandmommin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Almost everyone I know whose parent has remarried after they’re an adult regards their parent’s new spouse as “parent’s new spouse” not “my new step-mom/dad.” Because they aren’t being parented anymore.
They’re adults, they don’t need another mom/dad. They’re not going to have a mom/dad type relationship with the new spouse. You mothered these children for most of their childhood, you’re their mom. And that’s a choice THEY get to make, not their father.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not cut contact with these kids/adults because daddy is having a tantrum! You are the mother to these kids. Biology isn’t the only way to be a mother. They are adults and they get to choose with whom they want to have a relationship.
They choose you. Sounds as if they chose wisely. Dad is trying to force the relationship between his current wife and his kids. He will not be successful because you can’t make people like or love each other. Maybe block him though!” Ducky818
