People Are Afraid To Admit Fault In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Throw Her Own Baby Shower?
“I (21F) and my now fiancé (23M) have been together for now 4 years this August! We did start seeing each other young at 17 and 19. But now we live together, both have stable jobs, and are doing pretty okay for ourselves at this age. This pregnancy was very unplanned, but nonetheless, we are beyond excited. MIL (50F) has never liked me neither has any of his family, she is the type of woman where her kids are her entire life and she has had the hardest time with us living together and being engaged now expecting our first child.
Questioning everything we do.
Her and my fiancé’s relationship has never been the best as she is fairly controlling over him and withholds her approval and love when it comes to him making his own decisions that she does not agree with. I am about 5 months pregnant now and we recently found out it was a boy and she is now obsessed with me, and how my pregnancy is going (mind you the entire 4 years we have been together she could not care less about my life or how I am doing).
She (MIL) keeps calling him her baby and has the audacity to ask if she can be in the delivery room for her first grandchild despite her openly discussing how she is concerned about how good of a mother and wife I’ll be. A lot of our issues stem from her never thinking I’m good enough for her son.
Luckily my fiancé has my back and stands up for me and my comfort level. Constantly reminding MIL of our boundaries and feelings towards her wanting to control everything in regard to our baby shower and wedding (next year). Anyway, I am having a combined baby shower with almost everyone from friends and family from his side and my side.
My mom planned most of it because his mother threw a big fit about how I shouldn’t have a say in anything and it should be a complete surprise (which gives me such anxiety). So we ended up just excluding her from the whole planning process.
Now last week my fiancé went to meet up with his parents to discuss boundaries and expectations of us being parents and how they need to change their behavior if they want to be in our son’s life and respect the decisions we make going forward.
The talk went well from what I heard but she is now adamant she has the right to have her own baby shower for her grandchild since she got cut out of planning our big one. But I never have ever felt comfortable with solely his family because of how judgemental they are and they have never accepted me or respected me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have a problem with a separate shower.
But I know the reason they are doing it is so they can have control of the situation again and they can be happy because I know it’s not for me. So far I’ve told MIL no but I feel guilty at the same time.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé: “Mom, I love you, but you need to realize this is not your pregnancy and stop trying to tell OP what to do.” Mom: “Okay, sweetie. Now tell her I’m throwing a shower whether she likes it or not.” Mom doesn’t get it.
Mom is not going to get it, because getting it would mean listening to you, and Mom doesn’t want to do that. Fiancé needs to stop trying to negotiate with her and just hold the line with you in saying “no.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Baby showers are for the parents to be showered with love, support, and help to prepare for their new life transition and it seems like she’s not here to support you in becoming a mother or her son becoming a father, but rather do some attention seeking and acting out her main character fantasies.
You don’t need to be okay with a second competing shower. The entire family is invited to the event so what does she want to do? Reduce your mom’s guest list? Babies don’t change the ill will someone has expressed toward you unless they do the work to overcome their past issues.
My MIL threatened to host an ambush baby shower when I was pregnant and my husband told her we’d leave immediately. I had so many annoying pregnancy symptoms, I just lived in comfy clothes (leggings and sweatshirts) and I would have been so annoyed if they all got dressed up and I looked like a frumpy pregnant woman.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is trying to sneak around boundaries by doing exactly what you didn’t want her to do — sneak around boundaries and trying to control you and your fiancé. Even to the nutso point of insisting she plan a shower for you.
Let your fiancé make it clear in no uncertain terms — this shower your mom planned is the only one YOU are attending. This is nice because you’re not saying ‘you can’t plan a shower’ — because, really, she can if she wants to, you can’t control that — but you CAN control if you will attend.
Then, if there’s any further flak about this, anyone blowing up your phone, etc, just tell them once “We are having a shower, it is at X time on X date (the date your mom planned). I will not be attending any other showers.” If they continue to pester, block them.
I would make this a hill to die on for sure.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Pursuing My Dream Job Despite My Partner's Objections?
“I lost my job a little over a month ago without any notice. I have been applying to dream jobs and service jobs, trying to catch a break.
Last week I received an email from one of my dream jobs that I made it to the interview process. I was excited about it, but the whole week leading up to it, my partner was awkward. I thought it was because he interviewed for this company years ago and didn’t get it, so he was a little bummed but trying to be happy for me.
He is also sponsored by this company.
After my interview (he sat in the same room, off camera), he said that it was wrong of me to mention him, even though I never told them who was, I said “yeah, my partner is also sponsored by y’all, so that’s also helped me with more familiarity to the brand”.
Well, I made it through to the 3rd portion of the interview, and he wants me to stop responding and not take the job because he’s affiliated with them and doesn’t want me crossing over. I’ve been dying for this position since before I met him, I’ve been working really hard to get here, but he just so happens to have been sponsored by them as well upon meeting him.
I’m heartbroken and don’t know if I’m actually “heartless towards him because I only care about myself” (as he says) even though I’m trying to chase my dreams. This isn’t the first time he is making me choose him or something I’m passionate about because it would hurt his feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his affiliation with them was an issue, that would have been flagged when you brought it up in the interview. This is entirely his problem, and the fact he’s trying to turn that around on you and make you out to be the selfish one in this scenario is deeply concerning.
Please don’t sacrifice anything else because he can’t handle things not being about him for some reason.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I am not sure what being sponsored by this company means in relation to his work with them over you working for the company itself.
You might want to clarify that. Either way, it’s your dream job so don’t give up on that. In terms of him trying to control you, that should be a huge red flag to you. Telling you what you can and cannot do is not OK.
That is not healthy relationship behavior, and if you allow that to continue you will get to a point where you will have to ask permission to do anything. My daughter’s old partner was like this. She could not hang out with her friends, could not talk to any guy, could not snap a guy, could not respond more than 10 seconds after a text or snap from him, could not complain if he wanted to hang out with his friends, could not, could not, could not.
That is not how you treat someone you care about? It eventually became emotional, mental, and once even physical abuse. My advice. Try for your job and lose the partner. His behavior will only get worse.” TLBizzy
Another User Comments:
“Unless there is more to it than you’ve described (would you ever have to cross paths professionally like being on the same work team, attending the same meetings, sharing a boss, your employment changing the status of his sponsorship, etc) then you are definitely NTJ.
To be frank, your partner sounds emotionally controlling and like he wants to choose how you spend your time and where you get to work or associate with. It’s a yellow flag, imo, because maybe he’s just got sour grapes or jealousy (still not okay, but at least it’s not creepy), or maybe he’s starting to really show you that he wants to control you and your life.
If it’s the former then he’s being whiny and mean and the jerk but I bet it can be worked through. If it’s the latter then you may want to consider if this relationship is going to be good for you, help you grow into your best self, or if it is hindering that and generally not good for you.
Overall, I would say NTJ. Also, congrats on getting far into the interview process for your dream job, that’s way cool!” RoxyAndFarley
19. AITJ For Removing An Artist's Signature From A Commissioned Artwork?
“I found an artist I really enjoy and commissioned them recently. I want to preface this with the fact that everything has gone extremely smoothly so far.
I am very happy with the outcome and the art is exactly what I pictured. Only one issue though. They left their signature on it. To be fair, it is small, off to the corner, and not very noticeable. I just feel that it is unprofessional, as I commissioned them the artwork, it does not belong to them anymore.
I asked if they will remove it for me and they seemed kinda annoyed and asked me if I read their TOS (admittedly, I skimmed), where it apparently states that they will not remove their signature. I told them what I said above, which is that I own the art now.
They then told me I somehow don’t and then quoted me a HUGE markup price for “commercial rights” and they only remove their signature for that purpose. I said I don’t need commercial rights and tried to compromise by offering to send them $5 to remove it (which is utter nonsense in the first place, I shouldn’t have to pay extra for this).
They refused and I had essentially told the artist that if they don’t remove it then I will simply photoshop it out myself (considering that it’s mine, I can do what I please with it). They then informed me that I will be blacklisted from commissioning them if I do so.
Spoiler alert, I did it and now I am blocked from them as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Some artists will remove their sig from commissioned work, but it was in the TOS they would not, and you signed anyway. “Then quoted me a HUGE markup price for “commercial rights.”” This is standard.
Commissioning art does not mean you automatically own the right to use it commercially. You have a lot to learn about commissioned art and how to respect artists.” Crisis_Redditor
Another User Comments:
“Errr, hello? How can you possibly think that this is okay? When you buy art there is an expectation that a signature whether digital, painted, or carved into the artwork, is included. The fact that you can photoshop it to make it go away means you haven’t got art for your money: you got a nice picture.
Quit with the idea that you are some sort of patron of the arts because you’re not. You are a vandal who refuses to acknowledge the creator and the skill and soul that went into creating the thing you are enjoying. YTJ. Without a soul.” Thatcsibloke
Another User Comments:
“I usually just lurk on here, but my god YTJ. I do all kinds of art for a living, and you’d be blacklisted from me too if you asked me that and then threw a tantrum when I said no. ALL commissions get signed because it’s the ARTIST’S WORK, you just purchased it.
They made it. Just because of you, I’m gonna start asking my clients if I can sign the tattoos I do on them. Also just adding on, they DO still own it. Because of copyright. You may own the physical artwork, but they own the rights to it.
That’s why their signature stays. If you bought it for commercial rights (thereby removing the signature), you would then own the rights to use the artwork and make money off of it, which is why there’s a huge markup! Because if you own the rights and make money off of it, then the artist who made it gets $0 of that money.
You could make thousands and keep making money while the person who made it will only ever get what they charged you for commercial rights.” erin1126
18. AITJ For Refusing To Wear The Outfit My Partner Chose For Me To See His Parents?
“My partner and I are once again going to see his parents and I’ve always felt like he ‘parades’ me in front of them, his father mostly.
I’m not 100% comfortable with my body. I don’t like my shape and some of my curves. Last night I decided to get dressed up in very suggestive attire and have fun around the house. Well, imagine my surprise when he picks my outfit for today and it’s the strapless top and leggings with four-inch platforms. I put it on but initially told him I felt uncomfortable.
He proceeded to yell at me saying, what does it matter if he thinks I look good, and I replied why does his opinion outrank mine?
Trying to compromise I suggested wearing the outfit but still wearing a baggy jacket because it’ll make me feel comfortable.
For context, I wear leggings too often, and when I do I have to have a baggy shirt or at least something to tie around my waste. And I don’t wear crop tops because of my stomach. But I did tell him I wanted to step out of my comfort zone when it came to my clothes.
And now he’s giving me the silent treatment and I’m considering putting it on to keep the peace. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.
So, AITJ for taking off the outfit my partner picked out for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly, there’s something more than a little wrong with this entire scenario on his end…There would be nothing wrong with his picking out clothes for you IF YOU ASKED HIM TO and it was something that you enjoyed or you didn’t like dressing yourself and found it easier to have someone else pick your clothes.
But short of that, it’s incredibly problematic for him to be choosing clothes for his adult partner – not SUGGESTING an outfit occasionally (nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I love that dress you wore to lunch last month, it looks amazing on you, maybe you want to wear that?”) but literally wanting to DRESS YOU UP like a doll.
You are not a dress-up toy, you’re a human being, and behavior like this reeks of dehumanization and control issues.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Red Flag Alert coming from someone whose husband did similar and she gave in because she owed it to him.
Please, please stand your ground. Maybe it’ll only go this far, but maybe it’ll go like mine did. He’s gone and our family is destroyed. I won’t leave my house and am alone 24/7. Won’t go into detail. Just be warned, it’s not pretty.
YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!
He isn’t doing that and IT IS NOT OKAY! Reread as many times as you need to. Please look up coercive control and as you read about it remember that people can do great harm to their loved ones without meaning to. Meaning he may not realize this is abusive (silent treatment definitely is) and could escalate until one day he may look back and be unable to ever live with himself.” ConstructionNo2780
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is actually a huge overstep by him and for him to be giving you the silent treatment is concerning. It’s controlling for him to have a say over what you wear whether he’s wanting to cover you up or dress you provocatively.
He should want you to be comfortable and happy and you have final say over that.” 1lofanight
17. AITJ For Giving My Sister The Clothes I Wore When I Was Pregnant?
“I (20f) had my baby a little over 2 months ago and I don’t fit into my pregnancy clothes anymore because the belly was pretty much the only thing I gained and stayed pretty shapeless.
My sister (17f) on the other hand is a very curvy girl with a great body, while I’m as curvy as a board. So I decided to ask my sister if she wanted my clothes and she tried them on and loved them.
Somebody (I’m guessing my stepdad) told her that she was wearing my maternity clothes and she was upset and went to our mom crying.
She told our mom that I gave her my maternity clothes and was calling her “fat” for giving them to her, obviously, our mom got mad at me because they assumed I was saying my sister was bigger than me for giving her the clothes.
I tried explaining that I never bought maternity clothes during my pregnancy only a size up in my normal loose and stretchy clothes so I didn’t waste money on clothes I couldn’t wear after my pregnancy. The only clothes that I had given her were some pants that now fall off me because I have no curves or baby belly to hold them up anymore, I didn’t think it was a big deal since it’s all lounge (hippie) clothes.
My fiancé has even told me I was a little harsh for not telling her what they were before giving them to her and since she is younger her self-esteem isn’t the greatest. I really didn’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings but I genuinely feel like I’m the bad guy here for giving her my “maternity” clothes since they no longer fit me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I see what people are saying about your sister’s self-esteem. I want to tell you that I was in your sister’s position years ago … a waif of a friend of mine got pregnant, got big, bought 12 or 14-size clothes, and gave them to me when she was done.
I was thrilled (they were all so cute) but I was also like 35. As a teenager, your sister is dealing with every bit of media in the world calling every non-Kate Moss girl big. I wish I had an answer for you. I don’t … other than to say I know you didn’t do anything in a mean way.
Good luck.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I can understand their reaction, and honestly, I think you should’ve prefaced your offer with; “we are totally different body types and I only have the hips to hold these up when I’m pregnant. I specifically bought non-maternity clothes I liked and planned on being able to wear them after, but I guess that’s nature’s joke because I don’t have the hips to hold them up now.
They are just a size up from what I usually would wear, and if you’re interested they might be comfortable if you’d like to try them.” You are definitely NTJ for this, at all, and I think it really was just misinterpreted. But I totally see how and why it would be.
You need to try to make it right, even though it’s not your being deliberately mean it really does warrant explanation. Sorry, this is just one of those awful moments when something nice goes sideways.
My sister and I are totally opposite body types, I’m an hourglass, and she’s very straight up and down.
It was usually me pawning off clothes to her which shrunk and I couldn’t get my hips/shoulders in. There were still misunderstandings like this on occasion though.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if anyone is the jerk it’s step-dad for telling a 17-year-old girl that she’s been given maternity clothes.
Of course she’s going to take it the wrong way. Perhaps you should show your sis the price difference between actual maternity clothes and the clothes you bought for your pregnancy and that’ll help her believe that you didn’t give her actual maternity clothes cause they’re outrageously priced. I did the same for my pregnancies and always let my younger sis get first picks out of the clothes cause she was much curvier than me and she was grateful.
Step-dad should have left well enough alone.” Ambergler1988
16. AITJ For Backing Out On Making A Baby Shower Cake?
“I am not a professional baker, I have been enjoying myself while learning how to bake over the last year and I have found a passion for a certain type of cookie…
I shared this information with the staff of a coffee shop inside my local grocery store where I go often and we are on friendly terms. One of the staff members asked me to make them a treat I had never heard of a few months back so I took the challenge and made something called Ooey Gooey Butter Cake Bars.
It turned out pretty good, but not really my thing, the staff member really enjoyed it though.
Fast forward to a month ago, the same staff member asked me to make her a cake for her baby shower in July. I explained to her that I had only once made a real cake and that was a carrot cake.
We talked about the theme, she is doing a Bob’s Burgers theme and wanted the cake to have something to do with the show, btw I have not watched the show but know what it is. She discussed the cake looking like a burger with the inside being red velvet but I was not confident that I could do anything like that and we discussed making some cupcakes that look like burgers she said she would do.
I told her I would need to take a look at the show and see what I could come up with and would let her know.
A couple of weeks passed and I had not seen her at work, I do not have her number, but I discussed my ideas with some of the other staff, I was going to do a pink lemonade cake (she wanted pink because she is having a girl) with vanilla buttercream frosting smoothed out to look like the white aprons Bob and his wife both wear on the show, I was also going to figure out how to make a pocket with a pen in it on the top as that is what they have on the show.
Not sure what else I was going to do as I have never decorated a cake but I wanted to get some feedback and I made a test cake for her taste.
A couple of weeks ago I saw her at work and she immediately went into how she didn’t want what I was making and she wanted the cake to look like a burger.
I was confused as I thought she was doing the cupcakes as burgers, she wanted the cake to also be a burger. I tried explaining to her that I would have no clue where to even start and that I am not a professional cake decorator or someone on one of the many cake shows.
She said it would be easy and if I knew how to pipe frosting I should be able to do it. Again I tried to explain that I make cookies, and brownies, not cakes, and that I was just doing this as a favor. She is still trying to tell me how to do a burger cake and I had it and told her to do it herself then.
I was not going to spend time trying to teach myself how to make something like she wanted and she needed to hire a professional. I tried apologizing but she is obviously mad and cold to me now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her to do it herself if it is so easy.
She obviously has zero idea of what is actually involved in baking and specifically in decorating a cake. Your only fault here was even entertaining her request in the first place. When she first approached you, you should have said ‘no’ and left it at that.
The entitlement and demands of this woman are ridiculous, although sadly not surprising. It is amazing how many people seem to think that making things is ‘easy’, cheap, and quick, despite them clearly lacking the skills to do it themselves. And they operate under the belief that everyone else ‘owes’ them these things for some reason.
One polite ‘no’ is enough. And if they push the topic past that, then they no longer deserve any politeness at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it pains me that you think that. You made it clear from the beginning that a burger cake would be difficult and that you are not a professional baker.
Yet you wanted to do her a favor. So you actually watched the show to get an idea, drew out an idea, got that thrown in your face, and then you got told what to do instead although you kept saying no. You are not even close to being a jerk.
She is though because she is going to go over your personal boundaries and not respect you or even be grateful. You should not even think you are at fault and you are absolutely right in saying she should find a professional one. (Btw check videos on how to cake it….
Yolanda – I think that is the name – makes some great cakes and a burger is part of it. It is not easy to make…. seriously.)” Mundane_Morning9454
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, people take advantage when they know you’re too nice. I don’t even think people intentionally mean to do it too sometimes, they naturally just have more expectations from you after a certain point.
Like the real story of the school teacher who always came to school early. She decides to sleep in one day because she’s tired, but comes in at the normal time alongside everyone else. The vice principal is visibly upset and annoyed that she didn’t come in early and help out like usual. The lady was shocked, and from that day on, she came in at the regular time since she says people don’t genuinely just appreciate someone being generous anymore, they expect it.
Lady just wants a bakery-level cake for free lol. Free being the main driving factor here because if she really wanted a cake done right and knew you weren’t comfortable, she’d leave it alone. But she’s obviously just not the appreciative type so you need to stand on your position and have some conviction in absolutely knowing you did nothing wrong, so don’t give her any type of energy that would make it seem like you’re apologetic or in any wrong, since her mind will automatically think that if you come across sorry about it.” Latter-Signature-456
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Fear Of Becoming A Minority?
“I was standing talking to my friend outside waiting for our Uber Eats order.
When it arrived, I remarked that most of the Uber Eats drivers appeared to be newcomers to Canada. I told her that I thought it was too bad that driving might be the only job that they could get in this economy.
In the 15 or so years that I’ve known her, I’ve never suspected that she had racist tendencies.
She’s white and I’m Lebanese but honestly, most people think I’m white.
She told me that she was worried that white people would soon be outnumbered.
I was appalled! I knew her to be kind and compassionate and I knew she was fascinated by other cultures and would frequently talk to people from other cultures to find out how things were different in their countries.
So I didn’t immediately criticize her.
“So, you’re worried about being a minority?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Why, are minorities treated badly?”
“Yeah…wait..no.”
I could see the wheels spinning as she processed what she just said.
I chuckled at her discomfiture. I then pointed out that even thinking like that was racist.
She got angry accusing me of being a jerk for making her feel bad.
I diffused the conversation by saying that it wouldn’t be a problem for long as our Terminator overlords don’t recognize race.
She then asked me that when that happened, as a programmer, would I protect her?
I reassured her that I would but only if the Terminators ran on Google.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gotta call people out sometimes. I think a lot of people with ancestry from Europe are clueless on how statements like this can be hurtful.” Historical_Gloom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That needed a call out, and it seems like you did it gently, allowed her a moment to reflect on that unconscious fear, and then moved on. That was kind and patient of you, and I hope that means she didn’t feel backed into a corner and she’s able to reflect on it later and do better in the future.
You’re clearly a good friend, and I’m sorry you had to deal with that – it wasn’t your job, but you did it well anyway. Lots of us think we’ve done the work on a surface level, but these odd little beliefs that got into the subconscious from being raised in a racist system are still there, and we might not notice until we get questioned on it.
I’m not saying it’s ok or that POC are obliged to coddle us through it, but I reckon it’s just how humans are that they are less likely to double down and might actually change a bit if they are given the call out as question rather than the telling off, and then have time to process it and think more deeply.” coryluscorvix
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My In-Laws See My Child Until They Apologize?
“I got along with my in-laws very well until we had a baby.
My in-laws decided they could take my baby whenever they wanted without asking me and wouldn’t return him when he was crying. They would come over 3 times a week – mostly uninvited, sometimes even late at night.
MIL arranged my baby’s christening without my permission, made the guest list, and didn’t invite my parents (that’s a whole other story and post).
My husband failed at setting boundaries, so in order to protect my child I had to speak up. They tried to blame me and made me believe I was having attachment issues and that I needed therapy.
I literally thought I was the one going crazy.
Also, when I pointed out any disrespectful behavior or comment, they would always deny the bad intention. Everything was always a “misunderstanding”/”oh, we didn’t mean to”/”oh, we didn’t know”/”it’s normal, we are family.”
Two days ago we went to our in-laws’ house and there was already a lot of tension built up. Honestly, over the course of the past year, I got so used to the tension and passive aggressiveness, that I thought it was just another day at the in-laws’.
When we were eventually about to leave, I went to say everyone goodbye. Suddenly my FIL stepped back and said “Forget it. I won’t say goodbye to you.”
I was in shock. We left immediately.
AITJ for refusing to see them (and for not letting them see their grandchild) before I get an honest apology?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO what happened with the christening? Did you actually go through with it? Did your family make it? I’d not have gone tbh, I’d have said no christening is taking place unless I organize it. TBH who cares about an apology – I’d not let them near the child again until they respect you and your boundaries.
I’d not let them in unless they asked and confirmed a time ahead of time. If they turn up any other time the door is not opened. They need to ask to take your child and accept no, they need to return your child the second you say hand him back – if they fail even once – then that’s it for good.
Events for your child like birthdays, milestones will be organized by you and your husband and if anyone else does something without you saying ok – then you tell your husband you and your child will not turn up. Your biggest problem is your husband.
You should have dealt with the boundaries between him and his parents before you added a child. See if you can move far away and restart your life far from them.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like you should go NC in general. It basically sounds like your in-laws kidnap your kid.
Don’t even bother with an apology, it sounds like you need a good healthy break from them until they realize their behavior has been crossing your boundaries the entire time. Your husband should be doing a better job of stepping up and telling your in-laws where the line is.” juiceboxfriend95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, it’s their grandbaby but that’s not their child. Your husband needs to set boundaries otherwise they will treat you like that in front of the kid. Kids love their grandparents but their mama comes FIRST, always. If your baby sees them doing that to you, they will look at your in-laws as enemies when they are around you.
They need to change now otherwise it will cost them in the long run.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Booking A Cruise With My Son Before His Mom's Planned Trip?
“My son (15) stays with me every other weekend (not my choice). His mom makes it difficult to get him if it’s not my scheduled time.
In February, I had a work conference at a resort in Disney.
I really wanted to take him, but it fell during her time. I asked if we could switch our summer weeks. She ignored me for a month, and when I asked again, she said they had a cruise booked during that time. When she sent me the itinerary (required by decree), it showed she booked it after I had asked her about the conference.
So, I thought that a cruise would be pretty cool. I’ve never been on one, and I think it sounds like a fun, inexpensive trip with him. I went to the cruise site, and after some research, I decided to ask his mom if I could go on the same cruise as them and do stuff with him when she got tired.
She responded and said I’d have to pay for half of his trip, and he would not be allowed to eat with me or sleep with me. Well, what’s the point of that?
I booked our own cruise, which falls two weeks before theirs. I texted her today to let her know, and she got upset, and then her mom texted me just going off on me, asking why I wasn’t normal, and that karma would get me.
I don’t see what is so bad about it. The kid gets to go on two cruises, and we both get to enjoy it with him.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – she sucks for making things difficult for you, you suck for booking a cruise with your son directly before the cruise she is taking him on.
In my opinion, it’s the same situation as your ex saying “I’m taking our son to the Grand Canyon because he’s never seen it” and the week before their trip you take him to the Grand Canyon. Just a petty move.” _teddybelle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you, your ex, and your former MIL. Stop keeping score with each other. Yes, your son’s mother could have been accommodating of your request (and at least responded in a more timely manner), but it was her week and she was entitled to say no for any reason.
Sure it’s possible she booked a fun vacation during that exact week just to spite you. It’s also possible that she booked a cruise because people all over the world take vacation time and book trips with their kids. You didn’t have to book the exact same trip 2 weeks prior.
That was clearly just spite on your part for not getting your way. Doing things that damage your relationship with your son’s mother has a negative impact on your son.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations OP, you were able to match your ex’s pettiness perfectly.
Except, you are showing your child how not to behave when co-parenting. Since you can book a cruise 2 weeks before your ex’s you can take him on vacation. So instead of finding another fun place so your son can enjoy two really fun vacations, you decide to stick it to your ex.
Everyone sucks here. You both are putting your son (who by the way is old enough to see what’s happening) in the middle of this mess.” MoonLover318
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Meet My Son Due To Her Lifestyle Choices?
“I’m 25, as is my partner of 6 months, Adriana. I have a son from an ex-partner and he is 5. As a partner, Adriana is awesome. Beautiful, smart, funny, an independent spirit, and loving as all get out, but, there are certain things that I see as red flags for my son with her.
She cusses more than her fair share, which, is fine around me, but, I just don’t want him to pick up the phrase “Holy flipping crap” just yet. Not to say that she’s not a great dresser, but, she does like to wear a lot of shorter, more revealing outfits and I’m just worried she won’t know where the bar is with him.
Lastly, she’s not always sober, it’s nothing dangerous, it’s just her recreational habit with her. I’ll get a text sometimes when he’s at his mom’s to come over and I’ll go over to Adriana’s and she’ll be intoxicated. I personally don’t smoke, but, I’m not against her doing it if she wants to, I just don’t want her being around him while smelling like Willie Nelson’s tour bus.
When Adriana was asking me a few days ago, why, 6 months in she still hasn’t met him, even at somewhere like a park, I told her about my hesitations. She said I was making up reasons because I am scared she won’t be a potentially great stepmom and that I was a jerk.
I told her that that wasn’t the case at all and that I’d just like for her to tweak these few things, for his sake. She claimed my reasons were “nothing” and insisted she meet him at some point next month.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you bury the lead? If you had said my partner is intoxicated all the time so I think that could be dangerous when she is around my child 100% not the jerk. When raising kids you need someone to be sober. Now if that smoking is limited to her private time as opposed to all the time the way it sounds like you are describing then it’s not a big deal. Since it’s the third point it must not rank too highly on your list. Your other two reasons are terrible.
Kids swearing is not an issue. It just isn’t. It’s harmless. They do it for the reaction or use it properly. And the dressing, which you probably enjoy, isn’t a big deal either. A body is a body. This one belongs to someone else.
In addition nowhere in this post do you talk about whether he is ready to meet her or is your relationship a good model for your son. Or if you have any plans to get serious how would you integrate your son into those plans?
So you seem to miss discussing all the important reasons for him not meeting her and instead talked about superficial ones.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why have you spent six months with a woman whose life choices you see as inappropriate or unsafe for a child?
You’re happy to string this woman along, “she’s great!” but don’t respect her enough to have an honest conversation until now? If your partner is trying to reach out, take your relationship to the next level by meeting your kid, but you’re rejecting it by telling her she’s not good enough; why did you spend six months in a relationship with her?
Are you not more concerned about the kid’s father setting a bad example by holding beliefs like this: “Not to say that she’s not a great dresser, but, she does like to wear a lot of shorter, more revealing outfits and I’m just worried she won’t know where the bar is with him.”” HoleToad
Another User Comments:
“So, you are fine with having a partner who cusses a lot, dresses revealingly, and smokes. But you don’t want your son to have a stepmom who does those things? You see the discrepancy, right? It’s not fair to your partner if you act like you like her the way she is, but really you would prefer that she change.
You just can’t have it both ways. You either accept her exactly as she is, or you don’t. It seems like important info that your partner thinks your reasons are silly. That tells you that she’s not even considering tweaking these behaviors.
She has no problem with them. Clearly, though, you do. She didn’t say, “of course I wouldn’t swear in front of your five-year-old;” she said, effectively. “I’m going to do what I want.” Which is entirely her choice, of course. But it’s up to you what you do now, knowing that she’s not going to change these behaviors.” oaktreegardener
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Finish Painting A Mold-Infested Rental House?
“My wife and I have been wanting to move into a place for over a year. My mom’s friend let us know that she’s renting her old house and if we might be interested.
The landlady said the contract was just a formality and that she doesn’t even know what’s in the contract because she got her niece to make it. She said we could paint the walls any color we wanted and my wife loved that idea since she insisted we change the color from a dark blue to a lighter color.
Our first problem started when the landlady said if the appliances were to stop working, she didn’t want to pay to fix them. She said for us to replace them and once we move out obviously we get to keep them. We thought it was strange, but seemed fair.
Also, if there were any pests to contact her and she’ll have someone take care of them no matter how big or small the infestation was.
We were okay with the rules and went ahead and signed the contract so that the next day we could start painting.
While we were painting, my mom found a wet spot under the bathroom sink and we all thought it was weird since the water wasn’t supposed to be on yet. We took out some drawers and some plywood and found black mold. We immediately told the lady about the problem and she told us she didn’t want to fix it.
She had already known about the problem, but it was too expensive for her to fix it, and that we should pay for the repair. So she knew about the mold and was still trying to rent it out to people. My wife went around to try and find more mold and ended up finding a bunch of cockroaches.
We told the lady and she said that she had already fumigated so if we wanted to get rid of them we had to pay for it. At this point, my wife wanted to back out of the agreement. The lady was more than willing to give us all the money back.
She then told us that it’s fine that we’re backing out because her pregnant cousin wanted to move in anyway so they’re not really losing a tenant. So it seemed to us like she was pushing us out for a more favorable tenant.
The problem they found out AFTER returning the money is that we didn’t finish painting, so she called us and told us to come back and finish it or to pay her $200 to hire a guy to do it for her. I can understand her side and asking us to finish the painting, but at that point, it just didn’t seem like my problem anymore.
Her husband’s mad and has even subtly threatened me to finish painting and the lady keeps calling and texting my mom to get us to finish painting. My wife’s parents think it’s nonsense that we have to go and finish the painting, but my mom says we need to make things right.
I agree that I don’t like having problems with people, but the way the lady handled the situation makes me not care about making things right.
I told her to stop calling me and my mom and to use her new tenant’s deposit to finish the painting.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is not high maintenance because she wanted to back out of an apartment with cockroaches and black mold (both of which can make you really sick… a lot of people are allergic to roach skeleton droppings).
The lady also clearly backed out of her handshake agreement with you to take care of bugs and vermin. It sounds like the lady was fleecing you to get the place spruced up without putting anything into it. If she gave you ALL the money back, there might be an obligation based on the contract to finish painting.
I’d check with legal aid re the contract. But morally, no, I don’t think you owe the woman much.” Old_Ship_1701
Another User Comments:
“Please contact your local office for the board of health. Black mold is extremely dangerous and this woman is trying to rent that moldy property to a pregnant woman.
Also, hit up your local city hall and pick up a copy of the landlord-tenant handbook. It’s free and will have all of the laws regarding rental properties and landlord/tenant responsibilities in your area. This goes beyond whether or not you should finish painting (which, IMO, is a moot point considering all of the actual problems with the property).
You have a responsibility to do what you can to hold this woman accountable for knowingly putting people’s health at risk by renting a property that is full of black mold and cockroaches. Who knows what other issues the property has that you didn’t find in the brief time you spent there.
NTJ.” battle_mage676
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a leech. She let a dangerous infestation of black mold fester, endangering her tenants, AND refused to take care of the roach problem. She’s actively trying to get her tenants to pay for services a landlord is supposed to provide.
She isn’t in any way entitled to force you to paint her house and in fact, making the home less desirable to renters is the responsible thing to do. Honestly, you might want to report her to the authorities for this. Desperate people can and will get hurt if they move into this house and the issue isn’t taken care of.” Puzzleheaded_Rate_73
10. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At The Coffee Shop Staff Over A Cancelled Order?
“I usually try to treat all staff with respect as they are just trying to do a job and it wasn’t that long ago I was in a similar job but today I got annoyed at the attitude I faced at this store.
Every morning I go grab a coffee from the store at the station on my way to work. I’ve started using their click-and-collect option so I can pick it up quickly and it’s never usually an issue.
Anyway, today I get to the store and wait 17 minutes with no sign of my coffee, my train time is quickly approaching and I have to join the end of the queue to ask the staff about my order.
I ask about my order as I now see it’s been canceled, I make sure to be polite and show no sign of annoyance as stuff happens no bother but as one member of staff is looking at the app and trying to resolve the issue another barista comes up behind him and starts repeatedly barking “not our problem” like continuously saying it to me.
I’m paraphrasing but this is how it went from this point:
Me: “Okay but can we resolve this I don’t want to miss my train and want my coffee.”
Her: “It’s not our fault.” X5
Me: “Well can I have my coffee before I miss my train?”
Her: “It’s not our fault it’s the app.” X5
Me: “Okay but what about the coffee.”
Her: “Not our fault, not our problem.”
Me: (getting quite annoyed at this point) “Sorry am I in the wrong store I thought this was (name of store)?….Oh it is?
And you work for them don’t you so whose problem is it? Because it certainly isn’t mine you’ve taken my money and canceled my order.”
Her: “No need for that, no one’s arguing.”
Me: “Can I have my coffee?”
She goes off to the machine at this point but continues to stage whisper “not our problem” at me.
I get it and leave after what has now been 25 minutes for a black coffee as she continues to try and argue with me but I just ignore at this point.
Was I a jerk for getting annoyed and answering back? I feel somewhat guilty for arguing with staff in the first place because I don’t want to be that knob but I’m not sure whether on balance I was right to be somewhat annoyed by this, I was a bit shocked as she seemed bent on escalating the interaction rather than just saying “our bad” and getting the coffee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should report this to her manager. And not in a Karen way, but just the next time you plan to go there go a little early and ask if you can speak to someone in charge that is not her privately.
Then in the calmest way possible explain to them what happened. If you can, let them know which other employees can vouch for this. Or write a letter to their corporate office if they have one.” JeanJean84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cafe owner here: We stopped all third-party orders because of the massive tech issues.
Our online order would go wonky about once a week. Thankfully, we did tech stuff in-house. The employees are definitely handling the situation incorrectly and they are probably exhausted with this issue. What I trained my staff to do was to cancel the order and start fresh in-house.
What I train my customers to do is to wait the appropriate level of time (5 minutes) and then ask us if they should cancel the order and reorder. Just the slight way of asking from the customer helped our new hires not freeze and get defensive.
Based on what you stated, the employees need training.” anotherouchtoday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you do come across as a coffee addict needing a fix. I am seeing this more and more as companies want customers to use technology, but the front-line workers are not prepared to respond when it does not work.
Also, they do not seem to care about making it right as it is outside their store’s control.” 1009naturelover
9. AITJ For Thinking My Pregnant Partner Uses Pregnancy As An Excuse For Everything?
“I (M27) have a pregnant partner who is 6 months pregnant (26F) we both met in high school and clicked ever since. I know how she acts most of the time.
If she doesn’t get her way she will sulk for hours until she gets what she wants. While pregnant she complains about everything and uses it as an excuse all the time. Like if I would like her to just do the laundry she would say the lady with the baby needs to rest.
2 days ago on a Friday I came home from work after a long and hard day at work, and while I was at work she texted me saying she wants a cheeseburger from this local place near us, they were closed for personal reasons so I got her a Big Mac from McDonald’s.
When I gave it to her she was furious, saying that I should have texted her saying they were close and she would tell me what she wanted. I told her she could have just ordered her food, she then complained that it would be cold when it came here.
I understand the hormonal issues when pregnant and when you can’t control your cravings but using pregnancy for an everyday thing is ridiculous. She now isn’t talking to me but still took the Big Mac. I want to tell her that she is acting very childish and that she is using pregnancy as an excuse for everything but I know she would be mad at me and blow up on me and have our family turn against me including our close friends.
I don’t know how to say it in the nicest way possible so please how?”
Another User Comments:
“In that case not really. Unless she is a high-risk pregnancy that’s been put on bed rest or given restrictions by her doctor then there’s no reason to be using pregnancy as an excuse for everything.
I’m 9 months pregnant 2 days from being induced and I still fully take care of my home husband and dogs. I even went grocery shopping the other day just to get out of the house. She does need to chill though being angry and upset over everything is bad for the baby.” Silent-Flamingo3551
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Why didn’t you text her to tell her the place was closed? I ask because I know that when I ask for a specific thing, I want that specific thing. I don’t want the person to get me something else that’s sort of the same thing.
I’d rather they just let me know they can’t get it, then I can figure something else out. It can be very annoying to have someone act like they are helping when they are just doing things their way. Try to avoid making her decisions for her.
That might help.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t use pregnancy as an excuse to get mad at you over little things or completely refuse to take care of her own needs, but you also need to be supportive and understand that everything has changed. Until this baby turns about 2.5, it is going to be hard for either of you to keep the house clean, cook meals, or do anything beyond baby care.
You both are going to have to let a lot of stuff go while you focus on the baby. You will both have to do stuff for the other while utterly exhausted and burned out. It’s concerning that she mopes until she gets her way.
That’s a bad habit she needs to change fast. Time to grow up and be the responsible mom her baby is going to need her to be. Also, be prepared for postpartum depression to potentially make her emotional issues and personality faults even worse for a while.
It’s a good idea to have her talk to some kind of mental health professional ahead of time if she is already having issues with emotional regulation.” OkraGarden
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Is Overly Invested In His Injured Friend?
“My partner’s best friend (24M) broke his bones in an accident, he’s healing and it’s been like 11 days, since then my partner (27M) has been obsessed with him.
He was already skipping some stuff sometimes before the accident just to meet him and it didn’t bother me much, but now it’s just too much. Once he comes back from work, he drinks some coffee and goes to check on him in the hospital, he helps him shave, feeds him, does the laundry for him, he gets him new clothes, he stays with him for hours, it’s too much!
I talked to him about it, I told him that I know they have been friends for 5 years and it’s a strong friendship between them but his friend is fine and can manage just fine, he said that he is very worried for him but he will try to do less, okay then.
I got a day off and he told me that he’s hungry over the phone and asked me if I can do something for him, I was preparing a full dinner…only for him to tell me that it’s okay, he took a hamburger and he is now in the hospital with his best friend, what the heck?
I called my friend (26F) to eat together because I can’t just let all this food go to waste. I complained to her and she said that he’s the jerk. When he came home, it was 23:07 PM, I yelled at him and told him everything.
I told him that he’s obsessed with his best friend and he is such a huge jerk, he claimed that I don’t understand and I made him sleep on the couch. He is now giving me the cold shoulder.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow OP.
Wow. You really don’t see the severity here, do you? His friend could’ve DIED and is stuck in probably one of the most boring and scary places on earth and you’re having a tantrum because god forbid your SO spends time with someone that isn’t you!
He’s worried about his friend. He’s probably downplaying his friend’s condition because he knows you’ll go nuclear if he doesn’t. I hope he finds someone better and you never have to be in the same situation as his friend.” patrickseastarslegs
Another User Comments:
“Lol. You’re the jerk. Big-time jerk. He’s in the hospital obviously seriously hurt. And he’s being there for his friend. Which is amazing I would be bringing food to the hospital for him and asking my partner if there’s anything I can do for him to help lighten the load for him caring for his friend.
Asking if I can do anything. The friend may not have anyone else. Obviously, they have a bond. And it’s amazing he’s going out of his way to help him. You are jealous. Hope the partner wises up and leaves you. To be fair the way you’re talking I would also spend all my time at the hospital to get away from you.” Gaddlings
Another User Comments:
“I’m seeing the jerk part being him asking you to make dinner only to bail on what he had asked. The rest could be because he is really worried about his friend. Depending on what the accident entailed, he could be scared that something worse could have come of that.
Since you are having strong feelings about things, figure out what your main concern is regarding them. Have questions that you want to ask your SO in mind before you talk to him. This way you can stay on track and get the things out that you want to get out.
Also, give him time to think and respond back. I suggest this because you used the word obsessed. Meaning you may be seeing their relationship as being friends, being actually something more. You do have a right to address your concerns to him. Just do it in a way by having a real honest conversation instead of coming off as accusatory.
It will keep him from closing off and hopefully give you the answers you seek.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
7. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Mother Because She Alters My Recipes?
“A couple of months ago, I spent four hours cooking a gourmet curry for my parents.
A few minutes before dinner was about to be served, my mother sent me away from the kitchen to grab something for her from the garage. When I returned, I noticed my mother had decided to ruin all of my hard work by doubling the amount of coconut milk there was in the curry just because she wanted to have a ton of sauce, and she did not see anything wrong with what she did when I told her I found that to be extremely offensive.
My mother always has a habit of throwing in extra ingredients behind my back whenever I cook for her. I tell her it is hurtful because she is sending me the message that my hard work is not good enough for her. She responds by saying that is not what she is saying at all, but she just wants to make my cooking better.
So, I set a boundary. I will not cook for her anymore until she agrees to stop messing around with what I am cooking behind my back. She responded to that by telling me I am acting like an infant over this. My stepfather stepped in and claimed I was a jerk because my mother is entitled to play around with the food I am cooking when I am cooking it, or something like that.
I find her habit to be quite insulting.”
Another User Comments:
“And to think at times I used to stretch a line across the kitchen from 1 end to the other when I’m cooking with a sign that says Kitchen CLOSED! ALL HOOMAN trespassers will be eating out of the garbage can when I toss it all away if MY SPACE IS INVADED. And it’s just me, hubby, and 2 dogs lol.
There’s also an old saying: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they want to cook dinner and make the meal the way they want they are more than welcome. Despite what she is saying the message you are receiving is that she doesn’t like your cooking.
Her gaslighting those feelings isn’t okay. If she wants to do things to the meal after you’ve set them up to eat that’s on her. I have a similar story of when my mom stopped cooking for her husband because he used to complain about how much salt she wasn’t putting into her meals.
There was always something off or the food didn’t taste right to him, so she said fine. She stopped cooking for the family and just cooked for herself and my younger sister. I had found that out because I had gone over to her house one day to drop off an item and her husband asked me if I was staying for dinner.
I mentioned I wasn’t sure that I didn’t have anything going on but that I didn’t want to interrupt their day. He kept trying to sell me on it. Come to find out he was asking me to stay because when I would go visit them my mom would go all out and make a nice family dinner.
That was the only time he got home-cooked meals after all his complaining.” Master-Tourist2238
Another User Comments:
“She’s just trying to make the food taste better, would you be happier if she added ingredients to her plate instead? She sounds like me, I add more seasoning and stuff to food on my plate and people get so upset but I’m just making it to my taste.
I get why you’re upset but at the same time, I understand her. I think what she should do is just ask you to add something instead of trying to sneak it or hide it.” Bambi_Baby15
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hang Out With My Coworker?
“I (32F) started working at a new company. As part of my training, I have to spend 2 months interning at another branch of the company in the Middle East. Ever since I got here, all my coworkers have been very kind and helpful. Then we have a coworker I will call Randy.
Randy (35M) is weird. I don’t know how to explain it, so I will give a few examples. First of all, I only understand like half of what he says. He talks really fast, and some of what he says is unintelligible. The second thing is, he giggles and snorts at the end of every sentence.
It doesn’t have to be a joke. If he thinks something is funny, he will switch from giggling to straight-up maniacal laughter. He also has a skin condition and scratches himself everywhere all the time, sometimes he starts bleeding.
Randy also has a partner who works with us.
This is relevant.
So, because I’m new here and don’t know anyone, some people offer to take me out and show me the city. I really appreciate this. So Randy texted me to ask if I wanted to go get dinner somewhere. I was like sure (I thought it was going to be the three of us).
He said great WE will pick you up at 7. He shows up with another guy from work. That’s fine. We proceed to have a very awkward dinner, where he basically laughs and shakes his leg for 2 hours. I go out with him for dinner one more time because he was insanely pushy, and he told me not to tell anyone at work that we’re hanging out, which was an immediate red flag.
So Randy is weird and makes me uncomfortable so I decide to spend less time with him.
So here’s where it starts to get super annoying. He proposes plans all the time, but I lie and say I have plans this week, I will call you when I’m free.
He doesn’t get it, and proceeds to text me every day asking if we can go out. I say no and then stop responding. He asks the next day why I didn’t respond. I make something up. He texts me again in the evening, I don’t respond.
He calls, I don’t pick up and text him that I’m with someone and will call him back. I don’t, the next day he askes me when I got home, since I didn’t text him. He texts me every morning to say that he made me coffee in the kitchen, I tell him I already had my coffee.
He texts and calls all the time. I don’t respond.
I’m still an intern at my company so I don’t want to cause trouble. Thank God he left for 2 weeks to go on vacation. I say goodbye to him at work (he comes to my office all the time for no reason).
He calls me in the afternoon again and I don’t pick up, so he sends me a message that “I get it, it doesn’t matter anyway, have a nice career”. I felt bad so I played dumb and responded with “Thanks, have a nice vacation”.
I guess I started feeling guilty, and feel like kind of a jerk, but he wasn’t getting ANY of my hints. I feel like it’s important to say that he didn’t make a move on me. He stares at me a lot, but that could just be part of his general weirdness.
So AITJ here? I felt like I was letting him down gently but now I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you already know that but are frustrated because Randy has turned out to be pretty unhinged. People will probably rush to the guy’s defense (maybe he’s on the spectrum, blah, blah, blah) but you can’t sacrifice your own happiness and safety for a stranger.
Is there a supervisor you can talk to about it? I honestly don’t see his behavior getting better without intervention from management, and chances are you are not the first young woman he’s done this to in the company.” hopskipandajump7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t stress about it too much.
Starting a new job can be rocky setting up new relationships with people. The dude was inappropriate and aggressive and you handled yourself professionally and with more grace than a lot of other people would. It’s a hard situation when someone like that is bombarding you and it sounds like you put up with A LOT and he’s backed off and hopefully moving forward will leave you alone.
If it’s still a problem. First set up a meeting with your supervisor about guidance on how to handle it within the culture of the organization. And then you can probably – in writing via company email – say something like I appreciate your help getting me integrated into the company team.
I have a strong work relationship with my supervisor and colleagues and hope to be working more closely with them going forward. Could we please limit your visits to my workstation to prescheduled meeting times, as I’m trying to put my best foot forward and focus on doing well at my new job.
Best of luck with your blah blah project. Kindly sends the message of “let’s keep it in the office please”. And sets the boundary clearly where HR has a record.” Dr_slave_princess
Another User Comments:
“I mean NTJ BUT I def think you should work on being more upfront.
I know it’s hard and I get being creeped out in this situation but honestly, I’m an engineer and can’t tell you how many situations I’ve been in like this. Only saying this because it’s not SO uncommon in some circles.
I think if you feel like you can’t be direct it’s fair to go to someone you trust, (a boss or HR rep), and politely and professionally explain what’s happening and ask them the best way to proceed. If this person is on the spectrum (which DEF could be the case) or if they’re just creepy they should be able to help you navigate how to have a needed conversation.” hiccupthepup2022
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Should've Gone To The Dentist Sooner Despite Her Phobia?
“My wife had a traumatic instance with the dentist and she is terrified of dentists. Her tooth started hurting about 2 weeks ago. I knew she was worried about having to go to the dentist so I reassured her that I would take that morning off so I could comfort her.
She didn’t make the appointment.
Fast forward to 3 days ago when her pain is increasing to the point where she can’t stay still, drinking ice water constantly, ice packs, and finally called and made an appointment, but it’s 2 weeks out.
I had to work full time and take care of the baby during the night and clean because the pain is so bad she can’t sleep so she needed all the rest she could get and knocked herself out with sleeping pills.
Honestly, I don’t mind taking on the extra work because she does need the rest.
She was able to be seen today due to the seriousness explained to the dentist.
She has a series of appointments now on different dates and I have days and events that are mandatory for me at my workplace.
She gets upset with me about how I have all these events (which I can’t control) when she has dentist appointments scheduled.
I tell her that “she shouldn’t be frustrated with me, if anything you should blame yourself for not going sooner.”
She absolutely flips.
Telling me that I don’t care about her emotions and how I’m not validating her feelings and don’t care. Basically, she took it as if it was her fault that she couldn’t deal with her trauma (I believe it is) and called sooner and she says that I have no empathy for her experience.
Called me a piece of junk and other things.
I don’t know what’s right and wrong. Please help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have dissociative identity disorder. Which means I have extremely complex trauma and responses. My behavior has extreme consequences. A toothache for me will turn into an extraction because I put off the appointments.
I, ME, MYSELF know I need to go to the dentist. I pretend I don’t. I have to face the consequences. She has no right to yell at you as you have been very supportive. I know she is scared. That is making her unreasonable.
She needs a reality check. If you ignore dental pain you end up losing the tooth or spending thousands on multiple appointments. She has a mouth full of teeth. She needs to learn how to take care of them immediately or lose them. All of it is on her alone.” LongNectarine3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – dental office trauma is a very real thing. I don’t know what some dentists do to children to create this problem, but it’s disgusting. I’ve been a Registered Dental Assistant for over 20 years. Dental abscesses are no joke. Especially, if it’s an upper tooth.
The infection is very close to the brain. It’s important she sees to that tooth quickly, and more than likely she will only receive an antibiotic to calm the infection down before any treatment can be done. After she gets an antibiotic, she should talk to friends and find out which dentist is highly recommended. There are many dentists out there who are very calming and are very aware of dental phobias, and will treat your wife with white gloves.
Also, be sure to make her aware that antibiotics are not going to cure her problem, only calm the infection enough that the pain may subside and the tooth will be ready to be worked on. Many people take medicine and think that’s the end of it.
Not in the case of dental abscesses. I hope she is able to be brave and take care of her smile.” 4fxsakes
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you and your wife need to communicate and help each other out. It’s the best part of having a life PARTNER.
If you are scared of doing returns at the store, your wife can do it. If your wife hates taking the trash out, you can do it. If you hate killing spiders, she can do it. If she’s scared to call the dentist (ESPECIALLY if you need to coordinate it with your work schedule), you can do it.
As someone who makes appointments, someone’s spouse/kid/parent calling is NOT that weird. She should have asked for your help or made the appointment earlier. You should have not made promises you couldn’t keep (re: going with her). You both should know it’s not productive to call people pieces of junk when they’re frustrated and/or in pain.” tasareinspace
4. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nephews For The Entire Summer?
“I (40m) and my wife (37f) agreed to kidsit for her brother and his wife for two weekends while they go to Europe. The kids are (5m) and (2m).
A few days ago, we get a food detailed email for procedures for the week. This email also details how both kids’ behaviors have been getting worse. So needless to say it’s going to be a ton of work and we’ll be giving up two weekends.
His wife has already started to ask my wife about babysitting during the week when he isn’t in daycare and they’re working from home. She really doesn’t want to do it because she’s busy with work and they kinda screwed her last summer. However, she’s nervous about upsetting her brother.
WIBTJ if I put my foot down and told them no that I nor her will watch them anymore this summer.”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t obligated to babysit and being a regular babysitter is a big commitment especially if they are working from home anyway.
So I’ll say NTJ. But I don’t understand why a detailed email about procedures is such a problem. A 2-year-old is a lot more work than a 12-year-old and usually, information like that is pretty helpful if you’re going to watch someone else’s kids. I will say that you seem to resent even agreeing to watch your nephews even for that one trip.
Did you let your feelings known to your wife? If you agreed to do it, you should grow up and stop complaining about how you’re giving up two weekends. If it was that much trouble you should have declined in the first place.” scrapfactor
Another User Comments:
“Do they compensate you in any way? Money, time doing things for you, etc? I think you’d be a jerk if you back out of watching them during their vacation, as you already agreed, and would put them in a bad place. I don’t think you’re a jerk though for wanting to not do any other sitting this summer though.
However, it sounds like your wife is the primary caretaker for them, and it should be her decision. It does however sound reasonable for her to say that she’s sorry but she can’t help them during the week as she has her own responsibilities to attend to.
I think an adult conversation about boundaries might be necessary in the future. Helping out with the kids from time to time is just something families do, but an expectation to provide care every time they need a sitter is a bit much.” Bblibrarian1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Make sure your partner is on the same page and in agreement with how the situation is managed. It is not your responsibility or your partner’s obligation to look after the kids. You didn’t make/adopt them. You’re already doing them a huge favor in what you already have planned/agreed. You’re not co-parents.
Partner needs to be clear in that they have their own responsibilities to prioritize. Top tip for kids that age: wear them out. Walk, run, play as much as you can.
Our toddler has to go on a walk and to the playground in the mornings, afternoons, and before bedtime.
No screens before bed for at least 30 minutes, books instead. That’s what we’ve found that works best. Kids have fewer tantrums and eat their meals properly while having a really fun time telling us about the big trucks or motorbikes they see on their walks.
If you can head to the zoo, soft play zone, or some other activity it will also help wear them out and you’ll be the awesome aunt/uncle who does cool things with them. Another thing: if you’re finding it difficult to get them to leave a playground or something, ask them about it.
Ask about the slide, the swing, how it made them feel, etc. When kids talk about it it’s like being there again. Works wonders. Best of luck! I hope your partner puts their needs as a priority. At the end of day, they are their own priority.” AHusseyH
3. AITJ For Refusing To Provide Free Music At A Mean Family Member's Wedding?
“I (26 M) have a family member “J” (31 M) whose parent “F” is a rip-roaring jerk. Both have been mean and nasty not only to me but also to my family unit literally our entire lives. I have multiple memories of F intentionally making me cry, screaming at me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and J leaving my family unit (aka my parents, siblings, and me) out of important family traditions simply because F and J are jerks.
Now here comes the problem. J is getting married, and aside from a whole slew of other problems that I won’t get into, he wants all of our extended family members to have a hand in the wedding (eg. wedding party, flower child, etc). He hasn’t approached my family unit yet, but we’ve heard through the grapevine that he wants us to be the music/singers for the event.
However, typical musicians are paid to do weddings due to the amount of work and effort that is put into preparing the performance. It’s my understanding that there is no intention to pay us because we’re being “included” in the wedding, but based on previous experiences with them it really feels like they’re just using my family unit to get free music for the wedding.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing at least F if not J as well in a few weeks; I’m guessing that’s when they’ll ask their request. So, WIBTJ if I said no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would send them an email with your kind regrets, “so sorry we/I will miss your wedding but we/I already have other obligations that can’t be changed. Wishing all the best to the newlyweds.” And yes, you can simply “not go”.
Yes, even if it’s faaaamily. And “other obligations” can/should include lounging around the house in your PJs, binge-watching something, and eating copious amounts of ice cream. Just saying.” Princess-She-ra
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, is this a situation where you sing at the ceremony and that ends your gift of participation, or a full-on concert at the reception?
If it is the latter, that is a huge ask. Those entertainers are not able to enjoy the festivities which is why the family usually pays someone to provide reception music; either band or DJ. You can certainly pass. Understand there will be consequences. If you want encouragement: FULL STEAM AHEAD.
(It could be your gym clothes need to be washed, your hamster needs a clean cage, or your goldfish needs to be walked, but get your excuses ready. OR simply say: NO!) Do what makes you feel good in your own skin.” No-Net8938
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you are asking someone to do something for free – it’s typically a reciprocal arrangement. You’d be willing to do something for free for them. Your experience with F and J is that they’d be more likely to ignore you than include you in something unless apparently, they can get something out of it.
If you want to offer to perform at the wedding – you can. For what you’d be willing to for total strangers because it sounds like that’s what your relationship is with F & J. (and yes, definitely a written contract.)” rak1882
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Use My Employee Discount?
“I (M18) work at a small gift shop. We have a 50% discount for all employees but strictly for employees only, meaning not for friends and family. Recently I got a new co-worker who doesn’t care about rules in general and I was working a shift with her to help train her.
My friend (M20) came to visit me at work and wanted to buy a $200 item. He asked for a discount and I told him I would give him $25 off which is just about the biggest discount that I’m allowed to give. I had previously told my friend about how I get a 50% discount, so he asked me if I could buy it for $100 and then he would pay me back the money.
I told him that I couldn’t. My co-worker chimed in and said that she would be willing to do it, but I told her absolutely not. My friend paid $175 for the item and then left.
Later he told me that I was being a jerk and should have just let him make that deal with my co-worker.
I argued back that it would be the equivalent of letting him walk out of the store with $75 worth of merchandise without paying for it and it’s my responsibility to make sure that people don’t steal. He didn’t agree. He believed that as long as I wasn’t buying it for him I wasn’t doing anything wrong and it was my co-worker’s problem.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your store has rules and you like to follow them, as you should. I worked for a store years ago and bought for other people but when they weren’t with me so obviously it doesn’t look bad. Your friend demanding a discount makes him a jerk in my opinion.” Strange-Courage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The store policy says the employee discount is for employees only. That means it cannot be given to friends of employees. Even if you did give him the discount, if he did pay you back the $75, he still ends up spending the same amount in all, so I don’t see what the problem is with him paying up front.
Plus, there is no guarantee that he would pay you back. Also, your coworker should not be offering to give out the employee discount to your friend. This makes it seem like they will give the employee discount to their friends in the future. You should be careful with them.” KingPikachu542
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – wouldn’t be stealing since it would be like if you decided to buy a gift for your friend that you knew they really wanted. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t have paid you and if you are so concerned about the rules why don’t you report your coworker?
Honestly, the stuff sold in gift shops is priced way over what they are actually bought for, if perhaps it was a small business owner who made everything by hand I would understand. But some tacky small-town gift shop really? Literally could’ve bought it with your discount the next day and had him Venmo you the money before then, if the fear was he wasn’t going to pay you back.
You didn’t have to do it right there. Instead, you straight up said no, I wouldn’t treat my friends like that. You were willing to give him $25 off so with your logic didn’t you help steal $25 from the store?” ModestHorse
1. AITJ For Not Being Prepared For My Dad's Last Minute Wedding Request?
“My (16F) dad (40M) got married to my stepmom 2 weeks ago. My sisters (17F & 20F) and I were all there and the wedding was fine. The wedding was on a Saturday at 3:30. My friends and I were trying to plan a sleepover and the only weekend that seemed to work for everyone was the same weekend as the wedding.
My plan was to hang out with my friends on that Friday, sleepover, and then on Saturday, go home at around 2 so I could be ready for the wedding at 3:30. It is important to note that when we were making the plans a week before the wedding, I asked my dad if my sisters and I were doing anything before the wedding and he said no. I asked him if we needed to be at the wedding early and he said to just show up at the venue at 3:30.
The 3 of us were not in the wedding.
The day of the wedding comes and my dad texts us this in our group chat: “Good morning lovelies I want each of you ready by 12 and at my house by 1. Your grandmother wants to see you 3.”
I told him that I had plans until 2. He simply responded with “What” and I didn’t respond for 10 minutes because I was with my friends. He took offense to that and said “I said what”. I responded that I was hanging out with friends until around 2.
He said, “No I want you here, it’s our day you can be here when I ask,” and then said that our aunt was coming to pick us up at 12 and to “be ready”. I was angry with him and frustrated that he wanted me to cancel my plans but eventually decided to just go home and get dressed because I knew my sisters weren’t awake.
When I got home around 11, neither of them was awake and my mom had just gotten up. She was surprised to see me because she knew I was planning to stay with my friends until 2 and I explained to her what happened. I went to take a shower and get dressed and when I got out I could hear her arguing with him on the phone.
My sisters eventually responded and said that neither of them would be ready by 12 because they had just woken up so my aunt decided to run some errands before coming to pick us up. We got there at like 2, and our grandmother wasn’t even at his house.
She was at a hotel with the rest of the women in the wedding. However, when we drove to the hotel to see her, she wasn’t there either. Just the bride and the bridal party, all of whom seemed mad that we were there.
The wedding went fine, I don’t really like that side of my family but it was fine.
At the end of the wedding, my dad came up to me and said he was taking his in-laws back to their hotel, but that he would be calling us later in the week because we needed to “have a talk” which makes me think he’s mad about the way we responded to his request. Like I said, this all happened 2 weeks ago, but on Sunday (4 days ago) he said he was coming to get us to spend the weekend at his house, so he’s probably going to bring this up.
AITJ for how I responded to his text?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had plans, which he was okay with. After, he decided to change those plans and you and your sisters did your best to accommodate them but the truth is NO ONE planned for this to happen (not his new wife, not your grandmother) other than your aunt.
If it does come up, explain you weren’t being rude, you simply didn’t expect this last-minute request in spite of doing your best to accommodate them.” 1hotsauce2
Another User Comments:
“Your father’s the jerk! I was in a similar situation when I was 20. My father got his side chick pregnant and had to divorce my mom (because she kicked him to the curve).
He literally had the wedding two weeks before my sister was due back in the country! Your dad needs therapy because he should have not only had you in the wedding but you all should have had a hair and makeup artist to help you get ready.
Then you should have had photos with him and the rest of your family before the ceremony. NTJ but you or your mom should have spoken up about giving you and your sisters your due place in his wedding. I can see a lot more AITJ in your future if he doesn’t start giving you your place with his new wife.
My dad finally went to therapy, divorced stepmonster, and is living a way more fulfilling life.” Sad-File3624
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but I disagree, you’re a bit of a jerk here. Was it short notice, yes but it’s your dad’s wedding day. To make plans to see your friends on the day of his wedding is just a bit of a jerk move.
It’s not some weird uncle or removed family member, it’s your dad. Weddings are a nightmare to organize, you should have cut him some slack and just rolled with it. If it were your wedding and you said Dad, I need you here earlier than planned and he tried to blow you off with some excuse about seeing his mates at the pub, how would you feel?
It’s likely your gran wasn’t there because your dad had told her you and your sisters’ responses so she didn’t bother coming.” [deleted]
