People Question Their Actions In Riveting "Am I The Jerk?" Scenarios
24. AITJ For Wanting My Company To Choose Between Me And A Toxic Coworker?
“I hold a key position in a small business (a few hundred users). What I do requires some significant skill and it would take at least six months to get somebody else trained and familiar enough with keeping things running if I left: without exaggeration, if I departed things would break down within a couple of days and it would be very expensive and difficult to keep things going.
I guarantee that even if I quit they would be calling me for “just this one thing” within days of my departure.
I have a coworker I used to be very good friends with, then for no reason at all (that I know of) she turned against me completely and has been actively trying to spread rumors about me, spread transparent lies, and actively try to get me fired. People who know us both tell me some of the outlandish stories she has been telling me, and they are all confused because we used to be close and when they ask me what happened I honestly have no idea.
I had been actively avoiding her for months and with every passing week she became more and more angry and hostile, stirring up drama, being extremely petty, lying about certain events to the top management (her lies were in writing and were proven to be false), and actively ignoring clear directions from the top (for example she was ordered by the CxO over her to undo a change she made to one of the systems, in writing, and never did – telling others aware of the situation “I’m not going to do that”.)
Management has taken no action against me, I doubt they believe her stories and my work speaks for itself, but she is bestest besties with people at the top (10 breaks a day) and no matter what she does nothing ever happens to her. No visible reprimands, never being told to knock it off, nothing. I suspect that the top people choose to turn a blind eye and hope it kind of goes away, but there is no hope of this happening.
I’m ready to walk away. Her hostility and toxicity have made me extremely uncomfortable, sent me into therapy and I am completely stressed about it. But at the same time, I can soldier on, and as long as the top bosses don’t act on any of her claims I can stay the course and just work on not letting her get to me.
It isn’t easy, but I can survive.
If I leave I’ll be screwing over a lot of people who rely on me and have absolutely nothing to do with any of this. It will affect their ability to do their job, and due to regulatory and legal obligations, there could be significant consequences for the company as a whole.
There would be major collateral damage done, but it would be done only because my feelings were hurt and because I let a sociopathic narcissist (actually diagnosed, we used to be friends and I know her secrets) who enjoys being a toxic bully get to me.
WIBTJ if I told the company that they can’t have both of us working here, either they fire her or I walk out the door?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are using the wrong tactic. Do NOT give them an ultimatum “get rid of her or else.” Talk to HR using the magic words “Hostile Work Environment”. They either fix the situation or you get a lawyer. And as an aside – you aren’t irreplaceable. I’m in much the same situation – no one in my company has the knowledge I do.
But if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would muddle through just fine. That’s what vendor support is for.” el_grande_ricardo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at the end of the day it’s a job and they can’t expect you to stay there forever. You should however submit a complaint to some form of HR or management about them.
At the end of the day, feelings are important and do they really want someone working for them who tells lies like that?” LobsterBoi420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Run! I 100% promise you I was going to diagnose your ex-friend as a narcissist before you confirmed it. You know why they turned on you? They only became your friend to find out your weaknesses.
Narcissists are threatened by those they deem better than them. Narcissists only recognize two types of people and they deem both better than them. 1) They need that person and will suck up to them. 2) They see that person as competition and will take them out by any means necessary. You have only 2 options. Ask your company to move you to a different physical address away from the narc.
Or quit and move on. Your ex-friend will literally lie you into jail if they can. You need to remove yourself out of the danger zone as in yesterday. Good luck and God bless.” HungryAd2461
23. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Half-Siblings After Our Father Passed Away?
“I (21f) am technically an affair baby. More like, a conceived through revenge baby. My dad (56m) married his high school sweetheart, my ex-stepmom (56f) because she was pregnant with a child that he thought was his but was actually his former best friend’s child, the second child was fathered by someone else.
He raised my step-siblings “Amy” (36f) and “Ken” (33m) thinking that they were his for years until Ken got into an accident, exposing that it was impossible for Ken to have the b***d type he did and be my dad’s biological child.
My dad was furious because he turned down a full ride to college to work two jobs because he felt like he needed to support his family.
My stepmom begged for forgiveness and told him to think about how devastating the divorce would be to my step-siblings. For three weeks my dad had disappeared without a trace and no one could get a hold of him. The last thing he said to anyone was in a voicemail that made people fear the worst.
My dad was found but in such a bad state that he had to be checked in, but refused contact with my stepmom and step-siblings while there. After a lot of pressure and begging my dad agreed not to divorce my stepmom but felt like he was owed something and decided that “two could play at this game”.
That’s how I got here. After a DNA test, my dad was thrilled that I was around and he made sure that I knew I was loved and a priority to him. So much so that he kinda neglected the first two children he raised. I didn’t understand it at the time but Amy and Ken resented me a lot because I was his “real child” (not my words) and I always came before them.
My dad would always excuse it with the fact that I was so young but he would outright ignore them a lot. My stepmom didn’t really like me either so my dad finally followed through with a divorce. He ended up getting the house and when he died he left it to me along with some family jewelry, the bulk of his savings, investments, and making me the sole beneficiary of his life insurance.
He left Ken and Amy each $20k.
Amy and Ken were hurt, but I wasn’t going to let them take out their anger on me again and be pressured to share. They threatened to sue but my dad’s lawyer assured me that I was in the clear, my ex-stepmom called me upset and demanded that I share everything equally saying that a father shouldn’t play favorite.
Fed up with her nonsense I told her “Lady, if you wanna be mad that my dad had a favorite then you need to blame yourself for sleeping around.” It felt good but my aunt feels like I was too harsh. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother reaps what she sows. I do feel empathy for Amy & Ken, but fortunately, your dad didn’t cut them off completely so they shouldn’t expect anything more from your dad’s estate.
I say go no contact with all three of them and go live your best life, OP, as your dad would have wanted.” BlackStarBlues
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, all of that was toxic from the beginning to the end. I feel really bad for Amy and Ken, who did nothing to warrant their father figure’s neglect.
You don’t seem to have a lot of empathy for them either and I really hope you reflect and try to see their perspective. You’re not obligated to split things equally; your dad left it to you. I do hope you take this opportunity to remove yourself from a toxic situation, reflect on it, and move on.
Nothing about what happened was okay. Try not to let your father’s battle become your own. Honestly, he’s arguably worse than your stepmom because his choices hurt two innocent children. She’s no saint, but he should have just left right from the start. You, Ken, and Amy are NTJ.” salukiqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s astounding to me that your stepmother is still making demands after what she pulled on your Dad.
She forced your dad to support kids she knew weren’t his, giving up his college plans and probably many other dreams he had through the years to do so…only to find out they weren’t his kids. That’s just a special kind of awful. Now she says your dad shouldn’t have played favorites? She is STILL trying to force your dad to support her children.
It’s mind-boggling. She still thinks she’s entitled. She never felt bad about what she did to him, just bad that she got caught. I do feel bad that your siblings were/are in a difficult position…but it sounds like they treated you poorly for a very long time when they should’ve had compassion, considering the situation they found themselves in.
They were not “better” than you. All three of you were products of affairs. Give me a break. Their mother screwed up their relationships with the man who raised them when she lied that they were actually his. You are not responsible for any of that. Enjoy your life without guilt.” [deleted]
22. AITJ For Calling Out My Cousin's Constant One-Upmanship At My Housewarming Party?
“My (30m) cousin (30m) and I grew up in a very competitive environment.
Both my father and my aunt saw each other as a threat rather than family, and that terrible trait was passed down to us. Somehow, I managed to get over that, but my cousin never did.
Every time I see my cousin, he has to brag about something he did or has. Am I graduating from college?
Oh, he graduated with honors. Did I get a good job? Oh, he makes more than I do. Am I going to buy a car? Oh, he already bought his. And so on. It’s annoying, and honestly pathetic that this one-sided rivalry managed to continue to exist even though we’re both in our thirties.
I finally bought a house.
I am beyond excited I worked so hard for this. I invited my family to a housewarming party. I didn’t invite my cousin, but my aunt brought him. I tried to avoid him as much as I could, but the inevitable happened when it was time to eat. My cousin started ranting about how he already has a house, how now he is saving to buy properties, and how “surprised” he was to see how far ahead he is from me.
I finally snapped because, what the heck? Why does he think that this immature behavior is appropriate? Maybe when we were both 12, but 30? Disgusting.
Anyway, I ended up telling him that unlike him, I don’t have the need to overcompensate for something, and he might want to do a bit of self-reflection as to why he is so obsessed with me.
He got furious and left shortly after that.
Of course, now my family (except my dad) is all mad at me for disrespecting my cousin and “emasculating” him. They now demand I apologize to him because he is upset about what I said. My partner says I should be the bigger person and apologize since what I told him was just as bad as his rant.”
Another User Comments:
“Mate even if your family isn’t, this random internet stranger is proud of you for doing that. Your cousin sounds like a jerk and he probably does it to other people in his life as well. Calling bad people out on bad behavior is to be commended. Congrats on the new house and not being overly competitive.” greenleanOG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So for people saying “well clearly you aren’t over it” are missing an obvious point. You’re not trying to compete. You knew what would happen if your cousin came, hence why you didn’t invite him. You didn’t try to brag about anything, but your cousin did, so you of course snapped. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Your cousin had this coming for a long time.” SteveJones313
Another User Comments:
“”Be the bigger person” in this case is code for “be a doormat.” Your partner has issues if he thinks you should roll over and beg to make your family happy. Have a nice long talk with him about that.. Don’t apologize.
I’m glad your dad has your back at least. The fact that your extended family is claiming you emasculated him is telling. But you didn’t do that, you just called him out on his nonsense. NTJ.” Ancient-Transition-4
21. AITJ For Throwing A Separate Party For My Less-Popular Cousin?
“I’m in my late 20s and my cousins are both 17.
They’re fraternal twins so they don’t look the same and they have very different personalities.
Jessica is extremely outgoing, popular, and has a ton of friends. She is always complimented on her looks. I’ve witnessed people stopping her in the streets to tell her she’s pretty.
Sarah is very shy and introverted. She has a solid group of friends, but in numbers, it’s a lot less than Jessica.
While I think she’s beautiful, she doesn’t get nearly as many compliments as Jessica and is usually ignored when standing next to Jessica. This has damaged her self-esteem over the years.
The current situation: the girls turned 16 last year and their parents wanted to throw them a HUGE sweet 16. Unfortunately, due to circumstances, the party wasn’t possible.
So they waited and did a big sweet 17 last month instead.
When the party idea first came up, Sarah talked to me about how she didn’t want the party to happen. She said she would feel like the ugly stepsister to Jessica’s Cinderella and asked me how to tell her parents. We came up with the idea that the parents could divide the budget in half and allow each girl her own party with her own friends.
Well her parents didn’t go for it and said that even if they did agree, they would split the budget 70/30 in favor of Jessica. Their reasoning was that Jessica shouldn’t be punished for having more friends. I tried talking to them too. It didn’t work.
The party was over a month ago and Sarah didn’t have a good time.
Jessica was the center of attention, she got all the compliments and she very obviously had way more friends present. Sarah really tried to have a good time, but it didn’t work. She ended up crying in the bathroom at the end and venting to me and her friends about how she felt she could never measure up to her sister.
A couple of days after the party, Jessica told me she felt like a princess the whole night. She even went as far as saying it was the best night of her life.
I felt bad so last weekend I decided to throw a little dinner party in my backyard for Sarah and a handful of her friends.
That’s what she wanted in the first place. It went really well and Sarah was able to shine in her own way.
Of course word got out at school and when Jessica found out, she told her parents. Her mom called me in a fit of rage. She said I had no right to throw her child a birthday party without her permission, she couldn’t believe I would favor one twin over the other, and wouldn’t listen at all when I tried to explain why I did it.
I do feel that I owe Jessica an apology and an explanation, but I also feel that she needs to have more empathy for her sister. I’m sick of her and her parents ignoring Sarah’s feelings and Sarah feels the same way. She said she’s hoping to get a decent scholarship for college next year so she never has to see her parents or Jessica again.
AITJ for throwing Sarah a birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way I see it is that no they aren’t punishing Jessica for having more friends than Sarah but they ARE punishing Sarah for having not as many friends as Jessica.” apple-n-pie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like some favoritism on the family’s side.
Sara will always remember what you did for her and will love you for it. When it has all calmed down maybe you can explain to Jessica why you did it, and if she can’t understand that’s on her.” juiceboxfriend95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From how the story unfolded, it seems like no one actually bothered to sit down and listen to Sarah’s concerns and validate her feelings.
It must feel terribly isolating to be treated like that by your own flesh and b***d. Thank you OP for taking the time out to listen to her needs and wants, and for organizing a beautiful day for her. At the very least, she knows there is always someone out there that she can count on, who will listen to her concerns no matter how small or big and will do their utmost to treat her well.
Jessica should absolutely be sat down and be talked to if possible. She is still a child and may feel like it was unfair that Sarah got an additional celebration. Letting Jessica know that Sarah didn’t feel valued and loved at her own birthday and that the reason why she wanted a day where she could be herself and not compared, is absolutely necessary.
I hope Jessica can stand with her sister and not against her.” bishudidnt
20. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Friend His Wife Still Smokes While Pregnant?
“My husband’s best friend “Steve” recently got married to “Laura” and my husband and I recently moved to the same state that Steve and Laura live in. Laura has a son from a previous relationship around my daughter’s age and they get along well.
So we found ourselves getting together often so the kids could play and the guys could have guy time, and because my husband and I didn’t know anyone else in the state. I didn’t know much about Laura but I did know she is a smoker even worse a chain smoker… I politely asked her not to smoke around me because the smoke triggers awful migraines for me.
So she smokes a few feet away from me.
I get to know Laura better and she informs me that she and Steve are trying for a baby and that they had 2 miscarriages before getting married. I offer friendly advice saying she should try to take prenatal vitamins and probably slow down on the smoking.
To which she informs me she smoked the whole pregnancy with her son and he is fine. Her son is not “fine” he has had seizures since he was 3 months and severe asthma among other health issues commonly associated with smoking while pregnant. I gently mention the correlation and she brushes it off saying no it’s not related.
Big surprise Laura gets pregnant and wants me to plan a gender reveal. I accept. We were over for dinner and her husband jokingly mentions in front of everyone that Laura needs to stop smoking because the fate of his first baby is on the line. Laura laughed but it was just awkward for the rest of us.
We continue to meet up to make plans/buy decorations all the while she is still smoking if not smoking more. But I started noticing she never smoked around her husband… but I wasn’t around them enough to notice until I was complaining to my husband that I get a migraine every time I’m around her.
He looked at me shocked stating “Steve told me she quit after they announced the pregnancy.” I froze then it started to click. Steve would leave with my husband, we would go to the backyard, she would chain smoke and throw the butts over the fence. She smoked outside of her car while going to stores, 1 before going in and 1 after.
But she assured me that she was quitting every time I confronted her about it. Honestly, it’s embarrassing standing next to a pregnant person while they are smoking…
Steve thought she quit… and realized she was using me to hide her smoking from her husband. I felt disappointed and sad for her, the baby, and the unknowing husband.
Long story short I told him. I also told him where she was throwing the butts (he found thousands in the grass) now she is mad at me saying it wasn’t my secret to tell and they have been arguing for days and I ruined their gender reveal. Should I have kept her secret? Was I wrong for telling Steve?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t ask you to keep it a secret and it’s also not your job to. If she didn’t want anyone to know she shouldn’t have smoked around anyone, you included.” TwiggyTQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is smoking bad and will cause issues for the baby, but she is also lying to her husband by continuing to smoke.
Getting her secret out now is much better than later.” cryolatte
19. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Move Out After He Trashed My Apartment And Used My Bathroom Without Permission?
“I (22f) have a brother (15) who is currently living with me in my 2-bedroom apartment. He no longer lives with my parents as he and my dad were constantly arguing over nothing and it was stressing my mum out so I offered for him to come and live with me.
My apartment has 2 bathrooms, an ensuite, and a main bathroom, only mine has a bathtub.
Note: 1. There are not many rules in my apartment for him, as I have made it very clear I’m giving him a home, not a mum, but one that I do have is on Friday my bathtub is mine only as that’s the day where I work from 4 am till 7 or 8 pm.
(My brother plays football so sometimes likes to use my bathroom) 2. My bathroom lock was broken and needed changing for ages I just couldn’t be bothered to change it.
Anyway this one Friday I was feeling unwell so my boss sent me home early, and I was ready to run me a hot bath but when I walked into the apartment I was surprised to see it trashed. There’s food everywhere, there were spills and the whole lot.
I shouted for my brother but he didn’t answer, I was kind of panicked and went looking round for him.
I entered my bathroom to see him in my bathtub with a girl. We both screamed and I ran out scared for life.
About 2 minutes later he came out and I asked him what in the world did he think he was doing.
He told me he didn’t expect me to be home yet and was gonna tell her to leave soon anyway. Then a maid showed up and I was so annoyed and ill that I started crying. I told him I wanted him to go back to mum and dad because I can no longer have him here.
He told me it’s not a big deal and that I’m overreacting like usual. He is still in his room and hasn’t talked to me since (it’s been 3 days), I’m starting to feel bad now as I know it is hard for him at home.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs a parent.
He’s a kid, not your roommate, and you’re not his mom. You don’t want to be his mom, so send him home. You don’t need to put up with him trashing your place and having potentially unprotected cuddles on your furniture/area. On top of that, he hired a maid service secretly, bringing two strangers (girl and maid) into your home to cover up what he was doing.
People you don’t know in your home secretly. Definitely a rational person’s boundary crossed. While he showed initiative in trying to clean up, he was clearly sneaking around behind your back, and he didn’t ask permission to have a guest/friend/girl over. Either talk and make rules/boundaries and step up as his responsible adult, or send him home.
Might want to figure out what he and his dad disagreed with so vehemently.” FuIIofDETERMINATION
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but how much money does a teenager have to be able to afford a maid service so he can have interactions in OP’s bathtub? OP, once this guy is out of your place, change ALL the door locks and get the bathroom one fixed as well.” BlueCarnations12
18. AITJ For Refusing To Swap Airplane Seats With A Mother And Child Due To Airline's Overbooking?
“I (58F) was traveling with friends (80M & 62F) from London to New Delhi on a major airline. My friends were seated in Upper Class and I had an aisle bulkhead seat in Premium Economy. The flight was oversold. A flight attendant asked me if I would swap with the lady behind me who had a lap child as she was supposed to be in Upper Class with her husband but one of them had been bumped back because the flight was oversold.
There were multiple things going through my mind that I did NOT voice, like – why wouldn’t one parent and the child remain in Upper Class where there is more room with perhaps the parents swapping places throughout the 11-hour flight; or why not buy three Premium Economy seats and let the child have their own seat (and yes, I have had three children of my own in a five-year time span and traveled long-haul with them when they were young and we always bought a seat for each person, usually in economy); also, knowing by this stage that any of my concerns would be deemed less important than the mother-child combination, I did not explain to her that my bad knee was one of the reasons I chose the seat I did.
I simply replied that I did not wish to swap seats. The flight attendant persisted in trying to guilt trip me and I said ‘so, let me understand something, your airline has overbooked the flight and you are having to deal with disgruntled passengers and you want me to help you out for the company’s poor management practices?’ She replied: ‘yes.’
I said I’m sorry but no, I wish to remain in this seat. She then told me that I could expect to not receive friendly or attentive service from the flight crew and that I’d better not complain if the kid behind me kicked the seat.
I did not argue as I could tell she was trying to provoke me in order to threaten me with being booted from the flight if I did not give in.
I remained in the seat.
So AITJ for not wanting to swap seats?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a cheek from that attendant. She asked and you said no, that should have been the end of it. These people sometimes let the power go to their head, she should never have threatened you. Friendly and attentive service is what they owe you as a paying customer.
I’d report her and make a complaint, she went way over the line in my opinion.” IHaveSaidMyPiece
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless they were willing to refund you the cost of the ticket and let you fly for free it’s not your job to fix someone else’s poor planning. The mother behind you could have just left the kiddo with the parent in Upper Class.
Then she wouldn’t have needed the extra room.” MommaGuy
17. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL See The Baby Outside Her Scheduled Time?
“I (28F) have a three-week-old baby girl. At first, I had decided I didn’t want visitors and told everyone exactly that. However, when my husband went back to work within a week of us being home, I started feeling really lonely. I was feeling great, my baby was sleeping most of the day, but I started getting in my head too much and decided I needed a bit of company.
So, I created a group chat with my closest family members, laid down some ground rules (masks, clean clothes, no kisses, etc.) for seeing the baby, and said they could come.
Now, I am VERY close to my family. Me, my parents, my brother, 2 uncles and spouses, and 4 cousins are a very tight-knit group who, before recent times, spent a lot of time together.
My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t have such a relationship with his family. He is on okay terms with his parents (divorced), but they’re not close. Still, I also added his mother to the group chat (his father doesn’t have a smartphone) so she would feel welcome to come see her granddaughter as well.
Now, since this was a lot of people, I asked that people try to spread out their visits and book timeslots so the baby wasn’t overstimulated (and I had company while my husband was working).
Everyone on my side of the family was super excited, booked timeslots, and I started feeling much better now that I wasn’t alone all the time.
My MIL, however, never booked a timeslot. My husband asked her specifically if she wasn’t coming, she said she was working a lot but “would see” and eventually she booked for yesterday morning. She didn’t show up. We called, she didn’t pick up. Two of my cousins came in the afternoon, my husband went to work and I and my cousin went to bake while my baby slept in my other cousin’s arms.
Mid-afternoon, my MIL rings the bell. She comes in, tries to reach for the baby and I tell her that she is now sleeping on my cousin’s lap and that I don’t want to disturb her and she should come back later. She immediately gets very angry, saying that my cousins have spent a lot of time with the baby, she has yet to see her granddaughter, and that my whole timeslot system is stupid, favors my family, and makes it hard for her to see her granddaughter because she works “weird shifts”.
I tell her that she can book any time slot she wants, but she starts berating me because she was there now and it was stupid I was keeping her from her granddaughter. I tried reasoning with her, but she just kept arguing so I went crying into the kitchen and one of my cousins walked her out.
My husband is on my side and isn’t mad at me, but he says that I should just have let his mother hang out with the baby since she was there. At the time, it felt like that was setting a bad precedent and ruining the structure I had created, but now I am wondering if I was unfair towards my MIL.
Was I?”
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations on not just setting, but also keeping your boundaries! About 90% of the MIL-related issues on AITJ would be diffused if more people could do what you did. The fact that few can actually do so should make you feel good about yourself. As for your MIL’s reaction to you sticking to your boundaries, this is – as they say in the tech world – a feature, not a bug.
Of course she hates the boundaries, calls them stupid, and attacks you. This is all about her getting her way – and how dare you interfere with that. You are absolutely correct in that if you surrender now, any future battles will be so much harder if the walls have fallen. Please remind dear husband about this.
If he is so LC with his family he probably understands, but it is so easy to just give in at times.” Attila_the_frog_33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The timeslot thing is brilliant. MIL is just entitled and thinks that your idea is stupid. So next time you just don’t answer the door. If you don’t want to follow the rules, you shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t get to see the baby.
This goes with any of the rules you set, you are the Mom, she has no power here.” ForwardPlenty
16. AITJ For Calling My Sister Stupid After She Used All My Baby Formula?
“I’m 19f, my sister is 24f. We both have babies and they’re two months apart, mine being 3 weeks old and hers being a few days shy of 12 weeks. I had planned to exclusively breastfeed but I’ve got a supply issue that needs me to supplement with formula, whereas my sister exclusively formula feeds.
I pump and top the bottles up with a scoop of formula once or twice a day.
We use the same brand of formula and usually when my sister visits me, she brings pre-made bottles to my house but today she forgot. She asked if she could use some of mine and I said not a full bottle since I only have about 2 days left of formula, but she was more than welcome to one of the bags in the freezer and then use a scoop of the formula to top it up.
She said that was alright and went into the kitchen.
It wasn’t until she had left, a little over an hour later, and I went to make a bottle that I noticed she had used pretty much all that was left of the formula. I called her just to say what the heck and she said the breastmilk wasn’t enough so she put in 3 scoops of formula, but she was lying about using the BM because there were 5 bags in the freezer when I told her she could use it and there’s still five bags.
I told her she needed to replace what she took because I can’t afford to and she said that wasn’t fair since I work and she doesn’t so clearly I can afford it. I can’t, I’m on minimum wage and maternity leave. I got pretty angry at her and asked her “Are you actually really stupid, you know I can’t produce enough to feed my baby and now I have to stress about what to do until I’m paid next because of you.”
She got pretty offended by me calling her that and said I can just feed the baby more. I again asked if she was stupid because she just wasn’t getting it and she hung up and blocked me on pretty much everything. I’m now wondering if I’m the jerk here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Obvious NTJ.
She took more than you offered. The fact that you don’t have enough now just makes it worse.” Hartog95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d ask on social media if anyone can bring you a can of formula since your sister stole the last bit you had and now you have nothing to feed your child with.
It’s a win/win. Shame your sister and possibly get some help with the formula.” PeteyPorkchops
15. AITJ For Banning My Sister-In-Law's Friend Who Was Flirting With My Husband?
“I (23F) have a husband (24M). He has a sister (25F) who he’s extremely close to. She and I have gotten along since my husband first introduced me to her and I actually consider her my sister.
Recently, she has started living with us.
She was supposed to get married to her fiancé but last second he cancelled the wedding and she had nowhere to live since he was her support system financially. We took her in while she got back up on her feet.
Well, since she lives with us, we allow her to bring over her friends.
One friend (24F) in particular sleeps over a lot, I don’t really mind since SIL’s room is in the attic and her friend doesn’t really come out of her room often. I have noticed though, that when my husband is out and she comes out of the attic, she wears big hoodies and long baggy pants, but as soon as my husband comes back she’ll go back up to the attic and come back wearing booty shorts and a basically transparent shirt which shows everything.
I thought I was overreacting and didn’t do anything about it, but the other day my husband came to me shaking. When I asked him what was wrong he basically cried to me that he felt extremely uncomfortable and angry. When I asked for a reason he said that every time SIL’s friend comes over she literally flirts nonstop with him when no one is around.
Once apparently she even took off her pants and when he told her not to she said that she just needed some air. The reason why he was so upset this time was because a few minutes earlier she had tried to grab his hand. My husband hates physical touch with anyone he’s not comfortable with, hence that was a breaking point for him.
After a long discussion between us two, we told SIL how we didn’t want her friend over anymore because she was making us both uncomfortable. SIL freaked out, saying that it wasn’t her friend’s fault that my husband “was attracted to her” and started saying we were both some sexist jerks.
I feel really bad honestly, I’m a big women’s activist and this has really made me feel like a sexist woman, also SIL refuses to look at me now and I’m scared our relationship is ruined. I also feel bad because I know SIL’s friend was a big support system for her during these hard times and I might have taken that away from her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this ‘friend’ is harassing your husband. It has less to do with what she chooses to wear and much more to do with her unwillingness to respect personal space and take a no. It’s not sexist in the slightest. Would you at all accept a man coming in, taking off his pants, and touching someone against their will?
It’s the same for her.” Low_Consequence_1553
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you’re being sexist (as is your SIL) by not realizing this is harassment. If the genders were swapped, would you or your SIL have given a second thought to putting an immediate stop to this? Your husband is being harassed in his own home, which is horrifically damaging to not have a safe space.
Tell SIL to hit the road if she’s upset. This is not some odd case of misread signals. Her weird man-hunting friend is not worth your husband’s mental health. Get her out and do not feel bad for a single solitary second.” UDontKnowMe__206
14. AITJ For Kissing My Husband At A Friend's Child-Free Barbeque?
“I (F37) and my husband (M42) attended my friend Becky’s (F36) annual barbeque last weekend. Becky and I have been close friends since college. I met my husband shortly after graduating and while he and Becky have never been very close, such as hanging out without me, they have always been friendly toward one another and we’ve all hung out together on numerous occasions.
Becky recently lost her husband due to a medical issue and we’ve all been devastated.
This year Becky texted me the day before her event and told me that she was making this year’s occasion a child-free one and that meant I couldn’t bring my three-year-old and that she understood if I couldn’t make it.
I bit my tongue in an effort to be respectful and thanked her for letting me know and told her I indeed wouldn’t be able to make it. She responded by saying she was looking forward to seeing my husband at dinner though. I saw no issue with this and sent her a thumbs-up.
The next morning was the day of Becky’s event and my MIL luckily agreed to babysit our toddler.
We thanked MIL and headed over to Becky’s with food, gifts, and no children in tow.
As we walked in Becky greeted my husband with a hug and an excited hellooooooo and then me with a sort of surprised look on her face. She didn’t say much to me and went into her living room with everybody else.
I went to put down the food on the counter while she introduced everybody to my husband and referred to him as “dear” (my husband told me this later on in the evening). I walked into the room and she gave me no mind since she was deep in a conversation with a friend of hers.
Some time into the party, Becky and my husband were both standing at the patio door and she had her arm around his waist. He spotted and looked at me with a “help me” glare so I made my way over thinking she had one too many. I gave him a kiss as he separated from her grasp.
Becky looked at the both of us and then back at the others at the party with a shocked expression and then ran back into the house crying. She ran into the bedroom and locked the room and screamed at me to leave through the door. I tried asking her what had upset her and why she wanted us to leave numerous times.
She refused to answer me and just kept crying. So, we left and on the way out received some pretty dirty looks from the other party-goers.
Later, I received texts from several mutual friends who scolded me for PDA and how Becky was so upset that I had made her party look “tacky” and that I was rubbing it in her face that she was a widow.
I was so shocked and hurt to hear this and mentioned that every other couple at the event was also being relatively affectionate and that despite my husband and I not being ones to commit PDA in public, I had given him a side hug and a peck kiss, and that was all. Anyway, I am at a loss at what I should do.
I feel like I hurt a close friend but I’m not sure how and what I can do to fix it. Help! AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it’s so obvious she was hitting on the husband. She’s probably embarrassed and humiliated. OP should text her a fake apology: “I’m sorry you got upset, but you see, husband signaled me to come kiss him because he felt really trapped by you clinging to him”.
Then write off the friendship, cuz it’s already over. NTJ.” Unit-Healthy
Another User Comments:
“A few notes. Firstly it sounds like Becky needs to get some help, I don’t think you did anything wrong and her reaction is blown out of proportion. BUT your husband needs to stand up to her behavior also, all I read is “Becky did this, and Becky did that” your husband can and should stand up and remove himself from an uncomfortable situation.
NTJ.” fatheryeg
13. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Estranged Twin Sister?
“Some context: I, 17f, was adopted at 6 months old by my bio dad’s (Bd) cousin, my dad (Dad A). My dad A’s side of family was always very orthodox. When he came out, they practically shunned him but still kept inviting him to the family events so their image to the neighbors would stay intact.
When my dad A got married their behaviour towards my dads got harsher. Only my bio dad and bio mom were kinder. After I was born my bio parents gave me to my dad as they had demanding jobs and couldn’t take care of twins. My twin is the golden child of the family. They love her to pieces.
Me not so much. My twin is pretty, she has lighter skin, and blue eyes. I’m darker. So my dad’s family used to bully me when I was little as I didn’t fit in with their “aesthetics”. So when I was about 9 my dads moved away across the country and cut all contact except for my bio dad.
Now my other dad (K) received a huge inheritance from his grandparents and he wants to give it all to me. I’m thinking of going into medicine so this money will really help. So here’s the issue. My bio dad is not that well off and can’t pay for my twin. So my twin called me a few days ago asking for half the inheritance.
Mind you she called me for the first time in years after we left. I obviously said no. So she had her grandparents call me and berate me. They told me my dads (A and K) have money, they are lawyers, so they can afford my college fund even without the inheritance money. When I said no the whole family including my bio dad called my dads (A, K) and called them selfish freaks.
That they are ungrateful sinners. My dads are very upset. They gave me everything they could. If I give away half of the money, his family would leave them alone. I can’t help but feel guilty.
Should I just give them the money? I accept that I’m jealous of my twin and that she was accepted by them but not me.
My dads can afford my college but I just don’t want to give my twin the inheritance.
So am I the jerk here??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your Dad’s (K) money and he can do with it as he wishes, including giving it all to you. Your feelings about your biological sister are irrelevant in this decision.
You have a bright future to plan for, and are being given an amazing opportunity to pursue it with little to no distraction. Your biological family shouldn’t keep you from it.” gatoradeviper
Another User Comments:
“Ntj don’t I repeat don’t give those rubber necks a penny. Cos they’ll keep coming back like fleas on a dog.
Your dads and you shouldn’t feel bad, not their fault that their family is idiots and selfish. Your twin shouldn’t have asked at all as that’s stupidity in droves.” Icy_Conversation_612
12. AITJ For Not Giving A Doll I Found First To A Little Girl?
“For context; I am 23F and my partner is 22F. My partner has been struggling with cancer since we were kids, I used to bring all of my dolls to her hospital room so that we could play while she was sick, and it’s a big childhood memory of ours. We both share a love for American Girl specifically.
Recently, her 4-year remission mark is coming up, and it’s the longest she’s been in remission so far, and I wanted to surprise her! So I’ve been searching high and low for the “best friend” of a doll named Samantha Parkington, Nellie, who we both loved in the books as kids but never got.
Two days ago, I was driving all around our town with my brother searching to find this doll at a thrift store, my brother looking online to find one at a decent price. We went to one of the last thrifts, and finally found her at the bottom of a bin.
She was a little beat up, but to me it was the holy grail, frizzy hair and all.
While I was checking her out for scuff marks, marker stains, etc. a little girl and her mom walked up to us.
The mom asked if her daughter could have the doll, little girl talking about how the doll looked just like her and that she wanted it.
I didn’t want to deny a little girl of a toy, but I also knew it’d mean a lot to my partner to see one of her favorite childhood characters.
So I said no, sorry, told them there were other dolls in the bin (which there were) and promptly left with my brother, paid, and got out as quickly as possible.
In the car my brother called me a jerk and that the little girl wanted the doll much more than I probably did, even if there were others in the bin.
My mom also called me a jerk after I got home, my dad is on my side calling it “first come first serve.”
I feel like I just robbed a child, especially with how my family has been pressuring me over it, but I still don’t think I’m fully in the wrong.
I kind of just want to return the doll to the thrift, and find another one at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your family thinks it’s just a doll, but you also have emotional attachments with the doll and the connection you have with your SO. Did you explain that to your family?” lumpthefoff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any nice doll will be special to that little girl, but this specific doll is special to you and your partner.
Side note, my little sister had a Samantha growing up as well.” ForMyAngstyNonsense
11. AITJ For Bringing My Tablet To School After My Sister Broke My Phone?
“I’m 17f, my sister is 14f. She’s the golden child, born a preemie and very sick throughout childhood.
Our parents pretty much bought her happiness. She gets what she wants pretty much always. I don’t blame my parents for the unequal treatment, they came so close to losing my sister so many times they just want to make her as happy as possible nowadays.
This has led to her being extremely spoiled and even at 14, she throws massive tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants, whether it be material items, or if I’m spending time with our parents without her or if I go somewhere and don’t want to bring her with me.
My sister broke her phone (iPhone 12) last month and my parents asked if I could lend her mine (Samsung A51). I did agree reluctantly because my sister walks to and from school every day (I attend a school much closer to home it’s not an issue for me) and stays after school for her sports club past dark.
It made more sense for her safety to have a phone, but I don’t use mine much in school anyway unless it’s for art.
Anyways, my sister managed to break my phone and it’ll cost more for me to repair it than replace it. And my parents still bought her a new phone, that she’s already cracked. I’m holding out for Christmas to ask for a new one, probably something similar to what I had.
My art teacher told us yesterday that we’d need a mobile device for her class. I decided to bring my tablet because it’s the only thing I could bring and when I was getting ready for school I had to go upstairs to get it. When I came back down my mom asked where I was going with it and I said I needed it for art.
She said I couldn’t and that I’d look ridiculous. I reminded her that there are 4 people in my art class and we do not care what someone is using. She said no again that bringing it would make a mockery of her(?). I didn’t listen and brought it anyway but she texted me to pretty much say I’m embarrassing our family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry what? Your sister is 14 and throwing tantrums when she does not get what she wants, but you taking an iPad to school is an embarrassment?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I question your mother’s parenting style. First, I don’t know why your parents would get their fourteen-year-old such an expensive phone (iPhone 12, no less).
I wouldn’t say that teenagers are the most not-klutzy demographic. Second and more importantly, WHY would you bringing a tablet for the purposes of education make her look bad? You’re doing the best with what you have, and that’s commendable. It’s a lot better than choosing to not bring anything and not participate in your class.
Third, if this is such an issue, your mother should contact your art teacher to confirm 1. that a mobile device is required for class, 2. if there are any rentals that the school can provide instead (since this is apparently such a reputation-killer for her and her family), and 3. provide a note to your art teacher stating that she is not permitting you to bring the tablet.
The only embarrassment to your family is your mother. If she weren’t so oblivious to you, then she would be proud that you’re not like her.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Asking My Fiancée To Dress Appropriately For My Work Event?
“I (28m) have been seeing my fiancée (29f) for a few years now.
She comes from more money than me and makes more with her job (relevant to the story) but she gets to work from home and gets to dress more casual at her workplace.
I’m a professor and for some reason the college I teach at doesn’t allow professors to wear jeans or business casual. I am expected to wear suits or pieces of suits/slacks.
I invited my fiancée (K) to come speak to my class about her company. She said she had two outfits picked out and wanted me to choose.
One was a lovely dress she looked beautiful in and was perfect for the dress code. The other was black leggings and a really short dress not made of nice material. It was too short.
Even with leggings.
I asked her to wear the nicer dress. Told her she looked beautiful and that it fit the dress code better than the other.
She got really upset and said she didn’t want to wear the dress I picked. We went to bed and the next morning for the event, she started putting on the black dress.
I asked her gently about the dress I picked out. And asked if she could change. I stressed that it’s a new dream job for me (this is my first quarter teaching at this college) and I wanted to make a good first impression.
She cried the whole way to the event. She insisted the outfit was expensive (more than the nicer longer dress) and that her company doesn’t have a dress code.
She then agreed to wear the nice dress but that she wasn’t going to wear undergarments because nice clothes felt oppressive to her. I felt embarrassed that I upset her. And that she didn’t have undergarments on. I’m a shy rule-follower in the workplace. On the car ride home she didn’t say anything.
Called her mom and friends without acknowledging me or what happened. So I rode in silence. She didn’t talk to me for a few days after. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your fiancee sounds like an entitled, spoiled brat. Yes, sometimes life has a dress code. Sometimes, you put your ego aside for the benefit of your partner.
And the silent treatment?!?!?! What is she, 12? You need to have a long talk with her about how immaturely she handled the whole situation. Remind her that the clothes you preferred were a reflection of your workplace, and had nothing to do with her.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s literally a dress code for your work, you aren’t oppressing her.
The fact that she made the decision to speak and knowingly wore the dress, yet cried and was bitter about it makes her a jerk. She could have said no, fair enough, but don’t cry and hold it over your partner when you choose to do something. God, imagine all this drama over wearing a dress for a few hours.
Sorry OP that’s rough.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Refusing To Leave The Couch To Sleep In Bed After Long Work Shifts?
“I’m an OR nurse and my work schedule is demanding. I usually manage about 6 hours of solid sleep per night. Recently, work has been hectic because of staffing shortages – which means I’ve been staying late doing overtime at work (against my will). I usually wake up at 430 am for work and I do take overnight calls frequently.
Here is the potential issue – sometimes when I get home I am so exhausted from work that I fall asleep on the couch. I barely have time when I get home to eat dinner, shower, and relax before it’s time to go to bed. It’s really essential that when I get home from work I need some “me” time and I like to watch TV on the couch and that’s when I fall asleep.
I’ll manage MAYBE 6 hours of decent sleep before my alarm is blaring.
My partner gets furious when I fall asleep on the couch because it’s not healthy for a relationship. I agree to an extent. However, it’s about 3 times per week I do this, which I don’t think is outrageous and I do try my best to make it to bed.
Today really upset me because I made it home last night and once again passed out on the couch and my partner woke me up at 1 a.m. and kept annoying me to come to bed. I easily get migraines when exhausted so because of this disturbance I instantly got a migraine that lasted into the morning and made me nauseous.
My day off from work is now spent being nauseous and managing my migraine because I was woken up and I received horrible sleep.
I’m annoyed because I don’t think he understands how important it is for me to have undisturbed sleep. If anyone so much makes a sound in the morning while my partner is sleeping, he will have a fit about his ruined sleep and will be incredibly grumpy the entire day.
However, it feels like I can’t be grumpy when my sleep is ruined.
Here is why I might be the jerk, when we fight about this issue (which is when he will wake me up on the couch) I will refuse to come to bed out of spite. I will stand my ground and tell him he cannot wake me up expecting to get up and go to bed. We will argue late into the night and I will not go to our bedroom.
Just leave me alone and get some sleep.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How the heck is sleeping on a couch three nights a week harming a relationship? If this is the partner’s view, it must be a very fragile relationship to not withstand sleeping separately, occasionally.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re working your tail off as an OR Nurse and you can’t always make it to bed, especially when you want to unwind and you just conk out.
He should be understanding that 4 days out of the week, you’re lucky that you make it to bed. If he wants you in bed with him, he should carry you to bed and tuck you in if it’s so important that you sleep next to him every single day. Also, it’s actually better to have separate places to sleep sometimes as it’s healthy to want some space.” TheLavenderAuthor
8. AITJ For Buying My Son A Car But Not My Partner's Son?
“Me (M45), my son (Lukas 17), my partner (Anna 43), and her son (Brad 16) moved in together 4 months ago. Anna and I got together a year ago.
We both have different methods of education and since our sons are old enough we decided that everything that was about parenting was to be decided by ourselves and our former partners since both our exes are still present.
We were also clear about the children’s custody, we were both supposed to have the kids one week on the other off and we tried to have them both together.
I realized pretty quickly that my partner’s ex-husband worked a lot so he wasn’t often at his house and her son asked us if he could stay with us when his father wasn’t here. We both decided that it wasn’t an issue and I even thought it was better for him to be with us than alone.
The thing is my partner thought that even if Brad was with us it wasn’t her week so she didn’t have to be responsible for him. So she was not always here to take care of him.
Lukas then, asked if Brad could have a sleepover at his mom’s place on a Friday night.
Anna agreed so now when Brad is not at his father’s place during his weekend he is very often at my ex’s with Lukas.
For the finances I realized that my partner and I did not give the same amount, my ex and I give Lukas more. So now that Lukas always goes out with Brad I give them the same amount so they can both enjoy the outing.
So this is how things were done for the last few months.
Last week my ex and I thought about Christmas presents and we both decided to give Lukas a car. He has a job so it would be easier for him to go to work and to move between our two houses.
Obviously, he will also have a few rules about the conditions to have a car and one of them is to drive Brad to high school when they will be together and to sometimes take him someplace if we are not able to.
Last night I talked to Anna about the gift and she got really mad about it. She told me that it wasn’t fair to give a car to Lukas and not to Brad and that I wasn’t treating the kids the same. I told her about the rules and for her it doesn’t matter.
It’s a car for both of them or no car.
I got a little mad and told her that what we wanted to buy for our son was not her concern and that we decided when we moved together not to interfere in the other’s parenting.
After that she told me that my ex and I did not stick to the rule about parenting because we both took care of Brad more than we should have.
She criticized me for giving him money and my ex for taking him for a sleepover.
She told me that I got more invested than I should have been and that now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions and treat the boys the same.
I honestly don’t know what to think.
It’s true that I got invested in Brad’s wellbeing but for me, it doesn’t mean that I have to buy him a car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But man, your partner is wack. You didn’t overstep, you stepped up because she refused to! It’s not her week so she doesn’t care?
What sort of nonsense is that? Think long and hard if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Is she going to demand equal college funds too?” Select-Anxiety-1557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you don’t need to be in this relationship. What kind of parent doesn’t think they need to watch their child when they are in their own home simply because it’s not their week with their kid?
You are always a parent. So if her child is at her house then it is her responsibility to watch and care for her child. It was extremely kind of your ex to agree to let Brad stay over at her place however, that does not mean that neither she nor you are not allowed to buy your own son a car if that is what you agreed upon.
You and your ex will always be Lukas’ parents and any relationship that suggests you can’t give your son a car because your partner can’t afford to do the same for her child is not ok. Your child’s well-being should always come first.” Fickle-Willow4836
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So which is it? That you are giving Brad too much or you are giving him too little?
Your partner needs to pick a side. I admire how you and your ex have been so generous in including Brad. You don’t owe Brad a car though, Anna needs to figure out her child support arrangement with her ex and get a car for Brad with her ex if that’s what she wants.
Personally, I’d ditch Anna but support Brad’s friendship with Lukas, it sounds like Brad’s been abandoned by both of his parents…” cassowary32
7. AITJ For Swearing At My Partner After She Nicknamed My Brothers?
“I (22M) have been seeing my partner (Jenna-21F) for about 6 ish months now. I do adore her and think she’s very lovely.
I have 3 younger triplet brothers (14M). They’re all identical and it was incredibly difficult to tell them apart at first. It still is considering they love bothering the whole family and pretending one is the other etc etc. Despite all that, my parents have mastered the art of telling them apart and I’m definitely getting there.
Anyway, I introduced Jenna to the family some time ago and surprisingly enough, she managed to tell the triplets apart on multiple occasions and she’s definitely proud of it. Which I get. But she’s given them nicknames based on their differences.
She calls them Bones (he’s slightly skinnier than the others), Freckle Face (slightly more freckles), and Shaky (his hands shake a lot due to his anxiety).
Now, if she kept the nicknames to herself I wouldn’t really care but she literally refers to the boys as Bones, Freckle Face, and Shaky. My brothers don’t like it. Especially the one she refers to as Shaky. I don’t blame them either.
So I talked to Jenna about it yesterday and told her that she needed to stop.
It makes my brothers uncomfortable and I don’t like it either. She said that we were all being sensitive and she was only trying to tell them apart. She asked me if they’d prefer she mix them up all the time. I tried explaining that it’s not really the observations that I had a problem with (if it helped her tell them apart then that’s completely fine – she can keep it in her head), but her referring to them as Bones, etc. bothered me/them.
She then said that I had no right to be so bothered which I guess makes sense but I don’t like seeing my brothers upset. I’ve always been protective of them so when she said they were extremely sensitive and total crybabies I called her a jerk. Specifically, “You’re being a witch.”
My partner hates swearing and has made it clear to me that she hates it. So she obviously got really mad. She said: “how do you expect me to respect your wishes if you don’t respect mine” and apparently I’m also being hypocritical.
I called the whole situation stupid and left but my partner told me that I was a major jerk and not to talk to her until I apologize but I don’t know.
I don’t think I did anything wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have used bad language but why is it okay for her to make fun of my brothers? My friends tell me she’s being irritating but some say she does have a point. Another said I escalated the situation for no reason.
AITJ for using bad language at her despite her hating it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were standing up for your brothers and calling her out on it in a way that would finally get through (it sounds like you tried it a nicer way, first, and it made no impact). That said, anyone who disrespects your family in that way – and doesn’t care even when she’s made aware of it – sounds like a nightmare person.
You will only have heartache with someone like that. I’d take this as a major red flag and really give some thought to whether this is someone you want to be with.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your partner is a bully. You don’t get your wishes respected if they make someone uncomfortable. You have every right to be bothered because they’re your family and you don’t want them treated this way.
You would not be wrong for breaking up with her over this.” ElectricMoccoson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Name-calling isn’t productive problem-solving, but given that she’s insisting on using derogatory nicknames that the recipients don’t want, you were accurate. Almost everyone would find those words insulting, it’s not being over-sensitive. They don’t like it, anyone with common sense would guess that they wouldn’t, she shouldn’t have started using them.
If those are characteristics she uses to tell them apart that’s fine, but she never needed to say it. Is she really lovely if this is how she treats anyone, let alone people you care about?” tnscatterbrain
6. AITJ For Leaving My Entire Inheritance To My Neglected Niece Instead Of Splitting It?
“I was diagnosed with a terminal illness a few months ago.
It’s not a matter of if, but when, and the best estimate is that I have in the neighborhood of 1-2 years. I’m dealing with it. I’ve had a good life and no regrets. Part of dealing with it is getting my affairs in order before I leave the stage.
My sister has two children (13f & 5m).
The 13 yo is from her previous relationship, the 5 yo from her current husband. My niece’s father skipped out on them and my sister had a rough time of it, so I helped them out early on. Her husband is well off so they’re set now, but it’s become very obvious to me over the years that he wishes my niece weren’t in their lives.
They don’t exactly neglect her, but she’s left out of a lot and it’s very obvious even to our parents that my nephew is heavily favored. I’ve talked to my sister about it at various points, but she’s in denial and I don’t think would ever have the courage to stand up to her husband.
I’ve tried to make it up to my niece in quiet ways, but I know it still hurts and I worry about her.
I made some very fortunate business moves early on and I’m now sitting on a large chunk of change and a retirement fund that I will not live to use.
My sister has made no plans for my niece’s college or anything else, but the girl is incredibly smart and hardworking in school and she deserves a chance to make the most of herself. It’s my intention to have everything put in trust for her after my death, managed by my executor until she’s 25 so that her parents can’t touch it, she can have money for school, and some time to mature before being fully in control.
My nephew already has a trust fund from his father, so he doesn’t need the money. Ironically, this would put her in a better financial position than the rest of the family, but I think that’s justice at this point considering how much she’s put up with and missed out on.
I sat down with my parents and sister to lay out my plans and end-of-life wishes, and my sister is deeply offended that I’m excluding her and my nephew.
She thinks I should leave the money to her to split between them or set up equal trusts for the kids. My father loathes BIL and said he agrees with me not letting him or my sister near the trust, but I could leave my nephew something to save face. My mother is too distraught to have an opinion right now.
BIL made a joke later about contesting the will, and my sister isn’t speaking to me.
I feel like I have more responsibility to look after my niece since no one else is, while her brother will be okay. I love my nephew, too, though, and don’t want him to feel bad when he’s older.
I’ve planned to leave him some nonmonetary items. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all but agree with your father, maybe leaving a token something so your nephew isn’t left feeling the way your niece does. That you didn’t value him at all. But agree that the majority is left to your niece to ensure she gets the same leg up as your nephew.
I’d make sure that you have it locked right that there can be no contest and they should think long and hard about it if they want any sort of relationship with her daughter. I’d also leave a letter for your nephew explaining your rationale that he can read as an adult. It’s your money and you leave how you see fit.” chubbybunni1985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you should listen to your father. Your 5yo nephew didn’t do anything wrong and, once you are gone, there’s every reason to believe that your sister and BIL will twist things to make him feel resentful. I would leave him a small share (also in trust) along with a letter for him to read when he’s older explaining that you made the choice you did to protect your niece, not to hurt him.
I would also include a line saying that you love both of them very much and since you know that he loves his sister too, you have faith that he will understand this. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.” DinaFelice
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Turn Herself Into A Martyr After Our Son Got Sick?
“My wife and I have a 2-year-old son, Jake. Last night, Jake woke up at 10:30 pm with some kind of stomach bug and he had vomited all over his bed. We cleaned him up and remade his bed with fresh bedding, but he didn’t want to go back to sleep.
So we took him into our room for a bit and he seemed ok for an hour or so, but then threw up again. This time all over our bed even though we had put towels down and had a bucket available.
So we took him to the living room and made a little bed on the floor out of blankets and towels and all three of us laid there for a bit.
Jake would try to sleep but would throw up or dry heave every 30-45 minutes. Around 1 am I hit a wall. I got a booster yesterday around noon and I suddenly got an intense feeling of fatigue and brain fog around this time. While my wife was cuddling and consoling Jake, I was trying to run around to get more towels and do whatever needed to be done, but I couldn’t think straight and I will admit I was probably being less than helpful.
My wife got frustrated with me and told me to just go lay down in bed since I wasn’t helping and that way at least one of us would sleep. By this time it was after 2 a.m. I guess Jake finally fell asleep around 430 a.m. out of pure exhaustion and my wife was able to get maybe 2 hours of sleep.
When I woke up to my alarm I still felt incredibly groggy and out of it but I asked my wife if she wanted me to stay home from work to watch Jake. She said she had planned to work from home anyway so she will watch him. Jake woke up about 30 minutes before I left for work and had some water and crackers and was able to keep those down.
I checked in with my wife around lunch time and she said Jake had lunch and was napping, but that she was exhausted and that the house was a mess and laundry was piled up because of all the towels we had to use. I told her to try to get some rest too and that I would deal with the rest when I get home.
When I got home, instead of resting, my wife had cleaned and done laundry and Jake was awake again. I told my wife to go rest and I will take over, but she just got mad at me. She said she’s been running around all day on 2 hours of sleep to get the house clean again.
She complained that she didn’t get a chance to do anything work-related all day and now she’s backed up on that too.
I apologized and told her how grateful I am for all that she does. But she just said that at least I got to sleep last night and didn’t have to do any of the cleanup from the night before.
I reminded her that she told me to go to sleep and that it wasn’t fair that she was trying to turn herself into a martyr for not resting and doing things that I told her I would do.
She called me a jerk and went to our room and closed the door. I made dinner for myself and Jake and we hung out and played and watched a movie together.
When I tried to go to bed my wife told me to sleep on the couch. Did I really mess up that bad?”
Another User Comments:
“Mostly I think you’re all just exhausted and drained but I’m going to lean slightly YTJ for a couple of reasons. From your whole post I get the vibe that you and your wife both work full-time, but she is still the person in charge of all household tasks.
It’s in the phrasing of your question: “I asked her if she wanted me to stay home from work to watch Jake.” Even phrasing the question that way puts her in the position of having to delegate responsibilities. She’s much more likely to stay home herself, because she doesn’t want to have to be the ‘bad guy’ and tell you that you have to do it.
Next time don’t ask, just say “I’m going to stay home with him today.” And next time it is her turn to stay home and at lunch she sounds completely overwhelmed and spent, you can take a half day and go home at lunch to relieve her. It’s not fair for her to carry the mental load of having to distribute all the care tasks in the home AND carry out most of them.
Also you should both realize by now that “working from home with a sick toddler” is fake. Zero work can ever get done. You should both stop pretending like that’s a realistic option, because it’s only adding more stress to the equation. The decision to be made is “who is taking a day off work and staying home” not “who is going to stay home and worry all day about the hours of work that’s not getting done while you’re covered in puke.”” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“I was with you until you made dinner for yourself and Jake but not for your wife. I get that it’s frustrating that she did everything even when you said you’d sort it out when you got home, but I can imagine it just compounded her stress seeing mess while also feeling knackered. A very light YTJ, give her the chance to rest up and talk through it when things have calmed down.” Hollywhirl
Another User Comments:
“Hard YTJ. The facts are:
- At 1 a.m. you started acting cranky and stressing out your wife (you’re very vague about what you actually did)
- Your wife told you to get some rest it sounds like mainly to get you out of her hair
- You went to bed and got … 6 hours sleep maybe?
While your wife got 2 hours
- You went to work while your wife stayed home with the kid.
- She decided to take care of the towels. There are lots of reasons why she might have done this. Maybe she didn’t trust you to actually do it properly, or maybe she just couldn’t relax and rest while the house was so filthy.
Either way she was the one at home dealing with everything and she made a judgment call based on her best assessment.
Here’s why YTJ: When she tries to tell you she’s tired and you got rest, you blame her for that. But look at the facts above — she sent you to bed because you were acting out and stressing her out.
So you did something crappy, stressing her out, and you caused her to have to handle everything by herself, and then when she tries to talk about it, you blame her! For the crappy thing that YOU did! You accuse her of trying to be a martyr by cleaning the house. You don’t know why she decided to clean.
It could be because she couldn’t stand the mess or because she didn’t trust you (understandable after how you’d behaved), or maybe some other valid reason, but you decided that her reason was to try to score points against you and make you look bad, or something. You have just accused her of being petty and vindictive and of using your son’s illness as a weapon against you.
That is an extremely serious allegation to throw at someone and it’s completely baseless as you know darn well.” Prestigious-Pick-368
4. AITJ For Abandoning My Son To Teach My Ex-Husband A Lesson?
“I have a 4-year-old son with my ex-husband. We’ve been in the middle of a divorce since our son was 1. My ex has made settling the divorce and deciding custody of our son a nightmare for me, both financially and emotionally.
I finally reached my boiling point two months ago when I realized just how bad my finances are at the moment and the fact that I would need to stop the divorce and move to an even cheaper but dangerous area to just survive at this point. I don’t want my son to have to live there too.
So, I decided that the next time my ex was in the country, I would take my son and leave him with his dad since he wants custody so badly.
My ex assumed it was just for the day but when I didn’t come to pick him up in the evening and I wasn’t home when he tried to drop him off, he started texting and calling me non-stop telling me I needed to come collect our son since he didn’t have his nanny there and he was very busy.
I ignored him for over a week, until he started threatening to have someone come and find me.
We had a conversation where my ex was asking me what type of mother just ups and abandons her child like I had done. He wanted to know where I was and wanted to know when I was going to come back.
When I told him I wasn’t, he told me he had learned his lesson and I needed to stop punishing our son to make a point. I told him I wouldn’t come back because my ex was right, he had the finances to give our son a better life so he had won.
He asked me what he was supposed to tell our son and I told him he should tell him the truth, that his dad liked to bully people with his money and it made me have to go away. He got really angry and told me not to play games and that we would go back to our old financial agreement that we had before I filed for divorce if I would just come back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you have a kid, you cannot do this childish nonsense anymore. Grow up. I get that you are upset at your ex and that the divorce process is hard… BUT YOU HAVE A DARN KID. Stop playing the victim and act like everything is your ex’s fault. YOU CHOSE TO GO AWAY.
You chose to abandon your kid. At least, own up to your actions. Maybe it’s for the best. Using your child as a pawn is the worst thing you can do to your child. Maybe it’s a good this you are abandoning him.
Just to be clear, I don’t blame OP for deciding that the kid should stay with her ex.
I am mad that she lied about dropping the kid for a day then ghosting her own child for a whole week. Also, I am not saying that the ex is not a jerk at all, just that he is not the jerk in this particular situation that OP is asking us to judge on.
The divorce and the custody battle seem to be very hard, but it’s not what OP is asking for an opinion on today. In this situation, the ex has done nothing but spend a day with his kid and then called repetitively after OP went missing.” MaybeAWalrus
Another User Comments:
“ESH. (Except your son.) You might have some defenders here who support your actions, but I’m concerned about the message you sent your son when you were not there to collect him when your ex attempted to drop him off.
Moreover, you refused to respond to your ex’s text messages for an entire week. Did it never occur to you that your son might think you were in some horrible accident or that he (correctly) deduced that you abandoned him? There are ways to communicate that you’ve decided to surrender custody, and you failed to avail yourself of them.
And you placed your 4-year-old son in the crossfire. Your ex may have decided to tell your son the truth: that his mother is willing to place him in emotional turmoil, sick with worry, unnecessarily, to make a point. You ought to be ashamed! And the reasons your ex sucks should be obvious.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom And Stepsister Until They Apologize For Their Lies And Insults?
“So I (17m) have a stepsister (17f), our parents got married last year so we didn’t have a brother/sister relationship but we have come to the point where we are friends.
It also should be mentioned she and my mom hate each other for multiple reasons on both sides.
On to the story, I play multiple extreme sports so it’s not uncommon for me to be home with an injury. Last week I sprained my ankle so I was at home all day. My step-sister’s kitten got out (saw him in our yard while looking out the window) and obviously, I couldn’t get to him in time and our neighbors have dogs.
So I called out to her about the situation.
I heard her run out of the bathroom and 5 minutes later my mom screamed and then ran down the stairs. If I’m being honest I thought it was a spider so I hopped into the bathroom to get rid of it. But basically, there was a used tampon on the floor and the toilet wasn’t flushed.
So I just threw it in the bin and flushed the toilet then went back into my room and watched Netflix. About 10 maybe 15 minutes later my step-sister came into my room screaming at me. At first I thought it was about not running after the kitten but when she called me a “misogynist Chad” “incel” among making fun of my appearance and the fact my partner dumped me a few weeks ago.
I asked her what the heck she was talking about because I was lost.
To make a long story short, she basically said my mom told her I complained about it being unsanitary. She said I was uncomfortable and stuff like this is the reason I’m mostly with my dad. I told her it was crap.
I told her what I did and that for all the sports I play b***d isn’t an issue for me, she didn’t believe me so I told her to come downstairs to prove it.
We did and my mom went into deer in headlights mode then came clean. They both started arguing for a few minutes then I cleared my throat and said “you both owe me an apology”.
My stepsister told me to get lost and my mom told me to stop being dramatic so I said I will pretend they both don’t exist till I get an apology. They were ok with it for a few days till my step-sister had to walk to school on her own because I wouldn’t drive her.
It’s gone to the point where all the siblings and step-siblings are taking sides, even my stepfather has gotten involved saying I should just let it go for the sake of keeping the peace or stay with my dad full time since I’m dividing the family. I would but I love my brothers and sister and I think I’m at least owed an apology.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is for lying, your stepsister is for overreacting without first speaking to you, and both are for not apologizing. And your stepdad is equally the jerk, for saying move with your dad full time. You deserve better!” SignificanceNo5014
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should apologize. Her father is the reason she’s so entitled. Your mother was also wrong for throwing you under the bus.
That was immature.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So essentially, your mom lied to cover up her own discomfort, and your sister is too prideful to admit she was wrong. Neither willing to apologize. Your stepdad is excusing their behavior but thinks you rightfully wanting an apology is splitting the family apart. All of them are the jerks, especially that chump of a stepfather.
It seems you don’t want to live apart from your younger siblings. Well pal, if that’s the case, then you better just let it slide and keep the status quo. I would’ve said keep going strong, but chump gave you a clear ultimatum, and you decided what was more important.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Wear Contacts For A Work Event?
“This happened a few weeks ago but my (30M) wife (30F) is still upset about it, so I am bringing this to the internet.
My company had a Christmas party a few weeks ago, and employees were allowed to bring their significant others. It was a fairly fancy event and everyone was expected to dress up. When my wife came downstairs ready to get in the car to go to the restaurant where the event was being held, she was wearing appropriate clothing for a fancy dinner, but she was wearing her glasses.
I gently asked if she would mind putting on contact lenses just for the night, since this was a fancy event. She looked shocked and said she didn’t understand why she would need to put on contacts. My wife has terrible eyesight and wears glasses every day, but will put on contacts if she’s doing something like skiing or surfing or playing sports, but she also usually puts on contacts for special occasions like the one we were about to go to.
I reminded her of this, and she said she didn’t want to put contacts in and asked continuously if I’m unattracted to her when she wears glasses, but after some back and forth, she begrudgingly agreed to go put on contacts.
Well, when we got to the restaurant, coworkers and their significant others were walking around the room mingling, and my wife turned to me fuming.
She immediately noticed that several women were wearing glasses and she went off about how she couldn’t believe that I had the audacity to force her to put on contacts when clearly no one at the event cared. I guess me asking her to wear contacts led her to believe that no one else in the room would be wearing glasses, even though I never said that.
I just wanted her to look her best at this important work event. I really don’t get why this has blown up the way it has. This happened over 2 weeks ago and my wife is still acting cold towards me and makes remarks under her breath that I’m a jerk and that I don’t find her attractive.
I don’t think I’m a jerk and I think she’s being ridiculous and insecure, but she will not let go of this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can’t believe you even had to ask. I think you know you’re the jerk and you’re just hoping someone here will give you something you can use to try and bail yourself out.
She said she didn’t want to put contacts in and yet you forced her to anyway. “I just wanted her to look her best at this important work event.” And why’s that? Is there a promotion for dude with the most attractive wife? I really don’t get why this has blown up the way it has.
Because, with her glasses, you admit she doesn’t look her best. That was the whole reason for the contacts. And what you essentially said was that she wasn’t good-looking enough with glasses to show off at your work party. That she wouldn’t make YOU look good enough. You didn’t want to be seen with her in glasses.” Manofthedecade
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She felt good in what she was in. You tried to control how she handled her medical condition and eyesight because you thought she would look better in front of your colleagues without her glasses. Super rude. Super wrong. Especially when other women were wearing them. Now she feels like it wasn’t about the event it was about you and how you saw her.
I don’t know what you need to do to fix this but it’s not going to be easy. Good luck to her. It’s her body. It’s her glasses. She feels unattractive now in something she needs to see. That’s despicable that her husband made her feel like that.” TinyBlonde15
1. AITJ For Discouraging My Partner From Coloring Her Hair Bright Green?
“My partner (22F) has been obsessed with coloring her hair since she was a kid. As soon as she was able, she’s been coloring her hair crazy colors.
So far she’s done red, blue, purple, and blonde highlights, but never her whole head, usually only the bottom half of her hair. I’ve never been a huge fan of it, but since it’s not her whole head, I was able to get over it pretty easily. It’s been about a year since her last hair color and she just cut off the last of the bleach from her head a few months ago, but now she’s talking about dyeing half her head hair black and green, a bright green.
I (21M) have never been a fan of this look in anyone, and I think she’s beautiful the way she is. Such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty. She knows how I feel about it, so she’s been holding off on this look.
I don’t know what possessed her to suddenly decide she wants it again (she has been having a ton of self-confidence improvements lately, which I love seeing), but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me.
Her friends were so excited that they gave her money for the appointment. I wasn’t so enthusiastic about the idea, and I didn’t hide that. When asked, I was honest with how I felt and how I think it would make her look, which we’ve discussed before, but I also mentioned that at the end of the day, it was her body and she can do whatever she wants with it.
Seeing my lack of enthusiasm and actual hatred for the style seemed to deflate her, and after a talk about it, she decided to cancel the appointment. Her friends are kind enough to let her keep the money in case she changes her mind or even use it for Christmas presents, but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your hair. “but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me.” She doesn’t need to tell you, it’s not your hair. “Such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty.” So, you’re worried what other people think about someone else’s hair and that it might reflect badly on you?
Your friends are also too stupid to realize that her hair is not your hair? “but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me.” She’s daft for asking you because it’s not your hair.
You can be honest without being a jerk, you know?” weenumpty2
Another User Comments:
“You’re equating the couple of hours per day of you viewing her hair to her 24/7 experience of having it colored wildly, along with the time/money/upkeep of having it done. That in itself is presumptive but THEN you convince her that your opinion of her and her hair is more important than her own, so much to the tune that she cancels the appointment for her dream hair.
Is that about right? She loves bright hair, has her whole life. You need to get on board or at least shut up about not being on board. You’re placing your opinion of her appearance ahead of her feelings. Poor girl. I hope she gets her hair done exactly how she wants. YTJ.” SoftLovelies
Another User Comments:
“I understand how heartbreaking it is seeing someone go from enthusiastic and ‘excited’ to ‘defeated’ or neutral. It’s a horrible feeling, but in this case I think you should feel it. You’re much more concerned about how you, and more importantly others would view her with dyed hair. I say this as someone who has dyed/bleached my hair white, purple, and pink at different times.
Every time I did it for my own enjoyment. I’m male and my hair grows out a lot faster so it was not for a long time, but I never thought about how anyone would react. Nor did any of my friends and family try to talk me out of it, besides asking how much the cost was.
To me it seems like you have some cognitive dissonance in both saying it’s her body, as well as trying to talk her out of it by saying you and others won’t like it. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. That’s fair, but you should know this is a part of her personality and what she wishes to do.
You can either like it, or not be with her for who she is. Because at the end of the day she should feel good about herself. Not by doing what others want/feel, but rather what she wants to do. YTJ. It would be one thing if she asked you your opinion if she should dye it for an occasion (or wear certain clothes) like a wedding where she dresses up for someone else.
But then she would ask you for an opinion in choosing something, not an opinion of what you think of the outcome. When asking for an opinion of the outcome, she expects support. She wants to show off her personality, not her presentation for others.” haveitgood
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