People Hope To Acquire Fair Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Letting Someone Propose To His Partner On Our Film Set?
“I (22 F) am currently a film undergrad, and for our final term project, we have to produce a short film in groups of eight. I was the director and main writer.
We planned to shoot a number of scenes at a local mall, which was always busy, but after a lot of communication, were allowed to film only for five hours, and if we went overtime, we would have to pay a penalty fee that would put us over budget for our project.
So we show up for our filming day. Everything went rather smoothly, and our team was efficient, but delays added up and we had to rush our final few scenes.
For our final scene, we prepared a wall of yellow balloons at an outdoor square in the mall.
When we showed up to film, however, there was a group of 3 girls (two holding bouquets) and 2 guys standing right in front of it. Our art director had been sitting nearby to make sure no one was tampering with the wall, but she was occupied with an urgent call.
As we set up, our assistant director, P, went to ask them to leave.
One of the girls told us that their friend was heading there to propose to his partner and that the balloons made a romantic backdrop and would be nice for photos, and their friend was already informed to show up at that square.
At this point, we were all set up with about 45 minutes to film our final scene. I went over and P informed me what was going on. We again asked them to leave and cited our limited filming time, but they remained adamant, saying that their friend was arriving soon and they wouldn’t take long.
Some of the team felt bad and that we should just let the proposal happen first, but mostly, we were worried about the penalty fee. I also voiced that having to rush the proposal and our team just standing around would take away from their celebratory joy.
Plus, we don’t have the time for them to take photos, stand around and celebrate, etc.
I went back to ask them to leave, this time threatening to call mall security. The five of them got agitated and started yelling at me.
P and our art director, G, came running, and we were trying to calm them down when their friend and his partner showed up.
He came running over and asked what was going on, and after he learned about the situation, started yelling along with his friends.
All the while, his partner was standing around awkwardly, having heard our argument and their proposal now essentially ruined. Mall security showed up (G called them) and they very reluctantly left.
We managed to finish filming the scene and cleaning up all our sets, without any trouble before the given time.
When I got home, I told my family about what happened over dinner. My mom and sister agreed with what we did, but my dad thought we should’ve let the proposal happen, saying it was a pity that we ruined the guy’s proposal and it was our own fault for not properly allocating our time.
AITJ for not letting the guy propose on our film set?”
35. AITJ For Thinking My Friend's Significant Other Is Copying Me?
“My (24 f) friend Sebastian (25 m) is going out with a girl named Chloe (24 f). They’ve been together for around 10 months.
Since June, I’ve been home a lot more so I’ve seen Sebastian a lot so have spent more time with Chloe, and we live close to each other so I bump into her often.
I think/thought she was very nice and we got on well, but slowly I started noticing she was changing a lot of things, and quite quickly, and I didn’t notice at first but after last night (I’ll get to that) I realized she’s starting to look a lot like me.
She dyed her hair the same color as mine and got extensions so that it’s as long as mine. She started wearing coloured contacts the same colour as my eyes. She went from wearing patterns and bright colors to wearing the same things I do, sometimes literally the same outfit.
She lost a noticeable amount of weight. She started getting her nails done in the same shape and color as me when before they’d been a totally different style. Again, I noticed she was changing but I just thought she was going for a different look.
She also started following and DMing my friends on social media.
Last night, I went out with some friends to a club and while there I noticed a girl wearing a dress that I used to have. She turned around, and it was Chloe.
the dress is vintage, obviously, the brand made more than one so she could have got it anywhere, but I routinely sell my old clothes online. I have a Depop link on my social media, and my mum sends out the parcels since most of the clothes are at her house, and something just told me that it was the same dress.
With this in mind, I went over to say hi to Chloe and asked where she got her dress. She got extremely awkward and sheepishly admitted that she’d bought it from my Depop. It wasn’t the fact that she bought the dress, it was the combination of all the things that at that moment clicked into place while I was looking at a carbon copy of myself, wearing my old dress, and I just got extremely creeped out.
I said ‘Chloe, is this some weird single white female thing, like you’re actually trying to become me or something?’ I was half joking, but a big part of me was feeling like I’d had a major epiphany.
Chloe went off on me calling me a jealous jerk and a bunch of other things I couldn’t really hear, then she started crying. Her friends went off on me as well and eventually, I just went home because I felt gross.
My friends think it’s all insanely weird but when I told my mum about it she said it might have nothing to do with me and that I shouldn’t have said anything. I saw Sebastian today and asked him about it and he said he noticed the resemblance but he doesn’t think Chloe is copying ME specifically, more that she’s just making positive changes to her appearance which has resulted in her looking/dressing more like me than before.
I’m starting to think maybe I’m crazy and I was a jerk to say something to her.”
34. AITJ For Going On A Vacation Even After My Grandmother Died?
“I went on a 5-day trip to France with a friend of mine and on the third day, my mother called me that my grandmother had died peacefully in her sleep that night.
So I expressed my condolences and asked how she was doing. She said that she was okay-ish but very sad but that she was with my brother and sister and that they were going to organize the funeral with the three of them.
I asked her if there was anything that she needed from me and she said no, that she just wanted to let me know.
So I hung up and went on my vacation way. Of course, I was sad too, but I’m quite a practical girl and it’s not as if I could say any goodbye to my grandmother because she had already died.
So my vacation ended and I got back home and two days after I got back, we had the funeral. A day after the funeral I got in a huge fight with my mother and sister about me not coming home from my trip after the news that my grandmother had died. How I could do that to them and be so selfish.
So I expressed to them that they hadn’t asked me to come home once and that in my eyes there was no need to come back home earlier since I would be back on time to attend the funeral. I can imagine they would’ve liked it for me to have come home, but they hadn’t asked me because if they had, I’d probably gone home.
And as I said before, for me, it wasn’t necessary.
Am I the jerk?
Edit: I live in Europe and it would’ve taken me at least 18 hours to get back home. Think about buying new tickets, getting to the airport, flying, and also public transportation back home after landing.
I also wanted to explain a little bit about my family dynamic.
My grandma had Alzheimer’s and didn’t recognize me anymore as her grandchild. But only me, everyone else she did still remember. It is absolutely not her fault, I know that and that fact does a lot to my feelings.
So I always felt like an imposter every time we did something with the whole family. This feeling resurfaced when I heard about her dying, and staying away felt more appropriate than going back.
Also, I’m the youngest of the siblings and even if I were to be there for organizational purposes, they wouldn’t have let me (I know this because it has happened before, even me planning my own birthday party).
Oh, by the way, I’m 24 now and now live on my own. Also, my family is not the emotional type and I am, so I feel like if I were to go home, they would only be annoyed by my tears.”
33. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws' Tenants That They Should Be Nicer To Me?
“My husband and I, and his parents, live on their farm. We renovated it to make it a hobby farm again.
There are three pastures: two my husband uses and the third we were repairing to use it. My in-laws were aware of this.
During our repairs, one of the neighbors asked my in-laws about renting out the pasture because they had too many heads for the land they already had.
My in-laws agreed because it was the ‘right’ thing to do according to their faith and it’d generate a bit more income for them before they moved. My husband and I weren’t happy about it but stuck a pin in our plans to see how things played out until the end of the lease to see if something could be worked out to accommodate everyone.
We’re now 3 months into this arrangement and it’s been a nightmare. The path to the pasture goes right by our house since it’s close to it. They have complained about my smoking the good stuff on my porch no matter what time I go out to smoke.
They complain that I play music they don’t want their kids to hear. They complain that we use our firepit which is about 50 yards from the pasture. I reached the end of my patience yesterday: When I’m getting ready in the mornings or after a shower I walk around our house without clothes.
My in-laws’ house isn’t anywhere in sight and we’re tucked off our road going through the farm so our curtains are always open. If I see the renter’s truck going over before I shower I either close the curtains or just get dressed. No one was at the pasture yesterday when I took my shower and I didn’t see the truck after so I just walked around the house for a while.
After about 25 minutes there was a knock at the door.
It was the neighbors. They complained that I needed to be more considerate and ‘act decent’ by putting clothes on because I should be well aware by now they bring their kids with them to take care of the cattle, and they don’t want their kids seeing that.
Then they started about how they’re paying good money to use the pasture and paid out of pocket to make it usable. I stopped them there and told them they didn’t do all the work to make it usable, it was already halfway done because of my husband and me.
I also told them, paraphrasing here, ‘You don’t own the farm, you’re only renting one pasture so you’ve got no right to tell me what to do in and around my own house. Don’t want to accidentally see something? Stop looking at our windows.
If you want any chance of having your lease renewed after my husband takes over, you should stop acting so self-important, act like the people of faith you claim to be, and be nicer to me.’
They told my in-laws about it who took it to my husband.
He’s fine with what I said as he’s had his own issues with them, but we’re wondering if we should apologize to my in-laws and the neighbors to keep the peace if I handled it wrong. We’d like some outsider views, so AITJ?
Additional info: We are not waiting for my in-laws to die, nor is it a matter of ‘if’ he inherits but ‘when’. Early inheriting is a thing that reduces the inheritance tax here and makes the transfer go more smoothly.
They’ve already started the process for turning the farm over to my husband’s ownership so that when they move in with BIL in 1-2 years it’s already done or at the very least, close to completion.”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Hair For My Aunt's Wedding?
“I am not in the wedding party.
I am also a teenager so it’s not like they take me very seriously when I say I don’t want to. I’ve also been dying my hair for years, and it isn’t a bright neon color, it’s a dark blue that actually goes with the theme of the wedding (dark blue and burgundy).
On to the whole story. My aunt is getting married in February a few states away, and obviously because I’m her niece I’m attending along with our whole immediate family and LOADS more (I can already tell this will NOT be a small wedding).
My grandma mentioned to me things that she would want me to do with my hair, she’s always been nitpicky but she’s from a different generation so whatever. My hair is short and blue, and my natural color is brown.
A few months later, my grandma called my aunt so that we could talk about my hair situation and my aunt wanted my hair to be completely natural. I understand that it is her wedding and that’s why I’m even asking this.
My parents, another aunt, and lots of adults in my life are all on my side.
My grandma has been especially forceful lately with getting me to be more feminine (I was super girly when I was little, but now I’m more androgynous than anything) and I also dress in a more alternative style.
Nothing too crazy, just not anything she likes. It feels like they’re just trying to get rid of all parts of my appearance that show my personality.
Another reason I’m so opposed is that not only would getting my hair back to normal be EXTREMELY expensive, but it would absolutely fry my hair (like, more damage than it’s already sustained).
I might be the jerk because it’s her wedding, but because she never even asked me to be part of it I don’t see why it would be an issue other than not being good with her ‘aesthetic’.
Am I the jerk?”
Seriously? If you were in the wedding party and be in all the wedding pictures, I could MAYBE understand the logic, but you're not, your hair isn't neon green, and there is no reason on earth for you to change it to accommodate some aging bridezilla who thinks you're going to steal her thunder with your blue hair. Sorry, but in your shoes, I think I'd ditch the wedding and keep my color. But I'm weird like that, because I'm over 60, and have wavy dark purple hair almost down to my waist. And it will snow in he!! before I change that color for anyone, period. You do you, and if that's not good enough for auntzilla, ditch the wedding.
31. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Significant Other To Chip In For Our Vacation Trip?
“A few friends and I had planned a road trip – it was going to be the five of us guys, just hanging out and having a blast. We had already divided the costs between the five of us for things like gas, Airbnb, and other expenses.
However, just recently, one of my friends dropped a bombshell on us: he wants to bring his significant other along for the ride. We know her, and she’s cool, so having her with us isn’t a big issue. The problem arose when we suggested that with an extra person on board, it would only be fair to divide the costs between the six of us now.
The travel itself is not affected, the friend has a van with enough seats and the Airbnb has enough rooms for 5 or 6 people.
Well, let’s just say that our friend didn’t take this too well. He got pretty upset, saying we were being unfair and that we should just******* up and pay for her since she’s his guest. He even threatened not to come at all if we didn’t back down from our position.
Now, here’s where we are feeling a bit uncertain and need some perspective: Are we the jerks for wanting my friend’s SO to chip in for the travel costs now that she’s joining our planned road trip?
It’s not that we mind her company, but it seems logical that with an extra person, the expenses should be shared among all of us.
It’s not like we’re asking her to cover the entire trip’s cost, just her fair share. But at the same time, I don’t want to be the cause of my friend bailing on the trip entirely.
So, what do you think?
Are we being unreasonable in asking her to contribute, or is our friend overreacting by threatening not to come at all? Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.”
30. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Ex-Friend's Daughter's College?
“I (M 37) had a friend ‘Roy’ (M 37) when I was in high school. We were friends for years prior to graduating and remained friends some years after.
I considered him my best friend. At one point he had a daughter, May, and I became her godfather at his and his partner’s request.
At the time I was still living with a bunch of friends from high school.
One of them was my roommate Taylor and his brother Jordan. Roy split with his wife during this time, and since I was his closest friend, I convinced the other guys to let Roy move in.
Jordan had never liked me from the get-go, and attempted to drive wedges between my friends and me.
He did this whenever I wasn’t around, and I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until it was too late. He’d make shrewd comments about my partner being out of my league and my career amongst other things, and the few people who remained my friends told me in more detail that he lied about me (like saying I had trashed the kitchen when it was really him), and despite them trying to defend me, their words fell on deaf ears.
I was unaware, but apparently, even Roy believed Jordan.
Our lease was ending near this point and Jordan, Taylor, and Roy had plotted behind my back to kick me out. We lived in a 5 bedroom and one of our roommates was leaving, but because of Jordan, many of my friends were uncomfortable moving in with me.
So they decided to kick me out to bring 2 new people in, informing me about a month before the lease ended. I was betrayed, and hurt, most of all by Roy, the person I considered a brother.
After I got kicked out I struggled on my own for a while.
I was 24 at the time, and I had a decent job, which is the only reason I made it on my own, even if it was just barely. That career set me up well for my future, to the point that I now live very comfortably, to say the least.
Flash forward about 6 years later, and Jordan told Taylor and Roy that he had purposely gotten me kicked out, and that devolved into him spilling his guts about the situation. Turns out he was jealous of my partner (who is now my wife) and how ‘easy’ my life looked. Roy and the others attempted to reconcile, and though I tried, it never felt right.
I remained in low contact.
That brings us to now. May graduated and they asked me to help pay for her college since I’m her godfather. I refused, based on the events of over 10 years ago now, and the fact that I hadn’t been treated like her godfather in over a decade.
He, his family, and my mother all seem to think I’m in the wrong. My wife is annoyed that they have the balls to ask. I genuinely don’t feel like I am but I’m sick of being pestered by so many.
So, AITJ For refusing to pay for her college?”
29. AITJ For Not Considering My Stepmom As My Parent?
“I (16 m) have to write a paper for English class about an inspiring romantic relationship in my life. Not sure what the point of it is but our teacher said it will become relevant in a few weeks.
My stepmom and stepsister both assumed I would write about my dad and stepmom’s relationship. It was brought up when my stepmom asked how come I hadn’t asked her and Dad any questions about their relationship yet. I was confused why she was asking that and wasn’t putting two and two together right then and she said I should at least ask some questions before doing my paper.
This is when it clicked with me and I told her my paper wasn’t on them. My stepsister was in the room at the time and asked me why. I asked why I’d write a paper about their marriage instead of my parents’ marriage.
My stepmom said because her and my dad’s marriage was a forever one and seeing as my mom is dead and my dad isn’t good at talking about stuff it makes more sense to write about them. She said she and my dad would be more inspiring for me anyway.
I asked her if she ever thought I tried not to think about their relationship too hard since she and my dad had a very long history and that as soon as my mom died he ran back to her and married her.
Did she ever think that wasn’t something I loved but something I struggled with as the son he had with his first wife?
They were all about ‘we’re a family, it’s okay to admit this is better’ and that kind of thing.
I told them I was writing about my grandparents and to leave it alone. They pushed the issue and said it made more sense to ‘write about your parents’ and I said it has already been pointed out that I can’t since my mom is dead and dad is useless at that stuff.
Stepmom said to her that she was my parent. I ignored that and went on about my day.
But they brought it up again a couple of days after that and said I should want to write about dad and stepmom and I was being weird about it because they will be the primary relationship to model myself after.
I snapped. I told them they were idiots if they thought my most inspiring relationship was one that showed how little my dad cared about my mom, something he said mom would have felt if she knew he went back to the ex he never got over.
I told them they were full of themselves to think they meant so much to me that I would crap on my mom. I also told them they were deluded. Deluded to think the woman who showed up at my mom’s funeral to get my dad back would be the person I would find inspiring in any way.
They’re angry that I said what I did to them and I might be a jerk for it.
AITJ?
Also, my stepsister is like 19 or 20. My dad and stepmom got married when I was 9, 8ish months after my mom died.”
28. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Family Dinner?
“I (16 M) am doing the highest level math course in my high school. I started having a private tutor only in high school. I have ADHD and have a difficult time studying alone, especially because my parents won’t pay or allow me to take medications to treat it.
Anyways, flash forward to about a week ago when my aunt invited all of our family to dinner, including my grandparents, cousins, and aunts’ cousins. It was pretty big and she cooked a lot of food.
I have always respected her even though she has always been all up in my business and trying to lecture me, Mainly about school.
I had a really big math test a week before the dinner which I failed. My parents paid a lot of money to my tutor for that test and were blatantly disappointed with me, which I understood why…
At the dinner, my aunt asked me how the test went, privately, and I told her I failed, keep in mind that was a conversation between the two of us, and I had no intention of sharing it with my whole family, even though they all know my parents pay a lot to my tutor.
She said she expected better and I thought that was it.
Flash forward to dinner time, we were all chatting and eating, it was obvious she spent a lot of time cooking it. But during dinner, the conversation died a little, probably because everyone was eating and to my surprise, she asked me why I failed the test even though my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor (loud enough for everyone to hear, and with clear intentions for everyone else to hear).
She succeeded, and the whole family started a conversation about how I was failing math and my parents were burning money (I’m not failing math, my grades aren’t high but they’re not low) my uncle started making ‘suggestions’ to my parents like cutting off my wifi, taking my phone/computer, etc. I lashed out at him saying nobody cares for his opinions and called him an idiot because I need all of these things to study, I told my aunt she was a jerk and explained that I didn’t want to share it with the whole family.
I got up from the table and started heading out. Of course, I didn’t have a car or keys or anything and it was pretty far from our home so I just stayed outside and waited for my parents to finish, I texted them to let them know to finish up and come.
My dad left, and we drove home, he totally backed me up. My mom and little brother stayed there.
Later that night my mom and brother got home, and my mom told me what I did wasn’t nice and that I should apologize, I laughed to her face and she told me that it didn’t matter if I was right and they were wrong because they’re older so I should apologize, I told her there’s no way I’m doing it and that was it.
The following day my aunt (the one who made the dinner) texted me that she wasn’t sorry for saying that but she apologized for ‘opening it up at the dinner table’. I left her on read and that was it.
So am I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Wanting My Bully To Apologize Via Email?
“I was being bullied at school by this kid Dan and his parents found out. His parents called my family and said that they weren’t okay with it, they wanted to correct his behavior, and they wanted to invite our family over for dinner so their son could sit down and apologize to me.
My mom thought that was a great idea, and that his parents were doing the right thing by planning that dinner. She was on the phone with them, and she was practically agreeing without even asking me.
I thought it wasn’t cool at all, it felt like they were using me as a tool for a teaching method for their son when they should have been taking responsibility for that on their own.
Plus, why would I go to the house of someone who hasn’t made me feel safe?
I asked my mom, when she was on the phone, to put me on the phone with the boy’s mother. I didn’t tell her what I was about to say.
But on the phone, I asked if I understood it right, and they were trying to host a dinner where he apologizes to me, as a teaching moment for their son. His mom said yes.
I said that I would like them to take responsibility for teaching him, and not depend on me for that, as I have already seen and heard enough from their son and I wasn’t interested in speaking to him again.
His mom said that she wasn’t asking me to take responsibility – just hear him out and let them treat me to a family dinner.
I said that if he wanted to apologize, he could write an email to my school email address, taking accountability for the things he has done, and apologizing for those specific things.
I listed a few things specifically.
I asked for that, both because it would be something I could read on my own time. And because I honestly got the impression that his parents were trying to minimize things to the school (while claiming to me that they cared?) So an apology in writing would be more meaningful since it would mean taking accountability in front of the school.
His mom said that she wanted him to apologize to me in person. I said ‘I would like him to apologize to me in writing, delivered to my school email address’.
His mom said that wasn’t ‘appropriate’ for me to ask, and I said ‘Well, that is the sort of apology I’m interested in receiving, if y’all are being genuine about wanting to apologize, please send that email.
And if not, please just admit that and don’t waste my time like this.’
She started to try and interrupt me and talk condescendingly, being like ‘No no no’ over me. So I hung up.
My mom was immediately angry, she said that the other family was genuinely trying to make things right and I threw that in their face and ‘went all lawyer’ on them which I figure is supposed to be an insult.
AITJ for not wanting to accept that apology in person?”
26. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Sleep In My Room?
“I (17 F) live in a country where summers are extremely sweltering and humid. Coming from an upper-class family, there are air conditioners in all bedrooms. Now my mom and my dad insist on using a single air conditioner for the entire house, which means, they sleep in my room.
My bed is simple, a bit smaller than a queen-sized bed, and for context, my mom, dad, and I are all mid-size. Plus my dog insists on sleeping in the same bed as me so including him too.
Apart from the space issue, I’m in my senior year of high school and have to study late or perhaps even chill but with my parents being there, I can do neither.
My parents have a tendency to argue and fight, as my dad drinks a lot and has had multiple infidelity incidents. And I absolutely do not feel like being around them when they fight. Apart from that, they tend to be judgemental too.
(For example, if I score an A- in school, they will immediately call me a disappointment or worthless) I feel like being around that energy might make me less productive.
Today when my parents suggested to sleep in the same room as the summer season approaches, I completely lost my cool as thinking of last year’s summer gives me nightmares still.
I said stuff like, ‘I need space and I feel suffocated’ but my mother started to cry and said I don’t have a ‘bond or feelings for my own parents’ and that I’m disappointing. My father (who was under the influence of liquor tonight) said that either all of us sleep in the same room together with the air conditioning or my mom and dad sleep with the AC and I can sleep in my room alone without any air conditioning.
I realize this is an extremely petty issue but I feel like I’m being a jerk by banning my own parents from my room.
Edit: just to clarify, my parents do have an AC in their own room but they insist on sleeping in my room.
I’m from a pretty well-to-do family so money isn’t the issue either.”
25. AITJ For Refusing To Go To Bed?
“My (16 m) mom and I are spending the night at my grandparents’, my aunt is also here with my 2 cousins (5 f and 8 m). We’re going to go do some Mother’s Day stuff tomorrow and they figured to make a weekend of it.
Anyway at like 8:30 my aunt told my cousins to get ready for bed. They did, and at 9 my aunt told them it was bedtime. When they were going upstairs they asked me if I was going to bed too. I said no, they asked why, and I said I wasn’t tired. Then they asked my aunt why I get to stay up but they can’t.
That was the last thing I heard them say.
When my aunt came back down she said ‘Thanks for that’ (to me) because they didn’t want to go to bed and kept saying ‘It’s not fair he’s allowed to stay up’.
My aunt said ‘You could have made my life easier and just went to bed’. I said, ‘Nah I’m good, I might have a snack’. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
It’s not just the bed thing, whenever my cousins are around I have to act like I have the same rules as an 8 and 5-year-old.
I can only watch kid shows on TV, I have to ask before I have a snack, have to have milk or water with meals because my aunt doesn’t let my cousins have juice/soda. Oh, and I used to have to ask my mom to use my tablet (that I bought) because cousins have to ask their mom for theirs.
There’s other stuff but I can’t think of everything right now.
It was all an act and none of those things happen unless they’re around. It’s only because otherwise they have a fit, and then my aunt makes comments to my mom.
So a little while went by and I said something to my mom about what my aunt said. My mom said, ‘You know you could’ve compromised like went to bed with your tablet, you don’t know how hard it is to get two kids to bed when they know their cousin can stay up’.
AITJ for not going to bed to make my aunt’s life easier?”
24. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend It's Not My Fault Her Ex Had An Affair?
“I (24 f) have been friends with Bianca (25 F) since middle school, obviously over time as we grew up we started to separate due to outgrowing interests and new ones forming but we still hung out and talked a lot.
She left for college in another state, I stayed in our hometown, again we still talked either on the phone or texting each other. This is where the problem starts though, ever since she moved to Texas she has had many relationships.
I have no issue with her doing that, that is her business, not mine. It started to bug me when she would come to me about her issues with these guys, they always had affairs or dumped her but it was always a break up constantly then getting back together.
I have voiced my opinion about these guys not being good for her because she has a bachelor’s degree, own apartment, a car, 2 jobs but the guys she goes out with barely have a job or have trouble keeping a job.
When I tell her I believe these guys aren’t right for you she will get defensive telling me ‘You don’t know what it’s like being in love’. I just leave it at that, won’t argue with her because I don’t want to argue with her, her life at the end of the day.
(I HAVE NEVER MET ANY OF HER SIGNIFICANT OTHERS)
We ended up going no contact last year because she got back with her ex, who started working in a club and she saw nothing wrong with it. He ended up having an affair before causing the 1st time break-up.
She told me he believed I was an obstacle and we couldn’t talk anymore. It hurt me a lot because she actually believed him, she actually cut me off and listened to that guy.
She has recently reached out to me (3 days ago) to tell me she is engaged, I told her congratulations and wish her nothing but the best. She then tells me we won’t be friends anymore, I tell her that is fine and I respect her decision.
She adds in the reason why, being that I caused her ex (club-working guy) by putting the ‘IDEA OF BEING UNFAITHFUL’ in his head. I was like WHAT? When?! I have never talked to him personally, never even MET him, how did I do that crap?
She told me he heard me when we were talking (She had me on speakerphone) when I told her, he might have an affair again. So apparently my saying that, made him have an affair again? I told her NONSENSE, he had an affair because he wanted to.
I got upset ’cause why are we even talking about the ex, you’re newly engaged. It doesn’t matter anymore. She called me the ‘C’-word and hung up.
I am open to the outside perspective, if I’m wrong or if I was right.
I just need another opinion.”
23. AITJ For Telling A Coworker I Thought He Was Gay?
“So I (22 F) have a coworker called Ben (24M ). He is the type of person to input his opinion into every conversation. Including his ideas on women and women’s anatomy. He makes me and a lot of the women in our department uncomfortable.
I’ll give a few examples. One time I was complaining about my cramps to my friend when he came around the corner and said to man up and to stop dragging everyone into my business just because my body has a flaw.
Another time I was taking a pad to the bathroom and he told me off for bringing that horrid thing around him while he was eating lunch as he didn’t want to think about those things. He also comments on how tampons are unnatural. One time one of my male coworkers bought some pads for a friend and he went on a rant about how men shouldn’t touch those.
Most of the women I talk to have similar experiences. He’s been doing this since he joined a year ago.
To set up the scene, our office has a big cafeteria and during lunch hours it usually has 30-50 people at least. Including people from other departments.
I was sitting at a table across from Ben and I overheard him trash-talking his ex who recently dumped him (from what I know he can’t keep a woman for more than two months). He started ranting loudly about her bad looks.
How she was dumb, had no hygiene, and was gross. How her body and mind had flaws. I don’t know why but I saw red for a moment. Everything came forward and I just wanted to hurt him.
So I turned to him and said loudly – wait you’re not gay?
B: No, why would you insinuate that?
Me: Insinuate it – you better be gay with the way you treat women.
B: What?
Me: You treat women like crap. You tell us how to feel and what to look like.
You gag at the sight of a pad and say we lose our virginity to tampons. How do you expect to be with a woman and not come across this? What do you plan to do each month when she’s on her period?
You don’t get to be disgusted by women’s anatomy and expect to not hear about it when being with a woman. You better be gay or good luck finding a woman willing to put up with your misogynistic stupid options.
By this point, I was yelling and just stormed out. A coworker of mine stopped me on the way out and said that Ben was a jerk but there was no reason to blow up and humiliate him. He said that Ben was dealing with anger issues and depression and dealing badly with it.
At the time I didn’t care and ignored them but since I got home I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. I’m never like that and I feel horrible. I don’t like confrontation and am horrified with myself because I just wanted to hurt him.
I keep saying he had it coming and that it’s nothing compared to what he’s put us through but maybe I’m making justifications for myself. AITJ?
Edit: To make this clear, we have reported him to both our bosses and HR, and nothing was done at least nothing to make him change.
As for the gay comment, I didn’t mean that as an insult I meant it in the sense that he shouldn’t date women. But even with that intent, it was still wrong to say that so I’m sorry for that.”
22. AITJ For Blocking My Nephew's Wife On Social Media?
“I (50) lost my dad 12 years ago. He was big on family and was a major part of our family, everyone loved him and his death was hard on all of us. Especially me and my nephew who depended on him a lot growing up as my sister isn’t the best mom.
This is important to the situation.
Anyway, on his birthday my nephew’s wife ‘T’ posted a photo of him and a nice birthday message on social media. As far as I know, T doesn’t have any family of her own as most live out of state or are absent from her life.
My dad was like a surrogate grandfather to her due to my nephew’s close relationship with him.
I posted the same photo on my own page with my own personal message. I guess T felt slighted that I posted the same photo and didn’t like her post first. She made a post on social media that said something like: ‘I’m tired of people stealing my photos and not liking my posts’.
This threw me off completely because the photo in question is from when my dad was young, I was a baby when it was taken (yes I’m old). The photo is so old that it’s in black and white, so there’s no way T took the photo.
I planned on ignoring her until she continued posting more and more aggressive indirect messages about me. Eventually, I got fed up and called her out in the comments on one of her posts.
Essentially I told her that she didn’t own the photos of my father and I was free to wish him a happy birthday how I saw fit.
I told her she was acting weird and possessive over my father. I then proceeded to block her and move on with my day.
A few minutes later I’m met with aggressive messages from my nephew calling me a jerk and saying I made a scene.
He says I embarrassed T on an important day for us and caused an unnecessary fight. He says I should have messaged her privately and refrained from responding publicly because I made T look bad and alienated her from the family.
I think I may be the jerk because I did make a scene on a somber day when I could have handled it with more couth.”
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Family The Truth About My Children?
“My (34 M) three children (6 F, 3 M, 1 F) aren’t biologically mine. Both my father’s and my mother’s families have some pretty bad health problems and both my parents are pretty religious and have always believed in natural family planning. My older brother (37 M) and I were thankfully healthy but my little sister (24 F) suffers from severe health problems. I have three siblings who passed away at very young ages.
My brother and his wife are just as religious as our parents. They have had five children, one passed away ten years ago and of the other four one isn’t expected to live past their early twenties. They are still willing to have more children if ‘it’s God’s will’ and have yet to provide their children with grief support or therapy.
Ten years ago when we buried my nibling, I told my partner (now she is my wife of nine years) that I was never having biological children. The chance of me having a sick child that we would have to watch suffer and die was too high.
We could adopt or use a sperm donor. We chose the sperm donor option and now have three beautiful, healthy children I love to death.
I chose to not tell my family for multiple reasons. I knew they would treat my decision as unnatural, treat my children differently, and make it all about themselves and I didn’t want the drama.
My mother got suspicious that none of my children looked like anyone in the family and had a secret DNA test done on all three of them. Of course, it came back negative. Instead of calling me (I would have told the truth) she decided to confront my wife in the middle of a family celebration.
As luck would have it, I had trouble at work that day, so my wife went ahead with the kids and I was supposed to get there later. My sister sent me a strange text so I left my job and got there in the middle of a screaming match.
My family was yelling at my wife, calling her names, and my babies were crying. I told them that I knew, that they were still my kids, how they were conceived etc. My parents, brother, and other family members still blamed my wife and my father said that she tricked them into caring for her illegitimate children.
After that, I saw red, started yelling myself, and finished by telling them they were my children. If they weren’t their grandchildren that meant that I wasn’t their son and there was no need to have contact with each other anymore.
Now extended family members and friends are blowing up my phone, telling me that my parents simply reacted like this because they were blindsided, that I went nuclear for no reason, and need to talk to my parents and my brother.
So, AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Threatening To Burn My Sister's Stuffed Animals?
“My sister (f 16) has been stealing from me (m 18) since we were kids. She also has a habit of stealing from stores. She has never had any boundaries on what she steals and doesn’t care how important what she steals from someone is and will openly admit to stealing as some kinda brag.
She and I didn’t have a great childhood and we were neglected, so I’m sure part of her stealing habits stem from a need for attention and this is the way she’s learned to get it. Any time I have found out she’s yet again stolen from me, I’ve gotten very annoyed. I’ve definitely gotten more angry than the situation has called for before.
She’s stolen everything from me. Growing up she’d steal my birthday money, then sit there and agree with my parents when they accused me of losing my money and being irresponsible. She admitted this to me a couple of years ago.
She’s even gone as far as stealing a locket I got as an inheritance from my great-grandmother when she passed before I got disowned from that half of the family. She has never cared how any of this has hurt me.
She’s actually laughed at me for being hurt over her stealing before. Anyway, I think that’s enough context.
Here’s the situation. A little while ago a friend of mine stayed the night at my place and I stayed up on my sister’s bunk because unfortunately the only place for him to sleep was my bunk, and I didn’t feel it was fair to make him sleep on my sister’s twin nor did he feel comfortable with it.
I threw about half her stuffed animals off the bed so I could sleep and she had a specific order for them so I didn’t bother to put them back and left them for her since she was going to be upset I moved them anyway.
I apologized and she got everything rearranged to her liking quickly and it was fine. She forgave me.
A little bit ago I told her he was going to come back and that I was going to sleep on her bunk again.
She told me not to touch her stuffed animals. I told her that regardless of that I was sleeping up there and wanted to let her know.
She said she didn’t care as long as I didn’t touch her stuffed animals.
She then said she was still missing one, an owl named Oscar whose description I knew. I sat there for a second before simply saying, ‘The blue-ish owl that’s mine?’ She got this sheepish smile on her face and avoided eye contact, trying not to laugh, and nodded. She said she wanted to put him back with her other stuffed owls cause ‘they’re a family’.
I was really upset over this, these two owls were a gift from my grandma several years ago and were some of the few good memories I had of this family. She said I didn’t even notice he was gone so she should be allowed to keep him, an argument she always uses with everything.
I flat told her that if I find him back on her bed at any point or find out that she found him and kept him I will be taking all of her Stitch stuffed animals and burning or throwing them away.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Including My Mother-In-Law For Any More Wedding Planning?
“Last December, we went wedding dress shopping and I invited my mom, sister, my future MIL and SIL, and my mom’s mother. I was able to find the dress and it was told to everyone to take limited photos because I really didn’t want it to be shown around.
I did ask my sister and my SIL to take videos for reactions. Then the lady helping us took some group photos of us all in the dress. Everyone understood the situation and was ok with it. We all had a good time and went home and were giddy about the day.
My fiance and I then went to his mother’s for Christmas. We met up with his aunt and uncle for dinner one night and his aunt was telling me how gorgeous my dress is and can’t wait to see it on the big day.
Obviously, I am hurt that she saw the dress before the wedding but I can’t blow up at dinner.
As the week progressed, I figured out that every woman on his side of the family (his family is very small) had seen my dress.
I was absolutely heartbroken when I figured this out. I didn’t know who sent it but it had to be either my future MIL or future SIL.
My fiance addressed it to my future MIL and she said that it was her that showed everyone.
He asked why and she really couldn’t give an answer besides she was excited, but who shows off the bride’s wedding dress before the wedding? It wasn’t hers to show. At that point, I hadn’t even shown everyone in the bridal party.
I can’t be mad at her now because what is the point? What’s done is done. But after discussing with my fiance, we have decided that anything big for the wedding, we are not telling her. It’s not like we are trying to keep things hidden but I want some surprise for the wedding for his side of the family.
Also, I would figure that the groom’s side of the family isn’t as involved in the wedding planning as much as the bride’s family. She was asking a lot of questions about the planning and I would answer them because I didn’t want to blow her off.
I just am not telling her of new things that are happening.
So AITJ for not including her in any more wedding planning?
EDIT/UPDATE: The reason I was heartbroken about the photo being shared is that she told me she wasn’t going to show anybody and then she did.
Not that the dress was seen.”
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex To Visit My Daughter While I Have Her?
“Been divorced a little over a month. It was pretty rough negotiating the time split. She (39 f) wanted me (42 m) to have the bare minimum and we ended up at 65/35 with a hefty alimony check.
Ever since it was filed and put to bed, we’ve been pretty friendly. We’re both very competitive and it seems like once the fight was over, we remembered we were friends. Other than where our daughter (3 f) slept, we pretty much shared all the time.
I’d drop by before and after work. And she’d drop by my house on my weekends. I cooked for the family like I used to and she even stayed in my guest bedroom a few times.
I noticed my daughter acting differently when my ex was around.
She was much more reserved and had tantrums which I’d never seen before in our time alone over the last year of the divorce. So this third weekend of mine since the divorce, when her mom asked to come over, I asked my daughter if she wanted mom to come over or if she preferred just the two of us.
She said the two of us. So I told mom she said no and mom had a fit. She told me that it has never been up to our daughter and we’re the parents and decide.
Now she’s taking away all the in-between times like mornings and after work and refuses to talk to me about anything other than pickup/dropoff.
I’m terrified of losing these times with her and it feels like the custody battle all over again. I have my daughter the rest of today until tomorrow morning and have been inviting mom with us to the park and swimming with us later today.
Just silence. I feel like I messed up but I was just trying to respect my daughter’s wishes. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Brother?
“During childhood, my two sisters and I were mistreated by Mom’s partner (we’ll call him J). My mom always defended her partner and he always promised to change.
Fast forward later into childhood: My oldest sister runs away from home and my mom’s partner (J) doesn’t let my sister re-enter the home. My oldest sister ended up in foster care. My mom is pregnant with her partner’s (J’s) first kid.
Further into childhood (the baby; my brother is now born): My sister and I get pulled aside after school and are taken to social workers to be placed into foster care (mistreatment was visible). My mom got a call from the school to let her know the police wanted to speak with her.
My mom warns her partner (J) and he flees the country.
Foster care sucked. My two older sisters, brother, and I were returned to my mom like 6 years later. She found a new partner like 2 months after we were returned to her and he moved in (we’ll call him Dan).
My sisters and I ran away from home, my mom’s partner would manipulate her and criticize us so much and constantly tell my mom we were trashy kids. We were like 15 at the time, we moved out into friends’ houses.
Present day: My sisters and I each live on our own. My mom has been mostly blocked from our lives and my kids have only met her once or twice. I speak to my mom on the phone every couple of years but that’s pretty much the extent of it.
Finally, the issue: My brother, who has lived with my mom this entire time, turned 18. My mom’s partner (Dan) doesn’t want him living there anymore and tells him he needs to leave. My brother is on the spectrum and requires help with most things, my mom didn’t teach him social or even everyday skills.
My mom called me like a month ago and said I needed to take care of my brother because she was done raising him and I needed to help him.
My mom and her partner both told me I was a piece of work for not helping my brother.
I don’t have the space, I work full-time and my wife works and goes to school full-time. My three kids are understanding but I don’t want to take away their space. I don’t know what to do, every day they call and text me that I’m messed up.”
16. AITJ For Stopping Giving Free Rides To My Coworkers?
“I go by the name May (not my real name but pretty close to my real name). I’ve been working for this company for years now and now I’m financially stable position. The idea of ride-sharing seems alright since I own a car.
My friends ride with me all the time whenever I go home. I don’t mind making a few stops there since I can spare a few minutes.
This became a routine and I found this quite tedious. I feel like I’m their personal driver.
I told them that I was taking a break from driving and decided to take bus rides to work. Sometimes I like to unwind alone before going home.
This friend (now 4 months pregnant) likes to ride with me without even asking if my schedule is free.
She just hops in the front seat knowing that is reserved for my niece. I’m picking her up from school after work. I shrugged and kept this routine for a while until my father suffered from a stroke and we sisters took turns caring for him while recovering.
I resorted to bringing my car to run errands and appointments.
I knew it would take time for my father to recover so I made a few arrangements for work, leaving on time and not waiting on my friends. I told them I couldn’t make any side trips, or give rides on my way home so please get another ride.
I also told my pregnant friend that she needed to find another ride to go home. She asked ‘Why? We go on the same road home. It shouldn’t be that long.’ I said ‘No I’m sorry, get another ride.
I can’t spend any time since I can’t let my mother do all the work. My niece is expecting me to pick her up early at this point.’ ‘Fine have it your way.’ She got annoyed at me and went off mad.
Note: she gives me mean looks at work and gossips about me being a jerk.
My mother was worried about my mental health at work since it was affecting me and my relationship with friends at work turned sour.”
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Inheritance Money To My Cousin?
“My dad and I had a very bad, toxic relationship.
When I (31 F) was 20, I told him that I never wanted to have contact with him again. I haven’t spoken to him since. He died unexpectedly a few months ago at age 56.
My dad was always a bit of a slacker, and it turns out he slacked off in writing his will/managing his post-mortem finance plans.
Basically, I was listed as the only inheritor of almost all of his stuff. I had no idea about this until he died. But I probably wasn’t supposed to get all his money because he made it clear that he despised me.
My dad had a very close relationship with his brother (my uncle) and his niece (my cousin, 24 F). Apparently, he had made comments to them about how they were his only family, someday his nice house would be theirs, and so on.
When my dad died, my cousin reached out to me and explained that there had been a mistake in his legal situation, and his money was supposed to go to them. She showed me tons of pictures on her phone of her family spending time with him as proof that they had a closer relationship.
Admittedly, the money SHOULD have gone to them. But it didn’t. It went to me.
So I told my cousin that it wasn’t my fault the money had come to me, and I wasn’t about to give her any of it just because she was buddies with my cruel dad.
I have already made plans for how I want to spend a significant portion of the money. I’ve paid off my student loans, I’m going to buy a house, and I bought a new car (nothing too fancy, just something nice).
My cousin texted me recently telling me that I was vile for spending the money of a man I hated, a man she loved. I told her that I was sorry for her loss, but it was rightfully my money.
I don’t feel bad for spending a cent of it.
I’ve talked to plenty of lawyers, and the money is legally mine. But morally, I do think I might be a jerk for spending money that belonged to someone I was estranged from.
So, I wanted to ask here, AITJ?”
Tell your cousin and anyone else trying to guilt you into giving up your inheritance that if your father actually did love her and hers more than you, he ought to have provided for them all in his will. Since he didn't, the money is yours and that's that. And if she keeps harassing you, you will have your attorney write a cease and desist letter to make her stop. And if that doesn't work, further steps will be taken and she won't like any of them, AND she still won't get the money. Good luck.
14. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Kick Out Our Relatives?
“I (16 F) am a major germaphobe and have OCD. It’s been an issue since I was 12 when I experienced something very traumatic. My parents honestly gave up on me and just think I’m possessed, but they respect my wishes for the most part.
Don’t touch my door knob without washed hands. Don’t come into my room with shoes, not even house slippers. Wash your feet before you come into my room (when it’s absolutely necessary to come at all). Don’t touch my clothes and don’t wash them with other people’s clothes (I do all my laundry).
Don’t touch my food (I make all my food). Don’t use the bathroom in my room. The biggest rule is DO NOT GO INTO MY ROOM WITH OUTSIDE CLOTHES, ESPECIALLY NOT ON MY BED. I literally follow these rules religiously to a T and expect people to follow my wishes.
It’s not like it affects them in any way, to begin with.
Well, my cousins (5 boys, all ages 8-13) came over from Canada and they’re so crazy. They throw things around, their parents won’t discipline them, and THEY KEEP GOING INTO MY ROOM.
My parents told me not to tell them to not go or about my OCD/germaphobia because they don’t want my aunt and uncle to know I’m ‘crazy’. But honestly, I can’t do it anymore.
I keep having panic attacks and can’t even sleep because everything feels disgusting.
I can’t sleep without feeling like things are crawling on my skin. I can’t do my homework. I can’t concentrate. I feel sick to my stomach every time I see them on my bed in their dirty clothes or eating food there.
They leave my bathroom messy. They walk with shoes in the houses. It’s all affecting me in every way.
It went on for 3 weeks and I was physically losing so much weight/sleep that I told my parents I wouldn’t eat or drink anything at all if these people weren’t out of the house and the house was all cleaned. This put my parents in a tough place because their flight home is in 2 weeks and they also haven’t seen my aunt and uncle and their kids in 8 years.
But I just can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know if I’m selfish for giving them such an ultimatum. I probably am. It’s making me feel guilty but I haven’t eaten in three days and I think my parents will be forced to make them leave.
They are very angry at me.
AITJ?
EDIT/Info: My parents won’t send me to therapy because like I said, they think I’m insane and possessed. Our family is also that type and they will not sit down and have a conversation about it.
Their children do not listen at all either. My mom told them to not go to the garage and they did and their parents did nothing, just saying ‘They’re just kids.’ That’s why the situation is even more difficult and we can’t just talk about it.
I don’t know what else to do at this point.”
13. AITJ For Not Letting Other People Get In Front Of Us At A Concert?
“My significant other (23 M) and I (24 F) went to see one of my favorite bands at a standing-room-only venue. We got to the venue 5 hours before the opener came out so that we could position ourselves as close to the stage as possible.
We spent almost all of this time outside in line with a handful of other superfans under the hot sun. Finally, it’s time, we’re really close to the stage and super excited! It’s packed and there’s hardly any room around us.
Right before the band comes out, a guy pushes his way in from behind us and asks us if he can go ahead of us, ‘because he’s meeting a friend at the front.’ We (try to) make space and let him through since he’s by himself.
A few minutes later, another person taps me on the shoulder and asks if he can cut in front of us ‘to meet a friend at the front.’ The problem? He’s holding hands with someone, who’s holding hands with someone else, who’s also holding hands with someone else… I look back and, seriously, at least 2 DOZEN people are forming a human chain snaking their way up to where we are.
Immediately seeing what’s happening, I tell him, no, sorry, we don’t have the space to move. He asks my SO, who repeats exactly what I just said. He asks me again and I say ‘No, I can see you’re trying to bring 30 people up here and I’m not letting you cut in front of us.’
Now the girl holding his hand gets MAD and starts yelling at me that ‘some of us have to work so we can’t wait in line all day.’ I ignore her. She turns to my SO and starts fluttering her eyelashes.
He ignores her. The guy at the front of the chain starts asking other people around us if he can ‘squeeze through,’ and everyone blocks him. He comes back to us and starts arguing again, ‘You aren’t going to let me and my friends pass?
Really?’ My SO calls him a jerk and tells him to leave us alone. One of the girls in the chain then tries to CLIMB OVER me and I tell her to stop and square my shoulders so she can’t get by.
They call us jerks and FINALLY give up and leave.
I don’t think we were wrong to stop them from physically pushing us out of the way so they could take our awesome spots, but later when I told my friends about it some of them said my SO and I were rude.
AITJ for defending my spot at the concert?”
12. AITJ For Taking Someone Else's Order?
“I have a very common first name – it’s not Katie but that’s what I’m going to use here.
There’s a popular cafe near my office that has paninis, juice, salads, and stuff like that; I go there for lunch a couple of times a month.
I usually order and pay online and they put the orders on a counter with the receipts on each item, Starbucks style. Like many places right now, they are understaffed.
Today I ordered a hummus, veggie wrap, and juice for lunch.
I was trying to squeeze lunch in before a meeting which was probably a mistake. I go to pick it up and it’s extremely busy and loud. My drink is on the pickup counter with a grilled vegetable pita, also for Katie.
The juice has the correct order number on it but it doesn’t match the one on the sandwich. I waited for several minutes to see if another order for Katie came up and nothing did. I tried to get someone’s attention but I couldn’t get anyone to make eye contact with me and I didn’t have enough time to wait in the long line before I needed to be back.
I looked at the ticket on the other order and it was ordered 30 minutes earlier and the drink with her order appeared to have been picked up. It seemed obvious to me that Other Katie had accidentally grabbed my sandwich instead of her own.
I tried again to get someone’s attention and couldn’t. I decide my options are to settle for Other Katie’s forgotten sandwich, risk being late for my meeting or throw away $10. I’m starving so I figure I can deal with a now cold grilled veggie and I leave.
I emailed the cafe to suggest the last name be added to the ticket (you fill out that field when you order but it’s first name only on the ticket) or at least a last initial and I got a super weird passive-aggressive response saying ‘It sounds like you’re admitting you stole food’ and like, I guess… kinda?
but you guys took my money without following through on your end so I think we’re even? It wasn’t even a public review, I wasn’t trying to hurt their business or anything but I’m pretty easily guilted into doubting myself and I don’t know if taking that sandwich was really such a terrible thing to do.”
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Keeping Track Of How Many Chores I've Done?
“I (36 female) am married with three kids (7, 4, & 9 months). We’ve been married for 9 years; we both work full-time.
With the three kids, a small house, no time, and my chronic illness…we find it close to impossible to get finished with housework and chores. My husband does a phenomenal job carrying his weight with housework but is obsessive and often is appointed. I try my best but my illness is genetic and disabling.
Some days my neck is completely dislocated in several spots. I spent 2 weeks hospitalized in the past. I had six months of torn shoulder tissues. Now I’m recovering from the third pregnancy and the aftereffects of my illness plus the c-section.
I’ve also nursed all three kids and this time I’m getting scary skinny at 111 lbs. Formula shortages are making it hard to wean.
For the past three weeks, we’ve been passing a stomach bug back and forth and I’ve had it twice.
The first time my husband focused on the housework and kids and had everything spotless but pretty much ignored me for three days while I was sick dehydrated and sleeping.
This week I have it again. The kids are not sick and again he’s focused on chores and doesn’t even say hello, how are you, do you need anything when he gets home from work after I was sick all night but still did baseball games and kept three kids happy all day.
I’m utterly exhausted and I’d like to get IV fluids. I’ve said multiple times. But my complaints and requests were ignored. I had to plead for ginger ale with ice when he was already in the kitchen.
Knowing that I have this chronic illness that isn’t curable I’m defeated and I didn’t choose this but I do expect him to show empathy and compassion and care for me even though there are three little to worry about.
Am I being a jerk for wanting more when he already does so much?”
10. AITJ For Staying At My Partner's Place During A Power Outage?
“I (26 f) stay at home with my mother, sister (28), and niece (10). There was a power outage due to bad weather that had stopped but left the neighborhood entirely pitch black outside. The first day of this outage was a little rough because we were unprepared and were told the power would return around 5 pm, then 9 pm, then suddenly the next day around 9 pm.
I asked my family if we could stay in a hotel for the night but they refused because hotels are ‘dirty and waste of money.’ My partner said that I could stay at his place but I was hesitant to leave my family alone.
I thought to ask my mom about staying with my partner because why not? My mother then responded that I was selfish and began arguing with me, so I left it alone. Now it’s around 1 am, and everyone is sleeping but I can’t because it’s hot and quiet, and my phone was dying so I was bored. I sat in the car outside to charge it, and it was so scary and dark honestly, but my partner stayed up with me.
The next day comes and I have to work, and I’m expecting the power to come on that night but it doesn’t. I had a horrible sleep the previous night and didn’t want to endure that again.
I also needed to shower but didn’t want to do it in the dark. I really wanted to stay the night at my partner’s house but was afraid that my family would think I was selfish. I asked again for us to stay at a hotel for the night, but they refused and preferred to sleep in the car for the night.
I definitely did NOT want to do that because that’s entirely too uncomfortable (a Camaro and Honda Accord 2 door) and I would still have to shower in the dark at home. My niece didn’t even want to sleep in the car either, but my mom and sister preferred it.
The offer was still on the table to go to my partner’s house and ultimately I did, but that resulted in my mom sending a harsh text when I woke up that morning.
She told me that I was selfish for abandoning the family and that she would never accept my partner for not at least checking if they were okay knowing that they were sleeping in the car.
He actually didn’t know until I told him when I was at his place, and he was also confused as to why they would choose the car. Also, he asked if we needed something from the grocery store earlier that day.
In the text, my mom also sent ‘RIP’ and my niece’s name to make a point that something could have happened to them. Reading that put a horrible taste in my mouth.
If it were up to me, I would’ve been in a hotel with my family and paid for it all myself.
I definitely felt guilty, especially for my niece but sleeping in the car was out of the question for me. I would have let my niece stay with me at my partner’s place, but I know my mom would have said no because she’s overprotective like that.
And I had a partner who was able to provide for me while I was in need, so in the end, I took his offer.
So am I the jerk for leaving my family during a power outage to go stay with my partner?
Does my mom have a right to be upset with my partner and me?”
If I were you, I'd be thinking about putting together enough $$$$ for your own living space and moving out of your mother's house. You're 26 years old, a grown woman, and you should be out on your own and not depending on her to support you. Until you do, you're probably going to continue to go along with her. Either move out or stop complaining.
9. AITJ For Being Sarcastic Toward My Homophobic Aunt?
“My family is homophobic, with some family members more than others. I live with my aunt, who isn’t super homophobic towards other people but is very homophobic towards other family members.
I have an intersex cousin and a cousin who is a masculine lesbian. I’m not allowed (by her) to visit these family members, since she thinks it’ll turn me gay or something (idiotic, I know).
Tonight, about an hour ago, we got into a little argument about my s*******y.
It really came out of nowhere so I wasn’t really prepared. I blurted out ‘Well if I was a lesbian, I wouldn’t tell anybody in this family’, following it up with ‘I would rather die and keep it a secret than be called slurs and looked at differently by people who are supposed to love me unconditionally!’
She was shocked and went quiet for a minute, then asked me why I said that. I calmly told her that if I was a lesbian, it would hurt that I’d be looked at differently just because of who I love.
I told her, very sarcastically might I add, that I’m thankful I’m straight (I’m not, I’m still in the closet at home, though I don’t THINK I’m a lesbian) and that if I wasn’t I would never tell her and she’d never meet any of my future partners.
She never said that I was a jerk for saying that, but I feel bad for being so aggressive with how I said it. I apologized, but still feel somewhat guilty.
In addition to being in the closet about my s*******y, I also go by a different name and pronouns at school, so she unknowingly misgenders and deadnames me.
I’m not mad but I wish I could be 100% honest with her. So AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Telling My Sister That She Can't Ban Me From Her Children's Lives Forever?
“My sister has three kids, all under age five. My partner’s parents are both heavy smokers and we care for them part-time, my partner more than myself. Because of the fact that we are around smokers, she doesn’t allow us to see her kids in closed spaces.
This literally means that I have only ever been able to see the kids in public parks or at the occasional family gathering.
Last week was the oldest birthday and they had her party indoors, so I was not invited. She was extremely upset.
I did obviously send my wishes and saw her in a park prior to her birthday, but she really wanted me at her party.
My sister apparently explained to my niece that I couldn’t go because I had gone to visit someone else instead.
When this was eventually relayed to me I kinda lost it on her.
My niece is not allowed to think I’m the bad guy because my sister is neurotic about smoke exposure. I never see her directly after them, I shower, and I wash my clothes.
I don’t even directly interact with them when they’re smoking.
The risk is miniscule and, honestly, if I’m picking the kids up and cuddling them outside is it really any different to being inside?
I explained all of this to her.
There is no need for me to be banned from the kids. I then said that if she wants to ban me, she needs to tell them the truth rather than playing it off as a choice I make.
She said she wouldn’t have to lie to them if I didn’t make a habit of hanging out with smokers, to which I had no response.
They’re my partner’s parents, we can’t not see them.
I ended the conversation by telling her that she can’t avoid smokers forever and all she’s doing is alienating me, not actually protecting them. Who’s to say their daycare teachers aren’t smokers or related to them?
The oldest starts pre-k in a week. She’ll probably share a class with kids who live with smokers.
She hasn’t spoken to me since. Our mom is on my side, but she’s a smoker and is never allowed to see the kids, so I don’t think she’s the best to have on my side.
Everyone else seems to agree with my sister, stating that there is no reason for the unnecessary risk (although I interact with all of their kids just fine, so I’m not sure if they’re just trying to keep the peace.
AITJ? Who’s in the wrong here?”
Also, you admit that your partner's parents are heavy smokers, and I guarantee that after you spend time in their home, or sometimes just being around them, that you smell like smoke, and probably much more than you think. Being exposed to any strong smell on a regular basis can make most people go "nose blind" and not notice the odors, but believe me, other people do. My mother was a heavy smoker for most of my childhood, and to this day, I can't stand to be in a closed car with a smoker who wears perfume. And mom had the nerve to wonder why both my brother and I always got car sick on long trips. So I don't smoke, can't be around someone who does, and rarely wear perfume. And it probably explains why your sister is phobic about second hand smoke, since your mother who is a smoker can't see the kids either.
So you have two choices; you can continue to spend time with your partner's parents and reek of secondhand smoke, or you can opt out of that and have access to your sister's children. Personally, I would let my partner deal with their parents (and what are heavy smokers doing smoking if their health issues are that bad?) and have a relationship with my sister's kids. But you are definitely the jerk here.
7. AITJ For Only Serving Vegetarian Meals At My Wedding?
“My fiancé (26 f) and I (26 f) are currently planning our wedding and despite us being on a low budget, we somehow are managing to make this wedding work out smoothly.
After searching for affordable catering, we found a catering company that would not only have us the option of having people served instead of a buffet style (not that that’s bad, but it just wasn’t what we wanted) but had a whole menu that was entirely vegetarian.
I’m talking stuffed portobello mushrooms, stuffed peppers, lentils, scalloped potatoes, quinoa pilaf, bread pudding, and a whole lot of other tasty mains and sides.
I am not vegetarian. I do eat fish on occasion, but my fiancé is completely vegetarian.
We also have several people coming to our wedding from different cultural backgrounds including my fiancé’s Jewish father, our Jewish roommate, and Muslim friends of ours, all of whom have never eaten pork. We also have gluten-sensitive friends. And most of all, I don’t want my fiancé of all people to have to question the food she is eating on her wedding day, when that’s a problem she struggles with almost every time we go out to eat with friends and family or go to family functions at other peoples homes.
She usually ends up eating chips and guac, or just sides of potatoes. She can’t even eat the tortillas my family makes traditionally because they contain lard and that’s ‘just how wella made them’.
I had been keeping my mom included in the planning for our wedding, so today I decided to show her the catering company that we had been thinking of.
The first thing she asked was ‘What about people who aren’t veggie?’ And in response, I said ‘People can’t eat veggies for one meal?’ And she just got quiet. I again tried to hype up the menu, stating ‘Doesn’t the menu look good though?’ And mentioned everything stated above, and she, again, was silent for a good 10 seconds and said that one of the sides just looked good, and moved on.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to read my mom’s emotions, since she’s not very confrontational, and her mind wanders quite a bit (her words, not mine) so I wasn’t sure if I made her mad or not.
There hasn’t necessarily been any drama surrounding this, but there is already existing drama considering this is a wedding with two brides. And I’m afraid of this decision creating more drama for us to have to deal with.
I thought I was being inclusive to everybody by not serving meat at my wedding, but now I’m second-guessing myself. Anybody friend I talk to is going to say what I want to hear. So I’m asking you instead.
Even better if you eat meat and find yourself in this situation. Would I be the jerk?
Edit: I am truly not trying to claim my mother is a jerk. Nor did she say anything necessarily bad. She just asked a question.
I merely was second-guessing my decision because she said something. I was worried it would become a bigger issue.
There is a section on our website that provides people with the option of listing allergies they have so we can plan accordingly.
Also, we plan to have the full menu listed on our website, which will also state that it is fully vegetarian.”
6. AITJ For Banning My Mother-In-Law's Husband From Our House?
“My husband and I have had nothing but issues with MIL’s husband since pretty much the first day we met him. It got extremely toxic and I was so trapped in that cycle of fighting with him, that I went below the belt and ruined his proposal. I took the ring and handed it to her before they went out and told her he was going to propose that day but here have it early.
Looking back I feel awful, but at the end of the day, she got her engagement, got her wedding, it was a second marriage and she’d gotten the cute proposal the first time.
At my wedding, MIL refused to eat because the food was too messy and she was embarrassed. I tried to coax her to eat because it was the same for everyone but she is really insecure and wouldn’t.
Her fiance at the time fed her a couple of bites and then took his hand which had sauce on it and brushed it against my dress.
Immediately I was devastated and my entire family went ballistic. This resulted in a period of no contact and we weren’t invited to their wedding because MIL feared retribution.
We are back in contact but he is banned from our house, so MIL rarely comes over (maybe once a year) and never spends holidays with us.
The issue is I recently had my first child (7 months ago) and MIL hasn’t met him yet because she can’t be bothered to come without him.
She claims she has a demanding job and that when she has free time she just isn’t interested in seeing anyone else.
MIL’s parents came to me very upset and asked that I unban him so that MIL could meet the baby.
I said no and she could meet the baby and chose not to. They said that I know MIL doesn’t care about family so it is my job to facilitate (what???) I thought that was crazy but my husband says he does feel that we should unban him since I ruined his proposal and he ruined my dress, so we are even.
I was blindsided and feel really unsupported but at the same time, I feel like I’m hurting the entire family by keeping my ban.”
5. AITJ For Telling My Stepson To Dress Appropriately When My Daughters Are Over At Our House?
“I (m 50) recently got married to and moved in with my long-time partner (50 f). We have 2 kids together, as well as 2 kids with other people.
Her sons (26 m and 22 m), my daughters (19 f, 17 f), and our kids (16 f, 13 m).
We never lived together before this year despite being in a relationship for 16+ years. Mainly because I had my own house and worked long hours close to that house, whereas she lived 3+ hours away.
I stayed there on weekends, but it just wasn’t feasible to live together. This changed recently as when we got married last year we decided I would quit my job and work closer to her, sell my house, and move in together.
This was mainly to increase the quality of life for both of us.
Because of this my daughters, for the first time, have been visiting our new house together. They used to just visit me in my old house and so have never been to my partner’s house.
This is where the issue arises.
The other week while picking up my daughters to take them to my new home, they asked if I could drop their friend home too. I said no problem as it wasn’t too far out of the way.
While in the car the friend says to my eldest daughter ‘Are you excited you get to see hot stepbrother again’. My daughters both looked mortified and my eldest her to shut up. When the friend got out of the car I asked them what that was about.
Turns out BOTH my daughters have a crush on my stepson.
My wife’s son (22) is really big into fitness and has been for years. He works as a personal trainer. He is a ‘hot stepbrother’. He is also the only one of her 2 kids who lives in the house.
I have been in his life since he was about 8, but we were never really overly close, mainly because he just wasn’t interested.
Well a few days ago, my daughters were visiting. We were all on the sofa watching a movie and he walked downstairs in his boxers and went into the downstairs toilet to weigh himself (which he has done every day for years).
He then walked out and into the kitchen and started making food, again while in his boxers, with my daughters both gawking at him. And this isn’t a one-off thing or just in the morning. He generally always walks around shirtless in a pair of shorts/PJ bottoms while in the house.
When my daughters left I asked him if he could dress appropriately while they were here. He just laughed and walked off. I followed him to let him know I wasn’t joking, to which he said ‘Listen, until I move out, I am the man of the house.
And you will not make rules for me.’ His mother just laughed. And he went up to his room.
Obviously, she and I argued about this because A) I felt disrespected by the fact she laughed B) she agrees that he can dress however he wants C) she said she would never expect my daughters to change how they dress for her son, so it’s wrong for me to expect it for them.
I find this all disrespectful to me and my daughters. So AITJ?”
I don't know why you're having conniptions over this - it's not like your daughters are kin to him. If they get together, they get together. Who will it hurt?
4. WIBTJ If I Bring My Roommate's Cat To A Shelter?
“My roommate has been gone for 3 and a half weeks. She took her dog with her when she left, but left her cat. She left abruptly without telling me and at first, I didn’t think much of it.
She has a partner whom she will stay with for anywhere between a day to 2 weeks, and she would take the dog but leave the cat, but no matter what she would always come back every day and feed the cat or leave enough food for him for a couple of days, but now she’s gone and I don’t know where she went and it doesn’t seem like she’s coming back.
I noticed after 2 days after my roommate had left that the cat was starting to get into the food that was on the counter like the bread and the cereal on top of the fridge and I realized that my roommate hadn’t been home to feed him in that time.
I texted her, but she didn’t respond at all. I also noticed I couldn’t find her on social media at all (she blocked me). Immediately I was concerned and started calling around. A friend told me they could still see her socials and she was still posting regularly so I guess she was fine, but just was ignoring me and trying to avoid me.
She hadn’t taken basically any of her stuff so for a while I thought she was just being irresponsible but would be back. There was an incident a couple of months ago where she disappeared but it turned out that she had been committed for her mental health and couldn’t call, but it’s been a while and even if she’s going through some sort of manic phase I’ve been having to buy cat food and litter and everything and at this point I don’t really care if she’s coming back I unfortunately do not have time for a cat so I have been thinking of taking him to the local shelter.
I know it’s horrible of me, but I don’t have any friends who will take him either and I really feel like the shelter would be the most appropriate place to take him. He has special needs and is elderly and if my roommate came back she would probably still be able to get him back maybe?”
3. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Have A Healthy Lifestyle?
“My sister is morbidly obese and won’t be here long if she continues on this path. I just want what’s best for my sister and I want to see her thrive.
this is not it, she’s only 26 years old and I don’t know if she’ll make it to 40.
I grocery shop for my sister every week because she can’t do it herself. I usually just get whatever’s on her list because I don’t feel like arguing but today I was walking around reading her list and I just thought about all the times she says stuff like ‘I want to lose weight’ ‘I want to get married and have kids’ ‘I want to change’ ‘I’m going to be better’.
I just thought about it and decided I was just going to scrap her whole list and just get healthy foods, I got snacks for her but on the healthy side like veggie sticks, yogurt, fruit, hummus, and things like that.
I got everything and I was going to cook for her literally EVERY NIGHT, even exercise too. I had everything planned out in my head, I thought she was going to love it.
When I got back to her house and talked to her about it and showed her the groceries she literally burst out crying because I didn’t get her anything on her list. I told her this is a prime example of why it’s time to change, I want to see her thrive, and have the husband she wants and the kids she wants but how are you going to do that if you don’t take care of yourself first?
I honestly thought maybe she would feel like this was the push she needed.
She told my mom and now I’m getting told ‘It’s not my place’ to tell her about herself and that I should just be happy because she is.
I was for so long but I love her so I can’t just sit here and watch her slowly lose herself with stuff I’M providing her with. My mom enables her and makes her think this is okay. I just want her to be healthy and happy, in the long run.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Using My Husband's Credit Card?
“I (F 28) stopped working and became a stay-at-home mom after my 9-month-old daughter was born. My husband (M 34) works full-time and we live off of his salary.
I use his credit card to buy stuff for the house and our daughter. We agree on how much we spend and are very careful with money.
Saturday, we agreed that I go shopping using his credit card and at 3 pm, I got dressed while he was asleep.
I was about to leave but he didn’t give me the credit card. I tried waking him up but to no avail, mind you, he’s a heavy sleeper and it’d take so much effort to wake him up. and also, he’d flip out if anyone woke him up so I figured since his credit card was in his wallet that was sitting on the nightstand then why not just grab it since I was running late?
I took it and left.
In the middle of my shopping, I got an angry text from him asking if I ‘took his card’. I texted yes since we agreed that I go shopping. He texted asking how I ‘obtained it’ and I told him I took it out of his wallet while he was asleep.
He then told me to get home as soon as possible and I did thinking something must’ve happened.
I got home and he started yelling at me. I didn’t know what his problem was til he brought up how I shouldn’t have touched the credit card while he was asleep and should’ve waited for him to give it to me, and he that what I did was ‘stealing’.
I said that he was being unbelievable because I literally took his permission to use the card. He said he couldn’t help but feel ‘violated’ because of what I did while he was in his ‘most vulnerable state’. We went back and forth on this and I told him about how much embarrassed I felt after he had me leave everything I put in the cart and rush home, he said that I deserve the crap that was dished out to me then walked out and shut the door behind him.
He’s now saying he doesn’t trust having his wallet out in the open and out of sight after what I did.
AITJ? I was only going spend the amount of money we agreed on and; I already took his permission to use the card so I’m not sure how it’s considered stealing on my part.”
Also, from his reaction, I'd bet much that you have a bit of a spending problem, and it's also why you don't have your own credit card. You're the jerk. Grow up, get some help with your spending addiction and start respecting your husband while you still have one. Shame on you.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting People To Pet My Dog Without Asking For Permission?
“I (22 F) have a corgi. And, as you might imagine, every day I walk my dog I get strangers blowing kisses, whistling, and yelling ‘Oh my god look! a corgi!’ To the point where my dog hears ‘corgi’ and she knows it’s her.
At first, this was cute and all, but when you walk your dog every day it starts to get a little bit annoying since they want to pet her. Which, at first didn’t bother me since I met people who would at least make eye contact with me and tell if I was in the mood for it or not, and would ask.
Regardless, I recently moved and it appears people (tourists) don’t seem to understand that, stretching your hand out to my dog (to the point where she has no other choice but to hit their hand) when we are walking on a tight sidewalk, or are calling and waving at her when I’m clearly not interested, will still try to touch my dog.
My dog is super friendly and will give you cute eyes and the butt wiggles if you are showing interest in her so it makes it extra hard for me to get them to understand that I do not want to be approached. I will loudly say, ‘Let’s go!’ or ‘No’, my dog gets the cue but it seems the people do not.
I was out with family, figuring out where to go. My dog is right in front of me on a tight leash lying down, taking a break, and I can hear the classic, ‘corgi!’ Several times behind me, which I ignore since it is so busy that I believe they will keep walking.
Regardless, as I am still discussing directions, a random girl ran to us, from behind, through the crowd and just went right in to pet her. I hit my breaking point right then. I pull my dog back and say ‘My dog isn’t a tourist attraction’ because it TRULY seems like my dog is just a little toy to them, that they can come to and do as they please.
Not a hello or an attempt to LOOK at my face.
She repeated what I had said with a (?) ‘Your dog came to me’ which was a lie, my dog only stood up and looked (as anyone would do if you were yelling at them).
I said, ‘You could have come and asked me first if you could pet her or not’… And that’s when the verbal mistreatment began, she called me a jerk which I will admit is a bit fair. I said ok.
It didn’t end there. Ugly witch, idiot, etc… etc… it lasted about 2 minutes. I just kept saying ok, and telling her to ‘walk off’.
I genuinely don’t understand how she could not even contemplate ‘Hey, the person I approached uninvited is allowed to be displeased’ up until she gave up and walked away.
So, AITJ?”
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