People Feel Abandoned In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Refunding Disgruntled Customers After Being Unfairly Dismissed?
“I had been having ongoing issues at my job, so I reached out to my boss to schedule a time to talk about them. He became avoidant and told me that he had too much on his plate, suggesting that we could talk in about a week and a half.
I agreed to wait, but during that time, the same issues kept happening. When the scheduled time came around, he pushed it off again, saying he was too focused on other things and suggested we talk in another two and a half weeks. As that date approached, he continued to ignore messages about scheduling the conversation.
After a month of being strung along, I finally forced the meeting to happen. I expressed my frustrations, hoping we could address the issues and find a solution. Instead, his response was cold. Rather than talking things through, he simply said it was better for me to go.
I asked why he had avoided the conversation for so long, and his answer was that he knew I wanted to address frustrations, but he didn’t want that to distract him from his own priorities. He admitted that he planned to let me go all along but wanted to keep me around to do my job until it was convenient for him to let me go.
I felt incredibly resentful because I had spent an entire month waiting to have a conversation that was never going to happen, all while continuing to deal with the same problems. It felt like they were just stringing me along, not willing to have a productive discussion or offer any solutions.
I felt used.
In retaliation, I accessed their systems and refunded all of the disgruntled customers, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to get the money back. It hit the company hard, but it also helped the customers who had been wronged. The company didn’t know it was me at first because I waited before making the refunds.
So, am I the jerk for what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I laughed because I did something similar. Working retail I kept getting harassed by a coworker. I kept bringing it up, but nothing was ever done. So I started giving people all the coupons the machine would accept.
To the customers that were always there and nice, I would add my coupons for them or even a damaged discount. I did it until my request for a new position was accepted. Even after that, the managers never approached me to see what happened, but they coddled the male worker.
Just make sure you don’t leave a trail.” Lost-Equivalent_77
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough situation, and I can understand why you’d feel hurt and resentful after the way your boss treated you. It’s incredibly disrespectful and demoralizing to be strung along like that, especially when you were actively trying to address issues and improve your work environment.
Your boss’s behavior—delaying the conversation, avoiding confrontation, and ultimately admitting that they were just keeping you around for their convenience—shows a lack of basic decency and professionalism. No one deserves to be treated as expendable or manipulated for someone else’s benefit.
That said, your actions after being let go are where things get complicated. On one hand, I get where you’re coming from. You felt betrayed and wanted to strike back in a way that would make the company feel the consequences of their actions.
Refunding disgruntled customers likely felt like a way to expose their poor practices and hit them where it hurts—financially. Plus, it sounds like you genuinely wanted to help the customers who had been wronged, which shows that your actions weren’t purely self-serving. From that perspective, it’s easy to see why you felt justified. However, there’s a difference between feeling justified and actually being in the right.
Accessing their systems and issuing those refunds was a serious escalation, and it crosses into unethical (and potentially illegal) territory. Regardless of how poorly they treated you, taking action like this puts you at risk of serious consequences, including legal action. It also makes it harder for you to maintain the moral high ground in this situation.
Even if your boss and the company acted unethically, retaliating in this way could tarnish your reputation and limit your opportunities in the future, especially if this ever comes to light.” User
21. AITJ For Suggesting My Bipolar Brother Shouldn't Have A Baby Without Therapy?
“I don’t have the best relationship with my younger brother, and there are a lot of reasons for that. He was spoiled growing up by our grandmother (we have different dads), and she made sure he never had to work for anything.
He became entitled, lazy, and expected everything to be handed to him. My mom tried to discipline him, but he always preferred to stay with his dad and grandma. Eventually, when he turned 14, my mom gave up and let him live his own life.
That backfired when he turned 18, and his grandma could no longer support his lifestyle.
She kicked him out, and he didn’t take it well. He lost most of his friends, and the rest of the family grew tired of his entitled attitude. We tried to help, but it’s hard to put up with someone who refuses to acknowledge their problems. He started blaming everyone else for his issues, and things worsened when his partner at the time broke up with him.
He even made threats to harm himself and others, which led me to call the cops on him. That was when he learned he was bipolar.
Since then, he’s used his diagnosis as an excuse for his behavior, snapping at people when he doesn’t get what he wants.
I mostly avoid him because of things he’s said and done in the past, but I do try to be there for him if he truly needs help.
Last year, he had another hospital visit after trying to hurt himself again. By now, most of the family has stopped talking to him, and while I understand why, I can’t entirely blame them.
After that last incident, it seemed like he was getting better, but I’m not convinced it will last.
Three nights ago, I ran into one of his friends, who told me my brother got his new partner pregnant and was planning to tell me soon.
I’m worried about the situation because, based on what I’ve seen, I don’t think he’s ready for the responsibility of a child. I’ve helped with three pregnancies and two babies from other family and friends, and I know he wouldn’t be able to handle it.
I’m considering telling him that it might be a bad idea to keep the baby, suggesting they consider other options, like adoption, unless he commits to therapy and finds a second job. He currently lives paycheck to paycheck, and I’m worried I’ll end up taking on responsibilities that I just can’t handle anymore, as I’ve had to do in the past.
Would I be the jerk if I said this to him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for thinking it’s a bad idea, but suggesting other options to someone is a jerk move. You can discuss the responsibilities with him, and air your concerns, but mentioning that option is off the table.
It’s the partner’s body, her choice, and your brother has no say in that. If they were planning a pregnancy, it would be something else.” tric82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is perfectly acceptable to caution him on getting his Bipolar Disorder under control before taking on the responsibility of a child.
I wouldn’t just offer up adoption or other options though, let them make that decision. His partner may be thinking about raising the child on her own, with her family, etc. There are a lot of unknowns to you outside of your brother. You also don’t want to put other options in his mind if his partner is against it already.
That could lead to problems as well” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I agree with the comment that suggesting other options is wrong because that’s not your call to make. I think you should voice your concerns about his abilities to be an effective parent and that he might want to consider therapy to at least start addressing some issues.
So no, but it would depend on how you handle it.” Hayerindude1
20. AITJ For Losing Trust In My 'Aunt' After She Backed Out Of Her Offer To Let Me Stay With Her?
“I’m a minor who recently moved out of my dad’s house because it wasn’t a good environment. My “aunty,” who isn’t actually my aunt but acts like one, helped me find a place to stay. However, the place she found is very unhygienic.
There are dirty diapers on the floor, I found dog poop in the washing machine, and there’s poop on the floor of my room and in the bathtub. I told my aunty about this, and she suggested I send in my month’s notice to leave.
I didn’t think I should do that because I don’t have anywhere else to go. She offered multiple times to let me stay with her, saying I could move in with her for a while. She said I should take her advice, so I sent my notice in.
She also told me she would help me find a new place to stay if I lived with her. Yesterday, she was even talking about where I would stay when I moved in with her.
But today, out of nowhere, she told me I should ask my landlord if I could stay there instead because she couldn’t have me living with her.
I didn’t respond right away because I was in shock. Then I realized I only had 3 days left before March 1st, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I could try begging my landlord to let me stay, but I don’t want to risk ruining my reference when I leave.
Also, I don’t like changing plans on people, especially when it’s something as big as this.
After processing everything, I texted her asking if she knew anyone I could stay with until I find somewhere else. She responded by saying I should just ask my landlord.
I told her that I thought it would be unfair to my landlord since I was only giving 3 days’ notice, and I didn’t want to change plans. Then she apologized and said she could share her space with me.
I told her I understood but, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to trust her the same way again.
She then got really defensive and sent me long messages defending herself.
Now I feel like a jerk. I apologized, but I still feel bad. I do understand that she might have been overwhelmed and didn’t realize until today, but I don’t understand why she would propose letting me move in without being 100% sure about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She betrayed your trust. If you are in the US, try contacting Covenant House, the National Homelessness Law Center, True Colors United, StandUp for Kids, Save the Children, Ali Forney Center, HomeAid America, or Catholic Charities USA. Those are all charities working on helping homeless youth in the US.
You will survive this. Best of luck.” Angry_ACoN
19. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Stop Supporting Her Lazy Father?
“’I’m 20 and live with my 21-year-old partner, her healthy 52-year-old father, and her younger brother. The lease is in her name, and she paid 100% of the rent until I moved in and offered to contribute 45%.
We both work as waitresses, while her father stays home to make music, drink, and smoke. He’s “retired,” though not eligible for social security, and earns no income aside from the allowance my partner gives him. It’s justified because he’s done a lot for her (which, in my opinion, is expected from a father) and recently arranged an investment property deal—about $1,500 a month in profit—for her to manage pretty much on her own at 18.
He advises her on it but has no real responsibilities aside from that. Meanwhile, he plays loud music 24/7. If I ask him to turn it down so I can sleep, he tells me to turn on a fan or wear headphones. My partner justifies it because he’s a musician and doesn’t want to “stifle his creativity.” She believes his music could make a million dollars.
The little brother is “homeschooled,” although he has no lessons other than what he learns from doing chores for his father. Lately, the father has been drinking in the morning and asking me to do chores, like driving the brother places or sweeping, and then calling me selfish when I refuse.
I won’t do it because I work a full-time job and know there are two people at home all day who are not contributing.
My partner and I come home to dirty dishes and a messy house. I’ve expressed that this is a problem, but she says she doesn’t mind cooking and cleaning.
She loves her family and doesn’t want them to do anything that isn’t fun for them. My partner’s mother abandoned her, so her father is everything to her. This, along with the homeschooling, has made her vulnerable to manipulation, leading her to believe that supporting her family is the only way to earn their love.
There are no issues between us, aside from my frustration with her father. I love her, but I hope she can see through the manipulation and stop enabling her father to be irresponsible. I want her to move out with me and stop financially supporting them.
I want her to realize that her father is perfectly capable of working and should still love her even if she doesn’t. He claims he’s “too worn out” from life’s struggles, but he’s healthy and able-bodied.
I will be devastated if I can’t get through to her, and I’m forced to leave.
Is it possible to explain gently how she’s being manipulated and encourage her to leave with me? Or am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Dude, you need to set up some kind of intervention, or maybe get her to see a therapist. This is complete brainwashing and sadly will be very, very difficult for you to get her out of.
The sad reality is the dad will likely never get a job unless you cut him off. If his music is so amazing, he needs to start making money off of it rather than just sitting around at home. This is the sort of thing that’s going to take months or even years to resolve most likely.
At the very least, you need to take her somewhere to have a long and serious conversation. Tell her that at the end of the day, she may be willing to support him for the rest of her life, but you aren’t. And that’s what this WILL become.
He’ll be mooching off of her forever if something doesn’t change.” AGrumpyHobo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your partner lives how she wants to live and you don’t have any business trying to change that. You chose to move into the apartment and take on 45% of the rent.
That was a poor choice and a poor position to put yourself in. Find yourself a partner who isn’t tied to her family in the way that yours is. Also, what do you mean he set up an investment property for her? He gave her a property?” holliday_doc_1995
18. AITJ For Reporting My Disrespectful Roommate To Our RA?
“I’m an 18-year-old female and decided to go the random roommate route for my first year of college since I didn’t know anyone attending.
From the beginning, I got the sense that my roommate and I weren’t going to be best friends because of the snarky comments she made when she realized I wasn’t into partying. I didn’t let it bother me, though, because I knew we’d have to live together for the whole year.
I made sure to set the usual “roommate rules,” like texting each other to give a heads-up if we wanted to bring friends over, and having an open line of communication if either of us did something the other didn’t like.
There were many small things she did that bothered me, like insisting the AC be set to 75-78 degrees during the hot summer months, telling me my food smelled bad, and always waking me up with her loud drawers and door slamming when she’d leave and bringing people into the room without any notice.
One weekend, I went home and came back to find some of my things missing. I thought this crossed a line, so I confronted her. She apologized and promised to change. She was better for a few weeks but then went back to her old habits.
By that point, she had started coming home intoxicated at 3 a.m. multiple times a week, so I requested a room change.
Unfortunately, housing was full, and it would take a while before I could get a new room, so I decided to try sticking it out.
Fast forward to this semester, and my roommate and her friends started blasting music multiple times a week at night, which made me start sleeping at friends’ places since I had 8 a.m. classes. Whenever I came back to the room after a long day, she and her friends would be there, which I hated, as I would’ve preferred a heads-up, something she knew but didn’t care about.
I began to suspect that her friends were going on my bed when I wasn’t there because things were often out of place. I didn’t have proof, though, so I didn’t say anything. I did make it clear to my roommate that I didn’t want anyone on my bed, and she said she “respected” that.
Then, one weekend, I went home and saw on TikTok that my roommate had posted pictures. I scrolled through and found her friends smoking on my bed. I felt so disrespected that I decided to send pictures of her substances our RA, knowing it would get her in trouble since she was underage.
Afterward, I felt guilty because I didn’t want to ruin her life, but the disrespect was too much to ignore.
Am I the jerk for reporting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate is not only breaking the law but violating your personal space and also stealing from you.
Please make a list of incidents with your RA and file a police report if necessary for your missing items. She has truly gone too far and needs to be evicted immediately. The last thing that you want is to get into trouble because of her, so just remember this OP.
Stay safe.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you could seriously screw up your roommate’s future by being a snitch because you feel disrespected that’s soft behavior that will not serve you well in the future. Have you tried yelling at your roommate or showing any spine?
They sound like a jerk too but you need to grow up and not defer to authority to mess people over and do it yourself.” Snorevath
17. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Friend After Helping Her Out?
“I’m 22 (M), and I have a friend, V (22F), who is very hardworking and manages both studying at university and working full-time. A couple of months ago, she broke up with her partner of four years and had to move out of their apartment due to constant fights.
Because this happened right at the end of a holiday break, she had trouble finding a new place. So, she decided to pay a family friend upfront for a room in his apartment for three months—about or 500 USD.
However, after paying the deposit, she discovered that the previous tenant had left fleas behind.
The owner dismissed her concerns, claiming she was exaggerating, and refused to return the security deposit. After checking her belongings for fleas, she decided to leave the apartment, effectively becoming homeless.
She then reached out to me about her situation. I took her in, despite being a new tenant myself, with roommates, and a contract clause that prohibited overnight guests.
Thankfully, my roommates were understanding. I gave her my bed and slept on the floor for about three days during her stay. I want to emphasize that I was careful not to make her uncomfortable—I gave her space to change and I cooked breakfast for us while helping her search for a new place to stay.
After the third day, I texted her to ask if she had found somewhere to stay, but she left me on read. I was concerned because I didn’t know whether she had found a flat yet. I started texting her friends, but she wasn’t responding to them either.
For two days, she didn’t show up at my place, nor did she answer my texts or calls. Then, she sent a one-word reply: “chill.”
I was annoyed that she didn’t let me know she was safe, but I tried to let it go.
A couple of weeks later, I heard from a mutual friend that V had been telling everyone I was “the most annoying guy ever” and that “she couldn’t stand me anymore,” which upset me. I was really trying to be accommodating under the circumstances, and then she decided to spread rumors behind my back.
I confronted her and told her I expected an apology—not just for the things she said, but also for disappearing without any explanation. She told me that she was entitled to her own opinion and that I shouldn’t expect anything in return for helping a friend out.
Some of our mutual friends agree that she should apologize, but she still insists she’s not obligated to..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would expect an apology from your friend after going out of your way to help her in a difficult situation. It’s not about expecting something in return for your help; it’s about basic respect and decency.
Spreading rumors about you behind your back is disrespectful and unfair, especially considering the kindness you showed her. It’s disappointing that she doesn’t see the need to apologize, but you are justified in feeling hurt and seeking acknowledgment for her actions.” VictoriaVanillaLace
16. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Parents' House Due To My Mother's Toxic Behavior?
“I’m a 27-year-old woman who’s been living rent-free with my parents since I graduated from my master’s program. I’ve been working since I was 19, but I have a non-existent social life due to being an introvert and not being able to form relationships in my younger years because of how I was raised.
Here’s where the issue comes in. My relationship with my mother has been extremely tumultuous, and to some extent, it’s emotionally abusive. For example, whenever we argue, it doesn’t matter what it’s about—it’s always about how she feels and what she’s going through.
I’ve always tried to pacify her, never wanting to rock the boat or antagonize her, but over time, I’ve become increasingly exhausted and frustrated by it.
In recent years, my mother has been facing some legal issues and could be facing jail time.
With all of this going on, she’s become more erratic in her behavior. Last March, I stepped in when she was threatening to harm my father, and I ended up getting hurt in the process. [I can’t say exactly what happened due to rules.]
It took a week for her to apologize, but I’ve never fully gotten over it. How could I? My own mother threatened me. I’ve never raised a hand to her or threatened her safety. While I may snap at her in moments of frustration, I’ve never done anything so harmful to her.
Recently, I told my parents that I was planning on moving into my own apartment due to my mother’s behavior, the upcoming trial, and several personal issues I’ve been dealing with. I told them that I wanted peace and freedom (the freedom part is a whole other story).
However, their response was negative. The issue came up when I decided to go ahead and sign a lease and pay the deposit for an apartment using my own money.
My mother has ranted and raved that I’m abandoning her at her greatest time of need, which I don’t believe is true.
All I’m doing is moving out. I haven’t gone no-contact, I haven’t blocked her, and I haven’t told her I’d never see her again. I don’t understand why she sees it that way. I even tried to explain that I could stay at the apartment half the week and at the family house the other half, but she wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise, continuing to cry erratically.
This morning, she called to tell me that she’s going no-contact with me and cutting me off, which I didn’t respond to immediately. Not because I didn’t want to speak, but because I was still processing what had just happened.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok, life pro tip: Don’t tell unstable and/or abusive people that you plan to escape them. Ever. Get your birth certificate and SS card and just be gone one day when they get home. And before you leave, not after, get a new cellphone plan, a new carrier, and a new number.
Change all passwords to everything and take everything that you can’t live without. Make sure all your bills are paperless. Just in case, ask a friend to use their address for a while, even if you live in a new apartment. That’s the only safe way to do it.
Warning her only gives her the chance to stop you. NTJ” SpaceJesusIsHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude, do not give her any more warning. Find and rent an apartment, then slowly start moving your stuff out. Things in closets and boxes, stuff that is not noticeable.
Move all the noticeable stuff in one day and be out. Tell them outside the house or in public. Your big furniture is probably a wash. It’s hard to move that without the other people noticing. Marketplace or garage sales or the free/waste nothing sites can be hugely helpful If your finances are tight, find food pantries.
Apply for assistance if you qualify.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Leaving A Joint Birthday Party Early Due To An Allergic Reaction?
“My grandmother’s birthday was on the 3rd of this month, my uncle’s birthday was on the 12th, and my cousin’s birthday was on the 13th, so instead of having three separate parties, they shared one yesterday. I called both my grandmother and uncle on their birthdays, but I didn’t call my younger cousin because he only recently got a phone and I didn’t have his number.
My mom, stepdad, younger brother, and I were running a little late, so we were rushing to get there. I had to take my daily medication on the way, and shortly after, I started having an anaphylactic reaction to something. I have several food allergies, but I made sure to avoid eating anything at the party that could trigger a reaction.
Still, I was experiencing symptoms. I asked my mom if we could turn around quickly so I could go home, as I could feel my throat swelling. She said no, because my grandmother was grieving the loss of her brother to cancer and would be devastated if I wasn’t there for the party.
I was in a lot of pain but still tried to smile, say hello to everyone, and wish my cousin a happy birthday. The smells of all the food made me feel even worse, and the noise from everyone talking gave me a headache. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay.
I quietly asked my grandfather if he could take me home, and he agreed. I went upstairs to say happy birthday to my grandmother, who was busy with last-minute party prep. She offered for me to stay in one of the bedrooms and rest, but I really needed to go home because I knew I’d just be in and out of the bathroom all night, and there was too much going on.
I went back downstairs, and my grandfather told my mom he was taking me home. She was upset, not just because I wanted to leave, but because I went behind her back to make it happen. I was seconds away from passing out or throwing up, so I didn’t even remember exactly what I said, but my grandfather took me home, and I spent the rest of the day in bed.
If I had stayed, I would’ve been constantly rushing to the bathroom because I was too nauseous to eat, or I would’ve been drooling into a cup because I couldn’t swallow due to the allergic reaction. My social anxiety would’ve also made it impossible for me to relax and sleep at the party.
I still feel guilty for leaving and not just sucking it up. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom needs to get her priorities straight what if it got to the point where you couldn’t breathe would she have cared then, I think your grandpa is the real MVP here considering he didn’t make you feel bad or try to say for you to suck it up good for him.
Your mom needs some lessons. Hope you feel better now though.” The_mad_Inari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your throat was swelling up and your mom thought a party was more important? It sounds like you needed medical attention not taken to a party or dropped off alone at home.
Unless you are exaggerating all of these people come off as really irresponsible, neglectful, and selfish.” Bluemonogi
14. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Friend For Nail Services?
“I’m a 20-year-old university student, and because of my limited time, I can’t take a full-time job. Part-time jobs don’t pay well enough to be worth sacrificing my grades, so I decided to learn how to do nails and work as a freelance nail tech whenever I wanted to.
When I was starting out, I needed models to practice on, and I thought it’d be perfect to ask friends. So, I offered to do nails for free for a friend who I’m not super close to but we’re neighbors, and I would consider her a friend.
She agreed, and everything was fine at first. But as I got better and more professional, my skills improved, and I set up my own workspace. The problem is, I’ve been struggling to find clients, so I haven’t been making much money.
Once I became more skilled, I asked my friend if she could help bring me clients since I was still working on building a client base.
She agreed, but it’s been months, and she hasn’t really helped. I get that not everyone is interested in getting their nails done, but I was clear from the start that I was looking for some income to cover my costs.
I also made it clear from the beginning that she would be my model, so I would choose the designs.
However, she insisted on picking designs she would be comfortable with, and I didn’t want to push back, so I always gave in. Now, I’m feeling frustrated. She knows I’m using expensive products on her, yet she still asks for new designs and hasn’t offered anything in return, like a small token of appreciation, even though we’re not best friends.
She just texted me again asking if I have time to do her nails, and I ended up ghosting her. I don’t want to keep doing her nails for free anymore. I’ve put time and energy into this, and I need to start making money for the products and time I’m using.
How can I make her understand that this is now my work, not just a hobby, and that I need compensation for my time and materials? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I feel like she should consider mine too.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to do her nails for free anymore?
Should I keep doing them until I get more clients?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting her to pay. You are kind of at fault for her not knowing you want her to pay. You have to be direct and tell her you need to charge her XYZ and collect payment each time.
She could be thinking you are still getting practice on her even if your skills have improved. Make sure you are polite when you talk with her, if in the us you have to have a license to do nails and there can be fines if she reports you.
Hopefully, it’s not even a big deal to her and you’ll get a paying client out of it!” Impossible-Morning16
Another User Comments:
“You’re a big girl. No more ghosting. Tell her you have school and work and only have time for paying clients now. Give her a price or tell her sorry…..I can’t do you anymore.
If she argues just smile, say sorry, and hang up or walk away. No explanation. Because she has not brought you anyone so don’t buy her line if she says she will now. Best of luck to you.” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, next time she asks, just reply, “Sure, the fee is $$ for your usual design, what time is good for you?” If she pushes back, simply reply, “This is the cost if you’re interested in getting your nails done.” Give up on the mystery clients she promises to refer.
If she pushes for that, tell her you would appreciate referrals, for each NEW referral, you can give her a $10 or whatever discount on her next service. You’re overthinking it with this woman. It’s just time to communicate, she will continue to take advantage of you if you don’t.” PleaseCoffeeMe
13. AITJ For Confronting My Nephew's Racist Language And My Sister's Lack Of Intervention? Delete
I (31F) have a sister, Chloe (38F), who has six children, including Artie (12M) and Tilghman (11M).
Chloe and her husband homeschool their kids until elementary school age, then let them decide what they want to do for middle/high school. Tilghman goes to an Episcopal boarding school about 50 miles away, and he’s adjusted well there. He’s the most unique of his siblings—he’s the only athlete (basketball) and the only religious one (Chloe and her husband aren’t religious).
He’s never been close to his siblings, and especially doesn’t get along with Artie—those two genuinely hate each other.
Last weekend, we decided to visit Tilghman, since we don’t see him much. He’s formed a bond with his roommate, a kid whose parents are immigrants from Zimbabwe, and he’s been engaging more with his roommate’s culture.
They play basketball together and share meals from his roommate’s culture. Tilghman was excited to show us some gifts his roommate gave him, which included a cross necklace, some sports gear, and cultural items from his roommate’s background.
When we got to the hotel, Artie started mocking the gifts, calling the clothes “ugly.” Eventually, he asked why Tilghman was friends with the “n-word” (he used the actual word).
I was shocked and immediately yelled at Artie for using that word, but Chloe intervened, asking to speak with me outside the room.
Chloe told me she didn’t think it was appropriate for me to yell at Artie since I’m not his parent.
She said Artie had told her months ago that he would use that word and never stop. She also mentioned that a few months ago, Artie was playing Magic the Gathering with his friends, and when Chloe overheard them using the n-word, she told them to stop.
She said, “White boys like you shouldn’t use it,” but the boys argued with her, and she gave up.
Chloe also told me not to worry about Artie’s future career, saying that he’s smart enough to avoid doing anything “stupid” with his language.
She said she condemns his language, but she couldn’t “rip out his vocal cords” and wasn’t sure how to stop him.
I told her that if she didn’t stop him, Artie might end up in the news for committing a hate crime one day.
She responded by saying I was demonizing a “likely” neurodivergent child (Artie hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet) and that I should stop.
Am I the jerk for confronting Artie and trying to stop this behavior, or should I have backed off? Should I have let Chloe handle it her way?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As soon as I read the part about him telling his mom he was going to use it I was like what the actual f. That mom needs to do better and be better for the sake of her kids. The kid in boarding school is probably in the best place because mom isn’t doing a good job of parenting.
You’re so right about the hate crime. I’m genuinely baffled at the logic of this mom. If you have kids, you need to be able to grow a backbone and figure it out. I’m pretty timid but my god if my kid said the n-word..
let alone told me they were gonna continue to use it.. god help them. (For anyone about to jump down my throat. I meant more like grounding them until they’re 21)” AhSighLumm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are completely in the right, in my opinion, for calling out the bad language when you hear it.
I would also be frustrated dealing with a parent who is unwilling to teach their child not to use a slur because it’s “too hard”. Neurodivergence (or possible neurodivergence) is not an excuse for hateful behavior. It might require teaching lessons or setting consequences differently it’s not a license to behave badly.
Your sister is setting herself up for a lot of trouble down the road. Better it is you trying to correct it now than a stranger later on.” Penelope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly don’t know how other families work, but my family will chastise and reprimand each other’s children.
One parent doesn’t tell the group that their children are excused for bad behavior because we would laugh at them. It’s absurd. Mainly because the young ones are learning from the older ones. And at some point or another, the children in our family will be kept overnight by any one of us.
And I’m going to parent a relative’s child staying with me. I want to enjoy their presence not dread them coming over, and children need to learn they aren’t allowed to be little jerks. Your sister was wrong to chastise you and not her son.” prothrow72
12. AITJ For Wanting Drinks At My Birthday Party Despite My Best Friend's Trauma?
My (18F) birthday was two days ago, and I’ve been planning a big party for months.
My fairly large friend group is invited, and I’ve never had a party like this before, so I’m super excited. Today, I invited a few of my friends over to finalize the details for the celebration this weekend. This included my best friend (18F), my partner (18M), and another friend (17F).
My partner gave me his gift today, which was fragile, and along with it was a short note that said he couldn’t wait to get legally intoxicated with me. My best friend asked me to read the note out loud, so I did without thinking much of it.
But immediately, she got upset and left the room. I was confused, as was my partner, because it seemed like a harmless comment. I went to check on her in the kitchen, and she was crying.
When I asked what was wrong, she explained that her childhood trauma had been triggered by the mention of drinking.
I knew about this trauma since we’ve been friends for 10 years—her father was a heavy drinker during her childhood. However, I felt it was a bit of an overreaction, especially since it’s an 18th birthday and in my country, it’s the legal age for drinking.
She should have expected that drinking would be involved.
I tried explaining this to her, saying, “It’s my 18th, and there’s going to be booze at the party whether you like it or not.” She started crying again, saying she was worried I would follow the same path as her father and become intoxicated. She told me that if there was drinking at the party, she wouldn’t attend and would return the gift she had gotten me because she felt I wasn’t respecting her boundaries.
She left shortly after.
While my partner was supportive, my other friend said I was a jerk for not respecting my best friend’s boundaries and suggested I should have given her more of a heads-up or even had a booze-free party for part of the night.
I think this is unnecessary. If my best friend hadn’t made it all about her, I would have been happy to celebrate with her another night if she really didn’t want to come.
What’s even weirder is that I’ve been to parties with booze before (even underage), and she’s come with me a few times and never caused a scene.
I’m starting to feel like she might be jealous of the attention I’m getting. I’ll update after the party if anything happens.
So, am I the jerk?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for keeping the booze plan but you could’ve handled that conversation a bit better than throwing “whether you like it or not” at her face right away.
You both need to learn how to chill (I hope she has professional help with therapy). At a birthday party where the person is turning drinking age, you can straight up expect they will be drinking booze. Not that they have to, but it’s silly to expect otherwise.” PropQues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- her boundaries are her choice to deal with, not you. If she doesn’t want to be around people who are actively trying to get intoxicated then she doesn’t need to be, but that is not a reason to take back gifts.
Sounds like she needs some therapy because as an adult drinking is part of life at most social functions. As for drinking until intoxicated, yeah, shows you’ve still lots more growing to do and a weird goal to have for a party.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but for the sake of your friendship approach this with empathy. Try not to use words like “whether you like it or not”, just say “Hey, I didn’t realize this would upset you, and I’m sorry for your experiences as a child, but booze is something that’s going to be in my life and will most certainly be at this party.
If the pressure of that is too much for you, you don’t have to attend this party, but it would really hurt me if this damaged our friendship anymore.” If she hasn’t been in therapy, suggest that she starts soon – trauma is tough, but at a certain point we all have to move past our pain and start living.
She never has to have a sip herself, but she *does* have to accept that other people will be drinking around her and that probably won’t stop anytime soon.” Fit-Parking4713
11. AITJ For Not Visiting My Brother And His Kids Due To Being High Risk?
“I (47M) moved across the country following a rather painful divorce and my grandmother, my only actual parent, dying in the same period. I wanted a new start, and my brother (44M) lives here with his then 7, now 10 children, and I thought that being closer to them would be a good thing.
I managed to get hired in the same major city as my brother after my 2nd interview, which was a stroke of luck; hiring processes in my field are usually extremely lengthy and difficult.
I moved here in early 2019. I found an apartment not far from my job, and a year later moved into a rental house even closer.
This is a 35-minute drive from where my brother lives, which isn’t a long distance IMO. In my first year and a half here, I was invited to my brother’s place exactly once, and I would try to stop by once a month, always announced. Half the time, my brother didn’t reply to me when I was making an effort to come over.
I offered to pick up the kids several times via text message, stating that I could take up to 3 of them for the weekend. Twice he responded and I did just that. Every other time I either heard nothing back or he responded after the weekend was already over.
“Oops! I didn’t see this until now!” He was usually a lot better about getting back to other texts, so this was strange. One time I offered, he freaked out, yelling, “You can’t always take Ben!” (Not real name.) I was confused and said, “I didn’t mention Ben.
I said ANY of them.” He swore a lot and ended our convo and his wife told me that she didn’t understand what happened.
Then BAM. 2020 occurs. I work in a medical building, so I’m not anywhere near thinking that I should be visiting my brother, who has had two more children (bringing the total up to 9 at that point,), especially with two kids under the age of 1 at home.
I was working, and I was considered front line. I was high risk. 10 months into 2020, I commented on one of my brother’s posts. He replied almost immediately, going off on me, reading me for filth for not spending more time with his kids. When I pointed out we were in a global crisis and I wasn’t high risk, he responded by telling me that I should have been texting the kids regularly.
I’m a gay man who was raised in the 80’s and 90’s. I think that a man in his 40s messaging children 8-15 regularly is kinda creepy, and I don’t know how much I can say to young kids who are at home all day.
My brother then blocked me and we haven’t spoken since. I’ve been in loose contact with his wife, and none of the kids have replied to me.
So honestly. AITJ for not being around during 2020?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made an effort pre-2020, more than you reeded to as it sounds like he wasn’t interested or reciprocating.
Then you kept yourself or them safe by following the rules, which is exactly what you should have done. I think he’s just overwhelmed with all those kids at home (10! Wow!) and wants you to take over some of the load. But you’ve done nothing wrong.” Novel-Vacation-4788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family should’ve been checking on you as a frontline person. I worked in a hospital during that time. Aside from being high risk to others…I was burnt out. Like every other person who worked in health care, by the time we clocked out our brains were shut down.” RaeKn47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were trying to help him out by taking up to 3 of the kids on the weekends and he rarely responded to you. He only invited you over to his house once. He was not trying very hard to have a relationship with you before the global crisis.
During 2020, you were keeping the kids safe by staying away. He likely overreacted due to the stress of having so many kids during 2020, but he did not need to take it out on you. You did nothing wrong. I am sorry he is still not talking to you.” Rohkea1
10. AITJ For Changing The Camera Settings Before My Sister's Dance?
“Let me set the stage. My sister and her partner were getting ready to go to the high school Valentine’s Day dance, “Sweethearts.” Since it was a big event, my parents wanted to take pictures of my sister, her partner, and their group beforehand.
We were at home, and my parents were messing with the camera to prepare for the photos.
I used to do yearbook photography in high school (I graduated three years ago), so I offered to set up the camera to help them take better pictures.
My sister, who’s been using the camera for her school’s unofficial journalism club, said it was fine. I adjusted the settings for indoor shooting and took a few test shots of my sister and her partner.
At that point, my dad asked if I could help my mom take pictures at the location they were heading to, and I agreed. However, he didn’t tell my sister about this plan.
Now, some background: my sister and I don’t have a great relationship. When she started middle and high school, a lot of teachers and coaches associated her with me, often pointing out that we’re related because we have a unique last name. I was pretty involved in school—I was a good student, did three sports, and worked on the yearbook—so she’s always felt like she’s living in my shadow.
To make things worse, she doesn’t like me being around her friends, since many of them know me through their older siblings.
Anyway, after setting up the camera for indoor use, I packed it up to take to the location, but my sister got really upset and didn’t want me to come.
She, my mom, and her partner left without me. I figured I wasn’t needed anymore, so I stayed home and started playing Call of Duty. I assumed my mom or my sister would just set the camera back to automatic and handle the photos themselves.
Apparently, that didn’t happen. My mom called me four times and sent seven texts asking for help with the camera, but I didn’t have my phone on me and didn’t see any of the messages. When they got home, my mom was furious.
She said it was my fault the pictures didn’t turn out well because she had to use her phone instead. She told me they spent 20 minutes trying to reset the camera settings, and that if I hadn’t adjusted them in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. I told her it wasn’t my fault, but she replied, “You should’ve known your sister wouldn’t let you come, so you shouldn’t have messed with the settings.”
So, AITJ for adjusting the camera settings and not being available to help when things went wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ If someone is too incompetent to read and select auto, then they are a lost cause. The only thing you are at fault for is assuming that you were welcomed (as stupid as their reason might be) and by extension setting everything thing up as if you were.
Phones take pretty excellent pictures nowadays unless they only had a brick Nokia, therefore they are exaggerating whining little kids.” yahel1337
Another User Comments:
“A modern phone takes pictures far superior to pretty much any simple camera for basic pictures. The only things phones can’t do yet are zoom significantly or let you override automatic settings for special effects.
The low light abilities on a newer iPhone, for example, are astounding. NTJ” olliedog1414
9. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Share Childcare Responsibilities With His Ex?
“So, my husband and I have four children combined. I came with two, and he came with two. It has become a burr for me, that his ex-wife is consistently asking for favors/schedule changes to the custody agreement (in her favor) and he always complies and bends over backward to appease.
(I can totally appreciate keeping the peace but I feel this is more than that)
Recently, she had a week-long trip planned out of town during her normal ‘time with the kids’. She asked us first if we wanted to keep them, obviously, we said yes.
When it came time for us to get them, of course, my husband had to drive about an hour to meet her, because she always refused to come to our home.
Their legal agreement is to always meet halfway, but I feel like under extenuating circumstances/favors, the least she could do is bring them/pick them up.
Her home is over an hour away and my husband consistently makes the full trip in her direction.
When the littles (ages 8 and 7) arrived Sunday, 8 were sick (high fever/cough). I work for a small company and have the space and privilege to bring kids with me to work if/when needed. So both came to work with me, on Monday.
(age 7 started a fever next) And Tuesday. Wednesday morning husband took them to the doctor and then my mom watched them that afternoon. Thursday back to my office again. This is while I’m still being a mom to our older two/taking them to school/all the things… I have to say, they are great kids and have good ‘office manners’.
But work has been insane and it is obviously an added stress/extra responsibility throughout the day. That I gladly volunteered to do! I love them!
His ex texted Thursday evening that she would be back Friday and off work and wanted my husband to meet her with the kids (this is on our scheduled weekend).
He told her that he had an early morning meeting and he could either meet her super early or it would be afternoon or evening before he could meet her. She was perfectly fine with waiting until the kids could be delivered. My office is about a 30-minute drive for her.
I got upset when my husband refused to even ask her to come to relieve me at work when she had nothing else to do that day. I finally told him he needed to tell his boss that his kids had been sick all week, and going to work with his wife, and it was time for him to ‘take a turn’.
And he did. He missed his early morning meeting (which he misses this meeting often when it’s convenient for him) and he drove the kids back to their mother as she wanted. Am I the jerk for putting my foot down after a long week?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, they are divorced, but they are still both parents and there has to be a modicum of flexibility on her part to help out where possible for the good of the kids. You need to talk with your husband. I take it there are no similar stories with your ex if they are still in the picture.” AllandarosSunsong
Another User Comments:
“Gently, everyone’s a jerk. The ex-wife is being a pain and knowingly obtuse by making your husband do all the work, but also if he’s not saying anything she may not think it’s a problem. You should not be bringing sick kids into an office, even if you’re the only one there.
First, you can still infect people, either through residual germs or if someone comes by. Second, because that’s awful for the kids. Sick kids should be home in bed. Your husband needs to step up. Both of you need to communicate better. If you think his kids should be primarily his responsibility then you need to say that.
If you need him to take a turn then you should say that. But you should not be waiting until you’re frustrated and yelling to do it. He needs to recognize that currently when he says yes to his ex, it makes things harder for you.
I suspect that’s why he does it because he can make it your problem afterward. I wonder if this passivity and avoidance was an issue in his first marriage too?” loligo_pealeii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He agrees to take the kids on her time, he watches the kids.
It’s that simple. He needs to be a dad, not have you take them to work. Have a sit-down talk with him and let him know you will not be taking care of his kids when he changes his schedule. And you really shouldn’t be doing most of the work on the regularly scheduled days either.
Then stand firm.” Fearless_Ad1685
8. AITJ For Not Accepting My Teen Co-Worker's Social Media Request?
“So I (22f) got a new job last year and I’ve been loving it so far, but every job has its drawbacks, and for me, it’s that I work with a lot of 16/18-year-olds.
They’re fine, I don’t dislike them, but I also don’t have much in common with or relate to them. I’m friendly with them at work, but I’ve had to gently shut down attempts from them to hang outside of work because 1) I honestly don’t do much outside of work in the first place and have been spending these colder days inside, 2) I don’t see myself having and am not interested in having anything but a professional relationship with these girls.
Again, they’re fine, but there’s a huge maturity difference, and I don’t think we’d get along much. I also don’t have the same tolerance for drama and boy problems that I used to when I was their age, and all they ever talk about around/to me is drama and boy problems.
Anyway, this particular incident started because I started following a different coworker (32m) after he asked if I had a certain social media. We have been getting to know each other and have a lot more in common, and I felt comfortable with having this out-of-work connection with him, so we followed each other.
I feel like I should clarify now that there’s not some weird ulterior motive from either of us in being friends outside of work, as I’m a lesbian and he’s gay. Anyway, his page is public, while mine is private, so anyone who sees his page can see his followers/post comments/etc., and a girl from work named Ava (18f) saw a comment I left on one of his posts (I’m guessing?
She could’ve looked at his follow list too I guess) and requested to follow me. I declined the following request and went about my day.
Two days later we were on shift at the same time and she approached me during my break and asked if I’d seen her follow request. I didn’t want to deal with an awkward convo (my mistake, I should’ve taken care of this then and there) and I said that I hadn’t.
She was like “Oh okay well I sent one” and left. I was hoping she would just forget about it, but a couple more days later, yesterday, she came up to me and asked why I hadn’t accepted her request. I told her that I don’t use social media much (which is the truth) and that she’s not missing anything, and she got upset and asked why I would follow Jake (the coworker mentioned earlier) but not her.
I told her that I just don’t follow teens on social media. She got mad and tried to argue with me, and I told her that it was not that deep. She almost called me something, but she didn’t and just left. A couple of the other teen girls have been side-eyeing me and being short with me since, and I feel like maybe I was a jerk here but I also don’t think that I did anything wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that she’s even upset about this proves she is immature and not worth the follow. Also worth noting is that she’s super cringey for following up with you about why you didn’t accept her request. If someone did that to me, I’d be so embarrassed, I’d never mention it to them” ispywithmybougieeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This could have been simply handled by telling Ava that you didn’t allow the friend request from her because you and Jake are adults and she is still a child and such a relationship would be improper, which it would be.
That’s it. There is no other response more needed to her.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t follow kids on social media either. I also don’t just follow anyone who adds me or knows me. I add people whose posts I want to see and who I want to talk to.
I’ve denied requests of adult coworkers plenty of times because we aren’t friends and I don’t want anything to do with them outside of work. Social media isn’t that deep or important. Follow who you want. Don’t follow who you don’t want to see. Anybody who makes a big deal out of it is putting too much importance on something that doesn’t matter.
As we like to say on Twitter, curate your social media experience the way you want to.” griffonfarm
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Poor Hygiene Practices?
“I’m 16 (female), and my partner is also 16 (male). We’ve been together for half a year, but we’ve known each other for years—we were best friends before we started seeing eachother.
Recently, I made a mistake by bringing up an issue with my partner over text, which led to him getting very upset and refusing to talk to me. I should have done it in person, but we’re on Thanksgiving break, and I haven’t seen him in a while.
I didn’t say anything mean or rude to him. The issue I brought up was about his hygiene—specifically his pillow and his feet. His pillow is dark from dirt and grime, with stains all over it. He told me he’s had it for 9 years, and it’s a memory foam pillow, which only lasts 2-3 years.
I suggested he get a new one, but he refused, saying it’s been with him for a long time. This bothered me because hygiene is important to me, and seeing his refusal to clean it made me uncomfortable.
I asked if I could be honest with him, and he said yes.
I told him that I wasn’t trying to shame him, but I found it gross that he walked around barefoot outside and inside, getting dirt and grime on his feet, and then climbed into bed with them. I explained that I felt his dirty pillow and feet were bad hygiene practices, and it disturbed me.
He got defensive immediately and told me he didn’t appreciate what I was saying, insisting that he would keep his pillow. I was upset because I was trying to communicate my feelings and my concerns about hygiene, but he still wouldn’t change. Since I spent time with him and lay in that bed, it was really important to me.
I kept pressing the issue, explaining why it was bothering me, even though he kept telling me to stop. Usually, I do stop when he asks, but I felt this was something I needed to address. Eventually, he said I ruined his night and made him feel sad and anxious, and now he doesn’t want to talk to me.
So, my question is: Am I wrong for bringing up his bad hygiene practices?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right that both of these things are nasty, but you can’t make your partner do anything no matter how much you pester him about it. It’s your call whether his poor hygiene is a deal-breaker for this relationship, but consider habits like this (and the way he responds to them) a harbinger for how your life will be if you stay with him.” WelfordNelferd
Another User Comments:
“First off, just because you communicate an issue does not automatically mean they will succumb to your wishes. Get over yourself, and tone down the ego. That being said, you two are 16 and he’s acting like this? That is nasty and he should get out of his feelings, but it sounds like he’s not gonna budge until he’s ready.
If you guys were best friends prior then maybe bring that up, like, “Remember I used to be your best friend? I’m not saying this to hurt you and you should know that.” If you have any other “tricks” I suggest you let him into his face when others aren’t around – just because YOU might not feel embarrassed about it doesn’t mean HE won’t.
Good luck” DaScAlFi76
Another User Comments:
“I mean he’s young, I was also a dirty kid when I was his age. People here are so black and white. 16 years old is nothing and there is a lot of pride and shame with that age.
Give him some time and he’ll be better. Tell him you don’t mean to be invasive or rude, it would just mean a lot to you. If he doesn’t care after that, maybe look at some other comments. But be easy on each other, you and your partner are young enough to make a few mistakes, it’s perfectly normal” Electric_foreigner
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Autistic BFF To My Birthday Party?
“I, 17F have a BFF, 16F who is on the spectrum and likes to make things all about her it feels like.
She and I have had kind of a falling out this year since the summer. Every time I invite her to something with my other friends that she doesn’t know well, she will pull me away from my other friends so she and I have “one-on-one time”.
I like spending time with her one-on-one but I also like to hang out with my other friends WITH HER. She and I also go do things without my other friends. She is not high on the spectrum (her words, not mine) but there are things that you notice that are different.
So every year since the summer I have had a birthday party at a local roller skating rink. At this rink, you have to sign up to have birthday parties and have it be a big thing. Last year I had it be this big thing and the whole time she was keeping me away from my other friends.
Mind you, I had spent half of my time with her and was willing to spend time with her and my other friends. After the party, she got REALLY mad at me and said that I spent NO time with her. We had this big fight but I said I was sorry and we moved on.
This year I didn’t want my birthday to be a big thing. So I just had a few friends (who are not in her friend group) come and roller skate with me. I asked my mom what I should do with my bff and she said to not invite her at all and not tell her about it.
I was thinking that maybe I could skate with her another time just one-on-one so we don’t have a meltdown like we did last time. So I didn’t tell her about the party.
She texted the day before my birthday and asked: “what I was doing for my birthday”.
I thought about lying but I didn’t. I said “I am going roller skating with a few other friends” and she asked “Why didn’t you invite me.” I said, “you don’t know these friends well and last time you got mad because I didn’t hang out with you”.
She said “It will be fine this time, I will not do that” I said “We can go skate together some other time” She said, “No, I want to skate with you tomorrow”. I put my foot down and said “No, we can go some other time, I don’t want to have to deal with you getting mad at me” She said: “you are no longer my friend, go have fun, with your other friends”
So, what should I do? Should I invite her or not? The biggest question did I do anything wrong?
If you have any questions please ask and I will update you on what happens.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….there will always be people in your life that no matter what you do, will be unhappy.
I get why she got upset over not being invited to your birthday but considering what she did last time, you don’t want your birthday memories to be always trying to keep her happy… I suggest in the future, you can be gentler with your honesty such I decided to do 2 sets of birthdays this year to be able to spend time with everyone, then you’ll just do one with her ( cause that what she wanted, you to herself) ….but again with how you are describing her, she most likely want to be included in EVERYTHING ” M3l1ka
Another User Comments:
“Well, your BFF is going to get mad at you, anyway, so you might as well not invite her to your party so you can enjoy your other guests. You know if you were to invite her, she would monopolize your time-again, (you know she would, despite her claims she wouldn’t), and when you pulled away, she would get mad, anyway.
At least in the first option, you get to have fun at your party and the mad friend confronts you later. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’ve done all you can do to fill both your needs and your friend’s. Spectrum or not, she will have to learn that she can’t always get other people to do what she wants, and will have to learn to compromise.
A close friend has a daughter on the spectrum, and she taught her daughter how to navigate friendships in the real world. I wish your BFF’s parents would explain this situation to her.” GAB104
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Has Been Financially Supporting His Ex?
“My partner (M25) and I (F21) met about two years ago, became friends, fell in love, and then started seeing each other right after. In all of our time as a couple we have not once argued about money, considering we’re both financially secure. We both like to treat one another, taking each other out for dinner dates or paying for surprise trips.
It’s one of the ways we show each other how much we care and how much we’re willing to invest in one another.
Now I know that my partner has been on friendly terms with his Ex (F24, let’s call her Katy), which I’m totally fine with.
I’ve met her before and we’re cool, so there really is no bad blood there at all.
However, recently during a conversation he mentioned that Katy’s in a new relationship and that her new beau is kind of stingy, so he’s refusing to pay for her usual expenses.
I said that I think no one should be financing their partner’s entire life in the first place, especially not in that new of a relationship. To which my partner replied, “I’ve been doing that for her since we broke up.” My jaw dropped.
Basically, he has been “lending” his ex money for the past TWO years in which we’ve been in a relationship.
And not a small sum either. I added it up and in total, he has spent 75k on her. Now this isn’t the kind of situation where you’re helping a friend out of a tough spot once in a while either. She has the means to cover her necessities like rent, etc. No, rather the money my partner sends her is being used on beauty products, eating out, and other little luxuries.
I asked him whether he had any expectation of getting any of it back but he says he doesn’t care much about that because that’s how their relationship has always been.
I got super upset and told him that that kind of transactional relationship with another woman was totally unacceptable.
I tried to explain how this isn’t something you just casually do for any friend and how I feel devalued by the fact that I am just one of multiple people being regularly treated to dinner by him (which is essentially what he’s doing, even if he isn’t present at the dinners himself) I also told him that that money could have been used for us to invest in a shared apartment. He says that I don’t get it, that she hasn’t had it easy in life, and that as a kid she never got to enjoy those little things like eating out with her family.
She deserves this.
Him saying that did make me feel more sympathetic towards her. I don’t know her story and I understand wanting to give your friends the world, I really do. But I can’t help but feel betrayed and uncomfortable with this revelation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he does it because it keeps Katy in his life on her terms. I have a feeling she wouldn’t be in touch or friendly if he stopped paying. He either is so clueless or innocent that he doesn’t understand that, or there’s a part of him that still loves her and won’t let go. I get helping out friends but to pay for her lifestyle is inappropriate.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unless you have a kid with your ex or a shared debt of some kind or are obligated to pay alimony, no reasonable person would spend that kind of money on their ex after the end of the relationship. I’d be questioning my whole relationship if I were OP.” GingerWhoDrinksTea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So she had a tough childhood. That doesn’t mean you pay for her indefinitely. That is a lot of money to sink into someone that you have no relationship with. He also seems to be in close contact and knows way too much about what’s going on.
So if she’s unhappy, is it up to him to make her happy also? You two are supposed to be the ones in a relationship, not those two. He never told you, went behind your back, and is telling you to mind your own business.
It’s time to do what he says. He has disrespected you, your relationship, and your trust and he doesn’t care. It’s time to move on. You have just learned where you rate in his life, and it’s after his ex. Good luck” Less_Ordinary_8516
4. AITJ For Showing Up At My Partner's House Despite Her Warnings?
I’m a 29-year-old Venezuelan immigrant living in the southern U.S. I’ve been going out with a 21-year-old girl, Lucy, for a few months now, and things have been going well. However, there’s a problem that’s starting to frustrate me. Lucy’s grandma, who lives with her family, is very strict.
She has an 8:00 PM curfew, has to carry an Airtag, and is pursuing a career her grandma chose for her. I come from a similar family dynamic, so I understand the situation to some extent, but I feel it’s a bit extreme. Still, I try to be patient and hope that Lucy can eventually get her grandma to loosen up.
However, there’s one thing that’s bothering me: I haven’t met her family in person yet. When I pick her up or drop her off, she doesn’t let me go to the door. Last week, I decided to show up at the door to at least get a glimpse of her family.
When I did, her mom opened the door and asked who I was. I said, “I’m OP, here to pick Lucy up.” She just said “Okay” and closed the door. I stood there for a few minutes and heard arguing from inside. I could make out Lucy’s voice but didn’t understand what they were talking about.
Then, a man, who I assume was her dad, came out and said, “Sorry, please leave, it’s not a good time,” so I left.
The next day, Lucy called me and apologized, but she was upset with me for showing up at the door.
Her mom had told her grandma that there was “a Mexican at the door,” and they then started arguing about “dangerous Mexicans.” I reminded her that I’m Venezuelan, but Lucy said her family didn’t care about that. I told her that it was clearly racist, but she explained that’s just how her grandma was raised, and nobody can argue with her.
Now, her grandma has told her to cut contact with me, making it even harder to go on dates.
I’ve talked to some American friends who said her family is a lost cause, and some Latino friends told me to “get used to it” because that’s just how some people are, and I should have expected it.
So, AITJ for showing up and causing her to fight with her family?”
Another User Comments:
“Listen, I’m saying NTJ because this **is** very obviously racist and you should stand up to that, but it is never a good move to disrespect someone’s explicit wishes on something.
She made it clear that she didn’t want you coming to the door, and while I don’t like that obviously, she’s also young and very clearly sheltered. I think no matter what you do this relationship won’t last, moving forward definitely keep sticking up for yourself but try doing it in a respectful way (to the people you care about, not to the racist jerks you encounter… yuck)” _J_Dead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move on. If she’s 21 and can’t think or act for herself, that’s a problem that’s not getting fixed anytime soon. Also, do you want to be around a racist and controlling family? She’s not standing up for you, as someone she claims to care about when met with ridiculously disgusting and harmful racism.
It’s incredibly lazy, selfish, and just in poor taste for anyone to accept “that’s just how she was raised” as an excuse for racism. If she values you and your relationship, she’d make a stand. It’s also clear she isn’t capable of communicating effectively with you, because she didn’t explain abe racism I’m fairly confident she is very well aware of.
To be fair, it’s not easy to be like “By the way I don’t want you meeting my family because they’re super racist”. But that resulted in you coming face-to-face with that situation without her support at all.” bellaroseemmorey
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here no excuse for racism but you’re a terrible partner too.
Your family was not nearly as strict as hers. You don’t get to force yourself in front of family because your partner won’t show you to them. You give them a deal breaker of them letting you meet their parents or breaking up. Not being allowed to meet family as a minority is kind of the biggest red flag there is.
Instead, you have now endangered Lucy irreparably and she is now in a house of people who are going to remove what little freedom she had left. I’m Hispanic and I would have dropped her as soon as I knew her family was racist. The thing is I would drop her before showing myself to her family or disregarding her obvious fear of showing me.
Instead of you know, endangering her home life severely. Your friends, you, Lucy’s family, they all suck. Lucy sucks too but she’s the biggest victim in all of this. YOU can walk away. She can’t.” McXaven
3. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousin's Misbehaved Child?
“For some background information: I am a 22-year-old female living with my 32-year-old cousin, her husband, and a 4-year-old child.
We came from a country of poverty and it’s been a year since we’ve come to Canada so we thought living with family was the best.
Since moving here my cousin and her husband have been learning the rules of this society and have had some difficulties.
The major issue they have had is the fact that their son is very misbehaved. He is so misbehaved that even they have trouble handling him. My cousin has asked me on many occasions to babysit him or even accompany her to do basic things like groceries or any other errand.
But here’s the thing, I work a lot and a lot of my shifts are nights. Honestly, the last thing I want to do in my free time is babysit a misbehaved child even if he is my family. Even though we live together we buy everything separately and I have to do these personal errands on my day off and I also need time to do my things.
I have given her emotional support during the times I’ve been home and helped her with some things like taking him to the park, and occasionally some errands amongst other things, but I have stopped because after a while she was no longer asking me for help, she was demanding it.
She no longer asked me nicely and the few times she did she would immediately start guilt tripping me and say how much I’ve disappointed her as family and that she can never count on me for help when I’ve said no or that I’m tired. She would then spend the rest of the day upset with me.
I used to feel extremely upset after these guilt-tripping sessions and people would say that I was being sensitive or that I should be helping her as much as I could, but after a while, the feeling went away for this simple reason: he was not my son and I did not choose to have a baby nor did I choose to spoil and give him everything he wants.
I also realized that she does not do this with anyone else, thus I believe she shouldn’t do this with me either.
I know in the past when I was a teenager she would have me over for a few days at her house and she would technically take of me, so now she expects me to return the favor, but by that time I was 12 and she would always take advantage of my stay to me make me do errands and help her around the house while a lot of the time she would just sit around, it was never just a “let’s just hang out and have fun” kind of sleepover.
So, am I the jerk for not wanting to take care of the child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She invited you to live there, yes? As you said, you handle your expenses. Unless she stated babysitting was expected as pay for living there I don’t see why it should fall on you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It’s very hard to navigate a new culture, and I suspect she’s leaning on you because she feels overwhelmed. Can you sit down with her and discuss what she needs most and come up with a compromise? Maybe you can give her 2 hours a week to do something by herself?
Although, I would suggest you include this condition: “If I take him anywhere or must babysit him, I reserve the right to discipline him.” That may nip her requests in the bud, or at least it will give you the ability to handle him.” HistoryHustle
2. AITJ For Telling My Roommate's Partner To Leave When He's Not Home?
“My (f, 30) roommate (m, 29) and I have been living together for about 3 years when this happened and were friends for about 6. Recently he started seeing someone (f, age unknown… I think 26/27) new who I never cared for as I knew her before their relationship but he was never a fan of my now ex when we were together so I maintained cordial, polite, and just didn’t share my opinions.
It was easier that way, I thought.
Then he started to invite her over and they would use things that I owned that were gifts from a recently deceased family member without asking and without cleaning them after. I was getting annoyed but didn’t say anything until the third time it happened. They didn’t even apologize for it when my roommate knew how much this loss affected me.
When the roommate and his partner are over they do not speak to me, even to say hello when we’re in shared spaces even though I find it rude I say nothing to the partner but instead ask the roommate what the problem is. He insists there isn’t one.
I think nothing of it.
Until I come home after working a double shift at my second job and see she’s there without him. I asked where my roommate was and found that he left for several hours. They had been seeing each other for about a month at this point.
Shocked at this I say Ok then become more annoyed that I wasn’t asked when I find out it’s because she’s unwell… I interact with the elderly regularly. So politely I say maybe it’s time we call you an Uber so you can go home?
I was going to pay for it because I did not want to drive her after a long day.
My roommate then texts me instantly from the event he is at (where he thought I would be but I didn’t go because I worked a double unexpectedly) asking what the issue is.
I tell him that there is no problem, she just needs to go home and that he and I will talk about it in person. We do not. Instead, he bad-mouths me online publicly with his partner.
He claims I want him to be unhappy because I am single (I’m very happy to be single actually, I’m just grieving and unhappy because of that).
I told him that I didn’t care that she was at the house when he was there but it was rude of them to not even ask if she could be there without him present and I would feel this way even if I did like his partner.
So what I’m asking is AITJ?? I do not think I am.”
Another User Comments:
“1. She shouldn’t have been there when he was not home. 2. She shouldn’t have been there when she was unwell. 3. They shouldn’t have used your things without asking. 4. They should at least greet you when she is there.
NTJ. You are well rid of these inconsiderate, immature jerks!” chart1961
Another User Comments:
“This is a frustrating situation, and I can see why you feel the way you do. It sounds like you’ve been trying to set reasonable boundaries while also respecting your roommate’s relationship, even if you don’t particularly like his partner.
The fact that he and his partner seem to be disregarding your boundaries and your feelings is understandably hurtful. First, let’s talk about the use of your belongings. If these items have sentimental value—especially since they’re tied to a loved one you’ve lost—it’s completely fair to feel upset when they’re used without your permission and not cared for properly.
Your roommate should have acknowledged how significant these items are to you and ensured that they weren’t touched without explicit permission. The fact that neither he nor his partner apologized when you brought it up shows a lack of respect for your feelings and your space.
Second, their behavior in shared spaces—like not saying hello—is just rude. Even if his partner doesn’t feel comfortable around you, basic courtesy is the bare minimum. You’ve been polite and haven’t expressed your dislike for her, so there’s no excuse for this kind of treatment.
The tipping point, though, is leaving his partner at your home without asking, especially when she is unwell. That’s a clear overstep. It’s one thing for your roommate to have guests over when he’s there, but expecting you to host his partner without notice—particularly when you’d just finished a grueling double shift—is unreasonable.
You weren’t wrong to ask her to leave, and offering to pay for an Uber was a considerate move on your part. What’s most disappointing is your roommate’s reaction. Instead of having an honest conversation with you about your concerns, he chose to bad-mouth you online.
That’s immature and unfair, especially since you’ve tried to handle this situation calmly and respectfully. His claim that you’re trying to make him unhappy because you’re single is not only baseless but also dismissive of the genuine grief you’re experiencing.
So, are you the jerk? Absolutely not. You’ve been more than patient and accommodating. The issues here are about boundaries and respect, and your roommate—and by extension, his partner—has failed to show either. It’s not unreasonable to expect a certain level of communication and consideration when you’re sharing a living space.” User
1. AITJ For Expecting My Ex To Uphold His Responsibilities Towards Our Kids?
“My husband and I are becoming increasingly frustrated with my ex’s attitude toward his responsibility regarding our two boys (9 and 6 years old). He often tries to dictate how and when he sees them, and he’s not making his financial contributions toward their activities and general upkeep.
That said, I do acknowledge that he genuinely cares for the boys.
In the past, he’s told me that because I have them most of the time, I’ve chosen to be a single parent (the alternative was staying in a toxic relationship that involved exposure to his dysfunctional and dangerous family).
He’s also said that because my husband and I make a good amount of money, this somehow absolves him from his financial responsibilities. The reality is that we live paycheck to paycheck, still paying the majority of our living expenses and activities. While we’re fortunate to live in a safe and nice home where they’ve settled in and made friends, it’s not as simple as he seems to think.
Another thing he said is that he shouldn’t need to see them more than twice a month after he had them for five days over Christmas break. I tried to explain that holidays are an exception to the visitation schedule, as my husband and I have them 90% of the time, including all spring and summer breaks.
Even though he could have them more frequently, he’ll often claim that he needs to work or simply can’t.
Three years ago, I spent a lot of time and money with a lawyer to draft a separation and parenting agreement. Three years later, I decided to simplify it and he still hasn’t signed it.
The agreement reflects exactly what we’ve been doing for the past three years—nothing hidden or favoring me in any way, just basic visitation and child support. My husband and I are both increasingly frustrated with his behavior and lack of responsibility.
Another frustrating thing he’s said in the past is that “blood is more important,” and he’s gone as far as to malign my parents, claiming they’re not my kids’ grandparents because I was adopted. This is despite the fact that my parents had been kind and supportive when we went through a financial rough patch.
Hearing him say such hurtful things in front of the kids made me even angrier.
So, am I the jerk for expecting him to uphold his responsibilities? Is there a way to convince him to sign the agreement? I’d prefer to avoid a lengthy court battle, as it would be more expensive and stressful, but I just want peace of mind and the agreement finalized.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Save up your money and take him to court. Get the child support paid through the court receiver. No amount of talking will get that ex to voluntarily do the right thing for his child. The legal procedures where you live may be cumbersome but where I am, it would be a slam, bam, support taken out before he gets his paycheck.
Assuming he has a job.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but that’s not the relevant question here. You should be asking how to get the father of your children to support his kids, and this strategy isn’t working for you. Go through the courts.
The stepfather is likely not a party to what you need to file – so get used to saying I have communicated, I tried, etc not we and don’t let your husband do the co-parenting communication if he has no standing here.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“My ex is a deadbeat mom. I’m taking her to small claims court in March we have a contract regarding my son’s car and she’s just suddenly decided she didn’t have to pay anything for it even though she did sign the contract. She tried to argue that the word “all” doesn’t mean all and that she was somehow only supposed to pay for his commutes to and from school, which is not what the contract says.
She also feels like she shouldn’t have to pay anything because I make more than she does. This is a common problem with narcissists They justify any ridiculous excuse to not accept responsibility for their actions.” bladehawk11
