People Bring Their Problems To Light In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Grandpa About His Degrading Behavior?
“I(16F) have grown up in an Indian household, with a family of four – my father, mother & brother (14M). I have never given my parents any major cause for concern. Of course, being a teenager I occasionally fight with my parents, but it’s usually just common parent-child arguing.
Anyway, we used to have our own house in a different city, where my brother & I had individual spaces, desks, rooms, etc. We had much more privacy and space there & we were quite happy. We used to feed the street dogs there, I loved them A LOT.
We abandoned all that & moved here three years ago when my grandma passed away.
My main concern was that my almost 70-year-old grandpa would not be able to take care of himself & the house on his own. My grandpa is a Navy veteran, is pretty spry for his age, and goes on regular walks & stuff.
He can manage well by himself or just hire a caretaker. But my mom just couldn’t let her dad live by himself, so we moved here, leaving everything behind. Here, my brother & I don’t even have a separate bed, just one big one. The house has an open plan, & I have almost no privacy.
Our room is used freely by all, while he & my parents have their own rooms and washrooms. Anytime a guest comes over to stay, my sibling & I are kicked out of our room and have to “adjust”. All this is okay.
But, the way my grandpa acts towards us is plain degrading.
When we put our clothes for washing in the washer he refuses to do so, instead he puts them separately every two or three days with only his clothes, treating us like dirt. Then, when he needs to dry the clothes he makes us do it.
No shoes in the house, no feet on the couch, no channel except news on TV, etc. The worst part is that due to him, my parents have also become stricter. We used to celebrate holidays like Christmas or Diwali with gifts. He told them that they were “spoiling us” and we stopped that.
Our family tradition of going out for birthdays to fancy restaurants for a nice meal is gone too. He often comments things like “you should beat the manners into them” & “they are all addicted to gadgets” when we aren’t. He embarrasses us in front of friends and family, telling personal things, & finds it funny.
Often he gets angry and throws tantrums, like throwing our stuff onto the lawn. When I’m sad or crying due to a fight with my mom, he finds it all funny.
These are just some of the things he does, not to mention all the sexist, racist stuff he says on a daily basis.
He practically bullies my younger brother just because he’s a boy. As an older sister, I feel protective and often try to defend him, but can barely. I get a lot of comments from him about making me tea, bringing water, etc. My mom is a weak-willed lady, and I can see him taking up her energy, and my dad completely ignores the situation.
But he’s still her last relative other than us, and I know she’d be hurt if I told her. I want to know, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for considering sharing your feelings with your mom. Communicating your struggles could help her understand your perspective.
However, before discussing, assess the impact it might have on her, given her emotional connection to your grandpa. It’s important to approach the conversation respectfully and express how his behavior affects you. While you have valid concerns, be prepared for potential complexities. Asking for a family discussion to address the issues together might be a balanced approach.
Remember, your well-being matters, and open communication could lead to positive changes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The thing is, in my culture, old people are given A LOT of respect, I can’t tell if it will backfire on me. Being just 16, they’ll probably just invalidate my arguments anyway, so I’m not even sure if I should, but thank you guys, I thought I would be mean for feeling like this about family.” Public-Internet-4739
Another User Comments:
“Thanks so much for the support guys, but I’m almost 17, I’m just gonna slug it out till I’m 18 then go to some college somewhere else. I think things would be better that way, I appreciate all of your advice, but bringing this up would cause too much pain in my family ;)” Public-Internet-4739
19. AITJ For Asking My Stingy Dad To Fund My Wedding?
“I (F29) and my fiance (M27) recently got engaged and are looking into planning the wedding now. We are going through this planning with the mentality that the cost will be 100% on us.
Together, we make decent-ish money and we are looking to do a low-cost wedding. His family might help out because they are very sweet, but we are not counting on it.
My parents haven’t said anything and I’m wondering if I would be the jerk if I went out and asked my dad directly if he would be funding any portion of the wedding.
I typically would not be this direct and ask about money when it hasn’t been offered, but there’s some history behind it.
My dad has always been the more affluent person in my parents’ relationship by a HUGE margin, yet he is one of the stingiest people I know.
He brags all the time about being a millionaire how much he makes in the stock market and how everyone else should follow his lead, but he only gives my mom (who is now disabled and struggles to work) less than $200 a month and he makes her pay for the phone bill and other things from it, even though he promised her that he would give her $500 a WEEK before she quit her job and moved to a different state with him.
He will use finances as a way to exact control over whoever he can, for arbitrary reasons (for example, he told me that he would no longer help me with college if I didn’t lose weight and keep my apartment room clean, even though he didn’t live there).
When I was house-shopping, he threatened to buy the house that I wanted (even though I specifically did NOT want him to do that) and stated that he would change the terms and conditions of the loan in order to “help me and teach me a lesson” and when I turned down his generous offer, he told me that he would no longer give me advice on home-buying and wouldn’t allow my mother or grandmother to come help as well (they struggle driving by themselves).
He has money, but he is a jerk.
Now here’s why I might be the jerk. I want to ask him if he will donate any money to the wedding because of his past behavior. For his and my mom’s wedding, even though he was way more well off than my mom, he made her family pay for the whole thing because, in his words, “the bride’s family pays for the wedding”, so they had to scrounge up the money for it while he didn’t help.
Well now, I’m the bride. I want to see if he’ll actually stick to his words now that the shoe is on the other foot.
Keep in mind, this is less of an “I need money for the wedding” and more of a “put your money where your mouth is”.
I don’t expect money from anyone and my fiance and I are equipped to handle this thing on our own. If he even offers to give us any money, we’re going to make sure we have it in hand before including it in the budget, just to make sure he can’t renege on his promise.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But this isn’t a smart idea. I mean why would you want to ask for money from the guy who every time he gives you money puts a stipulation on it? Is catching him in a “gotcha” moment really worth the stress I can only imagine this will bring to your wedding ?” User
Another User Comments:
“Given the history, NTJ – you should ask and just see how he handles it. I’ll bet if he does say yes, he’s going to have a whole house of conditions that will make it absolutely impossible to have the wedding you want.
And I’ll bet that he doesn’t care at all about the conditions he will try to impose. The whole point will be to get you to refuse so that he can refuse to pay anything. Ask him, whether he says No, or when he starts laying out the conditions, start laughing.
Wave your hand at him to shush and pull out your phone. Pretend to call someone and say “Guess what – you owe me dinner! He did exactly what you said he was going to do!” Then turn to your dad and say, “Thanks, Dad!
You just bought me dinner! I didn’t really want any money from you anyway. I just wanted to win this bet. I gotta go now.” Then walk out still grinning.” Diasies_inMyHair
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your dad has a history of using money to control people and creating strings attached to his “help.” Given that, I completely understand why you’d want to ask him directly—not because you’re relying on his support, but because of his past behavior and the principle of the matter.
If he’s always insisted the bride’s family pays for the wedding, then it’s fair to see if he’ll hold himself to that standard now that you’re the bride. That said, it might be worth preparing yourself for whatever response he gives (or doesn’t give), especially if there’s a chance it could escalate into another power play or attempt to exert control.
Ultimately, you’re not the jerk for asking, especially if you’re clear that you’re not demanding or expecting anything. You and your fiancé have planned to handle the costs yourselves, which is a smart and independent approach. Asking your dad is more about testing his consistency than anything else, and if he reacts poorly, that’s on him—not you.
Good luck!” User
18. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute To My Neglectful Grandma's Hospital Bills?
“For context: my mom grew up with my grandma hating her for reasons unknown. Now when we were petitioned to come to the US, some of our grandma’s favorite grandkids (mostly early 20/30 yr olds) started to talk bad about us. My siblings and I (4 sis & 2 bros) were only between 9 to 20 years old.
So when we got here to the US, grandma never had any affection for us. She always brags about our cousins and how great they are, because they’re always showing her affection, & it’s because they received money from grandma for years. We didn’t care much because our whole family was here & that’s all that mattered to us.
My siblings & I were not very close when we were back in the PI but since we only had each other here, & everyone else did not like us for some reason we didn’t know, we all got very close. All of us work at the same job, except for the youngest as she was only 9 at the time.
When we all got jobs, our dad took about 60% of our paychecks to pay off the amount that my mom’s uncle paid to be able for all of us to come here. We were fine with that. We were able to pay off our debt in about 2 years.
My siblings and I didn’t even know it was paid off and we were still giving about 50% of our paychecks to my dad. It’s fine. We all want to help our family start a new life.
Now, this is the part where I may be the jerk.
My grandma was sent to the Philippines by our corrupt uncle (mom’s bro) & left her there & has been using her social Security benefits. We didn’t know until recently. Told my parents that this would come back one day & they needed to report fraud/elder mistreatment.
But Mom said she would take care of it & that’s been years ago. My grandma was recently admitted to the hospital because she had a fall & hit her head. She racked up about $2000+USD in hospital bills & my parents decided that the 8 of us (6 siblings & my parents) would be contributing about $300 each.
I said no. I asked my parents why are they volunteering for us without asking us first how we felt about it or even asking us first before they volunteered our help. I’m a single parent. My priority is my son & my bills.
My other sisters are out of state and have their own family, my other sister has four kids. Both my brothers are also out of state. We are all now in our late 30s & early 40s. I told my parents just because I don’t tell them about my financial life doesn’t mean nothing is going on with me.
It’s the same for my siblings. I don’t have much love for my grandma, because we had never felt any love from her, just hate, & we don’t even know why. They all treated my mom like dirt, & in my opinion, they did not deserve her kindness.
They’ve used her for years, always asking money from her, & then talking badly about our whole family.
So am I wrong for feeling this way? I know there’s still a lot of information missing. But this whole drama is making me feel like such a bad person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your grandmother ignored and neglected you, your whole life. Your father committing his adult children, without discussing it with them first, to pay her hospital bills is terribly wrong. You have paid enough money to your family, time to stop and take care of your son.
You and your siblings should not continue to pay your father or help your grandmother. Enough!” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what will the consequences be for you in your family and is it worth it for $300? I am very familiar with extended family politics and how retaliatory it can be.
Ultimately it’s entirely your choice and absolutely not a jerk.” Senti2com1
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Put His Phone Away So We Could Talk?
“My (F20) partner (M21) and I have been together for a little over a year.
Today I asked if he could put his phone down so we could talk without distractions before he went to work. Instead, he switched from Tiktok to a game because he says it’s less distracting. I totally get that but I wanted to have time to talk without phones for a few minutes.
I asked if he could still put his phone down and he didn’t. I was a little annoyed and just tried to move on but 10 minutes later he’s still on his phone not talking. I asked if we could hang out a bit before work and he stayed on his phone.
At this point, I’m pretty annoyed because I’m just asking to spend time with him.
He could tell I was upset and asked me what was wrong. I said that I just wanted for us to spend time together since I’m not going to see him for the next 8 hours and he’s not making an effort to do that.
He says he’s confused since he switched his phone to a game. And I understand that but I wanted his full undivided attention. He’s not getting it and just saying “I’m confused” “I don’t know what you want me to do” and “You’re not making an effort to communicate” since I didn’t have an answer on how to instantly make both of us feel better, but I was trying my best to say how I was feeling.
He ended up leaving for work and saying he was late because “I wasn’t giving him clear enough answers” but I told him why I was upset multiple times and I didn’t know exactly what I needed to feel better.
We saw each other again later and he asked if I was upset.
It had been hours so I said “I’m over it I’m honestly just annoyed”. He then said sorry and when I asked for what he said that he didn’t know. I then explained that I was upset about him not trying to make time for me but I was upset now that while I was trying my best he just kept saying I wasn’t trying hard enough which really hurt.
He didn’t understand why I was upset and defended his side again.
When I got to work we said our regular “bye, love you” and I kept it short because I was still upset. He texted me later saying that he was upset that I said it in a monotone voice and “didn’t mean it”.
We started texting about the original situation from this morning and he stood by the point that I was “not giving him anything to work with”. When I asked him if he could’ve considered saying he didn’t mean to hurt me or apologized instead of saying I wasn’t doing enough when I was upset he said“I didn’t see a problem”.
He asked if I wanted him to sleep at his parent’s house and I did because I was upset that that disagreement turned into this and that the blame was fully on me. He then said he wasn’t going to sleep there because he didn’t want to make 2 trips to get his stuff from home for work so I’m thinking that might have been an empty threat for me to ask him to stay.
The conversation just kept going in circles so I decided to stop texting and say bye”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even get what he’s thinking. How does he not know what he’s sorry for? Ask him if he would do that to his boss at work.
Or in a meeting or something. I’m assuming he wouldn’t. He should treat you with the same respect. You seem to respect him enough to not play on your phone while you’re talking.” drkaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I assume you said “Can you get off your phone entirely so we can hang out”?
That is a full explanation of the issue. Switching to a game because it’s “less distracting” is still rude. I’m not sure what all this double talk from your partner is about, but it feels manipulative. You clearly stated your need and he chose to ignore it.
Telling you you are not being clear sounds extremely annoying after explaining yourself over and over.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he really didn’t want to put his phone down I’d be asking why he didn’t want to spend time with me. I’d say I missed him and just wanted to feel connected. But if he just wanted to use his phone before work and relax then he could say so and we could talk later.” Colorless82
16. AITJ For Watching Anime With My Kids Despite Stepdaughter's Disapproval?
“I (39m) was watching anime (One Piece) for about an hour early today with my kids (12f and 14f) it’s something we do regularly though usually in the evening. My stepdaughter (18f) had a breakdown over it even though she was downstairs in her room.
We kept the volume very low, low enough that we had to sit within 4 feet of the TV to hear it (volume was on 13). My stepdaughter came up once to grab a snack and I paused it because it had bothered her in the past, she never came into the living room, and never saw the TV.
She got her snack and went back to her room. When my wife (39f) came home she said her daughter was inconsolable because I had watched anime in the house.
For some background information, the wife’s family is very religious and her dad told all his grandchildren that anime and video games were something that would affect your standing with God.
My wife doesn’t exactly like that I watch anime or play video games but she tolerates it and has even watched with me. The stepdaughter got in my face several months ago about gaming in the living room (less than 2 hours a day 3-4 times a week) so the games moved to my bedroom, where she still has an issue with it.
My father-in-law has told her my gaming and choice of TV isn’t affecting my standing with God because I don’t do any of it to excess which was the problem she was having. My stepdaughter used to watch anime and play video games for 6+ hours a day, I’m not sure what she watched but it started to give her nightmares.
She didn’t have an issue with me watching or playing it before but has never really liked me. She tolerated me at first and was kind and respectful but not really talkative until she came back from her dad’s. She didn’t talk to me for almost a year and after that, it was only a sentence or two at a time.
The last time she came back from her dad’s was a massive turnaround on that. She started chatting with me about stuff and going places like the grocery store with just me. It lasted about 4 months before she started to withdraw again but she was still fairly nice unless she was in an episode where she was unbelievably sad (her words for it).
She would cry uncontrollably for about 2 hours and then be extremely rude to everyone for the next day or two.
I try to accommodate the fact that she no longer likes anime or video games but I feel trapped. I can barely do any of the things I enjoy without her taking offense to it.
Even reading science fiction or fantasy is bad in her opinion. I usually only watch shows or play games when she leaves but that’s not very often. She was homeschooled for her junior and senior years and doesn’t work or drive yet. I work odd hours so I like to be able to relax and watch anime or games when I get home but rarely get to.
I was just enjoying a few episodes with my kids during the heat of day, when I heard her bedroom door open and paused it. AITJ for watching anime with my kids?”
Another User Comments:
“Seems like she’s realized. She can cry and manipulate the situation and that is what she is doing.
I would sit her down with her mum and talk it through. You need to feel free in your home to relax and enjoy things you like. And so does she it may be that she needs therapy to help her manage her feelings and promote positive mental health.
NTJ” trinabillibob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Send your daughter to boarding school, then she doesn’t have to deal with you watching anime. I’m a registered minister, I’m legally allowed to tell you God doesn’t give a darn about anime or video games. It’s just another attempt by mortal people to control what the rest of society does.
People using God in an attempt to push their own agendas are going to be in for a rude awakening after they die. (If God or anything like that exists, I’m agnostic, so I believe that anything including nothing is possible)” Mongoose-SR
15. AITJ For Feeling Excluded When Friends Ignored My Shellfish Allergy During A Trip?
“I need some perspective on something that happened during a vacation with my friends (all roughly 30yo). Last year we planned a trip together since we live across the country and rarely see each other. I have a shellfish allergy that they’re aware of. Before the trip, we discussed plans, and one of the proposed spots was a place where I had an allergic reaction in the past. I said that I wouldn’t be able to go there and asked if we could go somewhere else so that I could join.
No one responded.
Fast forward to the day of the dinner, my friends were still planning to go to the same restaurant. Feeling excluded, I voiced my feelings and asked if anyone would be willing to choose a different place to eat so that I could join them.
I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss out on a whole evening activity on a short 3-day trip. They appeared to understand my perspective and acknowledged my feelings.
However, a few hours later I was in the shower and noticed they were all sneaking out to the restaurant without me.
Although they tried to hide their actions and gaslight me by saying that I could still come, they had not left any seats in the car and this was very obvious. This hurt, and I expressed my frustration, even going so far as to say they were bad friends for excluding me.
They tried to say I could still come with them and “not eat” and acted like my allergy was just a “preference.” The situation escalated, and I ended up crying, but they left me there without showing any concern for my feelings. Even after they returned from the dinner, nobody apologized or checked in on me.
After the trip was over only one person reached out to apologize (with a very halfhearted non-apology over text), which left me feeling isolated and hurt. No one else apologized or texted for the next year.
Recently, I reached out to one of my friends, hoping to gain some closure.
However, they’re claiming that I overreacted and that I should have known about the “group plan.” I feel like using the “group plan” as an excuse is dismissive of my feelings, especially since I voiced my frustration with the plan from the get-go. I feel like the memory has been warped in their heads to make me the bad guy.
These friends are acting like it’s unheard of to consider a friend’s allergies when making plans. In my opinion, accommodating allergies is a very normal thing to do. I personally make an effort to know my friends’ allergies and plan stuff around them. It’s really not that hard.
Was I too dramatic in my reaction, or do I have a legitimate reason to feel hurt and excluded? This has essentially resulted in me cutting them out because I refused to beg for an apology. As time went on the lack of even minimal effort to text me hurt even more.
To be honest, I am baffled by their reactions. Am I really the jerk for wanting people who supposedly are my friends to care about my feelings and want to spend time with me on a short vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If those are friends, who need them?
I mean, they refused to consider another restaurant?! They tried to sneak out without you knowing?! What is that?! There are LAYERS of shady stuff from them. I don’t blame you for being hurt; they did a great job of sucking as people.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“As someone who has kids with food allergies, I was ready to call you the jerk. It’s my job to make accommodations, not the other person. But this wasn’t “I don’t want a salad tonight”. This was “I almost ended up in the hospital last time because the chef is terrible and contaminated my salad.” You tried to make arrangements beforehand and change the place.
They ignored you because they wanted to go. You sure they are your friends if their response was “just watch us eat!”?!?!?! Edited to add: NTJ” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Find new friends, they did not care about your allergy or physical health by sticking to that restaurant.
They also did not care about your emotional well-being by not checking on you when they knew how upset you were. They also very clearly tried to ditch you. I have a news flash they are not your friends, they do not care about you, there is your closure move on, and ignore them from now on like they ignored your physical well-being, emotional well-being, and mental well-being.
Ditch them as they ditched you,” North_Cantaloupe_470
14. AITJ For Letting My Son Play During A Baptism After The Pastor Said It Was Okay?
“Last week we were invited to the baptism of my wife’s godchild.
His sister and my son (both two years old) are good friends, they have their own little dynamic when they are together and are genuinely happy when they see each other.
Before the baptism, we spoke briefly to the pastor. She specifically told us that we shouldn’t leave the church if our kids felt the need to move around, or were loud.
She said the kids were part of the community and that they preferred them to be present instead of dragging them out if they “misbehaved”. She said they were kids and that it was normal and expected that they wouldn’t be able to sit still for over an hour.
She had also baptized my son a few months ago and I remember that although our son slept through the entire sermon there were lots of other kids (ages 2-7) that ran around during the sermon. They were included in parts of the rituals (like pouring the holy water) and many songs and prayers were interactive to include them.
This baptism was in a bigger church. My son was a bit tired so I tried to get him to sleep outside, but it didn’t work, so I went back inside. Here he saw his friend and after a few moments of warming up, they started playing together.
After about 20 minutes they also started running around (they didn’t yell, just laughed sometimes) and I got up to keep an eye on them, but left them to their game, remembering our own baptism and what the pastor had said to us. After a bit of time, I started noticing other people rolling their eyes when the kids passed by and I started becoming a bit uncomfortable.
If I had only my son to worry about I’d probably have left then, but getting a two-year-old to leave his game and his friends would have led to screaming and even more disturbance, and at the time I was also responsible for his friend, because her parents were occupied with their son, who was being baptized.
At some point, an old lady got up and told me I was being extremely disrespectful by letting the kids run around and that they should be ashamed of themselves for misbehaving. I told her we’d talked with the pastor and that they were kids and sometimes needed to move around, but now I was not only getting more and more uncomfortable but also getting death glares from many other people.
I tried to get both of them to play outside which of course led to tears and tantrums and in my opinion disturbed the situation more than them just running around. My wife said that when she walked out after the sermon some people stopped her and berated her because her son misbehaved and they thought it was disrespectful.
During my son’s baptism, I really liked the fact that kids were allowed to run around because it gave them a space to exist within the church and the community. In other (stricter) situations I would have left immediately or not even attended, but here I was looking forward to it.
So what do you think? AITJ for letting them run around and disturb other people?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If the church had kids running around on the regular, then why did so many people call you and your wife out? The fact that so many people called you out and it does not seem that anyone else’s children were running around during the baptism leads me to believe that it is not a regular thing for kids to be up out of their seats.
Obviously, this church isn’t as laid back as the pastor might like it to be. I’m all for kids being active participants (usually in Sunday school), but they were being disruptive. I don’t care if the pastor gave them a box of crayons and said they could go color on the walls.
That’s not appropriate behavior given the setting/circumstances. Read the room.” quitcute5264
Another User Comments:
“While I love what the pastor said – it’s just not reasonable. Baptisms are important enough that usually pictures and videos are taken, congregants are actually listening to the sermon, and families don’t want to be disrupted by crying or laughing kids in the background.
While the pastor discouraged taking the toddlers outside, I honestly would have disregarded that once I realized the kids were distracting everyone else. There’s a distinct difference between squirming at the pews versus running around the pews.” Poesy-WordHoard
13. AITJ For Leaving My Own Birthday Party Early Because Friends Ignored Me For A Coworker?
“It was my birthday last week. I am not normally a big birthday party person, but I turned 30 this year and a bunch of people from work wanted to have a get-together at a pub for it.
I agree because it’s a good excuse to see everyone outside of work and have some fun. I was not the one organizing it, but the whole department was invited, including one person that I don’t particularly get along with (Brett). We are polite when we need to interact, but don’t actively seek each other’s company out.
I was asked before the group chat was made if I was okay with him coming and I said it was fine because I didn’t want to be exclusionary to this one person and we have quite a few close mutual friends who were coming (and I’m sure there’s some workplace policy about this sort of thing anyway).
On the night I was able to talk to my friends for about 15 minutes before Brett arrived. He chose to sit at a different table than myself and our mutual friends were at. Our mutual friends immediately got up and moved to his table, where they remained for the next three hours.
I was only acknowledged again briefly when the department as a whole gave me a gift. I had heaps of other people to chat with and hang out with, but it honestly felt pretty bad that they couldn’t even split their time evenly between us at my own birthday party.
When everyone else, sans this group of friends + Brett, decided to call it a night, I decided to head home too rather than awkwardly trying to join the others. I was honestly feeling pretty dejected at that point and knew I probably wasn’t going to be the best company.
I told them I was heading out at the same time as three other coworkers. They tried to make a fuss at this point saying that they hadn’t had a chance to talk to me all night. At this point, I said “Well, that wasn’t a choice I made.
I’m tired now and I’m heading home, thanks for coming.”
I checked my phone when I got home, to find two of them in our group chat telling me I was being a jerk and that I’d made the group and Brett feel bad. I still have to see all of them at work next week, so I don’t want this to turn into a big thing.
This is not the first time they have been spending time with me and immediately ditched me when Brett turns up in the general vicinity. I have not once kicked up a stink if he joins us at a table, but he always gives me weird looks if I try to join the group if he’s already there.
They have all assured me they’re not “picking sides” and tell me Brett is suffering from depression and anxiety and needs their support. I’m sure they prefer Brett as a friend over me, which is fine, but I don’t want to be told I’m equally as important when I’m constantly shoved aside whenever he turns up.
Not sure if it is important but I am a woman and the group of mutual friends Brett and I share is all women and one man.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m assuming they all know that you and Brett don’t gel. So, basically, it boils down to them turning up to your party, choosing not to spend time talking to you, but then berating you for not spending time with them (when it was their choice).
Yeah, those double standards are a killer, but you’re not the jerk for being unable to fit them.” Anovadea
Another User Comments:
“Maybe it’s time to accept that maybe those mutual friends that you share with Brett… are not really mutual friends. They choose to spend time with him… and they spend time with you only if he’s not there, from what you say.
They’re still coworkers, and you can still get along with them, but stop regarding them as friends. Friends of convenience, maybe. NTJ.” canuckleheadiam
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom How I Feel About Her Partner's Behavior?
“So for some background, I, (15f), have never really been in a stable situation for—practically—my entire life. When my parents split, I first lived with my biological dad, (41m). Then, I moved in with my mom, (36f), she has a partner, (47m), who she has been living with for a while.
I want to mention that I suffer from BPD, and struggle with a strong sense of self. When I was with my dad, a lot of my feelings were repressed, and I wasn’t allowed to talk about what was happening—let alone how I felt about it.
So now I’m bad at telling if something’s wrong, or if I’m just crazy.
Today, my mom got home before Steve, (he usually gets home first). We have a puppy who we are still house training. She has a habit of peeing on the floor when she gets over-excited. It just so happened that, at that moment, she was extremely stirred, and peed on the floor.
Mom and I were talking, so we didn’t notice at first, but when Steve got home, he definitely did.
At this point, I was washing dishes, and Mom was on the phone. Meanwhile, he was going ballistic, he was throwing things, and yelling at everyone and everything; Mostly at me, though, because I’m a “lazy piece of junk who can’t do simple things” and “a jerk for making people clean up my mistakes.” (I was going to clean it after I was done with dishes, but Mom went ahead and did it for me so he’d stop.)
He stomped out of the house and drove off to pout. When he finally arrived back home, he demanded an apology from me. I gave him one, but he began to scream at me. This went on for an hour, with most of what he was saying making no sense since a lot wasn’t true, (my mom backed me up) Then he left again.
My mom told me to just ignore him, and keep the peace. These kinds of things happen so often, and that’s always her response. “Keep the peace.”
I started ranting about how he’s a man-child; he degrades and embarrasses her in public, never helps with the house, lets his son cuss and yell at her, and then yells at her for it.
Even though she works longer hours, he expects to come home to a clean house with coffee ready for him at the table. That’s impossible for her, she comes home after he does. He’s always jealous and childish, not letting her have Snapchat or even any male friends on social media; however, it’s perfectly fine for him to have those things.
He has multiple female friends on social media, he even has some suspicious accounts on Snap. She’s seen them, but “kept the peace.”
I also mentioned how he makes a lot of comments that make me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s actually weird or if it’s just me since I have a hard time trusting men in general. After I told her all of this, she got quiet and just held me, then went for a drive.
Now I feel like garbage for it, and also feel crazy. I don’t need advice. I just want to know if I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“Ooft. You’re not over reacting. This man is a draining leech on both you & your mom’s life.
I’ve been in a similar position, you are completely valid in wanting him out of your lives & talking to your mom about it. I sincerely hope she is taking your concerns seriously. NTJ” happi_hippieee
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On Vacation With My Husband's Family?
“At the beginning of the week, my husband’s family left to go on vacation in Mexico. We didn’t go with them, a decision my husband and I made together.
But now seeing his family’s social media posts and texts from his mom he’s mad we didn’t go and is blaming it on me.
All of my husband’s family has gone. His mom, his brother plus wife and 5 kids, his other adult brother, his sister plus husband and their 2 kids and husband’s dad, his other adult sister and her partner, his 2 teen brothers, and his aunt and her teen son.
That’s already 20 people not including my husband, our son, and myself.
Going with such a large group on vacation does not sound fun or relaxing to me. When my husband’s family went on vacation last year, we mutually decided to skip but my husband said that the following year we would go.
Last year his youngest sister and married brother didn’t go either so it didn’t feel we were missing out as much.
My husband originally wanted to go on the trip and told his mom that we would be there without consulting with me. When his mom texted me about a trip, I didn’t know I agreed to, I asked him why he wouldn’t consult me first and he told me I had already agreed to go on the next family trip a year previously, even though I had never agreed to this specific trip.
I sat down with him and told him that I honestly would rather not go on vacation with his entire family and told him my reasons why. Mainly that his family isn’t too fond of me, and his youngest 3 siblings are openly hostile towards me, large group vacations are more stressful than relaxing, we’ll end up having to do what everyone else wants rather than what we want, and our son’s older cousins and young uncles are a bad influence on him, and I would rather go on a vacation with just the 3 of us.
I suggested we turned his yearly snowboarding trip with his brother into more of a family event with them both bringing their wife and kids instead, so he gets a similar experience without all the stress and extra family members. He wouldn’t agree to this and said we could afford to go on both this trip with his family and a separate summer vacation anyway.
He also said that technically I, as a stay-at-home mom, have all the time off I want and it’s him that can only take a certain amount of time of a year. He even argued that because I take our son on trips with my mom a few times a year it’s unfair that our son hasn’t been on a vacation with his family.
In the end, I was able to convince him of how miserable I would be on a trip with his family, and we chose not to go but now he’s upset with me that he’s missing out when the rest of the family is supposedly having a lot of fun.
I don’t think I’m the jerk in this situation because if his family were more welcoming to me, I would more likely put aside my other issues with spending 10 days on vacation with them, but the way they act towards me makes me suspect they’d have more fun without us.”
Another User Comments:
“Why can’t he and your son go on this family trip? Seems like hubby is giving up everything here and you nothing. Is it possible to go on this trip, not stay in the same hotel and arrange to do things not with the group?
No jerks here. You both have valid points, but you need to realize this could make him rather bitter towards you for not going at least once.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“So first of all. NTJ for not wanting to go, that sounds like a disaster.
But if you stopped him from going, that’s kind of a jerk move. Did you offer to let him go on his own, without you? I wish more couples would do this, realize that they can do separate vacations with family and don’t always need to bring the spouse who doesn’t want to be there.” hybridoctopus
10. AITJ For Taking Back My Dissertation Poster And Diploma From My Parents?
“My university had a tradition where we PhD students would design large posters to “promote” our dissertations, featuring our names, the title of the project, and the abstract at the time of proposal. We take the posters home with us after a successful defense.
They are roughly a movie poster in size. These are meant mostly as a bit of creative fun, but I put a great deal of work into mine, and while there are some definite flaws I think it’s lovely and I’m quite proud of it.
When I got home after my graduation 18 months ago, my parents really liked the poster, and I told them if they’d like to hang it they could, but I made clear it was important to me and I didn’t want it thrown away- I’d always take it back if they didn’t want it anymore.
They agreed, and it sat on the ground.
A few times when I visited I’d find it sorted with things to be donated. I didn’t think much of it, I just asked if it was put there intentionally, reiterated my offer to take it home, and asked it not be disposed of.
Each time they said it must’ve been there by mistake, took it out of the pile and set it on the ground somewhere, and said they needed to get around to hanging it.
Last visit two months ago I found it in a trash pile with some art I made as a kid and one of my diplomas, so I took the poster and degree home.
This wasn’t out of hurt or spite- I needed some art for my new house! In my mind, this was just like bringing home some old clothes. They came to visit last week, saw it on the wall and flipped it. Asked why I took it and demanded it back.
I explained that I noticed they weren’t using it and admitted that I was nervous that it would get donated so I wanted it back.
I told them they could have it, but only if they meant to hang it, and ditto the diploma, which they’d asked to keep almost threw out.
They called me some names, like childish and materialistic, and compared this to a kid demanding art or grades be displayed on the refrigerator (something they refused to indulge in growing up). They were broody all day after that, and have cracked some jokes since about what else I’ve stolen.
I feel guilty and hurt but I can’t figure out why they don’t want it displayed, as it no longer seems that it just slipped their mind. My dissertation contained some controversial elements, but the poster doesn’t. They’ve been sensitive before about me flaunting my accomplishments as my older siblings have been struggling as adults.
Admittedly I think gifts should be unconditional and I feel petty, like maybe I should have talked to them before I took it… Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“If they threw it away then it isn’t their property anymore. Also throwing out your diploma is insane.
I’m almost 40 and I’ve had employers ask for my diploma to prove I’ve graduated. It really surprised me because this hasn’t been an issue in years. You’ll never really know when someone is gonna ask for it.” Karate-Chop-Bill
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, I came into this thinking you had to be the jerk, because pulling back a gift is rude.
But rescuing your diploma and dissertation poster from the trash pile multiple times? Yeah, NTJ. You did talk to them about the times you found it in the donate piles. If you want to be super mature here you can ask them what the heck was going on with it ending up in trash/donate piles multiple times, because that is confusing to you.
(And me!) The name-calling and jokes about stealing are out of line. If you’re not up for the direct and open discussion, you can remind them that trash is considered abandoned and up for grabs, so it’s not stealing. And if they’d like to throw away any other valuables, you’ll be happy to rescue those too.
Your parents are being weird and mean.” KindCompetence
Another User Comments:
“Normally taking back a gift is not okay, even if they don’t appreciate or even use the gift. Once it’s theirs, it’s theirs. But they agreed you could take it back if they didn’t want it, and not putting it up and almost getting rid of it is pretty clear proof they don’t want it.
So NTJ for taking it back, though I think you should have told them so they weren’t surprised when they came to your house Your parents are the jerk actually, it’s one thing not to put up your poster, but almost throwing/donating it away along with your diploma is disrespectful!
I suggest you make sure you take anything you really want to keep and not lose with you, like other diplomas or anything else you left.” setomonkey
9. AITJ For Calling Out A Condescending IT Guy At Work?
“We have to change network passwords every 6 months. The sign-on process has a million verification steps but is single sign-on. We have a VPN, I work remotely. Yesterday afternoon I tried to change it before shutting down to avoid issues this morning.
In trying to change the password as instructed the system told me access was denied. I was tired and figured I’d get up early and do it today.
5 am, I tried again, different pass (a failed attempt to change it still logs the attempted pass as a former pass and you can’t use it again), same thing.
So I tried to change it from the VPN login (probably stupid). The connection kept dropping before I even hit “enter” on the pass change. I called IT. Get this guy. I apologized for calling over a password and described the issue, get him remoted in, and his attitude was very shame-y:
“Next time call us when something isn’t working before **you** make a mountain out of a molehill”
“It’s an order of operations issue, you did the wrong order” (right before telling me that some actions shouldn’t have been done at all)
“It thinks the password changed, you must have changed it.” Me: How?
It kept dropping the connection before I even hit enter. He just said it must have done it anyway so enter the new one. Me: Well I tried 2 (for the above reason). “Well then we really are in a pickle **since you don’t know your password now**.”
Eventually, we fixed it and while we waited to connect he asked what I did, when, where, and using vague terms so I’m getting confused trying to answer. In the end, he reminds me to change the password on the company cell phone.
That’s new.
I go to try and it tells me the pass is too weak. I ask about it. He asks where I’m trying to change it “What app are you in”, none just the standard settings, “Well you need to do the apps, go to teams”, I don’t have teams on the phone, “Check.
**Pull down on the screen with your thumb and you’ll find a search bar. type in t-e-a-m-s and see if it’s there**”**, it’s not, “okay good! go to settings”** ….that’s where I was. We updated the pass there (it took it the second time) and I asked why I had to do all this on the phone since I never had to before (used to auto-update even after the upgraded security).
And he says: **”You’re asking why we have to change the network passwords?” no, I’m asking why the extra steps I never had to do before. “I don’t know what to tell you, we have to change network passwords.”**
I’ve been here 8 years, I KNOW we have to have updated passwords and why.
That’s not what I asked. I told him I get he’s trying to help but he’s treating me like an idiot. He tells me “I don’t think you’re an idiot, I think you’re just frustrated with yourself, but you called US for help.”
I gave up and finished the call.
I was frustrated at his attitude, not my mistake. I probably caused the pass problem, but you don’t need to treat me like a moron to help fix it. I’ve done help desk before, but I’ve never treated a client like this. AITJ for pointing out his attitude?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an IT guy. I’ve had a long career. At various times, I’ve been in just about every role an IT guy can be in. (Documentation? Yes. Phone support? Yes. Sysadmin? Yes. Booth staff at conferences? Yes. On-site tech in support of sales?
Yes. These days I’m a software architect and programmer.) IT folks need to be called out more on their bad behavior. The IT folks who don’t think so are generally the ones who need to be called out the most.” dfjdejulio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I highly doubt you telling the IT guy he’s treating you like an idiot would have made any difference to his day.
On the other hand, the IT guy is definitely the jerk. It’s within the IT department’s realm of responsibility to create systems that are simple and easy enough for the general workforce to use and understand. Having to undertake steps in a set order (that is not clearly explained) to do something as simple as changing a password is a poor user interface.
He shouldn’t be getting the hump with you for 1) contacting him so he can do his job as IT trouble-shooter and 2) you not understanding a seemingly poorly set out/explained system.” m4G4n5
Another User Comments:
“To be a jerk, you have to have a victim.
It really does sound like this guy was being condescending, but when you tried to call him out he just took it as another chance to be condescending. It seems possible to me that he would rather you have accused him of treating you like an idiot than not because he seems to get off on treating people like idiots.
No victim, NTJ. I think you might **wish** it bothered him, but it doesn’t sound like it did.” bigcup321
8. AITJ For Pouring Water Into My Champagne To Keep It From My Family?
“I recently went on a cruise with my mom, her sister, my cousin, and my sister. Everyone on this trip except for me really likes to drink especially my aunt and mom. I’m more often the only one abstaining from drinking when we’d all hang out.
My aunt teased me a bit about this and said something about me looking down on the rest of them because of this but I don’t know how serious she was.
Anyway, we all go out to a nice dinner on the third night of the cruise and my mom and aunt are excited to order this $130 bottle of champagne that they really like for the table.
Everyone (including me) is poured a glass and right after I try it, I say to everyone “I don’t mind it and I’m me”. My sister asked me again later if I liked it and I repeated that I did so I know everyone heard me say it at least once.
We’re finishing up dessert and I realize that I’d forgotten my champagne was even there after I drank some of it earlier on and I still had a good amount left in the glass. My aunt stands up and says she’s going to hit the bathroom and I ask if we’re leaving (no one had mentioned when leaving the restaurant at that point and we were just talking).
She said she was thinking we were gonna leave and I said I wanted to finish my champagne before we went. She says, “Tell you what, if you can’t finish it by the time I come back from the bathroom, I’ll drink the rest” and leaves before I can respond or agree.
I still haven’t said anything, kind of just processing, and my mom says, “Plus you haven’t drank much of it all night so we’d probably enjoy it more”.
I was pretty irritated/mad. Felt like they were kind of ganging up on me to bully me out of my drink so that they could have more even though there was no reason we couldn’t hang around for just a couple more minutes.
I wish I’d actually verbalized that but I think I froze in the face of conflict. I tried to drink it super quickly but realized chugging champagne is ya know, not pleasant. I had a bit of water left and decided to pour it into the champagne to dilute it because I was determined to be the one who finished it but I knew it would upset my mom.
She gasped, said “That’s not nice” and then “How are we supposed to drink it after you poured your water into it?” I think I just said that I’d poured it in to finish faster, and my mom said “Forget it, I don’t even want it anymore” and stood up to wait near the exit a few feet away.
I kept drinking as my aunt came back and my mom told her I’d poured in my water and my aunt gasped too, annoyed. They watched me finishing it and my aunt said “I feel like she doesn’t even like it” and my mom said, “I know”.
I finished it and opted not to go with them to a bar afterward and just headed back to my room feeling conflicted and upset.
Any thoughts really appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“Of course, NTJ but next time handle it in a different way. You’re an adult and shouldn’t have to defend what you do and don’t drink.
If you want to sit and enjoy your drink for a few minutes, simply tell them you are going to do just that and that you’ll catch up with them in a bit. And when they accuse you of looking down on them, ask for a specific example.
If they can produce one, accept it and don’t do it again. If they can’t, tell her to stop using your choices as a comparison and judgment of her own behavior.” iheartwords
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said they were really excited about this wine.
They gave you a glass, which you “didn’t mind”, proceeded to ignore it for most of your meal, then rather than give up the drink to someone who would enjoy it more, you acted like a toddler out of spite. Doesn’t that seem ridiculous?” beldaran60
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for drinking it, but how you handled it overall. They spent extra $$ ordering something they enjoyed and they wanted to share it with everyone. “I don’t mind it” is not the same as saying you like it. It actually comes across really rude in general. Like they bought you something nice and you said well it doesn’t totally suck.
You then ignore it (which wasn’t on purpose but still) and now it’s warm and flat. So again just wasting their money and keeping others from enjoying it. And instead of finally using your words and saying you want to enjoy it yourself you pour water in it?
I don’t get why that even crossed your mind as a good idea.” SpeechIll6025
7. AITJ For Accepting Money From My Wealthy Neighbor To Fix My Car?
“So my husband and I recently moved into a pretty posh neighborhood. We loved the apartment and only realized how posh it actually is after getting the keys and starting to move in. Can’t complain about anything, it’s all neat and tidy and quiet and green.
We are some of the few people renting, most neighbors have big single houses with huge gardens and stuff. We aren’t very rich, with average income, but we like the area there, the apartment is very nice, and it’s a much-needed contrast to the huge dirty city we are trying to escape from.
Just across the street, there is a huge estate with multiple houses, and stables, really pretty and really huge. I have no idea what they do for a living but they are very friendly and we greet and try to not get into each other’s way.
We have rented a parking spot in our building’s backyard but while moving and unloading boxes, I parked right in front of our apartment building for easier access to the boxes and stuff. This happens to be right opposite the driveway of these neighbors across the street.
So it happened that, while quickly dashing out of his driveway, the guy hit my car with his big SUV.
He was very apologetic and nice and I told him it’s just a few scratches and it would most probably just polish out. In fact, repairing the scratches on his car will probably be more expensive than the remaining value of my whole car itself.
Not that my car is wrecked, I’ve taken good care of it during the years, but it’s a very small Volkswagen that’s about 11 years old – his is some brand new Porsche (or something) SUV… Still, he apologized a dozen times, grabbed his wallet, and handed me 500 bucks to repair it.
Then, he quickly drove off.
For a hot second, I wanted to refuse the money, but as I just recently lost a big client and moving apartments is really expensive (with all the repairing and restoring work that needs to be done), it would just help me a lot.
We initially wanted to get a new bed and a few more new furniture pieces as the old ones are really done (like, 20-year-old IKEA stuff), but after losing this big client, we can’t risk it for now. But that also means we’ll be sleeping on a mattress on the floor until we financially recover and can afford a new bed. I mean, it’s not the end of the world to sleep on a mattress on the floor for a few months but this money could at least get us either a cheap bed or some more wiggle room for stuff we need to buy.
As I told my husband in the evening, he freaked out and yelled at me for accepting the money. He doesn’t want us to look “poor” and accept “handouts” from other people. He now wants me to go and return it, especially as I’m not going to use it to get my car repainted. The scratches buffed out pretty well, they are of course still visible when you look closely but it was mostly paint from the other car that made them look much worse than they are.
AITJ for taking the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy can afford it and doesn’t have to file an insurance claim. Take the money and enjoy it guilt free. Tell BF it’s your car so it’s your decision.” Lucky-Guess8786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine to keep the money—it’s not a handout, it’s fixing a mistake.
But you should know that in many (most?) places, it’s not permitted to park across from a driveway. Even if it’s fine where you live, maybe consider moving a bit to the side so you don’t, so this doesn’t happen again.” MommyPenguin2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you’d gotten hit in a parking lot somewhere, wouldn’t he expect the person that hit you to pay for the damages? It doesn’t matter if it’s your neighbor, they were in the wrong and giving you money to fix it was the right thing to do.
Regardless of what you do with the money.” DogLover-777
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Double Rent For His Job Relocations?
“I (24F) and partner (24M) have to relocate for his new job. He starts on 28th August but our tenancy ends on September 24th. We have a cat, so finding a rental in the new town has been extremely hard.
He got the job a year ago after two months of searching after graduation and was asked to start working in a new city, ages away, and he left me in our flat less than 12 hours after securing the job.
He was given £2,000 to move but the majority went on living in hotels for weeks before we secured our current flat. I spent about £250 of my own money using trains to come up on weekends and stay in hotels to help find a property. It wasn’t a joint decision, he gave me an ultimatum of coming, leaving, or forcing him to not take the job, thus “ruining” his career.
I was a trainee dental nurse until a week before he got this role, and luckily had just managed to get a remote job, otherwise I’m not sure how that would’ve worked.
My pay is better but he still earns a fair bit more than me and still gets financial support from my parents.
I have no contact with my dad/mum is very poor. Because of the sudden move, cost a lot/drew me heavily into my overdraft and I’ve since been struggling to get out of it because of the charges involved and the cost of living crisis.
From living somewhere new and starting a new job in the same week, I became unwell from stress and feeling isolated.
Now he needs to relocate once more, I’ve tried to be supportive of another move. He did get to choose the area this time out of several others and he took my wants into consideration too.
I was happier. I felt like I had control over my life again. I began property hunting, looking to fit his requirement for a commute under 40 minutes. We don’t drive so this limited where we could live. I managed to find a property close by that accepts pets, except the tenancy starts on 11th August and our contract ends on 24th September.
I’ve explained I cannot pay two lots of rent in August. His family is paying some of his and his company is helping him a little as well. I have not got the funds as I’ve paid this month’s rent and bills and I’ve got about £300 to last me the rest of the month because of my overdraft fees.
We’ve ended up having a huge row but I just feel like he’s completely unempathetic to the fact that I never once asked for any of this and I’ve stuck by him with it all. I think his company should support more, but he disagrees because we agreed to a tenancy on the 11th of August. The funny part is that he and his mother reassured me we should take this place despite the date, but he’s changed his tune/saying its my fault because I insisted we find a pet-friendly property, making it harder to find something within 40 mins from his work.
He wanted to lie about having a pet, but I did not.
AITJ for saying I can’t pay it and that I don’t feel I should have to keep paying all this money to move each year when it’s not my personal choice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!! It made my head spin how much you’ve done for him and how little he’s done for you it seems. You’re bending over backward to make things work, and it sounds like he’s just pulling you around! Don’t go into financial ruin for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.” Alert-Lab1743
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this guy has done nothing to show he’s had even a thought about how his choices affect you. Plus the irresponsible planning, the fact he wants to lie about having a pet (uh no, no one ever gets away with that and then you risk your home), or to get rid of your pet… He just doesn’t seem like he’s approaching this relationship or life fully as an adult.
Please don’t be afraid to stand up for your priorities and what’s best for you. Even if it puts this relationship on the line. It’s your life and you only have one of them.” Classic_Sugar7991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you really get enough out of the relationship to make it worth it?
He can’t even stand on his own with this job, still needs his parent’s help. His mom insists the two of you do things like take this apartment. Seems like he doesn’t truly take what you want into account.” khampang
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell My Concert Tickets To My Aunt?
“I (20F) am a huge swiftie.
I also have autism which my mum has suggested is the reason I’m not fully grasping the issue. For some context, my family is pretty firmly middle class, we are not struggling but we also don’t have any extra. My dad’s brother, though, makes very good income.
Their family can afford luxuries such as multiple holidays throughout the year, the latest gadgets, etc. In essence, they have plenty of disposable income. I‘m very aware of my family’s privilege but I hope my dilemma can be separated from it all so I can get some advice.
Anyway, I don’t have my own income. While I would like to work, I also know that I would be a liability to anyone who hired me with how little I am able to handle external stimuli without having a breakdown. All of this to say, the only money I have is savings of birthday money accumulated over the past 10 years.
Just enough for a special purchase. I’ve never been to a concert before but Taylor Swift is one of my special interests and when she launched the Eras Tour, I decided if I was ever going to go to a concert, this would be it.
During presale, I managed to snag 3 standing tickets for my mum, sister, and myself. I know these are not ideal for me, standing for 3.5 hours with no easy escape route should I become overwhelmed. I was still excited but decided to try getting better tickets through the general sale.
That way I could sell the standing tickets and maybe offset what I did spend. I got better seats and decided to sell the others. Here‘s where I might be the jerk. Over the weekend my cousins hosted a dinner party at their house.
I’m somewhat of a hermit and find loud settings with lots of smells very distressing. This dinner, I decided to attend this since my great-uncle is very ill and this was to be something of a ‘last hurrah’.
I’m chatting with my aunt and cousin (14F) about Taylor as I do whenever someone shows engagement in one of my interests.
The topic of tickets comes up and my aunt starts to lament what a scam they are and how the only affordable ones are standing which are no good because she’s so short. My cousin has tickets to go with her friend, but she’s worried she’ll be uninvited should she and her friend have a falling out.
My mum says that we have extra tickets and we can give those to her. I get really uncomfortable being put on the spot and say I’ll think about it. The conversation ends and I think that’s the end of it until today when my mum lets me know she’s going to sell my tickets to them and I have no say in the matter.
I tell her I do since it’s my money and she says family always comes before money and if I don’t do this, I risk tearing our family apart.
Am I being unreasonable? I’m more upset that my mum made promises on my behalf than anything else but also that my tickets would be sold to my aunt who turned her nose up at the original price for the same tickets and my cousin who already potentially has tickets.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your Mom has no right to sell your tickets, they are your property. With respect to your aunt, she can still have a lot of income and still think that tickets were too expensive, there’s no reason to have a chip on your shoulder about that.” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. 32m autistic man here, fully aware that our support needs are going to be different based on how wide the spectrum exists, but your being autistic doesn’t have anything to do with it. It’s your tickets, your money, and you’re an adult.
This was offered without your consent. On top of being neurodivergent, I work a second job in disability support services for autistic people with greater support needs so all the more I’m keenly aware that how you spent this money is not putting you or anyone in danger so this isn’t something that your parents should be burdening you with.
Your family’s inability to get along with your relatives in a healthy manner where they are bending over backwards to please people at your expense without prior discussion with you let alone your consent is **egregious.**” Ginger_Shepherd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your tickets, you can do whatever you like with them.
Your mom is way out of line. If you are still planning to sell them, you could explain to your aunt that you are sorry your mom volunteered your tickets without checking with you first, because you already have a potential sale lined up, but if anything changes you’ll let her know.
It’s always risky mixing family and money, and they sound entitled so personally, I’d sell them to someone else. If you decide you do want to help your cousin, you could say your sale fell through, but then you have to worry about your mom & aunt pressuring you to give up your tickets for free “because family” or at a lower price than you want.” Froggie949
4. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Partner's Parents' Condo And Cutting Them Off?
“I (29F) met my partner (30M) last year in a spontaneous, organic way. Ever since our first date we clicked and quickly became inseparable. We had been together for 8 months when he got the news that he got his dream job on the other side of the country.
This job is close to his hometown and, therefore close to his parents. They were THRILLED that he was coming back to the area. When he asked me to come with him, I agreed and we talked about getting my own house. We hired a realtor, found a place, packed and moved all of us across the country.
However, because of his job, he went two weeks before us to check everything out. His parents bought a house for him, and he pays the mortgage on the house, and when it’s paid off they’re transferring the deed of the home to him.
When he got to our new town and saw the house, he told me that we didn’t need to rent a separate place for me, because his place was so big. We figured we could just put that money towards the mortgage. His parents refuse to meet me, mainly because I’m a single parent.
When he told his parents that I’d be moving into the condo with him, they LOST their minds. They told him that I was not allowed to live there, nor was I allowed to be there if he wasn’t home, or the police would be called and they would press trespassing charges against me.
They’ve told him to end our relationship and even took him out of their will because he refuses to end our relationship over their ignorance. His parents went through one week texting him about their disapproval and constantly saying they don’t understand why he would get himself involved with me (even though his mom was a single parent when his parents met).
We have offered to have lunch with them and meet them for coffee and they refuse. It’s gotten to the point where we’ve stopped asking. My kids and I lived in a hotel for a week when we got to our new town because they didn’t want us living in the condo.
It’s their house and they love to remind my partner of that whenever it comes to talking about us moving in together, even though he pays the mortgage and he’s the only one living in it. I found my kids and me a home not far from his condo, and we found out a week later that it was INFESTED with black mold, so we had to move out of our house.
Fast forward and his parents told us that my kids and I are allowed to stay with him for a short time period (they gave a date for when they wanted us out of *their* house) and told us that our personal belongings weren’t allowed in the home outside of what we need to sleep on and care for ourselves.
We’ve decided that it’s probably in our best interest to move out of the condo entirely and get our own house together. AITJ for telling his parents that they have to figure out what to do with the condo since it’s *theirs* and for excluding them from our future because of the way they’ve chosen to behave?”
Another User Comments:
“Seriously. Get your own place, don’t tell them details so they can’t sabotage the process, and don’t give them the keys when you’re settled. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page and are willing to live with the fact that his parents will try to interfere and break you up.
Be clear on both your boundaries because it’ll be a nightmare if he doesn’t have your back and tries to appease his parents to ‘keep the peace’ as it will, unfortunately, be at your and your children’s expense. Also, have a talk about each other’s expectations if you have children together at one point.
His parents might want to be involved but will most definitely treat his bio children differently from yours. Make sure you both clear these points up with each other before moving forward. Also, NTJ” MapHazard5738
Another User Comments:
“You were with a guy for 8 months and decided to move you and your children across the country?
What in the world are you thinking? Truly I want to know why you thought this was a good idea. I don’t care about his parents (they all kind of messed up) for you to do this. Yikes.” Traditional-Goal-223
3. AITJ For Telling My Manipulative Mom I Don't Love Her Anymore?
“I am 29M, my mom is 58F.
Every time my mom has reached out to me she is always trying to get something from me, whether it is money, or lunch/dinner or a ride. I’ve been no contact with her for about 2 years now and I feel actively better now that I don’t talk to her, but today I got a “no caller id” call and answered it because I’m job hunting and didn’t want to miss anything.
It was my mom.
She immediately starts with, “Hey [my name] I miss you and love you when are you going to talk to me again.” I’ve blocked her on every social media platform and all of her / friends numbers as well but she won’t quit.
She followed it up with, “You know you only have one mom, what if I die tomorrow? Do you not love me?”…. And I said no. The conversation quickly turned into a “Why don’t you love me conversation” and just kept going downhill, and this time I didn’t beat around the bush.
Reason after reason:
- Found out my mom was unfaithful to my dad with random men online because I needed a flash drive to move files as a kid and saw folders and folders of my mom’s inappropriate photos and later saw my mom was always on matchmaking websites while still sleeping with my dad.
- In addition she had contacts in her phone of names I didn’t recognize… which now makes sense because she always had two phones back in the day (wasn’t business related because she’s been on disability for like 2 decades.
- I had an altercation in high school where I was wrongly accused of something and ended up needing to be bailed out and after that anytime I mentioned something I wanted she kept bringing up that, “Well if you wanted that then you shouldn’t have gotten into all that trouble”
- She kept a ledger of any money she gave anyone and even if they helped her out it didn’t pay for the money owed. *Example: If she bought you food but then you fixed her car you still owed her cent for cent for the food.*
- I wanted a car for years and really needed one in college, she had multiple cars (beaters but they drove) and she came to visit me at college after she got her 5th beater car, and I was hoping it was for me or she would give me an old one and she said no of course not these are for me.
Constantly asked me for money right after I moved out because of her poor work ethic and decisions (as you can tell by how many cars). She kept bringing up how she got me so many things and that I should be happy I got what I got, but even when I told her that I love my dad because he and I had good memories together she kept repeating, but I bought you X or Y.
She kept wanting me to say I love her badly, REALLY badly, but she wasn’t crying soon she started crying and I was crushed. I still didn’t say it and told her I was hanging up.
Am I a bad son?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know why, but a parent being unfaithful to another parent is hard to deal with. I was offended when my dad was unfaithful to my mom, but my brother was affected in a way I did not understand. He took it as a betrayal of their relationship to the core.
And I haven’t even gotten to other complications like loaning money. I’m sorry dude.” offensivelypc
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. It sounds like jerks all around in here. Manipulative behavior on the mom’s end and overreacting on yours. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but if the roles were reversed, I think you’d want her to give you a second chance and the opportunity to grow past it.
Consider it maybe.” Irritatedfart
2. AITJ For Letting My Husband Treat Our Daughter Differently Than Our Sons?
“My husband (Mark) is an immigrant and he’s very traditional. He’s also the love of my life.
I truly couldn’t ask for a better father to my kids and a better life partner. But when I married him, my big compromise was that I was going to be a SAHM. He has a construction business that does very well. He used to work a lot earlier in our marriage.
I admit it was hard during those days. But my MIL and my mom helped with the kids, Mark delegated more as the business took off. Now, he rarely has to go to work. I still do all the cooking, but we have a housekeeper now.
He is very involved in raising the kids, however. (We have 4 sons and a daughter[Ana]). When they were younger he read with them and was very involved in their activities. He dotes on them but is also completely no-nonsense. I hear from everyone how amazing and well-behaved the kids are.
My parents are over the moon with their grandkids. I’ve observed some of the behavioral problems my friends and neighbors’ kids have and could not be happier. But he always treated our daughter differently than the boys. Shoveling snow, mowing the lawn, moving, construction, and renovation projects, the boys help him with all of it.
I never have to do any of that, and neither does Ana. We don’t even have to unload the groceries.
Instead, she helps me around the house and with meals. Although, the boys also help when I tell them. She was the only one who got a new car as soon as she could drive.
Mark didn’t want her to be dependent on anyone for transportation, in case she needed to leave someplace immediately. The boys all shared used cars. They also all worked if they wanted pocket money. Mark doesn’t believe in allowances. When Ana got a part-time job at a coffee shop, Mark wouldn’t let her do it.
He said it’s not safe. He got his buddy to give her a part-time job at his office.
Ana is 17 now and Mark is very strict about her social life. He didn’t interfere in the boy’s social life at all, other than to say how disappointed he would be if he became a grandfather too soon.
However, Ana has to tell him at all times where she is and who she’s with. When she went on dates, the boys were thoroughly vetted by her brothers. We’ve been having conversations and she thinks Mark is being really unfair. She said the boys were all scared of her brothers.
Every single one is on the wrestling team. Mark was a master of sport in sambo and he likes going to a gym a few times a month. All the boys trained with him and Ana had to go and learn self-defense too.
I’ve talked to Mark.
He insists that boys in high school are not to be trusted and he’s just protecting her. I can’t really disagree with him. There were a few experiences in my high school days I wished I could take back. My sons also constantly regal us with some of the horrible stuff that is said.
Still, I feel like if we don’t let Ana have more freedom, she will rebel later in life. AITJ for letting Mark treat her differently?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is something (all of it) you needed to put an end to YEARS ago. Yes, your daughter needs life skills like how to work on a car, how to mow, etc. Just like your boys need to know how to cook and clean.
No one wants a husband who can’t boil water or who needs to be taken care of, at least no one sane. Your daughter is very close to adulthood. Your husband controls every aspect of her social life including where she can work. Her peers are scared of her brothers, which says your sons have also taken on the role of controlling her social life.
Your husband is a walking stereotype.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter is being taught (by you and your husband) that because she is a girl she is… Untrustworthy Weak Dumb Incapable You and your husband are setting her up for failure by not giving her the proper tools to live independently.” quitcute5264
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’ve let your husband treat Anna like she’s made of glass her entire life, sheltered her from the real world (like her coffee shop job), and let your sons *vet any* potential boys she likes. How is she supposed to deal with people in the real world in a real job setting when she only has limited people skills and/or got the job through her father?
How is she meant to know for *herself* what she wants in a partner, with her brothers (disgustingly) having veto power over who she can or can’t date? How is she ever going to be able to manage basic household tasks such as unloading shopping and mowing a lawn?
**Tell your husband that your SONS are also capable of making him a grandfather too soon. But I suppose he would say that would be the girl’s fault, not his son’s.** Do better. Even Rapunzel escaped the tower. You are as much to blame as your husband on this.” Adorable-Reaction887
1. AITJ For Going Wedding Dress Shopping Without My Family After Hurtful Remarks?
“I am due to get married summer of next year and things have been really stressful. We only want a small church wedding and everything has been perfect.
The issues started shortly after sending out invites to the wedding. My family seemed to get really excited and it felt like they were trying to change my mind about certain things such as a bigger wedding and a different venue.
I went to a family dinner with me, my fiance, my mother, my brother, and my brother’s partner although she’s not really involved in this so I won’t mention her.
At the dinner, I went to use the bathroom and was gone for a while as I hadn’t been feeling well. My fiance had messaged me while I was in the bathroom that my family had started talking about plans for wedding dress shopping and I replied to my fiance I haven’t thought about wedding dress shopping but I’m looking forward to it.
He relayed that message to my family.
While I was coming downstairs from the bathroom I overheard my mother ask my fiance if I’ll be wearing long sleeves to which I stopped dead in my tracks and stopped walking down the stairs. My fiance simply just replied I’m sure she’ll choose a nice dress she looks beautiful in anything she wears.
My mother responded I hope she does you don’t want your wedding pictures ruined by those scars all over her arms. My fiance clearly upset by the remark kept his composure and went silent careful not to retaliate. I steadily walked back upstairs and walked down them again louder so people could hear me coming and put a smile on my face pretending I didn’t hear anything.
I asked what did I miss and laughed because everyone was silent and my brother replied oh nothing just how excited my mother is to go dress shopping with me.
We finished the meal and we went home once I and my fiance got home I told him what I overheard and he got upset saying he was sorry for not telling me that my mother made those comments he just didn’t want to upset me.
Of course, I forgave him as all he has ever done is try to keep a smile on my face we talked and agreed he wouldn’t keep things like that from me anymore. I told him I didn’t want to go dress shopping anymore with my family and he completely understood.
Fast forward to last week I went dress shopping with my mil and picked out a nice wet satin style backless dress with detachable sleeves 1 because it’s summer and it’s going to be hot and 2 in case I felt uncomfortable during the wedding from my scars.
My mil innocently posted about how she had such a wonderful time shopping with me and cannot wait for the wedding on social media not knowing the dinner party incident and I’ve been nonstop getting messages from my family saying I’m selfish and ungrateful for not letting them take part.
The main reason I didn’t invite them was simply due to me wanting to find a nice dress and enjoy my time shopping for this once-in-a-lifetime experience without any more hurtful remarks.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are absolutely NTJ here. How astonishing that your mother thought it was okay to make remarks of that nature…to say them out loud in front of all your family too!
Appalling attitude from someone who claims to love you! You were doing nothing but surrounding yourself with supportive people and there is nothing wrong with that. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, I’m glad you found someone who supports and loves you so much.” IamIrene
