People Are Saddened By These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

Pexels
Welcome to a world where moral dilemmas rule and the quest for validation is real. From cooking strikes to boundary breaches, from roommate woes to relationship rifts, these stories delve into the complexities of life's most challenging moments. Are you the jerk (AITJ) for standing your ground, or are you justified? Are these actions reasonable or reprehensible? Dive in and decide for yourself as we navigate through these fascinating tales of family feuds, friendship fallouts, and personal predicaments. It's time to question, reflect, and maybe, just maybe, find some answers. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Insulting My Friend's Wife After She Changed Our Movie Plans?

QI

“I have a friend, let’s call him Sam. Sam is a good friend that comes over usually once a week for cocktails, dinner, and either a fire or a movie or football depending on the time of the year.

Sam has a wife, Kim. Sam and Kim are a package deal. You’ll never find Sam without there also being Kim. Normally this is fine, the more the merrier. However, Kim is very specific in many ways. I’ve noticed a trend where Kim vetoes anything we want to watch that seems to have any substance.

For example, we couldn’t agree on what to watch one night, so I suggested a Modern Marvels episode on a topic we just happened to be discussing over dinner. Sam wants to watch it, however, Kim pipes up immediately and goes “Nope! MM is the most boring show ever”.

Okay… well being that we’ve exhausted a dozen other options already, what would you like to watch, Kim? “Let’s watch Big Mouth!” Then she’s sitting there giggling and seemingly proud of herself when she gets her way.

I personally can’t stand Big Mouth, but she just seems so amused by it.

Being a good guest, I let it go and we watch a few episodes before wrapping up the night and they leave.

Earlier this week Sam and I had talked about going to see Oppenheimer since we both enjoy history and consider ourselves history buffs.

We’re standing in line to get tickets and Kim goes “What movie are we seeing again?” ‘Oppenheimer’ we both answer. She throws a mini tantrum in the lobby saying she doesn’t want to see Oppenheimer cause it’s boring and wants to see Meg 2 instead. I was a bit frustrated because I was excited to see Oppenheimer, we had talked about it for days leading up to it, and I’m just not a fan of the plan changing in general. Also, I’m trying to think back to how it came to be that Kim seems to have ultimate veto power, and it irritated me.

I was also not interested in seeing Meg 2.

So I said, ‘You guys go see whatever you want, I’m going to see Oppenheimer.’ She was giddy like a schoolgirl that Sam and her were going to see Meg 2, and she made some remark about “have fun falling asleep to Oppenheimer” and I responded and said ‘Yeah, I get it.

It would be over your head anyway and you have to some level of intelligence to enjoy it.’ Literally the funniest part is that flew right over her head, Sam on the other hand shot me daggers as we parted ways to go to our respective theater.

They left before me because their movie was shorter, but when I spoke with him a few days later he reprimanded me for my remarks about Kim. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but I did bring up how it’s getting a little old that she seems to dictate a good portion of our hangouts and it feels like she gets her way a lot.

Sam got defensive and said if Kim wasn’t welcome then I might as well consider Sam not welcome. I never said they weren’t welcome, I just shared my frustration. Now I’m getting the cold shoulder from Sam and I’m not sure how to mend things.

AITJ for what I said before parting ways for the movie?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH You for your unnecessary comment towards her. (Yes, she seems annoying but you DO NOT put your friend’s spouse down if you want to remain friends). Kim for her spoiled brat attitude and comments.

Sam for always giving in to his wife and not knowing how to speak up and say NO. He can do things without her, it doesn’t always have to be a package deal.” TheSciFiGuy80

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There was a way to say that without being rude.

“Sam and I have really been looking forward to seeing this movie, so I’m really planning on seeing it regardless. I know Sam wants to see it too, but you guys are more than welcome to see what you’d like.” Something like that gives Sam a reason to go with you, and then she can either support her partner or not.

If she drags Sam away after a comment like that, you could then have a more meaningful conversation with Sam about the kind of relationship he’s in. Opportunity missed.” beentherealmostdid

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You sound insufferable. I’ve published research papers in genetics, proteomics, and microbiology and I teach AP biology.

There are times when I enjoy a very intellectual movie. But that’s not most of the time, most of the time I want something where it’s funny or I don’t have to think too hard about every subtle nuance or where I just zone out because if I don’t analyze it, it’s just boring.

Maybe Sam likes watching these movies with Kim. Maybe they just like having chill time to decompress together because they’re humans who don’t need to put their intellect in a metaphorical trophy case to make them feel better about themselves. Some people can be smart and also be happy just being happy.

Not everyone needs to get off on being the most intellectual person in the room.” throwaway1_2_0_2_1

0 points (0 votes)
Post


19. AITJ For Continuously Bringing Up A Past Argument With My Adoptive Mom About My Heritage?

QI

“I (23f) was internationally adopted as an infant and my adoption was not an easy thing for me to process as a child.

We grew up in a rural area. I was adopted from South Korea and there was a lack of minorities. I was bullied a lot but over the years, I began becoming more interested in my heritage.

My parents seemed somewhat supportive of my newly found interest in my culture but I’ve always felt like my adoptive mom (AM) resented me for it as well. I began wanting to go back and explore my home country and eventually did twice. Once with my parents and once without.

My birth mom is not in the picture – nor will she ever be. I found out in my teens that she doesn’t want contact and won’t ever, due to a new relationship and family that she doesn’t want to jeopardize.

This information hit me hard and has stuck with me.

She has other children and a new husband, and during this time I was arguing with my AM a lot more.

In all honesty, I love my family so much. However, my AM and I have conflicting personalities that have caused us to have a strained relationship.

I’ve said things that I can’t take back and she has to, but fights with her hurt more than with anyone else. To me, when we fight it feels like I’m being rejected by another mom all over again.

It feels like anything I mention about my culture or interests in South Korea gets ignored or dismissed by my family.

I try to bring up K-dramas and my mom refuses to watch. She watches shows in other languages with subtitles so that isn’t the problem. I try to bring up K-pop and get the cold shoulder. K-pop isn’t for everyone so that’s okay.

I try to talk about learning the language or history and get told “cool.” Anything not Korea-related is fair game but I feel dismissed when talking about my culture.

Years ago I took a trip back to South Korea. It was right when North Korea was in the news for nuclear weapons and my AM was incredibly stressed out and asked me not to go but I was insistent.

I felt like it was an opportunity for me to figure out who I was for the first time. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance to go and stay with a host family for 10 days.

On the night I was supposed to go to the airport, my mom couldn’t come with me.

My dad and I were getting ready to leave and she began shouting at me that I didn’t need to go. She kept asking me why they weren’t good enough for me and why America wasn’t good enough for me. This has stuck with me for years.

My dad took me to the airport and assured me that they loved me and didn’t mean it, but that night sticks in my head.

This is where I might be the jerk. This happened five years ago and I still bring this up to my mom when emotions get high.

When we argue, I always use this as a discussion point. I know she was stressed in the moment and probably didn’t even mean what she said so AITJ for continuously bringing it up in arguments years later?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, or no intentional jerks anyways.

Keep in mind her rejecting your desire to know your culture is more than likely because she feels like you’re rejecting her by looking. Obviously you’re not. And nor are you saying she and America aren’t good enough. I would highly recommend you two work this out with a family counselor experienced in cross-border adoptions because you both aren’t saying what is at the root of it all, which is that you’re both feeling rejected. Huge hugs.

Good luck to you and your family.” Witty-Stock-4913

Another User Comments:

“I’m an adoptee. Some AMs can have weird emotional responses to thinking about adoption. Sometimes they feel trauma about *why* they chose to adopt, which might include old grief about infertility, or feeling like they were a failure as women for being infertile.

Other women might feel terrified that they’re going to lose you; that you’re going to go back to Korea and never return. So when she sees you getting into your Korean heritage, she’s triggered. It won’t matter that these are irrational fears; She’s reacting anyway.

My verdict is very gentle everyone’s a jerk. She’s being unreasonable, and you’re being a bit cruel by constantly poking her where it’s sore.” south3y

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are exactly where you need to be. Fellow adoptee here. Please do not feel ashamed to explore who you are.

This is an essential developmental task in identity development, I encourage you to identify an adoption-competent therapist (mine is a Korean adoptee). When we were relinquished, we were NOT blank slates. I say this for a couple of reasons. For one we come with a genetic history (and familial history) that has a huge influence on our behavior and mannerisms. Second, as infants and babies, we had an innate sense of who our mothers were.

Despite the fact that we don’t remember, we knew then that we suffered a great loss. Yet, the narrative of our experience is owned by everyone else (and imposed on us). It is not natural for a child to be taken from its mother.

Yet, when we are raised in our adoptive families, this loss is not acknowledged. We are often told we need to be grateful. Our stories are told by everyone other than ourselves. If you are looking for resources to help your journey, there are SEVERAL adoptee-centric podcasts.

One, “Adapted” is specific to Korean adoptees. Another great podcast is “Adoptees On.” Best of luck to you on your journey.” User

0 points (0 votes)
Post


18. AITJ For Making Decisions About My Adult Daughter Without Consulting Her Mother?

QI

“Rachel (50F) and I (50M) got married and had a daughter, Tessa (23F), when we were 27. When Tessa was 2, Rachel and I got divorced and I remarried 10 years later with Alexandra (48F), now we have a 4-year-old son.

When we got divorced, we both decided to move away to different cities to try for a better life, and Tessa went with Rachel but because she couldn’t find a good job, we agreed that it would be better for Tessa to live with my mom until either of us could get into something stable.

When Tessa was 6, she moved in with me and lived with me for 2 years. I was able to put her in a good private school and had a babysitter to help. She moved back with my mom after we had some trouble with my partner, and then moved back with me 2 years later and remained with me until she was 15/16.

She went to the same private school as before and I was also able to put her through an English course (as English is not our 1st language) and also a mathematics tutoring (because she’s not good at it, as she says). Of course, because she lived with me, I made most of the decisions regarding Tessa, like can she go on a trip with her aunt to the beach or can she dye her hair blue (no, but she did anyway when she turned 18).

This was never a problem.

Now, Tessa is 23 and she has been living with my mom for 7 years. She moved away to finish high school and go to university as they have better ones where my mom lives. 2 months ago, she had a breakdown due to stress and other things we didn’t know about at that time and messaged her mom.

Rachel messaged me later telling me I should call Tessa and talk to her because something was wrong. So I did, and she sounded desperate and out of breath. She was crying and telling me she couldn’t take it anymore, she wanted to give up on everything and turn into a rock.

I was very concerned as I had never seen her like that and immediately tried finding a psychiatrist for her where she lives, but could only find appointments available for November. So I found one in the city where I live that she could talk to that same week and scheduled for her.

I bought her a plane ticket and she stayed with me, my wife and her half-brother for 3 days before going back home.

Rachel was very mad, she said I should have asked her about it because she wanted to go with Tessa to the doctor.

I apologized as I wasn’t thinking much and just wanted to find a doctor who could see her immediately. So she let it go but was still mad.

Tessa has been talking about breast reduction surgery since she was 16 and I never thought much about it, but my wife talked to me and said it would be a nice gift to give her the surgery, so I was convinced. Tessa was happy about it but when I told Rachel, she was mad again.

So AITJ? When I told Tessa about the whole thing she laughed and said me and her mother sound like kids and that I should ask for opinions here because she thinks it’s silly.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but only because Tessa is an adult.

At 23, she can make her own decisions without either parent’s permission. She was offered something and accepted it. It was her choice. That it came from one of her parents doesn’t mean the other parent has the right for input *unless* Tessa requests it.” 10piepiek

Another User Comments:

“Tessa is an adult. She can make her own decisions. If anyone needed to be consulted it should have been Grandma. It appears she has been raising your daughter since she was 16. Tessa is right … y’all sound silly. Let Tessa make her own choices!

ESH (except Tessa) Edit” Alarming_Reply_6286

Another User Comments:

“Tessa is an adult, you should have not to ask your ex’s opinion. It is Tessa’s opinions that matter. Informing your ex is different than soliciting her opinion. Maybe your Ex is mad because she didn’t know?

She was in bad shape, and talking to a psychiatrist as quickly as possible sounded like the right thing to do. I hope Tessa is getting better. Breast reduction as an adult is strictly Tessa’s decision, and no one else’s. It is up to Tessa to inform her mother NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249

0 points (0 votes)
Post


17. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Bachelorette Party To Spend The Night With A Guy I Met At The Club?

QI

“One of my close friends from college had her bachelorette party this weekend and it was really fun, or so I thought.

We started Friday, and had a bunch of activities yesterday (Saturday) and it ended with us going to a club and having a private table, and then everyone left today.

While we were at the club, many guys were approaching us and one of them was very attractive and seemed particularly interested in me and I was talking to him a lot.

I went to the bar to get a drink (I didn’t like the bottle service the table had) and the guy was there I began talking to him again for a bit and we exchanged numbers.

My friend’s MOH came to the bar after a while and just told me something like, “Hey please don’t take this the wrong way, he’s cute and we really don’t mind you talking to him, but (bride) just really wants to spend time with you this one night and you’ve been a little MIA”

I responded telling her that we’ve literally spent every minute together since last night and we’re at a club and that guys are gonna talk to us. She said “I get it girl but we also just want you to be safe and for us all to stick together, I’m not saying not to talk to him but just also try and spend time with (bride) since it’s all our last night together” and I said okay and went back to the table with her

Around 2 am the guy texted me and said he was heading out and told me he would love if I could’ve joined him if I wasn’t at my friend’s bach. I texted him back and told him that I was pretty tired and that it was my last night anyway so I’d love to see him I met up with him and stayed the night at his place and early morning today went back to the Airbnb.

Before I left though I gave my friend and her MOH a heads up that I was tired and I was just gonna go stay with that guy and instead of hyping me up or being excited for me, the MOH was like, “Girl are you sure?

We’re just in a complete diff city and that could be unsafe, it’s better if you just stick with us” but I told her I’d be fine and told my friend to enjoy the rest of her night and left.

I don’t know what her MOH problem was but she sent me a text after everyone left to fly back home today and this is what it said:

“Hi! I think it’d be great if you could reach out to (bride) and clear the air about last night. She was crying when we got to the Airbnb and was worried for you, and also a bit hurt because you were being distant. No one’s upset about you talking to or flirting with guys but it just hurt her because of how it came across.

Sorting this before the wedding next weekend would be great. I’m sorry for being so forward but after everything she’s been through I want her to have the best wedding week, and I hope you do too and understand where she’s coming from.”

I was upset and didn’t respond yet because why can’t my friend just text me herself?

But before I respond I just want to know AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You were a guest at a close friend’s bachelorette weekend, and you decided that meeting a random guy was more important. This whole post stinks of a “Me, me, me” attitude.

“Instead of hyping ME up”, “I didn’t like the table service”. Eat some humble pie and apologize.” artificialsteve

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. The whole point of a bachelorette is to spend time with the bride. You’re not only a jerk friend but bouncing to go sleep at some random strangers was an unsafe move.

The MOH is trying to help mediate this because she cares more about your friend than you do.” littlebunlittle

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If you’re going to sign on for the bachelorette weekend, you are consenting to make it all about the bride. The bride and the MOH sound annoying, but you were supposed to be celebrating her.

It’s one night. Resist going home with a hot rando for one night. The expectation is that you all celebrate together, including going back to the hotel or whatever and talking and barfing, etc. You broke the social contract.” SevenCarrots

0 points (0 votes)
Post


16. AITJ For Cancelling A Trip With Friends Who Don't Respect My Boundaries?

QI

“The situation involves my (W, 25) best friend (W, 26 I’ll call her Ann), another friend (M, 26 he’ll be called Nick), and another friend (W, 27 I’ll call her Vivi).

Apart from that, there are 5 other friends who are all coming too.

The club situation: I don’t drink booze in the club, only water. Nick and Vivi still wanted to persuade me to drink, even though I already explained the situation to them. Vivi is disappointed if you don’t drink with her.

I tried to explain to her that I’m fine with not drinking and that I don’t mind if others do it around me. After I said 5 times that I really didn’t want to drink and they should leave me alone with it, I was annoyed with them.

I didn’t want to have to repeat myself and even less to have to discuss it. Nick still wanted to persuade me (Vivi and Nick think they just have to be more convincing), so at some point, I just wanted to go home. Nick said I shouldn’t go because then the 50$ entry wouldn’t have been worth it.

However, Ann and I agreed that we had enough fun and just wanted to go. Nick and Vivi then started shaking us and yelling at us that we were stupid. I told them to please let go of me. Nick said he wasn’t doing anything and I repeated myself and told him to let me go.

I repeated myself two more times before he let go of me. When I went to get my stuff he held me so tight I couldn’t move and said it was really stupid and silly to leave. I was annoyed and I yelled at him that I have had enough, I just want to go home and he should finally let go of me.

Nick was then offended, which is why I apologized for being loud when I said goodbye.

On the way home, Ann and I talked about the night and agreed that Nick and Vivi had a different idea of fun than we did and that I found it exhausting to keep repeating that I didn’t want booze and that I didn’t want to be shaken.

The trip situation: Ann and I decided yesterday that we really didn’t want to go on vacation with Nick and Vivi anymore and the money wasn’t worth it to us to end up having to re-establish our boundaries over and over again. We know that it was only the case because Nick and Vivi were heavy drinkers, but our friends will definitely drink booze on the trip as well.

Ann and I were really looking forward to the vacation but we realized that it could be too much for us and we would rather stay at home. Two other friends have also said that they are unsure. Vivi and Nick are now mad at Ann and me because they don’t understand why we found the club situation exhausting.

Ann and I tried to explain it to them and they said that we could have known earlier (which is true. I just wasn’t aware of how exhausting it is for me to establish my boundaries over and over again and that I actually don’t want to go away with people who don’t take “I don’t want to” seriously) I apologized for changing my mind on such short notice.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Can you not still go but you and A have the holiday you want from the same location? You don’t have to go along with B and C, but I understand that they might not respect your boundaries even when sober thus exhausting you.” MoogleShoopufXV

Another User Comments:

“NTJ But is this the kind of trip where you and A could maybe still go and y’all can go do other things while B and C want to drink? That way you both still get your vacation and don’t waste the money that’s already been spent” Vixtoria01

Another User Comments:

“You’re describing not a vacation but a long ‘no’ in a different location that you can’t easily leave. You state others are going who also aren’t sure about them going. Has the group considered uninviting them for their inability to be basic adults?

NTJ” Prestigious-Ant-4993

0 points (0 votes)
Post


15. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Husband Not Telling Me His Location For Pick-Up?

QI

“Husband went for a company meal out last night. Hubby said the day before yesterday he’d get an Uber home, and it would be about £20.

I said it’d be more, because of the time of day, and I’d pick him up, no problem.

Yesterday I dropped him off at work, and as he got out I said ‘Don’t forget to tell me where you’re going’, as I had no clue where they’d be!

He texted when they were nearly finished so I could go and get him. I replied saying ‘Okies – where are you? I guess I can use the find me thingy on the phone, but easier to sat nav the name… ‘. I looked at his location and could see it was the middle of town but the marker kept moving around, over a large area.

I left and expected him to message me and say where they were, so I could park close by. I was getting annoyed, as I had asked and not been told but he didn’t tell me. I messaged him and said where I was parked up.

He just said perfect. I sat not knowing where he was coming from, how long he would be etc.

After a few minutes in the car, I asked why couldn’t he have told me where they were. He said he had told me a few days ago, and showed me the photos.

I said to him I didn’t see the name, but regardless of that he knew I didn’t know because I asked him to let me know that morning as he was getting out of the car to go to work, and asked in the messages.

I said it felt like he didn’t want me to know. He, having had a few drinks, got balshy. Started having a go at me, saying I was stressing him out, he wasn’t going to go out ever again because of me. Said he was calling in sick today and it’s my fault because I stressed him out.

I tried to point out that I was picking him up and didn’t know if I was close to where he was. He said it didn’t matter, he would have walked to wherever I was but doesn’t think how stressful it is for a woman on her own to be sat in a dark street on their own waiting for him.

We get home, and he cracks open another beer, so I just go to bed. He drank multiple beers on top of already being noticeably ‘merry’ when I picked him up. He can get nasty when he’s inebriated, so I just stay out of the way.

Today he says that it’s all my fault, I should have kept asking him where they were until I got an answer. He also said that if I didn’t know, I shouldn’t have left home until he told me (although I fully expected to get a message while I was on the way there, so I could just do the last part of the journey to wherever).

I pointed out if I keep asking him the same question, he gets snappy with me, so he’s said ‘Well if I’m that bad, divorce me’. He’s also said he’s going to quit his job, and I can support him as he doesn’t want to work anymore.

I just want to give up now. I feel I can’t cope with it and I can’t see a way out. He makes me feel it’s all my fault but I don’t think it is”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but life is meant to be so much better than this.

Leave him. His drinking, rage, and entitlement is only going to get worse. The misery he inflicts on you daily will only get worse. You deserve happiness and so much more than this. Don’t fall for the sunken cost fallacy. It’s never too late to start again.” SmoochNo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but there’s no point in continuing to try and reason with him. He’s made it clear he’s not going to consider your viewpoint. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive, and it sounds like he’s a heavy drinker too. He’s right, you should divorce him.

You can keep holding onto the hope that he’ll realize how vile he is to you and change. You can’t make him change, not by reasoning with him, not by defending yourself to his nonsense. His twisting things around to make it all your fault is classic addict behavior.

It’s emotionally abusive deflection and DARVO, and someone in that frame of mind can’t be reasoned with. Honestly, you need to walk away. There is a way out – lawyer.” ItsAllALot

0 points (0 votes)
Post


14. AITJ For Not Letting My Half-Brother Constantly Use My Car?

QI

“So a little background, my (half brother) “33M” (We’ll call him John for short) whom I “29M” recently connected with and have known for let’s say about a year now, has recently been kicked out of his home by his significant other for having multiple affairs (has 2 small children as well but they live with his significant other) and for whatever reason he came to my door begging for a place to stay.

He also does not have a car since apparently his significant other owned that as well.

I obliged and let him move in immediately and of course, didn’t charge him any rent upon move-in and asked him to split the monthly rent starting next month (About 2 weeks away).

I’m a pretty relaxed person and I don’t really have any rules for the space. He is allowed to come and go whenever he likes, there are no chores (simply clean up after yourself) and he tends to smoke every day after work which is fine by me, I only ask that he do so outside.

He is also free to eat or drink whatever I stock the fridge up with, and I never ask him to purchase anything for the space since I do most of the shopping myself. I even allowed him to bring his unruly non potty-trained dog to my place for a couple of days.

It’s also the dead of summer here in Vegas and I don’t charge him or make him pay any of the utility bills. The only bill John has to worry about is literally his half of the rent (Which he has been late for every single month since moving in).

Now I notice he doesn’t have a car and has to Uber/Lyft to work every day (which sucks) so obviously he tends to ask me to use my vehicle every now and again when I’m not using it. I went ahead and let him use it a few times, but it seems like every day he’s been asking to use my car for small or large errands.

Sometimes he’s gone for an hour, sometimes 6 hours, or anything in between. Not 100% sure but I’m pretty sure he took the car when I was sleeping one time without me knowing. I know this because I’ve seen him posting on social media driving my car with the top down at times I wasn’t even awake.

It’s gotten to the point where, if he sees me not using the vehicle and just chilling on the couch or something, he will automatically assume the vehicle is available for him to use and he’ll ask “Are you using the car?” which is code for, “Since it’s not being used, it’s available and I can use it right?

Thanks!”

John, I’m sorry that you were unfaithful to your significant other multiple times and got kicked out and apparently lost the privilege to use the family car or whatever and it’s a strain on you financially to get to work and/or around town in general, but I feel like that doesn’t give him the right to just use it when I’m not driving it.

Also seems like John is making me out to be the “jerk” for not being a good brother and just giving him the car since it technically doesn’t cost me anything to let him borrow it for short periods of time.

As of late I’ve just been flat out telling him NO to using my vehicle almost every day.

Help me out, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You sound like the perfect brother and John should be extremely grateful for everything you’ve done to help him after he made poor choices. If you don’t want him to continue living with you I would give him a timeline for how much longer he is allowed to live with you before he has to find his own place” MelvinEatsMangos

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You are so relaxed that you let a user move into your crib and act a fool. **Kick him out!** How desperate are you that you think this is just about your car? He’s a loser and a dummy who absolutely will act ungrateful and belligerent about your possessions.

Kick him out now and live a stress-free life. You aren’t being good; you’re being a doormat.” BeeJackson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ ‘the car’ not ‘your car’ Did you actually take that statement in OP? Cos he’s outright telling you, that he views the car as not YOUR car, it’s the household car.

You need to start saying no and sleeping with your keys, cos you are aware if he does something messed up and causes harm and flees the scene when the cops get to the car and wanna know what’s happened, it’s your door they show at and its you 100% on the hook if you cannot outright prove he stole the car.

The car in his mind, is shared. He’s just… Being polite and asking before taking his new car for a ride.” After_Kangaroo_

0 points (0 votes)
Post


13. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Plan To Fake A Support Animal?

QI

“Was at dinner with my main friend group last night when a friend asked what we thought about her getting a letter from an online website to register her dog as a support animal. Her reason for doing so was that she could save the $30 fee for having a pet, as her apartment complex waives the fee.

This friend knows that my father and my kids have a condition that requires a service animal. My kids are too young to have one, but I grew up with my dad trying to have more independence through a service animal. It was a struggle.

Businesses often wouldn’t allow him to enter despite the law because of how many fake service animals there are. These businesses had bad experiences with poorly trained animals so even though my dad’s dog was legit, he was hassled and denied service so many times.

My dad used to take it and just leave when businesses hassled him, but in the later part of his life, he started telling them to call the cops. Cops would come, he’d show his paperwork and they would leave. I found this embarrassing as a teen, but as an adult, I understand why my dad chose to fight for his rights and his independence.

I told her that no, she should not use a website to get a fake letter because it makes things harder for people with a legitimate need.

She doubled down and said she needed the $360 a year. I told her I would give her $360 if she would abandon the plan.

I was annoyed because she makes $120k a year, so I feel like she can afford the pet fee. She argued that she wasn’t breaking any laws and that I was being unreasonable.

Another friend chimed in that he knew someone else who had a legit service animal and was also denied service for the same reasons my dad experienced.

This was also brushed off and my friend stated I wasn’t showing empathy for her financial situation. I admit I lost it at this point. She knows this is an issue I’m passionate about. I asked why would she ask if she didn’t want an answer and already knew what I was going to say.

I told her it was a poor thing to do and that it was unethical to fake a support animal. I felt like she was harming families like mine that rely on animals for independence.

I left and got texts afterward that I was too harsh.

Half the friend group sided with me and said our friend wasn’t sensitive to me as a parent of disabled kids. The other half say I took it too far and that saying poor and unethical isn’t something to say to a long-term friend.

I felt like she was being knowingly glib about an issue important to me. The friend group wants me to apologize and smooth things over and the friend with the dog says I made her feel unsafe with my strong opinion. I didn’t threaten her, only said it was a poor/unethical thing to do.

She says it was a verbal attack and she won’t meet the group again unless I apologize.

Am I the jerk? Do I need to apologize here? They are my main friend group but I feel like if anything I should get an apology for her insensitivity about my family’s situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People like your friend are the type of person who makes things difficult for the people who have an actual need for a service animal (like your father). Service animal designations are there to provide for a need that a person has, not to help someone save money.

And, to be honest, if your friend can’t afford $360 a year, then they can’t afford the pet in the first place. Your friend who wants you to “smooth things over” is enabling this kind of bad behavior that makes things harder for people with real needs.” bamf1701

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Emotional support animals don’t need paperwork, and neither do service dogs. (Only doctor’s notes, in the US at least) Your friend not only is being poor and unethical, but she’s also being dumb for falling for an easily researchable scam. These letters hold no legal standing, not even with landlords.

People like her make it harder for people with actual service dogs to not only go into public like you mentioned, but also for people with SD or legitimate ESA to even find places to live!! That annoys me even more so. Landlords have to deal with people like that and their fake papers way too often and then doubt/deny real service dog handlers even when it’s not legal to do so.

You owe no apology, and I’d cut ties with that person honestly. The fact she felt so “attacked” by what you said reeks of overdramatics that no one needs in their life either.” Savvy_Banana

0 points (0 votes)
Post


12. AITJ For Not Inviting A Former Friend Who Constantly Belittled Me To My Wedding?

QI

“I 28F have a friend group which started in college.

The girl I am excluding is Cindy, 29(f). I am mixed race (Black and White). The rest of the group identified as black. Everything was going well with our group until race became a discussion. My identifying as mixed race was a problem for Cindy.

She refused to stop challenging it  She had white friends in college but would make racist jokes about white people a lot. I asked Cindy to stop with the jokes as I found it offensive for part of myself and all of the people I care about who happens to be white.

She did not stop.

Whenever Cindy and I were alone, she talked to me differently. She had a habit of saying, “You will get it when you are older” when I disagreed. She was also generally condescending and would make me feel small/stupid. Another day Cindy decided she needed to educate me about my “Light Skin Privilege”.

I was already aware. Her point was that men only hit on me because of my complexion.  I find it gross. I let her know I am aware due to experience differences in my family. I got another “You will get it when you are older” for that.

She insisted that “Light-skinned people” didn’t do enough and said she needed to show me a video to educate me. I refused to watch the video, so she ran a “surprise” movie night. Of course, it was the light-skin privilege video she wanted me to watch.

So I got my sister to call me and excused myself for the evening.

We had other conflicts like her refusing to participate in chores she doesn’t like. She accused me of not checking on the safety of our housemates. Which entailed saying I spent too much time in my room and didn’t know who got home safely.

Ironically Megan came home as she called me a liar, and we both heard her. She started rumors about my partner and another girl’s partner in our group being unfaithful/abusive.

I tried talking to her about how she treats me, but she was always condescending.

She was good at acting like the victim in the group, and I caught her lying about almost every other person in the group who was on the “timid” side. At the end of our degrees, she told me she did not want to be friends anymore and said she couldn’t fix me.

She didn’t give me time to respond with how I felt about her side.

I had to see her at a group reunion a few years after college when she was back in the country. I had terrible anxiety and couldn’t eat that day on the trip up to the reunion.

Since she unfriended me and treated me horribly, it should be a no-brainer not to invite her to my wedding. My fiance is worried that it will cause drama as the rest of the group never really got to see how bad she is and still talk to her.

I don’t want to have anxiety and bad feelings on my wedding day. On our wedding day, we should be surrounded by people we love who we have good memories. So WIBTJ for not inviting my old housemate to my wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“Wait what?

She TOLD you DIRECTLY that she doesn’t want to be friends. She isn’t your friend now. She wasn’t even your friend before. She gave you an out! NTJ. Do not invite this mean woman. She’s nothing but negative. If anyone in the group questions it, tell them what she said and that you’re respecting her request to not be friends.

The end. Also, have the BEST time at your wedding!!!!” Agitated-Jaguar3012

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you don’t invite her. She sounds like a bad friend and there’s no reason to have her at the wedding. If your friends ask, just say she unfriended you when you graduated and you left it there.

Live your best life and leave her behind.” vt2022cam

0 points (0 votes)
Post


11. AITJ For Wanting To Evict My Freeloading Brother From My Mother's House?

QI

“I (30 F) was forced to grow up very early due to my mother getting sick when I was 5. My father paid the bare minimum in support, and we lived on government assistance to get us through until I graduated high school. Through hard work, I now have a decent job, a terminal degree, and am very financially independent.

There is one character I have not mentioned— my brother (Clive 40 M). Clive was kicked out at 18 but was provided rent to sponsor his independence while he had a job. When he worked for an old department store where my mother paid her bills, he was able to pull up her credit card information and charge an expensive item on the card.

Due to my mom’s condition, she never filed income taxes for me and my younger brother. Clive then proceeded to claim me and my younger brother as dependents on his tax return until we became legal age. Ironically, Clive became a cop and is married. He now has 2 kids 12 F and 6 months male.

In 2013, my mom passed away. I live a few states away and in my naivety made Clive the probate executor. The first thing he does is sell the car my mom bought with my money (shared bank account) and pocket it. The house was already put in my name before she died. He asked me if he could buy the house eventually from me.

Currently, over the last few years, he has lived there rent-free but only pays the property tax and utilities. The house is in complete disrepair and infested due to them tearing it up. He spends his money on vacations and spoiling his kids. As of yet, I have yet to see a dime and he has been mum to buying the house.

He talks about when he retires, he wants to buy a house in another state and live there. I pay insurance (about 11 grand in total throughout the years) for the house.

Recently, an object fell on it and I got no help from him and his wife to help pay for the repairs because insurance refused to touch it.

His wife recently got disability and they bought 2 luxury cars. I guess the government hounds found out she wasn’t divorced and now they are ”divorcing” on paper from what I overheard her tell her therapist. Today, I went to cancel my life insurance policy because I figured I was wasting money by having no dependents and being single.

I saw online that I had to call the company. When I talked to the rep, I couldn’t cancel the payment, because my brother beat me to submitting the transfer paperwork when my mom died. He is the owner of my own policy that I am paying for.

I am at wit’s end and am planning to sell the house “as is” and let them evict them if that is an option, anything to clean my hands of the matter. I don’t know, I might have to consult a lawyer. My friends have always told me to throw them on the street.

I felt bad because they recently had a baby. I always knew I was taken advantage of and my mom always instilled it in me to look out for family, but I think I had enough enabling this behavior.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is all kinds of messed up and is gonna take a lot to unpack. 1) tell him flat out he’s a mooching jerk 2) give him the option of reimbursing you, giving back your life insurance policy, or else you’ll report him to the IRS and any relevant agencies for fraud (which will hurt his job as well) otherwise go straight for the lawyer.

This isn’t a person you need in your life. 3) get some therapy Then run! He shouldn’t pocket off everyone else’s suffering.” Chemical-Goal-4600

Another User Comments:

“NTJ But you need a lawyer. Extremely curious how your life insurance policy ended up in your brother’s name and would not be surprised to see your signature forged somewhere along the line, especially as you are not a dependent in this scenario.

If your name is on it, the company should also be able to provide you copies of the paperwork submitted The house is in your name and costs you. Do what you need to be rid of it” whichwitch9

0 points (0 votes)
Post


10. AITJ For Wanting My Aunt And Cousin To Move Out?

QI

“I am a college sophomore studying cs. I have lived with my single mom since I was 10 and my aunt and her daughter. They moved in around mid-2016 when my cousin was a newborn and when my mom was in nursing school.

They came because of postpartum which is very serious of course, but I feel like they have overstayed their welcome. Before I get flacked this recently I’ve been angrier maybe around 2019 these feelings have been boiling up.

First off, she is the definition of a bottom feeder.

She would eat the snacks my mom bought for me she used the sheets my mom got for my bed. Before my mom hid it she would use my mom’s laptop when she had a new one like a freshly bought one. Like what the heck is wrong with you?

She also ruined my mom’s dresser, mat, and comforter she had before my mom came to the States. She would use my mom’s stuff when she had her own of the same thing. That is not normal. Before you think about the money issue she’s an accountant in NYC (where I live) you can make a solid amount of money.

Second, she’s a hoarder. When I say hoarder I mean like she gotta go on that show. The living room looks like a pig pen. It’s bookcases full of stuff, clothing, books everything. She is in the living room because she was in my mom’s room from 2019-2021 and she would talk all night and make noise in the early morning because she can’t sleep and she works.

Third, she’s one of the cheapest and laziest mothers I’ve ever seen in my lifetime. Her daughter would beg her to do stuff like the zoo and whatnot. She would be like I’m tired and whatnot but if it’s for a function she would be bright and early.

She keeps her inside all day locked up not doing anything just rotting alone because she would be sleeping I try to keep her entertained but I come first and so does my homework. I am not your mother I should not be watching you all day and keeping you busy.

That is your mother’s job, not mine. Speaking of my cousin she raised her badly. She’s 6 with a horrible attitude or respect for elders. She tells her mom that she’s bad and her breath stinks but to be honest I don’t blame her on that.

She feeds my cousin pure junk, cake for breakfast. Pizza for breakfast what the heck are you trying to do to give her diabetes?

Lastly, she takes advantage of my mother’s kindness. That will always be the thing that annoys me. When they came my mom wasn’t working because she was in school.

She came and we were well, but a year after when my cousin turned one she got a job full time as an accountant. She not once offered my mom a dollar. She had to use the money my dad gave to me to use for rent, light, and gas.

She would use the AC and not help pay the bills. I want her out of my life forever. Slowly I have been making it clear that I don’t want her here. I stop greeting her completely only everyone else. She cried to my family that we weren’t being welcoming

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Finish your degree and move out. Your mother owns the house, not you. If she’s willing to tolerate all the ill behavior, her sister’s bad parenting, and being taken advantage of — that’s all on her. You may encourage your mother to put her foot down.

But at the end of the day, she is the person who is allowing it to happen.” Individual_Ad_9213

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ for wanting her to and even talking to your mom about it since it’s her house. But you obviously can’t force your mom to kick them or to kick them out yourself.

Your aunt is definitely a mooch, a lazy & bad parent, and won’t change until someone makes her.” jacksonlove3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for wanting them out. Have you spoken with your mother about it? Has anyone confronted your aunt about her hoarding or asked her to pay her fair share?

It’s a decent first step that she understands that she’s not welcome. It sounds like a more direct approach is needed. She should easily afford her own place with an accounting job. In the meantime, stay focused on your studies and get out as soon as you can.” amore6

0 points (0 votes)
Post


9. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Parents After Our Immigration Stress?

QI

“I was once what they call a perfect kid. I never raised my voice at my parents and rarely caused any trouble. Good grades at school, went to church every Sunday, took care of my brother, and never complained about anything. I’m the eldest so my parents used to rely on me whenever they needed anything and I used to be proud of this.

I always felt responsible for keeping things peaceful by basically being the perfect kid. I didn’t see the point of arguing with my parents because it would just make my life more miserable, so I always did what I was told without complaining. When last year started, they stuck to the idea of moving countries.

At first, I was excited about it, but then my parents started arguing all the time. My mom needed a lot of emotional support which I could provide at first but after the first months, I just couldn’t do it anymore because it was too much.

She used to call me in the middle of my studies to vent about the whole immigration process and I used to feel bad about her and comfort her the way I could. But I was getting progressively more tired of the whole situation. I tried to control most of the arguments she had with my dad.

It was just too much for me.

Suddenly I was just so mad at my parents for putting the whole family through this situation instead of just keeping things the way they were in my country. There was the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to go to school in that new country and that scared me, but my mom wouldn’t seem to care.

Every time I tried to talk to her about that she would always talk about how god would provide for us etc. but I felt at the time that she was just trying to avoid the topic because she didn’t really care about my schooling.

Anyway, by December my mental health was completely destroyed but we made it to the country we are in right now.

Unfortunately, things are still really far from normal. I became a bad daughter. I keep arguing with my parents every time I get the chance, don’t do what I am asked to do just to get them mad, and most of the time I keep raising my voice and causing arguments over the smallest things.

I hate it and at the same time I kind of feel good about it, because I feel like I’m finally standing up for myself, but at the same time, I feel like I’m just being ungrateful for every time they’ve done for me.

And I feel like I don’t control the things I say anymore, it feels like my mind doesn’t control my mouth and I keep saying stuff that I know will get me into trouble but I don’t even care anymore I just feel a strong need to hurt them and I kind of hate myself for that.

I don’t know what to do honestly. The country that we are in right now is definitely better than the one I was born in but I just hate everything about it. I don’t know what to do. I’m turning 18 next week but I’ve never felt so childish.

Am I the jerk for whatever the heck is going on? If I’m not, how do I stop being so mad with my parents?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents put you in a terrible position. A child should never be in the position of providing emotional support for their parents.

A child should never be expected to keep peace between parents. Yes, you’re being childish by lashing out, but it’s completely understandable. I hope you can get out of that situation soon and in a better place.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“Ntj for being fed up with your selfish parents.

for your own sake tho, I would avoid arguments/fights about little inconsequential things. if you save fights for things that truly matter, it would have more impact than if you fight over every little thing every day. they will get used to your behavior and thus not differentiate important matters from silly discrepancies.

good luck with your parents tho.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. More for what you are not doing rather than what you are doing, because I think your antisocial behavior is involuntary and you are not in any mental or behavioral health services.

My concern with your behavior is you have not described an attempt to resist it or to mix it up with something more pro-social from your desire to help them or show dutifulness. Perhaps you do not see the good that you do, or perhaps you have lost faith in authority.

Your parents obviously are not acting as they should.” atmasabr

0 points (0 votes)
Post


8. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Being Bitter About My Past Addiction?

QI

“I am a substance addict. I was an absolute menace to my family and friends but my parents refused to give up on me and 4 years ago with the support of family and friends I decided to be sober and I have managed to stick with it till now.

Me and my sister were close but now she and my brother are best friends. I don’t blame her; it’s obviously because of my addiction. When I was actively using, my sister cut me out of her life. Even when I recovered, she acted like I didn’t exist and hasn’t directly had a conversation with me for 4 years.

When we’re at a family function, she avoids me, if I am talking to her, she avoids eye contact and gives one-word answers. If she hears that my cousin invited me out, she immediately doesn’t want to go. Once I tried to join a conversation she was having with our cousin and she straight up just walked away.

I will tell her happy birthday and she won’t respond or reciprocate. I knew that I couldn’t undo the damage so at one point I stopped apologizing.

Now the issue. I was at a family function with my cousins and someone asked me about my future plans and I said I plan to apply for a fellowship.

My other cousin chirps up and says my sister had received that same fellowship and I should ask my sister to look at my application because my sister edits all her essays really well. My sister says she’s busy so no one should ask her to look at their application and everyone just became really awkward because we all know the message was directed to me.

This is not the first time she has made indirect messages about me. So I told her that I wasn’t going to ask her and she was trying to say to my cousin (she wasn’t even making eye contact with me or addressing me ) that she wasn’t speaking to a specific person here and at this point, I just snap, it has been 4 years of being treated like a ghost by her and I was sick of it.

I asked her for once can she stop being a bitter person and get over herself for one minute. She looks at me and says she’s not going to argue with me and leaves. After she leaves my cousin tells me what happened to their parents and my brother and all of a sudden everyone is telling me that I shouldn’t have started anything with my sister, like I am the one who started it.

It’s been 4 years; I have apologized and my parents helped me pay back all the money I owed her. What more can I do? She ignores me and keeps acting like I’m invisible and the worst part is she always talks to me through another person when she does rarely talk to me.

I feel like she is using her silence to punish me for being an addict but I’m done feeling bad. If she feels like it was hard for her then imagine how hard it was for me to be an addict. I feel like I was just standing up for myself but the ordeal has been on my mind for a couple of days and I’m now wondering whether I was a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“You should be proud of your sobriety. You need to accept that while you are doing better you cannot dictate how others in your family feel. You need to get over the idea that she’s required to change the way she treats you because you’ve apologized and made amends.

YTJ” GothPenguin

Another User Comments:

“You don’t get to tell your sister when or whether she should forgive you for your past behavior towards her. You lost that right. Your sister is under no obligation to forgive you or interact with you any more than she does.

She shows up to the events when you are there, and she doesn’t cause any scenes about you being there as well. That’s the most you can expect and you should be glad of it. Enough of your ridiculous pity party. YTJ. Ed: capitalization.” Ma-Hu

Another User Comments:

“My sister was an addict. Truth is, she has no idea about the damage she caused because she wasn’t really *present* mentally. For years, we put a lot on the line for her, we sustained a lot of emotional damage, and then when she finally got clean, which we arranged and paid for…it was all about her and her recovery.

We got one apology which I suppose is something. It’s complicated. I chose to forgive her but the relationship will always be on the fractured side. Trust was broken too many times. I can’t help but feel a level of resentment and I suppose she can’t help being on the selfish side because she never learned how to think about others.

You can’t make her forgive you. She has her reasons. And you can’t afford to live in the past. You have to give it time and if time isn’t enough, it’s just something you have to accept. Not all relationships can be fixed and not all wrongs can be rectified.” friedonionscent

0 points (0 votes)
Post


7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Fix His Issues Before Coming Back To Us?

QI

“I (30f) have been with my partner (32) for a little over a year and we have a 2-month-old, I got pregnant pretty fast after we met and got together. We kinda looked for a baby, I always wanted to be a mom and he wanted a proper family (he already has a 15-year-old child but hasn’t seen them for quite a few years).

We rushed because we seemed to have the same hopes and dreams and both wanted to settle. We also bonded over shared depression/anxiety and a seemingly similar troubled past (not the same issues, but a few problems on each side, he hides some from me though).

In the beginning, he sold himself as a pretty solid person, with good beliefs and an overall interesting personality. He did kind of “forced” himself into living with me really fast, but I did like to see someone so sure of his choices and ready to show me stability from the start.

After not long, his past came back haunting him because he never addressed his issues, but rather hid himself behind medications or other sorts of addictions. He avoids me so much, that he specifically told me he won’t tell me what he doesn’t like about me because he is superior and accepts me how I am.

He fears failure to the point that he doesn’t even try to do anything so he doesn’t fall short.

2 weeks after the baby was born he went back to his country (for legal reasons, to be able to put his name down as the father, and also because he knew he would have gotten overwhelmed and scared).

Now he is back at his mom affected by dementia and who resents him, jobless, without any funds, playing video games the entire day, taking too many uncontrolled medications, and refusing to seek help because “he doesn’t trust psychologists there”. He literally told me that his priority is himself and that he is a selfish person (I do know he’s not always like that, because when he is in a “high” from depression he totally seems like another person, but that doesn’t last long usually).

We pretty much fight daily, either via texts or voice, and he is unable to accept we have to message because he hates writing (as there are too many misunderstandings). He doesn’t seem to look for a video call to see his baby that often and he declared that he can’t see the kid as a priority, just another “piece on the chessboard” with different values.

He is unable to show emotions and barely smiles at us, but he is always super loving with his pet because “it was always there for him”.

The only person other than himself that he cares about is his mother, even if she didn’t want him, treated him poorly, and exposed him to inappropriate things when he was young.

Just today, he “sarcastically” wrote me a few texts, got offended because I asked for explanations and just disappeared. This takes a toll on me, and consequently on the baby, so I am thinking of telling him to fix his issues before coming back, but I’m afraid he will disappear forever.

At the moment he is even unfit to be a proper father in my opinion. So WIBTJ to tell him to fix his things by himself before coming back to us?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Yeah, that isn’t going to happen. The man is 32 with a 15-year-old kid that he has zero relationships with.

He couldn’t keep the act going for a year. Does he think he is ‘superior’ to you? He has actually told you he cares more about himself than anyone else, including you and the children (as there is more than 1, at least that you know of).

Why would you want him back? Have some self-respect, and prepare to bring up your kid by yourself.” alien_overlord_1001

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but contact emergency services if he threatens his life, or adult protective services if he is endangering himself through neglect and other issues (this includes his refusal for medication).

You will also want to contact a lawyer to protect yourself and your baby from him taking you to court.” moonlight-moon-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- you didn’t know him and wanted to have a baby anyways. You made a bad choice and need to move on and cut him out of your life and your child’s.

I wouldn’t count on child support, but there’s little you can do if he’s outside the US. I’d get full custody right now, so he can’t run off with your baby later.” vt2022cam

0 points (0 votes)
Post


6. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Extended Guest Stay And Potential Lease Break To Our Landlord?

QI

“About 6 weeks ago now my roommate told me her partner was going to be staying with us for 2 weeks. I wasn’t opposed but also wasn’t super happy about it but as long as he was only there for the 2 weeks we agreed to I didn’t care.

It’s been 5 weeks.

After the third week, I reached out to her and asked when he was leaving. She told me that he was going to be staying for another 9 days to get approved for an apartment, the first I had heard of this.

I didn’t respond and decided I would wait it out for the next 9 days and then talk to her about boundaries when he left.

This Tuesday was day 11 of the 9 and I texted her saying that I had nothing against him or her but that I wanted him to leave within the next 48 hours.

I ended the message by saying we should probably set better boundaries for the rest of our lease and limit guests to only stay with us for 2 weeks maximum.

She then responds back upset claiming that because she pays rent here and other bills she doesn’t understand why there’s an issue.

I said that it has nothing to do with them or their relationship I just want my space back. I’m condemned to my room and have to tiptoe around the apartment constantly and as someone who ALSO pays rent and the other bills I’m entitled to being able to take up space.

She then claims that she is planning on moving out this August which is the first I’m hearing of this. Saying she’s been emailing our landlord, having multiple conversations with him about the process and how he’ll be putting our apartment up for rent this next month.

I tell her that legally she cannot break our lease the way she’s attempting to and it’s up to her to figure out the logistics of it all. She backpeddles though, says that she actually won’t be moving out until September but still is leaving.

I call my landlord to figure this all out and you’ll never guess what he tells me. He has not had a single conversation with her about any of this.

He and I talk again the next day and he says that 1. She cannot leave the lease without us all coming to an agreement and new contract and 2.

That is our lease it says she legally has to give a 120-day notice before leaving

Woke up today to find a message from my friend saying roommate has been posting that she’s looking for a place to sublease and someone to take over her room here by August 1st, doing things outside of my knowledge and my landlord’s.

I called him and informed him that I was afraid she’s trying to illegally break our lease and that I didn’t know where to go from there. I also told him that her bf has been staying with us for now 5 weeks because it also says on our lease that if someone who is not a co-signer is staying in the apartment there is an extra 200 dollar fee required for rent.

He says he will gladly make a phone call and inform her of all of this and now I’m sitting in wait to see what happens next. But there is a part of me that worries I’ve gone too far with informing him about the partner and how she might respond next.

So AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I think your roommate planned on lying to your face and having her bf stay with y’all indefinitely until they found a place together, this is a bad situation as it seems like your roommate doesn’t plan on having her bf move out if he stays and they tack on extra 200 on the lease I’d suggest you also requesting that he pays an extra 200 for rent, as they are occupying more space than you” Distinct_Complex_2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did not create this problem, your roommate did. Your roommate went too far by: 1. Bringing in a third roommate (her partner) and only paying half the rent instead of a third 2. Posting for someone to take over her room, potentially leaving you to share your private space with a stranger 3.

Lying to you about having conversations with the landlord. You need to get out of this situation by either the roommate leaving or you leaving. Keep your room door locked and document any issues in case she tries to escalate.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with a bad roommate. Her paying rent does not mean she can do anything she wants like inviting her partner to stay for weeks on end. He’s a guest and he doesn’t get to stay forever. Also, three people’s utilities aren’t the same as two (for water, heat, gas).

Also, rent is paid between two people but since there are two of them, rent in the past month should have been split 3 ways since he has been there well over a month. She’s also a liar. Lying about contacting the landlord, lying about leaving, and posting stuff online.

Just bananas.” archetyping101

0 points (0 votes)
Post


5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Apologize To My Mom Who Constantly Disrespects My Boundaries?

QI

“I, 16F, have been having this problem with my mom for a long time. Every time I ask her to not do something because I feel uncomfortable she does it.

I used to be insecure and I hated taking pictures because I felt ugly, I cried a lot of times because of this and she knew, but she forced me to take pictures anyway, she even printed more and put them around the house because “I made you, I do what I want to you”.

I hated my prom pictures and I cried for 1 hour after watching them, she called me crazy argued with me, and told me I had mental issues for this behavior. I apologized.

This year my mother had some friends at home, they had a son 16M, and they made jokes about us being interested in each other, I don’t care.

But then, my mother told them to see my room, I told her in private to please not do that, my room was a mess, I literally had private things in my bed, and even after I pleaded she showed my room to a 16M who was interested in me and had friends in common with me.

I was annoyed, I argued with my mother and I asked her to respect my privacy and again “You’re my daughter I do whatever I want to and you have mental problems for acting like this” I don’t think I was wrong for this but I didn’t have any option, I apologized again.

Now, yesterday, it was the first time I invited my friends to my house and I was really anxious, she knew I was nervous and even joked about it. My friends arrived, everything was going well, my parents went to buy something when they came back they bought a giant speaker, they wanted to test it with my friends but I didn’t think it was a good idea because they would probably do something uncomfortable, so in private I talked to them and said “Can you please just test it tomorrow?

I really don’t feel comfortable with this idea, I’m already pretty nervous” they argued with me and told me I was being a jerk for being ashamed of them, in this part I agreed and I apologized for my behavior and went back to my friends.

After like 2 minutes my father came next to me and my friends with the speaker on full volume with some cringe popular song in my town dancing. The problem wasn’t him doing this cause in the end I didn’t really feel embarrassed, I was more concerned about my friends feeling uncomfortable because they were super shy than they actually making me embarrassed.

It’s okay the speaker was pretty cool and they already wanted to buy it for a long time, the problem is that I literally asked them politely and said I didn’t feel comfortable and they did it in the worst way possible so they could embarrass me, my mother again screamed at me and called me crazy for acting like this and.

Now, my mother doesn’t talk to me and I don’t want to apologize to her. I think my parents don’t respect my privacy and boundaries even if I explain how it makes me feel and I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to be respected even if it is for having “stupid teen problems”.

I will end up apologizing anyway because I don’t really have an option so… AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ like others have already said, sounds like she’s doing this on purpose and then gaslighting you. Can’t say for what reason but it seems like she takes pleasure in making you uncomfortable and having complete control over you.

I’d say your mom’s the one that needs therapy” Alterchronicle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are deliberately humiliating you because they enjoy your humiliation. They’re probably going to find ways to humiliate you regardless of what you tell them, but don’t go out of your way to tell them what makes you uncomfortable because that’s exactly what they’ll do.

Unfortunately, you’re currently dependent on them. Is there a way you can withdraw from them – physically and verbally – without endangering yourself? Don’t give them information, stay in your room as much as possible or out with your friends, stuff like that?” rochan71

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. No matter how young you are you’re allowed to have boundaries. You seem to have explained these boundaries in a mature and concise way and yet they’re still not listening to you and acting like you’re the problem. Huge jerks.” [deleted]

0 points (0 votes)
Post


4. AITJ For Not Giving My Cousin My Tickets To An Event?

QI

“So I (21f) have been working in America as an assistant to an athlete for about a year now. As I’m from England this caused a few cracks in my relationship with many family members, one being my cousin (22f) Kath.

Kath and I were inseparable even as adults, I thought she would be just as excited as me when I got this job offer as I’ve been such a fan of this company since I was younger.

However, she was quite upset I was leaving and was willing to live so far away but slowly came around as she realized it was a huge opportunity for me. We still kept in contact and ft once a week.

Now this is the part where things go downhill.

Not too long ago my boss was doing a few small events around England before a larger one in London, being from England I was so excited to come back even though it wasn’t my home city I was still chuffed, my boss saw this and decided to surprise me with two front row tickets to the London event and the night off work (as I usually watch on a screen in the back).

Without thinking about it I posted the tickets to my story to show gratitude and how blessed I was to have such an amazing job and boss. This led to a message from Kath saying she was going to be in London at the same time with her partner and asked if I could swing her some tickets to the show since he was such a big fan of the company I work for.

I explained how the event was sold out but I hoped I got to see her. She then proceeded to suggest I give her the ticket I’d been given since I had backstage access and could watch from the gallery. I mean she’s right but I’ve never been to an event like this as a viewer as opposed to an employee and I told her this and I had already given my other tickets to my friend who was also an assistant.

Kath then goes on to send me a huge paragraph that in general says I’m selfish for not giving them my tickets as I left her and the family in so much distress because of me leaving and how it’s also not fair because I can afford to buy my own tickets with the salary I’m on and she wouldn’t even be able to afford nose bleed tickets.

Anyway, I ended up going to the event with my now best friend, we were so proud of both our bosses and everyone who was able to make the event possible and we had the time of our lives. Kath however is still very bitter about what happened and is telling my family nasty things about me and twisting the truth.

She’s been saying not only am I selfish for not giving her my tickets but also going as far as to say how I much prefer America and being away from my family who dragged me down and kept me from living my dream.

I would never say such a thing I love my family, luckily my mum, siblings, and grandparents are all on my side and saying she’s just being dramatic, but it’s really had me thinking.

AITJ? Should I have given her the tickets? Should I have never moved?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your boss gave YOU tickets to attend as a bonus for working your butt off for him. How might he feel if you simply gave them away, I wonder… That consideration aside, your cousin has behaved incredibly boorishly.

It’s past time for her to recognize that it’s not all about her.” tosser9212

Another User Comments:

“Ntj at all. Weird for her to demand you give her things that she’s not entitled to, then call you selfish? Maybe she’s jealous – and it’s a bad look.

I’m sorry she can’t be excited for you because that’s real friendship and it’s a wonderful feeling.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“The tickets were a thoughtful gift for YOU. They were a reward for your hard work, loyalty, and love of what you do. She should no more expect you to give away these rewards than she should expect you to give your pay over to her.

You earned them. Your boss wanted you to have them. You loved them. Demanding that you hand them over to others as if the others somehow deserved them as much as you did demonstrates unmitigated selfish entitlement. That she missed you so much that it hurt her for you to go abroad to pursue your dreams could have been an opportunity for you to feel emotionally closer to her.

She has ruined that and is making it seem that she cares about you only for what’s in it for her.” ThatguyIncognito

0 points (0 votes)
Post


3. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Appreciate My Efforts Instead Of Constantly Comparing Me To Others?

QI

“I moved from China at 4 with my parents, my dad moved back less than 2 months after my sister was born.

I am no longer in contact with my dad. My mom is a single mom who had to survive in a foreign country with two kids, one of which has Down syndrome by herself.

We did have some help from the government because of my sister’s disability, but my mom was still stressed with everything, so I became the man of the house at the ripe old age of 6.

I did everything she wanted and never asked for help on my schoolwork. I am now a sophomore in high school and our situation is better.

Anyway, I am doing my best, I do my best to make her proud, I am taking 1 AP class and 4 honors, I play two sports, and have over 100 volunteering hours.

She asks me about my day, but when I tell her, she always has something to nitpick. She would scold me for being upset at receiving homework on the first day of school because “everyone else did too.” And when I point out that no, the vast majority of the sophomores at my school did not receive homework because the vast majority is not in a level of math intended for juniors, she would say, “You think you’re special?” And compare me to someone who is doing better than me in some aspect or another.

And when I say to her that their situations and where they started in life are leagues better than mine, she would say, “So what? You just need to work harder.” And I am. I do work hard. But I’m just tired. None of the people she compares me to have ever been through even a fraction of what I have.

Yes, I don’t take 4 AP classes, nor do I have 300 volunteer hours, nor am I an Eagle Scout, but what I’ve done so far is still praiseworthy isn’t it?

She also doesn’t want me to take breaks because it’s a waste of time.

I just want to read sometimes, but ELA is my best subject, so I should study math instead because I’m bad at it. Let me reiterate that I am in a math class intended for juniors, and still have a 100% in it. To be fair, it is only the beginning of the year, and it will probably change very soon, but still.

And I’ve already studied math, I studied it all summer, 6 hours a day. When I complain about it, she would say that everyone else is doing it too.

I just want her to appreciate me for what I’ve done instead of criticizing me for what I have not.

But I know she does it because she wants the best for me, and I love her so much. It’s just really hard sometimes and I’m tired of everything. We’ve been fighting a lot and I just don’t know what to do.

I feel so guilty about it, but I’m tired. This is my first post and maybe my last, but I really just need some advice. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Criticism isn’t encouragement and not everyone will be pushed to compete with others by comparison.

Breaks are necessary for your physical and mental health. Don’t feel guilty for them. You’re doing great and you’ll go far in life because you’re smart, strong and determined. You were forced into an adult role far too young but you’ve handled it. In the end, you will be much better prepared for success in the real world than many of those you’re being compared to.” Nitehawke88

0 points (0 votes)
Post


2. AITJ For Going On A Cooking Strike Until My Stepson Cleans His Rooms?

QI

“Me (56F) and my partner (56M) are not married but Reg Dom Part. We have been together for almost 10 years and lived together for 8 years. My daughter (27F) only lived with us for 6 months before she went to college, then got a job and moved out pretty much right out of college.

My stepson (19M) came to live with us full-time when we moved in together. We had him full time and I was the one who drove him to/from school every day, to doctors’ appointments, cleaned his room, did his laundry, etc. I worked full time and we split the bills, but because I worked from home all the “woman” duties fell to me, so I did all the shopping, cooking, etc.

Getting my stepson to clean his room was always a problem, and I don’t mean the usually messy child’s room. I mean hoarder-level, knee-deep clothes and garbage, half-eaten food, dirty dishes, etc. Usually every 3 months or so I would get in there, clean it up, do the laundry, etc. because I couldn’t take it anymore.

We also have 10 “critter cages” – 7 in our basement, and 3 in our stepson’s room. (fish, lizards, snakes, etc). His passion is critters, marine biology, etc.

So, fast forward to my stepson is off to college to live in the dorm. I got in and cleaned the room, but he would come home for vacations/long weekends (he is driving distance) and the room would again be trashed. When he came home for the summer I told him – THAT WAS IT.

The trashing of the room was not going to continue. I had noticed the dressers in his room were used for “stuff” – and critter tank fixings, not clothes. So I bought a dresser and put it in our extra room across the hall for his clothes.

A month later, the dresser drawers are only half full, clothes strewn everywhere, and now a new TANK has appeared in the extra room, and now I have TWO TRASHED ROOMS.

(Note – his dorm room was trashed too)

I am beside myself frustrated. He has all the freedoms of an adult (comes and goes as he pleases, his partner sleeps over for a week at a time ( now her stuff is also in both rooms) – and has no responsibilities.

His Dad is one of those Dads who wants to be his kid’s friend instead of his parent, so he lets him make his own rules and just do whatever. All I ask is that the son (and now his partner) keep the rooms clean!

I do not mean spotless OCD – just normal clean.

I told them as long as the rooms are not clean I am not cooking anything anymore – which will affect my partner more as he works all day and now he will have to come home and cook his own food.

A week later and still the rooms are not clean, and the 19-year-olds are sleeping until 2:30 in the afternoon and then lying by the pool all day. My partner and I are not talking, all because he will not make his grown-up son clean his room.

If my cooking strike does not resolve this, I feel like I will need to say he cannot live with us anymore unless he can keep the room clean, and that will most likely be the end of my relationship.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But not a whole lot you can control.

I think refusing to do their chores and not cooking for them is a good plan, but you need to voice that to them assertively, and not passive-aggressively (ie, set a clear boundary). You need to stop enabling these actions and they can deal with the repercussions.

Be honest with your partner, tell him you are upset with the mess and you would like their support in cleaning/deal with the stepson, if he isn’t willing to support you on this, then you will not be doing things for them, and perhaps finding accommodations elsewhere.

That’s about all you can do or learn to live with it.” Galgenstrik

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But you got a bad deal for 10 years. Split all bills 50/50 yet do all the cooking, cleaning, and house chores? This relationship sucks, I would grab your important stuff and take a vacation.

You deserve one from both father and son. Also sounds like your son got used to you tidying up after him, it’ll be hard for him to change. Change is hard, honestly. However, you definitely aren’t responsible for cleaning up after him, he is an adult!

And you don’t have to cook for everyone if you don’t want to. But I wouldn’t use the cooking thing to try and control the son to clean. It’s manipulative. And he will feel resentful. To be honest I think you deserve a vacation.” WishToBeConcise403

0 points (0 votes)
Post


1. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Pay More Bills Now That She Earns More?

QI

“To start with some background for the question, I met my wife when I was 24, she was 21, still going to school, and would be for quite some time as she was getting her doctorate in Pharmacology.

I had been working for a few years at that point and made pretty decent money, so as a result I tended to pay for things pretty much whenever we would go out to do anything.

As time went on and the relationship became more serious, this went from just being smaller things like dinner dates and movies to also including larger purchases.

Some examples would be things like vacations we went on together, or after a few years when we moved in together, I covered almost all the purchases associated with furnishing a new apartment. When we got married, I probably paid for roughly 80% of the costs that we covered, with her doing the other 20%.

When we went on our honeymoon, I had saved up a large amount of money and covered the entire amount myself. I’m sure you get my point by now.

On top of this all, we’ve always split bills so that I cover significantly more of our costs than she does each month.

There are some things that we don’t share, like for example we both completely pay for our own cars, but if I’d asked her to pay half of our rent and utilities for most of our relationship, she either would have been unable to, or would have basically had no spending money whatsoever after doing so.

This has always been our arrangement, I’ve never had any issues with it because it just made sense, I made more money, and I should pay more for our bills.

I’m now 29, my wife is 27, and she has gotten a job at a local hospital. For the first time since we’ve been together, she’s actually making more money than me, and by a pretty good amount right now.

We sat down the other day to discuss how we were going to break down our bills from now on, and she seemed genuinely surprised when I asked if she’d now be paying more for our rent each month than I would. She is basically arguing that she is fine now paying half of our expenses, but no more than that.

I asked how it was any different than what I’d done for years, and she said that it was different because she hadn’t had the option to pay for half our expenses, and I do, and that I basically signed up for this because I knew she’d be in school for a long time.

And to be fair to her, she’s not wrong. I did know she’d be in school for a long time. And it’s not like she ever forced me to do anything. If anything, it was the opposite. I’d take her to a nice steakhouse for dinner, she’d make sure to tell me she’d have been happy going to Applebee’s together.

When we got our place together, she was clear that she felt bad about how much more I’d be paying than her for rent, and that we could go cheaper. She has always been open and appreciative.

Give me some guidance. Who is right? Am I holding a bit of a grudge from years of paying more than half of our bills, and I should be content we’re splitting things evenly from now on?”

Another User Comments:

“From day 1 of living together my wife and I agreed on the amount of “pocket money” we personally would keep (it’s an equal amount). The rest of our incomes goes into a joint account. I make 2 times the money she makes so basically I pay 2/3 of the bills.

But, she was a stay-at-home mom for quite some years, enabling me to have a career and generate this income. The way I see it, our joint incomes enable us to have a good life. We have joint savings to cover whatever we might encounter in terms of work on the house, cars, et cetera.

We both have enough “pocket money” to do stuff for ourselves. I’m happy with this arrangement. You’re not the jerk. She should step up.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk. The best time to have discussed this was before you got married and you should have had a wide-ranging discussion on finances and what would happen when inevitably your partner finished her doctorate and started earning significantly more.

The next best time is now. But you can’t look at it retroactively. As to how the finances should be split – it all comes down to how much more she’s earning than you and whether the current split is equitable. But to try and make her mirror what you did is probably not going to work out.

The unfortunate fact is you did invest so much more financially earlier on because of necessity and because you had the means to – but you were building a future together. This has now resulted in your wife now being able to earn more and hopefully contribute to a very comfortable lifestyle for the both of you and your future.” -ciscoholdmusic-

Another User Comments:

“I’m old. 54. So I look at money and relationships very differently than younger people today (and I can’t and won’t criticize anyone for their way of thinking, it’s just different now). For me and all the other people I know or have ever known money is pooled into one account.

There is no ‘yours’ or ‘mine’ but ‘ours’. But for me and my wife, we have a good understanding of what we do with our money and our expectations. Just be careful. Money can be a relationship killer. Talk to each other.” coolcoinsdotcom

0 points (0 votes)
Post


In these stories, we delve into the complexities of family dynamics, personal boundaries, and self-discovery. We explore the struggles of individuals trying to assert their rights, navigate relationships, and find their identities. Each story poses the question, "Am I the jerk?" inviting readers to empathize, judge, and perhaps reflect on their own actions. Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences.