People Reckon They're Innocent In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Leaving The Shelter My Friend Arranged For Me?
“I’ve been living out of my car for the past six months due to some unfortunate life circumstances. I had been helping my friend (A) out with DoorDashing for the past month.
While I was out DoorDashing one night I ended up in a crash.
Everyone was perfectly fine, the only damage was to my car. I had nowhere to go that night, as I said, I was living out of my car. I texted A to tell her I wouldn’t be able to take her DoorDashing for a little while, and she called telling me she could let me stay at her place for the night.
The next morning I had gotten enough info from my insurance company to come up with a game plan, which I talked to A about. I was going to take my car to my uncle (four hours away from me) and he could help me fix it, as the insurance was planning to total it.
Of course, this wouldn’t be for a few days, and A told me she couldn’t let me stay there anymore. I told her I would figure it out, but she started calling her family for resources and stuff to figure out a shelter. She did, but as we were trying to figure out the shelter situation (which was confusing and seemed as if I couldn’t get into the shelter at all) I got a text from my parents saying they had set up the house for me to stay there until I could take my car to my uncle (they had initially said I couldn’t stay there due to me having a dog and they didn’t have a setup for a dog).
With how stressful the shelter situation was becoming, I told A it would have been easier for me to just go to my parents, but as I was saying that we figured out the shelter. But when we actually got to the shelter, it was in one of the worst parts of my city, and there were so many alarm bells in my head going off about how not great it seemed there.
I pulled A aside, sobbing, and said I felt bad about this place and just wanted to go to my parents instead. She just told me I would be fine and then left. I then went to stay with my parents.
Fast forward, my car has been fixed and I am now back on the road.
I and A haven’t talked much as I have obviously been busy fixing my car, but I remembered I left a blanket at her house. I texted her to ask her if I could grab it, and she texted me with an honestly pretty hurtful message saying how I had hurt her for leaving that shelter after she had pulled so many strings and done stuff she never wanted to do to get that shelter for me, and how I had “proved my character” to her.
I was confused, as I had told her before that shelter was even an option that I was going to go to a completely different city to fix my car within the next week. I was automatically going to be booted out of that shelter just for having to leave to get my car fixed anyway.
AITJ for leaving the shelter? Should I have tried to keep the bed there even after being gone to fix my car for over a week?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a plan to fix your car and it wouldn’t have made sense for you to stay in the shelter when you were going to be gone anyway.
Plus, it’s not like you did anything intentionally hurtful towards your friend. Just grab your blanket and move on from this drama!” gruesomeryoupons81
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t DoorDash for her anymore. Put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else put theirs on. She might feel guilty, but she’s using stuff like the shelter and you’re not helping her to justify throwing out your belongings and being pushy.” AITASterile
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Best Friend's Partner After He Mocked My Health?
“I 19 F have been best friends with my bff’s 19F and 18F for more than 5 years, I will refer to them as Perl and Jane respectively. Jane has been in a relationship with her partner for 2yrs. They both met through mutual connection and after talking for a brief period of time, they soon started seeing each other.
Me and Perl weren’t particularly ecstatic about this as she recently broke up and moved on too quickly. Jane and her partner’s relationship is not the most rainbows and sunshine. Her partner is very hot and cold in his behavior. Whenever he is with his friends he doesn’t like calls or texts too much, but if she is with us or anywhere else without him he has to always know what she is doing at every other minute.
They have fights quite often and she always comes to me for advice. Now here comes the point of this post. Recently on Valentine’s day all of us decided to host a galentines at my house to kinda watch movies have fun and relax. Jane was also down after she met with her partner.
They were supposed to meet at a playground and then celebrate. She told us to go with her to the ground as she did not want to be alone and whilst she and her partner were celebrating we could shop for snacks and drinks. Her “partner” was supposed to come at 11:00 a.m. and then at around 1:00p.m we were supposed to leave for my house.
We all waited for one hour and still he did not show up. As it was getting late I asked Jane to call her partner and ask where he was. She told me that he was currently somewhere with his friend whom he hadn’t met in a long time and she could not call him as he was busy.
This made me quite agitated.
At around 12:30 we decided to head to the supermarket to buy our things and also to cool off as it was very hot that day. As we were shopping, her partner called her, asking her to come to the ground.
We told her to go and said we would wait till 1:15. At 1:15 I called her asking if she was done meeting her partner and if she was ready to go. We told her that we were coming to the playground to pick her up, but she started saying that she was going home and not coming with us as she was not in the mood anymore.
We arrived at the playground and asked her where she was again as the ground was quite crowded but she kept on ignoring our calls, telling us to wait. Me and Perl were frantically searching for her in the whole playground. We eventually found her and she was fighting with her partner.
I told her that I was not feeling well as my head was spinning from the heat and that we should go. Her partner started making fun of my health and when I asked him what they would do if I fainted he mocked that I was exaggerating it and that if I fainted they would take me to the hospital. This made me really angry and I screamed at both of them.
This hurt her partner’s ego and he got angry with Jane and blocked her. I said sorry to him but he was still not satisfied and asked her to choose me or him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please don’t lose your relationship with Jane over this.
Even if she listens to her partner’s ultimatum and says to him, her partner sounds very controlling and like he’s trying to separate her from her friends. This is an early sign of mistreatment. If things get worse you’re going to want to be there for her.
Let her know she can always come back to you so if things get worse since she wants to talk to you she’s not afraid that she’s burnt that Bridge.” mxcrnt2
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ for yelling tbh. However, there are certain behaviors from the partner that I think are very concerning as possible red flags and they don’t seem to have a very healthy relationship: he sounds very controlling and wants to know everything she does when he’s not with him, but he doesn’t like to get calls or responds when he’s doing his thing.
In my experience, that is trust issues, unfaithful behavior and maybe even projecting. And on top of that, he gives ultimatums and forces her to choose between her friends and him, it’s never a good sign when your partner tries to isolate you from your friends.” No_Dig_9809
18. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Helping My Coworker Move Around The Office?
“My coworker (54 F) – we’ll call Anna. I do consider her a friend which is why this is awkward for me (49 F). In July 2023 Anna began having issues with her knee.
She found a specialist who ran some tests, did some steroid shots, and sent her to Physical Therapy. But ultimately the specialist indicated that surgery was not an option. Since this started Anna has had a hard time getting around the office on her own.
She can’t get from her car to her office without someone assisting her.
Anytime we have to go to a meeting she asks one of us to escort her and she will lean heavily on our arm for support. I suggested on more than one occasion that she get a cane.
She kept refusing, finally broke down, and got one but never used it. I asked her why she wasn’t using it and she stated she didn’t “trust it.”
Her knee has gotten worse as has her dependency on someone to escort her around the office.
I typically get to the office around 7:45 am where as Anna shows up at 8:00 am or a little thereafter. She sees my car in the garage and calls me to ask if I could come down and bring her up to the office. Despite having already started working, I obliged because I felt sorry for her.
Sometimes if I end up getting to work earlier than expected I’ll sit in my car to finish out my podcast or listen to the radio. On the rare occasions, Anna shows up early and sees me sitting in my car she will call or text me to say, “Just wanted to make sure you saw that I just pulled in.” To me, proof that she is just assuming I’m there to take her upstairs every time she needs it.
The end of the day is the same. EVERY day she asks me when I’m leaving. I leave at the same time every day but I feel like she asks that as a way to remind me that I need to take her down to her car.
When we are in the office she does rely on other coworkers to help her around but she and I are the only ones on our team who work in the office on a consistent basis so she’s just decided I’m there for her. And yes, she does even need someone to escort her to the bathroom.
Here is where I really got ticked. This past January I had surgery and was out recovering for two weeks. She somehow managed to get around without me. Because I do consider her a friend she knows exactly what surgery I had and the fact that after my initial recovery, I still had some weight lifting and activity restrictions for another 4 weeks.
The night before my return she texted me to say “Just wanted to be sure you are still returning tomorrow so I can meet you in the garage.” FFS – I just had surgery! And due to my restrictions, the last thing I wanted to do was have her hanging on me!
I told her last week this was exhausting and she needed to find a way to get around on her own, see a new doctor, use her cane, anything. She’s angry at me now and said since I was her friend I should be willing to do this for her.
But it’s unnecessarily disrupting my work and personal schedule. AITJ for telling her she needs to figure something else out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You helped her until it became a burden – not to mention she was presuming you’d be at her beck and call for this indefinitely which was terribly rude and inappropriate, not to mention inconsiderate, of her.
Does she really think a practical answer to this problem is to be physically aided throughout the day by her coworkers? Friendly or not, you have work to do and are there to do work specifically. I suggest you talk to your manager or hers.
The workplace should be providing some accommodations for her physical disability but I’m sure there are also reasonable expectations as to what assistive devices she is using for herself, being a walker, cane, wheelchair, or other device, and the workplace is NOT obligated to assign another worker to physically offer assistance, in fact they and you probably don’t want the liability of doing so!
You’ve behaved appropriately thus far but it is time to draw a firm boundary and stop physically assisting. If it ruins your friendship, so be it. If she raises a stink, bring a complaint to HR immediately.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You are not her personal body chaperone and she shouldn’t expect such a high level of physical help from you all the time.
Also, you shouldn’t have been helping her to that extent in the first place. You are not giving her knee the support it needs, your friend leaning on people to walk is likely making the knee joint worse due to the awkward angle you have to learn to walk with someone.
She needs a crutch (much better support than a cane) and she needs to learn to deal with the fact she needs a crutch.” GrandOpening2
Another User Comments:
“HR should have been involved long ago. This is a workplace injury waiting to happen (yours) and Anna should have been discussing her disability with them to determine whether an accommodation could be made.
Is Anna’s manager aware of this craziness? They should have called HR. You were right to put an end to this – it’s not safe for her or you and goes way beyond the call of duty. Let HR know if they don’t already, then bow out.” NGDGUnpunished
17. AITJ For Telling My Older Sister We Can't Hang Out Because Our Mom Is Mad At Her?
“I have 6 siblings, 2 older sisters, 1 older brother, 1 younger brother, and 2 younger sisters. My older siblings and younger brother are my dad’s kids while my younger sisters are both my mom and dad’s kids.
Back in the early 2010s, my father went to jail for selling substances, while my dad was in jail my mom was unfaithful to him with some guy. They broke up when he got back but remained friends because my dad had been unfaithful to her back in the day while she was pregnant with my little sister.
He got a new partner who didn’t like my mom a few years later and their relationship turned sour, separating me and my younger sisters from our older siblings.
I, a 17-year-old female, used to be close with my Sister, 23 years old, a long time ago as we visited regularly.
But, as one does, once she graduated she left for the military for a few years and once coming back, she wanted to travel. She goes around the world and posts it on her Instagram. She’s been to Jamaica, Dubai, the Dominican Republic, Aruba, and even the Bahamas.
When she is at home, she’ll try and take us places. Well, this time was no different, she called me to ask if I and our younger sisters wanted to go on a picnic. We excitedly said yes and spent the next hour getting our hair done and getting dressed. Once the time she was supposed to come rolled around, I texted her asking if she was nearby.
She didn’t answer but then texted that she wouldn’t be able to come for some reason. Not gonna lie, I was disappointed. My mom was sitting on the couch and just said “I told ya’ll she wouldn’t come. Next time she asks you to come over, tell her no so she can be disappointed like she made all.”
I am not a spiteful person at all, I can’t be mean even if I tried, it usually turns into some cringy kid roast like “you’re dumb” or something lol. A few hours later, my big sister texted me saying her car had broken down and she had switched cars with her partner and if we still wanted to go on the picnic.
Here is where I may be the jerk. I texted her “No, Mom said we can’t go because she is mad at you.” My mom was indeed mad at her and I didn’t lie or anything, I’m a bad liar and I didn’t want to just say “No.” flat out because that may hurt her feelings.
Later, my mom called me into her room to ask me what I told my big sister. I told her what I had said and she replied “Well you might as well have told her everything else I said” while half joking.
That night, my mom called me into her room angrily, made my stepdad leave the room, and told me to close the door… while we were alone in the room, she began to yell at me and curse me out.
She told me I had no business telling my older sister that she was mad at her and that even if it was true, I didn’t have to say that. I was holding back tears while confused because earlier she had no problem with it but now she does?
She told me that my older sister was texting her while hurt and asking her why she was mad. I left to cry in my room after. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom is a jerk and (it sounds like) forced you to be/turned you into one.
But something’s not adding up: It sounds like your sister had a valid reason for not being able to come, but texted to say that she wouldn’t be able to come “for some reason”? When you found out that her car had broken down, but she found an alternate car, why didn’t you just go to the picnic as previously agreed and you were looking forward to?” RanchBaganch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You wanted to go on a picnic. She wanted to take you. Her car broke down and she scrambled to find alternative transportation. You punished her for canceling for a completely legitimate reason even though she went out of her way to make it all work.
And your mom truly is a jerk for saying no without hearing the reason as to what actually happened.” inFinEgan
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Back My Mom's 150k Student Loan She Took Out For Me?
“This will be a long one, but basically, my mom took out 150k in student loans in her name for me because I told her I would pay her back once I graduated. I was 17 and naive, and truly did believe I would be wealthy once I got a big girl job.
Around 1 and a half years into college, I realized just how naive I was, and worked my tail off for scholarships that paid for my final 2 years in full. Now, for the type of loan she has (ParentPLUS), I’m not sure what the repayment looks like, but she had told me a long time ago she was paying for it, so I assumed she was doing just that.
However, I got a text from her yesterday saying “Why did {stepdad} receive an email with my name at the top saying I would have to start paying for your loans in October? I thought your scholarship covered this all. Fix this ASAP” So naturally I started freaking out and haven’t stopped since.
I would totally at least try to pay them if I could, however I live in a large Northeastern city making $15 an hour. I have been able to save up a little every month, but now that will all be going to my loans starting in October.
I haven’t talked to her since her message, but I expect a phone call soon, and all I know to tell her is that the loans are in her name and I can’t pay them back.
Now here’s where I may be the biggest jerk in existence.
Although I planned on being the one to pay them back, I now believe she should. She was not a great mother to me, including never taking me to the doctor (meaning I went into medical debt once I finally went when I was 17). She did keep a roof over my head, feed me, and buy me Christmas presents, and I’m sure there are many costs I’m not aware of when raising a child, but my dad also pays close to, if not, $1,000 monthly in child support, which he continued to pay after I turned 18, because my mom told him she was going to give me an allowance while I was in college.
I have not seen a single cent of this. Also, she is paid over $100,000 (along with stepdad’s salary of $100,000), owns 4 cars, and she and my stepdad frequently buys each other lavish gifts because they can (most recently being a bearded dragon they now keep as a pet).
So am I the jerk for refusing to pay a single cent back for student loans? I am worried that she will cut me off or refinance the loan in my name, which is not beneath her in the slightest. Unsure if I should give her some slack and pay back as much as I can because it was my careless mistake, or if she should pay them since she has enough money to do so.”
Another User Comments:
“The American college system is messed up, but I also knew at 18 I’d never be able to pay off 150k and that’s too much money to expect someone to just spot you for. Your reasoning is poor too, you knew all that stuff about your mom prior to the decision so it really has no weight here.
Major YTJ if you’re gonna use your mom just do it, but asking if it makes you a jerk lacks some real self-awareness which doesn’t surprise me with your decision making this far.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Legally, you can’t consent to a contract at 17, so you’re off the hook from that perspective.
She also can’t just give you the debt now without your consent, so her refinancing in your name without your knowledge isn’t what I’d be most concerned about. Realistically, from everything you’ve said about your mom, she is most likely to even if not completely cutting you off, back up from you if you refuse to pay anything… Do you spend holidays with her?
Talk to her regularly? How would you feel if you were no contact? If that’s something you would care about, then I would ask her about a repayment plan where you could pay a percentage of her payments now and increase them over time as your salary increases… Also, the fact that anyone has to go into 6 figure debt in this country to be educated is off the charts ridiculous.” kissmy10000face
15. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Anger Over Her Old Name?
“My sister and I were both given nature names by our parents. My sister used to be Lark and I’m Indigo (named after the plant). Our mom changed her name to a nature name when she was 19. For our parents, our names needed to be easy to say and spell but they wanted uncommon names.
My sister was never super fond of her name. But around the age of 16, she got really annoyed by her name and told our parents she wanted to change it. They offered her support and asked if she wanted to change it then or wait.
She decided to change her name then but couldn’t decide what she wanted to be so she waited. She ended up changing her name at 20 to a more common and classic/timeless name. Think Emily or Elizabeth. At the time she changed her name, my sister said we should both change our names and send a message to our parents that they messed up.
I told her I loved my name so wouldn’t be changing it. She asked me if I didn’t want an ordinary name and I said no.
Fast forward to today and my sister met up with an old friend of hers from school. This friend was not around when my sister changed her name.
So when they first met up, she was still calling her Lark. My sister corrected her and the friend accepted it. My sister came to my house the very next day and said that her friend had acted so surprised to hear she changed her name.
She asked the friend why and the friend said she always thought we had the coolest names and she was always so jealous and it surprised her that she didn’t like the name.
While my sister was at my house, she got so angry about what her friend had said.
She even took me aback with the venom she spoke with. She was like how could anyone prefer Lark to “current name” and why would anyone be jealous of a dumb name like it? She told me she despises when people compliment her name or when she has to correct people who don’t know her name today.
This isn’t the first time my sister got annoyed with people who were shocked that she changed her name and it’s not the first time she has admitted wanting to yell in the face of someone who complimented her old name. This time was the most angry she got though.
But it has been a thing for 5 years now.
My sister kept ranting away and then she started saying our parents were bad parents who only thought of themselves and not us. I told her she needed to calm down because she didn’t like her name and they supported her in changing it.
But I love my name and our parents made no mistake in naming me. She told me I probably loved her old name too and also didn’t understand her changing it and she was starting to mess with me and everything when I told her that she was too extreme about the thought that some people would like her old name.
I also pointed out that she ASKED the friend why she was surprised and all the friends were honest. I told her she has the name she chose now but it’s not healthy to be so irrationally angry over this.
My sister didn’t take it well and I feel like I should have seen this coming.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister seems pretty traumatised about her old name. Maybe sit down with her in order to understand. Maybe she was picked out at school for it or something. She needs help saying goodbye for good to the past (and the ex-name).
Please be patient with her. I know a lot of people with unusual names and sometimes it’s just really hard during childhood and teenage years.” Green_Property3559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister needs therapy and anger management. To be honest, it sounds like she was hoping for more pushback from your parents so that she could “properly” rebel.
She’s disappointed, consciously or otherwise, that your parents supported her instead, and now she’s looking for that fight with people who say they liked the old name.” author124
Another User Comments:
“The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here! Your sister doesn’t resent her name, she resents her entire childhood.
She resents your parents, she resents the way she was raised, and she resents their entire philosophy and approach to life. I can’t tell you what the origin of *that* is, but I will say that siblings frequently have very different experiences growing up despite being under the same roof with the same family.
She sounds like she feels really alone in the world, and the name thing is where she’s put her focus, maybe because it’s something she can control. Maybe she’s upset, irrationally so to your eyes, because the one thing she was able to do for herself as an adult has been rebuked by everyone instead of being affirmed as a good thing she did for herself.
That would really start to eat away at me too if I were in a similar situation.” saucisse
14. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Husband Because He's A Great Provider?
“My husband is a great provider. He pays all the bills. But he has lied and gaslighted me for years. I caught him a few times last year, once coming out of a woman’s home and in April, being unfaithful with a girl.
He went to rehab only because family and friends found out about it. He treated me like absolute junk leading up to rehab. His last words to me before it were “Forget you”. I was less than a year postpartum through. He came out of rehab.
I tried to be supportive. But I found hair ties that did not belong to me in the guest bed. He blamed his female friends in the neighborhood, saying they got ready here once. I let him know his friendship with these girls made me uncomfortable.
If they are ok coming into a home where his wife is absent and leaving their stuff everywhere, they have no respect for me. He seemed remorseful and said he understood.
This lasted a week. It became apparent that my healing was not important to him and that I had to stop bringing up his unfaithfulness or he wouldn’t be with me.
He went to the birthdays of these girls and did not invite me even though their s/o’s were there. If I ever spoke up for myself it was met with “When have you ever treated me like a husband?” “You’re childish and need to move on and stop bringing up the past”.
One of our rules was that he could not follow new women and like their pictures because this was a huge issue in our relationship. He met a friend of one of the girls at her bday, she ended up following him. He did not follow her back but made sure to like her pictures.
He gets furious if I post a picture of myself ever. He did not like it and unfollowed me because I posted a picture of me.
Now he is short with me, and does not spend any time with me because I am “a jerk”.
And maybe I am. I tend to harp or even berate his mistakes because of everything. I can see how miserable that is. I am upset because he never wants to spend time with me. He says that if I change my attitude he will do things with me.
He won’t share his location, even refused to share it for a “boys’ trip” and did not communicate with me because he “needed space”. I asked him yesterday if he was going to Trivia (I am off every Wed, but he goes with these girls).
I told him 3 separate times “Well okay just let me know and I will maybe go watch a movie”. I came home and he was not there. It was my final straw. I confronted him, and he called me insane, and immature, told me to grow up, etc.
I told him I refuse to be with a man who will not make an effort with me until I make an effort first or that I need to pursue him and initiate intimacy because “I have made him feel unloved and unattractive” our whole relationship.
He will not cater to my wants or needs because he went to rehab and did what he had to do and that should be enough I need to give him what he wants first for me to get what I need in return.
AITJ for not forgiving his unfaithfulness?
And not initiating everything first since he pays all the bills and is a great provider?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s being unfaithful. Him getting mad at you for posting and unfollowing? He’s scared you’ll find someone and move on before he does. He’s acting jealous of you, instead of seeing you as a partner.
Drop him. I promise you, you can find better. You DESERVE better. NTJ to anyone except to yourself.” BoopNoodles_
Another User Comments:
“This is why women being encouraged to focus on finding a provider is so dangerous. Men who look for women who will be financially dependent on them know that a) it’s a way to trap them and b) as “traditional” men they frequently have extremely patriarchal views and expectations where they frankly don’t respect their dependent partner as an equal, and their actions reflect that.
NTJ and don’t cave into his nonsense, there’s nothing salvageable here.” Raccoonsr29
Another User Comments:
“I don’t even know what to say. If I were your husband and I had to wake up every day and look in the mirror knowing I did all this stuff I don’t know how I would continue living.
You need to get out of this environment asap for you and your kid/kids. I promise you that your family will suffer so much less if you two are separated. Being a kid growing up in a dysfunctional marriage is so much worse than having separated parents.
I know it’s not as easy as “just leaving him” especially in your situation, but I genuinely don’t think there’s any way towards a functional life that doesn’t involve leaving this man. Don’t teach him that he can just keep doing this to you because he thinks you will just stay with him anyway.
That dude has no business being with you or anyone decent. NTJ by the way. I can promise you as someone who lived in an abusive relationship that he will not change or get better and stuff will just keep crumbling until you do something about it” pentichan
13. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Freeloading Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“I 20F have a brother 22M who moved in with me and my husband when we bought our first house in April 2022.
Everything was going great I love my brother (we’ll call him Mat and his partner will be B, not real names). During Christmas of 2022, Mat introduced B 25F to the family and both partake in a major milestone in my family’s life (My proposal/engagement to a long-time friend).
Everyone thought she was so sweet but was having trouble getting full on her feet after dropping out of high school, ruining her credit, getting divorced, and having a 3-year-old. Eventually, my husband and I welcomed her, her 3-year-old, and her dog into our home despite my mother telling me it was a horrible idea throughout the whole ordeal (now knowing even 2 months into the living situation I should have listened).
Throughout the whole time she lived with us has never kept a job longer than a week but somehow has paid rent every month until recently.
Maybe 1 month into B living in my house they made an announcement, and low and behold they were pregnant.
After being together for 2 weeks they were pregnant. We told B multiple times to get a job before she’s too far along and before she’s not likely to get hired because she’s so far along. B never once kept a job or had even taken and GED test like she said she was going to.
Throughout the next 7 months, all B has done is complain, whine, demand, manipulate, neglect, and complain about anything and everything. B has done horrible things to Mat stealing his money to gamble, pawning off her kid to him, making him pay for everything, and threatening to leave the whole 9 yards.
B never helped around the house, sleeps all day, uses every dish in the house, and never does dishes.
On Monday at 8 AM my husband and I got home from work and B is packing bags and saying she leaving for her mother’s and is taking the kid and dog not knowing when or if she’ll be back and had not told Mat anything yet.
We told B she needed to tell him before doing anything to be a decent human being. We’ve threatened to kick her out multiple times before for threatening to leave out of anger and emotion and also at this point is behind on rent. My husband and I are just sick of her games at this point and her using Mat for his money I was ready to tell her to pack her stuff and leave since she has a place to go.
I wanted to wait to get my mom’s opinion and our first phone call made me feel like my mom was on B’s side but she wanted to talk to Mat about it. Just now I got off the 2nd phone call with my mom and is more on our side now, but still saying to let it play out between Mat and B.
I’m really having a hard time dealing with the stress/anger of the situation to the point it makes me physically ill. I just want her out of my house and back to my stress-free happy life with my brother and husband and possibly newborn on the way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a full-grown adult and needs to take responsibility for her actions. If she’s leaving on her own, let her. You’ve already had that discussion with her about her obligation to speak to your brother as he’s also responsible for the upcoming kid.
You did everything you could and repeating yourself is not something you should have to do if you were crystal clear the 1st time around. In case of any custody issue, Mat can check with a lawyer for what his options are for the future kid, depending on the custody claims that’ll happen upon separation because come on: If he’s any kind of smart, he won’t be staying long with that B.
And what she’s doing now, is to his advantage, and you’ll be the witness of that. I know everything I said sounds overly rational, but I just feel like you need to care for yourself more as well. Your life matters, you can’t control everything, and that’s okay.
You did your best.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and let her go. Let her go NOW since this sounds like a game she is playing to get your brother’s attention. If she is in the house when he learns she is leaving you might be stuck with her forever.
Once she leaves CHANGE the locks and do NOT let her back in, even if she is back with your brother.” EvaLittle
12. AITJ For Wanting To Put My Disabled Husband In Long-Term Care?
“For the last 20 years, my husband has been unable to work due to a disability. He has gotten worse and now spends the day in bed. If he gets out he uses a wheelchair.
I have tried to get him to work with a physical therapist to increase his mobility, but he refuses to do any exercises on his own.
One of the factors is his weight. He has always been a big guy, but since he has been unable to work he has ballooned. We have always worked together on building the shopping list, and I do pick up as I know I have an issue with impulse shopping, but I do not cook.
I’ve had too many comparisons to hockey pucks and spackle and won’t anymore, so if he wants something he has to prepare it himself. I’ve had one doctor try to blame me for him being overweight, but I don’t remember ever force-feeding him so I don’t know where he got that idea.
He also has issues with depression and outbursts (he denies this, but he goes through mice on a regular basis as his response to frustration is to beat them against his table). I have issues of my own and this does not help. I am on medication, but living with him has become increasingly difficult emotionally.
Here is where I feel I may be a jerk. I came to the conclusion late last year that I couldn’t do this anymore. He does very little for himself aside from food prep. If I misstate something (particularly if it has to do with money) he jumps all over me.
I don’t like being around him anymore, which breaks my heart because I do love him.
I have tried speaking with his home health service and they told me that if he went into the hospital they would see about getting him into long-term care.
A couple of weeks ago he had to go to the hospital due to a really bad skin infection that had popped up while I was gone for a couple of days. When I got home and saw how bad it was I asked him to at least call his doctor, but he insisted it was no big deal and he would see her on Tuesday (5 days).
I talked to my mother about it for some advice (she’s a nurse who said he needed to go to the hospital – he said no). He finally saw his doctor (a new one who treated him like he had the plague or lice) who said she would call in a prescription and if it got worse to go to the ER.
We both wound up in the hospital, him for his sores and me about a week later for a mental breakdown from the stress as a result. He is now in rehab because I refused to go home (cause I can’t take care of him anymore) and have moved in with my mother.
He will be there for 100 days or so while I fight with the powers that be about getting him the care he actually needs such as long-term care or some sort of assisted living, somewhere where he can get properly taken care of, an appropriate diet, and physical therapy.
I just want proper care for him and maybe (unlikely as it is) reach the point where I can have my husband back and not an oversized infant (that’s what our relationship is like right now.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While his disability isn’t his fault, there are things he could do to improve or be a partner rather than rely on you as a caretaker because he won’t do the few things he can.
It may be depression that’s holding him back but you can’t help him, especially if the burden is affecting you so much.” November-8485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in LTC and the people who refuse to do anything for themselves are the ones who end up there (especially at younger ages).
What are you supposed to do, carry him to the bathroom? Assisted living is private pay, so that’s out unless you have the 6-10k a month for it. How he does in rehab will be very telling. PT will really push him and maybe being there will be his wake-up call that he doesn’t want to stay permanently.
Hopefully, he can get some help with the mental health side at some point too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. And it must be excruciatingly frustrating to be helping someone who isn’t helping themselves.
Is there a therapist you both can go to explain how far at your wits end you are, ie you will be leaving and/or putting him into care if he doesn’t change his approach, outlook, and behavior.” BrizzleBearPig
11. AITJ For Giving My Depressed Brother Tough Love?
“Flashback to 25 years old fully addicted to partying and no one in my family talks to me not even my brother, said I made my bed and now lie in it as I couch surf barely more than homeless. Thank goodness I met a girl who saw something in me and somehow stayed with me through these times.
Fast forward 3 years. I am 28, proposed to my partner of 8 years, and held a great construction job for 3 years. My brother had a baby with his partner. After 1.5 years she reveals it is not his and she bolts town.
Fast forward present day. I am 34.
My now wife and I have 2 kids, I am a foreman at the same company and have a house. (Surprise suddenly my family wants me in their lives now that I’m not an embarrassment) My brother went from ripped to fat, rich to broke, organized house to a pig pen.
Left his job and has no money or prospects. My wife and I drive him around last year or so as his truck has no insurance. He owes me 800$ and god knows how much my parents lend him. I am pretty sure Bank wants his house, which smells like cat urine and beer.
I set him up with a job interview at a welding shop (he was an x-ray technician for 15 years) and he didn’t show. He is still depressed over his daughter being taken away.
I am empathetic as that was my niece for a year and a half and it was devastating.
But that was 6 years ago, he was seeing a psychiatrist and on meds now he does neither, he doesn’t apply anywhere, he just sits there in self-pity and rots. I won’t even take my kids there anymore it’s so gross. So the other day I was driving him to get groceries and asked how the interview went (knowing he didn’t show).
He says the lady was rude and he didn’t think they would call.
I lost it. I told myself I had tried the be kind just be there for him approach for years and he needed some tough love. I said along the lines “She is an amazing person.
It’s you who is the rude one because you didn’t show up. You sit and wallow in your filth while everyone who loves you bends over backward to meet your every need. I miss (his daughter) too and that wound won’t heal but you need to wake up.
Get off your backside and take control. The whole family including you abandoned me at my worst but here I am your chauffeur. Wake up and stop being a loser”
So now everyone is mad at ME. He told my parents (who live 8 hrs away) they said I was heartless and my other brother (49yr) who lives 6 hours away said that was a scummy thing for a brother to say.
My wife is on my side as always she is a saint. Fellas find yourself a partner like mine, I would OD in a ditch with no one at my funeral 10 years ago without her. I am the youngest at 34 and here I am the black sheep again somehow.
This was mostly a vent session he hasn’t called me since. I went and checked on him to make sure he didn’t do something stupid. Nope still sitting there playing games. Am I the jerk my family has tried to make me feel like my whole life??”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, but I’ll go with NTJ. You weren’t just dishing out “tough love” for the sake of it. You hooked him up with a job interview, he refused to go, then lied about it and called your contact rude.
In other words, he fully admitted (without realizing he was doing so) that he has no intention of changing and is just planning on living off the kindness and sacrifices of others, including you. Anyone would react under the same circumstances, and he needed to hear what you had to say.
Your family is only enabling him by blaming you.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This guy has had enablers for his whole life. You’re one of them now. Quit doing anything for him. If the family is so concerned about him, let them move him to where they live.
If they won’t do it, move him yourself and let your brother & parents deal with him. Tell them you think a change of scenery might be good for him…………. Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“100% YTJ. “Addicted to partying” aka you were a bum and got some tough love.
Your behavior was caused by irresponsibility. Your brother got his heart ripped out and stepped on by a totally rude woman. It’s going to be almost impossible for him to trust anyone now. Now that you’ve gotten a decent break in life you can be self-righteous?
Glad you’ve found a partner in crime with your wife but if she’s not telling you to check your attitude she’s either oblivious or lying.” Opportunistic12
10. AITJ For Leaving My Parents Early To Attend A Planned DnD Session?
“About 1 week ago, my friend group was going to meet up to play DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) together, we ended up having to cancel and reschedule for today for multiple reasons, including me being back up at my parents.
I have moved about 100 miles away from home and my parents were bringing down some of the rest of my stuff yesterday, as far as I was aware they were leaving this morning, so assumed that everything was ok for the DnD session tonight.
Yesterday they arrived, helped me and my partner move into our new place and then we went to a pub.
We had food and drinks and were there for roughly 6 ish hours, they also told us that they were staying an extra night. This was when we realized with my dad’s drinking habits, he would have us out at the same time as the DnD session.
Now, the easy answer would be to just tell them that we already have plans, but my dad doesn’t consider DnD a plan and that it’s something that can just be moved around. We are a group of 5, so getting everyone together at the right time is difficult, we had found a day and time that worked for everyone and we are all relying on each other to show up.
Today, I spent all day in the city, going around shops and getting a meal with my parents, my partner wasn’t with us so it was just me spending time with them. We then got back, had an hour, and then met back up with them to go to a different pub from yesterday, but still a pub.
At this point, I had 3 hours until the session started and figured that would be enough time to be out with them.
2 and a half hours pass and my partner and I stand up and say we’re going to get going as we have a DnD session to get to.
My dad immediately gets mad and my mom gets upset. My dad was saying “We traveled 100 miles to get to you and spend time with you and you just want to leave” and my mam was saying “We never see you, we just want to spend time with you” I explained that I had something planned, and that I was tired anyway and didn’t want to drink but that just made my dad worse.
He went to the restroom and I spoke with my mam a bit, we ended up deciding we would have to stay a bit longer, so I went to the bar to get a drink. My dad comes back from the restroom, comes to the bar, and says to me “We’re not coming back down here, I spent over £200 to come to see you and you just want to leave!
Just leave then.” At this point, I’m almost crying, but I don’t, and I walk back to the table and sit down again.
Neither I or my partner wanted to be out, my partner doesn’t like drinking booze and I couldn’t be bothered to. But they just wouldn’t let us leave without making me feel super guilty.
We had been back to theirs for 10 days, my dad spent the entire time out in the pub, my mam watching TV. They didn’t try and do anything with me then, but suddenly tonight we had to.
I’ve just been sitting here, after getting home and to the DnD group an hour late, feeling guilty and that I should have spent more time with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Spending that much time at a pub, and the way your dad acted, just sounds like he doesn’t want to be alone while drinking. It also seems like your dad may have a bit of a heavy drinking problem but that is for you and your family to decide.
There is no winning with parents who use guilt to get their way and do not see other people’s perspectives, trust me I know, so all you can really do is set your boundaries and be honest, if your parents get upset and try to guilty you into doing things, just remember you do not live with them anymore and you can do whatever you want.” Monster_Cookie420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents can’t just spring a surprise extended stay on you and expect you to magically be available the entire time. How can they expect you to drop everything and make time for them, when (according to your past experience visiting you) they don’t seem to really value spending time with you anyway?” bobbaylienandeo
9. AITJ For Firing My Dog Trainer After He Shoplifted While Training My Service Dog?
“I have MSA-multiple system atrophy. I decided several months ago to get a service dog and begin training with a trainer before I got too sick. Being on limited funds due to my illness and on short-term disability I looked for someone who could train the dog and me so I could work with her as well and save money.
Found a local person, researched him, and met with other owners and dogs he has trained.
Eventually, we moved from board and train to me having her full-time and seeing him once a week. He started flaking out on training in early July. I was giving him some leeway because he did rescue the entire litter, train, and rehome them.
My dog was his favorite and I was giving him space and time to process the change of me taking her full time. I was trying to respect his feelings. I finally got to the point where I told him we really needed to do an outing so he could teach the dog and me some new things to work on.
He called and asked if I would help him pick up his car from the mechanic and we could train at a store nearby. I said sure because at this point I was going to take any training time I could get. We get to the mechanic, but the car is not ready so we go to the store.
He had just moved into a new home and while you do not traditionally fully shop while training, we were trying to do 2 things at once. Plus give the dog some time to train with a cart and lots of stops to shop. He picks things for his new home.
After an hour I told him I was getting tired, the dog and I needed dinner, and my tremors were getting worse. I was getting pretty weak. I still had a 40-minute drive home.
We walk towards the front, I tell him I’m going to take the dog to the car while he checks out.
I was getting too weak to wait for checkout. He says ok but leave the dog because I want to work on place and tuck while checking out. I go to the door and he heads towards the checkouts. I get in the car and head towards the front.
Just as I pull up he is walking out – with store security chasing him. He just walked out of the store with the cart full and my dog. Totally confused I’m like what just happened? A 2nd cop starts yelling at me to stop, I do.
I get escorted back in. As I sit in their little room I watch this guy on TV run back and forth from the police WITH my service dog across the parking lot. Took 3 cop cars to block him in to get him to finally stop!!
Eventually, the store cut me and the dog loose because it was obvious I had nothing to do with it. The only good thing he did was to tell the police I had nothing to do with it- even if he only said it barely audible once.
But as I was leaving with my dog he had the nerve to ask me to take his personal stuff to his house. No! And you’re fired.
Today I got a text from a random number telling me I was a jerk for abandoning someone like that.
How am I in any way the bad guy here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have and could have fired him after flaking on sessions and you still wouldn’t be a jerk. Why would you trust him again?” Juliagoolia96
8. AITJ For Cutting Off My Financially Irresponsible Brother After He Used My Credit Card?
“I, (23, M), my brother (30, M) we’ve been very united since I can remember. But it turns out my brother is troublesome, especially when money is involved. In the beginning, my mother received some money and decided to share it with us (the values are not in dollars, so it will be a little bit, but it’s a fair amount of money, not that much).
She gave me 10k, and 18k for each of my brothers. It’s not a problem to have earned less, there was a very fair reason for that, which is beside the point.
My brother and I have lived together since 2019 and after he received the money he spent it going out to parties, paying things for friends, buying stuff for him, and traveling.
He was never a credit card person, so since he got that money he used mine, and at one point my bill had 3k, and he just turned to me and said that his money was over, and I had to pay out of my pocket to clean my credit card.
Altogether he spent this 18k in 6 months after receiving it from our mother. I got angry, but I’m not a materialistic person, I just paid and kept quiet, it’s not something I would lose my nights over, I would never fight a brother over money.
Last year, he got an ok job, which paid approximately 3k, and as a student, I only received money from my parents to pay rent and groceries, otherwise, I had to manage, but despite that, I had no source of money. I held it for a while with the money I had received until it was over, and after that, he held the forts, so I never charged the card money he owed. But despite that, he continued to use my credit card and he got so out of control that the day he had to pay the bills for the house he didn’t have a penny in his pocket, and I had to use my card to pay.
Honestly, at that time my credit card saved my life, but that’s okay, at the end of the year it paid off all the debts on the card, and it was zero. In the time that passed, I didn’t mind him using my card, because I had no income, and whatever he wanted to do was his problem as long as he paid, and he really paid.
In March, he took my card and spent recklessly, saying he would pay it back. The problem is that my card started accumulating a snowball of interest, and when a high bill arrived, he simply gave me the rent money (and nothing else) and told me to split the payment and carry it over to the next month.
I have a job now, I receive a low income but enough for me to spend. I would like to use my credit card, but my limit remained stagnant because of the snowballs he created. I lost patience and applied for a large loan at the bank and paid off household bills that I delayed because of him, and my credit card.
I divided the loan into months and sat down with him to say that I wouldn’t lend my credit card anymore and he would have to pay. He agreed. The loan was expensive, but I don’t care because I won’t be the one paying it back.
I decided to move when the new year comes, no longer living with him or supporting him financially.”
Another User Comments:
“Okay might get some hate but ESH When you heard he had burnt through that money you should not have allowed him to drag your credit rating into the mud.
I think you both are to blame in fairness him more so than you. I know it’s difficult to provide tough love to an older sibling but sometimes it’s the only course of action that benefits both parties.” RsHoneyBadger
Another User Comments:
“Oh no NTJ your brother for sure is the jerk taking advantage of you like that and then not taking responsibility, wasn’t it him that was the older one?
To spend 18K in 6 months…You did the right thing in moving out and leaving him behind In the future lend no one money like that, and let no one use your card. You should have canceled it after a certain point so he would be left embarrassed when he couldn’t pay for goods as the card declined. Did you draft up a contract or just get his agreement verbally?
If there is time get it in writing and have some witnesses sign it. That way if he tries to go back on his word – I know sounds extreme- but you can sue him if he comes after you for anything. Your case will be stronger as you have the signed contract agreement.” Duckie_plantmom
7. AITJ For Not Attending My Cousin's Destination Wedding Due To Financial Constraints?
“My (F 22) cousin (F 25) is getting married in Hawaii. We were fairly close growing up even though we don’t live in the same state. When we got older we would have times where we would talk every day and then sometimes not for months.
My cousin and I were fairly close last spring. She and her fiancé came to my graduation and I told them I would be at their wedding no matter what! Fast forward a few months later when they announced their wedding was going to be in Hawaii and would be the following year.
I still was thinking I would be going and started planning loosely in my head how it would go.
I was not really considering the expenses for the trip at the time because I worked at a job where I could get work off and work overtime to put some extra money aside.
I’m going to be honest here and say I already had a bunch of debt at the time and was still racking it up.
I mentioned to my cousin and I had mentioned to her that my partner and I were gonna try to come out for the wedding.
This is when she mentioned that my partner was NOT invited and that I did not have a plus one. But she mentioned that it’s just a small ceremony in the morning and then there’s a dinner at night that is optional to attend.
She said he could definitely come to Hawaii but would have to wait back at the hotel or in the car during the ceremony.
Obviously my partner was not happy about this because he would be using his PTO to go on this vacation for a wedding he was not invited to.
At this point, I knew none of my other family were attending because they couldn’t afford to fly out there and pay for hotels, so I really could only go by myself which isn’t ideal because I have a fear of flying. A couple of months later I ended up moving in with my partner and out of my parent’s house.
This is when I had a HUGE wake-up call with how I was spending my money. I now had to pay some bills and somehow pay off all my debt at the same time. I also left my old job because of a toxic workplace and started a new job that was not so flexible with taking time off.
It was at this point that I realized unless I wanted to put a trip to Hawaii on my credit card, there was no way I was going to be attending.
I knew my cousin would be mad because when she found out my mom wasn’t going she was talking to me about it and was very upset.
I ended up telling her I wasn’t going to be coming and she stated that I was her best friend that I told her I would be there no matter what and that she was disappointed. I told her that I understood she was upset but there’s just really no way I can afford it and that I was sorry.
It made me upset that she was calling me her best friend because for a while she had been visiting my city and not telling me and then posting on social media that she was here. No “Hey I’m coming into town, wanna hang out” or anything.
This had already made me feel like our relationship didn’t matter.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who throws a destination wedding needs to understand that the trade-off is that not as many people will be able to come. Financial issues, getting time off work, childcare, fear of travel, etc. all make attending such a wedding much harder than a local one.
I realize you committed at one point and then kind of backed out, but that was after finding out your BF wasn’t invited, a job change, and basically going into recovery for shopping addiction. These are not small reasons!” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your job, relationship & financial security all come first. That your mother (& I presume other family members/friends) isn’t attending due to cost ought to be a wake-up call.
Add to her having been in town & not only not contacting you, but then posting the trips to social media w/o evidently caring that you’d see it suggests she doesn’t value your friendship as much anymore. Then there’s the issue of not inviting a partner who’s clearly an important presence in your life.
Sure, if you could go without blowing up your job & financial situation, you should go. But credit card balances are the cancer of indebtedness. Financial recovery starts with paying down & eliminating credit card debt. So I think you’re right to sit this one out & let the chips fall where they may.” Spiritual_Frosting60
6. AITJ For Unplugging The Security Camera My Partner Refuses To Share The Password For?
“So yesterday my(26F) partner (26M) came home with a security camera that records, has audio, and you can talk through it.
He said he got it so he could watch our pets throughout the day when we were away. We’ve been together 8 years and have had very rocky low points in our relationship but over the last yea,r things were great, except for yesterday.
He has tried this before and I told him I didn’t like the idea of having a camera up in our apartment, not that I’m doing anything I wouldn’t want him to know about I just don’t like the idea of being watched (I am home earlier/leave later for work than he is).
With the first one, he agreed to only plug it in when we are on vacation.
I reminded him that I wasn’t on board with having a camera in the house, and if we do I want the login access to the security camera also.
He didn’t really say yes or no so I just let it go. He got it set up so I asked for the login and he “forgot” what the password was. This made no sense to me so I kept pushing. Then his story changed and said “Well if I give you the login will log me out” which honestly I don’t think is the case, and even if it was, Just log back in when you want to.
I told him until he gets the password figured out, we will not be using the camera. He just brushed it off and said “Fine whatever”. I feel like I should have just left it alone, but have bipolar and haven’t been able to afford my medication, so I had a complete breakdown.
I started questioning why he’s been so distant from me lately and refuses to show me affection unless I ask for it. I felt like he was hiding something or being suspicious with the camera, it was weird to me that he refused to share the password.
He told me that he was struggling with work, his truck broke down money was tight and he was just very overwhelmed. I asked him what I could do to help, and why he didn’t keep me in the loop with these things and he said it was because he would rather just deal with the situation on his own and have complete control and not have to talk about it.
Then regarding the camera, he got really defensive and was like “Why am I automatically the bad guy here? Why are you accusing me of doing something wrong when I just want to check on my animals throughout the day? Why is all of this falling on me and my fault?” And honestly, I didn’t know how to respond because I did feel like he was doing something suspicious with the camera.
He reluctantly held me while
I sobbed until we fell asleep.
Then this morning I woke up and the camera was plugged back in. I was furious and unplugged it. I called him and asked him why he plugged it back in and he said that he thought I was going to work so it would be okay to use it while I’m out of the house.
And I said that’s not the point, the point is you’re refusing to give me the password and i told you I wasn’t comfortable using it AT ALL until you “remember” what the password is. He got upset with me once again and cut the conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is like a bingo card of red flags –he’s tried this before and he knows you don’t like it –he tries to misdirect you by “forgetting” the password but still keeping it plugged in but won’t give you the passcode at all –gaslights you when you ask about the camera again –denies you affection and doesn’t seemingly answer the real reason why he wants this camera above all your objections –moves the goalposts from “pets on vacation” to “when you’re out of the house” –doesn’t communicate / his reasons don’t make any sense Your husband is hiding something major from you, all this behavior is inexplicable and concerning.
Sounds like he’s trying to spy on you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something here is super suspicious. If he’s struggling financially, why is a camera important? Where did he put the camera? (if he wants to check in on the pets, there are pet cameras to do that.
There are even some that will give treats. We have one of those and put it down low. our actual security cameras are higher because a higher placement doesn’t give great views of the pets but it does give good views of people). Most importantly, if he forgot the password, he could have easily reset it.
Both hubby and I have the security system apps on our phones. We have both blink and ring systems. We can both be logged in at the same time for both.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
Another User Comments:
“NTK The password thing is totally BS. He can gaslight you on the “he only wants to check on his pets” line.
It’s one thing if you are expecting a housekeeper or pet walker, but just to “check on the pets”???? Resetting a commercial product password is simple and if it isn’t return it and get a different brand because they should be simple. He complains about all his money issues, but buys the camera???
Maybe he should spend some money on couples’ therapy to discuss sharing passwords for no-private accounts (there is no argument the camera should be private). When he gets all defensive and “why am I the bad guy”, the reply is when there is smoke there is fire….
You refuse to give me a password for this camera and there is NO EXCUSE for that.” catskilkid
5. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Son About His Disrespectful Behavior And Property Damage?
“I (59f) reunited with an old partner from years ago (60m) Dirk and moved in together a year ago.
We both have 2 adult children. My son Joe (30) lives in the 2bdrm suite in my basement, he has some issues that I won’t get into but works and helps around the house. Dirk has been great, we get along well. On weekends we have a few drinks, turn on some music, and dance.
He is very handy, semi-retired, and has been helping me renovate my house. His son, Larry (29) was reno-evicted and needed a place to stay so we decided to let him move into Dirk’s brand-new travel trailer on the property. He has visited us a couple of times before and seemed ok.
He and Joe were getting along so Joe asked Larry if he would rather be in the suite. When he moved out of the trailer, Dirk found some damage. There were burn holes in the floor he knew he wasn’t allowed to smoke in there and knife marks (actually jabs) on the countertop.
Needless to say, he was upset but got over it. Larry works labor jobs and spends the rest of his time smoking and playing video games. If Dirk asks him for help with a project as soon as his back is turned, Larry disappears to his room.
I’ve had to tell him that he’s walking on thin ice with me due to some of his unacceptable behaviors and disrespectful attitude towards his dad and me. He just doesn’t seem to care about anything.
This weekend was my daughter’s birthday and we had a party here with some of her friends.
We played games and had some drinks. I recently got a pool table for the suite and we played until everyone went to bed. Larry didn’t come out of his room all night even though he was invited. The next day everyone left and I had to go visit an elderly friend.
I picked up some fast food on my way home for Dirk and I. Larry was upstairs talking to Dirk and I started to pull out my food. He seemed a bit inebriated and reached into the bag to grab an onion ring. I told him to keep his hands out of my food because I didn’t know where they had been.
I admit I was tired and hungry, but I don’t like people touching my food. He went downstairs and we heard him yelling and swearing.
Dirk had to go down a couple of times because he seemed to be ok, but would start up again.
Then we heard a big crash. We went down and one end of the pool table was on the floor. He said he didn’t like where it was so gave it a shove. It’s very heavy with folding legs and the one end collapsed. He was yelling that it fell on his foot, but I didn’t see any redness, bruises, or swelling.
Then he started to complain that Joe doesn’t show him respect. I said he didn’t deserve respect for the way he was acting out and throwing tantrums. He said that I was wrong and he is a nice guy. I told him that if he was really a nice guy he wouldn’t have to say that to convince people.
His dad thinks I took it too far, but I think he tried to destroy the pool table and is just being an all-around jerk. I am tired of this man’s baby in my house. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how anything you did went “too far.” Larry is destroying your property and should be kicked out asap.
Dump his stuff on the sidewalk and change the locks. If you do not stop him he will only trash more stuff. And if Dirk isn’t supporting you, kick him out too.” stroppo
4. AITJ For Using A Hidden Camera To Monitor My Bedroom While On Vacation?
“About five years ago, my wife bought me a Ring doorbell camera for our house, which I installed. Sometime later, she mentioned that she didn’t like me getting Ring alerts on my phone when she was home and I wasn’t. OK, I turned them off.
In addition, about ten years ago, when we had teen boys at home, I put a couple of cameras in the house for a weekend when we would be gone, but our 18-year-old (my stepson) would be home alone. It’s a long story, but I had my reasons to not fully trust what would happen when we were gone.
Sure enough, I discovered a big party being planned and was able to bring a stop to it because of the cameras. Sometime later, my wife and I were going through a bit of a difficult time, and while I was away on a work trip I did something really stupid.
I listened to one of her conversations with her friends, about me. Long story short, I told my wife, sthat he was (rightfully) upset and I promised to never do so again and I haven’t. In addition, we now always have the cameras disconnected except for when we go on trips together.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Our now 24-year-old (different) son is living here for the summer after graduating from college and being away for a year on a scholarship. We are now retired and are on a month-long trip together. I have a small collection of nice watches.
While I was getting ready to leave on the day of departure, I realized my watches were still in the back of my closet and I didn’t have time to run down and put them in the safe. So I decided to just hook up the camera and point it at the closet.
We live in a very low crime area and, as I said, our son would be home too. Honestly, it didn’t even occur to me that this would annoy my wife in any way. We would be gone. The camera is in the master bedroom where our son has no reason to ever go and the door is shut.
A couple of weeks into our trip, I got an alert that there was a person in our bedroom. I looked and it was my step-son. I showed my wife and told her that I’d prefer if our son wasn’t in our bedroom while we were gone.
She got incredibly annoyed that I had put the camera on and didn’t tell her. “It’s an invasion of privacy” etc because of what I did by listening to her conversation years ago. “It’s about trust” etc. My response throughout the whole argument was “We aren’t home and there’s no reason for anyone to ever be in that room”.
I wasn’t spying on my stepson because the camera was in a private room, not in the spaces that he was using. I wasn’t hiding the camera from her, obviously, since I showed her the video of our son in the room. I literally did not think to tell her before because it wasn’t in a public room, and it was a last-minute decision.
She says that since I violated her trust years ago, this wasn’t OK.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So did you find out what was the son doing in your room? I was staying at my parents’ home while they were on vacation, I would think nothing of hopping into their room if I needed something, or to use their big jacuzzi bathtub, or to borrow my mom’s clothes or jewelry.
My parents would not think anything of that either. My husband could walk into their closet and borrow a shirt from my dad, it wouldn’t be strange. If they had a security camera active and still ejected to get notifications while we were there, the second my Dad saw me on the camera he would put the phone down and not give it another thought.
Or if he had a feeling about it, it would be discussed when they got back. I think what your wife might resent is that you saw that and instantly jumped to a negative thought about your son and took that moment on your vacation to bring it up and reignite these issues of distrust and privacy violation.
I think YTJ.” Helpful_Ad_6582
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get security but you’re using it to spy. I’d feel incredibly uncomfortable in your house. And you’ve used it to violate privacy before so of course she’s not going to trust it.
If the 18-year-old can’t be trusted you need to COMMUNICATE this with your wife and determine the best course of action. This Isn’t the way.” satansBigMac
3. AITJ For Not Making Amends With My Jealous Pregnant Sister?
“I (F19) have recently argued with my sister (F30) and I haven’t spoken to her since. My sister and I share the same mother, but not a father. My parents are still together, she is on okay terms with her father but she argues with him frequently.
My mum did not have the stability in her life that she has now when she was raising my sister. I am very fortunate as my parents send me money to help pay for university. Unlike my sister, I am not very materialistic, I do not demand much from my parents, I do not go out drinking, and I don’t often ask to be bought things.
When my sister was my age, she did all of these. She also went traveling with no money of her own but is angry I went on holiday with both my parents and my friends this year.
My sister is pregnant and is having work done to her house; she and her husband (also a dog and cat) have moved in with me for the time being.
As my bedroom is the largest, they took mine and I took the spare, of which I understood they needed the space. I did not once complain to them. My sister feels it is unfair that my parents send me money for university as I haven’t been working during uni.
Recently, an argument occurred that resulted in my sister & co moving out 3 days later. Before this, I was not enjoying living with her, I constantly had to justify my reason to be there. She got annoyed that I called the bedroom I had previously stayed in “my bedroom” because I don’t pay rent there.
She generally disagrees with a lot of things I say just for the sake of it. During the argument, she said it’s unfair I do not pay for anything at home, such as food shopping (I’ve never been asked to and know no one my age who does this?) My sister contributes food money.
They were never asked to do this, but I think they should as my parents would be paying for 2 people + a dog & cat otherwise.
This makes my sister feel she has more of a right to live at the house than I do, some nights she and her husband cook dinner for us and she states that I should be doing this.
I was unaware this was an issue. She is particularly fixated on this, and overlooks the fact that I do my own washing and all the ironing, I’ll empty the dishwasher and clean the house.
I do not understand where this hate comes from, she is 30 and in full-time work yet so bothered about my life & money.
My mum has spent a lot of money on my sister with her wedding, pregnancy, and baby shower, none of which I question. She also bought my sister a car at 18 that never got used. I want to remain close to my sister, but not to someone that thinks of me this way.
Her baby shower is in 3 days, I do not think I will attend and my mum doesn’t want to either. I feel like she is very jealous of how people spend their money, eg her dad spending money on his wife.
AITJ for not trying to make amends with my sister before she has a child?
We have always been a close family until now. I am sad this has happened but I do not care anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is way too invested in how other people spend their money. Her not speaking to you would be a blessing at this point.
It is your mother’s job and responsibility to inform her that her behavior is making everyone not want her around, and as her home, she needs to tell your sister to stop. It would be a cold day when I let my child enter my home, create discord with the household members, and try to tell me (or anyone) how my house should run.” Mindless-Locksmith76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She seems jealous that she didn’t get the same opportunities as you got and gets mad at you instead of happy. I was thrilled when my younger brother got to do stuff I never got to do since my mom didn’t have the finances when I was growing up.
Never once did I get mad or question it. I’m also not a materialistic person.” Ok-Construction5675
Another User Comments:
“She sounds really jealous of your childhood. My parents try their best to give my brother and me the same things and I think it’s the best method.
If my brother didn’t get a car, neither will I, I don’t get anything that he didn’t have and I always get whatever he got. It’s harder with the big age difference though. You’re NTJ, jealousy is hard to deal with on both sides” skywalker2S
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Ex-Best Friend To My Wedding?
“To understand this situation, I need to add in a little backstory… ever since the start of high school my best friend Susan and I have been really close. However, once I had my daughter she started being distant and speaking to my partner more than me.
My FH has a brother Mark who is close in age. Susan started seeing Mark and has been going out for a while now. Me and Susan have tried to fix things between us to become close again however anytime I put any effort in, I got it thrown back in my face.
For example, when making plans to go out and do stuff then Susan would cancel last minute with some excuse or say that she couldn’t be bothered. Which I understand sometimes but this can be a little frustrating.
Me and my FH got pregnant again with another girl and I decided that I wanted Susan there for support to which she happily agreed and sounded very excited. The day my contractions started I phoned her to say that it was time (this was roughly 5 pm) and I was met with the comment “Can’t someone else do it?” This was a massive letdown to me and was a lot of added stress to me at a time when I definitely didn’t need it.
However, our beautiful baby girl was born and it was never really mentioned again. Over the past year, Susan has been very distant and when we were talking she would mention all of the other people that she was hanging out with and traveling over an hour on the bus to hang out with ( I am a 35-minute walk away).
This really upset me how she wasn’t really making an effort to hang out with me and anytime we spoke, it was instigated by me.
The last straw for me was when me and my FH had a fight and I really needed to talk to someone and Susan said she was busy and couldn’t meet me.
So I met with another friend and felt a lot better until I arrived back home to find Susan and Mark at my house to make sure my FH was okay. When I walked in she didn’t even acknowledge me being home. So between all the situations that happened, I made the decision to cut ties with her as every encounter was negative and put me in a bad mood.
But at the end of November, me and my FH are getting married. His brother Mark is invited but I really don’t want to invite Susan. If we give Mark a plus one then he will invite her, so we chose not to. However, due to this, Mark has given us the ultimatum that either Susan comes to the wedding or he doesn’t.
I know my FH would really like his brother there as they are close but he is now trying to force our hand which he has done multiple times in the past (including about parenting when he has no kids of his own). I’m not sure if I’m just being petty or if I’m in the right but some comments that I’ve had from family members suggest that I’m in the wrong.
Should I give in and invite Susan before the rest of my FH family gets annoyed when Mark refuses to come? Or should I stand my ground? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe a hint of E S H but mostly YTJ. There should be a really high bar for not inviting someone’s serious partner to the wedding with them if other people are allowed to bring their partners.
And in this case, it’s not that…it’s just that you and Susan used to be good friends, she stepped back from the friendship and you took a really, really long time to take the hint. Not wanting to be close to you anymore does not make her evil.
She might become your official sister-in-law, so excluding her from this wedding is just going to set you up for a lifetime of petty nonsense. There’s a bit of ESH because Susan should have been a lot more direct with you long ago instead of flaking, especially when you were in labor.
But why on earth did you ask her to support you during labor in the first place given the history? Just be cordial but distant, invite her to the wedding, and move on with your life.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even though it is your wedding and your guest list, you are making your FH unhappy by being mad that the friendship has ended. Besides, seems she is Mark’s long-term significant other.
You don’t have to like her but they are a unit and it is basically rude to invite only 1/2 of a long-term couple.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Someone ‘not wanting to be friends’ is fine, but there’s enough troubling history with this chick that her presence will put a damper on the day.
OP shouldn’t be forced to have someone at her wedding that evokes negative emotions. It sucks about Mark, the brother – puts him in a tough spot for sure. Maybe try to work things out with Susan before the wedding, and by that I mean tell her you’re done and that she’s a garbage friend.
Then issue the plus one, but tell her you really don’t want her there.” Scared-Bookkeeper-34
1. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Entitled Sister Stay At My Apartment?
“My sister (19f) and I (21f) don’t have the greatest relationship ever. I find my sister entitled, spoiled, and selfish and she finds me selfish and unforgiving. We always had a very tense relationship. Our parents started it by babying her as the youngest and treating us very differently while also expecting us to be BFFs and to do everything and share everything.
My sister has no regard for me at all. A few times when we were teens the heating went in our parent’s house and I was lucky to have the warmer room outside my parents. My sister expected me to swap rooms with her so she could be warm and I would sleep in the cold.
When I told her she could sleep in my room with me if she wanted to she told me I should give her my bed and go to hers.
Another time I was sick (flu) and home from school for two weeks. My parents were at a wedding one Saturday and told her to get me to drive her to her friend’s house for a concert they were attending.
I told her I couldn’t bring her because, you know, sick as a dog on the couch and barely able to keep my eyes open. She pestered me for the best part of two hours yelled at me for messing with her life and said I was “so selfish for not making her plans a priority”.
There was other pettier stuff from our childhood. Like how angry she’d get that she couldn’t steal my makeup since mine didn’t work for her skin or how she’d be mad when I bought a lock for my closet so she couldn’t take my clothes without asking me.
When I moved out and into my own apartment for college (with two friends) and my family came to visit, my sister decided she was inviting herself for an extended stay and wanted me to sleep in one of my friend’s rooms “or something” since she decided she could stay.
I refused to let her stay and she told me I was being a mean person. I told her she could say goodbye to ever staying with me. My parents told me I could have let her stay. I told them they could also leave and I not so gently encouraged that.
My sister went to college in a different state. Was in a dorm for her freshman year but now she’s a sophomore and was living with some people she met in her college but they wanted her out and refused to let her stay there anymore.
My sister didn’t take it seriously until she was forced to leave and with her last few dollars, she decided to take a bus and show up at my apartment saying she was staying with me for a while because she was homeless and I needed to give her my room.
She actually used the words “You can take the couch for a few weeks”. I refused to let her come in and I refused to let her stay. She freaked out about having no more money and nowhere else to go. I told her it wasn’t my problem.
She cursed me out over DMs and told me I was the worst sister and I’m so selfish for turning her away again. She also accused me of being unforgiving “if this is about the last time I wanted to stay”. My parents also started so I blocked them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister has been raised to be entitled and toxic. Not even her college roommates can stand to live with her. If it matters that much to your parents, they should continue to let her live with them since they are the ones who raised her to behave the way that she does.
How unfortunate for her, because these behaviors will undermine her for the rest of her life.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your sister is a huge entitled brat and your parents are a huge part of it. She’s always been coddled by them because she’s the youngest. She’s made your life difficult and she has no regard for you or your boundaries.
It’s easy to see why she was kicked out by the people she met in college. They didn’t realize living with her would be a living nightmare. Your parents can take her entitled self in since they caused that mess in the long run. Good on you for standing up for yourself.” [deleted]
