People Come Clean In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Eating A Sandwich Before Going Out To Dinner With My Mom?
“My mom called me this morning and asked me (16m) if I would like to go out to eat with her after she gets out of work. I obviously agreed since I would enjoy going out and eating at a restaurant for once. She usually leaves work at 4 PM, and at 11:00 AM I decided I would make a sandwich since there are still 5 hours to wait until I can go and actually eat real food.
Right as I am eating the sandwich, my mom calls me and hears me chewing on something. Chaos breaks loose. She yells at me over the phone asking why am I eating when we agreed to go out to eat when she leaves work. And how I am a jerk for never respecting her choices and I always do things my way.
I try to explain it’s only a sandwich I’m eating, which is not going to get me full, but she doesn’t care. She wanted me to wait from 9 A.M. the time I woke up until 4 P.M. the time she leaves work without eating so I could eat at a restaurant with her.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your mum totally overreacted! Mum knocking off at 4 pm so probably you guys will eat around 5 pm by the time you reach the restaurant, get seated, place your orders, food arrives… Tell your mum you are GROWING!
You NEED Food! Lots of FOOD! But wait, seemingly mum doesn’t listen & went berserk! So sorry for you man! Life will be so hard for OP if his mum constantly “chows down” on OP anytime so long things do not go her way or what she deems appropriate!” PalomaFun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ omg my grandma does this all the time, I mentioned my sis and I had ONE slice of pizza each around 1 pm at a parade and she got so upset because she was making dinner for 4 pm. It was gas station pizza… one slice because we didn’t have breakfast…” mustardanon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe she had no time for food and was really jealous of that sandwich and didn’t realize you weren’t eating for 5 hours. Unless she was planning on leaving work for lunch and called to say she was leaving and is mad because you misunderstood.” Jactice
21. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out After My Sister Constantly Criticizes Me?
“My (16m) dad passed away in 2019 and then my mom got sick in 2020, so I went to stay with my sister (24f) and then my mom passed away in 2021.
So I just live with my sister now.
But my sister hates everything I do. She complains about the way I talk, the things I watch, what I post on TikTok, my religion, she calls me lazy, toxic, misogynistic, untrustworthy, gross, unintelligent, a user, etc etc.
I want to move out. I told her exactly why I want to move out and that started a big multi-day argument. She says I’m trying to make her feel guilty and further punish her. She apologized and said she would feel like she’s letting down Mom and Dad if I moved out.
If I do go, I’d live with family in another province and they’ve already agreed.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You gotta give some context. Because if what your sister is saying is true “toxic misogynistic etc” then you’re the jerk for not understanding and doing nothing to change.
But at the same time, she could just be immature and name-calling or freaking out on you which would make her the jerk. It’s tough being a mother to a teen when you are early twenties, can’t imagine that and just based on the fact that plenty of teens are insufferable with little context on the actual problems you guys are facing, I’d say to at least try to understand what she’s talking about.
There’s a point where you shouldn’t just be mad at a person for being themselves, but if there’s truth to any of what she’s saying, I would say you have a duty to change yourself so you don’t grow up to be a toxic misogynistic adult.” PresToon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are old enough to be making decisions about not wanting to live with an emotionally abusive family member. Your sister is already letting your parents down by treating you like this. If your relatives are willing to take you in, that’s great.
At this point, I’d just recommend you focus on your education, finding a part-time job to save up your money, etc. You could always go for some family counseling if you want to improve your relationship with your sister. Maybe things could improve after you move out – sometimes siblings get along much better when they don’t live together.
But it’s best that you get out of the living situation for your own mental health.” butterfly_d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry about your parents. At this point, do what you feel is best for yourself. Do not make your decision or hold yourself back because you think it’ll make someone else more comfortable in how they will feel or think.
If you think that moving out would be most beneficial for your growth, and you can support yourself, then DO IT! It’s the only way for you to grow and not have regrets later because it was your own decision for what you want.” takethisdayofmine
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friends' Child At My Game Nights Due To Repeated Accidents?
“I occasionally host game nights at my house and like to invite friends over, but I am strongly considering not inviting over one couple unless they leave their child at home.
They have brought their child (age 5) the past three or four times, and without fail, the child has urinated in my living room.
I don’t have kids so I don’t know when potty training is supposed to be locked in. The parents insist every time that the child is getting better, but it still happens.
When it does, I try to be gracious and tell them not to worry about it, but it’s still frustrating to know that every time I invite them over, I’m going to have to clean pee out of somewhere.
The child goes on the sofa, on the chair, out in the open on my carpet…I hate to ask that they get a babysitter for the next time but I feel like it’s either that or simply not invite them anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BUT DON’T SUGGEST A BABYSITTER!!! That’s overstepping. “Game night X night. No kids! Sorry if that’s an inconvenience but game nights will no longer be open for children.” When you get hit with the it’s not fair, “I’m sorry you feel that way and I understand if you can’t come.
The struggles of being a parent are real. However, I want my game nights to be uninterrupted by kids and I want everyone to just relax. I’m sorry if that makes things difficult for you but I completely understand if you can’t make it.” Further arguments, “if you’d like for children to be at the game night, you’re welcome to host. Your house your rules!” Further arguments, “asked and answered and your behavior is becoming inappropriate.
Please respect my boundary.” Further violations, stop the invites.” TashiaNicole1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adult game night is just that, adult game night. Also, not being potty trained at 5? I’m guessing that there is something going on here, maybe a medical condition or high anxiety of the child, something like that.
Obviously their child’s medical status is none of your business unless the parents decide to disclose info. You could always just do a blanket “adults only, no children please” on the invite to everyone. If these particular parents push back about wanting their child to attend, you can always just say that you really want this to be adult time, with adults free to have discussions about whatever without having to worry about entertaining kids.
If they STILL push to have their kid there, you’ll have to be honest. Just phrase it in a way that is as polite as possible. Explain that the urine is damaging your property, and since it’s a regular thing, you’re just not comfortable with it.
If you rent, you can even further justify that, as damaging floors can affect your security deposit.” MasterChicken52
Another User Comments:
“GOOD GOD. NTJ, the child shouldn’t be peeing all over your furniture. It’s not normal for a child of that age to not be toilet trained, although some children may still wet the bed or have the occasional accident.
I assume the parents aren’t 100% focused on the kid when they are socializing with friends, so it might be that the kid has learned to pee themselves to get attention. It might also be a sign of stress or nervousness, perhaps at meeting unfamiliar people or the prospect of using a different toilet.
Whatever the reason, the parents need to sort this out and stop inflicting the problem on you and your poor living room. It’s very disrespectful to keep doing this to you, especially if they aren’t footing the bill afterward!” firethornred
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Husband's Boss's Cookout After Her Sexist Comment?
“My husband and I both work demanding jobs. He runs a hospital and I am an assistant principal. Every year my husband’s boss has a cookout. We have gone every time except during the past year when it did not happen.
This year is different for me because a few months ago during the school year, our kids were getting sick a lot. We did our best to keep them healthy, but again we both work jobs where we bring home the germs. My husband took off a few more times than I did because teachers were also falling and we needed all hands on deck.
My husband’s boss, we will call her Jen, pulled him aside one day and told him that it’s my responsibility as the woman and mother to take off and watch the kids because his job is more important than mine.
Mind you my husband had gone over a year without taking off.
He had sick time and plenty of it. He, like myself, was upset by the comment and yes he did say that was inappropriate. However, months later he wants me to go to the cookout, but I don’t want to. I feel uncomfortable and honestly, I don’t know if I can bite my tongue.
So AITJ for not attending with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I find it the epitome of irony that a woman is telling him that. Does SHE ALWAYS take off? Or let me guess, they have no kids or no minor kids and/or a full-time nanny.
I would not go. Just have your husband say the kids were sick so you couldn’t make it.” Temporary_Physics638
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my husband’s work has also decided that his job is more important than mine and so I should stay home when my (step!)daughter is sick.
I am not sure what information they used to decide this lol. I think his bosses are ridiculous and I pick and choose what events I attend. If your boundary is none, that’s okay.” BobBelchersBuns
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. However, your husband should have reported his boss’s comment and I think he’s a minor jerk in this situation.
If someone said that to me I would be finding a new job. Demanding job or not, those are the types of comments that define a hostile workplace and poor work/life balance. Cookouts like the one you’re describing are merely to make the business and CEO feel better for “giving back”.
It’s a pat on their own backs to say, “See!!! We gave you free food, so obviously we care about you!” And at the stroke of midnight, all the employees turn back into pumpkins and mice to keep the machine turning. If your husband actually likes his job, and you truly don’t think you can refrain from bringing up her comment, it’s best to sit this one out.
On the other hand… If your husband is one foot out the door with this place, I say go fill your belly and see how the night unfolds.” Reddit User
18. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My New Car To Family For A European Road Trip?
“When I moved out, my mother lent me her car for a few months (before I was able to buy my own car), so I could commute to work. It is my dad’s former work car, old and rugged.
My new car is by far the most expensive thing I own. Therefore, I’m a little bit anxious about it.
Now my mother and sisters texted me if they can borrow my car. They want to travel with it for two weeks around Europe with their dog (their car is not suitable for it).
My fiancee was mildly irritated by it, saying that I always do what they want, without regard for what I want. I was quite anxious about that prospect, so I told my mum and sisters that I’m sorry, but no, as the car would be at least full of dog odor and hair.
They are quite mad about me, arguing that they also have lent me a car, so now I should lend them my car.
Am I the jerk? If so, would I still be a jerk if I borrowed a car from a car rental company for them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a pet owner and still think not everyone has to be okay with the dog going into their cars. The hair gets everywhere even if you use some blanket, so that’s totally valid. Also, you were borrowing a car you needed for work and the car was not being used. Maybe you could have just said that you can’t spend 2 weeks without a car, which can also be true.
In any case, offering to pay for a rental car is so generous of you.” Darth_Hufflepuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to borrow someone’s car for an errand or to get to work, it’s another to ask to use someone’s car to go on holiday with.
I wouldn’t allow it and shame on your sister and Mom for even suggesting it. By you saying no and providing an alternative for them not only saves your car from wear tear and damage (which I am sure they would not pay for) but it puts boundaries in place.
Let them be mad. They are mad cause you said no. But also know in the future, don’t ever borrow from them ever again, cause they expect things in return and keep a favor bank. I seriously mean that!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is your commute car, so you need it to get to work. Also, lending someone an old rugged car that is likely beat up is completely different than lending someone a newish car, that doesn’t have that kind of wear and tear.
You obviously have a concern about keeping the car as nice as possible and letting someone haul it all over Europe for 2 weeks with a dog is obviously going to put wear and tear on the car that you don’t want and shouldn’t have to deal with.
The request is unreasonable, IMO.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Making Food For Myself Without Offering Some To My Partner?
“The other day, my partner told me that she’s really upset because I will make myself food sometimes and not ask if she wants some before I make it. I will usually make large portions of food for both of us to eat and we will reheat it over the next few days.
Sometimes, I don’t have anything made and I’ll make myself a sandwich or something. She always calls me “comesolo” which is just like “someone who eats alone”.
I thought it was just a joke because when I offer her food after it’s already made, she says she was just joking.
My family always does this. They’ll just make themselves snacks and not ask if anyone else wants some. She told me that it makes her feel like I don’t care about her. I just didn’t think it was a big deal. Moving forward, I’ll just ask, but was I being a jerk before?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here—difference of family subcultures, like folks have said. And you heard your partner when she raised the issue. However—a thought about relationships that last. My parents stayed married until my dad died, and one of the things I remember is how they voluntarily took care of each other and encouraged us kids to do the same.
And they were courteous to each other. Good manners like offering food to guests or refilling each other’s glasses, they also did for each other all the time. It was part of how they made their marriage and our family happy and healthy. (And my dad was from Lebanon, super patriarchal, so it wasn’t part of his social programming.
His parents were married for almost 70 years and they were the same.) So one of the ways I have evaluated relationships in my life is the balance of casual caretaking between me and the other. If I’m giving time and energy and it’s not reciprocated, I will bring it up.
I don’t want to do less for the people I love, but I’m a person too, and an empty well doesn’t fill itself. Acts of service’ is a love language for reasons. It’s not my primary one but I think it has a place in every relationship.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“Contextual. It’s common knowledge in most settings, if not all, that if one is cooking a whole entrée/dish then we cook for the house or a select number; but if you’re making something quick for yourself like a sandwich or some Oreos, that’s for you.
The exception is: if you’re in the immediate vicinity of each other chilling, or if you’re doing an activity together (via. Netflix, video game, etc) you can ask if they want a sandwich cuz you’re about to make one. I usually make 3 just in case they change their mind.
If it’s like a beverage/smoothie/tea, I’ll make extra of that or have it on standby to pass them one. If it’s water I’ll bring 3 glass bottles just in case to have the option for me or s/o just in case she changes her mind or I can take those gains for myself.” Vegan_Otaku
Another User Comments:
“This was something that my ex had a really hard time with when we first moved in together. I thought he was inconsiderate if he came home with food just for himself or made a meal (esp dinner) without considering if I wanted anything.
It’s a learning curve and you have to consider each other when eating or preparing meals especially if you live together. Eventually, he did, but it took a while. Guys can be a lot more oblivious about this than women I find…there was a post recently about a couple who just moved in together and the partner got really angry when her partner ate her leftovers without consulting her.
People are really particular about eating habits and you have to learn how each other operates and be considerate of each other and most importantly communicate with each other. No jerks here but remember you’re part of a couple so try to think of your partner.
It’ll save you from snarky comments and arguments in the future.” Careful_Eagle_1033
16. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Brother-In-Law's Family Their Mother's Hurtful Words?
“My brother-in-law died recently. His family is fighting with my sister after his mother has been telling his siblings lies.
Before he passed, he was in bad health and his mother said “she would rather see him dead than sick”. The only people who know this are BIL’s father, my sister, and our parents.
Now that he has passed she is fighting for his ashes. My sister is still grieving and isn’t prepared to separate him. BIL’s mom is also telling lies about how my sister is keeping him from them.
His siblings are now harassing her because of BIL’s mother’s lies.
In my opinion, she gave up on him and didn’t want to fight for him to live. She doesn’t deserve him now.
Would I be the jerk, if I told BIL siblings what she said?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Don’t make a terrible situation worse, and don’t hold what a grieving mother said against her.
I don’t take it as she gave up on him, she was just upset and expressing that. And if your sister is refusing to share the ashes, while understandable, then your MIL isn’t lying. Everyone is grieving and deserves a piece of him, instead of trying to create more strife try and help your sister get to a place where she can share the ashes.
However you do want to protect your sister and I respect that, just proceed with caution ya know.” stably-unstable22
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. I’m not gonna comment on the ownership of the ashes because that’s not what you asked. But what MIL said does not in any way read as a cold, uncaring mother to me.
Watching someone deteriorate physically and suffer as illness progresses and knowing there’s likely no solution, that’s horrible. There’s no “right” reaction to that. You and your sister aren’t better or worse than her because you never let go of hope, she’s not better or worse than you for wanting her son’s suffering to end quickly when she, as a nurse, probably had a better idea of what the odds of recovery were.
So you WBTJ if you tried to weaponize that comment. It injects malice or indifference that isn’t really there, and aside from that, people say a lot of things they may not really mean in grief. You should stay out of it. Be a sounding board for your sister, but there’s no reason for you to involve yourself directly in any confrontation with her in-laws.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ; I know she is grieving and you want to step in to help her, but throwing that in their faces is exactly what you accuse his mother of being – extremely callous and cold. She is grieving, don’t throw her wish for his suffering to end in her face as if that has negated her right to grieve because it hasn’t.
If you want to help your sister, you should bring up the idea to her to send them a cease and desist letter if she has the money to afford legal counsel or if you are able to offer payment for that because they are, point blank, harassing her for something that they really don’t have any legal claim to.” Thriillsy
15. AITJ For Being Upset My Mother-In-Law Cancelled Babysitting My Daughter For Her Other Grandson?
“3 weeks ago I asked my mother-in-law to watch our daughter (2) this coming Sunday afternoon so we could see our older son’s musical. She said yes and she said she would take her on Saturday night. So my husband and I made plans with our older daughter (10) and older son (12) to do one-on-one things with them.
Last night when I reminded her, she said she couldn’t take her overnight anymore because she was having her other grandson spend the night. My husband questioned it a little and she seemed like she forgot that she said she would take our daughter overnight.
He wanted to drop it.
Later on, I pushed it more by saying “we weren’t just expecting that you’d take her without asking you, we just thought you were going to because you suggested it when I asked a couple of weeks ago.”
My husband is mad at me and thinks I’m guilting her into watching our daughter overnight.
If she couldn’t do it for a different reason I would understand but I feel bad because she just booted my daughter for her other grandson???
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she forgot, that’s fine. Maybe the other child’s parents had a more pressing need, and you’d only originally asked for the next day.
Is she still willing to do the next day? Don’t burn your bridges if you still need babysitting done.” Restin_in_Pizza
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yeah, the favoritism sucks, but it doesn’t sound like she’s viewed as a grandmother, so much as free childcare.
You said yourself in the comments she couldn’t watch them both because she felt it would be too much. Maybe she’s more agreeable to seeing her other grandkid because your SIL doesn’t treat her like a free babysitter. You said she’s gone months without seeing your kids, but when she does, it’s because she’s been called upon for free babysitting services, not grandma time.
I could be wrong, but just seems like she’s being used. I get that it’s her grandchildren she’s getting to spend time with when she babysits, but the intent of the visits isn’t “fun family time,” they’re “Hey can you do me a favor?”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but does she favor her daughter or is she just more comfortable being a grandmother to her maternal grandchildren? Unfortunately, it’s just different when it’s your daughter’s children over your son’s children. The DIL/MIL is always an awkward one to handle.” ApplicationVast9100
14. AITJ For Paying For My Brother's Rhinoplasty Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“My brother(18) has always had a crooked nose (due to an incident that happened when he was 7) and has always felt insecure over it.
So, recently while he was venting about it to me, I told him that if he wanted to get rhinoplasty, I would pay for him. His eyes widened and he grinned so widely that it made me happy.
So yesterday while chilling at my house, I told my partner that I would be paying for my brother’s rhinoplasty.
At first, he just hmmed and then we continued watching shows on Netflix. Out of nowhere, he turns to me and says that I shouldn’t be spending a few thousand for cosmetic surgery on my brother and save it for our future instead. I told him that I have plenty of savings and that I can afford to pay a few grand for my brother’s happiness.
He frowned and just went to our room. And has been giving me the cold shoulder since. Am I really the jerk for spending money for my brother’s happiness?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ WITH STIPULATIONS!! This is a partner, not a husband. You’re not even engaged. So end of the day NTJ unless it affects him financially.
BUT if you are living together, sharing finances then YTJ. My “partner” and I have been together for almost a decade and have an almost 8-year-old together and share finances. So I would be upset if he made this decision without me. So NTJ. But really depends on the relationship you are in.” Realistic_Bit6965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I told him that I have plenty of savings and that I can afford to pay a few grand for my brother’s happiness.” You stated you have plenty of savings. That means this isn’t going to impact you financially at all.
“He turns to me and says that I shouldn’t be spending a few thousand for cosmetic surgery on my brother and save it for our future instead.” Your partner is planning your money on a shared future. A partner is there to enhance your life, not bankroll it.
This is a yellow flag. While living with someone does entail some merging of finances, if it is your savings alone, he should not get to dictate how you choose to spend it. “And has been giving me the cold shoulder since.” This is a manipulative tactic.
It’s meant to make you feel bad and start to think twice about your choice. Don’t fall for it. Ignoring a person instead of talking about the issue is a red flag. Communication should be the basis of any healthy relationship. Now is the time to take a clear view of your relationship and see if there are any other yellow/red flags you’ve been overlooking.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“It totally depends on how you are sharing finances. You said a lot of “I” when referring to your finances, but unless you have completely separate finances – don’t live together, aren’t saving to buy a house, etc – then you both have a vested impact in your joint pooled savings.
Major spending will impact the other since they would be expected to meet the difference. Under those circumstances, it would be polite to consult the other person before making a unilateral decision. Even if you have explicitly decided to completely separate your finances and split current and future costs 50/50, it could also be that your partner has been making sacrifices in order to save for your financial future, and meanwhile, you indicate that it’s not a priority for you by deciding to spend a good chunk of yours without thinking to seek his view.
Ultimately none of us knows since we aren’t in your relationship. Either way, it doesn’t mean he has veto rights on how you spend your money, but depending on the above it may be understandable that he is upset you didn’t think about him.” jibbetygibbet
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister-In-Law's Wedding Due To Her Family's Unwelcoming Behavior?
“My husband and I got married 7 months ago. He assured me his family would love me despite our different cultures and religions. I’m African American, raised Muslim; he’s African, converted to Islam at 18, his family is Christian.
Before marriage, I met his mother, who was polite but not entirely warm and welcoming.
When I met both parents later, his father spent the conversation shouting that my husband, as their only son, must fulfill cultural obligations, and demanded I learn their language, culture, and fully support my husband as an Igbo man.
My husband’s eldest sister refused to meet me 3 times.
She happened to be visiting his parents’ home once when we visited and he tried to finally introduce us. She dismissed me with an “Oh…hey” and turned away. His second sister, who lives at home… I tried initiating a conversation, but it was one-sided and she got up and left in the middle of it, haven’t met his youngest sister, who lives abroad.
I asked my mother-in-law why the family was so offish and unwelcoming, and she said it was because I hadn’t greeted his father “properly.” I learned that I was to say “Good Morning” in Igbo and ask the father if he slept well when he entered the room.
I’ve always been a shy/quiet person, although during visits I’ve always said hello, thank you for any water/fruit offered me, I’d bring gifts for his mother (perfume, chocolates, decorative vase) and I’d sit politely amongst them all speaking a language I don’t understand.
His mother told me not to worry too much about it, told me to earn the father’s approval and the sisters will then essentially have to accept me. I reached out to his eldest sister sharing that I felt she was quite offish during meeting at their parents’ home, and that I felt she and her sisters had not given me a chance, already deciding to not accept me literally without ever having personally met me for herself.
She never responded.
Visiting his parents is exhausting. His father is often rude, scolding me for using my left hand to hand him something, criticizing me for not speaking Igbo. Despite this, my husband insists I keep trying to build a relationship with his family.
I’ve asked to stay in the car when he swings by their house for various reasons, to which he always makes me feel bad and tells me to come inside and greet his parents.
Now, his youngest sister is planning a destination wedding. I don’t want to attend, she nor his family celebrated our marriage.
Spending thousands to celebrate her marriage when she doesn’t even acknowledge that I exist feels weird? My husband says I’m being unfair and wants to “fix” the situation, but it feels like begging for acceptance.
At this point, I simply want to focus on the family we hope to one day start and our marriage.
I don’t want anything to do with his family but I’m being guilt-tripped into attending a wedding I haven’t actually been invited to. He’s assuming I’m invited because I’m his wife, but his sister hasn’t actually offered an invitation to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is the real problem here. It’s his job to help you with his family. “I asked my mother-in-law why the family was so offish and unwelcoming, and she said it was because I hadn’t greeted his father “properly.” I learned that I was to say “Good Morning” in Igbo and ask the father if he slept well when he entered the room.” You know who should’ve explained this social expectation to you beforehand, so you could be prepared?
Your husband. You know who should’ve dealt with the incredibly rude sisters? Your husband. “His father is often rude, scolding me for using my left hand to hand him something, criticizing me for not speaking Igbo.” You know who should’ve spoken with him about his treatment of you; who should’ve stood beside you and defended you?
You know the answer. “Despite this, my husband insists I keep trying to build a relationship with his family.” And yet, this is what you get. It’s his responsibility to help you with this, instead of expecting you to take the hits. It’s also his responsibility to protect you and your marriage.
When you marry someone, your loyalty is supposed to lie with them. All these issues you have now are going to get far worse if you have a child with him. Even if they accept your kid, they’re going to badmouth and mistreat you in front of them.
That’s not a healthy thing for them to be around. Don’t bring a kid into that. They deserve better. YOU deserve better.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“OP, I’m gonna level with you as a Nigerian woman: this is never going to end. First of all, you’re Muslim and you’re not Igbo.
In my country, there are still heavy divides between religion and tribe. Second of all, it sounds like you married into a very traditional Igbo home where your father-in-law rules as king. And very traditional homes have rules, ESPECIALLY for women. You’re expected to be the perfect in-law and wife, in that order specifically.
Your husband grew up in that. His refusal to defend you and then put the onus on YOU to continually jump through hoops for approval that will never come (short of you renouncing your faith and becoming a subservient doormat)? It sounds like he’s just waiting for you to break down or give up, so you can behave in the way his family wants you to behave.
I’d bet money they probably have a nice Christian Igbo girl from their hometown, ready to take your place with their approval. And this isn’t an exaggeration, this has played out before in my life. NTJ, but you’re going to have to make some very hard decisions very soon before he gets you pregnant.” Talisa87
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is the real problem here, and deep down, I think you realize this. I know some cultures put men above women, and while I do not agree with this, I realize it is out there. Your husband should be reminding his family that they also have to put some effort into having a relationship with you.
Showing you disrespect is not helping to forge a relationship. A successful relationship needs to have two sides putting in effort. His family does not seem to be participating. Whether or not you go to the wedding, isn’t the main issue here. The way you and your marriage are being treated is the issue.
If you and your husband both want your marriage to succeed, you should seriously consider therapy to come to terms with this treatment and how to deal with it.” Which_Stress_6431
12. AITJ For Wanting To Go On My Dream Trip To NYC Alone Instead Of With My Mom?
“I (F27) have been dreaming of going on holiday to NYC since I was young. Recently, a holiday company had a big sale and my partner and I decided to book to finally go in the new year. Now the problem occurs: my partner and I broke up – I paid him out the holiday so I have the tickets and the hotel etc all in my name and it’s now me going by myself.
My mom is very old school and doesn’t like the idea of a girl traveling alone. So has recently messaged to insist she is happy to come even though “it will take her out of her comfort zone”.
Now my concerns are – we’re both very different people so will want to explore NYC differently.
We will have to share a room as it’s what I had booked. This is my dream trip whereas she is only coming as she doesn’t want me to go alone so doesn’t really even want to be there which I feel will put a dampener on the whole trip.
She will be in a rush to get home as the day of return is only a day before her birthday which she already has plans for with my dad.
I’ve also got into the mindset now that this will be my first ever solo trip and it feels right to do it by myself even though I’m nervous.
I’ve looked into it and made sure to take all the safety precautions, etc I do with every city I travel to but I also don’t want to upset her as I have wanted to do a girls’ trip with my mom. But up until this point she’s always said “well your dad wanted to take me there or what will your dad do if I go away,” so she’s never shown interest before this trip.
I feel she’s only doing it because she’s deemed it not safe enough not because she actually wants to come.
Is it bad of me to decline her coming and to do this trip by myself? If so any advice on how to say no without offending/upsetting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – NYC is the perfect place to do a solo trip – it’s one of my favorite things to do. You can both be surrounded by people and recharge from the energy and be totally alone and free to do whatever you want and not feel awkward at all about being alone.
There is so much to see and do and going alone makes it easier to figure things out and move about the city without having to discuss and debate. I feel safer there than walking alone to my car after work in my small city.
Go! Have fun! Walk the High Line, see a show, eat great food, go to museums, shop. Be smart, walk like you are driving a car (right side of the sidewalk), and don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take pics.” SlinkyMalinky20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and DO NOT take her with you! She will ruin your dream trip by complaining, being anxious about everything, and lacking any spontaneity. She will have to “check in” with your dad several times a day. She’ll be focused on getting home for her (more important than your silly trip) birthday.
She’ll make you feel like a burden and be a black cloud in the Big Apple. Go have fun, NYC is a totally safe trip to do solo as an adult woman. Shoot her a text once a day to let her know you’re good if it makes her feel better.
Have fun!” HedgeHagg
Another User Comments:
“Some of my best memories are of wandering around NYC alone as a visiting teen. Had family in the area that I would stay with and take the commuter train into the city. Spend all day roaming then train back.
Mind you, this was 30 years ago (I am older than dirt now) but the inherent risks are the same. It’s easier to travel now because of cell phones. Built-in maps, neighborhood information, insta 911, etc. At 27, you are more than old enough to travel alone.
While your mom means well if she is not a like-minded traveler, you will be miserable (and so will she). Promise to text her daily and send her lots of pics while you are and about – proof of life stuff. Ha, my son is your age and when he travels that’s what he does.
Go explore NYC, have fun, and make memories. Traveling alone can be challenging but it so freeing and relaxing also. NTJ.” PurpleStar1965
11. AITJ For Being Upset My Roommate Took Back His Plates?
“I (23F) am currently living with 3 roommates. One of them (Tyler 23M) had given some of his personal plates (they have designs and such on them) for communal use.
He said that these plates were an important gift to him, and requested that they be used respectfully.
Along with those plates, we had 3 plain plates. One of the plain white broke, and Tyler took all of his personal plates back into his room out of fear of them being broken.
For communal use, there are currently 2 plates in our cabinet when before we had ~15. I have seen Tyler using the plain plates, despite having all of his plates in his room.
I have lived with them for 3 and a half months, and so far Tyler has disappeared into his room every time the conversation stops being favorable towards him whenever we try to air grievances with each other.
WIBTJ if I told him that it’s unfair for him to take most of the plates away for his personal use and still keep using the communal ones?”
Another User Comments:
“Tyler’s plates are Tyler’s plates. He was willing to have them used briefly, now he’s not – perhaps even by himself.
He may have packed them away for safekeeping until he lives alone. Take them out of the equation. You have four roommates trying to share two plates. ESH. You’re all adults. Go buy some plates, together or separately. Or look for free ones. A whole bunch of young people nowadays are inheriting their parents’ and grandparents’ china and glassware, and trying to get rid of it because they’ve got nowhere to keep it, and not only are they having problems selling it, they’re finding it hard to give away.
Look on Freecycle and buy nothing groups for free or super cheap plates. Y’all are making this so much more than it needs to be.” FakeNordicAlien
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, you are the jerk. Let me count the ways. (1) You are unhappy that Tyler doesn’t want his personal plates to be broken.
(2) You don’t think he should use the communal plates even though he is part of the community. (Hint: He doesn’t want to use his personal plates because he doesn’t want to break them.) (3) You keep raising your stupid complaint so loudly that you push Tyler to retreat into his own room.
(4) You call it a “grievance” that he won’t let you use his personal plates. (5) You would rather keep bothering him about this than go buy some cheap plates. So the jerk score is 5 points to you and zero for Tyler. In fact, he gets a bonus “good guy” point for being willing to share his plates for a while, until he realized that letting the rest of you bozos near them was a big risk.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s annoying when roommates remove their own items that others in a communal living situation get to use, but that’s the thing: those plates were never a communal item, it’s something Tyler was letting others use. Y’all broke one of the communal plates, and Tyler decided the risk to his personal items that are important to him was too great.
That is his right. Also, how are y’all living with 3 plates for 4 people anyways? Get some darn plates. You can get plastic ones or even other ceramic ones from thrift stores, dollar stores, Amazon, tag sales, for very cheap. It’s a very simple issue to resolve.” freerange_chicken
10. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Father's Property To Help My Brother's Business?
“My father has dementia, is no longer lucid at all, and is living in a 24-hour care facility. His doctors say at this stage his life expectancy can be anywhere from three to five years. He knew this was coming and he set his affairs when he still had a sound mind.
He gave me power of attorney and he made me the executor of his estate. The state laws here and the terms of my dad’s power of attorney document give me the power to sell or transfer anything. Effectively, I’m in complete and total control of his estate.
I’m the youngest of four (two older brothers and a sister) and there is a large age gap between me and my three siblings. I’m 18 years younger than my sister who is the next youngest. Because of the age difference, we were never close.
When my dad told all of us about his estate planning decisions, I could tell my siblings were really apprehensive about how much power my dad gave me but I told them everything from that point our dad’s estate would effectively be frozen.
I’ll find management companies to take care of his properties and the money will go back into the estate for his care. I’m not selling anything, I’m not buying anything, and I’m going to follow our dad’s wishes to the letter. When our dad passes, we’ll divide up the estate according to his will.
Everyone was happy with that.
In my dad’s will he left my brother some property. My brother is now asking me to use my power of attorney to sell the property our father left to him and transfer the money to him now. He needs it to keep his business running while he bids for a big contract he says he can win and that will allow him to keep the business running long term.
He says the property will eventually go to him and he’s going to sell it so the end result is the same, it’s just a timing issue. I refused and reminded him that I promised everyone I wasn’t going to sell anything or make any changes and I’m not making any exceptions.
He gets upset and calls me a jerk for holding up his inheritance and an even bigger jerk because I will be screwing over all the people who work for him. But my dad is still alive! He’s not dead and I’m just not willing to go through his pockets while he’s still breathing.
My other brother agrees with me while my sister agrees with my brother. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father made a good choice. “He says the property will eventually go to him and he’s going to sell it so the end result is the same, it’s just a timing issue.” No it isn’t.
The key word here is “eventually.” “I’ll find management companies to take care of his properties and the money will go back into the estate for his care.” Until he dies, revenue from the properties is needed to fund his care. Your brother would be removing some of that revenue.
They’re your father’s properties and he should benefit from them.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are wise to follow your father’s wishes. Nothing should be given to anyone, including your brother. As long as your dad is alive, his estate and worldly goods belong to him.
He may surprise everyone and live longer than expected. His assets need to be managed so that they can be liquidated and used for his care in the event that he needs it. Your brother is wrong in thinking he’s entitled to something “he’ll eventually get anyway”.
Maybe he will, but he may not if your father needs to sell it to cover his living and care costs. Your dad trusted you enough to leave you in charge, and he seems to have made a very wise choice! Do not let your brother manipulate you into doing something that you know is not legal or ethical. Shame on him for being so self-entitled and greedy.
It doesn’t belong to him.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Look, I’m a doctor and look after lots of people with dementia and it is very difficult to predict how long someone will go on living. Even 3-5 years can be inaccurate depending on the person- I’ve had someone who was nearly 100 die recently with dementia and they’d been in a care home for >15 years and non-communicative for at least 5 of those.
People can surprise you. Your father is alive and the proceeds from his estate are needed now and indefinitely to fund his care. You can’t sell it- your father still needs it. Also what happens when it inevitably turns out that he could have gained more by selling it after your father passes?
Would he insist you gave him more of a share from the rest of you to make it “fair”? And what happens the next time his business needs a cash injection to stay solvent? Would he come after your inheritance or more of your father’s estate or let the business fold and lose his inheritance?
Or if one of your other siblings requires money to pay a medical bill? All this would chip away at your father’s estate, lowering the amount available for his care and most likely sowing more discord between you and your siblings when you divide the estate after his death.
NTJ. You are being responsible and safeguarding your father’s estate as you ought as his POA.” kb-g
9. AITJ For Taking In My Neglected Neighbor's Cat And Considering Keeping It?
“This past weekend, a very sweet cat started showing up on my doorstep and since I had never seen her around before, I assumed she was someone’s lost cat.
I took some pictures of her and made a social media post to see if anyone knew whose cat she was. I then left a bowl of water and some cat food on the porch for her and a little box with a blanket in it for her to sleep in if she wanted. And I went inside.
Later that night, I saw the same cat nearly get hit by a car, so I decided to call my landlady and see if she knew of the people next door having a cat that may have gotten out. There are several people that live in the house next to me but only one of them speaks English so I could have gone over there myself, but usually when I try to communicate with them it does not get me very far.
My landlady said she did not know of them having a cat but she would ask.
The next day, I was about to take this cat to a vet clinic to have her checked for a microchip and I get a text from the landlady saying that it is in fact the neighbor’s cat.
Apparently, they had visitors who had a dog with them and because the cat and the dog didn’t get along, their solution to that was to put their previously indoor-only cat outside. Supposedly the visitors were leaving that night and she would be back inside.
Around 8:30 that night, the cat was still on my doorstep, crying to be let in. It was also like 35 degrees outside. With my neighbors nowhere in sight, I scooped her up and brought her inside. I informed my landlady that I had done this and that they can come knock on my door if they want me to give her back.
That was 3 days ago and the cat is still with me.
Since she’s been in my care I have discovered that she has fleas, is sneezing and congested, and has a significantly fractured Canine tooth. I gave her one of my cat’s Nexgards for the fleas for now, but she needs more extensive care than that.
I also have no idea if she is spayed, etc. If she is still with me by the weekend I am going to make her a vet appointment because she needs one. But if I pay a vet bill, I am keeping this cat. Does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You can’t put an indoor cat outside. They’re not prepared, and don’t know how to survive, let alone navigate all the strange areas and smells. She was literally lost, all but abandoned because of a visiting dog, and no one seemed to be in a rush to welcome her back in.
Add on the fleas, dental problems, and poor health. That’s neglect. You didn’t steal the cat. The poor thing needed a loving home. You’re on a rescue mission. You sound like a better kitty parent than what your neighbors were offering. Get her cleaned up, take her to the vet, and welcome her home.
NTJ.” 4th_chakra
Another User Comments:
“Save that poor kitty. If it were me, I’d take it to the vet to get it all fixed up and chip it with me as the owner. Then if the neighbor asks for the cat back, say nothing but show them a copy of the vet bill (remove your personal info first) so they will see how much you’re expecting from them.
They’ll likely not pay and abandon the cat but hopefully will be so freaked out by the vet costs that it deters them from getting another cat or other pet. And no matter what the ultimate outcome, to ease its suffering, I would be taking it to the vet for meds to get better and have that tooth tended to.
It’s suffering. NTJ.” shikakaaaaaaa
8. AITJ For Confronting My Sister-In-Law About Misusing My Money?
“This past summer I underwent a lengthy surgical procedure that required several weeks in the hospital out of town and several months of follow-up.
I needed to have someone stay and help me over those first 8 weeks so I rented a large house on the water with a pool. I wanted those who came to help me to have an enjoyable environment.
Friends and family offered to help and a schedule was made.
Basically, people made it a vacation and met my needs while enjoying the amenities.
My late husband’s sister was the first to take advantage of the great setup. She stayed a week. She arrived while I was still in the hospital and then hustled out as fast as possible and left the day I was discharged. She didn’t bother to visit me while in the hospital as she didn’t like the traffic.
Effectively doing nothing for me but enjoying the beautiful home and amenities.
Prior to the surgery, I let her know that I was leaving $1,000.00 in the home to be used exclusively for items needed for the house, paper and laundry products, and cleaning supplies. Also, any needs for my dog who would be at the house when I was discharged.
Imagine my shock when I discovered she spent all of the $$ in six short days. Hurt and feeling used I decided to table the issue till I was feeling better.
As I was recovering I was not texting or answering calls, phone was off. I needed all of my energy for my literal survival. There was no consideration for what I was going through and thus no communication from me.
Weeks later her husband made a feeble attempt to admonish me for not texting and calling her “to make her feel better.” Sorry, not sorry was my response to this entitled one.
Nearly three months later I was back home and she came to visit.
After a pleasant visit, I asked what made her think that it was okay to spend all of the money I had left for use at the house.
She said she had given me receipts for her expenses. That is true. She began “charging” me before she left home.
Body wash, breakfast, chewing gum. Then she stated she used it to stock up the kitchen. I asked for whom? Since it was bits of leftovers, for whom was she leaving these. She had several notes stating she used her own credit card and no receipt available, listing food and gas (she has an electric car).
Then she stated that I had gifted it to her. I reminded her that I had not and my instructions. Then she stated it was her expense account. I asked why she thought she was entitled to an expense account and what made her think I would provide one.
When I originally rented the house she shared that she had been bragging to friends about her wonderful vacation planned at my summer rental.
I fully realize that this bridge is burned, though I cannot imagine what difference it could make?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset at her callous behavior at your expense.
If you want to wholly burn that bridge, feel free to warn your family about her behavior so they can all protect themselves or their loved ones from her selfishness and theft if they ever are in a similarly vulnerable position. Never leave SIL unsupervised near anything of value and don’t worry about being generous to others other than her where she can see.
She has already helped herself to her total “share” of your kindness, generosity, and consideration for others. Everything remaining can fairly only be given to others without guilt. She should be grateful that you haven’t filed a police report for her theft.” latents
Another User Comments:
“Clearly a case of jealousy. “For years I have watched you squander your wealth, while me, poor, poor me, has suffered”. Like so many posts here, this is about you trying to be the bigger person, trying to be generous, you wanting to be a good person: with someone who is petty, greedy, and self-absorbed. It’s the classic narcissist/codependent relationship.
Imagine if you came back from the hospital, and found your house cleaned and dinner on the stove. The thousand dollars still there, your dog exercised and loved, and her keeping you company. When it’s time to leave, she left all these delicious prepared meals in Tupperware in the fridge.
That is how people who love you behave. Time to set some boundaries in your life, for your own being. Here is an exercise: get a piece of paper and a pen. Imagine that it is your husband writing this letter to you. Now write.” Marmot_Mountain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She abused your generosity. She is not a responsible person. It would be clear to any reasonable, responsible person that the $1000 was not meant as a free gift to be taken for their own gain. She offered you essentially nothing and just took, took, took.
At this point, I wouldn’t care about burning the bridge. She has shown you who she is. She is very inconsiderate, rude, selfish, and a liar. I would not trust her ever again.” Dark_Wing_350
7. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Leaving Candles Unattended In Her Room?
“I, 21M, live with my mom, 56F, my brother, 19M and sister, 18F. My sister is the kind of person who has everyone around her walking on eggshells, and while I do my best to be a supportive older brother, I mostly just do as my younger brother does and try to avoid her as best I can.
Basically, I came out of my room to go down for a smoke and spotted my sister’s bedroom door wide open with multiple candles burning. I had heard her go downstairs like 45-50 minutes ago, so I was a bit worried about how long she had left them unattended especially because one of them was really close to some clothes she had hanging over her closet door.
If she had just gone downstairs to grab something I wouldn’t have been bothered, but she had been gone for almost an hour and we have two very playful young cats that love to chase each other through rooms and tend to knock things over.
So when I went down I told her to either go back to her room to keep an eye on her candles or blow them out, which did earn me a nasty look but she agreed and said once our mom answered a question for her she would.
So I went out for a smoke expecting her to have gone back up once I got back in. I smoke cigarillos that usually take me like 10 mins to finish, so I thought it was plenty of time. I should have known something was up when she let both the cats out as she has a habit of trying to half cover her tracks and minimize stuff to still get her way, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
But when I came back in she was still downstairs.
So I said I would just blow them out myself, which caused her to throw a whole fit about me not being allowed to go in her room let alone blow out her candles. Luckily in a rare show of a backbone, my mom said she would go see if it really was a hazard, which led to my sister trying to pull my mom off the stairs and when she failed, to pushing ahead of her.
My mom did say she better not be changing anything but of course she did, the candles close to the clothes were blown out by the time my mom got there. My mom ended up blowing out the other candles and I was going to leave it there.
But my sister decided she was going to tear into me for being so stupid and asking why I even cared. Well, I have priceless antique books in the room next to hers was one reason, but also I worried for the cats. One of our previous cats who passed of old age not too long ago had in the past gotten burned by an unattended candle and she was older and less careless at that time than our current cats are now.
Which of course just prompted more yelling. My brother heard the commotion and told me to just leave it because it was a losing battle, and my mom as always came to her defense and told me off.
I don’t know why this incident in particular bothers me but it does, and it genuinely has me wondering if I did make a mountain out of a molehill.
I was just worried about our cats… And a potential house fire.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With 2 cats and clothes near an open fire, it’s just a matter of time before a real threat happens. You have valid reasons to be concerned and to take action as this could have ended very badly for everyone not just her.
Also, I’m waiting for the teenagers of this site to come and say “but her privacy blah blah blah”. I would say though that your mother is very oblivious and weirdly calm to the fact that her daughter can set the house on fire, that’s weird.” the__normal__one
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The youngest person in the home is acting immature; no shocker. You’re the jerk because you’re trying to cache your mild disdain for the youngest person’s immaturity with concern for the home, but the fact is if you were so concerned about the hazard, you would’ve blown them out first and then told her about them.
You can’t say “but the cats!!! My priceless books!!!” and head downstairs to have a chat and smoke. It’s fine to want to help a young sibling mature, but you are instead trying to help her grow up via direction rather than teaching. The mature thing is always to solve the problem, not demand the problem be solved.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should install a smoke alarm outside your sister’s room so she doesn’t kill you all with a fire. I was staying with my aunt and uncle and worked nights. Their son lived in the basement and left for work that morning and left a candle burning because the basement tended to smell musty.
That candle ended up catching fire and the only reason I didn’t die in a house fire is because the smoke alarm above the basement door went off and I was woken up and able to put out the fire.” CatahoulaBubble
6. AITJ For Returning My Sister-In-Law's Mail That Was Sent To Our Address Without Permission?
“My husband’s sister is rude and entitled. One of her recent stunts was that even though she does not live with us and has not lived with us for years, she decided to use our home address for legal purposes. My husband immediately told her that was not okay with us and to change her address.
She proceeded to insult my husband calling him names etc. so of course when her mail arrived we returned the mail. Lo and behold she received some important legal document and now she’s livid because she says we returned her mail.
Another family member came over unannounced upset about the whole situation saying that it was not nice for my husband to treat his sister that way.
I stayed quiet because it is not my place but I told my husband he shouldn’t feel bad about putting boundaries with toxic family members. His sister is throwing a fit calling multiple family members, crying over the phone about how she has to pay additional lawyer fees now.
Even as I write this post the more ridiculous his sister’s behavior becomes. Anyway, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s probably using your address so that people don’t know where she is, I’m guessing legal trouble. This has the double effect of you acting as a kind of receptionist/gatekeeper for her and you running all the risk of anyone coming to look for her.
Make sure that all the relatives know to tell your SIL that she can use their address since it’s not a big deal to them but it is to you. And if anyone comes looking for her, make sure to send them to the family, too.
Since they’re so close and all.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Several things come to mind. By using your address on her documents it means she has a legal right to be there. For example, if she gets into your home and you call the police all she has to do is show her driving license and they’ll go away as she will have done nothing wrong, legally.
The legal documents worry me quite a bit. I realize you didn’t snoop into them but she hasn’t tried to get a loan on your home has she? 1 – If she has any legal woes it will be to your home the peace officers will appear.
Regularly. The police, justifiably, don’t believe it when relatives say ‘no, X doesn‘t live here.’ 2 – it is possible you will be mistaken for her and be arrested. This is no exaggeration, just look at the news. 3 – If she owes money it is into your home that the collections agency will try to force themselves.
Some less upstanding ones will even clamp or take your vehicles. 4 – If she owes money it is your belongings they will try to confiscate to settle the debt (you’d have to prove that it’s your property via receipt). 5 – it is, in fact, illegal for her to do this.
6 – she could have set up a shady company with your address marked as the official address. 7 – it could be a school district thing – again illegal and with ramifications for you. Goes without saying, both of you are NTJ but you need to be proactive before it’s too late.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“YEARS ago a friend’s sister did the same thing and used the “legal mailing address” to squat in her home for almost two years. Having your mail forwarded to another address where you don’t live sans the express permission of the legal resident of that property is considered “identity fraud” and can also depending on the reasons behind the fraud can be charged as actual mail fraud.
Did his sister say WHY she needed to get mail at your address? Honestly, I’d run a credit report on you, your husband, and any children with all three bureaus ASAP and strongly urge you to freeze your credit for your entire family as well.
I’d also consider writing a formal letter to the postmaster of your zipcode informing them that your SIL does not live at your address and has attempted to fraudulently use your address to receive her mail. It starts a paper trail if she tries anything else.” celticmusebooks
5. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids After She Cancelled Last Minute?
“My (29M) sister (32F) has three kids (10, 7, 5).
Last month, she asked me if I could watch them for a weekend while she and her husband went on a short anniversary trip. I agreed because I love my nieces and nephew, but I made it clear that I needed at least two weeks’ notice because I work long hours, and I’d have to rearrange my schedule.
Fast forward to this past week. I asked my boss for time off, cleared my weekend, and stocked my house with everything the kids would need. Friday afternoon rolls around, and I’m waiting for her to drop them off. Suddenly, I get a text from her saying they’re not coming.
She decided last minute that they were going to a family-friendly resort instead and didn’t need me to watch them anymore. No apology, just, “We’ll do it another time.”
I was frustrated because I had completely cleared my weekend, turned down plans with friends, and rearranged my work schedule for this.
I responded by telling her it wasn’t cool to cancel on me last minute like that, especially when I went out of my way to help.
Then, two days later, she called me again asking if I could watch the kids the following weekend.
Apparently, something came up with her original plan, and she needed someone to watch them after all. I told her no, I wasn’t available. She got upset and said I was being selfish and punishing her kids for something that wasn’t their fault.
Now she’s mad at me, and my parents are saying I should be more understanding because “things come up when you’re a parent.” I don’t have kids, but I feel like it’s just basic respect to not cancel on someone last minute and then expect them to be available whenever you want.
So, AITJ for refusing to watch my sister’s kids after she canceled on me last minute?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just tell them you cannot rearrange your schedule back to back like this, and you told her you need at least 2 weeks, so she already knew that chances were very unlikely.
Her trying to guilt you is in poor taste. Additionally, just because your sister was inconsiderate and you are now saying no, this does not mean you are punishing the kids. I’d probably emphasize that point the most. Instead of having her ask for a weekend for you to babysit, you could ask for a weekend to take them in the future for a makeup weekend for bonding.
Take control of when you see them instead of relying on your flakey sister.” rst012345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes, people with kids tend to think people without this responsibility have no life and no other commitment. I had to have a talk with my family recently about this.
They were taking for granted that I was available last minute to put my life aside and go for weeks at a time to help out my sister and her kid or take care of my parents’ house while they were away or go to my brother’s place to take care of his dog for a week, etc. I sat them down and explained how disrespectful it was to put me in situations where I was either the jerk for saying no to help out family and feeling guilty or I was the one giving up on all my plans to help out.
Either way, I was miserable. One of the reasons I made the choice of not having kids was because I didn’t want the responsibility or having to be tied down. Yet, my family was seeing that choice as a free babysitter. But, after a long talk with them, they understood where I was coming from and I realized that I was allowed to say no (still working on that).
So, I think the best thing to do is to have a talk with your family.” Ambroisie_Cy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. You are not being selfish. You cannot turn your schedule around at her every whim.
2. You are not punishing the kids. She is subjecting her kids to the consequences of how SHE manages her family’s plans.
Either she CAN’T plan better and that’s just the luck her kids have to deal with or she CAN plan better and is choosing to make her kids the collateral damage from her whiplash decisions.
3. You were HAPPY and WILLING to rearrange your schedule to watch your niblings.
Sis is the one who trashed your weekend with the kids.
4. “Hey, Mom and Dad, even people without kids have lives and commitments and constraints. If things come up for Sis because she chose to have children, then that’s her responsibility to manage. Let’s face it.
What you are really telling me is that you don’t think MY TIME is worth anything because I haven’t created more grandchildren for you. It doesn’t matter to you if I lost income from canceling work or if I can’t just cancel work at the drop of a hat.
It doesn’t matter to you if I missed out on activities I wanted to do because I had reserved that time to ACTUALLY HELP SIS and she blew me off on a whim at the very last minute. Why? Because you don’t think my life, my time, my interests, my obligations, even the time I make to help sis that she trashes like yesterday’s newspaper – none of that – matters… because… KIDS.
Well, Mom and Dad. YOUR kid wants to change her plans on a whim and that affects HER kids. If anyone should be understanding of how ‘things come up when you’re a parent,’ then YOU can change your plans; make yourselves available to help YOUR KID and YOUR KID’s KIDS for whatever last-minute notion Sis comes up with.”
I want to add a little more regarding that whole ‘things come up’. They do come up – plenty, for people with kids… but also for people without kids. There’s a big difference between your sister canceling because (say) one of the kids got sick and your sister just changing her mind about what SHE wanted to do.
Neither Sis nor your parents seem to grasp that distinction. As a parent, I’ve had plenty of things come up that affected our family plans; but (1) I never made that someone else’s responsibility to fix and (2) having kids was never a get-out-of-jail-free card for abusing others’ goodwill because I just changed my mind at the last minute.” swillshop
4. AITJ For Not Giving My Roommate Notice Before Moving Out Due To Her Unhygienic Habits?
“I’ve been renting a room from another single mom who only has her son on weekends. I’ve been planning to move in with my dad once my stepmom and her daughter moved out. I let my dad know I wanted to give my roommate at least a 30-day notice.
Well, my stepmom and her daughter are moving out next weekend so I figured I’d let my roommate know I’d be out by the end of November.
However, I came home from work and the whole place smelled like substances and this isn’t the first time, it’s been quite a few times.
The police have shown up because neighbors were complaining of the smell and she told me she was gonna stop but she hasn’t. I have a 2-year-old son and I’m not okay with where we live smelling like that, she thinks lighting a candle masks the smell but it does not.
She constantly leaves dishes in the sink for WEEKS at a time, to the point mold starts growing on dishes and in the sink. She never takes the trash out and lets it just pile up. When I first moved in I used to do all the dishes and take out the trash but when I realized she doesn’t do the same I started doing my dishes and taking out my trash and now both just build up.
I’ve been losing my mind for months and I am seriously contemplating telling her I’m moving out next week. I do feel bad giving her no notice but my son’s health and wellbeing is more important than anything.”
Another User Comments:
“Ehh, ESH.
She sounds like a not-great roommate, but not giving notice means she may not have money for rent next month. Giving notice gives her time to allocate funds, find another roommate, or relocate herself if need be. I get she isn’t great but notice exists for a reason.
I get also you want to make sure your son is properly taken care of, but you had no issue managing before you suddenly had a move-out opportunity. It feels like you’re trying to justify giving her no real notice. Tell her, whether you’re moving out in a week or at the end of November.
She may suck, but she deserves to know and not have her living situation put at risk. I hope it all goes well!” Legolaslegs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of the nitpicky stuff, her strange odor and leaving dirty dishes don’t mean you should up and ghost her.
If you were really concerned about her son’s well-being you’d give her notice. Single moms typically have it rough financially so you giving her no notice may cause her to fall short on bills and could lead to all sorts of problems. From the tone of your story, I honestly get the vibe that you don’t like her personal choices and this is a way to sort of punish her.
Just my observation. You can tell her about her shortcomings when you do the right (and usually legal) thing by giving her notice that you’re moving out! Two wrongs don’t make a right.” KodyManley
Another User Comments:
“Are you on any sort of lease?
If not I wouldn’t worry about giving her notice. I’m sure people are going to say that it will leave her in a bad spot because she won’t have the money she needs for rent BUT she’s been putting you in a bad spot the whole time you’ve lived there.
Wouldn’t it be a jerk move if a neighbor called CPS before you moved out? And your kid was taken or a case opened up due to her strange odor or being nasty? For the record I don’t care if people smoke, I used to, and I don’t really see it as a bad thing.
But how I feel doesn’t matter, if it jeopardizes my kid’s life or well-being I’m not gonna have anything to do with it.” Illustrious_March192
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Parents For Dismissing My Stepdaughter's Death?
“I met my now wife 15 years ago, she had an almost 1-year-old daughter. I’ll refer to her as “Kate”.
Being a dad was something I always wanted plus my wife is such a great mother I fell in love with her and Kate very quickly. Kate became my daughter, her bio dad wasn’t involved. So I’ve been the one helping with homework, at every gymnastics meet, giving advice when needed, at doctor appointments, etc, etc. I’ve never been a stepdad only a dad to Kate.
I haven’t had a good relationship in years with my parents. I have been in basically no contact with them for about 12 years. The only contact has been just with me and not my family and only via phone calls. That’s only about once a year though around the holidays.
After they decided having biological children was far more important for me than my already daughter Kate.
Kate passed away a month ago. It was very unexpected, it has turned my whole family’s world upside down. The whole family is in grief therapy and we are just taking things one step at a time.
A week ago I got a phone call from my parents saying they heard from other relatives of mine about Kate’s passing. Was wondering how I was doing and I ended up being really vulnerable sharing how difficult it has been for me and the rest of my family since Kate passed away.
My mom ended up saying at least I still have my biological children and Kate’s just my stepdaughter. I yelled at them to not refer to Kate as “just my stepdaughter” and I’m her dad in every way that matters because I have been there for her and love her so much.
My dad called me a jerk for yelling at them when they were just trying to help me feel better. My wife understands why I got mad but was wondering If I could have been a little more understanding because we have learned some people have a weird way of trying to support when a person is grieving.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. And I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Also: I want to point out that your parents are definitely the jerks here. It sounds like they have never understood or respected the fact that you are Kate’s dad.
They made their unkind comments after you told them how hard things have been for you and your family since Kate passed away. Yes, sometimes people do have weird ways of trying to show support or don’t really know what to say when someone is grieving.
And if they blurted out something insulting/hurtful at the start of the conversation, you could’ve maybe cut them a little slack? But that’s not what happened here. (Even if it had been the beginning of the conversation, they would have been the jerks…)” if-anything
Another User Comments:
“I’m assuming that you have told your parents in the past that it wasn’t appropriate for them to make a distinction between Kate and the bio kids. This is no different than singling out an adopted kid as less than.
It’s just plain never acceptable and cruel. These are people who cannot muster compassion for a little girl enough to control their mouths and behavior. They are either unkind or mentally incapable of seeing it from your and Kate’s perspective. You don’t owe them one thing and you are allowed your grief and outrage.
Don’t expect them to understand it and protect your kids from their toxicity. So sorry.” Unevenviolet
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry for your loss. May happy memories bring you comfort as you grieve the untimely death of your daughter. Your parents are cruel.
There is no way anyone would think minimizing and dismissing the person you’re grieving is comforting. Not even the most insensitive person would say this is appropriate. Plus this is an old wound that your parents are well aware of. Your father doubled down instead of immediately apologizing for their thoughtlessness.
Your parents clearly know how you feel about Kate and they deliberately chose to take one more swipe at you in a moment of vulnerability. Please don’t waste your time worrying about these monsters. We all wish for a loving and supportive relationship with our parents.
They have just shown you they are incapable of this. Continue to stay no contact with them. They do not deserve you or your family. Your energy and focus need to be with your family who loved Kate and are grieving too. NTJ.” PinkMarmoset
2. AITJ For Not Eating My Partner's Homemade Brownies Due To Texture Aversion?
“Yesterday my partner surprised me with some homemade brownies. She baked them specifically for me, she was so thoughtful and used all vegan ingredients. It made me feel both so valued and cared for but also stressed because I knew I wouldn’t like them because I can not handle the chewy texture of them.
But she didn’t know that. I love the chocolate flavor so she must have thought I would like brownies too.
I thanked her and then told her I’m really not good with chewy textures. She insisted that I take a bite so I did. I could barely swallow it.
I smiled and hid my disgust the best I could because I knew she would be offended.
I must be terrible at faking my reaction because she immediately asked me does it really taste that horrible? I said no, it’s not about that, I just can’t handle the chewy textures.
I told her it has nothing to do with the taste or her baking and not to take it personally.
Unfortunately, she did. She told me I’m ungrateful and I could just take a few bites and tell her I will save the rest for later like a normal person.
I apologized and said I don’t think I will be able to take more bites. That really upset her. She said fine I will just throw them away then and threw them into the garbage. She was so upset the whole time and decided to not stay over so I gave her a ride.
She was upset during the ride too and slammed the door when she was leaving.
I don’t know how to feel about this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you did try to eat some, even knowing you have a texture aversion.
Some people simply cannot handle certain textures. She’s lucky you aren’t the type to have it trigger your gag reflex! The food might taste amazing, but for some of us, the texture alone can do that. My mother loves chocolate, but if it’s a pudding it will make her gag every time.
For me, it’s things like tapioca or boba with those little bubble balls in it. We can’t help it. It sounds like you’re both young and she may not have much experience with people who are that texture-averse. To her, she put love in the gift and you rejected it.
She felt hurt and that’s valid too. You both need to sit down, when calm, and discuss this as adults. Let her know you understand and appreciate the gift of love. She, meanwhile, has to listen and understand texture aversion. No one is a jerk here.
It’s just a simple misunderstanding.” gaelicdarkwater
Another User Comments:
“My husband loves garlic, bacon, and potatoes. Made him a potato bake. Turns out he hates potato bake lol. He did apologize and was really nice. I meanwhile eat everything except almond flavoring. Like almonds are fine?
But almond-flavored treat? It’s like my coriander. There’s something seriously wrong in my mouth when I try almond flavoring. My mum can handle spice but not wasabi. Or lemons. I don’t know, people’s taste buds are whack. People are allowed to have preferences. It sounds like you were gracious and nice.
I get it sucks, but part of personal growth is realizing your good deed might not be the good deed someone needs.” missbean163
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your partner was trying to do a nice thing but unfortunately it went wrong. It happens.
This is a new relationship and you are both still learning about each other. She however does need to learn that sometimes when we surprise someone, the surprise fails, often this is nobody’s fault. It’s nice that she wanted to do something for you, but her reaction to it failing needs addressing.
It’s okay to feel disappointed when a surprise fails, but when it does, it’s a chance to learn better. If I baked a cake for someone and found they couldn’t eat it, I’d ask what they could eat or would like in the future. I’d rather they didn’t lie to me to spare my feelings.
I’d sit her down and explain that the brownies are appreciated in terms of the effort and the fact that she took the time to make a surprise for you. The fact that you don’t like brownies doesn’t mean the feelings and intention of baking them aren’t appreciated. Maybe suggest that you make time to cook something together in the future (even if baking isn’t your thing, how about planning a nice meal together?).” wheelartist
1. AITJ For Defending My Wife's Workload To My Father-In-Law?
“My (29M) in-laws are visiting for the weekend and I of course try my best to get along and entertain guests but while my wife was out picking up something for dinner my FIL made a comment about how it must be weird letting my wife worry about dinner for once.
Now I’ll be honest I love to cook and bake. I also work from home with a job that’s somewhat laid back so when I get time I clean and take care of the house. I’m also admittedly the breadwinner as my wife has chosen a passion job that requires her to leave the house and do stuff that’s actually somewhat physically strenuous.
It makes her happy and I love that she gets to work her dream job even if it does leave her very tired when it comes to chores around the house.
So when my FIL asked me if it was weird I asked him to clarify and he stated “You let her get away with avoiding all the women’s work.
I wouldn’t let that happen at home it’s just not right. You should be making her do the cooking and cleaning all the time”. This obviously frustrated me a little and I didn’t want to argue or anything but I was trying to get him to be a little more empathetic so I responded with “Your daughter works hard every day and the foundation for her day-to-day stress is being able to come home to some concept of order.
Some days she comes home hurt because of how hard she works even. If all I have to do during the day is walk around the house and clean a little and have something warm to eat for her when she finally gets home to relax why would I ever take that away from her even for the sake of what gender should be doing what?
It’s a team effort and we don’t really see it the way you do.”
He grumbled and kind of went on a monologue about how it’s just different now and it doesn’t seem like things are as good these days. I didn’t want to push any further and just kind of awkwardly waited until my wife got back.
I told her about it later and she kind of just sighed and said he’s just like that and really doesn’t want me to engage or argue with him if I can. Should I have just kind of shrugged and let it go for my wife’s sake?
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a bit while they visit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but how you engage with the inlaws will impact the family. It sounds like the father is ready to openly share his views but lacks empathy and doesn’t handle any challenges to his views well.
Knowing this, you’ll have to decide how and how much you want to engage knowing he will likely get upset and that short term it may impact how your wife feels as well.” OrneryJonz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this needs to happen more. This kind of opinion (his) is why some young men (even well into their 40s) believe that women should observe traditional gender roles without the expectation also being applied to them.
The boomer generation saw the disintegration of the single-income household, but not the disintegration of the traditional gender roles in the domestic sense. So some Gen X and millennial men have been catered to enough by this model that it is their expectation. Your calm but firm response was appropriate.
You view your relationship as a partnership and he views it as one-sided servitude. Keep up the good work!” shorthumanfemale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s being sexist and this is none of his business anyway. You weren’t rude or out of line in the slightest. You were also defending her which she should appreciate.
He doesn’t think you should “let her get away with” doing less housework? Well I would tell him you don’t let people “get away with” speaking about your wife like that. He wants traditional masculinity? Give it to him. The “trad” husband defends his wife after all.
I get where she’s coming from not wanting an argument. Totally. But I don’t think you really argued. You just said your wife works really hard and you have the time and ability to make things easier for her so why wouldn’t you?” EmiliusReturns
