People Don’t Go Soft In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Reporting Unattended Kids In My Apartment's Hot Tub Area After One Hurt My Back?
“I (26F) went to enjoy my apartment community’s hot tub, it recently opened after some city permit issues delayed it for a few months.
Now the pool and spa area is open from 10 am to 10 pm, and I was hoping that going around 8:30 pm/9 pm there wouldn’t be any kids or they would be heading home. Some background since this might seem like an overboard action but I suffer from fibromyalgia and some lower disks in my back are screwed up from a pretty bad accident I had when I was younger, it sucks but using heat like bathes and hot tubs helps ease the pain.
I just wanted to unwind and let my joints relax. Unfortunately no such luck; but the few kids there were in the pool and I felt I could relax in peace. And I did!
Until this lady came to the spa from the pool with a young boy (maybe 8) and a little girl who could barely be 2 and wore a huge life vest(it looked like 2/3 of the girl was this life vest, guessing she had a hard time/couldn’t swim but it looked more for boating than a pool), I am not great at guessing ages.
The spa was big enough that I had my space and they had plenty of their own but the little girl was playing on the stairs and the only handrail; it was the halfway point from their space and mine, think large square hot tub.
It kind of alarmed me how little the “guardian” cared for the safety of the little girl, she sat farther away from the girl and was on her phone practically ignoring her; only saying “Come over here”. Even the little boy was saying similar things to get the young girl to sit with them to no avail.
This next bit is baffling to me so please bear with me.
Maybe because the little girl saw I was on my phone, catching up on some webtoons during my relaxing soak, and the art was very pretty. This little girl decided to invade my personal space, she was now less than a couple inches behind me, so I slightly turned to her and calmly said “Excuse me” and the lady now was trying to tell the girl to “come back over here to me[her]” (again not getting up to get the girl).
This little girl proceeded to throw herself on my back then to try and get MY drinks that were near me, yes I brought water in a cup with plastic wrap on it(walking from my apartment to the pool/spa area I didn’t want it to splash everywhere) and a mostly intoxicated sprite in acceptable containers to the pool so I could stay hydrated. All I could do was slightly turn to look at this lady and glare briefly because I was too shocked that a child would do this to a complete stranger.
I got out a couple of minutes later because I was so shocked and needed to go home anyway. After getting home my back has been killing me, especially where she landed despite it being a small jump.
So WIBTJ for reporting this to my management office?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not appropriate behavior for a common area. Of course, this impacted you more significantly due to your fibromyalgia. However, even if you didn’t have that or it was someone else, this would still not be acceptable. As for whether or not there are any rules being broken here.
It’s common for water areas, especially hot tubs, to have rules (or at least guidelines) but let’s say there isn’t – this is the kind of incident that leads to rules. It’s a shared space, which means sometimes people will need to be around kids when they don’t want to be, but it also means that those kids and their parents/guardians need to be respectful of others using the area and their personal space.
Period.” angelswish5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, report them by saying there were unattended children and that you were injured. I too have Fibro & a jacked-up lumbar disc and I know how something so small as this child’s actions can cause a flare. I might also suggest to management that maybe the hot tub be no kids after 8 pm.
Good luck. I wish my complex had a hot tub it’s great for hydrotherapy for Fibro patients. Course I only use our pool in the daytime mon-fri cause parents just don’t supervise their children and in our complex anyone under 14 has to be supervised by someone over 18 & mon-fri the office enforces the policy.
On weekends & evenings, all bets are off cause people suck.” downsideup05
Another User Comments:
“What rules are there? If no rule is broken you don’t really have anything to report unless you are looking for them to introduce new rules surrounding the age of kids in the hot tub area.
It is difficult to be assertive in these situations but unfortunately, we have to. It is completely fine to speak up at the time and ask that adult to please keep the kid out of your space so that you can all enjoy the space.
Ultimately it is a communal space and if the rules aren’t there then not much to be done” declinecookies
20. AITJ For Reporting A Potential Dog Adopter's Hostile Behavior To The Adoption Counselor?
“I work in the kennel at an animal shelter and a lot of the time I love it there!
I work with sweet animals and have great co-workers, so I couldn’t ask for anything better. The only really trying part is dealing with the general public. We’ve closed for walk-in adoptions, but people can still apply for pets online and come in to meet the one they’re looking at before deciding if they’re going to go through.
The other day, I was assigned to do a meet and greet for a dog, the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet. I took her out to meet the potential adopter and his partner, and all seemed to be going well until the dog got a little overstimulated and started jumping on all of us from the excitement of being outside and meeting new people.
The dude found it cute but the partner FREAKED about it. She yelled at the poor thing like it had killed her firstborn in front of her, and the dog immediately stopped but also started displaying fearful behavior. I calmly explained that yelling at a dog for unwanted behavior isn’t a proper or particularly kind way of training it and will only cause the dog to become, in the best case avoid and in the worst case aggressive/hostile towards them.
We’ve actually had dogs surrendered to us because they bit their previous owners because they ‘disciplined’ them by screaming at it.
The woman just sneered at me and said she wouldn’t have to yell if the dog had proper training. Mind you, we made it clear on the dog’s profile that it was prone to being jumpy and would need a little more work from the adopter to curb it, and we always give adopters with more difficult dogs the contact information to our behavior team who’d be able to help them get started.
I was uncomfortable with the situation as a whole since it seemed like the lady wasn’t going to budge on that and the dog is getting more anxious. Despite the issue from earlier, they did want to go through with adopting the dog so I just told them to go to talk to an adoption counselor to continue and went to talk the dog inside.
On the way in I passed one of the people who works in adoptions, and they asked how it went; so I told them. They said they’d pass that on to whoever’s handling the adoption. I do feel a little bad about it, because if it becomes a genuine issue the application may be rejected, and the guy seemed to be really into the dog.
When I talked about it at home my grandparents told me that I should’ve just let it go and that it probably wouldn’t happen again, but I’m not sure. People who act like that towards animals don’t tend to switch their behavior after being scolded for it once.
I don’t like the idea of keeping a dog away from a home, especially if it seems like being in the shelter just stresses them out despite our best efforts, but I wasn’t going to voice my concerns about the dog being happy in the home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving pertinent information to the people who make the decision about the adoption is 10000% the right thing to do, for the people and the dog. This woman does not seem like a good candidate to care for a dog. If the guy is conscientious enough and they manage to find a fairly easy, calm dog it might turn out okay, but if not, there’s a very good chance a dog could wind up in a situation where it is treated poorly, and you are absolutely always correct to provide information in order to prevent that, provided that you do so truthfully and through the correct channels– it’s what they’re there for.
Well done, OP!” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Animal placements are just as serious as child placement, and no one would release a child to a person who had already displayed hostile behaviors due to pure childishness. You did fine. If you had looked the other way, and said nothing, it might have cost the dog its future security and happiness.
The guy might rethink getting a dog, though, or dumping the partner.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your job is to look after these animals; you noticed the dog was uncomfortable and you politely stepped in. If you hadn’t, and the dog had negatively reacted, I bet you would definitely get the blame from them!
If she’s already shouting after five minutes, it makes me feel uncomfortable what she’s going to be like later on or behind closed doors?” SwimmingAd2962
19. AITJ For Not Supporting My Husband's Decision To Quit School And Work Part-Time?
“My (32f) husband Tom(33m) got married at 25. At the time I was wrapping up my master’s degree and he was an SGT in the Marine Corps. You see because he was stationed overseas we could only have a long-distance relationship, so we only had our online relationship (minus a few times we visited each other) to get to know each other.
While we were together I made sure to let him know that I was very ambitious and had a lot of things I wanted to accomplish and made sure to let him know that I wanted a partner who not only wanted the same thing but also helped keep us stable both financially (because I was bad with money and wanted to invest and save for the future) and emotionally (I grew up in an unstable home).
I told him these were make-it-or-break-it deals for me and he insisted his career was a priority and he was very good with saving and investing as well.
Well long story short he ended up being forced out due to not ranking up fast enough, he was forced to quit his last job due to underperformance, I handle all the finances and he isn’t all that emotionally unstable.
I want to emphasize that he is a good man and he is an exceptional father and caters to most of my crazy whims.
Fast forward to the present: he has been a stay-at-home father going to school full time (online). He’s been insisting that he absolutely hates online and feels full-time is too hard.
The only problem is that he has to stay full-time to get the GI bill which basically pays him to go to school. He told me he wants to go to in-person classes which I support (did tell him that it might be a lot harder to balance things since he’s taking care of our newborn and our oldest is in full crazy toddler mode).
Our oldest is in daycare and after seeing him struggling I decided to enroll our infant in childcare so he can focus more on school.
The thing is I don’t mind sacrificing and helping him because the plan was for him to finish up his degree and find a good paying job within the next 5 years.
Well, he just told me that he wants to stop going to school full-time and get a part-time job while going to school part-time. I asked him at what age did he plan on finishing his degree and he told me that none of that mattered to him that he’d get done when he’d get done.
He wanted to focus more on our family and this current plan would allow him to do that and take up carpentry(as a hobby) and continue to be a volunteer instructor with the Red Cross.
I tried to stay calm when I told him that I thought his plan was a terrible one and said I didn’t support it.
I also pointed out that he was basically asking that I be ok with him doing whatever while I was the sole breadwinner and caretaker( balancing bills, car maintenance, etc). I told him I was willing to sacrifice and support him when I thought he would be done in a few years and not be in a wishy-washy position.
I’m a pretty black-and-white kind of a person and this seems murky grey for me and I hate it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Tiny ESH. I get your frustrations. I think I get where he’s coming from, as well. But it honestly sounds like he’s… got some issues to work through.
I was under the impression you had to screw up pretty badly to discharge for lack of progression. And now he’s trying to get a part-time job (that he might not even hold) while he gets things done when they’re done? You’re allowed to be frustrated, here, but honestly, I’d be worried about him.
If he’s actually a good father it’s worth a discussion about why he’s changing this and why he has so many issues with work as a general thing. Where you might be screwing up is this seems to be blindsiding you. _Communicate, communicate, communicate._ You gotta, especially where money is involved. It sounds like he wants an easy life (totally fine) with you making the sacrifices to make it happen (not so fine).” tinysydneh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a guy who thinks he is better than he is so failing everything he starts, now withdrawing from real-world competition. He has put together a family life plan in which he fannies about playing with his toys while you take responsibility for looking after him and the children.
Did you want to walk side by side through life with your HUSBAND while you both hold your children or to be pushing him up the path cos he has his eyes closed and face turned to enjoy the sun while you try to carry 2 children too?” Flocceenaucee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like he expects you to be his sugar mama while also doing a lot of the work at home so he can live his best-chilled life. You’re supposed to sacrifice your life plans in order for him to have an easy life.
This is totally unfair to you and (unsurprisingly) prioritizes his need above yours in the relationship instead of you having a partnership. Take it from a woman who spent years of her life catering to a man’s plan: Don’t do it. His ‘plan’ (or lack thereof) is not what you signed up for.
I guarantee you that life as a single parent who co-parents with him is way easier than the deal you’ve got going on right now.” ImFinePleaseThanks
18. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Husband Taking $30 From My Safe Without Asking?
“For the record, it’s the principle, not the dollar amount.
Since it may be relevant, I (29F) handle the finances. I prefer it because I have a lot of anxiety surrounding finances due to my upbringing. My husband (26M) likes it this way because he gets stressed easily and hates dealing with numbers. He’s in the loop on all expenses – has access to the budget spreadsheet, bank accounts, etc. He can see everything.
Whatever we don’t need for bills/necessities we split for our own separate savings. We bring in roughly the same amount of money.
This is about our separate cash reserves. Yesterday, my husband sent me a message to remind him to give me $30. I was busy and didn’t respond, so I asked about it when he came home because he didn’t owe me anything.
I thought maybe I forgot about something, so when I approached this I was definitely using a joking tone “What’s the $30 for? Are you giving me an allowance?” We laughed, and then he let me know that he was too lazy to go to the bank one day (his words) so he went into my safe and grabbed $30 to do what he had to do.
He keeps all $100 bills and doesn’t want to break one.
I got annoyed which caused me to drop my joking tone, but I didn’t think I was being a jerk. I accepted the $30 from him and reminded him to ask me next time. I would have said yes.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened, maybe the 3rd or 4th. He always apologizes but then does it again because “it’s not a lot of money and I pay it back”.
This is where I may be the jerk – I told him that I know he’ll pay it back, and no it isn’t a lot of money, but there’s no reason he can’t ask me first because he’s an adult and can use his words.
I asked if he would go into his mom’s safe/purse and take some money with the same logic – no. Okay, what about your dad – no. I told him I’d be changing the combination so he has no choice but to ask in the future.
He felt like I was patronizing him and hadn’t talked to me since this happened last night.
It wasn’t my intention to be a jerk, but he wouldn’t do it to other people and despite me not being okay with it the last few times, he still thinks it’s okay because that’s his opinion.
I’m apparently overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go against the grain and give you a gentle YTJ. Your comparing the situation to taking money out of a parent’s wallet doesn’t stand up because in that situation there is an inherent power difference between child and parent.
That type of power difference shouldn’t exist among spouses. Since you appear to have merged finances, your money is his money, and vice versa. You are taking your issues and anxieties out on him for something that he had every reason to think was reasonable.” LadyOfIthilien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People here are misinterpreting the dad/mom comparison. I saw it as more like “Would you violate the trust and privacy of other close family members? Then why do it to me?”. I see how referencing them might feel kinda like parentifying and maybe op can explain it this way when trying to reconcile (assuming my interpretation is what op intended)” gphbk
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Cousin's Wedding After Being Ghosted By My Dad's Family?
“This issue has been causing me so much stress lately. I’ve talked to my therapist about what to do multiple times. I’m still unsure but my dad says his brother is nagging him about me and my siblings saying he needs an answer soon.
I’m 24 M and my cousin on my dad’s side is getting married in August. 6 years ago, my parents went through a brutal divorce. My mom had an affair and I felt awful for my dad. It destroyed him, I can still remember the nights of her not being home and him crying.
I’ve always felt bad for my dad, but at the same time, he has been a complete jerk since the divorce.
He moved to Florida, leaving my grandma to basically take care of my younger siblings and I. He still calls, I’ll see him when he comes in.
But I won’t go to visit. My mom then moved an abusive person into our home. Our grandma bought us a townhome to move us into so we wouldn’t have to be with our mom. Again, Dad doing nothing to help.
My dad’s side of the family has basically ghosted us for 5 years.
I haven’t seen them since 2015 really. No calls, no cards for graduation or holidays, no checking in after what we went through with our mom. Well, we all still got invited to my cousin’s wedding. My sister is already not going, but I feel bad.
I feel like it would be making a huge statement if we didn’t show up. But then again maybe they made a huge statement over the past 5 years.
I told my dad how I was feeling and he brushed it off saying this could be like a reunion with his side of the family.
But I doubt we’d even be missed if we didn’t go. But if we don’t go it’s probably completely done with Dad’s side of the family. I don’t see myself having a relationship with any of them any longer if that’s the case.
But they’ve also been complete jerks to my siblings and me.
Side note: Dad’s family seemed to ghost us because they think it’s wrong we haven’t flown to visit our dad in Florida since he moved there. But we think he left us, not the other way around.
So we aren’t just dropping what we have going on (school, work) to fly to Florida.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a wedding, not a royal summons. Just say you have a conflict and decline. You’re not obligated to tell them whether the conflict is work obligations or “I just don’t want to see you,” let alone defend your decision.
And if they’re going to cut you off over this, then they’re pretty clearly just looking for an excuse to do so. That said, have you actually spoken directly with any other members of that side of the family about the situation? Because if you’re relying on your dad to pass on the information, I suspect they may have no idea what’s been going on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you don’t feel close to that side of the family then you shouldn’t have to go. It’s a wedding not a big event for your own personal life. If his family ghosted you, it was clear they didn’t want to be associated with you.
The invite was probably just a courtesy. And I say your dad would be the jerk since after a divorce he just gave up on everything it seems like, immature on his part for not taking care of his family. If you don’t want to go to the wedding don’t, they’ll live.” zerotwolives
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But ask yourself this: do you want a relationship with your dad and his side of the family? Will having them in your life make your life better? If the answer is yes, then going to the wedding will open that door.
If the answer is no, then don’t go and live your life. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best. You were dealt a rotten hand, but at least you have your siblings and your grandmother. Go live a good life.” lilEve77
16. AITJ For Wanting To Change The Locks Before My Roommate's Ex Collects His Stuff?
“My roommate (F24) ended her relationship with her partner (M30) of a year on Saturday. Currently on the lease for the house are me (F24), my partner (F25), and my roommate. Her partner moved in with us last summer but wasn’t on the initial lease and did not want to be added to it when we renewed in March.
We were all fine giving him as much time as he needed to get out because he’s sad as all get out but on Monday morning at about 3 am he lost his temper on my roommate for saying she didn’t see them getting back together in the future (I guess that part had not been clear to him up until that point).
He immediately woke everyone up screaming about how she was a woman of loose morals anthat d we shouldn’t live with a person like her while packing up all of his stuff.
Not fun considering we ALL had work early in the morning and I live with pilots who kind of need to be well rested in order to function well at their job.
Fast forward to today, he tells us he is coming by tomorrow morning to get the rest of the furniture and he doesn’t want any of us home. That wouldn’t be a problem because we all have work but it just seems sketchy that he specifically wanted nobody home.
I have a dog and a cat (that was missing for two weeks because HE left the sliding glass door open a few months ago) that I don’t want to get out not to mention all of my stuff. He didn’t even seem like the kind of guy who would be crazy and steal/destroy anything but he’s extremely emotional and that affects your decision-making process.
I messaged him asking if he could wait until three when my partner is off of work so she could be there to watch the animals since he probably will have the door/garage open to get his furniture. He said he would be out before then and not to worry about the pets… I begged him over text to work with us and coordinate on any time when someone could be there and he is adamant about tomorrow morning.
I just don’t have a good feeling and I brought up changing the locks tonight. My roommate thinks it’s a good idea but he’s been mean to her the past couple of days and I think she probably wants to be a jerk back. My partner thinks we should just take the animals to a friend’s tomorrow and let him do what he wants.
AITJ if I change the locks? I know that he’ll be furious if he shows up and his key doesn’t work but if I warn him I think he’ll just bring his tool kit and get into the house one way or another.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, but I would say NTJ. He sounds like a real buttcheek on a stick if you ask me. I would trust your roommate because she is the one who went through a breakup with him and can gauge the situation the best. Hope this gets resolved.” Alternative_Spot1631
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Change the locks immediately and make sure someone or multiple someones are there. Preferably not just the ex-partner, as he seems a bit sketchy. He’s not on the lease, he doesn’t live there, and he has no right to be there alone.
Y’all may be better off moving his stuff to the porch or front of the house (protected, not just thrown haphazardly and abandoned and easily stolen) and keeping him out altogether.” itsjustanothergirl
Another User Comments:
“I supremely hate this. As a fellow pet owner, I would be hesitant and sketched out.
I understand why someone would want to move out by themselves with no one else home but since he had a temper tantrum and seems on edge and you are responsible for two fur babies… I would just be cautious. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
NTJ, protect your babies, protect your property.” CabernetTheCat
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My SO's Father And His Partner?
“Myself and significant other are in our late 20s. His dad found out that due to another family member, he is going to lose his house for non-payment of taxes. He is too prideful to ask any family to live with them, and though he could sell the house he doesn’t want to.
My significant other is extremely depressed about the prospect of his dad being homeless and we live across the US from his dad. When he lived with his dad, he supported him and helped pay off the mortgage. Where they live is way higher living cost than where we are.
They likely won’t be able to remortgage their house as they have terrible credit/no income. This old property also has many issues and some areas are literally falling apart.
One idea that was brought up was moving his dad/dad’s partner to live with us.
His dad has previously said he didn’t want to but this was prior to his house news. The idea was to have them sell their house, help us with a down payment on a house in our names, and have his dad live with us.
His dad/partner hasn’t worked (excluding cash side jobs) in years and the only income would be if he is given his SS for medical/disability which he has been denied for over a year even though he physically can’t walk unassisted. He is a heavy smoker/drinker and doesn’t like the idea of eating healthy either.
If they were to move in, I would be the main income (currently working 60+ hrs a week at 2 jobs) for us all as my significant other also has medical issues that prevent him from working full time.
My significant other and I talked and I brought up the financial implications as he wants to help but we don’t have extra income to send them either.
I mentioned I’m not a fan of being the main income and having that pressure on me (along with anxiety and depression). I didn’t say he can’t live with us, just that it’s hard to see how we can work it out financially when we are struggling to support just the two of us while we live with roommates whom we are in a lease with for another year+.
While we are still trying to figure out what to do, he thinks I’m being cruel.
AITJ for not wanting to financially support 4 adults?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not being Cruel. You are being overworked already. Your partner is a jerk. The fact that your partner is trying to emotionally manipulate you to care for him, his father, and his partner.
Is beyond the pale. You would be miserable. For all of the reasons you stated. Healthy environment, etc you should rethink staying with your partner. How do you see you both in 5-10 years? You should not have to bear the burden of supporting everyone.
NTJ Info: just how is it another’s fault for him not paying the taxes on his property?” chyaraskiss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your significant other’s father seems to have lots of options, they just aren’t as pleasant as mooching off you, while you work two jobs.
Honestly, it seems like you and your partner have very different attitudes to money (yours is sane, and he is, shall we say impulsive?) so you really need to talk it through before you make any joint financial decisions. So no, you aren’t cruel, just practical to try to figure out why and how you support a grown man with a paid-off house while you are still living with roommates.
(Seriously, I get he might be emotional at the thought of his father being homeless but your partner is a jerk for saying that).” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think you need to take a hard look at your relationship with your significant other.
He is acting like a child with no responsibilities. Doesn’t want to do anything to help himself. He will continue to burden you. Not saying someone with disabilities is a burden. But many find a way to get all the help they need, instead of pretending nothing’s wrong or placing everything onto the significant other.” chyaraskiss
14. AITJ For Telling My Bipolar Sister She's Lazy For Not Having A Job?
“I love my sister (21f). I really do. But her mental health has interfered in our relationship over the years. Truth be told, it’s interfered in everything she does.
She’s manic depressive/bipolar. She has moments of wanting to clean, and exercise and is just happy. The next second she’s on the couch crying wanting to die. She also has anxiety, especially in social situations. Her self-esteem is just a mess. She also has mistreated booze in the past.
She blames my mom for her problems. I don’t. I think my sister has more control over her health than she chooses to believe. My mom isolated her a lot as a kid, which okay, that did mess her up socially. She was just a month old when our dad died and my mom took a lot of her emotions out on her.
My mom didn’t care for herself, so by the time my sister was 8 she had a range of health issues and was diagnosed with cancer. My sister often expressed how horrible it was to watch her deteriorate like that so young and she thought our mom didn’t take care of herself because she didn’t love her.
But again, I think if my sister learned to move past this she could be okay.
My sister has been hospitalized at least 5 times due to her psychological disorders. She’s been on medication after medication and has seen a range of doctors. Usually, she’ll stop going/taking her meds because they no longer work.
It’s frustrating.
She was actually getting better over the past year. One of the big issues is her unable to handle a job. She was hired in November last year and held out til this month, but quit due to her meds no longer working and her feeling like she didn’t fit in (I was annoyed she didn’t see the connection).
She hasn’t applied to any other jobs. I’ve finally asked her and she explained she’s looking now for the right psychiatrist because she thinks they’ll provide better medication (right now her primary doctor provides her medicine) and she didn’t think she could handle a job.
She just wants to truly work on her health, she says. I was livid because she needed a job! I can’t help but feel like this is just her being lazy. I told her that wasn’t the right choice at all and it was going to screw a lot of things up for her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have PTSD and my older brother said something along the same lines to me a few years back. The amount I’ve talked to him since can be counted on two hands – in sentences. I haven’t forgiven him.
Why? He had no idea what he was talking about and neither do you. Mental illness is not being lazy. Bipolar is a serious condition that requires a lot of management and should be taken seriously. You don’t get hospitalized because you’re lazy.
Therapists don’t take you seriously because you’re lazy. You end up there because you have issues you need help handling. Quitting meds may not be smart, but that’s for her therapist to help decide. Not you.” Etoiaster
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for telling her that focusing on her mental health was the wrong move.
If your brain is literally broken, it will affect everything you do. Sure, it’s hard for you to understand why she can’t move past her issues with your mom, but you don’t have the same mental health problems that she does. Give her a bit to sort out her meds and her doctors, and then MAYBE when she’s on the right track, gently encourage her to look for jobs.
It sounds like she needs to take things slowly and not overwhelm herself because she’ll shut down with too many big decisions at once. I know you love her and I know it’s frustrating to watch people not take care of themselves properly, but she’s an adult and you really can’t force her to do anything at this point.
Support her, encourage her, and be there for her. But don’t push too hard about a job if you’re not pushing for her to take care of herself. Mental health = horse, job = cart.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How privileged of you to not suffer from mental health issues.
She’s an adult. You’re an adult. Focus on your own stuff. Nobody has any business telling YOU how to live your life, right?? So why are you doing it to your sister? Her issues are clearly complicated and if she’s taking medication, then her doctor is the only one who should be advising her.
You can’t function if your mental health isn’t in order.” Antique_Coconut_5624
13. AITJ For Exposing The Owner's Misuse Of Tips After Getting Fired?
“I’m 24 years old and I work, or worked, at a diner in the southern U.S.
It is not a chain and it’s in a pretty small town. I have been a manager for the past 2 years and have been working there for 4. Basically all my college years and the year after. This is a whole mess of a situation that involved some other people as well.
It starts with me being close to this 19-year-old girl who has just started. She is a family friend and I helped her get the job. She had some important plan or something one day when I was working with her and I promised to get her out a bit early.
I was planning on covering for her a bit so she could leave a half hour early.
The owner is like the general manager himself, he’s a short fat dude with a total Napoleon complex. He tells us managers what to do and we tell the entry-level staff.
In no world should anyone EVER challenge the owner on anything he says. So longer story short, he flipped out on me for letting the girl go early. Saying that I have no authority to do that, as he makes the schedules. I said I was just trying to help her out and he yelled at me more.
I responded angrily and yadda yadda I’m fired.
The owner has a good reputation in the town as someone who donates regularly to charity. He holds his head up high because he donates, But what most employees don’t know is what money he is donating.
We are required to split tips, I know, very stupid. The owner does not use his own money to donate to charity. He takes from the server’s tips and donates them.
As I was fired, I announced to a few staff there “Just y’all know, (owner) donates Our tips.
He brags about giving to charity, but he gives OUR money, not his” and walked out. I haven’t heard anything from the owner, but the girl I tried to help out that day told me that it caused 3 other servers to quit. Am I the jerk for blowing this secret?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. What he’s doing is awful, but you shouldn’t have waited until after you were fired to tell people that their hard-earned money was being robbed from them under their noses.” harshbuth0nest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is information that needed to be shared. Tell the local newspaper about the little fat man’s charity ordeal and see if they can investigate.
I would be incredibly peeved if I found out money I tipped a *server* was going to the owner’s charity of choice instead….especially if it’s not advertised that a percentage of tips will be going to XYZ charity.” Wood-lily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t just tell your coworkers! Report that to the labor board! That’s wage theft! I mean depending on where you are this might be different but at least in California managers and owners are not allowed to take tips at all. There are very specific laws about how tips can be handled and distributed. You have a solid legal case against him if you can prove it.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Room When She Insulted My Favorite Show?
“I am a 19F and my older sister is 20F. When I was a younger teen, I had undiagnosed Thyroid disease and so I was pretty overweight even though I always tried to be on a diet. This caused a lot of self-loathing for me and my main escape other than video games was DC comic books which became DC TV shows.
And therefore – I am a huge fan of anything DC. One of my favorite characters, Batwoman had a show come out recently, and honestly, I am 100% obsessed with it, it is so good. Literally the best show I’ve watched, especially the last few episodes.
With the current situation, my sister came back to live with us as her dormitory was full of people and my mom refused to leave my sister there because my sister had Asthma when she was younger, so she’s at an increased risk. The other day I was watching Batwoman and my sister came into my room and was looking around my stuff, which I understood since she hadn’t been in my room since she moved out like a year and a half ago.
She watched maybe two, or three minutes behind me and then started telling me how bad the show was. I paused it and looked at her and asked her what she meant and she said “Why does Batwoman have short hair, is she a lesbian, isn’t she married to Batman or something” and I said no, she’s his cousin.
She then started talking about Marvel movies and how they don’t recycle names (??? I think she meant as *bat*man and *bat*woman) and how the actors and actresses were hotter. She asked me if Batwoman was a “Lesbo” I said yes, she’s into girls.
She laughed and said, “That show probably won’t last for another season then.” I asked her to leave my room when she stopped talking, I wanted to finish the episode and she was being disruptive. She stared at me for a good couple of seconds then stormed out.
Later that day my mom came into my room and said that I should have made more of an effort to connect with her, she was just trying to relate to me and be closer. I simply responded that if she wanted to be closer then she shouldn’t insult the things I’m passionate about.
It wouldn’t be hard to tell I love DC, from the posters to the comics to everything. My mom also knows I’m a lesbian, so I didn’t appreciate the undertone of her saying the show won’t last because of her sexuality.
She hasn’t been talking to me for the past two-ish days and I feel like I was rude, I want to apologize to her for basically kicking her out but I want to know if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t trying to relate to you, she was making snarky remarks because she was bored. She may be technically 20 but she sounds about 12 years old.
If she’s not talking, just be grateful. It sounds like she can be a bit of a drama queen. Maybe she was hoping for an argument with you to relieve her boredom and now is amusing herself by pointedly ignoring you in the hope you will give in and she can then pick another argument about how awful you were.
Do not apologize for kicking her out. You may not have the right to kick her out of the house (it’s your parent’s) but you have the right to tell her to keep out of your space. If you apologize you will never hear the end of this, she will pick non-stop about this because she sounds bored and is too limited in her internal resources to amuse herself by herself.” Lurkerdbs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My feelings get really hurt when someone insults shows/games I like. It gets to me a lot. Your sister is the jerk for making mean comments about something you clearly liked *and* for making the comment about the show not lasting because the main character is a lesbian knowing that you are also a lesbian.
Your mom is also lowkey the jerk for not defending you and telling you to play nice. My mom pulls that with my sister a lot and it makes me crazy.” introextropillow
11. AITJ For Threatening To Change The WiFi Password On My Non-Paying Roommate?
“1 month ago I ended up moving in with my best friend. We had been talking about it for a while but my city (NYC) is very expensive so I agreed to cover the security deposit and broker fee ($3100) until she’s settled. Turns out, she’s a horrible roommate.
Only paid 1/2 of the first month’s rent, said she got approval from the landlord for her pet that didn’t, kept her dog locked up and whining for 8+ hours a day, didn’t do the basic care for her cat, and when caught in the lie about the dog decided to abandon the lease and move out rather than deal with it.
Also turned on me, threatened not to pay me back my money, etc.
The plan right now is for her to move out on Monday. She said that she had somewhere else to stay for the week while she was packing. She has been too much of a child to communicate about this issue and has pulled some insane stuff (like threatening to blackmail me with intimate details and tell them to my dad etc) so I have basically locked myself in my room while she’s been here to avoid confrontation.
Yesterday her cousin messaged me to say she’ll be spending the night here today. I’m not thrilled, but what can I do?
Today, I was setting up my PS4 and the internet so I could distract myself with some video games. During this process, the internet stopped working.
She showed up during this time, and not even 5 minutes in her cousin is asking me if I changed the password. I said no, having WiFi issues. Her cousin acts like I’m lying. I said it should be running now, but she’s lucky I’m letting her use it at all given that she hasn’t paid for it.
Her cousin then flipped at me saying I was being petty and she was paying the electric bill and gave me an Alexa. Neither of those things are relevant – I paid the gas and gave her plenty of gifts that I’m not asking for back now.
Her cousin insists I’m horrible and if I switch the internet password then I’m being childish and horrible.
Is she right?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t change the password. Let the landlord know the situation and pay your share of the rent and any bills that are in your name.
Any shared bills let the supplier know that this is your share and she has reneged on her responsibility. Do not remove her from the lease or you will be responsible for the whole amount. She needs to pay her share for the time she is on it.
If you have proof that she owes you the money – a text from you asking when it will be paid and her telling you to suck it up – sue her in small claims. If you don’t have proof then it will be hard to prove.” GrannyWeatherwaxscat
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Untrained Friend Do My Daughter's Textured Hair?
“So I grew up in a town that’s very white (I’m white). When my parents split I was about 12 me and my mom moved to Atlanta, while my dad stayed a few hours away in my hometown.
I was a rebel as a teen and I ended up being seventeen and pregnant with a new baby girl. I had her at 18 and she’s mixed so her hair is textured. She has 3 B-type hair.
So I’m staying in my hometown for a while because my dad’s mom is sick so I got here Feb 15 and I plan on staying until March 6.
I’ve had a close friend group of 8 since I was 6 (we were all on the same cheerleading squad). Some of us drifted in our high school years but in the past 2-3 years we’ve all gotten close again.
One of my friends who I’ll nickname T is trying to become a hairdresser (She’s never been to hair school).
She asked if she could do my daughter’s hair. I asked if she’s ever done 3B hair and when she said she hadn’t I told her straight up no. She told me not to be a jerk, and I told her she’s not touching my kid’s hair without having done hair like that before.
She got offended and told the rest of the friend group that I was “hostile” along with a few insults towards me and my daughter including saying “I was doing her a favor have you seen that mutt hair”. I do have anger issues and I texted our group chat and my message read “Somebody shut T’s mouth up before I do it for her” Another one of our friends who I’ll call A replied, “Stop being rude when somebody offers help, you’re so bratty”.
I proceeded to tell the group chat if you agree with T’s nonsense then gladly stay the heck away”.
The next morning I realized I was acting like a child so I sent the group chat a message saying “Sorry I was being childish, we should have a talk.”.
Then I got a separate message from one of the girls saying that most of the others were upset and when she tried to defend me they got mad at her. I apologized to her and proceeded to apologize to the other girls individually. This was Monday, it’s Sunday night and all the other girls are good with me except B & T.
I’ll have to talk with T after what she said about my kid but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everybody saying ESH must not understand what a huge deal this is. Your friend said something racist about your kid, in my eyes, you reacted calmly because I would have beat her mouth and we’d have beef for at least a decade, shoot.
Call my baby a mutt and insinuate that I’m not taking care of her hair??? Flag on the play! You did the right thing keeping her away from your baby’s hair and you have nothing to feel bad about or apologize for.” plvstvcbvrds
Another User Comments:
“Holy shoot NTJ. You were absolutely right not to let your friend experiment with your kid’s hair because even very experienced hairdressers can really damage the hair if they’re not familiar with textured hair. I can understand why your friend might have been a little offended, but her response was so incredibly racist and disgusting, and way, way over the line.
I wouldn’t have even given her any apology if I were you — your racist friend (and the other friends who took her side) are the ones who should be asking for your forgiveness.” nnothmann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. You’re just being a good mother who wants the best for your daughter.
Honestly, you aren’t even a jerk for what you said in the group chat & you would be in the right even if you hadn’t apologized. T was the one being childish here- saying a horribly racist thing about your daughter because you didn’t want her to mess up her hair!
I’d reconsider these friendships, tbh.” frankieraye
9. AITJ For Refusing To Put My Hair Up When Eating With My Grandmother?
“I (16F) have a grandmother (we’ll call her G for clarity) who lives in a retirement center. It’s basically small apartments with a dining room where they serve meals.
A year or two ago, they added on a separate building, with slightly larger apartments and a better dining room, so we often go there to eat with her since she’s allowed to eat anywhere she likes since she’s a resident.
Now, I have long hair.
I like having long hair, personally. This, however, creates the issue that whenever we go to lunch or dinner with G, my mother (G’s daughter, we’ll call her M) always comes to me a few days later and tells me that G said that she would prefer I put my hair up when we eat.
I can understand this for cleanliness reasons, but I am not a messy eater, and my hair is never in the way of my eating, nor does it get in or near my food. I always make sure it stays behind my shoulders for cleanliness when I am eating, so I see no other reason for her to expect this of me, besides her personally disliking how it looks or thinking it’s rude to have long hair down when eating.
Before you say I’m just being rebellious, I’m not. I couldn’t care less about doing something because G or M asked me to, but I do have actual reasons for not wanting to put my hair up. I actually hate having my hair up, I always have, it’s just really uncomfortable to me and I hate the feeling of something dangling off the back of my head, plus I personally think I look bad with my hair up.
Because of this, I never put my hair up unless it is for a formal occasion, which these meals are not.
The reason I am asking AITJ is because recently, M has been getting more annoyed with me about it whenever G says something. The fact that they are both clearly annoyed by my non-compliance makes me think maybe I am the jerk, but I also think I’m not the jerk because they have no reason to ask me to do this other than what I mentioned above.
I understand if G doesn’t like it, but if it’s not causing any issues with dinner besides someone personally not liking how it looks, then I don’t feel I have any reason to have to put it up. I have spoken to M about this multiple times, and she has no reasons other than “G wants you to”.
I also find it very rude that G, instead of asking me herself, talks to M about her opinion of my appearance behind my back.
For clarity, M does not have the same desire for me to put my hair up when I eat at home, she just thinks I should when we visit G because G wants me to.
So, AITJ? If anything needs clarification I am more than willing to provide it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep in mind that your grandmother, G, grew up in a different time and may have been raised believing that a girl should keep her hair up whilst eating.
If G ever has the maturity to ask you herself to tie your hair up I’d do it just to make her happy, but if G makes your Mom tell you I’d stick to my guns and keep the hair down.” Brain_Chop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I’m all for self-expression but honestly I find this incredibly silly. All G is asking for your hair to be up during a meal, she could relax about it as it’s not a big deal at all but she also comes from a time where maybe that was expected. Like there were more strict rules for everything when she was growing up and I’m sure table manners were one of them.
I don’t personally consider it “bad table manners” if your hair is down, especially with your description of how you act during a meal…but cut G some slack and tie your hair up for a single meal. Is this really something you want to fight over?
I try to think of things like this as a pick-your-battles mentality and if you really feel passionately about this then by all means stick to your guns; if it were me, I’d put my hair up and enjoy a meal with my main G.” unmarkedpickles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re in her home (yes, I’ve seen your other comments but it still counts as her home) and it’s a very small request. Presumably, a meal takes, what, an hour or two? You can’t just put it in a low ponytail for that long?
Also, who are you trying to look attractive to in your grandmother’s retirement community?” angelicism
8. AITJ For Not Respecting My Neighbor's Claim Over The Street Parking Spot?
“My husband and I (both 33), have a next-door neighbor who is an older woman probably in her late 50s, with whom we generally get along with fine.
In our neighborhood, there is street parking only and no assigned spots. Finding a parking spot somewhere on our block is never a problem, as it’s pretty much only used by folks who live on the street. These are row houses, so there is only about 12 feet between her front door and ours.
For whatever reason, said neighbor has decided that she is entitled to the spot in front of her house and gets upset if anyone else parks in it. She’s territorial over this spot to the extreme that if she is parked in the next spot up and her preferred spot becomes unoccupied, she will leave her house to back her car up 6 feet into the space.
Now, this would be understandable if she wasn’t able-bodied or had trouble getting around, but she is completely healthy and regularly goes for jogs around the block. She doesn’t *need* the spot, she just *wants* it.
All that said, she’s only actually said something 2-3 times over the years, it’s not some big point of contention.
We both agree that this is annoying and ridiculous, but disagree on how to handle it. My husband avoids parking there and will park further down the street because he doesn’t like conflict so that’s how he wants to navigate it, that’s his pejorative.
I, however, refuse to accommodate her sense of entitlement. I won’t go out of my way to park in the spot just to be spiteful, and if I see another spot nearby I’ll take that one instead because whatever. But when I pull up with a trunk full of groceries or our kid and her heavy backpack or something, I’m going to park in the spot because it’s available and it’s convenient.
If for some reason she actually did NEED the spot, I would happily move and allow her to have it. But I’m not going to avoid it entirely just because she feels like it’s “hers.”
I guess she once again said something passive-aggressive to my husband yesterday about my car being in the spot.
He was irritated and asked me “Why can’t you just park somewhere else since you know how she is?” I told him no because that’s ridiculous. I’m not going to make multiple trips back and forth down the street carrying in groceries when there is a spot right in front of our house.
I told him that if that’s how he wants to handle it more power to him, but I’m not going to cater to her entitlement, and if she has an issue she can bring it up to me. My husband thinks I’m a jerk because he’s “the one who has to hear about it”, but I think that’s his fault for entertaining it.
AITJ for not parking elsewhere because my husband would prefer to submit and avoid conflict?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a similar problem in my previous house. Winds me up crazy so I know how you feel. Keep doing what you’re doing because you aren’t doing anything wrong.
If she wants the space to herself she’d best work out how to buy it! You don’t sound like you’re purposely doing it at all and you are just as entitled to park outside your own house x” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s street parking, anyone can park there. I wouldn’t cater to her either. Park where it’s convenient and do what you need to. It’s like an unwritten rule on my street that you get to park in front of your home but no one says anything if someone else parks there.” tlrin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ so long as you’re accurate that you’re just doing this when you have to carry things that would be awkward to carry for a longer distance.” IThinkThingsThrough
7. AITJ For Not Tipping My Waitress Over An Incorrect Sushi Roll Order?
“Earlier today, I treated myself to one of my bimonthly sushi visits. I always go to the same restaurant, and I order the same thing. I’ve been doing this for at least 3 years. Like many, I have the occasional sushi craving, and I know exactly where to get my fix.
But on to the story… I marked the rolls I desired on this laminated menu. This is the typical ordering process at the place. My waitress came over, and I told her I was ready and handed her the menu. She took it, and went away, skipping the usual step of reading what I marked to confirm my order.
Later she shows up with my food, and I see a different roll on the plate, I’m sort of just confused at the moment, wondering if it was someone else’s plate or maybe I ordered the wrong thing. She leaves before I can figure out what’s going on.
I see that I do have the rolls that I ordered, but there was also this order of a fancier roll on my plate, way too extravagant for my modest sushi desires. But I’m a chill guy, I’ll just start eating and wait till she comes back to explain.
So she shows up as I’m eating, and I explain. The conversation goes roughly…
Me: hey, I didn’t order this roll from the menu
Evil Waitress: yes, you did. It was marked on the menu.
Me: well, I did not mark it. Maybe there was a mistake, or possibly the menu wasn’t cleared from a previous customer.
Evil Waitress: I read it…
Silent staring
The end
So she leaves, not concerned about the problem now laid upon me.
My first instinct was to just take the loss, and get over it. Then a small movie played in my head of me laboring at work exchanging sweat for an honest wage, a simple man trying to make it in the world.
I’m here to have a nice meal, trying to make a Good Friday into a Great Friday, and I have no desire to have to take on the burden of confronting a manager and trying to explain my way out of this unjust $11.00 charge.
Little did she know that while other people were going on dates and having families, I was studying the dark arts of petty passive aggression, a worthy student of Costanza.
I decided that if she, knowing my issues, placed the item on my check, then my potential tip would be reverted to that cost. I’m a nice guy, I usually give 20% standard, and 30% if they put in any extra effort at all.
So I guess today injustice was on the menu. The bill was $40, including the $11. So in my perspective, I’m giving 38% on a $29 meal.
I leave the extra roll completely untouched and the receipt folder empty of any money gained through extortion. It was my silent message to this poor woman that didn’t know what she was up against.
So, am I a jerk for stiffing her, or is my passive-aggressive plan a beautiful display of justice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you’re a waiter, you always need to confirm the order. Especially at a Sushi Restaurant where there are many different options and customers could potentially mismark the sheet.
The second thing wrong was that the waiter didn’t offer to bring whatever new sushi roll you wanted and just left the dish there. If the customer wanted something else, just give them a different dish as long as they’re not being rude. There wasn’t an apology for the misunderstanding or an apology from the waiter for not double-checking.
The waiter didn’t properly follow basic waiter etiquette and didn’t even apologize. As a previous waiter, I wouldn’t expect any tip either if I acted like that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you had just asked a manager or something or at least had tried to tell her again that you didn’t order the roll and wouldn’t be paying for it, I would go to NTJ.
Yes, she may have been not the most diligent server and not necessarily the best at customer service, but at the end of the day, she is paying for it. I do think leaving the role was a good way to get your message across.
I’m mostly just impressed you’re not scared to return to this establishment. When I’m a regular somewhere I never dare make any sort of fuss” dpow_pow
6. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With A Coworker I Have Feelings For While In A Loveless Marriage?
“I am 28 and have been married for 3 years to my college sweetheart. We realized after the wedding that we had very different expectations. There is no real love between us.
I grew resigned to my situation and just accepted this is how life will be. We are civil to each other, even care to a certain point. But there is no affection or attraction.
About 1.5 years ago, a female coworker and I got put on a project that required us to spend a lot of time together.
I had interacted with her before and always found her pleasant (even attractive) but time made me realize we had very strong compatibility. She was in a long-term committed relationship as well. One evening, we went for dinner after work. She brought up the fact that she had noticed I had been morose at work for a few months now.
I admitted that I hated my life and dreaded going home every day. She listened patiently and told me to say all these things to my wife directly. She gave me a couple’s counselor’s number who had helped her sister once. Also assured me that I could rely on her at work for some time while I focus on setting things straight at home.
Having someone care so much about me just triggered something in me. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to try and fix things instead of feeling sorry for myself. My situation didn’t improve much as I didn’t see much enthusiasm from my wife, but it did become slightly more tolerable.
Without realizing it, I was spending more time at work to be able to spend time with my coworkers. On one such day, I stupidly told her I liked her. After that evening, things changed. She admitted she was attracted to me too and that we were treading down a dangerous path.
She said she knew I was in a vulnerable position that I wouldn’t truly try to fix things if she were constantly around and that it was unfair to everyone involved. She wanted to be around for me as a friend but nothing more.
She made it very clear we could hang out but not alone and definitely not with booze involved. Also, she would prefer if I didn’t talk negatively about my wife with her.
I was upset but couldn’t deny her logic. We grew distant.
She still always has my back at work and helped me find another job when I was frustrated with work. She’s a good friend.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she broke up with her long-term partner. She only mentioned it in passing.
But it is evident how heartbroken she is. My first thought on hearing the news was happiness and that I was not healthy. I have strong feelings for her but I do not want to hurt my wife who has finally found some bearings in our marriage.
So I decided to cut off contact with the coworker. It is a bad situation but I still think it is kinder than the alternative.
She has very few friends and is a very private person so I don’t know how she’s holding up.
She has done so much for me, I feel like I am wronging her horribly and abandoning her in her worst time.
Am I the jerk here? What can I do differently?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For not divorcing your wife. You realized right after the wedding that you weren’t really right for each other but have stuck it out 3 years instead of pursuing annulment or divorce?
Why?! You would not be the jerk for having boundaries with the friend/emotional affair person, but cutting her off completely seems a little strange particularly because you should be divorcing to get out of your sham marriage. ” TavoreParan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: this is a very messed up and strange situation.
You’re a jerk for hanging out with this woman who you have romantic feelings for and not being honest with your wife. I don’t think you’re wrong though for cutting off contact with her, especially if you’re starting to find stability and love in your marriage.
Just please though, for the sanity of both of you, talk through your problems or consider divorce. Please do not have children in a loveless marriage, figure this out, man. Talk to a professional or just be straight-up honest with each other. This is a terrible situation.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For ghosting someone that’s been a real bro for you. She looked out for you: counseling for your marriage, keeping a respectful distance from your relationship, handling more work, and helping you find another job. Did you need to cut off the relationship, yeah because you can’t handle it.
If the excuse is that it would have sounded bad..well it’s not like you have to drag it an explanation and the truth is bad in this case. Letting her know that you couldn’t have contact anymore would have been the adult thing to do, out of respect for the friendship she’s shown you and especially if she relied on you for some kind of emotional support.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Calling The Cops On A Gas Car Parked In An Electric Charging Spot?
“I had to drive 1.5 hours to a specialist vet for my dog. I drained the battery in my electric car. I found 3 charging locations near me, 1 at a mall, 1 at a AAA business center thing, and 3 was at a local cafe.
The mall was all being used, AAA was broken and when I pulled up to the Cafe there was a gas Audi parked in the spot.
I googled my state law and it states:
Florida Statute 366.94 Electric vehicle charging stations
(3)(a) It is unlawful for a person to stop, stand, or park a vehicle that is not capable of using an electrical recharging station within any parking space specifically designated for charging an electric vehicle.
(b) If a law enforcement officer finds a motor vehicle in violation of this subsection, the officer or specialist shall charge the operator or other person in charge of the vehicle in violation with a noncriminal traffic infraction, punishable as provided in s. 316.008(4) or s.
318.18.
I was stuck waiting here since I didn’t have enough to get me to the next one (which could be broken or in use) and it was the only one working since AAA was broken and not just busy.
I called the non-emergency line to complain, I even asked two workers if they knew whose car it was, but they didn’t know.
I waited in the closest spot hoping the police or the owner of the said car would do something.
Cop shows up comes over to me and says “There is no law for this so why did you call me?” I showed him the above-quoted statue and he said “I have to look this up.” He goes back to his squad car and the owner comes out yelling at me that it’s his car and he paid $1500 to install that if he wants to park there he will and I need to get off his property or he will hit me with trespassing.
Now I have to pay to park and charge in that spot, this was not a free charge while you eat/shop kind of thing. A cop comes out to say that I am right, it is illegal to block the spot and he also cannot ask me to leave because I am paying for the spot and I have a contract with ChargePoint the actual owner of the charger.
So AITJ for this? The owner did not get a ticket for parking in the spot because the cop felt it was “up to his discretion” to decide if he violated the statute.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy was breaking the law and you properly reported it to the non-emergency line.
Although, why is this dude parking in a pay-to-charge space he is leasing outside his Cafe? I’m assuming he gets something out of having it there. ” ClentBeastWood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not as if you could’ve sucked it up and gone to the next charging spot– you NEEDED that one & the guy was breaking the law despite owning it.
Do charge spots have Google reviews or can you complain to the BBB? cause that’s just unethical & bad business. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ most of those pay and charge spots are bound by contracts. Call the charging company as they usually have more force and can get the car towed for illegal parking.
I’d leave the cops up to their discretion, basically you want to use a business service and be denied. ” bahwi
4. AITJ For Telling My Wife The Truth About Her Weight Loss Progress?
“So, my partner and I have been together for almost 7 years. When we first met, she was what most guys call “thick”. She was also only 18, so the youth factor helped a lot with that. I was a very lean 200 pounds, and have until recently, been a very physically active person, taking part in rec league flag football, softball, and soccer.
I never “let myself go” until the last year and a half, but I also made the conscious decision that I was not going to stay that way. When I stepped on the scale day one, it read 319 pounds. I stand 6’2″, and a lot of people would be nice and say things like, “You carry your weight well.” But I always knew what they meant.
My partner (I will not disclose her height/weight), has always been the bigger of us two until I started gaining weight.
Almost exactly a year ago, I decided to get back into shape, and in doing so, my partner felt encouraged to join. We have a young son, so we quickly set up a regiment where we both got ample and fair amounts of time to do our workouts.
At first, she was very excited to wake up and do a morning walk, and then some light exercise. It seemed like she really enjoyed the changes we made, so I never took it upon myself to push her towards working out. She works full-time, and she’s an adult, so I let her decide what is best for her body.
During the last year, my partner has used her gym pass a whopping 22 times. Yes, not even once every other week and a majority of that was the first couple weeks we started. I took more advantage, and have had great success. All my vitals improved, and I feel so much more confident.
This is where I need my question answered: With holidays approaching, family has been coming in from all over the States, and seeing as I have shed roughly 70 pounds since the last holidays, it’s easy to notice. My partner, on the other hand, received none of that, for she has actually gained weight since we began this.
This sparked her to hit the gym every day for the last five days after work. She has done more working out this week than she may have ever done in the last year. The last two days have been filled with, “Don’t I look much thinner?” Or “Look, this love handle is disappearing.” Although nothing was changing.
I always have a simple short “Yes dear.” Or “Oh that’s great!” Until I finally just could not hear it anymore and told her the truth.
“Sweetie, I know you’ve been working really hard this week, and that’s great. You need to really keep it up if you want to see any changes though.
So far you’re the only one seeing any of the results you’re talking about.”
That was enough to send her on a spiral of saying I was “Calling her fat” and “not believing in her.” Led by long phone calls to her sisters. I have been asked to “Just apologize already.” Although I feel I have no need to.
I worked my tail off to lose the weight we agreed to lose together, and now that I’m the only one who kept up our agreement, I feel she needs to hear it unfiltered.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. She went to the gym and was trying very hard and was excited and was doing exactly what you wanted – then she went to you for encouragement and support and approval and you were like “You’re still fat, babe” You’re a jerk.
You can be honest while still being kind and tactful. You can also be honest and be a jerk, and that’s what you are. The fact that she’s hurt should be enough reason for you to apologize. You devastated her and you don’t even care.
You just care about being right.” ladystetson
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, you’re just honest. You don’t see any differences in the first 5 DAYS of working out, so she just should not bother asking. And you almost literally said, that you believe in her and in her weight loss but that it takes time to lose weight.
Maybe a bit brutally honest, your last sentence: “So far you’re the only one seeing any of the results you’re talking about.” was a bit uncalled for but she annoyed you over and over again until you had just enough, so I can understand that.
But you never called her fat nor did you say that you don’t believe in her so I don’t understand her problem. That’s just a delusional and hysterical response from her to a little bit of sense talking from you. Except for the wording of your last sentence, you said to her, I think that you handled it pretty tactfully.
To avoid unnecessary fighting, I would clarify that you never called her fat. And that you did not want to make her think you would not support her. I would not apologize, just explain to her what you meant with your words because you’re totally right on this one.
Changes don’t come overnight. Changes don’t come from 5 days of working out. She has to keep it up. And you need to change your attitude and your way of thinking. -“whopping 22 times” -“Yes, not even once every other week” -“the majority of that was the first couple weeks we started.” That sounds to me like a lack of respect for her, which is clearly unhealthy in a relationship.
It seems like you’re comparing your success to her (lack of) success and although you said you did not want to push her towards working out you sound very disappointed. ” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally appreciate honesty as long as it’s told to me in a kind way and accurate.
Have a sit down with her and explain where you’re coming from and try to help her see that working out a bunch in such a short time won’t realistically show improvement that quickly. And not only that but your perception of her weight loss can be different from someone else’s perception.
I feel like I suck at telling if someone has lost weight unless it was a significant amount. So, you could tell her you just haven’t noticed much of a change and ask her to not twist your words or put words into your mouth.” WiseBlaqWoman
3. AITJ For Demanding A Properly Made Burrito At A New Restaurant?
“A few hours ago I went to lunch with my partner and his brother.
It was a new local burrito/taco/bowl restaurant like Chipotle that we’ve been wanting to try. We ordered on the app to get 15% off and it was delivered to our table. So we didn’t see them make it like we would’ve had we come and waited in line to order.
Anyway, our order was a burrito for me, a bowl for my partner, and three tacos for his brother. So everything was different. I took a bite into the burrito and all I tasted was rice. Okay, I did ask for extra rice so that could be on me right?
Took another bite, still rice. I thought maybe I was just biting the wrong places. So I went a little bit to the side and took a bite but this time it was just lettuce!
At this point, I just figured it was because it was the beginning of the burrito but nope, I took a few more bites and each time only tasted one ingredient at a time.
I opened it up and I saw that all of the ingredients were just in individual piles in the tortilla. So imagine one part is all lettuce, next to it is a big chunk of rice, then a huge dollop of sour cream, all the meat in one part, etc.
Nothing was mixed. It’s like they took the tortilla and put a scoop of each ingredient side by side instead of on top of each other. There was nothing wrong with my partner’s bowl or his brother’s tacos. I was visibly upset at how poorly they put it together.
I mean there are tons of places like this where I live and I’ve never had a burrito so weirdly made. Even at chain restaurants like Chipotle or Qdoba.
I don’t think I was rude about it but I just told the first employee I reached in line that I’d like my burrito to be remade.
I showed him how it looked and he apologized and got his manager. His manager was annoyed and said I should probably wait in line next time so I could see how my food was being made. Like what? I have to watch to make sure I’m getting the quality that should already be there.
I told him it’s not my job to make sure a mobile order is made correctly, it’s theirs. I either want a refund or my burrito remade correctly. I’ll watch this time.
So they remade it the same way I ordered it except this time they did it right (ingredients stacked on top of each other).
It was way better of course, and that was the end of it. I don’t blame the employees necessarily because they were all mostly teens or college students like me. And the place just opened a few days ago. I understand mistakes can be made but the manager was a jerk in my opinion.
Plus the restaurant I’m working in is about to have its grand opening in a few days so I’m sure we’ll make mistakes too. But the way my burrito was made just seemed very careless and it irritated me.
My partner’s brother said I didn’t have to snap back at the manager and could’ve just asked again nicely.
Do you guys agree? By the way we paid for our own food.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ who on Earth would ever make a burrito like this? If I were that manager I’d be mad at the employee who made it, not the customer. Unless it was the manager who made the burrito.” Marrsvolta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s important to be sympathetic to employees and never try to make anyone’s job harder. It seems you were kind/understanding and the employee apologized and was happy to make you a new one. What an idiot manager. It’s their job to make sure everything in the place is going fine.
This includes a balance between pleasing customers and taking good care of employees. This manager was just a jerk” frieza15
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, them for being bad at making burritos and you for making a stink about it. You could’ve just mixed the ingredients by yourself and re-folded the burrito.
It just sounds like a lot of effort spent on something as small as a burrito.” Esosorum
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Family For Prioritizing My Cousin Over Me On Our Shared Birthday?
“Unfortunately, I (18F) was born a day after my cousin(20F). Ever since I was little, my needs for my birthday were always outshined by hers. We always did family events to celebrate our birthdays since we’re the oldest kids in our family, so we kind of just shared a birthday.
We had the same cake (my family either never wrote my name on it, or would messily scribble it on at the last minute), party decorations and games catered to her taste, and mostly all gifts would be for her. I just usually ended up getting a $10 gift card for Walmart or something, while she always got dolls, games for her Nintendo DS, and even a puppy one time!
I always felt like I didn’t matter for my birthday. Even my quinceañera fell flat, since my family went all out making my cousin feel like the most special girl in the world. But my cousin was always nice to me, and she would give me some of her gifts just to put a smile on my face.
This year was my 18th birthday, and all my relatives were gathered in one place to celebrate my and my cousin’s birthdays. My mother had promised me my own separate cake, and that it’ll be an OREO ice cream cake (my favorite cake). So I was excited. When my abuela gathered the family together to blow out the candles and sing Happy Birthday, my cousin and I got in our respective spots.
They started singing while my mother brought a cake to the table and placed it in front of my cousin. It was a strawberry cheesecake. After we got done singing, my cousin blew out her candles and everybody clapped. My aunt started to cut the cake, and I audibly asked about my cake.
My entire family looked confused, and they all said “This cake is for both of you”. My cousin spoke up, saying “But it only has my name on it”. I looked at my mom, who had a “What?” expression on her face. I asked about the cake, and she told me, “You don’t need the extra sugar.” At that point, I just lost it, screaming at my family members and calling them all jerks.
I cried about how this is the fifteenth year in a row that they’d left me out and forgot about me, and how they ruined my birthday by always prioritizing my cousin. My cousin and little brother also jumped in and defended me, saying that I’ve always never thought of it.
My abuela dared to deliberately interrupt me, telling me to sit down and stop yelling. Through anger, I yelled that I never wanted to see any of them again and stormed off. My cousin and brother followed me, all comforting me while I cried my eyes out.
This happened a few days ago, and I’ve been receiving angry messages from my family members calling me an ungrateful individual. I’m at my cousin’s apartment right now writing this, all while texting my little brother to vent. Reddit, AITJ for yelling at my family for not giving me the cake that I’ve wanted for nearly my entire lifetime?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family seems toxic. It’s also kind of shocking that your own parents are giving your COUSIN priority over you. I don’t know if it’s to the point of completely severing them from your life but it sounds like it’s close.
If you still live with them you might want to consider looking for a job so you can move out, or if you’re going to college getting some student loans and moving out with that money. You’ve just turned 18 so it might not have sunk in yet, but you can literally do or get yourself whatever you want now.
You don’t have to put up with them or listen to them. Also, Have your future bday parties with friends and specifically tell your family they are NOT invited.” tacomaster05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apart from your cousin and little brother, your family is horrible.
Your mother knew this was an issue for you, made a promise, broke it, and expected you to just shut up and stay quiet about it like you did the previous 14 years. This isn’t really about the cake, it’s about the fact that you’re The Lost Child in your family, and no one cares except your cousin and brother.
I mean, if they wanted to plead ignorance, they should be sending messages of concern or confusion, but instead, all you’re getting are insults for daring to not want to stay in your assigned role of misery. They knew they were ignoring you, they just didn’t care and were trying to guilt-trip you into staying in their horrible world of dysfunction.
When your brother is old enough to be independent, you and him should ditch these people and heal from whatever damage this dysfunction has done to you, your cousin may be forced by them to choose too eventually, but it sounds like she’s a good person who will choose you without a second thought because unlike them, she actually likes to see you happy.” EnergyThat1518
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Partner He Could Do Better?
“My friend Franz looks like a mix of John Lennon, Keira Knightley, and Alicia Vikander, let me tell you, it’s not a unique look. On top of that, she has no intention of making herself more presentable – I’ve tried to suggest to her a few tips to appear more feminine but to no avail.
What baffles me the most is that people actually think she is charismatic, funny/witty, and beautiful/hot too. But she’s very kind and polite, even though a bit too independent I’d say, so I didn’t make any remarks as looks aren’t all and she’s very smart.
About a year ago we went on a vacation with some friends and their families. I fell hard for one of them, he looks like Alain Delon and has a very warm personality.
I tried everything but he seemed more interested in Franz. I reckoned it was some kind of a fling but they actually started seeing each other and went steady a month ago.
I’m happy for her because it’s her first relationship but I always wince internally upon seeing them. She looks like a 13-year-old, has long limbs, no curves, and is a bit strange (like she reads one book in 5 different languages just to “understand it better”, has over 20 cats, and has a weird way of walking).
While he is so attractive. Funnily people find them adorable.
A few days ago there was a small party and I got tipsy, Franz had to leave earlier and at the end I was just so frustrated I had to talk to her partner. I asked him whether he was happy.
He said yes. I asked him if he was happy with Franz. Again, positive. I don’t know why but I started telling him he was beautiful and should find himself somebody worth his time. I also asked him whether he thought I was unattractive.
Eventually, he excused himself.
Our mutual friend later told me I should never do that again. He messaged me to tell me he’d appreciate it if I didn’t seek his presence and that maybe I should reconsider my friendship with Franz. I feel pretty bad for getting hysterical but I also can’t say I regret saying that because I do think that.
We bumped into each other accidentally and he totally ignored me apart from saying hi. It was pretty weird. And that friend from a party stopped talking to me too, saying I act like a superficial jerk. Was that that bad? I wasn’t trying to seduce him or anything.”
Another User Comments:
“Do you not realize that there is more to relationship compatibility than physical attractiveness? Like what? Do you think unattractive people don’t deserve happy relationships? People can find personality combos adorable? I knew what my judgment was gonna be from the moment you started attacking your “friend’s” appearance, but I read the whole thing in case you had a redeeming comment in your thread.
You didn’t.” Celimas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you’re the worst kind of person. You’re insanely vain and self-absorbed. People think your friend is attractive for two reasons, one she probably is, and two just from this post alone I’m guessing she has a much better personality than you ever will.
Leave her and her partner alone she’s too good for you.” Forget-that-thing-bro
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1000000%. You’re one of those people who believe relationships are beauty contests. Love isn’t about personality and connection, it’s a pyramid where the attractive girls get the attractive guys and so girls who don’t fit that standard should be cast under.
It’s people like you who give girls insecurities to last a lifetime and put them down just to feel good about themselves. I suggest that you really think about what you did to see if you can even remotely see where you might have gone wrong.
If you can’t, then I wish you luck because you’re gonna need it.” samburger12321
