People Need Us To Sort Out Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Explaining Period Products To My Younger Cousin?
“I’m 14f and my cousin is 12m.
Recently he stayed over at my house and while he snooped around my room he found my period products (pads, tampons, etc.) He later asked me what those are, and I explained to him why we use them and what menstruation is. To be honest I didn’t think I did anything wrong by explaining that to him because he would’ve learned all that stuff in school.
A few hours later my uncle picked my cousin up, I got a text from my uncle saying that it was inappropriate to explain that to my cousin because he’s too young and that it’s unbelievable to have my period products in my room where someone could see them.
I was shocked because I didn’t see anything wrong with explaining that. My mom is on my side but my uncle is still mad.
Maybe I shouldn’t have explained that to him because he’s still young.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 12 is plenty old to learn about periods.
I don’t really think any age is too young. You can just tell a kid “one of the differences between women and men is that once a month women bleed a little bit in their private area, and sometimes also don’t feel very good when that happens.
But it isn’t anything to worry about and is totally normal! They have these pads to help keep clean.” And of course you will keep your products in your room. It’s your room!” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ! First off your cousin shouldn’t be snooping around your room, your uncle clearly isn’t raising him right.
Ask him why he is raising his son to be comfortable inappropriately snooping around in girls’ rooms and looking through their private stuff. Secondly, why on earth would YOUR room be the wrong place for YOUR personal items?! Thirdly, periods are natural and not shameful.
What is wrong with your uncle trying to shame you for existing while female? What is unbelievable here is your uncle. He is trying to shift the blame for his snoopy son rummaging through your room and finding your personal stuff onto you, and he’s being disgustingly misogynistic while doing it.
Yuck.” PeaElectronic8316
Another User Comments:
“Your 12-year-old cousin is not too young to learn about periods. Honestly, the stigma against the whole process of menstruation is ridiculous. It’s just another thing that some bodies do! Also, your uncle is laughably out of line for telling you you shouldn’t have menstrual products in your room.
Not only is it your room, but there’s also nothing wrong about having your menstrual products wherever you want them to be. It’s silly that he wants you to treat them as if they were something to be ashamed of instead of something that gets you through your period.” CafeConCajeta
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Half Of My Child's Summer Camp Fees?
“My ex and I share custody 50/50 of my child (10). She wanted them in summer camp for the whole summer. Growing up one of my favorite parts of summer was not having to be up early and having to do stuff.
Also camp isn’t cheap, and I’d rather spend my money on other ways for the family to enjoy summer.
There’s always at least one adult with childcare experience at my home, there’s no lack of supervision, so I’m just letting my kid do what they want this summer for the weeks they’re with me, and go to camp when they stay with their mom.
The thing is, my ex still put the kid in camp and expects me to also pay half of the fees for camp, despite having provided childcare for half the month already. I already made one payment because I didn’t want to fight about it, but I really don’t think it’s fair to expect me to pay for childcare on her half of the month.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I have a question: do you pay child support to your ex? My husband pays child support to his ex. So she never asks him to pay for things she puts them in. So when she wanted to put the kids in a week-long sleepaway camp, my husband didn’t pay any part of it because it was something she wanted for them.
She put them in the camp during her time with them, not ours. I encouraged our youngest to try swimming lessons so we paid the registration fee for them. The lessons are only during our time with the kids. She stays in her time, we stay in ours.
It honestly makes for less drama. When your kid is with you, it is up to you if you want to give up any of that time to camp. Your ex cannot force you to take your child to anything other than school when it’s your time.
As far as official (non-summer) childcare goes, I can’t give you insight because our kids don’t go to daycare or anything. However, I do encourage you to consult a divorce lawyer to ask how childcare costs in your situation should be handled. If you pay child support, you may not have to be paying extra for childcare, but I’m not certain.
Also, laws are different everywhere. I’m from Texas, and they don’t allow true 50/50 custody here so, no matter what, one of the parents has to pay child support to the other.” bluechameleon27
Another User Comments:
“If your child wants to go to this camp then yes YTJ.
If your child is being forced to go to camp and doesn’t want to go then NTJ. But considering you didn’t say she didn’t want to go in your post it leads me to believe she wants to go. And you don’t want to spend the money.
So you are keeping her out so you don’t feel obligated to pay. If this is the case YTJ. And this could bite you in the butt if your ex takes you back to court.” Lonely_Shelter_4744
Another User Comments:
“People are saying do what the kid wants but that completely takes away from our own influence and opportunities as parents.
Some schools and camps are simply institutions and I’ve seen kids do just as well outside of these then in. Kids don’t see the benefit of things the way parents do. NTJ, don’t be a doormat, and follow your gut instincts. Camp is just daycare.
The people there are not programmed to love like a father and family can love, nothing replaces that. It’s really repulsive to me that it’s becoming more common to send our kids away when family can be available.” GoPeeOutside
20. AITJ For Asking My Parents For My Own Room At 16?
“Before I get on with the story, I would like to point out that my parents are financially stable (each making over 100k a year usually).
I have lived in the same house as my mom (47F) and my dad (51M) since I (16F) was born.
Our house has 2 bedrooms but with other rooms used for different purposes (gym, closets, office). Since I was 13, I have been asking my parents for my own room but would get turned down every time.
However, I have been urging my parents to give me my own room recently since I’m 16 and need my own privacy.
I’m guessing yesterday was their last straw because they almost seriously kicked me out because of me asking. They have also told my other family members what I did and now my phone is blowing up once again (not usual for my parents). To clarify, there hadn’t been any other drama within the past week from my parents and me, so it’s possible that my parents told them a lie.
I feel like they’re overreacting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s extremely odd for you to be sleeping in the same room as your parents especially due to your age. Your parents have an extra bedroom as well as more rooms that could be turned into bedrooms. Out of curiosity do you and your mother have separate beds?
What is the setup like bunk beds two singles? Two doubles? Any room dividers? How large is it?” Honibajir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would think about messaging the family members who have been contacting you and asking them what is wrong with you wanting to have a room of your own?
If you believe that your parents are lying about the disagreement, I would clear it up with your family members, maybe see if it would embarrass your parents into action. Honestly, the situation is just overall strange, especially if they have space.” hillbillyhotmess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – is this a cultural thing with your parents? What is their reason for not letting you have your own room? Are they truly willing to kick you out of the house but not willing to let you have your own room? That makes no sense.
You should have had your own space many, many, many years ago.” ReserveShoddy204
19. AITJ For Not Including My Brother In My Wedding Party?
“For my entire life my brother and I have had a good and close relationship except for these past couple of years it seems. My soon-to-be wife just does not get along with him or his wife.
This has made planning our wedding very difficult and stressful but in the end, my wife has decided for him not to be the best man or even in the wedding party at all.
I feel like I need to agree with her on this because she said it wouldn’t be a great start to our marriage if I didn’t.
I however still plan on getting him invited to the wedding itself because I of course would want him there even through all of this stupid drama happening. But still AITJ for not having him in the wedding party at all or is it not even a big deal?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s your brother standing on YOUR side. The best man/groomsmen should not be the wife’s decision. How can you marry someone who would exclude your brother just because she doesn’t like him? In the future will he and his wife not be invited to family events because she doesn’t like them?
Kept away from your children? If they haven’t done anything toxic to her/you, then your fiancé is unreasonable and your marriage will be rife with trouble.” Leimana76
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have given no valid reason as to why she doesn’t like your brother or his wife.
As such, it is evident that she doesn’t have a valid reason. You are letting this woman run all over you ( it’s your wedding too). She’s also running off your family. To say it wouldn’t be a good start to your marriage to defy her says that she will make you miserable when she doesn’t get her way.
You should pick your side of the wedding party not her. Do you think you could ban her MOH? Don’t let her run off your family. You’ll need your brother to help you pick up the pieces if this marriage doesn’t work.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Ummm… I think you’re NTJ for wanting him as your best man, and slightly the jerk for letting your fiancee cut your brother out. She’s the jerk for pitting you against your brother. Is there actually any good reason? Has he done something to her that would explain her dislike of him?
My understanding is that the bride chooses the bridesmaids/maid of honor, the groom chooses the best man/groomsmen, but both parties try to include family members e.g. the bride’s brother may be a groomsman, groom’s sister may be a bridesmaid. According to this approach, your fiancee is the jerk twice: for excluding your family and also not letting you choose your own best man.” Sweeper1985
18. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Coworker's Shift On My Day Off?
“I work retail, this morning I got a text while I was asleep (I didn’t hear my phone go off). So it was a good 2 hours before I even saw the text.
My manager said they needed me to come in because Brenda (my coworker) couldn’t come in.
Her shift started at 2 pm, the text was sent at 10 am, it was now noon.
I had plans for later that night so I texted him I couldn’t come in.
He told me “well if you don’t come in, Brenda will have to come in.”
I told him “I guess she’ll have to come in.”
He then replied, “ok, well I guess she’s just going to have to miss her son’s first birthday then.”
I told him “I’m sorry but I have plans.”
He then went off on me about how I was horrible and heartless.
I just responded “why didn’t she request the day off in advance? Did she forget when her child was born?”
The manager said that they would talk to me the next time I came in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! For the love of all that is holy do NOT let your managers guilt you into coming into work when you’re not scheduled!
A corporation will continue to take advantage of you if you let them. You’re not in the wrong here at all. Don’t listen to the “team player” nonsense you’ll hear next time either. Your off-work time is just as valuable as your at-work time, and everyone deserves to have both.
(Sorry for the mini-rant. This is something I’ve gone through before and feel quite strongly about.)” GraceXGalaxy
Another User Comments:
“This is why I would never work retail again. They think they own you and you need to be available 24/7. In retail, the schedule is king.
If the schedule says you’re not on, then you’re not on, and covering shifts is their problem. It seems like Brenda always planned on calling off or she would have found someone else to cover for her. Every retail location that I’ve walked into is hiring right now.
If they try to have a conversation with you, don’t hesitate to put in a few applications while on your break. And then when you quit, tell them to get Brenda to cover your shifts.” Leezerb
Another User Comments:
““BuT I HaVe A cHiLd!!!” I don’t care.
That’s no excuse for forgetting your kid’s BIRTHDAY and expecting everyone else to pick up your slack. You’re supposed to give up your plans just because she forgot her kid’s birthday? Then she says “you’re childless and don’t understand”? Like childless = I’m always free to cover any shift?
No way. We have families and friends and lives too. We don’t have to bend over backward for entitled idiots. NTJ and yes definitely look around for another job.” Vdszbz13
17. AITJ For Rating My Partner And Friend On A Beauty Scale?
“Recently I (19M) got into an argument with my partner (18F). We were chatting and she asked me how pretty I thought she was and to be brutally honest, I told her that I was very very attracted to her (because I really am) and that she is conventionally an 8/10.
She then asked me how pretty I thought my friend was, and I said she was a 9/10 but I wasn’t attracted to her at all. This started an argument and I tried to explain that I could see that someone is pretty but not be attracted to them at all, but she is still really upset.
My friends are kind of split down the middle, some of them see where I’m coming from while others are telling me that I shouldn’t have said that.
P.S. By conventionally pretty I’m referring to the beauty standard that guys in America usually go for.”
Another User Comments:
“Dude really!!?? By 19 you should definitely know better!! What!? First response (regarding her) should have been: I think you’re beautiful. Second response (regarding friend): She’s pretty too but in a different way. If partner asks “what way”, last response: I don’t know, just different, I’m not attracted to her?
And NEVER EVER grade any female on a number scale TO a female!!? Much less your partner!! YTJ. Big time!!” Country-girl-2212
Another User Comments:
“SOFT YTJ. Because you’re a young man, apparently without much experience around women, I’ll give you a soft YTJ. Maybe that’ll teach you to keep your mouth shut when asked loaded questions like this in the future.
Telling the truth is usually the best way to go with most things but this ain’t one of them. Learn from this lesson on how to be diplomatic without hurting anyone’s feelings and without making it a competition that no one can win because you’ll end up being the biggest loser!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“For once, I have something to contribute! First, NTJ. There is a difference between attractiveness and beauty. Old-time D&D had statistics called Comeliness (a.k.a. “Beauty”) and Charisma (a.k.a. “Attractiveness”). Every character had different scores for both of these stats.
This is how my DM explained the difference to me way back when. Keep in mind you may not agree with his assessments. “John Travolta has Comeliness, but no Charisma. Danny DeVito has Charisma, but no Comeliness. Harrison Ford has both.” Your partner is a Harrison Ford (so to speak), but the other girl is a John Travolta.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Friend's Wife To Our Wedding?
“Twelve years ago when I (now 32F) was often inebriated and self-destructive I hooked up with my friend John, who was seeing Kate at the time.
John told Kate what happened, and they continued to see each other. Fast forward 8 years, I meet Tim who just so happens to be childhood best friends with John. Tim and I fall for each other fast and are cohabitating within a year.
John and Tim don’t spend a lot of time together, but I do hear from the grapevine that Kate hates me still.
She avoids the occasional events where we might be in the same room. John is friendly enough. He and Kate got married 3 years ago. Tim was in the wedding party and I was explicitly not invited. While I think it’s odd that Kate forgave John and not me, and is still holding a grudge….
It’s her wedding and if she didn’t want me there…. That’s totally fine with me!
So now Tim and I are engaged. I don’t want Kate at our wedding, because I don’t need the negative vibes on our important day. Tim thinks we should invite her, because it’s unlikely she’ll come anyway.
WIBTJ if I insisted we do not invite Kate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that Kate didn’t invite you to her wedding, it’s that she’s actively hostile to you. She has reasons and she has a right to them, but an invitation to someone who overtly and intensely dislikes you, and has campaigned against your relationship, seems really out of place.
Your fiancé should explain to John, as kindly as possible, that the *mutual* bad decision you and John made many years ago is still having repercussions, and you will not be including anyone who does not support your marriage and wish you well.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your partner get to decide who you want (and don’t want) to invite to your special day. But your partner should have a say in the decision too. It was kind and understanding of you to accept Kate not inviting you to her wedding.
You’re right — it was her and John’s day, they can invite whoever they want. But it should be absolutely no surprise to them if she’s not invited to your wedding. Kate and John are the ones who set the precedent here of not inviting you even though you were a long-term partner to Tim.
Clearly Kate still has pent-up anger about the situation, which is reasonable…. but her anger should be directed at her partner who was unfaithful, not at you.” UnsharpenedSwan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but probably not for the reasons you think. Look you seem to be using the fact that Kate warned your partner against seeing you as a reason to hate her.
However, frankly based on your own description of your behavior you are exactly the kind of person you should warn friends about. You have engaged in self-destructive behavior that caused immense harm to others as well as yourself. If I had a friend seeing someone like you I would warn them repeatedly.
Who Kate chooses to forgive and who not to is her business and you really have no right to judge her for that. Frankly, you don’t sound all that apologetic or sympathetic towards Kate so I’m doubtful you’ve ever actually apologized for your part in hurting her.
You really have no business holding her choice not to invite you to her wedding against her. You should have expected there to be consequences for your actions. The fact you seem to expect time to have absolved you of those consequences speaks to me that you don’t grasp the amount of pain you’ve caused others.
YTJ simply because you frankly seem selfish and unconcerned about the feelings of others. You have no right to punish Kate for anything as you have no real moral grounds for it. Also, you shouldn’t be making decisions about guests without agreeing with your partner.
Do better please.” twiglet95
15. AITJ For Telling My Niece When Her Food Would Arrive While She Lives Rent-Free With Me?
“My niece and her partner both live with me. I don’t charge either of them rent or ask them to pay for food. When I asked her why she was moving out, she explained that last night after she had asked me to order DoorDash for the three of us, they said they were going to run an errand.
Since I had already ordered, I said, “The food will be here in 54 minutes so you only have an hour.” My intent was to let them know their food would be cold if they were gone much longer. She said she found this controlling and did not have another example.
I never go into their rooms for any reason, she cooks about four nights a week and I order in two nights (one night they are usually out somewhere). They do minor chores around the house like taking out the trash and cleaning up after the dogs/their own laundry.
I never ask where she is going although I do occasionally ask when they will be back so I’ll know how to plan my day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Quite frankly, usually stories involving a mooching couple don’t end with said couple packing up their bags and moving out willingly.
Sparring you any further from putting up with their toxicity. Usually, they find a way to guilt trip you into keeping them around despite the foul stuff they say and do to spit on your hospitality. I’d consider yourself lucky. They are the rest of the world’s problem now.
Hopefully, they are humbled. But remember how they claimed you were “controlling” if they ever need to crash at your place rent-free again.” X-ile226
Another User Comments:
“From someone whose niece simply would not move out…. I don’t care how paper-thin the reasoning is! The day she moved out the entire house chipped in, making it a fun day for everyone.
Except her, I guess, as we were all celebrating. There was pizza. There may have been singing.” Weak_Jeweler3077
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is considerate to let someone know the time frame they have so their food won’t be cold. It is considerate to tell people you share your house with when you leave/when you will be back.
It sounds like your niece and her partner want to be adults and live their own lives, but they aren’t able to verbalize that to you.” Chelular07
14. AITJ For Thinking My Mom's Outbursts Make Her A Narcissist?
“I (22F) have always been kind of a good daughter, never gave her any problems while growing up, unlike my older sister who had the worst behavior you could imagine. Anyway, my mom is always complaining about things I do and making them look like the biggest mess ever.
Yesterday I was going out and couldn’t find my sanitizer tube, so I asked her if she had seen it. She exploded and started yelling and cursing at me.
She said she was tired, sick of me, that I was always so messy and constantly forgot about things.
She went on with “But what can I expect from you? You’re just like your father.” And victimized herself saying that she could never complain about anything because I saw her as a villain.
She told me to go away and that I made her want to die.
I only asked if she had seen my sanitizer.
It’s always like that. One little thing and she combusts, insults, and curses at every person she sees. After these episodes she just ignores me, and later on would go to her friends and complain about how little I care for her and how she is so unhappy because of me and wants to die.
I’m starting to think she has a narcissist disorder.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for a lot of reasons but maybe it’s time to look for living options away from her? This doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for you and she needs serious help – which you also need to be ready for her to not accept/take responsibility for/learn from.
There’s only so much you will be able to do for her, but there’s a lot you can do for yourself and that’s where you should start.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Run as fast as possible. Get out to the first safe place you can find.
Talk to your friends to see if they know if anyone is renting a room out or a cheap place to rent. Just anything safe. And do not tell her where you go. Then be prepared for her to go full victim manipulation nuts when you move out.
It will get bad.” Fattdog64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but dear heart, you need out of this living situation. Your mother has some sort of emotional and/or mental disorder(s). You don’t need this in your life and probably need to go NC with her as soon as possible.
She treats you badly, ignores you, and says things to tear you down, but then makes it seem like you are being a jerk to her to her friends. If you can’t leave immediately, please try to interact with her as little as possible. Your mental and emotional health are important to the person you are and your mother is messing with all of that.
Hope things turn around for you and you are able to cut this toxicity out of your life soon.” moew4974
13. AITJ For Accusing My Partner's Aunt Of Stealing My Coachella Tickets?
“I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and have known his aunt throughout those years.
We were actually pretty close. She now lives with his parents because she was unfaithful to her husband, the new partner now lives there too.
We moved to an apartment but still get our items shipped to our parents since our place is sketchy.
I had bought Coachella tickets and it was sent to his house.
Well, 2 weeks before Coachella the person I was going to Coachella with got sick and so we decided to sell our tickets.
The only problem is, my ticket never came. We kept asking everyone who lived at the house for weeks if they had seen the package to which they said no. We searched the living room and kitchen but nothing came up.
A month prior to this his aunt had told his mom that she was selling Coachella tickets that her partner had gotten from his niece. It never crossed my mind that this ticket was mine.
I was starting to get stressed because the ticket was $600 and I was about to have to drive to the venue to pick up my ticket and go to the concert alone.
The DAY before Coachella my partner’s aunt confesses to her crime. Her partner had stolen my ticket and had been trying to sell it off. His aunt tried to say she had no idea it was my ticket because the package had no name, this is a lie.
Once I hear about it I immediately start shaking and sobbing feeling betrayed and that we stressed over nothing.
Since they probably already sold the ticket I couldn’t even go to Coachella. My partner called his mom to tell her how messed up this is and his parents agree.
She never apologizes just kept up her lies and excuses. I was so fed up that I said “you know it’s illegal to steal other people’s mail, I could go to the police about this”. This upset his aunt and I felt bad about this.
My partner said the right thing to do is for my aunt to send us the $600.
We haven’t talked about this incident since with them but I know they talk negatively about me to their whole family because that’s what they do. When I go to his family parties I just stay quiet and act friendly.
I’m an extremely sensitive person and the thing that hurt the most about this situation is that someone close to me could lie and betray me like that after seeing how stressed me and her nephew were.
I feel like the jerk because I’ve created a rift between him and his ex-favorite aunt.
I still feel guilty. Did I overreact? Did I mess up his relationship with his family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report the theft of the mail and the sale of the stolen goods. Why feel bad for upsetting an unfaithful thieving liar? If they talk negatively about you – why are you supporting them by not reporting the theft, and telling the rest of the family about it?
The aunt stole it because your name was on it, and she knew, from past interactions, you would do nothing. The timing of telling you was deliberate to make it harder for you to cancel the ticket, and for them to ensure they were paid for the stolen ticket.
Also, they sold your ticket. Did they sell it for more than $600? If so, then paying you the $600 means they still profited from it.” stiggley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not cause this rift. His aunt and her partner did. They are thieves, plain and simple.
There is no possible excuse for this. Unless they also ordered Coachella tickets and somehow missed your name on the envelope, which would mean now they are missing tickets. See how it doesn’t add up? Literally no excuse. You didn’t ask them to steal from you.
The only reason you know is because she got cold feet last minute. Don’t feel bad, she is lucky you didn’t actually call the cops, or the postmaster because tampering with someone’s mail is a crime.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Draw up a contract requiring her to pay you back the money.
In it, include either a written statement from her about the theft and/or written statements from everyone involved that will provide you with one. Make sure you include a definite date or time period that the payment will be made by also. (Example; Paid by this date, or paid within 30/60/90 days from the date of signing this agreement.) Make sure that you also include the penalty clause if payment is not made by the agreed or stated time.
The penalty should state, “If payment is not received in full by the due date, then this packet, with all collected evidence, will be forwarded to (your local law enforcement here) for the purpose of filing a mail fraud investigation and subsequently to have a report of said activities for civil litigation.
At such time, the police may contact federal agencies for further investigation into this matter, as mail fraud is considered both a state and federal crime (possibly a felony in this case due to the value of the theft) as well as a possible civil case for the value of the stolen item/s.”
Then, have her sign and date that contract in front of two witnesses, and the witnesses will also sign, as well as yourself. Then, and here is the most important part, give her a copy, AND THEN HOLD HER ACCOUNTABLE! That means if she fails to pay and make that happen in front of the witnesses, if possible, with a written receipt and video, if needed, follow through and report this issue to the police.
It sounds like your SO’s aunt has fallen under the sway of an unscrupulous S.O.B. with zero integrity and who is highly manipulative. They both need to be held accountable, but she needs a good slap back into reality to get herself out from under her SO’s influence.” Pawpaw_Woden
12. AITJ For Siding With My Partner Over My Parents?
“I (M23) have always been super close to my parents. We would eat together often, and I felt like we had a strong bond. A few years ago, I met my partner, Daisy (F24), online. She’s from California, and I’m from Texas.
We started seeing each other three years ago, and while long-distance was tough, we made it work.
Things got complicated when Daisy started to develop a bad opinion of my parents. On our calls, she could often hear them arguing in the background, and sometimes they would drag me into their fights.
My dad, who has Parkinson’s and a history of bipolar disorder, was accusing my mom of being unfaithful during what I now believe were psychosis episodes caused by his medication. Daisy thought it was wrong for them to involve me in these arguments, and while I think she had a point, the way she handled it wasn’t great.
She became very judgmental, even to the point of criticizing me for saying “I love you” to my mom. I told my parents about her concerns, which led them to think Daisy was controlling and a bad influence. Things got worse when Daisy tried to reach out to my mom to bury the hatchet.
My mom refused, saying she believed Daisy had bad intentions. This rejection hurt Daisy deeply, and it caused tension between me and my parents.
For nearly a year, while living with my parents, I found myself avoiding conversations with them whenever I was on the phone with Daisy because she was paranoid they were badmouthing her to me.
In May, I moved in with Daisy, and since then, my contact with my parents has significantly decreased. It feels like I can’t openly communicate with them because Daisy gets upset at the thought.
The thing is, my parents are complicated people. They did fight a lot, and my dad’s behavior during his episodes was harsh, but they also supported me, raised me, and even paid for my college.
Daisy, on the other hand, is caring, loyal, and trustworthy, but the stress of this situation has made her depressed and paranoid. Unfortunately, that sometimes led her to be emotionally manipulative or overly critical toward me.
Now it’s almost Christmas, and I brought up the idea of visiting my parents for a day.
Daisy immediately shut it down, saying it would cause problems. I feel torn between the people who raised me and the person I love.
So, AITJ for siding with my partner over my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m honestly struggling. Sure your parents have flaws, but your dad has Parkinson’s (which affects the brain severely, including emotions and cognitive functions) and bipolar.
Not to mention simply having Parkinson’s is heavy. I feel like Daisy got a very limited view of who your parents are and became heavily judgemental. Your parents (and mom) are rightfully hurt that a person they never met criticized them so heavily and made you behave differently towards them.
I can understand your mom not being too excited about being contacted by her and not feeling like forgiving her. Now it seems Daisy takes this personally, but does not realize her actions have impacted your parents, you, and your relationship with them. She now actively tries to keep you from visiting your parents or even talking to them.
You couldn’t even talk to them when you were at home because she was afraid she would be badmouthed when the one person I see constantly badmouthing someone is her.
I think I’ll go NTJ, for now, and Daisy is definitely the jerk. Your parents are struggling with everything and I feel your dad’s condition is not really taken into account by her and the difficulty that brings on a family.
She wants to judge but not be judged. Repair that relationship with your parents. You seem to want to. Don’t let her alienate you against your will just because she gets huffy that your dad’s heavy medical problems make him less than perfect.” Parttime-Princess
Another User Comments:
“Honestly both sides sound toxic and manipulative. Daisy sounds great… when you’re agreeing with her or she’s getting her way. Also, your parent’s marriage and problems are not the place for you to be in. I’m genuinely curious do you think Daisy reminds you of one of your parents?
2 red flags for me are Daisy did try to bury the hatchet but your mom declined. Even if she wasn’t genuine your mom could have been the bigger person for your sake. Daisy is critical of you saying “I love you” to your mother.
Gets insecure about even the thought of your parents and if they are bad-mouthing her. (also are they?) Boundaries are a must but also maybe you need some space to heal on your own.” Ready-Conflict-1887
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Daisy has some issues. Telling your mom ‘I love you’ is bad?!?
She sounds insecure. Yes, your father shouldn’t have been involving you in arguments but I’ll take your word he was struggling with illness/medication. Your mom probably should’ve buried the hatchet but if I’m being honest I don’t know if I could be the bigger person when my son’s partner takes offense to him telling me he loves me.
Now that you live with Daisy you can’t talk to your parents in front of her & she’s trying to prevent a Xmas visit? This isn’t healthy behavior, your partner should never try and keep you from your family. Even if they don’t get along.
Yes, you should stand up for your partner and side with them but if they’re forcing you to do that when your family isn’t even saying or doing anything towards them, it isn’t right.” SnooMacarons4844
11. AITJ For Not Paying For My Partner's Haircut After She Supported Me Financially?
“My partner (32f) and I (38m) have been together for two years.
I lost my job about three months into our relationship. During this time, she really came through for me and helped out A LOT. I did not have a car so she would help me deliver orders on Doordash and Grubhub so I could pay my bills.
She also covered the difference out of her pocket if I was running short. To say I’m grateful to her is an understatement.
I finally found a new job two months ago. I’m saving up for a car so she’s been letting me borrow hers.
She accrued some debt while I was out of a job and I have repaid about half of that. However, now I’m worried that she’s starting to only want me for my money.
We got into an argument over the weekend because she called to ask me if she could borrow some money to get a haircut.
Apparently, she is running short due to an expected home repair cost, but already paid the hairdresser a deposit that she would have to forfeit if she rescheduled it. I had a long day at work and was exhausted, both mentally and physically. So when I noticed that my phone was ringing, I was really excited to see her name.
But after I answered, she immediately asked me for money. I felt crushed because she did it without even asking how my day was first. I told her that I guess I understand what my new role is in her life now and she threw a huge fit about it.
She claims that she “gave me her everything” for a year and a half just to keep a roof over my head, and that she’s accrued debt from when I wasn’t working so I shouldn’t be so opposed to doing her a favor. I recently bought her car a new set of tires and got the brake pads replaced, as well as gave her some money to repay the debts with.
I also have paid for the car payment and insurance since I started working because I have it at my place more than she does while I save up to buy my own. So it’s not like I don’t contribute to her expenses already. She keeps guilt-tripping me because “a haircut is a small ask considering everything I’ve done for you” which feels very controlling.
Now she won’t talk to me and I’m scared that she’s going to break up with me without even hearing me out.
I hated taking her money when I was jobless and that I have to use her car now, I didn’t want to do it in the first place.
Anytime I needed her to pay for something, it was because it was an important expense like my rent or power. So the way she is asking for something unnecessary like a haircut just feels like a slap in the face.
AITJ?
She didn’t talk to me for three days and then she broke up with me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A year and a half she helped pay for all your expenses and that’s good you’ve paid back half but to get upset about her wanting for you to pay for her hair appointment because she is short on money cause she is still dealing with debts because of you is ridiculous.
You brought up paying for maintenance and insurance and actual car payment but you literally said you use her car more than her so you should be paying for that. Can’t believe you have the nerve to say you think she only wants you for your money when you have USED her for almost 2 years.” galatic_opal
Another User Comments:
“”I recently bought her car a new set of tires and got the brake pads replaced, as well as gave her some money to repay the debts with.” You clearly still owe debts that have put a burden on her when she could have dumped you and let you cry about it.
You think that because things are on the upswing for you that all of the debts are now even. Ohhhh you help pay for a car you personally use more than her! Wow! She covered your pathetic rear for a YEAR AND A HALF and now that she’s clearly struggling you are complaining over a haircut.
You suck man! YTJ, pay for the haircut, and honestly, I hope she breaks up with you. If you don’t pay for the haircut, I hope she breaks up with you.” runrunpuppets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She did a lot to help you financially. The right thing to do would be to pay for the haircut.
Especially because she’s your partner, even just paying for the haircut as a gift or a way to say thank you for her support, because let’s be real, you would not be in the position you are in now without her. She did this amazing thing for you THREE MONTHS IN after you lost your job.
She’s clearly not after you for your money, because it’s been two years and she’s been the only person with it. Replace your feeling guilty about borrowing money with acts of gratitude. You’re just going to resent her in the long run otherwise, and she deserves every thank you that you can muster.
Honestly sounds like a wonderful person.” BadAtEvrythjng
10. AITJ For Calling My Husband Selfish For Eating Our Daughter's Favorite Cereal?
“Our kid (6) has a favourite cereal which is a branded chocolate hoop cereal. When full price it is 100% out of our budget so we are almost never able to buy it and we buy her the cheap own-brand alternative (which she likes, but isn’t anywhere near as good.
But when it’s 3x cheaper, you make do).
We went shopping a few weeks ago, and to my happiness, they had two boxes of her preferred brand massively reduced to clear (making them cheaper). So I bought them. She was thrilled.
We’ve been gradually getting through it (I try to limit how much sugary cereal she has anyway so generally she’ll have a bowl of shreddies or bran flakes or similar and put the chocolate cereal on top.
She’s happy to do this because it makes the cereal last longer). We just opened the second box a couple of days ago. Well, this morning, my husband joined us for breakfast (normally he wakes before us and so has already eaten before we wake up).
He then poured himself a huge bowl full of the chocolate cereal. I was stunned and immediately asked him what he was doing, and if he was seriously eating that much (here is where I probably am a jerk – I shouldn’t have commented in front of our kid.
But he took me by surprise and I wasn’t thinking). He shrugged and said yeah, that it was a “normal” amount of cereal to eat, he’d run out of “his” cereal, and it wasn’t a big deal. He also said he’d done the exact same thing yesterday (having checked, I’d estimate he’s had at least 1/3 of the entire box over those two bowls).
I got annoyed and said that was unreasonable and kind of selfish.
While he has every right to eat as much food as he wants and has every right to eat whichever cereal he wants, I think having a huge bowl of expensive cereal that was bought as a treat for our daughter is completely unreasonable.
I asked him why on earth he couldn’t have mixed it with cheap cereal to bulk out his bowl because this particular cereal is unaffordable usually. He made a comment about that box being gotten on offer so it wasn’t expensive, and when I argued that it wasn’t the point, that buying another box of it would be expensive, he said “then we just won’t buy another box”.
Our kid got upset, and then my husband snapped at me for saying anything in front of her, that it was my fault our kid was upset, and said that I had now ruined his day. He sulkily ate his gigantic bowl and then stormed off to our room in a huff.
(He also said that he earns most of “our” money so he can eat what he wants – yes, he earns more, but we have an agreed-upon food budget. If he wants to buy expensive cereal with his own money then he can be my guest, but he spends his money on other things and this cereal came out of our family food budget).
AITJ for calling him out for eating so much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but his ‘I earn more’ (and the implied ‘so screw you and my daughter’) sure makes him a jerk in my book. When money is tight or just needs to be budgeted, good parents often make do with less to ensure their growing kid’s needs (and occasional wants) are met.
Many people can tell you as they got older, they realized their parents had been letting their kids eat most of the meatballs and drink the milk while they lived off the pasta and plain water. IMHO your husband should be ashamed of himself.” A-Strange-Peg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from me (and my husband, who got the abridged version). We’re going to have a baby in a few months and neither of us could imagine buying a treat for her and gobbling it up for ourselves. Then to shrug it off and say ‘well, I guess kiddo just doesn’t get to have it again’ was petty and rude.
Well, for honesty: We wouldn’t touch a special, expensive treat. If a couple of lollies go missing from her Halloween haul, or a nibble off a chocolate Easter bunny, she probably wouldn’t even notice…” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“When I was a kid, Dad got first and most. I grew up in a very patrician society, and no one ever questioned that rule.
Some Sundays, Mom would make pancakes. She made as many as Dad wanted, which he ate in front of us. Once he had enough, Mom made them for my brother and me. When we had enough, she’d make do with however much mix was in the bowl.
Dad had Snickers bars and Twinkies in the freezer for his lunches. My brother and I were never allowed to touch them. Dad got butter, and the rest of us got margarine because butter was too expensive to waste on us. Whatever dinner was, there had to be enough for Dad to have seconds, AND lunch the next day.
Even when Mom worked full-time, and made more money, Dad got first and most. He was the Dad, and that’s how it was. However, if there wasn’t enough food in the house, Dad would go hunting. There were times when we wouldn’t have eaten if he hadn’t.
However, when I got chicken pox on the soles of my feet and couldn’t walk, Dad carried me up and down the steps, because that’s what dads did. However, although Mom and I did all of the housework, Dad did all of the yard work.
I was afraid to ask Dad to plug in the vacuum for me (on the other side of his chair), both because I was disturbing his much-needed time off, but also because the vacuum would drown out the TV. However, Dad gave his money to Mom to run the house, save, invest, and put towards things for us.
We always got good Christmases and birthdays. We always got the clothes and school supplies we needed. However, Dad would take us camping at least once a month, when I’m sure he’d rather have stayed home. However, if my car or any household appliance broke, Dad would drop everything to fix it.
After I grew up, I found it rather funny/odd. I worried that if Mom passed first, Dad wouldn’t know how to keep himself fed. As time went on, Dad grew less and less the man of the house. In his later years, I even caught him vacuuming and dishwashing.
Mom never once (to my knowledge) did anything but accept the situation, because she was raised the same way he was. People can change and grow. They have to choose to do so.” Bouche_Audi_Shyla
9. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Sentimental Baby Blanket To College?
“I (19F) start college next fall after taking a gap year to work. I’ve already been accepted into my dream school, and everything involved with that has already started, I’m actually very excited for the future.
My dad (47M) is only arguing with me about one thing.
I have a baby blanket that I cannot sleep without. It has gone everywhere with me. It’s very important to me, and everyone in my life knows how special it is. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve called it Blankie.
The reason it is so important to me is because I’ve had it my entire life. It was there the day I was born. My grandmother on my dad’s side really wanted a granddaughter, so when she found out that I was a girl, she bought Blankie for me.
Unfortunately, she had a heart attack about 2 weeks before I was born, and passed away. I never got to meet her, which is why that blanket is so important to me.
My dad is insistent that I am not allowed to bring Blankie with me to college because it’s childish and I need to grow up.
He doesn’t understand why I bring it with me everywhere, it actually makes him really mad for some reason. The problem is that my college is 3 states away, and due to financial issues, I will not be able to go home for winter or summer breaks.
If I don’t bring Blankie with me, I will not see it for 4 years, and there is a chance my parents throw it away.
My dad and I have been arguing about this for weeks now, and it has gotten to the point that he is completely ignoring me.
I’m not sure what to do about it. I really don’t see the huge problem with a baby blanket. I wash it every week, and it doesn’t leave my bed. I know deep down it’s silly, but I genuinely cannot sleep at night if I don’t have Blankie.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I would seriously think about hiding it. With how he’s been arguing with you about it, I wouldn’t put it past him to throw it away before you leave for college. And it’s not silly to have things from your childhood that are important to you.
Even if you sleep with it the rest of your life, it still wouldn’t be silly. And this is from a fully functional, married, 35-year-old adult who had a stuffed dog named Milo since I was 9. But seriously, hide your blanket when you aren’t at home, or take it with you in a backpack everywhere you go.” barryfan6555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Your blanket goes beyond a comfort item and into an object with deep emotional significance. It has significant ties to your grandmother and provides security especially when dealing with a huge transition in your life. There’s nothing wrong with holding onto something with personal value and providing comfort; especially when your world may be turned inside out through the major life change of college.
It’s easy for someone, who isn’t you, to not fully understand the significance of the object. It’s easy for someone to dismiss an object they don’t have a personal attachment to, but that doesn’t mean your feelings/opinion is not valid. You’re just asking for something with significant meaning and a piece of comfort to remain with you.
It’s not unreasonable.” DetectiveQueasy1711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I met my husband when we were both 20. He had his blankie on his bed in the house he built himself. He ran his own business. He was unashamed that he still had it, even when all of his buddies teased him.
It was on our bed the day we got married nearly 45 years ago. It finally shredded in the washing machine one day, but he had to be in his 50s then. My daughter, who is 41, still sleeps with her baby blanket, and her husband doesn’t care.
Hide your blanket, take it to school with you, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re too grown up to keep it.” STEM_Educator
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Friend's Dinner Despite Her Offers To Accommodate Me?
“I (F32) have a friend (F30-ish) from work who is very nice and welcoming. She really tries to do nice things for others (for example, she is organizing my baby shower at the office). She is hosting a dinner at her place next month.
She invited a few people from our office along with their partners. She sent an invitation for me and my husband about a month ago (so 2 months in advance of the event) and asked us to RSVP last week.
My husband has a night shift scheduled that day, so he won’t be able to come.
I would be going by myself, except that there are some important complications:
1. I will be 7 months pregnant at that point, and driving long distances is complicated for me because my legs get tired.
2. The dinner is on the outskirts of the city in one direction, and I live in the outskirts of the other direction.
The drive there is at least 1.5 hours and it could be more if there is traffic.
3. I have a medical appointment scheduled for earlier that day for an immunoglobulin injection (I didn’t pick the date for the appointment) and I’m not sure what side effects I’ll have right after the injection.
I told my friend that we won’t be able to make it to her dinner, thanked her very much for the invitation, and told her that I wanted to take her out for lunch one day when we were both working in person to catch up.
She said she would love it if I could come and asked if there was any way I could make it. She even offered to have her sibling pick me up and take me to the dinner and back. And this is why I think I might be the jerk
There are technically many ways that I could accommodate this dinner and actually attend, but I honestly don’t want to make an effort. My husband already has to ask for a lot of changes in his shifts to come with me to medical appointments so he doesn’t want to ask for more changes for a non-medical event, taking extra time to make a stop on my way back is not that appealing since it would be dark already, and to be honest, making small talk with her sibling on my way to dinner and back in addition to having to socialize during dinner is just not something that I want to do at this point.
I’ve had a healthy pregnancy so far, but in terms of symptoms and emotionally, I’m a mess. I get tired very easily, I cry all day, and I am uncomfortable 24/7. I’m just not in a good place to make a big effort to go to a social event, but I feel bad because she has been planning this dinner for a long time and the fact that her sibling is willing to drive 4+ hours to take me to dinner makes me feel like I should put more of an effort to be there.
WIBTJ if I reject her offer and don’t make any effort to attend this dinner even when I technically could do it?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here currently. If she insists incessantly or gets angry, then she would be the jerk. But right now, she’s just trying to offer helpful solutions since she would love to see you.
(She probably thinks you want to go but just feel like you can’t because of obstacles.) I think you’re being very civil & fair and have multiple valid reasons for not feeling up to going. It’s great that you offered to spend time with her another day as well when you know you’ll be able to have more control over things, given your pregnancy symptoms.” Ta11Baby
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health over a social engagement. It isn’t that you don’t want to make an effort for a friend, you are happy to plan some one-on-one time with her. You simply don’t have it in you for this particular event and that is ok.
The RSVP time is where you want to express this and you did. It was nice of your friend to offer easier transport but that doesn’t mean you need to put in more effort. You are all good. If they push you, make you feel bad, retaliate, or talk nonsense to others about you not going then they would be the jerk.” OkraEither2528
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m REALLY curious about why she’s so interested in having you attend that she would have her sister drive you 3 hours or more round trip, but that’s where my brain is. This case is easy. You have a couple of valid reasons already for not attending, and no amount of offers on her part changes that.
It doesn’t matter if she offers to make it easier if it still feels like work on your part. It’s not meant to be this time around. I think the offer to lunch is a perfect return, unnecessary but wonderful in a way to demonstrate that you want to connect with HER in a quieter and calmer way.
Don’t hassle yourself to go to this. Seriously though… what’s going on that night that needs you there that badly that she has conscripted her sister into driving?” rockology_adam
7. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Dad Instead Of My Manipulative Mom?
“I’m a 20-year-old male. When I was about 8ish my mom found out that my dad had been unfaithful to her, they got into an extremely nasty divorce. My dad got 15 percent visitation (so every other weekend) and 50 percent legal custody. Over those beginning years my mom made me hate my dad, which is understandable due to him being unfaithful to her, but whatever, so she made me hate him by making me hate going over to his house and all of that fun stuff.
After many years I was finally an adult and could do my own things, but she wanted me to keep living with her, well I moved from Pennsylvania to Alabama and well, that’s where stuff is hitting the fan, now onto the story.
So about mid-October I went out and visited my dad, while I was there he asked me to go and live with him for a few months to then go off to the military, he told me to tell my mom and my grandma before I did.
I told them and well after I told them, my mother freaked out and went haywire, she threatened to put herself in a mental hospital, that she wouldn’t get out if she did, she told me after my 15-year-old husky passes that I no longer have a home with her, my mother also told me she no longer will cultivate a relationship with me.
She is basically disowning me because of this. I told my dad and now he’s moved up my moving date from the 6th of December to the 22nd of November so just over a week away. And now I’m stressed, thank you all for letting me rant.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This hits home with me because I grew up in a similar situation with my mother using me as a pawn to get back at my dad. Like so many people have said here your mother is trying to manipulate you and use you as a pawn to get back at your father.
It is also possible that your father is trying to use you to get back at your mother. You are stuck in the middle and it’s not fair, or healthy, for you. Your mother’s threat of checking into a mental hospital if you leave is just another attempt to manipulate you.
Don’t fall for it. The best thing you can do for yourself is to distance yourself from both of them and start living your own life. If you want to go off to the military you should do it sooner than later. Also, get some counseling on how to deal with this.” bgriff425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum is spiteful and your dad is trying to retaliate now that you’re an adult. Do you really want to live with either of these people? You need to live your life for you, not for them. You don’t need to be stressed out by parents who are cruel to each other and putting you in the middle.
That’s not parenting. It’s childish nonsense. It’s now time for you to put on your big boy pants and tell them both they are acting like children and have made your life difficult enough without adding these immature antics to the mix.
Personally, I would tell them both to get stuffed and go LC until they start to apologize and act like adults.” Jazzlike-Bird-3192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom has been emotionally abusing you and using parental alienation since you were little and is now trying to manipulate you again.
That’s gross. You don’t have to go to college to have a good job. I wouldn’t join the military right now if I had to. There are many options. I’d speak with a career counselor at least or so some trade job shadowing before you do it.” jlove614
6. AITJ For Complaining About My Colleague's Excessive Perfume Use At Work?
“My colleague who is also a very good friend of mine is a huge fan of perfume. We work together in a small office and share one long desk (so the distance between us is 40 centimeters tops). She has acquired a habit of reapplying her perfume multiple times a day not leaving her seat.
As you can imagine when she sprays herself, the smell is all over the place and it feels like I get covered in it as well, which usually causes a headache and sometimes even nausea.
We’ve already had a conversation about using perfume at work and she agreed to wear it to different places.
So when I started coughing and opened the window after another perfume reapplying today she almost bit my head off, saying that it’s just a nice mango fragrance and my reaction is extreme, her perfume helps her feel more energetic and there is no need to be “a hater”.
Now I don’t know what to do and even feel guilty a bit.”
Another User Comments:
“Perfumes trigger migraines in me. Sensitivity to the chemicals in perfume is a legitimate thing and many offices are scent-free because of this. Your “friend” isn’t a friend if she’s going to intentionally keep causing you physical discomfort.
There is no need to keep spraying it constantly. She keeps it up, I would bring it up to your boss or HR if you have one that it’s causing you medical issues. You tried to be an adult about it and discuss it with her and she dismissed your needs.” tcrosbie
Another User Comments:
“I have asthma. Not severe, but some scents shut my lungs down, hard-core. I had this 20-year-old female co-worker a few years ago who adored apple-scented everything. She had hand sanitizer, lotion, the lot. I asked her, politely, to please use unscented, as it was causing me medical distress.
Management talked to her as well. The next day, she goes up and down the desk cubes, spraying this stuff on all the other women. Yeah, I choked. Left, used my inhaler a few times. Then went to the VP who happened to be in town.
He asked her. She denied it. Then turned bright red when some of the other women corroborated my story. The bottom line is this: I don’t care how much this woman ‘has’ to wear perfume etc. If it is causing you medical distress, it needs to stop.
She is not entitled to doing whatever without consequences.” Brose101
Another User Comments:
“You should assert dominance in this situation. Be the alpha. Have a bin full of waste and leave it close to her station. When she complains about the smell of waste, repeat those words back to her and tell her to get over it.
Jokes aside, you are NTJ. At this point, it’s a work-related health and safety concern your office needs to address. I foresee new policies will be drawn up in lieu of this incident. It’s completely fair that you gave your work “friend” the courteous heads up of how it affects you physically.
Now it’s time for the big cheese to reprimand the jerk you call “friend.” Perfume and cologne should be lightly applied. The scent should be discovered within intimate proximity. It should be subtle. It most definitely shouldn’t brashly assault all your senses into a coma.
People who apply too much cologne or perfume haven’t the slightest clue how to correctly apply it. They may as well use a can of Febreze or Axe since they intend to be a walking chemical bomb, it’s much more economical. I love to apply cologne to the right events and settings when I leave my home.
I would never apply more than one spray on each wrist to evenly distribute behind my ears. It is never worn to work or to a restaurant. The lighter, fruity, sporty smells for spring and summer. The more earthy spicy tones for fall and winter.” PRRRoblematic
5. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Stand Up To Her Overbearing Family?
“I (24F) live in a small apartment with my best friend and roommate (24F).
We’ve been close for over a decade. We get along well, and I value our friendship, but lately, there’s been an issue that’s affecting our relationship—her family’s overprotectiveness and her difficulty setting boundaries with them.
To give some context, my friend comes from a very controlling family.
They’ve always done everything for her, to the point where she struggles with even basic tasks on her own. When she moved out for college, she found it overwhelming and had a tough time adjusting. She’s grown more independent since then, graduating college and completing a master’s degree.
But the family dynamic hasn’t changed.
One thing about her is that she’s nonconfrontational—she avoids upsetting others, even when they treat her poorly. This is especially true with her family, who often gang up on her when she doesn’t meet their expectations or do things their way.
Recently, she got a job as a cashier at an electronics store. Her family was unhappy about it, criticizing her for taking a “low” job with her master’s degree. She’s working there temporarily to save up money until she can find something more aligned with her field, which I think is completely reasonable.
The problem started when her family began pressuring her to quit. She became frustrated with the job and started venting to me. On her first day, she complained that her coworkers weren’t constantly beside her, and she was assigned actual tasks. She also criticized her schedule, which is tough: two 12-hour shifts followed by two days off.
I understand it’s exhausting, but I couldn’t help feeling frustrated by her constant complaining.
Here’s where I might have messed up. I recently started a new job at a bank, and the training has been very draining. One day, I came home wanting to rest, but she continued to vent about her job without asking how mine was going.
She also mentioned feeling unwell after dressing too lightly in cold weather. At that point, I snapped a little and told her that if she hated the job so much, she should quit.
This morning, things escalated when she told me her mom had asked how work was going and added, “I hope you know how dangerous it is to work as a cashier.” My friend agreed with her mom, and that’s when I lost my patience.
I told her I was tired of how coddled she was by her family, and that she needed to stop letting them treat her like a child. I said she’s 24 years old and needs to start acting like an adult because no job is problem-free.
I also told her she needed to talk to her family about it because it wasn’t my place to keep “parenting” her.
She didn’t get upset, but I felt guilty afterward. I don’t usually snap at her like that, and I know I was mentally exhausted from my own work stress.
Still, I’m wondering if I overstepped. I didn’t yell or get aggressive, but I feel like I may not have given her the support she needed. Should I apologize? AITJ for how I reacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needed to hear that.
I imagine you could have delivered the message sooner so that you didn’t bottle it all up and blurt it all out, but I’m not judging because I’m guilty of that myself. This girl has a whole lot of life lessons left to learn. And her parents sound incredibly annoying.
Do they not know what the job market is like right now? Especially with no work experience? A degree doesn’t get you a job, it gives you an edge.” forever-salty22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes the truth hurts. She’s gotten entirely too comfortable with using you to vent without being available for you to do likewise.
Quite frankly, she sounds exhausting. I know she can’t help her upbringing, but there comes a time when you have to accept the hand you’ve been dealt and make the best of it instead of whingeing all the time. Some time when both of you are feeling fairly calm, have a chat with her.
Tell her that you’re there for her, but you’d like to feel supported in return. Depending on how deep her family’s claws are sunk into her, you may find that the friendship has run its course. She’s making her family issues yours as well, so both of you need to work on establishing boundaries and maintaining them.
Good luck.” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… But I think as a friend you should sit her down and explain just how bad it is for her to have been coddled all this time and not making any decisions on her own will rob her of any life lessons.
How will she get along in life when her parents pass away. She needs to be more independent and start telling her parents to back off so she can learn to stand on her own two feet. For example, explain to her that she needs to tell her parents that she is working as a cashier so she can pay her share of the bills and be able to find something that aligns with her schooling… Etc,… I’m not saying yell at her or be her tutor just an honest heart-to-heart about what the real world is going to expect from her alone and not by her parents constantly taking the reins and doing what THEY think is the best way …” ChleriBerry
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Depressed Brother Anymore?
“It’s been 4 years since my (26M) brother (34M) moved to the opposite side of the country.
After he broke up with his partner, his life went out of control. He is depressed. He drinks booze. It’s been 2 years of that. We’ve been trying to help him, arranging meetings with psychiatrists.
Visiting him. But I don’t see him wanting to improve. I just don’t.
He started with financial problems and he’s asking for money from my parents on a daily basis. (He used to ask for money before but not with this frequency).
My parents are now overwhelmed with this situation because my brother bought a house and they are paying for it every month. He has debts with the bank and his salary is not enough.
Whenever my parents try to put limits on these money requests, he starts saying that he should no longer be living in this world.
Is that manipulation?
Today my parents asked me to lend them money to pay my brother’s bills. I gave them the money. (I work at a company, 9-5 time). I have a decent salary, but I don’t want to keep lending money, because my brother and family won’t stop.
I’m already paying for services in this house. I want to move from my parents’ house too. I want to live my life, I feel very sad for my family.”
Another User Comments:
“1. Next time he starts threatening to leave this world, report him to the relevant authorities.
Keep doing that every single time. 2. Stop giving them money. Don’t discuss your finances with your parents. If you get a raise or a bonus, don’t tell them because you will then be expected to give them (and him) the money. 3. Start putting away money to move out.
Is there a friend with an extra room that you can move in with? It will be cheaper to pay rent for such a place and you can slowly work on moving out to your own place.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Because you willingly gave to help out your family, and because you feel sad for your family.
Those are not jerk moves. A jerk is someone who takes on more debt than he can afford and expects others to pay for it for him. He’s someone who blames all of his problems on others or outside forces. He’s someone who refuses to live up to his potential and who manipulates his parents into giving him money well into his adulthood — kind of like your brother.
You can feel sad for him, that’s very compassionate of you. But you also need to provide that same compassion towards yourself. You have goals and dreams, and you work hard for them. You deserve to use the money you make for those to come true.
Don’t let your parents guilt you into paying for your brother’s bad choices ever again. If they want to subsidize his poor lifestyle that’s their business. They raised him so they are partly responsible for how he turned out. You are not, however.
If he’s threatening anything, call the authorities where he lives, and have them do a mental health check. If he gets mad about that, it was definitely a manipulation tactic – don’t fall victim. Save your money, get your own place, and keep him at arm’s distance for as long as you want.
Feel sad for him, but from a place where you aren’t sacrificing your own future for someone who won’t even be grateful.” rt_gilly
Another User Comments:
“Girl you need to pull yourself out of this mess IMMEDIATELY. One of my 2nd cousins got married very young and has a bunch of kids, she asks her uncle for money every few months.
And it’s not like she’s poor or anything, she lives with her in-laws and doesn’t work. Every day it’s “I’m going to be homeless soon if you don’t give me money” or “my in-laws are treating me like a free servant since you’re not sending me money.” Her uncle probably sent her 50,000$ (definitely more though that’s the minimum) and she’s still asking.
It’s a black hole, no matter how much money you throw in you’re never gonna fill it up. Eventually, the uncle’s whole family (wife, sons, even my family) all cut him off and stopped talking to him. Everyone is sick of this behavior.
A few years later, the uncle stopped sending money and my 2nd cousin became a CPA and makes good money. The point is, your brother would never stand up on his own with your parents’ spoiling support, and you should save your money for yourself because your brother will never stop asking.
Also, if you usually send your brother money and suddenly stop, he’s probably gonna blame YOU thinking you’re supposed to send your money to him (don’t know for sure if this is the case, but I see this happening a lot).” TheAbsoluteTruthTell
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Engagement Ring To My Fiancé's Brother's Unborn Daughter?
“I, a 29-year-old female, am engaged to Jake, a 32-year-old male. We have been engaged for 2 years.
He has an older brother, Sam, who is 38.
When Jake and I got engaged, Jake wanted me to have his grandmother’s engagement ring. Jake talked to Sam and Sam said since he doesn’t plan to get married or have children that Jake should use the ring.
I love that ring and love the sentimental meaning behind it. Sam met a wonderful woman, Hannah, within the past year and they are expecting a child. Once they found out it would be a girl, Hannah told Sam she wanted him to get the ring back for their daughter.
Jake has already told Sam no.
During Sunday dinner last weekend at my mother-in-law’s house, Hannah brought up the ring and how it should be given to their daughter since she would be a great-grandchild and I am not related by blood. It became an intense discussion.
Luckily my mother-in-law also agrees with my fiance and me.
Hannah then asked if her daughter could have it in our will. I said no because it would either be given to our son or our future daughter. I told Hannah to take up her problem with Sam since he’s the one who let Jake have the ring to give to me.
Hannah ended up leaving the house crying. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s your engagement ring. Sam had his chance at the ring, but he passed it to Jake. It became your engagement ring. Him trying to somehow retroactively claim the engagement ring because his 1-year relationship wants it is crazy.
It’s even crazier that she wants it for an unborn baby. If the ring is valuable, this gives vibes that Hannah is money-grubbing. I know you say she is wonderful, but this is worrying behavior for a year-old relationship. A baby is already on the way, and she’s already looking for what she can take because “baby is related.”” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your future children will be just as blood-related as hers will be so her argument is moot. Her unborn child definitely does not need that ring. And at the end of the day, the brothers agreed to let your fiance use it for you before she came along.
It sounds like despite the fact that they are having a baby together, Sam has not proposed marriage to Hannah? No judgment on my behalf, my sister and BIL have a child together and are committed to each other, but have not technically married either (though in our country, since they have lived together for years, they would be considered common law married by law).
But do you think that is the real crux of the issue here? That Hannah may think if she gets the ring, she can force a proposal out of Sam? Because in my mind, it’s either that or she is a gold digger.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m wondering if Hannah heard about the ring & asked Sam to get it for her and Sam only asked Jake to appease her. It is so weird to ask for a ring back that Sam freely gave to Jake.
And it feels like her asking in front of everyone was a way to put you on the spot and when that didn’t work, she turned on the tears.” bookishmama_76
2. AITJ For Not Loving My Fiancé's Niece Like My Own Family?
“My fiancé (30M) has a 3-year-old niece.
His niece’s mother (my fiancé’s sister 27F) is moody, entitled, and rude to everyone, including her own parents. She doesn’t work, doesn’t properly care for her daughter, and never cleans up her mess or her kid’s mess. Because of this (and more), I just pretend to like her, treat her with respect, and try to avoid her as much as possible.
I stay out of my partner’s family issues, but even his own parents find her problematic and tolerate her tantrums only to avoid her taking the kid away.
Often, I end up feeding, caring for, or teaching basic things to this little girl because her mom is too lazy to do so.
I resent this, but I still do it willingly. The girl seems to like me because I give her attention, care for her, and play with her—something her own mom doesn’t do. I find her affection toward me sweet, but I can’t forget that I’m not her mother and that her mom should be the one stepping up.
To add, it’s always been difficult for me to “love” people outside of my family. The only person I’ve learned to love as family is my fiancé.
Today, I was upset because my fiancé’s sister went on a trip and left her daughter behind.
Since I happened to be around, I was left in charge of her for two days in a row. I tried not to let it bother me and cared for the girl because she’s innocent, but she was ill with a cold and cough.
Her mom hadn’t even taught her to cover her mouth when sneezing, so the girl sneezed very close to my face multiple times. Of course, I taught her to cover her mouth, but I still ended up catching her cold.
I’m now feeling awful physically and emotionally.
I was mad that I had to care for this woman’s child (unappreciated, of course), and now I’m sick because I did something that wasn’t even my responsibility.
Today, while feeling miserable, my fiancé said, “That’s just how it is; you have to love her because she’s also your niece.” That made me angry.
He seems to take the idea of “real love” lightly, and I told him that while the child is innocent and I do like her and care for her, I don’t love her like she’s my family. She’s his niece, not mine.
I also mentioned that I got sick because I cared for her when her mom was off enjoying her trip. I firmly believe that we’re not obligated to love our partner’s nieces or nephews like they’re our own family… I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t love my own sister’s son just because he is my nephew.
But my fiancé got upset and walked out after I said this. Now I feel awful for sharing my thoughts with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will probably be in the minority here, but I feel the same way. You don’t start immediately loving someone just because you are about to marry one of their family members.
You are being kind and reliable, that is more than she is getting from her mother. Not only is the child’s mother failing her, but so is her uncle (your fiance) and her grandparents. You may, or may not, ever come to love the child.
It does not mean you are a bad person. Right now you know that you are being used by the family to give her a mother figure. It is understandable that you would resent that.” Expensive_Excuse_597
Another User Comments:
“If the people in question are only you and your fiance then I’m honestly gonna say No jerks here.
His sister is definitely a massive jerk to you, her family, and her own child. Personally, I never differentiated my aunts and uncles by who was actually my blood relative. This was because my entire life growing up not a single one of my aunts or uncles treated me differently from their spouse who was related to me.
I’d imagine maybe your fiance had a similar upbringing. “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t love my own sister’s son just because he is my nephew.” You should confirm this with him because I would be shocked if this is the case given everything you have said.
If so I’d absolutely say NTJ.
“It’s always been difficult for me to “love” people outside of my family. The only person I’ve learned to love as family is my fiancé.” “He seems to take the idea of “real love” lightly.” Also, I really think your difference in opinion on real love and your inability to love those you don’t consider family is going to be a huge point of contention in your relationship and should be resolved before you actually get married.” Ranoutofoptions7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ even if you loved her with all your heart. Your SIL cannot just disappear and expect you to care for her child. Why was it you? Why not your SIL’s parents? Why didn’t your fiance – your SIL’s actual brother – look after her?
And why does your fiance think this is at all acceptable? He’s a problem here too, OP. And he’s the one you’re in a relationship with, so I’d say he’s the biggest problem.” embopbopbopdoowop
1. AITJ For Leaving My Own Birthday Party Because It Was Too Big?
“I (25F) share a condo with my roommate Sara (26F). Sara and I have been friends for a few years, and since we live together, she offered to throw me a small birthday party at our place. I was on board with it because I don’t like huge gatherings and prefer intimate celebrations with close friends.
I have slight social anxiety as well.
Leading up to the party, I asked her what the plans were, and she assured me it would be a “small get-together,” just a few of our mutual friends, cake, and maybe a movie. That sounded perfect to me.
Well, the day of the party rolled around, and when I came home, I quickly realized it was anything but small. Sara had invited a ton of people—at least 50. Some were mutual friends, but a lot were people I barely knew or hadn’t even met before.
She had also set up a bunch of party decorations, hired a DJ, and there was even a huge table of food and drinks. It felt like a full-blown house party, not the chill gathering I was expecting.
I immediately felt overwhelmed. I don’t do well in big social situations, especially when I’m the center of attention, and this was way more than I had anticipated. I pulled Sara aside and asked her why she invited so many people when we had agreed on something small.
She shrugged it off and said, “Oh, come on, it’s your birthday! I wanted to make it special!”
I appreciated the effort, but this wasn’t what I wanted at all. I felt completely uncomfortable and anxious. After trying to stick it out for a bit, I just couldn’t handle it and decided to leave.
I ended up going to a nearby coffee shop to calm down and clear my head.
After I left, Sara texted me, asking where I was. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with the party and that I needed some space. She was upset and said I was being ungrateful for everything she did for me.
Now some of our friends are saying I overreacted and that Sara was just trying to be nice by throwing me a big party.
I feel bad for leaving, but I also feel like she completely ignored what I wanted. AITJ for walking out of my own birthday party because it wasn’t the “small” event I expected?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you did was very mature and not a jerk move. The party was more than expected and made you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable even if it is your birthday party. I would suggest talking to Sara about how you get overwhelmed in big crowds, especially with people you don’t know too well but that you loved the effort of her wanting to make it a special birthday.” RaviolliRex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either you and she have very different ideas of what constitutes a small party or else she deliberately lied to you and never intended a “small get-together, just a few of our mutual friends, cake, and maybe a movie” and instead planned something she had to know would make you uncomfortable.
You were very mature to just calmly remove yourself from the situation. Which will also hopefully prevent any repeat and make her understand that if she plans anything in the future she needs to adhere to what you feel comfortable with.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my wife has done this for me, and it was really a party for her. I don’t like celebrating birthdays as my family would always highjack them and basically I would have my favorite meal if I was lucky, but everything was about my mum and what she wanted. So I have done the same but just retreated into my office or the granny flat out the back, which doubles as my man cave.
When my wife called me rude, I called her selfish, creating an environment she knew I wouldn’t like but was more about her and showing everyone how much she loves me and what a big effort she was making. That she knows I’d prefer a dinner at a restaurant and then going home and if I felt like it inviting people back.
My home is my safe place and I like to be able to get away from the world and people. I like being able to not have to interact with people and having a party at my house deprives me of that. I can deal with it for her, or special occasions, but if it’s my special occasion you have it how I want it.” Reddit User
