People Aren't Sure If They Should Be Proud Of These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Laughing When My Mom's Car Got Towed For Parking In Handicapped Spots?
“My mom is a nice person but she has a bad habit of parking in handicapped spots (she isn’t handicapped).
I have tried to reason with her and always get something along the lines of “I don’t give a crap” or “if they get the good parking spots so do I”.
Well, yesterday around noon I got a frantic call from my mother telling me she got her car towed and I couldn’t help but laugh.
When I picked her up I also burst out laughing, it wasn’t that I liked seeing her miserable but it was that I’ve been warning her for so long and she’s always said I was being paranoid and that “there’s no possible reason for her to get towed”.
The whole way to get her car she didn’t talk to me and she hasn’t talked to me since yesterday. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother, on the other hand, is a jerk. As someone who is a wheelchair user, I would desperately love NOT to need the handicap parking.
Every time she uses one of the handicap spots she is taking away from someone who really needs it and forces them to either park farther away and use the limited energy they have to complete basic tasks or to “give up” and not complete the task they left the house to do.” speakeasy12345
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is a jerk and I hope it costs her a stupid amount of money to get her car back, and then she has to pay an even bigger amount to cover the fine. Watching my father have to walk from the back of a parking lot to get to the grocery store after he spent all day at dialysis because of people like your mother was infuriating.
Your mother is not a nice person. She’s trash.” Propanegoddess
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but your mom sure is, I have 2 nephews in wheelchairs, one from a birth defect and one from a swimming pool accident, and an elderly mom who walks with a walker.
I have a handicap hang tag on my car but the only time, and I truly mean the only time I ever park in a handicap spot is when she is with me or I am picking her up. Serves her right for getting towed and hopefully the ticket hurt as well!!” Deb1203
21. AITJ For Dancing And Getting Intoxicated Without My Husband At A Club?
“My husband’s friend owns a club and invited us to it. As soon as we got there his friend approached us and said he needed advice from my husband. For the next 30 minutes, they talked business while I just sat there feeling bored out of my mind.
I wanted to dance but my husband kept telling me we would in a second.
In the end, I just got up to dance by myself. He never even noticed me leave because he was too busy talking to his friend. By the time he found me, I was dancing with a group of people and I was pretty inebriated since they kept getting me drinks.
My husband was really angry when he saw me because he wanted to know how I got so inebriated and said it was stupid of me to take drinks from strangers. He told two of the people I had been dancing with to go away and made us go home because he was so angry that I had wandered off without telling him where I was going.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The answers you get here will depend on the age of the people answering I think. A middle ground would have been to dance but not accept drinks and get inebriated … that pushed it definitely over the line into disloyal. Look around your life and find an older couple who look like they still love and respect each other, someone that you want to end up like in 20 years.
Then tell them the details of this night. They will be able to give you both some tips on how to better support each other’s independence while still supporting your relationship’s bond. YTJ for accepting drinks from other men.” PattersonsOlady
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Husband for ignoring you, but it does sound like you got carried away and were potentially behaving in a way that would upset most husbands. If these people you were dancing with were men (or women interested in women), then accepting multiple drinks implies you’re interested in more.
If it was platonic, multiple drinks in a shortish timeframe would be odd… You’re being coy with how inebriated you were exactly – if you were kind of out of it, that can be dangerous around strangers. I have a feeling if your husband was telling other people to go away they may have been *interested*.
Or he could be an angry man… we don’t have enough information to know how much of a jerk he is.” quenishi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems like the friend invited you with the plan of a business chat in mind. Your husband obliged as part of the cost of the invitation.
You got bored, which is understandable. You went to find something to do, which is also understandable. You behaved irresponsibly by taking all those drinks and becoming inebriated. Someone in that group had other intentions than being friendly or your husband wouldn’t have to get so aggressive to get you away from them.
Of course being fed drinks means the guy wants to take you home! You behave as though you are oblivious to social expectations that exist beyond your own desire to have a good time.” Peskypoints
20. AITJ For Allowing My Ex's Mother Visitation Rights After He Terminated His Parental Rights?
“I (23F) have two kids Allie (4F) and James (5mthsM). After an incident, my ex Dylan (29M) decided that he was going to terminate his parental rights.
Before we went and did the paperwork I got a call from his mother who was frantic worrying that she wouldn’t ever be able to see her grandkids again.
I told her that I’d allow her to visit them as long as I supervise.
Dylan heard about this and called me a nosey jerk for talking to his mother and allowing her visitation. I told him that I’m just making sure his children have a grandmother and that they have access to her.
He said that after he signs the papers doesn’t want to hear about the kids again, he called me a jerk and hung up.
Now I’m upset. Was I crossing a line? I just thought this would be the best for my kids, but if I’m being a jerk I’d like to know, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She called you wanting to know if she could still be in the children’s lives and you did the decent thing of allowing her to be involved in their lives. Nothing else is your problem he doesn’t want to hear about your children fine not like you are trying to force him to be involved. He is probably just getting trouble because he probably lied to his family about the custody situation making you appear evil and him not a deadbeat.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“Please get legal advice, you seem to be making every choice based on emotions alone. You need to understand the consequences of what you are agreeing to, which depending on where you live could be laying the groundwork for grandparents’ rights. Your children are also entitled to support from their father, don’t let him shirk that responsibility simply because it might be easier on you to not have to deal with him.
There are some instances where that is appropriate but it sounds like you are just trying to wipe him from your life consequences to your children be darned.” Kind-Philosopher1
Another User Comments:
“INFO – he thinks he’s going to court to terminate his own parental rights?
That’s not a thing. Not in America, anyway. Courts don’t make 1/2 orphans. If he wants no parenting time, that’s fine – but it will increase his child support obligation. You def need some legal advice, def need to get set up with a child support order.
If you can’t afford it, look for low-income family law advice/legal clinic.” throwawayshirt
19. AITJ For Enrolling My Child In Daycare Without My Husband's Consent To Limit My MIL's Involvement?
“I was close to my MIL and we got along well until my husband and I had a baby. Not only did she question my parenting style every time she came over (which was 3 times a week and she was never invited) but she also took my baby without asking me or talking to me – she was just talking to my baby.
She arranged our baby’s christening, she booked the date, made the guest list (without inviting my parents), rearranged the decoration I had chosen…
My husband and she had agreed to let her take care of our child instead of daycare. I was not involved in this decision.
AITJ for signing up my child for daycare, for only inviting her over every other week and not letting her choose my baby’s shoes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t sign up without talking to your husband. It costs a lot and you’ll be doing the same thing he is.
I have a MIL who does this to her daughter (co-parents her daughter’s kids) and is generally like this (controlling) and I am so grateful my husband is more standoffish generally, because while he can’t say no to her at least he likes to keep to himself, so the issue is mitigated somewhat.
We lived with her the first year of my kid’s life and it was very difficult for me because I (yes, PPA was part of it) felt like she basically wanted to steal my kid (don’t get me started on how she iced out and tried to control my own mother).
She does it all with a big smile on her face too (but always gets what she wants). That said her daughter has saved tens of thousands with her mother’s childcare and I am also sometimes jealous of that aspect. Just a slightly different perspective from someone with an older kid.” Aquapuella
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not the jerk for not wanting this situation and your mother-in-law and husband are acting like HUGE jerks – that situation needs more than just daycare to solve. Just a gentle warning though, while you’re definitely not the jerk for wanting to send the baby to daycare, going ahead and signing them up is a pretty big financial commitment to make without having discussed it with your husband so unless you’re paying for it from funds that are solely your own, I’m afraid you’re going to have to take the tough road and try to talk this mess out.
I really hope you guys work this out, good luck!” Reddit User
18. AITJ For Not Sharing My Year-Long Free Coffee Prize With My Partner?
“My partner (19F) and I (18M) are both in college and drink coffee from a certain shop that gives prizes if you pull open a tab. 99% of the time, it’s a pretty lousy prize like 5% orders over $50 and stuff like that.
On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, she gets coffee for both of us. The other 4 days, I get for her. On Friday, I find out that my prize is that I get a free drink under $10 daily for an entire year. I’m obviously ecstatic because it is pretty cool.
Today, I get a more expensive drink for me, while I get the regular brew for her. She seemed really angry for the entire day. She eventually said that she feels like I should give the prize to her or at least split it because we’re in a relationship and she brought the drinks that day.
For previous prizes that she has won, she never gave them to me. She won a dozen donuts a couple of months ago and I got precisely 0 of them.
I just said it’s not her prize because I won it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she bought the drink for you. You could easily split it. You chose to prioritize coffee over your partner and an activity you always do together. You never got your free coffees and seeing as you’re always going to be getting fancy coffee either she buys she buys her own every time or you don’t do it anymore.
You could have each gotten a fancy coffee and with one of them being free it wouldn’t be much different from your normal cost.” xLostandAfraidx
Another User Comments:
“All of you are arguing your points, but when I read this story, all I think is that there’s no true love between you.
If I were to win free coffee for a year, I couldn’t wait to share it with my partner. I’m pretty sure he’d do the same for me, in fact, sharing or not sharing wouldn’t even be a question. And I would enjoy the days when he gets the better coffee even more than days when I do.
Because I love him and he loves a good coffee and I would feel so accomplished that I did something for him that makes him happy. And that’s way more important to me than who wins what.” More_Attitude2640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being in a relationship doesn’t make her entitled to half your prize.
If you were to break up the daily coffee wouldn’t be divided. You buy 4 days a week, she buys 3 days so essentially you buy 8 coffees a week and drink 7 therefore she doesn’t pay for you but merely picks them up. That being said, don’t be a jerk.
She is your partner and I assume you would like to keep it that way. You could take other people’s advice and trade off days, or spend roughly the same as before by upgrading her drink daily with what you would have normally spent on your coffee.
Then essentially you both win fancy coffee for a year for no more than you were spending before.” JustAThought78
17. AITJ For Wanting To Question My Sisters About Our Father's Will?
“This started a long time ago when my father & mother were divorcing due to my father’s undiagnosed mental illness. He died.
My mother found new love and married a man I called Dad. Our new family was growing with 2 new sisters over the years and all seemed well.
We lived a comfortable middle-class life wanting nothing but being taught the value of making our own money.
2004 my mother was killed in a car accident. During her funeral reception, I discovered documents on my dad’s desk that had trusts being set up for the 4 grandsons.
I felt I was being written out of the family.
My dad became NC to me & my sisters drifted away as well. I’m no great communicator & am to blame for the NC as well. I figured that my sisters were just keeping away from me to satisfy our dad & I did not push.
Our dad died recently. The will has me named as getting nothing. My sisters get everything.
WIBTJ to ask them how they justify keeping everything while I get nothing? If my mom had not passed first the estate would have been divided equally between the 3 of us.
If the impossible situation of her disowning my sisters had occurred I could not live with myself if they were excluded.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you asked it that way. Their “justification” is that this was what the will said. Ask instead if they feel it is right that the estate not be divided 3 ways.
I’m more interested in your mother’s estate. Did she have a will? Did it leave everything to stepfather outright? At least in the US, if there is no will the estate is inherited equally by the children (in some states a use right goes to the surviving spouse until death/remarriage).
So if your mom had no will, or if her will did not leave everything to him ‘in full ownership’, then his estate owes you something that his will cannot give to anyone else (you would basically be a creditor of the estate, and creditors are paid before legatees get anything).
Consult an estate attorney if this is the case, and do it soon before probate of stepfather’s estate is completed.” Guru1971
Another User Comments:
“Do you think the sisters manipulated him into cutting you off, or do you think this was his own decision?
If the former, maybe a discussion is warranted, although more likely with an attorney, so not a jerk. If the latter… it wasn’t the job of your sisters to maintain the relationship between you and dad, and you’d basically be asking your sisters to go against their dad’s final wishes because you want money.
Dad is probably a jerk (depending on reasons for NC), and it’s super hurtful for sure, but asking in this situation brings you closer to being a jerk in my opinion. Not enough info, but the mention of grandkids’ trusts also makes me wonder if maybe Dad skipped over your entire generation and just left it for his grandkids instead.
If you don’t have kids but your sisters do, this would certainly feel like an intentional exclusion in their favor. But it isn’t uncommon for an estate to do this if they feel one generation is already fine financially. Source – estate planner.” pancaked
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t ask them to justify what your stepfather did. He made the decision to leave them the money, they don’t have to justify it. I agree that had your mother lived things would be different. I’m sorry that your stepfather and your half-sisters dumped you after your mother’s passing.
That said you yourself said you were not a good communicator and were partly to blame for that lack of communication. Well I think it would’ve been nice for you to be recognized in the will, it’s hardly surprising you’re not. You knew the day of your mother’s funeral he wasn’t who you thought he was.
I hope you find peace. Good luck.” PilotEnvironmental46
16. AITJ For Letting A Child Get Dirty In Garden Club?
“I work one hour a week leading a local elementary school’s garden club along with the community garden on their property. In August when this started there was one little girl who was very disrespectful, voiced she didn’t want to be there, and begged me to just let her go to her class after school and not club.
I asked the head of the after-school program and that was a no. So I asked her why she signed up for garden club and she said her mom made her which the head of the program agreed to.
Fast forward, we learned she loves dirt, anything we have her do that involves dirt is her favorite.
Her mom is upset that she is getting covered in dirt and approached me telling me to not let her daughter get dirty. I told her that club was every Monday, her choices were to make sure her daughter was wearing appropriate clothes to school or deal with it.
(clubs are in desperate need of people so my job is not on the line at all) She got all huffy, calling me disrespectful and not understanding. I shrugged and finished my day with the kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like another case of an unreasonable parent scapegoating school staff.
There are so many solutions to this: she could have her daughter bring a change of clothes, she could show the daughter how to wash her hands/arms before going home, or she could even pull her child out from the garden club. Also, I am so here for the character growth of the little girl.
Sounds like she unlocked a passion that may stick around for years to come.” Evening-Durian-698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m a fully grown adult who loves gardening. I’m usually filthy by the time I’m done in my garden beds and I love every minute of it.
Not entirely sure how you can garden and not get dirty unless it’s an indoor houseplant situation. Although to be fair, I generally end up a mess with that as well.” cassidy11111111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’re doing great and supporting something a child loves.
Her mother signed her up for the garden club, and if she’s upset that her daughter is getting covered in dirt then maybe the mother is the one who needs to touch grass. You’re doing your job and recommending appropriate clothes – assuming you didn’t cross the line and make it sound like you were telling the mother how to mother her child, then definitely NTJ.” Skonder0z
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Show My Room To Her Friend?
“I am 30 years old and my parents and I bought a bigger house together last year.
The other day, I was getting ready to take a shower and my mom knocked on my door and without giving me a chance to react, started opening it because she had a friend over and she was giving her friend a tour of the house.
My exact words to my mom were “Please don’t show my room” as I kept her from opening the door. Like I put my body up against it so she couldn’t open it besides a small sliver.
A) My room is kinda messy. Not a lot but I had laundry I had to do on my bed and I hadn’t vacuumed yet
B) I was getting ready to shower or I had just gotten out of the shower … Either way I didn’t look presentable.
Today my mom and I got into a yelling match because she felt I was rude in not letting them in my room.
I told her it’s MY room and MY personal space and she goes “no it’s not it’s everyone’s home” and I called her statement stupid and really dumb.”
Another User Comments:
“No, she should not have tried to come into your room, show it off, or get upset when you didn’t let her.
If it’s ‘everyone’s house’ start using her bathroom. Invite friends to use her bathroom as the guest bathroom. (this is a joke). Ask her why she feels entitled to your space. Ask her if she wants to buy you out of the home if she needs to be in there so badly.
Don’t belittle and talk down to her. You having to ask these basic questions and treat them seriously will either 1. Upset her, which means she was never going to admit guilt, or 2. She’ll recognize how bizarre this situation is. Now for you, ask yourself if these are the roommates you want.
Because if you bought the house with them (you should have a contract for that) and you put in as much as they did, (per person) they need to recognize you are their roommate. If someone was renting your room would she still have done what she did?
Also, and you won’t like this (maybe). Move out. Get your money back get your own place. If they need that third income to buy a home they have to let it be your home too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to respect your boundaries in regard to your room.
Also, I recommend you put a lock on your door in order to enforce this boundary and to have privacy. Your mom is not treating you like an adult who purchased the home with her, but like a child who lives in her home. If she is arguing with you, she is not listening to you.
A lock on your door will help her realize that it is not cool to go in your room without permission.” Appropriate_Self_113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your first mistake was going into this without talking out and laying down rules boundaries and guidelines for buying a house together!
As you would do with any potential roommate just to see if it is something that is going to work and vibe with you I would sit your parents down and explain you bought the house with them you’re not crashing at a house they solely bought on their own and as such you deserve and are demanding your privacy and boundaries are respected and followed. Otherwise force their hand at a sell and move or rent on your own till you’re ready to buy solo!” lostthought07
14. AITJ For Rejecting The Principal's Suggestion To Homeschool My Bullied Son?
“My wife and my son who is currently 6 got called to the principal’s office.
And they said my son is getting bullied in school and he suggested that we home-school our son to avoid further bullying. My wife agreed with the principal but I scoffed and said you want our son to grow up being under-educated?
My wife said that homeschooling is not gonna make our son under-educated. I said yes it would he’s not gonna learn proper social skills.
My wife started to argue that many children are home-schooled and come out fine.
She is currently mad at me for not accepting the principal’s suggestion so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for two reasons: First of all, your son’s principal has massively abdicated his responsibility to your son as an educator.
The solution to your son getting bullied is not to push your son out of school. That’s honestly disgusting, and I’d take it to the school board. Your son is legally entitled both to an education and to have it in a safe environment, and the principal pushing it off his plate by suggesting that you educate him at home is shockingly inappropriate.
He has a responsibility to ensure that your son isn’t bullied at school, not to say, “Well, you can avoid the bullying by just removing him from our school.” That’s not how that works.
Secondly, while it’s true that there are some kids who are homeschooled and turn out fine, it is equally true that being an educator is a profession, and as a former educator, I’ve seen FAR too many parents in recent years who are semi-literate themselves and yet seem to think that they can adequately educate their own kids at home when they can’t even write a coherent, grammatically correct paragraph, don’t know what a primary source is, and don’t know the first thing about critical analysis.
Honestly, it’s terrifying. He should be in a school, being taught by a professional educator, and it has nothing to do with social skills. You are NTJ, for every possible reason, and you should report that principal to his supervisors for trying to push your kid out of school when your child is the victim in this situation.
It is the bullies who need addressing, not him.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is the principal/school holding the bullies accountable? They should be punishing the bullies and/or suspending them not encouraging the one being bullied to be homeschooled. That shows the school condones bullying or at the least doesn’t want to ruffle someone’s feathers.
I’d be kicking up more dust about your son being called to the office and not the bullies (unless they also called the bullies to the office and held them accountable).” Busy_Leader3979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly homeschooling properly takes insane amounts of either money or education on the parents’ part.
It’s very easy to under-educate, and those who do it well often do so because they have the money to hire tutors or they have a background in academia or education themselves. Secondly, school isn’t just about academics, it’s about life experience.
It’s about learning to deal with conflict, deal with disagreements, deal with the fact not everything is done your way, how to work in groups and teams, how to lose sometimes. It exposes children to new ideas, new cultures, etc all things that become very hard to do organically in a home school environment.
Furthermore what lesson is this teaching your child? Every time life gets hard is mummy going to come and save him? It hasn’t actually given him the lifelong skills of how to deal with people being mean. She can’t protect him forever unless that’s her plan?” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Financially Abusive Father Move In With Me?
“Growing up, my parents got divorced when I was 13 years old, it was a tough time for everyone but I almost exclusively lived with my mom (with some visits from my father throughout the years) until I was 18 and moved to go to university.
My father offered to pay for some of my residence fees at the university, my tuition was already covered by a scholarship I took.
During my second year at university, I found out that he had paid for about 3 months worth of fees and then just let the debt accumulate – so I got a letter of reprimand saying that I would be thrown out of residence if I didn’t have the money within a month.
Now, I don’t believe that I was entitled to have my residence paid for at all, however, I was entitled to know when my father stopped paying so that I could plan or pick up extra work to afford a place to stay… I had to ask my Mom to bail me out – but I paid her back with interest when I started working after university.
Fast forward some years, and as soon as I got a job, my father started asking for money from me – I didn’t mind because the amounts weren’t large and I was prepared to sacrifice the money. But over the course of 5 years, the amount of money I have sacrificed was most of my and my fiancé’s savings.
So I cut my father off saying that I was not willing to give him any more money.
He subsequently moved in with friends of his because he has not got a job and from what I’ve heard, he has developed a problem with booze.
These friends phoned me directly and said that “I need to let my father move in with me, because he is not their family and they are sick of having him around” and further “if you don’t take him in, we are leaving him on the street”.
This has caused me a lot of anxiety and pain – because on the one hand, I don’t believe I am responsible for my father’s choices, on the other, he never abused me growing up, besides some lies (about the university fees and other times I won’t go into) and I feel sick to my stomach letting someone live on the streets.
I am an only child, and my father has broken the trust of basically his entire family (I was not the only person he took a large some of money from) so I am effectively his last resort.
I am sticking to my decision of not letting him move in, for the sanity and strength of my and my fiancés relationship and my own wellbeing.
AITJ for not helping my father?”
Another User Comments:
“For a moment, set aside your childhood (figuratively. So sorry for what he has done to you to break your trust in the past). He is unemployed, unmotivated, his friends can’t stand him, AND he has a heavy drinking problem.
Is that someone you want around your future children (if you choose to have any – your own or adopted, they’re your babies)? Is that someone you want around your SO? Those are things that will strain your relationship with your chosen/self-made family.
Now add back that childhood, and things get even more messy. Unfortunately, you cannot support him to the detriment of your own happiness and mental health. Just because he donated genetic material does not entitle him to the things you’ve worked hard for. NTJ.” borahaebooksies
Another User Comments:
“”That’s tough to hear. Unfortunately, even if we were close, I’m simply not in a financial position where I am able to help him. And the sad truth of it is that my prior attempts to help him are a major cause of my financial difficulties, so I completely understand if he’s exhausted your resources too.
Hopefully, you are able to connect him to resources for substance users before you are forced to kick him out… I’m sure they have experience with helping people in similar situations to his.”
NTJ. Your father didn’t suddenly fall onto hard times, he is in this situation because he has been taxing the resources of his friends/family for a long time — and being dishonest about it.
Even if he was completely blameless, you are still never the jerk for not offering support when you literally can’t afford it… And if you have no savings, you can’t afford to help him. Also, I have to quibble with your terminology: he did abuse you, both financially and emotionally.
And look at what he’s actively doing now: he’s either directly encouraging his friends to put pressure on you or he has given them a twisted version of the real story so that they think you are still a viable resource for him.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to support this person. Doing the bare minimum as a parent does not entitle him to support. Parents owe children an upbringing; children help parents out of love that has developed. Also, as you say, he has his choices and lives his life.
He can work out the options. Absolutely, even if you feel moved to help this guy, don’t let him move in with you. That will be harmful to your life, and I’ll bet your relationship with him when you see more of who he really is.
His problems with booze and money are for him to deal with, and until he does, pouring everything you have into him will not make any difference for him–and will make you poor, unhappy, and resentful.” Tangerine_Bouquet
12. AITJ For Spending Christmas With My Parents For Two Years In A Row After A Family Tragedy?
“My (30F) husband (32M) and I live about 5 hours away from my in-laws and in the same town as my parents.
We alternate all the major holidays and also drive up a couple of times a year to visit his family. My husband overall dreads going as his mother is a bit on the overbearing side. She is lovely as a person but she is very nosy and wants to be involved in everyone’s business.
My BIL will still be spending the holiday with my in-laws so it’s not as though they are going to be doing things completely alone.
This year for Thanksgiving (we are Canadian) my husband informed my MIL that we would be doing Christmas with my parents again this year and she broke down into hysterics telling my husband “No, you’re lying”.
We had already informed her prior to this that we would be doing Christmas at home so it wouldn’t be an unpleasant Thanksgiving surprise, but she refused to acknowledge this information and just pretended we said nothing every time so she was acting as if this was her first time hearing the information.
This also caused a very awkward Thanksgiving visit as my MIL tried to manipulate me into convincing my husband that we would be coming for Christmas even after he put his foot down about it and said absolutely not. My MIL even pulled the line of “You get to see your parents all the time so it’s just not fair!”
The reason we are doing Christmas with my parents again this year is so we can have a re-do of last year as my paternal grandmother literally died the day after Christmas. The holiday was basically canceled as a result of this. She got sick very suddenly on the 23rd and was misdiagnosed with a bladder infection.
On Dec 24th, she woke up with severe intestinal pain and had black diarrhea so my dad and I rushed her to the hospital. That evening, after extensive testing, we were told that she had such severe metastatic cancer originating in the bowel that it was a miracle she was even alive at this point.
Two days later she passed away.
If things had gone to plan, my husband and I were going to do our own private Christmas on the 25th and then do stuff with my parents on the 26th. My husband had been super excited to finally get a Christmas that he had a full say in rather than one dictated by his mother.
Obviously, he wasn’t going to complain to me as it was not something that could have ever been predicted but he was excited for the chance at a do-over this year.
My MIL has been repeatedly calling my husband on the phone and trying to wear him down for us to visit.
He puts his foot down each time but I am starting to feel bad at this point and I’m wondering if I should just tell him we will go. My parents don’t care but would like to know so they can make their own plans.
If they don’t do the holiday with us, they will travel to spend Christmas with my aunt but they just want some notice of this.
So AITJ? Or I guess are my husband and I the jerks for spending Christmas with my parents two years in a row?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to your question. I’m so sorry for your loss. However; “My MIL has been repeatedly calling my husband on the phone and trying to wear him down for us to visit. He puts his foot down each time but I am starting to feel bad at this point and I’m wondering if I should just tell him we will go.” Why on earth would you think that?!
Absolutely stop wondering about this. You and your husband have made a choice you are happy with and you need to stick to it.” DgShwgrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most couples I know alternate holidays, but I don’t know a single one who has been able to alternate every single year successfully without aberrations or exceptions.
Life is messy. Sometimes people get pregnant/have a baby and can’t travel as far as they normally would. Sometimes there’s an unexpected emergency that prevents traveling physically or financially. Sometimes there’s weather. Stuff just happens. And in my book, births, deaths, and acts of God are all unquestionably valid reasons for the holiday schedule to shift. Anyone who is mad about you wanting to re-do a holiday because *a family member died last year and it wasn’t very jolly* is all the way out of order.
I wouldn’t agree to another holiday with that person until they’d pulled their head out from up their backside and apologized. Absolute nonsense and utter jerk behavior from your MIL. SOMEONE DIED, SHARON. STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“Hold your ground.
Also even if it had been MIL’s year last year, does she really think you would have been able to attend with everything happening in your family? The way I see it your Christmas last year didn’t exist so you’re just sticking to schedule. Boundaries are healthy, it’s okay to tell MIL that the decision has been made and won’t be changing and any time it’s brought up she will not be acknowledged. You have far more patience than me, I would just hang up every time Christmas was brought up at this point.” Barelyaberry
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Dad To Stay In Our House For A Month While He's Away?
“I live with a roommate, we share the house but each has our own rooms and own bathrooms. We’re good friends already and we have little to no issues living together.
About 2 weeks ago he mentioned his dad will visit from out of town and he said he’s thinking of getting him an Airbnb, I said it’s okay if he stays with us for a few days then he says no he’s here for a while so he’ll get him in Airbnb.
Cool.
Fast forward 1 week and his dad arrives and stays with us. No problem so far. I asked him how long is he planning to stay he says he doesn’t know. I start to get a bit concerned but okay. Finally, he tells me he’s traveling for business for the whole month of December, but his dad will stay in his room.
I’m uncomfortable with that, especially since he’s not there and it’s for a whole month. He got a bit defensive and said that’s kind of unfair that he pays rent but I won’t let his dad stay. I told him a few days while you’re here is no issue, but 4 weeks while you’re gone having your privacy in hotels while I’m stuck with your dad is a bit unfair.
He agrees but not very happily
What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not agree to share a house with a middle-aged man. I’d have a conversation with the landlord about this. A couple of days when your housemate is also there?
Fine. But four whole weeks, and on top of that when your housemate isn’t there, is not acceptable. Suggest to your housemate that if he doesn’t want to pay rent when he’s away for a month, he can move out and find another place to start when he’s back from his trip.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re basically getting a temporary new roommate when the original plan was to get him a place to stay. I’d be uncomfortable with someone’s dad living with me in this situation so I think your concerns are justified. I also get the roommate’s point of view but it would be totally different if he owned a house and you rented a room from him.
Someone mentioned the lease too, I’m sure there would be an issue with that as well so at the end of the day, you’re protecting your roommate’s house and yours.” LaffingGrass
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate asked you if his dad could visit.
That basically means that Dad is there when the roommate is there, gone when the roommate is gone. What your roommate has set up is basically a one-month sublet. It’s not at all the same thing you discussed, and you are well within your rights to say no. In the situation where Dad is there for a month the roommate isn’t, is dad going to act as a guest or a tenant?
What rules is he going to follow, and who is going to enforce them? NTJ. Lots of reasons to be concerned, and absolutely no reason that your roommate isn’t on the hook to 100% address those concerns before they leave.” Rye_One_
10. AITJ For Expecting My Neighbor To Control Their Dog's Barking?
“We live in a row of townhouses and moved here three years ago. All the townhouses have their main living areas on the second floor with large balconies overlooking a busy road. The balconies are separated by half-walls, making conversations between neighbors easy. Facing the road the balconies only have a metal bar fence.
About a year ago, we got new neighbors to our left (N1), who later bought a small dog—a Pomeranian. For those unfamiliar, Pomeranians are reactive dogs with high-pitched barks. Early on, N1 often left the dog on the balcony for extended periods (while they were at home), including late at night or early in the morning, disrupting us and our neighbors to the right (N2).
After several complaints from both me and N2 to N1 and their landlord, they eventually kept the dog inside at those hours.
While the barking is now less frequent, it still happens daily for a few minutes, especially when the dog looks through the balcony fence and barks at people, other dogs, or children passing by.
Early on, I suggested they cover the fence to block the dog’s view. They agreed but didn’t follow through, claiming they didn’t know where to buy materials. I offered some leftover wood boards from a project, and together, we installed them. This stopped the barking.
However, a week later, they removed the boards, saying they wanted to keep the view of the street. Complaints to their landlord haven’t resolved the issue.
Today, while working from home, the barking persisted for 30 minutes. I went outside to ask them to bring the dog in.
At that moment, the next neighbor over (N3) came out to pet and give the dog treats. N3, who recently lost their quiet, elderly dog, admitted they’ve been filling the void by engaging with N1’s dog. We got into a disagreement and N3 argued that the breed is naturally reactive and it’s unfair to keep it indoors.
I countered that N1 chose a reactive breed and could manage the triggers by covering the fence or keeping it inside. N3 dismissed my concerns, saying I should just accept it because “it’s a cute animal.” and I’m only stressing myself out.
For context, N2 also has a Pomeranian but promptly brings their dog inside whenever it barks, which I appreciate as responsible behavior and have thanked them a lot for it.
I’ve also installed privacy fences on our half walls (paid for by ourselves) to minimize triggers for the dogs of N1 and N2 so they don’t bark when they see us on the balcony.
So, AITJ for expecting N1 to minimize their dog’s outdoor barking by either covering their balcony fence or keeping the dog indoors outside of walks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Over the years, I have seen many news stories about small claims court cases that people file against dogs that bark all the time. The people who win usually document the request to the neighbor. Then, when it continues, they video the incidents each and every time.
When you have enough, go file a small claims case. Dogs that bark ALL the time are a nuisance to everyone else. Document, document, document. Then, you can file a case on your own without a lawyer. If you can show months and months of incidents, you can probably win.
Sue for the maximum.” MisterShipWreck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a Maltese, Pomeranian, Shih Tzu mix. He barks at other dogs, but not people. He loves the balcony because he likes to see what’s going on. But the rule is that the moment he starts bathing, he has to come in and I close the slider and the blinds.
At this point, I don’t have to say much because he knows to come in. He does bark many times a day, briefly. I’ve never gotten a complaint. Sometimes the people walking their dogs past my balcony actually apologize! Crazy. My point is that there are ways to control this and a responsible pet owner would not allow persistent barking.
And persistent is really anything over a minute. The people saying YTJ are the ones whose dogs bark persistently and think it’s okay. It’s just not.” lwillard1214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s a big difference between the normal, occasional barks and letting your dog bark for 30 minutes nonstop without doing anything about it.
This especially applies when you’re sharing walls with other people. It’s like blasting music at an inappropriately loud volume, or letting your child scream at the top of their lungs while playing, you KNOW you’re only making your neighbors upset when you let it happen.
Apartment-dwelling dog owners that I know always stop the playtime whenever their pup is riled up enough to bark, or close the curtains when the dog starts barking excessively at people from the window. I always figured that was an unspoken rule (I don’t own a dog).
Also, putting the dog out by itself on a small balcony by itself is particularly uncool, especially for a little breed like that. Them leaving the dog for 30 minutes to bark just makes them seem like uncaring people.” ParaGoofTrooper
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Mother Needs Emotional Boundaries?
“My husband and I have been together for 9 years.
My husband grew up in a financially unstable household during his childhood. His family was barely scraping by. To add to this, he lost his father at a very young age due to a terminal illness. They didn’t have any money left for his education, even to get by for a few weeks.
To be able to pay for college, my husband worked his butt off. He worked multiple jobs during the course of the degree and paid for his college and living expenses himself. He worked harder to earn more money and gave it to his family as well as there was no source of income for them.
He comes from a very rural part of India where women are not allowed to work. It’s considered taboo.
Fast forward, he has worked hard for the last 10 years and is now earning decent money. His family is also out of the difficult situation and I am extremely proud of him for what he’s achieved. Paying for 4-5 people’s every expense is not an easy task at all.
I knew about his financial difficulties at home from day one. (He wasn’t doing well financially when we first met). All this while, I knew that his family would be dependent on him financially for the entire course of our marriage and I have no problem with it.
He is extremely supportive and generous with his family and me. In fact, he takes care of 70% of our household expenses and our international trips as well. I have a well-paying job too so I pay our mortgage.
Since he is already so burdened with their expenses and has been since he was 16, I feel weird that his mother burdens him with her emotional challenges as well as if he is her therapist. She calls him for every little thing 2-3 times a day and ends up stressing him out.
There are days when he is so stressed that his mother is sad that he doesn’t sleep or eat well. I feel that my MIL should not think of him as a replacement for her husband emotionally. She can’t expect him to have answers to all her emotional needs.
She has to allow him to have a life of his own. This happens quite frequently where he spends hours consoling her. I have no problem if they talk for hours but on happy topics that won’t stress him out.
So I told him that his mother needs to have some boundaries about calling him for every little thing and that she should just realize that he has a life of his own.
She should learn to handle a few dilemmas on her own and not stress him out every time. I repeat, I don’t have a problem that he supports her financially.
He lashed out at me and said that I don’t understand her side of the story and she is so dependent on him because she lost her husband so she has no one else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, lots of single moms in the world. Not the first mother to take their firstborn as a therapist/soundboard etc. Mom is solely dependent on her son. It would be good if she grieves properly. Any way that MIL could see things from a different perspective?
Ex.: how were her own parents towards her/her brothers in adulthood? Would your husband confide in you? Unburden a bit? MIL is not in crisis anymore. Her son won’t suddenly die. It must be stressful for your husband, taking on so many responsibilities from a young age.
Best of luck.” First-Name281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for what you said but it sounds like YTJ for how you said it. You have a valid, and all too common, complaint. But a mother/son bonding issue should probably be addressed with a little more tact than if he were refusing to pick up after himself.
It also sounds like you were making the focus more on what she’s doing rather than how it’s making you feel. Criticizing anyone’s mother rarely achieves the end result you’re currently looking for. The better approach would likely have been to let him know you understand why it’s happening but that the frequency is beginning to negatively impact not only the relationship/marriage with all the recent conflict but also the way it’s beginning to make you feel about her because of it.
If you’re able to reapproach it first apologize for appearing unconcerned about his mother and instead of justifying it express your desire to be supportive and understanding. Once y’all work past that politely explain how it’s beginning to make you feel and if he’s willing to work together on a solution.” dashredd
8. AITJ For Canceling Our Gathering Because My Husband Forgot Our Plans?
“My husband (28m) and I (28f) have been together for nearly 12 years. He has a habit of answering properly and participating in the conversation but either not listening well or forgetting what was said.
It’s exhausting because sometimes it happens and sometimes not, but you can’t determine which is which because he is participating in the conversation. It’s not a medical issue, we already checked that out!
The issue today:
We planned to have a gathering with friends this evening.
I talked with him about the things that needed to be done until our friends were coming over, because we wanted to eat together and the dining table needed to be prepared, we needed to clean the toilet (I always do this before guests are coming over), etc. Small cleaning things.
About 30-45 minutes later I washed some dishes as we together planned I will do and he came asking some question about things we planned. When I said that we already planned that about half an hour ago he can’t remember planning and did not know at all what we talked about.
I got mad at him and said if he can’t remember what we planned it’s his fault and he needs to start writing things down. Then I told him I will do my part and if he doesn’t remember his I will not tell him.
If his part isn’t done I will cancel. He tried to argue but seemed to genuinely can’t remember, so I canceled the gathering.
When I canceled it he got furious and told me I ruined his weekend and that I am a jerk for canceling over that argument.
I feel a bit like a jerk because he has no friends outside our gatherings in our country. He has 3 friends in other countries but they can’t visit quite often. He’s not a social person so it’s hard for him to find friends.
I canceled the only friend gathering for him with our friend group this month. We planned this weeks beforehand. I feel awful for hurting him but I also feel good for putting my foot down. It hurts that he can’t remember stuff I tell him and it feels like it’s not important what I say.
It happened often and I feel like now is the end of the behavior without consequences.”
Another User Comments:
“You know, my wife has some of the same tendencies. We talk about things, and it is like it goes in one ear and out the other because five minutes later she can not recall what was discussed and agreed upon.
This is going to sound harsh, but one thing I learned with my wife is if I want her to remember something, I make sure she is not distracted doing something else and that she is looking me in the eyes. This way I know she is paying attention.
Also, at the conclusion of the discussion, I will ask her to repeat the agreements and points made. If she can not remember them all, I will summarize it for her again, and again, ask her to repeat the agreements and points made. Good luck.
Oh, NTJ, but a little harsh, though I understand your frustration.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My husband does this. I asked him if it would be appropriate for him to have a meeting at work to decide next steps and workload only for him to show up to his manager and say “sorry I don’t remember what I’m supposed to do”.
He said no of course he would never do that to which I said so a) It looks like you can remember things when you acknowledge that you’re expected to and b) Why is it that your work gets a better version of you than we do?
I think you obviously have been compensating for so long he doesn’t even think about it which unfortunately means you have been participating in this dynamic. With a level head, I’d probably respond that this cannot continue and that you’ll remind him for the sake of keeping the plans but that the next day we’d be having a meeting on how this is going to work moving forward and set expectations to change this dynamic.
Also, I don’t think I’d be able to respond to this with a level head and I’d probably just cancel as well but if I was thinking clearly I’d hope to go with option 1. NTJ he needs to hold equal responsibility and stake in his tasks and obligations in this relationship.” Dense-Passion-2729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I deal with things like this a lot. My husband and teenager have ADD. If it’s something important to them, then they remember. If it’s not, a lot of time it will get forgotten. I find sometimes lists help, like a dry-erase board or a memo on their phone.
A good example in my life just happened this last week. We were invited to a wedding of a friend of his from work. I have never met or spoken to this guy or his bride-to-be. So I told my hubby that I wanted to meet them beforehand.
Otherwise, I’d feel uncomfortable going to a wedding when my hubby is the only person there I’ll know. He had an ENTIRE YEAR to get together for us to meet with them. In the last year, I repeatedly reminded him that I wanted to meet them before this wedding or I wouldn’t be going.
The wedding was this last week and I didn’t go. He took our teenager with him as his plus one. And then had to explain why I wasn’t there. That being said, it gets frustrating and tiresome having to be the responsible one all the time.
Your spouse has to take some accountability. You made your expectations clear and said you would cancel if things weren’t done. It’s ok to feel bad about canceling. But if there aren’t consequences for their actions (or lack thereof), then nothing will change.” Quirky-Ad-6674
7. AITJ For Not Paying Bills At Home After Paying Off My Parents' Mortgage And Truck?
“I’m 27 and still live at home with my parents.
A few years back my parents were struggling to make the mortgage payment after the person who lent them the money kept raising the payment. I’ve always been good with saving and handling my money so I went ahead and paid off the remaining 60k balance.
I spoke with my dad beforehand and he agreed to pay me back little by little as he could. I wasn’t too worried at the time since I was just glad to help them out. Around the same time I took out a truck under my name for him, again I wasn’t worried since he had always been good at keeping his word.
Fast forward 3 years and I haven’t received a single cent and to top it off I ended up paying 12k out of pocket to pay the truck off since he couldn’t make the payments. As of late, my dad has been complaining that I don’t help out enough at home with the bills and that all his money is going to light, water, and grocery bills.
Apparently, I’m not contributing enough in his eyes and every time I bring up the fact that I haven’t gotten any money back yet he gets defensive and says he’ll just sell the house and give me my money back which would be absolutely stupid on his part given the absolute joke the housing market is right now.
I pay the insurance on the truck but that’s about it, I figure that I should at least be able to live completely free for all the help I’ve given them and it’s only fair. What do y’all think? Should I start paying a portion of the bills or hold my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not really sure. This seems very messy and unorganized. Your parents got 72k from you, but it appears you got 9 years of free room and board, which is worth depending on the area, at least $54,000, but probably around $129,000. But I don’t know if you contributed to the household in additional ways.
This seems like a case when both parties feel they are contributing more than they should. ” Sea-Strategy-8815
Another User Comments:
“Boy was I not expecting this sort of turnaround. I mean, with that title and that first sentence I was prepared be rolling my eyes and telling you to pay your fair share.
But as it turns out, you’ve paid your fair share and then some. I’d say it’s fair for you to say “well here’s what I’ve contributed over the past 3+ years” and provide an itemized list of the 72k you’ve given them. You could even ask them “please provide an itemized list of all the electric, water, gas, whatever bills for the past 3 years.
I’ll deduct 1/3 of that total from the 72k. And we’ll just continue to deduct 1/3 of the monthly bills from that amount. Once that’s paid off, then I’ll start contributing bills. How does that sound?”” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“There is a lot more to it than you think.
You should NOT be giving them large amounts of money without an agreement of what it means. In other words, did you tell them that by paying off the 60k you were going to be able to live there for free and did they agree to that?
When you paid for the truck, what was the agreement saying about what happens if they don’t pay you back? You messed up by not thinking these things through. When it comes to money, don’t assume anything. Your dad probably thinks the 60k and truck money is you paying for living there, but you think they owe you money.
That’s why neither of you is happy about this.” Deep-Okra1461
6. AITJ For Wanting To Buy My Own Fridge And Not Share It With My Roommate And His Partner?
“I (26M) live with my roommate (33M), who is also my coworker. We initially moved in together to share the cost of rent and groceries, and we were planning to buy a fridge together. However, since his significant other (28F) moved in about five months later, the dynamic has changed significantly, and that discussion was forgotten.
Now, we each buy our own groceries and kitchen supplies, including separate toiletries and even toilet paper. It feels like I’m a third wheel in my own home, and I no longer have the convenience of sharing space with my roommate. I was hoping to create a communal living environment, but instead, it has turned into separate lives.
Currently, I don’t have a fridge, and I’m considering buying one, especially since holiday sales are coming up. However, my roommate is unwilling to contribute to the cost, and I’m worried about sharing it with them since they seem to want everything separate now.
When we both get home from work, his significant other is usually in the kitchen cooking, and I have to wait an hour or two to use the space. I’ve suggested she cook earlier so that I can have time in the kitchen too, but my roommate prefers not to eat cold food.
This situation has led to me frequently getting takeout, which is wasteful and affects my groceries since my fresh food often goes bad.
The bathroom situation is also frustrating. I handle cleaning it properly, using detergent and bleach, while they only mop with water. If the cleaning supplies run out, I end up replacing them, even if it means living with a dirty bathroom until I can afford more.
This makes me concerned about how they would clean a fridge if I were to share one with them, especially since their version of cleaning the kitchen is just doing the dishes and putting them away.
I’ve attempted to discuss house rules and boundaries with my roommate, but he believes we should just mind our own business as long as the rent is paid.
I don’t feel comfortable addressing his significant other directly, as I’ve noticed my roommate tends to side with her in conflicts. This has made it awkward for me to try to assert my needs.
My coworkers have said I would be the jerk if I bought a fridge and didn’t share it with them, which adds to my confusion about what the right thing to do is.
Considering all of this, I’m contemplating buying my own fridge. AITJ for wanting to do that and not share it with them, given that they seem to want everything separate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are being a doormat. They are walking all over you.
Stop being so nice. Do not buy a fridge for the main living area. Buy a mini fridge for just your room, if you must. Keep your door locked at all times. You need to look for a new place. Living with them will never get better.
As it is, you are subsidizing her living costs. The rent should be split 3 ways or she should move out. The fact that she isn’t even cooking for both of you or doing chores correctly for all makes it worse. Is it even ok on your rental agreement to have a 3rd person living there? You should move out ASAP.
If not, small fridge for you only. And stop letting her make the rules in your place. When you get home, start cooking in your kitchen.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d go to the rental office and tell them that your roommate has moved his significant other into the home without your consent.
They take things like that very, very seriously and chances are he’s breaking the rental agreement by doing so. You’re not “being petty” or mean, or anything akin to that. You’re standing up for yourself and what you and the actual roommate agreed. This is not about a fridge, it’s about the lack of respect from your roommate and needs to be addressed. First, it’s the fridge, then what?
You’re not allowed to watch TV in the living room because someone else’s mooch said it’s too loud? And as for the bit about keeping the home clean, that’s just ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous, don’t stand for that. It’s YOUR home too, and you’re ENTITLED to it, just like your roommate is.
His significant other is NOT in any way, shape, or form. What you need to do is contact the landlord or the rental office and explain this to them. It’s the only way anything will change. If you don’t, you’ll end up with a broken lease or having to live with a bum.
They’re using you, don’t feel bad for sticking up for yourself.” TrulyRenowned
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you should have a discussion with your roommate before you make any decisions. If the significant other is going to stay, there needs to be a new roommate agreement.
It also sounds like she feels like she is more entitled to the shared space than you are, which is another problem. If you are ok with his significant other moving in, the three of you will need to discuss apartment rules and she needs to be added to the lease and contribute.
If you don’t want her living with you (which seems to be the case), you need to communicate that to your roommate. He may decide that he’d rather live with her so be prepared to find another roommate or new apartment.” Time-Caramel6113
5. AITJ For Excluding My Partner From A Family Trip Because He Didn't Include Me In His?
“I have been with my partner for 10 years. During this time, I fell in love with traveling internationally with friends and family, and have always wanted my partner to join. I find that my life is most fulfilled when I’m sharing new experiences and moments with loved ones, traveling has been the perfect vehicle to tick those boxes.
My partner has never had a passport until recently this year. Which I am now thrilled about!
Throughout our time together, he has expressed a huge interest in Japan. He fell in love with the food, culture, and anime. We had joked that if he ever goes, he would never come back.
I have never visited Japan, and have also expressed interest in visiting, he knows this. I automatically assumed, if there was a first-time trip, I would be able to share this experience with him, especially him knowing my love of travel and the significance of a Japan trip to him.
We have spoken about traveling there, but never anything concrete due to his lack of passport.
To my surprise, his first international trip was a trip to Colombia, during his birthday with friends. Not going to lie, my feelings were hurt because it was his first international trip, and I wasn’t involved. But I was excited he was now traveling and we can begin sharing experiences.
I then find out that he’s planning a trip to Japan with those same friends. I lose it. I expressed to him that there’s a significance with the trip to Japan and it was something I was hoping we would share and experience together, a symbolic milestone.
He justifies the trip by saying that he doesn’t see trips as having the same emotional significance the same way I do, and it’s just something he was invited to. It’s no big deal to him, and it should not be to me.
I am hurt by this and it is something that I am still sad about when I hear him planning and get excited by it. I felt that my feelings were minimized, dismissed, and ultimately what I was asking for was incredibly unreasonable.
My family is planning an important trip to China at the end of the year.
It’s an important trip to me, it will probably be the last trip with my siblings and parents before my father passes.
This was going to be the first time my partner would have spent any significant time with my family.
I told him he was no longer invited to China since he didn’t care about the significance of Japan to me.
He’s now saying that I’m purposely excluding him and being petty.
He’s not wrong, I am.
Am I the jerk for purposely excluding my partner of 10 years because I’m petty?”
Another User Comments:
“I think this is ESH, but it’s a bit weird that you’ve been together for so long and the first time he gets his new passport he just goes on trips with his mates… Especially as he knows you love traveling so much.
My feelings would also be hurt. But why didn’t you guys plan a holiday for when he got the passport?? If you wanted to travel together, you should have been ready for this in my opinion.” Hour-Membership-6831
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did he ever promise that Japan would be exclusively a trip you two take for the first time together?
Did he hold it in significance emotionally that way or was it just you? If you just planned in your mind it would be your first trip together with no promise or discussion on his end, that’s your own issue. If he at some point said yes we will go to Japan for the first time together because it means something, I’d understand the annoyance.
But sounds like you created a plan in your mind with emotional attachment to it without there ever being a promise of that. Regardless, excluding him from the China trip for that either way does make you a massive jerk to be honest.” Winterfox1994
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, with the potential for ESH. Your first problem is in the second paragraph. “You automatically assumed” that you would have that trip with him, rather than, you know, talk to him specifically about it. Then your second problem, he’s now got his passport, travel is a big deal to you, at no point does it sound like you actually arranged for the two of you to have a trip together.
His friends obviously have put in that effort, and especially in his position as a novice traveler, having others take the lead in the planning is a great way to encourage and support it (which is my response to the inevitable “oh, he didn’t either”).
There is a big question here as to why, for his birthday, you weren’t a part of that trip with his friends, and when you say you weren’t involved, whether it’s a case of you not putting in the effort, or being deliberately excluded, or what lead to that situation (which is where I might suggest ESH, but given there’s no information on it, there’s no way to know whose fault that was).
Which comes on to the fourth paragraph, you lose it at him. That’s a massive overreaction, you didn’t even think to talk about maybe coming on the trip too, or recognize that his feelings about travel are different to yours. What did you expect him to do, cancel a trip, with his friends, to a place he’s wanted to go for so long, so that at some indeterminate point in the future you and he might go there?
Which is in some ways especially selfish, as you’ve already had plenty of those experiences yourself with you and your friends traveling. Traveling with friends is different from traveling with a partner, and you want to deny him what you’ve had.
Which then gets on to the China trip, you admit you are being petty by excluding him, instead of seeing it as a good starting point for you to travel and share your excitement of it with him.
And it’s not just a trip, it would be his first time spending significant time with your family, which should be a much bigger milestone than anything involving travel. If I was in his position, your lack of communication and consideration throughout, followed up by this, would be enough to call the relationship done.” RusevDayToday
4. AITJ For Asking Coworkers To Pay For Lifts Home In My New Supercar?
“I (25M) have been offering/accepting requests from coworkers to give them a lift home whenever possible. I never asked for any compensation since it is only about a 15-20-minute detour. But, about a month ago, I finally had the opportunity to buy a new car.
Beforehand, I had a 1999 Ford Fiesta; it was my first car, and I barely spent any money on gas.
I don’t have many financial responsibilities, so I chose to enjoy being a young man with a decent salary and bought a supercar. I love my new car, and so do my coworkers, which means a lot more requests started coming my way for lifts home.
I’ve worked at my current job for about 6 months, and I’ve probably done over 100 detours to make my coworkers happy.
Here’s the problem; not once have I been offered any form of compensation from any of them, even though they would’ve had to pay for public transport, if I didn’t offer them a lift.
Now, my new car is quite a bit more expensive than my old one, which means it does not drive that far km/l (approx 12-13 km/l).
Apparently, this is completely otherworldly for my coworkers. Today, I said no for the first time. I got asked if I could give them a lift, and I said: (sure, if you pay me the fee you would have to for public transport, I’ll drive you home), and this did not sit well with them.
I think I’m being as fair as possible since I don’t want to keep losing money by giving them a free service, that they don’t seem to appreciate.
So, AITJ because I won’t give free lifts to my coworkers anymore since it’s becoming a financial burden on me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think it’s how you said it that didn’t sit well. It would have been ok if you said “hey, I should have mentioned this earlier but after giving lifts out of the way for so long, I do need $x because of the detour and gas.
I’m sure you understand”. I used to give lifts all the time and they’d either pay for groceries (we’d shop after work) or they would buy me lunch or dinner. To have done this so many times and been offered absolutely nothing is bananas.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a change (new car) and operation/maintenance on it is different from your old car which means you had to shift gears with how you do things. That’s called evolution and there should be no guilt in setting expectations for how you’d be moving forward in the future.
Personally, I would just cut off accepting taking anyone home and let them do what they should have been doing along which is making arrangements to get themselves to and from work. Adding: when you take money for a ride you’re operating like a business and that’s regulated. If you get in an accident and you admit they paid you to drive them, that could be a problem for you in making a claim.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“OP – you’re NTJ for wanting compensation, but going from not asking for anything to requiring it is going to step on some toes who have gotten used to paying nothing. Plan your PR strategy. It is very easy. “Hi all! New car is not as friendly on the gas mileage and is a lot more expensive to maintain.
I remain happy to detour to drop people off, but if I do so I will need to be compensated for gas.” I do not recommend you asking for the public transit fee fare. That is bad PR messaging. Just ask for gas money plus a little extra to go into a pot for maintenance.
If your car gets 12 km/L and the detour routes you 12 km out of the way, then they owe you the price of a liter of gas (and I would honestly add a tiny surcharge on top of that anticipating extra wear and tear for maintenance costs.
In US currency I’d add an extra 10 cents to a cost of a gallon of gas. Convert at your leisure.)” Dramatic_Attempt4318
3. AITJ For Refusing To Help Clean Up After Family Meals Until The Men Help Too?
“I (19F) usually go with my parents and my brother to my grandparents’ house on Sunday for lunch along with other members of my family (an aunt, two uncles, two female cousins, and two male cousins).
Since I was little things have always been the same. My grandfather cooks because my grandmother is in a wheelchair and cannot help him, we arrive and eat and then the women clean up. I always hated this because the moment we are done eating my aunt stands up and says “Girls, come and help us”.
So while we take away the dishes and wash them the men just sit there and talk, they don’t even make the effort to put their forks and knives inside the plate when they are done eating, they just sit and wait for us to take it away like we are their servers.
I help every time without saying anything because I don’t want to cause a scene even if it makes me really angry.
Last week I wrote a message in the family group chat saying that on Sunday the men were going to help clean up because they never do and my female cousins and my kin backed me up, but on Sunday when we were done eating just the women got up as usual and my aunt called only for the girls to help.
I felt so angry that I just went to sit on the couch and declared that I was not going to move a finger until the men did. Obviously, nobody did anything and I was furious.
That evening I got a call from my cousin (29F) saying that I was rude for refusing to help and leaving them to do all the work, so I said that she never told this to her dad or any of my male cousins and hung up the call.
Now I’m thinking that I might have gotten too angry and overreacted? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course the cleaning up needs to happen, and it’s not fair for your grandfather who cooked the meal to be left with an unclean kitchen.
But it’s not Women’s Work, and it bugs me to no end when women perpetuate sexist nonsense like this. Talk to your grandfather and grandmother. Explain to them, see what they say. They need to set the tone here. If you persist in eating their food without clearing up, you will be the jerk so prepare to not come to family meals, or volunteer other help around the house while you’re there, but you’re absolutely NTJ for wanting a non-gendered division of labor.” EffectiveData6972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And things can change when some of the male relatives start the change. Had a male housemate years ago. Oldest of 3 boys in his family. Their mom did everything. One of the few times the 3 housemates (2 women, this guy) had dinner together, he got up from the table and started to walk away.
Other woman said “do you think those dishes are going to walk to the sink by themselves?” And that was the start of us teaching him how to adult. His middle brother joined the service. No one waited on him and he learned. Serviceman was home on leave and I was invited to join that family for dinner.
When folks were done eating, my housemate and his brother got up to clear the table. Then forced the youngest into the kitchen to learn how to do dishes. Youngest protested that mom always did that. And was shut down with “she’s your mother, not your maid.
She cooked, we clean.” The mom just sat that, stunned. But they all learned how to adult, eventually.” RepublicTop1690
2. AITJ For Stopping Carpooling With A Messy Co-Worker Who Then Got Fired?
“I’ve been getting some flak at work because a well-liked co-worker of ours got fired for repeated absences after I stopped giving him a ride to work.
As background, I’m an Active Duty Military mid-level healthcare provider and he was an entry-level civilian contractor. We both worked at a large Military Hospital.
Earlier this year, “John (20m),” who recently started working at the hospital, was asking around our department for people he could carpool with.
Everyone gave various reasons why they couldn’t help, and eventually, I volunteered because he lived nearby and it wouldn’t be out of my way to pick him up.
(I will preface this by noting John was very well-liked in our department with most of the older ladies adopting him as their “work son” etc. He’s also the youngest employee by almost a decade.)
The issues started about one month in when I noticed every morning after I picked him up, he would bring various food products to eat on the drive to work. This didn’t bother me at first, but as time went on he was leaving food trash and crumbs in my vehicle.
I’m an extremely clean individual, so this bothered me and I said something. He continued eating and kept forgetting to clean after himself. I was getting tired of constantly reminding him to take his trash with him, and I started just throwing the trash away myself.
After doing this a few times, I decided to just leave the trash, and see if he would notice.
He didn’t. For weeks the empty water bottles, Red Bull cans, candy wrappers, and empty containers started to pile up by the passenger door and floorboard, and stayed until I asked him politely “could you take that trash with you?” His response of “yeah of course, I don’t mind” made me feel like he thought it was MINE and I was asking for a favor.
There are more examples, but to keep things short, I gave him an ultimatum, he needed to clean up after himself and respect my car, or he would need to find another ride to work.
Not even a week later, he was eating some type of meal with flaky crackers and it was spilling on his lap the entire ride to work.
When we pulled into the parking garage, he dusted all the food crumbs from his lap onto my carpet. We left the car and went to work. After work, when I returned to my car, there were ants inside my vehicle.
I had enough. So I made up an excuse and told him I couldn’t give him rides.
He took it well, and the rides stopped. But over the next few weeks, his tardiness started to pile up. His agency fired him in September. We are not privy to contractors’ personnel issues, but everyone assumes he was fired for being chronically late.
Fast forward to today, while on break, I overheard some folks saying he was fired because I stopped giving him a ride to work and that was selfish of me, etc. I never told anyone except him why I stopped, and I’m assuming he told them some half-baked truth and because he was well-liked, I know they believe him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being blatantly disrespectful even after you confronted him is not cool. He was disrespecting your personal space and I don’t think it’s selfish to want to make the issue stop by refusing rides. Was there a reason why he couldn’t drive himself or use public transportation?
Not that it matters, but if he really wanted the job he could’ve found other ways to get to work. It’s not your fault he got fired, it’s his fault for screwing up and disrespecting you and your space then not being an adult and finding the resources he needed to get to work.” itsmissyxo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not entitled to give him a ride and for a dude that is so well liked it’s ridiculous no one else was willing to offer. But you said yourself he was well-liked and will have to understand that there are probably quite a few people who will/have taken his side over yours.
I don’t know what that means to you but it’s just the truth. Either you have to say you don’t care or tell the truth. He wasn’t respecting your property and you don’t feel like it was your responsibility to be giving a favor to someone who couldn’t respect your property.
Not to mention calling them out for the blatant hypocrisy of talking behind your back while neither of them offered him rides either.” DA-2003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I once had a lady that I worked with that I DID NOT LIKE approach me and basically say she needed a ride to work for the foreseeable future because her epilepsy had fired up and she and her husband weren’t able to drive her all the way into work.
(She lived about an hour away) I hesitated and she said, “That’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I guess I’ll just get a job as a late-night stocker at Walmart.” Meanwhile, we were currently in an office setting where a retail job would have been a large financial step-down.
I agreed to drive her, but I wouldn’t let her get dropped off at my house. I did NOT want her to know where I lived because I still didn’t like her and I didn’t want her showing up 20 minutes early and sitting awkwardly in my living room.
I’d pick her up from a local fast food place, and then in the evening, I’d drop her off at the same fast food place. Her mom or husband would then pick her up and drive her the last 20 minutes home. It was the longest 6 months of my time working at that office.
She was obnoxious, loud, kinda stinky, and just really weird. She was married to her stepbrother, who, by the time our rides ended, she’d divorced. She eventually started driving herself again, and thank God. But it sucks to feel like you are responsible for someone else’s job just because you CAN give someone a ride.” Berylldama
1. AITJ For Uninviting My Negative Sister From My Wedding?
“I (27F) am currently planning my wedding, which is in a few months. My sister (30F) and I have had a rocky relationship for a while, but I still considered her important enough to be part of my big day.
However, things changed drastically over the past year. When I got engaged, I was super excited and naturally shared the news with family first. My sister didn’t react the way I expected. Instead of being happy for me, she seemed almost dismissive and changed the subject whenever I brought up the wedding.
I tried to ignore it, thinking she might just be going through her own stuff.
But then, every time we’d get together with family, she’d make subtle digs about my wedding choices. She’d say things like, “Oh, you’re doing a small wedding?
That’s… different,” or, “I hope the food won’t be too cheap.” It felt like she was constantly judging everything I had planned. I confronted her once, asking if she had an issue with the wedding, and she just laughed it off, saying I was being “too sensitive.”
The tipping point came a month ago at a family gathering. She made a joke about how “it’s a miracle anyone would put up with me for life,” right in front of my fiancé and his family. I was mortified. I pulled her aside and asked her to stop, but she got defensive, saying she was just “joking” and that I needed to “relax.”
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and honestly, I don’t want her negative energy on my wedding day. I want it to be a happy, drama-free day. So, I decided not to invite her, and of course, that caused a huge fallout with my family.
My parents think I’m overreacting and that I’m tearing the family apart, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own peace and happiness. AITJ for uninviting my sister from my wedding because of her constant negativity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds as jealous as heck!!!
However, think long and hard about what possible ramifications it will have in your family if you do exclude her. But before excluding her, with your parents and fiance in the room, tell her point blank that if she can’t be happy for you and stop being so negative, then she won’t be welcome.
A wedding is a place for positive energy and love, not backstabbing.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“She’s carried on like this for a year and you have spoken to her several times. Each time you are dismissed and labelled “sensitive”. At 30 years of age, she should know how to behave better.
Your parents think you’re tearing the family apart? Is there a reason they haven’t spoken to her about her obvious issues and poor manners? Should you just let it go and hope she doesn’t pull a stunt at your wedding? You are NTJ here but your parents have failed by taking sides and failing to act as parents.
Honestly, your sister sounds like a jealous little girl who can’t sort out her own feelings and instead takes them out on you. That’s not fair. I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position and I truly hope your wedding is every bit as beautiful and magical as you hope it will be.
Congratulations on finding your one.” Miss_Melody_Pond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The relationship with your sister is already rocky, so I assume there’s more than just this. She’s now just tipping it over the edge, but since you’re the one who makes the decision to not invite her, you’re getting the blame.
I would consider telling everyone who says you’re tearing the family apart, that she’s doing just that by being dismissive about you, your fiancé and your relationship. You’re allowed to have boundaries and you are allowed to expect people to respect them. Be clear that you only want support at your wedding, and right now, your sister isn’t showing it.
If they still think sister is in the right here, thank them for showing how much they care about you and your happiness, and don’t invite them either.” Reddit User
