People Want To Lay Low After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting The Flight Compensation After Paying For My Friends' Trip?
“I paid for a trip for two of my friends to Rome, I paid for their hotel and their flights so the only thing they had to do was buy their own food, etc. I’m not rich – I’m just a student still.
But the other one is a very close friend of mine and she just turned 18 so I wanted her to have a special birthday. So I decided to buy her a trip to Rome with another close friend of ours.
Well their flight company messed up and they had to go through Amsterdam in order to get home, the flight left 4 hours early and they were home maybe two hours later instead of the original time.
The company compensated both of them 200€ so about 400€ in total. They obviously want this money for themselves but shouldn’t I be the one keeping this money for myself? I don’t know honestly lol please help me out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for the flights.
The money should be yours. Odd that they think they can claim the money when they didn’t pay their own fares. I don’t feel that they should be compensated for any annoyance due to the change in flight plans. The whole trip was free, minus their food.
They should be more grateful to you.” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If my friend paid for a vacation for me and then the airport reimbursed the ticket I wouldn’t even think of keeping the money and I’d be glad that my friend got their money back and I would be happy that they ended up spending less money on me.
I wouldn’t dream of making a profit off a gifted vacation at a friend’s expense. A real friend would be happy to pay back your generosity if they had the chance to and it would be of zero cost to them to do so. Unless maybe the delay caused them to miss work and miss out on wages or put them in financial hardship or something, then I could understand why they wanted to keep it.” dinodoodad
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ESH. They are jerks because I mean, they went on a super nice trip without having to pay for pretty expensive things, so it would have been nice of them to say “hey you know what, keep it so that way it’s like we are paying you back” since the reason you paid for them was because they had not the money for it.
But you are a jerk because the compensation is for the time, not for the flight itself, so it has nothing to do with you and you are not really entitled to that money unless they offer it to you. So you are all being greedy in different ways and you are having a petty fight.
At this point, I would put that money in a common fund for a future trip together if your friendship doesn’t get ruined because of them. But if it does… the money is theirs, man.” Darth_Hufflepuff
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bring My Younger Brother To A Chalet Trip With My Friends?
“My (20M) brother (14M) keeps nagging me and my mom to take him with me to a rented chalet that I’m going to with my friends.
I don’t want to bring him because my friends don’t like him, they find him annoying (which he is) and they feel like he doesn’t respect the age difference.
I keep telling my family this but they keep pressuring me into bringing him with me saying things like “he’ll only be there for a day” and “he’ll just swim alone and won’t disturb you” which I honestly doubt.
Like where is he going to stay after he’s bored from swimming or when the sun goes down?
They say my dad will pick him up but I’m pretty sure they’re trying to trap me with him and if I take bait he’ll just stick with us and ruin the 3 day stay as I’ll just get crap from my friends.
I don’t know what to do and no matter what I choose I’ll get crap from either side.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re at the age now where your parents have to make the difficult emotional adjustment of you being an adult and not obeying them or being as open to their input in your life.
It’s a difficult process for them, and you make it harder by breaking down and allowing them to order you around as if you were a child. Don’t give reasons, just say no. They can argue and plead and you calmly say no. It helps to imagine them as a three-year-old nagging for a lolly – you don’t get mad, you just calmly say no. If they try to engage you in a debate, just don’t engage.
For example, if they demand an explanation, have a long pause holding eye contact, then say “I’m not going to defend my decision, the answer is NO” If it escalates into more antagonistic drama, speak to your more sympathetic parent and say “if you and don’t start respecting decisions, I’m going to just stop including you on the details of my life, because I won’t be able to trust you not to spoil things for me.
If that’s the kind of relationship you want with me, then we are on that path.” NTJ.” RaysUnderwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your friends are going for a trip, is anyone else bringing young teens or kids? Why would parents let a 14-year-old hang out with a bunch of young adults?
Are your parents paying for the whole chalet? I doubt that, they have no right to make you bring your brother. If I were the parents, I’d be worried about the potential of booze and what stories that are not for his age he could hear.
Whether you go there for a wild party or a relaxing time with your friends, he will just ruin everything. How are you going to this place? I mean if your friends were to pick you up and there was no space in the car for your brother, what would happen, will your parents force you to take him anyway?” Dweia01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve (33m) got 2 younger bros (30 & 27), and we are thick as thieves, always have been, but regardless of how close we are, we had to enjoy our own circle of friends individually as we were growing up. The age gap is huge during that time, and it isn’t fair to you or your friends to have your trip soured because your family is trying to guilt you into bringing him along.
I’m surprised your folks aren’t on your side here, it almost sounds like they want the house to themselves without considering that you need solo time with your crew. You’re an adult, stand your ground and tell them you aren’t gonna bring him, he isn’t your responsibility, and you have a right to go out with your buds without dragging a child along with you if you don’t want to.” ElderBini
20. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister After She Disrespected My Apartment Rules?
‘I’m a 26-year-old female and I have had the same apartment for 4 years.
Recently my sister’s husband passed away so she could no longer afford her luxurious house. My parents had begged me to let her stay with me as they can’t handle her anymore and me feeling pity for her, I told her she could stay with me.
My partner and I share rent on the apartment and agreed she could pay for groceries. My sister did for quite a bit and 6 months go by and she’s throwing parties, not paying for groceries, and having the unknown on my couch. I had gotten sick and tired of it and told her that if she didn’t start doing her end of the bargain (she is 31) I would kick her out.
She stepped back in place knowing I wasn’t joking but she refused to do chores.
Eventually, I was tired of her nonsense and kicked her out. She put out a social media post bashing me about how I kicked her out. My parents support my decision but the rest of my family is on her side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her chance after chance and she refused to keep to the contract. Your parents went through it before you so they know what’s going on. Everyone else who is being jerks should take her in and see how long they last. They probably won’t last as long as you did.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you warned her beforehand and gave her a chance to do the right thing and she failed to do so. If I were you I would’ve kicked her out after finding out she had the unknown on my couch.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister didn’t keep up her end of the bargain and got kicked out. That’s karma. I have no doubt that when she posted on social media about being kicked out, she made no mention of why she was kicked out.
Jerks like your sister rarely do.” napathon
19. AITJ For Not Making A Big Deal About My Partner Coming Out As Bisexual?
“My partner (20f) and I (22m) recently got into a big fight because she semi-came out to me as bisexual and I said I didn’t care what her sexuality was.
For reasons I can’t really understand right now, she got upset at me and said she needed some time to think things through.
During the fight, she said she was afraid to come out to me because of how I might react because she knows I come from a conservative family but I’ve already expressed to her in the past that my family and I don’t share the same views when it comes to those things, and I told her that being bisexual doesn’t change how I see her.
But she accused me of downplaying things and not being supportive, she was also adamant that saying I don’t care or think about sexuality in general was ignorant and that I was being a little disrespectful to queer people.
While I do agree I tend to downplay a lot was I really wrong for not making a bigger deal out of her coming out to me?
Not gonna lie, the fight was more confusion coming from my side, so I don’t really know.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is really a jerk here. It’s totally fine to not think about or care about sexuality, but it’s definitely a lot easier when you’re straight.
Have you heard that phrase, ‘I don’t see colour’? I think this situation is comparable. At face there’s nothing wrong with this, it’s good to not care about skin colour. So why do people get mad when it’s said? Because people of colour don’t get to not care.
Your bisexual partner might feel nervous or uncomfortable around your family even if they don’t know her sexuality. She might have been scared to tell you. So she wasn’t looking for you to not care, she was looking for you to take her seriously and support her.
I’ll add that a lot of people don’t view bisexuality seriously, and this might be another issue for her. She’s not just ‘spicy straight’ or whatever kids say these days, she’s a queer person. But you’re obviously not wrong for doing what you had no reason to think would come off as unsupportive or negative.
I think there’s just a miscommunication and misunderstanding here. I would just talk to her about it and tell her that you want to understand what her sexuality means for her. Tell her that you simply don’t know what it’s like, and want to support her.
She might need extra support in the relationship if your family is conservative. Even if they don’t know, that can really affect someone. No jerks here.” thespookyspectre
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Usually, when someone comes out to you, it’s a good idea to match their energy.
If they’re excited, be excited with them. If they’re low-key about it, be the same. When someone comes out, they’re showing a more vulnerable side and are potentially putting themselves at risk, as there are plenty of people who wouldn’t react so kindly to them coming out.
I don’t believe you meant any harm at all by what you said, and I can understand why you said what you said. However, she may not feel the same way. While I know by you saying that you don’t care, you meant that you’d love her regardless of sexuality, it may have come across to her as you don’t want to hear about it.
Maybe you could try sitting down with her and explaining all of this to her. Tell her that you support her and thank her for trusting you and for telling you. Make sure she knows she’s got support. Coming out is a scary thing to do, so let her know explicitly how you feel.
As a queer person, I can understand both sides here. Talking it through seems like a good option.” Kemmiehwa
Another User Comments:
“Bi woman here. Coming out for a lot of us is a major decision we spend weeks, months and years agonising over. What will they say?
Will they accept me? Will they leave? Am I really bi? It’s likely that she worked herself up for the worst, but it’s also a massive emotional release to tell your partner about your identity that she has been struggling to reconcile with.
Bi-erasure also plays into it – like what’s the big deal, you’re basically straight cos you’re with a guy! (Not implying you said this btw, just giving an example) What seemed like a simple comment (“I’m bi.”) to you, could have been a monumental moment for her.
It’s not that she was expecting you to whip out a rainbow flag and wave it around. I think her upset comes from the fact that you didn’t acknowledge the emotional weight of coming out.” SwimmingIndependent8
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom About My Sister's Secret House Party Amidst Her Custody Battle?
“I (19M) don’t live with my mother “Stacy” (39F) and my sister “Jessica” (18F) but they live together in Mum’s flat. I have my own place. Jessica does NOT pay rent or anything. (We’re in the UK.)
Some context: My mother is currently going through some messy legal drama involving the custody of me and Jessica’s sister “Claire” (2F, who is asthmatic this is important) due to her ex-partner (Claire’s father) lying about her consuming booze and other substances.
She’s currently staying in a monitored unit until next year so the socials can confirm she is all good.
Onto the story.
I came to the flat to keep Jessica company as she wasn’t apparently coping well with living alone. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was a boy I never met in Jessica’s bedroom (sleeping in her bed).
I was shocked but let it slide because I literally only just walked in the door after a two-hour journey and he went home later anyway.
The next day, Mum called and asked Jessica to let her know if people are staying over (she didn’t know the boy was there, she’s just feeling uneasy or something) or if they’re in the house and Jessica decided to argue with her over it instead of just accepting and apologizing so after Mum hung up I lectured her before we went on with our day.
A little while later, we planned to go to a club and Jessica invited two friends over for pregame drinks (without telling Mum, I didn’t know this) and they were hanging out in her room whilst I was playing games in the lounge. I eventually bought my entry ticket and went to Jessica’s room to tell her when I noticed a MASSIVE cloud of smoke hanging in the air of the room.
I was in disbelief and pretty much immediately called Mum to inform her and she went mental. Jessica decided to argue with Mum about kicking the friends out so Mum eventually broke and told Jessica that she’s kicking her out and she’s going to have to stay by our father (who isn’t Claire’s father).
Jessica is fuming and isn’t talking to me and I feel really bad but I honestly was gonna go ballistic at her friends myself for the lack of respect but I still wanna know if I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Worth noting, if you don’t already know, that UK social services can and will use hair strand monitoring to see if residues of substances end up in parents’ hair.
It’s possible that some of this cloud of smoke might end up in your mother’s hair. Your mother might be best advised to tell Social Services, who appreciate parents working with them rather than hiding things from them. I suspect she doesn’t have a family lawyer and wouldn’t be entitled to legal aid, otherwise, I’d tell her to ask her lawyer.
(Some family lawyers do free consultations: it might be worth blowing her one free consultation on that). Might also be worth her getting ahead of the game to explain why she’s kicked Jessica out, showing that she can and will make hard decisions to protect Claire, otherwise ex-partner might try to use it against her.
NTJ.” jamesindevon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister jeopardized your mother’s custody battle over the youngest. I’m not sure about UK laws concerning smoke and booze usage, but both of those being present in a home when the custody battle is over booze and substance use almost makes it seem like your sister was ACTIVELY TRYING to sabotage the custody battle so your mom lost custody of your youngest sibling.
And it might not have even stopped there as once your mother would have lost custody of the youngest, once it would have come out that the reason she lost custody was due to booze and substances in the home and being declared an unfit mother that would have also levied a MASSIVE amount of social stigma on your mother that could have even farther-reaching consequences (I know in some areas it could have cost her employment, being ostracized, and depending her landlord could not renew a lease over it).
In the best of light, she sounds like she’s a complete and utter moron with no ability for foresight or the damage this could have done. In the worst light, she sounds like she didn’t want to share her golden goose and tried sabotaging things so she wouldn’t have to worry about a young child in the home.” YourLocalCryptid64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. Unfortunately, the right thing has consequences. Worst case scenario is that you can probably expect Jessica to not want a relationship with either you or your mom for some time. I know your mom is stressed and both of you are justified, but if you want the foundations of fixing your relationship down the road, you both need to make it clear asap to Jessica that you still love her and this is not disowning her or cutting her off from support, just living in the same house.
Because I can tell you that this is how permanent resentment of you, your mom, and even Claire is going to set in. Of course, the rest is up to her. She needs to mature and realize she messed up, and these are the natural consequences.” RobinBat
17. AITJ For Bagging Up My Roommate's Rotting Food And Leaving It At His Door?
“My roommate and I are both in college and have known each other since elementary school. We thought living together would be a good idea, but it’s been a disaster. Before he moved in, I lived alone and kept the apartment spotless. Once he moved in, the place became a mess.
After the first week, he left cooked food on the counter and stove for days, splattering grease everywhere. I couldn’t even use the kitchen.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he belittled me and didn’t take it seriously. So, I told my parents, and they tried talking to his mom, but she brushed it off and said he’d clean it.
He did clean but then claimed I should’ve just talked to him. However, the situation kept getting worse. About a month ago, I got sick and went home for the weekend. When my parents came back to help me with food, they were horrified to find the kitchen covered in trash and dirty dishes, the smell was unbearable.
We ended up cleaning for 3 hours. Afterward, my parents called his mom again, and she yelled at them, calling them crazy and saying they had no right to be involved.
Now, we’re back to the same issue: the counter is covered with food, including rotten meat, eggs, and dairy, which has been sitting for days.
I texted him to clean it up, and he said he would the next day, but he didn’t. I’ve been unable to eat properly this week, and as a collegiate athlete, it’s affecting my performance. So, I took all of his food and put it in two bags, leaving it in front of his bedroom door.
I want to know: AITJ for taking this extreme measure? He’s been sick multiple times this semester, which I think is due to his hygiene, and I feel like I’m paying the price too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stop waiting for change, and don’t expect the friendship to recover.
I’ve gone through this and ultimately lost so much respect for my friend that I couldn’t look at them without feeling disgusted. Pack it up and move out. Find a new place, turn your notice in to your landlord, pack your stuff up ASAP, and let your roommate know your move-out date.
You don’t need their permission or blessing to remove yourself from a terrible living situation. Finding a new place or a new roommate is their problem, not yours. Don’t feel like you’re stuck. If you’re at college housing, you make a big enough stink to get them to move you to another unit with someone else.
If it’s not college and you don’t want to lose a good lease, speak to the landlord directly about evicting the roommate, terminating the lease and renewing just your lease, or letting you move into a different unit if there is one open.” theorangearcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had this same issue with an old roommate of mine. Exact same situation. The kitchen was unusable because the sink was full of dishes. The stove was covered in dirty pots full of water and he had dishes sitting in those pots because there was no more room in the sink.
Once I came home and there were dishes in the bathroom sink and when I asked why I was told, “Because there’s no more room in the kitchen.” You’d think that would be a sign to clean but some people are clueless. One time when the kitchen was at its worst, he was planning to leave for a 1 week vacation.
I told him to make sure he cleaned up before he left. Of course, he ran out of time and didn’t have time to clean. My other roommates and I loaded all of the dirty dishes into a big Rubbermaid bin and put it into his bedroom.
The stench in his room was terrible when he came back and he was angry. We explained to him that’s what the whole place would have smelled like because of the way he left it and that we are not his maids. We were good friends before we lived together.
Now we do not talk anymore.” OpenMyMind88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d take a video, pictures, pack up the crap, and bring it to his mom’s. Tell her you’ve tried everything, and this is an intervention. You’re getting sick, you can’t eat in your own kitchen, and her son needs therapy.
Tell her he’s been sick throughout the semester, and you don’t want to dump this on her, but you’re at your limit and this is her child. Another alternative is putting it in trash bags in front of his door doesn’t work. If you’re using your dishes/pots & pans, then keep them locked in your bedroom.
If they’re his then throw them away when the kitchen is bad. When he asks tell him you threw out the trash. He’s definitely not a friend. Be sure to have lots of evidence of his behaviors and conversations with you, so if he says at some point it was really you, you have proof it wasn’t.” lilolememe
16. AITJ For Not Lending My Brother Money For His Condo Fees?
“I (35f), my brother (37m), and my sister (39f) all inherited money when our father passed away in 2022. Since then, my sister has spent all her money, my brother and his wife bought a condo in Florida (which used all their savings) and I have about $40k in my savings.
Recently, my brother’s building has had unexpected HOA fees pop up that are out of their budget, a roof that cost them $6k a few months ago, and now it’s a $4500 fee regarding the upkeep of the shared parking lot. Typically I would never disclose my finances even with family, but since he is aware of what we all inherited he’s always been a bit obsessed about asking how much I have left, what my plans are, etc, essentially keeping tabs on it.
My partner and I are currently 6mo pregnant and we’re doing pretty well for ourselves, but we live in Manhattan and it’s insanely expensive to the point where I am kinda needing to pull from my savings more often than I’d ever like to and now that we are expecting a child I feel hyper-protective of what nest egg we do have in case of emergencies, medical costs, etc.
So last week he called me a bit intoxicated and said he really needs help with the $4500 that is now due at the end of the month. He said his wife has some checks coming in and he will pay me back as soon as they get the money.
I wasn’t super comfortable with the conversation and did my best to avoid it, basically saying something along the lines of ‘why don’t we wait and see if the money comes through and if not we can talk.’ Yesterday he texted me and said “Doesn’t look like we are going to get the checks in by the end of the month and it would be incredible if we could borrow the money from you!
Super annoying I know, we are sorry.” I responded with, “I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this fee, but I just don’t have that kind of money right now. With the holidays coming up and medical bills for the baby I’m tapped financially. I budgeted out the month and I can send you $150 if you need money for groceries, but that’s all I can spare right now.”
Now for even more context, my brother and sister are both unreliable people. My sister who I realize is not super relevant to this story, handles her finances very poorly and will ask to borrow money from me every 6 months or so, my brother has asked before but not as often.
My sister has never paid me back and my brother has managed to get things together in the past to where I don’t recall ever lending him much, maybe a couple hundred here and there but never got anything back. But I say this because he knows he can’t ask my sister for help and our parents have both passed, which basically leaves me, his little sister.
He is now saying that they could lose their condo and I am being a jerk for not lending him the money when they’re clearly struggling. I am doing my best to keep things afloat for my partner and me and really don’t want to pull from my savings, not knowing I will 100% get it back.
So AITJ for not lending them money?”
Another User Comments:
“He (and his wife) reviewed their finances and chose to buy it. He (and his wife) must have got a professional to assess its condition before they bought it. He patently lied to you about checks coming on at the end of the month.
He’s had time to get the money together but hasn‘t and now expects you to bridge his financial gap. 4.5K is not an insignificant amount and is likely your co-pay for the birth of your child. If he can’t afford to pay the bill now he can’t afford to pay back any money you lend.
The funny thing with inheritances is that, even when the monies are split evenly, some are quick to spend theirs and then get themselves into the mindset that it’s unfair that someone has some left. They apply this weird logic that the one with the money has somehow taken advantage of them and they are owed some of that money.
I would question the existence of the bill (considering he has already lied to you). Should you fall prey to his pleading make sure that he signs a loan agreement with you (notarised if possible) with specific dates for repayment so that he can be held accountable (in court).
NTJ if you don’t lend it.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, he will lose the condo anyway. Because the next unexpected bill will kill it even if this one doesn’t. It’s not on you, he and his wife have to manage their own finances.
This is why it’s really important to not tell people about your financial situation. In fact, I even know somebody who every now and then asks his family for a loan. They can’t afford to give it to him and they’re apologetic and he says no problem but actually what he is really doing is making sure they don’t ask him.
Be that guy.” MisaOEB
Another User Comments:
“You know what, I recently borrowed 13k on two credit cards at zero interest. I’ll have to service the debt at a few hundred a month, and in two years I’ll need new credit cards to transfer the debt onto.
Now, your brother only needs 4.5k, and only for a few weeks. So easy peasy! Unless he’s already maxed beyond his credit limit, can’t get more credit, in which case his “I’ll pay you back” is total nonsense in the first place. Best he defaults, sells the condo, and learns to live within his means.” chrestomancy
15. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbor About His Religious Texts?
“We (38M, 36F) have been kind neighbors to a lovely couple (~65M, ~45F) next door since 2013. Our relationship has always been friendly. They’ve invited us to their cabin, we’ve helped with dogsitting, and years of small favors and pleasant conversation. Additionally, our 10-year-old daughter is close to the husband, and we fondly refer to him as her “surrogate grandpa”, since her grandparents live out of state.
I’ve always known their faith is important to them. I’m an atheist (though prefer “humanist”), but respect every individual’s right to pursue his/her faith and beliefs. I don’t advertise my lack of faith, nor do I criticize the faithful.
A few years ago, they asked us to be part of their wedding ceremony – me as MOH, and my daughter as a flower girl.
I agreed wholeheartedly and helped with planning and decorating. Because their faith is so central to their relationship, I mentioned that I’m not religious and hoped it wouldn’t be an issue (i.e. no mention of God in my speech, not leading a prayer). She was fine with it.
He seemed fine, too. The wedding was absolutely beautiful!
Afterward, however, things changed. About 18 months ago, I discovered conversations on my daughter’s Messenger Kids where he was sending scripture quotes and coaching her in his faith. I quietly removed him from her contacts and bought a children’s book about all the religions of the world, read about his and ours specifically, and how similarly we view the world.
I talked about tolerance for all. I knew the change in how he talked to her was deliberate, but I did not confront him.
He must have noticed because he started sending me scriptures and religious videos on social media and via text. Weekly, or every couple of days.
The frequency varied. I did not respond to those. I kept my texts to neighborly things, and our in-person conversations were still friendly – i.e. his retirement, their projects, family things, etc.
The religious texts kept coming. I let it go for months but eventually had enough.
It felt pointed and disrespectful, but I could also maybe understand his perspective of fearing for my soul (or something?). So I finally responded about three weeks ago:
“Hi! I respect your faith and admire your kindness. As a humanist, I have found meaning in life without religion.
We are raising our family in the belief that ethics and compassion are not faith-based, but rather human qualities, and we are good, caring people without God. Life is finite, and we do our best to put good into the world.”
He hasn’t talked to me since.
The only text he sent to my husband was about us cleaning the maple leaves that blew into his yard from ours. His wife was still friendly, but he’s been cold and distant to me (understandable), and even our daughter.
I feel like I’m the jerk here.
I killed the friendship when I could have just let the harmless texts go. But my husband disagrees and says I did nothing wrong. So….. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you handled this as respectfully as you possibly could, but anytime someone is taking it upon themselves to educate your child on religion behind your back/without your consent they have crossed a major line (not to mention also sending you things directly to you when had already let them know what went against your beliefs) Again, you sounded like you tried to let it go for a long time, and were as respectful as you could possibly be.
Sad that they have decided to let this affect your relationship when it wasn’t anything for years…” Ok-Horror-1049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a 60+-year-old were messaging MY 10-year-old without my knowledge, I’d be furious. I don’t care what the topic is. I work with youth in a volunteer capacity and I’ve worked with them in a professional one as well.
My rule is this: if I have to message the youth, it automatically is a group message with at least one guardian of the youth. Why? Two reasons: 1. This allows the guardian (I never assume the child’s grown-up is the parent) to stay informed in real-time without having to worry that the child has forgotten any information or doesn’t relay all of the information given to them.
2. It allows the adult to see exactly what the child and I are discussing when we aren’t in an in-person group setting. What this man did is highly suspect. He knew your family did not have those beliefs, yet chose to proselytize to the most impressionable (read: gullible).
If this weren’t religious quotes, a lot more people would be looking at this as grooming behavior. He was friendly as long as he thought he could push your boundaries and thought he had a chance to “save” your family. That’s not friendly or nice.
That’s purpose-driven, intentional, manipulative, deceptive…” Particular_Rip_4232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he’s a hypocrite he has no problem sharing and even oversharing his beliefs including covertly sending messages to your young child but you share your beliefs and he goes silent treatment. He may have meant well but it’s never ok to try to force your beliefs on others.
There’s nothing wrong with either of your beliefs or even sharing them, learning different belief systems is interesting and helps grow community and understanding. This could have been a great learning opportunity but he had to get all cranky.” quietchaos5
14. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Thanksgiving With My Brother Instead Of My Mom And Her New Partner?
“My mom Lisa (56F) and I (17F) have a rocky relationship. I’m close with my older brothers, Max (35M) and Alex (30M), but we have different dads.
My parents divorced when I was 3, and I’ve never had a stable father figure. My mom remarried when I was 4 to a man who was emotionally abusive and caused me a lot of trauma. They divorced three years ago, which was a huge relief for me.
A few months ago, my mom started seeing someone again. Her first partner, Bobby, was nice, but she broke it off quickly, saying she “never really liked him.” Then she started seeing her current partner, Mike, about two months ago. The first time I met him, he handed me the keys to my first car—a car I paid $2,000 for, with the rest from my mom and grandma.
It felt weird and awkward like he was trying to act like a dad.
Mike didn’t make a good impression on my family either. At Max’s recent 35th birthday brunch, Mike spent the whole time talking about himself and his kids, ignoring Max entirely.
My mom spends most of her time at Mike’s house now, leaving me to cook and grocery shop for myself. I’ve told her I’m not ready to get to know him because of my trauma from past “father figures,” but she calls me selfish, even though I’ve been in therapy since I was 8.
Now, my mom and Mike are hosting Thanksgiving, but Max and his family aren’t coming because they don’t like Mike. I told my mom I’d rather spend the day with Max and his kids, and she accused me of being selfish and disrespectful.
I’ve always wanted a good stable family and spending Thanksgiving with a man I barely know and his children is not my ideal scenario. Especially after spending everything Thanksgiving as a child with my lousy stepdad.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom clearly is trying to fulfill some emptiness inside her by chasing after a partner.
That doesn’t mean you have to be there. You are almost 18 at this point anyway. I would go to my brother’s and spend Thanksgiving with people who love and support me. By the way, a gift doesn’t cost anything….so unless he’s giving you cash back for that car, you bought it fair and square.
I say this in case he or your mom starts guilting you for nonsense.” Nikosma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go have a wonderful time at your brother’s house. Your mom sounds like a real piece of work. It sounds like she has terrible judgment when picking men, & prioritizes her relationships over her children.
If I ever found out that any man was traumatizing my child, he would have been out the door in a hot second. Do yourself a favor & never take romantic advice from her. I am concerned that it sounds like you are a victim of neglect though.
Is there any way you can move in with your brother? You are still a minor & she needs to act like a mom. A call to CPS may be in order.” Individual-Paint7897
Another User Comments:
“Your mom wanted her current partner to feel important, that’s why she gave him the keys to hand over to you even though you put $2,000 of your money towards it.
You bought it. It was not a “gift” from him. Next, you’re still a teenager….the next time your mom claims you’re selfish reply, “I’m a teenager, of course I’m selfish.” You’re agreeing with her, how can she argue? She’ll need to find a new way to bully you.
Not agreeing with your mom is not being disrespectful. Tell your mom to think of her partner like a TV show or painting. You’re glad she really loves the show/painting, but it’s not your preference. Hopefully, you can spend Thanksgiving with your brother, but if he’s heading to the in-laws, ask your best friend if maybe you could join them.
If you are a member of a church, some hold functions and you could either participate or volunteer. If the church is large and has a kitchen, they may host Thanksgiving for those who don’t have families to go to. You could even call other churches and ask if they need volunteers.
NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
13. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Stop Working In Bed?
“When I get into bed, my partner always wants to join me even if he still has work to do, so he brings his laptop into bed. I believe that the bedroom should be a relaxing oasis, and just hearing him tap on the computer prevents me from relaxing.
He’s been vocal lately about how stressed he is and I’ve been very involved in helping him manage and regulate his emotions for months, which is making me stressed too.
So when I get into bed, I really want to wind down. He thinks it’s unfair for me to ask him not to use the computer from bed because it’s a comfortable place for him to work late at night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is he using this as a way to destress? If you’re regulating him, your presence may be peaceful. That doesn’t give him the right to do this, though. A possible solution would be to give him a warning before going to bed so y’all can snuggle or whatever, and then he goes back out of the bedroom to type away and you go to sleep.
You need to stop regulating him. It isn’t fair for you. Dude needs therapy if you’ve been regulating him for months – that is utterly exhausting for you. Is that the kind of life you want?” monotonousrainbo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself for taking on his emotional regulation for such a long period of time.
Hand back ownership of that task to him. Yes, you can do things to make life easier for him (eg take on a larger share of cooking, just for now, if you have time with your own responsibilities). But helping with the practical stuff is not the same as taking on their emotional regulation, to the point that you are feeling overly stressed & unregulated. It’s something women are typically trained to do from birth & it feels like the loving thing to do.
But it’s not. It harms both us, them, and the relationship overall. Start expecting him to learn the coping skills he needs to manage his own emotional regulation. It will help him at work too – he needs to be able to regulate himself during a stressful work meeting, when you are not there to do that for him.
Coach him (occasionally), by all means – but stop doing it for him.” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re being fair. If both people are doing stuff that is fine obviously, but the default definitely should be doing stuff that doesn’t annoy other people given what bedrooms are ultimately for.
One that bugs me is when someone who doesn’t find light a problem for sleeping insists that you should just live with it since it doesn’t bother them. Could I use a mask? I could, but I shouldn’t have to. Go do your light thing somewhere else.
If you’re not actually going to sleep but the other person wants to, then it is your job to shut down anything that will annoy them or do it somewhere else.” CastleCollector
12. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My SIL For Missing A Pre-Wedding Event?
“My (32F) SIL (30F, spouse’s sister) is getting married early next year and had plans for a lot of events before that, like a bridal shower for just her, a wedding shower for her and her fiancé, a bachelorette party, and a trip to look at wedding dresses.
A lot of these dates and times were TBA or tentative. I’ll mention that I am not part of the bridal party, which I don’t care about since I’m busy anyway, but it’s important to mention. I did go on the wedding dress trip and ended up picking the dress she ultimately bought (and was super happy about).
I had let her know two months in advance that I wouldn’t be able to make one of the pre-wedding events (which had a date confirmed but not a time) because it fell at the exact same time as another obligation. I honestly thought that I would be able to do both events on the same day, but as soon as the pre-wedding event time was announced, I immediately let her know.
Again, I was not part of any event planning for this or part of the bridal party. She did not let me know this was an issue until two months later, but I had already known she was upset because she told other people who later told me that she wanted me to apologize because I didn’t act sorry about missing things.
She sent me a text message where she tried to guilt trip me and act as if I had not been active in anything wedding-related. I ultimately didn’t answer because 1) she is the type of person that you can’t reason with 2) I had nothing nice to say and 3) anything I said was just going to be twisted and used against me.
Since then, she has continued to send me messages telling me how terrible I am (not this nicely worded) and essentially just trying to continually guilt trip me. Again, I have not answered any of these messages because of the above reasons. I have since been uninvited to the wedding.
While I still don’t plan to reply, AITJ for not apologizing, especially since it’s causing stress in my spouse’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Please someone explain to me what these things are! Bachelorette I understand, in England we say ‘Hen night’. I thought a bridal shower was what some people have instead of a hen night, similar in that it has traditionally been all or mostly the bride’s female friends and relatives, but more polite and ‘low key’, e.g. daywear and cake not glammed up and clubbing.
I would have guessed that a wedding shower was that but with the chaps also, and an equivalent of what I might call an ‘engagement party’. So how does someone have all of these and that’s only SOME of the pre-wedding events? All of that to say this: SIL is one demanding person, who seems to think her desire is everyone else’s obligation.
Unless you’re writing this from a land of actual storybook genies and SIL is the only human I can tell you confidently that it isn’t. If you are writing from Genieland, I believe wishes usually top out at three.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sort of.
Why not reply? If we are keeping score, she has been sending you increasingly angry texts while you have been ghosting her. You could have chosen to merely say something like, “I understand that you are disappointed. I’m doing my best to accommodate your plans and those of other people who are also important to me”.
No apology, but an empathetic response. Where is your husband in all of this? Is he going to the wedding that his wife has been uninvited to?” McDuchess
Another User Comments:
“I will try to fit in with you young people by using your cool lingo: this seems sus.
(Did I do that right?) The yellow flag for me was how you said she was planning a lot of events and then listed the standard events that 98% of brides do. It makes me feel like you’re exaggerating the situation to cover for something you’re not telling us.
Maybe it’s nothing, but my Spidey sense is tingling.” neoprenewedgie
11. AITJ For Not Paying Back My Friend After She Backed Out Of A Concert Trip?
“I (21F) wanted to attend a concert in Atlanta, but the total cost (ticket and flight) was $435.
I first asked two friends, but they both declined because of money. One of them suggested I ask our mutual friend, Lily. I didn’t know Lily well, so I decided to ask my friend Jade first. I had been close with Jade for about a year, but recently, she’d been doing some things that were making me upset.
For example, she had backed out of plans literally an hour before for an assigned seat trip I had booked. When I didn’t ask her to hang out as much after that, she asked why and I told her everything that had been bothering me and instead of apologizing, she just focused on the fact that she knew something was wrong.
I put it in the past and I asked Jade if she’d go to the concert, I detailed all the info about flights, dates, and costs, and told her to email her professors about missing class on Monday if she wanted to go. She said yes, agreeing to pay me back since her card wasn’t working at the time.
I booked everything.
Then, a few days later, she told me she couldn’t go because of a midterm on the Monday. Since I had already told her before to email her professors, I assumed she didn’t want to go, so I started looking for someone else.
I told her she would need to pay the $75 name change fee for the flight. She agreed. Next, I asked Lily, the friend who I was going to call after Jade if she had said no. Lily had practice on Monday, and her coach wouldn’t let her miss it.
(Note that if Jade just told me no, then I would’ve gone to the Saturday concert instead of the Sunday concert with Lily, the flight gets back the next day). I also asked my other friend Penny, but she said the trip was too expensive.
A few days later, Jade messaged me saying she got the test moved. I was frustrated but agreed. She slowly paid me back over a month.
However, a few days after that, Jade told me she didn’t want to go anymore because it would be awkward since we hadn’t talked much lately.
I said “okay,” but I was frustrated. I started to ask everyone I knew, I had asked around 30 people and posted about the tickets, but no one could go due to class, work, or money. I was willing to go alone, but I really did not want to go to Atlanta by myself.
I still tried to sell just Jade’s ticket on Tickpick where I got it from to pay her back, but no one bought it.
Right before the time was up to be able to change the name on the plane ticket, I called Penny, she said it was too expensive so I offered to let her pay just the name change fee.
She agreed, and we went to the concert together. Jade saw Penny’s post about the concert and asked for her ticket money ($300) back. I explained to Jade how I tried to get back her money but couldn’t.
Jade said she wants her money back from either me or Penny.
Penny doesn’t have the money and neither do I since $300 is literally my entire paycheck exactly for 2 weeks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jade agreed to go to the concert, knowing the costs and details upfront. She backed out not once but twice, leaving you in a difficult situation.
It’s unreasonable for her to expect you (or Penny) to cover her $300 when she didn’t follow through on her commitment. If Jade wanted to be reimbursed, she should have taken responsibility for selling her own ticket instead of relying on you to fix the situation.
You made multiple attempts to mitigate the loss, including trying to resell the ticket and finding someone to replace her. Ultimately, her financial loss is a result of her own decisions and lack of follow-through. Penny doesn’t owe Jade anything either—she stepped in to save the trip and covered the name change fee, which was fair.
You did everything you could to handle the situation responsibly, so you are not at fault here. Jade needs to take ownership of her choices.” These-Comparison683
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Quick tip, if there’s even a shadow of a doubt that things might not line up or that someone is unreliable with planning or money always make them pay for it directly; don’t take IOUs or agree to exchanging money at some point down the line.
However, if the roles were reversed and you’d paid $300+ for a trip and then became uncomfortable with going and backed out and found out your $300 ticket was given to someone else and you wouldn’t be getting your money back; you’d think the person who did that kind of sucks.
You not being able to pay her back doesn’t make that suck any less for her who essentially paid $300+ for someone else’s trip. It’d be one thing if you just couldn’t get her money back, it’s another to in a round-about way use her money to pay for someone else.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“In 2016, I was supposed to go to a concert with someone who was (until this) a good friend. I paid for parking and two tickets four months ahead. We often talked about the concert and were super excited. She was going to pay me back day of.
Turns out she never requested that day off at work and refused to call out so she had to go in. I find out about this AFTER she’s already at work for her shift. I was out about $200 and I really couldn’t afford that at that time.
I needed my $100 back. I went to her work and asked for her half and she said no. She said she didn’t need to pay me back since she isn’t going. So I left, took another friend (who I didn’t charge), and just decided the $100 was the cost of never talking to her again.
Don’t keep flaky people in your life. Everyone’s the jerk.” CosmicKyloRen
10. AITJ For Asking A New Passenger To Move Because The Seat Was Already Taken?
“I am taking an Amtrack train today. After I sat down I made acquaintances with the person who was sitting beside me.
At some point, they went to the food cart to have lunch. In the meantime, the train stopped at a station and a black man (I mention race as it becomes relevant later) got on and took a seat beside me. For context, Amtrack doesn’t have assigned seats and passengers are free to sit at any empty seat available.
I don’t really care who sits beside me, but by now I had built up a good rapport with my co-passenger. So, I politely told the new guy that someone was already sitting there. He asked if I knew them and I said no. He got angry and told me it’s none of my business then.
A conductor noticed the commotion and came up. The black man immediately accused me of being racist and not wanting to sit by a black person. I explained the situation and the conductor agreed (they have markers to see the destinations for each seat, so they knew I was telling the truth) and asked him to move.
At this point, he refused to move and threw a tantrum saying how he gets discriminated everyone. At this point, the conductor called for security and finally, the guy moved saying the world is against black people.
I simply politely told the guy that the seat was taken and did not want things to escalate so far.
If nobody was sitting beside me already I would have no issues with him sitting beside me. I try to treat everyone fair and equally and didn’t like being called racist.
So, AITJ? Was there anything I could do better to avoid the situation? Should I have simply kept quiet and let the other guy deal with it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but to answer your question about doing something differently – Black people do experience racism on the daily. Most likely, this man has experienced it every day for his entire life. If you can imagine that he has been in this situation before and it actually was racism, perhaps this might give you some context for his reaction.
Perhaps you could have said “there’s no assigned seating and I don’t mind sitting next to you, but someone was sitting there for a while and went to the bathroom. I don’t care where they sit but I just thought you should know that they are coming back and their ticket is here, so they might want their seat back” because, in point of fact, it doesn’t sound like they asked you to save their seat and maybe if they had come back they would have just moved to be polite (maybe I’m wrong but it wasn’t included in the story).” Active-Designer934
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Technically you did know the other person who was sitting there, as you’d been interacting with them enough to build a rapport. That said, it’s not the new guy’s business if you knew them or not. The other person might have stepped away briefly but that seat was taken, plain and simple.
You could have told this new gentleman “The person sitting here has just stepped away to get lunch, and we were having a conversation.” You also said the train was half empty. It’s creepy behavior to sit next to other commuters when there are completely empty unallocated seats available.
He could also have asked you if the seat was taken before just plonking himself down. This guy sounds like a weirdo who immediately got on the defensive over a polite request to move and did not like being called out on his behavior, so he pulled the race card.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe this guy was having a bad day and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. But you are not the bad guy for saying something. The only thing I would agree with doing is to be slightly more clear just like “hey this person just left briefly and I was saving their seat for them.
I generally don’t care who I sit with but they were already here.” If he had still pressed after that I would have probably left it for the other person. Sometimes the risk vs reward is too great.” AlMirajRabbit
9. AITJ For Not Being Energetic During A Conference Trip While Pregnant?
“A few months ago my boss (who also happens to be a great friend – emphasis on this, as she always wants to be friends first before she’s “just my boss”) invited me on a road trip/conference somewhere warm and beautiful.
This would be the first length of time (24+ hours) we’ve spent together. And we are sharing a room the whole time (6 days).
Today is the last day.
Obviously, I said yes – this would be a lot of fun together. I’d also never been to a conference before, so I had no idea what to expect.
The road trip was amazing. We had so much fun, lots of laughs and memories.
The conference came along, and the first day was going well. We networked/met with some people we emailed often and it was really nice.
Now – I’m half-baked (almost 20 weeks) pregnant, and I’m exhausted and uncomfortable a lot of the time.
I usually woke up pretty “blegh”, and not very energetic. I’m also like this most days in general (while pregnant). She’s very active and a walker, and I’d always kind of be slugging behind on our way to talks.
There was an awesome party at the end of it, and I didn’t want to stay too long because my legs were getting kind of swollen, we were on our feet for a while, and also I can’t drink.
(I’m very social and mingly after a drink or two).
I said I would go back to the room early. She came with me, didn’t have to.
Anyway – for the last two of those 3 conference days, she just kind of ignored me.
She gave quick answers to all my questions, I tried to make conversation, but always quick answers. She always walked ahead of me. Basically never looked at me.
She knows I’m pregnant obviously, and she’s always been very compassionate (up until now) about my “condition” lol.
At first, I thought maybe she was just getting tired from the trip too. But then it went on for the rest of the trip.
Finally, when flying out of the city, she says “Almost there! Sorry your trip sucked.” In an annoyed tone
And I was like, “what?
What do you mean? It didn’t suck?”
She smirked and shrugged.
When we got back to the hotel, I asked “Why do you think I thought the trip sucked? What did I do? You seemed quite annoyed with me.”
“It seemed like you would have rather been anywhere else than there, and it bummed me out.
I hope it wasn’t a waste…. For you.”
(They paid for the trip obviously, so while she tacked on “for you”, I’m sure she meant a waste of money for them.)
I texted my husband about this, and he said “That sucks, but I guess remember that she’s your boss before your friend”.
That’s true, but she always ensures it’s the other way around. And if it were boss first case, shouldn’t no emotions be attached?
That being said, it was a conference. Tired slug isn’t really the best vibe for networking… maybe I should have tried harder to be more professional. Though again, we have similar demeanors, and I think we did about the same amount.
She wasn’t smiling and shaking hands with everyone either.
Did we just spend too much time together?
What am I missing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you and your boss have an inappropriate work relationship. It also sounds like you didn’t completely communicate your reasons for returning to the room early.
I’m not sure what more your boss was expecting out of you on the trip. You’re five months pregnant, so of course you’re not going to be able to party all night long. She should have realized this before asking you to come with her.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“I think your boss missed something, like you being pregnant and allllll the WONDERFUL symptoms that go with it. It’s likely she expected you to still be the same person on this trip and was exceedingly disappointed when you didn’t “party” as she expected you to.
Remember, her attitude didn’t change until the pregnancy got in the way. I’d reply to her; “After much reflection about our trip, I must apologize for my behavior. I am deeply saddened that my pregnant belly made me so uncomfortable that I came off as not enjoying myself when I absolutely was!!
I’m also sorry that due to being pregnant I couldn’t drink or keep up with you everywhere we went! After all, it’s hard work growing this baby and it’s so exhausting (and baby is definitely too young to drink!) and made mornings hard for me!
But I will say this: I am so proud that through all these pregnancy symptoms I was able to persevere and still have a really good time on this trip! It was so much fun and was a great way to spend time with a friend before I can no longer do trips like this!
Thank you for the wonderful time I had and the beautiful room we stayed in!”
That was typed with the most friendly note of sarcasm I could muster. NTJ, but your boss is. She is not your friend REGARDLESS OF HOW SHE ALWAYS ACTS!! It’s just an act!
BOSSES ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND!!! Be cordial from now on OP.” Anonymous3415
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just had different expectations. In hindsight, it would’ve been good if you had communicated more as the conference went along that you were having a great time but that your body is screaming at you to take it easy.
Maybe she’s never been pregnant? Or has been pregnant but it was an easy pregnancy? It sounds like she wasn’t aware of how much your pregnancy would slow you down, and you weren’t aware that she wasn’t aware. I think now would be a good time to make a special effort to tell her that you really did have a great time and you want to thank her for including you in the conference.
Tell her that you’re sorry that you didn’t explain how slowed down you were physically, and that you gave her the wrong impression. Tell her you would never in a million years want her to think you didn’t enjoy being with her or weren’t appreciative of the wonderful trip.
Explain about the swollen legs, the aches and pains, etc. Maybe take her to lunch to thank her, give her a small gift like a plant or flowers or a bottle of wine. Honestly, she’s being a baby. But she truly didn’t understand what you were going through so her feelings were hurt.
She’s your boss and your friend, so for both those reasons you could bridge the gap, be the bigger person, and sympathize and reassure her. This is fixable.” NoPoet3982
8. AITJ For Installing Locks And Cameras For Privacy In Our Shared Apartment?
“My husband and I live with his sibling, “G,” in an apartment that’s paid for by his family. G frequently brings friends over, and one of them, “L,” is a frequent guest who practically lives with us at this point.
I tend to avoid the common areas because I get anxious and uncomfortable around so many people, but I don’t really mind keeping to myself.
I have a vanity room where I keep my clothes and jewelry, and I installed a small camera there for peace of mind, as no one locks the apartment door, day or night, and I wanted to protect my valuables.
Later, I decided to put a lock on the vanity room door as an extra security measure.
Recently, while my husband and I weren’t home, G allowed their friend L to enter our personal space without permission, supposedly to charge a device. This was especially unsettling because my husband and I have private, personal items in our bedroom, and it felt like a serious invasion of our privacy.
I feel that G was also at fault here for allowing a frequent guest to enter such a personal space, especially since it’s our private room as a couple.
After that incident, my husband and I decided to put a lock on our bedroom door for additional privacy.
I even explained to L beforehand that it was for privacy and safety, given the constant traffic in our apartment.
Everything seemed fine until G texted my husband, angrily accusing us of being “paranoid” and saying locks and cameras aren’t necessary because they were “raised with trust” as a family.
Since then, G has been distant, and I’ve been avoiding G and L, as I feel like they’re both upset with me. I tried to reconcile with G, but they were dismissive and rude, leaving me feeling like I was back in school dealing with bullies.
It’s especially hurtful because I had opened up to both G and L about some personal struggles, thinking they would understand why I’d want some extra privacy. Now, I feel like I’m an outsider in my own home.
So, AITJ for putting a lock on my bedroom door and wanting more privacy?”
Another User Comments:
““G allowed their friend L to enter our personal space without permission, supposedly to charge a device.” This statement, along with the fact they seem to be very angry over not being allowed in your room, is a red flag. I wonder if they are doing something inappropriate.
Have any of your intimate items gone missing? Also, I would check for cameras and check your jewelry camera to see if you see anything suspicious. I truly cannot come up with a valid reason anyone would care this much about you locking the bedroom door… if they weren’t up to something they shouldn’t be.” Bonnm42
Another User Comments:
“But you trusted G to respect your private space and they deliberately let L into your bedroom to ‘charge a device’. No excuse is going to forgive this blatant disrespect, but charging a device is the lamest one ever. Why must L need to go into your bedroom to do this?
Why did G think they had the autonomy to act like that, especially behind your backs? Putting locks on your doors is the only way you can ensure your private space is not violated when you are not home. If G is being distant, then that’s his problem.
His statement that they were raised with trust, is irrelevant if he cannot be trusted because of his own intrusive behavior.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you need to enter someone else’s personal space to charge a device, you need to rethink the electronic situation in your home.
Every other outlet in the entire apartment was in use? That’s nuts. I trust everyone in my home and don’t use locks on my personal space….but I do lock the doors to the house. Why? It’s not the people inside the house that I’m concerned about, it’s the possibility of people outside of the home coming in.
It’s not unreasonable to want even the smallest amount of safety and privacy in your home.” shadyzeta579
7. AITJ For Informing My Brothers About My Mom's Partner's Plans?
“I (f29) have been physically disabled since birth, so I walk on crutches. I recently went to two weeks of physical therapy with my mother, (F56) who is my caregiver.
Every evening after all the exercises, a man came to my mother’s room for the whole night, K.
(Male about 60 years old). I then was not allowed to leave my room. Mom never said anything to me about K. One day K asked if I would like to go with him and Mom to his house in another part of the country after the therapy was over.
I said I would think about it. That was my only conversation with him.
Nevertheless, I was afraid to go somewhere far away with a strange guy. In addition, my mom forbade me from telling my brothers (M37, M22) about K. When I accidentally found my mom’s text messages from K.
He texted that there was no need to ask me anything, just to announce that we were going to him. Mom also admitted that she was afraid of something.
I then informed my brothers as well. They wanted to call the police, to come to the center.
The younger brother and K were calling each other names.
K called me an ungrateful selfish girl and to this day says he doesn’t want to know me. He didn’t speak to me even when he drove me home. Mom is mad at me too.
She doesn’t understand how I can’t trust him when she loves him. Only my younger brother understands that I was just scared.
AITJ because I informed my brothers about my mom’s partner’s plans? In the end, K turned out to be an okay guy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom wanting you to hide her relationship with him is weird. Him texting her that there was no need to ask you, a grown woman, anything but simply announce you were going to his place with mom is also weird. I would have told my brothers too.” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but no. This is not the way a regular nice guy behaves. Suggesting that a grown woman should simply be told that she’s going to a strange man’s house and the secrecy that your brothers can’t know of K’s existence. You 100% did the right thing.
And if K was a nice, reasonable guy, he would understand and wouldn’t be angry with you. As for your mother, I can’t even. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“He’s an “OK guy”? Nope, he’s not! The guy barely knows you and wants to take you against your wishes somewhere far away, basically acting like you have no other choice.
Given your condition, you’re especially vulnerable. Thank goodness your brothers came to your defense! NTJ. Not at all.” BackgroundCarpet1796
6. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About Continuously Eating My Safe Food?
“I (21F) still live with my parents and brother (25M) like most people around our age, considering the price of housing right now. My “rental agreement” with my parents is that I buy all of my groceries instead of actually paying for rent. For the most part, I pay for my own gas too, but my parents are happy to help with that too.
My brother, on the other hand, doesn’t even have any sort of rental agreement with my parents. He goes to college, only has 4 total classes, and has no job. He won’t even partially fill my gas tank after going somewhere.
I have a disorder called ARFID.
I often eat the same thing for months on end because of this. I have to use the family fridge. I almost always label my food with my name, and for the most part, if my brother wants one of my food items he’s actually pretty good at asking me if he can have some.
My brother and I actually get along 90% of the time too.
To the story. Since I often buy my safe foods for months on end, if I’m in a hurry to get to work I occasionally forget to label them. I’ll get home from work and half of my food is gone.
He knows I’ve been the only one buying these specific foods the whole time. His excuse every single time is “They weren’t labeled how was I supposed to know?” I respond back “Who’s the only person who’s been getting this specific food item for months?” This has happened 100s of times over the last four years.
He has given me the same response every single time.
I went to the store with my mom and I didn’t have money but I was out of meatball mozzarella hot pockets. I asked my mom if I paid her back my next paycheck if I could get them, and she said yes.
In her words “if it’s something you can get yourself to eat, then it’s worth it for me to pay for it”. We get home and immediately my brother zones in on these hot pockets and I told him “please don’t eat too many, I want to have some this time.” My mom said he could have four total, so he had two that night (I usually have one with a small side of potatoes).
After only two days, I had only had two of this 12-pack and they were all gone. I asked my brother how many he ate since mom said he could only have 4, and his response was “you never said my friend couldn’t have any.”
I lost it and told him “There’s actually no way you can keep doing this.
You know that’s my safe food and one of the few things I can eat right now, I’ve been getting it for months. I’m tired of you using this weaponized incompetence against me to justify eating my food. You know I usually let you have some if you just ask!”
My brother gave me kind of a hurt look and basically called me a jerk and that he was just hungry. My mom said while I was right I might’ve been too harsh and I know that he’s sensitive to feeling like he’s upset people.
I don’t know if I’m the jerk because of that. It’s why I haven’t said anything for those 4 years. I just finally got tired of it. I’m done having to tell him every single time I forget to label my food one time. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t just get angry about it. Make it a serious issue and tell him and your mother that you really want this to stop because he is deliberately taking too much of your safe food, too often, leaving you short no matter what you say.
You don’t want to get angry and be harsh either, but if he can’t be considerate when he knows your condition yet knowingly takes too much anyway, then it’s get angry or find a way to fix the situation so his selfish actions aren’t frustrating you to that point.
Ask him: What do you have to do for this to stop? Get a lockbox? Your own fridge? Have a complete ban on him having any of your food ever just to make it clear there are no excuses? You’re being over the top? No — you’re taking this to the next level because normal expectations of common courtesy and simple rules are being met with deliberate attempts by him to take too much of your food when he shouldn’t, using flimsy excuses when in reality he knows exactly what he’s doing.
You’re not going to listen to any excuses anymore. You both know he’s just being a selfish jerk when he does this. You want a real solution from him or you will impose one — and your solution will involve him getting none of any food you pay for.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“If he is sensitive to feeling like he’s upset people then why is he continually doing things he knows upset you like this? It doesn’t sound like he’s sensitive about it so much as he mopes or throws tantrums when people get upset about him.
Which is not the same thing at all. Acting sad till you get your way isn’t being sensitive. It’s not even actually caring about if someone is upset, it’s caring about dealing with the consequences of someone being upset, even if it’s just you not being as friendly rather than him having to pay you back.
Your mom is deciding essentially that he’s “too sensitive” for consequences. Which even if he actually was sensitive the way she is saying, is harmful to him and unfair to you.” shangri-laschild
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk but I’m not a fan of everyone using buzzwords nowadays.
Weaponized incompetence just seems an overly analytical way of saying being a jerk. I guess I’m just getting old and grouchy. Anyways, your brother sounds like a jerk, get a mini fridge for your room and keep your stuff there, don’t share any of it with him anymore.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Use My Work Laptop?
“My sister-in-law is staying with my husband and me for a couple of weeks.
She is going to be house-sitting for us to watch our cat while we go visit my family. She asked if she could come a few days before and stay a few days after we got back. Which I guess isn’t relevant but it is a combo of doing us a favor and us doing her a favor too considering we live in a 1 bedroom small apartment.
I work from home and only have a laptop that is the property of the company I work for. She keeps asking to use it to watch YouTube videos etc. She is not very good with computers. I cannot risk letting her use my work computer while I am not home visiting family.
I do not use the computer for personal needs as I mentioned it’s property of my company. I put a password on it and have made it clear it’s not for pleasure it is my work. I have very important stuff on the computer too.
My husband thinks I’m being extreme but I do not feel comfortable with her using my work computer …. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: letting her on your work computer could be a fireable offense if discovered and depending on what’s on there, illegal. It likely has proprietary company data and if you work on Healthcare or finances or defense or whatever could have info protected by other laws as well.
Did your company have training or warnings about never letting others use your computer? They should have. If nothing else, assume it’s monitored. Do you want some guy who’s looking for employees misusing assets thinking you’re the one watching all the YouTube? It’s not your computer… it’s the company’s.
You absolutely shouldn’t let her use it. Nothing jerk about it, you’re upholding the expectations of your employment. She needs to find some other way to be entertained.” DragonBard_Z
Another User Comments:
“Ok I hate to be an alarmist but you might have a husband problem.
Using a work computer for non-work is bad, and probably against policy. Letting someone else use your work computer is definitely against policy. Letting someone with low-tech skills use your work laptop is just asking for trouble. This isn’t something you should need to explain to a normal person.
So why is your husband acting like you’re the problem and prioritizing his sister’s weird request over yours? Why can’t she just get a Kindle if all she wants to do is watch YouTube? Do you frequently find yourself being told you’re the problem in conflicts with his family?” SLJ7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Can skip everything about it and focus just on the title with two words in particular: work laptop, more emphasis on the first word “work”. Regardless of what she is trying to do, it isn’t worth your job’s trust, security, or possible change in your employment status depending on what she searches or does on it.
It is specifically designed for work purposes only so that you and you alone will be the primary user. You can bet they would be quizzing you on the unusual keystrokes and YouTube usage had she used it. It would bring into question misuse of the device itself and if you are truly working on it or using it for other means even if you didn’t use it as such, your device, your responsibility and accountability for what happens on it.” LucasoftheNorthStar
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That Her Sugar-Free Chocolate Shavings Actually Contain Sugar?
“My partner (F in her 30s) is quite into sports and not much into sweets.
She stopped eating ADDED sugar “completely” about a year ago.
She doesn’t have a medical condition, but just realized, that she’s doing way better without the sugar. She also doesn’t restrict my eating.
For example, when we went to a fancy cake place I wanted to go to, she also ate cake but was feeling a little nauseous afterward.
So she’s not completely strict-strict, as sometimes she enjoys honey or if I bake something, e.g.
Now to my dilemma: every weekend she makes coffee for us and does a “special blend”. When she made it before she used cocoa powder, but changed to dark chocolate shavings.
It’s really really nice, but I realized some days ago that she doesn’t know that there is sugar in them.
She eats her yogurt topped with them and is beaming with joy when telling me “they don’t contain sugar”. They do, she just had the wrong column when checking them.
I really love seeing her happy and I researched before and the chocolate shavings without sugar are 1. expensive and 2. I’m actually not able to eat them (due to intolerance). I also really support her otherwise, when cooking, baking, etc. I check twice so as not to include any sugar.
(I also realize on the other hand that she’s mostly checking for Glucose and doesn’t care about fructose.)
So WIBTJ if I don’t tell her that there’s sugar in her newfound joy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had info that she cannot access, then you would have a responsibility.
If she had a medical condition that was affected, you would also have a duty to inform her. Neither apply here. Here, you have a desire that she enjoys but she hasn’t bothered to look closely at. But! You need to think how she will react when she eventually finds out.
If it seems likely that you knew all the time, she wouldn’t be off base in getting mad. If you can plausibly say that you didn’t know (a white lie in this context IMO) or something to that effect, then maybe prepare for that.” rlrlrlrlrlr
Another User Comments:
“Don’t lie to her. Just slowly start mentioning how delicious it is and say that you can’t believe there is no sugar in it either. Ask her to check again. That way she finds out for herself and you don’t have to give her the news.
And then gauge her reaction before asking if she wants to keep eating it since everything seems to be perfectly fine.” Puzzleheaded_Row6211
Another User Comments:
“OP, from experience, if this is not a medical thing, just tell her, “Hey, you know the dark chocolate shavings you use?
It’s not much, but there is sugar in them. I know that’s something you’ve been worried about, so I wanted to tell you. However, I’ve seen how much you love them with your yogurt, and I love the way you make my coffee with them.
Would it be okay if we keep using them?” Dark chocolate was recommended to me by my doc when I did the same thing as your partner because I wanted to kick a sweets issue I had. As long as it is in moderation, it’s fine.
Now, years later, I’m not a huge fan of chocolate unless it’s 99% cocoa and low sugar. I hope it works out for you guys.” TheRealDASFoxnSocks
3. AITJ For Wanting To Spend My Birthday Alone Instead Of With My Family?
“I (43M) and my wife (40F), have two sons (10 and 14 yo). We both work from 9 am to 5/6 pm, even later sometimes.
The boys have after-school activities almost every day, so after work, we usually drive them to or from somewhere. Then there’s the helping with homework, cooking, house chores, etc…The weekends, though less busy, are also filled with chores, driving, visiting family, and such. In sum, we have little time for ourselves as a couple, and almost no time alone individually.
This year, my company is giving everybody their birthday off. Mine is a Monday a couple of weeks from now.
When I told my family this, they were excited: my wife said that I should swing by her workplace in order for us to have lunch together.
The kids said that I should pick them up from school to have lunch.
I said, sorry, but I was planning on having the day to myself.
They were a bit disappointed, and I felt a bit guilty.
I love my family, but I was planning on going near the beach, walking a bit, and having a nice meal enjoying the ocean view, hearing no other sound, but the waves and the seagulls.
Besides, I’ll be spending my actual birthday with them, we’re going away for the weekend.
So, AITJ for being kind of selfish in wanting to spend a day alone?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As your wife and kids, it’s natural they would feel disappointed. The good thing is they didn’t harp on it or guilt trip you into spending your day with them, compared to most of the posts here, it seems you got the good end of the deal. Go out, enjoy your day to yourself, get some self-care time in the bank, and have fun!” evil_regal031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you are willing to give her the same “day away” Everyone needs alone time. However, couples do need “couple time” that is more than bedroom. The kids are your focus most days (this is good parenting). You are NTJ for choosing to be away from your kids on a Monday.
Away from the wife is a harder call. That depends on the context. Is she politely asking for “adult time” with you? Relationships can fade if they are not maintained. You said yourself that you have very little “couple time.”” OnlyThePhantomKnows
Another User Comments:
“Not gonna lie, I’m on the fence.
I think you needed to work on your delivery a little bit, but you do you boo. If you decide that you want to be all alone on your birthday, don’t be surprised if they decide they don’t want to be with you on your birthday.
When you get home from your self-imposed “me time”, if there’s not a cake for you or a happy birthday song, don’t get upset.” Deep_Result_8369
2. AITJ For Wanting A Wedding Do-Over After The Original Ended In Flames?
“I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) in 2019. We are a very happy couple but our wedding was horrible. After the ceremony and photos, we went to the reception, and within 25 minutes, everything went up in flames.
Like everything. It was horrible and I was trying to find everyone to see if they all got out (thankfully everyone wasn’t hurt and out).
We found out what caused the fire (smoking in the employee bathroom trash).
But now we saved up and decided that I should have a wedding do over and hopefully without a fire like last time.
Now my husband’s side said no, that I was being a dramatic bridezilla.
They said that I was lucky that no one got hurt. And it was God’s plan because we don’t belong together.
But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Have the police ruled out arson as a possible cause of that fire? I ask because your husband’s family seems to be perversely happy about this horrifying turn of events, conveniently seeing it as God’s plan.
And building fires are caused by faulty wiring, improper disposal of smoking butts, chemicals stored improperly, appliances left on, etc. Not acts of God. You’re NTJ for wanting a wedding do-over. I wouldn’t blame you or anyone else for wanting a re-do after such a disaster.
You might, however, not want to invite your husband’s family. Even if they had nothing to do with the fire, they are acting horribly spiteful and cruel.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t call it a wedding, call it a Renewal of Vows, and schedule it for a meaningful anniversary (5 years would be in 2024).
That gives everyone time to plan if they wish to attend, and it’s a good way to celebrate with friends and family. Your in-laws sound horrible. I would not worry about them, I would do what you and your husband want to do. If you want to spend the money, that’s your decision!
Calling it a Renewal of Vows is a more socially acceptable way to have this celebration. Schedule it for your 5th Anniversary, and have fun!” rohnoitsrutroh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your real wedding is unique and has an amazing story. The purpose of the wedding is to imprint on us subconsciously that “this is a big deal”.
Marriage is a big deal. The start of your marriage is worth celebrating. A pretend dress-up has no meaning. To have a make-believe repeat is to devalue what was so special – as if it’s just a pageant and not something genuine with meaning.
You had your wedding. Unfortunately, you didn’t have a reception so you missed the speeches and dancing. Have a first-anniversary reception and do it then (but not in a wedding dress).” PattersonsOlady
1. AITJ For Counting The Money My Mom Gave Me?
“Recently I have sort of been in the habit of counting my money. I’m usually a trusting person but someone once shorted me $100 and acted like they did not. My mom said it is wise to always count it no matter who it is.
My mom and I went shopping yesterday and it turns out the place we went didn’t take cash, so she asked me to pay with my card and she would give me the cash. It was around $80, which she gave me the cash for.
I ended up counting it to be safe, and she got really angry about it. I told her I just wanted to make sure and she also counts her money so I don’t see why it was such a big deal. Also, she’s the one who gave me the advice to do so.
I feel like she thinks I don’t trust her, and do I feel bad for making her think that, but it’s not even about that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mistakes can happen accidentally, so counting money protects both of you. I’ve been given more than was due in the past and counting the money right away allowed us to correct it.” Spirit_Falcon
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ here. Regardless of intent, mistakes happen. Your mother just as easily could have overpaid you. I once caught a mistake a CVS cashier made making change. Had I let it slide, she would have been liable for the $12 she PAID me for the beer.” VerendusAudeo
Another User Comments:
“You probably don’t know this because you are young, but it’s rude to count money directly in front of the person right after they handed it to you. People usually count it in their car or away from the person afterward.
Otherwise, it comes across like you don’t trust them.” [deleted]
