People Try To Protect Their Image In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Inviting A Friend To My Friend's Engagement Party To Expose Her Fiancé's Affair?
“I (23F) have been friends with Jenette (22F) for 4 years now, and Jeanette is engaged to Jake (23M). She’s kind, funny, and has always been a supportive friend to me.
However, I’ve never liked her fiancé, Jake (23M). Jake and I have never gotten along, I felt like he wasn’t a good match for her. He’s the type to make rude jokes, flirt too openly, and has a horrible ego.
Although I’ve tried to tell Jeanette gently that her finance was not the best, I didn’t have any concrete reasons he was a jerk, just my intuition so I kept most of my thoughts to myself for a while because Jeanette was so happy with him.
I’d assumed they might break up eventually.
When they announced their engagement, I was happy for her but deep down, I felt like it was a mistake. Last weekend was their engagement party at their apartment, and I have to admit I went into it feeling petty.
I invited a good friend of mine Clara, who Jake had once hit on before he and Jeanette got serious. I didn’t have a plan to “trap” him per se, but I wasn’t exactly innocent either because I knew in my gut that Jake would do something.
Neither Clara nor Jeanette was aware of this.
Sure enough, Jake gravitated toward Clara almost immediately. Clara told me he’d been flirting heavily and even suggested they sneak off together. I told Clara it was up to her what to do and Clara decided to approach Jeanette directly and tell her everything.
However, Clara told Jeanette AT the party. Jeanette stayed calm and asked Clara to lead Jake to their bedroom, where she waited. Jake took the bait, and Jeanette caught him in the act and it was impossible for him to argue that he had pure intentions.
It was a whole mess. Jeanette threw Jake out, and the party ended in tears and chaos. Now, Jeanette is depressed and furious. As of now, she hasn’t suspected that I brought Clara to the party on purpose as she’s dealing with the fallout and I haven’t had the guts to admit that I brought Clara on purpose.
I feel awful for how it all unfolded, but I feel like Jeanette deserved to find out before she committed to him. That being said, I can’t deny that I went into the situation knowing it might blow up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a little bit like a sting.
Jake was predisposed to being unfaithful, and he jumped at the chance, no entrapment was needed. However, you did bring “the temptation/Clara” to the party where he was caught, believing that he would not have the smarts to keep it in his pants. You were right.
At this point, I would suggest that you were a Righteous Jerk. You should probably delete the post and never tell Jeannette **why** you brought Clara to the party. I applaud you, but Jeannette’s emotional state may be too raw to understand what you did.” RoswellRedux
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here and do NOT tell anyone you did this. Take it to the grave. I understand why you did it but it was a jerk move to do so. Your poor friend just got humiliated in front of everyone. Now it’s her ex’s fault for humiliating her but you did set her up for it.
Regardless, be there for her now and support her. Do not tell anyone ever” Hour-Membership-6831
23. AITJ For Advocating For My Fiancée's Son's Wishes Over Her Own?
“My fiancée (29) and I (28M) have been together for two years. For the most part, things are really good. She has a son (8M) from a previous relationship.
The dad isn’t involved. Together we’re our little family unit.
The issue is over the son’s recent birthday party. He’s having trouble in school and has been made a target. My fiancée and I have both talked to the school.
They give the same lip service. I suggested changing schools, but my fiancée says no school’s perfect.
The son wanted a small birthday party. Nothing major. He just wanted to spend the day with us at a park. My fiancée instead made him invite his entire class and planned a big day.
Not a single child came. It was just us with trays of food and a bunch of birthday decorations. Waiting was the worst part. He’s had some rough days, but I’ve never seen him so down. He was humiliated. It bothered me, and I felt something needed to be said.
My fiancée and I talked that night, and I stated that I thought we should’ve listened to what the son wanted instead of pushing a big party. She believed that I should be supporting her and said it was not my place to interfere with matters involving her son.
There was an emphasis on “her son.” Our talk turned into a big argument.
Her comment was a blow. I realize I’m not the bio dad, but I’m the constant male figure in his life. We’ve grown close. I’m the one who has those serious talks with him, I’m someone he asks for advice, who drops him off at school and picks him up, I help him with homework, engage in his interests, show up on outings, etc. I might not be his bio dad but don’t treat me like some uninvolved bystander.
My fiancée was always popular in school. She doesn’t relate. I know what it’s like to be unwanted in a room. I know what it’s like to hate being in the school hall. My fiancée just believes he needs to try harder to assert himself.
There’s still some tension between my fiancée and myself. Thanksgiving was awkward, which is ironic since it’s supposed to be about thankfulness. The son has started to notice the rift and asked about it.
My fiancée feels I overstepped. I feel differently.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancee completely overlooked what her son wanted and made it worse for him. That poor child, his heart must’ve broken so much when no one showed up. What was she thinking? She knew what he was going through and still went ahead with HER wishes.
I don’t care if she was popular in school. Her son is different, and she needs to realize that before she pushes more of her moronic ideas on him. And I hate the fact that she used the “her son” card. What are you then?
I’m sorry, but she is completely unreasonable. If you do not get to have any opinions about “her son,” then why is she OK with you being a father figure to him? My opinion is that she realized that she messed up and now she’s trying to save face.
And that sucks because she is proving to be quite immature. She should’ve accepted the fact that she was in the wrong instead of challenging your position in the boy’s life. That poor boy. I feel so bad for him.” WoodlandElf90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are advocating for a kid who made his wishes known and then had a massively humiliating experience when they weren’t honored. You don’t even have to be a parent to do that kind of advocating. Just a freaking human who cares about the kids.
Supporting her doesn’t mean lining up behind what she wants to do. It means having her back as she figures out that maybe sometimes she needs to do something different. Also, it doesn’t mean just going along when you know or strongly believe she’s wrong.
It means speaking up so that she can take another look at situations and think about making a different choice in the future. And frankly… sometimes it is very okay to NOT try harder to assert yourself. He’ll likely end up with a few solid friends who will mean a lot more than the level of friendship he could have with several people at once.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“It’s funny isn’t it, her child, her rules, and yet you’re expected to undertake parental activities and provide parental financial support. She cannot have it both ways. She doesn’t want to put her child first, to ensure that he doesn’t end up a statistic of some sort, such a silly woman.
Are you planning to have children with her? If you are, how will that work? Will she expect you to treat him to the same things you treat your child(ren) or will he be segregated? I suspect it’s time for ‘the discussion’. NTJ” East_Parking8340
22. AITJ For Refusing To Eat At My Sister-In-Law's After She Served Gluten To My Gluten-Intolerant Husband?
“It’s no secret that my husband doesn’t eat wheat or gluten. My brother asks if restaurants have any food he can eat before suggesting we go there. We bring our dishes to home-cooked meals if it’s something he can’t eat.
He declines foods he can’t have and states it’s because of the gluten. He doesn’t make it his whole personality, but he doesn’t dance around it when it comes up.
For Thanksgiving yesterday, we volunteered to bring the dressing (stuffing) and some cornbread so it would be gluten-free.
When discussing the meal prior, my sister-in-law asked if my husband was able to eat sweet potato casserole. We asked if it was just sweet potatoes and marshmallow. She said that and butter. He said that he’d need to take some dairy pills first (lactose intolerant too), but otherwise, it should be fine, and that dairy doesn’t make him sick the way gluten does.
Again, reminding s-i-l about his intolerance. The day before Thanksgiving, my son wanted me to confirm there would be sweet potatoes because he was looking forward to them. I texted and asked, and she said yes, but she was adding walnuts as well. No big deal.
So it came to pass that my husband got a serving of sweet potatoes. Something seemed off, so he asked if there was flour. Yes, there was. And her tone seemed smug to both of us. Made an already awkward meal even more awkward, and we excused ourselves soon after.
Here’s where I’m questioning if I’d be a jerk for refusing to eat there ever again. She’s taken on the majority of the responsibility for my aging mother. She has Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s Dementia. She’s been having more frequent and longer-lasting episodes of confusion and anger.
There’s a caretaker there throughout the day, but she’s responsible overnight, which means getting up multiple times a night to change diapers or reassure and comfort. I know s-i-l is under a lot of stress. And it’s possible we misinterpreted her tone when she told us about the flour.
So WIBTJ if I never eat another meal there?”
Another User Comments:
“I am curious, why is responsibility for your aging mother falling on your SIL but her kids, you and your brother not taking any responsibility for her overnight care? Is your SIL also working part-time or full-time?
Knowing how much she has on her plate, why did you not offer to host and you can cook food that your husband can eat? Your SIL is sleep-deprived. Both you and your brother should be asking SIL how to reduce her burden.” No_Cockroach4248
Another User Comments:
“This woman is wiping your mom’s bum and comforting her through the night. Before complaining about anything, you need to step up and split those duties. It doesn’t matter if you have work in the morning, it shouldn’t be left to your brother’s wife.” pnwwaterfallwoman
Another User Comments:
“This seems like a nuclear response. Especially considering the caretaker role she has. With that extra workload, I’m surprised she was even hosting. Instead of blowing up the relationship and never going over for dinner, why aren’t you offering to host so you have control over food?
Why stay quiet when she mentioned the flour, instead of mentioning something? It could have been an honest mistake and she didn’t realize. Just talk with each other. If you didn’t say anything at the moment, left, and now will never join them for a dinner get-together you would be the jerk.
Also, I’m confused about why you are driving this boycott, not your husband who is impacted by this.” FutureOdd2096
21. AITJ For Keeping The Household Money After An Argument With My Mom?
“I am 31(F) and currently living with my parents. (traditional household)
For the past 10 years, I have been working, mostly alone, for the household.
My mom is a stay-at-home wife and my dad retired young.
Recently, I got into an argument due to my mom’s indecisiveness. She would plan a whole day, with the expectation that I would drive her around and then, at the last minute, change her mind.
This makes me angry because I would usually cancel my plans to accommodate her.
We had an argument about it and I expressed how I felt. She said that if that’s how I felt then I shouldn’t take her grocery shopping. I said that was okay and my brother could then take her and I could stay at home.
Now, usually, I go to the ATM, draw the case,h and then give it to her so that she can pay when we go shopping however this time, I wired it to my brother so that he can help her.
She told me that she didn’t want money from me anymore and then asked my brother to wire it back.
It’s been a week, and in silent rebellion, I have not given back the money, nor drawn it. Nor did I have the time and capacity to do the grocery shopping for the house this week due to work.
She and my brother have not spoken to me this entire week.
She does not cook at home because of the lack of groceries and I have been having small meals at work.
This has been going on for 10 years, we would argue and she would throw back what I do or give back into my face.
This is just the first time that I held on to the money.
WIBTJ if I just kept it?”
Another User Comments:
“Is this a traditional Asian household by chance where the children are expected to stay and take care of the parents? If so, Mom sees that is being disrespectful of how you were treating her.
Otherwise, she’s being very rude and expecting you to drop everything to take care of her and do things for her and then flake on you at the last minute. You have every right to be upset and tell her so she acting like a child throwing a tantrum, but she did not get her way.
I recommend that you find a place or a roommate and move out so she cannot continue to play these mental and emotional mind games.” Unsuccessful-fly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly I think you may have to double down for a few days. You seem like a good daughter and it is not unreasonable to expect her to try and talk it out with you.
But in all honesty, if you’re living in her house rent free it’s not unexpected for her to throw fits every so often over nothing. Such is the hardship of dealing with older parents.” Ok_Independence_7284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of a lot of responsibility for your family for a long time, and this situation is about more than just grocery money—it’s about boundaries and respect.
It’s entirely reasonable for you to feel frustrated when your time and efforts are taken for granted, especially when you’re sacrificing your own plans to accommodate your mom’s indecisiveness. That frustration seems to have built up over the years, and this might be the breaking point.
Your mom’s response to the situation feels manipulative, particularly when she asked your brother to wire the money back instead of addressing the underlying issue. Silent treatments and refusing to cook as a form of protest don’t seem constructive—they just escalate the conflict and leave you in a worse position.
It’s unfair for them to expect you to always step up without acknowledging your contributions or giving you space to prioritize your own needs. Keeping the money isn’t about being petty—it’s about asserting a boundary. For 10 years, you’ve been the default provider, and it’s not unreasonable for you to take a step back and allow others in the household to take on some of the load.
If your mom and brother choose to disengage instead of finding a solution, that’s on them—not you. Ultimately, you’re not a jerk for wanting a more balanced and respectful dynamic within your family. Maybe this situation can be a starting point for a deeper conversation about how to redistribute responsibilities and foster mutual respect.
You’ve given so much; it’s okay to prioritize yourself for once.” User
20. AITJ For Leaving My Birthday Dinner After My Partner Surprised Me With My Estranged Parents?
“My partner (26M) and I (23M) have been together for a little over eight months, and in early November it was my birthday. I was excited, as it was the first time we were going to be spending either of our birthdays together, and he had spent all of October teasing a ‘surprise’ he was planning.
Now, for context, I should mention I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. He knows this, and we have spoken in detail about why that is the case. My parents are out of my life and have been for the past two years, he knows all this.
Because of my relationship with my parents, for the last couple of years, I spent my birthday with my best friend, who I consider family. So, when my partner let it slip on my birthday that the surprise he had planned was a family dinner, I had sort of assumed it meant my sister and her husband, and my friend and her partner.
I was wrong.
The surprise he had planned was flying in my parents from a whole different city. I was confused as to why he would bring them, but I might have overreacted, I don’t think I even stayed there for more than thirty minutes before I walked out of the restaurant and drove home.
I don’t really remember much of it, I just couldn’t sit there and listen to my parents belittle me while my partner was sitting there.
The next day, my partner showed up at my place. I knew we were going to talk about the previous day, but I guess I was expecting him to apologize.
He didn’t. Instead, he got angry at me for ‘ruining the surprise’ he had been planning for a long time, and he said he just wanted to give me a chance to have a normal relationship with my parents. I understand where he is coming from, I guess, but I really didn’t appreciate the way he went about it.
I told him this, and he wasn’t really receptive. He just said that as my partner he had a right to want to know my parents.
I can really see what he means, but I can’t help to still feel like I’m owed an apology.
So, am I the jerk for ruining my birthday surprise?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner AND your parents are. The only people that ruined anything were your parents and your partner. Instead of making up with you your parents continue their bad behaviour. Instead of standing up for you, your partner allows their bad behavior.
Your partner does NOT have a right to know your parents when you removed them from your life. Then instead of seeing what terrible people they are, your partner thinks you still need to have a “normal” relationship with them. You deserve a man, not a bratty little boy who thinks you did anything wrong.
Give yourself an early Christmas present and dump him.” AellaReeves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This boy (not even a man) reeks of some sort of savior complex or something where he feels the need to step in and “do what’s right for you” instead of respecting your wishes.
It’s just feeding his own ego and the fantasy in his head. This will be something he will always do. I don’t like saying dump him…but dump him (even if he does try to apologize). You can do so much better. And you deserve so much better!” silly_panda_105
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner is giving very entitled/controlling vibes. Sure, he “has the right to want to know them” (lol) just as much as anyone has the right to *want* anything. I *want* to meet a bunch of famous people and I sure as heck have the right to want it, but I’m not going to become a stalker to make it happen.
Is this a relationship ender? Probably, especially given his lack of remorse and understanding that what he did was very much out of line.” This_Grab_452
This is ALL about you submitting and knowing your place. Cut the lot of them off and find people who are actually worth your time.
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner And Kids After Surgery?
“I 33f live with my partner of 2 years and my 2 kids from a previous relationship. I had nerve surgery 5 days ago and today I have been in terrible pain alternating Tylenol and ibuprofen has not been fun. Anyway, my partner works nights and I try to keep our kids quiet and be quiet myself so he can sleep there have been times when he’s slept for 14 hrs because I just thought he was tired and needed the rest. So he woke up and at 4 I asked him if it was okay if I laid down to rest was in a ton of pain and didn’t feel good.
He kissed me and said of course and I lay down.
For about an hour I browsed TikTok and then tried to sleep at 5 when I’m usually sleepy. He started dinner shortly after 5 and the whole time the kids were running playing tag screaming and slamming doors.
For a bit, the screaming was outside my bedroom door. And I told the kids they have areas where they can scream and be crazy the upstairs and their rooms. I can’t close my bedroom door all the way because all the animals want in and out of my room.
When 6 pm rolled around they were still screaming and slamming doors. My partner is ignoring the noise e cooking. I come out and go in the kitchen crying asking why nobody is considerate of my feelings and needs. I made it clear I needed rest for him and the kids and asked if it was okay to lie down.
My partner then said he was finishing dinner and it was ready almost. I then yelled I don’t care that he cooked and when he’s tired he gets to sleep and then I laid back down. AITJ for yelling at everyone. I did come out and apologize for yelling and crying to my partner and kids.
I also explained to them that I don’t care if they played but they don’t need to scream and slam doors to play tag and again there are places in the house we gave them. But now my partner is angry with me and wants to talk later.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have yelled, but you did apologize. If this were my (ex) husband, he would have thought he deserved a medal for cooking dinner and therefore I should be super thankful. He would have never once thought of the kids screaming.
He would have called that cooking AND watching the kids. Next time, you’ll have to tell your kids you expect them to be quiet while you’re resting, just like they do when Dad is resting. Hoping you feel better soon.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“There probably could’ve been healthier ways for you to communicate that you were upset, but terrible physical pain can make people have less control of their emotions. You’re not the jerk at all. Just someone who’s been going through a lot lately, with just recently having surgery, and had a very hard day that was filled with terrible pain.
I can understand why you’d be so upset about not being able to go to sleep, and considering what you’re dealing with I understand your initial reaction. And if you’ve had this “please be respectful of noise when I’m trying to go to sleep” conversation with your husband and kids before, I understand your reaction even more.” CallMePepper7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and in pain after surgery, especially when it seems like your needs aren’t being respected. You asked for reasonable accommodation—a little quiet so you could rest and recover—and it sounds like your partner and kids didn’t fully appreciate how important that was.
Pain and exhaustion can make anyone more emotional, so your reaction makes sense given the circumstances. Your partner might not realize the level of discomfort you’re in or how much rest you need to heal. The fact that he was cooking dinner is thoughtful, but it doesn’t excuse ignoring the noise or helping the kids understand the importance of being quiet.
This isn’t just about being considerate; it’s about supporting you in a time when you’re vulnerable and need help. The way you apologized to everyone and explained your feelings afterward shows a lot of maturity and self-awareness. Communication is key here. When you talk with your partner later, it might help to calmly explain how the noise and lack of support made you feel and what you need moving forward.
Be clear that you’re not dismissing his efforts with dinner, but you need him to prioritize quiet for your rest. You’re not the jerk for snapping under these circumstances. You’re human, and surgery recovery is tough. Hopefully, this conversation can lead to better understanding and a more supportive environment while you heal.” User
18. AITJ For Buying My Nieces And Nephews Cheap Plastic Toys Instead Of Expensive Ones?
“I (25F) have four nieces and nephews ranging from newborn to 7 years old. They all love Christmas and getting gifts. They’re all also born in December, so it’s a double whammy of presents in December.
I only earn £1400 a month- it’s enough for me to get buy on and save a little bit on, but it’s not earth-shattering money.
December rolls around every year and it’s incredibly expensive but it is what it is.
I’ve tried buying them all the beautiful wooden toys and thoughtful presents – think gorgeous “baby’s first Christmas” gift sets from places like the White Company, personalized first Christmas books, personalized storybooks, and gift sets.
They always get destroyed.
The baby’s first Christmas set ended up on vinted (it cost me £55!!!!), the books ended up ripped or drawn in, and the pieces of the toys got lost.
I’ve given up. They get cheap plastic junk now. I don’t have the money to spend on really lovely gifts that then get ruined or lost within a few weeks.
Even now things like the Barbie I’ve bought my eldest niece will be lost within a week, the hair will be cut off. They have so many toys they can’t keep them nice and neat anymore.
My dad and sisters have gone crazy at me.
They’ve said plastic toys are so bad for the environment, they just clutter up the house and they don’t add anything to the kid’s lives.
I just don’t see the point in spending a huge amount of money for them to ruin things.
I go to places like Home Bargains and B&M, use Amazon deals to do all my shopping because if I’m wasting money I’d rather be wasting £100 overall than the £500 I used to spend.
My family says it’s low effort, I’m not thinking of the kids or what they may like and instead, I’m thinking of my wallet.
But I just don’t see what the difference between a £10 plastic bus and a £50 wooden bus is other than the fact it’s wood. I’ve got them some other bits but I feel like my efforts are being shot down because I don’t have enough money to spoil them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re putting thought into your gifts within your budget, which is what truly counts. Gifts aren’t about matching price tags but about the sentiment. If you’re feeling pressured to go beyond your means, that’s not fair to you.
The emphasis should be on the joy of giving, not the cost. Consider giving gifts that encourage creativity or learning that don’t need to be expensive, like art supplies or science kits, which can be found at reasonable prices and can provide lasting educational value.
Remember, you’re under no obligation to fulfill extravagant wishes, especially when it’s not reciprocated or appreciated to the extent it should be.” Low-Bella
Another User Comments:
“They’re little kids. They don’t have a longing for wooden toys over plastic ones. They don’t care about quality or the aesthetic.
Gifts just need to be child-safe and age-appropriate. And buying something expensive doesn’t signal more love or more thought, just more disposable income. Your family shouldn’t expect you to struggle to buy children expensive gifts. So, putting aside that we’re all jerks for what we do to the planet, NTJ for this specific conflict.
That said, you could always buy books. Cloth books for the younger ones. Write meaningful inscriptions in the books for the older ones. Better for the planet that they trash a paper book than a plastic Barbie, I guess.” AncastaOfTheRiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but have you considered buying 2nd hand toys instead of new ones?
Or gifting an experience (trip to the animal sanctuary/museum/movies) over something material? One of the most successful gifts I’ve given my daughter is a bucket of rocks I used pen paints to draw characters from her social media. There are other options other than buying new plastic that will be future landfill” Helen_forsdale.
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother And His Wife For Freeloading Off Our Mom?
“My Brother Matt, (44M) and his wife Michelle, (44F) lived with my Mom (65F) for 5 years up until a few months ago.
In that time they started renovations on her house and never finished them, neither of them worked or paid bills of any kind. They have a history of starting problems just to play the victims. With that in mind: Last weekend it was put in a family chat that my nephews and niece would need help with heavy lifting to fix my brother’s mistakes.
We were all busy with our stuff, which led Michelle to put the following message in the group chat:
“Someone, other than my husband, needs to show up and help Mom on Sunday! Matt is the oldest kid and is forced to help more than the rest of you, combined!
A combination of time and his work ethic has not been kind to his body. He is in too much pain to go dammit! Unless he gets better we are going to freeze this winter. But that isn’t your worry. Helping out Mom, however, IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!
It is officially not all on Matt’s shoulders. He has been carrying all of your water for long enough. Don’t bother to respond to me because I ain’t listening. Spend time telling Mom when to expect you and let Matt’s back heal!”
This is where I might be the jerk, I typed a long response to them, against the wishes of the rest of my family, and I called them out. This is the message:
“I feel like Matt got enough rest in the 5 years you two freeloaded at Mom’s and then cried when she finally asked you to pull your weight.
And I feel like his life would be a whole lot easier (and likely longer) if he weren’t hammered every night. But God forbid I call him a heavy drinker. And maybe your arthritis would feel better if you didn’t numb it by being high 24/7.
Your constant need to be the victim of SOMETHING is exhausting. Get over yourself”
Since then I’ve gotten constant messages from my Mom and my other sister (42F) telling me to apologize to them, but I’ve refused. I most likely ruined Christmas for my family, but I think I was justified”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go soft YTJ because I think your point would have come across better if you simply stuck to the facts regarding the prior living situation, not having to pay rent, etc. I would think a reasonable person would expect to physically help out more in exchange for the free room and board.
But unfortunately, not everyone is reasonable and you can’t change anybody and your mother is probably trying to be a peacemaker.” MrsRetiree2Be
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their behavior is so atrocious, tearing up your Mom’s house and leaving it that way, after using her generosity for five years.
Your tone was pretty aggressive, but you just stated the facts and your opinion about it. I’m not sure why people are not saying NTJ. Do they think the world runs best when everybody just cowers down and allows themselves to be used? You’ve upset your Mom, but that doesn’t mean you are in the wrong.” MishoneIsMyFavorite
Another User Comments:
“All of her children fighting and bickering and being so unproductive as a team must be having a terrible effect on your mother. Your brother and his wife behave deplorably but so do you. My advice is to put your bashing of each other aside and come together for the sake of your mother.
She should be living her life in a comfortable and functional home and not be burdened by her dysfunctional children. If projects were started and not finished, FINISH THEM. No one should be bringing their life issues into her home and freeloading off of her.
You are ALL of an age where you need to take ownership of your life problems. You all created this mess and your mother is stuck in the middle. Get unbusy, and make time to fix these problems, once and for all. If you can’t learn to behave civilly, then all future holidays will be ruined. Is that the life you all want to live?
Stop behaving like a bunch of teenagers and put the well-being of your mother ahead of your egos for a few.” Aggressive_Cattle320
16. AITJ For Considering Leaving My Irresponsible Father Homeless?
“I (23) moved back into my dad’s (50) house in June, I moved back home after an incident and I called him, and he told me to leave and come back home.
I have been jobless since, despite looking, but I had savings. I haven’t received any money from him, though I haven’t paid a single bill since I’ve been here. I do have a job now I recently started this month.
My dad is the present but absent father type.
He works in Europe. When I was a child, I would see him for a weekend every few weeks and it’s varied all my life. Sometimes weeks distance, sometimes months.
July rolls around, and the landlord has decided she wants to sell the home and wants us to leave by the end of September.
My dad opened this notice and shoved it in the back of a cupboard. He likes to pretend things don’t happen. He is a very hard man to talk to about anything. Defensive, narcissistic, victim mentality all of that jazz. We suggested he contact the council and fill in an application form and it said they would get back to him in 28 days.
A month later when he checked, it turned out he never pressed the submit button. So he had to submit it then the landlord was generous enough to extend the notice by 2 months. During this time I have been trying to find private rented places.
After trying to get information out of him, to no avail, and him complaining saying he doesn’t even want a home in the UK, I started looking for 1 room places, After he found this out, he decided to then shower a bunch of info.
In which I felt bad and turned down a place to go with him. We found one, it went well up until the referencing process. I found out he has terrible credit and is in A lot of debt. When I asked about this he got defensive.
We lost the place a few weeks back. We were due to leave on 23/11/24. He was meant to sort out storage this weekend, and I was going to stay with one of my sisters. He did nothing. He slept the whole weekend. Decided to wait til the landlord wanted to take him to court.
He was meant to stay home from work this week to sort it out but he went away to Europe without even a text. I found out when I texted him.
Today, I was offered a 1 bedroom flat. I am very tempted to take it.
He is 50 and he doesn’t seem to know how to do anything for himself. He constantly runs away from his problems and gets angry. If we go into a place, it is going to have to be in my name. I am not interested nor prepared to have bailiffs or any of his debt for that matter at the door that’s under my name.
Now don’t get me wrong, I will let him stay at the flat when he’s home til he can sort his life.
I just feel terrible doing this as it would leave him homeless.”
Another User Comments:
“He sounds depressed. Do what you can to help your father.
3 reasons why: He did it for you when you couldn’t do anything for yourself. Who knows one day you could be depressed and he may return the favor. Being the strong one in the family during a time like this could make you feel good about yourself and gain some respect from the people around you.” Electronic_Carpet539
Another User Comments:
“YTJ He certainly made numerous mistakes that you’ve laid out, but at the end of the day he took you in when you had no money and needed a place to stay, and now that you’re in the same position, you’re showing callousness where he showed generosity.
His irresponsibility and mistakes don’t change that. He could easily live with you under the same conditions you lived with him and simply not have him on the lease. He’s not asking you to pay his debts.” BaseWrock
15. AITJ For Wanting To Skip Both Family Thanksgivings To Prioritize My Mental Health?
“My mom and sister got into a huge fight last December, which led to them having no contact for the past six months. Without getting into too many details, it was bad—harsh words were exchanged (arguably justifiable, depending on the perspective).
As a result, my mom refuses to be in the same room as my sister, and things have been really tense and awkward in my family ever since.
Meanwhile, my partner’s family is also hosting Thanksgiving. For context, we’ve been together for three years and agreed to alternate holidays—this year is supposed to be Thanksgiving with his parents and Christmas with mine.
However, I’ve already spent every Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family since we started our relationship, making time for mine when possible. I tend to be a people pleaser and often put others’ needs above my own, but recently, I decided I needed to stop doing that for the sake of my mental health.
Here’s where it gets tricky: I’m on the spectrum and have really bad anxiety. Just thinking about Thanksgiving this year—whether it’s facing my family drama or answering questions about it at his family’s gathering—feels completely overwhelming. I don’t have it in me to deal with the questions, the tension, or the emotions that come with it.
What I do want is to stay home, have a quiet day with our animals, and take care of myself. I’m talking self-care: reading, taking a bath, maybe even treating myself to a seafood boil. I feel the same way about Christmas, though maybe that will change in what little time there’s left in the year.
I told my partner he’s more than welcome to celebrate with his family—and I mean that wholeheartedly—but I just can’t do it this year. He understands, but I can tell he’s a bit disappointed since it’s a break from tradition.
So, AITJ for wanting to skip both families’ Thanksgiving and just stay home this year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you owe it to anyone to go visit for the holidays, although you aren’t going to make any friends by not going. One thought though regarding moving forward… if you end up deciding your anxiety is too much and you don’t go this year, when next year comes around you will probably be feeling as anxious or even worse after having skipped a year.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as someone who has dealt with many intolerable thanksgivings, you 100% do not have to, even if you were a teenager (for all those kids out there struggling with the same thing). I did Thanksgiving with my dad’s side 2 years in a row because of other family visiting and whatnot.
Both times ended up really bad, especially last year when my brother and dad almost had a physical altercation. I decided to stay with my mom this year and maybe even next, but my partner isn’t going to her Thanksgiving this year because of other bad reasons.
So we’re both gonna spend Thanksgiving with my mom. Do what helps with your mental health, if you get overwhelmed just thinking about it, that’s your gut telling you not to go, so listen to it and don’t feel like a jerk.
You did what you had to do to take care of yourself.” Strawberry_314159
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thanksgiving is my least favorite day of the year. We went to my family’s every year until my abusive father died. The tension every year was toxic.
My mother cooked herself to exhaustion, and my father got angry at someone and gave them the silent treatment. We haven’t done it in 10 years and it still affects me. Break that pattern now for your health. As someone too afraid to break away trust me you need to do this.
My spouse and children are awesome and therapy has helped me a lot. Enjoy your celebrations.” gastritisgirl24
14. AITJ For Giving My Roommate A Deadline To Pay Her Share Of The Bills?
“I(24f) moved into a two-bedroom with a (27f) couple months ago. The bedrooms are very different in size and since they helped me move in I initially was okay with taking the smaller bedroom however I felt she and her partner kind of pressured me into it.
It’s like a master bedroom versus an office space. As I was trying to move my stuff in I noticed how difficult was to fit my stuff and decided to ask my roommate if they were willing to pay a little more in rent to have the bigger room and if that didn’t work offered to take the bigger room and pay more.
They ignored me for a couple and days and then immediately started to move their stuff into the big room. I had to confront them for them to stop and talk about it and she said she’d pay a little upfront but that she didn’t think it was fair to pay more every month.
I was annoyed but ultimately agreed. Then things got worse. The bills (not rent) are in my name which is dumb I know but I knew her and she agreed to just Venmo me each month. It has been two months and she has not paid me back for any of the utilities or wifi.
She avoids me when I try to talk to her in person and only will have a conversation over text. She makes excuses as to why she doesn’t have the money but never takes accountability. I’ve had to ask multiple times about when she plans on paying me and the date keeps getting pushed back.
I’m working almost full time and in school and I’m not working to defray her costs and her seeming to not care or take responsibility makes me upset. I told her that I needed the money by the end of the month. Am I in the right here?”
Another User Comments:
“Have the wifi turned off or change the password and do not give it to them until she has paid in full for ALL utilities. I bet she comes up with the money pretty fast. No internet if you aren’t paying. I would also talk to the landlord about moving out.
There are 2 of them and 1 of you, they should be able to pay their share.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is she on the lease? If it’s just you, start eviction processes. She’s not keeping up her end of the bargain from the very beginning.
It’s only going to get worse. You’re supporting 3 people on your own. If the utilities are in your name, the router would be coming with me to work at the very least. Don’t let this get worse. The more money they owe you, the harder it will be to get it back.” No-Broccoli-5932
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You shouldn’t even have to do that, she should act like an adult and pay her bills, but unfortunately you are stuck with it now, so giving her a deadline is your best option. She has excuses… who cares? Not your problem and not your job to act as essentially her zero-interest credit card.
Get on this ASAP, the larger the amount grows, the less likely it is that you will get paid back.” Tdluxon
13. AITJ For Requesting To Change Tables Due To A Noisy Diner At A Restaurant?
“This happened on Saturday night and my significant other calls me a jerk.
She and I went out for an early dinner before our plans. It’s been a while since we got to go out to eat together because one of us is usually working on Saturdays since we both work retail. We went out to a higher-mid-tier Italian restaurant.
Not like fine dining but better than Olive Garden.
We were sat in a room that only had one other table. It was 5 people. It looked like a family and one of them was a mentally disabled adult. We were served our water and were seated for maybe 4 minutes before this person started making a bunch of sounds.
Screeching, groaning, and banging his hands on the table. We ordered our drinks while this continued. I noticed the other rooms were fairly empty. We received our drinks and didn’t order appetizers yet.
Before we ordered, I got up and found our server. I asked if it was possible to move to a different room.
I told her it’s completely fine if she can’t move us and we understand but I thought I’d ask. She did move us.
My significant other reluctantly moved. Once we sat down she went OFF on me for what I did. I said it’s been a while since we got to have a nice dinner together and I didn’t want to deal with the noise.
I said I wish that family the best of luck but I don’t think we were required to sit there if we didn’t need to. She went on about how that family probably struggles so much doing things in public and I should have been empathetic.
She said I probably really embarrassed/hurt them.
I told her that I do hope for the best for that family but at the same time how they interpreted us moving tables isn’t our problem and we don’t owe it to that table of strangers to stay at the first table just to preserve their feelings.
I’m sure they deal with this a lot. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think in some instances, you would have been the jerk for asking to move, but not here. The family was probably relieved to have the room to themselves where they didn’t have to worry as much about the behavior of their relative, and it sounds like it was no strain on the restaurant to move you.
At the same time, your significant other is not a jerk for being sensitive to their position and worrying about how your move would be perceived.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact the person was disabled is irrelevant to your decision to move. They were making your dining experience–which should have been peaceful and enjoyable–highly unpleasant.
The other family chose to go out to dinner, knowing that the behavior of one of the people in their party would likely be disruptive for others and they went anyway. You are certainly not the jerk for politely and discreetly asking the server to move you to a quieter room.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your significant other’s logic is that your feelings/comfort are not as important as those of some strangers who you’ll never see again? Why? I understand wanting to be compassionate, but that doesn’t mean that you have to ruin your night out and be miserable *in case* your moving *might* make some random strangers feel bad (which she doesn’t even know for sure, she’s assuming quite a lot).
It sounds like you handled it very well. Your significant other is the one out of line here.” wisewoman707
12. AITJ For Hiding My Kitchenware From My Family Due To Lack Of Cleaning?
“When I (26F) moved out for college, I had to buy my kitchenware, nothing fancy just Walmart appliances (I was and am still broke).
My mom already owns a full set of metal pots and pans from a brand that cost her hundreds of dollars, but she gets mad when we use them (she barely does herself), so everyone uses my (1) nonstick pan and (1) nonstick pot 98% of the time.
My (18M) brother has been eating tons of eggs and greasy meats lately. He keeps leaving my pan with an inch of solidified grease on the stove every day and not cleaning it for almost two weeks straight. He claims it’s because he can’t throw away the hot grease and has to let it cool.
I said he could just use napkins to soak it up but cleaning his dishes has always been a contentious issue. He also left a whole pack of soggy ramen in the pot for over a day despite me telling him to throw it out.
I want to be able to cook myself dinner with my kitchenware without having to always clean up after him. Especially because washing those kinds of dishes gives me the ick.
Yesterday, I cleaned them both painstakingly and decided to put them away somewhere so they’ll be clean for my own use.
He called me petty for it, and maybe I am. I hate essentially punishing my other family members just because of him, but what else can I do when he won’t listen to anything I say/ask of him?
I told him to buy his pans and leave them dirty if he wanted or use Mom’s set.
I’m gonna move out again sooner rather than later so they won’t have access to my stuff anymore either.
For context, I have been living with them for 2+ years so I understand they are used to my communal items and I would be putting a potential small financial stress on them because of my feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I completely understand where you are coming from. Your mom should have bought a few cheap skillets and pans as well so y’all shouldn’t have to deal with just 1 of each to use. Skillets can be fairly cheap so it’s not unreasonable to tell your brother to buy his own.
At most, he might have to spend 20 dollars.” Material_Local_5997
Another User Comments:
“NTJ was gonna suggest putting them somewhere u can only get them till I saw you did that. If he wants cookware use the family stuff or buy his own :/ If he doesn’t see why this is an issue then he is being very immature.
I guarantee if u for example used his bed and left the sheets a mess he’d be annoyed or if u used a light in his room and then never turned it off that would be annoying especially if it’s as consistent as he is destroying your cookware.” Lunafreya10111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had this dilemma when living with roommates. I had decent pans, but they only had the cheapest and most poor-quality pans. I would cook for myself, eating it, and they would start to throw whatever was left in the pan (at least 2 reheatable meals for me) away, so they could wash my pan and use it.
I got mad at them, and their “excuse” was that I should put my stuff away after I used it, otherwise it was for use by anyone. I was so annoyed! Told them that I did not appreciate it and that I needed to plate up, (keep those plates in my room, just in case they saw it and wanted to eat it too), put my (still) hot food in containers, and into the fridge, clean up my pots & pans and put them away, and only then get to eating my (now cold) food.
That was ridiculous. They did not agree. So I decided to get out of there as fast as I could. I would no longer use my pans, or other utensils unless I knew for certain they weren’t going to be there. So my partner at the time and looked for a place to live together, and I got out.
Taking every good thing I had with me. And don’t ask me about the sandpaper they wanted to use. I had to buy my stuff and just take it with me whenever I had to go. Like going camping…” Zonnebloempje
11. AITJ For Not Attending Family Thanksgiving Because I'm Always Expected To Do The Dishes?
“This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving.
I (29M) live in the United States but my stepmom is Canadian and her mom always comes down from BC for the weekend to celebrate with a feast for my mostly American family.
To be honest, my “step-grandma”’s cooking is not good. And she is the most passive-aggressive person I have ever met.
Every year she makes such a big deal about how much work she put into her bland food and expects endless praise for her efforts. But I digress.
Every year at Canadian Thanksgiving, my husband and I are asked to do the dishes. It’s fine, we don’t mind it.
But the hard part is that we are guests, and we are the only people ever expected to help. At first, it was like “Okay we are the youngest, so that’s why.” but in the past few years, my stepmom’s nieces and nephews, all in their early 20s, were there,e and after dinner went in the hot tub.
Meanwhile, if I’m playing with my nephew I don’t get to see much, I hear from the kitchen my step-grandma say loudly “If only someone would help me with the dishes” and of course, my dad comes over and says “Hey can you guys help her with the dishes”.
I’m just sick of being the only one expected to help.
This is our second year living in a different city and about a month ago they asked if I was coming. I told them I wasn’t sure and later told them I wasn’t.
They offered to pay for our flights and I still said I couldn’t make it. Made up an excuse. But it’s the dishes. Again, don’t mind doing them, just sick of being the only person expected to help out while everyone else is socializing and hanging in the hot tub.
I have talked to my brothers (both older) and one agrees with me and the other thinks that’s a stupid reason. So I am wondering, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“If you go, have your bathing suit on under your regular clothes before dinner, and make sure your nephew does as well.
Then immediately as dinner ends, hit the hot tub. Be the first to leave the table. Don’t let the jerks win.” fancy_underpantsy
Another User Comments:
“Paper plates, plastic cups and cutlery. We did this to my mom. My SIL come over Thanksgiving and put all the china, glasses, and silver cutlery away.
She said that her daughter and daughters-in-law aren’t maids and we want to visit with the family too. Now everyone brings food and cleans up. Oh, my mom can’t cook without dirtying up every pot and pan and never cleans as she goes.” EquivalentBend9835
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a guest, clean-up should not automatically be your job. From the age of about 10 on, I was expected to always be in the kitchen for every holiday, no matter which relative’s house we were at. I was expected to help with the cooking and clean up.
Failure to do so was met with snarky comments about how it “must be nice” to have time to visit. Everyone else but the hostess was visiting and relaxing (the men rarely helped with anything, including my supposedly feminist brother), but I never got the option.
If I were hosting at my own house, once I was a married adult, they all stayed in the main room and I did all the work alone. I kept doing this because I wanted my family to like me and want me around. It took me years to get a clue.
I’m in my 60s now, and this still annoys me. If there were ONE thing I could go back and change, I’d stop attending all family holiday dinners once I was over 18. Make your holiday plans, or skip the holiday if you want, unless your family is willing to remove this “obligation” from your task list and let you be a guest in their home.” SingularEcho
10. AITJ For Pursuing Legal Action After My Friend Used My Savings Without Permission?
“I was part of a group savings scheme where my friend, “Jessica,” acted as the banker.
The group works by having each member deposit an agreed amount monthly, and when it’s your turn, you receive the full amount collected. Everyone has to trust each other, which is why these groups are usually made up of friends or family.
When it was my turn to receive the payout, Jessica contacted me on 1/9 to confirm the account details, but after that, things started to go wrong.
She delayed the payment, first blaming another member for being late. By 5/9, after I had followed up several times, Jessica admitted she had used my portion of the savings for an emergency and promised to repay it by 8/9. I was understanding and told her it was okay, just let me know next time.
However, 8/9 came and went with no payment and no response from her. I repeatedly tried contacting her—texts, calls, even reaching out to her roommate—but I was met with silence. By 13/9, I sent her a message saying we could make an arrangement that worked for both of us if she couldn’t pay right away.
Still no reply. Later that day, I sent a message in the group savings chat asking if anyone had heard from her, and she responded by removing me from the group, accusing me of humiliating her publicly and getting a kick out of it.
I was shocked because that was never my intention.
I’ve lent her money in the past and had no problem doing so again, but now I feel taken advantage of. After trying to work things out, I’ve decided to give her a final deadline to transfer the money. If she doesn’t, I plan to pursue legal action.
This savings scheme is legal where I live, and with the proper documentation, I can file for debt collection.
Considering I’ve been patient and understanding throughout, AITJ for wanting to pursue this legally after she’s ignored me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was your friend and you trusted her with your money.
It’s a basic human decency to give back money that was lent to you, or if she had to use it, she should’ve respected you enough to ask for permission to use your money. I don’t lend money to anyone (not even my closest friends since I don’t want to have a friendship ruined because of money).” Far_Evidence_7904
Another User Comments:
“NTJ File for debt collection. She has no intention of paying you back. This happened to me. I got the judgment but then I had to go to court again to enforce the judgment because my “friend” still wouldn’t pay. Eventually, I got the money by publicly shaming her in our circle.
I lost a friend but I figured that a true friend would not have effectively stolen from me in the first place.” ScaryButterscotch474
Another User Comments:
“WTF??? This seems to be the most asinine “savings” scheme (and yeah, you picked the right word) that I’ve ever heard of.
Unless I’m missing something (and if I am, someone clue me in), wouldn’t you get the same result if you just took your monthly deposit to the “plan” and kept it to yourself as personal savings? What am I missing?” LawyerDad1981
9. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Won't Give Me The Laptop I Partially Paid For?
“So I (15f) saved up around 950 USD over the summer to buy a gaming laptop.
I was very close to meeting my goal of 1,200 USD after picking up a few extra shifts at work, However, I had to suddenly quit my job because my mom decided to relocate to the States right before school started. I told her about my concerns about not being able to reach my goal. My mother said that when the laptop goes on sale she’ll pay the remaining money left for the laptop.
I sent her the money I had saved and waited. Long story short there was some sort of mishap with the order and it was canceled, since it was a large amount of money on a credit card it took about a month to get a refund.
I asked my mom if we could try again and she said to wait for my birthday which was a few weeks away. My birthday came, and no laptop.
I asked again a few days later in case it was just a surprise and she said to wait until next Tuesday, and come Tuesday I asked and she said to wait until Thursday, and come Thursday she said Saturday… we didn’t get it.
She’s starting to get irritated with everything I ask so I waited longer before asking again. When I asked her tonight she said she has the laptop and will give it to me but I had to be consistent with getting to school on time for 3 weeks.
I brought up that I was the one who paid the 950 USD portion of the laptop and how we originally tried to order it in JULY. I’m getting frustrated at this point because I’ve waited so long for this darn thing but I also feel like I can’t be mad because she’s helped me pay for it.
My mom’s not the one to steal my money so I don’t think it’s that.”
Another User Comments:
“She stole that money OP. There are no two ways around it, she stole it and she’s trying to make up excuses. Because she keeps putting these ridiculous conditions in place, knowing that you’ll struggle to meet them, and if by some chance you do meet them, she’ll throw up some other condition you’ve got to meet after that.
She stole your money because she feels entitled to the money. Experience tells me that she’ll throw out the line, “I deserve that money because I raised you.” Tell me I’m wrong, OP.” Lucky_Charm8020
8. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Stay During My Medical Emergency?
“So my (28f) ex-partner (38m) is mad at me and making out I’m a bad person.
Last night he came over like he normally does to see our son and chill for a bit. Just before he was about to leave my arm went numb then my hand.
Assuming I pinched a nerve I asked him to stay for 5 mins until it goes just in case. He was not happy but agreed. Well,l it then spread to my face and my right eye went blurry and started to really hurt. In short, it got worse and I ended up at A&Ee for 4 hours.
Before paramedics arrived he spent the entire time having a go at me. Saying I’m selfish asking him to stay when he has work the next day. I said go home then it’s fine. He said no I’m not gonna deal with a guilt trip if I do go.
He started saying I’m inconsiderate because his cat needs to be fed and he has work and that I never think about him or his needs. When I was having a panic attack and shaking he had a go at me and told me I was being dramatic and to stop.
He didn’t believe I was unwell and said I was doing it to ruin his evening.
Well, the paramedics came and he did a complete 180 and was showing concern. I then asked if he was ok to stay the night and watch our son.
He said well he has no choice I need to go. So I left.
4 hours later I came back and he was in my bed (I said he could) exhausted I got in clothed the other side to get some rest before my son got up.
He had a massive go at me saying I’m not allowed to face him when he sleeps. I’m ruining his sleep and I’m lucky he’s even here so I should be moving the other way. I got up crying and just slept on my sofa.
He left 2 hours later.
I called him out on his behavior and he’s now saying I’m ungrateful and horrible as he did me a massive favor at his expense last night. He’s saying I’m selfish for being angry and not considering him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since it was a medical emergency and I’m assuming your son cannot be left alone at home while you were dealing with the issue. Your ex is the dad AND the person with you at the time of the emergency so of course it’s his responsibility to care for his son while you were unable to do so.” Sudden-Yoghurt505
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s abusive and is trying to control and gaslight you. How dare he speak to you that way in your home. He’s unbelievably awful. Don’t have him near you again without somebody else in the room to document all interactions. He’s horrid.
Hope you are doing ok.” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like the kid is lucky to have two parents who can sit together and visit and be civil, at all, ever. On this occasion, you had a legitimate medical emergency. He did man up and do the right thing as a co-parent teammate and he is correct that you should appreciate how lucky you are that your kid has a responsible father.
Of course, he was a total whiney jerk about all these things the entire time, which I’m assuming is why you broke up in the first place, and that’s unlikely to change, so… NTJ good luck co-parenting with this teammate.” Oso_the-Bea.r
7. AITJ For Letting The Dog I'm Walking Sniff Around On People's Lawns?
“Am I in the wrong for letting the dog I am dog walking onto people’s lawns?
For context, I (18F) do dog walking gigs for families and currently have a few regular clients.
The dog I will be referring to is Lola, a young chocolate labrador, she does not bark, dig holes in the garden, or even chase birds, she just likes to sniff around and explore.
A while back, maybe 2 months ago I had an interaction with a lady on one of the streets I take Lola down.
Lola had stepped onto her lawn to sniff something before 2 seconds the lady started banging on her window and yelling at me to take the dog off the lawn and let me call her window lady (WL). I was confused but took Lola off her lawn and kept walking.
Just now I had been walking Lola again and going down the street. I had noticed a car pull onto a driveway a few houses ahead of me, blocking the walkway, and figured they were picking someone up and they’d be gone or moved by the time I got there.
Lola was sniffing around on the lawn in front of the house we were at, she did not poop or pee on the lawn and kept on the lawn, away from the garden, I do not let her onto the garden. I kept walking and we passed WL’s home, the home where the car I mentioned was parked. The car moved up and WL walked out and straight towards me.
WL: “Why are you so rude to let your dog go onto other people’s lawns??”
Me:”…”
WL: “You do not let him (Lola, who is a she) go and poop on other people’s lawns!”
WL: “You let him (Lola) poop and home and then you take him (Lola) on a walk.”
WL: “Why are people so rude.”
WL walks off and I walk off before wondering what just happened. I did not let Lola onto her lawn and have not since the last encounter, Lola did not poop on the other person’s lawn and has done nothing to harm this lady.
But now I’m wondering was I wrong for letting Lola sniff on people’s lawn?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. It’s functionally no different than if you were trespassing on their land. Imagine you were just out for a walk by yourself, and decide to cut across everyone’s lawns.
You’d still be a jerk, even if you don’t pee or poop on their lawns.” Emotional-Ebb8321
Another User Comments:
“My sister has a grass field in front of her house where people have to pick up poop and some jerk from the next street over lets his dog poop there and refuses to pick it up, my sister got blamed for it so confronted the dude and said it was not him even though both she and I saw him do it, after the confrontation he sends his girl to do it instead xD YTJ if you let the dogs pee and poop on someone else’s lawn without picking it up, simple as that.” SyntactixOfficial.
Another User Comments:
“I’m not at all a dog person. If the dog is leashed and you aren’t letting it crap and not picking it up I don’t see how you’re the jerk here. Dogs don’t stay on footpaths when they go for a walk.
They wander on the edges sniffing stuff. I’ve never even had a dog and I know this. Have the people said YTJ saw a dog? lk?. You’d need a 30cm lead to keep them on the footpath if there even is a footpath. And if there isn’t a footpath pedestrians and therefore dogs have every right to safely walk on the curb/grass.” echocardigecko
6. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Friend's Divorce Settlement?
“My (37F) have a friend (34M) who recently settled for divorce.
Long story, lots of unnecessary input and influence of in-laws, and down the drain goes a 10-year relationship. They are cordial, but there is significant resentment. Both families thought they were bad for each other, which I genuinely don’t think they were at the beginning.
But over time, their unsupportive families caused an irreparable rift between them.
They have a lot of shared assets, and had no clear plan of division, so a lengthy court case was inevitable. They make approximately the same amount of money, but in their relationship, he spends most of their frivolous money.
Most of their possessions were things he wanted, and he bought them with their money. She does not buy many things.
By the end of the case, their possessions ended up getting divided 50/50, which I guess is fair, but so was their joint bank account.
I believe that most of the money in that account came from her. He spent most of his contributions on video games, consoles, and toys. I think she got the short end of the deal. She got a bunch of his junk that she didn’t want and lost a lot of money she earned due to the account being split halfway.
I made my feelings about how unfair this was for her very clear to my friend when he told me about it. He told me that he understood that he got the better end of the deal, but that I should still be happy for him because this was good for him.
He called me a jerk and told me I should be more supportive of my friend, and not his ‘manipulative’ ex.
I don’t want to celebrate the misfortune of someone who’s never wronged me. And I have a hard time celebrating my friend’s legal victory if it is at the expense of someone who is not evil or conceited.
AITJ for not celebrating his divorce settlement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friend is going to be complaining soon enough. He’ll burn through the settlement and then have to live off just his income, which won’t go as far with the way he spends money.
His Ex will recover financially and he is better off without him. Karma is probably going to bite this guy’s backside.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“This type of settlement happens all the time but usually it benefits the wife more and nobody but the husband and others who have been in his situation has any sympathy or understanding for him.
So why now that the situation favors the husband is there a problem with it? You don’t want to celebrate the misfortune of someone who’s never wronged you but has your friend ever wronged you? I’m guessing not because you’re still friends so why can’t you support your friend?
How does his divorce settlement working out for him affect you so much so that you can’t be happy your friend is happy and supports him? If he got messed up and was miserable, would that make you happy? Would you support him then? Would you believe she had the right to be happy in that situation?
When people get married with no prenup there’s a chance things like this can happen it is what it is so if the judge says to split the joint bank account 50-50 that’s what has to be done who put more money in doesn’t matter they made that choice point is it’s a joint account so they split it.
End of.” No-Operation-4446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he’s not your friend. Bro code is pretty clear, most people want to celebrate after a divorce and frankly,y you don’t know all the nuances or details that made him get such a settlement. It’s also not your business.
If you don’t want to celebrate with your “friend” that’s cool and just fine NTJ but he’s not your friend.” User
5. AITJ For Refusing To Mediate Between My Feuding Cousins Over Wine For Dinner?
‘I (38F) have a huge family and we are all close. As expected, we have occasional disagreements, but very few permanently strained relationships.
My cousins Lea (58) and Alan (61) are siblings who don’t get along with each other.
They “play nice” at family gatherings but otherwise have a strained relationship. I don’t get involved in this and spend time with them equally.
This Saturday we are having a family dinner to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. In the past, Lea has tried and failed when it comes to bringing things for family dinners.
For example, when we asked her to bring dessert for Thanksgiving she didn’t know to put an order in at a bakery in advance, so she brought a table-talk apple pie. For this dinner, she offered to bring wine. Earlier today she asked me if I had a wine preference, which is a weird question to ask me because I have a three-month-old baby and am breastfeeding.
I told her as such, so she told me she picked a variety. When I asked out of curiosity how many bottles she bought, she said she only bought one because not too many people would be drinking. I reminded her that four people would be drinking and suggested she get two more bottles.
This is where I get upset/might be the jerk…she tells me at this point she already left the booze store and maybe Alan will bring some. I suggested she confirm that with him. She said she wouldn’t ask him because he said no to her and asked me to ask him.
I snapped and told her she’s too old to be acting like this and I’m not getting involved between them. Five minutes later she texted back saying not to worry about it and that she will show up with her bottle of wine and some food.
AITJ for refusing to get involved in my cousin’s drama?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t know what “drama” you’re talking about. You put her in charge of getting wine. She asked for suggestions, and you didn’t want to provide them (understandably) because she’s the one in charge of that.
She decided to just get the one bottle and live with the consequences. TBH, the four drinkers will somehow survive the night with only one bottle to drink between them. They don’t need 3/4 of a bottle apiece. We’re talking Rosh Hashanah, here, not Purim.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“If you’re hosting the dinner, then you should make sure that everything’s there. Although it might be Lea’s fault, it’s the entire party’s problem; and you would be the closest thing it has to a manager. Are you in an area where it is difficult to get wine; some of those states and counties can be particular about their booze/liquor laws.
If you can, I’d grab a couple of bottles when you’re at Costco or the supermarket. Otherwise, don’t do anything and just let it play out. You’re NTJ for not wanting to deal with whatever’s going on between those cousins.” GamesDontStop
4. AITJ For Refusing To Fill Out A Form For A Stranger?
“I was approached today in the library while studying by someone I had never seen before.
He asked me if I would fill out a registration form. This same thing happened to me a week prior. In that case, I explained I was already registered and I had recently updated my info (both true). He then continued to press and say that it would update my info, but I just didn’t want to do it so I lied and said I had filled out that same form to which he said okay and left. Fast forward back to today.
I tell this guy that same thing. First, the truth, to which he presses further, then I lie and say I had filled it out last week. This guy did not take that as any and said he did not care about duplicates. So I took the form.
The form looked legit, but I still felt weird about this, especially since the form asked for either my ID number or last four digits and my standard personal info. So I asked where he worked, to which he replied, “an outreach group.” This struck me as odd again, so I just said I wasn’t comfortable putting down my ID number or last four digits.
He told me to check the box saying I did not have either of those, which seemed extra weird. He then told me he just needed my name and address. Since he didn’t get that I didn’t want to put this stuff down, I tried to explain myself.
I said I did not want to put my info down on a form to give to someone that I do not know, nor do I know what they are going to truly do with it. I thought that was a reasonable stance to take.
He just kind of scoffed and took the clipboard back and walked away.
Did I take a reasonable stance? Did I avoid a scam or something like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some organizations pay people to collect signatures or, in this case, get people to fill out registration forms. That’s probably why the pressure.
Doesn’t matter whether you’re registered or not, you have the right to say no and then to have that answer respected. You could always try saying you’re not allowed to vote since your felony conviction after maiming someone in a bar fight.” Own_Lack_4526.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most likely he is getting paid to register people. They’re catching you in the library so it’s not like they are canvassing door to door, in which case they would cross off your address after talking to you. But yes it is also possible that he’s gathering info, unrelated to voting.
There’s no reason for you to give them anything, or even to be polite after they start getting pushy. A legitimate volunteer is not going to be pushy. A legit “outreach group” isn’t going to want their paid canvassers to antagonize people in the group’s name.
But they may pay by the form, which is in itself a bit scammy. And if he didn’t tell you the group’s name, that’s very scammy. Practice saying just “No.” Followed by “No means no.” And the ever-popular “What part of ‘no’ do you not understand?” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The whole thing smells like a scam. If this guy was legitimate, he would direct you to official sources where you could fill in your registration information for yourself. A legit-looking paper form that you fill out for a random person in the library sounds like a great way to hijack someone else’s vote.
Of course, it looks legit because it probably is legit. All they need to do is change a few details before passing it on to the appropriate authority. If you want to register to vote, do so at your local DMV or on an official government website.
Don’t hand your information off to a pushy guy in the library. Consider reporting this person.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
3. AITJ For Confronting A Woman About Her Unruly Dog At The Coffee Shop?
“I have been frequenting this coffee shop for months and I love it. It’s dog friendly and there’s a large open terrace where people enjoy coffee while they’re working on laptops, enjoy one another’s company, or just sit in peace. Until… this woman started coming with her dog a few weeks ago….
First of all, she lets her dog roam around. It has a leash on, but she doesn’t hold it, nor does she pay attention. The dog barks loudly at any other dog that is near and the woman either ignores it, or even worse, has the audacity to tell people to “stay away” or not sit near her.
I’ve heard her say it’s only small dogs or it’s only brown dogs etc etc that trigger her dog. And that he’s great otherwise.
Today I had enough… the only seat was across from her, so I sat down and her dog became disgruntled – mind you, my dog doesn’t bark at other dogs or show any signs of aggression or provoking of any kind.
She asked if I could find somewhere else to sit because her dog would bite mine…. Why in the world would you bring a dog in public regularly that has behavioral issues and a potential safety risk …and expect everyone else to cater to your issue?
I tried not to cause a scene, but I lost it. I told her she was being a rude jerk and was disrespectful for bringing her dog to a public establishment. Everyone else shouldn’t be hindered from enjoying a wonderful environment so she can bring her unhinged dog.
No wonder the dog is unhinged – she is.
Anyway. I was so upset with myself for losing it that I left today, but I still want to go back. I just couldn’t tolerate being near that woman today. I’ve expressed my concerns with the shop manager, but they haven’t done anything about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And oh eff off everyone, it’s valid to call someone names when they push you like that. You snapped, no big deal. I also would have snapped. Every single person who is acting so high and mighty pretending they would have taken the high road if they were in your shoes… is probably lying to themselves.
I’m surprised you didn’t call her worse. She would have deserved it, too. If you know your dog has the temperament to bite another dog just for existing, they need to be leashed and muzzled in public at all times.” fakegermanchild
Another User Comments:
“Good for you. NTJ. It needed to be said, and the least she could do was muzzle her untrained dog. Shame on those running this establishment–like-minded customers should do a mini boycott to show them how many customers they’ll lose if they don’t step up to the plate.” Maine302
2. AITJ For Wanting My Friends To Skip The Town Festival For My Birthday Party?
“So for context, my birthday is the 20th of September. We live in a small town and my birthday always collides with the town’s festival. I always end up not celebrating because everyone is at the festival.
For more context,t the festival is 2-3 weeks long and organized by the town hall.
There is a parade for kids, a foam party, many concerts, and a couple of religious activities as well as other more social like the fair.
During this last year, I have gone to college and met people from near the one I live in, yet I’m still in touch with friends from my town.
I decided to celebrate my bday this year(for the first time since I was 10) however my Birthday is the same day as the street dinners(On this day people eat out on the street with their neighbors). I decided to invite my friends from my town as well as people I met in college, I had to move sometimes people from my college could come to the party but it starts fairly early (at 6 pm) and we’re gonna go clubbing and grab dinner.
I made a group chat with everyone I wanted to invite however all my friends from town said they couldn’t make it cause of the festival.
Every year that I have tried to celebrate my bday I get the same reason, that’s why I decided to stop celebrating it in the first place.
This year however I won’t cancel cause my friends from college can make it(one even cleared her schedule for it and asked me if I wanted anything specific as a bday gift). And this is making me question if my town friends even care about me at all and if they are truly my friends.
So AITJ for wanting my friends to skip one night of town party to come to my birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You can invite your friends, and then it’s up to them to take you up on that invitation or not. If you choose to celebrate your birthday on the same day that the celebration of the town takes place (I’m assuming it’s the town’s birthday or something similar?) then they will have to decide which one is nicer for them to go to.
And I can imagine that often you’ll lose that battle! But why do you choose to celebrate your birthday on that same day? For sure there must be a day or two in that 3-week town celebration when there’s something less interesting going on. Why not celebrate on one of those days?
Then your town friends as well as your university friends can join! From what I understand from your post, the town celebration is pretty big. So the reason I’m saying YTJ is that you’re pushing your friends to choose you over the town’s celebration. Why put them in that situation?” Adventurous_Byte
Another User Comments:
“YTJ….I’m sure you could’ve easily found out when this once-a-year celebration was taking place and picked a different day to celebrate your birthday. Your friends choosing to go to this once-a-year event and not a party you chose to have on the same day does not mean they care for you less.
You can choose the date of your celebration while trying to get an entire city to change their date to please you is weird and not realistic. Have your party but you shouldn’t be upset that some people will choose the city event.” nightingale
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-ish. Not for wanting to celebrate your birthday but for thinking that it would be any different this year and getting angry that it isn’t. They ALWAYS pick the festival. Why did you think it would change because you invited so many out-of-towners? What’s that saying about insanity and doing the same thing and expecting different results?” Rexel79
1. AITJ For Keeping A Wedding Photo With Friends On Instagram?
“I 26M have been seeing my current partner (25F) for about 9 months now. I previously got married to my high school crush at 20 and we divorced 3 years later.
When we got married we had a wedding photographer take our photos, photos with family, and photos of myself and my best friends (best man, groomsmen, etc).
After our wedding, we received the photos, of which I made a few Instagram posts to show off the wedding and to celebrate the day. Most of the posts included the event, reception, and ceremony and I had a post with my wife and me.
I also had another post with me and my 4 best friends all looking our best and with a great background view. At the time I posted this separately as well to thank them for being by my side.
Fast forward and after we separated, I took all our couple photos down from my socials, but I decided to keep up the photo of myself and my 4 mates.
There aren’t any other photos in the post that show off the wedding, and you can’t tell it’s a wedding from the original photo as we’re all in very similar outfits and I’m not “standing out as the groom” in any way.
Anyway, my current partner found out this was my wedding photo after I told her during a conversation about our past and she was visibly upset and asked why I would keep a photo on my Instagram from my wedding to my ex-wife.
I said that this photo is celebrating my friends and me, and in no way is celebrating or clinging me to my old marriage. We argued about it for a bit longer as I’ve always felt my current partner thinks I’m still in love with my ex-wife.
So, AITJ for not taking the post down or is it okay to keep up?”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk even if you had kept pictures of you and your ex-wife on your wedding day up on Instagram. Everyone has a past. Trying to pretend it didn’t exist or didn’t happen is ingenious and doesn’t bode well for new relationships.
NTJ. Your partner needs to chill out and stop putting so much weight into social media posts.” Helloreddit0703
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took down the actual “wedding” photo. You kept the one with you and your friends. Imagine you going through each of your partner’s posts and asking her what event it was for and you would have to approve the post. That’s psychotic and insecure.
Everyone has a past, she has one too. If she’s so caught up on your past and does not understand that she could have a future with you, it’s time to let this one loose.” just-here-12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s being immature.
And I don’t mess with jealousy. Jealous people have issues and it only gets worse the more they are involved in your life. The person you’re with should like you for who you are not despite who you are.” AdhdQueen117
"They set me up. I just went in to talk to her then she jumped me when she heard you coming. I was set up by OP. She's NEVER liked me because she's jealous."
This is something you should never mention to her.