People Get Scared In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Asking My Daughter About Her Father's Love For Me?
“My daughter (14F) and I (37F) have always had a close relationship. She was a daddy’s girl too, before she found out he was unfaithful to me; she was the one to tell me. And most of you know the drill: once unfaithful, always unfaithful.
Anyways, the cycle continued; he would leave his phone open, and one of his mistresses texted. He would use tons of different socials to be unfaithful to me. And I finally had enough, and I’m thinking about divorce. I know most of you will ask me why I didn’t before, but I have other kids who have special needs.
I need help, and I’m not gonna let him get away with it that easy, but when they are old enough, I’m divorcing him. Anyway, recently it has been hard for me, and it still hurts, but I’m learning to cope with the help of my daughter.
Here is when I may have been the jerk: I asked her if she thought he still loved me after everything. She told me she didn’t want to say the wrong thing and that we would be separated soon anyway, and it didn’t matter.
But that didn’t satisfy me enough, and I told her she wouldn’t be in trouble if she would just answer the question. She said she doesn’t know. I asked her to just say yes or no, and she got mad at me and told me she wanted me to ask him myself.
She said she regrets even telling me anything and that she’s always been a parentified child who has to help me because even before we found out he was unfaithful, I would always make small remarks about him that I will not repeat. And it truly hurt my feelings, and I am going to try and stop.
She walked away and later told me she was sorry and didn’t mean it, but I’m still hurt. But I felt horrible that she felt that way, But I am going to try and do better. And keep her out of my marital, issues.
But I still don’t think I was as bad as she’s saying. I may indeed have done some of those things, but I left out a lot of details while telling my point of view of me and her father’s arguments, I need to know: Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s right with what she said and sounds like she’s an insightful kid. I’m sure you’re struggling and I’m sorry that your husband is putting you in this position, but you have to do better and stop involving your daughter.
You also have to already know you that were wrong for pushing her after she said she was uncomfortable answering. What does that teach her about her boundaries and autonomy? If you have access to it, please get her a therapist. If not, encourage her to talk to her school counselor.
Also, apologize to her and get yourself a therapist too. Even start journaling in times that you find yourself wanting to vent or ruminate about your husband. Your teenage daughter can’t be the person you go to with this kind of stuff, it’s just not fair or in her best interest” Appropriate-Value54.
Another User Comments:
“Yes. YTJ. Your daughter is not your therapist. She is not the best friend you get coffee with. She is your daughter. It is not fair or right to put these kinds of emotional burdens on her. It is especially terrible to interfere with her relationship with her father.
Your marriage is not her responsibility to fix. You being content or not with her father is not her responsibility to fix. Her responsibility is to be a kid who can look up to her dad, connect with him as their people, and spend time with him without having to think or worry about what mum’s going to do next.
Every time you make any small remark about her father: what you’re telling her is ‘Dad also made me who I am. So what Mum’s saying *applies to me*. My mother’s care for me is conditional and she doesn’t love me’.” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t your friend, your mother, or your sister. This is your CHILD. She is 14. She needs to be learning how to have relationships FROM you, not giving insight TO you. She is 14. Would you go to a therapist who was 14?
No? So why are you treating your daughter like one? He is her FATHER. He is meant to be a support FOR HER, regardless of how he feels about YOU. Let him be her father, not your wayward lover. The fact that you use her in this way, shows that she’s probably right and has been parentified by you in MANY ways.
You are incredibly comfortable using her as a support to stand on, even if you are grinding her into the dirt. She deserves better than this, and I hope when she’s older she realizes that. I feel like on some level you must know that you’re the asshole and that what you’re doing to her is wrong, but you don’t want to lose her as a crutch.
25. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter's Rare Backpack To My Sister's Boyfriend's Daughter?
“My 13-year-old daughter has been obsessed with Loungefly backpacks for the last 3 years. Everyone has bought some for her. She probably has 50 or so and is constantly showing them off. She has a large following on Instagram and TikTok showing off her bags.
(I monitor her activities and help her post; she does not even have access to the accounts on her own.)
My sister Stevie just started seeing this man who has a daughter Zoey who is 15. Stevie has had financial issues due to her lifestyle habits.
I believe her partner is in the same boat but both are recovering. However, Zoey has a birthday coming up and Stevie wanted me to give her one of my daughter’s bags that she saw on Instagram because it is Zoey’s favorite character and the bag has been discontinued. She showed me the price on eBay, it’s about $500 and Zoey wants that bag.
The thing is, it was one of my daughter’s first bags and she loves that character. It’s also my daughter’s property and it’s not like I can just give away her things.
I told her I would split the cost of a new bag for Zoey if that’s what my sister wanted since she’s short of funds but my sister insisted she should give Zoey the rare bag and put Zoey on my daughter’s TikTok.
I told her that TikTok is my daughter’s project and I’m not putting Zoey on it. I have this conversation with my youngest children who are 7 & 10. That their sister doesn’t have to include them in the video if she doesn’t want to.
My sister thinks I’m being selfish about the bag and not including Zoey on her “Famous TikToks.”
I told my sister she’s being ridiculous and we have never even met Zoey and making these demands is ridiculous. My sister said I and my daughter are spoiled and bougie and she will never ask for my help again.
My mother understood and sided with my daughter and me, so my sister made a big TikTok about cutting toxic family members off. It’s kind of ridiculous of her and I’m not talking to her now and my mom told her that she needs to apologize for this.
My sister acts like I’m bullying her and Zoey but again, I have never even met the teenager.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister is a doozy of one. You are correct in that it is your daughter’s property to do with as she pleases.
Your sister can ask but needs to accept whatever answer she gets. She believes she is entitled to other people’s things. She is not. You are lucky if she doesn’t contact you again if this is her behavior. She needs to earn to get what she wants.
You are being MORE than generous by offering to contribute to an expensive purchase for a kid you don’t even know. You’re better than I.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given the number of posts, we see where parents have given away their children’s stuff because “You’re too old for that” or “I thought you didn’t care about that anymore” or even “you have 49 other backpacks, don’t be selfish!” I commend you for being a responsible parent who doesn’t steal from your child!” TheFilthyDIL
24. AITJ For Not Using My Friends' Gift Money To Buy The Shoes They Intended?
“I (17F) had my birthday a couple of weeks ago and a few of my friends, one who I’ll call Lily(16F) all pitched in 30ish dollars so I could buy a pair of shoes.
For reference, I am a junior in high school but because I play 3 sports and one of those sports I play year-round, I can only work a few months out of the year.
I work as a referee at a pretty good-paying soccer club but I still have to pay for things my parents won’t like gas for my car and the money I make has to last me the whole year. For this reason, I spend my money pretty sparingly but there was a pair of shoes I’ve wanted for a while.
They weren’t too expensive, around $130 but since I fit in kids’ sizes I could get them for around $100.
After my friends all gave me money to buy them (they didn’t want to buy them for me so I could make sure it was the right size and everything) I found out from my mom thatsher and my dad were planning on surprising me with them.
I didn’t buy them after that seeing as my parents already ordered them but figured the money I got from my friends was still mine since it was a gift for my birthday. The way I saw it was that they had already given me the money so I could buy myself something and if I decided to use that money to buy something else it wouldn’t make much of a difference, plus I already had the shoes anyway.
It’s not much different than if I had bought the shoes then my parents gave me $100.
When the shoes came in I told my friends about my parents buying them for me and Lily got really upset by that. She claimed that since I didn’t use the money to buy what she intended for me to buy with it then it wasn’t really the gift she got me and that I should pay it back to her.
She was pretty mad so I ended up sending her the money but she still seemed pretty mad and said I should pay my other two friends back as well. I still feel like that defeats the point of a gift. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s a gift? Who takes back a gift especially since it’s your birthday you should enjoy it for whatever you want that’s the point of it. She’s mad you didn’t get exactly what she wanted you to get which doesn’t make sense because the point is you being happy with what you got.
And it would have been pointless to buy the shoes anyways.” [deleted]
23. AITJ For Revealing My Roommate's Hair Loss Secret After He Made Up A Rumor About Me?
“I (22M) have been living with my friend Jake (22M) as flatmates since college started, and we’ve become pretty close. He’s been struggling with hair loss and goes to extreme lengths to hide it, and I’ve kept it private out of respect for him. No one else really knows.
Or knew till like a few days ago.
Two weeks back, Jake finally got a dermatologist appointment and asked me to tag along. I was free so I was like why not?
After the appointment, we swung by the pharmacy to pick up the prescribed Minoxidil.
Sarah(20F), a girl from our college, happened to be shopping at the same pharmacy and saw the medication.
Now the thing about Sarah is that she’s a big gossip and is very nosey. She can’t mind her own business and will make it a point to butt her behind in yours.
And then she’ll broadcast whatever dirt she finds for the entire college. I don’t really talk to her but Jake and her are kinda friends.
Sometime later during college, Sarah asked Jake who the Minoxidil was for. Jake lied, saying it was for me.
Sarah was apparently surprised , given my head full of hair, and to cover up Jake claimed I wear a hair patch.
Sarah wasted no time spreading the rumor around college, claiming I wore a wig. For two weeks, I got weird looks and jokes about windy days from classmates.
Someone even came up to me, looked at my hair and went ‘wow it looks so natural man’.
I was confused and almost amused until Sarah asked me 4-5 days back if my “treatment” was working. I was like what treatment?
That’s when she told me what Jake had told her, and I put the pieces together.
I was annoyed and I said: “Nah bro, Jake’s the one going bald, not me.”
Sarah, predictably, shared this new info around college.
Now Jake’s furious, saying he’s really insecure about his hair loss and extremely upset that everyone knows his business. He claims he used my name because I don’t have underlying insecurities and wouldn’t be affected as much as he is.
He said that as his friend, I should’ve understood and just played along. He’s kinda depressed and refuses to talk to me anymore.
I’m still annoyed he threw me under the bus.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a very delicate and embarrassing subject for men.
Even thinking you’re going bald or grey can make you feel insecure. However, it was Jake who first lied and said the hair loss med was for you. But the real jerk is Sarah, because she can’t keep her mouth shut and mind her own business.
Find a way to talk to your roommate. Deep down I’m sure he knows you didn’t do it maliciously. Joke about finding a way to get back at Sarah.” Usual_Acanthisitta_8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you need to gently let Jake know that his condition is nothing to be ashamed of and VERY common , I went through high school myself with someone who was completely bald by 21 As for Sarah you need to end that friendship….People like her are usually nothing but grief and trouble and she’ll always play victim when she’s called out on it” ColdstreamCapple
22. AITJ For Not Boycotting My Best Friend's Wedding To Support My Wife?
“A couple of years ago, my wife’s brother passed away and at the time and since, my best friend, who was also my best man at my wedding, hasn’t said a word to her in any capacity to acknowledge her loss. I’ve always known she was disappointed in him for that but a couple of weeks ago we were invited to his wedding, with me as his best man.
My wife has said she doesn’t want to go because of how disappointed she is with him. I politely relayed this to him straight away, explaining she may not want to come because of how he made her feel. He replied by saying he didn’t say anything as he didn’t want to tread on her toes and just wanted to let her grieve.
I passed this on to my wife who said she wants him to talk to her directly. It’s now a further two times I’ve let my best friend know that she’d like him to message her directly to try and explain things and not go via me.
Long story short, he refuses to because he feels he has done nothing wrong and he doesn’t want to pander to her as he feels she is being petty and should just be able to move on without the need to talk to her directly.
Ultimately, I am just passing info between them both -, she wants him to talk to her, and he flat-out refuses. I am not going to keep asking him as he knows the score and he will not change his stance.
The issue I now have is that my wife has now said off the back of his last response to me that she doesn’t want to go to his wedding, and I am also a bad person in her eyes for not telling him I will also not attend the wedding to stand by her.
AITJ in some way in any of this, or am I just trying to maintain a balance between the two? I feel it’s the latter. As a side point to this, should I be telling my best friend that because my wife doesn’t want to go, I can’t go either and be done with it?
It’s a very tricky situation to be in I think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why can’t your buddy just pick up the darn phone and be done with it? If he’s such a good friend then he’d make this small gesture of goodwill and put it behind them.
At the end of the day, you married your wife and you lived with her. She’s your family. If your wife doesn’t want you to go then I suggest you find a way to end this between them or don’t go. He’s not exactly being a good friend to you” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Setting Boundaries And Name Choice For Our Newborn?
“Me (M21) and my partner (F22) are first-time parents and yesterday night we sat together and curated a list of things we wanted our families to be aware of during her pregnancy that we were becoming increasingly intolerant to, which included:
- My partner’s space during labor, we won’t be contacting anyone about our child’s birth until after the hospital.
- We won’t be hosting/visiting anyone until my partner feels ready to do so and has recovered.
- When we finally introduce our baby to our family, we don’t want any kissing, holding without our permission, anyone who smokes to keep it outside, anyone who is sick to not visit, and shoes off, hands washed before anything.
- We don’t want our family to take photos for social media without asking our permission.
- We have been getting a lot of advice which has been hinted to us that it is the “right” way of doing things and anything else is “wrong”, so we also said that any advice that is given is opinionated and as a result might not be taken on unless we see it fit for our parenting method and child.
- My mum has recently visited family abroad and they have expressed their concern with our name choice, and since that trip, my mum has become very stubborn in choosing to name our child by a different name. We have chosen Olive as a name for our baby girl, but my mum is adamant about calling her Ollie, which for us isn’t even a shorthand for the name, but a complete change of name.
She has stated that she finds it too difficult to say so she is renaming her for her comfort, even though I have heard her say her name multiple times with ease, and has only decided this after the visit to see her family. As a result, we have said that any name outside of Olive would be considered a disrespect towards us.
This morning I came to look at the group chat that this was sent to and both my mum and dad have left it without saying anything, but my mum-in-law has reasoned with it and actually feels a burden off her chest now she knows our boundaries and was feeling that she was expected to come as soon as my partner started labor.”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, who has difficulty pronouncing Olive but can say Ollie? I think this was a power play on your mum’s part in trying to insert herself into the naming of your child. Secondly, they are childish for removing themselves but again this is a power play because they will expect you to go running and then bend the “rules” for them.
It’s manipulation op, your mum’s showing her colors.” TinyDimples77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as for the name this is your parental choice so you, not your partner should sit down with your mother and make it clear the first time she uses Ollie she will go on time out and an information diet for a week.
If she does it again the time will increase. In fairness to her though, my best friend from school was Olive but everyone in her family and friends has always called her Ollie as a nickname. I have been calling her Ollie for 65 years lol Once she gets friends it will probably shorten.” No_Noise_5733
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Boyfriend To Move Into Our Home?
“Me 25F and my husband 28M bought our first home earlier this year. My sister 30F was supposed to move in with her partner 34M in November this year but found out he was deploying after she had already given notice to her apartment.
We offered my sister a room in our house until her partner gets back so that she can save some money to hopefully be able to buy a place. She is an engineer and makes more than me and my husband do combined. We are charging her an amount that is 1/3rd of her old rent to help since she has issues with spending and has not been able to save living on her own.
The week her partner was set to leave the date got pushed back by 21 days. He has been staying with my sister until she moves in with us. My sister assumed that her partner would be staying with her in our home when she moved. She never asked us if he could stay and they have not offered any money for him being in the house.
They are set to move in a week, my husband and I decided we are just not comfortable with someone we don’t know being in our house 24/7. Our house is also not that big 3 bed2 bath 1300 sqft, so space is tight with 3 adults let alone 4.
My husband is also in the military, we have been together for 8 years and there have been a lot of red flags with my sister’s partner. They have been together for less than 1 year and he has lied about multiple things military related to my whole side of the family at family functions.
We are generally questioning if he is even going on a deployment or if it was canceled already and he has been lying about it. Because of this we just do not trust him. My sister will be working remotely and we just do not want this guy in our home when we are not around and generally don’t want to be spending time with him after working long days.
As a sister I feel very guilty upsetting my sister during a stressful time but am trying to take my husband’s side because at the end of the day it’s his home too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They both have incomes, and you are giving your sister a deal on rent without the normal upfront costs.
If she needs to, she can get her spending under control now and help her partner with a short
term rental or an extended-stay hotel if his situation is that dire. It’s hard to find a long-term rental in a week, but she can likely find an Airbnb or Extended Stay hotel with availability that he can stay in temporarily or while he looks for his place.
I think your husband is right to spot the red flags and be uncomfortable with him in the home. I would offer to push back your sister’s move-in date but keep the offer open if she needs to help him with a living situation for a month instead.
But he is not part of your offer and will not be residing in the home.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s not your problem your sister has spending issues. She can pay market rent. If she’s not able to save lives on her own that doesn’t mean everything changes when she moves in with you, she’s just going to spend more money because she has more money.
Also, that guy is for sure not in the military. Just saying though, 1300 sqft in a 3 bed, 2 bath is not what most people would consider “tight”.” SnooChipmunks770
19. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Service Dog To A Friend's Wedding?
“My partner Bug (34M) and I (21F) have been together for a couple of years and brought my service dog, Red, a 2.5-year-old golden retriever, to his sister’s (36F) wedding.
Red helps me with several psychiatric and medical conditions, including POTS, a seizure disorder, a panic disorder, and a balance/mobility disorder. I rely on him for safety, as he alerts me to fainting/seizures, assists with stairs, and provides grounding techniques during panic attacks (to name a few things).
My partner’s best friend, Ryan (28M), recently got engaged to Lexi (27F). During a lunch date, we mentioned that we had ordered Red a tuxedo for his sister’s wedding. Ryan chuckled and said they didn’t plan to have any dogs at their wedding. Ryan is aware of my condition but believes that because I’m not blind and have my partner with me, I don’t need Red, and am simply just enjoying getting to bring him everywhere.
Lexi seemed surprised by Ryan’s comment and defended me, stating she didn’t think it was wrong of me to want to bring Red, explaining that he would behave just as he does now, quietly lying under the table. However, Ryan insisted that at “his wedding,” dogs were not welcome, calling it unsanitary and unnecessary because I didn’t need my service dog.
In response, I mentioned that he should speak to his aunt about not bringing her insulin pump since she doesn’t need her medical device at the wedding either. The conversation ended there, and Ryan glared at me for the rest of lunch.
Afterward, I felt heated about the situation.
What I said about his aunt may have been rude, which won’t make my case any stronger. I also understand he’s not a dog person and isn’t planning to have people bring animals to the wedding because it’s his big day. But Ryan has always been vocal about his dislike for Red, despite him never causing any issues.
The way Ryan talks to me and about me when Red is involved can feel very hurtful. I don’t feel like I should have to defend my right to have him as my medical aid – especially to someone who’s supposed to be a close friend.
Both Bug and Lexi think Ryan is being unreasonable about Red attending the wedding, while others suggest I’m being stubborn and shouldn’t try to ruin their wedding. So, AITJ for needing to bring my service dog?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see you replying to anyone wondering about the age gap.
Why are you with a 34-year-old? You said you had been together for a couple of years, which means this 30-year-old disgusting jerk went after a clueless teenager. Gross. OP I would reconsider everything if I were you, and leave him. Grow some backbone and leave maybe.
This won’t be good for you.” Shirohana_
Another User Comments:
“I’ve lived for 30 years post-stroke and post-craniotomy with visual, perceptual, balance, and spatial deficits, & seizures. I have the world’s best dog to help me.Th is is what I would do: a ccompanied by a competent adult, I would attend the wedding ceremony without a dog.
I would attend as much of the reception as I felt comfortable attending and leave -politely and quietly without drawing excess attention to myself or my infirmity– as soon as I began to feel unwell or unsafe in that environment. Under absolutely no circumstances would I agree to be in the wedding party, (which would involve other commitments like rehearsal dinner, tastings, photos, etc.) that would bring me in further conflict with the groom’s wishes, regarding service animals.
People can be jerks about hidden disabilities. That doesn’t give us carte blanche to be jerks in response.” Regular-Benefit-4916
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Brother's Judgmental Friends?
“Christmas used to be fun. We’d open our presents as a family on Christmas Eve and I’d spend Christmas Day chilling with my bro and checking out our new presents.
But a few years ago, we started spending Christmas with my brother’s best friend’s family instead.
At first, it was nice, they put on a great spread, fed us nice food and it was nice to be part of a bigger group and I was grateful to be invited.
But over the years, the rules became more and more strict. First, my brother and his best friends decided what kind of gifts were allowed to give – books only, even though I no longer read.
(the next year, I asked if anyone read the books they got last year and no one had!! But we still have to give books anyway).
Then, the conversations started to become very political, and it was obvious that unless you agreed with the “in the group” you were treated like your opinion was wrong and you were a terrible person.
(the funny thing is, we’re both left-wing, but they have a lot of ableistic beliefs I simply cannot agree with).
Each year more and more of my brother’s friends got added to the invite list and now I feel very outnumbered in these discussions.
(It makes me uncomfortable because I have an invisible disability and they have conversations about how people like me shouldn’t take medication and our disabilities aren’t real – they believe in the pull-up-your-bootstraps approach)
My brother even started combining our last name with their best friend’s last name, by blending our names.
Because of all this, Christmas just stopped feeling fun. I feel ganged up on, and like I’m getting pushed out of my own family. My parents expressed that they really don’t like it either and they just go because they feel like they have to.
So this year, I mentioned I was thankful for the invite but not sure if I would attend… my brother got extremely upset, saying I was selfish and not grateful for the invitation. (this is the only Christmas event my family does, so by not going, I don’t get to spend Christmas with my family anymore, it makes me sad but I feel like I need to remove myself for my mental health)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Spending every Christmas together, combining surnames…are we sure OP’s brother and his ‘best friends’ aren’t some sort of closet polyamorous group? Anyway, NTJ…I assumed that her brother was OP’s only family until I read that she has parents…just have your own Christmas rather than third wheeling someone else’s friend group.” grammarlysucksass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hopefully, you & parents will get together on Christmas by yourselves now since you made the first move! Even if they go to your brother’s, they can cut back on how long they’re there. Your brother & his best friend combining last names sounds like they’re in a relationship.
But maybe not open about it because it doesn’t match their friend group’s views. The political & ableism differences give an indication they may not approve. What’s your take on it? ” OceanBreeze_123
17. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Boyfriend Despite His Stepdad's Unresolved Issues?
“I’m a 23-year-old woman, and my partner is a 25-year-old man. We’ve been together for five years and have an 11-month-old son, J. Last year, we had a falling-out with my partner’s family because his stepdad accused me of being a bad mom.
This happened because I wouldn’t let him or his wife (both frequent smokers) hold my baby. J was a preemie, so I’ve always been extra cautious.
While I was okay with them holding him at earlier visits, he was often fussy when we were there, which is why I didn’t hand him over.
My partner’s stepdad ended up screaming at us, and we left. Since then, I haven’t seen him—just my partner’s mom. My partner has visited his mom a few times when the stepdad was around. All I’ve ever wanted was an apology so we could move past this, but he refuses to apologize.
Now to the current issue. My partner and I were talking about his mom’s birthday and Christmas plans. When I asked how we’d handle the situation with his stepdad, my partner replied in a snarky tone that he’d probably just spend Christmas there alone since I wouldn’t want to see his stepdad.
This upset me because I want to spend Christmas with him, not alone. But when I tried to explain this, he essentially told me he didn’t care about my feelings and that if I was still upset, it was my problem to deal with.
I got frustrated and asked if my feelings mattered to him at all, or if he just didn’t care. He brushed me off, left the house annoyed, and hasn’t come back yet. Every time we argue, he does this—he runs off for hours and comes back acting like nothing happened. It leaves me feeling unheard and messes with my mental health.
I’m sitting here now, feeling stuck. Am I overreacting? Am I missing something? Part of me is thinking about taking the baby and leaving the way he does. When I call, he ignores me. What if I gave him the same treatment—would he finally understand my frustration?
This whole situation is driving me crazy. WIBTJ?
Edit: My partner isn’t good with emotions, and I think that’s why he said what he did so bluntly. He never seems to feel strongly about anything—he’s always neutral. He’s never truly happy, excited, anxious, sad, or angry.
He does get upset, but not in the way most people do. He’s never angry for more than five minutes. He also has a lot of autistic traits and severe ADHD, while I also have ADHD.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are missing something – ” Every time we argue he just runs off” He is who he is, and will only become more so, not less.
Because you want him to be a different, better person does not matter to him the least little bit. He needs an ultimatum “we need to go to a counselor and resolve these things or you’re gone”. Marriage before children wasn’t always a bad idea, either.” terraformingearth
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Convert My Office Into A Guest Room?
“We are about to have our first baby and currently have a 4 bedroom house (a classic center hall colonial). 1 Master, 2 guest rooms, and an office.
Having an office has always been super important to me because I am an industrial designer and gamer; I have a large desktop and a separate ‘design table’ with a 3D printer, tools, cabinets, shelves, and a set. I’d just like to point out at this point that I’ve always put my wife first, I’m not that guy that ignores the wife and family to play video games.
I’m only really on the computer if she’s not home or if she is sleeping and this has seldom been a point of conflict in our relationship. There is no animosity between us, just a disagreement on how to use the space we have.
Now that we are having a baby she wants to put the queen-sized bed from the guest room into my office (the smallest room) which will be cramping the space and making VR impossible.
I’m not a fan of this and would rather throw out the bed even though I hate the idea of wasting a whole mattress. The reason for this is to accommodate when either of our parents and families come and stay over as they often need more than 1 room.
However, we have 3 pull-out mattresses and 4 additional couches people can sleep on if needed. Not to mention 2 inflatable queen-sized mattresses if we get desperate (it has happened once). I’ve offered to move my whole office to the basement but she does not like the idea of not being able to reach me right across the hall if needed.
We are at a bit of an impasse and neither of us wants to budge. I keep arguing that the house should be made to meet our needs and not worry about hosting other people. She thinks we should be good hosts since we are kind of the center point of our families for gatherings and stuff.
We are also the only ones in both our families that have the space to host everyone so every holiday is usually at our house anyway. I don’t mind hosting, but I also don’t want to lose 50% of my office so that someone can crash there once every few months.
Update: We settled on getting a Murphy bed. Thanks for the suggestions!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ now that you have a baby on the way, you have one less guest room. If guests need more than you can provide, they can stay elsewhere. A possible compromise might be something like a Murphy bed or something similar.
A friend of mine has a cabinet that folds out to a bed, it’s pretty neat.” Jerseygirl2468
Another User Comments:
“Your wife seems to find the opinion of others very important. Furthermore, she just finds reasons why her solution must be the only one. I’m with you.
You guys live in the house, guests are only there for a few times a year, they get free housing, free food, and good company; they do not expect a private Hilton suite. NTJ. Stop reasoning/arguing, this is not about the reasons or arguments, it is about something else.” LightPhotographer
15. AITJ For Lying To My Boyfriend About The Origin Of The Food He Ate?
“So I (24f) have a partner (24m). I’m from Poland and he’s from Spain. Since we met almost 1 year ago, he never tried any Polish food that my family prepared for him. If he just said, “No thanks,” I would be fine. But he always comments on how disgusting it is, asks how could we even eat that and he gags for the whole meal. He never even tried that food!
We argued about it a few times because I think that his behavior is unacceptable, but he says that this food is just horrible and he’s allowed to have preference. Four days ago, at a family dinner when my mom asked him if he would like some gołąbki (Google translates it as cabbage rolls, not sure if it’s the same thing) he once again gagged, covered his mouth, and said that he could never eat that.
I was furious with him and told him to apologize. He refused and there was a tense mood throughout the rest of the lunch. After lunch, it was time for a dessert. My mom made sernik, which is similar to cheesecake, but it’s made with cottage cheese.
My partner refused to try that before, but this time my mom covered it in chocolate so it looked a little different. When he asked what it was, I quickly said that it was some store-bought cake. My family didn’t correct me and we all ate in peace.
My partner even took a second piece! He asked where we bought that. Then I told him that it was scenic that my mom made with cottage cheese. He looked at me a little confused then told my mom it was good. I was happy with the result of my little lie, but on our way home he started yelling at me, how could I humiliate him like that in front of my family and how could I lie about what I was going to eat when he was already told me that it’s disgusting.
I asked him what his problem was because he liked the cake, but he said that I didn’t respect him and his boundaries and he did not talk to me until I apologized. It’s been four days, he’s not answering my messages and I’m having doubts if he’s right.
AITJ?
He’s not allergic, doesn’t have any intolerance and he isn’t on a diet that would make him not to eat a sernik, by the way.”
Another User Comments:
“I had my daughter’s friend over for a sleepover and said I was cooking “Puerco Asado, red beans and rice and Yucca with mojo” She said she didn’t know if she would like it because she doesn’t always like that sort of thing.
I said if she didn’t, I’d happily do something else. However, she happily gave it a try 3 or 4 mouthfuls to fully assess flavor, etcetera. She then apologized and said she didn’t like it. I said, “It’s okay. You tried, and that’s fine.” Even though she had a feeling she might not like it, she still gave it a go.
Afterward, I made something else. My point is that even a 110-year-old still tried the food of a different culture without immediately saying no. She also said she happily tried another Cuban dish.” Equivalent_March3225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wouldn’t stay with a guy like that.
Being picky with food is one thing, but the disrespectful behavior towards you and your family? Not even wanting to try? Sorry, but that has nothing to do with being a picky eater or certain nationalities – that’s just flat-out rude. Sorry, you have to deal with that.” Overall-Astronomer58
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’d say YTJ for lying about food but… this time NTJ – **dump this toddler**. His reactions are not just vile, they arestraight-upp racist. You lied knowing no allergies were involved and his “preferences” are just disguised racism, not the best way but understandable.
But you are a jerk to yourself if you stay with him. He’s a grown man. He chooses to behave that way.” Joubachi
14. AITJ For Feeling Embarrassed About My Fiancé's Financial Irresponsibility?
“My (25f) fiancée/partner (38m) recently had to take out a car loan because his old vehicle finally had too many problems to be worth fixing. He talked with a dealership and they ran his credit before making it clear that’s what they were doing, he felt pressured, and he ended up buying a much more expensive car than we had talked about.
It is safer, newer (so hopefully will have fewer issues to fix), and is big enough to fit us and our pets comfortably.
Well, the first payment was due a week ago. He has a grace period, so the money has to be in by Monday at the absolute latest. He does side jobs and gig work on apps.
He had half the payment two days ago, and we made a plan to put in the payment on Friday, so it’ll post Monday and we’ll have the weekend to make up the difference. And I said, worst case scenario we can borrow some money from my mom to make it happen, thinking it would be less than half the payment.
Then, the next day (yesterday) he turns around and spends the money he had for the payment on an auction (in hopes of making a profit) but it was a flop. So now we have not even 1/5 of the money for the payment. I told him I was embarrassed to be with him.
He’s spent the day sulking and complaining about how he messes everything up. I tried lying with him for a while, but it didn’t do anything. He has all these excuses: the season, lack of support from friends, trying to quit smoking, the stress of taking care of the house, the stress of family, etc.
I’m tired of helping him out of his self-sabotage, and I’m so embarrassed to ask my mom for the amount of money we need. I can’t lie to her about why we don’t have the money; I’m an awful liar.
I already offered to ask though. I know she’ll give it to me if I ask, but I feel terrible asking this much (even though I can 100% pay her back on payday, just put off my other bills). And it’s not like I can even assure her he’s spending the weekend working to get some of it because he’s not.
It’ll wreck his credit if the payment bounces and he defaults on it though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you would very quickly become TJ if you expect your mom to bail out your fiance in this situation, especially if you don’t tell her the truth about it.
He should be completely ashamed to even think of having you cover this cost, and it should be unacceptable to him that you would ask anyone else for the money. Given your age differences, I wonder why you want to join your financial future with a person who is completely incompetent with finances even at this older age.
I feel sympathy for him if he is depressed but he sounds quite foolish and you should take care to keep your financial affairs completely separate from his.Doo not involve your mom in any of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I cannot figure out why you would stay with a man this irresponsible about money.
You could very well end up homeless or in huge debt because of him. You need to completely separate finances from him. Honestly, you may need to leave him if he thinks wasting bill money on gambling (which is exactly what that auction was) is a financially solvent idea.” CaptainWarped
13. AITJ For Keeping My Sister's Same-Sex Relationship A Secret From Our Parents?
“I know the title seems self-explanatory but to be honest I’ve been getting people telling me I’m in the wrong, so I need random strangers to tell me.
My sister came out as Bi (to the poorly hidden dismay of my Christian parents) around two years ago when she was still 16.
She also said that she no longer believed in Christianity, much to the dismay of both of them.
In the years after that, she had off-and-on relationships with boys, but never any girls. Eventually, though, she met a girl that she really liked, and, they started seeing each other.
Now, my sister never told my parents, because they are very judgmental, and even the relationships with boys were looked at with suspicion (intimacy before marriage is worse than murder in my family).
Eventually, my sister let it slip in a conversation with me that she was seeing a girl, I was completely fine with it, but she also begged that I keep it from my parents, I agreed, knowing how they can be.
Eventually, my sister and her partner started having relationship problems, this interfered with her school life and made my parents suspicious.
They eventually asked her what was wrong, and she admitted that she was in a relationship, but told them that it was with a boy.
My parents tried a couple of times to bring up the topic with me, asking about the boy and if I had met him, but I just skirted the conversation and tried to throw them off the trail. Eventually, though my sister and her partner had a large falling out, leaving her crying in my mom’s arms and, as a result, spilling her guts about the situation.
My mom immediately came to me to ask if I had known it was a girl, and, the secret being out, I stupidly said yes. That was a mistake, leading to yelling about not being a good son, and lying by omission to them. Eventually, they calmed down, but took away my phone to keep me from “being fed lies”.
When I told my friends at school about this whole situation, many of them told me that I was in the right, but, my significant other at the time said that I should have told my parents about the partner.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is largely a matter of values IMO. Anybody who truly cares about or wants to protect queer people will say you’re in the right without question. If you’re talking to somebody that’s more conservative or “neutral” you might get a different response.
Telling your parents would’ve been a massive betrayal to your sister and you did the right thing” Appropriate-Value54.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t your secret to tell. If you do not tell them, they are angry with you. If you did tell them your sister would be angry with you.
Either way, someone would be mad at you. That being said, your parents only have themselves to blame if their children keep their lives a secret from them.” GeminiAtl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly the right thing by keeping your sister’s confidence. It was her information to tell – not yours.
Your mother was wrong with her comments, and also with taking your phone. Your friends are also wrong. If my sons had ever outed someone to me, without that person’s express permission, I’d have been LIVID with them! I know what it is like to be outed as a lesbian without my express consent.
It sucks! Good job being a good brother! Your sister is lucky to have you.” SeaLandscape6012
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Ex That I Hate Him?
“So, my sister used to be with this guy, they have been on and off for a while, he deceives her, she leaves him, he begs her and lies that he changed, they get back together and the cycle continues, I think now he deceived her 7 times or so, and I had to hear her cry almost every night when she stayed over last year.
Now, a year later, she is back in my hometown and sleeping in my parent’s house, and I found out he broke up with her, just to find out they were still sort of talking and being in contact.
Tonight, she was feeling very sick, and I found her on video chat with a dude, I couldn’t quite tell if it was him, so I remained silent, as I don’t butt in her business, but then, she asked me to come to comfort her while still on call, and asked her and as it turns out it was him, half-jokingly and half because I can’t stand this guy I said I hated him and so on, this apparently caused them to argue, and now she blames me.
She says that I can’t keep my mouth shut, but I just said the truth after she told me to come over on a call with this guy she knows darn well I hate, she started on a whole rant about how I always need to be told things 2 times (like she wasn’t told by everyone in her life to break up with this guy already) and how I asked me very condescendingly “what do I know about life?”, now, I’m very much younger than her, but I know for a fact that you don’t need to know much about life to understand being deceived on 7 times is a permanent relationship ender in all cases.
After this, she stormed out and started loudly complaining that she has no privacy, mind you this isn’t her house, it’s our parents, she is just visiting for a few days, and she took up my family’s habit of loudly talking about their troubles, all the drama and gossip of their life on their phone with friends/other family members, so it’s not like I am purposely eavesdropping or waiting outside her door trying to spy on her conversations.
So, AITJ for speaking my mind and feeling kind of mad at her?”
Another User Comments:
“You say you don’t butt into her biz, but there you were. The guy is a total creep. I mean, how many times does he roll these dice before he gives her an STI?
And how many times does she keep being with him before all her best years are gone to this total jerk?” FedAvenger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but I understand why you did it. You love your sister, and you’re sick of seeing her get hurt by this loser.
But what did you accomplish here? I’ve been on both sides of this situation with my sister. She’s not going to stop talking to him until she’s ready. You just created more drama for her to deal with and discord between the two of you.” RoofResponsible6592
11. AITJ For Threatening To Call Animal Welfare If My Mom Gets A Fourth Dog?
“My (28F) mother (56) lives in a 2 bedroom apartment and currently has 1 cat and 3 chihuahua dogs of 8, 7, and 6 years old.
While my mother absolutely adores them she isn’t exactly active with them when it comes to training and even allows them to do their toilet needs inside on top of puppy training pads. Whenever we visit they are always barking and even if my mum tells them to stop they don’t listen to her.
While my partner (33m) and I have never been very fond of her way of raising the animals and they lack proper training we never said much about it. That was until my mother told me she was aiming to get a 4th dog and I originally said nothing.
I brought it up to my partner who shared my concern about the entire situation and the wellbeing of both the puppy and the three dogs she currently has. My partner even admitted he was considering informing animal welfare if she were to indeed get the dog.
I know my partner well enough to know he wouldn’t do this without cause and felt rather serious about it. So I decided to call my mum to voice our concerns and for her to think it through. My mother is part of the lower class income so if something were to happen the vet bills would impact her greatly, not to mention she isn’t exactly in a perfectly healthy state.
If something were to happen to her she would have to go to the hospital and we already can’t care for 3 dogs let alone 4.
Now both I and my mum can be as stubborn as mules and I admit I was getting rather frustrated she was so set on getting another animal without really thinking everything through and about the wellbeing of all the animals in question and this is where I feel like I have been a real jerk.
I told my mum that if she was set on getting this fourth dog I would not stop my partner from calling animal welfare, I know this offended her greatly since she very much loves her dogs and they love her despite everything. I feel bad for saying it but I also feel a fourth dog in an already small apartment isn’t good for either her or the animals.”
Another User Comments:
“Tricky. I would think with all that barking as well as the likely smell, her neighbors and her landlord would be complaining loud and clear about animal welfare. I think a mental health evaluation of your Mom would be more appropriate as she sounds like a variant of a crazy cat lady.
Otherwise MYOB. YTJ.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand your concerns but you shouldn’t have threatened her with animal welfare. And honestly, they won’t do anything if the dogs are being taken care of, which it sounds like they are. Barking, not properly training them, and letting them use the bathroom inside on puppy pads are not neglected. So, as long as those dogs are not being neglected, you may voice your concerns/opinions but ultimately, it’s her decision and if crap hits the fan, it’s for her to deal with.” Mocinde.r
10. AITJ For Not Wanting The Maid To Clean My Room Anymore After She Ruined My Special Pillow?
“Having personal maids is very common where I live and when I was younger my mom didn’t want to get me one so I learned to do my chores until now. I don’t like anyone being in my room.
It’s not that I’m hiding something, but I just feel uncomfortable with people touching my stuff. The maid has always cleaned my room in certain ways that I don’t like (like leaving my stuffed animals in my closet or instead of making my bed, she folds my pillow and blanket and puts it under my desk or all of my figurines fallen on the floor or even broken) it was all okay but after coming home from long days of school and knowing that someone went through my stuff and left my room in a way I don’t like and having to rearrange it after, it got annoying.
I have a pillow that I got from a competition in my sport that I find very dear to me. It is made to be a decoration pillow so I never slept on it and I gave her specific instructions not to wash it since it would be ruined. I came home today to see that she washed it and the pillow was horrible.
The fabric was falling apart and the logo was torn off. I cried to my mom since talking to the maid directly wouldn’t work, telling her that I didn’t want her to clean my room anymore but she refused and got upset with me. She knew how much that pillow meant to me since we bought it at my first-ever competition but she told me to stop making it a big deal. I know this sounds like rich people’s problems and that it doesn’t matter but I’m being told that I’m spoiled and ungrateful but I feel like I still have some kind of right to be upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know it is a first-world problem but it is fine to say I don’t want someone else to clean or tidy my room I will do it myself. As long as you do it. And you have a good reason.
She shouldn’t have washed your pillow that was delicate and hand wash only. You had asked her not to and she has ruined it” JSJ34.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like you have given this cleaner multiple chances and explicit instructions and ended up wit a lot of your stuff damaged, which is not insignificant.
You also sound pretty young and like you’re not allowed input over the house, but you should be allowed to decide how your space is managed. If you weren’t able or willing to keep your space clean on your own, I could understand your parents intervening, but if you keep it clean you should be allowed to do so as you please.
You’re not a jerk for wanting these boundaries. (you also sound self-aware about the privilege you have here, even though I generally don’t like hearing about rich people’s problems, your request is very reasonable and not the type of thing I think would annoy people)” spacedinosaur1313131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had the same issue with our live-in housekeeper. She ruined a set that I had just been gifted for my birthday (from my mother, not creepy). They came out in two different colors. I told my mother I didn’t want to criticize, but I also didn’t need her to do my laundry.
I’m happy to do it myself. You’d think my mother would be happy about that. Nope. I was called spoiled? Brat? Ungrateful? Your personal space should be just that. Your boundaries are being ignored.” sugarlump858
9. AITJ For Calling Out A Friend Over A Disrespectful Joke In Our Group Chat?
“I have been in a group text with 4 other guys since we graduated from college. We always have one guy who is always posting in there. A bunch of random tweets or stuff about our college or our rival. Pretty normal stuff.
The other day (let’s call him Blake, 40) posted a screenshot of a social media match.
I was pretty sure it wasn’t one of his since he’s married and generally, I’d doubt his infidelity, but at the same time,e I had an idea he was kind of making fun of the woman in the photo. The woman in the photo was a little person (I don’t know the correct term so please feel free to correct it) sitting on top of a fridge, obviously having a good time at a college party.
At the bottom, it noted “20 __NAME__”.
I said to myself “I know he’s trying to dunk on our rival but this seems just icky to me”, So hereares the text lines that ensued. AITJ?
Me: “What’s going On here?”
B: “Social Media Match”
Me: “I See that, What are you doing on social media?”
B: “I’m Not, Shared On Twitter *Redacted* College Match, She’s a little Person”
Me: *Swing and a miss Ron Swanson Meme*
B: “Different Strokes for different folks”
Me: “I just don’t understand the joke here… jerk *REDACTED* but are we just making someone for having differences?
Just seems like you wanted to be a jerk for no reason”
B: “Apologies if I offended you”
Me “That wasn’t making a joke, you just decided to make yourself look like anaerk”
B: Might wanna lay off I apologized on for person looking like a jerk are you”
Another friendd: “How about that X vs. Y game!”
Me: ” If I wanted to look like a jerk, I’d try and make fun of random almost children half my age”
B: “lol”
Me: “You should apologize for being a little coward, not ‘because you offended me.
You didn’t offend me, you acted like a general jerk and should reflect on your behavior. Everyone would expect a 40-year-old to know better than this”
B: ” Gotta love the true colors coming out lol” (I wasn’t really sure about what this meant….)
So there’s the end.
The group text that’s usually buzzing all week for college football has been silent.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here He was in the wrong but your last message calling him a “little coward” was worded out of anger and unnecessary. He was wrong but if you felt your point wasn’t made there were better ways to do that.” Bitterkitty11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude was gross, like what’s the punchline ‘Haha a little person goes to that school!’ ok and? good on you for maturing, or always being more mature than your former friend.” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
It would have been an NTJ but you decided to flip your lid, join in being a jer,k and lie about not being offended. I mean seriously you were offended enough to come here and seek validation. Blake’s a jerk who likely has friends very much like him.
Remind me, you’ve been talking with Blake how many years now?” Eresyx
8. AITJ For Trying To Skip The Bus Line Due To My Foot Condition?
“Just based on the title, I can understand being in the wrong. I ride a bus to school in the city every morning and take the same bus back, it’s an hour and a half each way. There’s a social norm of forming a long line at the pickup in the morning while we all wait for the bus to arrive regardless of the huge amount of seating at the pickup spot.
I’ve had multiple foot surgeries on both my feet over the last two years and I spend a lot of time walking in the city, so my feet aren’t in the best shape, but I usually put up with standing in the long line with my heavy bag in the morning for 10+ minutes.
One of the sesamoid bones in my left foot is separated into at least two pieces and is painful to stand on for very long (I have special shoe inserts to take pressure off it), and the big toe on my right foot has a locked joint that is painful as well.
So, this morning I was fed up with the line process and needed to sit down at the bench. When the bus arrived I decided to get on in front of the line because the bus stopped right in front of where I was sitting, and it’s nice for me to get a seat in the front because of my feet.
When I began to get on, though, a man called out to me and told me to wait. He was kind of angry when he did, and I was caught off guard, so I stood aside and let everyone get ahead of me. I don’t look like there’s anything physically wrong with me, so I get it, but I can’t figure out if I should have respected the line by staying seated and getting on last or if I had the right to get on first. People who need the handicapped seats are supposed to get on first, and those seats are helpful for me, but I don’t use a cane anymore so I struggle with figuring out whether it’s okay for me to use those seats.
Should I have spoken up and gotten on first, or was the man right to call me out for jumping the line?
Edit: Thanks for commenting and voting everyone, you were all very helpful! If there’s a day where I need a priority seat then I’ll speak up about it regardless of embarrassment.
Until then, if I need to sit down, I’m going to let the person who I would have been standing behind in line know that I’m going to sit but I’ll get on after them, hoping other people overhear me. I’m gonna have to accept that people will be mad about it, but I’ll be vocal about my situation if someone calls out to me about it.
On days I don’t need to sit I’ll get in line.
Standing still for long periods (10 minutes didn’t seem long to me until my foot issues started) can sometimes affect my entire day, so being able to stand in line and not worry about this turned out to be a luxury that I took for granted in the past. The line is something that people just started doing, there’s no official bus rule about forming one, so maybe when the weather turns people will move to the benches instead.
I wish I didn’t have to tell everyone about my situation to be accommodated on the days I need to be. Anyway! Thanks again, have a nice week.”
Another User Comments:
“How would anyone know you have a disability/need accommodation? From everyone’s perspective, you’re just some jerk who rushed ahead of everyone.
So it makes sense he called you out. If you have an invisible disability, you can’t expect people to just guess, you’ll need to be vocal about it. You could have replied, “Sorry, I need accommodation getting on, I have trouble standing for long, that’s why I was seated waiting” (go into as much or as little detail as you’re comfortable with) and unless the guy is a jerk, he’d have just let you on.
But you need to say something, otherwise you’re just some guy skipping the line in everyone’s view. You also can’t assume no one was in line with an invisible disability. Maybe that guy was first because he needed the disability seat? Maybe not, but you can’t assume either.
What about the 2nd person in line? Third? Etc…” WilsonStation
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Except in the case where the bus will be standing-room only, there’s no reason for you to stand in the line. If you want to sit to wait for the bus, sit to wait.
Get on last. You’ll still have a seat, you don’t have to cut the line, and you will save yourself 10 minutes on your feet. If you don’t need the cane anymore, it would be wrong to carry it just to get preferential treatment on the bus.” 1962Michael
7. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Trust Him To Do Chores?
“Dramatic title for a common issue; I (27f) and my husband 27(m) have been married going on 5 years. We’ve been through a lot and consider ourselves a strong couple with a good relationship. We are both neurodivergent; I work full time and he is a full-time student, and we share the load pretty well in caring for our toddler when she’s not in daycare.
The issue is when I work. I work full-time in the food and beverage industry, often covering shifts if I’m needed. What tends to happen is, on my off days, I’m doing most of the chores; vacuuming, dishes, etc. I don’t mind; it’s my house too and it’s part of my responsibility.
The issue comes in when my husband is on toddler duty. He tends to have a difficult time balancing chores and toddlers, so chores are often forgotten or neglected. This is understandable, but my frustration starts when I ask him to do a specific chore and it doesn’t get done by the time I need it to be.
For example; I’ll ask him to switch a load of laundry out so I can have clean clothes for work the next day. I run out for an errand, come back, and the chore isn’t done. This happens regardless of if there is a toddler in the house he is responsible for taking care of.
Today, on our drive to drop him and the tiny monarch to school, we had a conversation in which I admitted to not believing him when he said he would help. His response was; “you didn’t even ask for help.” The thing is, I did, I do.
However, it doesn’t make sense to rely on someone for something you know has a 50% chance of being completed or not. He didn’t respond to my statement. When I asked if he had anything he wanted to say; his response was, “I’m trying to think of a tactful way to say this.” He then left the car (we’d arrived at his college by this time) after giving me a goodbye kiss, and we haven’t talked since.
I’m anxious that he is upset with me for being honest about how I feel, and even more upset that I feel this way. I’m scared I’m not only in the wrong but so wrong that this is going to damage my relationship. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a grown man who has a brain and can use it. He knows xyz has to be done. You shouldn’t have to be telling him to do basic tasks, but if you do because he refuses to use his brain, then it is expected for him to do the tasks.
What you’re asking IS NOT unreasonable at all. All the cleaning and cooking responsibilities do not and should not fall on you. ✨weaponised incompetence✨” PresentTechnical9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to start this conversation and it doesn’t seem like you were harsh, just honest. Not sure whether he is or not, could be a No jerks here situation; when you ask him to switch the laundry, does he initially say sure, ok?
And then what, just forget? I’m honestly the spouse in that situation; I do dishes, kid care, general cleaning, H starts laundry, deals with outside contractors, cooks some, etc. All that to say we each pull our weight, but I can never remember to switch the laundry, so we came up with the solution of setting timers on our Amazon devices for 2 hours after he starts the wash.
So helpful!” Salty-Initiative-242
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Keep In Touch With My Strict And Argumentative Father?
“My dad wasn’t the easiest person to live with: he was so strict with us growing up and was always comparing us to his friend’s children.
Nothing ever pleased him and there was always something to complain about. Every reason was good for him to start an argument. He would get mad and say harsh things to us. He even once told my then 8 yo brother during an argument and I quote: ’’ What did I do for god to send me a child like you.‘’ Then he would give us the silent treatment for days (he could spend 5 days ignoring me just because I didn’t play well in the last soccer match for example).
This was part of our daily routine as we couldn’t go longer than 5 or 6 days without an unnecessary fight.
This ultimately had an impact on our relationship with him. As soon as he’s home from work we would go to our respective rooms to avoid any contact.
We didn’t enjoy family gatherings because we knew anything could lead to a fight and he could humiliate us in front of everyone. I couldn’t consider myself close to him because anytime I try and tell him something personal he would go ahead and mention it the next time he’s mad and make me vulnerable about it.
I was always finding excuses to avoid going with my parents on vacation because I knew it would be torture. About 3 years ago my mom had enough of this so she went and filed for divorce and we (my brother and I) moved out with her.
We call him sometimes but as usual he’s always complaining about something or mad because we didn’t call him sooner. (PS: he never calls us as he thinks it’s our job to do it as his children)
I am now 25 years old and I find it hard to go visit him or call him after all the things he did I always feel miserable just thinking of the tense atmosphere we were living in.
My significant other (who comes from a very healthy family) thinks I am wrong for not keeping in touch with my father. He said that it’s my father after all and I should focus on the good and try to keep communication. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard for people who grew up with loving, supportive parents to understand just how traumatic it is to have been neglected by a parent. Your significant other means well, but he’s invalidating your lived experience and you politely and firmly tell him that his input isn’t helpful or wanted.” JTBlakeinNYC
Another User Comments:
“I had a very similar relationship with my pops. Pops was strict growing up, easily got sulking mad over some nonsense, and would ignore me over some nonsense. After I dropped out of college for a second time, our relationship was broken for about 6 years (my parents also got divorced over this time for which my dad blamed me) Anyways, everyone has told me I was a kid and it wasn’t right for him to treat me like that.
But I forgave him regardless and realized/focused over the years on MY faults for why things weren’t better between us. We reconnected one Christmas when I reached out and have been fine ever since. My dad is a lot more nonchalant towards me now than when I was growing up, we don’t argue anymore.
I had to fix my relationship with my dad it was really important to me so I made it happen and I forgave him for being a difficult person to live with. I am glad things are better between us and hope you can find a peaceful resolution in your relationship” MrAndrewJackson
5. AITJ For Considering Cutting Contact With My Accusatory Aunt?
“I (f39) go see my aunt (f79) once a week to take her food shopping, do errands for her, and call her every other day for well over an hour to help any loneliness.
She lives alone, no kids or husband and has ill health. My mother (passed away last year) used to do this for her but to the extreme (calling every day for hours at a time, trying to manipulate & guilt trip Mum into going to her house even when seriously unwell before she passed away).
My brothers (m41 & m43) both believe my aunt’s demands on my mum aided in her passing and refuse to deal with her.
I took my aunt out for the day last week, nothing out of the ordinary. When I called her a few days ago, she accused me of stealing some decorative plates.
I asked her if she was serious, after all the running around I do for her (I drive 30 mins just to get to her – in the UK that’s a lot), help her read her post, take her to dr/hospital appointments, help her pay bills etc) and she said it was either her gentleman friend or me as no one else visits.
I told her I have no need for decorative plates but she told me she would call the police and see me in court. I told her to take care of herself and hung up on her, refusing to argue.
Now, I don’t know what to do.
I spoke to family members and they said she accused mum (and others) of theft, breaking things etc every so often but then would just call them up like she’d forgotten. She speaks to me and treats me so badly (she calls me fat, tells me I look bad in clothes, tells me to tell my 3 year old to shut up because I’m on the phone to her, if I don’t do what she wants she tells me I’m just like my mother.
The other day she told me my mum and dad were brother and sister!)
Do I walk away and go NC or wait till she calls me? I’m worried it’s mental degeneration but when she speaks to the Dr she’s a sharp as a tack.
She’s so small and frail, has no transport, lives in a small village with no shop for food and worried she’ll starve.”
Another User Comments:
“You need professional help, not AITJ. You say she’s always been mean but her claiming theft is more recent, right?
She probably needs an evaluation, it’s a relatively common thing people with dementia do. That said, you aren’t obligated to be the one who helps her. You could call the equivalent of adult protective services and ask them to check on her. What’s the plan for when she’s too infirm and needs more than your regular visits?
Or if you get sick and can’t come? One single person can’t be the only support an elderly person has” marxam0d
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Pretty nasty. And apparently that’s been her MO for years. How much can you tolerate? Take a break from her now and then start up again when she eventually reaches back out?
Or do that but with boundaries: tell her upfront that if she ever accuses you of theft again (or anything else her mean side can come up with), you’ll walk away and that’ll be it. Can you do that? If she’s capable of being decent to her doctor then she’s capable of being decent to you- she’s just *choosing* not to.
And it *is a choice*. Some people truly get off on doling out the nasty. But you don’t have to take it. Because *you get to make a choice too*. NTJ.” Global_Look2821
4. AITJ For Charging My Roommate For Pet Care After She Neglected My Pets?
“I (20 f) have an agreement with my roommate (23 f) that we watch each other’s animals free of charge when the other is away.
Now, my roommate is an ecology major, so she needs to leave for long periods semi-frequently. Meaning I watch her two lizards for a week to a month at a time every month or two. I do not leave often, and last week I left on a trip to Florida to visit friends.
I would be gone a little longer than a week and had communicated this 3 months before I left. She agreed to watch them (I have a dog, cat, and lizard).
The problems start almost immediately. My cat (a rescue I’ve known since he was a week old) peed on the floor despite never going in the house I then learned it was because she locked him out of the litter boxes.
Then, my dog pees in the house too. Talking with my other roommate later I learned she hadn’t been walking my dog (we do not have a backyard). Then I learned she hadn’t been watering my gecko, which I learned from my other roommate.
On day five of my vacation, she texted me that she would be going away to a mental hospital for the rest of the week and then some asked me to watch her animals.
So I was left scrambling to find someone to watch my animals (ended up paying my other roommate to do so) When I returned from my trip, found pee all around my room as well as cans of cat food that had not been used and dog food that wasn’t fed to my dog, meaning she forgot to feed them.
Worst of all I find my gecko on death’s door, severely dehydrated.
I understand mental health is important, and I have had struggles with it, but the way I see it it is never okay to neglect an animal because of it. Frankly, I’m angry.
Even a call would have been appreciated, but instead, I was left with my animals suffering and myself being flown away. So, I have decided to break the deal for the free animal care and charge her while she’s gone. Am I the jerk for charging my roommate for animal care and breaking our deal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- have her pay in advance, and send you more $$ if she chooses to extend her travels, if you still want to care for her pets. She had the responsibility to make sure your animals were cared for while you were gone, tbh I wouldn’t have more to do with her than necessary.” Cute_Beat7013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate neglected your animals and put them in danger, which is unacceptable. Understandably, she had to go to a mental hospital, but she should have made arrangements for someone else to take care of your animals. Charging her for animal care while she’s away is a fair consequence for her negligence.” Otherwise-Tone-2891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she will be paying for the cost of replacing your floor or carpet because she CAUSED your cat and dog to pee there instead of walking the dog and giving the cat its litter box! And for vet care as needed for your lizard that she almost killed. And that because she did NOT properly care for your pets, from now on she needs to hire a pet sitter for hers.
Instead of saying you will charge her for pet sitting, ask her what pet boarding place she wants you to drop her pets off at.L et her negotiate for that or your services and room repairs, paid in advance (PayPal?).” bkwormtricia
3. AITJ For Not Forcing My Daughter To Maintain A Friendship She Doesn't Want?
“I’m looking for some other perspectives on this situation involving my daughter and her friend, whom I’ll call Emily.
They have been friends since daycare, and I know Emily’s mom well. Emily is a quiet girl who seems to be high-functioning. While she’s not in a special education class, her communication style is quite selective; she often prefers parallel play, and their interactions have mostly consisted of them being together but engaging in different activities but they do watch movies sometimes and converse.
Recently, my daughter expressed frustration with Emily, feeling that she is selfish. An incident occurred where my daughter asked to use a ruler, and Emily said no. My daughter was scolded by the teacher, which upset her further. She shared that she often helps Emily and stands up for her when others say negative things, yet during disagreements, Emily tends to remain silent.
After this, my daughter announced that she no longer wanted to be friends with Emily.
I understood her feelings and suggested she talk to Emily about them, as Emily might not realize how my daughter felt. However, the next day, my daughter came home in tears, reiterating that she didn’t want to be friends anymore and didn’t want to discuss it.
I reached out to the class teacher, who noted that my daughter had been emotional (on the verge of tears) since lunch but was unsure what had happened.
After observing my daughter’s distress, my husband and I decided not to force her to maintain a friendship she didn’t want.
We reassured her that she didn’t have to be friends with someone if it made her uncomfortable. I kept the teacher informed, and she arranged for my daughter to sit away from Emily.
Last week, Emily’s mom contacted me, expressing concern about her daughter feeling isolated and suggesting a playdate to address the issues between the girls.
I respectfully declined, explaining that my daughter no longer felt comfortable being friends with Emily. Emily’s mom reacted strongly, accusing my daughter of bullying and isolating Emily. She insisted I should teach my daughter that not all friendships look the same. She explained that just because Emily isn’t good at expressing herself doesn’t mean she’s emotionless she has noticed that her daughter has been anxious in school and this ordeal has caused her so much more meltdowns.
AITJ for making this decision? Should I have handled this differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t force kids to be friends. Her child being on the spectrum, based on your description, doesn’t take away your daughter’s right to choose who to be friends with.
My question is, why did she get scolded by the teacher for asking to borrow a ruler?” Hairann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is unfortunate that the two girls are no longer friends and maybe in the future that can change between them. But you were right in telling the mother you wouldn’t force your daughter.
Your daughter has the right to be friends with another, or not. Pushing the issue would only harden the divide and accomplish the opposite of what the mother seeks.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is similar to something that happened in my neighborhood when I was six or so.
I was best friends with a same-aged kid who lived a few houses away. There was a child across the street we didn’t like much. Not that we wouldn’t play with them when the whole block got together for kickball or kick the can or whatever, but we didn’t care to hang out with them when it was just us, or us and a few others (we’d also hang out with the kid next door to me, and/or our older siblings).
The child’s mother called my mother and insisted that my best friend and I play with her child, and it was mean of us to shut her out. My mother quashed that immediately. She said that my best friend and I couldn’t be mean to the child, and to let her know if there was any bullying going on (there wasn’t).
But there was no way in heck that she was going to force us to be friends with someone we didn’t want to.” SamSpayedPI
2. AITJ For Choosing Not To Attend A Family BBQ To Avoid Hurting My Dad?
“My mom’s family had a big fight about 15 years ago because of an inheritance. The main fight was between my mom and dad on the one hand, and my aunts Lorna and Missy on the other hand. The specific cause of the fight is not relevant to this post, but had something to do with pieces of land that were given to some family members before my grandmother’s passing and how to count their value.
After this fight, a few attempts for reconciliation were made, to no avail. This was all more than 10 years ago. There was no contact with Lorna or Missy ever since. My other aunts Ally, Maeve and Ginny never took a side and are still in touch with both ‘parts’ of the family.
Five years ago, my mother passed away after she had cancer for 6 months. Lorna and Missy never contacted her while she was ill, but did visit her in the hospital during her last week (when she was not lucid anymore). They did come to the funeral, but did not speak to me.
I found it very sad that they never made up while my mom was still alive. We have not been in touch since.
Now, one of Lorna’s daughters organises a BBQ and invited the whole family, including us. I was unsure whether to go, since I got a baby 5 weeks ago and it might be too busy for the baby.
I also don’t want to leave my baby alone yet. However, I wanted to go as I saw it as an attempt for reconciliation.
After a talk to my dad, I decided not to go. He pointed out that none of the estranged family members have congratulated me for the birth of the baby.
Also, they have never apologised or said their regrets for not making up while my mom was still alive. He made it clear that it would hurt him if I would go to this party, because I would prioritise the estranged family over seeing him more frequently after having the baby.
I do see him once a week, but he would like that to be more often.
Now, I want to skip the party to not hurt my dad. Would I be the asshole to my estranged family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. You have a right to distance yourself from any family drama.
They haven’t done their part to reconcile with your side of the family, so neither should you feel obligated to.” OrwellianWiress
Another User Comments:
“NTA But your dad is a manipulative AH” Aggressive-Mind-2085
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend What Her Other Friend Said About Her?
“I 17(F) told my friend that’s 14(F) what her friend told me.
This was two days ago. I had been sitting in my art teachers classroom like I do to wait for our afterschool club to start. I had been chatting with the teacher when two girls walked in, I recognized the one cause I’ve talked with her a few times.
She seemed fine to start and we were chatting normal when I brought up my friend’s name and she suddenly became all weird. She then went on to tell me that she and my friend had been in an off and on friendship right now and that it felt one side.
She also claimed my friend would only call her when she needed something from her. To add some context we’re both in our schools marching band, so we’re constantly busy. So I tried to explain that when the season starts we have little to no free time, and she seemed to shrug it off.
Later that day at practice I felt off about not telling my friend so I just told her during a break that I heard she and her friend were having issues, and she seemed confused by this. So I just told her flat out what i had been told, which I get can come off as not my place, but I ended it at that.
I didn’t tell her to talk to her friend or anything and she ended up confronting her on her own terms. Which then spiraled later in the night into her friend and her blocking each other. I then heard from my other friend, that yesterday my art teacher said I was causing drama, I didn’t really think about it too much, just assumed that my friends friend said something to the teacher and ignore it.
However today, my art teacher came in to help my ceramics teacher. When she came in she didn’t say anything right away but suddenly called out to me and said it wasn’t my place to tell. After that she finished helping my ceramics teacher and left the room.
Close to the end of the class my ceramics teacher apologized and said sorry if she made you feel bad, and that she didn’t know what it was about. So I just explained to her what happened and she apologized again to me.
So AITA?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. If anyone is causing drama, it’s the art teacher. That was incredibly unprofessional of her. I’d honestly speak to your school counselor or the principal about her calling you out for a non-school related issue during class time in front of other students, and that it made you feel singled out and how it embarrassed you.
(Assuming it did, if it didn’t then no need to go there.) Your friends were having issues that were going to come to a head anyway. My guess on what happened is they had a class together in that teacher’s room and someone said something along the lines of “OP told me what you said about me.” The teacher overheard and assumed you were making trouble.
That teacher inserting herself into high school drama was uncalled for.” Discount_Mithral
