People Squirm Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Mother That Her Favoritism Towards My Brother Is Her Own Fault?
“My (28F) mother never treated my little brother (21M) and me the same.
From a young age, I had to do chores around the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, walking the dog…), any reports from school that mentioned me getting distracted or talking too much in class got me yelled at, and if I didn’t clean my room “correctly” or made a mess and didn’t clean it properly I got called a filthy pig and she threatened to go to my school and tell everyone how much of a pig I was… things like that.
In contrast, my little brother always had someone cleaning up after him – often myself, under orders – and any irresponsible behavior was always dismissed as “Oh, he’s such a boy” with a delighted chuckle. To this day, he still doesn’t know how to do most chores.
Don’t get me wrong, I was never treated badly for being a girl otherwise. Everything else, we got treated the same. It’s just this one thing: I was always expected to be polite and responsible and take care of the house, and he was left to play games or go out with friends as he pleased, be impolite if he wanted, and any irresponsibility on his part was mostly ignored while mine was punished.
Anyway, I moved out long ago but my brother still lives with my mother. The issue is, when I visit for the day, my mother sometimes tells me to “make him do X, he doesn’t listen to me”. Usually a chore of some kind.
He can never be trusted to do anything – you know those husbands who have to be told to do every single step of a chore or they stop halfway, or who need to be nagged for weeks to do something simple like take out the trash, because they keep “forgetting”?
That’s my brother, 100%. And I’m not there anymore to do things, so my mother gets frustrated that my brother doesn’t listen to her.
And I feel like, what, now I have to fix that too?
I am seriously considering, that the next time she complains to me that “he doesn’t listen to her”, tell her it’s her fault, for never making him suffer any consequences for irresponsibility growing up, and that while I get that she’s frustrated with him, I’m not the person to vent to about it or to ask for help from on this issue.
But I might just be needlessly starting drama because I know she will be upset. I also know she probably will not recognize/admit that what I am saying is true, so telling her this likely will only bother her at the moment but have no real effect on her behavior in the long term, so I wouldn’t even be getting anything out of this except for the brief rush of self-satisfaction.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are 28!!! Get a backbone here. When she asks for help with him, says “He’s your problem, not mine. He’s an adult, kick him out if you want to.” Or something similar. There’s no reason to feel anything but annoyed at this.
Who cares if she gets irritated? That’s her problem to solve too.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is the monster she created. Why get into a whole thing with her about her son’s antics at all? Just ignore her every single time she tells you that ‘you need to… ‘ anything about your brother.
If she asks why you’re not speaking to him just tell her that you’re allowing them both to reap the consequences of previously accepted and allowed behaviors. He’s a grown man that she never tried to correct. It’s too late for anyone to try to train him out of his behaviors.
And you’re not his mama. Let her marinate on that.” moew4974
20. AITJ For Feeling Neglected And Unappreciated By My Nana Compared To My Cousins?
“I’m 16 and my nana has shown throughout my whole life that she prefers my cousins over me. It began to appear very obvious to me when she didn’t show up to my 8th-grade graduation.
To give context a year before I graduated, in 2021 my uncle Billy, her son, passed away and the entire week after it happened I stayed at her house with my parents to console her while my cousins stayed at their house. She wanted to make the funeral as soon as possible which would’ve been my birthday but my dad and papa told her it wasn’t a good idea to make it on that day so they chose the day after.
Because of this, I’ve been conflicted about whether I should let this specific situation go or talk to her about it. She did go to my cousin Cassandra’s, 8th-grade graduation this year, this is one of the things that has made me feel like she cares less for me than my cousins.
Another instance is when I was eating dinner with her, my papa, and my cousins and I brought up the fact that I was thinking about going to college she proceeded to laugh at me, but then when Cassandra said she wanted to go my nana was asking what colleges she was thinking about going to, and the majors.
My nana has also never been to a single one of my birthday get-togethers, but she has always been to my cousins.
Then this one time I showed her a picture of a dress I tried on and she said I looked like a woman of ill repute.
I don’t know why she said that because it was floor-length. These are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head, but I will add I don’t care that she didn’t go to my actual graduation, I just wish she would’ve gone to my house afterward because she didn’t want to be around people that weren’t her family at the time because she was still grieving.
Another thing, I have done so many things for her but she has never been appreciative of them. As of recently, I have been thinking about my high school graduation in 2026 and I have just now realized that my other cousin, Jayla, will be graduating 8th grade at the same time.
I am worried my Nana will find a way to make it all about Jayla and not about me at my graduation. When I brought this up to my father, her son, I brought up some of the other things she has done to make me feel like she does not care about me, it escalated into my dad yelling at me once my mom left and following me to my room when I tried to walk away.
My mom had originally been on my side but now is on my father’s and nana’s side. So all of this has made me feel like I’m overreacting, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a difficult situation to be in and I’m sorry you’re going through it.
I agree it sounds like your nana doesn’t care about you as much as your cousins because it doesn’t sound like she cares about you at all. Which is awful. I’ve heard someone say “When people show you who they are, believe them.” I think your nana is showing you exactly who she is.
You’re NTJ for feeling hurt and saying so. Your dad’s reaction wasn’t great, but it’s hard to know what feelings he’s dealing with at the moment. It would be nice if he’d given you a reason to feel better, but yelling at you is just plain wrong.
Please ask yourself if your nana is worth hurt feelings. Does she deserve to receive your love? Are you wasting your time by trying to make her treat you better? And a difficult question, can you tell her how she makes you feel in person?
If she’s not willing to be a loving family member, why should you?” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“OP, I’m sorry you are in this situation. I know it sounds unhelpful when you are hurting, but this cruel behavior is on her and has nothing to do with you or the person you are or hope to be.
I doubt she will change even if you talk to her. An elder in a family who sits with family and laughs at your dream of university but talks at length to a cousin with the same dream doesn’t have enough in her awareness or her shrunken, stingy heart to shift. Until you don’t care what this woman thinks, you are vulnerable to her slights.
Let her go, let her opinions go. She is not one of your supporters. Find your tribe who support and uplift you, and let her and her hurtful ways drift away like sewage down a sewer.” RavenRaving
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Dumpster My MIL Ordered Without Consulting Us?
“I (29f) and my husband (30m) are currently living with his mom due to financial hardship that hit us recently. Recently, she bought us a new bed frame with storage underneath as an “early Christmas gift.” While we were in the process of changing the frames, we decided to overhaul our room and get rid of a ton to make it more space-efficient for us and our two kids (5m and 1f).
We kind of just threw the furniture in the backyard as our room has a door leading outside and it’s the easiest way to move stuff in and out. MIL said hubby and I should be responsible for paying for the dumpster removal. We were ok with that as it was mostly from us.
And then everybody in the house (my hubby has 4 brothers ages 24, 21, 18, and 17. And one sister aged 14) would clean up the yard. She would pay for the poison ivy removal.
Again, we were fine with paying for the dumpster and decided to look around instead of going with the one my MIL always uses because it starts at $700 and charges extra for furniture, appliances, and anything that ends up being taller than the dumpster.
As well as charges fees for the permits to discard this stuff. In looking around we decided we were going to get a quote from 1-800- gotjunk as their website says they don’t charge extra for the permits and they charge by volume, not item.
And if they were costly we had 2 other junkyards we were going to call for a quote.
Well, my mil decided she didn’t like this idea and went ahead and ordered the dumpster without even telling my husband or myself. We don’t feel like that was fair and she’s trying to force us to pay $700+ that we don’t have (I’m not able to work due to disability and my husband gets maybe $1,200 in a good month as he works at a concession stand and $6-800 of it goes to mil for rent) we didn’t even know she ordered the dumpster until it showed up.
When my hubby brought up that it wasn’t fair to do it without consulting us she said “Well I bought your new bed so it’s the least you could do” (bed was $250 and we were planning on buying it whenever taxes rolled around) and “You live here for a low cost of the rent.
I should raise it to cover all the bills” (we’re the only other adults the in the house that are pitching in and we are paying roughly a third to a half of the bills)
WIBTJ if we said we no longer felt it fair for us to pay the complete total when she forced the cost on us?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your MIL shouldn’t have unilaterally decided to run up a bill she expected you to pay. But it sounds like you piled a bunch of old furniture in your MIL’s backyard without having a plan worked out in advance for how you were going to get rid of it.
I can see why she got frustrated with “Oh, we’ll call around and get quotes” while her yard was already full of your trash.” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“YTJ based on op’s posts, they tossed stuff in the yard on Wed, talked about it on Thursday, and wasn’t going to even start calling around until Monday.
Your MIL doesn’t want a bunch of trashed furniture in her yard. If a different company was a priority, why didn’t you call Thursday or Friday?” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Correcting My Mom's Story About My Childhood Halloween Costume?
“So there’s this new Target commercial going around where a little girl dresses as a hot dog, and it came on while my family was watching a scary movie. I (20F) am home from college for the weekend and brought my partner, and my mother (57F) decided it would be hilarious to mention that she’d made me a hot dog costume as a kid, except the way she told the story, it was my request. She said that all the girls wanted to be Disney princesses, but I had asked to be a hot dog, so she’d gone out of her way to make me that costume.
This is not what happened, and I said as much. What happened is that I wanted to be Snow White, and had told everyone, including the teachers, that I was going to be Snow White. I was obsessed with that movie as a kid, to the point where I would get invested in doing chores because I was cleaning up just like Snow White.
My dad and I would watch that movie all the time, and I was very excited to be Snow White for Halloween, especially because my ballet studio was doing a special “princess dance,” for Halloween and we’d all signed up for special princess slots, and I’d shown up early with my dad the week before so I could get to be Snow White.
My mother decided that she wanted to be quirky and that Snow White was a bad role model after I got in trouble for trying to cook dinner for my family. I was about eight, and I tried to make hot dogs, like how she made food for the dwarves in the movie, and I made a mess.
My mom “surprised” me on the day off with a poor-quality hot dog suit, and told me if I didn’t wear it she’d never let me watch Snow White again. She took a million pictures, the other girls teased me for months, and it was one of the most humiliating moments of my childhood.
I told the real story and mentioned that I got through the day by pretending that she was the evil queen making me dress in rags, but the rags happened to be a garbage meat costume. She got really quiet after that, and after we left, my brother said she was crying and looking at the pictures from that Halloween.
I didn’t want to make my mom cry, but it’s a bad memory for me and it felt like she was trying to humiliate me all over again in front of my partner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had a different perspective and you set her straight.
Just because someone cries doesn’t mean they’re the victim in this. Especially if the truth is that not only did you not want to wear the hot dog, but she threatened your favorite movie as a result. Wear this or else? Like what. If this is true, it’s pretty weird and messed up.
I’d never force a costume on my child. That’s such a weird thing to do.” AtmosphericPresh
Another User Comments:
“I’d say let it go, but that would be so hypocritical of me. So instead, make peace with your hot dog costume, but remember your mom for whitewashing the memory.
My mom has a version of my childhood that did not happen. At all. In my mom’s version, it was all snowflakes, hugs, puppies, and unicorns and that is not the reality I lived. I’ve since let it go as to that’s what she needs to remember and that’s ok.
It’s not reality, but it’s ok that she wants to remember it that way. It doesn’t change what happened and if she needs to remember it that way, that’s fine. I don’t let it impact me. That said, I do get the absolute outrage for “that’s not what happened”.
I just shrug and let it go because I decided I don’t care.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“Parents can be casually cruel without realizing it, particularly when they think they’re being cute or quirky. She probably didn’t know how badly she was hurting you at the time, but she absolutely *did* know that she was overriding your desires using parental *force majeure*.
Jokes between adults shouldn’t be made at your kids’ expense, but often they are. This is a prime example. Your mom was looking for approval from other moms and made you the butt. NTJ, OP, but keep this lesson in mind with your kids.” _s1m0n_s3z
17. AITJ For Threatening To Sue My Brother Over Unpaid Debts?
“I have tried posting this but I usually sound like the jerk every time.
My brother is involved with a woman who has two kids. Neither kid is my brother’s and he has a rocky relationship with the mom. One minute they’re together next minute they’re not.
She spends all of his money to the point he never can pay his bills and asks me or my parents for money. He’s lost a job because of her, lost four cars, including one that my parents had promised to me that he destroyed, and even lost his house.
When he lost his house he had to move into our grandma’s for a couple weeks with three dogs that he expected me to help out with. I had to rehome all three and they were in horrible shape. He always says he’s going to pay me back, but never does.
I help take care of our disabled mother as well as working full time. I ask him for help with Mom and he says he can’t because my dad doesn’t want his partner or the kids at our house because they steal things or break them.
He had promised to help me with something this week and then cancelled saying he’s going to Disney. His partner’s parents put up the money for the trip but he is expected to pay them back the money and he is going to be buying souvenirs, food, and such.
I confronted him when he told me I needed to go through his boxes in our parent’s garage and organize it for him. I asked if he was coming to help me like he said he would and he told me about Disney. It led to a yelling match on the phone.
He says I don’t respect him and I don’t understand that when you’re in love you choose that person first and if she wants something for the girls he has to get it for them. He called me a jerk for saying if he truly loved her and the kids he would get them a new place to live instead of a vacation.
And if he truly wants me to respect him then he could stop treating me like a slave doing everything for him and not even getting help in return. I have stopped relying on him so much that this was my last straw. I told him I was going to cut off his cell phone that I paid for on my account.
He said I was a jerk for expecting my brother to pay when I knew he couldn’t afford it. I told him he could if he didn’t go on this trip. Easy pay me the money and I’ll butt out of your business. Don’t pay me, and I’ll call a lawyer and sue you for the money you just owe me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family has been enabling him for too long. He’s an adult and he made bad choices and you don’t have to financially support his bad choices. End his cell phone plan. If he can nag and ask for pity for a guy who can’t pay his cell phone bill, he darn well can’t afford Disneyland. He doesn’t have to choose his family.
He doesn’t even choose himself. He can do whatever he wants and you all can stop supporting him. ” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he was dealing with this on his own I would say that as his brother you could try your best to understand and let him figure it out.
However, I feel that since this seems to have been going on a long time without change and he’s consistently dragging the rest of your family into it, he’s the jerk.” Parking_Sandwich_744
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – While suing might be too harsh at this stage cutting him off financially is necessary or he is going to take you down with him.
It is one thing to prioritise a loved one but he is doing it to the detriment of his finances. Even worse he is deciding that he can sacrifice his integrity and relationship with his family. Yet he still feels entitled to mooch off that family and claim they are in the wrong.
He lacks self-awareness and doesn’t care about you beyond what you can give him. I am honestly shocked that losing his job, his house, and four cars wasn’t enough of a wake-up call. I guess he isn’t going to change but there is no reason to give him any more of your time or money.
If you want to go scorched earth this is the right move. If you think you might want to still have a relationship with him in the future it is not. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting him in your life going forward.” VoltesVoltron
16. AITJ For Asking For My Money Back After Missing A Hen Party Due To Surgery?
“My best friend’s hen is this weekend Friday – Sunday (I am one of the bridesmaids that have been supporting the maid of honor organizing the hen).
I had hip surgery last Tuesday and my physio assessed me and told me I can’t go to the hen.
I’m gutted I can’t go.
The surgery was booked a few weeks ago and I had no control over the date and was told it was 50/50 if I could go to the hen and would have to wait to be assessed afterward. I told my best friend this before the surgery and she was begging me to try to come regardless and that she would help me as much as I needed, so I kept paying my installments.
The hen party was £440 (a lot more than I’d usually be comfortable paying for a hen party!) and I have also just been told I’m being made redundant so I really can’t lose this much money.
I reached out to the maid of honor (hen’s sister), who’s just been diagnosed with cancer so going through her stuff, to ask if I can have at least some of my money back and she said that everything’s been prepaid and it’s too late.
My best friend also told me after my surgery that because she’d now be looking after her sister at the hen she wouldn’t have the capacity to look after me at the hen so would only want me there if I was 100% better (which I obviously wouldn’t be so close to the surgery – not that I’d want her looking after me at hen her anyway).
The hen told me that the maid of honor’s sister-in-law might come instead to care for the maid of honor during the hen party. Maybe I’m being paranoid but it seems they’re being very vague now about whether she’s coming as I’d asked for her to pay me my contribution if she goes instead.
I have also asked the maid of honor to send me the vendor’s details and I can supply them with a note from my surgeon to see if I can get some money back for some things I.e. some food and activities.
I would still want to cover my share of paying for my best friend, but other than that I have also thought about asking the maid honor if she can ask the others if they would pay a bit more.
14 other girls are going (I don’t know any of them) so would be £30 ish pounds extra each, so if not the full amount, at least something. Do you think that’s unreasonable? It just feels a bit unfair me pay for everyone’s food etc. when I’m not there.
I helped plan the hen so can say with a decent amount of confidence that this exact hen would have been planned regardless if we started with one less person.
Am I the jerk for asking for my money back? If I’m NTJ can you advise anything else I could do?
I’m not sure I’m thinking straight on all the meds!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sorry. Group plans almost always have someone who needs to back out for one reason or another. When you make the plan, you know you need to cover your share as soon as you say yes.
You should have backed out when you found out about your surgery, and then maybe given them time to work out a different amount for each person or given up your spot to someone else. You waited and hoped, but that’s on you. It doesn’t matter that it’s a lot of money, more than you would spend, or any of the other reasons that you are coming up with now as justification.
You agreed, and it’s too late now to get your money out of the group. You can try with some of the vendors, but likely you will just get credit to use for later. They may also have gotten certain rates because of the amount of people coming, and one less could mean they pay more either way.
Sucks you have to miss it, but no one else should be out of pocket because you had surgery. They have all done their budgets already, and it’s too late.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, at least in some ways. You continued paying installments knowing there was a possibility you wouldn’t be able to attend.
It was a risk you took. It does suck to be out that money, but you knew there was a possibility you couldn’t attend. The other people attending the hen’s party shouldn’t have to pay you 30 pounds extra because you can’t attend.
That seems unfair.” laurasdiary
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but you took a risk and lost. If someone takes your place, then it’s fair that they pay at least for themselves while you pay the portion to cover the bride, because they shouldn’t get to do those things for free, but it’s not fair for you to be refunded and the costs for everyone else to go up after it was agreed what they’d paid.
YTJ.” Rare_Sugar_7927
15. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Hyphenated Last Name?
“When my mom and stepdad got married they hyphenated their last names and changed our names too.
Our being me (16m) my sister (12f) and my stepsiblings (13f and 11f). I was 7 when they got married. My mom, sister, and I had the same last name as my dad before. He died when I was 5. My parents were getting divorced at the time and after he died Mom changed her name back to her original last name.
My stepdad wasn’t ever married and his kids had their mom’s last name but she was out of their lives by the time he and my mom started seeing each other.
They “asked” if we were all okay with the name change. I said no but they did it anyway.
They gave me a lecture on the importance of it and why I should be more open-minded. Then I was grounded because I told them I didn’t care and I wouldn’t use the new name because it was stupid and this wasn’t my family. So there’s always been a negative association with the hyphenated name.
When I could, I’d use my original last name/dad’s last name. I kept it a secret though because I knew I’d get lectured more and forced to go to therapy and I don’t want or feel like I need therapy over this. And I don’t want to go to some religious therapy staff who tells me to “respect my parents” and who’ll say my stepdad is my dad a bunch.
And I know it would happen because one of my best friends goes to the same church as my mom and stepdad. They were in family therapy in the church because of their parent’s divorce and dad remarrying. My friend was told over and over that their new stepmom was also their mom and was told they should not deny them that title because of biology.
My mom and stepdad found out anyway because my sister did and she decided she was going to use it too, even though she calls stepdad ‘dad’. When my mom questioned her about it she told her she told her if I use a different name then she will too.
My mom went through my stuff for school and found stuff with the name on it. She told my stepdad and the two of them lectured me and punished me for not using the hyphenated last name. They said it is my name now whether I like it or not and refusing to use it won’t change the truth.
They said I was a bad influence on my sister and that I might want to destroy the family but I would fail. My mom said the fact my sister uses terms like “real dad” for our dad shows I’m being rude and disrespectful and the name is just the icing on the cake.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Church ‘therapy’ is mistreatment. It has no therapeutic value of any kind, and the person conducting it likely has no non-theological training. If your parents try to make you go, the first thing to do is to demand that the ‘therapist’ spell out exactly what qualifications they hold.
Anyone who refuses to do this is a quack. Refuse to engage. Calling them an unqualified charlatan is optional but usually amusing. If the person lists only churchy qualifications, say “No, I’m asking what qualifications you hold to call yourself a therapist. I’m not here for spiritual counseling You present yourself as a therapist. Do you have any therapeutic qualifications?”” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings were never truly considered when the name change happened, and now you’re being punished for wanting to honor a part of your identity that feels important to you. It’s understandable that a forced name change, especially one tied to your family history and late dad, would be difficult.
It’s not about trying to destroy the family but holding on to a part of who you are, and that deserves respect. You’re allowed to feel the way you do, and it’s not wrong to want to use your original last name” Other_Coyote_1562
14. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Husband Over His Secret Substance Use?
“I have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 14. Relevant background: my best friend passed away due to substances in high school. She was experimenting for one of the first times and was in a coma before doctors advised there was no brain activity.
It messed me up for a while and changed a lot of things in my life. I’m okay with some substances. Everything else is triggering, and I’ve ended relationships for it in the past.
My husband and I have been going through difficult times lately and have been acting as roommates.
We have 2 kids (6m, 8f). With all the distance between us and his lack of emotional support, I decided to go through his phone to see if he was involved with other women. Instead, I found messages that he recently spent hundreds of dollars on substances.
I got very upset and confronted him about it. He told me I was overreacting and that substances weren’t that serious. He also told me he’s been doing it “occasionally” for the entirety of our relationship. This caused even more strain. I told him I wanted to separate.
He said he thinks he can fix it. I moved into the guest room.
After 6 months it seems like he’s trying to fix some things. He listens to me more when I talk which I guess is his version of emotional support. He helps around the house and is mostly a good dad.
He recently went on a business trip and when he got back, I looked through his phone again only to find that he bought another large amount of substances while he was away.
I feel like this is so disrespectful of my feelings and thoughts.
I feel like it’s disrespectful to our children because lots of bad things can happen whether it’s heart issues or what he buys is laced with something. I know he’s going to act like since he didn’t have it around the kids, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But he has known since before we were together about my friend, how it affected me, and my stance on stronger substances.
Am I the jerk for even considering leaving an otherwise decent person for this? The lying and the crossing of boundaries? How do I even approach the situation or start the convo? Am I overreacting and is doing some substances not that big of a deal?
I just can’t get past all the what-ifs. What if the kids found it and tasted or smelled it? What if I was driving him with it and got in an accident or pulled over and police found it? I could lose my job, my kids, etc. What if he got a bad batch or it just finally took a toll on his heart after over two decades of use?
I feel lost any help would be wonderful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly all you had to say was you had two young kids together and he’s started using substances and lying about it. Yes, doing substances is that big of a deal. Don’t try to minimize the problems you’ve laid out here.
You could lose your kids over this.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This same thing happened to my mother when my siblings and I were between 5 and 11 years old. We loved our dad and had no idea about the substances. He had a business and we lived a nice lifestyle and I had no idea as a kid.
Eventually, my mom left because she had enough. Things progressed more with my dad and he had a big problem (addicts are great at hiding things!) he eventually passed away at 50. I’m not saying that will happen to your husband, and while your kids are young now they will grow older and they will have things just CLICK in their heads of things that were off about his behavior or maybe even find evidence.
Separate now. Go to therapy if you think it’s worth fixing, but do not allow him near your kids if he can’t control this behavior of extreme substances and lying. It only gets worse, I promise.” Professional_Pop8867
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Used My Laptop During Our Dinner Date?
“Me (22F) and my partner (21M) went out to dinner last night to a cute little (cheap!) Vietnamese place not far from my house. He texted me suggesting we go out for dinner a couple of hours beforehand, while I’d been at work and he’d been studying, as we both really liked that place and hadn’t been out in a while.
I took the bus from work to go and meet him at the restaurant, and whilst I was on the bus called me and asked if could borrow my laptop to upload a report for an AGM he had the following day (tonight), as his phone wasn’t allowing him to do it and the only other device he had was his iPad (which he’d been studying with earlier).
I said sure, thinking that he would do it quickly after dinner when we were back at my place (which is where we were going to be staying for the night).
But no, we get to the restaurant and he asks for my laptop. Silently and disapprovingly, I gave it to him, and he sat at the table for a good 20 minutes or so uploading this report while I sat in silence across from him.
We’ve had some other issues recently (unusual for us) so I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I couldn’t believe his behavior.
In the restaurant, I did the ordering – which I do struggle with a bit because of social anxiety, but anyway – and he didn’t get off the computer until the moment the food arrived.
I expressed to him how rude I thought he was being, but he insisted that the upload had to be done right there and then. (For reference, the AGM was for a hobby club that he is on the committee for). He said he didn’t want to cancel dinner plans after he’d suggested them, even though he knew this report business was going to take a bit of a while.
Either way, I felt disappointed.
When we got back to my place at about 8:30 pm, he ended up calling some of the other committee people on Zoom and he was in the call for at least two hours. When he was done, all we could do was go to bed as we both had classes early the next morning (today).
Zero quality time.
Also, he was shaking pretty much the whole time he was in the restaurant as well, which is pretty unusual for him. It’s now 11:55 pm on the night of his AGM, which started at 7:30 pm, and he’s still not texted or called back (ie: he’s probably still in the meeting).
I’m not planning on seeing him again for a few days.
So, AITJ for thinking it’s rude of him to go on my computer in the restaurant, or was his need-to-upload a valid excuse for this kind of behavior? I don’t want to seem like I’m disrespecting his interests/hobbies, but this felt like he overstepped, especially given how little quality time we’ve had lately.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As I understand, he was unable to do it prior due to issues with his phone. You’re making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. He was done by the time your food came out. On top of that, you didn’t object to him doing it at the time.
You sat in silence for 20 minutes. Sometimes things come up in our lives and not every date is going to be perfect.” Fast-Bag-36842
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you’d been having some other issues recently, and it sounds like this was kind of the final straw for you.
I don’t know if he’s an *actual* jerk, but at the very least he was very inconsiderate of your feelings and your time, and I think you’re justified in being upset about it. You blocked off part of your day for him thinking that he wanted to spend time together because he said he did, but he didn’t do the same for you.
Yes, sometimes things don’t go according to plan and we have to adjust and compromise, but he kind of pushed all of that onto you without asking or considering how you’d feel. He knew he had this meeting. He knew he had a Zoom call about it the night before.
And he knew he’d have to upload this document and that it would take a while. But he didn’t communicate any of that to you at any point. Even if the document issue did just pop up after he’d made the dinner plans, you probably would have been less disappointed if he’d just said “I’m sorry but something came up and I’m too busy to see you tonight” and rescheduled for a day when he could give you his full attention, and then you could have spent your evening doing something you wanted to do instead of spending all night disappointed and sitting around waiting for him.” CumulativeHazard
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Traumatic Childhood Experiences With My Wife?
“We’ve been married for 7 years and have known each other since we were kids. When we were kids, we never hung out and had very different priorities/friend groups.
We reconnected years later as adults. We grew up together but not really.
Some folks think they are poor and are probably justified. I (42M) was poor. The first doctor’s visit I can remember was in my early 20’s, never saw a dentist, had no working refrigerator or stove, no running water, and most meals came from school or church kitchens.
When most kids were messing around or doing SAT prep, I was worried about rent and food. McDonald’s .39 cent cheeseburgers saved our lives. No hyperbole. That was life in essence from the time I could walk to when I got my place.
About 2 weeks ago, I learned a condition I suffer from could have been fixed as a kid.
I’d been convinced that I had a lifelong disability that closed off many avenues for me. Paths never considered suddenly opened, I didn’t know what I could/should do. Mom felt horrible and cried when I told her. She did what she could and I’m not bitter about it.
I understood her position. 4 kids, alone; no help but the kindness of strangers.
My wife (38F) has been talking about this movie, Inside Out 2, for a while. We saw the first one years ago and it brought up a lot of old emotions for me.
I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong. It triggered a flood of emotions and transported me right back to that time. Whoever wrote that darn movie did a good job capturing a 13-year-old’s emotions. I sat there watching this kid deal with “trials” while reliving the trials I went through.
That kid had friends, and family to help her, guide her, or be there. I did not, kids were cruel, and that’s putting it nicely.
I sat there crying and she pressed me to share. I flipped! I yelled something like, “No! I’m never going back!
I’m never telling you! I’m never telling anyone!” She got mad and walked off. I sat there crying. Grown man but I couldn’t stop myself. I was right back there.
I apologized for my outburst because I shouldn’t have yelled at her.
I tried explaining that she may have her trauma and wasn’t downplaying that. Our traumas aren’t the same though. It’s not a thing that happened once. It was an ongoing, lived experience for decades. I’m not willing to relive it just to share for curiosity’s sake.
She feels entitled to know everything. I told her that she wasn’t. There are some things that I have never and will never tell anyone. My childhood is the one boundary I have. She knows it’s there but feels that there shouldn’t be boundaries in marriage.
I should be willing to relive the trauma to tell her because I’m her husband and she doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to me about anything unless I do.
I don’t know where to go from here. I have one boundary. I’ve compromised or caved on everything else she’s ever asked or wanted from me.
Everything else. I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong here but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if therapy is accessible to you, it sounds like it might benefit you to deal with your trauma instead of trying to just lock it away.
The trauma you haven’t dealt with is kind of like having an abscess. It doesn’t look too bad on the surface, but anything that touches near the abscess is painful, and it can’t heal because of the pocket of infection deep under the skin.
Treating an abscess hurts and is messy, but it clears out the infection so things can finally heal, and it’s much the same with trauma. I’m not saying that dealing with it will be pleasant or easy, but it can get you to the point where your past is just your past and not a minefield.” KaliTheBlaze
11. AITJ For Correcting An American Mother On The Pronunciation Of Her Daughter's Irish Name?
“Today, I started talking to an American mother while in A&E; her child was interested in the artwork I have on my leather jacket as it’s pretty colorful.
The mother mentioned that her daughter’s name was “Grain” so I assumed for a while that she was another mother who wanted something “special” to call her child. I remarked that it was a unique name and that I’d never met anyone called Grain before.
She told me that she’s named after her great-grandmother and that it’s an Irish name. At this point, the alarm bells are ringing in my head because I’ve realized that the kid is called Gráinne (generally pronounced as Gro-yuh, or thereabouts.) I tried to be very tactful, and I was like, “Irish has such an interesting alphabet.
How is her name spelled? Irish names can be tricky.” The kid is called Gráinne. Not Grain.
My partner, who has studied Ireland’s political history as part of their dissertation and also the Irish diaspora and its culture around their university city, is stuck somewhere between stifling a laugh and dying of embarrassment on her behalf so I came up with, what I thought was a very positive reply.
I said “an old-school name and a more modern pronunciation. I think that’s a great way to pick names.” I would like to point out that I do not like the name Grain for a child, nor do I like the way the pronunciation was butchered, but I was trying to be tactful and positive.
She asked what I meant, and I said “Well in Ireland, they typically pronounce it like “gro-yuh”.”
Her face went red and said that I shouldn’t have said that the pronunciation was wrong in front of the kid because now she’s going to grow up knowing that her name is wrong and feel bad about it.
I apologized for offending them and restated that it’s a lovely name in both ways and a fantastic nod to her heritage. I said that I was sure her great-grandmother would be thrilled to be honored by her name being used. I was throwing out just about every positive reinforcement that I could think of, but, to be frank, she was very angry.
She told me that I “ruined her daughter’s self-esteem” and that her “life [was] ruined” by me saying that “her existence is wrong.” I didn’t say that, by the way. I said that her name was pronounced atypically. Gráinne, for context, was around 2 years old and completely unbothered by the conversation until her mother got angry at me.
She was just looking at the pictures on my jacket. The conversation was maybe five minutes long, but I managed to ruin this kid’s life.
Hindsight says I should have kept my mouth shut and waited for somebody else in this city to say something.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t embarrass the child you embarrassed the parent, who frankly should be embarrassed she named her kid a name she didn’t know how to pronounce. In reality, you did the kid a favor by pointing this out early on so the mom could deal with it.
She would have found out eventually and it could have been when she was old enough to be legitimately embarrassed.” MidnightPositive485
Another User Comments:
“Look, NTJ, but also – what were you trying to achieve? Mum acted like a total weirdo about your comments, but I just feel like it probably came across as a thinly veiled dig.
I used to have a colleague named Sian (family name). Having only emailed before the meeting, I assumed their name would be pronounced *Shahn* but it turns out they go by *See-ahn* mostly because in a country where Welsh isn’t common no one ever got it right and they just gave up.
If Grainne lives in America, they are likely going to get *Grain* or at best *Grah-in* for most of their life.” Kitchu22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so so sorry if this is insensitive but I started to laugh You digging yourself deeper and deeper, the mother getting angrier and angrier, and your partner trying so hard to not laugh You didn´t do this to be mean but darn…..
good save. Too bad mum was too wrapped up in her hissyfit lol You did not ruin anything. Just out of curiosity… did this happen in Ireland?” Initial-Company3926
10. AITJ For Choosing A Different Apartment After Realtor Was Unresponsive?
“I toured apartment 1 last Friday. I liked it and submitted my application on Monday. After 48 hours of not hearing from the realtor, I messaged him: “Hey I sent my application 2 days ago. Did you get it?” No response for 3 hours.
Wed morning I was getting annoyed. I knew I was a great applicant 780+ credit score, and the rent would be ~15% of my income. **I also noticed the apartment had been reposted advertising $1300.** So I felt he was dilly-dallying hoping he could potentially get a better offer/applicant while he kept me on the back-burner.
I don’t blame him for trying to see what he can get, but I’m currently 1 hour away from the area I’m trying to move to. Takes 2.5 hours out of my day to look at a place. If he’s taking his time to weigh his other options – why shouldn’t I as well?
I also have a big exam for work in 2 weeks so my time is valuable to me right now. I’m trying to not waste time so that I don’t have to move after it starts to get cold here in the northeast.
In the meantime, this past Wed I saw **apartment 2** on apartments.com.
I liked the amenities. For a $50 difference considering the the cost of doing laundry away from home – I called that relator immediately. We had a good discussion. I told him I was waiting on my application for another place to get approved – and the new realtor said he could be flexible on price.
This new guy is much more responsive. I already gave him my application before seeing the place. It’s very nice. I told him I’ll take it and he even dropped the price to $1,325 for me.
Both guys are writing up the agreement now. I should have it in hand from both guys this weekend.
The realtor for **apartment 1** annoyed me though. I was thinking of texting him once I have the offer for apartment 2: “While I was waiting ~4 days for you to accept my application, all else equal I found another apartment for $1300 in the same area with w/d in-unit and a dishwasher.
I sent my application for that place already on Wed and toured it Friday. I’ll be taking that lease instead. Good luck!”
Might be a jerk thing to say especially as he’s taking the time to write up the lease right now – maybe I can let him know before he finishes that, but this new guy seems way more excited to lease to me.
Should I not be petty in my response to Realtor 1 if I don’t end up taking that lease?”
Another User Comments:
“Almost certainly it’s going to be a standard lease and will take the realtor very little time to write up. He’s not going to care if you wait.
He’s not going to care if you don’t take the apartment. This is an important issue for you – it’s where you’ll live for the next year and a good chunk of change. It’s a couple of hundred dollars in commission for him. Don’t text rude things but wait until you have a signed lease before declining a place you’d like.
Edit to say NTJ of course.” myfirstnamesdanger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Or you could make it a learning lesson instead. “Since I sent you my application I have become quite concerned over the lack of communication. I have since tried to reach you to see whether you were up accepting my application or not, but sadly you once again didn’t respond to me.
This leaves me with the conclusion my application was not accepted, and you weren’t interested in me as a tenant after all. So, I am contacting you to notify you I went and looked at another apartment and the relator was more than happy to receive my application for it.
This is to let you know formally I am no longer interested in your apartment for lease and have made other arrangements”.” Longjumping_Win4291
9. AITJ For Keeping My Friend's Ex's Secrets After Their Breakup?
“One of my closest friends was seeing a girl for a while (one three months), and he was introducing her to us, his friends. She seemed nice and he especially wanted her to meet me since I’m ranked high on his friendship tier and she had several common interests with me.
Fast forward to yesterday, when they broke up.
What my friend told me is that she told him she didn’t want to do this anymore and just ghosted him. My friend has been through a breakup like that some months ago so trauma kicked in and he nuked any contact with her.
He asked me to not tell any of our friends about this and asked if I could retrieve a piece of clothing he left at her house (he doesn’t live in the same city) on the same day. I felt like that would be incredibly awkward/uncomfortable for me and the girl, but I wanted to help so I said yes and braced myself.
I was not prepared: she came out of the house sobbing, immediately hugged me and I kinda froze (I’m not good with social interactions, and emotions but I’m still very empathetic so their pain becomes my pain). She then started to infodump on me, telling me what happened from her point of view and some of the things she said contradicted what he told me and there was stuff he didn’t tell me.
Then she apologized for the situation as she noticed I was kinda “What do I do” and asked if I could not tell him about what she said, and agreed.
I messaged him to tell him I got the clothing piece and he wanted to know how did it go.
I made the mistake of telling him that she talked to me and I swore to keep a secret and now he’s angry because he feels like even if I’m being loyal, I’m betraying him and leaving him in the dark about the reasons for the breakup (from what she told me, he should know).
At this point, anxiety and guilt had kicked in so I just apologized, but held my ground and tried to give him talking points for his next therapy appointment without saying a thing about what she said, and he was like Whatever, you’re a disappointment”.
I haven’t talked to any of my friends about this because they are all in the same friendship circle and while I could’ve messaged one of my best friends who is not in the circle, I’m bound to my promise to not tell about the breakup.
My therapy appointment is today and I plan on discussing this with my therapist, but judge me, internet strangers: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You definitely could have handled it better, but we all make mistakes. You helped your friend out, listened to his grievances, and picked up the clothing.
The ex gf went way past healthy boundaries with her hugging, crying,g, and infodump. I think you handled it as gracefully as you could have. Your only mistake was letting the friend know that the ex gf had told you anything. You could remind your friend that it’s not your job to play messenger between the two of them.
It’s none of your business, and you’re staying out of it.” MurnSwag2
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if I’d call you a jerk but I’d not be your friend after something like this. Your friend entrusted you to get something for him and while there, his ex dumps info that you feel is relevant to your friend.
Then you tell your friend that she told you something that you are now withholding from him. You are placing your loyalty with a stranger over your friend. You were under no obligation to agree to keep her secret. I understand though now that you gave your word it would be wrong to go back on it.
But that changes absolutely nothing for your friend.” Ranoutofoptions7
8. AITJ For Evicting My Sister Over A Garden Dispute?
“My sister has lived with me since she was a teen mom. She has her own little space for her and her kids. It’s my house. I own it.
My fiancee Amy moved in and as my wife Amy can remodel the home as she likes.
Amy and I have been together for 4 years. My sister has lived with me for 6.
My sister and Amy got into this huge argument over ripping out my grass where her kids play and making a garden that will bloom next spring. Amy had discussed this with me and it was agreed on.
Because of our different schedules, we forgot about my sister and told her about the garden. Amy took a few days off from work to meet with the contractors for the initial digging up of the yard. This happened while I was at work.
My sister made a scene with the contractors and yelled at Amy.
Amy told my sister that it was time for her to move out and get on with her own life. I have been supporting her and her kids for too long.
A neighbor got involved and called the police saying Amy wasn’t authorized to have the contractors dig up the yard.
Amy was asked to leave the property by the police with an overnight bag. This was supervised by the police because I was not reachable at work. My sister told me “Can you believe this woman ripping up the yard like that”
I have to leave work and take my hour commute home to deal with my sister.
I told her it was time for her to move out and she should have never been involved with the garden. It wasn’t her place. It’s not her darn home.
My sister was complaining that her boys love to play in that patch of grass and she can’t believe I would make changes to her play area without consulting her.
Amy is really angry at my sister and the neighbor. The neighbor tried to apologize but I had to tell the neighbor there was no more coming over because she would be trespassed and she had no business calling the police and making the situation worse.
The neighbor explained she didn’t know Amy was authorized to make those changes and I told the neighbor too darn bad. She’s banned from the property even though she’s friends with my sister and their kids play together.
I told my sister that she and the boys had to go and that she needed to be out by the New Year or would take legal action against her.
My sister kept crying and apologizing but her actions showed Amy what her married life would be like My sister lived with us and I was putting my wife first and my sister had to go.
Edit: Amy and I talk to a lawyer and we are getting the legal paperwork together for my sister’s eviction.
The lawyer also suggested cameras for the yard and those will be installed next week. I’m sending my sister legal notice of the cameras being installed to cover my behind per the lawyer’s request.
I do not blame the police for their reaction and neither does Amy.
Our destination wedding is coming in a few weeks. My sister was not going because of her relationship with our parents. But the cameras will be installed by then with the legal notice my sister is not to tamper with the cameras or make any cosmetic changes to the property while we are out of town.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You took your sister in because she was a teen mom and supported her financially, as I understand it, for at least six years. You talk about kids, plural, among other things: did she get pregnant after moving in with you?
I also have to wonder: what about the father? Your parents? Regardless of the answers, your sister has behaved very badly. She’s a guest in your house, she’s being supported, and she even has the nerve to meddle in your future wife’s renovations. The one you’ve been with for four years now?
‘Entitled’ doesn’t go far enough in this case. Not to mention the neighbor… nosy and inappropriate. You did well across the board. I only feel sorry for the children, who will suffer the most from the tantrums of these two.” SuperbPotential2610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So if I’m reading this correctly, she moved in with you as a teen mom and has had more children since living with you.
She isn’t financially independent but has continued to make babies. It is time for her to step out on her own and support the family she has created. You also gave her PLENTY of notice, that was very kind. On the bright side, it sounds like she has friends maybe she can move in with one of them.
Make sure you get everything in writing. If she is willing to make a scene in the neighborhood and talk to the cops to have your fiancé thrown out, no telling what she will do down the line. Good on you for sticking up for your future wife.” -Jewelz-
7. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up After Myself While Sick Despite My Brother-In-Law's Hypocrisy?
“I, 17M live with my two sisters. One of them is married and her husband also lives with us.
Since my parents went abroad for work last year, I took on a lot of responsibilities that most kids my age do not really have to worry about.
I cook my own meals, do my own laundry, and commute to school.
Sometimes I slack a bit. I forget to wash a tray or a pan here or there and I forget to move my laundry from the washer to the drier or from the drier back to my room.
Most of the time, I like to think that I stay on top of things.
When I do forget to do one of the chores listed above though, my brother-in-law gets mad. He once lost it at me because I was washing some meat before cooking and apparently, a tiny piece of fat fell off it and got caught in the drain.
When he yelled at me to come down and see, I saw it was so small so to me, it seemed reasonable why I never noticed it. Later that day, I was washing the dog when water came up the drain. Washing the dog isn’t a chore I usually do so I wasn’t aware of this but the reason the water flowed up is because they have a routine of removing the drain every few weeks and removing any clumps of dog fur.
When this happened and I was oblivious to the fact I needed to remove the drain, my brother-in-law stormed in, barged past me, and swore. This happened when I was sixteen. I am eighteen in a week. I would also like to preface he isn’t exactly a saint either.
Sometimes he forgets to clean after himself and when he leaves dishes in the sink, sometimes they still have food on which clogs the drain. I have cleaned up after him and never complained and he’s older than me. He hasn’t behaved like that much since then but recently, he’s been acting up again.
I’ve had a cold since last Wednesday. In that time, I’d forgotten to clean out the air fryer.
Whenever I use it, I always clean it but just because I was sick, I genuinely didn’t have the energy to do more than essentials like eating or sleeping, like one does when they’re poorly.
He commented on how ‘Every time’ he wants to use it, it’s dirty even though I know I never forget to clean that particular appliance. The next day, I used the air fryer to make food. I’d just sat down to eat and even though I was sick, I planned to clean it after eating.
He made a comment about me being lazy and not wanting to clean up after myself and continued so I just decided to stop eating to clean it just so he’d shush. Today, I went to make food in the oven. I opened it to take out a tray to see they were all dirty.
I know I didn’t leave them dirty as I’ve not used them to cook in a while. I cleaned one to eat but because I’m sick, I didn’t want to clean up for others. My Brother-in-law got mad, saying I still should’ve cleaned it up since he’s always doing things for everyone else.
I wanted to say something back but since I have the flu and since I didn’t want to upset my sister, I just couldn’t be asked to argue over all the things I’ve done for him too.”
Another User Comments:
“When you get better confront your brother-in-law.
Put him in his place. Who owns your home and how is it being paid for? Are you living with him, or is he living in your parents’ family home? Contact your parents and tell them he’s making you extremely uncomfortable in your home. Also, just getting this face and reading him the riot act.
Tell him if he ever messes with you again you’re going to turn his whole world upside down and he’s not going to get a minute of peace.” Agitated-Buddy2913
Another User Comments:
“Talk to your sister and see if you can get an unbiased assessment from her.
He may be a hypocrite and it’s also possible you’re not as on top of things as you believe you are. Your sister may think he is not responsible. It would be interesting to get her take on things before you say anything. Have you ever had conversations with your sister about this?
What has she said?” Interesting-Fail8654
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Homeless, Manipulative Parent Move In With My Newborn Family?
“I have a parent (which one is withheld) that has been made homeless as a result of their own decisions. A year ago, they moved out of their totally fine apartment to a location 1 hour away, after complaining of noise and illicit deals. At this location, it is inconvenient for me to visit as I have a newborn who hates long car rides.
After a year there, they are unhappy again with complaints of noise and claims the landlord is harassing them. Which I saw proof of. They move in with a very awful ‘friend’ who they try to help take care of, as they are supposedly in poor health.
And lets the lease on the apartment run out, against my advice not to do that, and to find somewhere else to live before committing to that. They ignore all of my advice, and do everything I tell them not to do. The friend ends up doing what they always do and harass and bully my parent into leaving (which I have seen, but don’t know why they began or what led up to the bullying) my parent is now homeless, jobless, and living in a car.
I told the parent to apply for emergency housing and call the local aid services for help, they beat around the bush again for about a week this time and finally filed the paperwork minus a birth certificate. The parent has been very manipulative and psychologically abusive my whole life, the parent also thrives heavily on pity and tries to make every situation about them.
They have pushed away all other families besides me, and I cannot stand to be around them for long periods without getting stressed and mentally drained. The father can’t take care of himself, at 75 y/o, the sister is living on a couch due to home issues, and I have not offered my house because I have a newborn, don’t have the room for an extra body, and my s/o cannot stand my parent because of how manipulative they try to be of me.
The parent seems to be under the escapism mindset and believe they are talking to music stars, and claim that they are coming to take the parent to (town) instead of trying to find themself help, they are worried about concerts and trying to get to the said star.
I have been trying my best to help where I can but this parent can’t be helped and does the opposite of everything you tell them, and they are never happy anywhere. There is no wwin-winsituation for me or the parent.
I feel like a jerk for not opening up my home, but I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve literally told them what to do and how to do it but they’ve ignored everything and this is the pinnacle of all the decisions they have made.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parent is deeply delusional, probably unmedicated. Don’t let them move in.
Do talk to DShS for elder medical services and try to obtain a court-ordered evaluation. From there, you should have an idea of what real help might look like.” Dognutstogo
Another User Comments:
“The music stars thing is unfortunately a common scam that feeds into people’s need to feel special to bleed them dry.
There is nothing you can do to help except offer advice, which this parent is ignoring. You can’t fix them. All you can do is focus on your own family and your own mental, emotional, and financial stability. It sucks, it’s hard, you’re going to feel guilty, but there is nothing you can do but stay in your lane.” HappyKnittens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If parents won’t take your advice, stop giving advice! The best thing you could do right now is to call APS or aging services or welfare and ask them what if anything can THEY do to help someone you think is delusional and in need of support, but refuses YOUR advice.
And then for your sake and your family’s peace of mind, cut all contact with said parent.” bkwormtricia
5. AITJ For Uninviting A Toxic Coworker From Our DnD Group?
“Some coworkers and I are about to be playing DnD together. I (f 21) will be the dungeon master because no one else wants to.
Initially, I approached 2 other female coworkers and asked if they would like to play DnD and start a group. It was a resounding yes. So I ordered the game.
Well one of the two other women, I will call her Lee for anonymity’s sake, before we started, made it very clear that she wanted it to be a girls-only group.
To which I asked why (I had also invited my partner and a few other male coworkers of ours who expressed interest). She responded that she “hates men.” I was like “Okay, I am sorry to hear that, just so you know DnD is going to be a mixed group because others have also expressed interest so I hope that won’t be a problem!” To which she sort of rolled her eyes and walked away.
A few weeks later, she starts beefing with the other female coworker I had initially invited, let’s call her Jane. Jane isn’t a drama queen or anything but for some reason, Lee decided one day that she had a problem with her and started picking fights.
She then went to our manager and talked badly about Jane behind her back for at least an hour.
It’s gotten to the point that Jane doesn’t want to play with Lee. To make matters worse, when I made a group chat initially and added all the interested parties, Lee saw there were men in it and “jokingly” said: “This is girls only lmao bye (boys).”
It was awkward to be sure and not the vibe I wanted. Then the next week at work, she brought in some friends to dinner. I was serving them. She told me in front of these other girls that they were interested. In the moment to be nice I was like “Oh great!
The more the merrier!” But deep down I knew I wasn’t comfortable with hosting more than the people I had invited.
Now I am a first-time player/ DM. I do not feel comfortable being the dungeon master for more than a small group.
I made sure I told Lee that sentiment the next day when she was working.
I said, “I would like to figure out how to lead a group before inviting other people but eventually I would be more than happy to expand the group.” She gave me the nastiest look and was like “All alright.”
We have our first session coming up but no one wants to play with her and I would like to make a nice fun lighthearted environment for everyone.
Would I be a jerk to uninvite/ exclude her for the good of the group?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been clear she’s not a good fit–she has said she hates everyone who will be there (for being male or for being a coworker she has a problem with).
She wants to play in a group with her other friends. Don’t invite her to your group, “misunderstand” her earlier “bye” message, and remove her from the group chat, kindly suggest that she form a group of her own that can be female-only, without your involvement, and have fun with your DnD group!
She has, explicitly or implicitly, declined your invitation multiple times. Accept that, and consider the ‘disinvite’ just your official acceptance of her attitude. Make it about being a poor fit (which it is!), and remain civil even though she’s rude, and you are not being a jerk.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She had made it pretty clear that she wants you to DM for her private group that she has assembled, and not be part of the group you have already organized. I think it would be perfectly fair to make the point that you are currently unwilling to DM for strangers (ultimately as a new DM, there will be mistakes and teething troubles, something a group of existing friends will understand and be happy with, strangers won’t).
Also, given her comments regarding the planned group, it would be best that she wait for a future game instead (at your convenience, if you feel like it). Given her surprise so far, so be prepared for her to kick off about this and try to cause even more drama though, but she was inevitably going to cause drama anyway, so no real loss there…” Crysis
4. AITJ For Arguing With My Mom Over Her Cleaning Standards?
“I (19f) got into a fight with my mom (49f) while cleaning the house today.
My mother is a clean freak, for reference when I was a kid and my clothes weren’t folded up perfectly in my closet she would yell at me loud enough that the neighbors asked the next day if everything was alright at home and then proceeded to throw my entire closets’ content on the ground in my room and slam the door on it so hard it broke.
And this happened multiple times.
So, we live in a 2 story house, and Thursdays are cleaning days. I always clean the whole upper floor which includes my room, a bathroom, an office/guest bedroom,m, and my parent’s bedroom. Two of the rooms (office and parents’s bedroom) have carpets that you can’t see dirt/dust on.
The other rooms have flooring that you can see hair or dust on very well as they are all light colors.
The upper floor is always quicker to clean as downstairs also includes the living room and kitchen which are both fairly big rooms with a lot of shelves and surfaces that need to be dusted off and are full of decorations and clutter.
So when my mom is finishing up with dusting the last room I am already on vacuuming the upper floor.
Today it took me maybe 20 minutes to do so, and when I took the vacuum downstairs my mom looked at me weirdly and asked me if I was finished already.
When I said yes she then proceeded to tell me I was way too quick to be able to do a good job at it and to do it again. I refused saying I did a good job and she could go have a look if she didn’t believe me.
She did and as expected, found nothing. But then she told me that I obviously slacked off in the carpeted rooms where she couldn’t see the dirt as I knew she would have no proof of me doing so. I told her she was being ridiculous.
Then she started yelling at me about being lazy and ungrateful and how she asked me to do one thing around the house to help her and I can’t even do that properly. Which again, is not true, I help with everything and anything she asks me to do.
Not to mention I have been the sole person doing the entire household’s laundry, mowing the lawn, and taking care of our pets for years now. I also cook, clean, help my dad with renovations on the house and around the garden, and also help with fixing the family car if needed. By no means am I complaining about any of this, I think it’s normal to help around your parents’ home, especially if you still live with them and it’s the least you could do for them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear. Your mom is abusive. It sounds like she is using any excuse she can find to lash out and yell at you. You could spend all devery dayday cleaning and helping out around the home and your mom most likely would not be happy.
You have to clock her on this when she does it and make her aware of her behaviors Remember that it is never okay to treat someone like a jerk when they are doing their best to help out. I know that moving out can be a difficult task, especially when you’re young, so I won’t ask you to do that.
Just hang in there and remember that you are right. And especially remember that your mom’s irrational bebehaviors not your fault. I wish you so much love and strength. NTJ” Miserable_Alfalfa_94
3. AITJ For Expecting My Mom's Ex To Help With Baby Care Instead Of Me?
“I (17F) and my mom (37F) have been primarily taking care of my baby sibling (3 months).
For some background, mom and her now ex-partner got together for about less than a year before having a baby, mind you during this time we were not in the correct place to welcome a new family member. Upon hearing about this announcement I was frustrated and scared for the outcome as at the time we lived in a small apartment that had barely any space for my mom and me.
I of course asked if they had any plan only to receive and shrug and a joke about how they’ll figure it out from Mom’s ex. This statement worried me only to be proven right shortly.
Fast forward to when my baby sibling, while all went well and well things started going downhill.
Long story short, due to complicated reasons we end up living with our ex and their parents which factors into play. Many people would think it would be all hands on deck but it would only be my hands and my mom’s, I started to notice that a lot of minor tasks needed to be done I was the first one to call.
At first, I didn’t mind because I wanted to be there for my mother and help since it wasn’t an everyday thing but it soon got to a point that if my baby sibling needed help I was the first one to call even IF ex was in the same room, I would be the one to do it whether it would be babysitting, changing diapers, or making milk It would be me if there was assistance needed.
This part that has me conflicted is when I do speak up, it feels as if I am complaining or being a spoiled teen because I feel some sort of obligation to take care of my siblings (I am the oldest sibling). While my mom does the majority of the work it feels as if I have to carry some burdens while my ex can put his two cents in.
Yesterday my mom called me into her room to get some things for the baby. While all of this is being said, the ex is chilling right beside her doing nothing but sleeping.
Like always I grabbed and brought up baby’s stuff but quickly expressed my feelings about always being the first one to call which soon spiraled into a fight with my mom saying that she needs to rely on me and asking if I rely on her, I truly didn’t know what to say but to apologize and wanting for this all to end and to somewhat defuse the situation.
I love my mom very much but I don’t know what to do, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That baby has two parents, and both of them should be stepping up before you are asked to step in. It sucks that your mom made a child with a loser who would rather sit on his butt than care for his child, but those were her choices, not yours.
At her big age, there are no excuses for failing to use your form of protection if you’re not in a place to welcome a child or to rush into creating a child with someone she barely knew. If she needs someone to “rely on”, then her first call should be to her child’s father.
And if he’s not stepping up, that’s her problem to resolve. None of this should be the responsibility of another child in the home.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The second you turn 18 you need to be out that door. Or you will never have a life of your own.
Time to start planning and not be the doormat. You are already clear that your mother created this nightmare, and is being very cavalier about it. Time for her to solve these problems. Her kid, not yours.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very complicated. Does your mom have any intentions of moving out?
Either way… Sounds like the father wants nothing to do with the baby and is a deadbeat and you’d still be your mother’s main support. It sucks that your mother isn’t more apologetic/understanding of your feelings about the situation but I don’t think anyone could have predicted this happen?
She’s in a stressful and manic situation at the moment. Just wanna say, that you are a strong young lady/man and I praise your patience !!” User
2. AITJ For Wanting To Maintain My Friendship With My Female Best Friend Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I’ve been seeing my current partner for 2 years now and we are madly in love. No relationship is perfect but ours I believe is very strong.
There’s only one problem. She hates my girl best friend. For context, my girl best friend is a DJ in my city, we’ve DJ’d together and she’s now pretty popular. A while ago before I was seeing my current partner my girl best friend started talking to this guy I didn’t like.
Long story short it turned out to be my current partner’s ex-partner. He was a total jerk to my friend and my partner. Safe to say neither of them even talks to this guy now. However, my partner has held this huge hatred for my girl-best friend our whole relationship and refuses to ever have a conversation about it with my girl-best friend.
I don’t expect them to hash it out…but it’s been 2 years. My partner knows that this girl is like my sister. There has never and will never be anything romantic between us. And it feels like this is the only thing we ever argue about.
We live together and have two adorable cats. Yet every time my girl best friend is mentioned my partner has something mean to say about her.
Today my friend had a rave she was playing at and texted me to ask if I wanted to go.
I said yes because since I’ve started seeing my partner I’ve minimized the time I spent with my friend. We used to hang out every day and now we only see each other occasionally. I said yes to the show and she added me and my partner to her guest list. On our way there I got out of the car to buy some blunts because my partner my friend and I are very big stoners.
I had texted my friend sent me a text to smoke earlier today.
My partner saw the text on my phone and brought up that she had a huge problem with the text I sent her. She said she didn’t like it. I corrected her but she quickly told me that she didn’t like that the message was all cutesy.
I reiterated that it wasn’t and showed her the convo. She didn’t care and reminded me how she didn’t like her.
After not seeing my friend for such a long time this kinda broke me. I really love my friend and I love my partner but it’s always weird knowing my partner really doesn’t like my friend so I asked if she can just take me home.
Mind you my partner has already gotten a guest list from one of her friends working the rave. She began to cry and told me it was not fair for me to ruin her night because I didn’t wanna go anymore. I’m so confused emotional and hurt.
I really do miss hanging out with my friend because she was like my big sister and I’ve never had siblings but I always saw her as a big sister to me. And I love my partner so much I don’t wanna hurt her.
What do I do?!? I’m currently sleeping on our couch because my partner wants nothing to do with me. Am I the jerk here?!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can’t win this no matter what you do. This woman friend was involved with a man your partner was once involved with – so in your partner’s mind, they both have the same taste in men – which means she will always feel threatened by this woman – if your partner is interested in you then she can be too.
If you are getting tipsy or high with her – that just makes it more likely that something will happen in your partner’s mind. Even without the ex, your partner would probably still not accept this friendship. Your partner is never going to be rational here, so I guess you have a choice to make.
I think it’s sad that your partner thinks this way, but she hasn’t budged in 2 years – it doesn’t sound like she ever will. Hollywood is partly to blame for perpetuating the myth that a man and a woman who are friends realize they are in love when one of them is about to get married – a rom-comm trope.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t understand your partner at all. Also, it doesn’t make sense to hold a grudge forever towards someone who went out with your ex if they were not your friend. Most people are someone else’s ex.
Also, they broke up too now so why can’t they bond over this jerk they both went out with? Is your partner otherwise normal around other women? I also don’t think you should enable her behavior by not seeing your friend, she has done nothing wrong and it’d be a shame if you lost an important friendship for nothing.
Organize meetings and nights out or whatever you like with your friend, and always invite your partner. Go anyway, and she’ll probably suck it up and start coming with you and perhaps even try overcoming her blind hate for your friend by getting to know her.
Or she will never come but you won’t have to lose your friend.” dragondreamcr
Another User Comments:
“I strongly support the fact that friendship with the opposite gender should be limited once you’re in a relationship, you have limited your interaction with her, and that’s how it should be BUT she doesn’t seem to appreciate that.
You can’t just randomly cut off friends completely from your life, stand your ground, you never gave her reason to be jealous of your friend.” necrosis254224
1. AITJ For Not Moving My Wedding Date Despite In-Laws' Demands?
“So I (24F) and my partner (30M) have been engaged since late 2021 and decided on a date and year back then. We recently finished planning and were going to be sending our save the dates when my partner’s sister announced that she was 4 weeks pregnant and would be due 2 and a half weeks after our wedding.
My partner’s parents, Nan, and sister all live in a different country so sadly she won’t be able to come.
The issue comes that my partner’s mum has refused to come to the wedding as she wants to be around for SIL’s pregnancy. Sister-in-law has a supportive husband and mother in law that lives across the road so she wouldn’t be on her own without her mum.
MIL would only be gone for 2/3 days maximum. My partner’s dad has also said that he won’t come for less clear reasons but the general reason is that his wife isn’t coming and he thinks we should just move the date. Because the in-laws aren’t coming partner Nan won’t be able to come due to being older and a big trip to make herself.
Now I don’t want to move the date and I’ll explain why, my Dad passed away when I was 18 so he’s never going to get the chance to see my child or watch me get married and the date we’ve picked means a lot to me and my dad and is a date of good luck.
The year is also important to me as it would be 10 years since my dad’s transplant (on our wedding day) and it just feels an extra close year to him. Moving the wedding by a year would also create some issues as we need to change our child’s surname and want to do this before they start school and moving the date would mean we would be changing it when they’ve already been in school a year which seems to be a lot more hassle.
And finally, on a lesser note I’m meant to graduate uni next year so would have my diploma in my married name and if we moved it back it would then be in my maiden name which I would only have for a few months.
Another reason that plays into changing the date for a bit more context is that I’ve never gotten along with my in-laws. I wasn’t invited to my SIL’s wedding in fact was told I wasn’t welcome and have experienced some pretty nasty racial hatred from them over the years.
They have never come to visit us in our child’s nearly 4 years and we have always had to make the trip over there with a baby/ toddler ourselves.
Now I’m not sure if I’m the jerk in this situation as although I have my reasons for not wanting to move the wedding I do appreciate that SIL is pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they’ve been racist to you!! And they’ve never come to visit you in 4 years. I think it’s likely they would have found other reasons to not come to the wedding. If it’s really important to your finances for his parents to be there, then I think there needs to be an open discussion about whether they would come if it was rescheduled.” OcelotBudget3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, your in-laws sound terrible. Weddings cost a lot of money and take a long time to plan; there hardly ever is a good reason to ask someone to move a wedding date. Besides, you decided on a date and started planning well before your SIL got pregnant.
Her reproductive decisions and timelines have nothing to do with you. If we’re going to go off of your MIL’s logic, perhaps your SIL should’ve waited to become pregnant. If your in-laws refuse to go to your wedding due to a reason such as this, so be it.
And honestly, considering your relationship with them, good riddance.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“Are you sure sister-in-law is pregnant? That would be a mighty good excuse for them all to stay home. Then after the fact, they could tell you, the baby was stillborn and it would be something you couldn’t question because of the tragedy of it.
If they’re racist, I would not trust them to be decent about anything.” Grandmapatty64
