People Get Dramatic In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Going To An Out-Of-State College Despite My Family's Disapproval?
“I, 17f, recently graduated high school in all honors classes (I’m a gifted student), with the highest grades in my classes, and with a scholarship to an out-of-state college. My sister, 20f, didn’t do so well in school and is attending a community college fully paid for by my mom, 38f.
I never opened up to my mom about college, and she never asked. As you might’ve guessed, communication was difficult in my family. When I told my mom about the scholarship, she flipped. When my sister found out, she was also really mad, cursing and whining about me being allowed to go to a good college but not her.
Now my mom is refusing to provide me the plane tickets, suitcases, etc. required to get to and from the school, and the money to purchase the books I need. Of course, I’d be able to pay for transportation myself because of my savings from my job, but I wouldn’t be able to purchase my books with it, and the other way around.
I’m considering testing my luck and buying my own plane ticket to go anyway.
So, WIBTJ if I went to college in another state despite my family’s opinion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good opportunity. Figure out what you’ll need to do.
Use financial aid to cover the rest of the semester. Then get a job when you move there. So, you can pay as much of the remainder of the expenses yourself. Minimizing your student debt. Then stay there for the summers. So, you can keep your job.
Since your mom couldn’t be bothered to help and even tried to use finances to stop you. You can’t risk not having a job to return to after each summer.” Velocityg4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Understand why your sister’s upset, but I’m sorry your mom’s crazy… should be helping both of you do the best you can, not holding one of you back because it’s a better option than what the other has.
Like are you supposed to also turn down any job in the future that has a higher pay than your sisters? Lol. At the end of the day, if your sister wanted the same opportunity, she should’ve put in the work to earn it like you did.
Your future is about you. So if you’re confident in it and want to do this, I say go for it. Buy the ticket and maybe figure out a part-time job to afford books etc. Also, let a college counselor or whoever know your situation financially and they may be able to help too.” FootballWithTheFoot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go, go, go. Do not let your mom and sister ruin your future because your sister is envious. Envy is a sin for a reason. Jealousy is: I want what you have. Envy is: I want what you have, I don’t want you to have it, and I will take it from you if I can.
Families are supposed to be supportive of great accomplishments, not discouraging and preventative. Tell your mom and your sister that if your sister actually works at her JC and does well, she may be able to get into a real University someday. And if she doesn’t, she can work at the local gas station.
The reason Universities offer scholarships is because it has been shown that those who work hard and earn their way into Higher Education actually do better in life and contribute to society.” Maybeidontknow99
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Mom Money For Her Addictions Instead Of Groceries?
“I’m an 18F living with my mom and my sister. The rent is really high where we live plus groceries, so every time I get paid I’m required to give some of my check to my mom, which is obviously not a problem.
But literally almost every time I hand her money she gives it right back to me so I can buy her smokes, food, or she’ll keep it so she can buy herself substances. We will literally have no food in the house and she will buy herself something to last her only for a single night.
I have begged her to be more responsible and to please think about everyone in these difficult times but she never listens, using that excuse “I’m the parent” “I’m stressed” “This is my therapy.”
I just got paid today, and I’m thinking about just taking my money and going food shopping.
I don’t even want to give my mom a chance to force me to fund her unnecessary wants.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you’re having to learn this, but one of the first rules of living with addicts is that you can’t give them cash.
You can buy groceries (or even a grocery gift card), you can pay the bills directly, but they can’t be trusted with money that can go anywhere. It sounds like your family may qualify for benefits like food stamps, but you may need information that your mom won’t be willing to provide.
Do you have any other adults in your life you can rely on or turn to for advice? Does your sister have close friends whose parents you may be able to speak with for her benefit?” lavendergaia
Another User Comments:
“Go food shopping. Fill the cupboards.
Let your mom know you are starting to go hungry because there isn’t enough food in the house. Let her know you are worried about being homeless because of rent arrears. Or, go to a local food bank. They have a range of foods. Let them know your family is very short of money.
There are community organizations and church organizations that give out food. This is not begging. Quite a few working people are using these amenities. Reach out to any, decent family member who might help you, or let you live with them. If at school, reach out to a school counselor.
Are you planning to go to college? If so, research all appropriate scholarships. If not, look into renting a room in a house with roommates. Or asking a family friend to rent you a room. Your mother is failing in her basic responsibilities as a parent.
If she’s mentally ill, or depressed, she should be seeking treatment. She should be looking for state/government benefits for low-income families. So sorry you are going through this. Good luck. NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ although now that you are 18, she could just flat out charge you rent.
Your idea is a perfect compromise. I would not discuss it with her; it would just put her on the defense. Just buy the groceries and if she asks for money later, give her your grocery receipts. If she says that’s not enough, tell her you will start looking for a roommate and she will get zero assistance.
Sorry about your mom.” schwendybrit
19. AITJ For Threatening To Remove My SO From My Car Insurance After Insults?
“I have a car, I don’t owe anything on it, and stay on top of repairs to keep it going from A to B without many issues. It’s no supercar but I saved for a car before buying so do feel some pride.
My partner likes to remark often “it’s a bad car” and I usually respond with something like “where’s yours?” And it’s left at that.
Today was a little different. They’re learning to drive (with an instructor in the instructor’s car) and using mine to practice in between lessons (they don’t put fuel in but do pay for their share of the insurance on my policy). Today they said it was a bad car and my response was “if you don’t like driving it, I’ll take you off the insurance.”
I was told I was being manipulative and controlling by doing that and they’re refusing to talk to me until I apologize, I made the point that this isn’t the first time I’ve said I was unhappy with them calling my car bad.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, if your partner thinks it’s ok to use your stuff, insult it, and then get snippy when you stand up for yourself… they don’t sound like a catch. Let them walk away from the relationship, and find someone who is not toxic, who loves you for you, and not your stuff.
NTJ.” Popular-Emu7380
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your car, and honestly I think it’s generous of you to let somebody who’s just learning how to drive use it for practice. What they’re not paying is wear and tear and ultimately the risk for damages lies with you too.
They’re not appreciative of this at all apparently, but take it for granted and even kinda voice the expectation of you buying a new car. Is this a common pattern with them?” DerTW13
Another User Comments:
“Any “bad car” is better than no car at all.
I can relate to OP being a little proud to have saved money to buy a good & reliable car because that’s how I was feeling 3 years ago when I bought my first brand-new car after almost 20 years of only being able to buy a beater car every 3 or 4 years.
Ok, it’s a Dacia Sandero, but it’s a reliable and good-value car. And therefore I love my “bad car.”” tafkarince
18. AITJ For Suspending My Adult Sons' Phone Service Over Unpaid Bills?
“I use T-Mobile phone service and have 5 lines. My elderly father, 17 y/o daughter, 19 & 25 y/o sons and myself. Both sons no longer live in my household and live in their father’s extra house. While under my roof they refused to contribute despite both being employed. When asked to cover a bill I would hear, “You’re my mom it’s your job to pay the bills”.
Needless to say, they decided to move when I became adamant about them doing their part. Their bill per month is literally $25 and I never receive it on time or at all.
This month I sent them notice I will be suspending their service. In which I did and all chaos broke loose.
I explained to them you’re paying your dad $500 a month in rent but never contributed to help out while living with me but used nonstop internet and gaming. The ex had the nerve to say I’m being petty and need to grow up. My response was simple “Get lost, jerk”.
Am I a horrible mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. your children are taking advantage of you. It was generous of you to pay for their phone bills while they were living with you, but now they need to grow up and pay for their own luxuries.
I have two sons (20 & 17), they both pay their cell phone bills. I told them that a cell phone is a privilege and not a right and if they wanted to continue to have it they needed to pay for it. They gladly pay me before the bill is due.” Strange_Difficulty41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m on my dad’s family plan because a few years ago when they upgraded their phones they gave me one of their old ones. They knew I couldn’t afford a smartphone at the time on an elementary teacher’s salary. The phone was already on their plan, and they pay a set rate every month which is the same for 3 phones as for 2.
(Don’t ask me how.) My phone line didn’t change their bill. I still offered to pay a third, but they refused. If they ever want to take me up on my offer, I will cheerfully pay my part. My mom and I shared a phone plan for a few years after I finished college.
We split the bill because we were both adults. Maybe OP’s kids are just so used to having parents pay for cell phones that it doesn’t register to them as an expense. But that would be a reason, not an excuse, and as soon as OP asked them to pay, that reason disappeared.” fastyellowtuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I started paying my cell bill when I was 17, it wasn’t about helping out my parents financially it was about teaching me responsibility. I also bought my own car, my grandpa bought it and let me pay him back monthly, again not about the money at all, it’s about the responsibility it taught me.
He is rather well off because he worked for it but when I made my last payment to him he gave half of it back to me which I did not expect at all. Honestly, you should have started making them pay for luxuries sooner, food, a place to sleep, clothing, and school supplies are all your responsibility to provide until they are 18, phones were not a necessity and to be honest you were never obligated to pay for that it was very nice of you to do that, they seem like ungrateful children.” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Suggesting My Obese Sister Seek Medical Help For Her Pains?
“My sister’s very self-aware and very honest. She opened up to me recently about how she’s never been heavier (she’s clinically obese) and how poorly she eats. It plagues her. What she’s not so great at is actually taking action. We’ve had these talks before about her weight and she gets that it’s an issue but she does more talking about changing than actually changing.
We were at her apartment getting ready to go out to dinner and the outfit she had on was very clearly too tight on her, that’s when she told me how much she weighs and got into how now she has back pain and foot pain.
I offered up that maybe she should go talk to a doctor about her pains. She snapped at me and called me melodramatic for suggesting it. It was a pretty awkward dinner and I just decided to go home after that. My point to her was, you’ve admitted you’ve never been bigger than right now, you’re now experiencing back and foot pains, and to a lesser extent, you’re having wardrobe issues, why not seek help?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been overweight my whole life. Last year my doctor looked at me and basically said, “You’re not healthy, you need a change.” After doing a blood panel and having a serious conversation with a nutritionist, I made a commitment and slowly started healthier habits such as running and paying attention to my portions when eating.
I’m also seeing a therapist to speak about the reasons why I overeat and why I act so impulsively when it comes to food. I’ve lost about 50lbs and feel much better. I get to play with my kids without feeling so winded and it has even helped my wife (who is much much healthier and weighs at least 150lbs less than me) want to get into a healthier lifestyle as well.
I still have a long way to go but I’m much happier! Sooner people know they need to change but have issues with their motivation. Sometimes the encouragement of more people helps!” Joutenkun
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. What she was doing is called venting.
People want to be able to talk about how they’re feeling without having other people try and fix it for them. And there are some people who don’t understand that, who don’t understand Why people want to talk about something unless they are looking for advice or are planning on making a change.
Here’s how you know when your sister will want your advice. She will say to you “what should I do about this?“ Until you hear those words, you don’t need to give your opinion. You are perfectly within your rights to say something to her like, I’m not going to listen to you complain about your weight anymore unless you either A.
Let me give you advice or B. Take action to change it. If you’re not able to just let her vent, let her know that. And then you can avoid the situation in the future where she’s wanting to complain and you’re interpreting that as her asking for your help.” EtonRd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She undoubtedly found the idea of needing to go to the doctor for pain caused by her weight embarrassing, and embarrassed people lash out. It’s easy to understand. It’s also easy to understand your side – it’s logic.
If you have a problem, go to the person that can solve it. Easy peasy. But thin people and overweight people don’t get treated the same by their doctors. I have been seeing a doctor for some chronic back pain I’ve been having, and I happened to look at my chart.
He’s diagnosed me with 4 things. Number one, being overweight. Number two, obesity. It wasn’t until he got to number three that he actually addressed the back pain. My 15 yo is underweight for his height, and I can guarantee that if he went to the doctor for the exact same pain, the visit would go very differently.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Telling A Cashier I Don't Celebrate Easter Because I'm Jewish?
“I was at the grocery store today and when I was checking out the cashier was a nice older lady probably in her 50s. She was making small talk. After bagging the groceries she handed me the receipt and said, “Happy Easter.” I’m (40-year-old male) Jewish and I’ve never said anything but “thank you too” when people say Merry Christmas or Happy Easter, etc. I just try to be nice.
Anyway, I don’t know why, but I said, “oh I don’t celebrate Easter. I’m Jewish.” She just kinda looked at me all awkwardly and kinda rolled her eyes in a way and said, “oh ok.” And that was it. The person behind me said loud enough for me to hear “well that was kind of rude of him” as I was walking away.
I didn’t say anything and just left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being in a majority Christian nation you learn to just roll with people wishing you holidays you don’t celebrate, and the easiest thing to do is just ignore it – respond with “Thanks” or “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Spring” in this case.
The best possible response would have been “Happy Passover.” That said, while a little out of the norm, I don’t think you said anything rude. The eye roll and comment from the dude behind you, however, were jerk moves.” TahiniInMyVeins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were polite, the clerk was not. Wishing people Happy (Insert Religious Holiday) is a socially pervasive micro-aggression. I have never once had a clerk wish me Happy Passover, or Purim. I worked retail for many years, and after being verbally abused many, many times for saying Happy Holidays, I am officially waging a war on Christmas.
Also, Father’s Day is EXCRUCIATING for me every year since I lost mine. Can we just go to the store and buy things without being bombarded by holiday messages or being asked if we have plans with our family (a painful subject for many)?” Em4Tango
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were just stating a fact. I’m an atheist but I see Easter as the day before all the chocolate goes on sale so I’m fine with people saying Happy Easter to me. I don’t make a point to say it to people though because they may not celebrate Half Off Chocolate Day Eve like I do.” vrcraftauthor
15. AITJ For Asking Men To Leave The Apartment Gym Because They Weren't Working Out?
“I (27f) have lived in an overly priced but very nice apartment in Brooklyn for three years and some of the amenities include a gym and a giant outdoor area for conversing/mini dog park.
Today, I went into the gym and there were three men there, one of which for sure lives in the building, and the other two I had not seen before were hanging out with their shoes off and chatting. I thought maybe they were taking a break so I jumped on the treadmill and started my workout.
About ten minutes in, they were laughing and talking with seemingly no intention to work out.
I got off the treadmill and asked, “Excuse me, guys? Are you planning on working out or are you just hanging out here?”
They said they were hanging out because it was cold outside (48 degrees), and I asked if they could please leave.
They did, but they were clearly irritated about it.
My thought is I don’t really feel comfortable working out in front of people who are not also working out, particularly three men as the only woman, and two of them don’t live here.
So I come to ask. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As far as you’ve explained, it’s advertised to residents as a gym, not a “multipurpose room” or “gym and entertainment room” (which are both things in many buildings and what others are describing who are calling you a jerk).
If it’s a relatively small room dedicated to working out, then you should be able to do that in peace without the distraction of people congregating to socialize who have no intention of using it as a gym or for exercise of any sort. The gym in my building is tiny, and it would be incredibly distracting and annoying to have to ignore people just standing around talking while trying to work out.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Most places with these mini gym spaces allow guests and if the person that is actually a resident of the place is with them then I feel that they weren’t wrong to be there, maybe they just finished working out and were just resting till they went out into the cold or wherever else.
If anything, if you asked them to use the bench, I’m pretty sure they would have moved to allow you to do so. Asking someone to leave just because you feel uncomfortable is just wrong to me. Had there been any actual rules set in place (or sign that most places put up) about no loitering or something then I can understand that the space is workout only.
YTJ.” ThatBrownGuy120
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By your own admission, there are no rules against it, and it was cold outside. They were paying you no mind; your issues are your own. I say that as a woman. If I’m uncomfortable just because of someone’s presence, I wouldn’t expect them to leave.” Rastavaray
14. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Teaching My Aunt English After Her Disrespectful Comments And Lack Of Commitment?
“I’m 30F, and my aunt is 48F. Growing up, we weren’t close—she criticized me constantly and yelled over minor things. It was “normal” in my family, so I didn’t dwell on it much, but we went years barely talking. Then, out of nowhere, she asked if I’d teach her English (I’m a certified teacher).
I agreed, thinking it might be a way to move past our issues, and I had some free time between jobs anyway.
She paid me, but only about a fifth of what I’d usually charge. Lessons started fine, but soon she’d miss appointments, or weeks would go by without lessons because she was busy or traveling.
I’d wait on Zoom, then message her, and she’d say, “Oh, I forgot. Can we start now?” After this happened multiple times, I just stopped offering new times and left it to her to reschedule.
It was annoying because she’s an adult, and I wasn’t about to start managing her schedule too—especially since I already handle my own memory issues from a past head injury.
It felt like she didn’t really care but just expected me to jump in whenever she was available.
A few weeks ago, she offered me extra money for my birthday. I didn’t remind her or check if she sent it; honestly, I forgot amid everything going on.
Then, on my birthday, she was on Skype with my mom and grandma (we live together), and they started talking about my career. My job isn’t ideal, but with the war, I’m stuck in it for now. They all started suggesting new jobs I should try—things I’ve either done and didn’t enjoy or roles that pay even less.
I tried explaining, but my aunt cut in, saying, “Not everyone can get a better-paying job.” That comment stung, especially on my 30th birthday when I’m already feeling insecure. I ended up snapping back in frustration.
After that, they all left me alone, and later my mom and grandma called me “childish” and “unbearable.” I blocked my aunt, and instead of reaching out, she just told my cousin (who I’m close to) that she “maybe said something wrong.” Now, my mom and grandma are pressuring me to go back to teaching her, saying she needs the lessons.
I told them if she really needed them, she’d remember her appointments and find another teacher. They even want me to remind her of each lesson, which feels ridiculous.
To make it worse, my mom then called me “ungrateful” for not checking if the birthday money had come through right away (it did, three days late).
Between work stress, the war, rockets, and my grandma’s recent ER visit, I hadn’t thought to check. Mom implied I shouldn’t have accepted the money if I planned to block my aunt, making me feel like I was wrong for taking something she offered.
I’m at a point where I feel like they’re all just using me. I wanted to help my aunt, but she didn’t take the lessons seriously, and now I’m the one getting guilted for not bending over backward. With all the stress in my life, it just doesn’t feel worth it anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Agree to teach your aunt but with the following conditions. She brings the money for the lesson in cash with her and gives it to you before the lesson starts. If she misses a lesson, she has to pay you before a new lesson is scheduled. Allow a few cancelled lessons but not many.
If she just just doesn’t show up, she has to pay for that lesson. Keep a calendar on which you write the date and time of the next lesson and she has to sign it. Stick to these rules and do not allow your other relatives to talk to you about this business between your aunt and you.” WilliamTindale8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a fellow teacher, I had to “fire” students like that. We already have to deal with all the difficulties of the job, trying to develop different classes for different students with different needs and difficulties. Teaching someone who’s not that interested is worse than people think.
It takes a toll on us, in our time and in our feelings too. You shouldn’t push yourself to teach someone who doesn’t make it a priority to them. Your time is precious too. Don’t insist, let them know that when they’re ready to take this seriously, you might be available to try again, under certain conditions.” heyclau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was birthday money. Not your payment for teaching her. And even if, it’s totally normal to require payment for canceled classes. Because you already spent your time waiting and preparing, instead of doing another job. But of course if your aunt was poor, I wouldn’t ask for payment.
But she’s obviously not poor, with all that traveling. I hope you’re safe from the war and all.” BageOnkel
13. AITJ For Visiting My New-Mom Sister Less Due To Her Body Shaming Comments?
“My (26f) sister (37f) just had her first baby two months ago. I was always there for her during her pregnancy and labor, we were always very, very close much like best friends.
When she was pregnant she used to make comments about my body (I’m a gym rat), about how skinny I am, that I didn’t look good anymore that I’ve lost my curves, etc. I actually feel pretty comfortable in my body so I brushed that off.
Comments got more frequent and it started to feel weird but mom always blamed it on her pregnancy. Several times I told her I didn’t feel okay with comments on how lean I am. I never made comments about how she gained weight – though she was constantly asking about it.
I was at her labor but now that the baby is born I’ve not visited much. I assumed she wanted to spend alone time with her baby and husband since she was also getting lots of visits from family members. I’ve visited like 5 times in 2 months and got my baby gifts but she is now deeply upset about it and says I barely even see them.
I’ve also been busy with life and work on my side but deep down I feel those comments and her bugging me made me feel different about her and now I don’t feel the urge to see her as frequently as before.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were very close and you showed your support all through her pregnancy. It sounds like you’ve visited at least every other week or more. It’s fair enough to give her space – some new parents appreciate that. But you know that really, you are upset by her comments about your body.
You can do a couple of things about that: tell her gently that it’s bothered you, and that’s why you stayed further away lately. Or don’t tell her, but resolve to put it behind you firmly. Try your best to see her more often.
See if she still mentions it or if it stops. Then you’ll know to talk it out, or that things are better. It sounds like you are healthy and not anorexic, so she doesn’t have cause for concern about you. Perhaps she was insecure about herself, and jealous of your fitness, feeling awkward, and uncomfortable.
It’s not an excuse, but maybe she’ll get past that now that she’s had the baby. She may even soon want to go with you to the gym.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she was insecure with her body and jealous of yours.
Understandable, but didn’t give her a right to take it out on you. If you want to keep your relationship with your sister in a good place confront her about it. Be direct. Tell her “you made repeated comments about x and it made me feel y… I don’t want to feel like that, so I stopped coming around.
I love you, and I get pregnancy stress, but it hurt me. And I was only going to tolerate so much of that.” Give your sister a chance to apologize. If she is a good sister and someone worth keeping a relationship with she will recognize what she did hurt you, apologize, and stop doing it.
If she can’t do that then I wouldn’t care if she was upset you aren’t coming around more.” Grump_NP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you never should’ve let her say all that stuff about you. The first time anything nasty or insulting came out of her mouth, you should’ve nipped it in the bud.
Told her that what she was saying was neither appreciated nor would be tolerated. That’s what I’ve had to do with my sisters and SIL each time one of them got pregnant. They would try to say something about how I looked, and I would put my foot down.
I’d remind them that being pregnant isn’t a free pass to act snotty or to make rude comments. And that if they wanted my help with anything, then they needed to learn to keep that stuff to themselves. As I have no issue with dropping contact with jerky relatives.” Old_Inevitable8553
12. AITJ For Not Ordering My Partner The Food Of His Choice After He Consistently Forgets His Wallet?
“I (F21) have been going out with my partner (M21) for 2 months now.
He’s in engineering and I’m in business. He had a paid internship this summer that paid him thousands of dollars each month. Meanwhile, my internship was free. I’ve come to notice that after he pays for one dinner or a meal, he conveniently “leaves his wallet” and has “0 battery” when we have to eat out/order restaurant food the next time and I have to pay for it.
I have 0 problem paying for food after he has paid for the previous meal but he doesn’t even let me offer and imposes a sort of avoidable situation at me as to why he can’t pay for the particular meal and I have to pay for it.
I thought I was overthinking but yesterday, on our 2-month mark, he was like I wanna have a gourmet burger, not Wendy’s, I thought he was going to pay for the food delivery, but then this voice inside me said “worst case scenario, I have to pay for our 2-month dinner.” Which was fine with me because I was going to offer anyway but I just thought that you know usually it’s the guy who pays for big meals.
Anyways, he conveniently told me “I’m at 1% battery right now,” 3 hours before we ordered food online. When he told me that, I could see whatever he told me 3 hours later coming from a mile away. I told him to charge his phone ASAP because he was at home and his charger was right next to us.
I offered to even give him his charger, but he said no. Instead, he proceeded to play a game on his phone, causing it to die.
Then after 3 hours, he said “babe you’ll have to order food today, I’m out of energy.” I expected that from a mile away.
And he was fully expecting me to pay for his $30 burger when he came up with that lame excuse. To test that theory out, I said “I’m tired too, not in the mood to eat.” Lie. Right after I said that, he was literally not the same person anymore.
He was full of energy and even told me to stay awake, “the night has just started”. I was right, it was just an excuse to not spend any money. The worst part is that I was going to offer ordering it anyway but I just wanted to test my theory, and I was supposedly right.
I was hungry anyway and I wasn’t gonna rely on him to get me anything. I ended up ordering a plain cheese pizza because I ain’t buying that man a gourmet burger like I originally planned to because he has done this so many times before.
Like he knew we were going to eat and he has conveniently forgotten his wallet and phone so many times. AITJ not ordering my partner the food of his choice?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Everyone else in here calling him a moocher but so is she.
She expects him to pay for her. After he does, he then expects her to pay next time. That is reasonable but his methods are weird, so she plays games back. He would be better off being upfront and saying “hey I got the last one so can you get this one?” But she should also be saying “you got the last one so I’ll get this one” before it gets to time to pay.
You two should stop playing games and have a conversation about it.” magicstarfish
Another User Comments:
“Another case of not communicating, perpetuating a problem. If you’re able to see a pattern, he simply doesn’t want to keep paying for meals. In his mind, he probably thinks bills should be split 50/50 regardless of income discrepancies.
You said “I just thought that usually it’s the guy who pays for big meals” …like, what? What if you made a million and he made nothing? Does this still hold true? To base something solely on gender and expectations is a little wrong… But instead of communicating that you cannot afford to pay for meals, and you both come up with a game plan to work it through, you just build resentment.
And if everything else is fantastic, why would you both play these dumb games instead of being up-front about something so small? Everyone’s a jerk here. You two need to do the fundamentals and TALK.” shibbyman342
Another User Comments:
“If it’s usually an every other kinda thing, where he pays, then next time has a dead phone/no wallet so you pay, then back to him, I think he just might not want to come out and say that he wants it to be 50/50.
There are a lot of women out there who go out and expect men to pay for everything. Could be his way of seeing if you actually want the relationship and are willing to pay every other time, although, super annoying that he does it this way.
If I were you, I’d just tell him you WANT to pay, but he’s got to remember you’re not getting paid like he is, so if it’s OK with him, just getting something cheaper so it doesn’t become a stress on you affording other things.
As long as you’re not turning it around and using the days he pays to get expensive meals and then expecting him to be reasonable on days you’re paying, it’s a reasonable request. If it does keep happening, though, then leave, because it won’t change.
You deserve to be able to save money, too.” GatePractical9023
11. AITJ For Hosting My Own Friendsgiving And Not Inviting Everyone?
“I (27F) am from a European country but I’ve always loved the idea of Friendsgiving and that’s why I’ve been hosting one every year on the last Saturday of November for the last 5 years. I used to do it at my ex’s house (let’s call him Dave) because it’s more spacious than my apartment.
Beginning of last year (2023) Dave and I broke up and a couple of months later he started seeing another girl in our friend group (let’s call her Sarah). Fast forward to October 24th, 2023 (a day before I’m supposed to send my invites. For context, I always send digital invites exactly a month in advance just to make sure everyone saves the date).
We all receive a message for a Friendsgiving dinner at Dave and Sarah’s on the last Saturday of November. I called him to ask if it was a joke, and he replied to me that he wanted to continue hosting Friendsgiving. Mind you the idea was always mine and I was the one doing all the work every year, so it never occurred to me that he would want to make it.
I asked him if he could do his dinner another weekend since Friendsgiving was kind of my thing, not only that but also on that specific date. He told me no, and tried to gaslight me into thinking that we always had work on it 50/50 so it was as much a thing of mine as it was his.
I spoke with my sister and decided to send my invites the next day and continue with everything as planned. This caused a bit of tension in my friend group, I never wanted to start any trouble so I just commented my point of view on the matter with those who asked me.
Some of my friends sided with me and ended up coming to my dinner, but others said that I was being childish about it and that I should let Dave and Sarah make that year’s dinner. Because of that some of my friends ended up dropping and I invited some of my sister’s friends that I’ve also known for a long time, and it turned out to be the best Friendsgiving I’ve ever hosted.
Fast forward to October 28th of this year Dave and Sarah have sent a message saying they are doing a Friendsgiving dinner at their house on, you guessed it, the last Saturday of November. I’ve replied saying I already made plans and on the 29th I sent my invites, this time only to the people that came last year to my dinner.
So these last couple of days I’ve been receiving messages from the rest of the friend group that I haven’t invited asking why they haven’t received one. I’ve explained to them that my apartment doesn’t have space to host more people than the ones I did last year (which is true) and since they preferred to go to Dave and Sarah’s last year I assumed this year would be the same.
Also, I would love to have only last year’s people since 1. they were the ones who showed me that they are true friends of mine (which is kind of the point of Friendsgiving) and 2. it was one of those rare occasions where you introduce two different groups of people and everyone clicks instantly.
So AITJ for not inviting everyone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can invite whoever you want to invite and are not obligated to invite anyone else. Period. You have a full house based on who you invited last year. You really enjoyed the dynamics of that group and want to have the same group attend this year.
That’s it. As for those folks who attended Dave’s dinner last year, consider the full picture for each person. Did that person continue to be a good friend to you and share themselves/interact with you throughout the year? Then consider finding a way to re-include that person into your Friendsgiving, if not this year, then in the future.
Folks who you aren’t close to (now that you and Dave are broken up) or who seem to be wanting to come to your place for better food/better company need not be accommodated.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“You put your friends in an awkward situation to have to choose between events (and he did technically send out invites in advance).
I don’t hold that against you because you have every right to keep with your tradition but I would be inclined to forgive those who may have felt obligated to go to Dave’s and didn’t do so as a slight. I support ‘Your party your guest list’ but it does seem like you may have gone out of your way to mention your party to those specifically not invited and that’s some mean girl behavior so I’m going to vote borderline YTJ.” Better_Implement_973
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s just a party. While it was “your thing” before there’s nothing wrong with someone else hosting it too. And it makes me wonder if you’re only reacting this way because it’s your ex, who’s now seeing your friend.
The only problems I see with Dave are when he gaslighted you and the fact that he didn’t ask if you were okay with him hosting Friendsgiving prior. I will admit he could’ve moved the date too. I think your friends were right to call you childish because IMO you kind of are acting that way.
There was nothing wrong with them wanting to have Friendsgiving somewhere else. And the people who wanted to keep it traditional are your “true friends” when in reality both sides did nothing wrong.” Lumpy_Jellyfish_7055
10. AITJ For Wanting My Clingy Friend To Be More Independent?
“I am 16M, and my two best friends are my twin sister, who is 16F (who I’ll call Katie), and our 16F friend (who I’ll call Montannah).
Don’t get me wrong, Montannah’s a sweetheart, but she’s just getting incredibly clingy towards me and Katie, and I’m worried about her.
What’s playing on my mind is a party we’re going to this weekend. It’s one of our friends’ eighteenth birthday party and Katie and I have both been looking forward to it for weeks. Most of our friends are attending, and we haven’t seen a few of them in a while because they attend different schools.
We were both looking forward to a night of fun and partying with them all. However, the host of the party messaged Katie last night asking if we were planning to bring Montannah, to which she replied no. So he went and invited her, and now she’s coming to the party.
Normally, I’d be more than okay with this, except for the fact that Montannah will only know a few people at the party, and she isn’t good with large groups of people. She said she was not enthused about there being a lot of people there, so Katie kindly asked her how she planned to cope with that.
Montannah responded that she could just stick with us two. I was already planning to hang out with my other friends since I spend much less time with them than I do with her. I also have very different friendship dynamics with them. I’m just worried that she’s going to cling to either Katie or me the entire time due to her being socially awkward; which she already does regularly.
I know if she does do that, I’m well in my right to ask her to give me some space while I’m with my other friends. But at the same time, I’m also afraid of her feeling like I’m abandoning her and getting upset, which has happened before.
An example of this is last year’s New Year’s Eve celebrations. Katie and I were planning to hang out with Montannah, just the three of us, but she canceled a few days before. So, Katie and I went and made plans with other people. Then Montannah was suddenly able to come along at the last minute, so she came along with us and the group we’d made plans with.
When the group wanted to hang out at one of our friends’ houses, she stayed behind because she was getting overwhelmed with the whole situation. Montannah then got quite upset that we weren’t spending time with her, which I understand; I get that she wants to spend time with the two of us.
But I also wish she was able to accept that she is not the only person that we spend time with and that we won’t drop plans with other friends just for her.
I just really want her to be happy, but I also want a social life with other people, which makes me wonder if I would be the jerk if I expressed how I feel to her.
So, would I be the jerk if I were to tell her that she needs to learn to be less clingy and more independent?”
Another User Comments:
“”I’m so excited to attend Host’s party. I haven’t seen Friend A in forever and I’m looking forward to hanging out with him.
Friend B is going to be there too, can’t wait to see her…and so on and so on.” Make it clear you are going to be hanging out with ALL your friends. And not just her. Your sister should do the same thing. And at the party, do just that, don’t cater to her.
Host invited her, host can do that. You and your sister are in the clear. If she joins a group, you are in, don’t exclude her, but just proceed as you were before she joined you. If she asks for either of you to hang out solely with her, invite her to join you if she wants, but make it clear you are there to see all your friends and not just her.
And do that for every occasion going forward. NTJ.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Talk to her. I had a friend like this in uni, she had a hard time making friends on her own and would hang out with me all the time.
She would spend her free time in my room while I was doing other things. She’d hang out with me when I was with my friends. Eventually, I sat her down and explained that whilst I loved hanging out with her, I also wanted to spend time both on my own and with my friends on my own.
We went to some events where I encouraged her to speak to others, but I was around for moral support. She’s still my best friend, 10 years later. We have a great friendship and have grown together and supported each other throughout. Speak to your friend, let it come from a place of love.
Help her grow, and she will!” Sleepy_Nashira
Another User Comments:
“I’d be Montannah. I am socially awkward and tend to stick to 1-2 friends at a large party where I don’t know many people. I’d feel pretty hurt if you told me but also understand if I care about you.
If you tell me ahead of time, more like: Hey just a heads up, I haven’t seen some of my friends for a while at this party and plan on spending the majority of my time catching up with them. Therefore I won’t be able to pay as much attention to you so you might have to mingle a bit more than usual…
You’re welcome to share how you feel about this. Maybe we can hang out just us 3 before or after the party so we can have just that time for us. If I were Montannah I probably would just opt out of going to the party altogether.
OR understandably find new people to chat with. OR you can introduce people you know who are your friends to Montannah. She might feel more comfortable at the party to talk to other people. And can still stay close to you. NTJ, but honestly just be transparent without being hurtful.
If she can’t accept then it’s just growing pains.” Cupcake179
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Elderly Aunt A Family Heirloom?
“My parents passed right before Christmas last year. It’s been a tough year for all of us. They lived in Houston, and none of us kids live in state. Their care and estate required a lot of time away from home, and heartache. My brothers and I have been slowly working through the estate and finally got to where we were ready for a sales company to come in.
While preparing the property, I set aside a few heirlooms to care for and pass down. One was a silver christening cup and spoon my father had on display.
On my last trip down, I stayed a few days to visit an aunt in San Antonio, take her shopping, out to dinner, etc. She and I have always been close.
When I arrived, I thought she’d enjoy seeing some of the family heirlooms I had saved, so I showed her what I had found.
She immediately started telling me I needed to give them to her, that they were all things she should have been given when my grandparents passed. I knew I had made a mistake showing her.
One item was my father’s silver christening cup. When I went to put it away, she said, “You’re not leaving that with me?” I asked why she thought I would. That night was hard. She screamed at me until I had enough and said she had to stop.
She’s 89 years old.
What is she going to do with this cup? It’s time to stop being greedy. My dad was out of state when my grandparents died.
All he had was what his parents gave him while alive, and now she was demanding those items, too.
I left before she woke up the next morning and left a note thanking her for her hospitality, that I loved her, and hoped we’d speak soon.
She ignored me for weeks and when she did reach out, it was only to berate me about this cup and spoon, demanding it be handed over.
In my last text, I told her she meant too much to me for our relationship to suffer over this and offered to send it to her. I feel like I’m being bullied into it.
Over the last few days, I’ve kept up my messages with her, sending photos of the garden, family updates, and so on.
She usually would respond but hasn’t replied.
Earlier today she called me screaming, ordering me to send this cup and spoon to her.
I told her if she didn’t stop yelling I’d have to end the call, and when she kept on, I did.
I’ve never hung up on her or raised my voice to her in my life. It broke my heart.
I think much of this is due to her age and mental decline, but I remain loving and respectful. I’ve kept her daughters apprised of the behavior and that I feel terrible the cup situation has her so upset, that I’ve offered to send her the cup, but they haven’t responded at all.
So, AITJ? I feel terrible and so sad. She’s the last remaining relative of her generation, but my brothers & I have been through so much over the last year. I just cannot believe she’s behaved this way when she knows we’re deep in grief and overwhelmed by the estate.
I’m heartbroken, but I don’t know what else I could have done.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, when someone passes it can bring out the worst in those that remain. Sometimes it is greed that comes through, or anger, or both. Pair that with her overall decline and age and it is unsurprising it is happening, even if heartbroken.
Do not send her the cup and spoon. She’s being abusive, and we do not give abusive people what they want simply because they are old. Tell her firmly that the cup and spoon are yours. That you had considered giving them to her, a gift of your property, but her behavior has been unacceptable and you will keep your possessions.
If she throws a fit, says she won’t talk to you, etc then that is her choice. You are not responsible for catering to the whims of others.” Elegant_Bluebird_460
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry for your loss and I appreciate that you’re handling this situation with such care and respect.
I know so many will say the solution is to cut everyone out of their lives, but this is an 89-year-old woman, who may have cognitive issues, who has also dealt with a lot of grief. There’s really not much you can do at this point other than what you are.
Keeping in touch with her and then reverting the conversation when it’s brought up. I’m interested in what her kids have to say but sounds like they’re not much help.” olive_us_here
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when my grandma died the vultures were circling around thinking they were going to get all kinds of stuff.
My aunt and uncle thought she was going to make my aunt her POA but she changed her mind and made me it. Then unbeknownst to us, she had a reverse mortgage on the house so we had to pay that back. No one thought she had a will and when she passed my aunt had the nerve to call and say make sure you get everything out of my house so we can start moving in.
I told her that there was a will and she wasn’t getting the house! She hired a lawyer who looked it over and asked her did you know that you aren’t even her biological daughter? You’re her goddaughter and she didn’t leave you anything.
My mom and ex-husband were rubbing their greedy little hands together until the day my sister and I sold the house and after it was all said and done there was only $50,000 left to split between us and we were happy! We were called greedy unappreciative jerks taking all the money and I kept saying what money??
They were under the assumption that we both walked away with $300,000 each until finally I got the breakdown from my lawyer and threw it at them and asked what $300,000 are you talking about? The look on their faces was priceless. My ex still tells everyone I owe him $12,500 from “work” he did for my grandma but no receipts.” Agile_Profession_323
8. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Siblings Without Pay While They Get Paid For Chores?
“My parents have me (16M) and my younger siblings (12F, 10M and 7F).
My younger siblings get an allowance for the chores they do which is one chore each and for that, they get $20 a week. While I never got an allowance for doing my chores and have five chores; making four beds every morning, keeping the kids’ living room tidy, doing laundry twice a week, cooking for the family once a week and cleaning my siblings lunch boxes after school.
I always had multiple chores. This list has been the same for five years. Before that, the only difference was cooking since I didn’t cook one night a week. But laundry was added when I was like 7 or 8. My siblings’ chores are; carry dishes to whoever washes up (7F), start the robo vacuum (10M), and make sure the fridge always has bottled water (12F).
I asked my parents why my siblings get paid but I don’t even though I do more. They told me it was my responsibility of being the oldest and they shouldn’t need to pay me to be a good brother and son. Then they were upset when I got a job because some of my chores were done at different times than they used to be.
I told them I wanted money and since they decided I wasn’t worth paying like my siblings were I got a real job instead. To be clear I still do my chores. But instead of the lunch boxes being done right after school on Friday, it happens after work.
The kid living room is messier longer because I’ll be at work while my siblings are making a mess.
My parents wanted to go on an overnight date night and they asked me to babysit. I asked them what they were paying and they said nothing, it would be another chore.
I told them I won’t babysit then and I’ll only babysit if I get paid. They told me they can’t afford to pay me and I replied that I was tired of being taken advantage of by them while they pay my younger siblings. They told me I was being a brat and they can make me babysit.
I reminded them that they get what they pay for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them you didn’t ask to be or want the responsibility of being the oldest sibling. You had NO say in their family planning. If they can’t afford a sitter, they can’t afford a date night.
Older siblings aren’t ready-made free ones. You were absolutely 100% correct in your response. Also, why is 10m’s job just starting the Roomba when 7f is carrying plates and 12f is restocking the fridge? That seems unequal too, he literally just pushes a button. Your siblings are going to revolt when you leave for uni or just move out and all the extra chores will need to be split between them.” maleficentwasright
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in a similar situation when I was growing up. I am eight years older than my younger sibling, and I babysat her without pay — and without my parents even consulting me — every weekend for the first two years I was in high school.
Then I got a part-time job which cut into babysitting time, but even then when I had nights off, my parents left my younger sibling with me. To be clear: they weren’t out partying. They were engaged in civic and church activities. Still, I was unpaid labor.
They had a place “up north,” too, and during summers through high school, they went there on weekends while I worked my job — and they left me a list of things to do in the house. Essentially, I cleaned it from top to bottom while they were away.
I left home as soon as I could and never looked back. I’ve had a semi-distant relationship with them all through adulthood. You’re not being a brat. They’re using you as unpaid labor AND they’re favoring your siblings over you (as mine did, both older and younger, fwiw).
I’m sorry you’re the family servant. It happens to so many of the oldest children or the ones most responsible in the family. You deserve better.” GittaFirstOfHerName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are taking advantage of you. They decided to have four children and have forced you into unfair labor.
What would the consequences be if you were around less often? If you get a job outside of the home or start studying at school more? What if you started taking 3x as long to complete your chores? What if you started slowly doing them poorly?
Would they punish you? I recommend talking to the school social worker about this because, as others have said, they will probably sabotage you so you would be forced to go to community college or maybe not even be able related go to college. (Nothing wrong with community college – it just might not be what you want.)” Holiday-Astronaut-60
7. AITJ For Wanting My Wife's Freeloading Friend To Move Out?
“My wife and I are in our early 20s, running a business together and trying to build a stable life. A few months back, we took in my wife’s friend, who got kicked out of her mom’s place. We wanted to help her get back on her feet, but it’s been three months now, and honestly, I’m way past my limit.
I’m running our business, cleaning up the apartment, and even driving her friend to her job at a gas station. She’s not paying rent, not helping with bills, and doesn’t even pitch in for gas when I’m the one driving her around.
She makes about $1,000 a month, but instead of trying to save up or contribute, she seems pretty comfortable with the setup, which I never intended to be long-term. Meanwhile, my wife thinks I’m being too harsh and that I need to give her friend more time, but at this point, I don’t even care about that.
It’s not just about her staying with us; we’ve had normal relationship arguments, and my wife shares them with her friend, so it feels like I’m constantly up against both of them. It’s exhausting, especially since I’d always put my wife first, while she seems to be choosing her friend over me.
I’m seriously feeling like walking away just to get a break from all the stress they’re putting on me.
To top it off, her mom, who kicked her out, is fine with her again and is even taking her on vacation. It feels like I’m stuck handling her responsibilities while her family has moved on.
I want her out, like yesterday. AITJ for finally putting my foot down and saying it’s time for her to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, you’re already stuck in it but these kinds of situations always turn into disasters. You let someone move in to help them get back on their feet, but then they realize “hey, not paying rent is pretty nice and makes things easy, finding a new place is expensive and hard”.
Next thing you know, what was supposed to be a short-term thing has turned into months and they gradually start to forget that they are a guest and you doing them a huge favor. And if you don’t do something proactive to make them leave, they’ll stay forever.
Then the worst part is when you finally quit putting up with it and tell them they need to move out, all of a sudden you are the “bad guy” just because you want to live in the house you pay for without having to subsidize the rent of some lazy bum living there for free.
There’s never a “thank you for letting me live here for so long”, instead it’s “you’re a jerk for making so-and-so leave.”” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…I think you need to take your wife out somewhere, maybe a weekend getaway to have a serious discussion or when the friend is at work.
Before you do so, write down your list of cons to this woman being in your home, affecting your relationship with your wife because of the stress. Also, add that neither of you should be completely supporting a grown adult. If you take the time to think and write things down, it will be easier for you to speak calmly either way your wife and to get your point across.
You will either come to an agreement t or compromise or you might have to issue an ultimatum.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it is important with situations like this to set timelines and limits and boundaries before you get frustrated. Set them now, give the girl a reasonable time limit (2 weeks?), and set a price per ride to work that’s fair (don’t punish for not paying until now) on separate occasions, I let 2 friends move in for free after big traumas or struggles.
Each one I told them they get up to one year to get their stuff together and they did. In both cases, they didn’t stay the full year because they didn’t want to push it.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Make Out With My Sister Because She's Obsessed With Her?
“My older sister (25F) is popular. She’s beautiful, outgoing, charismatic, basically perfect, and my best friend (22F) is obsessed with her. Every time she comes over, she asks about her like what she’s doing or what are her plans for later.
When I upload a picture with her on my stories she’s always the first to reply with heart emojis or throwing compliments. Going as far as calling her with the excuse that I’m not answering my phone when she hadn’t even called me in the first place.
It got to the point where one day when my sister was sleeping till late because she went out the night before, my friend asked about her and when I told her she was asleep, she suggested we wake her up to talk and gossip about what happened the night before.
I shut her down and after a couple of minutes, she said she was tired and left.
Last week, she came over to my house because we made plans to go out for lunch and the first thing she asked was “Where is your sister?
I need her to hear my story first.” I told her she was in her room and she immediately went upstairs to knock on her door. My sister came out and greeted her excitedly since they get along and they immediately start gossiping. She asks her if she is too busy to go with us for lunch, but she politely declines since she had a date that day.
My friend tried to convince her to come with us instead and I stepped in saying she already had plans since I thought she was overstepping. Then my friend said something like “Why don’t you like your sister coming with us? I love your sister” to which I replied, “Why don’t you just make out with her if you’re so obsessed with her?” To which she fell silent and laughed awkwardly before we left.
When I returned home from lunch, my sister told me I was a jerk for saying that and that I should apologize. I haven’t talked with my friend since. I could’ve handled it better, I admit, but I don’t want to be her gateway for getting to my sister.
She shouldn’t have texted me saying we should hang out just to hang out with my sister instead, completely disregarding me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think some of the other comments here make this a bit more black and white than it is. From what you said I don’t see why you need to assume your friend doesn’t like you or want to spend time with you.
But she also has this swoon for your sister. Someone who’s really on top of their stuff and smooth socially would know how to navigate this and establish independent communication and friendship with your sister that didn’t flow through you, and didn’t affect your friendship with her.
But people don’t always act in this ideal way, especially at 22. She just doesn’t know how to get a separate relationship with your sister set up. Maybe she hasn’t even realized that’s what should happen. Equally, if you were smooth like that and on top of your stuff you’d have this conversation with her about how you’re sort of caught in the middle and it feels weird.
But you’re not perfect either and that’s fine. Nobody has to be a “jerk” for not navigating a situation with some delicate dynamics perfectly. Just give everyone a break, including yourself.” doctonghfas
Another User Comments:
“INFO is your sister aware of the extent your friend demands her attention?
I understand they’re friendly but does your sister consider her a friend or just like, little sister’s friend that she’s nice to? It might be worth talking to your sister about why you snapped. Because honestly if your sister was uncomfortable I could see why you snapped, if she’s friendly with her that makes it more of a head-scratcher unless she’s unaware of how your friend’s feelings towards her are affecting your relationship with her.” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“Just keep this experience in the back of your mind as you grow older and never say something like “maybe you should make out” again. No matter how you feel or even if you know it’s true. That’s just gross and it could almost be considered harassment.
Don’t let anyone make you jealous. Don’t get jealous of friends, partners, whatever. If you start feeling jealous, excuse yourself quietly from the situation and have a sit-down to think about why you feel the way you do, then try to move forward in as detached a manner as possible.
Jealousy never ever gets you a partner, and it never makes a good friend stay around. I wish I’d understood this many years ago. It’s okay to take a break from someone who’s hurt you. It sounds like you’re working on the problem and I’m glad for you.
Hang in there.” unled_horse
5. AITJ For Not Shortening My Holiday To Accommodate My Sister's Graduation?
“I (28F) have a sister (24F) who will be graduating next April with her bachelor’s degree. For context, she and I live in different countries. While she’s still studying, I just recently found a new job after a long period of unemployment. This unemployment forced me to cancel a holiday I had planned with my long-time partner (we live together) for this past May.
Now that I’m employed, I can finally start planning that holiday again for next year. Meanwhile, my sister will be graduating in April, and I told her I’d love to fly over to celebrate with her. However, she told me she’ll only know the exact date of her graduation about a week beforehand.
This is a problem for me, as I need to request time off in advance to secure holidays. Additionally, it’s close to Easter, so flights will be hard to find and likely very expensive if I don’t book enough in advance. Despite all that, I planned and reassured her, that I would do my best to take two days off and come for her graduation ceremony.
At my job, I get 26 days of holiday per year. I plan to use 17 days for my holiday with my partner and thought of splitting the remaining days between my sister’s graduation and visiting family for Christmas.
When I expressed these concerns, my sister got really upset, calling me a selfish person for not prioritizing her over my holiday.
She argued that, since I know the general timeframe, I should have already requested time off accordingly. However, doing so would mean taking more than a week off, as I’d need to cover the graduation range (April 9–15), plus travel time and extra days just in case (in case her graduation is on the 14th or 15th, I’d need to stay until at least Friday 19th for any celebrations).
According to her, I should take April 8–20 off to be safe, which would require using eight working days. I explained that this would leave me with no days to visit for Christmas. She yelled at me, insisting that I should have planned a shorter holiday with my partner to ensure I could be there for her graduation.
My parents are siding with her, saying that I’m making her feel unimportant and that family should come first. No matter how much I try to explain, they just tell me I’m being selfish.
AITJ for not changing my holiday plans with my partner to set aside more days for my sister’s graduation and Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister doesn’t have the faintest idea about working, does she? Limited time off, needing to book time off well in advance, particularly for busy times of the year, increased cost of travel during busy times of the year – she’s acting as though these things don’t exist, and she’s 24?
Stick to your guns, say you’ll do your best to be there for two days if you can manage it, but you won’t even know if the flights will be affordable until you know exactly what dates you need to book. She’ll probably be unhappy about it, based on her first reaction, but she’ll figure out what the problem is as soon as she enters the workforce.
NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great that you want to support your sister, and you’re already sacrificing a lot by juggling your limited vacation time to make it work. You tried to prioritize both your sister’s graduation and time with your partner after a period of financial struggle and delayed plans – it’s fair to want balance here.
With your sister not knowing the exact date, it’s unreasonable for her to demand an open-ended block of time that would completely deplete your days off for the rest of the year. You’re not being selfish; you’re trying to meet everyone’s needs while respecting your own.” madyhomy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At this point, I’d tell them all to forget it. Why should your entire year be arranged around your sister’s graduation? She sounds like an absolute horror show. She’s an entitled, self-centered, obnoxious jerk. Graduating is a nice accomplishment but she’s really not all that special. “… my sister got really upset, calling me a selfish person for not prioritizing her.” “She yelled at me, insisting that I should have planned a shorter holiday with my partner to ensure I could be there for her graduation.” “…they just tell me I’m being selfish.” Why on earth should you go out of your way at all for these people?
No one gives a darn about you or your plans. Your sister is obnoxious, demanding, irrational, and verbally abusive. Your parents won’t hear what you’re saying and just defend the bratty daughter. Has she always gotten the favorite child treatment? Enjoy your holiday with your partner.
Save the rest of your vacation days for people who appreciate your time and effort to see them.” uTop-Artichoke5020
4. AITJ For Cancelling My Wife's Birthday Party Over A Misunderstanding About Her Gift?
“My wife’s birthday party was supposed to be this Friday. I actually wanted her present to be a surprise this year, it is not uncommon that my wife will open an Amazon package thinking it was something else ruining the present surprise.
She and my sister do not have the best relationship and it is due to different values. They basically disagree on everything but the big thing that my wife hates is that my sister has asked for money or help. We have a shared account and keep separate money.
I will lend my sister cash but I haven’t had to do that in a while. I lend her from my account not the shared account. She also pays me back.
So I sent my wife’s presents to my sister’s house and was going to pick them up on Thursday.
I got a text from my sister saying she got the packages and my wife saw the text.
She made a comment about giving handouts again. She basically told me enough was enough and that I need to stop sending her stuff. She called my sister a leech who can’t get her stuff together.
This resulted in an argument and I told her that she was holding her birthday present but I was returning them. I am also canceling the dinner party.
Another big argument and I did cancel the plan and asked my sister to return the packages.
My wife is angry at me and called me a jerk and I told her that this is her own fault.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You are treating your wife like a child who needs to be punished because she said something that you didn’t like.
You are conflating two different issues: the tension between those two, and her birthday. You should have acted like an adult and had a calm discussion where you expressed your feelings about your wife’s comments. Instead, you are being high-handed and patronizing. Wife and sister’s (to a lesser extent) bad behavior is obvious.
Wife should have left the matter between you and your sister. Sister should get her act together.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This question asked if you were the jerk for canceling the party. YES, you are. You could have told her IMMEDIATELY that your sister was holding her birthday present, but it sounds like you held that fact back as some sort of GOTCHA moment to try to make your wife feel bad, meanwhile, you let her think that your sister is taking advantage of you again.
You already knew about the tension between them, you could have made other arrangements to hold the package. Like have it shipped to an Amazon locker and you pick it up and stash it before she knows there’s a package to open. The two of you have a disagreement about a misunderstanding that you let linger on purpose, and you punish your wife by canceling her celebration?
You’re not her father who’s not letting her go to the school dance to teach her a lesson. You ruined her night, ruined the night of the other people who were planning to attend and caused further resentment between your wife and your sister, who you had return the gifts.
You just showed your wife that when it comes down to it, she can’t trust you, you have no problem embarrassing her publicly over a PRIVATE disagreement you had, and that you value your sister more than you value your wife. If you want to keep this relationship, and it doesn’t sound like you do, you need to reschedule the party, give her the gifts she was going to get, plus an apology gift, and go to a marriage counselor to discuss this issue and your disproportionate, paternalistic reaction.” Principessa116
Another User Comments:
“All things aside, it says a lot that your wife saw a message and instantly started a rant about your sister. Either you bail your sister out A LOT, or your wife is controlling. (or both). I think she’s a jerk in general for seeing a message not for her (how did she see it?
Popped up on your phone? Snooping?) and just going off without bothering to ask you about it. The bare minimum she should have done is ask. I would think it’s reasonable to return gifts in this situation personally. First thing you do is talk negatively?
Guess the package isn’t for you after all. Fully canceling her party? Depends. If she’s actually just taking her chance to talk negatively about your family for no legitimate reason? Sure. Consequences. You don’t reward jerk behavior. If this is like the 1 out of 10 times that the package you sent your sister actually wasn’t just you buying stuff for her….you’re a jerk.” KoalityThyme
3. AITJ For Using A Colorblind Filter On My Phone Even Though I'm Not Colorblind?
“I (F17) was playing around on my phone the other day and found color filters in settings. I thought it was super cool, and played around with it, experimenting to see which one I liked the best. I ended up going with the blue/yellow color blind filter, as I thought the aesthetic palette was really nice.
I’m not colorblind, but I didn’t see the harm in it. I showed this to my friends, and most of them just nodded or said “Oh, that’s cool.”
However, my partner, Adrien, (M17) took offense. He told me that using color filters on my phone when I wasn’t actually colorblind was really rude and dismissive of people who actually need it for color blindness and that I was essentially invalidating their disability by using it.
Adrien insisted that I take it down and that he wouldn’t allow me to keep it on.
I was absolutely taken aback and told him that was ridiculous since it was my phone and I just used the filter and never pretended to be colorblind or anything.
Adrien snapped at me, telling me that I was stupid and out of touch, and that I had no idea what I was doing. I then told Adrien that he was being incredibly rude and controlling and that what I do with my phone color settings is none of his business.
He has refused to talk to me ever since, and I’m so confused why we’re having an argument about color filters. Am I in the wrong for using a color filter meant for disabled people?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) It’s your phone, do what you like with it, it’s none of his business.
2) Using an accessibility setting isn’t rude or dismissive of those who need to use them. If anything, the more people that use them, the more likely companies are to add more accessibility options to more products, so win-win. (It’s not like there’s only one colorblind filter available in the whole wide world and has to be shared by all the mobile phones and you’re hogging it LOL.) 3) No partner has the right to tell you what you’re ‘allowed’ to do.
4) Honestly, this isn’t a big deal, but his reaction is. I would seriously consider his behavior as a red flag if I were you and think carefully about whether having a partner like this is healthy…because if he reacts like this over something so trivial, I wouldn’t want to see how he behaves over something that’s a bigger deal.” Alice-via-Wonderland
Another User Comments:
“I’m a colorblind person. I couldn’t care less what filters you use on your phone. You’re not pretending to be colorblind, you’re not pretending to know what it’s like to be colorblind. Your colorblind filter has exactly zero impact on the lives or situations of any colorblind person.
You are NOT being dismissive, or rude. Your bf though? He’s a jerk. He wouldn’t “allow” you to keep it? What the actual heck? Did someone die & make him God, and I didn’t notice? Sincerest apologies lord (/s). Red flag forest happening there. Either try to find a middle ground with the bf or get rid, you do you.
Use the filter if you want. This colorblind person has no issue. NTJ.” AcuteDeath2023
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me of daytime TV adverts for various kitchen appliances that are designed to make some task or other easier, but they look like they do a job that doesn’t help.
Such as a stand to hold a cucumber while you chop it. The adverts always show able-bodied people using them, and you sometimes wonder why they exist. Until you remember disabled people exist. You aren’t the target audience. BUT… if an able-bodied person finds it useful and buys one, that helps manufacturers justify creating them in the first place, even if they aren’t the target audience.
Similarly, if you like it and download it and use it, that helps the developer justify the time invested in creating it, even though you aren’t the target audience. You aren’t taking anything away from disabled people by using or buying such an item, and in fact you are helping companies justify the cost of entering that market, making them more available for disabled people.
Another good analogy is gluten-free foods. Some people have a genuine need for gluten-free foods. For others, it is the latest fashionable diet fad, and they don’t need it. But by buying them, they help manufacturers justify the cost of making them, and by making the market large enough, they in fact make the per-unit cost cheaper for manufacturers, which in an ideal world gets passed on to consumers, making them cheaper for those who need them.
NTJ.” Emotional-Ebb8321
2. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Plans For My Sister's Last Minute Wedding?
“My sister told me this week that she and her partner are planning to have a small wedding ceremony on December 14th with just our immediate family (our parents, younger brother, and me). I’ve had a joint holiday party with my best friend planned for two months on that weekend, plus other holiday events that I’ve already RSVP’d to/paid for, including a few for work.
My parents and brother are in the same boat, with work obligations, plus relatives and friends visiting for the holiday. We would all have to travel for her wedding (either hours by car or by plane), so we can’t just arrive and leave within a day or even a weekend.
We encouraged her to wait until January or February, but she refused. She called us all selfish and said that if we really loved her, we would cancel our plans for her wedding. This made our mom cry, so I called my sister and said that she was the selfish one for making last-minute plans for her wedding during the busiest season of the year, disregarding everyone else, and demanding that we cancel everything for her.
She said I was the jerk because I wasn’t being supportive of her wedding and refusing to cancel plans with friends for her. I am pretty sure of my argument, but her words have been eating away at me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can’t seriously make plans for a wedding less than 2 months away, smack in the middle of a busy holiday season, and expect everyone to just change all previous plans to accommodate her last-minute announcement. If your immediate family has plans already in place, then SHE needs to be the one to either change it to a date and time when people can join in the celebration or elope.
This was extremely last minute and none of you should feel badly for not being able to switch everything up on a dime for her.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“In 2021 I was supposed to have a wedding on New Year’s Eve. 2 weeks before we felt like numbers were rising too fast too high in my country AND I found out I was pregnant.
Postponing it would be hard because we didn’t want to refit my whole dress for a 3rd time (we already had 2 postponed wedding dates in 2020). We called our venue and asked if we could pull it earlier and do it that same weekend. Possible! Also called all our guests about the change of plans, those who were able, yay, those who were too busy, we understood and didn’t make a big deal. For those who were ill, we did a livestream so they could feel a bit included. NTJ.
If you give a late invite, you can expect people to have plans already that can’t/won’t be canceled. She just has to see what is more important for her. The date or the guests.” facilia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a spoiled self-centered person.
She only gives everyone a few weeks’ notice to get ready for HER big day. And expects everyone just too just change their plans that were made months in advance. She is the jerk. We would all have to travel for her wedding (either hours by car or by plane), so we can’t just arrive and leave within a day or even a weekend.
Doesn’t your sister know December is one of the busiest months of the year? And last-minute flights are way higher than normal? Send your sister this post, and then she’ll see, you are not the only person who KNOWS SHE’S WRONG. She needs to change the date or be ready to get married without her family attending.” LosAngel1935
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Paint Her Room In My House?
“My SiL and brother went to SiL’s country of birth to deal with a family emergency. They don’t know when they are coming back. They asked me to let my 16-year-old niece live with me. She drives herself to school and can cook for herself.
So my work schedule won’t be impacted. I agreed because it is an emergency and I like my niece.
So far it has been good. We spend some quality time together, but she spends most of her time in her room, which I get. Teenagers.
She brought some paint home today. I asked what it was for. She said she’s going to paint her room. I laughed and said she absolutely is not. She’s not painting a room in my house. She said my walls are depressing and need livening (ouch).
I said no and confiscated the paint.
She locked herself in her room and refuses to come out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When I was a kid my family went to England to visit some relatives there. My sister, who was also 16 and going through a rebellious phase, decided to order a beer at dinner one night because she’d heard they would serve her.
Our dad handled it pretty much the way you handled the paint situation, saying absolutely not and canceling the order. My sister was humiliated and refused to speak to any of us for at least a day afterward. But the thing was, our dad did let us have champagne at a celebration dinner later that week.
He wasn’t against the entire concept as a black-and-white issue, he just knew she was pushing boundaries to see what she could get away with. Your niece is probably having big teenage feelings about being left behind, living with you, and whatever else is going on, and was trying to assert some sort of control in her life.
I’m not sure how long she’s with you, but I’d encourage you to sit her down and let her know you want her to be comfortable, but she needs to communicate her needs with words and treat you and your space respectfully. And in return, you should do the same, within reason, and as appropriate.
She’s still a kid, but she’s old enough to be largely independent. Hopefully, if you show her you’re not just making rules and serving as a warden, she’ll be a better guest until her parents return.” tinybear
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here; and I say that hesitantly.
I’ll probably be attacked for it some. You aren’t at fault because it’s your house and she’s a guest. She’s not wholly at fault because she’s probably feeling like she has no control over anything in her life and thought this might give her some—but she went about it wrong.
But that is also because she’s a teenager—a not child child and not an adult adult. If you are willing. Maybe buy some canvas to paint the color she chose and attach them to the walls with command hooks (no nails or damage to your walls) and she can take them home when she finally does?
Something to remember this time with you? But also sit her down and explain how she can’t make decisions about other people’s homes/possessions without detailed conversations. She still needs to be taught things. But do it like you would have wanted to be talked to when you were 16.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think I this point you should get in touch with your brother/SIL and figure out the situation. Because “no known return date” could mean months (or a year?) and then your niece is actually living with you, not just a guest. If they are returning in the next couple of weeks, then no paint.
She’s a short-term guest. But if this arrangement will last months, you may want to rethink letting her personalize her space. And honestly, I’m guessing the uncertainty of when she’ll see her parents again is probably why she may be making not great decisions.” LemonLimeTaffy
