People Get Even In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Cook Meals I Prefer?
“I recently moved in with my partner, who has three kids, nine, ten, and fifteen. All of the kids have different mothers, and only the oldest lives with him full-time.
The other two are only present every other week.
The weeks that the younger kids are here are pretty hectic, and I try to stay out of the way and not make any requests of my partner, as I know he is busy. I even cook for all five of us sometimes.
My partner does most of the cooking, and he usually cooks the kid’s favorites. When I cook, I make the sort of food I like, but the kids all seem to enjoy it and always finish their plates, sometimes having seconds.
When I don’t cook, I usually order takeout or just make myself a sandwich, as I don’t care for the stuff my partner makes for his kids.
The younger two left two days ago, and I asked my partner if he would consider making something I like for dinner tonight, instead of just making something for himself and his son. He said he always makes enough for all of us, but I always get takeout.
I said I was getting takeout because he was making dishes I don’t prefer. I asked if he could make chicken and salad or tacos or something. My partner got annoyed and said he already had dinner planned. So I asked if he could make something for me tomorrow.
My partner asked what I didn’t like about the food he makes, and I just said it isn’t what I prefer. He said he makes foods the kids like and that are healthy. I said salads are healthy, and I’ve seen his teen’s eating habits.
He’s a vacuum and will eat anything.
My partner conceded that his son probably would eat what I was asking for but said it’s their tradition to make these foods and it’s important to his son. They didn’t have a conversation about this, my partner is just assuming.
I said my partner doesn’t mind his son eating normal foods when I cook and I don’t understand why he won’t do something nice for me every once in a while. I’m not asking for this to be a weekly thing, just maybe once or twice a month cool stuff I like.
My partner refuses and says I am being selfish for asking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – where I’m from we have a saying that roughly translates to “you’ll darn well eat what’s served”. It sounds like your partner is trying to teach his children healthy eating habits, and honestly, it’s not only incredibly rude to be ordering takeout when there’s more than enough food just because it’s not your preference, but it also sets an incredibly bad example for these kids.
I’d understand asking your partner to cook something else if you normally ate his food, but you don’t, so you have no right.” DensityOfThought
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning into a YTJ after reading more replies. Either accept the food he’s serving or make it yourself.
Unless it’s a food allergy or you’re unable to eat it entirely, maybe you should learn to broaden your palate? I agree that people can be slightly picky, but avoiding whole cultures of food and preferring “normal” food to ethnically different food makes you seem kind of childish?
It’s the child’s culture, maybe you should learn to cook their dishes with less spice or tofu or whatever you dislike but still make it enjoyable for you and them, that way everyone can like the food. Try sampling more types of their cultural food and maybe you’ll find stuff you like as well.
His children do come first, and as an adult usually you must set an example for them as well, instead of getting takeout just because you’re unwilling to venture out.” ShiQandA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you knew the score when you got with this guy, what is this thing with getting with people then expecting them to change who they are to more suit you?
The guy is cooking the foods the kid would have eaten with their mother, you know the one that died. It’s a link to the past, but nope here comes a new woman who doesn’t like that stuff because I’m white and it’s not my culture.
Fork that stuff. Then we have the absolute disrespect you doing most nights, this guy cooks up homemade foods which probably aren’t a quick stick some nuggets and chips in the oven all the while you’re turning your nose up and ordering takeout. But it gets better you then have the entitlement to ask him to cook you dinner but only the dinner you like because you know I’m not from that culture and it’s not normal food.” Fugly0the0first
21. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Nephew's Photos From Social Media?
“My brother and his partner are on a two-week kid-free cruise. They left their 8-year-old son (Mateo) with me. I’m his favorite uncle and love him as if he were my own.
Last night, he fell asleep in my bed while watching a movie.
When we woke up, I took selfies of him and me making silly faces to post on my Instagram account.
I got a ton of positive comments from family and friends.
Today, my brother’s partner asked me to take down all the photos of Mateo.
I was like, “What the heck?” He said I had zero business posting pictures of him without asking for permission. I told him that he was crazy. They literally trust me enough to have him for two weeks. He said that’s not the point. The point was that my nephew was not wearing a shirt and in another picture, he’s kissing me on the cheek.
My brother got involved and asked me to take them down until he talked with his partner. He has no issue with the pictures so I’m not taking them down.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Social media is dangerous to post pictures of kids on even if they’re trusted family and friends.
Also just because you’re caring for that child for two weeks does not mean that child belongs to you. You have just proven to them now that you cannot be responsible for the child maybe physically yes but in every other sense absolutely not. My brother and his wife have always had a strict none of their kids on social media policy.
And because they are their kids and not mine I have respected that by never posting pictures of them on social media. You on the other hand are acting entitled as all get out. Take the photos down and stop being a jerk.” Ezada
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had no right to do this, but especially no right to argue with their parenting decisions over their own child. This would be regardless of the issue, but when it comes to the internet, you can’t be this ignorant, surely? Displaying anyone’s picture for the entire world to see or share outside of your control, has its risks.
You have proven to your brother that you are not trustworthy or respectful of him. Nice job.” Original-Winter9334
20. AITJ For Wanting To Report A Non-Paying, Disruptive Guest To Our Landlord?
“I (23F) live in a shared apartment with 9 others, making it a 10-person household. About a month ago, one of my housemates had a friend (27M) come over for what was supposed to be a 2-day visit. But… he’s still here. From what I can tell, he’s not paying rent, and all the bedrooms are already occupied, so he sleeps in the room with his friend.
I’ve spoken to the friend (the one who lives here), and he says this guy doesn’t plan to stay long-term, but he’s not sure when he’ll actually leave. For now, he’s staying indefinitely.
His presence has become really disruptive. Most of us either work or go to university and need to get ready in the mornings, but he’s usually up at 5 or 6 a.m., and he tends to spend a lot of time in the bathroom.
The problem is that he often leaves it dirty and smelly, which makes it unpleasant for the next person to use. On top of that, he’s often up at 4 a.m., playing loud music or having long calls with his family in India, and this noise wakes some of us up.
When he’s in the kitchen, he’s usually using the TV, so I can’t watch anything while cooking.
Our landlord also has a rule against room-sharing, so technically, his staying here long-term isn’t even allowed. WIBTJ for reporting this to the landlord?
Additional issue: He’s taken one of the kitchen cabinets for his stuff, even though he doesn’t pay rent. We all assumed 2 cabinets per person was fair, but now he’s using one. He also uses the hand wash and kitchen towels we bought, doesn’t take out trash, and never cleans.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it would cause tensions in the house if you hadn’t already discussed it as a group. First, have a house meeting find out when he is leaving, and remind them that his presence already puts the friend in violation of the lease.
Tell them if he doesn’t leave by X days it will have to be reported as his presence is a negative influence on the rest of you and impacting your quality of life…I can’t imagine sharing a house with that many people is easy and one bad apple can make a situation like that unbearable pretty quickly.” ProfMG
Another User Comments:
“Kick him out yourself. It is your residence (where u live) act like it. Don’t be nice about it, don’t be polite about it, raise your voice and lower your tone, stand up for yourself, and kick him out. Any argument or stalling from him should result in you yelling even louder and causing a major scene.
Tell him he needs to leave right now, then start grabbing his belongings and throwing them outside. If he refuses to leave, call 911 and get the police to your location right away. Tell the police that he does not live there and you want him removed from your residence and you want him formally trespassed from the property so he cannot return.
If he lays a hand on you in any way (even just grabbing your arm or pushing you), call 911 and get the police to your location right away and tell the police what he did to you and have him arrested. And also have him trespassed from the property.
(You can always drop the police charges later). Also, inform the landlord which person it was that allowed the person to stay on the couch.” Turtle_ti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are all seriously getting into trouble with the landlord for letting him stay this long, especially if your rent already includes water and power bills.
You all will either be asked to leave or pay the excess of the bills paid by the landlord in the last month. It’s not only a breach of contract but also your landlord’s trust. Happened to me and my 5 roommates in college because one of us allowed her partner to live in the house and we all just turned a blind eye to it to keep the peace.
Our disruption was more than just a bad guest and stinky bathroom in the morning. Our disruption was needing to find another place to stay for 3 days, in the middle of the week, on top of additional power and water bills our college selves did not budget for.
That was how upset our landlord was. You better talk to your other roommates and talk to these 2 guys sharing the room because probably the other one is splitting the rent with him. This is not only unfair but putting all of you in a really problematic situation soon.” chicca-minute
19. AITJ For Parking The 'Wrong' Way In An Empty Lot And Arguing With Another Driver?
“This morning around 6:45, I stopped by my local grocery store to grab some food before work. The parking spaces there are angled, making it easy to pull in, but they do follow a one-way traffic flow.
I went up one lane and pulled through a space so my car’s nose was facing the driving lane—technically facing the ‘wrong’ direction. Since it was so early and the lot was practically empty, with literally hundreds of open spots, I figured it wouldn’t be an issue.
As soon as I parked, though, I looked up to see a guy pull up nose-to-nose with my car. He started gesturing for me to back up and let him have the space, despite there being two open spots to my left and right. I just looked at him and shook my head slowly.
He then reversed, parked in the space to my left, rolled down his window, and shouted, ‘What the heck are you doing, dummy? You’re parked the wrong way!’ I replied, ‘Back off, old man there are 10,000 open parking spaces. You don’t need this one that badly!’
He got out and threw one final ‘Back off’ my way, to which I replied with ‘Eat my dust, old man!’ and we both went inside, in opposite directions.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, but you more so because you were in the wrong and you insulted him based on age.
He insulted you on your crappy parking skills, which was warranted. Grow up, learn how to park, and calm down. Life’s too short for this nonsense. Try to remember that everyone you encounter in a day may be going through something unimaginably horrific; they don’t need you piling on their problems.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“There is no “right way” to park in a parking spot so long as you’re within the lines of the parking spot. All you did was park so that you were facing the way out which you could have accomplished by either pulling through into the space or by reversing into the space.
Both are perfectly acceptable things to do and neither make you a jerk. You’re not the jerk for treating the other driver the same way they treated you which was completely unreasonable and rude so I’ll go with not the jerk.” No-One-5404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think most of these people need to go back to driver’s ed. You’re getting an insane amount of hate for this. You pulled through, parked. Were presumably inside the lines. Some jerk pulls up to you, tries to bully you into moving, and calls you a dummy.
You respond in kind. How are you wrong here?? Who kicks off their day by bullying someone and then harassing them? They suck. I don’t think your response was out of line. The other driver kicked off the crazy. Because parking like this apparently annoys people, I will almost exclusively park like this from now on.” Candid-Horror5389
18. AITJ For Hiding From My Mom's Art Student Due To Social Anxiety?
“I (14F) was instructed by my mother to talk to one of her art students (who’s around my age) because she was staying out late alone in the studio.
The art student has also been really stressed recently due to AP Seminar tanking her GPA. However, I personally don’t like talking to my mom’s students because of an experience back when I used to be in her art class. She was talking about how I was a good-for-nothing daughter (although it was in a joking manner) I was, and so I had a mental breakdown and was pulled out by my mom, who then proceeded to yell at me.
Even after that experience, they still praise my mother and “wish that she was their mom” without knowing what she can be like.
But enough of that, because I wanted to know if hiding in the bathroom was an acceptable decision to make. Apparently, it wasn’t, due to the fact that my brother was yelling at me to stop hiding again (I tend to do this quite often).
But to be fair, he did call me an idiot and lazy jerk while getting me to talk to the art student. So, I then made my way to the art studio, which is broken into two rooms. I still didn’t want to talk to her, so I decided to hide behind my mom’s chair in the corner of the room that the art student wasn’t in.
My plan was to avoid talking to her until she had to leave, then I would leave the room and say that I did talk to her. But then I had a nosebleed. I was trying to clean the blood off of the floor and my face using printer paper (because the printer was nearby), but the paper was too loud so I used my hands instead.
Time passed by, and eventually, she left. But, when she left, my mom arrived home because she was out at my brother’s birthday party when this happened. She found me and screamed because there was blood on the floor.
I lied to her about what happened because there is no world in which I admit that I’m a socially anxious jerk, and instead told her that I had a nosebleed and was trying to clean it up quietly because I thought that nosebleeds were embarrassing (which I do).
She believed it but then started to yell at me because I stained her floors. She also isn’t calling me by my name anymore and is instead calling me a creep.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and my god this is just…not normal. Your response makes sense, I’m not in any way criticizing what you’re doing.
Can you talk to a school counselor? You’re obviously hiding in the bathroom for a reason. There’s so much going on here that I can’t even think about the art student. The art student is fine. Blood and paper did not traumatize her. Your mom is awful.
Seriously, talk to a counselor. You need help. Tell them everything, don’t sugarcoat.” piedpipershoodie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Social anxiety makes people do sometimes weird things. Maybe there was a better way to handle it, but you obviously couldn’t just tell your mom ‘I don’t want to’ judging by how she’s reacted to everything else.
In my opinion, you don’t really have a ‘responsibility’ to talk to your mother’s art student. You’re not obligated to. I wouldn’t feel too bad about it; you’re certainly not a bad person, you probably just freaked out from being forced into a stressful situation— and you’re not in an environment that allows you to express your opinion without fear of getting scolded. Also, your brother’s reaction was ridiculous, from the unnecessary language to the fact he himself has no reason to be upset.
Both of them sucked.” aspentheidiot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety and pressure, and hiding from your mom’s art student was your way of coping. You were put in an uncomfortable position and chose to avoid it rather than confront the situation, which is something many people with social anxiety can relate to.
I understand why your mom would be upset about the mess and the fact that you didn’t communicate with her about what was going on. It sounds like there’s a bigger issue with your relationship with both your mom and her students, and some of this frustration is being expressed through avoidance.
It might help to have an honest conversation with your mom about your feelings and why you reacted the way you did.” imalkrz
17. AITJ For Backing Into A Parking Spot With Someone Waiting Behind Me?
“I live in an apartment with a parking garage. It’s a fairly narrow garage, two cars can pass going opposite directions but it’s close.
Pulling out of a parking spot in the morning can be difficult since you have to do a sort of three-point turn to get out. For that reason, I usually park by backing into my spot so I can just drive straight out. I don’t drive a very large car, it’s a Jeep Compass (midsize SUV).
Today I pulled into the parking garage, and another car was behind me. I knew he was there but I decided to back into my spot anyway. Usually, this isn’t a big deal, a lot of people back into the spots in this garage for the same reason as I mentioned above, but during the time you’re backing in that person behind you has to wait since it’s too narrow to pass.
As I shifted into reverse, the car behind me kept pulling forward towards me. I turned on my blinker and started turning towards the spot to try to signal that I was just backing into the spot. He laid on his horn and kept inching closer to me as I backed up.
Eventually, he shifted into reverse and backed up to let me park.
I will say, I’m not inept at this maneuver, and even with him blocking me I was pulled into the spot within 15 seconds. If it took a long time for me to pull in I could understand being upset and honking, but I pull in backwards in the same amount of time it takes to pull in forwards.
I put the car in park and I look up to see the guy who was behind me stopped in front of my car and getting out to come talk to me. I opened my door and he walked over to me and started yelling.
I lost my temper too and we spent a bit shouting and swearing at each other before he got back into his car and drove off. I made a few choice gestures at him and at the same time noticed his wife and kids in the car with the windows down watching this whole thing go down and I felt bad.
Obviously, I didn’t have to shout with him, I admit that I was the jerk there, but with everything else, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I N F O: did you have your blinker on before you passed the spot and put your car into reverse to make it clear you were going to reverse into the spot?
This reads as though you didn’t indicate you were taking the spot until you’d passed it, stopped, and put your car into reverse. If I’d been driving behind you and had to reverse because you didn’t indicate, I’d be annoyed too (but momentarily, and I certainly wouldn’t walk over and yell at you).” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jeez, just wait a few seconds! Maybe just go bigger? I got a Jeep too, quite recently (Grand Cherokee) and I freaking love that thing. It’s obnoxiously large, a truly gigantic vehicle by local standards. People here tend to wait patiently at parking spaces and junctions until I’m done lugging it into position.
It replaced my almost 40-year-old Land Rover. Nobody messed with me in that thing either, to be fair- it was big, but also beaten up, and one more Tesla-shaped dent wouldn’t have mattered… Now I sound like a person who might roll coal (as I believe it’s known).
I’m not, I just live in a remote rural place and tow livestock trailers, honest!” AdventurousFrame332
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ESH… I park in a garage every day. While I don’t get actively mad at someone backing in, and I wait patiently, parking lots in the US are designed for nose-in parking.
The problem is, our cars are generally built so that the rear of the car is higher than the front. Therefore, when someone backs out of a space, they can see the back of your car in the rearview mirror and not hit it. If I’m backing out, and the nose of your car is below my sight line, the chances I might hit you increase.
Then if I do hit you, I’m liable for damage. This may be a wildly unpopular take, but I generally view backing in as a jerk move… why does someone else’s convenience trump my ability to leave safely?” Villanelles-Wardrobe
16. AITJ For Being Upset About My Coworker Constantly Changing My To-Do List?
“I (33F) work at a small clinic as an administrator. I adore this job to pieces and I find it to be quite fulfilling and rewarding overall.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 years old. Over the years I’ve learned how to adapt existing tools and structures (such as calendars, color coding, organizing, and so on) to help fit my needs so I can function in my day-to-day life. And one of the things I like to use is to-do lists.
Years ago I used to have an ex-boss who thought my diagnosis was made up, and she would go out of her way to find any notes, lists, or memos I made for myself to help me do my job, and she would throw them away even after I told her not to touch them.
As a result, I’m rather protective of my ADHD tools.
A few months ago, I came into work to find that my coworker had made me a reusable daily to-do list containing all of my daily duties, and it can be wiped down and reused over and over again with dry-erase markers.
I was moved to tears by this and as a result, my work output has improved quite significantly! This new tool has been a huge game-changer for me. But there’s been a little bit of a problem…
There have been a few times when this coworker would make changes to my to-do list without asking me if it was ok for her to do so.
She would add more tasks, change the wording unnecessarily to try and “tidy things up” or “give more details” (which I don’t need), and there was one time I came in and she completely redid the whole list so it “looked nicer”. I have to be honest, I was really upset.
I found my original to-do list and put it back in my cubby. Since she made the list for me, I have had to remind her not to modify my to-do list without asking for my permission first a few times already. I don’t touch her stuff.
I don’t see why she has to touch mine. My coworker has said to me that she “has to do it for herself or it will drive her nuts”. To me, this feels like a violation of not only my work structure but my personal property.
Today she modified it again without asking me and I had to put my foot down with her. I’m at the point where I think I need to start hiding my tools again. And if she does this again, I will be reporting her to my boss.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, talk to her and let her know that it really bothers you that she keeps making changes to your board. Start by telling her how much you enjoy her gift. Then gently explain to her why it’s important for you to have something just for your own use.
She’s over you but that doesn’t mean she gets to take over your board just because she gave it to you. If she continues to overstep, simply don’t use it anymore. Instead of reporting her to your boss, just take it down and consider returning it to her, even going so far as telling her that since she seems to enjoy it then she should use it instead.
(Ok, ok, so that’s the petty in me talking!)” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A gift is a gift. Once she gave it to you, she lost the right to muck with it. That said, how serious have you been with your reminders? I’d sit down, have a formal conversation with her where this is the only topic.
Let her know that if she keeps mucking with the list you’ll have to escalate it to the boss. You don’t want it to escalate, but she’s hitting a sore spot for you and making it difficult to do your job. If she keeps up after that, then you probably need some kind of third-party interference.
If you feel weird about going to your boss, you can always make your own reusable list. She feels license to mess around with the current one because she made it, but if you’ve made it then she probably won’t take so many liberties.” peggingpinhead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re a control freak, and probably try to gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy even though you’ve just found a great way to manage your tasks. Manipulators thrive off that control they have over your mood. I used to work with one who’d try to do the same thing with my staff’s spreadsheets.
Eventually, he started editing everyone’s data, and “color coding” all the “errors”, then would round everyone up and shame them in front of everyone one by one with all the awful red cells he had uncovered (these error rules would change every week, without notice, the poor juniors were put on the spot for things they had no idea about week after week).
One time, I watched him spend an entire morning editing the data (I was the admin and could see everything). A minute before the meeting was called, I deleted everything he edited and let all the staff know they wouldn’t have to do the dance today, his world crashed down when it popped up and there was nothing to discuss in the “meeting”.
Let HR know, because it’s simply unprofessional and disruptive to productivity, whatever you do don’t respond emotionally, it’s what they desire.” JordanMencel
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Impose On A Friend's Space During Our Trip?
“My friend and I planned earlier in the year on taking a trip to Arizona around the end of December.
We had originally agreed we would split an Airbnb room along with another friend, meaning we’d only pay 1/3 of the cost each for the week we wanted to stay over there. The plan was to meet up with some of our long-distance friends in Arizona as a little reunion for the holidays.
Everything was shaping up fine until the first friend decided they wanted to be frugal on this trip in order to save for a house. Now he wants to stay over with my friend in Arizona’s apartment who still shares their space with their family for the entirety of the trip.
I disagreed with this decision because firstly it felt wrong for me to stay over a whole week with the limited space my Arizona friend has, especially for the three of us planning to go. Secondly, I’ve never experienced a trip previously with my friend that didn’t involve staying over at someone else’s place which mitigates some of the excitement of going somewhere and going about things independently at least to the extent of staying someplace.
So now my first friend is saying I’m being too unreasonable now for not wanting to go because of that change. Even my other friend is no longer going because of this. AITJ for deciding it’s no longer worthwhile to go on this trip because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ plans were made, which everyone agreed to and shouldn’t be changed unless an offer of accommodation gets given. Respectfully, you have declined his proposal of staying with YOUR friend, and he has no business even asking that even if your friend had 3 spare bedrooms you can’t just impose for a week to save money.
Did he expect to stay there for free too? Accommodation would be the first cut back and would probably lead to more which would just ruin your holiday. Go without them and have an awesome time it’s not your fault they have decided to buy a house and you shouldn’t miss one bit of fun on your holiday because of it.” Nondexterous
Another User Comments:
“I went on a road trip with two friends in college. We all worked minimum-wage jobs, college students, with student loan debt, etc. One friend was extra frugal and the three of us spent hours looking for affordable lodging. We found a motel right on the beach for 50$ a night and it had a kitchen so we could cut down on costs by cooking some meals ourselves.
My frugal friend insisted that she didn’t want a hotel/motel/Airbnb and that we should all just sleep in my other friend’s jeep for the week in a parking lot. My other friend and I told her, “Well WE will be in the motel for the week.
If you don’t want to you are welcome to drive separately and sleep in your car but we will be staying somewhere indoors with a shower and a bed.” We ended up splitting the cost of the motel together because she didn’t want to drive herself.
It doesn’t mean you can’t go on the trip necessarily. Look for lodging that you can afford yourself if possible and tell the friend they can follow your lead or not go.” RNdogmom13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Friend 1 wants to change the terms of the trip.
He should have been budgeting for the trip as originally planned. (Sometimes financial situations change, but I’m sure it’s no surprise to him that he wants to buy a house.) Besides imposing upon the family/friend in Arizona, it is a completely different experience for you to be staying with people in their crowded home.
That’s not what you signed up for. If I read your one sentence correctly, Friend 1 has a long history of wanting to stay for free with people when he travels. I get the feeling that he initially agreed to the Airbnb/hotel to get you and other friend on board with the trip and believed he could get you to agree to his money-saving plan closer to the date.
That’s really not OK. If you have another friend who can/is willing to replace Friend 1 on the trip, then tell Friend 1 he can do what he likes, the new trio will be staying at the hotel/Airbnb. He doesn’t get to try to worm his way back in again.
I’d also refuse to plan any further trips with him unless it’s one where you are up for staying with friends/family.” swillshop
14. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Future Mother-In-Law Over Wedding Planning Miscommunication?
“This all broke loose on October 26th when my (22F) fiancé (24M) called during a weekend meeting saying that his parents and my parents were going to sit down and discuss the wedding. “I’m drained. Can’t it wait? It is set for October of 2026, any other weekend would be great…” no no, it must be today.
At the meeting, my future mother-in-law opened with an unexpected statement: “OP, I love you, but I heard accusations at work that you claimed I’m not involved in the wedding. Do you remember saying this?” (For context, she previously worked as the assistant director at my daycare, maintaining a close relationship with a co-worker, T).
Surprised and confused, I clarified that I hadn’t said such a thing. I don’t typically engage in personal discussions at work. I did mention that a co-worker (M), who recently got married, asked me about my wedding plans, and I shared that my father is covering costs due to tradition.
My future mother-in-law then proposed that her brother be the wedding DJ. My father responded, noting he prefers hiring a professional service for reliability, stating that he “needed someone to chew out” if something went wrong. The meeting ended abruptly after this, and I left feeling upset and blindsided.
My parents supported me, emphasizing that involving them in an issue between my future mother-in-law and me was inappropriate. It felt infantilizing.
I conveyed my disappointment in a written message, expressing my discomfort and need for space, especially during the upcoming holidays. I also requested that future issues be addressed privately.
Her reaction was intense; she labeled me immature and demanded an apology. My fiancé defended me, which exacerbated tensions. His brothers acknowledged the challenging work environment that might fuel gossip but maintained a balanced approach.
When we visited to drop fiancé’s brother at home on November 3rd, she approached me (I was sitting in the car to respect her wishes), said she forgave me and expressed her hope to move forward.
I responded with a “Okay.” My fiancé said that he would speak to her. He said that she cried and that his brother took her on a walk to calm down.
I have maintained that I won’t apologize for something I didn’t do.
Apologies should be genuine, not concessions to ease discomfort.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait, what? MIL demanded an immediate family discussion about a wedding that is two years away. She then hijacked the discussion by cross-examining you about your private discussions with a third party.
Next, she suggested that you hire her brother as a DJ, even though that choice is always left to the person who is paying. Miffed, she left the meeting that she had called. For her next tour-de-force performance, she banished you from her home. Your request for privacy was met with insults and name-calling.
She then told you that she forgave you (for what, we must ask). Not through with the histrionics, Madame Diva burst into tears, destroyed property, and then had to be taken outside to calm down (again, calmed down about what?). It appears that we have someone who doesn’t understand that this wedding is not and WILL NOT be about her.
Whatever you do, don’t apologize. It will set the worst of precedents, which you will pay for all of your married life. You’ve handled this perfectly, right down to the bemused “Okay”. Chef’s kiss. This lets her know that you are onto her crazy act, and won’t be drawn into it.
Somebody will suggest that you apologize to keep the peace; “no” is the only syllable that you need to deal with that nutty suggestion. NTJ. You’ve got her number and you know just what to do with it. Good for you!” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“It seems like you have just embarked on a 2-year cruise of drama with a lunatic attention-seeking psycho. You’re no longer welcome in her home? Good, it works both ways. She forgives you for nonsense she created with the voices in her head? Oh well, your “okay” was perfect.
Next time it could be “How about you forgive yourself for being a pain in the …”? She demands meetings about the wedding planning? Tell her to go kick rocks. Without shoes preferably. Or politely tell her that you have lots of time before the event, and will let her know when her help is needed. Like never.
Because after that, oops, you forgot to include her. Don’t let her bring you into her mess. And please ask your fiancé to keep her in her lane, because his inertia is very, very unappealing. Like bleh, maybe 2 years is a good thing to know what you are going into.” Sarcasticalopias
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like future MIL is running a power play on you. She tried to force you to apologize for something you didn’t do. Then she tried to co-opt your wedding plan. When that didn’t work, she tried to see if banning you would break you.
Final straw was to see if “letting you back in” would get her desired result. When that failed, she went full-on tantrum. This one is toxic. I hope fiancé sees through her games.” WhereWeretheAdults
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Partner's Mom After She Disrespected My Deceased Sister?
“My (22F) partner–we can call him Colton–(23M) and I have been together for almost four years now. We met in college and instantly clicked.
By now we’ve met each other’s families and built relationships with them. Colton went camping with me last year–my family LOVES to camp and normally it included several aunts and uncles along with a bunch of little cousins running around–and my entire family loved him.
I’ve met his family a handful of times, he’s been honest with me in admitting he isn’t very close with his parents. He’s the middle child in a family of seven and he just felt neglected growing up and like he was an afterthought. While he’s still close with his siblings, all of whom I adore, he’s never grown out of feeling like his parents don’t care about him.
His mom invited us over for dinner about a week ago. It was going smoothly and I was doing most of the talking, something Colton prefers because he tries to minimize interactions. If he talks about work or friends I’ve noticed his parents tend to act disinterested or sometimes even critical for no reason at all.
Anyway, his mom asked what I was doing this upcoming weekend and I was honest saying I’m driving home because it’s the anniversary of my sister’s passing and I always spend that time with my family. His mom knows that I lost my sister, it was not new information.
It came up when we first met because she kept asking about family and I couldn’t avoid telling her. The conversation slowly withered out then, but now she asked questions on top of questions that made me uncomfortable. I finally said that I didn’t want to talk about this right now and apologized, saying the topic made me sad.
She had the audacity to scoff and say something that made my heart stop. She said “So you’re willing to just let your sister’s memory fade away? Pardon me for wanting to keep her alive by talking about her.”
Colton got upset. He helped me out of my seat and he walked me to our car before going back inside and grabbing our things.
I cried the entire way home.
She invited us over again for dinner in two weeks to “make things right”. Colton thinks we should go but I’m really afraid I’ll have a meltdown if I see her that soon. He’s a little upset because she’s blowing up his phone about it and this is what he’s always trying to avoid.
Apparently, she also told his siblings what happened, because Colton’s sister who is one of my good friends called me saying that I’m being unkind by not giving her a chance to apologize.
I really don’t want to talk to her right now. I’m not saying forever, just not right now.
I’ve told my friends and half of them are torn because I’ll have to see her again eventually, and waiting it out might make it harder. I don’t even know what I’d say. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe her a chance to apologize.
She started this by making a totally uncalled-for hurtful comment. The fact that you aren’t running to accept her apology at her convenience doesn’t put you at fault and make her the injured party now. Sister needs to pull her head in. Colton needs to deal with her blowing up his phone himself.
All three of them are putting the onus on you to appease his mother so she feels better, or whatever her motivation really is — it’s not trying to make you feel better, because if it was she’d be giving you space and letting things proceed at your pace.
None of these people have your best interests at heart. Sister and mother are focused on the mother, and your partner only wants peace for himself. Where are you in all this? I thought you were the one who was hurt by her deliberately cutting and unkind comment?
Why are you the one under pressure?” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to give her another chance one day on your terms, that is your prerogative. But that should be on your terms and to your timeline, not on hers. Colton probably feels a bit trapped here and is just trying not to damage his relationship with his parents more than it already is, so I’d try to be patient with him if you can.
The rest of his siblings are bound to stick up for their mother. They’re not wrong to do that per se, they’re just naturally biased. But the decision is yours. Stick to your guns and do what you feel is right.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“His mom didn’t criticize the brownies you brought, she found your sensitive spot and took a knife to it. And now she has all of her trained monkeys doing her dirty work by pressuring you into giving her her way. Sure, it looks like a chance to apologize, but then wouldn’t a sincerely sorry person respect your boundaries and give you the space you need?
No, this is to show you that she can cross lines and get away with it. (she may be apologizing for being “insensitive,” but she’s still making you come to her at her request.) She may not have planned things to happen like this, but she’s taking the opportunity to send a message.
Colton needs to be an adult and decide that if he wants peace, he needs to set and enforce some serious boundaries with his mom, not put his head under a rock, and try not to rock the boat. If he expects you to fight his battles then he needs to follow your lead, which is space from his mom.
If he needs to block her number for a bit, so be it. But… if he can’t do either of these things and is fine violating your boundaries to keep his mom from pestering him: you need to cut him loose. 4 years is nothing when compared to a lifetime of running interference for a coward.
NTJ.” SunshineShoulders87
12. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Handle His Own Inheritance Transfer?
“My parents gave me a piece of property and then decided to give it to my brother instead. I told them I had no problem with it.
Due to the property law in my country, this is going to be tedious and while I don’t mind my brother having the property, I want him to handle the inheritance transfer. My reasons are that: 1. I work full time and have kids to take care of so my day is full already.
2. He’s the beneficiary of this transfer and should have a bigger responsibility.
What makes me feel bad for not following my parents and helping with the paperwork is that my brother is only 18. He’s probably too young to handle this. But I do want him to at least research on it or draft something and I don’t want the responsibility to fall on me alone.
Also, he’s literally just finished all his entrance exams and it’s at least another 2 months till he starts college so he’s not doing anything right now. Please let me know if I’m crazy to reject to help my parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s like passing the baton in a relay race, but you’re handing it off to a guy who just graduated high school! Let the future property mogul get his feet wet with a little research. Besides, you’re juggling kids and a job—he can use his free time to learn about the joys of inheritance paperwork.
If he wants the property, he might as well get a taste of the adulting responsibilities that come with it!” IrenaPalomo90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) Why can your parents NOT do their own taxes, pay utilities and administrative paperwork? 2) May I ask your age? Are you your brother’s sister?
3) Are your parents financially able to pay an accountant to take care of their taxes, utilities, etc.? 4) I know you have been doing the family paperwork for years but it is time to stop. It should not be your responsibility. I suggest giving your family a heads-up that you will stop doing all of the admin stuff for your family by the end of this year.
And I mean STOP, altogether. They either need to learn to do it themselves or get an account to help them. If they ask you questions on how to do something tell them to research or ask their accountant. Otherwise, you will get dragged right back into what you’ve been doing for years.
Good luck” Ok_Sprinkles_9729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your brother to have some accountability in this situation. You have made it clear you have no issue with him having any inheritance regarding the property, but all things considered, he should be involved in its process since he is also benefiting from it.
Now, it completely makes sense that you wouldn’t want to deal with all the paperwork, as it’s a bit too much to handle between a full-time job and taking care of the family. And this is pretty reasonable, asking your brother to contribute something, as he has all the time in his hands and is of the age when he must learn to get going through these types of duties.
It makes sense that one may feel bad, putting this on your brother after all, he is young. But at the same time, this does seem like a good opportunity for him to learn and grow. You are not dismissing your parents’ wishes but setting boundaries to your capacity and encouraging your brother to man up.
It’s a fairly evened out approach that you are taking into consideration, from your situation to his future responsibilities.” echo_rosie
11. AITJ For Insisting My Wife Quit Her Physically Demanding Job Due To Health Concerns?
“My wife works in a warehouse and as such a lot of her work involves lifting and bending down a lot.
A few months ago she started having back pains and ended up taking some time off work to heal.
She has recently started working again but in the two weeks she’s been working again she’s been in near-constant pain and when we spoke to a doctor they said she may have a “bulging disk”; I don’t know exactly what that means but I do know it doesn’t sound good.
Throughout this whole time, I’ve been telling her she should quit her job and find something less physically demanding, and her parents have agreed with me, but she doesn’t want to because she’s worried about money and that people will think she’s lazy for not working for a while.
While I understand her worries, we can get by on my income alone (though it is tight) and I’m really worried that if she keeps working the way she is she’ll end up doing permanent damage, if she hasn’t already.
At the same time I don’t want to patronize her or be the same kind of demanding or abusive partner we hear about a lot on AITJ… would I be in the wrong if I insist she quit her job before she causes permanent harm to herself, or should I trust her to know what’s best for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the conversation has to be framed more about what she IS going to do than what she ISN’T going to do, especially if she is worried about money and being lazy. Dear _____. I’m worried about your physical health, as are doctors, and want you to live a long happy life.
This job isn’t forever, and you don’t have to wait until it breaks you to stop. What would you like to do next? Can we start looking for other jobs? Are there any certifications you would like to pursue? Maybe a WFH job that is a good break and gets them some time back in the day?
Maybe a tech certification if they’re into that? Think of this more as an opportunity to pivot to the next thing, which is going to be inevitable. Better to do it now while she still has her back.” InflationDecent7193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has to still deal with the aftermath of a slipped disc, tell her this.
She needs to quit her job for herself and her body to heal. And she needs to look into physical therapy, to help with the healing and strengthening of her back. If she doesn’t, her chances of needing surgery are high. This means medical bills (I don’t know where you are from and have insurance) and a long time of recovery, physical therapy.
My SIL’s sister had to have this surgery done and it took her over six months to recover. Only you know, if you can make your finances work. However, this is not a reason to destroy your body, if there are other options out there.
Good luck and feel better to your wife!” Anna_Lou82
Another User Comments:
“She has to quit for health reasons. The strain of her work has already caused permanent damage. Can she possibly get put on short-term disability so there’s still some $ coming in while she applies for other jobs?
You’re not being demanding or abusive, this is genuine concern for her wellbeing. She needs to consider this – if she passed away the company would have a posting for her position up before the end of the week. Her health comes before worrying about how other people will perceive her being out of work.
The stress of not having her income coming in is understandable, so try to see about the short-term disability.” chaenukyun
10. AITJ For Complaining About My AP Psych Teacher's Teaching Methods?
“I’m taking AP Psych this year as a junior. Since I’ll be applying to colleges next year, maintaining good grades this year is vital.
AP Psych has been an issue on that front, mostly because the teacher made some controversial choices.
For example, at one point, there was a written exam where the average score was 30% according to her, and nobody I had talked to had gotten above 40%. She said she graded the test like the official AP exam would, but obviously, if every single person did poorly, she didn’t teach it properly.
Another choice she made that was controversial was replacing an exam with an ‘art project’ in which we had to make a series of drawings representing the concepts of the unit. She then proceeded to make the artistic merit of the drawings– shading, lines, etc– worth 50% of the grade, and as a result, most people again didn’t do well.
I voiced to some friends that this was stupid. We aren’t taking an art class, so as long as the material is correct and there’s basic neatness/effort shown, why does artistic merit even matter? I said we should complain to the principal about this, and my friends agreed, so we got 50+ signatures saying she’s incompetent and needs to go.
Some other students say we’re a jerk for complaining about her because she’s currently pregnant, but pregnant or not, I think she’s harming the students’ transcripts. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an AP course, so you are going to have to show a high level of competency in the final test. Plus, it’s supposed to work as a replacement in some colleges for Intro To Psychology.
Any teacher teaching an AP class should focus on getting the students the information to pass the final test. As far as doing this, when a teacher is pregnant, my son and his friends are currently working on getting an honors social studies teacher thrown out.
It helps that we, their parents, are mostly college professors, and her actions would get US fired. You are your best academic advocate, so make sure you are getting what you expect from school.” redrunsnsings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it appears the first outreach to the principal/administration was a petition signed by 50+ students to have her removed for “incompetency”.
Instead of a lower key conversation promoted by you, a handful of you, or you and your parents with the principal about his/her having a review and discussion with the teacher about her testing and project assignment methods, especially in relation to an AP Psych class.
Is that right? When you first are taking this outside of a conversation with her, it’s with a full cohort of pitchforks? All claiming she’s incompetent? Going to the principal was merited; the content of what you did first was egregious. Yes her pregnancy is irrelevant.
Cross your fingers that there isn’t blowback to you from the principal or the other teachers about the substance and methods you employed. Yes, I have been an uptight HS student worried about grades. That isn’t an excuse for not knowing how to approach problems or carte blanche for an extreme solution to a problem.
They probably aren’t going to fire her mid-semester so you’re under a microscope now.” Typical2sday
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for thinking that the first step of problem-solving is a freaking petition. Does your school have a handbook? Does it have a page in there that tells students and parents how to approach problems?
If it does, step one is to talk to the teacher. Even if it doesn’t, step one should still be to talk to the teacher and then after that talk to the principal. I can’t imagine what kind of teacher recommendation letters you think you are going to get from this teacher’s coworkers if you are the ringleader of this.
It’s just not how you handle problems. It’s disingenuous to ask if you are a jerk for complaining. It’s absolutely your right to complain. But not to start the conversation with a nuclear bomb.” Aggressive-Flan-8011
9. AITJ For Crying At A Family Gathering On My Deceased Husband's Anniversary After Refusing To Loan Money?
“My (48F) son (26M), ”James” very recently got married to his partner (24F), ”Lily”.
For some backstory, my husband passed away in a tragic car accident when my son was around a year old. It was devastating, and in some ways, I still haven’t moved on. It’s been just me and James for so long, and I’m really happy he’s found someone who loves him.
Now, he was living with me during that time, so Lily moved in with us. They discussed it before and were okay with that.
We had a family gathering at our house, where we basically had lunch and played some games, stuff like that. It was suggested by one of my husband’s cousins who lives nearby, “Tom”, and we all liked the idea, but the date he suggested was our anniversary, and we’d complete 30 years of marriage if my husband was around.
I wanted the day to myself and asked him if we could do it some other day, but he said it’s the only weekend everyone is free because they all had work or studies lined up for the others. I tried reiterating that it wasn’t a good time, but they decided to have it then anyway.
So most of the relatives who live nearby, my daughter with her husband and kids come over. I really didn’t want to deal with people at all, but I was trying to keep it together.
While we were having lunch, Tom and his wife announced that their daughter (20) was dropping out of college and starting a business, and they wanted to celebrate her taking this new step in life.
Everybody was happy for her and started discussing her plans. I know I was supposed to be happy for her, but I was having a hard time being happy about anything.
After a while, while playing a board game, they say that she needs capital, and they don’t have enough.
They suggested my son ”loaning” them the money his father left him. Tom and family are known to never pay people back, so of course my son refused. Tom was upset and said that it was ”his fair share anyways”, which my husband should have given him.
My son never got along well with him or his family, so he refused and said it’s his, and he’s not interested in supporting his daughter’s business. After some back and forth, Tom’s wife continued about how we should be more supportive of her as it’s hard enough to start a business as a woman.
My son refused, and Tom said to me ”Good job on raising a misogynist”. I was silent. At some point, they dropped it and focused on the game, but they kept throwing stray remarks at my husband for leaving him nothing in his will. They weren’t upfront enough to catch attention, but I couldn’t take it, and I asked them to stop.
They didn’t.
I had enough, and badly needed an outlet. I ended up crying. Tom, wife and daughter gave me an earful for making everything about myself again, said that I should put living relatives over a dead person, that it’s been 25 years, I need to move on, and left. They’re badmouthing me in the group chat and want me to apologize.
So, AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Why are you letting anyone dictate your home or your life? You did not want a game day at your home, so say No! When they first brought up asking for money and your son said, no, and they kept at it, you should have stepped up and said, time to leave my home.
Tom sounds entitled. Why would he expect anything from his brother? And his daughter should have got her ducks in a row before quitting college. You do not need Tom in your life. Time to go LC or NC.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please tell me that you already know that’s the case.
I’m not sure why your late husband’s cousin feels entitled to anything. And it’s a little sus that he organized this whole family day at your home and not his own. I feel that there’s a pretty good chance that he may have orchestrated this day specifically as an investor pitch for his daughter.
Your husband was very clearly the love of your life You have every right to grieve however you need to grieve. There’s no timeline for grief whatsoever.” abstract_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom berated a grieving family because you wouldn’t give him money.
He insisted on having the gathering, despite you saying no because he planned it as his opportunity to ask your son for the money. He didn’t really care about spending time with you. Block him, don’t let him in the house anymore. If you really have to defend yourself in the group chat then simply state the truth — Tom came into your house practically uninvited, demanded money, called you and your son names when you wouldn’t give it to him, and to top it off insulted your grief on your anniversary.
If anyone in your group chat still wants to be on his side after that, cut them off too.” anbaric26
8. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Wedding Early Due To Work Commitments?
“My sister had a ceremony and then a wedding party, all planned on a Sunday. I was there for the entire religious ceremony and then the wedding party. I did show up about 20 minutes late to the party since I was getting ready. However, my partner and I had to leave early as we both wake up early in the morning and have very energy-consuming jobs.
He wakes up at 6 a.m. and I wake up at 6:30 a.m. I teach kids with autism which can be very taxing on my energy and I was set to work 10 hours the day after the wedding. My partner also works in construction. My sister and her husband don’t work much at all and my sister works from home at 10 hours a week compared to my 45.
I did let my sister know beforehand that I may have to leave the wedding early as I wake up the next day to work two jobs back to back. I don’t think she really took it in now looking at the way she reacted to us leaving early.
My sister and the people who attended the wedding seemed to judge me for leaving earlier than everyone else.
The issue is, I thought the pivotal moment would have happened earlier but the party started later than I anticipated (1 hour later) and for context, the food didn’t come out until 9:45 P.M. and my partner and I were planning on leaving at 10:30.
I felt really bad having to leave but it was really hard for me to be able to work such a long day without proper rest. Especially from being up from morning until night on Sunday helping my sister and family prep.
When my partner and I went to say bye to everyone, it felt like most people were judging our decision to leave early and my sister refused to say bye to us.
She gave us a dirty look and ignored us when we tried to say bye.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am a photographer. Shot lots of weddings. Every Sunday wedding is pretty much over around 10 or 11 pm. I have no idea what your sister was expecting, but if she wanted a party extending through the night, she should have gotten married on a Saturday.
I actually think some of the other guests were not judging you, they were envying you. NTJ.” MarMinduim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I were invited to a Sunday evening wedding of a close family member I would have arranged time off Monday morning. Because I would assume I would enjoy myself regardless of what time the dinner was served. Before everyone jumps down my throat remember that anyone who traveled for the wedding would have to do so as well.
This of course assumes that adequate notice was given via a save the date or such.” spaetzlechick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think the guests were judging you, they probably wished they could walk out with you without facing the bride’s wrath. You wouldn’t have been the only one who had to work on Monday.
If dinner was served at 9:45 pm, I’m betting people stayed long enough afterward for the first few dances, maybe the cake, and then dipped. Not many people are up for having an all-night party on a Sunday.” Summoning-Freaks
7. AITJ For Deleting My SIL's Profile On Our Shared Netflix Account?
“My husband and I share a Netflix account with the Basic Plan (only one screen) and we have an understanding that if one of us is watching something, we let them be and do something else.
Recently, my SIL (who isn’t very pleasant and whom I don’t get along with) asked my husband for Netflix account details. My husband informed me that he would be sharing the login details. I thought it was a one-time thing and was ok with it.
But it so happened that every time I sat down to watch, I couldn’t because she was using it. She made a profile for herself as well.
Now the catch is, she lives in Europe and I live in Asia so I guess Netflix is cheaper here?
I don’t know.
I got irritated the third time I sat down to watch and couldn’t because she was using it. When I told my husband this, he told me that she hadn’t used it in two weeks. So I assumed someone else was leaching off of me.
I signed out of all devices and then deleted her profile.
And now apparently she is angry and my husband is angry that I was being so petty. She now wants my husband to create a new account for her from our country so she can use it in her country.
I know I was petty, but a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a pretty simple rule if I ever allow someone to share something of mine, it better be available when I want to use it, if I’m the one who bought or paid for it.
The last thing I had to put my foot down about was the phone charger I keep stashed at work. I finally drew the line when my phone would start getting unplugged in the middle of a recharge. Now nobody is using it but me.
The offending co-worker was all upset about it, but I have no problem being the bad guy in your narrative because your freeloading attitude went from appreciation to entitlement. Once you cross that line, you’re done.” ForTheHordeKT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s rude to use someone else’s subscription and not get off when they are ready to watch.
As others have pointed out you could have lost your subscription entirely if Netflix had caught on that someone was using it beside you. Your husband should not have lied about her being on and getting mad after being caught in the lie should get him banned from enjoying access as well.” ConfectionExtra7869
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar problem with my sister a few years ago. I let her borrow my login since she was struggling and with three young boys at home, they needed entertainment during the summer when not with their friends. I even upgraded to two screens so I didn’t have to give it up.
After a few weeks, I kept trying to watch things and I couldn’t. Then I got a couple of emails saying my plan had been upgraded to four screens. With extra profiles to go with mine. That annoyed me as my sister didn’t tell me.
Guessed she didn’t know I got the emails when something about my account changed. I called and asked her about it and she said she gave the login to a couple of friends. I immediately changed my password and logged out of all devices. She was angry but backed off when I told her no more free babysitting from me and lending her money every month if she tried to take advantage of me again.” IntrovertSim
6. AITJ For Joining The Coast Guard Against My Parents' Wishes?
“I (21F) recently got into a fight with my parents.
Backstory: I moved out of the city to attend university after I graduated high school.
I struggled to make friends and was dealing with an abusive ex during my time attending university, because of this I was struggling academically and was put on “academic probation” for two semesters then went into “good standing.” With that, I decided to move back home with my parents.
After I moved back, I started to attend community college and took 20-hour semesters and worked two jobs every semester to afford community college and save money for when I graduated and not to rely on them for money. They have told me multiple times that I am “unreliable” and a “waste of time/money/effort” so I usually keep them out of the loop when I make decisions since I don’t trust them.
Now: Recently, I have decided to start looking at different military branches, and have decided to join the Coast Guard after many hours of meeting with different military recruiters and doing my own reading for each branch. I have recently talked to my parents about me joining and leaving after I graduate from community college.
Recently, I had a fight with them about me joining and they told me that if I join I will “be joining at the bottom and be wasting my time.” (Which I really didn’t appreciate) So I told them “I don’t need your support.
I can do this on my own, my siblings support me and so do my friends.” Which my parents didn’t appreciate and told me to leave which I did and now I am writing this post trying to figure out, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry you ended up with such unsupportive parents, and I’m glad you have support from your friends and siblings. You may want to go low contact with your parents. My son was looking into joining the Coast Guard at one point and it looked like a great career!
There’s an exam you take to see what areas you might like and have skills for, and there are some amazing opportunities. If I was your mom, I would be really proud of you!” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“No matter which branch you join, you are going to do it on your own.
With the support of others in your squad, platoon, company. You will hopefully grow up and take responsibility for yourself. Unless you’re going to make a career in the Coast Guard. Look for something that you can be trained in that has a marketable skill in the civilian world later on.
I was in the Army for over 20 years. All in combat units. Tanks and Scouts mainly. I have supported my family since I retired in 2004 as a truck driver. Good pay but lousy bennies and hours. So if you do join, I’m not sure if they still do it, but the Montgomery GI bill helps on schools after you get out.
You did have to sign up for it when I enlisted. So not sure how it is now.” Badtanker63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strange comment for your parents to say re “joining at the bottom”. You basically start any career at the bottom, whether it’s military or civilian.
Both have “senior” entry paths (officer cadet, manager, graduate/intern, etc) but these are still junior roles basically at the bottom of their respective pay structure. Sounds like you’ve done the sensible thing, looked at all your options and the Coast Guard suits you best. If your parents can’t come up with any sensible reasons why USCG isn’t suitable for you then they are basically admitting it actually is suitable for you.
Either way, you’re 21 if you do a few years and feel it isn’t right there will still be plenty of time to change career.” Lanky_Common8148
5. AITJ For Not Letting Other Kids Borrow My Child's Expensive Hockey Equipment?
“My 8yo plays goalie in a rec hockey league. Through birthdays and Christmas gifts, we’ve outfitted them with a full set of equipment: helmet and dangler, chest protector, leg pads, goalie pants, blocker/catcher.
All in, nearly $1000.
Because it’s a rec league, the expectation is that the kids will rotate into different positions at the start of the season. The league has a limited number of sets of goalie pads to borrow. Most are beaten up and there’s no guarantee you’re getting stuff that fits properly.
Last year, the set the team had was far too big for my kid’s spindly legs. They had to play with their skater’s shin guards under the goalie pads just to get a big enough diameter for the straps to tighten around their leg.
More than a few parents have mentioned borrowing my kid’s equipment when their kid is in net.
Things like, “oh, we’ll have to really loosen all the adjustments up on that stuff to get it on my kid next week”, or “I’d want to clean it before (her kid) puts it on, is it safe to throw it in the washing machine?”
I told another parent, “Sorry, it took us a long time to get everything adjusted for my kid and we’re not comfortable lending it out”. It’s created a rift with the other parents. Where we used to be part of the group chitchatting in the stands with the other parents, now we aren’t.
Invitations for my kid to play outside of hockey used to be plentiful, but now they have dried up.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who’s played and coached hockey and other sports. Nope. Not even slightly. Don’t even make excuses, simply, no. This type of equipment is not meant to be shared. Goalie equipment is a pain and expensive.
Asking to share goalie gear is the equivalent of asking to share skates. I would say that if your kid isn’t playing goalie every game, spending the money on goalie equipment seems a bit much. But if your kid wants to just be goalie it makes sense.” previouslyonimgur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lesson learned. People like you as far as they can use you. You could have said you’re renting it from some other place or someone. The rental fee is $150 per day, and you’ll be happy to help arrange contact with the actual owner.
That would stop this nonsense. As it is, perhaps try saying your child has experienced extreme dermatitis from borrowing that club equipment, so you had to buy and keep it away from others for health reasons. Also, what’s with their presumptuous entitlement to someone’s stuff?” InValuAbled
Another User Comments:
“First of all, $1000 for goalie equipment for an 8-year-old is wild. Especially for a kid who’s going to rotate positions and barely use it. Does he plan on being a goalie? Lots of kids dislike being goalie, so if that’s the case great, but if not, totally unnecessary at that age.
Second, you should make it clear to the other families you purchased it for your kid and tell them how much you paid for it. Offer to let them buy in if they want to share it (I guarantee they won’t). It seems entitled. My kids hate goal thank God, but it’s common knowledge goalie is the most expensive position, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it period.
The parents who are being mean are eventually going to regret it, it’s hard to have a constant good goalie on these teams in my experience.” Eggcoffeetoast
4. AITJ For Keeping Money From A Child's Wallet I Found?
“I have a neighborhood kiddo who I pay ($30) to pull weeds out of my flower beds. It takes him about an hour to do so, probably once a month during the summer months.
Yesterday he pulled weeds and today the Amazon guy who delivered my packages found a wallet in my driveway.
He tucked it under the packages and left me a doorbell message.
I got home from work and took the wallet inside with my packages and the ID in it belonged to the kid who pulls my weeds.
I figured he must have dropped it and walked it back to his house (he lives a couple of streets over).
The dad (I’m assuming) answered the door and took the wallet. He opened the wallet and there was a $100 bill inside. He took it out and gave it to me to “teach the kid a lesson” because apparently the kid loses a lot of stuff and had been in an “unhappy” mood about not being able to find his wallet.
I tried to refuse but he insisted I take it. It was awkward, so I did.
Now, I feel like $100 is an expensive lesson to learn as a teenager. But I don’t know what to do?
If I return it, then I’m undermining the parent’s lesson.
If I keep it, I kind of feel like I would be a jerk because it’s money that belonged to a child and he may have worked to earn it.
WIBTJ for keeping it or returning it?
For reference, the child is probably around 13/14/15 ish and male.”
Another User Comments:
“It could be worth talking to him about setting up a bank account to keep his money safely. But you need to tread carefully. This child may be keeping it in cash because he doesn’t want Dad to be able to access it.
Children need an adult to set up a bank account and in the US that adult has unfettered access to the account and if they are untrustworthy can just take the money for their own purposes. I get the impression that you are uncomfortable with the dad’s behavior.
I can also see that you may not want to get too involved. But you could explain to the child that if they have an adult they trust to be the signee (not sure if that’s the correct term but it suffices) on their account it doesn’t have to be their parent.” Librarian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think all the people calling you a jerk are wrong. The dad is a jerk and although we disagree with his parenting, he isn’t doing something causing physical harm or long-term emotional damage. Kid gets his wallet, he cries, and he gets over it.
Mean and harsh? Definitely. People are entitled to raise their kids how they see fit even if that is being vegan or a religion you don’t like. Undermining him might result in animosity between your neighbors, further punishment on the kid, the kid no longer coming over.
All to what? Prove a moral dilemma to yourself? Now, if Dad finds out and he gets banned from coming over, you would be the jerk. Because that kid might need you as an influence. I’m with the answers where you sneak in some extra hours for the kid.” princess_melancholy
Another User Comments:
“Go back and give the money to his father and tell him you 1) don’t agree with the punishment, and 2) if he’s going to do it anyway he should keep the money himself because you want no part in stealing from a child.
I know it’s tempting to just secretly give the money to the kid but I think that will get the kid in more trouble with his father in the long run. For all we know he may be a physically violent person and having his son undermine his perception of authority might lead to a much worse punishment.” throwAWweddingwoe
3. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep At My Partner's Place Until He Cleans The Mold In His Bathroom?
“I’m a twice-a-day shower-er. A 5-minute shower in the morning helps me wake up and feel refreshed, then a longer shower at night to help me relax/feel clean before I go to bed. This is non-negotiable for me.
My partner and I have been seeing each other for 2 years and he recently moved into an apartment by himself, whereas he previously had housemates.
In the 4 months he’s been there, I’ve been staying over a couple nights a week.
Lately, I’ve noticed mold growing in his bathroom and have brought it up to him. He says that he’ll clean it but never does so I’ve stopped sleeping over because it’s disgusting.
He’s always welcome at my house, but since I have housemates he thinks it’s weird and doesn’t come over.
Now that I don’t sleep over it’s cut down on our time spent together so he’s been mopey. I’ve told him numerous times that it’s a simple fix for him to clean the bathroom for me to be able to shower and feel clean but he says that it doesn’t bother him, but if it bothers me so much then I should be the one to clean it.
I told him that it’s not my responsibility but if he wants me to sleep over again then he needs to clean the mold, or organize and pay somebody to do it.
He keeps telling me to just come sleep over but go home if I need to shower and then come back, but I’m refusing to because that’s ridiculous even though I live 5 minutes away.
We’ve been at odds for a couple of weeks over this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, just cut your losses at this point. Dude flat-out refuses to clean a bathroom for 4 months and would prefer to argue with you over making you do it then spray a little Exit Mould?
How do you reckon that future looks? You really wanna entertain the idea of living with this guy someday?” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was leaning towards no jerks here until you said he was mopey and tried to make you clean it yourself. He’s not a jerk for having different standards but he can’t have it both ways – if he wants you to come over, he can’t expect you to clean his place.
However, this is a basic compatibility issue. Imagine at one point you wanted to move in! You‘d be the assigned cleaner for the rest of your life because he just doesn’t care. If you want to have separate households forever, that’s fine, but if you’re planning on living together with a partner, this is not the guy.” RiverSong_777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! Your partner is not a functioning adult at 29. PLEASE Wait for him to solve his cleaning problem before moving in with him or making any further steps in this relationship. You cannot imagine a future with a guy if it includes basically replacing his mom.
“The bulk of cleaning” is really more than what you think… But before throwing him away, maybe try showing him that mold is DANGEROUS. Cleaning once WITH him where you show him how he should do and see how it goes a month from there.
Good luck and… EWWWW.” Olivia-Clara
2. AITJ For Not Asking My Partner's Permission Before Letting People Drop By Our House?
“I (30M) live with my partner (28F) in a house I bought this past year. An issue that keeps coming up is that my partner keeps saying I’m letting others invade her privacy by having guests like family members, friends, etc, stop by my house for a brief moment even though I let her know in advance.
They’re usually there to just pick up a tool I borrowed, give me an item really quick, stuff like that.
Sometimes a friend will call and say “hey I’m in your area, do you mind if I come pick up my bike I left at your house?”, to which I’ll say yeah sure no problem.
Then I’ll let my partner know that my friend is 15 min away. She’ll get mad because I’m not asking her if it’s ok before I agree. I understand planning an event, having guests over for a longer period of time, a get-together, but someone just coming over for a second?
I don’t feel like I need to ask her permission if it’s ok for these types of things as long as I’m letting her know who and when they’ll be coming by. That’s a strange conversation to have if I have to let the other person know that I need to check with my partner to see if it’s ok before they drop by.
No one I know has ever said hey let me check with my partner before you come over to see if it’s ok for something so small. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment. Just wondering if the partner feels like it’s her house too, since she lives there now.
Is the understanding that she just lives there and has no rights, or is she a full partner and thus is her home even if it’s your house? Sounds like you’re thinking you bought the house and therefore you don’t need to ask her opinion or permission.
She thinks this is her home and having people drop by all the time is upsetting because she doesn’t get a say in who comes to her home.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, it’s your house, for starters. But, to be honest, I’d still say NTJ in a house you co-owned. Your partner has a reasonable expectation of privacy in the bedroom, or any other room that is designated as private: a study, a reading room, a place where one might do art, etc., etc. She cannot make such assumptions in communal areas of the house.
It’s just not possible. You can’t live your whole life treading on eggshells or never wanting to make spontaneous plans because it might upset her. You can’t just never have pals over for a quick bite to eat, a quiet cup of tea, or just for them to pop over and drop things off.
That’s not how life works. How much notice would she deem appropriate? Five hours, ten hours, 24 hours? What is she, your partner or your landlord?” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not asking permission for people to stop by for very very brief periods to pick up or drop off something.
If they were dropping by unannounced for a visit, a very long chat, staying over, etc, that’s very different. “Hey Jimmy will be stopping by for a few moments later to return the tool he borrowed last week” is in no way unreasonable. Jimmy isn’t arriving totally unannounced. Jimmy isn’t hanging around all afternoon, disrupting her plans or expecting her to play hostess.
Jimmy isn’t bringing his mates around for a frat party. Jimmy probably won’t even see your partner half of the time if he really is just picking up or returning something. You are the homeowner, she’s a tenant, yet she’s making the house rules…” Odd-Phrase5808
1. AITJ For Not Going Out Late At Night To Get My Pregnant Wife Food?
“My pregnant wife (F, 25) straight up chooses not to eat breakfast or lunch at home during the day because “we have nothing” except we do and what she really means is “we don’t have anything I want.”
So at dinner time I (M, 32) almost always make dinner after working all day while she’s currently not working.
I struggle to get her to find someone she wants. She either has no clue and wants me to choose for her, and when I do she doesn’t want it, or when she does suggest something she will pick around it and not eat much of it or straight up not eat it
So then…. She wants me to then wake up at 12 am, 2 am, 4 am, whatever late time she picks, and go to a fast food place or gas station to get her food or snacks. I basically always tell her no.
I tell her that the snacks that she wants we should buy at the store or that she should actually eat some breakfast, some lunch, or some dinner so she’s not starving in the middle of the night.
I’m never mean about it and always keep a calm and soft tone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, unless she is on bed rest. High risk. Or almost due, she can darn well drive herself. Says an old grandma who guessed what didn’t expect everyone to wait on me and do my bidding.
Yes, she is hormonal. That is not an excuse to do what she is. Either she needs to figure out what she can eat because not eating is not healthy for the baby or see a doctor because again, not eating is not healthy for the baby.
Also, make a list of the snacks she asks for. Not the fast food but the snacks. Then go and buy them and stock them for when she asks. If she still won’t eat them, then honestly, it sounds like she is testing you to see how far you will go, which is just wrong.
You can also see about setting up if you live in a town or city where she can call and have food delivered if she gets a craving.” tiny-pest
Another User Comments:
“Mom of three here, NTJ. I always had a variety of snacks around so I could have whatever I wanted at any time.
I think the latest I ever asked my hubby to go get me anything during my pregnancy was before 10 pm. We weren’t even in bed yet. Being pregnant doesn’t give you the right to demand something, or expect everyone to drop things just to cater to you.
If I were you, I would just buy her an array of snacks she has craved in the past and save yourself the hassle. Cravings are a want, not a need. She’s not gonna die if she doesn’t get them.” turbomonkey3366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a father of twins and my wife would never have done that when she was pregnant. However, she strived (and continues to strive) to not be one of the status-quo mothers out there. If she had, I probably would have indulged her for eating out during the day but, not while I’m asleep.
Later, after having the kids (twins), she exclusively pumped for 2 years which I encouraged. I got up for every feeding which ranged from every 2.5h (set alarms due to reflux) till we eventually could both finally sleep through the night. I played my role which was either change and feed them or warm bottles and clean dishes or a combination of each.
I am mentioning my experience because I fear if you indulge too much during pregnancy, you’ll be dealing with her spoiled (my words) behavior after the child is born.” Upbeat_Rock3503
