People Gasp At These Appalling 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Giving The Delivery Driver An Extra Dollar After He Ignored My Instructions?
“I live with a hyperactive dog. I had had a long day so far and wanted to order some food. Ordinarily, I would’ve just driven to a restaurant to pick up some food, but I was in the middle of working so I ordered delivery.
It’s important to note that when I say my dog is hyperactive, I mean he is VERY aggressive and anxious. He gets very territorial and if he sees ANYONE drive past our house he goes crazy. (And before you say anything— he’s seen about 6 trainers and all of them say he’s a lost cause.) So when I order anything to our house, I need to be prepared to keep him away from the windows until it arrives and they drive away.
Still, though, just to ensure he’s placated, I ALWAYS put in the delivery instructions, “Plz do not leave food at the front door! Leave by the garage door OR mailbox instead. + Do not knock or ring the doorbell— the dog will go crazy. I will add $1 to the tip if you do this, thx!”
After I placed the order I waited for the driver to pick up my food. Then I texted him 2 messages: “Hi! Thanks so much, please leave the food by the garage door or mailbox!” and then “I will add $1 to the tip.” He didn’t respond.
When he was about 2 minutes away I called him just to be safe. He didn’t answer that either. I pulled my dog away from the window and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, my dog looked through the front door window and saw someone walk up, ring the doorbell AND knock (which just felt unnecessary), and leave the food up front.
My dog, of course, went crazy and peed all over our couch and rug and it took several minutes to clean up and calm him down.
Irritated, I reported the problem with the driver to the app. I will admit this wasn’t entirely necessary but I was very frustrated. All I said was “Driver did not follow delivery instructions despite multiple reminders.” I also, admittedly, sent a message to the driver that said, “Thanks a lot.”
About 5 minutes later I got a message from him that read, “?” and then “Where is the extra $?” I tried to be very kind as I said, “I told you I would only add $1 to the tip if you followed instructions.” He immediately got upset with me, saying that he delivered to the right general location and that the special delivery instructions were never a guarantee.
He then said that when he read the second message saying “I will add $1 to tip” he assumed that meant he was getting an extra $1 regardless. I told him I thought I had made it clear that the $1 was conditional. He got fed up, claiming “It’s just one dollar” and said was going to report me.
Nothing has happened as far as I know yet, but while what I did felt right in the moment, I’m not quite sure I reacted appropriately. It is worth noting, however, that I tipped pretty well— $9 on a less than $30 order— so I feel as though he overreacted, too.
Also, the instructions weren’t that hard to follow. But it was JUST a dollar… I don’t know. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided directions that he didn’t follow. That said your pup is not hyperactive, he’s reactive. I hate that your trainers have said he’s a lost cause.
Can I ask if he’s been to the vet to see if anxiety meds would help so that he can focus on his training? It really can make a world of difference! In the meantime thank you for not giving up on him.” revengeofthebiscuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they need to follow your instructions, regardless of the extra tip. The fact that your food was not left where you needed it. It meant they didn’t earn the extra dollar. I’m guessing they just didn’t pay attention but they saw where you said you would tip.
It would’ve been easier just to leave the food by the mailbox. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have done doordash before, I always read the delivery instructions and respond to texts. His fault for not checking. I can’t always answer the phone when in the middle of a delivery and listen to GPS instructions from my phone, but I always get text notifications.
Also, the knock + doorbell was unnecessary, I never knocked or rang the doorbell unless the customer asked for it. They get a phone notification when the delivery is complete anyway.” WastedTrojan
19. AITJ For Identifying Myself As Disabled Despite My Mother's Disapproval?
“I (20F) have a lot of health conditions. I’m diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder my dad also has, autoimmune disorders, etc, and am in tests for other things. My mom always believes I’m crying wolf, despite me being repeatedly proven right.
I’ve worked in disability advocacy for years now, so many of my friends are disabled. A year ago, I confided in one of them that I sometimes feel as though I’m not disabled enough to use the label.
He told me that while he understood my feelings, he’d seen how much my conditions affected my life. He pointed out that I don’t consider anyone else ‘not disabled enough’, and that it’s okay if I don’t want to call myself that, but I shouldn’t think of myself as exaggerating just because I don’t yet need mobility aid (he uses a walker).
That conversation ended up giving me the confidence to start pushing my family to help me get tested, make appointments for myself, and admit to doctors the stuff I’d been downplaying or not telling them.
Fast forward to this summer: while on break, I was at a restaurant with my parents (my siblings were at camp).
Near the end of the night, we were discussing something to do with my mom’s current project of increasing ADA compliance at work, and I said something along the lines of “As a disabled person, I think-”
My mom was furious. She accused me of playing pretend about being disabled, making everything about me, and exaggerating my ‘minor medical conditions’.
My dad wasn’t happy about it either, although more from the standpoint of his “you’re not disabled unless you let yourself be” mindset.
The next day, I spoke privately with both of them. I pointed out to my dad that our shared condition is legally a disability, that his mindset around disability is not healthy, and that I get to choose how I describe my body.
He did some research and ended up coming back to me to apologize about it. My mom felt bad for yelling but kept insisting that I was not disabled and was essentially appropriating the word. When I tried to explain like with my dad, she told me in a patronizing way that I should do more research before talking to her about things like disability and ADA compliance (which I have studied in detail).
Months later, I felt paralyzed in terms of my health. I feel awful making appointments, and have generally felt like even bringing up my health is making me a burden on other people. I know intellectually this isn’t true, but it’s hard to believe it.
Things have mostly been fine with my parents, but now whenever I mention disability around my mother in any context, I can tell she’s torn between her guilt at yelling at me and her anger at me for my ‘appropriation’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it yourself, your condition meets the legal definition of a disability.
Ergo, you have a disability. It’s as simple as that. Please do not let your mother’s position on this stop you from seeking the help, life adjustments, and medical support you need. You are 20 now and might be able to manage more-or-less okay without getting help, but that might not always be the case as you age, and the more you neglect managing your symptoms now, the worse they might be in the future for going untreated. If your mother has made you feel confused and conflicted about this, talk to her less and talk to your friends in disability advocacy more.
Lay out why and how you feel guilty about making appointments and they will set you straight I am sure. Please talk to these people, you have a resource available to you right there in a network of existing friends – use them!” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also a young disabled person coming to terms with the word and connotations that come with it, as well as allowing myself to use the mobility aids I need. It has been a struggle mentally to get used to it all, especially in front of friends and family who aren’t used to seeing me struggle and admit it.
I suggest leaning on your friends and perhaps a support group that can understand how you feel. It’s also worth talking to your doctor about how you are feeling so they know how best to support you.” Vanessa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only person who gets to decide if you should use the label is you.
There’s so much stigma around invisible disabilities and all it accomplishes is making people feel ashamed of their limitations and afraid to seek resources. The more people with those invisible disabilities that use the label, the less stigma there is around **all** disabilities.” hammie95
18. AITJ For Refusing To Talk About My Resentful Half Brother?
“My mom had a son before me, my half-brother Sam (26). Sam’s dad passed away when he was 5 and my mom and dad met two years later and had me (17F) within two years of their relationship starting. Sam never considered me a real sibling and he resented me for having asthma.
I remember being 5ish and I was in the hospital with breathing trouble. My dad caught the stomach flu and couldn’t stay in the hospital with me. So mom did. Sam showed up and told Mom he wanted her to cheer him on at football practice.
She told him she’d need to do it another time because she couldn’t leave me alone. He said he didn’t care. Mom took him outside the room but I heard him say to her 3 times in a row that I wasn’t his real sister, I was JUST his half-sister, and he was an only child.
He also said he didn’t care if I passed away. I wasn’t his problem. I was still really sick at the time so some extended family told me I had imagined it. But a few months later when I was healthy he came out and said it in front of everyone at a family dinner over something mom bought him but she bought it a week too late or something because my asthma medication had to be paid for the week he wanted it originally.
He’d get mad if I did something fun while he and Mom spent time together doing something fun. Especially if it was with our shared grandparents or an aunt/uncle. Even though they did stuff alone with him too. And he was awful when someone would take the two of us to do something.
If cousins were involved he’d ignore me and try to leave me behind.
I heard more times than I can count that I wasn’t his real sister. I also heard him complain so many times that Mom didn’t ignore me and devoted all her time to him.
He wanted Dad to stay out of his way and made it clear dad wasn’t his dad. But it was me he had the biggest issue with existing. He told me to my face that I didn’t deserve to exist.
My mom had him in therapy and she punished him for being mean.
I never saw it help.
And I know he still doesn’t care because I ended up very sick last year and was in the hospital for 10 weeks with asthma complications. He never visited or called to check on me and I heard mom one night fighting with him because she was horrified he said something about me being sick and probably how he didn’t care.
Sam gets talked about a lot though and my parents and extended family mention him to me and try to get me to talk about him. I’m sick of it. He hates me. There’s nothing about him I want to talk about. So I told my parents a few weeks ago I was done talking about him and I told extended family later.
They told me I can’t act like he doesn’t exist and it won’t help things.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You absolutely can act like he doesn’t exist and it WILL help things for you if you don’t have to deal with him.
Your family is just being selfish because it makes things more complicated for their plans of ignoring what a jerk he is to you.” Signal_Wall_8445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is not your fault you were born into a family with a selfish entitled jerk already there.
I know a few people who have had kids with half siblings that they love and can share with their parents. Some kids want to be an only child and sharing is not in their nature” FairyFartDaydreams.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has now made you the scapegoat for her failure as a parent.
She thinks it is now your job to fix this situation. It is not. Tell her I said that she needs to stop making everything about him. That you refuse to try and have a relationship with someone who wishes you did not exist. And please see if you can get into therapy to discuss this with someone who knows how to deal with this because it is very clear that no one in your family does.” Straight_Bother_7786
17. AITJ For Letting My Pregnant Wife Leave The House Upset?
“I’m 24M and my wife is 24F, throwaway account because she knows my main account.
My wife is 33 weeks pregnant, she’s been dealing with the pregnancy like a champ and I’ve been helping her through it to the best of my abilities. Recently it came to light that not everything’s been as fine and dandy as I thought, she broke down in tears a few days ago and mentioned that she’s been feeling holed up and stuck at home; she has a bachelor’s in graphic design and, before getting pregnant (it was an unexpected pregnancy) had planned to try for a masters and travel around the states.
For context, my wife and I haven’t been together for long, we just got married 3 months ago and knew each other for only about a year before that, we got married because we both thought it’d be best for the baby (I’m active duty in the army, tri care, paid housing and all those benefits).
She recently broke down in tears and said that she felt stuck like her life is no longer hers and she can no longer do what she really wants to. I tried to reassure her and tell her that it ain’t true, but she wouldn’t listen to me.
Because of work, I had to go away from home for a month, I kept in contact as often as I could and all seemed to start going back to normal.
A few weeks ago an old friend from college came to visit my wife and they hung around all day while I stayed home.
Everything seemed to be getting better, she started getting back to her bubbly self and I thought all was well, or so I thought. Today after I got back from work I noticed she was acting gloomy, so I asked what was wrong. All my attempts to figure out the issue were met with indifferent answers.
At some point, I got tired of prying and left her to be, at which point she broke down in tears again and told me she felt miserable at home and that the day she spent with her friend was the happiest she had been in months.
I attempted to comfort her but she just pushed me away, so I just left her to cry it out and sat by her side.
After a while of silence, she got up and made her way towards the door. Now, here’s where I think I messed up.
At this point, I was tired. Ever since the pregnancy I stopped worrying about myself and focused solely on her, I ignored myself and my needs because I thought that anything I felt or needed couldn’t compare to what she needed during the pregnancy. But today I felt like I had enough, my pent-up emotions got the best of me and I just told her to be safe when she opened the door.
She looked at me sort of disappointed and left. I have her location and she has mine, so I’m not too worried about where she went, but I just feel terrible about not getting up to stop her.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She pushed you away, then got up to go; One could conclude that maybe she needed to get out and clear her head on her own for a bit.
Reach out to her and ask if she would like to meet somewhere to talk, or come home so you can work through this together. Neither of you is wrong for how you are feeling, but in times like these, it’s important you BOTH openly communicate what’s going on and work out how to improve it.
If the happiest she has been was out with her friend, maybe she needs more time to invest in her social life regularly. Maybe you guys need to go out more together. If she wants to still pursue a master’s and travel maybe you guys can talk about a plan to make that happen in the years to come.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s probably best that you give her space. You guys do have a lot to work through, though. You two need to sit down together and work out a plan for what happens after she gives birth. She’s not going to be happy being a stay-at-home mom, at least not full-time.
She’s already miserable. You guys need to look into options for daycare or help from relatives, or something. She can work on finding a job, either full-time or part-time. You can look into what benefit options you have, if any. This is a problem you two need to work on together.
And for the love of God, she needs to get on some kind of birth control as soon as she can after giving birth. You two do not need another unplanned pregnancy.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy can be hard on women. There are so many changes happening in and around her.
Let her vent when she isn’t feeling good, and try to keep her favorite snacks and drinks stocked in the fridge. Bring special treats home every once in a while. Having a child is a huge life change. Going back for her master is going to be harder with a child.
Traveling is harder when you have a child. She needs time to assimilate to the new reality of the future. Help her stay strong, yes she can still get more education and travel, but it’s going to be different from what she imagined a year ago.” needabook55
16. AITJ For Blocking My Tenants From WiFi They Agreed To Pay For But Didn't?
“Ok, so I’m the landlord, and these three guys are renting a house. They’re roommates.
Their contract says they’re responsible for their utilities, but they asked me how to get internet service. I gave them a few options because there aren’t many providers around here. I need high-speed internet because I work remotely, so I was thinking of getting Starlink for myself (I live next door).
Since it’s expensive, I paid for the equipment and we agreed to split the monthly cost four ways — between me and the three of them.
We talked about it for two days, and then they started bugging me like little kids, “When are you getting the WiFi?” “Yes, we want it!” “Yes, we agree to split the monthly fee.” I kept asking, “Are you sure?
No turning back?” They all said yes, so I went ahead and installed it. I was also in a rush because I needed to set up a security camera.
One guy paid his share right away, another took about four days, and the last guy — who’s been flirting with me since we signed the contract — had the nerve to say, “Nah, I’m not gonna pay you.
I’m not using the WiFi. My phone data is enough.” I told him, “Well, you agreed to pay, so you need to.”
Later, when I went to the house to fix something, he told me, “Oh, you’re so mean to me, you don’t talk to me.
You’re being weird with me” (because apparently, I don’t respond to his flirty texts). “And you’re stingy, not sharing the WiFi password.” I just left. But I know from his WhatsApp stories that he’s using it because he’s posting stories of him watching TV, and I can hear him blasting YouTube music.
Now it’s the second month of WiFi. Luckily, I can track who’s using it, and he is. So, I’m deducting it from his deposit. They haven’t paid me for the second month, so I blocked them from the WiFi. And of course, they all complained and had the nerve to ask, “Can you check why the WiFi isn’t working?” I lied and said, “It’s not working because I haven’t paid the bill; I have no money.” And then one of them says, “Well, pay it.
I told you I’d give you the money today.”
For context flirty guy and the friend were late on their rent and I told them about the 10% interest rate stipulated in the contract and they agreed.
I had to go knock on his door to collect the late rent with interest, but they only paid the regular rent and said, “I’ll pay the interest tomorrow, but I don’t know about the WiFi.” Oh, and to make it worse, the router is located at their home so probably I’ll have to change it to mine
The flirty guy and his friend were 15 days late paying rent, and only one of them paid the WiFi and rent on time.
Now one of them complained that I’m blocking them but tbh I think is unfair they are demanding me to solve their problems (getting the internet) demanding as soon as it is not working to pay it when they haven’t paid me his share, and they are using it and deciding to pay me whenever they want
So, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, that router needs to be in your office ASAP! Not sure how your router works, but ours allows us to block unapproved devices. If you know those who aren’t paying are using it, perhaps you have the option to block just their devices.
It sounds as tho this were a verbal agreement. If that’s all it was, I’d change the password and get the agreement in writing before handing it out again. Not only that, but I’d insist on collecting the full 3/4 amount they collectively agreed to pay before handing out a password to anyone since someone screwed up and shared a password without consent.
Either that or they would have to renegotiate to pay 1/3 or 1/2, depending on who still wants it, since some roomies are going back on their word. If all else fails, time to raise the rent the second the contract allows to cover the new services provided!” AnalApiairist
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, they should pay but stop playing passive-aggressive games and tell them upfront that you’ll either block them from using the WiFi or are adding the expense to their rent. I have zero clue why you’d play these juvenile games instead: there is no benefit to you and it leaves the door open for them to play stupid games in return such as not paying the internet st. Act like a professional landlord.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This should have been a formal agreement put in writing in the tenancy contract. I don’t know what country you’re from, but most countries have requirements of landlords and tenants over what rights and responsibilities apply.
A utility like internet access should fall under these terms, stating what access is available and what the fees are. Because you have only made a verbal agreement this is pretty much “your word against theirs” with no leg to stand on. In the future…put stuff like this in writing.” YetAnotherInterneter
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Twin Sister's Deadbeat Partner?
“I (24F) have a twin sister “Ashley” and we’ve always been close. She started seeing this guy a year ago “Jared” (32M). I never really liked him but my sister was head over heels in love with him and said she wanted to marry him.
This summer I was at the grocery store when a woman with three kids came up to me in the aisle and asked if I was Ashley. I said no and was about to say we’re twins when she cut me off and said “Yes you are.
You’re seeing my deadbeat baby daddy and want to stalk my pages leaving hate messages saying he chose you over us and to move on. How heartless are you”? I was like WTF I am NOT Ashley, I’m her twin sister “Blaire” and asked if she was talking about Jared.
She said yes, and showed me the screenshots of my sister DMing her saying Jared is now hers, he doesn’t claim those kids, blah blah. I was very uncomfortable but I knew in my gut he was a weirdo. I was so shocked my sister would see a deadbeat and proudly knowing how our father being a deadbeat sent us both to therapy.
I just walked away. A few days later I asked my sister and she denied it at first then admitted it saying she didn’t tell me he has kids since I don’t see men with kids and she didn’t want me to judge her. I told her I was judging the fact that he’s a DEADBEAT, not a father.
We argued about it a lot and I’ve looked at her differently since.
Anyway, this week she invited me over and she and Jared told me she was pregnant and were both so happy. I just sat there silently and kept eating. She asked why I was acting like a jerk and why I wasn’t happy to be an aunt and I said because of and gestures toward Jared. He got mad and said “What’s your problem with me” and I said because you’re a deadbeat.
They both got quiet and he said “That doesn’t mean I’ll be one for this kid”… at that point, I laughed and got up to leave. I’m in the hallway on the way to the elevator when my sister comes running behind me and keeps asking why I’m being so rude while she’s sobbing.
I told her that she should be ashamed to be pregnant by a guy that abandoned his other kids knowing that happened to us and that she’s disgusting and a loser and he’s gonna leave her like he did his ex.
She said I didn’t know the full story and she couldn’t believe I would be not supportive at this time of her life and the baby has half my DNA too.
I felt bad and said I would try to be there for her but she’ll realize what a mistake she made then I left. Now she’s texting me saying she wants to come back and apologize to Jared and I refused and she said that she doesn’t want to speak to me if I don’t apologize to them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Some people have to learn hard lessons on their own. You did what you could; now she has to live with the consequences. I get that by being a twin, it might be harder to stand by and watch. However, you gave her the proverbial kick in the butt…it’s all on her now. Who knows, we may all be surprised by the outcome but be prepared when she starts her apology tour.” Great-Broccoli41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what no one’s even mentioning is how the sister treated the other woman on top of everything else! She’s stalking the other woman, sending hate messages, and telling her how he’s her man now! What a completely terrible human being her sister is, knowing that she’s screwing over innocent children (not that this guy isn’t a deadbeat.) And then she defends this parasite but has the nerve to ask her sister for money?!
The audacity is mind-boggling. I would have nothing to do with her. Fffs, her sister thinks OP owes this deadbeat loser an apology!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. Your encounter with his family told you what you needed to know about a guy who already gave you the ick.
Your sister is very foolish and capable of being cruel. I would encourage you to let go of your anger over her poor decisions and get ready to support her in the long run. I know you will want to be there for your future niece/nephew.
So give yourself time to grieve and be angry. And then move on. Hopefully, you can still be there for your sister and future sibling. Best wishes.” eowynsheiress
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdad Use My Bathroom?
For a little context before I go into why I don’t let him use my bathroom; My bathroom is technically the family bathroom however typically it’s just me my mom and my fiancé living at my mama’s house (I and my fiancé are young parents and don’t have the financial means currently to have our apartment but my mom doesn’t mind as I’m her youngest and she wants me to stay as long as I need to, at least for a year until our baby is a little older) My bathroom is in the hallway of our house and my mama’s room has its bathroom, as most master bedrooms in a two-story house do.
My mama asked us to stay with her for at least a year after our baby was born so that we could get settled and figure out (more of me figured out as my fiancé had a baby sister he raised from birth) how to parent and navigate life with this new major change as well as us being as young as we are along with NO this was not a planned pregnancy
.
Here’s where the issues start, My baby’s nursery is my old bedroom and also my stepdad’s old office, he insists on sleeping in my baby’s nursery which currently isn’t an issue as my baby is in the ICC however I do not want him sleeping in there when my baby comes home, he has argued with me that ‘someone should sleep with the baby’ I truly don’t understand why he doesn’t sleep with my mom as she even bought a bigger bed to fit her him and the two pups, he claims that my baby’s nursery is where anyone who’s sick should sleep to not get my mama sick, that also doesn’t make sense to me, why expose a baby to sickness willingly?
He regularly uses my bathroom which I wouldn’t have an issue with however, despite being 60, he pees on the floor REGULARLY, I’ve never had that issue with my bio-dad or my fiancé (both male) I tried setting a boundary with him 4 YEARS ago not to use my bathroom as he regularly trashes it and I have very bad sensory issues and tend to be quite germaphobic, I find it incredibly disrespectful that he can even clean up after himself and also that he disrespects my mama like this because she went out of her way to make things easier for all of us with him being home, he’s usually on deployment (not military) so it’s not an issue typically but every time he comes home he “forgets” my boundaries and trashes my bathroom which leads to a breakdown for me as I’m the one who has to clean his mess 🙁
So AITJ for not letting him use my bathroom?”
Another User Comments:
“Something’s weird here. The sleeping in the kid’s room thing is bizarre and a scary red flag. I think he’s right that someone should be in the room with your child, at least while he’s there because otherwise, he might be there without your knowledge.
His disease logic made it clear he doesn’t think your kid is a person. I understand you may not be able to get out of there – but you can’t leave your child alone with him at any point. Separately – the bathroom thing isn’t clear to me.
It’s his wife’s house, which traditionally makes it more his house than your house. His bathroom behavior is gross. If he can’t or won’t clean up after himself in the bathroom, it’s not crazy to ask he not use it.
I guess NTJ is there, but you’d be a fool to expect it’ll change. You need to get out of there, as soon as you can.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here for me, your post sounds biased and skewed in your favor.
At any rate, you and your fiancé are jerks for having a baby when you’re incapable of taking care of one financially. I bet you guys don’t even pay rent or contribute to the bills at your mom’s house, which I’m guessing is why your stepdad isn’t too happy about the two of you.
your stepdad is a jerk for being unhygienic and your mom is a jerk for just letting this go on” Nice-Highlight481
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, You can’t lay claim to a room in the house, you don’t own no matter how long you’ve lived there.
Also my bet is you either don’t pay rent or you pay below market rate, yet you can afford to have a kid. Newsflash: This is probably why you get the stink eye from your Stepdad. Your Mom is a jerk for ignoring the situation, your Stepdad is obviously for being so gross.” OnlymyOP
13. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Notes With A Former Friend Who Only Contacts Me For Academic Help?
“I (19, F) started university last year in the city where I live.
I wanted to socialize and have groups of friends I could hang out with but, I also wanted to be consistent with my studies and pass most of my classes.
In my second semester, I met a group of people that I hung out with a bit in uni, went out 2-3 times, and talked a bit through a group chat that we made.
But after a month or so, it seemed like I was the only one asking to go out and no one seemed to stay true to their word because they always seemed to cancel last minute after agreeing to our plans days before. They also seemed to stop coming to classes and only interacted with me when they needed notes or to ask questions about classes.
I respected the fact that they maybe couldn’t come because sometimes they were working or too bored, but it was just something that they seemed to do too often to be excused all the time. I tried my best to answer nicely but at the same time show that I was not interested in being their source of university news and information by saying quotes like “the teacher will talk about this topic next class, come if you are interested” or “the website has news posted about X topic”.
And that resulted in us not speaking after a while, the group chat slowly becoming inactive, and so on.
But now, months after not interacting at all, my third semester started and so did my lectures. I was attending a difficult class when one of the girls from the group came up and sat next to me being all nice and happy.
I didn’t entertain any conversation because I was trying to take notes (mind you, it was a 3-hour lecture with no breaks) and she didn’t seem to have brought any bag with notebooks inside and just sat at her phone until the very end of the lecture.
When the class finally ended, she just left without saying another word and I didn’t get the chance to even try and see if I could maybe hang out with her or just talk.
Now, a week later, she texts me asking me for the notes I took.
I responded with a short message saying that we hadn’t interacted in months, that I don’t consider us friends anymore, and that I think she was just using me because she didn’t want to sit and take notes herself even though she came to class.
She answered saying I was the one who cut her and the group off and that I should consider her asking for my notes, a compliment. She later added that she believes that my negative reaction to her asking for notes is childish and I should reconsider how highly I view myself.
I told her that she was delusional and that she and maybe come to class and take her notes instead of slacking off and then blaming everyone but herself when she wasn’t passing her classes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only interacting to ask for notes is childish.
That’s middle school behaviour and most high schoolers would already consider this rude. Tough luck for them, but college is not only for clubbing, drinking, and sleeping in. They’ll arrive face first in adult life soon enough. Leave them behind, OP. Focus on your studies and find some smart people that you can also ask for help sometimes so you can mutually rely on each other in a balanced way.” Moss-Greene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s gaslighting you, and even the group thinks that they can ride off of other people’s work, while they live carefree and end up with a college degree. Block all of them, unless you happen to be in a group project (later on) in another class down the line.
Still, then, you can say your phone is glitching because of the updates, and you can’t communicate with them.” Alfred-Register7379
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was in college there was a class that there all of us needed to take us to take. My roommates and I all trudged to this stupid class.
We had one who didn’t want to go and asked us if we’d sign her name. And we did. For months. Until we got tired of it. We told her she’d have to start coming with us or else we’d stop signing her name.
And we were friends. Don’t let people use you.” CAAugirl
12. AITJ For Refusing To Mediate Between My Mom And Half-Sister?
“I (17f) have four siblings. My Eldest is my half-sister (19) and my younger siblings are my full brothers (14 and 12). Mom is my half-sister’s stepmom. Dad was married before.
His first wife passed away because of a rupture during the delivery. They saved my half-sister, but couldn’t save her mom. Six months later my parents met and 8 months after that they were married.
My mom and half-sister always had a pretty okay relationship. She never called her mom or another mom-like title.
She always used her mom’s first name. When she says mom she means her mom who passed away. She has a close relationship with her mom’s side of the family. She’d go to see them a lot and was kept very much a part of their family.
I remember her loving that time when we were younger and begging for more. My parents believe that her mom’s family might have been a big reason why she never called mom ‘mom’ and why she wasn’t super close to me or my brothers. My half-sister always made the half-and-step distinction and that confused a lot of people.
Some extended family members would make a point to tell her mom was raising her. But she always said her mom was her stepmom, not her mom.
Things got more clear 2/3 years ago. My half-sister made it so clear she doesn’t consider her mom one of her actual parents.
She was interviewed for the school newsletter because she was captain of one of our school teams and when asked about her parents she talked a lot about dad, mentioned her mom a few times but never mentioned my mom. She gaDaddad the credit for raising her.
Not my mom at all. She also did a personal essay on what it’s like growing up without a mom. Then when she graduated she only listed dad under her parents. She didn’t list mom at all and when asked she said she didn’t list mom because she would never mention her and not her mom.
But they had a rule about not listing parents who passed away several years ago… or something.
half-sisterter is in college now and she doesn’t live with us anymore. Since she moved out she has spent more time with her maternal family and while she hasn’t made any contact, really makes more of an effort with Daddy than the rest of us, evMommom.
This upsMommom. She feels like she was discarded and like the maternal family has helped push her out. A few days ago she suggested I could bring up the distance to my half-sister. I told her I didn’t want to get involved. Mom asked if it didn’t bother me.
I told her I think she deserves more recognition but I’m not close to my half-sister so getting involved just seems like it’s drama and it’s not like she cares what I think. I also told her I don’t know what it’s like from my half’s sister’s POV so it feels wrong.
So I won’t interfere.
My dad told me I could have handled that talk wiMommom better and should have shown more sensitivity.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a shame your half-sister has stiff-armed all of you when in reality you should be pretty much as close as any family given the closeness in ages, and how long your mom has been around…her entire memory.
There’s nothing wrong with her memorializing her birth mother and having a relationship with that side of the family, but to not be close to any of you is odd. However, your mother should NOT be asking you to intervene. The ship has sailed, the relationship is what it is…and isn’t.
Maybe your mom has long been pushy and you just haven’t seen it, and thus the turn off/ total dissing.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, it’s a very complicated situation. I understand why your mother is hurt by this and wants to be closer to your sister.
I could also see why your sister feels like she has to be loyal to her mother (may have been the influence of her maternal side of the family). Either way, your mother has no right to try to force you to get involved. You having a conversation with your sister about this probably wouldn’t help and would just cause more tension.” Successful_Jury_9952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is not your problem and you should not get involved. It is unfair for your parents to try and use you to mediate. I need to say that I think your sister is not a jerk either. She has the right to not call your mom her mom.
She had a mom. Her mom passed away. And her dad pretty much replaced her in less than a year. It doesn’t need other people to feel this way. She is not nasty to anyone. It is her choice.” sarella93
11. AITJ For Confronting My Abusive Father About His Neglect Of My Dementia-Stricken Mother?
“I (42 F) am an only child. My dad was horrifically verbally abusive. This is important for our story.
My mom (78 F) is in the early stages of dementia. She lives with my dad (81 M) who is of sound (and exceptionally angry) mind. I do not think he is providing for her well right now, so I am taking steps with my wife (40 F) to move my mother in with us.
For backstory, my father yells. Screams, to be accurate. I had a routine of hiding in my closet while my dad would tear into my mom, shouting until he could barely speak. I don’t know how my neighbors didn’t call the cops or CPS or something.
Anyway, this explains how I grew up and brings us to the other day at my parents’ house.
My mom’s been having some accidents at night. I found out she was experiencing concussion symptoms as she had fallen down the stairs and hit her head… but my dad refused to call an ambulance/hospital/doctor because it was too big of an inconvenience!
I knew nothing about this, and it happened over a week ago!
Then he admitted she might be acting “funny” because she hadn’t been taking her pills. I went through everything and found full bottles, but not taking them. My dad just shrugged and kept watching TV.
The final straw was her nutrition. Both of them are type 2 diabetics, and they eat whatever they want. I asked what she usually eats, and he said she’s never hungry, so he doesn’t know.
With her standing right there, he complained interrupting his sleep. He’s retired with no responsibilities, but he’s furious that he’s expected to get up to assist her.
Now she is suddenly, and “totally unprovokedly” getting angry/yelling at HIM during these episodes! She’s been snapping at him, saying she should have divorced him years ago and she can’t believe how he’s treating her after the years she tended to his health!
Then this man had the gall to ask me what he ever did that was sooo bad that he should be spoken to in such a way… and, well, here’s where I may be the jerk:
I said maybe she finally had enough and decided to stand up for herself. Maybe his screaming and shredding of her nerves met its expiration date, and I was glad she was standing up for herself.
Well. He lost his temper and said he understood his place, and that he was NEVER ONCE appreciated.
After getting my mom some actual dinner, I left.
I called the next day to see if she took her pills. Before I ended the call I told him I didn’t want to fight and I loved him. He said he knew where he stood and hung up.
We are taking her soon and arranging daytime care. She also has several doctor’s appointments lined up.
But, did I go too far? I don’t think he’s capable of taking responsibility or ownership of his mistreatment. He sees himself as infallible. Am I the jerk for telling the truth when I could have just pretended for the sake of peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not go too far. Don’t apologize. From what you describe, I can’t believe that you still love him. You’re a better person than I am! Dealing with dementia is hard. Bravo to you for stepping up to take care of your mother.
It’s difficult being a caregiver, and dementia adds to that. Be sure to take time to take care of yourself. After moving your mother in with you, I’d be tempted to just let my father rot. But I suppose you will be the bigger person and still look out for him.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are battling against a history of mistreatment and current neglect. Hurting your father’s feelings is not something you should worry about. He’d be lucky to have any help from you once he needs it. He created this situation. You are heroic for rescuing your mother.” Weekly-Bumblebee6348
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s sad what childhood trauma does to our self-confidence. A trick I learned is to think about the situation as if it were happening to someone other than me and then re-evaluate from there. A lot of people who grow up with verbally abusive parents are much harder on themselves than they should be.
In no way are you the jerk, wishing you the best in caring for your mother.” MotherofCats9258
10. AITJ For Forcing My Negative Friend To Cancel Our Graduation Trip?
“I’m part of a friend group of 8, and we planned a trip to Korea in December as a graduation celebration, especially since two of us will be enlisting in the army soon. We’ve been looking forward to this as a once-in-a-lifetime trip together, so we want everything to be perfect.
We booked our air tickets around February, however as the months went by, tensions have been escalating with one friend in particular (let’s call him Ray). He constantly complains about money spent on the trip (air ticket and accommodation) which makes everyone annoyed and frustrated at him.
Even during our regular meetups for meals, he’d kick up a fuss over small things, like a discrepancy as small as $5 in the bill. This kind of behavior frustrated everyone.
What made things worse was when we discovered Ray had been badmouthing another member of the group to his other friends.
One of our friends happened to hear what he’d been saying, and it became a major point of tension between us all.
At first, we tried to cut Ray some slack, thinking maybe he was going through something personal that he hadn’t shared with us.
We gave him the benefit of the doubt and even tried asking him subtly if everything was okay. But Ray never opened up, and his behavior only worsened. Over the months, Ray became increasingly unpleasant, and our group grew hesitant about having him join us on the trip.
We knew we couldn’t ignore the issue any longer, so we decided to confront him and be honest about our feelings. We hoped he’d choose to cancel his flight on his own—after all, why go on a trip with people who don’t want you there?
During the conversation, we explained how his constant complaints and negative attitude had impacted the group, and how the tension between him and the other group members would make things uncomfortable for everyone.
Ray didn’t take it well at first. He insisted on coming and said we were overreacting, claiming that he didn’t mean anything serious by his complaints or the things he’d said.
But we stood our ground, and eventually, we suggested that if he wanted to come, he would have to book his accommodation. We even offered to reimburse him for his flight and the accommodation he had already paid for if he canceled the trip.
After a week of back-and-forth, Ray finally decided to cancel his flight.
Now, I’m wondering, is AITJ for forcing him into a corner and threatening him with the fact that he would have no place to stay?
I know we could’ve addressed this sooner instead of letting his hopes build, but he was a decent friend before, and at the time, his behavior was more bearable.
We wanted this trip to be perfect, and we felt his presence would ruin it, not just for us but for him as well, since he’d be isolated with no one to talk to. Offering to pay for his ticket and accommodation was our way of apologizing for wasting his time and disappointing him.
Everyone in the group agreed on this decision, so technically are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why y’all waited so long to tell him. Y’all were hoping he would come around and simmer down over money and whatnot. Why can’t he just take the trip anyway and be a solo trip for him?
Or do you think he would end up following everyone around anyway? I feel bad for him in that sense. Again NTJ. He would be miserable and so would y’all.” savetheday4u
9. AITJ For Taking A Shower At 7AM In A Shared Hospital Bathroom?
“First-time poster, not a native speaker. Also severe sleep deficit from last week, so might not be coherent.
Need some objective advice on whether I am a jerk.
I am in hospital with my 5-year-old (8 days today). The layout is two rooms with patients’ beds and pull chairs for parents and a shared bathroom and WC.
We already had 4 different neighbors. No issues before.
I hop into a quick shower between 7 and 7,30 am (like 5 minutes max, rinse, shower gel, rinse again, done).
My son is in quite a lot of pain and he gets painkillers at 6 am, he and other patients also have BP, temperature and I guess saturation(?) checked around that time.
At 7 am is the official end of the calmer night shift, so I hop in for a quick shower, while my son watches TV or tablet. Usually, painkillers kick in by then.
I cannot take a shower later because it is quite busy – nurses, rounds, he has several medications with different schedules and it is usually quite hard to plan when exactly I could do it.
Also, in the morning, my son is significantly calmer before the day officially starts.
Today I got a stern talking to by our neighbors, I apologized for disturbing them but pointed out it was in accordance with the rules of the hospital. The mother was still quite annoyed and was then making a lot of noise on the other side of the wall.
They got discharged today and were side-eyeing me every time we met.
Am I the jerk?
It is the most convenient time for me, my son is in a lot of pain in the evening, so I really don’t feel comfortable with showering then plus he is willing to leave the bed and go wander.
During the day it is quite busy, we are a teaching hospital and my son is a very nice example of the disease, so we have a lot of traffic.
None of the other parents had an issue, we were talking friendly to each other, exchanging little gifts for kids, helping out, etc.
Now I do not want to dish the other party, but they were quite loud, mom was leaving quite often to smoke and her daughter was crying quite a lot, mom was watching loud TV long into the night (last night at least 2 am) but I understand it is hard to be in a hospital with a sick kid, we each have a different schedule and I would never complain about that.
She claimed I was waking her up, but they had a check-up at 6 am, at 6, 30 we are getting tea for the kids and usually breakfast for the kids before 7 am, so she already had 3 people in her room in the last hour.
TLDR – Taking a shower in a shared bathroom at 7 am, the neighbor from the other room went quite ballistic for waking her up even though she already had at least 3 people in her room the last hour.”
Another User Comments:
“I always thought the showers were for the patients only. Assuming at this hospital it’s for the parents too. Patients are awakened a lot during a stay. Once I slept so much after having anesthesia that eventually a nurse asked mostly asleep me if I wanted something to wake me up.
Uh…no. Nothing was disturbing me.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s a hospital, not a luxury hotel. You’re gonna cram in the bare necessities of self-care around whatever *your child’s * needs happen to be. As far as a shower waking her up – in a hospital?
Where the ambient noise levels are insane? And nurses are popping in and out at all hours? And a sick child in the room that you’re literally on pins and needles to be hyperaware of any small changes? Nope, you weren’t waking her up. She was just angry and frustrated at the situation and the injustice that comes with having a hospitalized kiddo, and you were an easy target for all that frustration as a stranger she never has to see again.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to be able to take a shower when you can especially when having to stay with children. I remember in the 90s staying in the hospital and sharing a room with another child, it was horrible. He blared his TV 24/7, his parents would show up after work and fight with each other in front of their child and ignore him then leave or be told they needed to leave because they were being too loud and disturbing the entire wing.
I never once said anything to the child because the TV was his only escape from his parents and what he was going through. So thankful hospitals in my area no longer do shared rooms. It is horrible to share a room with strangers because we all have different ways of living and what we think is right and wrong.” Ok_Broccoli_2212
8. AITJ For Being Rude To Stop People Offering Me Soda After Quitting?
“I used to be addicted to soda, I would buy liters of it every week and when I worked in an office I would have 2-3 cans while at work.
I also had a big sweet tooth, but generally, sodas were my go-to. I found out I had prediabetes and needed to make some changes.
Over the past 3+ years I completely stopped drinking soda, & drastically cut back on sweets. I ended up going from 180 lbs to 130 lbs in that time.
FWIW – I never paraded around announcing I was doing it, it was my private personal changes. I didn’t feel like I needed to tell people. But, they do know I quit drinking soda cold turkey roughly 3ish years ago.
For whatever reason the people around me are still shocked that I don’t want soda, mainly my brother and a friend of mine.
They drink it like I used to, I never told them to stop. Yet, anytime we sit down for a meal or to hang out someone will ask if I want a soda or something, and I say no thank you. That’s not enough, it’s usually followed up with “Are you sure” or “It’s been long enough, just treat yourself!” I just have to keep saying no thanks until they stop.
I feel like I’ve been polite long enough. I’ve even tried reminding them of my previous medical condition. So now, instead of saying “no thanks” I may say something like:
* If I stopped smoking, would you offer me a smoke? – they will say but that’s unhealthy
* If I stopped doing [insert random illegal felony level activity here] would you offer me some? – they will be offended and angry because that’s an extreme example
* Do you want me to get diabetes this time around and have something amputated? – they’ll say one soda won’t lead to that and will get angry because of the extreme example
* Sometimes I may just say that I think it tastes like the sickly sweet taste of rotting garbage – they get irritated because I said something gross
I’ve even reminded them that I did have a soda not that long ago, and couldn’t drink more than one sip as it felt like acid pouring down my throat and I got heartburn right after.
I don’t know if this detail should or should not be included – but mostly everyone in my circle is extremely overweight, I used to eat like them and now I don’t. As I got smaller and smaller, I noticed their behavior changing around me a lot.
Again, I never forced anyone to stop their previous diet habits, I never bragged about losing weight. This was all 100% personal and private (within reason, if someone asked me a question about it I answered honestly), and when something was offered I always politely declined. However, this is just not enough and I’m tired of it.
I think I may be the jerk because I am resorting to rude comments to get them to stop asking. But I can’t think of a better way to have those in my circle stop asking me if I want something I clearly do not want.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the dramatic responses have no effect either. So you might as well continue politely saying “no, thanks” and not wonder about your ethics or human qualities. Please note, though, that you are surrounded by people who don’t take no for an answer and keep pressuring you to ingest something you don’t want to ingest. That’s not okay.
Maybe you need a new circle.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could tell them you just don’t enjoy soda anymore, but if they’re having fun harassing you about it, you should either grey-rock them or stop hanging out with them. When I stopped drinking soda, I could never start again because it just tastes bad to me now.
Luckily, nobody around me was insistent on me drinking it. I did have the experience of people saying “One [x] won’t hurt!” and “Treat yourself!” after I lost a ton of weight — they wanted me to have candies and cakes, not sodas — and it was irritating since many of these people were the *SAME* people who couldn’t stop shaming me when I was overweight.
Good eating habits came naturally to them in ways that were never natural to me, and I have to be careful not to fall into old habits.” gray wisteria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t being rude. You are a recovering addict whose family and friends keep offering you the very thing you are recovering from.
(And won’t take no for an answer.) They are the rude ones in this scenario. You only resort to extreme examples because they won’t accept your polite “no.” cheekmo_52
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Forcing My Sister's Dad To Include Me In Their Family Events?
“You read that right my twin sister (16f) and I (16m) don’t have the same dad. Mom slept with two guys close together and had us.
DNA proved this too. It’s always been a weird thing and we get a lot of questions in real life. My sister’s dad was willing to do the DNA test, took it and it showed he was her dad but not mine. Mine had to be dragged to court and he has found ways around paying for me and he and his family never wanted to know me.
So my sister grew up with a dad and I didn’t.
Mom didn’t like it and when we were young (3 to 5 maybe) I used to get so sad when she’d leave and go to her dad’s house and I couldn’t go with her. I don’t remember it but I get why it’d be true.
So mom told him he had to include me and he was like nope, no way. It ended up in court with mom wanting to take away his parenting time. The judge ended up saying he didn’t have to take me for his custody time but he had to include me in any big days out with my sister or for family holidays if she went along.
He tried to get my mom to drop it but she refused.
So ever since I was about 5 or 6 he has been forced to include me in his life sometimes and the lives of his family members. None of them want me there. I know they see me as this huge burden.
I hated it. If I wasn’t being ignored they were just really short with me and made it so obvious they didn’t want me there. My sister was torn between me and her dad. I told her I didn’t want to deny her a dad.
So she never let it come between them or us.
When I turned 13 I tried to put my foot down with Mom but she told me I had to go and she said she’d take his butt to court so fast if he let me wander off and didn’t make sure I was okay like he would with my sister.
There are only two years left but I can see how much my sister’s paternal side despises having me around. It sucks being forced somewhere that nobody wants you. And my mom is still serious about taking him back to court. So I told Mom a couple of nights ago that it needs to stop and she can’t keep doing this.
She told me I didn’t deserve to be left out because of her actions. I told her she couldn’t make them love me and they had shown their disdain for me for over 10 years now. I told her to let it go. She got so mad, she wanted to yell and cuss at them.
I told her to stop being selfish and stop forcing them to include me because she’s the only one who wants that, not me. I told her I never wanted this. Mom broke down and then she told me it wasn’t necessary to be cruel to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What a very sad, sad situation. And I must say you show a remarkable wisdom far beyond your years. You are of course right to tell your Mom to just drop it. Forcing any relationship is never right. Your Mom is stuck in her me, me, me role and that is all she selfishly cares about and is incapable of seeing the pain and hurt you have endured all these years.
The only bright spot I can see is if your mother does want to take it to court then this could be your chance to end her charade by speaking to the judge directly about your wants and needs. I hope for the best for you.
At 16 the judge would listen to you and maybe this wrong situation can end for you.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t help but feel it’s strange that after all that time your sister’s paternal family still treated you that way.
You were/are just an innocent kid who didn’t ask for any of this! My adopted kid’s grandma had companionship time via a court order with her bio grandkids (her daughter/their bio mom was deceased). It took exactly one visit before she asked to bring my bio with them for a visit.
She treated him better than his paternal bio grandma and the same as her grandchildren.” StephieVee
6. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Money To My Ex Who Is Stringing Me Along?
“My partner broke up with me a few weeks ago. I tried a lot to get him back but he refused and we decided to stay friends. He wasn’t a good partner all in all but I won’t delve into that.
Now since the breakup, he has dabbled with I love you’s, cute names, etc, and then when I start reciprocating, pulls back and says we’re broken up so he doesn’t have to say it back.
When I nagged him for clarity that if he wanted me to wait I could but just told me that he would only date me when he was ready again, he called me annoying, that I was forcing him, e, etc and asked me to give him space and when he decides to be in a relationship, he will let me know (and he said his options to be in a relationship aren’t limited to me when he decides to).
He apologized later and said he had a lot of problems right now so just needed space. I told him he could have all the space he needed and I would support him but I couldn’t be his placeholder anymore so I’m done and I’m only interested in remaining friends at which point he blamed the breakup on me saying I’m the one who’s doing it since he clearly said he needs time (it had already been over 2 weeks).
Even after the breakup, I have helped him in a lot of ways. Writing his college SOPs, writing his job interview PPTs, etc. Lately, his family has outrightly refused to help him with his college fees and applications.
He only started earning a month ago (a job I helped him get btw, made his CV too, and called for the interview) and hasn’t received his first pay yet.
His deadline is so due and he’s worried that the test results won’t be back till the deadline so he needs money ASAP.
I earlier told him that I could try asking my parents for some if he wanted but that was when we were broken up but still called each other babe and saying I love you.
Today, he has asked his parents for help and I’ll be honest they’re not good parents so he has no other avenues left. This is when he requested me to ask my mom for some money.
I asked my mom and she said yes but said this is the first and last time because relationships get spoiled when money gets involved. We are relatively rich and my partner has promised to pay back in 3-4 days when he gets his paycheck.
But the thing is, I want to say no. I already do a lot and my mom’s right too. I feel giving him the money once will make it a habit and besides I don’t feel comfortable when money is involved. Not to mention, I don’t want my mom to have a bad impression of him which she started getting when I told her he was asking for money.
It’s around 200$ and I am relatively rich so I can pay even though I’m going through a financial crunch at the moment.
AITJ if I refuse him even though my mom said yes?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. You would NTJ. His finances are his responsibility, not yours.
He’s stringing you along for hard moments like this because he knows you’ll help him out of a hard place. You need to cut him out of your life (he’s not worth a friendship) or he’ll continue to be a leech on your time and energy.
If you give him money, you and your parents will never get it back. He will always claim financial hardship. I say this with love to you, but if you give him a dime, you are an idiot. Cut him out of your life and don’t look back.” betacellsonstrike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He most likely has another love interest, and he’s trying to keep you on standby in case she doesn’t work out for him. Don’t wait around, live your life and find someone else. As for the money, that’s your decision, but consider it a gift, not a loan, because you most likely will never get it back.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not fully invested in your relationship and saying he just needs time to figure out if he wants to be with you is a cop-out. Don’t lend him the money, you’ve already done way more for him than he deserves, and giving him money now is just teaching him that he can ask you for anything and you’ll give it, even when y’all are not together.
Don’t give him the money and see how he reacts…I wonder if the manipulation will worsen. How he reacts will tell you a lot.” EducationalHamster91
5. AITJ For Canceling A Trip Due To Constant Plan Changes And Feeling Unsafe?
“We’ve been friends for over a decade, and a friend, Sarah, recently invited me to join her on a two-week trip there after she had already purchased her tickets.
While I hesitated initially due to safety concerns about traveling alone in a new country, Sarah reassured me that everything would be fine and that I wouldn’t be alone during the trip.
However, the situation has evolved quite a bit since I agreed to go.
Over the past two months, there have been many changes regarding who will be joining us, which has left me feeling increasingly anxious. Initially, I was excited, but now I feel uncertain about the whole thing.
After I bought my plane tickets, I noticed that Sarah started to distance herself.
I reached out to her several times to discuss our plans—where we would stay, which cities we’d visit, and how we’d navigate the trip together. A few weeks after I bought the tickets, she informed me that for the first three nights, I would need to find my accommodation because she was bringing her partner along.
She assured me we would spend the days together, but it felt like a red flag that I’d be alone at night in an unfamiliar place.
Things continued to shift when she mentioned that more friends would be joining, including a couple I had never met and two others I was only vaguely familiar with.
Then, just today, I learned that her mother and her mother’s partner, along with his son, would also be joining midway through the trip. This sudden influx of people felt overwhelming, and I worried about how I would fit into the group.
Just last week, Sarah told me that the couple had canceled their plans, which was another red flag.
Now, I find myself in a situation where I’m arriving in Albania late at night, alone at the airport, and spending the first three days in an apartment without anyone familiar with me. After those three days, Sarah would spend a couple of days with me before leaving me alone again for a day to meet her mom at the airport.
On top of all that, she mentioned today that we’d be traveling to three different cities during the trip, and she’s staying an extra four days after I leave. This means I’d need to figure out how to get back to the airport on my own, a journey that involves a lengthy bus ride (6 hours) with multiple transfers—something I’m not comfortable doing in a place where I don’t feel secure.
Given all these red flags, the constant changes, and the prospect of being alone in a foreign country, I’ve made the difficult decision to cancel my trip. I haven’t told Sarah yet because I’m unsure how to approach the conversation. I feel a mix of anxiety and relief, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m letting her down by backing out just three days before we were supposed to leave.
So, am I being unreasonable for canceling? I genuinely don’t feel safe or excited about this trip anymore, and I’m concerned about how Sarah will react. It’s a tough situation, and I hope to navigate it thoughtfully.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a filler for Sarah’s trip gaps.
She’ll see you when it suits her but she’s made it clear it’s not a trip for you to spend time and hang out and explore together. This is a you trip and a separate her trip and you’ll meet up. Also, if it’s not a bucket list destination for you, it almost feels like you did it to travel with Sarah and Sarah doesn’t feel similarly.
She has enough people she’ll see on this trip so I think it’s perfectly fine to cancel.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cancel it. What an outrageous set-up. BUT: play it as NBD. You find you want to spend your vacation days differently, you’re delighted she has so much company, but you aren’t comfortable with the setup as it has evolved, maybe another time.” LaughingAtSalads
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like she’s trying to see everyone and juggling her time too thin. Tell her that you appreciate her asking you to join her but the logistics just aren’t working for you. Let her know you were under the impression you would be spending most of the time together and now you’re feeling like an afterthought and like she’s squeezing you in between other people out of obligation.
Be prepared for this to be the end of your friendship. She will either feel relieved or mad. Neither are your concerns.” MissNikiL
4. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Dad After He Disrespected My Wedding Seating Plan?
“I (47f) have never been married (until two weeks ago). My parents have been divorced since I was 17.
At that time my younger sibling and I lived with my dad. I did everything but cook dinner to make things easier for him. He has always trash-talked my mom, sometimes I felt like I was the adult and my parents were the children.
In the early years of the divorce, I was responsible beyond my years but wanted everyone to be okay.
I moved to the city at 24 and took care of myself, while always giving grace to both of my parents for things over the years that were selfish.
I’ve always tried to be a good daughter, although I’ve also had my moments where I could have done better.
Fast forward a lot of years… I started seeing someone from my hometown whom I have known since grade one, and our families all know each other.
He is the sweetest man ever and we get engaged…. Then plan a wedding. Knowing my parents are not friends I plan everything so they have buffer space except for the ceremony.
Since my dad is walking me down the aisle he and my stepmom need to be seats 1&2 on my side and then I want my mom and stepdad to be 3&4.
Remember this is only for the ceremony and the reception they are across the room from each other. And for more context at this point, they are divorced for 30 years and both have been remarried for 25 and 18.
The problem comes when my mom isn’t sitting where she should be.
I found out this week my now MIL (she is the best and I know I am blessed) tried to correct the problem and tell my uncle and cousin they were sitting in my mom’s seat. Turns out my dad told them to sit there because he didn’t want to be next to my mom.
Really? For 30 minutes his wife would be next to my mom and there wasn’t small talk expected during the ceremony.
I feel like his distaste for my mom was more important than me and my feelings. I wasn’t asking for much and why didn’t he move down the row if it bothered him?
He didn’t have the right to move my mom’s seat. Again, I am grown and we paid for the wedding ourselves… so I feel it was inappropriate for him to change things without even talking to me about it.
Would I be the jerk if I needed space from my dad?
I still haven’t figured out how I feel about the future, but right now I am so disappointed and upset that he did that on a once-in-a-lifetime day that I can’t even think about talking to him, because I know it will be a pile of excuses and how I should have known or some other nonsense.
I was a good kid who didn’t give either of them much trouble and was always trying to make things better. It breaks my heart that for one day he couldn’t think about me and what I might need. Am I unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean NTJ, they could have easily just sat in their seats for 30 minutes, even just ignored each other completely during that time if they felt that way. And you’re allowed to feel hurt by that and want to have space from your dad, totally understandable.
I assume they didn’t know about the seating ahead of time? B agree maybe informing them ahead of time out and your expectations of their behavior might have avoided the situation and not impacted your day. I don’t know how they would have reacted to that, and it’s also ridiculous that you should even have to say anything but it might have just helped. Either way NTJ, but when you have had a bit more time I would tell your dad how you feel and lay some boundaries about how you expect to be treated, otherwise I imagine similar situations will happen in the future.” Ohyessiricanboogie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You go ahead and take that time. Something similar happened at my wedding. We had seats at the front for my M-I-L and her longtime partner, and they sat somewhere else because they thought his dad was going to be sitting beside them–which he wasn’t.
We had placed him somewhere else. It made my husband’s side of the aisle look empty, and it hurt his feelings when he looked out for his mom and didn’t see her. This in addition to the fact that they showed up late, only getting there just as the procession started, was a sour note to an otherwise perfect day.
He chose to forgive his mom and not bring it up with her as she was getting old and was starting to show signs of cognitive decline, but I can understand why you would want some time and distance. It was very hurtful, what your dad did.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divorced people who act like the world revolves around their divorce are a nightmare. Expecting an adult to act like one and not fight for 30 minutes is perfectly reasonable. The fact that it was your wedding makes it all so much worse.
For reference, my brother had a VERY messy divorce from his ex-wife over 15 years ago. They make small talk at every child pick-up/drop-off for the sake of their kid (who is about to become an adult). I know for a fact they never talk smack about each other in front of their kid.
It took them just over 2 years to reach this dynamic. Some of these adults need to grow up smh.” Beautiful-Salary6164
3. AITJ For Confronting My Friend's Controlling Partner Who's Trying To Isolate Him From Our Group?
“I (22M) have this solid group of friends. We’ve been tight since we were literal kids, we were always together and we played on our school’s soccer team. One of the guys (let’s call him Steve) came out to us in our last year of school and it was heavy.
He was sobbing like a wreck, and we had no idea what to do at first. First time I ever saw my dude cry like that, and it was intense. But whatever, it’s our friend right? So we just kinda took it in stride.
We were shocked for like a minute but after that, nothing changed. He’s our bro.
Fast forward a few years, we’re all in different colleges now but we make it a point to keep in touch. We play soccer when we can, plan trips, etc. But things have been… complicated recently.
Steve’s got his first actual partner now (he was with girls before but it wasn’t real). At first, we were all happy for him, especially after all the stress he had to endure coming out. But man, this guy is the WORST (We’ll call him Chad).
He’s super possessive, like on another level. The dude is practically glued to Steve, all jealous and toxic. He’s also constantly talking nonsense about me and the other guys, saying we’re bad influences, can’t be trusted, blah blah. It’s seriously starting to mess with Steve’s head like he’s always anxious or walking on eggshells when Chad’s around.
The guys and I have been planning this sick trip for December, we’re going skiing in Canada. It’s been months in the works because we barely get to hang out with each other nowadays. So outta nowhere Chad texts me directly, doesn’t even go through Steve, and says Steve can’t come on the trip.
Chad’s super paranoid about Steve staying in the same hotel room as us. He straight up said he doesn’t allow his partners to have male friends and that he’s been “making an exception” for Steve but now it’s gone on too long.
The dude was acting like we’re out here trying to mess with Steve. What the actual heck bro? I got so angry. It felt like he was implying that just cause Steve came out we’re all secretly trying to get with him. As if we’re supposed to stop being bros with him just because he likes dudes now??
No man, it’s not like that.
So I snapped. I told Chad he’s a controlling insecure piece of junk and that Steve deserves way better. I might’ve said something along the lines of him being the worst thing that’s happened to our friend group in years.
But seriously, who the heck does this guy think he is, trying to pull Steve away from us like that? He’s acting like being gay means Steve has to only hang with girls now or some BS.
Now Steve’s all quiet and hasn’t said much to me since the blow-up.
I don’t want to lose my bro but this guy is literally toxic as heck and I can’t just let it slide. The rest of the guys are backing me up but Steve’s kinda caught in the middle now. I’m starting to wonder if I went too far and should’ve handled it differently.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell Steve you care about him, and would never ask him to choose between his partner or you because that’s controlling behavior. Be sure to include how you will always be his friend. You want to leave a door open for him to come back if he chooses his first partner over lifetime friends.
He may need you all one day.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t confront Chad, that won’t help anything. You need to talk with Steve about your concerns regarding Chad. Explain that you’re concerned Chad is jealous about the others in Steve’s life and that he’s slowly isolating him.
And don’t give ultimatums or force a choice onto Steve. Hopefully, it’ll all work out.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, true friends are a lifetime. Maybe sit Steve down and let him know that his partner is insecure and his influence would impact the dynamics of the group.
Now if it was me (I am male and into dudes); I’d smack the junk out of Chad for trying to make assumptions about the group when he is a plus one and for abusing my homie but hey to each there own” imagination0619
2. AITJ For Telling My Heartbroken Sister To Leave My Room?
“I, Mark (19M), and my sister Lucy (23F) got into an awkward situation today. Lucy has been going through a breakup with her companion, Alex (25M).
They weren’t in a real relationship; it was more of a friends-with-benefits situation, and they met at work since they’re coworkers. About a week ago, he met someone new and wanted to pursue a long-term relationship with her. At 25, he’s trying to get his life together, but Lucy wasn’t offering him that.
So, for the last two days, she’s been moping around the house because he officially ended things with her. She hasn’t been eating and is going through the usual post-breakup feelings.
Don’t get me wrong—I understand she’s upset, but she’s been clingy.
I’ve been super busy lately with school, work, the gym, and my own life, while she’s only working at Home Depot, and her shifts have slowed down, so she’s at home a lot more. I’ve got midterms next week, and it’s been tough trying to focus on my priorities while constantly trying to cheer her up.
I don’t have any experience with relationships, so I’ve told her multiple times that I’m not much help. Still, I’ve been there for her—talked to her about things we both like, made her laugh a little, and even offered to watch a movie together.
She’s been wanting me to sleep in her bed with her. I offered to let her sleep in my bed instead, but she got offended. I find her bed uncomfortable, so I prefer my own space to do assignments, watch my shows, or games with my friends.
It gets a bit much when she’s moping right next to me, bringing down the mood.
Today, I came back from my walk and found her sleeping in my room. It was still early—around 8:45 PM—so I turned on the light to enjoy the rest of my evening.
She got mad and told me to turn it off. I told her, “It’s early, and if you want to sleep with the lights off, go to your room.”
I’ve been happy lately, which is rare for me, and she’s been dragging me down.
I’m in a good routine with the gym, school, spending time with family, and working at my restaurant job 1-2 times a week. It’s going well for me, and I feel like I’m making progress, while she’s stuck in a rut.
Honestly, I don’t think this breakup is that big of a deal since they were never even in a relationship. I asked her before if Alex was her companion, and she always said “no.” I used to joke about it all the time, and she always laughed and said “No.” I’ve supported her as much as I can—I’ve made my presence known and even hugged her for an awkwardly long time.
What more can I do? I like where I am in life right now, but it feels like my energy drops when I’m around her. I’ve helped as much as I can.
To add some humor, I was smiling with my AirPods in, listening to One Direction on my walk before I came home and found her in my room.
That’s where I’m at in terms of vibe level right now.
AITJ for telling my sister to leave my room and not being as comforting?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. I’m curious (concerned) about her clinginess, wanting you to sleep with her, etc. She sounds codependent and mentally unwell.
Sounds like she wants you to fill the void he left. She needs therapy. And you cannot and should not be that person. Be her brother. But PLEASE set boundaries. For both of your sakes.” Mindless_Ad_1977
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s using you as an emotional support person without considering how her demands in this look, or the fact she’s demanding so much of your time when you’re around.
Wanting to sleep in the same bed with you when you’re opposite-gender adult siblings is eyebrow-raising, to say the least. She needs a healthier outlet for her feelings.” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister wants to cross boundaries you feel uncomfortable with, understandably.
Let her know you want to support her and are willing to talk, but her wanting to snuggle in bed is not something you want to do. She’s acting like a dumped lover and may need some counseling help. This relationship meant more to her than just a relationship and she is mourning its loss.” Realistic_Head4279
1. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Stepmother Adopt Me After She Couldn't Have Biological Kids?
“My (16m) mom passed away when I was 5. When I was 8 my dad remarried. He started seeing my stepmother a year before and he talked to me and my sister (24f) about it before.
He told us we didn’t need to see our stepmother as a new mom or even a mom figure if we weren’t comfortable. But if we could be respectful and give her a chance to be something. He told us if there was anything off he wanted to hear that too.
We gave our blessing while also saying we didn’t want her to be a ‘new mom’ and Dad said he supported that and would make it clear to her. They got married and things seemed okay. Dad never called her our mom or anything and she… didn’t really.
There were times she called us her kids and she’d try to do some of the mom things like Mother’s Day activities or sometimes we’d have stuffed a parent-kid sports day and she’d want to go instead of dad since “most kids have their mom”.
But Dad would gently remind her that she wasn’t mom.
My sister and stepmother had a rocky and rough relationship and they don’t speak much. My sister tolerated her dad after the wedding more than anything. But at first, she was okay with her. She just hated that she didn’t accept the no-mom role.
We spent after school with our grandparents until Dad got home (he’d finish work before my stepmother). So she wasn’t doing all the mom stuff. She did offer to quit her job to do it or to go to part-time or something but Dad and her talked and he asked if she’d be okay doing all that and not getting recognized equally.
So she kept her job but still tried to fill the mom role sometimes.
My dad and her started trying for kids and they ended up going to fertility doctors and stuff. Even when that was happening she still tried to fill that role for me.
But I still don’t want her to be mom. The problem now is, she can’t have bio kids. Nothing can help. Dad has been comforting her about it. But now she has decided that I could let her adopt me and we could work on changing our relationship.
I said no when asked and told Dad. He decided they needed couples therapy.
We were at her family’s house Sunday afternoon and they were talking to her about the infertility stuff and she had mentioned she still has one kid aka me, and that we were maybe making that official and even if we didn’t, she was still mom to someone.
It annoyed me and my dad wasn’t in the room at the time. And I said no. Her family all looked at me and I said she isn’t my mom and we’ll never make it official because it’s not true. She started crying hard and my dad heard and came in and he brought us home.
They got into a big fight that night and my dad told me I did nothing wrong but she said I humiliated her in front of her family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She KNEW coming into this marriage that the mom role is off the table.
She probably thinks “They’re kids. I can change their mind if I force it hard enough”. I’m sorry for her that she couldn’t have her kids. But you & your sister are not obligated to play into her happy family fantasy. The mom title is not something that she is owed based on how many “mom-like activities” tokens she collected. It’s 100% up to the kids.
I’m glad your dad stood up for you on this. I’ve read a lot of Redditors prioritizing their new lover/spouse over their kids. Good dad.” Frankensteins_Kid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For whatever reason, she felt the need to tell a cover story – a lie – to her family; and you didn’t let her get away with it.
You did nothing wrong; you had no obligation to play along, and it’s not your job to manage her emotions, that’s her responsibility. I would guess that the reason she told her family that, was probably because she was still struggling to come to terms with her fertility situation, and she was trying to put on a brave front for the family – she wasn’t able to hold it up when you called her on it.
Again – not your fault. She made the poor choice to use an already discarded ‘plan B’ as her cover and that’s on her. Even if she’s hurting now, you just spared yourself and her a lot of future aggravation dealing with the drama that would’ve come with anyone else believing her lie.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve been clear that her adopting you is off the table. I think that she might have been trying to use the potential social awkwardness of being in her family’s company to try to manipulate you into being more agreeable to something you don’t want.
She was hoping you would feel too embarrassed to say anything so that later on she could later claim that you were changing your mind. It’s coercive and not cool, and you were right to correct her there and then. At the same time,e she was being dishonest with her family about the nature of your relationship.
She is solely responsible for her humiliation, she messed up. It sounds like she’s having a really hard time, so you can still be compassionate with her, without being a pushover or compromising your boundaries.” spidertattootim
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