People Jot Down All Their Thoughts On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Missed My Chemistry Competition For My Sister's Award Ceremony?
“My (m16) sister (f15) always has been my parents’ golden child, mostly because she’s smarter and more charismatic than me. I’m fine with that to be honest, it’s just the way it’s always been and they don’t really make it a secret.
As I said, I’m not nearly as academically inclined or much of a prodigy as my sister, but I am good at science. There’s a competition my teacher selected me to go for where you’re basically tested in chemistry theory. I was pretty excited because this was a big deal to me and it was the first time I’d ever been “good” at something.
This competition was announced about a month ago and I told my parents about it. They said they’d come and support me and I was pretty happy with how everything was going.
Fast forward to yesterday and my parents don’t show up. I didn’t win by the way, I got third.
So I came home and asked them why they didn’t show up and they said that my sister had gotten an extremely prestigious award a week before and the awards ceremony was yesterday, but they forgot to tell me about it. The award she got was something about being head of the year or in the district or something but it was really hard to get.
I got upset and stormed out of the house and am currently staying at my friend’s place. Now my parents are calling me but I won’t pick up because I’m still mad at them, but I’m starting to feel guilty because 1. I am proud of my sister for getting such a good award 2.
I know that it’s miles more important than a school-hosted chemistry competition. And it’s not like they could do anything at my competition anyway because I didn’t even win. So AITJ? I think I’m driving my parents insane because of me avoiding them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my (25f) sister (23f) has also ALWAYS been the golden child for very similar reasons. Not only was she more academically motivated, but she also played competitive sports all through growing up. My parents prioritized her quite a bit but they would always split time between us if I had a big milestone come up.
One of your parents easily could have gone to your chemistry competition. There is also no reason you should think 3rd isn’t worth celebrating. Sure 1st is always great but you worked hard and still placed. Good for you!” Just_Blackberry8671
Another User Comments:
“Back when I was in the 8th grade, I was first chair in the clarinet section.
We had a band concert and I was given a large solo piece that was very difficult to play. I worked hard on learning it and was so excited to play my first solo, in front of a live audience. Imagine my surprise as I scanned the audience and realized neither of my parents was there!
I had told them both, over and over. My mom had promised she would get a sitter for my sisters (ages 5 and 3) so both she and Dad could come. When I got home I found out my dad called a school board meeting that night (he was the president).
My mom decided she couldn’t come and canceled the sitter when my 5-year-old sister started throwing a fit about not going. This was not the first time they either forgot or just didn’t show up for something I was involved in. My sister had a lot to do with that too because she was my mom’s golden child.
After this, I never told them about any competitions or concerts I did. I never asked them to come again. When I graduated high school, they were surprised to find out how many band awards I had won, how many music competitions I had won awards in, and also surprised at my academic honors.
It’s been 40 years and now my parents are both gone. Our relationship never really recovered. My sister persisted in causing problems throughout the remainder of their lives but my mom would just tell me “You are the oldest and I expect you to understand!” and now, with my parents being gone, she is so unhappy about being left alone.
She has reaped what she has sown. NTJ!” JomolaMomo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your parents need to learn this lesson. You are just as important as your sister. This was important to you and you told them about it. Even if they did initially forget (but that seems strange based on how you are talking about this award), they should have talked with you about the conflict ahead of the event instead of just not showing up to yours.
Almost like, “maybe if we don’t tell him, he won’t notice we weren’t there” or something. Not sure, I am not in your parents’ position. I think they could have either split up, one to one event and the other to the other… or at least have a conversation with you as a person about the situation.” MithrilCache
21. AITJ For Drinking At The Community Pool And Arguing With A Concerned Parent?
“My community has a pool. The upkeep is paid for by our HOA dues. It’s a very nice pool. There’s a lap pool, a deep pool, a kiddie pool, a hot tub, and a splash pad. There are no lifeguards on duty, although the office window looks out onto the pool, and the HOA president likes to hang around and keep an eye on things.
The HOA is really strict about glass, but they’re “don’t ask; don’t tell” about booze in plastic containers. I and my three coworkers were in the deep pool, chilling, drinking frozen margaritas out of plastic cups with lids and straws. We were talking about work.
A lady showed up with her kids, who all went to play at the splash pad. She was watching her kids for ten minutes and then walked over to us. “Are you drinking?”
I was taken aback and answered, “does it matter?”
She said “it makes me uncomfortable.
I don’t want my kids to see anything crazy.”
My friend, who also lives in the community said “crazy like what?”
“Like a fight or a drowning.” One of my friends started giggling, which she does when she’s uncomfortable. The lady pointed at her and said “see, she’s wasted. Does she live here?”
I said “no, but she’s my guest and that’s allowed. Go watch your kids. We aren’t being loud or disruptive.”
She said, “I could hear you from where I was standing.”
My friend who also lives here called her a nosy witch and said to go watch her kids by the water if she’s worried about someone drowning.
She got really mad, stormed off, and made her kids dry off and they all left.
I feel bad about the kids, but were we really the bad guys?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think she just wanted the pool area for herself and her kids.
Some people are like that. They can’t do their thing and let other people do their thing. This is assuming she didn’t have some other agenda, like you three not being her type of people.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“I can relate to this from a parent’s perspective.
When traveling and using hotel or resort pools, the fun for the kids is over when adults show up and start drinking. Especially frustrating when there is a posted pool rule prohibiting the use of booze or other substances. Bringing it, even if concealed, puts some poor teenage lifeguard or low-paid supervisor into a spot where they would need to confront, prove, and possibly call the police to throw someone out.
That’s an awkward spot to put someone in. Next, it’s possible you are one of the types of people who can have just a little bit and not show outward effects or exhibit faulty judgment. Or, you could be one of the types of people who believes they are not showing outward effects or exhibiting faulty judgment while actually being obnoxious.
I’ve met plenty of both at the pool and don’t care to stick around to see where you’ll land and how much you’ll drink. Finally… while legal, it is a habit-forming substance directly harming the 1/8 American adults who suffer from heavy drinking disorder + their closest family and friends.
Even if you aren’t one of those 1/8, maybe those people would appreciate the community pool’s rules being honored and being able to enjoy the pool without smelling your cup and breath.” Massive-Drive-7754
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. One of your friends laughed at her, and another called her names..
it sounds to me like you guys weren’t being the polite upstanding citizens you thought you were. She was worried about seeing people acting rudely and you kinda proved her right. Also, let’s not forget that you’re actually legally in the wrong here too.” ItsGotToMakeSense
20. AITJ For Using Insulting Wallpapers To Stop Coworkers From Snooping On My Phone?
“I (M28) started working at this company for 6 months. My male coworkers are decent. However, I noticed a pattern with my female coworkers (a couple of them) which consists of them opening/looking through my phone whenever they get the chance (me using the bathroom/meeting, etc).
So far I’ve caught them doing it 3 times. They didn’t take something or open any apps because I would’ve known but still didn’t know why they kept snooping.
I wanted to tackle this issue in a non-confrontational way since they’re both beyond sweet except for this snooping thing.
So what I did was set up “insulting” or “offensive” wallpapers (some of them I made myself) wallpapers that say “DON’T TOUCH MY PHONE JERK/MUGGLE/WEIRDO” or “I CAN SEE YOU” (with John Cena waving his hand) or “JERK, DON’T TOUCH MY PHONE” (with a middle finger in the middle of the screen).
It was just an experiment but apparently, it got to them. They claimed that I had “offended them” on a personal level, called them names, and so on. I told them they had no business touching my phone but they made excuses saying they were just trying to borrow my charger/check the time etc etc. The office got split, some said I should’ve come to the ladies if I “really” had an issue.
Some say I was justified and ultimately no one gets to control what I use as my wallpapers.
They’re now expecting a formal apology but I refused.
AITJ? Did I handle this inappropriately?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t be touching your phone, period. And you’ve already caught them doing it 3 times before this, maybe say that a little louder for the people in the back of your office who don’t seem to have heard it & are saying you should have just talked to the ladies.
“But I just needed to borrow your charger” (right). Then they WAIT until you come back from wherever & they ask you like normal, civilized human beings if they can borrow it! As for your choice of wallpapers that apparently make the ladies grab their smelling salts & aim for their fainting couches while clutching their pearls: That is freaking hilarious.
I, a woman, absolutely loved it. I literally laughed when I read it & said to myself “Don’t touch other people’s phones, then, idiots!”” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These ladies are obviously not as sweet as you think if they are such busybodies that they are searching through your phone when you’re not around.
You should get ahead of this and speak to HR. Otherwise, they may go there to get you in trouble since they are saying they’re offended by your lock screens. Do they not own phones? Are there no clocks at this business? Are there no computers with the time in them?
Is there really nowhere else for them to be able to see the time other than your phone? Why are they at your desk instead of theirs? Why are they taking your charger without asking? There are so many things they are doing wrong or simply lying about to access your private information.
You need to speak to someone to make sure they know what is going on and that these ladies are in the wrong before it gets twisted and you’re the one painted as being wrong.” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“”Offended on a personal level.” I don’t know what to say.
Offended for what? They thought they wouldn’t be caught so now they feel insulted and attacked on their intelligence?! Are they serious?? Lmao!! You, my friend, are NOT the jerk. Plus, you may have been in trouble if you had accused the girls of looking through your phone without proof.
Now you have your proof. NTJ.” Cave_Woman_
19. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against My Aunt's Babysitting Demands?
“I (15F) have an amazing mother (49) who is a stay-at-home mom.
Around 8 years ago, my uncle got married and a year later his wife had their first daughter.
As any woman in my country, she was given 3 months off work post-labour and after that she had her family’s babysitter (a friend of her mom’s and her sister’s babysitter) take care of her daughter.
Things were fine the first month, but then my uncle and his wife started noticing some troubling things.
They had enough so they dismissed her nicely, but she still got upset.
My siblings then suggested that we take care of the kid, and by “we” they meant my mom. My oldest sister had a job back then, and my other sister and brother, and I spent almost all day at school so we couldn’t help in any way.
My mom has a very pure character, she put people’s needs before hers and would rather get hurt than hurt someone so she accepted.
She babysat my niece for a couple of months, and she loved her much but my mom had undiagnosed mental health issues, she is still a pretty sensitive person given the amount of pressure on her in the house.
Seeing her like that affects us all especially me who spends the most time with her. She sometimes complains about how she was done with raising kids and now she has to babysit, how she just wanted to rest and enjoy life.
One evening when my aunt came to pick up her daughter, she asked my mom if she could babysit my niece this weekend and my mom agreed even though she low-key didn’t want to.
My mom said that it’s okay and my aunt thanked her and then I said “It’s very tiring for my mom to take care of your kids and now you want her to take her in on the weekend too? Maybe she doesn’t say it often but she’s tired.” My mom walked my aunt to the door and apologized to her for what I said and when she came back in she yelled at me.
My mom is not weak, she just wants to do good even when it affects her badly and it hurts me to see her suffer like that.
So please tell me AITJ? If you need more info please let me know.
Edit: they were also paying her 20 dollars a week while they were paying the other babysitter 60 dollars.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh gosh I feel for you because my mom is the same way and I’d steamroll anyone trying to hurt her. But it ultimately is her choice. Why can’t the aunt take care of her own child though?? And by take care of own kid, I mean find a new babysitter or daycare.
You need to sit down and talk with your mom about how she is being used and does not deserve this if you truly want it to change because you cannot do it for her. I won’t say jerk here but not right either” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are trying to be an advocate for your mother, but she was not on the same page. Unfortunately, you are in an awkward spot but this may be a more one-on-one conversation with your mom first – you are trying to look out for her, but while she is on the same page individually, she is not with your aunt.
Have the conversation with your mom, point out your observations and some of the comments she has made, and start working on a plan that tapers her babysitting/child care down until she is only an occasional or backup, if she wants. You had great intentions, and it’s lovely that you are looking out for your mom – but if she is not willing to stand up for herself, or support you while you do it…then you are just creating issues without any benefit.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“Bless your heart, OP. You’re NTJ – you’re just a little angel trying to help your exhausted mom. She has told you that she is tired and doesn’t want to babysit, she just doesn’t want to upset anyone. It is not fair for your auntie to take such advantage of your mother, both for paying her a third of the wage she paid the other sitter and for intruding on your mother’s weekend.
If your mom is still mad at you, the best thing you can do is tell her that you listen to her and care about her very much, and that you were just trying to stand up for her. Your auntie is the jerk here.
She is being very entitled and taking advantage of your mother both for her personal time and for such low pay.” WitchVox
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move Far Away For University Due To My Homophobic Family?
“I (17f) have just finished school and am in the process of applying to unis. When I first told my parents that I would move to a specific city a couple of miles away they laughed it off (that was in grade 9). But now that they know that I still don’t plan to stay within a certain radius of their home they grow increasingly more irritated. They brush it off, they tell me that I have no chances there anyway, that I am lost without family, that I will be alone because I am not a person one would choose to be around, and that I’m way too immature to live on my own (which I can absolutely agree with).
However, the reason I want to move out of home as far and as soon as possible is the constant tensions in the family. Disagreements on religion and conspiracy theories, them being way too strict or authoritative and there is no emotional closeness. The last one may be on me because I began withdrawing from them when I was 11-12 due to the biggest reason.
My parents are homophobic and openly talk about their hate for gay people and their fantasies that these people will be imprisoned etc. These things always made me uncomfortable and I never knew why until I realized that I am not straight. This realization literally broke me.
All my life these people talked about people like me.
I know that my parents (they’re old) and siblings (young kids I babysit) need me and will be hurt if I visit them 2-3 times a year without any reason they know but I would rather have some kind of relationship with my family than none.
But I’m still leaving them. The move/uni stuff won’t be an issue because I have saved up money and will be an adult in a few weeks.
But every time my parents ask if there is a uni nearby or remind me that I could continue living with them and that they would be sad to see me gone I feel like a jerk.
So I have to ask: AITJ for leaving my family and causing them distress?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I come from a similar background. Girl, run. I moved over 2000 miles from my family and never looked back. You don’t realize how much that hatred and negativity is pulling you down until you leave.
I love them, but I can’t be around that negativity. Get your education and find a job far, far away. You can chat on the phone. You can Facetime or Skype or Zoom if you need to see their face. You can visit when necessary.
But you don’t even know what freedom is yet. Run, girl, run. By the way, you can live on your own and be independent. For them to tell you otherwise is toxic and destructive. You might not have the wherewithal to say it yet, so I will say it for you – Forget THAT NOISE.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I moved as far away for uni as I could from my toxic family and still pay in-state tuition prices (USA). I did not come home for summer break because I arranged roommates and “I could make more working there”. Over the years, I went LC to NC.
Nothing about changing MY behavior or responses stopped them from abusing me. I AM FREE. They will never give me what I want. I grieved for the family I never had. My 16yo is GAY…and beautiful…and funny…and successful..and SOOOO LOVED AND ACCEPTED. They would have hurt them so badly and brought nothing to our lives.” Pugooki
Another User Comments:
“You’re not leaving them, you are putting yourself first. If they don’t agree with it then that’s their problem, not yours. Apologize if this is blunt but it makes me sad and mad that parents treat their children like this.
‘Until you spread your wings you don’t know how far you can fly.’ NTJ.” Irish_EyesDublin
17. AITJ For Cutting Off My Abusive Sister And Rescinding A Loan Offer?
“I am the youngest of three sisters.
My older sister May (not her real name) and I have had a tumultuous relationship. She has always been abusive and rude in the past.
Over the last 4-5 years, I started to notice the belittling comments my sister would make, and that I felt very depressed whenever we spent time together.
I had an abusive relationship last year and was assessed for C-PTSD. During this time I reached out to May and she only said “Well whatever, don’t talk to him.”
We recently rekindled our relationship over the last year and May was much different. She listened, she responded, she was kind, she was patient.
Over the last month, I noticed she switched to her old habits. Some examples:
- At a family dinner, she said “I will never meet your partners because none of your relationships last, anyway,” and my entire family laughed.
- She asked me how my weekend was and I said “good,” and she rolled her eyes and said “god, you’re so boring.”
- She constantly belittles my apartment, where I live, and my current career.
- The last straw was at a lunch. I wore jeans, a new white T-shirt, and clean shoes. I had an event later and May rolled her eyes and said “There’s NO way you are wearing that later.” I burst into tears and left the restaurant.
I told my family that I would not be attending any events with May, and to please respect my boundary. I did not go into details, but this means I will not be attending any Christmas, birthday, or other celebrations.
My mother said “You’re being too sensitive and overacting,” and that “this is just how your sister is.”
I had originally offered to loan May a downpayment for her house, and I rescinded my offer because of her rudeness. My family is saying that I am the big jerk for getting her hopes up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t get her hopes up.
You intended to go through with that. She should not expect that she can be a jerk to you and you will still help her. That is not the same thing as getting her hopes up. Honestly, if you know anything about abusive relationships – then it sounds like the past year of her being nicer, has been the “Honeymoon” period.
and now she has reverted to her norm, because she felt safe to do so.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell your mother, “well that’s how I am so deal with it!” Why do we always have to put up with toxic rude people because “that’s how they are?!” But we have to be the ones to bend over and be the punching bag for them?!
Fudge that! It’s her own fault for not minding her manner and your mother for enabling that behavior. She couldn’t even keep civil when you were willing to financially help her? That’s her own stupidity. Maybe she’ll learn her lesson to mind her own this time around.
Actions have consequences.” PonderWhoIAm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your decision. Just tell them you are taking her advice to heart. Also, if you really want to make your mother see (or you could do this to May), then describe a friend you’ve known for a while that your family doesn’t know.
Go into great detail about her behavior and slights without revealing that you’re actually describing May. When you get their honest advice about this “friend,” reveal that it was May all along, and follow through with the advice. Or don’t tell them and just follow the advice and explain after they question.” TrelanaSakuyo
16. AITJ For Wanting To Wear A Compression Garment To My Brother's Wedding Against My Partner's Wishes?
“I have to go to my brother’s wedding this month. My partner is my date, we’ve been together for 1.5 years and this is the first big family event he will be accompanying me to.
I’m not obscenely overweight but I will admit I am insecure about my weight.
I got depressed and I now weigh 150 pounds at 5’7 versus my previous weight of 115-120. My family comments a lot on my weight, those backhanded comment types if you know what I mean. I wanted to feel good so I bought a pair of those tummy control Spanx to wear under my dress so I don’t have my stomach poking out.
I unpacked it in front of my partner and he’s upset. He’s worried that wearing it will have me restricting to try to lose weight again but I just want to look proper at my brother’s wedding and not be oozing out of my dress.
He’s flatly told me he doesn’t think I need/should wear the compression garment to the wedding and if I feel the need to change myself for my family so much I shouldn’t go and expose myself to that again. But it’s my brother’s wedding and I know I’m getting overweight and yes I’m trying to lose it but I won’t in time for the wedding.
WIBTJ if I still wore it against his wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It seems like he’s concerned due to your previous history of eating disorders. It also sounds like your issues with food stem partially from your family’s behavior of making mean comments about your weight.
Wear what you want to the wedding, how to dress is your choice. He sounds like a good guy though, and it seems like he’s more concerned with your mental well-being than your family ever has been.” PeachesMcGhee
Another User Comments:
“I would say no jerks here.
He’s just concerned about you which is sweet. But, you should also do what makes you comfortable. As a side note: Most of my friends (of all shapes and sizes) wear “shapewear” to formal events. It’s not always about looking thinner. It also helps to smooth lines and ensure the dress falls the right way.
Some shapewear is actually more comfortable than everyday undergarments. Basically, you do you.” ilvincbs
Another User Comments:
“‘You mustn’t wear Spanx’ is just as inappropriate for anyone to put on their partner as ‘you must wear modest clothes’ i.e. not at all ok. ‘His wishes’ about what you wear do not hold weight here.
But you said he’s worried about you ‘restricting’ again which makes me think you’ve had significant issues with how you’ve tried to lose weight in the past. It also sounds a little like he’s saying ‘You don’t need to, don’t worry about it, don’t stress yourself about it’ and not ‘I don’t want you to wear that’.
If he’s trying to support you from a place of concern to not feel bad about your body, he’s not the jerk. If he’s trying to insist on what you do or don’t wear, he’s the jerk. Either way, you can wear whatever you choose and never ever care if it’s against someone else’s wishes.
No jerks here I think?” Left-Car6520
15. AITJ For Going On Strike At Home Due To Sleep Deprivation?
“I’m nearly 6 months post-partum. How my husband and I have been managing the whole daycare thing is I’ll get up at 4 AM to get her ready in the morning, he will bring her to daycare, and I will pick her up. This works because I work 530-2 and he works 6/9-3/4/5, depending on the day.
He also works construction and I am a very light sleeper, so I normally get up with her during the work week and he gets up with her when he does not work the next day. She sleeps in our room, her crib on my side of the bed. Moving her to another room is not an option at this time.
This has worked until recently. Kiddo has gone into a sleep regression, and has woken up at 2/3 AM every day for the past week and only calms down when one of us picks her up. She starts off whining, then starts screaming within the hour.
I normally try to let her calm herself down until she starts screaming, but that has not worked this past week. So I am exhausted.
My husband didn’t work today, so last night, I asked him to get up with the baby so I could sleep until my alarm.
He said he already planned on it. Well, 2 AM rolls around and she starts whining. Of course, I wake up to it. I already know she isn’t going to stop based on how she’s been and wake my husband up. He says that she isn’t crying yet so he won’t get her.
I explained her whining is keeping me awake and this was the whole point of him waking up with her, and asked him to take her to the living room. He refuses. This keeps going for about 30 min until I get frustrated and get her myself.
We fight about it until I leave for work. Now, I’m at work, in a hospital, and have nearly fallen asleep standing up several times.
I have told my husband that, until she starts sleeping through the night again, since I cannot trust him to get up with her and I always have to do it and need sleep, I will start going to sleep once he gets home, wake up to get her ready for bed, eat, and pump, then go back to sleep.
He started complaining that the house will fall apart and make things worse. I told him I’m no good to anyone if I’m passing out from sleep deprivation, we fought a bit more, I told him not to talk to me when I get home because I’m going straight to bed and hung up.
I know I need to do this for my health, but I’m worried the way I went about this is jerk-ish. I’m exhausted, cranky, and not thinking straight. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only are you working AND taking care of your baby… but you’re pumping/breastfeeding – which takes a lot of energy.
Taking a ‘nap’ from the time you get home, until it’s time to take care of your baby is absolutely reasonable. If you are taking care of your baby, then he can take care of the household duties so the house doesn’t ‘fall apart’. Equitable division of ‘duties’ doesn’t always mean the duties have to be the same… only that you each have duties that you are in charge of.
Yours is your baby, his is your house. It’s not forever. It’s just until your baby gets on a regular LONG (all night) sleep schedule and then you can both go back to sharing the house duties.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have to do what’s necessary to get more sleep and protect your mental health.
On another note, since she just started doing this in the last week. She likely needs a schedule change. Around 6 months is when they drop to 2 naps and she could need more wake time before bed. I hope her sleep gets back on track soon.” NickelPickle2018
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Welcome to having a baby. Did you not notice that 90% of the jokes about having a baby are you don’t get to sleep for the first year? There’s a reason for that. Sounds like you guys haven’t communicated for crap and both had and have different expectations.
Instead of communicating your expectations, you’re going nuclear and refusing to communicate at all until you get your way. He’s not wrong about waiting until the baby is actually crying to soothe her. You’re not wrong about needing sleep. But instead of finding a solution that’s best for you, hubby, and, most importantly, baby, you’re throwing a tantrum until you get your way.
That’s not how we adult. Get earplugs and move the crib to his side of the bed on his nights. Buy a baby monitor and move baby to their room/a common area if it’s closer. Come up with solutions. Also, you guys need to discuss how you guys are going to approach self-soothing because jumping up every time baby whimpers is a great way to never sleep for the next couple of years.” LVL-2197
14. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Artwork After My Dad's Partner's Kids Saw It?
“I (19f) have a small business, I sell gore and gothic candles and paintings online, a few examples are: a candle full of tombstones with witches’ and zombies’ hands sticking out, a big skull, some bones, etc. My step-dad gave me the printed models for Christmas and I began to sell them around this year, the candles aren’t really that bad, but the paintings are, I do almost everything it doesn’t matter how horrid it is.
I mostly do them in my room (it’s a normal room actually, full of plants) but when I paint, I like to do it in the back deck, my dad doesn’t have a problem with this, he’s kinda disgusted, but he lets me do my stuff, however, he asked me to moved everything to my room when his partner visits, she has 2 small kids (2F and 5M), because it might be ”too much for small kids.” I agreed.
They know they can’t enter my room. Yesterday while they were home I was in my room finishing a commission when I accidentally got some paint near my eye and, since I got scared, I ran to the bathroom and left the door half-open. The painting was in front of the door, but not facing it, so you kinda had to get in to see what was it.
Her kids saw me running but I thought nothing of it and while I was cleaning my face, I heard them screaming and the next thing I knew my dad’s partner was barging into the bathroom because her kids saw my painting and my candles.
I said that I didn’t do it on purpose and that I had an accident so I had to rush here and she said she doesn’t care and that she wants my paintings not facing the door or she wants them out. I was appalled by this and I said that she was no one to tell me what to do in my own home and that her kids had no business being in my room, so maybe she should teach them to not go into other people’s private spaces.
She called me a witch, a Satan worshipper, and disgusting, my dad asked her to leave because she was being disrespectful but after she left, he asked me to at least apologize to her kids this weekend for what they saw. I went to my room and he came in a bit later asking me to reconsider what she asked and have the paintings not facing the door in case they opened the door.
I said that I’d rather move out because I wasn’t gonna walk on eggshells here.
For some info: I don’t pay rent, but I do all the housework here, even when his partner visits, I also take care of his two dogs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you rightly stated, everything is in your room and no one should enter it without permission. The fact the kids entered and scared themselves is on your dad’s partner, not you or your dad or even the kids. The audacity she has to order you around your own home when she doesn’t even stay there is appalling.
This is clearly a red flag to you and your dad what kind of a person she is. Your dad should never have asked you to apologize as you did absolutely nothing wrong, especially after going out of your way to not scare those kids.
Absolutely no wrong on your part and no reason to change what you have been doing; you can’t tell your dad what his partner and kids can and can’t do in your home, and neither can your dad.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
You made arranged accommodations completely and had an accident happen. You don’t mess around with eye stuff – it’s beyond reasonable and completely normal behavior to run out of there to wash. This woman, as you said, has no right to tell you what to do in your own home.
Your dad at least stood up for you in the moment, but asking that you apologize to his partner is asking a lot. I don’t know, perhaps he asked in a very meek and honest favor kind of way… But it’s the fact that he believes she needs or has demanded an apology that reeks.
She judges you, accuses you of random stuff in your own home, calls you names, and then asks why your private bedroom is arranged the way it is? Step off and get lost, lady! SHE should be apologizing, and your dad should be asking her some serious questions.
You might not pay rent, but you seem to have a clear enough living arrangement set with your dad. Even if you contributed nothing and that was the arrangement, that’s that. If your dad suddenly cares more about this woman’s wishes to do with you than your – his daughter’s – wishes, I’d move out too.” foxaenea
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, neither is she. You understand that they’re too young so you confined yourself and your work to your room. And then in an understandable incident, the following occurred. She overreacted, but I can see why, it’s her job to protect her children from that kinda stuff until they’re old enough, the least I can say is she seems like a good mom.
You also might have overreacted because of her own, yeah it is your home but it’s also your dad’s place, I get you do the housework and take care of the pups, regardless. In the end, you both might have been a little rude definitely NTJ.
She should teach her kids to stay out, but at the same time they’re both still VERY young and a lesson like that might not stick at that age, as for why they went into your room, you’re the cool older person in the house, they were curious kids.
I’d say compromise, make your room a no-go zone, and then you specifically tell the kids and her what’s up. She was a bit rude and I’d say you were too. Tough to handle, talk it out with her, definitely apologize to the kiddos, maybe even explain why they can’t go in there.” Warden3739
13. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable Around A New Student Who Follows Me Around School?
“I’m 17F and a high school senior.
Up until maybe March, I had never known of this kid’s existence. Maybe he was a freshman and I never noticed him, or maybe he had just moved to my town.
I have no idea. But he started talking to me and frankly, I’m kind of freaked out by him.
I don’t know practically anything about him. I don’t even know his name, and I’ve never gone out of my way to talk to him much so I feel like it might be rude to ask his name now.
I don’t know how old he is, or anything like that. But he has told me he is autistic and diabetic.
He hasn’t done anything super creepy. But one day I guess he was walking down the hallway next to me and just started saying hi to me, which turned into him looking for me and coming up to my locker, and he even waits for me at the bottom of the second floor when I get out of my last class.
He’s not mean, but I just find it weird I guess? He knows my name too because I have an inspirational note on my locker door that a class did for everyone when they came back from spring break.
I’ve asked a couple of my friends if they knew who he was but they all said he was kind of weird.
He talks to me like we’ve been friends for years or as if I know who he is or what he does.
I only have a week of school left as a senior so it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I almost dread talking to him every time I see him.
Like I said, he’s nice but it makes me sort of uncomfortable when he follows me around or waits for me.
I might be the jerk just because he has a disability and hasn’t really done anything wrong. I want to ask my friends to walk with me to act as a buffer and show I’m busy without directly saying anything.
But he really kind of freaks me out yet I don’t want to be harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You don’t have to feel obligated to talk to some random person, especially if they make you feel uncomfortable. If it helps to have your friends act as a buffer, do it.
His feelings are not more important than yours and there’s no reason you should have to go through your last week of school feeling dread and discomfort just because some guy decided to impose himself on your life, even if he has some personal issues.
As long as you’re not mean to him, there’s nothing wrong with taking steps to make the situation easier for you.” yellowandblues
Another User Comments:
“As someone who’s autistic, I’m telling you that’s why he acts this way, it’s not him going out of his way to freak you out.
I too talk to random strangers as if we’ve been friends for years. Not because I think we are best buddies or even mates necessarily but because I don’t have much of a filter, I have no problem discussing my life, day, or even health with anyone and I know comes off as overly familiar.
The bus driver asks me how I’m feeling I tell him I’m disabled and sick as a dog because that is the truth. I also have this knack of remembering most things people tell me, even if it’s in passing but I forget it is not normal for other people to remember every little thing- which might be why he talks to you as if you know him.
Like me, he can’t imagine the world from your point of view so he treats you like one of us.
Being autistic also means we are bad at reading body language and picking up on subtle clues – he most likely can’t see that you are uncomfortable or trying to leave the conversation.
He’s not trying to be creepy, he just can’t tell when he is. He doesn’t perceive waiting for you as being creepy, in his mind he’s waiting for a “friend”. He’s probably latched onto you because you’re being polite and engaging with him, to some autistic people it’s really really hard to tell when someone is just being polite and when someone is being friendly.
That being said, if he creeps you out he creeps you out. No matter the reason behind his behaviour you have the right to feel whatever about it. And you don’t owe him company. He’s not your friend, not to you. If you don’t want to talk to him tell him that, just don’t be nasty with how you say it.
NTJ.” Remruna
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There’s only a week of school left. There’s no need to say “Don’t speak to me”- that would be kind of mean, considering that as you’ve stated, he hasn’t done anything but say hi to you and try to act friendly.
He has autism and obviously doesn’t have the best social skills- it is what it is. Obviously, you don’t need to converse with him or be friendly, but you don’t need to say anything explicit. Just ignore him. He will get a lot of that kind of thing in the future (people saying “don’t talk to me”, people being creeped out by him for reasons he doesn’t understand), I’m sure – that’s a sad reality.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Personal Info Private At Work?
“I work for a hyper-engaged company.
We have a TV in the break room that constantly plays a slideshow containing corporate propaganda along with lots of personal info such as: birthdays, veteran’s status, work anniversaries, employee recognition, marriages, newborn babies, new pets, folks who bike to work instead of driving….
We have two full-time employees who do nothing but employee engagement and I totally get that it sounds great for a lot of people but I’m the kind of introvert that other introverts point at and say needs to get out more.
It’s a lot for me as I’m a pretty private person who just wants to be left alone with my broken machines (I’m an industrial mechanic).
My birthday is in a few days and it must be up on the screen because I have people congratulating me for being born and asking me what I’m doing on “the big day” (aside from contemplating that easily half my life is over, and why did I waste so much of it).
Am I a jerk if I email the front desk and ask them to not post any personal info about me? I just want to be left alone. I’m a private person by nature and the last 2-6 years have been absolutely shredding to me.
I’m on a load of Wellbutrin just to get out of bed and look in the mirror and am more or less in survival mode. I don’t need to be celebrated or even noticed. I know I’m “weird” for this but I hate public attention and have zero reasons to celebrate anything currently.
Side note: I’ve always been comfortable disclosing stuff about me online, or with friends who I trust.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all! This company sounds like the type that would be into team building and personality dimensions and stuff so they should respect that not everyone would be into this sort of thing, and also just generally respect anyone’s need for privacy.
I know a lot of people who would feel similar to you by the way, at any point in their lives. Not to try vicariously compete with you on introversion /privacy, but to say you might be a bit of an outlier, but you’re not alone.
If they push back, I’d set this as an accommodation for sure, if you’re in a context where mental health accommodations are understood and/or protected. If there’s an HR department or if you can get supporting documentation from your physician that could help. I’m also sorry you’re feeling that way about life right now.
I hope that shifts for you.” mxcrnt2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jesus, I am a massively social and friendly person who has made friends at work. A picture of me is used to represent my industry, and could very well have nationwide coverage. But your company sounds like a nightmare to me anyway!
Personally, I prefer that my co-workers be comfortable around me vs. having to LIKE me. I respect that not everyone is social, chatty, or extroverted, and I hope that they feel that respect. Your company is getting way too deep into “Everybody should get along!” No, everybody should respect each other, and that includes giving whatever privacy their employees ask for.” I_DRINK_ANARCHY
Another User Comments:
“There’s a couple of things at play here, so let’s summarise as you can expect work to treat you like a private person, but you can’t expect them to treat you like an invisible person. Asking to not have people share their personal info in your files?
NTJ. Expecting people to not interact with you and not talk to you about/ask questions about your life? YTJ. Bigger than that; it sounds like your company is just a very bad fit for you. Their culture isn’t wrong or a jerk culture, it’s just not for you – and there’s only so much you can do to change it.
If it still makes you unhappy, perhaps another company would suit you better.” StripedBadger
11. AITJ For Leaving My In-Laws' Dinner When My Son Got Tired?
“I (F30), my husband (M32), and our son (M1) traveled to visit family who haven’t met our son yet.
One of the nights in town we had dinner with my mother-in-law’s family. For background, I have a strained relationship with my MIL and her mother as well (long story but we’ve mostly been able to be civil). I had shared my concern about the coming occasion with my husband who also shared his own but felt that as long as we could push through things would be alright and that it was important for our son to meet them.
As we finished dinner we started noticing early cues from our son that he was starting to get tired and reaching his limits. As a couple, we both agreed on what our parenting style and goals are and this was our indicator that we needed to wrap things up.
We let the family know and that’s when my MIL and her mother proceeded to start getting ready to hold our son and tell us to wait it out and he’d just fall asleep eventually when he got too tired. My husband out of love for his grandmother sat our son on her lap despite us having never wanted to force him to be held by anyone he wasn’t comfortable with and thank goodness my SIL quickly took photos and once he started crying (15 seconds later) we scooped him up.
I was prepared to leave when my MIL stepped in front of me, put her hands around my son, and started pulling him from my arms dismissing me as if I wasn’t even there. I held onto him until she finally looked at my face and asked if she could hold him which despite my gut feelings I allowed and walked away knowing my kindness and patience were gone and it was better for my husband to step in and watch our son.
After a while of explaining that we had said we needed to go and no we weren’t going to just make our son get more upset to appease anyone’s wants including ours (if we had even wanted to stay at that point) we finally left. I was fuming at the nerve of my MIL to just walk up like she had a right to take him especially only after meeting him once.
This is just the latest of the they know best how to do things mentality they have but now that it involves my son I’m standing my ground. After my husband has tried so many times to get them to understand for years the way they do things is selfish with no change I’m at a complete loss.
I honestly need to know AITJ and not realizing it???”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you are NTJ, and I’m sure you already know it. Your child is 1 year old, and he shouldn’t be smothered by the “love” of anyone, regardless of relationship. Allow me to state the obvious: He’s YOUR child, not theirs.
Your solution is pretty easy. You have control over how much exposure your son has to any bossy, nosy, overbearing, toxic, etc., etc. person or persons. Exercise it. And if MIL, et al, feel the need to come to your home without an invitation, lock the door.
I am happy to know that your husband is on board with you and that he understands the problems in this dynamic.” Illustrious-Tour-247
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your title and post say 2 completely different things. You didn’t leave when your son got tired, because your MIL and GMIL TOLD you “to wait it out and he’d just fall asleep eventually when he got too tired.” “This is just the latest of the they know best how to do things mentality they have but now that it involves my son I’m standing my ground.” Sorry, but you didn’t stand your ground for anything.
In order for you to “stand your ground” on ANYTHING, you have to have the strength to stand. Standing your ground means you firmly saying, you firmly saying “no my son is tired and getting cranky. We’ll stop by tomorrow (or something)” not allowing him to be passed around like a doll.
This behavior will only continue until YOU put a stop to it because based on your post your husband never planned on doing it. It sounds like you guys talk about it but when it’s time for action you chicken out.” Careful-Listen2277
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but ESH, yes your MIL and in-laws were in the wrong for walking over your decision to leave but YOU let them walk all over you. You in no way shape or form stood your ground. If you know your child is overtired and ready to go you leave no matter who’s asking to hold him.
No one knows your child like you do especially your in-laws who are meeting him for the first time. You knew your son wasn’t going to wait it out and fall asleep and instead of saying no and leaving you stayed. Your in-laws are just going to keep walking all over you cause all you’re showing is that with a little bit of force, you’re ready to give in.” Adw13
10. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Churches Because My Sister's Ex-Wife Attends The Same One?
“My sister found out her ex-wife attends the same church as I do. She told me I had to go to a different church. Leaving aside the fact that I like my church, the next nearest one is a two-hour drive away.
My church is only 10 minutes away and I can even walk there if the weather is nice. I have been going to this church for a while and my sister always knew I was a member. It wasn’t until she saw her ex-wife in photos of a church event that she demanded I make the switch and stop going here.
I do interact with her ex-wife at services, at church events, and at groups or committees relating to the church. Her ex-wife is a nice person. I’m not going to shun or freeze her out just because they went through a bad divorce. Leaving aside the fact that doing so would get me in hot water with the church I’m not going to be a jerk to someone over something which has nothing to do with me.
My sister is certainly allowed to have her feelings but they don’t extend to me. I’ve told my sister multiple times I don’t talk about her to her ex-wife or anyone else at church. It’s not even badmouthing because my sister never comes up at all.
My church and the other members are important to me (I don’t want to impose my faith on anyone, I believe in freedom of and from religion. It’s very personal for me though). My sister is upset about me being around her ex. I have never seen her so upset or furious.
She says I’ve betrayed her and is going on about disloyalty. She is expecting me to make the switch and this is putting a major strain on our relationship. I don’t want to leave my church over this though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I read your other comments and it seems like both your sister and her ex-wife ended the marriage due to biological and psychological factors out of their control.
There should have been no ill blood between them and thus no real reason why your sister should try forcing you to leave your church. Your sister is free to find a new church, but why should you leave an entire community where you feel comfortable and know others just for your sister’s own satisfaction?
It’s hard to find places and people you like, and I feel your sister’s ex-wife did nothing to warrant scorn if they did indeed divorce due to the reasons you gave.” Few_Philosopher2039
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah your sister is being really petty here.
You can go to whichever church you want and she can’t say or do anything about that. It’s not like you are intentionally interacting with her ex-wife at church or going there just because she’s there. You’re being polite to her and that’s it.
If you were to start hanging out with her socially outside of church then I could see why she would be upset but you’re not. Her relationship issues are not your issues and you can go to whichever church you want.” FlyGuy1922
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should sit your sister down and tell her calmly but firmly, that you will not leave your church nor stop talking to her ex. And that this is not up for discussion at all. And that you will in the future in fact not discuss it anymore, but either hang up the phone, walk out on her, or make her leave as soon as she starts with this topic again.
(Of course you have to go through with this.) Suggest to her that she has to talk to a therapist about this. Maybe you two can even go to a session or two together to talk about this more calmly?” Wolfmoon-123
9. AITJ For Making The Class Bully Cry By Retaliating After She Mocked My Deceased Father?
“I, 19f, have a classmate I’ll call E, 20f. E likes to go around putting her nose into other people’s personal lives, then in front of everyone, she’ll say it and laugh at their pain.
For example, we have a girl in our class I’ll call A, 21f, who just had her sister kidnapped. And out of nowhere in the middle of a lecture, E stops the teacher and says “oh hey that reminds me..
how’s your sister doing” and proceeds to turn and look at A. A immediately breaks down and runs out of the room crying.
Or another example is when she laughed at a boy for being abused and honestly, the reasons get worse. Just any low point in someone’s life, she’ll make fun of it and get away with it as her dad is the principal.
Well today, E decided to come after me and my dad who died in the military. I was not having it so turned to her and said “at least my dad died doing something useful instead of giving birth to a mistake.. for example” and looked at E.
She ran out of the room crying. I say it’s deserved. But my friends say it wasn’t nice to stoop to her level… so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who says everyone sucks here is wrong and annoying. Being a jerk to a jerk cancels out any jerkiness.
And you weren’t really a jerk in the first place, just giving back what you got.” behating
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love all these everyone sucks here votes. Clearly living with their head in the clouds or passively hoping to just move past things.
If someone is going around enjoying the suffering of others then they absolutely deserve that in return. How could anyone teach her the lesson otherwise? Can’t communicate with someone so low by taking the high road.” thefinalteddy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This is one of those things where it’s fine to insult her but in doing so you may have hurt people who don’t deserve it.
What if someone in your class had a mother who died giving birth to them?” Much_Masterpiece654
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Borrow My Car For Prom?
“My (16F) parents divorced when I was 6 and my mom remarried my step-dad Austin, who already had a son from a previous marriage (Scott 18M) when I was 10.
I have two half-siblings, but I see the three of them as full brothers, so I’ll refer to them as such. My dad on the other hand never got remarried and neither had more children.
For IMPORTANT context: My parents are really close as friends, and my step-dad and dad actually hang around from time to time, my grandparents have a house with a pool so my brothers and I are crashing all the time to have fun, I don’t know if my grandparents see Scott and my brothers as some bonus grandchildren, but they do love them.
So for my 15th birthday, my granddad gave me his 2012 Camaro because he was able to get himself a Vette. I was so, SO over the moon, I love that car because I remember my dad driving me to school in it, we would be listening to Jenni Rivera or Juanga, fooling around, and having fun.
I remember my dad, granddad, and Scott fixing and doing things to the car when I was 12 and I actually had my first kiss in the backseat. It was left in my dad’s garage for a year until I was able to get a license and start driving it around (which was only 7 months ago).
I think Scott is a bit sour because I got the car and not him, I only found out a few months after I started to drive it that my stepdad offered to buy the car for Scott, but my granddad said no because he wanted it to be mine.
Scott has a 2010 Toyota and it’s not an awful driver, but the car has some big scratches and he managed to break a mirror and two lights in 2 years, he has admitted he’s a bit careless with it because he doesn’t like the car.
Now, my brother will be having his prom dance in a few months and he asked me if he could borrow my car for the night to drive him and his partner, I’ll be honest, I don’t feel comfortable because I know how he is, he might drink, fool around and be, in all senses, careless and I take care of this car with all I have because it’s special. I don’t think he’ll do the same.
I want to say no and I did ask for time to think about it but he’s now begging me, that’s just one night, that he’ll take care of it, that he loves the car and won’t do anything but I’m still not sure. My dad, granddad, and stepdad said that it was okay if I say no, but my mom said that’s just one night and that I’ll be a huge jerk if I take that from him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a history of damaging cars. Let him know you’ll consider letting him borrow your car when he’s gone 5 years without scratching, denting, or in any other way damaging a car. Prom night is the worst night for this experiment.
Too much temptation, staying up late (and exhaustion affects judgment). And if he manages without damaging the car, you’ve opened the door for him expecting to borrow the car every time he wants to impress someone. And the more he borrows it, the less careful he’ll feel the need to be because it will become normal to him.
But he has to show that his habit is careful driving. Because careful driving means always being careful, it’s not something you can pick and choose when you’ll do it.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. Your brother doesn’t have a great track record with taking care of vehicles.
He is going to be as distracted as all get out on prom night. He will most likely be acting the fool like every other kid going to Prom. There is a really high likelihood he might be drinking. And, an even higher likelihood that ‘private stuff’ would occur in your car.
I would tell him, no. No discussion, no listening to bargaining, no justification, just no. If he nags at you, tell him, “I love you bro, but no.” and walk away. The car has sentimental value to you, to him it would just be a slightly nicer ride.” EnoughAlready710
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It’s your property and your choice. I’d keep your keys very close though… don’t let them away from you until that prom’s over. Now for the sake of it let’s pretend somehow you are getting strong-armed or guilt-tripped into lending out the car by your mother….
get an absolute promise from her that if that car does not return in the same state that it left in, she’ll pay for all repairs or replace the car. I’ve found people like her can be very quick to lend other people’s things on a whim until they’re liable for them.” Vox_Casei
7. AITJ For Walking Out On Family Easter After Weight Comments?
“I (28f) was invited to my parents’ home for Easter. My partner and I got there around 4 pm to help set up and eat together. My grandma was also present.
For a bit of background, I should state that Grandma and I don’t have the best relationship right now, as she has always commented on my weight, skin, hair, degree, etc. I’ve always tried to ignore demeaning comments directed my way ever since I was little and went basically no contact with her after her birthday, as she commented on my partner’s weight gain.
That for me was the final straw and I tried to stay away as much as I could to keep us from the negativity. I should also mention, that I have been in and out of therapy the last few years because of the family dynamic and have struggled with disordered eating because of it.
The situation escalated today, as my partner and I were playing a board game with my brother after dinner. Merely 5 feet away my mum and grandma were having a conversation and started commenting on my weight. As I was concentrated on the game, I only made out a few portions of the conversation.
They were talking about all the weight I gained and how people were commenting on it. It was also mentioned, that I should be ashamed for gaining all this weight and how it would reflect badly on them.
I lost it. I started screaming at them, that it was not their place to comment on my weight and my life, as my life and my choices were not up for comment.
My grandma started crying and told me that she did not mean it like that (she did not offer any other explanation), that the conversation was not intended to be heard, and that she knew I would overreact. My mother told me I ruined a perfectly good day and holiday by overreacting.
My partner is on my side and angry at them for even trying to say anything else.
My father also told me I was overreacting and too sensitive as always. We left right after this, as I couldn’t take it any longer.
But now I’m wondering if I should have ignored it, as she is getting old and I’ve ruined my mother’s holiday by walking out.
I’m really confused. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother ruined her own holiday by allowing her own mom to be incredibly mean and rude. Both of them should know better. I’m disgusted with their behavior, OP, and you did the right thing — you didn’t just sit there and take it, but stood up for yourself.
I’m sure it feels monumental, and that’s okay. If your grandmother is such a bitter old bat that she can dish it out in such a horrendously mean way and then try to tell you that her nastiness wasn’t meant for your ears, then she more than deserves your scorn and anger.
Your family sucks, OP, except for your partner, and I hope the two of you can cultivate a ‘chosen family’ in the coming years.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You even said you have been putting up with it for years and it sounds like a trigger for you when someone brings it up.
Your anger is valid. The fact that they’re kinda gaslighting you into thinking your feelings are invalid is wrong. I get the older generation isn’t the most empathetic and can think what they are saying isn’t rude or degrading but it’s not a reason for your grandmother to respond with the “I didn’t mean it like that” excuse.
Not to mention, why are they bringing your partner into it??? I don’t know from what I am reading, you’re NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had to severely limit my topics of conversation with certain family members, pretty much down to weather and small talk.
And I’ve had to learn to leave the room or suddenly “need to” use the bathroom when they start ranting at me about their opinions on my life. People who would say such things to you, and then act so hurt and offended that you took it “wrong and overreacted”, they’re not physically able to either apologize or accept responsibility.
This is a solid year of therapy talking here. You need to decide what you can tolerate, what you can deflect, and what you can’t, and act according to those boundaries, but you have to let go of any notion that you’ll be able to discuss this calmly with them.
They’re not capable, it won’t happen. I spent way too long thinking it would, and now I have to let that go. And you can too, because you’re worth so much more than their passive aggressiveness.” Particular-Factor-84
6. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner After She Dismissed My Chronic Migraines?
“I have chronic migraines and it’s something I’ve dealt with my whole life. I’ve had to constantly work to prevent them.
It sucks. I used to think that my partner of 6 months was sympathetic to my issue, but, after this past weekend, I’m not sure. We were just hanging out, and then a headache hit, so, I’m down for the count and my vision is shot for the time being.
She gets off the couch and decides to grab a snack.
After a few minutes of complete silence, almost as if I’m bothering her, she tells me to just “toughen up and power through it”, so that we can get back to our night. I was pretty infuriated by that comment and told her that I don’t need medical advice from someone whose doctor just told her at an appointment that she’s obese.
She thought it was a low blow. I told her I thought her telling me to toughen up was a low blow and added that, maybe instead of snapping at me, she could’ve helped me get rid of the pain. She’s now trying to, amongst her friends, make me out to be a fat shamer.
This type of fighting isn’t us and I want us to get back to normal.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She’s clearly never had a migraine. A lot of people just think it’s a “bad headache.” My migraines used to be so bad at times that I couldn’t pick up my head or keep my eyes open.
Your comment crossed a line though. I completely understand that the amount of pain you were in probably resulted in you lashing out. That still shouldn’t be an excuse for saying something like that.” Muted-Appeal-823
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your partner dismissed your medical condition and implied it was a matter of choice.
That’s a jerk move for anyone. You attacked her with sensitive information she shared with you (assuming you weren’t in the doc room). That’s a jerk move for any partner. Ignore the comments about fat shaming, I have a feeling it was more about wanting to hurt her, rather than something specific about her weight.
You should both step back and consider why you would WANT to PURPOSELY hurt your partner because that’s what you both set out to do.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have almost constant migraines. If I am truly lucky, I get 3 full days a month without a migraine.
I vomit from them, and can’t function. It isn’t something you just “power through” and anyone saying that to me can get lost. I won’t ever speak to someone again after some comment like that. I don’t have migraines because I want them. I have them for reasons out of my control and I work darn hard to get those days a month without them.
If someone gets too pushy about me “powering through”, I give it a shot. It always ends with me vomiting from the pain. If you make me vomit, you get to wear it. Then I stop talking to you because you are too stupid for me to tolerate.” GrizeldaLovesCats
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Parents To Meet My Children After They Disowned Me?
“My parents disowned me when I went to prison back in 2004.
I was 16 and came out just before I was 20.
I didn’t have one visit from either of them in all that time. They were “too busy” or it was “a bit too far.”
I got put away for illegal substances and affray if you are wondering.
Whilst inside my parents split, my mum remarried and when it was time to leave prison, her new husband didn’t want “a criminal living with them” in the house I was raised in. My dad had a small flat that didn’t have enough room for his son to stay on the sofa whilst he finds his feet so I ended up in a hostel that housed the scum of the earth.
I suppose I deserved that?
Anyway, fast forward a few years later, I sorted my life out and had kids, got a job, etc. When my first was born, my mum got into contact through my sister, asking if she could meet my daughter. I was like “yeah right.” I don’t really want my children to know a person who would disown their child because they went to jail.
Anyway her response was “well I don’t want anything to do with your illegitimate child anyway” after offering me “£100” shopping vouchers. Where were you when I needed you? You can’t pick and choose when to be in my life, right?
So this has been bugging me for some years now, what’s your thoughts?
I don’t even think I’ll be bothered when either of them pass. I’m so desensitized.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As a parent, it’s your job to let only good and safe people into your children’s lives, as much as you can help it anyway.
And your parents weren’t good to you. They abandoned you and left you when you needed them. So you’re doing good by keeping them out of your life and your kids’. They made it clear that they didn’t want to be a part of your life (I’m so sorry for that).
They don’t get to pick and choose now what parts they want to associate with. They made their choice years ago.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were 16 and you royally messed up and found out. But you did your time, served it without visits from them, had no idea about what was happening in their lives… I think honestly, you suffered enough.
You learned your lesson though and have changed your life for the better. They had no hand in that. Your mother put her new husband before you, your dad didn’t even let you crash on his couch. You owe neither of them anything. They left you at 16 for making an idiot choice.
They don’t get to swoop back in now because they want to be doting grandparents, they would have had the chance if they supported you when you were released.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“I see why your parents “disowned” you but you are their child regardless.
They don’t need to condone or defend your actions, but they shouldn’t just abandon their child. A parent can still love and be there for their child even if they don’t agree with that child’s way of life or choices in life. You did a crime and you did your time.
You didn’t try to escape or run from the law in the middle of it all. When you got out you needed their help, and I have met people who are fresh off of prison and have said how difficult it is to restart life.
You are right in saying they cannot pick and choose when to be in your life. If this is their way of wanting to correct their mistake, then they should have sat and spoken to you. And listened to your part. But her saying “well I don’t want anything to do with your illegitimate child anyway” leads me to believe your kids are better off not knowing them.
At the end of the day you are the parent, it’s your right to choose not to let your parents meet your child. Not theirs.” HeadlessChickenSoup
4. AITJ For Wanting To Report Suspected Package Thieves Without Proof?
“I (23F) and my partner (23M) moved into this complex in August. For the past few weeks/months, we’ve had people opening our packages but nothing has been taken. Up until about a week ago.
Someone stole $1500 worth of diabetes supplies. (And an electric razor charger but that’s beside the point.) My partner has T1D, and we were very lucky to get donations from a friend, or we would be in a difficult situation.
That was the last straw and we called the office.
Now I’m 90% sure I know who’s doing it. The family that lives next to us has a lot of young kids, and they run around unsupervised a lot. We’ve seen them hanging around right before we find packages stolen and my other neighbor says she’s seen them take other people’s packages (packages she had checked the label on to see if they were hers and knew who they belonged to).
If it’s them doing it I doubt it’s malicious because the kids are so young, they’re probably just grabbing things. But I don’t know why the parents don’t put them back?
I don’t have any proof so I don’t know if I should say anything to the landlords or confront them directly or just put up a sign with a general warning?
I’m a little lost I don’t like confrontation but this is a lot of money stolen…
So, WIBTJ if I report them with no proof? I’m leaning more toward not reporting them.
Edit: My partner is getting their packages delivered to work so for now it’s ok but it’s an inconvenience and it’s not just our packages… I may just tell the landlord it’s a hunch and not to outright accuse them but to put up a camera.”
Another User Comments:
“Ask the landlord if you can post a notice on the doors of your building, that way you’re not singling a particular unit out. Get a video doorbell that is motion activated or a camera aimed at the area in front of your door in the ground, with the approval of your landlord of course.” pixienightingale
Another User Comments:
“OP, is it possible to have your packages delivered to the main office of the apartment complex? We had that same problem years ago and were able to get our packages delivered to the main office — in fact, nearly everyone did that, as it was not the best neighborhood.
The apartment manager was on duty nearly the whole time, so there was always someone there. Also, NTJ.” Rodney_Copperbottom
Another User Comments:
“I’d call into the neighbors and be like, did you see a package of mine around or maybe take it in by mistake?
Maybe the kids took it by accident? It has really important medication in it and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m so worried, and if I can’t find it I’ll need to report it stolen. If you come across it please let me know as I’ll be reporting stolen tomorrow.” GroundbreakingPhoto4
3. AITJ For Banning Gold Dresses At My Wedding Because I'm Wearing One?
“I am a divorcee as they say. Hooray. Anyway, I’m getting married. As I’ve been married once before, I’ve decided to forego the white dress. At my first wedding, I wore a beautiful white dress that cost a lot of money and was never worn again and is sitting in my closet collecting dust. This time I’m wearing a gold silk mermaid-style dress.
Very fancy.
My mom is upset by my dress. She said my nontraditional wedding is basically flaunting the fact that I don’t respect the institution of marriage after already committing the shameful act of divorce. She let it go though. Invitations just went out. Under dress code it says:
Formal dress is requested. Ladies, please refrain from gold dresses, but you are free to wear white if you wish.
My mom said this is incredibly rude and entitled. The rule is no white, not no gold. I can’t just change it because of my nonstandard dress.
Am I being entitled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I think most women would appreciate the heads up on the color code of the wedding. I went to a wedding in a nice long purple dress that I had made myself – which accidentally was pretty much the exact color of the bridesmaids’ dresses!
Heads up would have been nice.” Waste-Phase-2857
Another User Comments:
“It’s absolutely not entitled. If anything, your wedding day is the one day where as many things as possible should go right. It makes complete sense for you to not want your guests to wear a gold dress since it’s similar to yours, the same way that traditionally white dresses aren’t worn by guests so that the attention stays on the bride.
Divorce isn’t something to be ashamed about and I think that’s something your mom is projecting onto the situation too. Also, if anything not wearing a white dress IS respecting the institution of marriage because it’s not your first wedding.” g_dawgie420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not convinced your mother actually did get over her feelings about your nontraditional wedding. I suspect she’s anti-divorce to such an extent that she’s not going to get on board with ANYTHING about your upcoming wedding (since, as far as she’s concerned, it shouldn’t be happening because you never should have gotten divorced) – if you were wearing a traditional white dress she’d probably be snitty about that too because “white is for first-time brides” or some nonsense.
Or maybe I’m wrong and she just wants something to be mad at you about, but either way, you’re doing fine and should get married however you want (and from one divorcee to another, congratulations!). My petty side thinks you should revise the dress code and tell everyone to wear white.” All_the_Bees
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Order Extra Chips And Salsa During Her Birthday Dinner?
“My (28M) partner’s (25f) birthday recently passed. I offered to take her out to her favorite restaurant–a local Mexican place–to celebrate. My treat.
I own a townhome and am a member of an HOA. I was just hit with a violation concerning my back deck.
I received a letter informing me that I have 60 days to replace 3 boards on my deck and the entire staircase; either that or I have to produce a signed contract with a contractor stating that the work is going to be done. If I don’t I’m going to be subject to penalties.
I haven’t had a great year financially and so this is stressing me out.
However, I wanted to treat my partner. So, we arrived at the restaurant. I ordered a Pacifico, she ordered a margarita, and then we both placed our orders for our entrees when our drinks arrived along with an order of chips and salsa.
It was pretty busy there and our entrees were taking a while. We were both hungry and polished off the chips and salsa pretty quickly. She said, “Let’s get some more chips and salsa.” She was about to flag down our server when I said “No, let’s just wait for our entrees.
I don’t want to pay for extra chips and salsa.” I had noticed when I read the menu that extra chips and salsa would cost $5 and I didn’t want to pay it. She responded “Seriously? You’re treating me to a dinner at my favorite restaurant for my birthday but you’re going to cheap out on chips and salsa?
If I want a second margarita are you going to tell me ‘no’?” I told her that I had factored in extra money for drinks but that I wasn’t paying extra so that we could gorge ourselves on chips and salsa because it wasn’t worth it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Then you shouldn’t have gone out to dinner if you can’t afford it. There are other ways to celebrate a birthday (lunch, just drinks, homecooked meal, picnic). Had she ordered something very expensive then okay but it’s just chips and salsa.
YTJ.” Mindless_Anywhere_74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your back deck may be a concern but it doesn’t sound completely pressing if you have your paperwork in order. But I digress. If $5 was a make-it-or-break-it amount, why offer to treat dinner? In my mind, you’re feeling stressed and instead of dealing with it, you’re using your partner to take out your aggression.
You put an arbitrary price – $5 – on her enjoyment and turned the focus on yourself in the process. I hope this is a one-off event but if you spoil someone’s birthday outing with intent and actions how do you normally act?” SnooHesitations9269
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, partially for this: “I had factored in extra money for drinks but I wasn’t paying extra for chips and salsa because it wasn’t worth it.” Even under a budget, why do you get to decide what is worth it and what it is not on her birthday??
As many others have posted, you could forgo a second drink, get the chips, and prob even come out to the good in your budget because usually, a marg is more than five bucks. Also, just a side note, I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I have never been to a restaurant where you have to pay for a refill on chips and salsa.” Frequent_Jellyfish69
1. AITJ For Refusing To Fire The Nanny My Ex Pays For?
“Apart from the funds my ex gives me, he also pays for certain things for our children including school fees and childcare costs. We have a nanny that is shared between us but since the children are with me 70% of the time, I benefit more from having her even though my ex pays her.
His fiancée recently asked me to give her a breakdown of all of the costs related to our kids because she feels like my ex is overpaying me and she wants to be more involved in their financial decisions. I gave it to her and now she wants me to let go of the nanny to cut costs because she feels like the kids don’t need a nanny and that this particular nanny is too expensive.
I told her I wasn’t going to let her go because the kids were already attached to her, she was good with them and she made life easier. She insists I could use a babysitter instead and that if I wanted to keep the nanny, I needed to pay for her myself and that she was no longer welcome in her home.
She told me once they got married, I would also need to pay half of those extra costs my ex covers and that he would only be giving me the legally required amount of support from now on.
I said good luck with that and she kept asking me if I was threatening her.
This turned into a huge argument and at one point I called her a delusional idiot because she thinks my ex is going to agree to this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should not have given her any financial information – she is a fiancee, not his wife and even after they get married they should not be involving you – if she has a problem she should be discussing it with him.
From now on I would not engage with her, if she asks anything just direct her back to your ex for any information which is where she should be getting her information anyhow – I wonder if he refused to tell her in the first place and that’s why she asked you.” Affectionate_Ice_658
Another User Comments:
“Wow I thought maybe your kids were 11 or 12 but they are preschool and toddler age and you need the help as much as you can. “She told me once they got married, I would also need to pay half of those extra costs my ex covers and that he would only be giving me the legally required amount of support from now on.” I don’t think your ex feels this way about funds.
If you have this in text show it to your ex. If you and him are on good terms then this is a red flag considering she will be there when your kids will go to see their dad. And possibly will treat your kids differently if she gets her own kids NTJ.” Puzzleheaded_Mix1658
Another User Comments:
“Coming from a stepmom… you are NTJ. She is not your children’s parent and you don’t answer to her. She is one of those ones that will give other stepmoms a bad name. She just doesn’t understand what she is doing right now.
She may grow and learn, she may continue to be in high conflict, who knows? For now, communicate with your children’s other parent. They have two parents who do just fine taking care of them. Do what is in their best interest and don’t discuss the kids with her.
In the meantime, I offer this perspective on the fiancée. The world tells stepmoms that we need to “love them like our own” “you knew what you were getting into when you married him” and so much other nonsense. She is trying to fit into these deeply rooted expectations people have of taking care of them as though she was their mother too.
Have a conversation with your ex about her role in your children’s lives. The two of you seem to be doing just fine as parents and don’t need her to act as another mother but if she is around, expect that she will probably parent your children with your ex.
It is time to set boundaries NOW. This will make everyone’s lives easier and will clearly define expectations. I would suggest that everyone read up on the dynamics of blended families and keep the kids in mind for all discussions. Best of luck!” Suitable_Pickle5547
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