People Reel Us Into These Enticing “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Get Rid Of My Childhood Stuffed Animal?
“My (25f) partner (27) and I have been seeing each other for around 7 months. It’s been going well so far. But we have a problem. I have a stuffed animal. Specifically a stuffed Piglet from Winnie the Pooh. My dad bought it for me when I was a newborn and I’ve had it ever since.
My partner has told me I have to get rid of it because it’s ”childish and embarrassing”. Especially when his friends are over at my place and see it on my bed. I don’t think it’s embarrassing and none of his friends or their partners have said anything negative about it to me.
I even bonded with one of the guys about the fact that he had a “matching” Tigger when he grew up and the others have joked about getting their own so we can have the whole crew together.
I feel like they’re sincere but my partner says they’re making fun of me and that behind my back they think I’m super childish and they can’t believe I have a stuffed animal as an adult.
He says that it’s not normal to keep stuffed animals as an adult and I guess not a lot of people do but I love that stupid animal. I don’t think I’m the jerk but maybe there are things I’m missing here?
Maybe I am embarrassing him in front of his friends? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner is for asking you to throw away a treasured keepsake. It’s perfectly normal to keep a stuffed animal from your childhood as an adult. I lost my dad when I was 20.
A few years later, my house was broken into, and several items he gave me were either stolen or broken. The few things I have left from him are treasured keepsakes, and my husband has no problems with me displaying them in our home. I’m a Winnie the Pooh fan as well, and have lots of items with the characters, including holiday ornaments, coffee mugs, and a few small stuffed animals that are proudly displayed, and my husband thinks they are quite nice.
Take my advice – keep Piglet, throw away the pig of a partner. You’ll be happier.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have lost count of the number of posts on here of a partner or sometimes a partner finding something of huge sentimental value and then trying to get their SO to get rid of it.
It could be a stuffed toy had from birth, or something a deceased father or mother gave them, or deceased husband or child or friend. It could even be a beloved pet. Making you get rid of something of very deep sentimental value is a power play.
It is to exert domination and control over you. Once they get you to do this one thing they have you, they know that you will do anything for them if they make you. It is incredibly satisfying to them to make you give it up to them.
They are breaking you and marking their territory. Trust me if you don’t give it up they will take it by force and destroy it. Get rid of the partner before you lose Piglet.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me tell you a story.
I have a little teddy bear. He is very battered and his head is almost disconnected from his body and I love him. Every little bit of him and I need him to sleep every night. I’m now 27F and I met my husband at fourteen and started living with him when I was fifteen.
We had nine years of marriage and two kids and he first started out making little jokes about my teddy and then five years into marriage it started to become not jokes. He ripped my teddys head worse and as I was stitching him up he gave me an ultimatum.
If the stitches came out I had to get rid of him because it was childish. I started to fix his head in secret and I think he knew because my teddy would start being “misplaced” and some nights I couldn’t find him only for him to be sitting in the open the next morning.
After nine years things happened and he left me and we divorced. Now one year of separation and two years after our divorce was finalized, so three years in all I am living with my now partner. When I first started spending the night I brought my teddy and showed him he was perfectly okay with it.
Now when I get up for work my partner sets my teddy up on the head board in his special spot to wait for me. When I’m sick he brings him to me if I’m laying on the couch. He loves every little part of me including my one eyed almost headless teddy.
Having a safety stuffy is very normal for a lot of people and you should find someone who respects your stuffy because you love it. I spent many years with anxiety that I would come home and mine would just be gone and now my partner makes me feel so comfortable and he even pretends it’s a baby sometimes just to make me laugh lol.
I’m not telling you to leave your partner but if he’s already acting like this seven months into your relationship it will only get worse.” xPrincess_Jellyfishx
21. AITJ For Moving Out Due To My Parents' Lack Of Respect For My Privacy?
“My parents never knew boundaries, I know what you’re going to say, they care about you, they only want the best for you.
Well, it’s true, but they crossed the line this time.
I’m 21, served in the military, as soon as I finished my service I got a job even though most of my friends went for a long trip to India to get messed up and I don’t really need the money because my family is in a good financial state but I like being independent.
My parents always ask where and with who I’m hanging out, or when I leave and come back to work, but I can understand that that’s because they are worried about me.
But this time my parents went on a vacation and because nobody else was home I had to take a week off work to take care of some stuff (my dog for example).
One of those days I was talking to my mom over the phone and told her I was going to have a friend over at that night and we’re going to be at the pool. We got out of the pool at about 3AM and after we got dry we went inside the house, suddenly I notice someone turned on the alarm system.
Apparently my mom watched us over the security cameras and turned the system on right when we went inside.(I’m reminding you that she’s on a vacation and it’s 3AM)
Right when it happened I texted her that she’s a psycho and she doesn’t know boundaries.
The next day again she kept asking me where I was like every hour or so, so I ignored her.
I ignored them both after they came back for like 2 more days and told them I signed up for a course far away (40 minute drive) and I’m moving to that area with my partner who’s starting her degree there too.
Mom started shouting at me like crazy, she said I don’t know anything about life and that I’m going to fail everything anyway so I told her to shut up and drove away.
The reason I decided to move is this lack of privacy. I believe that that’s the only thing that is holding their marriage, pushing their nose too deep into my personal space, now they would have to deal without my life starring as their private reality show.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Um…. I don’t know who is telling you that your parents just “care about you,” or are “just worried,” but those people are WRONG. OP, your mom is being completely controlling, and that is NOT a good thing. It’s a narcissism thing.
And your mom is a narcissist. OP, go forward with your plan to move out. Start looking for a place asap. Take as much advantage of their vacation as you can, and do NOT let them know until you are on your way out the door, so that they can’t mess it up for you.
Tell any new landlord that your parents do not have your permission to make any changes to or cancel any rental agreements “on your behalf” and list someone else you trust as your emergency contact. And once you are out, put hard boundaries down and let them (especially your mom), know that any time they cross those boundaries, they will be going on a “time out” where you will go no contact with them for a set amount of time.
Start small, say a day or two, and each time they repeat, make the time out longer. Also make it longer the worse the infringement of your boundaries is. Good luck, OP.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, your parents are psychos and extremely controlling.
It’s bizarre. Of course you’re moving away because who wants to be watched on cameras and have to answer every hour to where they are when you’re an adult? The way they are acting is bizarre and makes no sense. I would give them a sign of ringtone and text on my phone and if they continue to bother you continuously about where you are and what you’re doing then I would go no contact for a while because they have problems. I have five grown children and six grown grandchildren and while you never get to the point where you would stop worrying or loving your children I sure don’t try to micromanage their lives.
Some of mine bounce back in and out of the house after they were 18 when they needed help but it still didn’t mean that I had the right to oversee their social life or want to know where they were every moment. They were polite and let me know when they would be in real late at night but that was the extent of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is paranoid and creepy for watching you on the security cameras and arming the alarm as soon as you went inside. It also indicates she doesn’t trust you to arm the alarm yourself. But as long as you are living with your parents, you should not expect to have any more privacy than you had growing up.
I don’t know what your typical family dynamic is, but I feel like it’s considered rude to walk out mid-conversation, so in that context, YTJ. Sounds like you just need to move out and become independent from your parents if you don’t want to live by their rules.” intelligen
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother's Wife For Overspending My Mom's Money?
“I pay my mom’s bills every month (with her own money). She is 61 and wants to retire soon. The problem is that she has a lot of debt so she can’t retire until she pays it all off.
My brother has 3 kids and he’s the only one that works in his household. My mom has told my brother that he can use her card to buy food once per week if they don’t have money to with a max spend of $100 since they have been struggling.
Last month when I was trying to pay some bills for my mom I checked her account and noticed $800 worth of groceries throughout the month of May. I was heated and told my mom then called my brother to cut it out. They seem to have money to buy other things like video games and toys so why don’t they buy food instead?
My brother apologized and said it was a misunderstanding and it won’t happen again. My mom and my 2 other siblings were upset with me and told me that I shouldn’t have said anything. The problem is that my brother’s wife was the one spending my mom’s money without asking or paying my mom back.
How is using someone else’s money a “misunderstanding??? So am AITJ for saying something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, your mom is working herself ragged to pay off debt so she can retire, and your selfish SIL is blowing through mom’s money, making it so that you’re subsidizing mom AND mom is pushing back her retirement so that the greedies can blow through money while making no attempt to cook cheaply, curtail “want” spending or keep any track of how they abuse mom’s credit card?.
You all need to have a sit down about money. If mom doesn’t want to rock the boat, you have the option to stop helping and let this spiral down the drain without your enabling.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They would have given the money back if it was a misunderstanding.
Your brother and his wife are using your mother. But the conversation you need to actually have is going to your mother and saying ‘if you are willing to fund their lifestyle, why am I paying your bills? I do not consent to fund them, me giving you money for you to then turn around and give money to them is making me a second-layer sugar daddy.
‘You need to tough love her, she’ll never be able to retire if she keeps sponsoring these two adults to use up all her money. She needs to draw lines for her preservation, but you need to draw lines for your self-preservation, otherwise, she will not just indirectly pass on the responsibility of taking care of them to you, one day she’ll totally just hand them off as your responsibility to take care of.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here – Don’t fight your mother’s battles for her when she berates you for it. I don’t think you’re wrong, but you’re helping everyone avoid consequences, including your mother for her rolling over, and letting everyone make you the bad person.
She may not care about the money, or she may want to look good to your brother and SIL, either way, she’s an adult. Treat her like it, don’t fight her battles for her, and don’t bail her out when it goes south.
She needs to see the consequences to learn from them. Stop paying for her stuff other than an agreed amount each month. Let her manage her own finances.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Rehoming My Son's Cat Due To Litter Box Issues?
“My (43m) son (15m) has a cat named Cataloupe that he loves very much. We got him when my son turned 14 (approximately 1 and a half years ago). In that time my son has grown very fond of the cat and during the night you would bet anything the cat was in his room.
I was very glad my son had a pet to help with stress and the horror of teenagehood. However, the cat has been a continuing problem in regards to my carpet.
The cat doesn’t seem to know the difference between my carpet and cat litter and often leaves nasty surprises everywhere.
This has gone on since we got her but I figured Cataloupe would eventually adapt to using a box. Spoiler, he hasn’t, and I am tired of picking up piles and steaming and picking up more piles. I have brought it up with my son on multiple occasions and nothing has come of our talks.
The cat continues leaving messes everywhere.
Yesterday I got rid of him. I made sure he went to a good home with my aunt (I have told her about Cataloupe’s problem but she insists on taking the cat instead of letting me give it away to a stranger online) my son found out today and will not talk to me.
I feel terrible about what I’ve done but I just couldn’t deal with all this mess, literally. It was so bad I was embarrassed to bring over my partner, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want friends over because of it either. I made an account just for advice on how to mend my relationship with my son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re the adult, and at the end of the day, the pet is your responsibility. You can delegate that to your child, but if the child isn’t doing the work you are still responsible for making sure the animal has care.
If, for example, your son was supposed to clean the litter or feed the cat and didn’t, you would be the one legally charged with animal cruelty. Cats going outside the litter box is as common an issue as potty training puppies. A simple Google search would have given you a list of things to do to teach your cat to use the box.
It’s clear this cat wasn’t worth that to you, and that makes me sad. Now you’ve torn both cat and son away from each other, put the poor animal through the stress of a move and the trauma of a new family.
If you weren’t able or willing to put the work into a pet, you shouldn’t have gotten one; it’s simply not fair to the animal. If you want to fix this, take the cat back and start training her. You’ll need more than one litterbox, you’ll want to put one near where she goes on the carpet.
Make sure they’re all super clean (many cats won’t use a dirty box). As far as mending the relationship with your son, good luck. I would be distraught if my parent got me a pet during a challenging time, let me get so close to her, and then took her away without so much as a warning or an attempt to fix the issue.
I’m not sure how to mend that betrayal; you’ll have to sit down with your son and let him tell you what he needs to forgive you.” VioletReaver
Another User Comments:
“Was the cat ever brought to a vet? Cats poop outside the box for many reasons.
I have one cat who will poop right outside the box the minute it becomes too messy. I have a cat who often misses when in the box because it’s too low. Yours could’ve been too high for him to get into? He could have bowel incontinence, multiple litter boxes could solve that as well.
The talks with your son didn’t get you anywhere because he’s not a cat whisperer and since he’s only 15 I’m assuming he’s not yet started working. It may be your son’s cat but it’s your responsibility too. YTJ for just dropping the cat off without warning your son.” lambies_funkos
Another User Comments:
“If a cat is refusing a litter box, there’s a reason. And if there’s a reason, there’s often a solution. Different style of box. Different type of litter. Different location of the box. Maybe multiple boxes throughout the house. Do you have multiple pets?
When I first got my second cat, my first cat would pounce her every time he saw her. He was trying to play, but it meant she couldn’t use the litter box in peace. So she wouldn’t use the litter box and would hold everything until she just couldn’t.
There were months of accidents until we figured out what was going on and got covered litter boxes, which prevented pouncing. Immediately the issue of her accidents was resolved. Did you at least take the cat to the vet to see if there’s a medical issue???
YTJ for not problem-solving the cat’s issues, only yours, and doing so behind your son’s back.” Cryptographer_Alone
18. AITJ For Not Reminding My Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband About Our Son's Party?
“My husband and I have our problems. In fact, we are in the process of getting a divorce. I have not filed yet, but will soon.
It is related to issues like him not doing his part in our household or our kids’ care and some light emotional abuse like stonewalling and name-calling.
Tuesday, I told him that our 4yo was invited to a party to celebrate the end of daycare, as he will start school in August. He said it was really cool, but nothing more.
Today, when I came home after picking up the kids, he was not here. I was a bit surprised because he did not work today, but not too much because it is a frequent occurrence that he is not home without me ever knowing why.
I am a bit relieved, I might add because there is always less tension when he is not home.
I told him about the party and he is an adult, so chose not to call him to remind him of it. Now, he sent me a text asking where we were, and when I told him, he told me he was hurt not to be able to be here at our son’s first party.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“More emotional manipulation. He had no interest in going to the party, but wants to try to claim the higher moral ground by blaming you for his failure to attend. He’s glad he didn’t go, but he knows he should have.
So this way he gets to blame you for his bad parenting. Tell him to kick rocks. If he had wanted to be there, he could have made it. You think he needs someone to remind him about his work appointments? Set some boundaries now about what you will and won’t inform him of.
NTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the hardest things about divorce is when you stop being the caretaker spouse. It is so reflexive for the one doing the heavy lifting that it is hard to stop doing it. Neither of you probably realize how much you do for him even still.
The other partner, your husband, feels so totally entitled to it that it does not occur to him that it will stop. He will pull these sorts of manipulative tactics every time he fails at being an adult. You are no longer responsible for his emotional well-being.
If it was truly important for him to be there, he would have been there. He could have prevented his own hurt feelings by paying attention the first time you told him about it.” Cosimia1964
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everyone has said it better than me, but I want to give you a great phrase for whenever you feel the need to help someone who is perfectly capable of being an adult but would rather make you feel bad about not doing it for them: “Not my problem.” It’s the best phrase in the world.
You are not responsible for him, he is a grown man who can be a dad if he wants, if he’s not willing to make the effort you are not obligated to do it for him. Probably pretty incendiary to actually say to him, but I use it as a mantra for things I can’t control but feel the need to stress over.
They are adults. I am not responsible for fixing their mistakes. Not my problem, not my responsibility. Hope this helps you as much as it does me!
Good luck with your divorce, I know there are family apps for divorced parents’ communication that would be perfect for this scenario, you could put it on the calendar/send him the one message, and wash your hands of it, and if there’s a custody battle you’ll have evidence to show you made your best effort to involve him in your kids’ lives and he refused to show up.
As a child of divorce, my advice to you is that even if you get remarried, make an effort to always have 1v1/1v (# of kids from first marriage), and don’t ever put your new spouse first. You don’t seem like that kind of person, you seem like a great mom who has had to pick up the slack for a long time due to an unreliable co-parent, but it’s still the advice I give everyone with kids who is dealing with divorce.
Some of my favorite family traditions are the ones that came after the divorce and everyone was just trying to figure out how life would be, divorce sucks but it’s better than being burdened by dead weight. If you ever want a kid’s perspective (despite me now being an adult) on how a parent’s divorce can affect them, feel free to reach out.
I’m rooting for you!” Samderella
17. AITJ For Ignoring My Overbearing Mom While I Was Sick?
“I’m 33, my mom has a tendency to kind of pry into my life. If I don’t tell her certain things about my life or where I’m going or what I’m doing she’ll usually try to call my sister and act like she already knows something to get my sister to tell her details or if that doesn’t work she asks my daughter.
Once my daughter (13) asked her why she asks me so many questions and she told her I was an open book. The truth is I’m not. She pries and pries and I feel intimidated and I just tell her so she’ll stop asking me questions.
She tries to “help” me out a lot. But it feels more like an Amber Heard pledge than a donation if that makes sense. Anyway, it was suggested by my therapist that I stop accepting pledges of any kind from her and set clear boundaries.
So, I was at my sister’s house out of state visiting. I had mentioned to everyone I would be leaving Monday morning. My mom called me Sunday afternoon asking if I was on my way home yet. I just ignored her because I never told anyone ever that I planned on leaving Sunday.
She called me 3 hours later. I answered and let her know I was sick.
Her: call your doctor so they can give you the new medication. Also, leave your sister’s house now so she doesn’t get it. Hurry up go go go.
Me: no thank you and (sister) said it was ok if I stayed.
She just kept telling me to leave so I just stopped talking and did the ‘uh huh’. Because I didn’t feel like arguing with her.
She texted me 1 hour later “Did you call your dad for Father’s Day?” I ignored her.
She called my sister asking if her guests were still there.
I was the only one staying there.
Then Monday she calls me at 3 and texted me asking me if I left yet and to call her. She texts my daughter also. She then texted me some kitchen decor suggestions. I just ignored her.
So she texted me on Tuesday “Are you alive”.
I said “no”. (Sarcastically) Then she asks me if I’m home. I ignored her. Then an hour later she had my stepdad text my sister saying they hadn’t heard from me and they were worried. I asked my mom why she had him do that I just responded to her.
She said he didn’t know I texted her back. “We were both concerned about you and your girls getting home safe because of the rain. So sorry we care. Brat! I won’t bother you.”
I told her to communicate with him then. Also, he said “SHE was worried” not WE.
I felt like she was really going over the top to make sure I did what she wanted me to do and so did my sister. Now she’s tipsy texting us telling us she’s done and we treat her like dirt. Because my sister told her she’s codependent and doesn’t want to get in the middle and to give me some space.
My mom texted her “I’m broken. I’m at my end. You girls finally broke me. I’m out!” Which seems a little dramatic to me I don’t know. So are my sister and I jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you have a cell phone you are not obligated to be available 24/7.
Sounds like mom needs to learn how to communicate like an adult instead of throwing a tantrum when she isn’t getting your immediate attention/or what she expects.” theallsoweird1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is easy. You set the boundary; she ignored it. I agree with your therapist that you need to hold those boundaries, regardless of what nonsense arises from it.
“We were both concerned about you and your girls getting home safe because of the rain. So sorry we care. Brat! I won’t bother you.” For the record, this is emotional abuse. You are never the jerk for protecting yourself and your family from abusive people.” kmack312
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, you should have set boundaries a long time ago, which I know isn’t helpful. Sit down with your mom and let her know what the new rules are: when she can call, who she can question, and what kinds of information you will give her.
My mom crosses the line about once every three years and I remind her to get back on her side of the line.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Telling My Wife A Celebrity Wouldn't Go Out With Her Because She's Older And Not Thin?
“My wife has returned to the office after working at home for the last couple of years, I still work from home.
My wife’s best friend G watches our kids while we are working.
This morning my wife and her friend G were in the kitchen talking when I went to get coffee. I overheard their conversation about an actor that G is a huge fan of.
My wife made a comment about him being hot and G responded that the actor would go out with my wife because she was “his type.”
I responded no he wouldn’t because she is older than him (by 2 or 3 years I think) and not as thin as the people he goes out with.
My wife just said wow and left to go to work and G proceeded to call me a jerk and say she was trying to give my wife a confidence boost. I told her she was being childish. She didn’t speak to me the rest of the day.
When I finished work for the day I went outside to see my wife and kids playing in the pool. When they got out I tried to hug her and she shrugged me off and said I shouldn’t hug someone so old and large. I tried to explain that wasn’t what I meant and she just ignored me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why’d you stick your nose into their conversation anyway? It was clearly not a discussion rooted in reality. If you didn’t like the idea of your WIFE discussing seeing ANYONE, you should have had that discussion with her privately after her friend left. All you did is make your wife feel like you don’t think she’s beautiful but old and unattractive by saying what you did.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “Older and not as thin” But you didn’t mean she was large or old and you couldn’t in any way, shape, or form see how your wife would interpret what you said as insulting? LoL. Very poor judgment on your part.
You should have stayed out of the conversation (since you weren’t a part of it). You owe her a HUGE apology. Just in case you are wondering the correct response to butting into that conversation would have been “yeah he’d go out with her since my wife is the most gorgeous woman in the world.
Everyone would want to date her. Luckily, I married her first!”” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, for all the reasons the other commenters gave, but also, do you not know what having fun is? If I tell my friends I will marry a young Brad Pitt (maybe a young Harrison Ford) and we all talk about fantasy dates, it’s fantasy.
It’s shared fanfiction. In short, it’s fun. It’s a game. It’s an improv role-playing game. You can partake – “I will choose a young Lauren Bacall and we’ll both move into our penthouse with a view of Central Park – or you can decide conversational games are not your thing, but don’t spoil the fun for other people.” Floriane007
15. AITJ For Inviting My Son's Younger Cousins To His Birthday Party Against His Wishes?
“I (42F) have three children with my ex-husband (45M). Only my youngest, let’s call him Jack (10M), is relevant here.
My son wanted to throw a big party for his 10th birthday as his previous ones were canceled due to health concerns. He decided that he wanted to go to a trampoline park with his friends.
I saw no problem with this and told him to write a list of his friends. But Jack was inviting two of his cousins, (13M and 11M). These are my ex’s nephews. I asked Jack why he wasn’t inviting his other cousins, he said that they were annoying and a lot younger than he is.
Mind you, the 4 of them are aged 9-4. Jack continued his list with his 2 cousins and his school friends so I booked.
On the day of the party, my nieces and nephews showed up, much to the dismay of my ex and Jack. My ex told me I was foolish to invite my side of the family without Jack wanting them there.
I told him that Jack was being unfair, only inviting some of his cousins. Before I could finish, my oldest (16M) chipped in and said I was in the wrong too. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get where you were coming from, but you asked him to write a list of invitees, asked about ones he left off, listened to him, and then still ignored his wishes.
He probably looks up to the cousins he invited. I think you could have had a meaningful discussion about the importance of inviting younger cousins for the sake of being kind, and perhaps made arrangements so they could feel included but not be in the thick of things – arrangements he had a say in.
But instead, you asked him about his preferences and then steamrolled over them. You lost a valuable opportunity to parent here and hurt your son in the process. You should apologize and explain why you did what you did, why it was wrong, and how you will do better in the future.” Motor_Crow4482
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You asked him why he wasn’t inviting the younger cousins, he gave a reasonable explanation. You then ignored his wishes and invited them anyway purely as it was YOUR side of the family which just sounds spiteful. While trying to get one up on your ex, you have shown your son that it doesn’t matter whether he talks to you or not, you’ll ignore him anyway and do what you want.
If the older cousins were your side and he didn’t invite any family, just friends, you wouldn’t have done it. That is what makes you a huge jerk as you’re supposed to love your kids MORE than you dislike your ex. And please believe me, acting like this will only cause your son to see all these jerk moves and never tell you anything, and if it continues/gets worse, eventually he won’t want any substantial or meaningful relationship with you.” Fumble_Luna85
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, if he’s able to pick a guest list then he can pick the cousins that he’s friends with. When you’re 5 it’s fine to invite every second cousin from age 2-15. At a certain point, it’s annoying to have the “babies” around.
For my tenth birthday, I invited my friends and one second cousin – a girl my age. I would not have wanted my first cousins-boys-one my age and one a few years younger -because it wasn’t that kind of party. For a family BBQ birthday party-cool.
But not a social event with an older child who is old enough to pick and choose their own friends. When my sister was 13 and I was 11 she’d have her cool party with her friends who I knew and liked-but I knew my place.
I’d say Hi and catch up and then my 6-year-old brother and I would help ourselves to some snacks then go to the basement and do our own thing since we weren’t “invited” to this middle school birthday party.” OwlHex4577
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Widowed Dad To Enter A New Relationship?
“My mom passed away 6 years ago and it’s been me F/19 and my older sibling since then.
I plan to go to college this fall and my sibling has a significant other who they spend most of their free time with.
Anyway, my dad started seeing a woman from his past; they were involved in high school way before my dad met my mom.
I’ve never met her and I don’t want to and she lives in another town anyway. I don’t like the fact that he’s involved with this woman and neither does my sibling. We’re not ready for him to start seeing someone.
My sibling and I let our feelings be known to our dad. I mean, he’s still married to our mom. I’ll admit that we’ve made things pretty hard on him so much so that Dad and his significant other broke up.
Now my dad’s upset because he’s alone and my sibling and I are beginning our own lives.
So, AITJ for giving my dad a hard time about him seeing someone?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it had been 6 months, I would have sympathy but 6 years is a long time. You and your sibling are reaching an age where you will be living your own lives more and more.
This person can just become a friend without pushing in like a stepparent might have when you were younger. Do you plan to live with him yourself forever so you can make sure he is healthy and doesn’t get lonely? He deserves a chance to find a partner and happiness.
Later you will be happy he has a person who can help keep him company so you won’t worry about him as much. I’m sorry to sound harsh since I am sure your attitude comes from how you love him. I just think you needed to hear a different perspective.” balancedgray
Another User Comments:
“You really need to ask?? Of course YTJ here, you’re being very selfish. It’s been 6 years. Let your dad move on with his life and love/be loved by someone again. He is not still married, he is widowed. Vows are ’till death do us part’.
Unfortunately, that has happened so his marriage has ended. I truly am sorry for your loss but you can still respectfully remember your mother without your dad having to remain lonely whilst you happily get on with your own lives. Losing a spouse is unbelievably awful.
Starting to see someone after losing them is also scary. Please don’t make this any harder for your dad than it already is.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight…. your dad helped raise you your whole life, provided, cared, and whatnot, did the last 6 years by himself even.
Has probably been lonely and started something that could have been really good for him, and you and your sibling harassed him so much that he broke it off because you think it’s too soon? Kid… I’m going to say YTJ because what I actually want to say would get me banned. It’s his life and he deserves to be happy, if she made him happy then why is it a big deal?
Also, I’m sorry please forgive my bluntness here, but under the law and whatever church you are part of, your dad isn’t married anymore, your mom’s dead, either packed up in a box or a pile of ashes in a jar. Marriage lasts until death do you part, he’s a widower.
He can get remarried or start seeing someone if he wants to. But this shows me that you and your sibling are extremely selfish and inconsiderate. Seeing as he’s now going to be completely alone since you’re both flying off to start your lives. Ask yourself how is that fair?” Rando-the-Mando
13. AITJ For Taking A Seat On The Tram Due To Feeling Unwell From Diabetes?
“I (27yo) have diabetes. I needed to go to work and was starting to feel slightly off, I’m not sure how to describe the feeling other than ‘floaty’. I was already at the tram stop and had been waiting for almost 20 minutes and I couldn’t afford to be late to work (literally, financially I can’t afford it).
The tram arrived and I got in using the handrail with a lot of difficulty. The empty seat I was planning on sitting on was taken by a child (around 12-13), but I saw a young lady getting up next to where I was standing.
I thought she might have seen the difficulty I was having remaining vertical so I sat down. I was about to thank her when she started berating me. She shook her head and said she hadn’t gotten up for me, that the seat was for the woman with the child who had already sat down.
Honestly, at that point, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wanted to check my blood sugar so I just ignored the woman and opened my bag. Well, the woman actually came over and got in my face, raising her voice and saying I was too young to need to sit and taking advantage of a tired mother.
This is when it got worse. This woman grabbed the strap of my bag and tugged it, essentially forcing me to stand in order to access my stuff. And as soon as I stood, the mom that was standing next to her child, came over and sat where I had been before.
I was very upset and the lady to give me back my bag and I told her that not everyone who needs a seat LOOKS like they need one. The tram stopped at the next stop, the lady ignored me and the mother (who was now in my seat) said she wasn’t standing up so I could sit.
So here is my question, was I the jerk for sitting in the first place? Maybe I should have a card that states I have diabetes? I feel stupid and I’ve been crying since I managed to get off the tram. None of the other passengers helped me so I am wondering if I’m the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“I think without explaining the situation to the people on the tram they might not have realised that you were unwell and needed to sit down. I understand that you were unwell making it difficult to communicate that, however, it doesn’t sound like that was acknowledged The woman snatching your bag however is completely out of order.
Additionally, where are people’s manners? When I was a kid I’d have stood up for an adult.” HRHLMS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I agree with the comments about communication. I understand firsthand how difficult that can be when you’re not feeling well and trying to focus on being safe so maybe you should think about a medical alert bracelet?
That way you can just point to it or hold up your wrist if you’re having trouble getting the words out. I know that sometimes when I’m confronted by people in such a situation, I also just kind of freeze up because I hadn’t expected it.
I’ve learned, as a disabled person, to have those conversations in my head so I have something I want to say at the ready and I’m not taken aback by it.” aboutsider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously it’s easier to say this now after the event, but it’s understandable how you may not have been able to think of this at the time, but in the future just say that you have an invisible condition and need to sit down.
No one should have grabbed your bag, that was completely out of order. However, at the same time, you did assume that the mother didn’t have a condition… Either way, you weren’t in the wrong, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. If I were the 11/12 year old, my mum would have told me to stand up, or to sit on her knee!
Don’t beat yourself up about this, you didn’t do anything wrong. Is it maybe worth getting one of those sunflower lanyards? Hopefully, this sort of thing won’t happen to you in the future!” xthrowawayaccxx
12. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Fiancé's Mean-Spirited Prank?
“My fiancé (29M) & I (29F) went on a date. Rain was in the forecast, so I took my new umbrella with me.
On our way back from our great date, he held my umbrella. I noticed at one point that he didn’t have it, and asked him where it was.
He didn’t know and told me that I should head back to our previous destination to fetch it. When I told him that was an inappropriate response, he then told me that he can say whatever he wants and I need to get over it.
By this time, I’m upset – I haven’t received an apology, and the only resolve issued is that I should go back to retrieve what was lost or use his umbrella instead.
At this point, I don’t want to talk to him and decide to listen to music while we head home.
During our travels, he tries to show affection and I ask him not to touch me. We start walking together down the stairs and straight ahead. I’m in the front, he’s behind me.
Once our train arrives, I realize that he isn’t near me and left me by myself.
He didn’t notify me that he walked away in the opposite direction. He then texts me that he boarded another train (which was not headed towards our apartment). I told him good luck with that, as I’m headed straight home. He has our house keys, and tells me good luck getting inside (as I didn’t take my keys with me).
Leading me to believe that I will be stranded until he arrives home.
I quickly changed course and decided to visit my parents to kill time, who luckily were home. Once I get off the train, he texts me to say that it was a prank and that he was actually on the right train and would let me know when he gets home.
He didn’t tell me that he was home for almost 2-3 hours. So now I’m assuming he’s out and about, doing something inappropriate.
I’m calling him, he’s ignoring me. At this point, I’m very upset and angry. I didn’t find this to be funny, but him moving immaturely with cruel intentions and trying to assert dominance and put me in my place.
Once I arrive home, I lash out at him. Letting him know how I feel, that this prank was mean-spirited and did nothing but backfire on him. How I trust him even less now, and I threw a pillow at him. He tells me he was home the entire time and wasn’t doing anything sneaky or untrustworthy.
I don’t believe him.
My last words were that I don’t want to talk to him, not to ask me for anything, and to leave me alone. That I have zero desire to talk to him for the next few days and I was happy he was leaving.
I typically call a taxi for him to the airport. This time, I told him he was on his own. So he had to wake up at 3 AM to take public transportation to the airport. It’s now the following day and I haven’t spoken with him since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was a complete jerk. And you treated him like one. Effectively locking you out of your own apartment, or even threatening to, is not a prank. It’s an explicit act of hostility. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Not marriage material. Childish, petulant, sounds pretty dumb, and worst of all – not funny. “But him moving immaturely with cruel intentions and trying to assert dominance and put me in my place.” I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with that comment.” Stoat__King
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s pulling a lot of stuff and showing you his true colors. His true colors include puke green and a very unfortunate shade of brown. Lost your umbrella and refused to go back for it? Ditched you alone at night on a train?
Told you that you were locked out of your home? These aren’t pranks. There is nothing funny about them. This is him seeing how much crap he can shovel at you and that you’ll take and him establishing control. Normal people don’t even consider doing those things.
Move on. Him being gone is a big bonus for you. Use this time wisely. Check into the lease if it’s a shared lease, get your stuff out of there, especially valuables. If he asks, tell him that it’s just a prank. But it’s time to leave him.
This could have ended up very unsafe and very bad for you, and he did. not. care.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“Not a big fan of pranks to begin with… Even less so on a partner… I am super leaning towards NTJ. Maybe he thought you guys would laugh about it, but he should apologize at least?
If I misjudged you that badly, I would apologize and promise to never do it again.” NefariousnessThink53
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Projecting Her Regrets On Me?
“I (20F) have an older sister (26F). As kids, we never got along, kinda the normal little/big sister relationship.
Up until I was like 15 or 16 that’s when she started actually talking to me and letting me gossip to her.
Now her life as a teenager: she never went out because she “didn’t need that” or “that’s for people who need friends”, she never wanted to go to school dances or school pep rallies, my mom literally forced her to prom because of how much she had already missed, turns out she really enjoyed her prom night.
And got home and said “wow I wish I always did that,” but after high school, she had friends who would go out but oh no no, never her. Because she’s “too good for that”. I don’t know, I always thought she was off for that.
So recently (like 2ish years now) I started going out and staying out later because my parents felt comfortable letting me, which I understand, all my siblings have had to go through it too. And also I’m an adult and can choose to live my life in whichever way I want (with precautions) of course.
So the other night, I went out and met up with some friends from high school and I so happened to invite a guy I somewhat know, he works at a store that I go to and is always giving me the “hey cutie or bye cutie.” Now I won’t lie, he’s attractive!
So he asked for my number and I gave it to him! Whatever right..hanging out with him and my friends, everything went as well as it possibly could have being that it was our first “hang out”.
I’m excited about it, so the next day I tell my sister and she goes ahead and tells my mom quite literally every single detail about that night but she twisted the story on my mom saying my intentions were otherwise that night.
Such as a “hook up.” I’m young and in no way looking for a hookup. I just like meeting new people. So my sister starts grilling me with all these questions asking his last name, his snap, his Instagram, all the things that I don’t know about him..BECAUSE WE JUST HUNG OUT LOL??
So she starts saying that I’m so naive and that if something happens to me she won’t be there for me because she “told me so.”
I just look at her in disbelief and tell her “the only reason you think that is because you never went out and socialized with people” and she just told me no “What you’re doing is bad meeting guys you don’t even know.” I just stopped and couldn’t say anything but “you’re such a miserable person because you made your life that way not me, I don’t know if it’s jealousy that I’m going out and living my life or that you didn’t go for it when you had the chance.” She hasn’t spoken to me much but I don’t mind.
She made me look bad in front of my mom and projected her problems onto me.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister sounds petty and whiny. So you go out and you meet new people, which is what you’re supposed to do at your age and she gets mad?
Wild. Sounds like she crafted herself a “goody two shoes” persona growing up and now resents that she never lived a fun life. Ignore her and keep going out and having fun, just don’t gossip to her if you feel like she’s going to judge you like that again.
You’re NTJ but your sister definitely is.” Aggressive_Two_7688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would venture to guess your sister is overly judgemental because she’s unhappy with her own life (though I doubt she would admit to that, perhaps even to herself). For some people.
it’s much easier to pick apart somebody else and their choices rather than analyze their own. In any case, you just learned that you can’t trust your sister and you shouldn’t share details of your personal life with her.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I had a friend who got married pretty young and because I chose to live out my younger years much like you are, our friendship fizzled out. And so did her marriage, but that’s a story for another day. Definitely see similarities in this though, you are definitely NTJ.
Enjoy being young and have fun!” the_cat_whiskerer00
10. AITJ For Not Gifting My Friend The Expensive Speaker He Asked For His Birthday?
“My friend asked me and my partner for a speaker on his birthday which is around Rs.
40k. He said that we can talk to his friends and our common friends to contribute to this gift.
I wasn’t liking the idea because it meant going to people you don’t know and asking for money. I don’t like asking people for money and most of our common friends are in college so they’re broke.
But it was still doable if we could get 20 people in on this.
When his birthday was around the corner he decided to go on a month-long getaway to meet his friends in another state which led us to forget his birthday. I know we are at fault but we were planning a party and since the party was not happening the day slipped off our minds.
We wished him as soon as we remembered the next day. He was justifiably angry and to make up for it I sent him a different gift than we agreed but it was a good gift because he once said he wanted it in a casual conversation.
It was around Rs. 1000.
Now he’s complaining that we didn’t get him the gift he wanted.
AITJ for this move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1) people don’t generally choose the gift received, only the gifts they give. 2) The ask was outside of your ability, like when I wanted a new car when my parents could barely afford to repair their own car.
3) He skipped town instead of having a party and still wanted everything? Seriously consider ditching him as a friend. This guy sounds narcissistic.” Willofthesouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s £410 which is just mental! My very best friend of over 25 years who is more like a sister to me wouldn’t ever ask that much from me.
She earns 3x the money I do and I wouldn’t ask that much from her! I’ve just spent £40 on a necklace for her birthday because I got a new job and could afford it but usually, we spend about £25 – £30 on each other.
This friend is asking way too much.” sally_marie_b
Another User Comments:
“Are you serious!?! This is a narcissistic personality crying and whinging like a 12-year-old because you wouldn’t spend 40k on him!?! Time to set some boundaries, lay it out for him, and explain that when someone REALLY wants something they can earn it.
When was that ever a reasonable birthday request? Have him set up a GoFundMe. NTJ but time to draw the line. You’re people NOT floor mats.” napalm_serenade
9. AITJ For Not Trusting My Mother-In-Law After Years Of Negative Behavior?
“I (38F) have been married to my husband (40M) for almost 14 years now. For almost our entire marriage, his mother has openly told me that she hates me. She “tolerates me” for my husband and kids. Has said this to me, in front of him.
We’ve cut off contact with them a few times over the years due to how she treats me.
MIL has always been a money-motivated person. She loves spending it on stuff SHE wants, but doesn’t like giving it out (this will become important later). She won’t even give you money if she owes it to you, she will buy you something of equal value(ish), and give THAT to you.
She always has used her kids, especially my husband, as additional sources of income (she would have them get jobs, then take their money for herself. She would even threaten them that “she would never ever help them again if they didn’t give it to her.” It’s crazy.)
I stopped that after I married my husband. I wouldn’t give her money, and had him take her off his bank account (she made him put her on his account, and would spend his money before he even got home from work.)
She has always tried to make me feel bad about the fact that I was with a woman before I met my husband.
Constantly comments on my weight. Doesn’t understand that I don’t want to spend a ton of time doing huge family get-togethers. I am Autistic, and big gatherings are hard for me. She has constantly broken trust. Even little things like taking away “firsts” with my kids from me.
She fed my son some of her ice cream when he was 6 months old, even after asking me if she could and I saying no. Passed my 2 week old daughter around in her church, even after I told her not to let anyone else hold her (since she was so little).
She will even make friends with someone just to see if they have something she might want. Then will drop them after she gets it.
Here is my issue: Her dad died just over a year ago. Since then, she has been very different. Even her daughters and my husband have been weirded out by how she has been acting.
She has been nice to me. Saying “I love you” to me at random points. Wiring us funds for no reason. Buying us gifts “just because.” Her daughters think that her dad dying might have changed her, but after all these years of her treating us how she has, I don’t trust her.
My husband doesn’t trust her either and is waiting for the other shoe to drop.
AITJ for not trusting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe she has changed. Can you respond to her better attitude in a positive manner while keeping your trust concerns to yourself?
If a cat scratched me yesterday but comes up to me today purring, I might reach down to stroke it, but I’m not going to let it near my face.” lmco_ed
Another User Comments:
“This sounds to me like her trying to deal with grief by love-bombing you as a way of reassuring herself that she won’t die alone.
If you don’t feel right about being LC or NC right now, keep her at arm’s length and gray rock her. I suspect this behavior will eventually fade and the old MIL will resurface. Good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The skeptic in me says “what did grandpa’s will state?” She has demonstrated she is very money-driven (ethically acquiring it or not), and she has certainly been unkind to her (whole?) family.
Again, I’m a skeptic. Wondering if Grandpa left assets to grandchildren and she’s hiding that. Regardless, NTJ. Be kind but cautious.” Beck2010
8. AITJ For Cursing My Parents In My Anniversary Speech?
“My parents have never accepted my wife. When we were seeing each other, they were mad. When I proposed, they were mad. When I got married, they were mad. Where they see shortcomings of hers, I choose to see positives. They don’t like that she didn’t go to college, I don’t care.
They’re mad she has tattoos (small), I don’t care. They’re mad she likes to party, I’m right there with her.
We celebrated our 1 year anniversary last week with family (hers) and friends. I was asked to make a speech, and I told her how much I loved her, how much she means to me, how incredible I think she is.
I thanked her parents & the crew of friends for their support. Because there was an obvious elephant in the room, I decided to semi-address it. I chose to try to make a larger point. I said that, in life, you can’t make everyone happy and that you have to figure out who the important people are in your life are, the people you want to make happy and who the unimportant people are.
I finished by saying that, when it comes to the unimportant people, screw ’em.
Some people afterward came up to me and said it was a great speech, albeit raw. Other people were really put off by how I ended it. My wife shrugged it off as me just saying how I feel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. They deserve the feedback for their poor attitudes but probably best to just not invite them and then give that same speech. But I must say, really happy for you and your wife – genuinely supportive couples seem rare.” 4cougs
Another User Comments:
“I’m still thrown by the idea of celebrating your first anniversary with family and friends. Why not celebrate with just the two of you? Surely you’re not going to subject others to that every year?” nearly_nonchalant
Another User Comments:
“I think you made this speech because it does bother you that your family doesn’t accept your wife and that saying screw them is your way of coping.
And it’s not a bad attitude. But it’s maybe not something everyone is ready to hear. I’m glad you didn’t say this harshly in front of your parents. It’s too bad that people can’t get their expectations out of their heads long enough to see what is actually there!
NTJ.” GardenDivaESQ
7. AITJ For Banning My Cousin From Cutting My Hair After She Ignored My Instructions?
“I’m 18f and when I want something done with my hair I go to my cousin who is a hairdresser.
Earlier this week I went to the salon she works at for my haircut. One of the things is that I hate brushing my hair. I have really thick and wavy hair so it’s aggravating to brush while my mom has straight thin hair which she just slightly brushes and puts in a ponytail.
So my mom told her that she should cut the back a little shorter than the front but I was against the idea. I told both of them I did not want my hair like that and my mom rolled her eyes and left. Once she left I got a text message from her.
It was a picture of the haircut she wanted me to get. I told her I’m not doing that it looks ugly and she responded with whatever.
About an hour later the haircut was finished I paid and left. I was looking at it in the mirror and saw that the back was shorter than the front.
I immediately called my cousin and asked her why she cut my hair like that and she said it was because my mother asked her to. I said I don’t care about what my mother asked it’s not her head. She told me to calm down and that it wasn’t a big deal considering it would just grow back.
I told her if she wasn’t going to listen she wasn’t allowed to cut my hair anymore. She said I’m being overdramatic and a huge jerk because it will just grow back.
I asked some of my friends about it and they are saying my cousin is right and I shouldn’t have said that to her and now I’m overthinking about what I said.
I’ve also been getting messages from family members saying I’m being dramatic over nothing, but she didn’t have my approval to cut my hair like that. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not impressed with mom or cousin. “because hair grows back” is not carte blanche to disrespect a customer, a paying one at that.
Tell her she’s lucky you didn’t complain to the owner of the salon. And you can find another stylist…rub your cousin’s nose in it if you go to the same salon, but your choice as to how much trouble you want to raise. Cousin doesn’t get a free pass to be a jerk anymore.” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely irrelevant that your hair will grow back, she disregarded your request, so who’s to say she won’t just do it next time she cuts your hair? I wouldn’t ever trust her to cut my hair again. The rest of the family is gaslighting you too.
Don’t back down.” Isthistheend2020
Another User Comments:
“Dang, you paid for the haircut, and she still disregarded your wishes? Your cousin is a jerk, and I also would never trust her to cut my hair again. You’re NTJ, and I hope your hair grows quickly enough so that you can have a style that suits your preferences.” wageenuh
6. AITJ For Keeping Misdelivered Furniture That My Roommates Ignored?
“Last week a pallet of boxes was delivered to the place I’m living.
This was delivered to us in error. The way it was delivered made it very difficult to get in and out of our front door. Tom (M 38) says we should call the shipping company. Which he did and asked them to pick it up. I (M 26) said we should keep it, and Jim (M 29) doesn’t care, just wants it moved.
A week after calling the pallet is still blocking our entry. I had spoken to each of them a few times throughout the week stating that I can get rid of the pallet, and neither of them took any interest in helping. I look up the FTC guidelines and they say it is okay to keep, so I tell my roommates that I am going to take care of the pallet since their concern was just getting it out of the way.
After talking with them for 10+ minutes stating that I will get rid of all the trash, and have the boxes in my room, telling them they wouldn’t have to worry about the pallet anymore, they agreed to let me get rid of it.
So I bring in all the boxes, break down the cardboard and plastic packaging. Once all that is done, I start opening the boxes and among other things, it’s 4 chairs and a console table..
I am getting my own place and need to furnish it, so I’m very excited to have these. When I’m getting it all assembled, Tom starts getting interested. He looks up the MSRP prices of the items which totals around 5k. The chairs are $775~ and the table is $900~.
Once he figured out how much the items were worth, he says that he now wants to sell the items and share in the profit. I told him that wouldn’t be happening since they already agreed that I could take care of the items. At this point, I had all of the trash thrown away, and the furniture set up.
At no point was any help offered.
Tom thinks that I’m the jerk because I did not take him up on his offer to sell the items, but I think I am in the right since I got both roommates’ agreement that I can claim the pallet.”
Another User Comments:
“Your roommates gave up any claim to the misdelivered furniture and told you to do what you wanted with it. Too late for them, it belongs to you now. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what did the shipping company say, why have they not picked it up yet?
And are you 100% sure they have really been called? If not then all jerks here. You should have called the shipping company.” FoldingFan1
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You accepted an expensive package that wasn’t for you. You’re a jerk. Tom wanted you to do the right thing and remedy the situation until, surprisingly, it would benefit him.
Then the “right thing” didn’t matter. Tom’s a jerk too. Jim just wants things organized. But the only thing it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. So what the heck, Jim’s a jerk also.” PolloMagnifico
5. AITJ For Changing The Tip Sharing System At Work?
“I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’ve been working at a resort restaurant for almost three years now. Every summer, I and one or two bartenders work together at a pool bar next to the restaurant and we make great money.
I’m usually the only server out there, so I work really hard and get a lot of tips as a result. At the end of the day, all tips are pooled together and divided fairly.
My hourly wage is $3 more than my co-workers, so I’ve always been fine with taking a 20-40% cut to make things fair.
I used to think my co-workers agreed, until last year. One of my coworkers, Sarah, started giving me a lot less. She said it was “2% of total sales with a little extra” and worked because “it’s what happens inside the restaurant.” This really bugged me because it meant even when we made a lot of tips, the sales would dictate my cut and it would always be far less than 20%.
I’ve argued with her, but she’d call me selfish and say I got more than I was supposed to.
I ended up talking to my bosses about the situation and they agreed with me that the “system” wasn’t fair and my ideas were reasonable.
Then, a few weeks ago, they implemented a new system where instead of the bartenders dictating who got how much, now EVERYONE would get the same cut regardless of position, wage, hours, etc. This was honestly WAY better than I expected, but when Sarah found out I talked about it, she got furious.
She told me I should have talked to HER first and I basically betrayed her by doing this. She’s been talking to me less and less lately, when we used to talk all the time before. My other co-workers and bosses all say I’m in the right, but I still feel like a jerk for basically causing the change in tips.
On the other hand, Sarah and I have talked and she didn’t want to listen.
Was I the bad guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was advantaging herself at the expense of other workers. If there’s a pooled tips arrangement, that means everyone puts in all tips and then it gets divided fairly (which also means that salaried management doesn’t get to dip in as well).
She’s upset because she wanted you to be fine with her taking more than her share, which is ridiculous. You did the right thing and Sarah is acting like a jerk.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bosses opted for a more equitable system than the Sarah-centric one.
The customers win because all of the employees are motivated to provide the best experience to earn great tips. You tried to talk to Sarah. She would not listen. What else were you supposed to do? I hope you find other work friends.” AngryWriterGrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, aww Sarah is upset over her scam getting flushed down the drain. You did the right thing because you more than likely weren’t the only one getting shortchanged on tips and no one knows how much she was pocketing since she was making stuff up to get her way.
“Talked to her first” right so she had the chance to go to the boss and say you were stealing tips? Nah she’s not the boss, she needs to take her bruised ego home.” Mlady_gemstone
4. AITJ For Applying For A Student Loan After My Husband Refused To Pay For My Tuition?
“I’m currently a SAHM and I wanted to get my master’s degree during the next academic year as my son is going to start nursery part-time in September. My husband could more than afford to pay the tuition but when I mentioned it to him, he refused to.
He claimed I didn’t need to go back to work ever and it was better if I spent my time focusing on our son and hobbies instead of getting another degree I wouldn’t use. I tried to convince him to change his mind but it was useless.
I decided to apply still and when I got accepted, I ended up applying for a postgraduate loan which will cover the majority of the tuition since I didn’t think I could convince him to change his mind.
He found out yesterday that I had applied for the loan and was furious.
He said I should’ve told him I had gotten accepted into the program because now things were different and he would pay for it himself. He wants me to withdraw my application for the loan, but I’m refusing to since if I do, I’ll be stuck if he changes his mind later on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – With no other info about you or your husband, my take is that he wanted to control whether you do the course or not. Then he realized that you could do it without his money. So now he wants to pay so that he can hold it over your head and take it away if you do something he doesn’t like.
You know more about your marriage than internet strangers, and obviously this is just one snapshot of your relationship. But consider this within the larger context of your marriage and go from there. Also, make sure you look carefully at the terms of the loan and consider whether the career opportunities it will open for you will pay enough for you to repay the loan.
If not, you may be better off looking for part-time work instead.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. The long-term prospects for this marriage don’t look good if you can’t get on the same page. You and your husband should have worked this out before you had the kid.
It was wrong of him to claim he wasn’t willing to pay when he really was, and it was wrong of you to unilaterally take out a loan that you’re both on the hook for. You’re leaving out some crucial information, too. What was the degree in, and what do you plan to do with it?
Many graduate programs offer stipends and assistantships. Many workplaces will pay for your graduate work, too. If you’re just getting a Masters degree for fun, then I can see why your husband is reluctant to pay. If you’re currently being held back in your existing career by the lack of a Master’s, then I don’t get why your husband would hold out on you like that.
You need to start treating this marriage more like a partnership and less like a burden that you have to deal with.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for wanting to grow. Do not cancel the loan, get your degree, get a job, and learn to be financially independent because you are married to a controlling jerk who sees you not as his equal partner.
It is not his money, it is both of you. Just because he goes to work doesn’t mean you don’t work – you actually work much more than he does because your days are 14-16 hours rather than 8 like his. Please start seeing all the red flags he is putting out – not supporting your wishes to further your educational goals, personal growth, decision-making, and probably one million others you don’t mention.
If he really wants to pay (most likely to control you even more), he can pay for the loan in one big lump sum so no interests get accrued. It doesn’t matter though – start setting yourself up for financial independence from him because you will need it.
Good luck with your educational endeavors and ditching this controlling jerk.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Embarrassing Us Over Our Financial Status?
“I (15F) am friends with K (16F). K comes from an upper-middle-class family while the rest of our friend group is just average if not close to the poverty line.
We’d usually show each other things we’d love to have as a gift on our birthday. It’s always within price range so it isn’t too expensive yet it’s still something we want.
K’s birthday was yesterday. As a gift for her birthday, she wanted very expensive things.
I’m talking $200-$300. We didn’t want to disappoint her by getting her something she didn’t want but the things she wanted were very out of range for us. So, all 4 of us decided that we’d get her one thing and split the bill.
When she saw it was only one gift from all of us she started laughing.
She then said “Oh. I think I showed you the wrong birthday wishlist. I forgot you guys couldn’t afford something like that.” Everyone was looking at us and snickering. In the heat of the moment, I told her that she was a very bad person to the core and that she knew exactly what she was doing.
I proceeded to tell her that it was our mistake for even coming to the party, never mind befriending someone who’d openly embarrass people about their financial status when they were born with a silver spoon.
Long story short, she started crying and we got kicked out.
All of my friends are saying that I was in the wrong for saying something like that, especially at her birthday and ruining the day for her and that I should’ve just smiled and let it go since she probably didn’t realize how offensive her remark was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP said the gift that the friend group pulled together to buy was in the $200-$300, that’s an expensive gift! I don’t even think I’d ask someone who CAN afford something of such a price to buy that for my birthday!
Not to mention K claimed she had shown you the “wrong” list meaning there was a list of more of a cheap price range, I feel that when you saw other people with more expensive gifts that also could have been intended to hurt you as in how the other guest would have “better” gifts.
Definitely NTJ your friend had no right to embarrass you about your financial state and from what OP had written it doesn’t seem like K had shown an ounce of appreciation.” While_Cute
Another User Comments:
“She told you this in front of everyone? What was she expecting?
You were right, even though it ruined her birthday. Plus, what’s this wish list thing? Except for Santa Claus or your parents when you’re little, I never heard of anything like this. If your friends are good enough to offer you something, you should be grateful.
And they get to choose what to offer you. NTJ. Did you talk it out with her afterward? Is she really as bad as she seems here, or did she not realize what she was saying (cause also, people with a silver spoon do not always realize how bad they are towards others)?
PS: Just to clarify. If she had not told you this in public but privately, the right attitude would have been to tell her the exact same things, but in private too, and leave the birthday party. There’s no need to shame people and expose her on purpose at her birthday party.
You would of course not have been a jerk either, at least, not as much as her, but truly, you don’t want to expose yourself to criticism of others without need. Some could have found it petty for you to expose her if it wasn’t called for.
Except here, she’s the one that was publicly humiliating you out of nowhere. So of course, it is her fault that it backfired. You definitely can’t be the jerk here.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and your friends.
I hope you took the gift back. This will do 1 of 2 things for her. 1. She “sulks” more and will continue her entitled behavior and by doing that she will surround herself with the same “shallow” people and will never know what a true friendship is because everything is based around money.
Or 2. This will open her eyes and she will make a change in her behavior and she will realize what a true friend is and that there is no “price tag” for that. And those “friends” who told you to not say anything……..They are just as bad as her.” QYB1990
2. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Wife For Not Letting Me Feed Our Son?
“My wife and I (both 30f) have a 4-month-old son. He’s the light of our lives. My wife carried him and is the one who feeds him.
He is exclusively breastfed. Fine, it’s my wife’s choice. I suggested pumping so I could also feed him but she says it’s uncomfortable and time-consuming so that’s not an option. She also doesn’t want to use formulas.
Last night our boy woke up and was crying.
I got up and it was clear he was hungry so I woke my wife up. She was very annoyed and groggy and told me to feed him. I told her I can’t and that she needs to get up to feed him. It turned into a small argument and I ended up saying ‘what the heck do you want me to do?’ It wasn’t a yell or anything, but my tone was definitely annoyed.
After a minute or so, she got up and fed our son but she didn’t get back into bed. I tried to get her to come back to bed, but she wouldn’t. I woke up the next day and found she’d cooked a whole breakfast but was being super cold to me.
I asked if she was okay and she said she was mad at me for waking her up. I asked her what she wanted me to do- our son is only breastfed and she won’t pump or use formula. That was the wrong thing to say as she got super mad at me and yelled about how I’m ‘shaming’ her for her choices.
I said I’m not, but she’s not making it any easier on either of us.
I asked my friend who has a 2-year-old and she sided with my wife and said breastfeeding isn’t a walk in the park and I was wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a touchy one. I sincerely want to know what she expected you to do since you had no way of feeding your son. That’s a pretty unreasonable request if you ask me. Anyone would have been annoyed by that. Did she expect you to start lactating right then and there because she didn’t want to get up?
This is why she needs to make peace with the fact that she needs to pump once in a while. Can’t have it both ways. NTJ. You both get a pass for being a bit testy since being woken up by a screaming infant will put anyone in a foul mood.
I understand the circumstances, but it doesn’t change the fact that your wife was being a bit unreasonable. “Friend who has a 2-year-old and she sided with my wife and said breastfeeding isn’t a walk in the park and I was wrong.” Your friend’s opinion doesn’t help anything.
I’m certain you already know breastfeeding sucks, or else you wouldn’t have recommended using a pump in the first place. Yes, breastfeeding sucks, it doesn’t make your wife correct in making unreasonable requests of you.” Thamnophis660
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife has to make a choice.
Either she allows you to give him formula, she pumps periodically throughout the day, or she accepts that she has to get her butt out of bed to feed your little one. Like, those are the three options, and she doesn’t get to turn her nose up at them.
Not with your baby’s nutrition on the line. Breastfeeding isn’t a walk in the park, but that’s what she signed up for. That’s what she’s continuing to insist on. Nobody’s holding a gun to her head to keep the kiddo from getting formula. This is a problem she’s made for herself, and she’s taking it out on you because she refuses any amount of flexibility.
Plus??? Really??? I get that she’s recovering from childbirth, but both of my parents changed me, bathed me, and spent as much time as they could with me as a baby. They also alternated on getting up in the middle of the night when I fussed. Both of them used hard work to bond with me.
My dad even said that those memories of him singing me to sleep at 2 am are some of his most treasured. It sounds like your wife is either suffering from postpartum or she’s not prepared for the work of being a parent. Either way, you gotta sit her down and get to the bottom of it, for all of y’all’s sakes, especially your kid’s.” Redband-Trout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I asked my friend who has a 2-year-old and she sided with my wife and said breastfeeding isn’t a walk in the park and I was wrong.” Um, you didn’t tell her she’s wrong for breastfeeding, you told her that she decided that only she was allowed to feed him, and then when he needs to eat, she has to feed him.
There’s literally nothing judgemental about that, it’s a plain cause-and-effect chain of facts. It might be worth revisiting the pumping idea with her. You can explain to her that you know it’s annoying/uncomfortable/time-consuming, but it will allow you to help; to feed the baby when she doesn’t feel up to it.
Heck, even just a small amount of pumping, to have just enough of a backup supply for those situations where she isn’t up to it (needs the sleep, etc).” booch
1. AITJ For Skipping Family Events Because My Ex Is Invited?
“My ex and I were close to my sister and her kids.
When we divorced, my ex told me she was going to stay involved with my sister and her kids. I was perplexed by this and didn’t fight about it. I wanted to see how it played out over time. I assumed she would develop a new life and fade out.
I know I can’t control my sister and ex’s relationship. It’s none of my business.
Our divorce was amicable and we aren’t enemies nor are we BFFs (no kids).
Sister had a birthday dinner last night for her 6-year-old and invited the ex. I chose not to attend.
My sister lost her cool as a result. She knows how I feel about the ex but thinks I should overlook it for the sake of “family.” In my opinion, the ex isn’t part of my family anymore. I also know my ex and this is a passive-aggressive way to cause a wedge between my sister and me.
We are close.
This isn’t the first event I’ve skipped as a result of the ex being there. Not sure why last night was different.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your ex was a part of your extended family during your relationship and she developed her own connections with your family members (her family members by marriage).
You can’t expect your ex to give up those connections just because your marriage ended. You do however have the right to decide which events you attend and if the other people that are going to be there are more or less important than you not needing to see your ex (which you amicably divorced) anymore.
Your sister has a right to be angry since she feels you don’t care about your niece (did you used to attend her birthday parties when you were still married?) and it’s more important for you to not have to see your ex. Were the other events you skipped for your niblings or were they adult gatherings?
Skipping events for the kids will generate a bigger reaction from your sister. To your question, NTJ, you have every right to decide which events you attend. But maybe quit calling it an amicable divorce if you won’t celebrate your niece’s birthday if your ex-wife will be there.
If this truly was an amicable divorce, you wouldn’t miss a nibling’s party (if you used to attend them before the divorce).” Waste-Phase-2857
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divorce without kids means you go your separate ways. Your sister and ex can be friends as that has nothing to do with you, but family is family and divorce separates families.
I don’t understand why people think you should still hang around with your ex. You got divorced for a reason and just because it wasn’t turbulent doesn’t mean you want to be around them, especially at an occasion for YOUR family of which they are no longer a member.
It would be different if it was mutual friends but a divorcee is no longer family. This is not sustainable. You are not going to be able to keep missing every event your sister has if she keeps inviting the ex. BUT….once you or the ex gets another partner it will end.
No partner of an ex is going to put up with being at the partner’s ex-SIL daughter’s birthday party. (That doesn’t even sound right!) I know I would think that was somewhat crass. Also, the ex seeing you over and over again with a new partner is going to cause tension and the family will finally “get” it, guaranteed. Sorry you have to go through this, but you will get through this.” KAT_GRL_WNDR
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, maybe this is an unpopular opinion but once family, always family if people choose to be. Your ex became good friends with your sister during your marriage, your marriage ended amicably, your ex continued to be close friends with your sister (as is their right, especially since your divorce was amicable), and you won’t go to your niece’s birthday party because your ex will be there?
“My ex and I were close with my sister and her kids.” Your ex-wife was legally the aunt of your sister’s kids while you were married and became close to them. She may not officially be their aunt anymore, but she is absolutely their aunt by choice (since they’re all still close).
That makes her their family, by choice. “For the sake of family.” Your sister isn’t saying for the sake of your ex being part of the family. She’s upset not seeing your ex at dinner was more important to you than your niece’s birthday.
You’re not the jerk because you were obligated to go. You’re the jerk because you think the end of your marriage meant your ex suddenly stopped being an aunt to your sister’s kids she was close to. You’re the jerk for thinking it makes her no longer family when she’s obviously been their family by choice.
And you’re the jerk for being petty enough that not seeing your ex is more important than celebrating your niece for one dinner. You said your divorce was amicable. Are you leaving information out?” [deleted]
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