People Entertain Us With These Gripping “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Knit A Blanket For My Daughter?
“I (36f) have two daughters ages 11 and 9 with my husband (37m).
Last year my younger sister and her fairly new husband announced that they were expecting their first child, and then during the gender reveal party, we all found out that they were expecting a boy.
When I found this out I got to work knitting a baby blue blankie for him and I presented it to my sister and BIL and him when he was born.
For some reason, though, this prompted my younger daughter to ask me “If you’re so good at knitting, why didn’t you knit me any blankets?”
I told her “Oh, honey, I was too busy being pregnant and then taking care of you. Now that you’re a little older I have a little free time and get to be an auntie.” She then said, though, “Well, can you knit me a blanket now, since you have more free time?” I told her “No; you’re too old for a blanket.
I can knit you a sweater, though, if you want.”
Well, she began insisting that she should get a blanket since her little cousin got one, but I have refused because she is too old. My husband thinks that I should just go ahead and knit her a blanket but I think she’s too old for it and should accept that.
We got into a little bit of a fight over it; him saying that a blanket would make her feel good and me saying that she’s too old for one and would only reinforce immaturity in her. Who’s right?”
Another User Comments:
“My grandma made me a blanket for my 15th birthday made of Harry Potter sheet cutouts (she basically found different Harry Potter-themed sheets and took different pieces of them), sewed them together and then made a really beautiful golden stitching with her knitting supplies on the edges all the way around… I am 27 and you bet your behind I still sleep with that blanket that I love so much.
Wanna know why? Because you don’t outgrow sentimental value. You don’t outgrow loving/wanting something handmade from your mother or grandparents. Also, who doesn’t use blankets? It’s an everyday necessity. YTJ.” Fuzzy-Ad559
Another User Comments:
“Who cares if you think she is to big for it?
Who CARES!? What a stupid thing to hurt your kid’s feelings over. Let her have her teeny tiny little square and feel good about how her mom did the nice thing she asked about and made her feel special. Why are you trying to find out if you’re the jerk instead of just knitting a tiny blanket?!
YTJ for trying to figure out if you or a NINE-year-old are the jerk. It’s you, probably more often than just this time if this is a battle you think is worth fighting and needing justification from strangers about.
Think about in 15-20 years and you’re preparing for her wedding or a graduation and this story comes up and “One time I asked mom for a tiny blanket because I wanted to feel love (gifts are probably the love language of many children at that stage in life) and she said ‘no you don’t need it,’ and made me a sweater I did not want instead.” Consider the memories you are making and why you want to die on this stupid yarn-covered hill.
I hope you don’t make the sweater and then act all jerky about her not being grateful about getting her specifically not the thing she requested. My grandma is big on the “I know you don’t like purple heart jewelry but here’s a purple heart necklace because I saw it and just could not stop thinking about you (and how much you don’t like it since we have had actual conversations about our likes and dislikes.)” And that memory of knowing what I like, and acknowledging it and making a conscience decision that it didn’t matter is one I think of all the time when I give gifts.
It’s not useful if they have zero interest in using it.
She gave you the answer key to the puzzle. She communicated about what would make her feel nice and you are just making confused faces and “Sweater? Giant blanket?” because you know better about the gift another person wants.
What a small petty line to draw. Kids want useless stuff every day and they adore them. My 4-year-old didn’t need a Mario costume it serves no purpose to be in his wardrobe but kids like things not for practical useful reasons but just for the joy of loving it.
Let your kid have the joy of a tiny blanket made by mom with love. It doesn’t need to be useful. It can be just for the sake of joy. Control things that matter. Balanced diet and bedtime. Not what gift preferences a 9-year-old has.” __Quill__
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that you were busy when your kids were babies but what kind of mother are you to say a CHILD is too old for a blanket? A lot of adults have stuffies, plushes, and blankets that still hold great sentimental value, I know I do and I’m in my 40s, does that make me immature?
Items like this are comforting at any age and if made by someone you love can be an amazing reminder of that love. Your daughter will grow out of a sweater, she will never grow out a blanket. You are taking an opportunity to create a treasured item for your child made with love and turning it into an ugly sweater and a lot of resentment down the line.
Stop being a jerk and be a good mum.” Pinchyfeets
20. AITJ For Letting My Kids Swear Despite My Mormon Mother's Disapproval?
“I, (43m) have 3 kids, (15m, 13f, 12m) Their mother passed away in 2014.
I allow them to say swears. I grew up in a Mormon household, I however am an Atheist. I am still on good terms with my family, but they never truly accepted I don’t believe in any God. Anyway, this story has to do with my mother (63f), who was visiting us.
We were all just eating dinner when my 13yo said a swear word (equivalent to “crap”). I have a general rule not to swear around people who wouldn’t like it, but she just let it slip on accident. My mom was visibly uncomfortable, and after the kids went to sleep, we got into an argument.
She told me that God doesn’t want people to swear, and we need to repent before it’s too late. She told me that I need to think of my kids before I send them all “to the Telestial Kingdom. (In Mormonism, instead of Heaven and Heck, there are 3 “kingdoms of glory” and the Telestial is the worst)
I told her I don’t believe in God or any of that stuff. I also told her that it was bad enough that they forced it on me as a kid and that it is why I left the house right after I turned 18. She went silent, then just asked me what my late wife would think of this before leaving.
I can’t stop thinking about what she said, so I need to know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her only complaint is that “God wouldn’t like it”, that doesn’t quite apply to any of us that aren’t Mormon. Beyond that, I was raised to not swear at all.
As a result, as one might assume and expect, I swore a lot when I was younger, and was very disrespectful about it. If you teach your kids “hey, these are adult words, there’s a right and a wrong place and time for them”, they’ll grow up understanding how to be respectful about using language like that.” Mkyi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Raise your kids as you like. Do your kids feel loved and safe? Are their material and emotional needs met? Are they kind and thoughtful people? That’s what really matters. As a parent, you have to pick your battles and in my opinion, cursing is not a hill worth dying on.
For what it’s worth my kids, now 25 & 27, were allowed to curse as children and they’ve both grown up to be very good, articulate people who are well-liked by friends and colleagues. Swear words don’t define you as a parent or your kids as individuals.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are going to swear, they will hear it from their friends, from TV, anywhere out in public. Swear words are just words we decided were bad. I cuss like a sailor, though I can contain myself when needed. It doesn’t make me a terrible person.
We tried the “that’s a bad word, don’t say it” when my kid was small but that just led to the kid getting on me for cussing. Changed it to those are “adult words” and can be used when appropriate. My kid is allowed to cuss around me as long they don’t use them at me.
I think this helps us have a more open, calm, and trusting relationship. My kid doesn’t have to censor themselves at home and has even shown me texts with friends where they are all cussing, to ask my advice or show me something funny they said.
You aren’t hurting your kids by letting them cuss. Honestly, you are probably helping them, and helping your relationship with them because they feel less restricted.” Obvious-Mousse-8643
19. AITJ For Wanting My Step-Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Absent Biological Dad?
“My dad was never really part of my life growing up, I’d see him like once a year at the least after I turned seven.
And now he hasn’t talked to me at all in the last two years. Not a single happy birthday message or anything. And now I have a partner I’ve been thinking about marrying, my dad made it very clear while I was growing up that he wanted to be part of my wedding even telling me my partner had to call him to ask for permission when I was like nine years old.
Recently my dad got a new partner, they’ve been together for like a few months and then I found out from his ex-wife they got married. I found out a week after they got married that they had a wedding. My own dad didn’t invite me to his darn wedding.
And I was upset about it and he literally had no excuse to not invite me, he has my phone number and my social media but he still didn’t invite me and brought his four new daughters ages 19, 15, 13, and 10 so out of anger I told him I would rather have my stepdad walk me down the aisle at my wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your dad hasn’t been around in the last 2 years why would you even want him having the honor of walking you down the aisle? Let them be mad. Don’t hurt your stepdad just to spite your dad. If your stepdad has been good to you then have him walk you down because you want him to but if he doesn’t deserve that honor then walk alone or find someone who has treated you the best.” dragonmom03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your father didn’t want to do the day-to-day stuff that would have built and maintained a relationship with you but he wants to do the public stuff so he looks good. How shallow of him and shame on him for not being there for you every day as he should have been.
Now he is dealing with the consequences of his actions. That’s not a bad thing. You can still step up on the day-to-day stuff and actually form a relationship with you if he chooses to but we’ll see how that plays out long-term. But you are absolutely right in making the decisions you are right now.
Your wedding, your choice, and your father has made his choices.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ALREADY gave him too much attention, he doesn’t care about you AT ALL you have a real father, even if he’s not a biological one. He raised you, the other didn’t even care to be with you.
In my case, my father split up from my mom before I even remembered, but at least he has made some effort to message me on holidays and my birthday, and sometimes visit to spend time together. Yours has done NOTHING to keep the family relationship with you, only now for some reason he wants to act like he has been with you all the way.
You did exactly how you should. I’d go as far to not invite him to the wedding at all, just like he did.” wojtekpolska
18. AITJ For Refusing To Move Again Despite My Dad's New Job?
“I (14 female) have moved around quite a bit because of my dad’s job (we don’t have to move he chooses to). Every time we move I have to start over, with no friends, it seriously has left me depressed and caused anxiety.
I have finally adjusted to where I live now, I’m on my school cheer team and have good friends, but he wants to move again.
He is unhappy at his job and it stresses him out very badly. He took a new job 3 hours away from where we live now. He wanted our whole family to move, but I said I wouldn’t. I couldn’t go through everything again.
I didn’t want to start over just when I became happy.
My mom agreed that I shouldn’t have to start over, so my dad is going to live in Florida while my mom and I live in Georgia. It’s a 3-hour drive and we would see each other on the weekends.
My sister (19) who’s going to work in Orlando says I’m being extremely selfish for making my parents live separately. And many others have agreed with her. She says I should just move, it’s not that big of a deal. I have social anxiety so it can be difficult for me to make friends, also I’m at a really good school that sets me on the right path for my future, and they don’t have anything like it where he lives.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents understand that it’s hard on you. Don’t let your sister’s words bother you. You have an established social life and you don’t want to start over. I feel you because as a teen, I also moved around a lot and didn’t make any friends because we would lose contact after I moved. You know what’s best for you, stand your ground.
You’re young, you don’t have to change your lifestyle just because your dad wants to keep swapping jobs. Your mom might also be tired from all the moving.” Amdissa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my dad tried to pull this nonsense when I was a kid and thankfully my mom shut that down in kindergarten.
He has switched jobs more times than I can count sometimes being away for up to a year, in different countries, and different continents, even when he is in my home country he lives hours away doing a different job. The only time he was ever offered a job that would have had him leaving for four years he sat down a discussed with my and my siblings to make sure it was okay.
To summarize my rant, you deserve to have a home and friends and a safe space to grow, you will not get that moving constantly. This is especially important when it comes to your mental health, finding supportive people in school settings and other places gives you an amazing support system that will help you grow.
You have to put yourself first here cause it seems like your dad won’t.” CoffinShark
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. I moved every few years my entire childhood in the 70s. It was always so hard, starting new schools, and trying to make friends.
And once I had friends, I was uprooted again. When I was 15, we moved again. I was a junior, young for my grade, and I was so anxious and depressed I threw up on the school bus in front of everyone. My parents were oblivious.
My school counselor helped me, more than she’ll ever know. You should stay where you’re settled and have friends, where the school is good. Being a teenager is hard enough without having to start over, again and again. Those last few years of school are important, and belonging is important.
My parents never considered, for an instant, what their moving around did to their kids. We were expected to do as told and adjust. My sister and I have struggled with the after-effects of our parents all our adult life.” OutlanderMom
17. AITJ For Not Inviting A Friend To Tag Along On Our Honeymoon?
“My husband (33 M) and I (27 F) got married last month. Our honeymoon destination was the Seychelles.
We have a friend who’s been dying to go there but hasn’t yet due to many reasons – financial, bad timing, no one could join, etc.
When he heard that we were going there he was thrilled and wanted to tag along. We explained that it’s not just a trip, but a honeymoon and he got baffled because a few years back a couple we know went to Nigeria and one of their friends went with them – and it was indeed their honeymoon.
I honestly don’t know why they did so but it’s a different situation and we tried to explain this but he got mad. That’s probably the only vacation that was gonna be just the two of us, as already said it was meant to be and was a honeymoon.
So, AITJ (are we) for refusing to want anyone else, even if it’s a close friend with a dream destination, to our honeymoon.”
Another User Comments:
“Why…should anyone else join your honeymoon? That’s supposed to be, by definition, a trip for a married couple.
Probably lots of romantic time involved. NTJ at all. Also, the other couple with the friends on their honeymoon….why?” painforpetitdej
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I never got a honeymoon, so we are planning one for our 15-year anniversary in 4 years. Our kids already know it’s not a family vacation and they understand.
We go on vacations with them every other year(what we can afford!) and it’s understandable to them to have 1 ‘vacation’ for just mom and dad. I don’t see why a friend can’t understand that.” Fan0fJigglyPuff
Another User Comments:
“I saw the word “dying” and thought he was literally dying, but no, he’s just dying to go.
This is incredibly stupid. You shouldn’t even have to explain anything past the word “honeymoon”. Or not even that is required – no reasonable person wants to be the third wheel stuck in a foreign country. Don’t bother arguing with him – the fact that he is still upset doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand (he definitely understands!) – it means he’s trying to bully you into taking him.
So just stop thinking about him. Don’t let him live rent-free in your head. Ignore him, and if he keeps pestering you then tell him a white lie, like you postponed the trip a few months, and then go on your trip and hope he doesn’t notice.” squishlurk
16. AITJ For Refusing To Explain To A Child Where Babies Come From?
“I (19F) work in a retail pharmacy, I’m mainly on the beauty and fragrance counter.
I’ve worked here for a few months and I love it, mostly the customers are great and the staff is fab.
So the situation at hand, I was restocking the supplements in the front of the store when a little kid came up to me (about 4-6 approx).
They said, “Hey… do you know where babies come from.” I thought about it for a second because 1. I don’t know this child 2. I wouldn’t want to say anything inappropriate that’s not my place as a stranger. So I said “mmm not sure, maybe go ask your mom!” (He was with his mom in the store, she was at the pharmacy counter at this time).
20 minutes later the woman who I recognised to be the kid’s mom came up to me SCREAMING, “HOW DARE YOU NOT ANSWER MY CHILD WHEN HE HAS A QUESTION AND LEAVING ME TO DEAL WITH THAT…” Her rant about me being selfish and making her have an uncomfortable talk with her son went on for about 5 minutes of her just screaming at me in my face.
I didn’t fight her on it, I tried to explain calmly but as soon as she started screaming I shut up as I knew trying to explain further would make it worse. It was so bad security was called and I got pretty upset cause she was screaming at me.
She filed an official complaint with corporate about me and my behavior, my manager assured me it wouldn’t affect me but I’m just lost. My coworkers have been divided in how I handled his question and I just don’t know anymore… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way, shape, or form. Reproductive questions should be referred to parents or teachers – those are the people that we expect to educate children about sensitive topics. Not random strangers. You did the right thing. The fact that the mom came unhinged because she apparently wasn’t ready for this question is completely on her, and I’d be very surprised if corporate’s response to her complaint is anything more than internal laughter and an empty ‘we’re sorry you had a bad experience’ response designed to placate the crazy woman.” darklingdawns
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. And why would anyone think otherwise? You handled that beautifully and appropriately. It would have been COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE to have a “birds and bees” talk with a stranger’s small child!! Frankly, when that woman started yelling at you, if you could have gotten a word in edgewise, the only appropriate response would have been: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but we do not sell ‘Parenting Your Children For You’ at this store, and it definitely doesn’t fall within my job description.” You are in no way the jerk, but that woman was off her rocker.
From a legal standpoint, you could have gotten in a lot of trouble for explaining “how babies are made” to a kid you don’t know without prior consent from their parents. I honestly have no idea why anyone would suggest it would have been a remotely good idea for you to get involved with that crazy.
I’m even more amazed that anyone who HAS A CHILD thinks that they would want a complete stranger working at a random store to be having discussions like that with their little kid. Totally inappropriate. You were absolutely right here. NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled it just fine. I have a feeling you wouldn’t been made out to be the jerk regardless of how you handled it though. And seriously, other parents actually agreed with this woman? The idea that a complete stranger should tell their kid about the birds and the bees is rather bizarre to me.
Why? Aren’t they capable of doing so? Most likely they don’t want to burn their fingers on the subject. Either way, you are not a jerk at all.” Throwaway-2587
15. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Mother-In-Law After She Constantly Guilt Trips Us?
“I have been with my husband for 5 years.
For the first 3 years, we lived 10 minutes down the street from his mother and saw her maybe once every 3 weeks. We would make plans with her and the day of she would make some excuse as to why she wasn’t feeling up for a visit.
There were also multiple occasions where we would plan an adult night (cards, drinks, etc) and she would end up bringing her granddaughter along without asking us if it was okay (which in my opinion is important considering it was at our house and we very clearly said adult night because my kids were gone and we had people over, drinking and playing cards).
2 years ago we moved about an hour away and oddly enough, since we moved we see her more often than we did when we lived right up the street. She stops in at least once every 2 weeks unannounced and not only that but my husband and I have been going to her place at least once a week to help her with stuff around her house (burning brush piles, helping her figure out her computer, BBQs, etc).
So she invites us down last Friday for another BBQ and neither my husband nor I could go because we both worked. She pulls the guilt trip saying that she bought a bunch of food and invited other people, etc. She ends up harping on my husband about it all day until he finally got annoyed from the constant demanding of us being there, and he finally just said “forget it, let’s just go over there so she will stop”.
So we go and she immediately puts my husband to work cooking for this BBQ when she sat at the table outside on her phone drinking wine coolers.
My sisters-in-law were both there with their kids and my husband, having worked 10 hours that day, was getting annoyed because the kids don’t listen and kept running by the grill (they are 11 and 12) and ended up throwing a ball at the back of my husband’s head “on accident” while laughing hysterically.
So he snaps and says “we are leaving. I’m not dealing with this after working all day.” My mother-in-law pipes up with “I have to beg you guys to even come visit me anymore and that’s not something a mother should have to do.” So I explained to her that we were here every single week and she’s like “only because I beg you to be here”.
So I told her if she kept up with the lies and tried to make us look like bad people then I wouldn’t be coming here at all. We leave immediately afterward.
Well, she calls us this past Friday and it’s the same stuff. Wants us to come over for a BBQ, knowing we both work Fridays and my husband had her on speaker when saying we weren’t coming because we had work.
She goes “See! I have to beg you to come visit me!” At this point, I said I had warned her and I’m not coming back there since she wants to continue to lie and be ignorant. Now I’m getting backlash because my sisters-in-law think I was overly harsh because my mother-in-law is 58 and supposedly showing signs of Alzheimer’s (in their opinion, I work at a Dementia Ward and there are no signs of this in my opinion).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your hubby need to hold the line and keep those boundaries firm. Decide together what you will and won’t do in response to his mother before the next incident arises. Come up with responses that work for you, like “That does not work for us” and “I’m sorry you feel that way” and say it over and over.
Don’t give her excuses she can use to escalate, which is clearly her MO.” 21stCenturyJanes
Another User Comments:
“If you work in a dementia ward then you would know that seeing her only once a week you are less likely to see signs of Alzheimer’s or dementia than those who see her more often/daily.
Also repeating themselves and forgetfulness is a sign of Alzheimer’s. You would also be encouraging them to get her to a doctor immediately as damage to the brain starts before any cognitive problems appear and early diagnosis is important so they can start managing and hopefully treating symptoms.” VoiceofConfusion
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She’s being really annoying, but you’re being a bit harsh. You assume she’s lying about you, when in reality, that’s probably what it feels like to her, that she has to beg you all to come. She sounds confused, or very lonely.
(Or maybe she’s a total, 100%, manipulative person. But that’s not apparent from your post if that’s the case.) That doesn’t excuse her behavior, but you being annoyed doesn’t excuse your behavior either, specifically blowing up and calling her a liar before sitting down and trying to work through this with her.
You’re all adults, so if you don’t want to go over there, then don’t go over there. If you want to cut her out of your life completely, then do it. But first, maybe try to sit down with her and find out what’s really bothering her, and you can share what’s really bothering you, and maybe you all can come to some sort of understanding, not only about when and how you visit, but the fact that the things you’re saying to each other are incredibly hurtful.
That may be easier said than done for your husband because there’s often a lot of family baggage, but it should be something that you can try before moving straight to a nuclear option.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Giving My Disowned Cousin A Large Graduation Gift Instead Of Helping The Rest Of The Family?
“I am a 22-year-old female and I work a minimum wage job at a local coffee shop so I get paid decently well (enough to pay for bills and school) so whenever I have leftover tip money I tend to put it in my savings.
Keep in mind I’m also Mexican so I sometimes go on vacation with my family to see my aunts/uncles and cousins.
Around 3 years ago one of my male cousins let’s call him Raul (who was 16 at the time) called us to let us know that he was coming out as gay.
My whole family and I were happy for him and reassured him that we’ll always be there for him and how much we love him. But he later told us that his family was threatening to kick him out and wanted to cut all contact including his siblings.
This devastated me and my parents because we couldn’t imagine my mother’s sister would act this way to her son. (Especially due to the fact that my mom would constantly send them money for rent, repairs, food, and clothes but my aunt would just use the money to spend on worthless items or give them money to her daughters.) Sadly, after many years of arguing and talking it over with them, they still were sticking to their words.
But thankfully he had found a place to live with decent rent.
Now comes the issue, this year my family told me to save enough money to go visit them to Mexico. So I did. I’ve saved enough but I also wanted to give Raul a graduation gift before he started college.
Once we got to my mom’s home town I went to go visit Raul and invited him to lunch. In the middle of lunch I gave him his gift which later turned into shocked, confused, to happy sobs (for those who are wondering I had got him a card that had about 40,000 pesos which was 2 grand in US dollars).
I told him that money was to help out with school, rent, and anything else he needed and that no matter what issues he had, my family and I would always be there for him. It was such a tender moment.
Later once my family and I went back home my mom got a call from her sister yelling at her asking why I gave Raul all that money and it was selfish of me to only be favoring one of my family members while I had “more than one cousin” and how I should’ve given them the money instead to help repair the family home.
This alone made me upset and I later told my aunt that maybe if she didn’t waste the money that my mom had given her throughout the years on stupid things and her spoiled daughters maybe she wouldn’t have to worry about repairing the house so much.
This also made her angrier and called me a jerk. My mom and dad both said that it was a nice thing I did for Raul but I should’ve considered the rest of the family as well. My siblings say that I did the right thing in helping out family but the more that I think about the situation the more I think I might’ve been in the wrong…
So AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All your family is not entitled to your money. You get to decide how you want to use it and you made a very nice gesture to Raul because he needed this money (especially regarding his situation). You did the right thing: if you gave your aunt the money for your cousins she would do the same thing, which is spending it on worthless items. She’s angry because you’re not enabling her behavior.
Good thing you helped Raul!” BeeVe_12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This isn’t little kids at Christmas who will fight if they don’t all get the same toy. This is your grown cousin you decided to help out with a lovely generous gift. It has nothing to do with your aunt (his mom) or your other cousins and they can keep their noses out of your business.
When you give a gift to someone you do not have to also give gifts to the rest of their (your) family that’s ridiculous. Also, I hope you have a chat with Raul and tell him none of that money is meant for his parents’ house so he should not feel obligated to share it with them.
It’s his money and he’s an adult but you gave it to him not them for a reason.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your money to spend how you please. Your greedy Aunt doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your own money, or who you spend it on.
That’s just foolish. I’m glad that you chose to help your cousin who is in dire need, and who will really appreciate your gift more than any of your other relatives. Doesn’t it feel amazing to help someone who really needed that boost right at that moment.
I like doing this too. Being there at the right moment can change a person’s life forever, and make them appreciate their own life in a way they have never considered before. In turn, you just became one of these wonderful agents of change. Congratulations.” MyTesticlesAreBolas
13. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Husband Flowers For Father's Day As Payback?
“I’m not big on holiday gift giving between me and my husband. Maybe my expectations are low, and I just know he means well but unless I spell out exactly what I want he is unsure of what to get me.
Anyway, so for Mother’s Day, he is always last minute.
I saw him ordering flowers a couple of days before Mother’s Day and I asked him to not get me flowers, or at least not the stupidly expensive delivery ones. I said I actually saw a really nice bouquet at the grocery store the other day, but it was $30 and I didn’t want to spend that much on flowers.
So if he really wanted to get me flowers just get them from there.
He didn’t listen. He orders his mom flowers so he just ordered me some also, the expensive delivery kind. They’re nice, I just really think they are such a waste of money and require the least amount of effort.
So Father’s Day is coming up, and I’ve been thinking about getting him something, but honestly this year my brain just isn’t in it and I just don’t want to put in the effort to think of something. And then I thought I could just get him flowers.
Not that he particularly likes flowers, but neither do I and I ask him every year to not get them for me. So WIBTJ if I got him flowers? I would probably get him something small also.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like you’ve been hurt and frustrated by your partner’s behavior, which has caused some resentment and disappointment.
These feelings gave rise to the urge to kind of “show him how it feels” by buying him the same thing, which is understandable. But you’re here because something doesn’t sit right for you, like this action does not fit into your values. Going through with it will feel delicious but only for a short time.
Then, based on what you’ve said in the post and in the comments, you will regret it, feel guilty, etc. I also predict that your partner will not give you the kind of reaction you seek and possibly not even make the connection. I doubt he will learn any lesson you are trying to teach him, sadly.
What do you want from him? What do you want him to understand or acknowledge? Are you sure he actually knows how upset you are and the pain it caused you? If your goal is to be closer, what action would meet your needs and make a repair more likely?
Also, it’s possible that he doesn’t think gifts are very important and might be 100% okay not getting a Father’s Day gift if consulted on the issue. This doesn’t address the hurt from Mother’s Day, but does address your current bandwidth. I hope your partner is able to listen when you find a way to communicate your feelings–spite flowers or no spite flowers.” LikeATortoiseRising
Another User Comments:
“You need to talk. Nothing bad but be clear with him “I don’t like flowers, I’d prefer XXXX.” He probably gets the impression that you play humble because you’re wary of the money and want to “waste” some money for the occasion.
Sometimes stating what you want directly is better than the politeness tango (or perceived so) that leaves no one happy. You won’t convince him to not get you anything, but he probably won’t think anything more original than flowers ever. So be blunt about it.
No jerks here.” Archi_balding
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I feel like y’all have some seriously messed up gifting habits. Like he doesn’t seem to care what you want, he puts forth the least possible effort by duplicating his mom’s gift, despite you repeatedly expressing that you don’t want that.
And now, instead of thinking “hey, this gift thing is seriously messing with me; maybe that’s something to communicate about and work on—in counseling, if necessary,” you’re looking for an excuse to be petty to him. Do you really not know your husband well enough to figure out something he’d like?
Is it really going to make your life better to be petty to him instead of working the underlying issue out? Get him something small that he’d like—or a gift card, if you’re that stumped, and seek out couples counseling. Not just for the gift thing, but for both of you to learn how to communicate better.” JosieJOK
12. AITJ For Not Making My Sister The Maid Of Honor At My Wedding?
“My sister (female 23) and I (female 32) have never really gotten along at all.
Recently, she asked if I knew who was going to be in the wedding party yet and I answered yes. She asked me who and I said the names of the people and when I finished she sat there with a smile and said ‘and the maid of honor isssss.’ I looked at her funny and she said ‘me.’
I said no you’re not the maid of honor, my friend Anayah is going to be the maid of honor. She said that’s not right the sister is always the maid of honor. I said that it’s my wedding, not hers. She asked me what she was going to be and I said a bridesmaid and she got mad.
She started yelling at me saying that this is unfair (I stayed calm the whole time). I said that I would be fine with making her a junior bridesmaid or even a flower girl because the way that she is acting is very childish. She stormed off and probably told her fiancé but I don’t care.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Not sure where she got that the sister is “always” the maid of honor. She’s definitely wrong there. I think you maybe could have pulled back on the snarky comments about making her a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl.
You’re probably right, and that’s actually funny, but probably not 100% appropriate. Still, who argues with someone over this? Your sister was definitely a little off here. Especially since you two haven’t been close. NTJ.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! My sister had her bff as moh.
My other sis and I were standard bridesmaids. Worked well. Ask her if she can afford to be moh. Can she keep in contact with the other BMs? Can she afford a bachelorette party? Is she going to help with the setup, and breakdown at the wedding?
Can she keep track of the RSVPs? Remind her about the amount of work that would be expected of her and tell her you could not expect that much from her.” fromhelley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was the little sister asked to be MOH for image purposes (one sister, relationship complicated) and I really wish I’d either done a better job stepping up to the plate or just wasn’t asked. I know my sister planned events without me involved and she asked that I not have a speech, which I was okay with.
I was the odd one out and I just wish when my sister told me I wasn’t going to be in her wedding when I was 12 because I would be too fat compared to everyone else, we just went forward with that plan. But image.
She said I could be as involved as I wanted and didn’t have to stand up there. She picked a dress for all the bridesmaids that would never come in my size. It didn’t do our relationship any favors, but time and therapy have helped. Don’t have a sister you aren’t close with as the maid of honor unless you can have it so your expectations are not depending on her.” Positive_Tangelo_137
11. AITJ For Going To See My Favorite Band Without My Partner's Permission?
“Friday night my friend won tickets to see a band I adore in a charity auction for the following night.
I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and before we met I used to see bands all the time, loved festivals, etc as music was my love.
Since we met as he doesn’t enjoy music (especially my kind) I’ve not been to anything, my social life is well and truly dead. We literally never go out. He has health issues and works in a manual job which leaves him tired, so it’s never been something I complained about, it is what it is.
But this band’s music got me through some horrifically traumatic times, (before meeting my partner, including the awful death of my mum) and I never thought I’d get to see them.
I told my partner before the auction ended, he was not ok, but I was desperate.
As soon as the auction ended he didn’t speak to me, he was so annoyed I’d not asked permission to go before saying I would. I was so unhappy, but I couldn’t then not go, especially as my friend had bid knowing I was paying for my ticket.
We went, I cried when they came on, they were amazing. We’re still not speaking ( 3 days later) AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your partner doesn’t enjoy something, you don’t have to stop doing it yourself. The fact that your partner was upset with you because you didn’t ask permission first (dude you’re an adult why do you need permission!!!) and is now not speaking to you at all when you literally did NOTHING wrong is a red flag.
People can enjoy things separately but your partner doesn’t want you to. Your partner wants to punish you for doing something fun. Your social life is “well and truly dead”. Is this how you want to spend the next 11 years? Why? Don’t you deserve fun and happiness?
NTJ but is this relationship making you happy at all?” Suitable-Cod-1381
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously super controlling of your partner. Seems like music is a good hobby and coping mechanism you use in your life. A controlling partner will make you lose yourself. You lose your social life and hobbies because of their insecurity.
I would seriously rethink your relationship with your partner. Is this his first time not letting you go out and do something socially? Is this his first time acting this way? It doesn’t seem like it, because you wrote about how you both don’t get to do anything because of his job.
My partner and I don’t have the same hobbies or friend group. We both have very different tastes in music, friends, and what we like to do when we go out. My partner has a manual labor job too where he works from 9-12 hours a day.
He still goes out with me socially to concerts etc even if he has had a busy week, or if he’s too tired and doesn’t feel like it he never EVER gives me silent treatment. It’s like this is such a red flag and you deserve a partner who supports your hobbies and interests.
Even if they aren’t his. It seemed you were pretty excited, and now it seems he has almost put a downer on the memory. Do you really want this to be your whole life? Tiptoeing around your partner because you want to do something socially?
It’s not like you’re going to see magic mike type stuff live. It’s a concert.” Bunny22222222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sounds like they want (and think they have) a live-in hired help, that they can control 24 hours a day. Cutting off your social life because your partner can’t do much is not healthy.
I’m shocked your partner is happy with you giving up your social life and your love of live music just to keep them happy. And then they think you need to ask permission to go out? Oh, no! You have needs as well and you are entitled to expect those to be met, both physical and mental. If your partner can’t meet those needs, the least they can do is wave you off as you go off to a gig with a friend.
Your partner is a huge jerk and is now trying to manipulate you into begging for forgiveness and a promise not to go against them again by giving you the silent treatment. Appalling behavior.” OK_LK
10. AITJ For Sending A Business Text At 2 AM?
“Earlier today I sent an invite link to a group because I am offering a teaching service.
Well right now (1:52 AM) I was going through the whole group chat to see who said yes and who said no, because I am writing the yes’s in Excel to keep track. The yes’s are people who said they are interested in joining in the future as this is not a commitment for right now or at all.
Just to show me interest.
Well, I noticed one lady joined the link but didn’t tell me anything. So to make sure, I sent her a simple text “Hi! I noticed that you joined the group. Would you like me to sign you up?”
She immediately replied saying “It is 2 AM, I work tomorrow” and an angry face emoji, which angered me a bit because she could’ve 1. Not replied. 2. Not replied until the morning. 3. Just replied yes or no.
So I texted her back “then put your phone on silence?
Suggestion. Bye.”
She replied: “if you want and if you like your job, learn to do it well. These are not good hours not everyone has your time.”
After, I replied that what I am doing is not my job and that I am only doing it to help people get that service for extremely cheap.
She then said “I can’t have my phone on silent because I have a difficult home situation and I don’t have to give you explanations.” And “I know, that’s why I signed up in the afternoon.”
Which she didn’t sign up, she only joined.
I told her I won’t send another message but that I expected her to not send anything either.
She replied, “have a good dawn.”
And that’s that.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a classic “I did something wrong, but I’m mad at the other person’s response” story, and it’s the hallmark of immaturity.
You caused this situation and you deserved that response. Stop dwelling on how she responded, and dwell on your own myopia that prevents you from seeing your own role in this story. I’m a private instructor who drums up his own clients, and I’d never dream of making a customer contact at 2 am.
How ludicrous to think that’s ok.” Karma_1969
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Text is a form of immediate communication. It is not like email. Many people can’t or do not want to put their phones on DND for a variety of reasons, including ensuring they will be available in the event of an emergency.
You doubled down and engaged in a pretty nasty text battle. What I’m amazed by is that you are sending a business solicitation, which many people consider spam, outside business hours and then followed up with a nasty remark to a member of the public.
Your service business is not going to succeed if word gets around that you are tone-deaf, arrogant, and a jerk. Be more considerate and client-friendly in the future.” dj1nni1
Another User Comments:
“In my book, you could have been NTJ for the first message, and only for the first message because it was a message on WhatsApp and not an actual text.
(OP mentions this in the comments.) Whether or not you were the jerk for the first message depends on your particular society and its expectations – but in general, the conventions for messaging apps are different from conventions for actual texting. In many societies, it’s expected that messaging apps are used for communications that don’t require or expect an immediate response.
Additionally, apps can be muted at night without muting the whole phone if one needs to be reachable in case of an emergency. That was the first message. You then stepped clearly into the YTJ territory the moment it was clear that your message woke them up.
The only two acceptable courses of action at that point were either an immediate apology or silence followed by an apology in the morning. You got angry and snarky instead. And you are going deeper and deeper into YTJ by arguing with everyone in the comments instead of listening to the judgments.” misof
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Check My Phone?
“My dad (67M) has been asking me what’s so important with my (18F) phone.
Like I could just be minding my own business, and he would complain about that. He had checked my phone in the past when I was younger. But what else can he expect to be on my phone? I don’t have anything incriminating like I don’t have inappropriate content or explicit images.
I just look at animal videos or Hello Kitty stuff. He doesn’t do this to my older brother (24M), nor has he done it when he was my age.
So I was studying yesterday for my exam. And my parents told me it was bedtime, I told them that I didn’t finish studying.
Then my mom (58F) told my dad that I was using my phone. To be fair, my teacher gave my class a huge study packet. That comment alone egged my dad to check my phone.
He got my phone and asked me what’s my password.
I just ignored him and went back to studying. Why should I give him my phone? I’m 18! Then my dad was acting all macho, and trying to break my phone with his hands. He didn’t actually, and now he has my phone. And he’ll give me back my phone if I give him my password.
Currently, I’m using it while it’s charging. He doesn’t know that I’m using it right now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There definitely seems to be double standards between you and your brother. And I don’t think parents should go through the phone of an 18-year-old.
But here is the issue – you are 18. You are an adult with rights – but also responsibilities. If you aren’t in a position to pick up your stuff and move out you might want to consider if this is the hill you want to die on.
I would suggest keeping personal stuff off your phone. Get your documents ready and get ready to move out as soon as you can if this isn’t an environment you want to live in.” FLKaren
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for having a reasonable expectation of privacy.
Sounds like the old man has some long-term rage issues and a well-placed “ok boomer” here and there could cause nature to take care of some of your issues for you. But in all seriousness, your father sounds very controlling and more than likely misogynistic while your mother is only enabling all of this.
Please take care of yourself because I suspect you are in a particularly vulnerable position. If you have the means to remove yourself from this situation safely, then do it. If you don’t, then start making preparations yesterday and do it discreetly! Please be safe OP and I wish you all the best!” McDooDoo666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sorry that sucks to deal with! Unfortunately you’re in a tough position unless you pay for your phone. If he pays for the phone then he can take it and there’s not a lot you can do about it. You can still refuse to tell him the code, but legally it’s his phone.
If you’re working and in a position to afford your phone you have that as a fallback if he really pushes this. But yeah at the point where you’re 18 and honestly a decent bit before then it’s not unreasonable to have privacy. And to be able to set your own bedtime.
At 18 you’re an adult and can make your own decisions. I would try to put your foot down and request to be treated like an adult, but they might start holding finances over your head. Sorry it’s a tough position! Good luck.” Raddatatta
8. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband's Insensitive Mother's Day Gesture?
“I am not into every Hallmark holiday, and we actively skip Valentine’s Day, but Mother’s Day does mean a lot to me. My husband (who is a firefighter) is almost always on shift, which I have accepted and dealt with, and don’t mind celebrating other days.
This year, my whole family got sick EXCEPT my husband, who is fine – and he is still on shift for Mother’s Day tomorrow – so I will be alone with 2 sick kids. Fine, I get it.
This morning, I asked my husband to just do something nice today, and he started going off about how stupid Mother’s Day is, and how it’s such a waste – and I got upset because I don’t have a lot I get to celebrate, and I told him this matters to me.
Then he went downstairs and started to make breakfast and when I went down a bit later, he proudly announced to me that he was going to make a beef and mango dish he loves so I don’t have to worry about cooking tomorrow! Isn’t that great?
I’ve been a vegetarian for 5 years.
So…AITJ for telling my husband he is a massive jerk and being completely angry that this is how he thought it was ok to “celebrate” Mother’s Day?”
Another User Comments:
“From what you’ve written, you’re not asking for much.
Whether or not he agrees with the whole concept of the holiday isn’t really the important thing. The important thing is that it matters to you and you’re not asking for much. You support his working on Mother’s Day. You’re not making unreasonable demands. And the fact that he chose to cook a dish that you can’t eat just highlights his lack of respect for your needs.
He’s a selfish person and you’re NTJ.” jlzania
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wanted to, he would. He doesn’t want to. And he’s clearly said so, to boot. So you understand the deal now. How do you want to respond? What little things do you do for him?
How are the finances split? Are you happy with other parts of your relationship? Definitely consider. If you haven’t read Lundy’s book, I’d suggest it. It’s good to help you evaluate the situation, and consider how you want to proceed. Good explanations for the effects on children as well, that can be less obvious “when everything is ok”.
I’d feel hurt too. I’d suggest channeling that into a larger reconsideration of your life and partnership. When we’re older and wiser, we can actually negotiate our partnership for the first time. But without the rose-colored glasses changing the terms. I think you are at that point.
Best of luck.” AuntyErrma
Another User Comments:
“Why do people put so much emphasis on a certain day to appreciate each other? Your husband and you should remember to appreciate each other whenever you can, random is much more meaningful and thoughtful. You live every day.
Mother’s Day means nothing it won’t be around forever it’s just a point in time that it’s a thing that millions all do at the same time doing the same thing, buying the same things, and saying the same thing every single year. Think for yourself.
It’s like people have been conditioned to think this is how you honor your mother or father. Forget Mother’s Day. Just let your husband know he needs to pay more attention to you because everybody needs to feel wanted and appreciated.” zookie11
7. AITJ For Confronting My Grandparents About Their Racist Comments On A Family Trip?
“I (22F) am extremely close with my grandparents.
My mom and I decided to go on a cruise for spring break to the Bahamas. My grandparents don’t travel often and we had asked them to go with us. They were excited to go on.
We left for our trip and everything was going well until we got on the boat.
My grandparents began making inappropriate comments about the workers and other people on the boat. This made my mom and I very uncomfortable. One night at dinner my grandpa made a comment about spending the next day in the Bahamas by renting a golf cart and driving around looking at scantily clad women.
My mom and I ignored his comments but my grandma asked me if I ever get jealous of my significant other with other girls. I immediately said no. My grandpa told my mom and we were stupid to think my dad or my significant other didn’t look or think about other girls.
The trip became very uncomfortable.
The final straw was when we were in the Bahamas, in a taxi with a native person. They were so kindly showing us around their country. My grandparents began making extremely inappropriate comments about what the town looked like. The driver probably didn’t know exactly what their comments meant but could definitely understand they weren’t very kind.
He stopped talking and dropped us off where we needed to go. The trip was finally over and we had just gotten back into the car to head back home and my grandparents immediately started in on the workers on the boat, people on the boat, and the people in the Bahamas.
Saying some pretty inappropriate and racist things. I had enough and couldn’t hold it in anymore and began arguing with them and how they can’t just say whatever they want to whoever they want. I called them racist and disrespectful and how embarrassing they were to be around.
My grandpa argued back for some time denying they were racist. I told them I didn’t want to go on another trip with them again if that’s how they would act. We didn’t say another word for the entire 12-hour trip home.
The following day my grandpa texted me saying he wishes he would’ve known how I felt and they would’ve never gone. I had some time to reflect and replied back apologizing for lashing out at them and it was entirely inappropriate and I regretted being so mean but I still loved them.
No reply.
Fast forward a month and I was having heart surgery, to which they had known about. We hadn’t talked since. I was expecting them to reach out before the surgery, as I was their granddaughter and we had been extremely close. Not a single call or text to me, besides one from my grandma to my mom just asking her to let her know how everything goes.
I was extremely hurt by this. At this point, I’m very hurt by their actions and am assuming they’re hurt by what I’ve said as well.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are in the wrong, and sadly, usually most people who are old have this behavior of not realizing/accepting they are in the wrong (old habits die hard).
Even if you lashed on them, or you didn’t express yourself properly, you did the right thing. Not saying anything when someone is being disrespectful/discriminative gives them the idea that you are OK with that, and they would have continued doing it. Right now, they are choosing to be stubborn about their views and behaviors rather than talking to someone they love, and that’s on them, not you.” andreaali04
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here: The time to call them out was while they were saying it. Why did you let the entire vacation pass with them continually being racist and making others uncomfortable? How dare your grandparents go into someone else’s country then insult them and be complete gross creeps?
It does hurt when someone you love shows you that they are deeply flawed, and react in a reprehensible way. Do not let their hurt convince you that you were in the wrong, or that because they feel upset by their judgment, they should never be pulled up on the harm they cause others.
Calling out racism and discrimination is never fun. It may mean you lose friends, family, and opportunities. But doing the right thing and doing the easy thing is not the same. You may give them some space or ask for a mediator or therapist to help you discuss these issues.
But do not let their reaction stop you from doing what you know you have to, even if it is painful. And if they double down – it will hurt. But that doesn’t mean that you should back down from what you know is right.
Unless they have a debilitating brain disease (dementia), no one is too old to learn. People with intellectual disability can be taught in a mental-age-appropriate way. You can try: “When you say … it makes me feel uncomfortable because…”, “I’d feel really hurt if someone said that about me”, “Imagine if someone said that about me on the beach, or came into your house and insulted grandma”.
Or “That is not an okay thing to say about someone.” Other options are rhetorical questions: “Why do you think it’s okay to say that?”, “Would you talk about me or grandma like that?”, “If someone spoke about you that way, would you be okay with it?” There are gentle ways to say it but there is nothing gentle about racism itself.
Your grandparents, particularly your grandfather, hurt others deeply with their vile beliefs. They are right: They never should have gone. In the future, please do not remain silent and watch others hurt people, even if you do love them. If you’re in a position where you can walk away from discrimination, it’s your job not to.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke truth to (social) power. Your grandpa is a jerk. Your grandma probably isn’t, but wants to maintain a united front for the sake of her marriage. If so, she’s at least partially doing the right thing, and you shouldn’t hold it against her.
It’s sad that you and your grandparents drifted apart. I hope your heart surgery went ok.” billlevansatmariposa
6. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister After She Refused To Help Me?
“My (26F) sister (24F, Mandie) recently did something to me that not only hurt me, but also enraged me.
We were both looking for jobs at the same time.
I helped my sister write her resume (she did not help me with mine). I was so happy for her when she moved to the next round for one of her top choices. They asked her to send a sample of a PowerPoint she did, but she did not have one.
I modified a PowerPoint I did in my previous job for her to send to them. When they moved her to the next round, they asked for a portfolio on a PowerPoint. I didn’t help as much with this one, however, I did embed links for her and provided detailed feedback anytime she asked (most of which she used).
A week after she got a job offer, I was notified that I was moving to the third round (a group call) for my first choice. I asked my sister to send me the portfolio she made because I wanted to use a similar format for my portfolio (which I planned to send to the group during/after my interview).
At first, my sister said she would send it to me but seemed in no rush to help. I asked her again later that day, and once again the following morning. The third time I asked her, she freaked out on me and said “why does everyone in the house rely on me to do everything”.
She didn’t end up sending me the document.
Flash forward to a few days later. My sister is starting her new job. She’s already asked me for help with her WHMIS training, and I politely declined. Today she was panicking because she needs to fill out TD1 by the end of tomorrow, otherwise, she doesn’t get paid for another three weeks.
I know where my mom keeps those documents, and how to fill out the form. My sister asked me for help because she knows I’ve done this for my last job. I was making dinner, so I said “no, because everyone in the house relies on me to do everything”.
My sister started crying and said that “she’d remember this”. She doesn’t even realize that I was saying the exact thing she said to me when I asked her for help.
Am I a jerk for literally not caring that she won’t be paid for another three weeks.
I don’t care if she fails her WHMIS training (I’m sure she won’t, but I don’t care).
Also, am I a jerk if I don’t explain to her why I’m doing this to her? Part of what annoys me is how self-absorbed she is and, given her history, I don’t think she’ll think she did anything wrong no matter how hurt I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, I think it’s kinda shady that you two are passing off each other’s work as your own to get a job, but your sister sounds super self-absorbed and like she expects someone else to always fix her problems for her.
That sort of behavior doesn’t usually go over well in the professional world. By not enabling her now, you’re probably doing her a favor. She’ll learn a hard lesson early in her career that may delay her paycheck, but probably won’t cost her a job.” andymayebay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know how anyone can spin this and say that you’re the jerk in this situation. Saying you helped your sister before is an understatement. You did way more than half of the work in her getting her job, because of her laziness and/or incompetence in the first place.
I wouldn’t expect a person to change, but this wasn’t just staying true to one’s character, in the end, it was gross ignorance and malice on her part. As for your second question, I wouldn’t say that you’re the jerk if you don’t tell her, but if your sister isn’t a foregone conclusion and you haven’t given up on her, I would say that it would be better to tell her why you did what you did, because if she had a modicum of self-awareness, she would recognize your reasoning and try to change for the better.
But some people aren’t capable of this, and you know your sister best here, so you decide.” jkpatches
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You helped her be dishonest to get a job she couldn’t handle. Then you went the petty revenge route. And you went that route when it had serious implications.
And then you neglected to explain to her why you made that choice to begin with. Totally lacking communication. How is she supposed to learn how she can help here if you don’t explain your side and do passive-aggressive nonsense instead? She’s a jerk because she’s a hypocrite and an idiot.
You’re a jerk because you recognize those things, yet you’re willfully sinking down to her level of hypocrisy and idiocy, even though you’re smarter than that. You’re actively choosing to be the jerk. Try communicating.” dirtyhippie62
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Rid Of My Daughter's Cat For My Partner's Son?
“My (38m) daughter (12f) has been through a lot. I have taken full custody of her with no visitation rights with her mother for reasons that cannot be stated here. I am also a couple hours away from her mother so she had to leave a school she loves and all her friends behind.
Her best friend also passed away from leukemia. Poor girl has been through a lot.
My partner (36m) and I have been together for 2 years and want to move in together. His son (10m) is allergic to cats, my daughter has had this cat for six years and has basically been her emotional support animal. They have been inseparable this whole time.
She would be absolutely devastated to get rid of the cat and I worry about the effects it would have on her mental health since she has already lost so much at such a young age.
My partner wants me to get rid of the cat because of his son.
His son is only here every other weekend (lives with his mother the rest of the time). I am prepared to build an in-law apartment unit above our garage at my expense so that my partner and son can stay in during his time here.
While it is being built I am prepared to get an apartment for them to stay at at my expense.
My partner is offended by this idea because he feels like his son is being excluded from the main house and won’t understand why, that he’ll feel unwanted. I’ve explained the situation over and over about my daughter but we are at an impasse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter will likely have a very adverse reaction to getting rid of her pet for someone who visits twice a month…..”he feels like his son is being excluded from the main house and won’t understand why, that he’ll feel unwanted.” While that sounds bad, you are doing a lot to accommodate an issue that is not really your problem.
Check to see if allergy medicine can be administered. Really look at your situation, and ask yourself if a 2-year-old relationship is worth messing up your daughter’s well-being. Sounds like the partner is making an ultimatum that is unfair at best.” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“Here is a slightly different thing to think about. Do you really want to live with someone who is not placing the best interest of BOTH children above the wants of the two parents? It would be devastating to your daughter’s mental health to lose the cat.
Just like…. It would be devastating to his son’s mental state to either be made to feel like an outsider (which would be his own father’s doing, not yours) or his physical health, by moving him in even though he knows his son has this allergy.
Sounds like you have 2 very big reasons not to live together. Your daughter and his son. You seem to realize that getting rid of your daughter’s pet and probably her best friend, is a bad idea. Does it not bother you, that he doesn’t care about your kid’s wellbeing?
NTJ — hold your ground and really think about where you want your future to go with your child.” Little_Rip_1063
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – huge applaud for you for going above and beyond so your daughter can keep the one positive constant through all the changes she’s experiencing right now.
It is possible for people with allergies to live with cats with some allergy medication if it’s not crazy serious. I get why your partner thinks the cat needs to go if it affects his son’s health but you’re literally bending yourself backwards to try to make it possible for everyone to live together.
I would’ve said no jerks here had your partner not pushed for you to get rid of the cat.” lobosaguila
4. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stop Sharing Her Intimate Life Details With Me?
“I (F25) am in no way trying to say that I’m a nice person, but I have boundaries and I’d like to keep them. My mother-in-law (50-ish) seems to think she can negotiate her way out of the boundaries I put in place.
It doesn’t help that my husband’s (28) vocabulary used to be “my wife decided/said/thinks…” instead of “we decided…” which makes MIL feel like she can persuade me to change my mind or get my husband to undermine the decisions we mutually agreed on.
We worked on that and he now uses “we/our/us” when he talks to his mom about the boundaries we have.
One boundary I always have in place is to not let my mother-in-law have conversations with me like I’m her friend. I don’t want to know about the ins and outs of her marriage or her personal life.
She’s so miserable in that marriage but refuses to leave that abusive jobless bum. That’s her purgative and I couldn’t care any less. What bothers me so much about it is how much detail she shares with me about the unpleasant, nasty, and disgusting things they do in bed and honestly, that’s some stuff nobody should know but your friends.
NOT your daughter-in-law.
She came over to see the kids a couple of days ago and she started to share again about their problems and how they made up and my kids are there too. She’s “trying” to whisper but my 7-year-old is not an idiot and he has older cousins that he is around all the time.
He understands everything she talks about. I usually handle this by just changing the subject or telling her that was more than I need or want to know and that I wish to hear no more, but with my kids there I wasn’t having it that day.
Especially with how many times I’ve mentioned to her and had so many talks with her that I don’t want to have these kinds of conversations.
I sent my kids to their room so that I could have a conversation with her. I admit I was heated so I’m pretty sure I was mean and was being a total jerk.
I basically told her I’m sick and tired of hearing about all the disgusting details of her personal life. I’m not one of her friends she can share stuff like that with because I don’t care to know or what to know.
I did NOT yell at her. I had a stern voice like when I talk to my toddlers just in a mean tone.
Her eyes started to well up and she said that I was a jerk, a mean person, and a bad daughter-in-law for not letting her vent her frustrations, happiness, feelings, and emotions with me.
I just didn’t have any other response to this except to look at her and say “don’t you have a psychiatrist and a therapist for that?” At that point, she just started full-on crying got her things together, and left. We haven’t talked since and I don’t think I need to apologize.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. She’s probably venting to you because she doesn’t have anyone else to vent to, but that isn’t your problem. You made your boundaries clear numerous times, but it’s something you really should only need to do once.
After that, violating your boundaries is a choice made out of a lack of respect for you or your boundaries. She may have been hurt by your comments, but that’s on her. Even so, her response was intended to manipulate rather than communicate her feelings which makes her more of a jerk.
Never apologize for defending your boundaries. Doing so will just make it harder to do so the next time.” zomblee84
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. And even if you were close like friends, friends still need boundaries when discussing certain things. I feel like maybe though you need to apologise for how things were expressed. As you said, in the moment you were heated considering your children were around before you sent them to their room, and we all know that when we are heated, boundaries aren’t really expressed in the way we need to have them expressed in order to not be seen as childish, sensitive yadda yadda… So by apologizing for what was said or rather how it was said, but still maintaining that you will not accept these kinds of discussions, especially in front of your children, you will most certainly not have to apologize if or rather when it happens again.
Unfortunately with people in abusive relationships who are unhappy with their situation but either too scared to leave or too indecisive to leave, all they want to talk about is their environment in order to drag others down with them. (Been there done that). And, by doing this, you can stay on the good side with your husband (if he is upset about it too seeing as MIL is his mother).” FavouriteFelony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who want to stomp all over boundaries will always try to push it back onto the person who is trying to maintain their boundaries. She’s just trying to get you to ease up on your boundaries so she can push them back even further.
Stay the course, you’re doing great.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Posting Videos Of My Family Being Rude During A Wedding Photoshoot?
“I was taking pictures at a family wedding as a favor. I was being paid about half of what I normally charge and I was fine with it. The bride is my favorite cousin and her husband is amazing.
During the formals, the wedding party was great and I got lots of great shots.
When it came time to take pictures of different family groups with the couple people were jerks. They wouldn’t stop talking or looking away from the camera. I tried politely reminding everyone that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod and that it took still images, not video.
I was repeatedly told to shut up and stop being a smart aleck and that they knew what a camera was.
I asked my wife to record a video of the responses for me.
My cousin was delighted with the pictures from the ceremony, the formals, and the reception.
She laughed her rear off at the family pictures. In about half of them, people are looking off in all directions instead of at the camera. In most of those, there are also people with their mouths open.
She thought they were hilarious and her husband agreed.
I started getting flak on social media from my family about the terrible pictures. I replied that I had tried to explain to them that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod and that it only took still pictures. They said I should have waited for them to be ready.
So I started posting the short video clips of people being jerks toward me.
My mom said that I went too far and that they wouldn’t ask me to take pictures for them again. I did a fake cry and said boo hoo. She called me a smart aleck.
Please let me state that I do not think I am the jerk in this situation. But many people do. They are upset because they don’t often dress up and get together and they didn’t get good pictures.”
Another User Comments:
“I used to do wedding photography, and this happened from time to time.
I sometimes assumed that the disrespect was due to my being a woman, and sometimes that they were just oblivious or intoxicated. I would try to make comments the same way you did, to various results. The bottom line is that if they want good photos, they have a responsibility to cooperate.
It’s stunning how many people don’t get that. They are jerks for not cooperating and then blaming you. You did what you could with what they gave you.” McQuaids
Another User Comments:
“I love this. I’m a good photographer who used to do weddings free for friends.
I’d take pictures and edit them, they were responsible for printing them. My wedding pictures were always as I wished. However, the family photos after? Ha! You nailed it, people can be horrible. One I did? I pretty much gave up. After multiple attempts at, “Everyone, on the count of 3.
One, two, three,” there were heads turned, mouths open, people talking, you name it. I literally yelled something like, “I’m not doing re-takes! Look at the camera or don’t. I don’t care anymore!” My friend, the groom, knew what was happening and didn’t have any more luck than I did.
The issue was entirely on the bride’s side. He told me later in retrospect that he should have looked at the wedding photos and ran. They divorced within a year, great wife, horrible family issues.” Sunflower971
Another User Comments:
“Maybe a bit unprofessional just in the sense that you are ultimately antagonizing your family members/potential clients.
The specific photos will be forgotten by everyone except the bride and groom, but they might remember you fighting and being a jerk on social media. But you know your business better than anyone else here. It’s kind of hard to pass judgment here with only one side of the story.
Were they being jerks to you at first, or just distracted/having fun? I could almost imagine the other side’s story being something like “We were all just having fun but the photographer kept rushing us, was super impatient, and being a smart aleck. He said we were all good to go but later when we looked at the photos they were terrible like he didn’t even try.
Then he kept fighting with us on social media.”” sawdeanz
2. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Aunt She Weighs More Than Me After She Commented On My Weight?
“I’m 19F, the pregnant woman in question is my aunt (30F).
Starting this off, I am very much overweight and my (extended, my parents are not jerks) family has never been nice about it. From the weird diet suggestions I get all day long from my grandpa to outright insults disguised as “jokes” from certain people, it has always been a thing.
My aunt’s always been more likely to tell me about an exercise routine but she has been known to joke about breaking chairs and stuff.
My mom, my aunt, and I went out to a restaurant together today and when we were ordering she was giving me looks.
My mom went to the bathroom and while she was gone my aunt was like “are you sure you want to order that… you know, given your weight and all”. Mind you, we were ordering the exact same thing.
So I told her something along the lines of “You do realize you probably weigh more than me right now, right?” and this woman burst out into tears.
My mom comes back out and my aunt says that I called her overweight, which excuse you I did not, but I explained the whole thing from my POV and my mom told me that it was wrong to insult someone who’s pregnant and to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your extended family is uncomfortable with your weight and their insecurities and inability to act right make them say incredibly hurtful things to you. You telling your aunt that she weighs more than you isn’t technically an insult. She just took it that way, and that’s her problem!
My suggestion would be to memorize some good comebacks and every time they made a rude comment about you, fling an insult back at them. I would say to be the mature one and ignore it, but honestly ignoring it won’t make them stop.
You could try telling them that their remarks hurt your feelings, but they will probably defend their bad behavior and make excuses for it. I think your aunt should have kept her big mouth shut and they should all mind their own business. Good for you for saying something!” ItsOk_ItsAlright
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jesus, so many people in the comments are saying that you shouldn’t have stooped to her level, but that sounds like such a useless platitude considering the fact that she’s been bullying you about this for years. I’m assuming that she doesn’t live under a rock and therefore knows that harassing people about their weight is rude and hurtful.
Your comment seems pretty tame compared to some of the stuff she’s said. She’s supposedly mature enough to bring a child into this world, so she ought to learn some kindness. God forbid her child becomes her next target.” grisver
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. There is a thin line between defending/standing up for yourself and adopting the bully behavior of those around you, and I think this is just on the wrong side of that. Your aunt is absolutely the greater jerk, don’t get me wrong, and god knows if I could have restrained myself from saying something lol.
But there is a way to deal with this that is probably more productive. And to be honest it sounds like your aunt probably suffers from some body issues (no one judges other people’s bodies more than people with their own body stuff) and being pregnant and gaining weight is REALLY hard for people with those issues.
One hopes it gives her empathy and god knows I hope she gets therapy before she passes it to her kid, but if not, just ignore her and know she is more unhappy than you are.” violetbaudelairegt
1. AITJ For Taking The Closest Parking Spot Despite My Pregnant Coworker's Request?
“We have a parking lot at my workplace and there are a few prime spots close to the door. Most of them are reserved for managers etc but one is unreserved and works on a first come first serve type situation.
Most of the time I park there because I have an old knee injury so the closer the better and more convenient. It’s obviously the spot everyone wants so I always make sure to try to get in a bit earlier so I could grab it.
One of my co-workers is pregnant. I don’t have the slightest clue how far but she’s showing and has complained about how packed the parking lot gets which forces her to park a distance from the door. Basically, she’s been going around asking people if they could leave that space open for her.
She’s never asked me directly but left a note on my desk a couple of days ago asking the same. The next day I parked in the spot like always and she came by my office to ask if I saw her note. I told her I did but unfortunately, if the spot is open, I’m going to take it.
Like I get it and I wasn’t going to fight over the spot but if she wants it she should just wake up early. She tried arguing a bit but eventually left.
She lodged an unofficial complaint to the boss who told me about it but doesn’t want to get involved. I’ve been catching glares and some obvious gossiping murmurs from a couple of co-workers about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, but especially your boss for not arranging something with your pregnant coworker. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your disability, but it would most likely smooth things over if your coworker knew you weren’t being malicious; there are just competing access needs at play.
Now, the actual solution here is for you or she or both of you to apply for a disability placard or tag (they’re available for short-term use by pregnant women in many places). If you’re in the US then disability parking spots in parking lots are mandated by law so I don’t know why you haven’t tried to get a tag before now when it’s an accommodation that obviously makes your life easier.
You’re both turning this into a competition when it doesn’t have to be.” ElisWish
Another User Comments:
“This is a YTJ post. Firstly, it really is a small accommodation to make and a courtesy. This isn‘t so much a question of entitlement – you both have good reasons to want that spot.
Your knee issue and her pregnancy. Of the two of them, the pregnancy is the more dangerous and urgent matter. Pregnancies aren‘t all that Hollywood & Instagram tell you they are. They can be really tough. Maybe she struggles with her sleep – if the bump is showing, sleep is difficult.
Making it difficult to snag the space up earlier than you do. The reason you‘re the jerk is because you were asked for a common courtesy – making space for a pregnant woman, and you refused.” tiacalypso
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh…. There are a lot of people here being incredibly dismissive of how hard pregnancy can be and having been pregnant does not make you able to judge the experience of somebody else’s pregnancy.
Sure there is a chance that she is just milking it, but it’s pretty unlikely. Also, not everyone has the luxury of just not going to work because life hurts. I’m currently pregnant and it is the most painful, most exhausting, most difficult thing I have ever been through (and my life has not been without pain and injury).
I cry due to the pain most nights, even if I’ve had an OK day. My husband has just been to pick up a wheelchair today and yesterday I nearly didn’t make it across a carpark back to our car because my feet/ankles/shins were hurting so badly I could barely walk.
I was pretty healthy prior to this. If she says she is struggling, the kind and nice thing to do would be to help her out… obviously. Is her entitlement a negative trait? Sure.. but that doesn’t mean she isn’t suffering. I think everyone’s a jerk here.
Her, for acting like she is entitled rather than asking. You, for not taking an opportunity to be kind to another human who needs help. And also work for not designating her space.” masofon
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