People Feel Rushed To Tell These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Don't Want A New Mom And He Made A Dumb Decision?
“My mom passed away when I (16M) was 5. I remember her, just not amazingly well. When I was 7 my dad started seeing someone again and met Mara.
At first, I was upset about Mara and my dad seeing each other and didn’t want to meet her and gave her a hard time. I told her I didn’t want her replacing my mom. She gave me space to let out all my feelings at her and then she reassured me she was not here to take mom’s place.
She told me she liked my dad and wanted to like me too but she didn’t have to be my mom for us to like each other. At first, I wasn’t sure if I believed her. But she won me over and we got along well.
She even lived with us for a year. But when I was 10 Dad broke up with Mara and said she wasn’t trying hard enough to fill the role of mom for me and I needed a mom. I told him I didn’t want another mom and I loved Mara.
That she was the best. Mara was blindsided by it because things had been so good and I don’t think my dad had said it would be a dealbreaker.
Within a few months, he met his wife, Stacey. Stacey was a single mom with a 2-year-old daughter.
I was 11 by then. Stacey was very on board to be my new mom and I was not. I said it so many times I didn’t want a new mom, I wouldn’t call someone else mom, I missed Mara, and wouldn’t give Stacey a chance if she tried to take over mom’s place.
I was ignored and Dad and Stacey got married when I was 12.
After my 16th birthday, which was June, my dad kinda realized I was serious about not wanting a mom and not giving Stacey a chance to be my mom. She has tried so hard too.
She has tried to make me love her and her daughter. But I’m not here to get a new mom. I’m not open to it, something dad now knows. It’s caused a lot of strain with him and Stacey because Stacey found out I had DMd Mara recently and apologized to Dad thanked her for being awesome and said I miss her.
Stacey said she couldn’t even get me to say I liked her. I told her it’s because I don’t. I don’t like people who don’t listen or who think they can make me do things like let them be my new mom. Stacey said she was expecting/promised a family for her daughter.
Not this.
Dad pulled me aside a few nights ago and told me he now realizes I was serious about the things I said and he realizes I loved Mara. But that he wanted the best for me and someone who wouldn’t even try to be my mom, wasn’t it?
He told me Stacey would be such a good second mom to me and I could have a sister if I gave this a chance. He said his marriage could end if we can’t pull together as a family. I told him he made a dumb decision and I wouldn’t fix it for him.
I said it was fine if Mara just wasn’t the one for him or if their relationship changed. But I loved her because she wasn’t my mom. She was someone I could trust and love as Mara. And that my dislike of Stacey wasn’t changing and neither was my unwillingness to get a new mom.
Dad told me I don’t get to speak to him like that. That I was out of line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have consistently told your dad over the years that you did not want a new ‘mother’. And he has consistently, including now, ignored what you had to say.
He’s the one who messed up, not you. Sounds like he made promises to Stacey that he expected you to keep for him. That’s all on him. And you’re right, it’s not up to you to ‘fix’ it.” Janetaz18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A good parent puts the needs of the child above their wants.
You needed an adult figure you could trust and who would care about you without the title of mom let alone trying to force it. Mara got it. Your dad and Stacey don’t. They are trying to control you, not love you. Like many things – the harder the push, the more you pull away.
Crap parenting.” share the wine.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Mara was more or less an advocate for you. She wanted to be there for you and listen to you. Your father hasn’t done that. And where does Stacey get off saying that she was promised a family for her daughter?
WTH, is there no other reason these people got married? You can’t fix your dad’s screwup. He’s the one that created the mess, he has to clean it up.” CornerAffectionate24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You weren’t out of line. Not one little bit. Your father is a manipulative idiot and dare I say lazy?
Are you making a plan for your exit? Two years can be long but often goes by in a flash. Are your maternal grandparents in the picture?” Niccels11
24. AITJ For Using A Hammock Frequently On A Cruise?
“My husband and I are on a cruise and just experienced something strange, wanted to check with people here to see if we’re really in the wrong.
Yesterday was day 1 of five sea days. We are kind of early risers because the cruise is 5 hours behind our normal time, but are getting up and getting breakfast around 8 AM and settling into our spots around 9 AM ship time.
There are a couple of really cute hammocks with sheets that you can lay in, and yesterday we spent almost the entire day admittedly alternating between reading and napping in the hammock.
We’d get up and go do trivia or game shows for 1-2 hours at a time and we’d take all of our stuff and go. If we’re just running to grab food, drinks, or the bathroom and come back, we leave our stuff.
This morning, we got up at normal time, had breakfast, came around 9:30 and no one was using it.
We laid in it for a few hours, grabbed our stuff, and left for trivia for 30 minutes. When we came back, it still wasn’t being used, I sat down and some lady asked if I was going to be here all day.
I thought she was joking about vacation time so I shrugged and said I wasn’t sure, and then she starts yelling at me about how we used it all day yesterday and we’re hogging it so we should let someone else use it.
She was really rude and everyone was staring at us. My husband and I tried to explain there were other hammocks around the ship she could use but she said we were still wrong for hogging it.
I got mad and told her that I just might use it all day, she flipped me off and stormed away.
But isn’t that kind of what people do at resorts/vacations? You kind of pick a spot and hang out there most of the day.
We haven’t been getting up particularly early for it, we mosey over to it and leave a few times during the day.
I’m not sure what we should be doing differently. I don’t see the sense in leaving it unused when we see it not being used just in case someone else walks by and wants it. Why can’t we just use it if we get up multiple times a day and leave it open, but keep coming back to it being empty?
Open to how to be polite and considerate to other guests while also maximizing my ability to live my best life because in all honesty I love the hammock and it’s so comfy. It’s day 2/5 sea days so want to get along and make the most of it.
One couple near by supported us, but the others a bit further away gave us really dirty looks.
If she had just asked me for it, or asked if we could trade out later, I would have given it to her. I pride myself on being a super nice person and wanting to get along with others.
I told the couple that supported us if they wanted it, to just let me know and they said they might later.
Now it just feels weird because I feel like I’m doing something wrong laying here, but I also don’t want to give in to her and just leave the hammock especially because no one else has used it the other times we’ve left it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took so many precautions to be considerate to others: * You gave people multiple chances to grab the spot. Leaving 3-4 times a day with all your stuff. * You aren’t getting up at 6 am to hold it. * you’re taking your stuff if you’re gone longer than 30mins.
It can take 30mins easy to grab a drink and a snack on ships like those. ***The only jerk is somebody who just starts yelling at a stranger without even trying to talk with them first.*** I’d let someone official know about the interaction. She seems like the type to complain, and you should give the staff a warning.
Also, you may want a paper trail in case she starts harassing you again. It’s telling that the couple close to you supported you–because they can see what you’re doing. The far-away couples who are giving you dirty looks aren’t paying attention, so they see you there occasionally and think you haven’t left the hammock all day.
Same thing with that lady. (also the dirty looks may just be cuz somebody is yelling on vacation, not cuz of hammock etiquette).” peggingpinhead
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are the TA. If no one was using it, you are free to go there, and if the lady wanted to use the hammock she could have politely asked and I’m sure you wouldn’t have had a problem giving it to her.
If the hammock is open you are free to use it I do not think you were in the wrong unless someone has asked to use it and you declined all day.” Recedingforehead
Another User Comments:
“She forgot she was on vacation and was still in everyday fight mode.
You weren’t wrong. She was just looking for something to be upset about. Later it’ll be that someone is using all the sprinkles for the ice cream. Take a deep breath, exhale all that nonsense, and swing away. NTJ ” Majestic_Register346
Another User Comments:
“Once you have the hammock, you are entitled to use it for as long as you wish.
But the thing is, you have to use it, which you were. You can pee or grab a drink, but you cannot leave for half an hour to play trivia, WHICH YOU DIDN’T. Hogging hammocks or lounge chairs is only wrong if you are not using them.
The staff should then remove your belongings.” Maximum-Swan-1009
23. AITJ For Hiding Sweets From My Aunt Who Claims To Hate Chocolate?
“I (19F) live with my mother (50ish) grandmother (70ish) and great aunt (70ish, younger than grandmother). I love baking, making, and eating sweets, mostly chocolate, but what I love more is sharing with friends and family.
However, my grandmother can’t eat many sweets and my aunt claims to hate chocolate. I once made chocolate chip cookies with nuts for my best friend, and despite telling my aunt they were for my friend, she threw a tantrum because I did not make them the way she liked.
Another time, I was making chocolate pudding for a family member’s young child (I used two boxes so that anyone could enjoy it) and my aunt ate a few cups, including the last one I was saving for the kid. Anytime I go to the store with my mother, I buy some chocolates.
I don’t tell my grandmother because I don’t want her to get tempted by them, and I don’t tell my aunt in case she complains. I also hide anything like chocolate chips, cookies, gummy worms/bears, and more, if I’m going to be using them in sweets.
Yesterday, my mother came home with ice cream. Sugar-free for my grandmother, and chocolate for us. We had some vanilla already. My aunt comes home, finds the ice cream (chocolate), and throws a tantrum with my mother because she bought chocolate. My mother tells her that we had vanilla ice cream, but my aunt doesn’t care, she doesn’t eat any of the ice cream.
(My aunt also hates anything sugar-free.)
On a semi-related note, when I first tried my hand at the pudding thing, I was trying to crush cookies to put in layers. I was using a meat tenderizer and a bowl, it was working well. My aunt suggested that I use the rolling pin she got me and a plastic bag.
I told her no because the crumbs would get everywhere. We got into a (verbal) fight over this. It did not end until I put the cookies into a Ziploc bag and rolled them out with the rolling pin. The bag exploded, getting cookie crumbs all over the floor that we’re now wasted. She told me that I was doing it wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, If your aunt wants her favorite baked goods she can make them, buy them, or Ask. Like darn, I know SS is hard/impossible to live on but it sure sounds like she’s living rent-free one way or the other with that household structure.” Scary-Welder8404
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear. Your Auntie sounds like she needs more endorphins from chocolate, despite allegedly despising it. You, on the other hand, sound very conscientious. Maybe culinary school is in your future? Become a renowned pastry chef and have the last laugh!” Humblefreindly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like your aunt thinks every sweets purchase (and probably other things if I had to guess) should revolve around her and her preferences ugh. About the cookie-crushing thing, it sounds like you may have done it wrong. I only say that as an informational thing, not to say your aunt is not being a jerk.
So after you put the cookies in the Ziploc, you need to press out all the air and then finish closing it. If you leave a bunch of air in there, then when you hit it with the rolling pin it might pop like a balloon.
What your aunt suggested is a typical way of crushing cookies/graham crackers and things. That’s not to say it’s the ONLY way of course.” anothertypicalcmmnt
22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Unsupportive Parents To My Wedding?
“So….8 years ago I (F, 26) came out to my parents as gay, a few months before my high school graduation.
They’re diehard southern Baptists, but I thought that maybe things would be different if it was their daughter, maybe they’d accept me. They didn’t. They yelled at me across the kitchen table for hours. My dad quoted scripture to me. I stayed at a friend’s house that night and my dad threatened to not let me come back.
My mom asked the church to pray for my sinful tendencies. I packed my things and left three days later.
We’ve talked twice. Twice since then. Once on my college graduation and once last Christmas. If they’ve ever shown any remorse for how they treated me, they’ve never said it.
Four years ago I met my amazing partner, Jen (F, 26) and we hit it off talking about Doctor Who and Critical Role at a comic con. My life has been brighter with her in it and she brings out the best in me. We got engaged last year and are planning to have our wedding in March.
We sent out invitations to people, and her parents were invited, I invited my aunt and uncle, who took me in after I left home and have always supported me. My uncle posted the invitation on his social media and I guess he’s still friends with my mom because three days later I got a message from her, telling me off for not even inviting her or my dad.
I asked her why she would think that I would invite her after the things she said to me and she told me that I’m their daughter and of course, they want to be at my wedding. I told her that it’s been eight years and she’s never apologized so I don’t trust her intentions for wanting to come to my wedding.
She begrudgingly said that she was sorry for how she made me think I felt and that made me so mad that I put the phone down and walked away. I’m not budging on not giving her an invitation, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would ask your Uncle why he would post your invitation on social media. Is he trying to get you and your parents back together or rub it into their faces and any of their mutual friends’ faces that discarded you like trash? No, your parents don’t need to be invited. They have not been a part of your life and just because she says sorry, doesn’t mean you have to forgive her.
Not unless you want to. And if you do forgive her it doesn’t mean you have to forget how they made you feel.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents took away your home and the safe, loving, accepting family they were supposed to be.
They don’t get to demand ring-side seats to the new safe, loving, accepting family you’re making. They can wait for the social media photos that eventually get fed back to them. In the meantime, block their phone numbers.” lil_red_irish
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here.
It sounds like your parents had years to reflect and apologize but chose not to. A half-hearted, backhanded apology doesn’t make up for what you went through. Your wedding should be about celebrating love and joy with the people who’ve supported you, not those who’ve hurt you.
Stand your ground—you deserve a drama-free day!” lady_rider555
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help With My Estranged Father's Dementia Care?
“I’m 41 and I have 2 sisters, 2 half-sisters, and a half-brother. My half-siblings all have different moms and are all within 3 months of age of each other and 10 years older than me.
I have not had a relationship with my father in 2 decades and have only seen or talked to him a handful of times in those 2 decades.
The man is just a jerk and always has been. My brother doesn’t talk to him or like him either.
My brother texted me that he heard from my sister that my dad has bad dementia and all my sisters have been taking care of him because he is in a lot of debt and can’t work because of his condition.
I asked in the family group text what the deal was and my sister explained what was going on with him. She didn’t want to post in the group chat about his condition because she knows my brother hates him and didn’t want to read anything bad said about him in the chat because she was upset about dealing with his failing health.
I’m probably the most well-off out of all of us and she asked if I could help in any way I told her I hadn’t had a relationship with that man in decades and then asked if he wanted someone to take care of him when he got old he shouldn’t have been a bad father.
Many people had true monsters as parents and he wasn’t a monster but he made life as a kid for me a lot worse than it needed to be. My sister got upset and then we got into an argument because she wanted to police what my brother and I said about our father.
My brother didn’t even really meet my dad until my brother was a grown man. We are both fathers and are on the same page with not really caring about what’s going on with him. He wasn’t a good father to any of us but the girls feel the need to take care of him and the boys are like meh.
Now that I’m a dad I have lost even more respect for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But taking care of someone with Dementia is hard. I’ve been there it sucks. If they were mean to begin with they’re probably only going to get meaner.
If you have a relationship with your sisters it might be worth seriously thinking about what you can contribute financially. Not for your father but for the improvement it will be to your sister’s lives.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I have been the sister in this story.
It sucks. Really. In my situation, my parent wasn’t even at all like OP’s dad and not nearly as bad a parent. However, I recognized my siblings’ lack of relationship and never even asked for things the way OP’s sister did. I never would have even thought to try to police what my siblings had to say about our mutual parent.
I recognized that their experience with our parents was theirs and it wasn’t my place to expect anything from them at all. I am the youngest. Everything fell to me for care, cost, and administrative responsibilities. I did it all alone and I have never regretted it for one minute.
Just know that your experience isn’t the same as theirs. I would suggest you try to at least be compassionate for them, even if you cannot be towards your father. It may just keep your heart from hurting one day. NTJ” stove1336
20. AITJ For Ignoring My Roommate After She Hooked Up With My Crush?
“I started university in a different country, far from my family and friends, so the friends I’ve made here feel like family. One of my closest friends is my best friend and current roommate, Britney (19). This year, we decided to live together in an apartment, and since I love cooking and am good at it, I usually handle almost all of our cooking.
But recently, I’ve stopped talking to her and doing anything “roommatey” because of something she did.
It all began on a group hike with friends, including Britney. I was chatting and flirting with a guy named Tom (18, fake name), whom I had a bit of a crush on.
He was calling, texting, and sending voice messages, and Britney, my best friend, knew all about it. She encouraged me, hyping up my crush and telling me to go for it.
Yesterday, we were all going to a club, and Tom called me, asking if he could come over early while we were getting ready.
We all agreed. While we were there, he made a comment about turning down another friend’s crush on him because he “doesn’t do relationships.” He refused to look at me when he said it, so I texted the friend he mentioned, who confirmed she’d never had a crush on him.
Basically, he was telling me he wasn’t interested without saying it directly. I was crushed, ended up crying in the arms of my roommates (including Britney), and spiraled into insecurity about my outfit and appearance. After they reassured me, we started drinking and went to a pregame before heading to the club.
At the club, we got ID’d for the first time, and I was held up finding a photo of mine. By the time I got in, half the group was in the bathroom. Britney and Tom showed up last, saying he’d been sick and she wasn’t feeling well from the booze.
As we all danced and partied, I noticed Britney and Tom getting closer and even making out. Britney, clearly intoxicated asked me if I was okay with it, saying she’d stop if I felt uncomfortable. I was also pretty intoxicated, so I said it was fine since they’d already kissed. But they continued making out for the rest of the night.
Later, I got a text from my best friend back home saying her partner had broken up with her, so I decided it was time to leave (rough night for me).
I was hurt and jealous, but I figured it was just kissing, and I told her it was okay.
Tom didn’t seem interested in me, so what could I do? When we got home, Britney was very intoxicated, and he was helping her. Tom ended up staying the night. He was supposed to sleep on the couch, but Britney asked him to stay in her bed.
At 6 am, I woke up and went to the bathroom feeling nauseous, only to hear them hooking up. I went back to bed but woke up again when he was leaving. Then Britney came over and told me everything, confessing that she hadn’t felt sick and that they’d hooked up in the club bathroom before she even asked if I was okay with it.
It felt shady and the opposite of “girl code,” and her going into detail about it made me feel even worse. I just sat there, unsure of what to say.
After feeling sick with anxiety and anger, I decided to stop doing all the “roommate” things with her, including cooking.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but where I might be the jerk is that I’m still cooking for everyone else in my life—just not for Britney. So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, that sounds like such a rough situation.
It’s understandable why you’d feel hurt and betrayed. It’s not even just about Tom rejecting you—it’s the fact that Britney was encouraging you one minute, then turning around and hooking up with him right after. The way she went about it was pretty sneaky, and her trying to justify it the next morning just makes it feel worse.” User
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Aunt's Baby Shower Due To Our Complicated Relationship?
“My Aunt (A) is expecting a baby boy. She already revealed her gender, but she is having a baby shower. This baby shower is hosted by another Aunt, whom I will call T at her house.
T and I have a complicated relationship. I don’t hate her, but I don’t like her either. For various reasons, such as when I was younger I was forced to spend the night at her house – even when I voiced my discomfort. I was scared of the dark and had terrible separation anxiety.
It didn’t help that my cousin showed me a really scary video when I was young.
She also had trash-talked my parents in front of me – and when I voiced that I didn’t like it. She would stop for a bit, and then continue to do so.
She had forced me into a tight outfit when I had bought my clothes – which were comfortable and casual to go to an amusement park. The bra was tight, and so was the shirt. I tried to tell her that I was uncomfortable and she ignored me.
Last year, during January – my uncle, (D) invited me out to dinner with my younger cousin. I agreed to go, and he told me that T would not be joining us. Come to find out later – that she did come with my cousin.
And D told me that she was always going to come. I was lied to.
The dinner ended in an argument between T and D – and it wasn’t a good night. On the way home D had yelled at me because of a miscommunication when ordering food, and brought me to tears.
The conflict. Well – my grandma called me, and then my cousins had her phone. Asking me why I wasn’t attending the baby shower. I told them that “I would be busy with school.” Which wasn’t a lie. They told me that I should come – and that my aunt was sad that I didn’t attend her gender reveal.
My grandma then told me to think hard about it.
I feel a bit guilty as A has done a lot for me. However, T has done a lot to hurt me emotionally. If I do say why I don’t want to attend it could lead to drama and people having their feelings hurt.
However, I don’t want to be around someone like T.
So, WIBTJ for not attending my aunt’s baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Don’t give any reason other than school. Find another time you can celebrate with Aunt A to show her how much she means to you.
If you think you can tolerate T for a few hours it sounds like it would mean a lot to A; letting T have this level of impact on you is still a way you’re allowing her to control your life. I hope you can find healing from her past treatment of you!” grayfern
18. AITJ For Wanting My Toxic Mother-In-Law Out Of My Life After Battling Cancer?
“So me (35 y/o female) and my husband (33-year-old male) love each other so much, we have a 2-year-old daughter and my first son from a previous relationship is 8 and he has also a kid of 8 years old from a previous relationship.
At 34, I was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, a very aggressive type, I had to take 6 months of chemotherapy and surgery (mastectomy) during my chemotherapy journey my husband’s ex and his son moved from another country to my mother-in-law’s house (she lives in the same neighborhood as us) the ex-wife dislikes me of course and since she’s here my mother in law started to say awful things behind my back.
She told senseless things about me to my husband, and she is so mortified that my husband has changed” since he has been with me. She’s so jealous of me for no reason, she and the ex started to do all these things while I was fighting for my life, the ex didn’t let her son come to our place so my husband had to go and see him at their house so he couldn’t be much time in our place.
Both of them say awful things about me and my husband in front of the kid and now my stepson hates me and hates his little sister (now the poor kid is in therapy because he’s messed up because of them).
Now, I’m out of cancer, I’m doing immunotherapy and have one more surgery but I’m cancer-free, and after everything, my mother-in-law did to me I decided I don’t want any type of relationship with her and I don’t want her close to my daughter either, when I was diagnosed she told my mom that I said that my wish was that my husband raised my daughter with his ex and send my oldest son with his biological dad who abandoned him, which is a BIG LIE, not just she was already putting me down, she was lying, so am I the jerk for wanting her out of my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I’m so happy to hear you cancer free! You’re a strong woman, especially having to deal with this situation with such awful people beside you. I think you’re right about wanting to put some limits on your own house because it’s supposed to be your safe place.
You have the right to tell your husband you don’t want your MIL to come over and don’t want your kids alone with her. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this, and I hope your husband takes your side on this.
Not that he should create a fight or anything, but just be there for you and support your choice.” BlueVelvetS2
17. AITJ For Not Denying I Was Gay To Stand Up For A Classmate?
“I (17M) come from a country where being gay is slowly getting more accepted, especially in the bigger cities but I live in a smaller town where this is still not so common.
There’s this guy in my class who is gay but he doesn’t hide it, and most of the time people leave him alone but some of my friends like to make jokes about him.
The other day during recess we were playing football and this guy wanted to join.
But one of my friends started making jokes, saying things like “Gay guys can’t play football” and “What do you know about football? You’re probably more into fashion” I felt really bad about this because it was too much so I pulled my friend to the side and told him to stop being mean.
I told him it was not cool and to let him play at least one time to see if he was good. My friend laughed and said “Why are you so offended? Are you gay too or what?”
I didn’t want to act embarrassed or like being gay is a bad thing so I told him “Well, if I am, what about it?
I’m still a good player” I thought it would be better to say that because I didn’t want to be all defensive and proving him right like it’s something to be ashamed of. Also, I didn’t want the gay guy to feel like I was disgusted by the idea of being called gay like there’s something wrong with it.
But now my partner (17F) found out what I said and she’s very mad at me. She’s calling me a jerk and a lousy partner for not denying the accusation because now her friends are gossiping about how she has a gay partner, and she says it’s humiliating for her.
I tried to explain to her why I didn’t deny it but she just said I messed up. Now I’m not sure if I did the right thing or not. I don’t care if people think I’m gay but she seems upset about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner should be proud of you. She should have your back, and have fun with it. Flirting with partners is fun. It is safer than flirting with guys, and it is a way for young women to support each other and boost each other’s self-esteem.
She needs to lighten up. If she can’t appreciate what you did, and how that makes you a better partner than some knuckle-dragging gorilla who is so insecure about their preferences, they are afraid to be seen being a decent human being to a gay student, other girls will.” TheSolarmom
Another User Comments:
“You did the right thing! It sounds like a more complicated situation than it needs to be because of stigma in your region, but I think your partner should see your side of it. If not, it seems like she is harboring some prejudice.
Maybe you can work on that with her, or maybe you can just do better. (Get a better partner, that is.) Straight guy in the USA here. One time I was riding the bus and I guy asked me if I was gay because of something about the way I talk.
I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I said yeah, so what? He got off the bus and waited for the next one! Bigoted idiot.” SpaceRatCatcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s hard to stand up to bigotry when it’s coming from your friends.
You stood up for your values & defended someone more vulnerable, and you should be proud of that. It sounds like your partner cares more about upholding the status quo, which is why she’s mad at you.” glib_result
16. AITJ For Buying A Steam Deck While My Mom Struggles Financially?
“I’ll try to keep this brief. I (21) live at home because rent is insane right now. I work a minimum-wage job.
When I get paid (every 2 weeks) I give my mother (45F) all but $50 from my check. I use that little money I have to pay my phone bill and small things I need throughout the month. I wanted a steam deck since high school so I’ve been cutting back on some things.
An example is gas. When I drive my mother’s car I have to replace the gas I use. So instead of driving, I’ve been walking where I need to go. I’ve only been able to save maybe $10 a month.
About a week ago my friend told me their cousin was getting a new steam deck and selling their old one because of some external damage.
They said they could talk to him and see if he’d sell it to me for cheap. I agreed since I had a little over $200 saved up. Yesterday I ended up buying it for $150. Was it probably foolish to use a large portion of my savings for it?
Probably but I never really splurge on myself like this.
Well, my mother saw it and commented on how it was nice that someone gifted me one. I don’t know why but I corrected her and said I’d bought it. She immediately got mad and asked where I got the money.
When I said I’d been saving she went off. Yelling about how she’s going to have to pawn her jewelry this month to afford the light bill and how could I be so selfish. I snapped back that I give her almost everything I make and that I should be able to do what I want with what’s left.
She’s upset with me now. She’s taking her jewelry to pawn this afternoon and I feel like a jerk. I could probably get my money back since I bought the deck through my friend but I don’t want to. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re giving your mother money and then saving a little, then you have every right to spend what you save on what you want. Without knowing more about the situation, it would be hard to determine whether or not she is the jerk, but normally, if living within you means you don’t have to pawn jewelry to stay afloat.” nem3siz0729
Another User Comments:
“I guess it comes down to a few very important questions. Is she mismanaging her money??? Is she not working enough??? How much are you taking home per week??? Can you work more hours?? Can she??? Second jobs for both of you???
While I won’t say either person is a jerk, I will say that it sucks to have to sell personal items to make rent/bills. I speak from personal experience on that stuff. I will say this… If your mom is selling her stuff, something needs to be done here.
Whether it’s her addressing her spending habits or the two of you working more to ensure all bills are paid, there’s food in the house, and everyone gets a little spending money.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t give enough information. “All but $50” from your check doesn’t let us know how much the check is to begin with.
You say minimum wage pay but not how many hours you work, we don’t know if it’s federal minimum wage or if you have a higher state minimum wage. In general, if that’s the agreement, then that’s the agreement, and you can spend the remainder however you wish.
That’s assuming you didn’t know there was a money crisis for some reason because fair doesn’t mean much when the lights are off and the rent isn’t paid.” eamglider
15. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother's Partner After Discovering She's Having An Affair On Him?
“I (26F) have a brother (23M), Ian and we’re incredibly close. Ian went Air Force and now lives in my house, pays little rent to me so he can mostly save.
Ian was involved with Gia (23F) at 16. It was short-lived but he adored her, it ended badly. Now he’s seeing her again. I voiced my concern to him but gave her a fair shot. We got along okay and had some shared interests, so things were fine until like 8 hours ago.
Ian borrowed my car on the fly for a few hours. Gia didn’t know I was home and carless because she let herself in (didn’t love that recent habit tbh), and from upstairs I faintly heard “Love you baby, see ya tonight”, which is incredibly weird.
After all, I am very literally *on the phone* with Ian talking about when he’ll get his car back.
I’m VERY passive, but I hang up in a weird haze to go downstairs. Said something along the lines of “Who’s baby?” hoping I misheard.
She kinda froze and tried to tell me it was Ian, and told her to try again because we were just on the phone. To my disbelief, she says it’s her “ex-partner that she’s going to break up with when their lease is up”.
An ex doesn’t need to break up with?? That’s a partner??? I ask if Ian knows and she says he “knows she’s stuck living with an ex”. At that point, I said something like “Get out of my house and never come back”.
She pretty much beat feet without a fight and I just kinda went numb waiting to tell Ian.
He shows up an hour later steaming about me harassing Gia. I tell him she admitted she’s still involved with the man she’s living with and he furiously informs me that I misunderstood and they’re not remotely together.
Eventually, I said he could get out too if he’s gonna bury his head and contribute to an affair. He thinks I’m holding her past against her and says he pays rent anyway so have no say on his guests. I’m honestly thinking of hunting down the not-ex online.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk. You were protecting your brother by telling him the truth about what you heard and confronting the situation directly. Gia admitted to having a current partner, which is a valid reason for you to react the way you did.
Your brother is understandably upset, but it’s likely because he’s in denial about the situation. Your brother may be paying rent, but it’s still your house, so you have the right to set boundaries and decide who is allowed in your home. You gave Gia a fair chance, and she appears to have broken your trust. If your brother continues to ignore the red flags and defend her, it’s reasonable for you to consider putting your foot down about her presence in your space.
It might help to have a calm conversation with your brother, explaining that your concern is about protecting him, not holding Gia’s past against her. However, based on what Gia said, it’s clear she’s not being honest with him. You’re not wrong for drawing a line, especially in your own home.” Serendipity_Calling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re right for trying to protect your brother. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset when you find out your brother is hurt, and then be upset again when your brother thinks you’re against the woman, and him. I don’t know how far you want to take things.
Your brother does have a point in that he pays rent and he should be allowed to have guests. But that should only apply so long as the guest that is staying does not infringe on your happiness as well. Your brother pays rent. If it’s that important to you to push the point, stop accepting the rent, especially if there is no lease term, and ask him to leave.
As much as this upsets you, it is his life and his choice. You’ve done your part. Now let him use the knowledge his way.” UltimatelyCoolDude
14. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Struggling Siblings?
“So, here’s some context. I (28F) am the youngest of three siblings. My parents recently passed away unexpectedly and left behind a will. In the will, my parents left me the majority of their estate, including their house and some savings. My older siblings (34 and 32M) were left significantly less, but they were given a fair amount too.
The reasoning behind this (according to my parents) is that I’ve always been the one taking care of them, helping them out financially, and managing the house. My siblings, on the other hand, have been pretty absent. They’ve always struggled with maintaining jobs, and I’ve bailed them out financially several times.
My parents believed I would use the inheritance responsibly, but they weren’t sure about my siblings.
Here’s where things get tricky: Both of my siblings are now in a financial crisis. They’ve come to me asking if I’d be willing to share more of my inheritance to help them out.
They’re struggling with rent, and one of them has medical bills they can’t cover. They’ve accused me of being selfish and not “doing the right thing” since I have more than they do now.
The thing is, I’ve already helped them out so many times over the years, often at the cost of my financial security.
I feel like my parents left things this way for a reason, and I should honor their wishes. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I feel like constantly bailing out my siblings won’t teach them to be more responsible. I’m not rolling in cash either — I’m still working hard to build my own life and future.
Now, my siblings have been telling our extended family that I’m greedy and heartless for not sharing more of the inheritance, and a lot of them agree. I’m feeling a lot of guilt, but I’m also frustrated because I don’t think it’s fair that I’m expected to keep rescuing them.
So, AITJ for refusing to share my inheritance with my struggling siblings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re following your parents’ wishes. If they wanted your siblings to have the money, they would have given it to them. If your extended family is so concerned about it, then they can help your siblings out.
And you know they won’t because it’s easier to give away someone else’s money than their own.” ailment
Another User Comments:
“Your parents, by their wills, said your siblings weren’t worthy of any more money than they received, and that it would wasted on them.
Your parents knew them better than anyone else and that’s why they did what they did. How is this your fault? Why should you pay for it? (It’s not; you shouldn’t) “My parents decided on what they felt was equitable. I’m not going against their choices.
I’m going to honor their decision.” CinnamonBlue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ tell them the money is gone. It is not accessible and has been locked into long-term investments. There is no way you can withdraw any of it. If your parents added up everything they gave them to help out over the years, you likely got equal shares of their estate.
They are going to need to learn to adult without anyone enabling them anymore.” dncrmom
13. AITJ For Snapping At My Co-Worker Over A Racial Stereotype Joke?
“I (17F Asian) recently fought with my coworker ‘Ari’ (22F white). We haven’t had any issues until this incident.
Yesterday she was asking what courses I’m taking (I just started college) and when I told her, calculus was one of the courses.
Ari said she expected that. I raised my eyebrow and I asked “What do you mean by that.” I already knew where this was going but I wanted to see what she would say next. She said that well, Asians always love math. I sighed and told her that I don’t LOVE math but my major (public health) requires me to take it, so I’m taking it early on just so I won’t have to do it later.
I tried to joke about it by saying that I’m not a math person.
She said “Seriously? You’re not Asian enough!” in a joking tone that annoyed me. I know it was a joke but this hit hard since I’ve experienced comments like this before from people if I didn’t conform to what they thought of Asian people (ex.
someone told me I wasn’t “a real Korean” because I don’t like kimchi) and while I get that it’s not that serious compared to other situations people face, it gets annoying after a while.
I told her that I am very much Asian and she can see my birth certificate if she doesn’t believe it.
I didn’t yell but said this in a really rude tone. And I ignored her apology. When she tried to talk with me about work stuff I would respond curtly.
Half of me feels justified because I am so tired of this stereotype. The other half feels bad because I don’t like getting mad at people and causing a big scene when it could have been avoided. I feel like I’m the one who escalated the conversation in the first place.
Honestly, I don’t know anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry that you keep having to endure this jerk behavior from people who believe in these stereotypes. It must be awful to have to hear over and over. However, a coworker is usually strictly prohibited (in the US) from saying things like that, which is considered to cause a hostile work environment.
Please go visit/call your HR department immediately to report this. Don’t be afraid to do it because you may be making it easier for the next Asian (or any other race/culture) to feel comfortable in the workplace.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she said was highly inappropriate.
At the least, a microaggression. I used to be a college counselor and my international students always wanted to jump prerequisites. One duo explained they were Asian so they work harder than everyone else. I was so upset. I was like no, some people work harder just to stay alive every day!” ammonites
Another User Comments:
“Well, if you weren’t friends before, you probably won’t be now… Look, I’m a white dude, so I don’t wanna tell you what you should or shouldn’t be offended by… but if a random coworker at my new job said I’m not Polish enough because I don’t like perogies, I doubt I would have cared enough to do more than chuckle at a silly, mean-nothing joke… Going with very soft ESH, her for her silly comment, and you for overreacting a bit…” Driftwood256
12. AITJ For Having A 'Man Cave' In My House?
“I 31M partner 30F has been having an issue lately. I just need to know if I’m wrong.
I recently bought into a Co-op with no help from her. My place is a 2 bedroom townhouse with 2 bathrooms and a full basement.
She is currently in a lease for a one-bedroom apartment. So she won’t be living with me anytime soon but she may move in after her lease is up. We have started to have a conversation about her moving in. She doesn’t like the fact I have a “Man Cave”.
My “Man Cave” is divided into four sections. One is a theater equipped with movie chairs and a projector. The second is a small podcast set up for a planned future endeavor. The third is just a corner near the washer and dryer where I have some work equipment for side projects.
Lastly is a section under the stairs just for storage.
She thinks that having a “Man Cave” is sexist and archaic. There shouldn’t be any places she shouldn’t be able to go in the house she would be living in. My partner also believes that it breeds a secretive dynamic.
I agree with the point that there shouldn’t be a place in the house she can’t go, but I never said she wasn’t allowed in the basement. We both used the theater while she visited. The only section even remotely off-limits is the one with the podcast setup.
That’s because of the expensive equipment.
I am paying for everything. I won’t be expecting any help with bills or anything if she moves in. She would just be responsible for food.
I even told her she could design the living room how she’d like.
She could also have the second bedroom as an office. Or so do whatever she’s wanted with it.
I just want to know. AITJ for having a Man Cave in my house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can do whatever you want in your home.
Your suggestion for space division if and when your partner moves in with you is more than generous. Frankly, this seems like a semantics argument. Since you’re not planning to keep her out of the room, the term ‘man cave’ seems to be the main issue, rather than the actual use of the room.
You could start calling it your ‘workshop,’ ‘office,’ or ‘project room,’ and see if that helps. All these words indicate your ownership of the room without the implication that she should be excluded based on her gender.” MurnSwag2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a woman I gotta say that there are WAY too many women out there under the society-bred belief that male privacy or space means he’s doing something he shouldn’t.
To me, a man should have individuality. I like my personal space. Can’t stand my husband up in my bubble when I’m writing. I love that he has our shed as his personal space to go and bang on wood or pot plants or… I dunno, whatever he does out there.
Personal space like a man cave is important and she should respect it whether she does or doesn’t live there. I think it’s very reasonable that you let her join you there in your space and yet section off the podcast area. The reasons don’t matter, she should respect your space.
Honestly, just sounds like she’s triggered by you calling it a “man” cave. So weird but plenty of women like that. Meanwhile, me over here encouraging Hub to make his office a man cave lol… Stand your ground on the title of your space, she’ll get over it.
If she doesn’t, she might be a little warped and warranting second thoughts. Best wishes!” Best-Procedure3447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for having the space. I’m guessing her issue is referring to it as your “man cave” which, to be honest, is a stupid term. And even if you haven’t said it’s off limits (except the podcasting area which, we assume, is off-limits because she breaks everything?), saying “my man cave” implies that it IS off-limits to her, especially when you aren’t around.
Stop using that term and refer to it as “the basement” and see how this magically resolves.” gravybang
11. AITJ For Lying To Avoid Staying At My Partner's Unclean Family Home?
“My partner (28M) and I (28 F) have been together for about 5 years and I hate staying at his parent’s house (his childhood house). We live about 8 hours away so when visiting, we generally stay for 3 nights minimum to make the trip worth it. Their house is small, filled with clutter, tons of dog hair, and just dirty.
I have mild allergy-induced asthma and certain dogs trigger my asthma symptoms more. His parents just generally don’t clean/vacuum or brush their two dogs (lab mixes that shed a ton). We share his small childhood bedroom and sleep on a full-sized bed. I’ve tried to bring this up to my partner but he just gets upset and says I just don’t want to visit his family.
His family is fine but I just hate staying there. Last time I had to wake up in the middle of the night and take my rescue inhaler and my partner could have been more sympathetic but just remained sleeping. I may have been a little dramatic but I still needed my inhaler.
Growing up my mom was a neat freak our house was very clean and she had strict rules about not taking food out of the kitchen or dining room and washing hands after eating. His house is nothing like this.
My partner tries to help a little bit by shutting the room we stay in so the dogs don’t go inside but hair still gets in.
You can’t walk in the house without collecting crumbs or dog hair on your socks. I started wearing slippers when we visited to avoid this.
There is also only one full bathroom that we have to share with his parents and sibling who lives at home.
He planned a week-long visit to his parent’s house and I made up a work excuse on why I couldn’t go. AITJ for bailing on a week-long trip to visit his family? I couldn’t deal with staying with them for a week. I feel this is putting a strain on our relationship and is making me dislike his parents due to their cleanliness despite them being nice people.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for lying. I 100% understand why you don’t want to stay at their house but if you want to have a future with your partner you need to be able to discuss difficult topics and come to a compromise. Does your partner agree that his parents’ house is dirty or is he fine with it because that’s the mess he grew up in and it’s normal to him?
I would think that your health should take precedence over his and/or his parents’ feelings.” CommunicationFew8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t go to my partner’s sister’s house anymore because there isn’t a second of privacy. I mean bathroom doors without locks, sleeping in the sitting room with glass doors, kids going through bags.
It’s too much. I usually end up massively stressed with the whole situation. So I just don’t go. You are being affected medically by this, your partner is being a complete jerk about this. He believes the way he was brought up is “normal” (as we all do), but the lack of cleanliness is causing a medical issue so that clearly shows there’s an actual problem.
He needs to accept you can’t visit because it’s making you ill. Maybe you could ask if they can come visit you instead?” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Just get your doctor to write you an excuse saying it would put you at risk to stay in such an unhealthy place and then you can go to a hotel and visit them only or engage them outside of their home during the day visit.
Should be easy enough to get. Sorry, doctor’s orders.” PumpkinPowerful3292
10. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Stop Buying Me DNA Kits To Find My Biological Father?
“For the last 5ish years, for my birthday and Christmas every year, my wife’s parents get me a DNA kit so I can find out who my biological father is.
That’s the gift they get me each time. I have told them I’m not going to find out and I have tried returning gifts giving them away to someone else/throwing them in the trash. But they still buy me the same thing twice a year.
My wife has told them they’re wasting their funds and need to stop but they still buy me this. And the reason? Because one time I expressed that I would like to know for sure who my father is.
The reason I don’t take the gift and find out?
Because I have three potential fathers, a guy my mom was seeing, his brother (who was engaged at the time), and his father (who was married to his mother). My mom has been honest with me about it and she thinks it’s more likely to be the once engaged brother or the father who is my biological father.
But she doesn’t know. She never told them about me because she realized the truth would cause so much trouble.
I don’t want to drop a bomb on these people and risk being hated for it. If they’re angry enough they might refuse to give me any info.
And I know they could handle it better. But I’m not willing to take the risk. It’s not worth it to me.
My in-laws disagree but instead of continuing to tell me I need to find out, they do this. It’s annoying honestly and I feel like we’re stuck in this back and forth.
So I decided a few days ago to tell them outright to stop buying me gifts. I said I wouldn’t use the DNA kits they kept getting me and throwing them away was getting tiring. They told me if I wasn’t so rude and kept and used their gift, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. They said they are trying to help me and I’m unappreciative.
My wife has my back. But I do hate doing this with them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your in-laws maybe could benefit from a mental health screening. I heard many times that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating an action and expecting a different outcome.
A perfect solution, since your wife has your back, is to start “gifting” the tests back to the in-laws instead of giving them holiday gifts. An alternate solution– mention to them that you’re concerned that their credit card number is somehow attached to those kits and since you always immediately donate them to Goodwill, they should probably keep an eye on their credit statement just to be “safe”.” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are unhinged. Have your wife take the DNA test. Maybe they have some skeletons to unearth in her family since they’re so obsessed with your parentage. Also, why do they think this kit will magically tell you who your bio dad is?
Unless the potential candidates have DNA on file, it’s not going to match them.” indigoorchid0611
Another User Comments:
“No OTC DNA kit is going to be sensitive enough to distinguish among 3 men who are related this closely. Plus, they would have had to submit the same tests and agree to be contacted if there was a match.
NTJ at all. It’s a waste of time and funds. The only DNA test that would work in this situation is for all of the men to agree to go to a lab so their DNA can be compared to yours — and even then you might not be able to distinguish which among those three is the sperm donor.
Since they don’t seem to be able to understand your parentage is none of their business and you don’t want to use their “gifts” I suggest selling them or donating the tests to a silent auction or gift basket for organizations trying to raise funds.” Local-Skin1358
9. AITJ For Not Regularly Updating My Friend About His Tent I Borrowed For Camping?
“I borrowed a tent from my friend. The tent was very good and I told him that I would take full responsibility for the tent and that everything would be returned safe and sound.
After camping I cleaned the tent again at home and left it to dry properly after handing it back to the friend 4 days after the trip with a small gift as a souvenir.
I thought inside that I had done everything right and hadn’t overlooked anything that might upset my friend.
It looks like I was wrong and he was quite angry that I didn’t contact him while we were camping to see if everything was going well, if we had set up the tent without any problems etc. In other words, keeping him up to date regardless of whether there were problems or not.
That didn’t even occur to me because I’m just not the type of person who always gets in touch if there are no problems, partly because I don’t want to get on the other person’s nerves. It was also not communicated to me that I should contact him regularly and that I have poor communication skills because I have not kept him up to date.
I told him that I didn’t know that and that I was sorry but that I would do better next time, whereupon he told me there wouldn’t be a next time aka he wouldn’t take my tent out again. Now my question is whether I’m AITJ or whether it is normal to keep someone regularly up to date when renting things and whether I should have known this beforehand or not.
(I have already borrowed things from others but there was no such thing).
I can understand him in the sense that it was a really good and expensive tent (but also at least 20 years old) and he was worried that it would not come back in one piece.
But I also have to say that he could have written to me when I was camping to ask me what the situation was if everything was fine etc. when he was worried. I can’t read minds”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Your friend expected updates on a tent while you were using it.
What did he want? “Here is tent and me all setup, here is tent and me saying good night, here is tent and me having lunch.” It is a tent, not a child, not a pet. Oy. Friend sounds a wee bit off their rocker.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what a bizarre thing to get upset about. Your friend didn’t tell you they wanted you to stay in contact and didn’t call or message you to ask how doing were going. How were you supposed to know? You took care of your friend’s property and returned it in the same condition with a gift!
You handled the situation well.” Consistent-Permit966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friend’s expectations are weird, along the lines of parents who expect their adult children to text or call daily even when there’s no real reason (eg medical problems) to do so. Only your friend is worse since last I heard a tent was not a sentient being.
If you had problems, sure, you would have texted something like “Are we missing something? It looks like there should be 4 support poles and not three.” But if you didn’t, why would you text?” SavingsRhubarb8746
8. AITJ For Not Paying The Full Amount After Losing A $1000 Bet With My Partner?
“My partner and I have been living together for about a year and one of our main arguments is around my boxer mix Max. She thinks she’s a dog whisperer because her dog Jupiter is the perfect pet and that I’m a lousy dog owner.
I think it’s because she has a border collie that just trains themselves. She hasn’t developed any of the normal routines that dog owners do like putting their shoes out of reach or never leaving food unintended and getting angry about everything she pays for it.
She left a grilled cheese and Max helped himself. She was upset and told me I was the jerk for not training my dog. I argued no dog is going to turn down a grilled cheese and after arguing around we agreed to see if Jupiter is that impressive by leaving steak in front of him, leaving and seeing if he sneaks a bit.
She said $100 was on the line and I said sure and then said it was too low and said $1000 and I admit I agreed because I didn’t think I could lose.
Well, we cooked steaks and put 2 on plates near Jupiter and left. She reminded Jupiter to leave it and we left a phone to record in case he licked but didn’t eat it.
We left for 5 min. Jupiter didn’t even seem tempted. I was honestly shocked I didn’t think it was possible. I admit I’m kind of impressed. Max would have eaten it immediately. But now I cannot afford to pay the $1000. My partner wants me to pay it to her in increments.
$200/month until I paid it. I’m trying to talk her into lowering the price. I already paid her $100 but she thinks I’m the jerk for agreeing and then backing out. I already admitted she won and I only make $21/h, I’m not rich.
I think she’s getting a bit greedy and smug from winning but AITJ for trying to go back on paying the entire $1000 after losing our bet?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. YOU RAISED THE STAKES YOURSELF, dude. You can’t cry to her now saying that it’s too much after you said that $100 bucks wasn’t enough.
And yes YTJ also for not training your dog better. I haven’t tried to do this with my dog with me out of the room, but if I tell her to leave it, she does, even with my back turned. It’s possible Further, you are also the jerk for insinuating that your partner’s dog came pre-trained. I guarantee that what you’re seeing is after it’s lots of training.
True, BCs can be easier to train, but I’ve also known badly trained ones, as well as ones that were as dumb as a doornail. Give her the respect she has earned for putting in the work with her dog.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ.
You agreed to the bet, you admit it was a bet, you admit you agreed to it, and you admit you lost. You are insulting your partner and the lack of training you have done with your animal, and acting like that gives you the moral high ground somehow.
It doesn’t. You are going back on your word. Your ego pushed you to take a bet that was too expensive because you were so certain you would win, and now that she is being very reasonable about taking payments for this bet that you lost, you go back to insulting her for daring to expect you to keep your word.
Just admit to your partner that your word means nothing and that any time things get hard, you’ll revert to insulting her to make yourself feel better rather than doing the honorable thing.” Tourettescatlady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Now, you were the smug one. FYI food commands are kinda the most important.
You can get your dog to it. Takes time and effort but it’s worth it as you won’t have to worry about your dog eating non-food/non-safe things. Cause that’s the reason you do it, not about protecting your plate but to stop them from eating something dangerous while on a walk or something.” pottersquash
7. AITJ For Not Lying About My Son Sneaking To See His Sick Brother?
“I have a 17-year-old son named Jared and he has an 8-year-old half-brother named Tyler. Jared is extremely protective of Tyler. Tyler lives with his maternal uncle although Tyler does spend occasional weekends and whatnot because his uncle works at a hospital. Our house is basically his second home and my wife loves to spoil him with clothes.
On Monday Tyler was admitted to the ER because he couldn’t breathe. He had a collapsed lung and no one knows why. Jared freaked out and demanded to go to the hospital to see him. Uncle Tim said no. Tyler is fine and needs rest. He said Jared could FaceTime Tyler when he feels better.
Tyler was released from the hospital on Wednesday and Jared asked to see him. Uncle Tim said no. Tyler needs rest. Well on Thursday night, Jared snuck over to their house and Tyler let him in through the window. Uncle Tim found out because Jared left his sunglasses.
Jared denied being there and denied the sunglasses were his. Uncle Tim said that’s good because he’d ban Jared from coming over for the rest of the month if he came over without permission and after being told no.
Uncle Tim asked me if Jared was home the night in question.
Tyler held firm that he wasn’t there. Tim said let’s be respectful adults. I checked Jared’s 365 history and indeed he was at their house.
I told Tim that he was a jerk for denying Jared from seeing his brother knowing how he is with him.
He could have been more flexible and he screwed the situation up. But yes, Jared was there.
So now Jared is banned from coming over for a month and won’t be able to see his brother at least for another week. Everyone is angry at me.
My son for not lying and Tim for “kicking him while he was down.”
I told my son that I wasn’t going to help him dig himself into a deeper hole by lying and I told Tim that I said those things to him because he needed to hear it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But is there a chance that there is significant mistreatment and the dad is afraid that if your son talks to his cousin in person it will come out? Lungs don’t collapse for no reason and the uncle’s obsession with keeping your son from his kid does not seem normal.” No_Huckleberry2350
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You put your vaunted principles above doing what was prudent. Jared wasn’t sneaking around doing anything illegal, he was concerned about the health status of a defenseless child *who had an unexplained pneumothorax*. You could have – and should have – declined to answer Tim.
You didn’t need to check Jared’s history. Now there is an 8 yo kid who doesn’t have the comfort of his big brother because you put yourself and your “ethics” ahead of everything.” CandylandCanada
6. AITJ For Being Upset About My Partner's Sister Stealing My Stuff?
“I’ve been visiting my partner’s house and her sister (who is 12) has taken my phone, my keys, my watch, etc. She likes to hide my stuff and gives me clues on where to find it all. My partner and her family seem to find this charming and adorable, but I just find it annoying when I’m trying to dig my phone out from behind the fridge because she decided to put it there.
Her sister justifies it by saying she deserves my stuff more and I can win it back. I just find it bizarre her parents aren’t doing anything about it.
I talked to my partner about it and said her sister is a brat with taking all my stuff and hiding it and it is really getting on my nerves.
I don’t find it funny like they do. I also said I don’t like that her parents are so fine with it.
My partner said I was being harsh, she’s a kid and she’s just “doing what kids do.” She said she’s not being a brat and you can’t get mad at a kid for acting like a kid.
I don’t get this at all because I wasn’t taking people’s stuff when I was a kid. Kids can know how to behave. But I also grew up with Asian parents, who are pretty strict especially when it comes to inappropriate behavior around guests. If I behaved that way with a guest, my parents would be upset immediately.
So I told her the first part and said I don’t care if she’s a kid, she needs to stop taking my stuff and give back what she took.
She said she thinks I’m being unreasonable expecting her sister to act like she’s an adult, but she’ll talk to her parents but it’s “hard” to get her to behave because she’s so young.
But yeah, she doesn’t seem happy that I’m annoyed by her sister. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While I see where the family is saying, hey, look, sis is so accepting of you that she’s engaging in the behaviors that she does with us, isn’t that a good thing?
But you’re saying that you want her to find another way to accept you without playing games. It’d be good practice for her out in the real world where roommates and co-workers won’t put up with that stuff. And also, that crack about deserving your stuff more makes her sound entitled. She doesn’t deserve anyone’s stuff.
Again, something for her to work on before she messes around and finds out.” DameofDames
Another User Comments:
“That is not normal behavior for a 12 yo. That is not healthy behavior for a family. Your partner has terrible judgment, no boundaries, and is entangled in an unhealthy family dynamic.
You can’t do anything about the 12 yo, but you can do something about being with someone whose judgment is so unbelievably bad. You don’t say how old you are. If you’re in your teens, then you might decide to tolerate this (and just never take anything over there that she can take) because this is a short-term relationship.
Because that’s what it is. You should imagine a long-term relationship with that family exactly as often as you should imagine a three-pack-a-day life, or buying a home that has a garage filled with nuclear waste. NTJ” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buddy, get out of that relationship!
You are getting a glimpse of your future. Her family makes excuses for her, and more disturbing is that your partner CONDONES her behavior and is shaming you for being harsh! SHE IS A THIEVING BRAT! Children much younger than the age of 12 KNOW BETTER!
HER PARENTS and your PARTNER ALSO KNOW BETTER! It is NOT charming. She will NOT improve with age, because her family thinks that anything she does is charming and adorable. FIND ANOTHER PARTNER. It isn’t hard to do. Next time, vet the intended partner before you start an exclusive relationship.” Stunning-Campaign973
5. AITJ For Making My Daughter's New Computer Her Birthday And Christmas Gift?
“A few months ago my daughter (15) broke her computer by accidentally knocking it off the table. I told her that I would get her a computer but it would be her birthday and Christmas gift because it was her fault it was broken. They are expensive and I had to get it on credit because money is tight.
It will take me the whole zero percent pay period to pay off! I don’t want to be stuck with the 30% interest. My husband and I both explained this to her and she was fine at the time.
Her birthday comes around and we get her cake, and pizza, and take her to the movies.
She throws a fit that we didn’t get her an actual gift. I told her the computer was for her birthday and Christmas and you agreed to it.
She threw a fit about it saying that it was an accident that the first one broke.
I have repeatedly told her to be careful with her things and computers are expensive. My husband told her she could get a Christmas gift since now she’s 15 and get a job to pay us back for the computer she broke. She thinks we are the worst parents in the world but my husband was laid off a few years ago and has not found a job that matches what he made then so money is tight.
I told my daughter that stores will be hiring seasonally soon and that’s a good way to get her first after-school job so she can learn firsthand how much things cost and how much time you have to work just to afford simple things let alone a computer.
My mom thinks I’m being too hard on her but I feel like she needs to understand how hard we work just to put food on the table let alone to replace a computer she carelessly broke.”
Another User Comments:
“My 9-year-old’s birthday is in August. We bought her a new bike and gave it to her in February so she’d get the most use out of it.
It was a relatively expensive bike (as it has gears and is hard-wearing, should last her a good few years) because it was new rather than a secondhand one. She understood that was her birthday gift, just early. Her birthday rocked around and she proudly told everyone she got a bike for her birthday and we gave it to her early.
15 you should be able to understand. NTJ.” Panda_moon_pie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ most comments who seem to see you as the jerk don’t seem to understand how hard it can be when money is low. A computer is very expensive and since she broke it she can work to pay you back for it.
She has to understand that at the moment you can’t afford the computer as well as another gift. You and her father should both push for her to get a job cause she needs to get some perspective on the real value of things.
Either way, if she’s upset at you I think with time she will understand your position, 15 is still quite young.” Gabgilp
Another User Comments:
“This is Grade A parenting. Seriously. A) You’re teaching her the value of a dollar early on. This is invaluable.
It’ll prevent her from being an entitled brat as an adult. B) You’re teaching her that when she agrees to something she has to stick with the terms. In the adult world, if she crawfishes on an agreement made, it can have some serious consequences.
If other people want to get her gifts it’s fine. Good for her. But in all honesty, you went out of pocket on what I have to assume was not a cheap computer. So you’re NTJ for showing her some responsibility and how not to take things for granted. I can almost guarantee she won’t carelessly break this one lol” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Step-Siblings To My Small Wedding?
“My fiance and I are getting married. We both decided we wanted to have a smaller wedding limited only to immediate family and a few close friends.
“Immediate family” is defined as the family members we interact with on a regular basis, as both of us have family members we haven’t spoken to in years. We’re doing this because hosting a big event with large crowds stresses us out, so we’re keeping it small.
Now here’s the thing, I have 5 step-siblings. If you count SOs it’s about 8 people in that pool. Which is a significant increase in our guest size. Also, every one of them came into my life after I became an adult and moved out (AKA I didn’t grow up with any of them).
So I didn’t invite them for the reasons I mentioned above. I don’t have anything against them and they’re all good people, it’s just we only have a limited number of venue slots and we are keeping it small, and I hardly interact with them.
And for the kicker. My dad called yesterday to give me some grief for not inviting his wife’s three sons, Bill, Bob, and George. Am I the jerk for standing my ground and not inviting them? He was saying “Well it’s common courtesy and expected for you to invite them” and “George in particular was looking forward to it”.
For context, I’ve interacted with Bill and Bob maybe 7 times total in my life. I’ve only seen George once in the past 5 years, and he’s also never texted/called/responded to anything I’ve sent him. So I doubt he cares as much as my dad made it seem.
Also If I make an exception for them, people talk so I’ll hear a bunch of “Well, you invited those step-siblings. Why were your other step-siblings not invited?” or “How come you invited these people but not your cousins?”. Which I REALLY ABSOLUTELY 100% do not want to deal with.”
Another User Comments:
“Your choice, your consequences. Look, you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want. There might be fallout for that. If picking and choosing is too stressful and having a bigger venue isn’t an option, go smaller and/or don’t feel compelled to have a wedding at all.
My cousin & her partner did parents, grandparents, and future stepkids. That was it, and didn’t even tell anyone else until after the fact. Including me! And we are very close, she lived with us for a while! Guess what, she is still my favorite cousin and I love her baby to pieces.” maybeRaeMaybeNot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you want a small wedding with people you’re close to. Venue space is already limited if you give in to the step-siblings it opens the door to other extended family. People who make no effort to be part of your life semi-regularly are not entitled to special moments.” No-Accountant3744
Another User Comments:
“People elope. Lots of people elope. That involves having nobody at the wedding. Las Vegas has a whole industry about this. The only people you are required to have at your wedding are your fiance, a couple of witnesses, and the guy who reads from the book.” phred0095
3. AITJ For Correcting My Fiancé's Friend Who Keeps Calling Herself Our Unborn Child's Godmother?
“So my fiancé and I are expecting. We both decided we weren’t naming Godparents, however, his sister’s best friend has taken it upon herself to call herself our child’s Godmother. My fiancé told her where we stood, yet she continued to say it.
When I asked him why he’s stopped correcting her he claimed “It’s just silly and cutesy. It doesn’t matter because if something were to happen our kid would go to one of our parents.” I see his point, yet it grinds my gears every time I hear her say it.
My thing is, he’s corrected her yet she’s completely disregarded what he said. So I sent her a DM on IG (I thought it was as nice as I could get it) and he had a fit.
Told me to unsend the message because she’s having a hard life and just wants to be included. So I’m supposed to just let her call herself our kid’s Godmother after we said no?
I told him it’s not just some cute thing for her, she’s getting attached to it. We had a baby shower and she wrote “from your godmother” in the dang guestbook. He’s so concerned with hurting her feelings it’s making me mad.
He wants me to sit down with her and ask her why she wants the title so bad but I do not care to do so because nothing she says will change how I feel. I just want the girl to respect our decision and I don’t feel like she’s doing that.
Am I the jerk for being upset and trying to correct her myself? Here’s the message I sent for some extra context:
“Good afternoon, (her name)!! Thank you for writing such a sweet message in our baby book! I’m so glad you’re excited. I just wanted to tell you that (fiancé) & I aren’t doing the God Mom/God Dad thing.
I’m more than happy to have you be her aunt though!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé is waving a bright colored flag disregarding your comfort and boundaries in favor of someone he is not marrying. And you’re pregnant. BOO.” Manager-Limp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It doesn’t matter why she wants the title. Asking her about it gives her some credence that what she wants matters. I do wonder, however, why your SO wants to “protect” her feelings. What is going on there? Limit her interactions with your child.
Because she’ll try to push hard on this supposed “special” relationship.” CinnamonBlue
2. AITJ For Wanting To Know When My In-Laws Are Leaving?
“Wife (38F) and I (39M) have been married for 9 years.
Her parents live about 12 hours away.
We have a ranch property and a nice guest trailer about 500 yards from the house. It creates a nice “buffer” for evenings/nights.
It’s honestly not them, it’s me. They are nice, try to be respectful, and are genuinely nice people.
I feel 4-5 days is long enough. At least let me know how long they are going to be here… my wife and her parents seem to think it’s fine to just stay indefinitely. We are on day 5 today. I don’t know when they are leaving.
I don’t want to kick them out, but wish they knew not to overstay their welcome. I tried to ask my wife about what the plan was, and that I wish they would know not to overstay their welcome. She didn’t take it all that well.
My wife is kind and not confrontational. I am a confrontational jerk. Is it unreasonable for me to want to set some boundaries, or at least know their departure date? I’m sure they’ll leave on their somewhere between 8-10 days. I think that’s too long.
I just don’t like having guests around for that long. They aren’t a major inconvenience and maybe I’m just being silly, but just knowing someone is “on property” is kind of nerve-racking. Not at least knowing WHEN they are leaving kinda drives me nuts.
When I try to gently talk about it with my wife, she gets very defensive and upset that I bring it up.
I don’t want to upset her or make her parents feel unwelcome, but I think there are some “manners” about at least letting your host know your plans that they just don’t communicate.
I get along well with them. Everything is “fine”… just miss the peace of mind.
Do I just need to hold my nose a few more days and shut up? That’s how I’ve handled it in the past. AITJ for wanting to at least know the day they are leaving so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and mark my calendar.”
Another User Comments:
“Your spouse’s parents live 12 hours away. This is a pretty significant trip to get to your home to visit. It would make sense for them to stay at least a week or two after making that trip. If they are not being unkind or making trouble, it seems best to let your spouse enjoy time with her parents.
If or when you have children you will most likely be glad to have them interested in spending quality time with their grandkids. If I were your wife, I would be hurt to have you feeling so negatively about my parents wanting to spend time with me and wishing they were gone after less than a week.
Even if it’s not your favorite thing, try to look at their visit positively if you can. Soft YTJ” aurasdiary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking your wife when they will stay til, so long as you’re not haranguing her. Your issue is a lack of communication beforehand.
Next time you guys (ideally your wife) should ask how long they wish to stay when arranging the visit. It’s not unreasonable to want to know so you can plan other things, and then you’re not in your home itching with introvert uncertainty.” Abbyish82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are in a guest house out in the backyard. You don’t even want them on the property. You’re pouting and making sure she knows you want her family gone. You didn’t ask for an agreement before this about visitors?
You can go tell them to get off your property, just don’t be surprised if your wife’s respect for you goes with them. I guarantee her parents will never respect you again if you make them leave their daughter.” Open-Incident-3601
1. AITJ For Exposing A Kid's Theft In Front Of His Friends?
“I work at a small ice cream shop selling off-brand Pokemon card packs. The packs are displayed next to our cashier so customers can just pick a pack and pay. Our shop is next to a lakeside park and a school so most of our customers are kids.
Now, what happened? A couple of days ago, there was a kid (give or take like 11-12 years old) who stole a couple of booster packs from the shop, we knew who it was because this was the third time he had tried to steal those cards.
The previous times, we would catch him, and he would play it off as a joke and runoff, but this time he did it during a lunch rush and one of our customers just told us they saw a kid run with some booster packs.
We checked our CCTV footage and saw it was the same kid as the previous couple of times.
The next day, I went to the park and saw the kid who stole the cards playing with some other kids. I didn’t approach them yet because I knew a grown adult approaching a bunch of kids would look weird no matter what the circumstance, so I just sat on one of the benches looking at the lake.
Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on the circumstance) one of the kids had jumped into the lake and couldn’t get back up and the kids had asked for my help pulling him back up. Then they asked me to stick around so I could help them in case someone else couldn’t get back up again.
Now, I wasn’t a stranger because the kids knew that I was “the guy that works at the ice cream shop” so some of them were asking if I was going to the shop after hanging out with them.
Now here’s the problem, I told them that I got fired from the shop because my boss saw that I had let someone steal a bunch of cards from the shop.
I said that maybe they could help me look for the kid who stole the cards so I could get my job back. The kids then said that I could leave it to them and they’d look for the thief. The kid who stole the cards then said that he knew who stole them because he saw a kid from the neighborhood walking around with a bunch of cards.
Of course, I knew it was a lie and I didn’t want to get a random kid in trouble, so I said I had the CCTV footage saved on my phone and they could see if it was the same kid he was referring to.
And it was obvious that it was the kid that did it because he was wearing the same clothes as the previous day, this was when the other kids pointed out that it was him and called him a thief and tried to blame someone else.
He confessed and I told him I wasn’t angry and he just needed to pay for the cards he stole and I’ll talk to my boss about it. I thought all was well but the problem is, yesterday the kids went to the shop and I could see them pointing at the cards while calling the kid a thief but they were all laughing about it (including the kid that stole the cards).
So AITJ for embarrassing a kid and getting him labeled as a thief by his friends or was it just playful teasing on their part?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hopefully this will dissuade him from stealing in the future when the consequences could be significantly worse than just his friends making fun of him.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You DO realize that if one of them had reported you to to police, your creepy and inappropriate behavior could have gotten you on the offender list.” Excellent-Count4009
Officer! Officer! That man had a conversation! With CHILDREN! Off with his head!
